Episode: 13 – Back To The Future Part Kush (10.01.12)

Episode

Episode: 13 – Back To The Future Part Kush (10.01.12)

Description

Dan complains about things he’s not allowed to complain about, then outs himself as the world’s laziest gay rights and medical marijuana advocate. Plus, in D&D world: nothing happens!

Transcript

Halo
the Harbor Town is now in session
thank you so much for coming down here to Decatur and Hollywood California I think you do all you beautiful weirdos listening on the podcast Universe please join me in welcoming the mayor of Herman and Herman
thank you tonight I’d like to complain a lot of those moods I I have a lot of things I like to complain about and they’re actually I categorize them off specifically complaining isn’t charismatic ever you can complain even if you had one leg and if you complain about it too much people secretly behind your back would be like we won’t shut the fuck up about it’s like just fucking donut man but the guy with one leg that comes in and goes like hey let’s hop to it and yeah we don’t like complaining primata logically is not an attractive feature it doesn’t it’s a strangely enough it seems to have been selected a lot but it doesn’t it doesn’t anybody on audiences don’t like it and especially in my situation I find I have a lot of things to complain about so I want to I want to start a new feature or new
Germantown feature cuz people of podcasts they like they like like a little categories and features in the greenroom we call this feature things I am afraid to complain about because it’ll make me sound like an asshole
yeah
I mean here’s a classic example just to start you start you off of what it what do you mean Dad what kind of Complaint to make it so I can answer them every complaint I can tell the castle all the time is very hard to do by the way I had to come down here you think you’re a small a small heart
but here’s a real he’s a real Humdinger I’m going to I’m going to I’m going to leave Big Dan’s afraid about number one partner is doing something wrong
I’m not finished I can’t put my finger on it but my decorator agrees he back me up on that he was leaving the my decorator looked at my front lawn and said you’re doing something wrong and I agree I said Kurt your right is your decorator Greek or gay did I make him a traitor if he’s straight he’s required to act gay if he wants business I guess if he buys pillows for a living and he knows where his bread is buttered ain’t got the possibility that he’s faking pictures are on I could imagine for real like even though it seems like sitcom kind of fodder it truthfully if you were in the decorating business I could picture the pressure being on you
still feeling of disappointment from the rich people that that answer the front door and you’re like a girl I don’t know I think I think it’s probably pressure on him he could be straight as an arrow that doesn’t matter though I’ve no complaints about that I have a complaint about the fact that the person who whose job it is to water and I’m not even sure what his job is but he’s doing something wrong the plants feel lifeless and I’m not allowed to complain about that you guys don’t have Gardeners of your buildings of gardeners my building at a gardener ever sent you no moving with me first but then you then when you own a home you have a gardener meant to the archetype of rich guy complaining about Gardner I don’t want you liking the after this features.
if you did going in I want you to go Jesus Christ what Gardner decorator go fuck your dad complaining about it fuck you that’s what I’m getting off of my chest the plan I don’t fancy a lifeless outside yeah I don’t know something’s going wrong out there and really if the decorator hadn’t said anything I don’t think I would have noticed
he’s gay all right here’s the next one I don’t like people trying to help me
that’s a short line a guy who has a gardener and a decorator
Jeff if that’s where you’re going this is going to be a bunch of slam dunks like I asked that’s not
are you in some dick as that’s the point of the whole thing all right do its do whatever you want Jeff just thank you for not trying to help me
I don’t like it got it got it going like I went outside my house today and there was a some kind of sewer emergency happening there was a yellow truck and they were two people and Dickie’s and they were they were putting Pitchfork down the hall and then tubes and stop taking those kind of industrial kind of cover all shirts are there called Dickies thank you sooo bad on the start-up fee of a missing alligator
let me know we found the right man will then we got to figure out how to get it I get that alligator back to its owner to the name Twinkie I don’t think King Harmon is going to be able to get out of his garage and I just called myself King Harmon my garage my my my street there in front of it they’re poking sticks down the hall I went up to them and said good morning I’ll be coming through here do you think I’ll fit and get my car and Erin mcgathy get to the other side she spent the night I think it I think I think it’s going somewhere did you guys
I think it if I know what you mean yes I did play Fallout New Vegas on that
yes I did that’s just saying hardcore mode which is really cool by the way is anybody fallout Fallout New Vegas fans here I accidentally made for you by contact with one of our few women in the audience listening as I was pulling out girls
which is silly cuz there’s lots of girls and I’m sure they all like video games it’s me that’s be better than someone to punch of sexism and then reverse self-loathing like what it that’s what that’s what nerd men do to women it’s the glass floor
with spikes on it in the bottom of the hobby shop
not very not very kingly befitting a king so so I get in my car and I back out and the guy then between the car in his poop truck and and he’s I can see him justicul ating I don’t like Italian it just it just baffled at how I would describe what he was doing and just like
MOD Pizza shaking his hands like a muppet you know like like he had sticks on his elbows in and it was someone’s birthday that’s all I saw him do whatever I was going to do it like but my goal isn’t to back my car and do your poop truck I think that’s the one thing I know is there I came over and said good morning to the poop truck driver and said I’m coming out he doesn’t mean I don’t now he’s standing between my car and the thing he doesn’t want me to hit all he’s doing is making me laugh less space to do my my very difficult why turn around a poop. And I was complaining about it the whole time and Erin said he’s trying to help you and I I I don’t care. That’s what I didn’t like about him he tried to help me I don’t like it and and and and I don’t like
I don’t have to say any more about that I resent I was at the amount that he’s been in my life already I want him out there are times when people try to help you and they get in the way. That guy is making it harder for you to do the inevitable next item is traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no one messes that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest Phil married like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blackstone, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
everyone should have to wear name tags every all the time just wear name tags that’s the last time I was ever happy was in kindergarten everyone had a couple Kool-Aid little round their neck with yarn and it had their name on it and and I’m sorry that it that you fear
because when I want to say first of all is I wish I could say these two things at the same time but the first thing I want to say is if your name is Dave and and I like what you’re not a lion tamer like like like what you don’t have a hat that says Dave on it your name is Dave it’s like one of eight names that we have its adjusted is nothing wrong with my name is Dan but there’s a thing I wish I could stay at the same time as that because it sounds like a bully and guys with unremarkable names I don’t want you to be named Xander or any or ginger root or Safari with 2 hours and a n a t i don’t like you I don’t like people I don’t I don’t know your names are not words they should be like everyone’s if you fought a bear when you were a kid your name should be bought a bear and I think we know we had a chance at that society and someone fucked it up
what was your what was your a given Indian name be if you’re not here in a Cherokee or a Navajo would be like right Blakely struggles under the burden of his own dick
weekends in the knees when he pees and he’s doing bits you know jealousy among Eagles comes comes a river
let’s set my use your imagination as a as a as a gifted writer sick teepee owner
pretend you’re the village and an eight-year-old Dan Harmon walking around his pants dirty face is very dirty I would play Under the Stairs and stuff but maybe on the Prairie maybe I was longing for the Prairie I think I am I’m a little part native American in the sense that one of my dad’s 8 dad’s was cuz it was hit my Grandma
lights 100%
I feel it I feel it sometimes I feel like when I drive past the gas station of Mike I want to get I want to get some Lucky Strikes and and and we’re more denim
if you had your Jeep If he if you had if you were the chief of a tribe and I know cuz you kind of are you the mayor of harmontown and I’m going to learn King Harmon Harmon how would you would you give an Indian name to your girlfriend Aaron grips like a vise what
what am I what am I supposed to know when did controlling become instigating
revoke you I’m saying like I said you could have said you know that chases clouds away you could have said something
you made a dirty strawberry head
a strawberry that’s what I call her and I’d be a little Cloud Baby Erin that are in your off my Indian name be Ford in
you can think about that you can come back and I will come back to you when you when you got it raise your hand and I will make you up
will send a guy with a lot of all right moving on the signals working in hotel rooms and two that TSA which is a private company not a fucking government agency was people at the goddamn airport and by the way I’m not going to leave the charge but let’s all opt out of the fucking scatter back machines they make me dizzy they thought they make me nauseous something’s going wrong I’m sure it’s an we went we went through an airport with Dino and Dina was like in line and he said like you know the guy who invented that thing won’t go through it
L&L like he didn’t say he said it louder than than I’m comfortable saying anything in an airport but he but he didn’t say it’s like I don’t know that it’s true I just know that they reacted to their there they’re sick of hearing about that little little little little nub a little bit and also look up synonyms for a moment I don’t know and then patch it in later with a voice inside their engines tonight that’s that’s my that’s my Jack Benny like catchphrase is it started on the radio I mean so you must have had a verbal equivalent of doing that like my own mind Rochester
that was that was Snagglepuss yeah
toothpick toothpaste in hotel rooms you’re not allowed to bring toothpaste on the plane hotels your whole like you’re in the business of trying to anticipate what your guests want you we know you have toothpaste the cat is out of the bag because every time we called out of the front desk and ask for it you have it you have a box of toothpaste you just don’t want to put it in the room because some people might not use it and you’re going to get rich one nickel at a time I unbelievable you have a hotel chain did you make it out of empty toothpaste containers did you did you did you use the money to build the 13th floor that you saved on in toothpaste like there’s there’s leftover change somewhere in the hotel business a little packet of toothpaste you don’t make us call down for self
n words all right before I have a real problem with the housekeeping is that the women and mostly women but probably something then that that are the housekeepers in hotels around the world
they didn’t invent it but apparently there’s a been a rule a mandate that they must fold all Kleenex and all toilet paper into that neat little V thing to make it easier to use like Hershey’s set up right now there now we’re getting into this bill will bring some of you up here at least a little less touching on the toilet paper and Kleenex you clean bathrooms really
the title of this episode of me I’m mad as hell for no real good reason and I’m am going to take it
regretting but I’m going to keep complaining anyway my bathtub doesn’t work the one that would shoot water up my but I broke it I guess by loving it at nnn the motor burnt out and I don’t know who installed this thing but nobody can find the motor and I’m going to complain about my contractor to is he can’t find my bathtub motor besides punching holes in walls and then it is right now in there and there’s like three holes he can’t find the motor I’m mad at the guy that invented the motor a man of the guy that installed and I’m out of the contractor I’m mad at these these two old German people that I bought this house from and they ran down the driveway sniggering and chuckling about about that with counting my money cuz they knew that fucking bathtub was going to break I had to say it was a Dan Harmon that moved into that house and it was a big bubble bath and used to begin the bubble bath cuz then not not famous for bathing write all of a sudden became mr. Bubba
and I he was up to his up to a Stetson leather for the Frailty of the first few months and shooting a water jet out of the side of the thing up his ass hole jerking off to heaven knows what and Evan you are you are happy as a pig in chip for a long time that’s when you know how happy I was I didn’t have to jerk off to anything because that’s your big question what do you what do you take you take your iPad in there any put in a plastic bag his balls anyway I just doesn’t sound what what do you what do you what do you looking at it’s so fun nothing I’m not looking at anything I was in a little Rave I was at I was just dancing and maybe put on some music maybe like a booty and
I’m doing the moves you’re covered and suds and it been the thing broke and you become an irascible ass when I am angry at that’s what it is I’m glad we figured this out. It’s important to talk to people at the moment you fix that Notre motor we’re going to bring another difference all right so the airport okay if the airport bars that you go to the airport remember you guys don’t remember go to the airport the idea was they had bars at the airport and you was a judgement-free Zone because you might be flying in across the world like you don’t know what’s at 6 a.m. I’ll have a margarita cuz I’m from Australia I’m selling stocks down there and to me it’s 2 p.m. or you know like you didn’t do the airport was like this you the idea of an airport bar was supposed to be a better bar than a regular bar it was a bar where where you could you know
I’m through with like most Isley you know Hammerhead could be there and you know you talked to a guy that distributes you know parts for machines and stuff from the last year’s and then you get you get so drunk cuz you’re going to do is get on a plane and maybe die so you’re what you get drunk and it’s like it’s like it’s the one funny thing about about stuffing yourself into a metal tube and being like bossed around by some of the bike the least remarkable people I buy just the anxiety level the idea that you could die on one of those things safer than that a car I don’t care it’s like I want to die in a car I don’t like some kind of wood it would much rather die in a plane crash in a car wreck
that’s that’s like that’s like getting shot at a DMV like the last thing you see threshold Guardians feel like you
anybody that writes a movie with that scene and I’m going to punch in a dick Hey listen man what kind of rice
at my wedding yeah your wedding to getting in plane crashes
that’s a new business at the new thing is that it’s called I call it a chain singer you ask somebody a nonsensical question and you string them along in years and anger you can chain of her along and I like it should be a dick involved for what did the ASPCA find you
Pro for doing what will cause all of those didn’t all the pigeons like exploding stuff
to the patients but will cause the rice all of it as I thought they eat rice and then they explode like when they’re at a wedding
wait I was talking about car crashes and plane crashes in the plane crashes
do you want to shut the fuck up about it we’re next guest
change singer
I’m calling them what kind of rice is which is easier to remember but it’s not going to take off I’m not going to sell that paper back you know I want a Harris wittels career here I want to I want to I want to Humble brag book on every table your brother is a buck the doll hairs thing
my brother up by the way I don’t know how many of you are longtime listener is but his brother bones Mark as I read some of his email but we had Adam read some of his emails and he was very I understand completely I am not going to come back complaining about my brother being offended by what I what I how I talk about him cuz I’d my goal is to make fun of him when I talk about him like I’d squeezing him like a sponge I’m trying to get joy for other people out of him he doesn’t he doesn’t get any more from me I I want something from him and he’s my big brother so you get to think about it like I challenge him to fly out from wherever he is to come to Hollywood California and be on the show live on stage
you have that bones your pussy or calling you out calling you out your pussy he can he can stay at your place man
I do admit I was just staying with me maybe he’ll try to convince you he invented peanut butter and jelly
yeah yeah yeah that was bad when you’re thirty-nine and you tell people about that like he he doesn’t get to be mad whatever he could be as mad as you want I don’t care that’s that’s adorable Big Brother you know stuff anyways why why do we bring them up with one time you know that doll hairs thing a guy like hey I’ll give you $20 if you if you run into the traffic and then you know the little brother doesn’t then the big brother says I said doll hairs tell my brother did that to me once and I was like okay all right you know what my brain grew a little bit cuz I all right note to self file if it seems too good to be true… And all that so I had a little serotonin connection to the concept of currency and possible wordplay
and so one time he said like I don’t remember what the Dare was I go jump over there at that prickly plant or something stupid like what do we wear rabbit I’ll give you I’ll give you a hundred bucks and I said and I was a little precocious little little kids I went
mail deer to give me a hundred male deer but I was I was running throws like okay let’s see how it’s figure this out and they going to give you a male deer I said bucks I’m going to give you a hundred bucks and I was like okay bucks bucks bucks then nothing nothing like okay and I jumped over the thing whatever it was and then he grabbed me and any kind of started humping me and said bucks is short for but Fox
now if you can if he heard me telling that story he’d get it apparently and getting a big Huff I mean if your memory of that why would I make that he was excuse especially livid about this insinuation that I had concocted that he would he would wear it would put a tube sock on his dick and balls and what the sock came down and being like naked and he’d run into the living room with my mom was there and be like
and so he wrote In His email he was like what the fuck you making shit that look with you fucking like people pay you to make up shit like this I kind of like like really trying to highroad me in like like make me feel like I said I have a Polaroid of you doing it like you just I literally have photographic evidence in my home of you stand I think Mom took the Polaroid cuz you’re standing with your hands on your on your on your waist like a like a superhero with your with a sock on your cock and then it’s in his response was like this is starting to sound a little gay you got pictures of me naked of that last night like you know what was the Chili Peppers
because I I mention it I said I think that the chili peppers did it too and he bothered to think you got to pick a flagman I like that one I like like that be a big brother like that way before I will put a correction section in my implied that the Chili Peppers By the way we can talk about this all day but is it his indignant Swizz let you know kind of shut things down and he successfully made me feel bad for making him the butt of my side Behind the Music except he’s not in a band and I fully support his his right to be emotionally like offended pissed off rust rated irritated with it whatever it which is why I challenged him to come to California in the heads up and saying right you anything you write an email back and response like I’ll just I’ll have Adam read that too and like like like like you know try to get your revenge I’m not saying that’s fair but it’s like what I’m offering

and then he was saying like you should you should you know more than that man and I was like it was most from asking for a truck or something of the Dragon talking to Joe anger about Ring of Fire right that’s all that came up so it was a regular the drawing-room Johnny Cash everyone loves Johnny Cash find a miniature fox having a good time I bet you I was a great duties from Tennessee is like a great Tennessee accent man like you’re the real deal like he’s abused the grooviest guy and Sam Elliott kind of figure that is drawing room and then he said today and I he wasn’t perpetuating this minute but he wasn’t told me to Ring of Fire
is a prisoner he talked to his this is as I was talking to a prisoner
Godwin been in jail later that’s like that’s the person that told him that that was going around the prison that Johnny Cash was gay and that ring of fire is about a man’s butthole
I don’t think I’d how being gay Works secretly gay country Superstar work they are like I feel like such a fraud somehow express myself and my sexuality LOL I’ll make a song of Ring of Fire the Ring of Fire secretly be a butthole I don’t think that’s how it works I don’t I don’t believe that Siri how do you think it works virtual at you you live in a in a straight-laced homophobic world and people would like to hear you sing and women like to throw panties at you but you and yet the right song you you you are ambiguous about that the object of your love you say baby baby I love I love sleeping with you and you know that you’re talkin about it I could Steve and she out of a circular tunnel in my
future I’m going inside it like a train its walls or brown and I look around my kid go here I go again
the butt butt hole butt hole
you don’t do that. Because that’s not what’s gay people are human beings is the theme of the show tonight they’re not like kids cereal spokesmodels that just crave buttholes like the way a rabbit craves Lucky Charms are a trickster whatever whatever whatever they’re not like they’re there but the butt is just a thing that you know is it’s there’s a correlation is not a cause effect relationship creatures the sensitive issue of homosexuality we’re going we’re going to face this head-on and I’m not not in a weird like make policy kind of way and I haven’t been some big doings in the world
that was a nice thought something on red and I can’t remember what it was the recent stuff
yes yes what’s your name is Nathaniel the fancy version of of of me Daniels when you’re Daniel in Nathaniel’s world you always feel like less I wish I wish I wish some some some some just started a gym coach could have made you into a Daniel constitutional I don’t know what they what they said language is going to be it’s against the law to try to straighten gay kids you know you can’t it’s not it’s not illegal to have a programs that that that chiarelli’s cure camps that you go to ensure can you learn the reason your day is going to enough Jesus in you and stuff and they put enough into you to make you
cuz there because they’re miners that guy’s I think that there’s a they kind of kidnap you and you’re going out because it gets fuzzy when it’s like drug addiction and mental illness and stuff and if you’re a minor then you. Am I right but what if you’re not addicted to any drugs and you’re not crazy you’re just sixteen and you’re kind of gay your you know the California now says Mom and Dad have to answer to to the law if they stuck you in the station when I going to take you to a special place where they show you the glory of the vagina by flash card is pointing at it with a pointer
fiberglass vaginas
a little Trails of dicks I got there like luck we had no no no pun intended or I told him our friends are like vagina at the end of this
approaches like that would be great because I don’t actually did break out even more barriers are halfway through the morph to Dick vagina some kids are going to wait that’s what I like
I didn’t even know that was a thing I’m Googling it I like that half dick with Jenna
I don’t know what you call that some kind of Doctor Seuss creature I want I want one of them I learned it by watching you
anyways yeah thank you California and there was that other stuff but you know what is a fat lazy liberal to be treated equally they’re being bullied and whatever they want they want to create a world for for it for themselves and their loved ones where it’s like that doesn’t matter to the goddamn government in World War so much except it doesn’t matter if they can look the other way on fruits in it I’m not going to do it I’m that I’m not his level I don’t read the newspaper but but they expend any energy being in favor of it but it’s like
Lake remember when I remember when that little girl got killed JonBenet Ramsey the little girl and sometimes this happens I know it’s all quiet down
there’s always the people like you read about them in like articles and to the story is that because the story is happening there’s people outside the the suspects house like yelling at them going like like you see it on the news you’ll feel like the role of just like these women it’s you it’s usually women it’s okay for me to say that because I realized that women are these are crazy women are not crazy because their women I think they’re like watching the news and they see that someone may have killed a baby and they like their get they get so excited like because the lines between good and evil are so simple for them for a change and they they just show up outside these houses with like bloody Barbie dolls and horchata
baby killer what a brave stance
you’re such a hero you’re so you like I should really pitch in then I want to hear I am on my way to work while I let the justice system deal with someone who may have killed the baby I should really be on the front lines of things letting that person who may or may not have killed a baby know that I’m against killing babies are you so after that I guess that there’s a there’s a really soft baby I’m pointing at myself looking at the man in the mirror
my man I can’t remember what I was saying interrupter lighting
an interloping my gay Chums I want them to have everything that they can possibly have any more I said it more I think they’re I think they should be gay or and I think I should I should have more of the game where they are I think you should I think there should be a social program that if you if you register as an official gay person you should have a better car
cuz you’re out there representing the Forefront of of of of of Arc of a raised Consciousness whatever I’m being glib but but why is that so easy for me to say well because it’s easy because the alternative is like you’re idiots like what what who cares what gay people do by saying I don’t care what you do that’s like that’s the lazy person’s dream so I’m calling myself out on that is my point I’m being like a just a fat Southern lady on the front lawn of a suspected murderer yelling baby killer when I say great job California in passing that gay legislation
what you eat cookies in the mail from the gay Federation
how do you think you could probably properly reward the gay community like with a big kiss
I do what do you mean money I don’t know I got I give to that I give to that that that organization I should give more actually I think I just sliced slouched out of it this year did she spend her money but I have something very comforting to me about it there’s that I can’t have to call the Los Angeles gay and lesbian center and they they the money that you give them goes to just helping like super like you don’t like like teen runaways basically specifically who are running away from a life as being hard on them because they have lesbian gay bisexual whatever that are transgender and that like like like like kids that are going to end up like because of that you know they’re just going to become a statistic they’re going to do is going to go down how they kind of like there’s at the shelter you can go to and like they give you a certain amount of time that you can just stay there for free and get your shit together and there’s some yeah there’s those programs of stuff from there and they try to
cuz a lot of people come to La like running from shit in Iowa and and it’s a it’s a it’s a nicer place for someone to end up if they’re with your money I’m not whatever I did you ask how to give back to the community if you’re wondering the Library of Congress suggest the LA Gay & Lesbian Center I probably got the name wrong.
I was on the road doing comedy shows we are like in Central like Missouri and Illinois and I’m straight but you wouldn’t like a restaurant or a bar in that is in really real America there safe to assume that I could be from the Moon like I don’t look like anybody that’s from there and when I say give anything is vegetarian is it I almost get Gabe asked for that like I’m being vegetarian and certain parts of the country is pretty rough
so I can relate to the
to the persecution
yeah well it’s like I feel I feel bullied by my Gardner
I don’t know what he’s doing and I said I don’t think that’s fair like I do have to split and special Gardner language in Spanish sorry Julieta our friend visiting from Mexico what nationality is your gardener
there you go through so much more uncomfortable there right
actually I don’t know about the fact that you tell me a story about that sometimes your TV turns on when asked about the music cuz there’s guys working on my house right now this is continuing the theme of unlike ability I’m a nun uncharismatic person I am I am I am lazy what it sounds like polka yeah are you outside okay alright that that that that accordion is right what how what how did I don’t understand the connection between Poland and Mexico
well that’s what geographic connection
do we have that microphone repeat that for the podcast so that’s probably not going to be heard right do we have Julian to come up in the
from Mexico
Juliet everybody can make it cuz she’s going to explain to us why were the polka music sounds like here you can take this Mike and I’ll grab one and energy sectors Julieta 444 hardcore Armenians like people who are cross-platform multiple-year Armenian Julieta was a community fan who drew it draws a lot of the cool Community fanart you used Sierra and Twitter she’s at Juju Juliet Juju Julieta at Juju Julieta to you seen some interesting I Community fanart some of which I have hanging in my home Juliet is one of the many of basic Mexico and she’s out here visiting and looking for job opportunities and stuff. Don’t tell him I want to hear the story of tonight
I got to be married is that is that what the hell it works I don’t know she’s at she’s at she’s taking pictures of the Hollywood sign over and over again do you think immigration listen to podcast from American or are you know stealing their wives that’s not what I’m doing here don’t check out check your clothes for seeds and other agriculture when you go
growing and it’ll suck up your whole ecosystem you know 98% water that’s the secret I want to hear the story of the guy climbing in your window and I want to hear that story I was like oh so you know why watch CNN. Don’t watch CNN so like here’s a glimpse of just the small part of where it where in Mexico are you from I’m from Northeast of the country just south of Texas if it’s like 7:45 p.m. I was watching Adam stream or something and suddenly a guy just went into this room my house is very weird and I just like looking away from my computer I was reading an article in the studio and I was like excuse me and then he was just like I’m going to take this he was just trying to grab my brother’s laptop
no no just threw a door
Lego somebody said
let me know what are in the crowd emphasize that it came through a door on your birthday when you love your mother you come through a jar it’s still illegal
the actual clip from Twilight
use your door as a window sometime
Uncle at a movie theater but this is from last July he said you made a Better Door than a window
the prosecution rests all right sorry I actually
he jumped a fence and he dropped about 18 ft my house is really strange and then he came through that door car before that guy with a knife before that he got nothing right because my dad just beat the shit out of him
yeah I’m at some point my mom came out with a sword I am not driving down there she’s a fencer she is shaking his fencing stuff and then my dad is like six 4 so it was just like Spencer or did you get your dad pick your dad took the tar out of him and and and then my mom would like
glasses he can’t see without glasses because he has to find a guy 14 years or something and you left all that to come here two years ago
me too I really need to get the fuck out of here pushing out was the music station for how polka ends up polka sounding music end up coming out of a Boombox with the guys are painting my ceiling like who don’t you don’t seem polish but the music sound so I’m from Milwaukee I know Polo polish culture I bowl I have a 150 average
Sears German immigrants coming to the north of the country and just settling there and mixing with the people from there and that’s why people like me are white in Mexico it’s awful but it’s mostly from the North and North of the country like I assume like like yeah cuz country western is pretty it sounds pretty similar with a specific type of music you’re just listening to that type of music like I can’t I can’t tell the difference between I don’t even know what it what genre of music you call it when you hear like a young black women going
Showcase of their vocal cords and there’s no magic can be maybe a call and let some types on her like like like I don’t I wouldn’t know devil full album and one thing was from 78 and I am sorry I don’t let me hear a little more then
in the city
how to read
let’s let’s hear it for Juliana thank you.
Our correspondent from South of the Border
if you’re looking for someone to draw something and you can provide something that would work on a work visa form you know where are you at your an animator yeah so Juju Julieta at
a Twitter was that a fight that you guys have a fight there do you want to be an animator I am an animator was a little fight I was I’m the only one that picks up on the stuff I know when people are pissed Julia is pissed that was pretty good singing Harmon I didn’t I didn’t know you had that range
70s racist with the titties in the Avenue and the street instead of am I thinking of like they say when you if you pick out the lyrics like it’s really just about like it’s about 11 and and people being loved and are you coming to love me and I know I let you go and get it cuz you’re not listening you listening the person and going to kulisek she can really sing but you haven’t a surprising range in octaves you like Mariah Carey
God Rest Your Soul
I’m trying to be funny
remember who played in Whitney Houston died and the next day her best of album was like cynically released and no it was already it was it was just $5 more and everyone thought it was everyone rode into apple and said how dare you that’s really crass and disgusting have some respect and apple I do know we have a computer the price goes up when the wholesale price goes up like it’s just an algorithm and everyone is slowly turned to Stoney records and Sony records went what the hell
what a mistake I do not have no apology no admission of of Gul ISM just just a simple like I didn’t do it did you did you do it I didn’t do it
I hope her ghosts are over beautiful sounding ghosts is is is hitting high C Boos and their fries way is keeping their children awake
what’s the highest note you can pack cuz you got pretty hot in there is there a certain point
I will always love you I don’t know the lyrics to that I’m sorry
I know that part but but I need to lead up to it right
I want I want to meet up to wish you the best of me and you can’t get you mad at me
who is that what is that is that like a

is that like an a-cup what it what is the terminology I think that was that was flat
I think I’m sick of having these conversations about head High versus body high at the dispensary
I don’t get it I’m never going to get it it seems to me that if my body gets high enough my head’s going to freak out anyway I don’t know if there’s no logic to that distinction if my head get high off cuz what here’s what I want to avoid smoking pot and freaking out and going on I shouldn’t be smoking pot I’m 39 what am I doing with my life and then running into the street like Martin Lawrence in my underwear but you know just the guy I’m getting hungry and falling asleep but like how is that how does that help was that mean what it what it what is a head-high it’s stupid I’m complaining about this this is in my segment of complaining about things you have no right to complain about the difference between I don’t know I can’t because it might have weight what your body gets high what does that mean that doesn’t spoil your your arms and legs don’t work and like your body is all alike doesn’t it that’s not how it for me
nothing though your head not like on top of a body that’s like like is high do you do drugs I find out that you have been doing drugs I have a I have a lot of anxiety and I have a prescription this is the great state of California and
she got renewed yeah what’d you get body high. Commit to that
I don’t know it’s always
on the board it says like banana fruit Yucca Obi-Wan Skywalker OG Kush Kush the orange orange orange dynamites give it a rest you you you guys are high into these places and it’s like you guys were high when you when you when you furnish this place you were high when you said let’s open a pot store you or your high last night when you took inventory your high when you’re giving me change your it’s adorable I’ll take 20 G of apple nut does Santa Cruz
Terminator I love Apple nuts in a cruise but would you name me three other strains of the of of weed at the dispensary actor actor actor diamond is in the
blue monkey and the Critter bitter backpacks
rumney razor
Back to the Future Part II
Desperado
Mindy Kaling extreme
before I spend it sets up a reminder Halloween what’s the what’s the harmontown right before Halloween the as it’s the 22nd and there’s one of the 29th and for the 29th I would say that is Our House on the Prairie on Halloween night and dad and I and Erin mcgathy we will all be dressed is jareth from the movie Labyrinth David Bowie’s character and encourage you all to come here we want a room full of Jairus we were the better and may the best Jazz win and we’re all going to find some poor fucking bar in Los Angeles and I want $900 has to walk into that bar so please October 29th please come in your generous costume over there Spencer did anyone who wasn’t drinking as much as me remember did Adam Goldberg close the show last week he did it was here
if I ever call you sing an aria to end our shower last night was it good was it good and well I don’t know maybe people got mad and left Spencer catch us up with one of your patented Spencer Recaps
alright let’s see here when we last met Our Heroes
you guys are throwing me off when we last met Our Heroes were turning in a quest to the captain of the warden’s Ferris played by Greg proops it was cool after getting the quest turned in they they adjourned to the tavern where they met with Cha Cha Cha Cha reminded them of their encounter with Tylenol with codeine a mystical unicorn reveal to be the patron saint of the Connie Forest
there was a guy who gave you guys horses he gave you a strange Emerald dagger or right you were you were introduced to the hastily cobbled-together figure Admiral Dark Star who were part of the forest that Tylenol lives in and there’s an evil part of the forest is threatening to overtake the good part of the forest through the shadows and he’s an admiral in what Navy you don’t know let me know I have like the internet okay
alright snap snap snap snap
you guys are you guys are clapping we really like anyone asked you to clap but precisely the amount of the closet
I didn’t want any so and I resent you acting like I wanted at a bank if I going by slow clapping it like a tired old Rich Uncle George’s punctuating at where do we stand right now you would fill in a sleep at Camp you awake in a stupor and you’re not sure exactly what’s happening Tylenol with codeine is gone was he really there or did you imagine the whole thing all the same you feel like you should investigate the The Forest of Shadows where did mulrain sadhana what are half elf companion you want to come up here cuz I don’t think she’s there wasn’t any Adventures you’d managed to wander away from your Camp a tree at Maureen’s to Donna but being a ranger Adept at tracking she’s managed to find you
you’ll never get away
yeah that’s good times and mastering that
all right
investigate our surroundings you see a winding path that heads towards gnarled dark trees perhaps these are twisted by the Arcane workings of the forest of Shadows but that’s where we’re going you know we’re still first level we keep acting like we’re like we’re up for bigger and badder shit but like we keep getting our you know I don’t know I’m just a little worried I would like to exercise caution and I want to die
just curious if we’re not level two
luck
I’m a gnome Barbarian and I’m always spoiling for a fight I know this is one thing that I hate it’s a gnarled tree
I’m going to go right out those my we don’t even know so far we’ve been mercenaries like working for for a promise to reward you know some bauble line would never just tearing about a unicorn’s for us for Spencer what are we headed toward that what what what what’s our what’s our goal right now Admiral Dark Star hosts a dark ziggurats deep within the forest of Shadows with his dark cult what’s a ziggurat a temple to ancient evil mayhaps wear dark rituals and sacrifices in midnight and what’s that what’s that what what’s will I have you what’s a duvet
it’s just a blanket right that you put a blanket inside a duvet and a comforter
we have a new vein in your inventory
he knows what a ziggurat is I’m going to ball and it’s going to take over the light for us then I mean is anyone really going to die it’s just going to be a darker Forest they’re already liked this place is like going to go back to back home
want to go back home if you want to do different Adventures do what we don’t even know who you are man what is this what is this what is this world but I thought we made an agreement that when we met in the minds of Eldorado
and I storm off that we’re at Camp Fire and Ice Cream off of the Woods
cork Sharpie Sharpie speaking to the both of you perhaps you should just kiss each other’s ring of Fire’s
and be happy
add call back why don’t why don’t we why do I keep hanging out with a homophobic elf
homosexuality
I’m out of earshot of this cuz I’ve picked a a Sentimental appeal it like clearing in the woods if if if possible if there’s a place where there’s a lake like I’m looking at the lake and brunette resume in the presence of a lake is there a lake like and I’m looking and I’m seeing the reflection of my father’s face on the water and I’m having flashbacks to my early life like I’m just hearing like a kawaii voice over of like like things like Sharpie you got to try harder than that.
you’re no son of mine mine mine I’m kissing my arrows
that’s how I count well if you guys are going to stand around and play grab-ass I’m going to go towards Troy the gnarled trees if you want to part company I’m I’m more of an adventure than the night then maybe you are eyes but I want to do it and you know I don’t want to take up any more time than the average round of of me like you want to do it in song living in the lake and maybe singing a high falsetto flashbacks I like my like a conversation with my dad and his magic Workshop dad what are you doing
I’m making a Wanda son making a long son
so is the one magic automatically just cuz you make it your magic we’re all magic I am Magic
god dammit your dad what is it you can talk to me about anything
your mother
I had a mother you have a mother I keep her in a hole underneath pounds and pounds of leaves she’s giving me a lot of shit lately for keeping her in that hoe
I got don’t get mixed up with a woman and don’t put her in a hole
also have pancreatic cancer
all right eye shake out of my my doldrums and I find my compatriots newly invigorated by a recent emotional Epiphany meeting back up with your complaint. They seemed surprised that you’ve arrived so quickly should I have just read I just had a flashback at the lake about my parents and I want to go back to my hometown and believe in yourself
that fire inside of you is true and it’s going to burn down any dishonesty I can hear him right now and I’m not going to be able to give my all of this Admiral Dark Star Mission while I’m listening to the thoughts of my father I got to go back and talk to him I got to find out who I am is there a chance that your father is Admiral Dark Star that may be the dimension that would love that wouldn’t you maybe maybe maybe the the atonement was the father in this mission is maybe a literal father and then maybe what we’re after is for you to tone with yourself and your senses that you lack of self-worth and what you call your superiority complexes as weird inferiority complex but you never never live up to the to the expectations your father put on you promise me something quick and I do this Mission with you yeah we bring Admiral dark started Justice yeah
come with me to my homeland
yeah so I can learn who I am
I will do it under one condition
and you have to make me a promise
I will
I sure will consecrate this
Pact
in song
and I want you to hit a note higher but you’ve ever hit them this entire show from volcanic Mountain Mist Nashville Shores
the boat’s a lot
Clan Majesty spread forever through the fields and the heart valves are on himself guys to Longhorn horses High brew and sides of the mountain and if you want my steel inside you
don’t do me wrong because my father’s father’s horse groomsmen what’s up
sun and ocean was and I’ll turn the skies to pee
what’s a real Adventure next week
next weekend or next week apparently this guy is turn to pee
baby determine Spencer I doesn’t match any such a good job
I love you I wonder how people here are giulietta podcast producer most Alabama state director Jenny finer artist once again I’m the mayor of her
Jen
energy and heart will shine good night your mother Phantogram
we did it

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