Episode: 179 – LIVE at San Francisco Sketchfest 2016!

Episode

Episode: 179 – LIVE at San Francisco Sketchfest 2016!

Description

Harmontown returns to San Francisco Sketchfest for porn, adult diapers, breast cancer awareness and pure insanity. Watch the video at harmontown.com/live! Become a member for $5 a month.

Transcript

go to San Francisco California
America’s best restaurant in town
the first person to say that.
MMA up on the time it’s just Jan Karma
what time is it
what happened to your pants boy it sure was already off to her
San Francisco start here’s the thing is going to the TSA checkpoint you always have to take off your belt and I don’t wear a belt like and then I was like I did it I’m a genius I got through so fast and then I’m like
I I cuz I won’t get nothing is when you’re fat and you’re a guy I don’t know I’m not being sexist I’m sure if you’re fat and you’re a woman I don’t know I don’t pretend to know about but but like like when you’re fat and you’re a guy you have pants in your closet and you put them on and it’s like
I can’t get it around my fat body I’ve been here like I don’t need a belt and then but then throughout the day you fat out the chance what am I what am I a Bridget Jones I mean you get the idea I didn’t know until I got out here and then I was dancing and then the paint smell. It doesn’t matter either way to start a show
hello cultural capital of the United States of America
greatest city on earth
so much better than Los Angeles
Becca Stewart fucking piece of shit fucking what kind of city is so proud of itself that it has the word Hollywood on a hill above it
why does it say Holly when it’s not fucking Angeles you guys don’t put San Francisco let alone like the Ben & Jerry’s or something you’re good people and you’re and you’re and you’re gay and or writers
this is this is this is this is where the typewriter was invented
and you’re and you’re our favorite City favorite city in the world since we are here at the historic Swedish American Hall that you are something of a closet historian do you want to tell us a little bit about what your favorite SwedishAmerican what connects you most to Swedish American history you can feel the ghosts of Swedish passed out here you know it’s not just the ugly ones like the inventor of the meatball and 900,000 years of them being confused with Switzerland
Play click and just did just generally going like
like all those meetings had to happen here
what are do you what what do you think what do you think separates Sweden from the rest of Scandinavia
cuz I I dropped out of college I don’t know
RhymeZone
find show tonight and just started with you I know how many ants in your pants fell down like a little baby all right makes feminism makes you makes you a feminist be when you realize because men can AJ out like like like better like I just like you said was like eight guys still working in porn it’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not talk about it later but you really like watching a lot of miles you log the more you keep seeing the same eight guys and then you’re like you’re seeing was still like five hundred women a minute and you’re like this is not a fair Society
it’s it’s it’s like you got us all roads lead to Rome what role do you think the man should play in a pornography
ideally
can we please can we please please please have a moment to talk about incest
and how ridiculous it is is there always has to be this like fucking mention of my step daddy that’s not why I googled this shit
daddy daughter in the title and then it’s like my stepdaughter
it’s the taboo taboo taboo is it it takes you Across the Threshold into a world where you can become pure animal I just I don’t want to think about my mortgage I want to talk about the police don’t want to think about fucking Bill Maher I do anything about Jay Leno and Fruit Loops I want to think about you clean the gutters down here at harmontown we’re going to take you into the realm of taboo
I’ma I’ma I’ma I’ma pouring sell it now cuz I got a divorce and I’m like totally into pouring like I and I have been hearing me in the podcast I’m like I’m like I might porn porn porn porn porn like like like the thing is like Awakening me to like this weird disease that we have in this culture we were like oh we do it weird that we don’t understand it look like watch porn with your girlfriend on a date tonight just just just just just go home to your bed
and I just say let’s do this is a bit cuz Dan Herman said
I understand just like fucking like set an hour on your iPhone
I’m during that hour the joke is
try to get the other person to break up with you
by searching for things on PornHub premium
play Tristan and and and if you make it through that hour
fucking marry that person and if you don’t keep doing this process until you marry somebody and then the divorce rate will go to 0% within five years
is the endgame all about marriage is that is that why you’re a jerk because I know what they value
marriage is a placeholder for whatever you value can you say what the weirdest place that you go to important items
I’m in your urine a chips that you were into incest porn where are they have that I am into incest porn
working hot
it started with talking like it started with an I met a girl who’s like talking into it too and I was like I was like we were just like so so and now I’m like oh shit I’m not a monster making sure she is too it’s like it’s like it’s like Strack Strack
I found my Cameron Diaz
I was just sitting in the swamp together like like like what if the gingerbread guy fucking 8 oz of Pinocchio and it’s amazing it I’m telling you just tonight just open the laptop go to PornHub
play new thing have a brother-sister it says plan is now kind of like on my radar cuz I
Brothers fucking sisters just doesn’t scratch that it’s for you yet just not getting there no it doesn’t like
oh yeah oh yeah today’s going to end with you guys either judging me or me becoming president
no it’s going to end with me being a fucking human being and getting away with murder for the rest of my life because I like fucking I love myself I’d rather die in a fucking ditch an honest man going like I thought that was my brother I don’t really want it to happen in real life and for her why do we live in a society where movies are capable of affecting real life that’s a fucking fucked up in the news today is the Matrix responsible for Columbine know you’re the fucking perverts
fuck you like a jerk off to a video of a guy going like Hey sister
yes brother
still there. Really wasn’t really going to happen ever are they Amish
but the hard thing about you by Rolling I got nervous that’s like it’s sex as a walleye rolling because it’s like this energy of like siblings energy of a mom and dad to all those that money from their cabinet
don’t don’t do that why would you do that you’re my step-brother
I don’t know I don’t know what to tell you I don’t know what to tell you to tell him you’re my step sister or do I have to do once you realize you suck my dick
are you serious
Barney wants his Cocoa Pebbles are you serious I believe that’s what Joseph Campbell calls the refusal of the call
it’s what dr. Ruth would call healthy and hot cuz it’s fucking like you’re a you want it and it’s like fucking not what you’re getting at the grocery store what
I’ll tell you what
Dorito sex baby it’s fucking art artisanal
from your from your fucking soul you and I know you want to fuck your brother
that’s not true I know you don’t want to fuck your brother that’s not the point no one here wants to fuck and he’s irrelevant. Then she’s been a real brother fuck her all night long
all right so anyways okay Segway
well there’s another Kenny keep talking about pouring for just a little bit can we I don’t know I don’t want people to be like what we can’t hear the people that are going
these are louder than the book reviews
Moby Dick was great again I keep sorry I keep reading the same book
he can’t get that whale anyways back of the world of porn there’s this there’s this genre of foreign called cuckold porn
yo, let’s follow that train is when you watch
but but your wife is in the crotch with a guy but you you just look using your I know you’re not using your dick you don’t know you just you just sick of fucking your wife so is she sick if I can do it so she’s making another guy and you’re watching she’s cheating on you and your left there watching because you’re a pussy and your spineless and you’re powerless and you just want to worship her sexuality that you know what she’s so fucking sexy you can’t imagine yourself fucking her what could be hotter than that it’s called tacos board
however there’s a Swedish American hall for having a certain that
I don’t I don’t I don’t know how to describe guy that you described
because the video is a you owe me rent and the woman I got like I don’t pay the rent but you must pay the rent
I don’t have the rent and then I got to go like what we pay the rent
that’s the that’s the first cuckold porn
all right okay so here’s the next time now I don’t want to Whiplash you guys but starving starving African children
is that okay so these videos
play I don’t don’t like don’t freak out about this cuz I think I was watching at the airport today and there is like there was like 90 television screens because our culture is our Empire is like it’s flushed with money and was at its pumping electricity and we have a international Hub at the airport and there’s all these plasma screens and on one of them you know there’s 20 football games and there’s like Anderson Cooper’s talking to different people and and then fox fox wilderson there whoever his name is
a great Granite Granite Saskatchewan and then I’ll tell any of the Middle East in the Middle East today they’re crazy we can’t do nothing crazy football football football in Ovaltine and then there’s like always that one screen if there’s enough to that there’s going to be starving African children on the screen I got a loop because they’re at your attitude like somebody’s not paying attention and they’re like Cheetos needs to be restocked and they’re like oh so there’s a Christian Children’s Network things going out there just like like Africa gets going and end
thinking about legs just thinking about it from a television producer standpoint for one second just how will they make you have to in order to get that footage you have to get on a plane
and you have to fly to Africa going to have to get off the airport in Africa
and then you you have all these bags of camera equipment
please write I finish it it’s going to get worse
it’s not really I’m not I’m not in the camera equipment and you have probably for real some food and some food
when’s the last time any of you traveled without a couple of nutrigrain bars
and they’re like we’re going I think they’re like they’re like from the first world and they’re coming here and they’re going to work okay our job is we got a shot list hungry baby
baby with v on face
hungry mother baby on the breast can’t give the whatever I do and unlikely to go and they have to shoot it and you know that they have like fucking probably Pockets like a bowl of nutrigrain bars and like I don’t think shooting and it’s either going to give everybody when they go they’re they’re going to give them food of course they’re going to give them food.
well I’m going to assume that because of human nature but then is a producer I’m also going to assume obviously they can’t give them that food until they get their shots
so I just have like 10 minutes of that whole thing it’s from a from a bird’s-eye perspective it’s like 10 minutes like you have like a strawberry
granola bar in your pocket and then you’re like okay so I’m just going to put he’s hungry
okay can you can you can can you help me move that tree limb left left and then like okay so be clearly so hungry and certainly holds like a silent movie actresses like a candle on top of the camera to give him that. Kind of glimmer in the eye with a key light don’t make it seem like they’re trying
Anna and I didn’t come here with him he flew out of Burbank I flew out of LAX
I got night like with him
that’s not the joke about being raped right mother father
no that’s not that I wasn’t asking about no I’ve got but but but I’m saying like like all right well you get the idea that like somewhere out there there’s like an 8-minute window or somebody’s like like I’m going to remember that day that we gave that kid a gumdrop or whatever and then it’d ruin to the shot
wake word and the money came in and like I said you have to actually think if you’re the most benevolent person in the world if you’re a volunteer and you’re working for the organization your job is to actually shoot starving people and they cannot be
fed while they’re on camera you you fucking connect the dots that that I had to connect today yeah yeah yeah cynicism sometimes needs to be yanked up from the floor and shoved in your face cuz there’s not enough bad thing to feel bad about
so I have to go like hunting for the like the one no I was just thinking it’s just it just seems sad and I rather okay alright old guy I just wanted to tell you the specific cuckold porn where there was a guy a guy comes in Africa called for an end to Starving Children there’s a cuckold porn video where a woman is sitting on her bed in a bathrobe and then the door opened the bedroom door open so there’s a guy comes in and he’s wearing he’s on a hoverboard one of those
and he has a helmet on and it’s black have blinking lights on it and he goes or just don’t
and he comes in and goes hey honey look at me look at what I got me see if I’m a robot and he’s like for real and she’s like what it what’s going on what’s going on because like she’s there all porn actors and they’ve all been told to say certain things at certain times but it’s already fucked up and then there’s like weird guy comes in keeping in after the hoverboard and it goes like I go to tell you your husband he took to this thing like I’ve never seen as just $700 and can’t pay for that and he’s like oh well we need a car anymore
pee pee and he keeps twirling around and then the guy is like I can’t I got to tell you you bought the hoverboard so I don’t know what to tell you as soon as I just goes on and I like watching but foreign people who have never had a single UCB Workshop like
play I need are they good cameras like reunite with your wit. Like the cans of camera would just cut some time cuz it’s like so ever as if they’re just in a circle it’s like the ants Jeff’s button know how to stop asking questions to deny each other what do you mean I can’t do this well something’s got to be done but I can’t do this and it looks like a slightly different angle but it’s a different time we work this out
cuz they’ve been like cattle brought it the the guy is on a hoverboard and he he’s like having a great time on a hoverboard
I know the guy at the supposed alpha male who is not in control of the scene he has lied that because they understand cuckold craft they understand they don’t understand stagecraft and they don’t understand the effect of a fucking hoverboard
that this guy is not going to be the low status character no matter what they do this is The China Syndrome of cuckold porn like it is started and every one of the scene is fuck but the guys that other battery goes like something’s got to get worked out and the guy just keeps like backing into furniture and he’s like I asked you guys like why I’d like to work it out and then the guy says are you thinking how to work this out same way I’m thinking how to work this out
that that’s actual dial that’s actually why he speaks an origami
do you want to go to the center of a palindrome not a good thing cuz human not a good thing cuz you’re like oh wait what wow wow
anyways so what happens well I’ll tell you what happened or is that the butt but the guys are backing into shit in the room and they keep getting startled and he’s got all the status and and then and then he said oh I love my hoverboard and the the alpha guy like is like fucking his wife and he tried to get it back by going like more like a nerd board
but it’s like no you shouldn’t even have a try that he’s fucking owning you like the guy is like he’s like he’s he’s fucking great what would it what is the actual good cuckold porn couldn’t either the woman or guy like you get over here you suck his dick
wake the guy hasn’t got the hoverboard and suck the guy’s dick that’s right San Francisco
looks like someone came in a little higher than you
Guitar Hero impressed with you so maybe I watched a couple of dudes and if I can girl and one guy’s dick tonight
and the look on his face
it looks like he’s like a the kid from Pet Sematary like a tonight like he doesn’t think again he’s not like like me he’s not low-status like he controls the room quite there with the wife say you lick you lick it where they go the other woman will say to the beta males are going that’s the other hilarious right is that
is it then the alpha male always has this other guy is like going down an alpha male that goes like I don’t know if I signed up for this
like for Bob’s in
I don’t know if I sent yeah it’s not a matter of paperwork at this point and it’s that’s a good thing and you should accept that like your hard-on is all the pen and paper you need so what is X3 of this whole thing like I never finished what we started out what you stop the tape on that right
Bob for
space bar
what’s it going to take me to Swedish American hall for having a certain that it’s a great heritage
so anyways
this doesn’t broadcast outside of San Francisco. I hope you’re not
all right anyways it’s tight sweater again thank you ladies
start me every children I got that doctors doctors doctors doctors doctors are terrible people
okay alright I will check Times Square okay so we were talking about we’re doing about New Year’s Eve potentially I hope you guys are okay with a little bit of canery a little bit of profit, create event at Times Square and you were telling me that like the people that crammed into Times Square for New Year’s Eve they wear diapers
San San Francisco is is is is
say I like her style that you heard the second level are infected we got all the tools are you guys hiring because you don’t believe it.
when I go out I can’t… I can’t
we’re going to need to elect a representative to speak for you I something
we’re not we will we will make fun of you if you want to come up come on
again
are wet why don’t you sit there and I’ll sit there and I’m going to lower this and I think I feel like what what what is your name of your pants
come on you follow up
I mean that’s crazy dude to come on say to a youngster
obviously that’s some kind of fashion Thing by Design or by I actually gave that they were ripped when I bought them and they have become increasingly more blowout rue21
fair question yes I am okay do you want to do I don’t look I don’t do this a lot
put your mic down henna dispenser maker drink be a gentleman and make
Nikki where you from
in Marin I believe
what the heck
well I saved and be a gentleman for the first time in his life
Nikki at the dripping
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like a verb you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
how you doing over there a great great Jeff I’m doing great
Island
I’m not going to do this is like a Spice Girls
I got to get with your friends
all right who’s your who’s your Posh Spice where it where is it was your best your BFF that
he San Francisco buddy all right going to get him a male spice Old Spice all right what’s your name is Rob Robin Nikki everybody
if I may be so forward what is your what is the nature of your friendship relationship are you guys just panels or romance thing happening I would have you been
now who plays the father who plays the sister in the
do you guys do you guys were old player do you do role playing

you should do you want to take this one or should I say I think we know who the bottom is in this relationship
I’ll take that but now he’s asking for I make you another one and then she’s a white why now I mean this is all right
I think yourself useful Dance I’m only doing this because you guys are the
I’m only doing this cuz you guys are the cultural capital of the United States and you’re my favorite City Rob how long have you been how long is this been going on Rob I’ve been over here over here separately with her best friend
the plot thickens straight woman and the game and wait wait wait don’t do that. Becca intricate it what it is is that we say that again
give me to give me your best friends but you don’t live with him I was just trying to price through this friend doesn’t make a fireman make me a drink till you piece of shit all right I’ll give it to you just take the drink whatever it was it Rob Roy
okay okay okay
is there a mandate about chemtrails
what what about chemtrails
damn you were talking about New Year’s Eve and I got that people can’t pee as she goes we get it where they were with you you can’t be in Times Square soapy for like doubling down and going for it you sparing us from the explanation of how do you been to Times Square in New York
not during New Year’s Eve in Times Square in front of the store
I’m going to hang a squirt squirt
it’s a new one
then let me tell you about my poor in Spanish
is farmer squirt hangers.com
favorite Nicki week will you say that you peed in Times Square walking us through that would you
Coco boy will we were in Times Square and drunk
add a girl and 70 East at Mike Nikki
take us to Mike eater is.com
so I decided that I needed and around Times Square they don’t let you do that cuz obviously all the Taurus want to so we decided we were going to head off to you like a side road
so I walk off and try to do that and I’m glad I’m doing my thing you’re up against a tree or your hiding on an Alleyway or what does a Time Squares version of trees
c a p and extra car I hear like half and I look up and there’s people in the car
what why are they in the car were they doing in the car parking how dare they
come on
I just got her Broadway and cats she went too far
I think it was a family that was like trying to visit Time Square on their education and there’s a lady just just just peeing on their car on the side of the car and then I turned his half and he was like down the street if your driver’s window you’re out in the middle of the road oh yeah
that’s my girl that’s your girl
how do you want to do is ever close your eyes anymore all right I showed it to you and I and wonderful if you guys want to know you are wonderful and they should buy you a drink later but if you if there’s anything you want to say that burned down the White House and do you want to say what Rob I’m happy to plug buy us a drink later what’s that buys the drinks later. I’ll buy us a drink later I thought it was like a name of a rom-com
oh yeah if you if you if you go back to the history of that broadcast like Jeff was the one that was like it up here
cuz I was in the midst of a point that I was trying to make like I but I was interested in whether or not you guys believe the people wear diapers but now I’m not anymore I don’t know I’ve moved Beyond whether I think we’re finding out that you don’t need to wear diapers you can just go pee in the middle of the road
55th and we can go go get some diapers some adult diapers like and bring them here and I want to I want to make it look like I’ll put I’ll put a pair on you wearing diapers right now no no I haven’t put them on yet I thought cuz also it’s I don’t want to like play anything but it’s not like Steve Steve Steve do you have the you have the diapers out Mary come
call no no no no no what in the shopping what’s in the bag
take the mic Steve. Mike
these are the ones that you said those are the fancy ones
so you put in your mind cuz I know this is like when Paul Rudd finally has to piss his pants he’s going to wear a real fit for men
and then the other one of the other ones are depend for men I mean I don’t say what I think. I really don’t know I think I would think maybe sexier the female the female wants are sexier when they have Frills and the padding
required also maybe Madame I don’t know and I back you up every step of the way if you want to escape a dichotomous world of adult diapers I I’m I’m I’m with you
what’s a what oh you have a Siri okay what can you shout it out before we bring you up here and just shut up
okay alright get up here right now we have to bring her up a WhatsApp please tell me you’re wearing diapers right now I’m at
what is the name Lindsey everybody and move out and see what what’s your theory
well that’s cool you’re only here to give you Siri and no dream is too big
masculinity products fragile masculinity products
Seguin
nested loops
but she’s going to bring you up and then we’re out we’re going to end up doing a show for cockroaches in China
so my theory is that if you if you use a product that’s not Brandy for men and it’s something to do with caring for your body that makes you gay bro exists like you one would expect you out if the dr. pepper 10
aromatherapy for men called beast mode
oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah I mean that’s that’s easy enough to like like they Market test stuff and then they ask men Christmas stocking. That’s like if you get a knife baby carrier that’s cool
like if you get a knife
no I mean they’re made this.
there’s a bulge there I’m sure that’s not the women’s depends right that’s what I was going to say is the whole word am I being an I even thinking that the woman’s dream comes a little different angle but just pee well but it doesn’t even matter cuz like the front there is
you don’t know like what would be your I mean. I’m not I’m not I’m not I’m not I’m not locking horns with you when I say this I just think it’s very interesting because I feel like like obviously capitalism it propagates itself across the the gender gap of there’s all kinds of ridiculous things like these companies all we always should expect them to do is to try to make money off of people and they Market test drive and if men go I want a toothpick that make me not feel good then there’s these two things that are called like
fucker and it’s like it doesn’t it’s not made by the government it’s made by a fucking toothpick company like they’re trying to make money as much as they can like Lake Kool cigarettes give me a break Lindsey Lindsey have you ever worn an adult diaper are you willing to either men’s ones
are you are you willing to go across gender lines and where and male a male adult diaper
that’s my roommate yelling at me
what fruits are not for men to say when we have to consolidate our thoughts but
when you go home and do you like the truth or not for men that wasn’t me that wasn’t Toby I would have I would have been would have been so much more articulate than a Joby you were just shouting across a crowded room like no one would argue yeah but they’re not from there I’m going to be hearing that for the rest of my life
festivals happening at Trump rallies all the
inside the country
do you write cousin your hair
I’ll probably wear one if this means feminism winds
just wins if you say that
oh no hahaha yeah of course yeah I mean I don’t know what it’ll do for gender dichotomy I don’t know what else to do actual empirical experiment I think it’s simply
delete that but I know
they’ve had enough pants down on the road but I I
at least you’re so much more than I thought
we should have got a diaper for your drink
what will just give me the corner
since 1849 to Swedish American Hall
Super Mario hey guys
careful careful
emojis
oh boy
yeah you don’t have to do it don’t feel weird
she’s doing it all right
God damn personal question then be careful don’t hurt yourself get it get the pants Dan have you taken the show pgp before the show I have you got one
that’s why it’s for men
I became bored and I didn’t tell her yourself
and you brought it up here I feel like it’s going to be protecting her or not going through stuff before I do you feel secure are you ready to the coverly want to pee so I’m asking an honest question I mean is do you feel secure enough that if you peed right now do you feel that that that what contains a p i don’t know I don’t know cuz it it feels like there’s a sheet of cardboard wrapped around my
creepy
all right let’s get back to the show
if you want
your pants back on I’m going to put my pants back on cuz I feel like I can’t nobody put their pants back on
the paint stay off this is quite freeing I don’t see the point of the diapers that Lindsay give me the control put the traffic back on Dan you be the experiment leave your trousers off right this is MythBusters territory has everything a male and female experiment right now
doesn’t she doesn’t drink a little question of her actually it feels really nice but I got it. Like like I can’t tell it from unless I touch it with my hand I can’t do it from my comfortable underwear that’s actually a guy that likes glad that you’re asking questions like it’s notable how comfortable they are actually feels nice and I think that it might cuz my big side is like is it is it true that was at like like so adults can like wear these and then you can like could you whale into your pants like like I said just for one like fucking p4dan the night is young baby we’re going to find out
cuz it doesn’t feel like it would hold any of them all right
sit on the floor podcast podcast
I will clear I will clear the Swedish American Hall you guys
I got it so we’re going to win that Webbie
what’s your name young lady if you start to feel like you’re ready to take a piss test you can come up on stage and at the end which is the weather in India
during the show to tell ya when they will see her in a little bit
yeah
this is about science we did it okay so it’s like a it’s like a Nike
it’s like a gel pad
how do you spell icup
now that’s it right now I’m not going to poop it on but but but I am really curious like an adult pee-pee in an adult diaper just hang out
I am curious about that has anybody here it says successfully peeing in adult diaper
what What man does have to say it louder
Professor Sac State rid of a joint can we get complete Swedish American Hall Silence by Applause and actual people who have peed in a diaper in public
that’s 999 people Devin yeah
okay so it’s for real we got that cooking and I swear if I if I if I if I have to pee I’m going to fucking Let It Go and I’m going to tell you I’m going to tell you I’m doing it finished did you bring extra pants just in case no
the real connection singing show I’m a fucking magician
I’m an Illusionist I tell you fucking magic okay when I make a Statue of Liberty go away it’s fucking goes your huddled masses don’t know where they are
did I tell you guys as a stand-up I guess when I was 10 years old David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear and I didn’t know I turned off the TV and I was like I don’t know if you should have done that
I was like 10 years later that I have a lesson
I know you guys are thinking okay well I don’t know I know I know what I’m saying I’m thinking how close are you to pee in your pants improving I’ll drink as much as I can baby somebody bring up like a bottle of water in 9 Iced Teas just so happens I want to talk to somebody that she tweeted me a Amber are you in the audience
Amber
Amber you’re not here
yeah yeah I am by UDF cold feet now do you want to come up and talk
you can come out to Amber okay come on up Amber
all right
the soundtrack
are you going to have a seat here all right Amber let’s get ready to fucking hairpin turn that’s what harmontown so now what is about Amber is fresh fresh off of a double mastectomy Monday so tonight is Saturday and you’re like I’m one of the things you wanted me about is like want me to be whacked out on drugs cuz you’re like this is not an outpatient procedure is it but you’re like you’re recovering and I’m still on a bunch of drugs and you haven’t given it a pain is it is it is it like about this and black I guess one of the first things like so when they when they detect it they just they treated they try to treat it the way they do regular chance it with chemotherapy which is like a flood your body
it’s like chemicals and stuff and so that make your hair fall out if she was sickly and sad and bummed out are you in a relationship husband now I’m just a longtime boyfriend Twitter like 8 minutes ago cuz I was like I’m coming to San Francisco and just like I like I said that’s what’s great about Twitter if you will and tell me when you don’t want to talk but like like go back to the for anything was
happening any any of this and how long ago was that of this year
at the end of September
feeling like a weird feeling and so I started feeling around and I felt a lump and I went into the doctor and they did not tell me when you say then I felt a lump what is a weird feeling is not normal like when you washed or do they just like you’re feeling like like like like like that so then you started like investigating and then you feel a lump under the new go into the doctor and I go okay and so from there through the narrative test results came back that it was invasive ductal carcinoma and they said that they wanted to start out with chemo
and I did that but I only went through three Cycles because it made me so sick but I was just
tired of it so I said let’s just go ahead and do the surgery so chemo is an attempt to like shrink it down in the game there’s some sort of like elephant in the room of like the mastectomy right like like like like July is breast cancer is that how it works at their like
what was try all these things that we have to try before we do the mastectomy is that the idea then there’s a chance that it could have spread to the rest of your body so that’s why they want to do the chemo and everything is double so at some point you’re finding out that it’s no no it’s just I have so much family history and I don’t want to have to go through chemo again so I took over late September maybe a pretty early sink or do you think you got but yeah until you that you said this to do it and do it before it friend thank you so much for coming up here and talk about this
but if you feel that thing ever becoming conscious effort our culture celebrities involved cuz we have to wait for celebrities to have to go through another stuff that’s like what I’m 43 years old I remember in the 80s like this is not a new thing but what’s new is the idea that we are
I like to talk about it and it’s very like I this Minefield that I want to wander into if you’re willing to with me it is like cuz I don’t understand women’s relationships with with their breasts and I like I like the mastectomy effects that cuz I don’t understand where your relationship with your own breasts
and and where your feels like those are a connection to like other people or like a terrible interviewer but I’m just like I want what I want is for somebody to talk about or educate me about like what is like there’s no analogy like men have prostate cancer I’ve been up to stick Euler cancer but we can walk around with like when Mama and I have like like a ton of friends who are and there they feel great about it it it like in and there’s no such thing as like it it’s a always wondered about that just like like from 13 years old like this focus on these things and what can I stop talking when they went in and took everything out they also put in this deflated balloons and after everything heals
so it stretches like every couple of weeks you go in and say at a little more once it gets up to the replacement
oh okay
that issue that you were talking about that Amber did you know like like are you out of the woods right now are you waiting to find out like like like if you’re clear or in remission or anything or
everything they took out of me they sent to a lab so
Williams I guess we’re waiting to see if I have a friend whose mother went through this and like there was it was it sounded like
like there’s stuff that needs to be done at 2 to be candid about it like like fix my my friend had to help her mom like extract like puss liquid but I’ll show you if you’re not afraid of blood I am afraid he’ll pass out why it wouldn’t be podcast worthy but but but the
but the personal experience that I know you just did you just your husband have to help you
I’m kind of tapped out of like I like like a really like I want another putting balloons in their inflating these things are they going to get a tattoo as their tattoo thing they do in the house and that you’re going to you’re going to walk out of this with like pornstar boobies
I could possibly get out of here
try to come up here and
where is a new people are dropping $10,000 for those things
is there I mean I was pretty amazing like like like she had uterine cancer and she didn’t talk about it and she died when she finally when we knew she said it was in her brain and that was because you didn’t talk about it because that was a personal thing and I like as I hate cancer makes me angry to even talk about it supposed to be a hard line to bold stance it’s like it was amazing it’s like people when they’re young I will get it talk about it and my mom didn’t really like chairs like happily that people can talk get in front of it so I can get get a get out in front of that train is very cool is this still the number one way
have you become a cancer expert in the in the injured in the interim I know people get cancer another become cancer experts
National rice ever back in the 90s it was like the number one killer of women and I don’t know if that’s changed and if that’s something to high-five about or not if it’s the number to killer of women butt
alright we get your own podcast
you know what are we doing
is there like like in terms of like like like oh we’ll hear something I’m really curious about cuz you say well just take the other one out like I don’t know if I can’t deal with this anymore like what are the exact kind of cancer is that typically the end of it all or is there do you have to live with that shadow in your doorway forever chances that it could come back or something else to come back without any issue there’s nothing for it to really grabbed onto but I guess but I’m not worried
is there a
I don’t want to make fun of them for a plotting that but I also like I said they’ll make him make fun of me for so many things but what
what in Lake
like what what what when you when you’re when you’re when you when you so you get that change and then you get that diagnosis then you’re you’re confronting that threshold are you going like holyshit the stakes just got higher like there’s things that changed your life like fundamentally like details like anything like I started feeling differently about my stapler my car my garage my dog anything you can think of it was like a flip I just in a rush to make sure it was all gone. All went really good family is your family there for you or was that not a factor I mean they all live in Indiana
where’s my boyfriend really that’s awesome good for him is here
what’s his name Keegan Keegan Keegan good for you
that’s amazing
I have friends that went through all alone and they did it all on their own and then their family came back around like but like when they went through the hard part of it like that first stage of ocean what’s going on they were completely on their own but it’s it’s awesome to have when you were did you have relatives that got sick in any way before that and you were you handled that with a plumber like by their bedside and like it was sick this was a part of life and you were fine with that yeah yeah it so and so you had a support system when you when this happened and you didn’t have issues with that like I don’t want people to see me sick I look terrible I feel bad about me because I don’t feel that bad about myself
but what about your living here what are you doing here
I run a donut shop and I don’t want this to be my commercial divulge anything about yourself. What you do for a living
are you a nerd shaving her boyfriend
I know I know I was nerd drooling I was like a gooly that’s a keeper

if you’re mocking of what a nerd
I work at you what you work with cats yet
yeah I’m the one that can get through to all the really angry and grumpy tabs if you live in the area if you need your cat boarded cat kamp-rite first two words are pet chance
the last you wear their cat Safari you want to try and go for it when you’re going to drop off your Cash Cab
Punjab chat Safari that right okay
if your event that doesn’t help us don’t worry that’s fine we’ll we’ll also just feed her and
breakfast and dine
will waive little mice in front of its face
Pet Safari camp
camp at Camp cat Safari Safari in your face extremely athletic women thank you Tambor
thank you so much
make sure she’s
I’ll tell Keegan cool boyfriend thank you Kagan
I love 20
don’t diminish key to the phone today and we don’t know if he’s a good boyfriend or not we have no idea let’s be real
we’ll find out at lunch from now and I’ll bring chicken up here and give him a diaper we’ll find out oh wait wait wait wait Lambert we did and I was like oh fuck like we got to bring her up and like I just like her a plum like I don’t even think I just like
I just have to unplug my heart from the whole fucking thing like I said I knew I knew that she had to be up here like but I likely I was like I don’t know how to fucking process that shit but still like she’s fresh out of the fucking process so I have no idea like like like like what is your fascination with questions about it then like you want to know you’re worried about yourself so you if you can’t help it internalized when you see somebody going to that you wonder what you would be like going through that yourself like I was want to know if people want people to treat me or email me at stuff like I like I’m I have this or I’m going through that like I was going to talk to them because I’m fucking coward like I don’t have it had problems yet and I’m like terrified if you send that to my that you came down with some horrific you know I would make it everyone’s problem like my ass
cross America in Gaelic
I’m not I’m not saying if you have a go fund me that that’s that that’s not
those are good there’s a guy back there that I hope it’s not right
don’t be sorry I want everyone in the world to last but don’t be sorry that you’re not Ron funches sir be sorry that you have that I laugh and aren’t I was in a plane I was on the Southwest flight from Burbank to Oakland he slept the whole time didn’t get it once
yeah yeah fuck you funchess sonax you know it’s all an act he doesn’t really giggle
is filled with whatever the opposite he’s making mimosas and he said he’s not I don’t think he’s calling it branches with such as it is whatever it’s called I’ll see you all there
Spencer did I do the double mastectomy lady interview right yeah okay bring the person up and let him tell his story right there’s no I didn’t do it wrong I mean you know I was a little heavy I was heavy-handed I was you were high-handed by what are you yelling out store
yelling out again
now you know I was looking over there
that guy was over a laughs you’ll never know what he’s like others
what was that sir
what’s up he said just hurry up and grab your friend hurry up and try to catch things are designed to hold damn how do we know if we’re here as a scientific I asked for what it is I’m going to pee I guarantee I promise you what time is it how much time do we have in 40 my pants tonight
that is a Hermantown guarantee
Dan Wesson self how much you guys pay
okay yeah you guys if I don’t even want to know
whatever it is I’ll give it back to you about side
how much is a dance Rich if Dan doesn’t see himself in the front of your people he was going to go outside and he’ll write you all as personal check outside freezer how you holding up man way past my you guys hear about these Chinese murder vans
no seriously though you guys hear about these dick switches
what’s the difference let me tell you Jeff it’s a switch for your dick
you put it you please return sure it turns your sperm on her off you shut your sperm right off
well let me tell you the implant a subdermal switch switch right near scrotal Sac I saw the Facebook diagram of the whole yeah hey baby let’s go to my place real quick to wearing a condom to a party right we all did that great in college would like I would like I don’t want my fertility to be a binary decision I want there to be an air scoop on the top of my dick that they are warboy can spit gasoline into
I want my sperm to live with the warboy that was a thing of the guitar player in front of the thing that was on that buys ecards
thank you lady I don’t know what you said how many how many women in the audience by Applause have I don’t even know if this is still the phrase this is the phrase my mom used to have your tubes tied that’s guys yeah it’s hard it’s a lot rougher on with nothing from out there
yeah it’s really hard
Oh I thought you meant ride it was like a common thing my mom like like like to get a hysterectomy right isn’t that even easier if you try to take
and yet you have to have a shit ton of children
well Center one to blame
to Enlighten post-reproductive women in jail
one man leaves ashamed of ourselves but your raggedy how many how many how many men in the audience at the end of the question you fucking uuu specialness addicted millennial
how many minutes
it’s got a it’s going to have to be harder than that one millennium
are you ready so you were getting the leap on okay I’m sorry sir he knew where he had yeah
did have a sperm extraction what does that I mean I know is that sounds like but what does that mean it sounds amazing
I had one today on Southwest flight 255 hour
do you have any spare money on the side just in case
in the freezer your freezer or somebody else’s freezer just next to the piece is the vasectomy cuz reminder standing is your sniffing the conduit between the apparatus is generating sperm and the apparatus is shooting it out right yeah that means anytime you want
we’re losing a lot of people
it doesn’t do schedule Mormon
nnnn anytime you want post vasectomy you could go in like 5 years after a vasectomy and say I want a sperm extraction right is that yes or no
right but yes is the sperm are you by any chance you’re willing to come up just for a second I just talk okay have a couple vasectomy questions
her diaper run very very light Applause because people don’t want to make it a competition between with a double mastectomy lady you don’t want like he’s not John Henry
I understand but you don’t have to make him feel like a fucking Pariah hello man I have face blindness all right
it’s called alcoholism
vasectomy keep making sperm
we lost Jeff
if I can’t if I can’t have a podcast I just learned what I need to learn
doesn’t that terrify you know it’s fine it’s great wait wait wait wait wait what terrifies you Dan about that cuz I’m a child cuz I feel like they’re down there they want to go out so you you feel sympathy for those traps per person
it’s safer in there ever been a benevolent God yeah I’m sending them to the store and don’t want them hanging out my very short and then just hang out and do the fluids of the fluid that constitutes your come seminal fluid that’s not love it coming it primarily comes from the seminal vesicle in the Cowper’s Gland just up in your open up in your body is not in your balls your parents are like the factory factory keep going and then you’re cutting off the assembly line like that it’s just like oh that’s where that’s where the Prius is made and the chair doesn’t rust and that hurt you all the time awesome
oh yeah that was a great high five the weirdest Hi-5 I’ve ever seen him okay okay so you’re talking about sniffing a line okay so these are used to going up through a tube until they are they still trying and then hitting a sight I had of sexy when I was 27 so it was a long long time ago and you can get the Reversed or you can do an extraction which is what happens when you’re coming
we’ve been waiting for this whole time and then I go in there like there’s a wall
is every new ones get made the next day sperm don’t think though like at all
been on my bumper sticker says
sperm donation
alright okay do you want an adult let’s go follow that guy ever spread with you ejaculate inside a woman like that there’s a hundreds of millions of sperm I think there’s like a certain number and like there’s like the statistical number of them that they they get distracted by like a calcium deposit cuz they look like dorable it’s a fucking like it’s just a deposit other side I think it’s adorable
I think they’re little man that I think that’s funny that they’re like well I’ll do anything to accomplish my goal and they have the numbers until they get it done but they don’t want to they all died and it’s funny Matt Funny Wyatt 27 did you guys have that done so I got married when I was twenty-two and had a daughter when I was 27 and then decided not to have more kids so I got a vasectomy and then twelve thirteen years later got divorced and my fiance and I are going to have kids
I took have you already are you at your trailer now so my sperm is on ice and at some point that will happen in the future you can see at Lincoln Center in Washington DC it’s a long will it take for my life Mary Lou Retton
mice Purvis
Let it go Let it go I have an annual subscription I said I have to keep paying them like Netflix from Frozen
all right so you’re going to be clearly I do
we’ve got to start now
is she related Jeff is we we we we we we took the show Across the Threshold we went down the road of Trials we met with but certain truths we atoned with fucking death and resurrected with we met with the goddess who is the goddess point of diapers diapers
I’m almost I don’t excite people but I’m like I just need a little more time and then I feel like I know I can pee in my pants
damn it is if it’s my day I wasn’t looking for ways to pee
but I I thank you
here we should do push I hadn’t thought of that I’m 43 years old and I’ve never tried pushing
no I was going to say we could do a Q&A because we’re never in San Francisco but I guess you and I that sounds fantastic
I’m not being sarcastic sounds good alright well there’s now there’s probably not out to give me to find people do we know if we have a wireless mic here and she went to the drawing board I can make a key when I happen to believe me I can make this happen only thing I want to talk to you
are you going to be easy mid-conversation be like Wednesday did he drowned in Camp
but you look exactly like which is why he’s always so nice to you
I’ve been wearing it while you’re watching it or you like this is great I love learning about the Hip Hop
founding fathers there’s Eazy-E oh he was so hard dr. Dre seems rather innocent
others Ice Cube parently he was the genius of the group
there’s some guy named DJ yella there’s some other people Eazy-E play He-Man he really did bad yeah he’s evil is evil I got a boy that I never actually knew they were great they were great and great people that seems a little unfair
are you saying you want to Freestyle right now
how would I steer you feel about that that film I mean when you start peeing you have to wrap while you’re busy I guess you have to use a freestyle freestyle
I’m a from the street I want to put a beat on while your pants get peed on yo
yo man if I pee in my pants
it’s not about urination
it’s about coronation coronation it’s about granny fucking shit I was just talking I do you know I wanted
if I can interrupt your honesty I understand you trying to be respectful but will you call me mr. T there’s another guy that’s called though
do it in spite of contention
is it not true that he was mr. T before you were Ice-T and it doesn’t hey look man Columbus was American before Muhammad Ali but I don’t know who I’m betting on
in the third round he made no sense. This is business
all right in a couple minutes I’m a I’m going to urinate in my adult diaper
I can feel it I can feel it but I never got that second one or so. Or fall in the show goes too long
we’re going to stay here I don’t care if we’re here until Thursday you’re going to fucking wet yourself
they might can’t do it that no somebody’s boobie Mill water safe
any personal but she didn’t give me that water for personal reasons
business
the the digestive business small intestine absorbs water but most of it makes it through your ass
comes out your urethra
as your muscles deteriorate past the point with Darwin’s laws expected you to live
hopefully that XXX straight waste can be absorbed
I have a question as to how do kidneys work
do kidneys look like the police
always trying to filter everything you know like you take care of you taking liquids and all the impurities
if she needs is there to Russell them up put them over the hood read them their rights take him to jail the treat him nicely what’s the difference between a kidney and liver difference between the local police and the Department of Justice
sometimes the liver needs to be used to create a commission of oversight as in the case of Rodney King in Los Angeles had to come in and say kidney what are you doing
well we need them you need to get a temporary injunction
what is what turns out turns out that a lot of people is not popular thing to say but what what is lapd’s doing pretty well since then what is the what is the function of the bladder then the bladders just hold the baby mother
that’s just the bladder so I almost just peed a little bit
I need complete silence for this
thanks ladies and gentlemen
the MGM Casino and Hotel
what does panda Swedish American, you’re about to watch a man I will tell you the minute the liquid leaves and I’m pissed
what’s the weather for my pass
I’m pissing I’m pissing right and how is it a hole in it
I’m still pissing I better say
are you telling me you can’t see anything
this is the fucking greatest another
you guys this is fucking a game changer
what’s that sir
how did Chuck Yeager die painted so yes thank you I approved the fucking I just fucking fully took a full piss in my pants
how heavy is a diaper
no no
I just told you there’s nothing and I’m totally comfortable
when you to pee in your pants and you want to hang out
free promotion
real play T-Pain radio
real fit underwear
and to go you could be anywhere you want I’ll let you know you can see inside your pants at Wendy’s give it a chance that you want to break the gender barrier you can see anywhere in here if you want to go to be going to be tickety-boo
search phone for a while so it’s a box for a dollar
figure it’s time to Swedish American Girl doll 10 no defense. Crap I just wailed in my fucking pants and Robbie and Nikki Giovanni
are you still here now or not why I could tomorrow if you want me to
could you play Moon River
are Jeff Davis
let’s take a San Francisco schedule driving us
Jennifer Nicole Stratton I can’t get in here I think I could go get a loan right now
I guess I can I get to open a zoo
I guess I could take it to anyting
I dressed in my pants and now I’m heading to in dancing I pissed in my pants I can feel a little bit goddamn I like I got my name is m c p i t where you can see I go and my diaper you see going to head up to the front of the East and the West
Crooked River just get with you tomorrow
I guess I guess I’ll just keep loving me
I know it is a but I will say that lady is not wrong it’s heavy and saggy feels weird but but but it’s worth noting that there’s no it does not you would expect me to start crying like I should start I should be crying right now I should be like you touchy-feely what’s wrong
play I don’t want to not trying I have no reason to cry

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