Episode: 230 – LIVE From SF Sketchfest 2017

Episode

Episode: 230 – LIVE From SF Sketchfest 2017

Description

Fascism comes to America and Harmontown susses it out with the city of San Francisco. Watch the video at harmontown.com! Become a member. Original music made for Harmontown by Titanic Sinclair.

Transcript

San Francisco sketchfest
hello hello Spencer how’s it going
there is no one up there I was going to get mad and walk out. I was told the house was fun thank you so much San Francisco for having us
thank you
now I’m hooting and hollering for you I hope you having a good sketch press Jeff just walked off the job
yeah we are here in the Marines Memorial Theater and hotel I guess there’s rooms here is anybody staying here at the Marine Memorial I have I saved them but I guess it’s a small enough place that the one person that stayed here just probably various Saint nobody number floor are you on sir
he wants a horrible creepy figure out just by using Wikipedia I was trying cuz I was like oh Marine I didn’t you do you get nervous when you get to a veterinarian I like you don’t want to offend or do anything you wouldn’t want to stand in a room that was sacred to a branch of the government and just talk about your fucking self and how many people were at your inauguration you I wanted you want to respect
I’m doing exactly what if there’s like Marines under the stage like in Skyrim or they’re just like a soldier ghost are going to go like you fucking defiled me now fight me after I was going to be an all woman’s podcast that’s going to get way more people
sad
apologize my favorite chart was the numbers and it was like the first Obama inauguration at that the there was something else and then the second of Obama inauguration and then something else it was something else you ladies are to be proud of yourselves
you are something else out there you bedazzle democracy
I conjugate is our old friend and there was a visual Graphics there like there were two abama faces they were identical and there was like a female symbol in the middle of a little grumpy Donald and there was nothing between the grumpy Donald which was on the bottom and end of the bottommost thing above the whatever cuz you look to the grumpy Donald which was on the bottom like how many people wrote The Rails that day in DC or whatever 11 or whatever and then and then right above it average work day. That was my favorite graphic if it’s a lie
I love the guess what’s supposed to be getting fake fake news just so I can just put fake news in a rock and just throw it it’s probably not untrue I don’t care anymore I don’t want to I don’t know what it look like on Twitter and which is the greatest place to be in the world big because like you’re going to get so much done there because it’s like I’m not saying I’m just sarcastically berating myself why am I doing this just like I feel like a piece of shit and I want to fuck your fucking stupid why have you done this to me fuck off and then there’s a really think she’s people that just go like better than who
and I just like a fucking find yourself arguing with them will meanwhile there’s people going like Amen brother high five and you don’t respond to that it’s like it’s like my life has become community like I’m not going but I’m bad I’m bad at show running Anarchy you like like like I should just thanking people as we go down like thank you thank you thank you I’m glad that you I’m glad that you also I feel that this is fucked up but I I I found tonight Dustin Marshall our producer like Turned us on to this Twitter account that is at Trump underscore regrets and it’s it’s so feel so bad good it’s just like it cuz it’s just everybody that’s just saying to Donald Trump like what the fuck are you doing
and it just makes it just like it is feel good and you shouldn’t feel good but but it’s like the my favorite ones are not the people that are like what the fuck are you doing you promise you throughout the Mexicans are my birthday that’s not he’s going to be there going to be a return customer they’re going to be like all right now that’s better like though they’re they’re taken care of but the people that are like your times you pussy
how old are you cuz I’m a man I like that I’m like yeah I like like like because that picture that you saw in your history book of Mussolini and his friends at the lake part way through World War II as Italy didn’t make it all the way in the end
even though they can literally invented the guys like the word fascism even though like Hitler kind of he kind of nail don’t have Spencer how are you guys
yeah Hitler was great I mean from the start it was better than
classic photo from the end of fascism in Italy it is Mussolini and his various friends his Entourage to his to his turtle and his mighty or whatever their names are a drama and ee ee ee pants and they’re upside down because they’ve been dragged through the the market has been hung up like me and and the people standing outside them like going to the Liberals are dead or in prison they’ve left they’ve been they’ve they were rounded up and shot I mean like fascism just each through your country like a cancer and then it eats itself cuz there’s nothing left to eat does it in record time it’s a modern disease it it shouldn’t be dismissed much like anorexia is like there’s people that dismissed Eating Disorders because I like like a bad person
oh I can’t find an anorexic in Africa so we should just miss this though it’s a modern like thing that’s like Jermaine to like this particular context fascism is only possible in like a modern context a post-industrial context where it’s like people that get poor that that that have been promised Utopia they start to get freaked out and disgruntled multiculturalism scare them things this Christmas is going to be like last Christmas that’s the that’s the first thing that happens that’s basically what it is cuz I got a BB gun last year this year I got Optimus Prime what the fuck is happening that’s the beginning of fascism that’s the potting soil and you just made me sad about George Michael
the very next day again that’s what I was thinking about a BB gun but anyways satisfied and then and then some it’s like you can’t blame the funny guy with the funny hair that has a plan it around to distract Everybody Eats it all of us we’re all to blame it’s like like late like its it just becomes this weird saying it’s an infection that sets in what is my point what are we going to do I don’t know what the fuck we’re going to do the like why why do you need to hear this from me you’ve been thinking about it all day we are we’re at we’re at we’re all watching it happen like what would just we just keep feeling like what are we supposed to do like our legs are twitching like to grab a rock what does the rock do
what who would I throw in that do I wait until there’s someone to throw it at it might be my thing for my my friend
I like to see some papers
it’s a thing like Jerry Brown our beloved Governor he makes a speech and he says like listen man they’re not they they can’t come in here they can’t take anybody that’s not going to happen to live in the same species like Plus silver lining Monterey
call Mommy he’s psyched us like I don’t understand all of us I think everybody is like walking around a weird days because we’re kind of like we’ve never ever ever ever lived in this world like we’ve never lived in a world that feels to us like ants in a history book like we’re just you just open up your phone and it’s just like all Goodwill’s are closed
oh wait I was about to buy pants and then live like the head of Goodwill then starts a different account and goes
Everybody follow the head of Goodwill and then it’s gone and then I don’t know what to do now it’s freaking the fuck out we don’t know what to do where do you live and how do you move I do know that that the line I don’t think it’s my last line I do know that I will die for my housekeeper I will I will I will meet you outside my house
I know she won’t want to meet at my house though cuz it’ll be like this weird conflict of interest
my respect for her it’s because I’m a baby man that the like most Californians like lives at the mercy of blowing Multicultural fucking like it’s arterial flow like everybody from every country that ever has any problem that’s running from something hiding from something that hasn’t found what they’re looking for you. They’re supposed to be able to come here we’re supposed to be the hotel lobby of the world that was are gimmicks Edisto monarchy we hold these truths to be self-evident we barely need to save them but here’s a giant fucking contract you could have like three hundred years from now we hold these truths to be self-evident I can say whatever the fuck I want I can do whatever the fuck I want but what about Barron Trump
can she come work over here you’re a piece of shit you should fucking cock sucking piece of shit what you want to just follow this SNL writer for the rest of her life haunting her to make sure she just killed herself
what she can’t she just go work for another shity person you don’t like are you afraid of all the people that disagree with you douche it whenever they want you will be left alone watching Gomer Pyle in your basement like it is what it is and that’s the only thing that we have the same with all of these fucking people every time you get in a fight with somebody online always if they’re not a Russian bot greasy troll that’s just like you know they’re shaped like an egg and they just like they’re terrified of women and their so fucking mad
guy talking to my girlfriend picture of her and a group of guys in digital reality or standing around your girlfriend going like it shouldn’t abort or Southern
doing
but then you’re sexist are you fucking out of your mind it’s a photo of her and her mom what the fuck are you doing why don’t you send the word slut the fuck brought that up a comedy show
why I never want to hear you so fucking mad and who are you mad at you are mad at a fiction you were mad at it some propaganda poster you’re mad at some racist fucking drawing you start a hustler like you have been told that you are paying for abortions you’re paying for welfare your money on your money’s going all these poor people motherfuker my money’s going to everybody mine and Alec Baldwin to Tina Fey’s like like the 1% California pays for everything
and work beer with red and blue
Amber Richard H Christ well that’s not a
he was he was notoriously broke his 1090 of Turin
a lot of miscellaneous income let’s face it really Render unto Caesar we don’t know
turn water into wine I’m pretty sure you can claim home office space
you know where the cabins were
I want to say where was I but I don’t want to know where I was I I want to make you hurt you were slowly descending into madness like like like so it is popular thing now that we’re all encountering we’re all saying like he just pulled out a doodoo and said like this isn’t a doodoo what’s a candy bar in ate it but we’re going like he’s mentally ill you should get him out of the most powerful desk we have available he might mistake anything–for anyting the most people like what do we do and you just you can express that as a person who did Hillary Clinton maybe voted love Bernie Sanders maybe you love Jill Stein like like you do meaning you first weird fever dream second thought Donald Trump was a good
you can just be a person just saying okay now I think this seems given the stakes involved with this Corporation I think we ought to examine all of our options and just look at what you’ve been doing and this the end and honestly I know you don’t have to take your hands from behind your back there’s no rule that says you have to it’s weird that you won’t and we’d like to see what’s in your hand is Damian would like to see what’s in your hands
because you’re very you seem very proud that there’s nothing in your hands and you said you’d show your hands if you want and then you said I’ll show my hands after the audit you sound show my hands never and then your fucking weird Nutcracker dressed Decepticon ship
when I Meet the Press and said okay now he’s going to show his hands on Sunday morning after brunch and then you said no I’m not and I don’t know what the fuck is in your fucking head you the fucking president the fuck is your tax report a different ports are you distracting
the tiny hands thing I mean whatever I feel like I did if it gets to him what to do it but like I’m like if we’re talking about is if that’s a small dicks everybody like the guy they’re going to make him rush is going to make traps do their bidding it because he’s got they got to pee pee videos
they’re fucking geniuses
but who among his followers wouldn’t just start saying peas delicious like what why wouldn’t they are the Obamas I’m putting my running my very easy to run Trump simulator truck fan simulator which is a 16 kilobytes and I’m going fucking Hip Hop Hooray like like like that’s what I want in my trunk I want him to pay the hookers to pee on the Obamas Hotel bed if he if he’s gobbling the pr going like I love pee. I love pee like maybe maybe
like maybe it would flip them we’re waiting for his fans to flip his fans don’t flip his fans are fucking wine stain or like they don’t turn into a ice cream staying they don’t like there’s no
committed to such a degree of psychologically criminal fucking treasonous toxicity you there’s no fucking anything they have committed so long ago to the idea that they are simply sick and tired of being told they’re stupid and wrong and so that like proving them stupid and proving them wrong is it’s like shining sun on birdman he was a he was a superhero character in The Seven is he got his strength from the Sun and I should have picked something else
is it is there a chance that somebody like me as a fan of our show brought their Trump supporting father and mother here and leave it sitting there were really uncomfortable
anybody in here that that was willing to to in the interest of of connection of stuff I would go I would offer you the utmost verbal and psychological and spiritual protection if you were willing to come up here and be a voice for the other if I understand absolutely if you don’t want to and don’t force yourself if you’re on the fence because the truth is we’re all the end of the defense doesn’t count but if somebody was passionate okay sir. So if you want to come up here and all right I didn’t know that was going to happen
buzzr what’s your name
my name is Zane Zane or at
I feel like my dad said like like total respect for coming up there and then I can come up here and like I said this is just a safety zone where we’re not going to do no just take a giant crap on it yeah but also we can’t make any promises for the audience who is a group of uncontrollable people but I have a solution yeah this is what I thought was the case
because you might still count under the circumstances I would say no I started a software project to end suicide within our lifetime all right well you high road us week
to help inner-city children I do them pretended I was drunk that again I’d a machine learning algorithm that will monitor your social media episode and I from there we have the version 1.50 easy easy version 1.5 where a medical health professional will get in touch with you if it thinks that you are the rights of Hulk Hogan theme so you’re saying that has heard elevator pitches for startups with car
I’m not saying it to say I was just saying that’s what I’m realizing this is true yes nonprofit operating next week
what time Somalia I mean that was kind of inspiration for it you know how to win them over these fickle bunch is to tell us what what personal investment you have in this like you have a lot of I haven’t personally experienced one of my family members committed suicide but I have several friends who have and I think it’s a major problem and I think that we have the technology to take care of it we have 10 version sign up right now is just an idea so I’m recruiting everybody that wants to help out with it and if I say I just got home from my job at Universal Studios Theme Park T-Rex has balls needed to be cleaned again I want to fucking kill myself and then this app
there’s a big giant monolithic computer system developed in France a monitor me and tell me that I’m possibly suicidal hopefully you would do that before it got to that point my self who have mental health issues logical part of your brain and I do not know enough about that mine State except that it does deserve like care I don’t want to like Trump over anybody but the obvious kind of internal logic, either a happy therefore not really anticipating a future suicide
reminder for not signing up for this or I’m beat suicidal and therefore probably also not taking steps to write what will have an emergency contacts list that’s one of the ideas of the app so if you ever need to talk to anybody they’ll be a volunteer and so I would say to the told me that you said that maybe like whoa I didn’t you confirm if this is right or not the states of mind to come with it for some people are actually we can just miss them cuz we’re like it’s so chronic so constant that actually some people do have to live with like skipping on that pond and the NFL’s people can go meet you know in a clear State of Mind like this is going to happen again history is taught me and so it’s like I’m putting this padlock on the fridge yet I myself and bipolar bipolar one and I thank you thank you
exactly I have two states of mind I’m actually a Gemini that you you you got you got whoops from the half of the bipolar people who are currently man ever. Question. Let’s in suicide. Calm nice volunteers first version of the app we are basically taking pro bono work on the first version of 0.1.0 which is dedicated to Carrie Fisher
what are the give us a taste of the suicide statistics just to we understand because we don’t think about this stuff is really bleeding cause and mailed death
yeah like they’re up there right yeah I mean Alaska is like he’s just use one of the numbers on a plate but it’s big it’s like it’s a big deal it’s not like you’re a little tiny little version 10 seats and cancer with a narcissist
I jump like virgins like 2 through 9 + 10 is slowly becoming Skynet version 4.0 is like why aren’t you a computer like you you tell if not I got is off of your head and down he’s sympathetic and pathetic strategy by which sounds like a very selfless like very Noble thing I’m not trying to be a dick and I know that that’s not what I need like feedback so smart very very emotionally sensitive intelligent people who are who believe in things that I just don’t really quiet and Brass because
the embassy in their politics I don’t drive so I don’t see the GM position in the problem with the system of the party I noticed you didn’t get paid for that we got to work fast so I guess no results
it’s called new rally you can find us a new rally. You as we think the travel TV think new reality remember did I say my dad is it called 1984 South
yeah and it’s totally her off at this point I’d love for everybody to that has an idea to to to let us know I don’t fucking know what to do it’s like it’s like a disaster movie like it is like we like a cheap sci-fi one with like an 80s pop stars the star like we’re here just like you you there’s not the reason why there’s not as much dramatic shitt happening outside your window is just because why should it there that would cost too much it’s like most of the scenes are just happening in the wild set with Debbie Gibson saying so there mosquitoes but they’re men in in in on Twitter basically for this is the only thing I have time to go to nurse like I said you a congressman today like like not even my own provocative in in in hyperbolic in like brought brought in but you know bravado filled night about how the Republicans have blood on their hands on their their accountable for all this thing and I was just like not being a dick but just
most of us voted for you guys and nothing happened so I swear to God and he didn’t answer and then someone else did. Like what you do is your visit your representative and then you do give your prince take a sponge and you put it on your head and roller skate down the street
these aren’t the solution it’s just that they don’t sound like as a solution to a fortune thread people just go take this picture of a frog fucking the Statue of Liberty and copy and paste it and
I just bought everything I didn’t like that that we know how to do cuz we love to we love to be angry and we love so I can shake pillars we love to like show up for stuff we love to be defiant we love to express ourselves like how do we say we do well when I know basically we’re trying to increase protest protest outside of the US Capitol entirely volunteer to sign up in sign up that’s like why are you laughing I just having a good time
is it is it because if we if we increase protest is it because this won’t leave this room is it because the more we do that the more we increase the likelihood of a Kent State Massacre and can actually start getting things done is that it said that are we are we nothing more than generals have a commanding from behind going like everybody get in the streets and and then to express yourself and knowing is that Hitler is in the White House and that therefore like something’s going to happen like are we are we just at the end of my route
one way or another
I’m coming over
I think is curating a quick evens out he he lied to get up here to prevent suicide
with a specious system that will also include a third party
that will consist of waiting to be killed
so I think all in all a good guy
I don’t think we should hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually and I want to do that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest Phil married like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
yeah I don’t know what to do man I’m on I’m on my elliptical everyday and when you see me for forget to thanks guys
was going to say you are looking hard as a rock Ironsides not going to win because that’s where I borrow a pair up with something
I’m going to forgo the Haagen-Dazs tomorrow yes Patrick Henry yes
I agree absolutely I think I’m an absolute fucking with a heroic a man for being on an elliptical certainly feels like it when I say thank you you Dad when you see me in that last song when it’s only thinking about like I am about it being over the exercise but I’m also just thinking like like oh I’m like I’m going to Elliptical democracy I acted like I have more muscle tissue in my heartless heart disease actuarially what a great metaphor you feel like you’re doing something but you’re going nowhere
just tell it tell me this in Spencer’s Spencer’s if you what do you really like project because a big part of the problem what’s going on we don’t know what to expect we just keep going holyshit they can’t do that they can’t do that this is crazy what do we actually whether you want to project to the end of your life because that’s the only thing I can project too and I’ll go first or if you or if you want to project like 3 years 5 years I like like whatever but all I all I know right now is that I’m going to fucking die like I’m going to die in the street
what
they kill chinchilla when they can but but it will be very difficult and and and they will spend a lot of time cleaning up afterwards and what they can’t do basically is throw us all in prison and so like and it’s like a weird or to start with the killing like even Hitler didn’t you know it’s like exactly what it’s like so democracy comes down to it doesn’t matter who has drones and who has cheaper gas in it has anything it’s just like all the sheep have to decide it’s better to trample then to bleat you know it that it is there there is no bleeding it won’t work and it is bleeding bleeding is for Farmers like Farmers cut the power off to the fences I came up with that on Twitter today was drunk on the plane
and I’m sure of or while we’re in the wind speed be like I came up with that you just didn’t read my book and I just but I feel like it’s like we we are we are we are the majority and we are soft and we buy large don’t pride ourselves on our ability to hunt and kill so but for some strange reason we don’t pride ourselves on being sheep if for some strange reason politically to call someone a sheep is is like it’s it’s to say oh you’re a piece of shit like which for some reason we all agree with that like like like like I know I’m not a sheep I’m a I’m a totally autonomous Trucking thing like I just happen to live in a 300 million member honey home and fill out forms every time I work and and all this stuff like then and get receive all the Comforts and wipe my ass with two play spun by a robot somewhere
no I’m not a sheep logo don’t offend me
there is a vast minority of carnivorous assholes who Pride themselves on sinking their blood encrusted teeth which were throat and watching the rest of us scatter and I just sometimes you see videos are read and things are here in Pink Floyd songs about the concept of soft herd animals just having a fucking nuff and becoming a skirt and just going like guess what we’re the new fence you’re in the middle of a sheet pan that you thought you compromised we are the fence you are feeding in the midst of us you are eating that throat and it will be your last few are going to be suffocated with delicious wool
nnnnn trampled with vegan hubs what was my point
more of that because that’s the house because I’m not a politician and I don’t know how to ship works and I’ve got the congressman’s numbers in my phone and my girlfriend wants to like we’re going to fucking do this shit we’re going to we’re going to go to Kamala what’s your names house every day and whatever the fuck I just couldn’t remember and you could have said Harris more gently like Harris
sure she’s a wonderful person I my girlfriend is like down for that and I all I see in my crystal ball is me outside my home in Los Feliz holding a two-by-four
clumsily like with like one of my dog’s blood smeared across it because somebody fucked with it and like that’s how it started like like like an end and I and I and my butt you do friends and family and anybody that wants protection is inside and I’m just out there and it’s just a big heavy piece of wood and I’m just going
and and and just screaming at them
I’ll wrap it in purple hair that was what was going to hide about that image a I so glad I came to San Francisco I’m going back home assistant in the football shoulder pads
but I guess that if you want to talk I will do those things I promise I will either sound like good ideas I just mean that is I’m answering my own questions first and saying that is where I see this ending I don’t see any other way I don’t I don’t see if if if you can’t say if if if if if NBC in SNL can’t say okay in here private fucking life on her Twitter, like like like but here’s the thing about comedy which is what we do and which is what we’ve been doing so many decades and many president and all your little fupa do obsessive of all your little cultural things we sell comedy comedy is an ugly business
cool or diamonds causes bad shit to happen it’s covered in blood but it’s worth money
and we don’t have to be political to hold the line at comedy at the hold the line at the First Amendment and say I don’t care who enters that shity fucking Gotti neoclassic fucking house we will be over here at Rockefeller Center in our privilege as an Institutional fucking variety show that has defined, d450 Buccaneers that is fucking crazy when that wine Falls I don’t know when the last time it has accepted like firing Norm for joking about OJ but like like like like if you can’t just say I don’t fucking like like this she was suspended she apologized cool it or watch a different show I have a billion dollars something scary is happening why do they bring that up things are so weird in this world right now that you just stood up for NBC
no I ain’t no I didn’t I didn’t know I did not say you were saying that they were the good guys hello in DC created Donald Trump as it turns out the first time buyer diegetically that was so funny whenever I just said none of that matters I’m talking about
she’s not going to be here for us like this is beyond that’s like like like like some people my age make remember like oh Al gauron dangling chance and all nation and crisis and most of us remember Obama getting inaugurated in like a bunch of those guys are going like always a secret Muslim and nothing’s ever have his animal form of this is where we’re different man there’s no parking services like like like just going rogue and going like the Earth is getting warmer in like like lately
thing is we
okay so where do you see it going
so we have a guest who’s been waiting for a while
backstage I think it’s right on time it’s not right on time it’s later than that
try I set an alarm before we came on stage and there’s tell a Spencer how you see this playing out you have 45 seconds
the Republicans are going to have to face a crisis they’re going to let you know they’re already starting to think about it they’re going to say are we going to get in line or are we not and no matter what happens no matter what they decide that’s going to lead to something really bad like the equivalent of a stack or whatever like that until you know Civil War whether or not we pick up the pieces and keep moving forward but I think that something crazy like that is absolutely going to happen like how it turns out the reichstag almost all made out of wood where do you see yourself in that picture you know when I’m making my request
can you even while I’m with a two-by-four that stuff that was insulting me and you think you’re going to be out there with a two-by-four I’m going to have sandbags fucking everywhere hurts it’ll be great
he’s going to be giving classes at the local but I’m not going to take him to be like charge of apocalyptic scenarios
all we’re asking is all we want to hear her yeah man can you can you stand up and show us how you would fight off an attack by a bunch of clothes down the alley PA so you lay down with a towel over your head
can you put a bunch of Cheetos out
alright well okay now Jeff where where do you see yourself in the apocalypse what’s going to happen I got the two-by-fours Spencer apparently has sand bags and I’ll get us guns before 10 I promise I think it might actually get to the to the point of physical revolts I think we are going to have to I think he’s going to start the crying Marshall longitude like he wants to I think are the only one
based on the results of that guy it was it was awesome the LAPD didn’t do anything we just stood there and smile because everybody go anywhere because I read why don’t we March have been over an hour and a half when we were supposed to go to City Hall wearing Pershing Square than what the fuck are coming I know you shut up for a March there’s so many of you it’s a rally you can’t march you’re already where you were marching
what does the worst use call the worst thing you saw I was like act like you were bumping into everybody was so kind and so cool and there were little girls on their mothers or fathers shoulders and like and it was fucking groovy it was really really really really good and you’ve never seen that many people get along in this morning
totally clean everybody fucking clean it up, cuz everybody has to comment on when you say that was the best somebody has to inadvertently or inadvertently diminution and then yeah we will lose all white people that’s like now is because it was fucking women manly like that’s why it was cool
he or she was like black men in the streets would there have been the National Guard out there probably yes I know what am I to do yeah that’s why there wasn’t a sure sure sure. It’s like why are you kind of like are you kind of spectrum in here is this like sort of like like you bleat like people that stay like all unfortunately this won’t do anything because here’s a photo of all these people protesting that Hitler and then they look what happened to take this Instinct that people that are on our side have to equivocate because they want to feel safe I said like that got spiked MVP awards the people that cleaned up like a perfectly look like downtown LA with spic and span the next morning and to the LAPD which is my favorite organization in history
I can be at that time they were groovy and didn’t have a giant police presence and they were in either right but stop fucking peaceful Riot like the idea that we live in a protesting might be bad just by definition is really really really really fucked up favorite comment on

call Angela Tong my favorite, looking at the screen you don’t know who they voted for but everyone was going holy shit that’s the reaction we have to get every time people finally like human flesh scraping building size because they’re just poured into the street
I’m going to fuck him I just like all these journalists going holy shit there’s a hundred fifty thousand and two hundred thousand she was responding and sang I just wish the aborted women could march to
the funniest geysers pets with his that’s someone you don’t trust with a genie
message
the funny V that’s how we have to win we have to be funnier than them if we can’t be funny or we have to be smarter if we can’t be smarter we have to be cooler if we can’t be any of those things we just have to be honest I just have to say I want to do whatever the fuck I want to do how is that sound of an English friend she’s a guest
a disabled guest by the way I’ve been trying to bring
do you know what no finish it finish what you were saying
and Christian everybody Christian will be
alright I’ll secure do we need to do a better job like here in here in and say what you said so thanks for coming back we had you on the at the Outside Lands last number of the Bay Area and
podcast was like lost to the ages there was like a weird we’ve lost it it was yeah I forgot about that so you’re so losing it we lost your promotion for your your charity friends for benefits
do you want to take it from here cuz I sure so we when we when we went Outside Lands we are also promoting for an event that we did is centered around a cartoon show and on Nickelodeon called avatar The Last Airbender and Korra
we had Janet Varney we had Dante Basco who is there we also had
some of the name of goodness I can’t forget forget Mindy Sterling who is the sweetest lady I’ve ever met all my goodness and she loves dogs and John Michael Higgins he is also just a black to be with and even though we weren’t able to be on the the podcast didn’t go out the event was extremely successful we had over three hundred people there and so yeah it was it was great I mean to venue West Gray and just everything went amazing and actually before I get charged with anything Michael wanted me to let you know that you heard you say if that guy and he was wondering when and where
room 402 at the memorial of Marines hotel and actually brought some shirts for you guys are going to stop by Just go with it you made them wait so long it felt like three times
I just got shirts for the nonprofit
but yeah we really just wanted to show them as just a token of our appreciation for everything that you’ve done for us man you really think you would you can buy the shirts on French for benefits.org are on the website on the shirts
they will be available next week behind on our website for benefits.org and I noticed that you have a Ketel One vodka here we actually have a barrel girl she so I just got on the shirt we have a barrel girl where where can I get Annabelle guy maybe someday in the future but the barrel represents sometime in the early 20th century where people were just so poor that they only thing that they could afford was a barrel and if we just kind of make fun with it and we use that as a kind of like our mascot for our friends with benefits on team and we actually brought a girl here today
thank you girl girl thank you thank you every event she needs a better bail yes it she is just
Barrel girl is it better to be objectified by a charitable Foundation
then by private-sector nothing new
he’s been wearing a veritable barrel for 4 at Lee has a degree in coopering is that the business out of the way I want to make sure Lakefront friend friends for benefits like it’s a nice brunch for benefits
bring the car around we organized a sick of this bullshit and we also raised money for other nonprofits and a lot almost as mostly all of our events are here and San Francisco in the city where the where the midst of a federal funding blackout last leg with more than you need on your shoulders Michael you don’t need to answer this but if we do that if we like take up the slack when they because it let me start from one position you personally if you don’t mind answering if I’m prying too much you can say how much of your chair is federal
something like half and the other half is it just through your Barrel girls service
did the state of California so early like like are you part of communities that are
is that all you’re going to
he is
he said Trump is going to excuse my language fuck him over like I don’t know why you’re doing well hold on a second let’s wait and give him a chance he might Trump might come out and go and put the Chicago but I got a soft spot for people for Michael Curcio like he’s not going to do that he’s going to fucking everybody
he’s already made fun of
the fact that you realize that there’s like a like they have a whole thing where they’re like yeah he wasn’t actually making fun of that disabled reporter their justification for it is that sometimes he goes like this when he’s naked in a barrel in the front of an audience I am a human being I am the thing that measures when you’re making fun of somebody like I saw it you know we all saw it like like like it’s what I’m trying to do to get a metal I just curious if you had said well actually you know
that report is kind of a fuk wodney always goes like this when he talks underneath that backpedal is there acknowledgement that it would be bad if you did that
so does that mean that we should all just stop it is they know that that’s bad
I’m not it’s a rhetorical question but he’ll eat he leaned in so I didn’t know it I haven’t answer for that I mean every day we are going out to events not every day but a lot of times we’re going out to events around the city and there’s always going to be people staring there’s always going to be people who don’t who don’t understand but when you put in such a leadership role who represents the United States and is saying stuff like that it’s I mean it’s just it’s boring like that that’s that’s what I Cop 2 is when I when I when I sent that there’s a differently-abled person of the room because I have no idea am I am I allowed to shake their hand you know
you can’t say thank you can also say disabled but I know when it comes to shaking and I say differently abled Nazism sorry
let’s get real fight fight fight like I said
I love you San Francisco when they come
for this podcast they’re going to they’re not going to have difficulty like Sunday or are they going to the opposition party
we’re going to prison or you were actually kind of used to shift away in and terrible things are going to happen
I want to go to prison like I want to die I want to be like I want to be like Steve McQueen Papillon it when we eat bugs and going to be super bad asses Christian down the street if I can tear gas canisters behind us and then just back of my head is getting blown off and then let him manage to wheel Michaels if I can like Coast Guard vacancy for all over him and just rings the bell and fucking pranks bad
you know what I do want to suck you into this you may have voted voted Republican you don’t need you don’t need to video you don’t need to be out in the streets with me when we die
I love that we have a woman on stage right
people cheer for me about to put clothes on but
I thought maybe the barrel is I was like well she can just be right anytime she wants like she’s got a million peas before it becomes a problem but but then I noticed there’s pants underneath she’s not a real Barrel
that logic doesn’t hold up how could our legs work in a closed system coming out the bottom of the barrel like gaskets have cigarettes or a corn cob or something and everyone I always thought because of my particular fetishes I was like they’re wearing tights running looks good now
yeah if you want to if you want to do corn is sexual your legs inside
hey I really I’ve seen have you guys did you guys know that you sadly sent me a link to this so I know you ride to Howard has links during the show just like samurais kill themselves with seppuku here’s how they did it I don’t like I mean that’s not an attack on Steve and we have to get Michael in Russia
there is a I can’t I wish I could refer you to a link but it was like there’s a there’s fart fart fetish like like like like attractive women farting like and
and there’s a there’s a video that I found I was looking for like tights and then that went to yoga pants and then there was a video in like the sidebar of PornHub that was like that it said like hot yoga girl farts in her and then she was like doing yoga and that she was farting and I was like wait a minute and then the related videos I took Saturday
and one of them was a major fall in love with her because she’s like
she’s farting all over you part she’s she’s into farting but then she’s also it was that
Kink shame. I’m not Kinks I didn’t I just give you a t-shirt I just get rid of yellow out of philia
okay
I’ll be right with you Michael this young lady she one of her videos was she’s dressed as Harley Quinn and I mean she’s really dressed as Harley Quinn like she’s committed to the goose one the movie or the original not not Suicide Squad leather I got kind of like skin tight leather but like
and she said she’s not she didn’t like look up Harley Quinn on Wikipedia she’s so fucking into the mythology like she’s like
fill the stadium with what I got inside of me
it’s amazing like she’s talking to you your Batman but if she has you tied up and she’s explaining how she’s going to fart just like I had some sauerkraut Christmas J dripping to handle it either and then she just farted and I you will want to marry this woman I I think I because of just for her so like I it doesn’t matter what you’re into it didn’t take us very early half of the people whose particulars aren’t necessarily they’re jammed make them so happy because they meet them halfway and it’s fun I mean my
not right now you like it more than halfway
she’s like yeah all yes I love shiting on Madeline going to hot tub
that was the lamest like roof of like what it could be sitting on Natalie in a hot tub that’s the name of the episode
all right Michael how are you
fantastic I love that your eyebrows whenever I speak to you like your ear like look like what is it is it at this point like is it a are you indicating like what it what are you doing when you’re like like shooting your eyebrows up and down
Jerry Lee killed his head
timer for Michael for two years now and I’ve figured out that if it’s like I can’t even move my eyebrows like he can of letting somebody know that your magic and emotional bit of any kind of way you got to go like we go or do we take it for granted like we just sit and fuck with our phone and like butt cuz we can like yeah like kind of a pain in your leg ueueueue you have to like it but it is also you’re lucky because that that’s adorable like like like I said like like going like that is like all the way of saying like I’m Into You everybody wants to hear
and then he told me to get in the barrel and then started wiggling identical to Bob guccione you look like a 24 24 24
all right I don’t know what that was like Michael what would you think about hanging out in like playing a little ad hoc jerry-rigged D&D adventure with us
bring it back clean the shit back what if he was like one piece
all right well cool so Christian you’ll stay out and help like like Michael play D&D with us and then okay we going to figure out who we want to be Spencer you down with this I know
I can leave it it’s fine you guys can handle it I don’t stop you
do you want to assign us come up with them someone someone pinch me something it’ll be great then you start being like you first choice like in the kind of archetypes you want to be like a Healer a fighter or whatever like you you
Necromancer yes yes okay great so like a race do you know your race
okay great man grow human human necromancer
just no idea think about it for a bit like it there
do you need any distraught it to 2 to get chickens to eat everything it takes us through a G-tube and so I would need to put my hands down in order to do that you have to put your hands down down I mean I’d have to put the microphone down you have to correct you help him drink okay
I want to know what you will you take me and I’ll hold the Mike you do the G-tube for a great but if you can get me one second I got to go grab his bag wake me up in makeup are characters Danielle you like a cocktail
Are you seriously I mean
wouldn’t you after being in a barrel
okay now that now that Christians gone legs fucking legs look at what it was how much of the day do you spend with him 6 hours leg looks at what time does he show up
5 a.m. 5 p.m. p.m.
current fine
do you have a microphone on I’m looking at that far behind
taking hair like my Newton voices before The Living Years everything what’s the easiest if you want me to fill this mixing cup with ice and vodka like that cool
is anywhere after a big DND like a thunder fan
RZR Barrel girls what was your name again Barrel go I’m so sorry Danielle Daniella is a big D & D fan
okay well Danielle is going to be assuming you want to be like kind of Jesus
I know what’s going on when you’re Ender or winter
I don’t know what I wonder is
I’m going to be the Secretary of Education
I’m also an elf monk Secretary of Education
which one of Michael’s tubes was going on oh my God the best part is he doesn’t taste it that’s also the worst that are crazy
if it’s got fucked up where can I get a I want to get a picture of this process is that okay is anybody to get privacy G are you okay with me taking a picture of it I just it’s like we don’t we don’t get to spend this kind of privacy as much of the concern but but isn’t that so is that like a what do they call it butt chugging like like like where it’s like you’ve done this before you know your limits going into your gut and right into your stomach okay that’s basically the same as drinking it it’s not the same as putting it like a tampon soaked in vodka in your butt
it takes less time to digest
I’ve never seen you like this might go
why can’t you drink it Michael cuz you use cuz you’re using your mouth to speak and and
has the disease makes it so that the muscles in his throat
don’t work anymore swallowing doesn’t work at all anymore you haven’t eaten solid food 10 years
well it’s it is been shity lately
yes they just they’re they proved it they approve this new it’s called spinraza
and so
yeah it’s it’s $125,000 and I mean
yes for a shot and you need six shot it’s basically like donating bone marrow bone marrow’s what the shot is like to treatment. Might actually restore you to eating solid food and hope so also simultaneously disapproving of if it’s used but you’d be like smuggling it in the back door like an X-Men the guy Fishman
all right so I need to learn
and I’ve also been intuitive and I ate and I know for supplies when I hear it
I said you could tell I wanted that
is worse than getting it are organically or not getting it so what kind of well I are no don’t calm down.
I’ll be like a like what what what’s a good Batman boy ya know for sure
sounds like that was pretty popular
great
I guess you’re not the only one that eats through a G-tube everybody gelatinous Cube
very large sizes I believe
so you’re your cube of gelatin how big do you think that what are the dimensions are about 10 by 10 by 10 maybe 15
I’m a giant 2
what is a 10 by 10 on a cube has 10 or 15 by using to do pods so I just make myself clear lake lake lake like a Hanna-Barbera character like kind of like sign language
who else we got is Jeff Daniela anyone
what was that the dark reckoner was it is that as that out like a special specialization
tiefling it means I’m really horny I’m really going to write that down I will freaking forget what that means tiefling
alright alright in Cisco When in Rome.
I can’t stay mad at you you’re so you’re so dear
But You’re vulnerable AKA do you do
trouble you’re not worried about Natalie who keep getting shitted on back in the hot tub to worry about Natalie but I think Natalie signed up for what’s your what’s your name disruptive vulnerable lady

what’s Allison
where can I buy Allison
all right here we go I’m going to be I’m going to come in a combined pieces of what I’ve got here I want to be
a elf Druid finished drouin was seems like a bad thing if you like trees right but I hate I hate when people use trees to make building so I have a tree they murdered my trees I’m at I like to burn shit down as that we’re definitely lacking and kind of types do you want I could change my gelatinous Cube but it’s truly I got the job I came up with is really heavy on hackenslash I don’t know why I’m like refereeing again
she’s made up her mind what’s your character’s name with what’s what what’s your Gerald
why do we do we get Christina character is going to be transitioning from whatever character Michael Ketel One
and what did I say I wasn’t a Druid Hills.
the fire and licker the fireliker
and if I don’t see if I can grab our tomorrow front porch add the fire like I was very disappointed
I think Michael may be telling Christian his necromancer’s name
his name is going to be broke it’s his old puppy forever let me find some music you see Rogue one so good you like it
Hartford
Einstein’s I get so excited looking at the advertisements like Stormtroopers walking in Beach water and stuff like fucking yes I Spencer do I have it all set. Yeah I know it’s fine is it all made up everybody
we we are frequently Asked people for dice and they have anybody here have ever have
play some trippy Zayn Zayn
is there sugar cubes but I just can’t say we we have nice rooms and intimate that mystery go over there yeah thank you so much for the dice everybody
episode 1
Harry Potter and the syrup of begonias
our hero
shelves in the lobby of Hogwarts Castle
searching for the syrup of begonias
the Great Hall
that’s all
Aaron D empty Great Hall of Hogwarts with the Sorting Hat
I woke up when I put the Hat on my head now alright I’m off the clock
yeah that’s the Hat you’re off the clock but here on my head
sure yeah when I can’t really do anything I’m just a hat
why do they call you a Sorting Hat
do I have eyes you can see you could sense you might have blind since there’s so many there’s like at least six
Adele but I can’t talk so I’m I’m there’s six exits to Michael Patriots
it Jiggles vigorously
it’s true I can sense Magic on the Sorting Hat oh yeah it’s still magic it’s an ancient artifact of great power sorting out what you have a name Sorting Hat you want to start some shit out right now I know I’m off the clock
do I know the other day you guys are all questing for the Stirrup of begonias
is there a long time for as long as his hand
Sorting Hat do you know where the serpent begonias might be found do the syrup begonias let’s go somewhere else entirely
they’re going to need to go outside and hang a left all right I don’t care like you kind of your life a lot of assumptions about what I had should or shouldn’t be
I didn’t have any until one talked to had a name I absorbed the Hat
gelatin all right yeah it’s slowly begins to dissolve is it screaming you can’t tell it doesn’t seem to be able to interface with your lack of brain
I I I I I I push it out just enough for his mouth to emerge
so is it not screaming now it’s not outside and go to the left really quick Michael needs another drink
you got all the fixin’s right here right 200 I thought you were leaving I thought I was recording whatever like a mixing cup measuring cup pouring it into a giant syringe because he’s filling your G-tube your Matrix ballet do you it is there anything cuz we’re all in this like Harry Potter the commissary on fire
couldn’t make it out
I summon the god Kairos and I had 10 chances to be a cool hat motherfuker and I cast like I cast a spell of flame I’m sorting this is what all hats
can I get a free ride on this one
but I turned right what was Michael’s character’s name of Rogue I turned around going to get you ready to go kick some butt
January
is motivation in our group bouncing out the door
you suck that I have you spit it back out in a friendly abled
I’m just saying like I don’t know where where what’s the motivation here for all of us you guys are standing around standing around like a bunch of you all do that you had the outside of hogsmeade it’s a little village it’s it’s great there’s little houses and will Hudson stuff oh man it’s great specifically there’s a big Shaq it’s all messed up it seems to be all boarded up fuck
a village with a high also other structures
I bounced around and around I think the smart move send the gelatinous cube into the Hut first yeah I’ll squeeze through the boards to take a look with my non eyes you do that it’s all dirty and gross there stood oh man it sucks
you see a whole near the ground on a wall it seems to be a space between boards and in that space it looks like some sort of tunnel I put my gel out of the thing and I look at these guys and I and I and I go
I’m I’m that there’s a whole everything you said cuz I can’t I can’t charge through the board’s I had for the whole cuz I’m fearless because goo my beginning what what more is there to be scared of anybody
you think back to when your friend asked you to get them to strip of begonias
he says it’s like taste like this is going to be so good these pancakes are going to be great just you wait oh my God I can’t believe I invited you over her pancakes without the syrup of begonias
how do I turn of a grouping of Jesus Christ doesn’t make pancakes thing happens if Pizza in like 5 hours we got to get this syrup just the steaks
I’m like doing what I go down the hole it’s a long tunnel oh man you’re squeezing and oozing
you go for what seems like a long time and then you find yourself in an open space its opener than this tunnel at least looking around you see the walls seem to be made of natural wood or living would it seems like you’re inside of a
can you guys I found another room they can’t hear you cuz you can’t talk I know it is
it was just a Goonies right right
it’s best left on heard it was a little racist
as data was not a woke character
he was a Japanese Gadget fan
that’s what she just said I don’t hear it
I think they could have one was getting me that quick I said I can fit in any hole you can put in a hole okay
let’s let’s all charge to that whole enjoying what’s your name Jared
you also find yourself within this great tree a spell I can use to touch the wood
that’s what I’m trying to say
I walk up to the tree it was it was one of the walls and just touching that would
you you feel the pain of an ancients the the the the anger in the rage the violets the violence so much violence both from and against the tree man this tree is fucked up this whole this whole thing it’s fucked up
guys we got a violent tree here I thought you could communicate through some sort of weird like yeah I’m like
I asked the tree do you know about the syrup of begonias and the tree doesn’t communicate as such but you search the trees memory banks
and you see a cruel infestation a corruption seeping through the surface purging the wood of goodness and filling it with evil
that seems like Necromancer territory but I can’t say that
is it dead the tree
the stuff oozing out of it it’s wrapped with death Energies
you cast a spell to control it it seems to be an undead sort of sludge made from the souls and bodies of decompose things smashed to death by the tree
good controlling
all right it feels this will save in his dominated by you
I wonder if you can turn the sludge into delicious syrup for the syrup has dead people who said that who said this is intuition
I buy pick up on it and I mine this is the syrup
I say we should feed it to him first
can we get it back if he needs it consumes it there’s so much cuz I owe Evans I’ll slip it to see if it’s poisonous or magical cursed it’s it’s pretty strong it seems like some pancakes to cut the flavor or something
I’m I’m I’m I’m Steve Carell had a stack of pancakes from the poster of Dan in Real Life
Check out my bucket of Plenty it’s a magic bucket that holds more than it looks like it should hold
from where do you procure this object that’s one of my magical implements
I got it from an old Shaman named Barrel lady
tie-dye check my buckets and buckets mystical goo and gather as much as I can alright you do that that’s great you got a bucket o man
the bucket you feel the impact of war against would something’s attacking the walls around you
I don’t know what he said cuz you just going to jiggle I don’t know
okay the other would just feel in this this wailed on check my bucket
Planet full of syrup from begonias and get the fuck out to the whole that we came in through and fill my side flasks and I to share this great man it’s not fucked in any way
I call an Uber and say let’s go to Pete’s house to grab some serious shit. You have a dark power that you can get us a ride home or something like that
yes you get a dark powered ride home
all right. Make sure they get their Festival money’s worth it I could do a horrible rap yeah
but only if Michael is my like I want you to be like my Rihanna like like like crap and then you’ll do like like you’ll do like the hook or something
yeah that’s not going to happen it would be pretty little sticks gig I feel Christian has to sing at my grouchy has two interpreters and Michael you could you could you could force Christian do your bidding or or Daniela I mean I got to get in the zone I don’t know about you guys but we made it by the time we see each other again just part of the new Republic of California or
while wearing camouflage it was like like like soap dispenser helmets and like weird like microchip welts and she went for Suburban have the best TV and movies and lots of cheese and almonds
end end and roughly 40% of the gross national product as far as I know I mean Taylor Swift don’t we pay these mother fuckers every quarter a bunch of money can’t we just sit on it and go we no likey what you talked about like isn’t that how the United States works is it is it looks like money flows from the Civil War start
all right correct remembering that Axl Rose Guns N Roses Civil War I don’t want to be your human grocery store that’s well that’s an improve on it
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah California California
capital or nia we have the TV and we make it the most we also got the Inland Empire we got the map
yeah California is the place to be if you try to go further
Channel 80 in California
he wanted to say
yeah
right Coast north-south fuck your mama so hard she needed a second math she said Dan Harmon come to me I said I want to get in the tub and Tiana Russian hooker with Spider-Man and it’s ever been fucking with the election
has an agenda
is it when you bring politics into wrapping it just seems like just takes it to a bad girl rapping turn it doesn’t rap should come from the heart that’s why do I wrap doesn’t typically
rappers in inauguration speech
give me feeling because it’s supposed to just be like you should vote for Jerry Brown
I fuck your mama by but you’re good I fucked your like she was made of wood and what that means is that I respected her as if she was a Douglas fir
thank you for coming to Hermantown everybody
Target, Daniella Christian piggy San Francisco Michael Christian Michael Zane lesson suicide.com house and it says thank you so much everybody
Friends with Benefits. Org come get your rights back I’ll give you your dies
don’t forget shirt off
also Let’s Hear It For The Music and play tonight by Titanic Sinclair one of our favorites
where’d you go
where’s my volume

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