Episode: 116 – LIVE From The XOXO Festival 2014 in Portland

Episode

Episode: 116 – LIVE From The XOXO Festival 2014 in Portland

Description

Technology! Industry! Vodka! Harmontown live in Portland from the XOXO Festival with Spencer as your humble comptroller!

Transcript

alright let’s see here all right this is just a warm-up music it get you guys nice and warm
you warm yet
all right let’s get this started then finally right
ladies and gentlemen boys and girls harmontown is now in session please help me in welcoming your man to the harmontown stage Dan Harmon
thank you
just the right Mike to be using alright Welcome to our XOXO in Portland which is the festival about technological innovation and technological innovation there’s warehouses full of homemade video games by having that will be automatically synonymous with growing your own basil you can also
you can also have a computer involved and think independently which I think is a very important saying you can automate your basil Garden buy a laptop is Spencer and I are both into a headlong into it at Minecraft addiction that I don’t think either of us has acknowledged just like an actual movie of the week heroin type of addiction truly like I’ve done a lot of things obsessively in compulsively in my life but Minecraft Jesus Christ it’s like masturbating with heroin or something in your hand and heroin on your penis and your penis is a special heroin penis that has heroin receptacles on it power explicit I was thinking about that but then that’s that turns you off
why turns me on their syringes with the needles are like those rubber like kind of like dog toy little see and enemies
any description of anything that pointy going there your penis if it’s on me for going deep anyways hello Portland
good to meet you yeah
this is my second time at XOXO different stage I wasn’t here last year I was busy probably being fired or something but I love Portland and I love xoxo I think XOXO might be the first time I was at Portland was the first one two years ago and now it’s exploded as we hoped it might and I think you would call it a steel mill I don’t know technically what it is they would know what this building was used for
a metal stamping factory factory is the word but it’s a big a big grown-up building its roots in the back there’s there’s shelves that where that are only there to hold stuffed with no no no no no startling to aesthetic there for now it’s hip it’s we have it whenever a blue-collar she Cuernavaca Canyon if anyone here is over 40 your ear in this place and maybe you have all kinds of different connotations but all I can think about is Jennifer Beals explain that to me December 13th
there was a movie called Flashdance
and I actually have haven’t seen it but most people my age saw it it was like in the water like fluoride like we all know that there was a movie called Flash Dance if you’re over if you’re even you know there was a smoothie comp last chance and you know that in that movie a woman is a dancer and a welder and you know that she dances and then pulls a chain and then water pulls that for spices that are how do you know there’s a steel mill in Bob you know that roughly the same things about Footloose wild dancing to dance at the steel mill until RoboCop finally put a cork in that said no this is a play to go to fucking learn to be a robot again
I got to reach re-calibrate my baby food shooters
how are your baby food shooters by the way was that a euphemism for your for your heroin dish the good ones in a good way and heroin it will their track marks really go to the arcade yet always so awesome cuz it’s like back to the basics quarters quarters change the ID know as we as we progressed as a society we find new ways to make computers think more things faster and all too often with a funnel that all into graphics cards and go like how can I keep this y’all can the fan can cool off this much processor this is it for this amount of time so how many how many angles how many triangles can regenerate
indirectly I am yes because they think the other way is to go like okay no computers can do more now so let’s like actually if it looks like Pac-Man you can a pacman to wash it but he can eat way more than a key we thought that was the most Pac-Man could ever eat was a key I never got past cherries if I’m honest you got to get to the key bro cheese what we’re going to level is the key on
I’d like the maximum level you can’t eat anything past the key
that’s words to live by right I can’t eat a key all right so here we are in Portland and I keep thinking we want to move to and I keep
I don’t imagine it there was a there was you heard that exactly
there there there’s I think there’s a lot of people probably going to move to Portland you fucking asshole
not because not because of me but just because everyone stop moving to Portland maybe I don’t know
some people do that’s only something so I mean to their new everyone else hates tell me a good time I don’t know the overcast weather thing because people in Portland OR so apologetic for it and people from La they go no you don’t understand I don’t care I hate the son of his son is is it going to kick it in the Sun balls from you was looking forward to hiding from this fucking yellow Maniac this was fucking a orange Hitler this this this this Ayatollah I got to go lording over everything can be ending everything of you acting everything I think I’m Portland I think I feel like there sidewalks
you so much that they’re like it’ll be here one day and when it’s
but like you come from LA and you like why you trying to stimulate the fucking Godless desert that I came here from I just I want the gray skies and the shade and the the dark Busey Cloisters on the independent video games the yogurt
is it now there’s no yoga here
I’m I’m I might have gotten mixed up with the yogi I don’t know I don’t know what a guy here likes yogurt or something else that guy told me backstage this is a little weird and I don’t want this guy to kill himself movie telling the story but he should not be ashamed of himself but he should also understand that as I think he understood when he did this that this is the that he is the first person that has ever done this and I thought it was a notable I was I was in the back hunched over a cooler getting my contractually required bottle of Ketel One out of a few bags of ice and fire people run back there and it’s goodbye evening but I came back and he
I’ll do an impression of him and please sir wherever you are don’t feel bad about yourself but I have to share this it’s just interesting you did this to me I get to do it to everyone I get to turn it into something part of something a guy he came up and he said Dan Harmon and I said yes and he said look he said something very quickly along the lines of like you know my friends told me not to do this and I thought maybe I shouldn’t do it but here we go and he
oh my God this is how John Lennon died
could you pull out a phone and I was like how he wants a picture and a very handsome person I I approve of this but then he open the phone and then he just open it up and he went like I’m going to make I’m going to make this up because I take this kind of person like values the intellectual property he was reading so I’ll make a new thing up but he’s like just read a pitch off of his phone he just read it off of his phone so much guts though I could never do anything close to that why because of your conscience
what what horrible wall is between you and that brave act and put I mean dirty
it is not a long is an invitation and pissy that’s not a wall
but don’t like video games where there’s nothing you can’t do so you just fucking try to do it
the walls in society are there sometimes
because
very brave the very brave
British arguably Brave murder murder sprayed sprayed people throughout Society Hitler Hitler John Wayne Gacy Jeffrey John Taylor Swift Taylor Swift
Kanye West Kanye West running up and saying Taylor Swift is an amoral just scripture agreed of the certainly it has nothing to do with good or bad there are brave Ted Bundy’s there are brave George Washington is that there are brave Japanese Senators there are brave to Klux Klan dragons
it is great people
text yeah
it’s terrible the brave
it’s an interesting I need some brave people so did John Lennon
John Lennon went out meeting one of the bravest people he will ever meet
so forgive me for not putting a high value on bravery putting a high value on it in my old age notable something like tact higher than bravery
that’s me that’s myself interested my other that’s a tactful man I appreciate him more maybe I’ll conflagrate them and then didn’t go like you know
what is brave to be that tactful tax is Brave
no it’s not Jack’s can be brave and a tactless beside are a cowardly I think I mean not that I’m very tactful and I am very huge coward I don’t know how cowardly that’s a huge question I don’t think I have a right to say this about myself as a as a shortcut autistic type A lot of my fans are like dramatic
kidtastic
and you yourself Spencer is my dungeon master chauffeur and personal assistant in the morning and I get into your Subaru and I we can drive for a half-hour and not talk to each other sometimes you play your podcast of those guys that play those Nintendo song and then argue about what genre they are and stuff to 16-bit music from Spencer’s you since I listen to a podcast about you know how rich is there made or dolphins
but we don’t have to do anything I don’t have to look at you but we have to look at each other we’ll never get mad at each other at you’ll never like slam a door and I’ll be like maybe what’s up
long time since you said you were appreciated me that is a luxury we have as Vulcans
banners it handicaps when we deal with other people they got like sometimes they slam doors and we go what’s going on I don’t understand also just close the door and be mad yes can’t you just stop feeling things isn’t it time you
good thing that’s making you cry unplug it
why is the why is the solution to make me a fucking more that when I’m still able to saw wood while ignoring your feelings
what is aliens attack and they go quick get them they’re all crying
give to be the only Survivor Dan will they will turn to us and it will go Asperger people help us there are were men from the Moon attacking us and will laugh at them when my parents house and then we’ll go yeah you’re laughing your human and I will die anyways what I was saying like I’m used to these interactions and I value them I like I like people who can’t make eye contact with me I like I like people who want to have honest conversations and sincere ones and get down to the nitty-gritty but there is also there’s a there’s a cowardly version of tactlessness there’s that I don’t make small talk version and then there’s the actually I do and I am going to say what easy I am going to just like barf up some weird shit because I think that it’s like some kind of weird strategic way to put you off kilter
and what do you do make you vulnerable and you can see that technique being inflamed you’re like what you trying to do why are you so you think that saying hello I I like you is like something weak people do so you’re going to say you’re going to insult me or you don’t put me off and I’m going to like hang out you know of Star Wars metal around your neck and go like you’re the first person that ever hit on me in an elevator that’s what those people aren’t right like that happens a lot to two people who lie to you like people are like I’m sure everyone does this so I’m going to put them all of those people are doing that exact same thing yes I mean I am but but I would go I would put a big asterisk on that say that anyone that likes me is better than other people
I buy in large Because by the time you make it over those walls that’s like you are a marine of you are a better person so even my worst fan I think would beat you know Kevin Smith best fan in a in a fan off like I feel like it’s the last thing I need. Weird because you know you if someone likes me I’m a self-hating individual someone likes me I instantly hate them like I just I don’t trust them it’s like why are they need to earn your truck if they like you they need to earn your trust will because it’s like you I mean what are you what are you looking at I mean the big fat guy right here something I don’t like what do you do I have gold in my ear usually do that’s the thing
do you usually do it yeah I mean it’s a big problem in my life people are always trying to get out the gold my ear and they’re gold diggers
guess, Charlie Spencer Crittenden everybody just
how many there’s no right or wrong answer to how many people are in no you’re all registered was XOXO so you could be in this room but how many of you in addition to that are fans of harmontown the podcast actually what we should really be more than we have been the last half-hour
I apologize I thought I was a most of these people are going to talk about Pascal programming
I’m I’m sorry I’m not going to I want to I want to I want to meet somebody from Portland I don’t know if there’s any of those people here but I think we have to be more specific than that we want a reward usually at harmontown what we do is we bring up people who have traveled the farthest but that would be kind of pointless here cuz we’ve traveled so I wanted me to Portland person and but how do you pick the right Portland person to talk to
though it was sorry what
whoever’s closest to this Geographic points today we invert the whole thing I guess who lives the closest to this abandoned steel mill
I have no way of proving it but what’s your name
Stephanie I live 18th and Morrison so I’m about 10 blocks away care how close do you live at 6th and couch I got six in each ear sounds disgusting about
also intimately close 6th and couch I got six and Coach are anybody close I got a friend with blue hair pointing it at 4 just randomly 6th and couch 6th and Troost I’m closer than 18th and Morrison for no reason for all I know we’re on 17th and more couch all right
all right purple hair where do you live
all right I’ll take your word for it sounds familiar I think of the word salmon I think we’re on salmon or something and talk to us we don’t we don’t pick on people it’s not like I’m not like Jim Norton
I got
also I already forgot your name cuz I get nervous I Canna McKenna that’s your first name okay kind of weird
most people use it as their last name it’s fine
you can take that Mike and have a seat are you are you allowed to drink do you want okay do you want it do you want a vodka that’s all we have a basin of molten Steel in the back to pay Elizabeth can you make McKenna a drink
Elizabeth is our a drink maker for the evening
she also happens to be dating her producer Dustin Marshall but I swear to God you can get this job just by working hard
889 is it an egalitarian meritocracy harmontown there’s absolutely no reason why you couldn’t absolutely replace her no foam head on that all anymore he talked to her after the show you know it within your conversation feel her out for weaknesses see if you can see if you can figure out a way to get in there this is my ultimate weakness happening at the moment what is it like being in front of a ton of people
maybe you’ll get used to it it’s it doesn’t have to just like I don’t know picture them in your underwear
okay and then they’re like uncomfortable really like these haven’t been washed in as well that’s mean she probably watches or underwear come on
McKenna it’s going to take me awhile to get used to that treat you nice conversation goes
all right so McKenna you just so what do you think of those people over on couch
seemed kind of entitled I’m closer to Morrison’s everybody pay attention to me at least is it spelled couch trap terrible Houston and anyway if you don’t say Houston then you know fuck this guy kick him out of New York his Crystal on his palm starts blinking
Houston they pay take you up and drop you into the Statue of Liberty’s torch
same with Edinboro Scotland anyways McKenna
so how long have you lived in Portland around 11 years Wow since you were three so you moved here from where you were you were you were born in a vat in the suburbs kind of look somewhere in a basement and I can’t hit you with a belt and then sent you keep Jews Like moved to the city and I’m going to show all of you
Madison from the guy just yelled out yes that is a city in Wisconsin
I think that’s the guy that read me the pitch I can’t tell I can’t tell her I don’t think so it’s bread their lights are bright I mean you haven’t lived until and they just reciting it and then he was like but I figured what the hell I don’t like yeah what could it hurt you to read me a pitch
I don’t have a pitch for you thank you there going to be a gunshot from the back and my crew is going to be over for the dumbest reason in the world not because you’re at the right because the other guy has the other again alright keep track here
have you ever listened to this podcast
the show my fiance and I have been to Portland now probably like I think between us five times the last time it got pretty severe the Portland thing like her kitchen your blood yeah like we want to move here so I can’t get a read on the Portland people cuz usually the next thing that happens when you want to move to a city is you talk to somebody and they say everyone feels that way fuck off the reason you feel that way is cuz it nobody’s moving here
but you’re a good example because a lot of people come here like now in the summertime and they’re like Portland’s amazing and then they actually move here and it’s like 10 months of shit but you’re at but you and you guys say shit you mean my favorite thing in the world which is which is Blade Runner weather
everyday is Blade Runner
like I don’t want to walk around and it fucking awesome trench coat and
I think the shity weather like create school or people kind of like you know you go to somewhere sunny and people are all right but you come here and everybody’s like maybe a little angsty but creative and making things will the Sun is I mean the thing is when you go to a restaurant there’s there could be a culture where people say to you you know you know the best place to sit is right by the kitchen the source of all restaurants things that’s where all the food is made us a son is fucking Fusion reactor in the sky but giving you cancer it’s like it’s burning your children it’s did it hurts magnificent characters like powder remember that guy
that’s that guy’s the best our planet can do bling and he doesn’t want the son you know who powder and ask for it he has a psychic powers and he’s not the sun technically like the kitchen and restaurant it makes things happen yes that’s where the shrimp goes into the basket I don’t want the booth next to the fucking kitchen I want to be in the dark corner like I want to be in an indirect result of the Sun so like Paul verhoeven like like a while ago
you would get a good and and for that I will never turn my back on you son is the Quentin Tarantino of the solar system like like a permanent decision made I rely on you but I have think you were amazing I don’t give you no Kill Bill being a two-parter is fine if that’s what comes with it
so what does the rain get to you over time when you admit you don’t know cuz you were in Oregon already like you
Oregon origin
that’s a small violation that I didn’t say or again I said Oregon I think that’s what they’re doing okay I mean that’s a lame thing to hold your ground on
that’s that’s one of our like what are you guys do the Canadians and I’m sure they cover wish they’d probably call Brigadoon here but but but you you were born under an umbrella so sitting on you you start to get a little June Gloom start to get a little crazy and right now everybody’s very happy
oregonians I think about an hour like okay I’m ready to start wearing coats again like I don’t people are very conflicted about now I just realized I’m so sorry I apologize opposite of the weather in conversation do you believe in God McKenna
but you skip to why not after today no no not at all I never went to church you resent them for that being a religious ritual parents they let me go to church with like my friends and I would go to church me like this is boring like what is happening I told you
I told you to go to an orgy
okay alright in Portland
a sacrilegious are
so what’s the
what’s the opposite of talk about the weather what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to another human being
that’s a really hard question do I ask that of a podcast ghost at one point and he immediately knew and it was he made he made his breath drink his own pee so I just told him it was lemonade and again but I do know you are you know you need to tell us about that little hazing what did you do what’s the what’s the dirt girl in story cuz it’s not Universal
that there was definitely a little girl that lived across the street from me who is like probably five years younger or something so of course she was like super excited to hang out with the older like I’m so cool you know I don’t like hang out with the cool older girl and it was like no torture so you’re like vanilla flavoring and water in a cup and be like you just good yeah cuz she ate there how old were you at that point
maybe like 23
3812
the biggest assholes will you don’t have no choice human human bball the we don’t have like what we Define is I don’t know what some people would call it morality some people just call it a conscience conscience which we don’t have that Compass built into us where the most adaptable species on the earth you don’t you don’t get there by having some in green thing that we won’t do like will do anything anybody their parents tell it was okay and we kind of like we we will learn ton of overtime or like more fucked up if we keep doing shit that we just want to do and we don’t start thinking about other people are sociopaths there their and they’re still just like pull the Wings off a shit and I’m like yeah and it’s unclear is do they learn do they biologically hit a point where they’re like okay I’m going to stop doing that or do or do you just have to stop them like you kind of want to like make a big Iron Cube maybe in this steel mill and like drop a bunch of human children into it
and just do a bunch of experiments but then you’d realize wait maybe I’m doing this because I didn’t learn how to be moral and I don’t know I know that I know that your brain is made you know this like there’s a biological capitalistic like board meeting in your brain every day where they wear different Departments of your brain kind of compete for resources and so when you’re a kid like they say that if you raise a kid in an environment where I can’t stand up but I think we should all try this tonight
that if the kid comes out of that like 2 ft high like you do crawl space at an age after their legs are fully able muscularly to walk they even if you would like give them like regarding Henry Physical Therapy they will never because their brain that part of their brain at the one that dedicates resources to motor function and their leg has long ago been zoned out during some City board meeting and it’s in the brain as like no there is no need to walk this person needs to navigate darkness and crawl and over and change light bulbs or whatever they’re doing down there telekinesis maybe I know some people just realize how to only be an asshole when they’re young I think that I think that the I think the possible I would like to be more optimistic than this but I think it’s possible that being that compassion might be like facial recognition walking
being good with fengshui these might just be a little little talents we have and being compassionate actually yield positive results long-term for kids on the playground hopefully insurance that yeah I don’t think it’s an errand bummer though that’s like they were all empty canisters just waiting to be either made into serial killers or Saints yeah that’s the name we all land somewhere way between a bummer I guess where is it
what kind of amazing at the same time cuz then some people grow to be so amazing what about the what about the lack of meaning to being amazing like why is it happens at random but the randomness makes it beautiful you saying I passed so why but why is that more beautiful why is chaos more beautiful than purpose because it’s it’s like the antithesis of everything we seek it’s like oh we’re just going the wrong way about it we just got accepted its Randomness and drive meeting out of that I think like I mean it’s one thing they like catch on to a meeting that already exist it’s like seeing a bird but it’s another thing to like you know like I’m going to invent the first
the common the common example I think we can all relate to creating our own foul
rain I don’t know if I have the ability to articulate this you’re saying that within if if we accept that our nature is chaotic we can achieve a med order yeah we’ll also just that like okay so if it was predestined that I was supposed to just say I mean be here today that’s not very interesting that’s that’s part of a long list of things like the fact that I’m here because of several crazy random factors that could never happen to anyone else just because of sheer probability and stuff I find that amazing and more potentially miraculous than like someone with a plan making are making the rules for everything I don’t know if like our friendship is the result of a random occurrence you came to the show and I said is there a dungeon master here and you raise your hand and now we’re friends and more than friends but that means that I could
have a strange happening in my brain that makes me lunch across the table rip your face off cuz I think it’s a sandwich which is also really fascinating right but you will die will you die going like I lied I’ll take three I don’t think you can take three and that’s the problem right maybe that’s my problem I want to buy life in bulk maybe because everything I do is rolling dice is all Randomness and then we start to understand that those same rules of dice rolling or just genetics and a particle collisions it’s all just all these weird probabilistic things that happen it’s I think that’s just like understanding the code to the universe in the idea that your brain is was looking at the dyro is the result of a bunch of die rolls over billions of years and hundreds of billions of years if you could go in like the big bang forward like random collisions turning into RNA turning into the primordial soup
turning into a revolutionary cold war. War between organisms resulting in the biological weapons survival lies that is your brain that in addition to recognizing red apples and yellow bananas is able to recognize numbers on a die and create a game that is based in random numbers so you’re using the the the the end result of a bunch of Randomness to look at infantile randomness simulations of fundamental random missed and we have fun and we pretend that there’s order we pretend that they’re good guys and bad guys and and we put we end we seek meaning but but you can find Peace by accepting that there is no meaning yeah and I mean what you’re talkin about order is like the only order is what we add to it you know it’s what we are ordering around in the randomness I think that’s a cool part of it
thanks man I appreciate that hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no one misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest film nerdiest Phil married like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
this episode of harmontown is brought to you by Fulton and Roark Jeff you’re sick of us feeling all your colognes all over the place you hate liquid clones that correct it’s my Nemesis if it’s the thing that gives me Nightmare dreams all night long I can’t remember how many times I’ve walked in on you just just covered in sticky wet cologne I have traveled and broken a bottle of the cologne that I wear and then my luggage smells like a French whorehouse for the rest of time yeah but Fulton and Roark is a men’s fragrance and grooming company that specializes in solid cologne shave and shower products all designed to make getting ready easier and more enjoyable now when you say solid cologne do you mean like solid in the Jazz sense like wow that would be Jazz solo was solid you know I do mean that but I also mean physically solid as well alone that travels in a little small package that I can’t spill all over my luggage and smell like a Mexican house so I can go anywhere
nothing to break her spill and of course they’ll smell fantastic like a Mexican tit house
I mean there’s different levels of Mexican I mean there’s there’s there’s the high quality ones they’re the ones that you wish you didn’t go to write yeah she does funtasticks close is one of their fragrances called Mexican Town House bar soap is designed to exfoliate the skin with or without a washcloth also you don’t even have to touch it comes from desert in the night well that’s amazing that’s that’s literally unbelievable you know Spencer the GQ Magazine just names are shave cream the very best on the market today so yeah of course I knew that way why would you ask me who my asking this guy you go to this house it’s like an episode of Hoarders so many back issues of GQ magazine they’re not going to tell you my house is made out of bricks of cologne wax basic alone I hope ya try it yourself, say 15% off your purchase by using the code Ferrall f e r a l at checkout Barrel at checkout smell good for once you
bums Fulton and Roark get your smell and good
Fulton and Roark time to get your stink on off get your bad stink up and get your good stink on Fulton and Roark not by men different Corporation by Fulton and Roark so what does that have to do with
more like this
oh sorry sorry
speaking of pussy lips bring my fiance

we have to figure out how I’m going to stand is there I think we don’t have enough there’s no no no no no no no I want you to sit like on the pedestal that you belong on
am I am I still want to be put on a pedestal to bring me down by putting me up
not to be your girl that I love your hair don’t think you look like a mermaid mayor of Asbury Grove girls with purple in their hair and I was kind of like I’m going to like gather all of us together and get like a group purple hair shot cuz I feel like most people have her down for any color purple seems to be a popular I feel like what I was looking for people that were lived closer to this steel mill the the hair got more purple as
I hope I hope 5 years from now we don’t find out this is some kind of cluster
I love the gray I actually like I fought for it look amazing
Singham far I haven’t doesn’t matter what color your hair is the wolf will eat you
he’s a predator a biological killing machine he doesn’t care about your hair it doesn’t matter if we make a fire doesn’t matter if we wake up doesn’t matter how many legs do you have doesn’t matter if they’re in the snow doesn’t matter if we walk five feet or 500 ft it doesn’t matter that we’re here me walk by nazia it doesn’t matter if they don’t see us they might smell us same with that sounds like a matter of their own couch
it doesn’t matter if if if they’re in the Sandy hot doesn’t matter if they enjoy a shuffleboard if there had a drink are over to Hipster Drinker it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t matter if they remember that they used to make yogurt hair it doesn’t it doesn’t matter if the video game is independent or or or corporate it doesn’t matter if women are properly represented in the video game genre the wolf will still eat you
we’re arguing about about whether or not the Tomb Raider should have big tits but the wolf just needs a hot dog
I want to talk
I guess I got very hungry just now took the I want to talk about the plane ride here and the fact that I’ve noticed this because I’ve traveled by plane enough to know that this isn’t a fluke sometimes okay let me start with all the time all the time yes yes the peanuts are too small the every time without exception everyone in this room is ever been in a plane no one will argue with this
every time you’re on a plane the position of your seat back is catastrophically important to them the people who are in charge of whether you live or die because the plane is a piece of equipment that is Define physics flying through the air like a metal fucking rot and you in and you were in it and your seat being back or forward to them is a big deal you for instance if you’d like to test this Theory
try keeping your seat back the whole time they won’t let you we all know this we accept it your seat has to be forward when you land now sometimes and I find this very interesting sometimes your seat doesn’t work
now that’s the reason I find it interesting is because the times your seat doesn’t work is because the airline is shity and the airplane isn’t working right and it is though tie those times not when you need your seat to be back it is it is as their failure that immediately solve the problem I find that very few extremists story she’s annoyed by it but I’m like I’m not I might find this very interesting I’ve had this conversation so many times where I like my half back and the person comes by and I really need that seat to be up before we land and that could have been a woman or a gay man
dvn I go like a dozen time hey man you try make it go make it do what you needed to do in order for the plane to land and it doesn’t work. That’s why that happened fuck it because it’s our fault fuck it because the plane doesn’t work it’s a crisis if it’s on you
it’s fucking if it’s on them
hey I’m sorry I really need that engine to be on the wing while the engine is not on the wing it won’t it came disconnected it up in the air the plane is doing a fucking barrel roll toward the soil sorry fuck it I hope you live
I’m on your side
but
frustration are coming by he just has to his his big crisis is that he wakes up every day and has tell a bunch of people on an airplane in 2014 to not smoke an airplane and then to do all these things and then he’s walking because like that’s how he feels what is that oh a person who are Marshall okay great because after this happened I was awakened from a beautiful nap I overheard the interaction which is fine because I have some more interactive and then I unfortunately that to you and then I was
I was on the other side of the Gaza Strip
none of the other side of you know the point being that what I said to you is it’s of course it’s not a big deal that’s the tyranny
of course it’s not a big deal there’s not no one’s going to appointment with a riding crop body scanning machine out
thank you, the sooner that those things are so I can take it out of the airport’s doesn’t opt out who loves just getting fucked in the anus
with an airplane
what’s knock knock that actually sounds great. At the end and then slowly bigger charge a body of the plane there’s a lot of variety turbine
I’m going from here to Tarzana California to market the airplane weight and build out
harassed
every time I found out I get taken to like the little room or do you say to happen to get take another payment they test something on your clothes and they’re like oh it’s a hair gel that’s setting the alarm off we have to take you back for a search got to stop wearing that maybe since you search up Caroline airport in Italian pornos some airports are there like you’re often out
and then an hour later someone comes over and I’m not going to disclose what part of the country that was but they definitely did it sit out they can’t keep a secret it’s not like it’s the fucking mode very nice conversation and I cherish my female friends up and there is something to staring in the eyes of a strange TSA woman who says Tio I’m going to take my hands up between your legs and tell her I am going to take my hands up your thighs until I meet the resistance every time I was like the resistance
play meet the resistance are supposed to say resistance which also I don’t like to think of my pussy is resistant I don’t want it I don’t think of it as a portal either but I don’t want to think of it as some sort of force field it’s not like I had a really nice conversation with this young woman who are telling me that she’s like touching my boobs and I’m a cool then we can have his moment like which is used to dance in the forest and
I like the idea that your vagina is the resistance cuz I like I like that your I love you for your humanity and I when I think of the resistance I think of the TV miniseries event in the movie from the 80s like I said billions and going like fuk it we can fight and I’m like yeah I love I love this vagina
I move I mean it does make you feel like a battleship a little bit over there like you have any devices no ma’am I do not but I could but I did I I’m just learning about this
say anything this is my own expression that I came up with. Like, nope no let’s say you’re at.
yeah it like you guys didn’t go to a concert where they were searching for she means putting a nickel bag of marijuana in your vagina or or anything that might need to get through some kind of checkpoint you’ve never let no one in Portland and no one used their birthday Bear and Kangaroo I do those you know I do not doubt I go through the Backscatter machines and every time I like is probably psychosomatic but every time I just like my balls hurt after where it’s like there I could just feel you know all those little guys dying I said I feel light-headed I always feel light-headed it’s weird it’s kind of like they can’t really be happening right it’s all I put but if there’s anything useful happening in that machine to them then it course it’s like you could feel it I don’t know early on some TSA TSA agent
oh you know they took out a 70% of the radiation do you know that they took out 70% and then another guy
we should really take out of radiator
salad and that’s what I have it and I know I have not wearing the sweater I don’t know what is your last name Urban Outfitters I know you’re making $10 an hour and I’m a human being in your guess has not been Outfitters fucking take my sweater right H&M it’s worse with the TSA agents when there is radiation
Edward F at are you going to say I was at company how do they take out the radiation made up I looked it up afterwards there’s nothing to it one guy one day
I have ice in my mouth like a there’s an urban legend or or it’s true but I will say it’s an urban legend cuz I want to spread things that I don’t to be totally irresponsible but there’s a there’s a legend has it that the guy that invented that machine won’t go through it
Portland has a has a beautiful airport don’t they I mean they’re kind of pretty nice. And what would you say to somebody that said well it would have been a metal detector that mean just because we had that time I remember.
I’m not there I’m not the voice of this car but the idea of his body scanner machines really don’t detect that much and if someone is really trying to smuggle something they can just seems to me that they’re developing technology so they can take pictures of us all the time and so they can just he’s shiting I don’t know it’s a conspiracy theorist turn off time I talk to you I just paid $500 for flight and I have to stand with my arms out and there pictures of what it looks like on another screen and then I don’t know not everybody has to do your edits goes back and forth and it’s like well it’s just a slow control thing likes guess I was bored and so they came up with this thing I can fly on open H&M and Banana Republic or whoever you were talking about maybe the next Five Guys near it’ll just be naked she’s being boycotted by all the clothes
God damn it there was there was there was McKenna how you doing over there yeah I got on this topic but I like it like this on YouTube there’s an amazing uplifting video of these two kids who were handing out opt out flyers at an airport and it’s like a it’s not a short attention span thing like it’s like a 40 minute video but you can like click through it like the it’s just these two kids are in an airport and they’re standing at the top of the escalators in the public area before you go through the machine and they’re handing out flyers to to raise awareness of like opt-out day or something like that like what you don’t have to go to this machine’s if you don’t want to and Airport officials come up to them they’re video taping it and they start trying to bounce them and like they’re using all the official language and you can’t be here you can’t be doing this you can’t be distributed as literature
they bother to say I think we can I think we can stand here and talk to people and hand them literature were in an airport you have people down there doing the same thing for some religion we would just doing the same thing and then they can increase in the aggressive and then they call the cops and this cop not an airport cop just a regular cop has to come and the regular cop is just this guy who refreshingly like he’s kind of think he’s got the buzz cut in the gun belt and he just looks like any other cop that might do it any horrible things but he likes kind of scratches his head and he walks away with the airport guy and he’s like yeah I don’t know I think the Constitution says you can do whatever you want
okay. Like you just printed out a copy and he’s like oh oh God gave they gave me a gun and a walkie-talkie and puts it I think I’m supposed to just keep people safe I don’t think I’m supposed to I think your guys like a sweater at Urban Outfitters
Outfitters and at Hot Topic
yeah yeah really dark time but at Hot Topic the clothes are so cheap and I would have colleagues that would be like I don’t know should we take this back should be it should be accepted what do you make $7 an hour what is this matter it doesn’t matter sorry I’m all fired up I don’t know why I’m so fired up it’s a machine and back it just makes me think of Flashdance and how women have been exploited by disco movies in the room my blood find the pain
who’s in pain emotional pain hand went up immediately do you mind talking about it what’s your name what’s your emotional pain lost all my best friends at once you lost all your best friends at once are you willing to come up and talk about it okay Seth everybody
extra Mike’s alright
we can share its Portland okay so you lost all your best friends in a short. Of time and that’s a good question yeah yeah and something something was but not for the actual thing sure
I had a wedding in fact it was a wedding murder
text you I was like what was it we will figure it out eventually Anchorage Alaska down to Seattle I would destroy lives now it was just really far and see your ear following a hipster ley-line you’re going to end up living at Stonehedge
distance from Anchorage to Seattle to Portland is going to
I just know that Anchorage and Seattle and Portland are famous for their beautiful tattoos and like I have a beard and have heard something to do but it’s utilitarian this is a guy sorry I do to interrupt but if Spencer’s a brownie this guy’s a blondie he’s a suspension type for the podcast listeners it’s really cold
the laska I was in I was in my hotel that’s also as cold as Alaska and I was I was shirtless and I was trying to sleep and when I have my beard on my chest I was fine and when I swept it to the side I was freezing cold skin for your neck from your face
and I heard in for the people in Ferguson are reporting it’s a natural tear gas filter
it works it’s just an adaptation we’re all making it anyway I don’t make you don’t have to worry about Portland DNA podcast so I can hear your human story I moved in and had some really close friends why did podcast with and we were made a lot of stuff together we were continuing to do it like kind of long-distance cuz I had to get out cuz it’s the middle of nowhere last guide Cincinnati in the North had no offense to Cincinnati they make wonderful chili the so I moved and and then came back in like may like six months later for the first time just for a weekend and we hung out and everything was great and then there was Cube social drama cuz it turned out I had a
anchor to the small town I had had a very interesting I have found Anchorage I guess you could say in a report that ended up being at all that’s a really bad way to talk about a human being I’m taking that back immediately
to commit to the plan
OK Google
when you guys get derailed with this horrible work in the short-term mortgage and then more it’s very friendly and was very amicable we were friends and then she started dating another friend in the close friend group and things kind of spiraled from there but it was the first time that like really close friends working to like all right now we’re we’re done though cuz did you become the the the this is the thing a dry cleaner saying about Romance the dark underbelly of it that we see that’s why I don’t like romantic comedies but because Aaron and Aaron loves them but I I I’m projecting like it drives me insane my worst nightmare is being cast as the villain in someone else’s story even though I didn’t it just like oh that’s convenient for you like I’m the wind beneath your fucking Wings because it’s like taboo and Not only was at the villain I was Sour
turn on the proverbial Mountain literally country away you know like you had to go through Canada which is like I don’t deserve to live there or something and then there was me you know being all villainy and the other man no not at all this is before they got the gun
it’s not too big a deal cuz yeah I don’t need to go back to work I’m good for now all your friends and in a couple of days like you went from 5 to 0 or whatever it is I don’t mean to presume the numbers I would start with three and then I was like those friends my mom always used to say when I would I would go out and I would get beat up by the people and then I would come home and I would go beat me up in my mom to go Wells and now you know you don’t like those guys right you know like I hear they are wanting to beat you up so some problem solve themselves get to see him everyday because of the internet which is a great thing in so many ways we’re just kind of 1
Kevin Bacon away from each other friends that like it’s only so much hiding and blocking and muting that you can do they know it was like hey I’m back in town for 3D three days everything’s cool one day the next day oh by the way podcast listeners it was right double Birds Without Really knowing the situation I would really take that to personally if you really believe that you weren’t in the wrong you have me so worried about you who’s in the Anchorage crew am I hearing a different thing and he doesn’t he’s not he’s not wondering whether or not you should like these people he is saying it hurt you know it it it like is a wound that was Alan and it’s just
what’s the Salve that you put on it so it won’t heal it just think it’ll heal it is his own body and time but is there like some some Neosporin that we could squirt on it in the form of a reminding myself if I was in his position reminding myself that it wasn’t really about me would be that Neosporin which is why it said that it was a couples therapist in Portland
I mean I think the first thing we need to do not to be Geraldo Rivera about it but I got to reach around and like Kelly McGillis in Top Gun and just Embrace him and you can’t see it on the podcast it’s not it’s not fair it’s not for a place but thank you how does it feel to be to be touched and held by someone you admire who will never betray you
I don’t care I don’t care who you who you date next I’m never going to touch her
I’m every time you hear my voice I’m talking to you Praise Jesus
very sorry that happened to you and these moments of pain I like to quote on one of my favorite shows of all time my so-called life
I read a reference and episode it halfway through the series where Claire is getting over Jordan and realizes that she’s over him and she says you know it hurts until it doesn’t
it hurts
until it doesn’t feel that way Forever at all it’ll expire it hurts
and talent. What if it hurts forever what if what if you’re so smart what if you’re so smart you’re so smart that you know that doesn’t change what if what if what if what do you do in those moments when knowing how your brain works and how your heart Works doesn’t change anything that’s going on and then what are you what are you is there is there a technique is there you go inside inside get out of a son get out of the parking orange Hitler and that is the Sun a lot like whether they come and go and sometimes they make sense and follow patterns and other times it’s like a freak storm it’s like you go inside or you I had a friend who suggested he get he got over a breakup if he watched all the seasons of Farscape that sounds awesome
Russian but it’s time really does heal all wounds the good news about being sad sad music is better probably more create you’re seeing things differently like you’re really living because you have your if your bleeding from your soul is there walking around like that’s a good news bad news is I feel bad until it doesn’t feel bad I’m more that’s just that’s just time Dad thing to do is to try to fix it by the second you know like putting up building a windmill or whatever crazy thing you would do. Cast in front of you guys going to do anything he’s going to think I don’t think he’s going to do anything that’s like unhealthy with and if he’s willing to like crying out from an audience at a podcast that means he’s already actually like oxygen and let’s go
do you ever listen to this podcast do you think it would help you heal a little bit to play a character that you whose life you had more control over in a game of Dungeons & Dragons maybe you’ll get whose wounds could not hurt you no matter who did anything to you when we asked who listen to the contest so we ended by playing a around of Dungeons & Dragons on the podcast so I guess if you’re not a fan and fuck off I guess but not in a mean way. Just another you want maybe not know what’s going on or if you’re a gaming Phantom in this is a big big table top intensive conference so we’re going to be we have an ongoing campaign that we play and we need a Chris de Burgh who will be sassy and we need a if McKenna would be
going to be a wait so we have what we need a cork and you’ll pay You’ll Play Chris de Burgh sorry and McKenna okay you get the character sheets I yell at me just bust these out real quick while he’s being comedic Aaron did you want to read the list of this is just a shout out to somebody who’s
turn on the podcast of eight people
and maybe a I’m looking ahead and I’m going like you know what it’s not the venue technology corner
innocent doesn’t explain to his earlier that if you pay attention to the size of cell phones it appears that their size changes over time based on people’s needs and that that’s similar to Evolution and we started mocking him for that Revelation great treatment for Alan Alda it plays a way where it where is that guy is that guy here
is the guy here that read the treatment on your hair are you dude you are you did I humiliate you did I make you feel bad by telling a story okay do you want can I turn it can I turn it in for you do you want to read your treatment to the people are ya
anything you want I got to go like for real like like I don’t I’m not I’m not bullying you like I don’t want if you’re actually worried that you would read it and then I’m going to rip that off or do you just want to talk about it for a second
okay alright I just want to humanize you for them
I don’t want the moral of the story to be the people are bad I wanted to be I want to be that there are heroes are my I love it what’s your name Jason or his phone at the cooler of ice what are you plans in D&D
warlock for a while right now I’m on the mic on the siding Gilman is Toronto’s yeah it’s kind of David Cross is a family man can we encounter a crime show so I got David Duchovny playing me and so I’m just let’s just Rihanna okay I’m up by the cooler okay David Cross is a put upon family man in a super scientists who works at the enlightenment Corporation and test the boat is up a chair and electric chair the blast people into Enlightenment for science father-of-three his wife Jane keeps things kosher at home while wielding a gigantic hook for a hand doesn’t sound that bad sounds great
that’s okay thank you sir. What’s your name again treatment I know David Cross
but I don’t think he makes those decisions I think David Koch probably has an agent and he’s like just anyone want to hire me and then they they go like all the guy wants you to play robot all right
so you got the character sheets ready yeah let me just let me give me that to you give that to Aaron
and then the top ones for McKenna and the rest is yours
CareFirst Spencer is comptroller we will do great
that sucks about what I deserve but it’s very appropriate I appreciate that
now it’s worth trying to say I don’t buy it not buying it anymore there’s a lot more believable before
so I thank you that’s what I’m looking for that’s why I need right now are you guys ready or should I should I start this up yeah let’s do it I don’t have my D&D music do you want a helmet I think that would be better actually when we last met Our Heroes had landed in some pretty hot water after a late-night juice to work on a ride the party retired with bisbal the friendly gnome where they decided to break into the priest Juicery to look for Clues while inside the Juicery the gang heard a noise in a riot to see a Beat
father tender in this keeping a Salient Derby track down the would-be murderer Darvon and her son said something wasn’t quite right but using is shrewd mind Christopher determined convincing their caste. Is this guy’s revealing himself to be none other than father Tinder himself
working together the gang started to gain the upper hand breaking through his shield wolf Court / tinder’s head with a flaming sword as the old man light dying white beat white beams of light begin streaming through the room is The Shard of power were ancient in hideous magic what do weevils must the gang face they would have come to find out now
that was some great humming I want to buy that album assumed the effect was the same as in the shower but it sounded awesome to me stop running into the microphone
so traditional you guys have a lot of questions of this point standard you guys are all standing together in the broken remnants of the darn Von household you see crumbling Stone falling from the ceiling and all the furniture in the room is destroyed reduced to splinters everything is very hard to see because white light is dazzling you going throughout the room before it concentrates on to a single glowing humanoid form the form of Father tender she starts to transform before you into a 8 ft tall gray skin stoneskin bold horned man with glowing red eyes powerful muscular Lynn and Stony Wings a burning White Flame Rose brightly in his chest and it looks not unlike a winged demon or something
hi we’re probably cool now right now that he’s transformed into this thing you asking me or you asking him I’m kind of thinking out loud okay continue and the sunset
sunset 20 moons are you bother to endure I have transformed into my final form like that lady at the drive-through and a video of those but I’m getting all the chicken nuggets self-actualized in the all your aggression is gone right you could say that yes but I’ll still need to destroy you
we can talk about that we could while I’m destroying you
all right I’m going to run
I’d like to run
I already it would it would get you what you guys were standing there and this guy turned into a demon and he’s going to kill us do you guys have any like this chest
you know this is my first rodeo with gamey thing that I usually the place you want to throw us orders now okay
it’s where the Castlevania type of a guy you know there’s a lot of Platformers from the old days we are burying not thinking things through very good characterization boss battle in a video game LOL LOL attack is milky white spot
all right I’m not a DND player but in my gear I have a dragon dick so I feel like that might work in this situation was more of a trophy mean
I think I remember I think I remember where you got that I don’t know if it’s a weapon
it’s something that way it’s a conversation piece
and most things are a weapon against a milky white spot
whose whose turn is it first second how to put it at a cork Stern how about up there if that’s okay let’s go ahead and use a power attack all right that’s going to be less accurate than a normal attack I’m afraid and yet you hit him
dropping anchor
rushing towards your demonic full you plunge your sword deep into his side dealing 12 damage
and that’s not even the milky white spot
I’m excited we are doing this
what was McKenna’s turn that’s a Christopher
yes apparently apparently
so yeah you got your dragon dick Style
feel free to ask questions
I may need some help on this by subjecting her to quite a lot alright
I’m going to attempt to use a short bow
I know now that you’re going to use I’m going to I’m going to fucking Shooters in the Milky Way galaxy is firing an arrow at is milky white spot
it was probably it might have been a your income your what is the lack of confidence lack of confidence
or something but your arrow misses its Mark plunging deep into the Cobblestone walls of the dwelling so I was put it in a dignity
that’s Aaron
yeah I’m worthy who has been deceitful and untrue
going to throw my ass
and it’s going to be the death of you I rhyme now I guess I ran out so I throw throw my ass in a throat really hard at the middle of his face
you do that but it doesn’t hit him in the middle of his face but instead in his shoulder dealing damage
all right
the act protrudes from his shoulder
a joke I’d like to shoot a fireball and his milky white spot
alright casting your arms in a magical manner you Unleash Your Fireball directly towards is milky white spot he attempts to dodge out of the way but is too sluggish and it hits him right in the chest of a milky white spot like the nipple right next to it instead for the nice grouping as they say in darts

Pinky’s auntie I guess there are Dragon Dixon milky white semen all this stuff there was no semen but now there is
Portland most strip clubs in the world right per capita the love hearing about it
most vegan strip clubs that we said
what will talk after dealing 17 damage all right and that’s just the nipple
I shout out the milky white spot on the way to go
so he turns his eyes to you of the Wizard who’s casted all this magic Sandy beats his powerful wings and lunch is at you through the air is claas outstretched reaching right towards your neck
that’s my milky white spot
he grabs you by the throat dealing 9 damage and holding you fast in his sharp Rocky claw, but you could do it in your own turn
thank you she’s only three turns away putting it at Seth’s turn
I appear to have some yarn you sure do I do if I’m not mistaken
I just thought it’s funny cuz it’s right next to the nutsack
he got rid of that nut sack it is it is not yet
no matter how much joy it is for me to hear that cork is about to use yarn very happy moment actually discard that’s like a business card what does Cactus Club or Bunch kactusbunch alright bro right buy one get one free and also Springs painted stick there any more information about that at all it’s strangely painted a stick
Sono
so that I do not hit my computer. Who is being held by the the demon correct I mean what are you trying to do I’m trying to attack but not know if someone in half in the who isn’t White Spot guy taking careful attention not to hurt your ally thank you slice with your sword at the Demonic full before you got a hug so you were you were to consider it and you go way wide and don’t hit anything at all
advise it hurts until it doesn’t
what’s the current Christy Birds turn on
opposed to tells me I have a robot babies oh yeah
is there any use of the robot baby I don’t think you know any of them that’s probably not it’s heavy going to hit someone with a maybe or you could tell it something give it a command give the robot baby a command
what was that did you give it a command maybe at all so if I tell the robot baby to like
Infiltrate The milky white spot
and retrieve whatever is inside
I can attend that you can’t you definitely do that say it to the baby baby go to the Milky Way it’s like you mean it McKenna go inside of it like you know the baby’s days do it take hold of the milky white spot
and bring it to me you see those things in the robot babies like
he starts wobbling over toward towards the giant demon thing it says he’s he’s getting over there the demon doesn’t seem too occupied probably cuz it’s a robot baby and he starts climbing up his leg but it’s going to take some time before he can actually Infiltrate The milky white spot for some reason he doesn’t seem to notice the robot baby it’s a weird so weird phenomenon okay so then because I know the robot baby is approaching the milky white spot I used diplomacy and I look at father tender and say
Portland to there’s there’s trains there’s 5,000 people outside tender one moment can you just look at my face for a second because I’m going to explain to you why you are such a great leader but I’m using my diplomacy which is basically
if you can’t use diplomacy for lying
jet
hear this final the final thing that you’ve turned into is no good no one likes that you have no friends you’re going to defeat us and then you’re going to be all alone to stay still for a moment
because I want you to
I really want you to stay still it’s my heart’s desire that you do not look anywhere but into my eyes where is that you with his red eyes and he looks he looks like he’s looking directly through you and through your soul and he’s like I don’t know what you’re getting at but I feel like I’m trying to feel like I’m being manipulated here I’m not going to do that I’m going to start looking around continuously for the rest of the turn you know
okay if method there is no sense so it said it because you only said some words and I I try to stab his foot so I peg him to the ground like Taxidermy you stabbing his foot and it it doesn’t pin him to the ground but it does hurt him someone with a sword shark tank deals 11 damage to his foot
I clap my hands like I’ve finished a job and I sit on the ground squirrel
is that actually happening just making sure and then I have to sit down on the ground
I regret everything I just said he’s turn all right lightning bolt at the milky white spot it’s not the first time I’ve said it
okay I got to say that after this you’re out of spells of the third level because it sounds like a off
you only have so many I mean that’s how it was the last time you heard me cast a lightning bolt you’ve only three levels is exciting you can’t 3 level 3 spell is Alaska
I don’t have a problem
you cast your arms in a magical Manor in pointing your lightning finger towards them you unleash a torrent a bolt a bolt of lightning a bolt of lightning but because he’s not heating up big cities advice on looking all around he finds it very easy to see it coming and he Dodges out of the way
I mean I don’t want to I don’t want to tell you your job but that explain it in a different way if you’d prefer know your role did such a shity job that he is out of the way, wizard he he’s he’s still not noticing this baby for whatever reason maybe it’s a Stony skin makes them impervious to all but the heaviest of touches but he starts he starts squeezing on Sharpie you start squeezing on Sharpie harder he’s a massage or something
I don’t want to I don’t to be one of those characters in the movie that says a little help but
so I’m not going to do that I’m not going to do that
did you just do that that’s metagaming adjusting I’m not doing that I’m not going to be hack and say a little help
all right joke so let’s put it’s Esther
I hope you your name set right I mean I’m a gnome Barbarian I’m just trying to be friends with you know it’s all right and then you know I’ve created the artificial barriers a defense mechanism as in I think we all do anyway I’m going to use my arm you left of winter and call us sleep storm to try to obstruct the view of evil doctor tender father so he can’t see the baby
so you activate holding your armlet of winter to the skies you activated and driving winds and colds
so you said sleep falls falls out of the sky in through the broken cracks in the ceiling it’s all making everything cold and slippery and hard to walk
coded and rhyme and it’s getting in his eyes and it’s all it’s all kinds of trouble he doesn’t take any damage but he’s he’s he seems to be blinded or at least visually impaired
that’s good it’s one of the most amazing
great let’s put it in McAlester now
who is Christopher
is my weapon of sap
that is falling on his face I love this idea but a staff is actually like a bean bag full of quarters that you like hit someone with in the face can that you can empty it out and then like yeah yeah it’s like a beanbag you did cut it open and coat summer
the insides are going to coat into the ice and further
yes with a Deft flick of your wrist used to place a small incision in your Staffing what does Sprinkles out being taken up by the icy winds in it gets stuck in this guy’s eyes harder he’s getting he’s he’s completely blind if there is any ever any site he’s had gone now bucket of confetti and I’m just like
we just keep blinding him until he’s he gives up
which sign people should never do
yeah yeah yeah since it’s after your turn the baby he’s reaching he’s reaching in there he’s reaching in the Milky Milky Way
situated about it he’s he’s reaching in there with his little robot arm and I he can’t fit his whole his whole body in there but he’s he’s really going for it he’s got a lot of gumption
put data dignity I take out my Lance
and I charge towards
father tender and I am directly between his eyes if your nose done before but now it’s with a different weapons
here I come
good over evil
all praise to structure
this structure because he’s blind you’ve charged directly into him and you hit him right in the forehead his his head skin that’s made of stone it cracks and several chips fall off and he’s kind of a dark hole in the head now but he doesn’t react like a human failed in that he’s still alive
he does however what the damage on that sorry this is like 80 come on now the damage is 10 + 3
14 alright feeling it will damage to his face
he staggers back is the force we are blow impact him and he drops eye drops Sharpie in the scuffle
hey baby I do that for you thank you
I’ll put it in your turn all right so you said now you took all my spells away no just the third level ones all right you don’t have less of them than any other spells you command shocking grasp is a level one spell yeah and I’m right there with them I just grab them and I I whisper in his ear and I don’t mean this is for Kevin
which means nothing but I wanted to freak them out
and a shocking grasp of this is for Kevin
I know what you did to Kevin
blinded and confused by your strange words you find it not difficult at all to to grasp him shockingly and lightning surges through his body crackles and burn his skin is made of stone seems to make it not affect him so much but it’s still deals 7 damage
downtown iPod I fucked up is made of stone
if it was made of copper that would have been a bold move
mermaid if tender Portland you’re better than that don’t apply shocking grasp on a stone guy I’m sorry I let you down I let your city down
all right so father tender he takes a couple steps back and he starts rubbing his eyes he starts rubbing his eyes and he can see again for once he takes his large Rocky Clark and he lifts them up in the air and you see several spikes made out of white energy coalesce in the sky like icicles and start falling all around the area so I got is Halle Berry
in what about the storm
yeah yeah I mean I don’t think of Halle Berry as storm I guess this is on me cuz you said swordfish no I didn’t I know what you’re thinking that woman she drinks milk in that it’s sexy I would see I’m in Cherry cabinets not hireable it’s it’s it’s reading what that Batman show the Gotham like they got the what does it show the whole show is just before Batman brilliant
at a Comic Con at Billboards everywhere for that and the kerning was kind of off and so I can just cross your eyes a little bit just said got ham and
that is a show I would watch
how is your character like he’s a little who is the Moon
fish person does Jada Pinkett Smith invented the character comments on those trailers
what do I know I just wrote Monster House
thank you what what’s happening you guys are getting hit by icicles or something Halle Berry right yeah so you guys you can’t Dodge out of the way all these four spikes or too much and you take work takes three damaged Chris de Burgh takes 5 and you to take a
Captain everybody reject up well I mean you still take it
Snapchats a matter of opinion
I haven’t I haven’t bought many Stone creatures what do you think would defeat stone creature
I think that’s the Kryptonite for come on give me some good advice
I’m not sure what it was anybody out there ever paper paper paper I’m hearing a lot of paper of course
what do mites look like a diamond pickaxe would definitely go through this like butter
earthquakes
anybody Rosen I like like like like like a crackhead. My turn but backgrounds are you speaking as the character or a new thing
I can create water
I can wash away our trials and tribulations Ray of frost everything sorry Spencer when is my glutes of of charming and attempt to charm some stuff some stuff I mean probably tender tender it’s been so long since you played your loot of charming it’s quite Out Of Tune In The Sounds you make a rather just coordinate not Charming
he’s not charms he’s not Charmed
sorry I rolled it 3 so let’s put it on Chris de Burgh Stern
since there’s a nice hole in his head I happen to have a climbing kit with a hundred and fifty feet of rope so I’m going to use the climbing kit to climb up using the hole in his head and hold out my hands hoping to use some water and frost
how I mean how would you know of any medical supply, do you climb astride the Beast with your climbing kit and you are you ready your next action for the future the baby’s turn is right after the baby continues reach-around in the milky white Boyd and what he finds may disturb you
we pulled out his arm from the white portal with a pop except a he doesn’t instead of an arm there is no arm it’s completely melted
it’s not a vulnerable spot it’s a hydrochloric acid which was just preparing me later alright prospector robot baby
fat baby the milky white spot we thought it was like a boy and he’s great Breaking Bad went to the floor
spoilers I can’t even think of what part of that there’s what they’re still laying cable down in Portland Breaking Bad spoilers there not quite Time Warner hasn’t come through yet
but I like the sensitivity would you care about each other that’s what I got from that I used to create water
single class I create water and I say as stress has created lice before I shall create water for your
death
could you use your rain berries
what is it mean to say that I’m very turned on by you
all right yeah sorry I didn’t do I create water I try I tried to create water you pour your created water directly into his head void
turn down for the stage that happens so Sharpie
Define several great offers but I want to check the water pressure on a shower head the water pressures are optimal I cast no Heating units Frozen
Brave Frontier I cast a DVD of Frozen
I I cast Rhea fried fine also that supposed to Emma’s World you can also be empowered by looking the way you want in your Frozen castle Frozen and she’s like I’m letting it go Mike and you’re letting it go those shoes look really uncomfortable you made them but it’s that’s fine too I cast Ray of frost in the watery water-filled head wound this is a Globetrotters move we all work together fire off a ray of frost facecrack ahead
all right you hear the crackling of ice freezing over as the voice in his head becomes occupied by white ice
so at this point I think it would be at Chris De burgh’s turn right because you’ve been holding your action until this this happens
just forget about your nightmare of doing things wrong in front of a group of people
I’ve still got arrows for my short bow so I’m going to attempt to just shove a attempt of an arrow through that ice
all right crack that fucking rock open
awesome that’s how they doing on salmon Street
How We Roll shoving your fucking arrows into his facial crap
the arrows Pierce through the ice can you give an expert twist in the entire Rocky head explodes crumbling into
Airport
Northwest Paradise
Los Angeles in the country
what was that that was an ending right I mean the guy’s head explodes
music
Nero
thanks for coming to harmontown XOXO Spencer Crittenden are jumpy master and comptroller Seth who I hope we can move on to the next chapter of his life without his tracking dumbass friends McKenna who no matter what you do you will never live on couch my lovely fiance Erin mcgathy who is taking the boat out of spending the rest of your life with me and and Justin Marshall our producer and Elizabeth to drink maker and all of you who stayed and a ghost the the the murdered molten steel murdered ghosts of the that once occupied this Great Hall looking down on us and saying I help fight Hitler by making tank parts and now you’re doing hipster conferences here but I support you because this is America getting a good night and have a great rest of your Festival
goodnight everybody

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