Episode
Episode: 238 – My name is Johnny Varvatos
Description
Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff B. Davis, Rob Schrab and Brandon Johnson
Transcript
are you the Hollywood California the end of our Meltdown Comics run it’s a dang it might be the beginning of a whole new thing none of us Hermantown is now it’s session
coming in for Federal Credit Union robbed robbed
Christian our marriage challenge at Harmon
are you all right
I just murdered a guy’s toes I think it’s our it’s our protest Mentor is it protesting then and then I never protested.
bad start Bad start
take charge Harman don’t show weakness what is the what is this I want to see in the back of these new ideas new glasses those look like new glasses Dan a lot a lot of you guys some of you don’t need glasses a lot of you do your 25 I always assume
I imagine a massive Lake District 46
Spencer can’t make it okay can I just have an empty chair
I don’t know it feels wrong
hi who is this in my living room right now
okay fine
now you know the backstory
a lot of you’re just straight-up myopic or something like you you have bad eyes were born with them we’ve been we’ve been tampering with evolution of her for a while I mean you don’t get you know what it what is your eyesight do to get nine reproductively viable in the first world Empire I mean which has been raging for long enough to spread a lot of bad eyesight how did you know when a caveman’s eyes went bad money anyway what I’m saying is like your Harmon fans 2020 solid gold karat night vision fucking like see through walls all the time I have what’s called a stigmatism to my eyeballs aren’t perfectly round whoopty Doo
there’s some shit you got to deal with my eyeballs are not perfectly round apparently that means as I get older now I’m 44 so as I get older now my vision is getting worse from both ends so I’m not blowing it with mine with this it’s just frustrating it’s like a Louis CK bit or somebody just how does have a conversation with him so what are you saying they go they look at this when I look at that with the ones I was like okay so here’s the thing the reason your phone blurry is cuz you can’t see some stuff up close the reason signs blurry far away is cuz some stuff really far away so you want to bad eyesight what Daddy what sounds like you’re amazing you guys at we no spoilers but this is this is all a labret meundies ad
so I’m wearing I decided I don’t know why I got two pairs of glasses one for reading so it so I can look at my phone these are for literally the purpose of these is so that I can read to Cody when she’s taking her contacts out the Forensic Files summaries on the TV that’s like while you’re supposed to rise adjustable I hate it so it’s $300 frames
very well be out in make pale by Johnny Johnny Miranda
where’s the warehouse special glasses why you drinking from the Red Solo Cup glasses don’t know, maybe they’re installing starting Kickstarter
I don’t know I don’t know where they are we’ll find out there.
Where we’re at for the next couple weeks we are going to eat tonight there’s nothing special tonight but sit there because I don’t want to get spit on it now but it’s not it’s stupid they don’t know if anybody has like a small pair of scissors we done this before we did it in San Francisco
shut up just a walrus hairs coming out of it if you is that guy in the front row can you whip can you with his mustache Arizona I got my ears and nose wax today cuz it’s going to keep happening otherwise we can cuz I drink and then it and then it
all right or a straw or match straw around all right so I want to wait what was that what happened with United Airlines today something I haven’t worked there was like a family that was barred from getting on all I know is I saw what I saw it was it seems like America American parents were divided down the middle on how old their daughters should be before they could be regarded as too hot to get on a plane I wish I had lettuce head to two women were not allowed on because of leggings employee they were pass passengers which meant that they were employees of United like they were flying for free cuz you’re friends of the company or something so it wasn’t more archaic dress code that they employ them a higher standard for friends of the airline that can of the plane but it’s like it just called everybody’s attention to like this weird archaic thing like I’m just random incident
you’re talking about probably a short fuse Blowing by somebody who is just like like if we were living at like in first class as far as like fashion is concerned and things like that I’d like you but I don’t want it like maybe your feet are really tired I don’t want to tell one grows person don’t take off your shoes like late late because even though I don’t want to look at your feet at the same time I don’t know airplanes are a hard place to be so we can put her feet on your head one thing for sure we don’t all look like a Mormon choir when we get on the plane like we’re fucking wet pants in yoga pants and pants and black braces and
I transform into a pick up part of a larger set of toys that only 35 bucks for there’s me and there’s a helicopter and we all attached to the airplane that’s not cool at Gold run it doesn’t turn into a robot it but it turns into a big giant clunky airplane has a pickup truck on the top of my parents are divorced
bad Christmas
is this just a tease humor just got Brandon Johnson.
If your New York school, route 3 apples but there are a lot of people in my in my Twitter feed there are people arguing or going like but she was 10 years old that’s not a teenager it but it was a picture of his ten-year-old daughter. Here’s my ten-year-old daughter and leggings is that obscene creepy Uncle Mark that’s not your daughter
play the sound of permission Like A Rang out to a certain demo I like this to you know what America we’re sorta like you. Fuck it I don’t care
but it’s kind of like
obviously it would not talk that joke
a joke is ugly but there is a really weird thing like my if you put that joke
my one of my favorite non-pornographic little areas I visit on YouTube which is a Hosiery reviews for by women
I’m sure. I’m sure it is I don’t think a lot of their audiences women but but but it’s like it’s not I mean it’s you have to have an extremely envious pacifically in the Hosiery fetish like they’re not it’s not the rules of pornography are really weird famously they’re totally subjective YouTube poles they pulled that you complain about like all of a sudden one day legs lavish was like shut down because somebody was like I just think that’s a really funny thing to be simultaneously on the side of Purity and basically confessing that you recognize something is sexual with its own can definitely apply to Stew pornography know it when I see it enough this probably the most judicial thing you can say when your policing something like pornography
Dalmatian video we live from the gutter. Down into it it was shut down before that has legs lavish it’s a hose reviews from environment
if it’s the laser lavished in the Hosiery which they can be in it it’s there British
I don’t like the lavishing things that the toilet play the lavish with Hosiery accoutrement if you will upscale Nation of Islam why just have one small clip-on bow tie why don’t we call it Bean pies made by the seaside
are you out there trying to stop that man but you don’t want to get arrested please we’ll teach you how
I am done with the ship but I also might work at Brooks Brothers we can’t always be like yo British Rock cool some of us may Allah tricky tonight
movies boss baby
but you always still early dress Round of Applause by Jack Davis
that’s what you do right before you put somebody down
back when it was funny to be queer in
you can order the roast videos on there is I was told I was a lucky guy today cuz I was with my girlfriend which it you know in that Millennials may not hear you’re a lucky guy as much cuz it seems to me it means I want to fuck your girlfriend in front of you
and you’re too ugly to fuck her congratulations on the acquisition of something out of your league it’s kind of just a friend everybody except possibly hypothetically a woman with incredibly low self-esteem who might be standing there the being told that the man she currently fucking is luckier than the man who sang to the other man in front of her I’d like to fuck her
what’s up what was your response thank you
she’s quite she’s she has her moments
everyday of my life is the first eight minutes of a horror movie set in the Appalachians I just don’t want anyone to eat me or beat me directions to the next gas station so I can keep them from crossing the threshold
you’re a lucky guy thank you thank you sir another drink please
Macon TV they won’t eat you
you have to be less lucky than me to be defended a quickly enough to be a gentleman and I mean he’s going to take it somebody to school I mean he was 70 you need is a larger in the cold open to get out right now by the way LOL group
you got to come in they hate you. I hate you for not having sooner they’re actually mad that you haven’t seen it
you will watch a man jerk off with another man
I got you enjoy your privileged I’m waiting up like I did for it I just know like that’s going to make me golf
I don’t I don’t need that in my life. You still try to get Moulin Rouge out of my ear
the Moonlight was brilliantly directed I don’t know from La La Land and I’m real with you I guess it’s maybe it’s hard to direct people doing to go and Lala’s and stuff but I thought I mean it is definitely not act like they’re like like there’s it it was like this was directed well kind of Screams off of moonlight I have a pet peeve about slice-of-life movies that cuz I can’t I work so hard all day trying to figure out what should happen next and then when it just kind of lays out and you leave the moving on that was well-directed there’s a part of me the writer part of me is like you better not take that picture yeah cuz there’s no because if you can’t do that
but it was like so do the patients and you know where the camera was and also like the more it yeah whatever I’m going to tell you why it was good with the litmus test cuz I hit the wrong button then I take my dog sitter might have put Moonlight in the Blu-ray player something some happen cuz I like a half drunk and like I hit a button and Moonlight started planning I’d no idea what the fuck it was
are you accidentally watched Moonlight address
what’s it going to take to get him to seek it out
I don’t get that reference but I’m sure something terrible has I got to drink a bowl
horror movies about guy there’s like one moment in every horror movie don’t breathe can’t breathe because
I also didn’t ask you to be here robbing a blind man why did you bring a bowl of come
can breathe
well now I feel stupid
let’s go rob that blind guys house don’t you think I’ve heard blind people can hear better but you know what makes you real quiet no open that cooler in the back seat
what are the three bowls of what looks like coconut milk and what smells like paper
pineapple
I feel so racist cuz I’m picturing little Asian bowls on my beautiful eyes like a a seafood buffet portions
on your picture right now
make you homophobic
when I was a kid I had a friend named Kent who he was he was a freak and we were all jumping did so we gets thank you we did make it and he’s like spread your ass cheeks I’ve never seen inside a black dude
I wish my dad has a
I feel like I’m not even going to finish my story now I’m going to leave you motherfukers right there
I have to be at work about 5 or 5 years old I do my duty you know I’m doing the right thing I’m a gentleman that’s so he spread his butt cheeks and he had toilet tissue stuck and I thought
oh my God it brown people white people must be
just like the plot of get out
Italian white poop stuck in his white but what else was I supposed to think quite but it’s like something it’s like something Fred Sanford would say to somebody that kick him out
tell more about this friendship not that we all didn’t have like we were at least that’s what it childhood happens and like a mattresses but naked
I was like 6 years old but he was he was playing the race card like I need to be said cuz he wanted to see your butthole it’s true it’s very early it’s Darcy villainous I think my butthole better than whatever he can do everything I can for the present in very very early youth but it’s not always Sinister it was abusing a power Dynamic like he was like I’ve never seen a black person’s butthole so now show it to me
I showed it to him and he said you really a lucky guy
Philadelphia Parking guy
I told you the story take place on the catamaran in Cancun
I’m trying to remember that me and meet me at Brian across the street when we were like that age we had I remember I don’t remember what penis parties were but I remember telling my parents about penis parties
I think it was just me and Brian from across the street we would run into the bushes we think we just pull out our junk in like what am I a skateboarder
OK Google, D Central show
are our cocks are hard cocks fucking
but the thing that sticks out of my memories just telling them that we would run and giggling cuz we thought it was not the word penis was funny in the alliteration and stuff and then we were like we just had a penis party and their parents being like it’s the 70s, okay
do fish like salt as weed but different get out of here pineapple second watching the match game and it’s fucking answer the same as they are now they just wore like shower curtains
do you guys think United should let little girls with leggings on
oh today is the 75th anniversary of the Flashdance reference that you see in every fucking animated movie that nobody knows what it is except ask him if they know what it is that movie that involves dancing an animated character will go over to a chair and it will cut through a side view of the time and they’ll pull a chain and water come down that is a reference to a 1930s Lumiere Brothers movie
called Flashdance that none of us me included have ever seen and they try to get it and because the director of those movies that you watching are my age and they grew up on references to that references to it it’s the 75th anniversary of that reference makes no fucken sense what did you recently see that referenced in that sing movie I know there was a tad there was a like a billboard with a pig pig there’s water coming out of the pig character
and and then I was sitting in The Rustic in today in Shrek 9 was playing over to each other and I saw it like a chipmunk was like I love these cookies and Leo’s are dance about him in the water came down I don’t know what Shrek it was they probably do it in every Shrek
75th anniversary of that bit like the last Shrek was doing references to the first track. Don’t know can’t tell me
oh god what happened I don’t know I’ve never seen a Shrek I’ve never seen this Rex
I watch dead ringers today with Jeremy Irons
he came over
Hitman Jeremy Irons and why didn’t you invite me over to uses you you just have movie date but Jeremy was the last time you seen her
another thing in the Shrek thing that I saw in the bar over someone’s shoulder is there are doing a walk and talk and there was like a it was like a mall and they were walking past malls medieval mall so the joke area is obviously okay they’re in the mall but it’s like Fairy Tail X and there wasn’t even three of them there was just one that said verse archery
their work harder than that you have seven years to write these joke but it was at like like Versace going like what I mean come on so don’t throw it to a room you had years like it wasn’t like it was like built into the platters I can get just like that joke is the last thing you can write I never liked you okay well what are you doing medieval malls and I was like Forever 21 and then Cody said forever 12
way too funny for Shrek movie did hit you in waves how funny that is forever
dark about consumerism is dark about our youth worship is Garth and it’s dark about life expectancy it’s dark about United Airlines
I thought it was like only the 12th version of forever but now we’re already up to Forever 21 and it 10 years will be forever 31 so that joke was funny on multiple levels of people who have disabilities
chill City
I’m sorry I just trying to think of more medieval Mall stores
what
armor any armor Ronny Jimenez has her surgery done and then the third one would have been like wordplay Clearinghouse half off
that’s hard be more original say you’re smart you’re actually just left
also if you could if you could throw on a Johnny gravados
Old Republic instead of Banana Republic the gout
the guy how the baby got the baby. But for kids incredibly heavy Brookstone
cuz I don’t know baby rock for bigger back then cuz it’s in the it’s in the brook Brook Boulder Brook Boulder and then you go home and you research erosion and you’re like so it became a stone by modern times
brick builder
hot dog on a tree
Texas mileage you my car
death row for access door is is like a Home Depot but it’s under construction because they’re like we don’t even have the chip to build the Home Depot off a tree
this movie is no Simpson signs those are the best times in the business which shines Simpsons Simpsons like the top of the covers like they’re going to have people walk past signs you better you better bring your try to bring your Simpsons
serious complaint ever
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film earth like a verb you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Phantom up with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
did you ever get that I was so bad at stand up today Milwaukee like I often the guy that when the host to come up after me a top in here come on
thank that and I feel like halfway to my seat like cuz sometimes I think I killed I would have been ignoring I don’t know the difference yet that was the best time and it isn’t easy maybe you just wanted them to know that
hope that mother fucker
good night
who is who is Logan is you’re a lucky guy just looking at my list
yeah they did they bought that so they have them all now so if you want to Hulu you can watch all the communities are you go yeah
you guys at so all right so I had a breakthrough in therapy but or no I didn’t yet
Santana I got I got instructions that I think that I
I mean like I what I mean is I was told something is there be that I sent that I recognized as being the most important thing is to improve my life
but I haven’t funniest thing you’ve ever done
okay
comedy easy it’s Lou it’s the thing that I haven’t been doing I always thought when you talk to people like the reason it’s exhausting is because you’re putting energy into them so somebody goes like Oh my hair is important and then you you’re like you just you think in your head you got like you’re a fucking vampire
how do I look at you without feeling your soul screaming
but you
you have to give up your own energy you’ve become a mirror that’s what you’re supposed to do is post it but I haven’t done it yet I want to talk to him
play like some of us like $10 and you would like
and then I stopped trying to repeat what they saying
interested in themselves everyone’s mad at me
you’re very contrarian
that’s great about you you’re interesting you’re interesting
I love I love I like amazing are you you interrupt I love your phone in your glasses tell me lucky tell me lucky
your I saw Kate getting the mail the other day you’re a lucky guy
what you got a lot of mail
then my hair is very important to me
tell me more about your kids got to beat this got to be more to it than that you’re a mirror and I was like wait a minute or you mean like four agreements how we’re all mirrors and smoke and white she’s like what the fuc no
can’t authorize you reading that poison in my fucking therapist know she likes it I told her I read it she like that’s fine as long as well as another fifth agreement as we had to send the sun write a book okay. I was at 300 okay or am I going
she’s never listen to show
where was I mirror she just said she’s like yeah you know people want to when they when they when someone puts out an emotional bid for if you’re in a couple like somebody saying look at that thing over there or I did this thing today or whatever they’re not saying necessarily they don’t have the time to say or they like I have something to say and I’ve thought it through and it’s the most important thing in the world and it’s so worthy of your attention and it says so much about me and also a lot of times it’s just we’re just like little animals we just like touching each other verbally of course we just take a lot of I’m sure a lot of my audience has small talk problems I didn’t know whether you have ADD or Asperger’s that’s really the two groups in my audience said but but both have a problem with small talk cuz it’s like kind of like I don’t know
he just logical part of your brain in your like what what do you what do you mean why I don’t know what you’re telling me man because they wanted they want to talk I don’t fucking know yet but it’s like I always thought it was like we all have energy like I have a bucket of energy when I wake up you have a bucket energy some people have a hole in the bottom of the energy they’re called executive chairman in because the holes not that big it kind of feels up a little bit and then you’re like 8 this Wednesday did you say what about me on Tuesday and you slowly learn overtime that they’re a vampire like they’re going to suck all of your juice into their bucket and there’s has no bottom yours does but yours doesn’t feel that fast cuz you have dignity but
but it’s not necessarily like. You have you could just people can just radiates things like I radiate shame I have so much shame that if everyone lets me the other fucking buckets would overflow with it like what’s the deal with my shame like I run out of leggings forever 12 that’s it but I think you know there are see if there are people who are good at that thing that we tease therapist for when they they listen and then they repeat what you said back to you but you don’t like what I’m hearing is the this and that but like you can do that emotional you don’t even have to really actually say the words. It’s just that you could perceive yourself as a mirror and it’s about them it’s not about you that’s like your job in the conversation is for them to have some time to work some shit out and that can actually be good for them and
a mirror so you’re you’re a passive role but you’re like actively like helping them it’s called listening
yes bore it still what your dad he was a underwater man, do you wish people would like goddamn underwater the first time she is not just like like listening as it’s like you can just reflect what they’re saying back at them because that’s why they’re talkin right you don’t have to just mockingly repeat back or make a photocopy or like it’s just listening I guess it I had to think of it as a mirror because otherwise I was thinking of it as like an exchange like I’m giving you energy when do I get it back I’m giving you time when do I do that just came from Minecraft now I can play Minecraft West I’m mirror know I’m getting fucked out of Minecraft time
all right well but but if you’re a mirror by the time you still fucking me out of time I can we play Minecraft play Minecraft time right now cuz I don’t know how many things I’d like to try it at my base in here it’s fine you know
all the way happy when I’m playing Minecraft tonight as soon as I get home I’m not going to immediately be Blissful I like if I didn’t have this I’d be unhappy over time may you do you play Minecraft with Jeremy Irons
and what is that like do your Jeremy Irons
what do you do with that wood who are you
Patrick Stewart
can you send Jeremy Irons in so I basically you want a second chance yes thank you Patrick
yes
I’m Patrick Stewart
I know
that’s pretty good
go talk to den
it’s in your throat
where is John Lithgow my mouth is a circle
I do a perfect chocolate girl cuz I know how to make myself into a circle
hello hello
alright hello hello hello
yeah who is this is Ice-T mr. T don’t ever
I mean okay I didn’t want to be informal much more or less form of the calling me motherfuking Heist mr. T alright well what are you what are you doing I called you to listen to you play Minecraft mobile
alright describe it to me
what’s it like
I’m digging into the dirt yet is every piece of dirt a cube
so you do know a little bit about Minecraft it sounds like I didn’t say that shit
all I could tell you if I play Minecraft business it’s personal
well I got to keep playing I got it I have to put one hand on the wasd keys and if you plan on a Mac OS you got to use the trackpad so you need two hands to put me out with gout
yeah John what are we doing later
4 Lamprey so I can experience visualizing a creature with a circular path
that’s fucked up
I’m coming to pick you up now
okay cool Hello mr. t i don’t fucking do it you think it’s respectful but it’s not important he he he needs to talk to you it’s it’s a matter of real importance is it personal
business I can do I got John Lithgow come and pick me up I can do business
yo Walter Matthau what’s what’s going on
what’s going on over there man you eating a muppet but oh shit is an Amber Alert
my fucking phone is blowing up what’s that impression
Amber Alerts be on the lookout for a Ford Taurus 97 6 cylinder blaupunkt damn that’s a fucking could ride
what am I
what are you what are you doing
okay yeah
yo
my name is Baby ice tea can be nice to see and we get it small as fit to be I’m not doing Rhymes that are hard I’m just riding iced tea but look at me I’m a tiny ice P smaller than an ice cube
hide an enemies
all of your enemies
are you thirsty
Miss Universe
lacks in imagination when it makes up for
fundamental songs with an e
Lauren 1918 York Giant
yeah my name is Tiny ice cream
why is going to use your rabbit Rock about me
is an underdog that’s my power
play the underdog with me just because I’m going to have your dog and it gives me for a few ratings and z
my name is Tiny ice cream and you sound a lot like
Lila McCann
laborers Auto to my brain
go to the bathroom in the Greenville Place
we call these one way up no way down please.
people paying back rent on that mousehole I told her
okay you can’t seem to make tiny my soul rent money got to be on my shoulders
the little girl
alright alright let me see if I can speak to one of my other agents hell no
you said you got 700 giant money yo
my name is Johnny bye bye.
50 smokes a lot of weed
market right now what am I going to hold out for a 800 I’ll do $700. If I buy a little bit to make a giant cake and I’m going to eat it cuz that’s what it takes to make me happy I’ve got an eating disorder it’s called believe me or look it up
Friday morning Johnny Barbados do you want to chew avocados
but it was kind of a bottle all right
enjoy my avocado
objective-c and climb of divine looks like the house is already here that’s fine are you thirsty that you would want something to watch those avocados down with I have two bottles
my name is Johnny vatos
I’ll be right back where you were on top of wine
cardboard complying according to my house is at the top of it but going into my house that’s why I was nearing the front door you can put behind me
but you have Clamato
I’m a
dumb hanging out
yeah that sounds like a great story wouldn’t have been what happened
what happened then I went to go to the market I’ll be right back with you
I need to get some yeah yeah
I live upstairs I’m so quiet
I’m so quiet you won’t even know I’m there you probably don’t even recognize me yeah are you mirroring me
my name is Johnny
I’ll be back when I can trying to put my own name coming with you or my house I left the door open
welcome to your own place
we were going to wait where were actually inside
it’s your house what we’re just leaving
okay baby the baby died come to my
where’s my fucking phone to DVD in the DVD player
are you the guy that sold me the Townsend family celebrating a birthday
at motherfuker can roll man I want to let you know that Beanstalk is something that really means a lot to me so I hope you enjoy America we all just trying to survive all right now you stuck mobile homes before that’s not so I should be happy with that Beanstalk it’s nice it’s uphill not a lot of people up there and send a delicious
learn about other people that you talk to the people around you
the song we all want to be left alone until we’re dying
confide
hey
I’m a diet iced tea
I just seen you take it to the beach with me and you sorry I was just laughing
you just make me get a blue blue jay nest hello
Christmas personal
honey not now this is business
OK Google tricks
we miss you we haven’t heard from you in a while
just want her mom no one wants to hire me as a graphic designer
why don’t you why don’t you just move back home we will still have your room here if you create
oh honey honey
don’t take it personal just business I’m talking to our son
but I know he’s not your real father but he’s the only father you’ve ever known
oh shit
yo yo yo yo
what are signs of my parents relationship
Prince walking Mama’s no more wraps for my biological dad
we were walking along with clouds for Super Mario Brothers I can get wherever I’m going faster cuz I’m going to walk wherever my biological father has
OK Google
First Watch
Google is the word father father
Chinese restaurant in Waianae
your biological father
alright Google 1903 Montego Bay
Jeremy Irons
I’m so so sorry
click
weather for battle information
he lives at 11121
Washington do you need a do you need a ride I’m trying
yeah well do you know me
gold comes out of it
okay you look real close for the car
wow no no no no no no wait and hope that that’s the first and then the go look up soon
you see it did you see the gold yet. 22 minutes later happen actually you know I’ve never done this before I’ve never ever tell you if you have faith if you if you believe
where’d you believed in me thank you
why don’t have anything to do with that man I’m going to watch some shit on TV
you know I didn’t think I could get a golden egg either to be honest and I just did so okay I’ll buy you there or I get a Amber Alert man present himself as a Golden Goose not really a ghost
if you are currently holding we can ask the girls if we can fly
what is a rooster nice to hear to say I’m going to call it over in the usual way closed and dark blue in Armenian music pretty loud so I can play with cologne but I’m going to see my brother
but I’m here with you too
a spot that man is not personal is business
hello giant I see your mother again
I ask I feel you should know something
your father and your biological father
honey iced tea
racing man it was never going to be a good time to say it
cars
are you sure you want to do it I think I know better
okay well you’re not women so I’ll do what you want
Tyronn Lue
I’m lagging behind you is smart and clever the cameras in front of you and tracking
what does chat
I can’t say I love you
I’m starving
I don’t know you
and I want to get to know you
I thought it was a fart
for the wicked long dark
change the Bulls that are doing with the camera pulls back
alternative spice tea
fucking epic battle of Honey ice tea and iced tea
I went to a dark place like you don’t have to face or somebody that you felt it was wondering if there’s a lot of confusing breakdowns there like they’re like that was kind of like that but it wasn’t as good right tomorrow
I just wanted to know what happened to him I mean I guess the united with his father and
what else do you do closure
Wrong song
you have the look of like if it’s not completed your father who cares now you got to find out what yeah but I wouldn’t want to continue I just don’t feel like a clunky property clearly he mowed they move in together but I’m a cloud and this is clunky it’s like what the goose live there and it’s like I couldn’t tell what was going on when you killed the goose the goose got killed him cuz I got confused I just want to move on
I was like I was panicking I was like narratively panicking I feel like you didn’t make enough use out of those those gifts you were given those avocados and Clamato is like I feel like that that’s an opportunity but that’s like it at in a video game is Osha Thai combine the avocados in the Commandos and it was exactly 5 minutes just to like in cap just do a little story okay just I just have to have music side of rap just like tell a story from beginning to end as it starting from where we left off for now and I’m totally different thing clear my palate I can’t cuz it was just like all right I think you were afraid of where you were you were getting I think you you’re worried that you were getting some more too too emotionally Raw
yo you saying he’s at me like a giant flashback
you saying you want to pick up now you want to do like it’s years later and giant icy and tiniest are living together and you pick up I’ll leave it to you so this is like the after the credits
you want to be
little
this is after the credits
in the news today in Arizona
it’s just a damn babe there’s nothing but news is just happening cuz otherwise I’d be a scene with someone staring into space that would be weird not foreshadowing I’m not talking about something important. I’m not saying there’s a meteor stream contents I’m just saying there was a thing flying around
in the news today the Dow Jones was okay you won’t mistake that for pipe okay
the Dow Jones
can I talk to you personal business
I have cancer
so do I want if we combine them
what time do you have
why does that matter
chancers
my favorite doctor
I want to be exhausted and I want to miss
that’s for real I have cancer
YouTube
what kind
testicular
a state
I don’t really have cancer
now you’re going to lose your testicles.
So now you’re so what
not give a fuck if I live or die do
maybe it’s not that baby so I don’t know what to do with my emotions cuz you didn’t raise me right so you don’t have to tell me you didn’t tell me
when you give me a ride to the hospital motherfuker to get my stocking Chancery testicle cut off but if I can change the Staffing, I asked for the fucking world
I want to get one not cut off motherfuker
dirty
McDonald’s
give me
NFL
welcome to the hospital
carguru
I make a 5 stars
my father has testicular cancer he needs one of his testicles removed
what do you mean voted for Trump
and the same page as my son we are both hardcore laborers back to the president last black Healthcare
well you made a mistake
let me guess you didn’t like it cuz it said Obama in front of it
it was called Obamacare if I racist but I wanted you to associated with the black president
now you have to keep your cancer testicle
hold on a second I’m going to the news you can lose your testicles now that I found out the racism doesn’t really get you anywhere
Wall Street
Buckeye country was an experiment that lasted as long as it says if I glassing
I want to go to bars I don’t give a fuck what they say
just hold on one more snip
now this last one is very crucial
you have a 70% chance of survival if you if when I sniff it snip it
you have a bond with your son
it’s a freak thing about testosterone and the paternal biological access apparently the incidence of test. Test it to my second American give me that thing
purity of doctor shit testicular cancer as the government co-opted the father-son bond infantilize the entire American Family it made everyone go to work and raised everyone like they were children eating twinkies and watching TV and thinking that same with the end other problems when I actually we’re just in an orwellian future but because we’re not wearing coveralls it doesn’t appear orwellian we’re just two were wearing black t-shirts from shows we like
that has resulted in a lower sperm count across the American index and also it’s also everyone’s testicles are rotting away because Fathers and Sons don’t get along with each other anymore and it’s so if it would be the point is when I researched if you just hold your son’s hand and truly love him you may survive this to stick you little testy colectomy
when it’s worth a shot and hold sound effect
March
your other son I got you a bicycle thank you
don’t you cry
I know once I called into Shirley means that I can see
I put my head into a sock and a doughnut I got into a car and I couldn’t start up I try to drive home from the hospital cuz I couldn’t believe it you look like somebody who just lost their father and I testicular accident
did you get a chance to say goodbye
I was there with him.
Wow
deep
you think you’ll be all right
or do I have to sit here and mirror you when I could please playing a video game
all right here we go carryout
maybe that wasn’t an after the credits me knows the rest of the movie was good
you like that you like that Barry Lyndon movie I haven’t seen it but it drags a little bit special film made for Stanley Kubrick because he has special yeah he didn’t want to light it no special film to special special film stock film stock
but I also believe that I saw film stock like they had spent probably yeah we’ll try the crafty was different
Pratt
right
that’s what he just said you guys are obsessed with the lens I am not taking the lens away from you
you guys are telling me all kinds of interesting stuff but what happened was I was called a liar for saying film stock I’m telling you he had special film stock made I’m sure it had to be like Sperrys. Pretty sure was once god dammit
what am I supposed to be either or you can accept let’s go
what’s silver stock did he shoot Barry Lyndon on
are you of the burden of proof is on me cuz I’m exerting it something was weird right that’s the rule like sorry what
parent company young Tommy Chong clone of
that mean different
that’s what I’m so I was right because I never said they were wrong and they’re fucking Millennial caught up and I’m now your Feud Paul Ryan no
we can all be naked
I was right I can do it you know what I think I would see I don’t know anything about shooting stuff so I saw I read the description of Barry Lyndon for me to perceive the words films. I wouldn’t have been like supplanted it if it was said lens I would have said lens I’m not that gone yet
I did I gave you your lunch
quit this shit help me with my homework they would be allowed to but we could hang out it’s about this picture of course you wouldn’t know I need that pan and my Ram has built film stock like they could buy just need to change the lamp
you can’t give up
whether film stock doesn’t matter you’re saying why would you why would you say that though I could tell by the look on your face
cuz you’re not
what do we make the stock
show me Ricky but nobody makes me feel right because it was special to set boundaries of Ashley look another costume dramas not time after tinkering with different combinations of lenses and film star the production of change 3 super fast 50 millimeter lens has developed by dice for used by NASA experimented with stock and it turned out to not work so
double that’s what I meant by that sounded like they were first developed
I was right you could probably everyone here is so maybe that that clip of Ted Koppel talking to Sean Hannity is that his name I do think I ought to put you and yours was baller cuz he’s the only person who stood up to that mother fucker on his show in the seventies or bother now Woodward and Bernstein larger piece I just watching in The Greener there’s like a larger thing that Ted Koppel died that was just about the fact that and we’re tired of hearing this because it wasn’t fucking mean but it’s like the fact that our relationship with facts is because it’s now subjective like we we we we we live in a world now who’d have ever thought this would be the result of the internet we all thought in the 90s we thought there’s going to be all kinds of trouble but it’s going to be because
information is going to bleed all together we all anticipated all kinds of trouble trouble like I don’t know like tittiporn will be easier if people be able to get away with crime when people extend the government’s going to clamp down and saw it will be a crime it was all predicated there was an unspoken assumption that like like like that information had some kind of inherent value like it was like gold or something like this could be known that the truth was a thing that you could back the dollar with and you could back a political accountability with but
slipping for a really long time until I like and it’s there so ironic that as the technology and communication increases if you can actually it turns out the truth becomes like a boring saying that only when you aerosol Mist into a poison can blow it into people’s eyes a certain way it does it make them do things like the truth that we should have seen that coming because when we when I was a kid you’d watch the news and then it’s a news anchor was like Nicaragua you’ll be like boring flip that country’s got a weird name and the truth is boring and that used to include things like Health Care in all the stuff and we were like we don’t like it’s only people that mash it up and go like actions and clicks and it’s like I don’t know what my point is I’m just shaking my cane and everything did you see other people who showed up at pizzagate t-shirts this weekend in Washington because they still believe that
pizzagate is real I apologize to riling people up
what I do is try to make my dog not shit in the house all day today and I was like oh by the way I didn’t want ever owned a dog cuz I thought growing up in Milwaukee I thought in order to own a dog you meant you had to be mean to it because how else could you possibly train a dog to do things that turned and then I read books and all the stuff and I was like oh you don’t you never have to have never my dogs never experienced any punishment it’s only a great reward that it’s outside it does it’s just really think I got off on a tangent on her but the thing that I heard for the people to come over and go like I was like God dammit my second dog was like he’s harder to train is like Zillow fucker and it like like training she’s like you can’t like people come home they see a turd and they think you take the dogs face and you look at the turkey that dog doesn’t know what that fucking turd is the dogs live in the moment like
you got you got a cheap Shih Tzus like they study this shit and there’s like a there’s a window of time during which a tiny little dog brain can learn react to it it’ll seem like your dogs sentient but I really like connecting something new like making a new thought it has to be so much in the moment that that’s my trainers they they Associated ago if you want to train your dog you click the thing so the dog can be back in the clicky thing means I did a good thing the cookie thing also means I get a peanut later whatever. Whatever. Me and I don’t know.
if you’re training a dog and a barrel of dark chocolate no more razors at Nazareth High Point is okay so we’re primates so our Windows a little longer okay so Ben Franklin could take all that time to discover electricity and connected to maybe I’ll get laid if this key Globe have a long term because we can connect from very far away where like maybe if I get this car maybe if I think we’re Superior animal but we can’t learn piano after 40
are you kidding me this is a mathematical fact nothing nothing more than a glowing key in love that you have a rattling bigger Keith
what that Ted Koppel thing of woke me to the fact that we did it only takes a certain amount of time before you you can encounter something and then you decide it’s true and you kind of it just like it kind of bakes into your your brain and we’re all aware of the fact that facts are the kinds of things that can be like proven wrong and all that stuff but we but but that’s different from things that we believe like we have like this kind of it’s just sad really cuz I know cuz where were we when we learn to be like whatever we are the kind of drives everything else would we do cuz it’s driving on how we consume information and then we were certain of things I feel like what we just saw it with these lens Nazis
frigate to use it as an example it’s a it’s a thing lens Nazis
I’m not saying you’re anti-semitic I’m just saying if lenses were Jews
what size tire motherfukers iPad film sexy film stacker 2 she’d be like
the Rockets the Rockets will take us to the tools I got your mind I was like lenses for sure right and they were like yeah but fuck your film stock everywhere everybody everybody was right we were all right but we’re not all right when it comes to whether or not you should have a horrible dictator in charge of your country who’s my sister’s we’re going like the healthcare and you look like a fool and here’s the meme of you but dude fucking like are we ever going to get confirmation over there that act like kill or be killed like 200 fucking just regular people like like we’re already like like he just trout he’s ran the whole time he never said he never said who I think I’m going to do a little bit with this in a little bit with the he said I’m going to fucking murder people I’m going to fucking
Oasis I’m going to step it up and we voted and voted the road and whatever Baba and now he’s we’re just we’re murdering that was the ship that Obama did that he gets criticized for his like yeah it was part of being present at you send the Drone in like an Amazon thing of troops and now use drones an answer now this dude is just like extra forget that nuclear button I mean don’t forget it we’re all going to die that way in the meantime there’s a little button that you just using to put that in the drawer and now the drunk
JoJo has already opened garlic increase drone Hillary and Obama and Obama die already knew that you can hear my podcast goes back years I was never like pro-obama will Obama was President I hate politicians are fucking piece of shit why did they become politician down we all miss this mother fucker it’s a corrupt politician who cares the country was working and it is a little bit of a little bit of blood from your people are never meeting was like oh it goes into my toilet paper in my butt feel so good wait wait wait we do have to own that I got your bottle. I don’t know I mean uniform wish it was like we did artists are rock stars or singers, Great Southern
dad’s may bring you together and you fucking celebrate when you see him and some people just sound like bulshit you don’t want to hear the songs anymore do you want to turn them off but you give him the right to do what they do so I think you were talking about mirroring earlier and this is the deal is that if you do actually listen to people with what people are saying and he emphasized you don’t rely on the news as much cuz you here on the ground with actually going on if you actually listen to your neighbor talk to you about what’s going on in their life and you know how hard it is for them you are mirroring your you’re listening to them but if you do that then you turn on the news you see that unemployment is supposedly not as bad as this then you know that the fucking lie same thing goes for we listen to Partition I looking for auditions in a very different way because voice to the Democrats so I look at the Democratic party is a totally different thing than just like a bunch of people want
but what are we supposed to do in Los Feliz like go over to Amy man’s house and find out she doesn’t like a pothole and feel that they live in okay
she was coming around the corner on avocado and Commonwealth at the speed of light on a beach cruiser and then she drove right into my car and you’re killing me man I saw you cuz she was buying you almost kill man you my best don’t tell me.
that’s a chill Tuesday reference only for people designing program
I just got kicked out of all the black sites
what’s going on in Black Twitter can you tell me
what y’all do man we went out with quiet in the black Twitter is it like Hogwarts like why do I have to like do I have to walk through a doorway but you have to believe that you have fans up like Twitter what you mean is that I have a handful of very very heroic black people that enjoy my work and my podcast white people Heroes
I’m biased but I feel that the seasonings are what make black people Heroes
7 original spices
that is the kind of down-home charm you’ll only get on black Twitter
if I said that it would be still be just missing
all right how do we how do we close the show like this what’s going on I think we just slowly walk away
I saw him picked up my gun now.
If I really like I already did you are probably like don’t you think that I just want your shit please don’t you feel motherfuker
I thought I was doing a hilarious day
hahaha to the house so I came up with might be armed and Ike and I came up
hands in the air hands in the air unbutton my setup turned around and I thinking that everybody be laughing inside watching and nobody wants a nice suit
no justice no pleats
3 piece I thought you said no pleats what kind of waiting for the clothes to show we’re never going to recreate that tell us a hilarious joke
maybe something racially-charged I don’t know I went okay black guy and a white guy going to a bar together and the bartender is behind the curtains you can’t do it races
a good bar
any any edges so you just hear a voice is this a just says
and the white guy says why are you doing that voice and the bartender says I don’t want you to know what are the bad guys like he sounds to me Transylvanian
I know a guy says that’s not a race
I know you’re onto something what is a race
and the white guy says I know what a races and you gave me a free drink if I can prove it and the pieces and I’ll give you two have two drinks should I get two drinks if I have proof of it and and the white guy takes his drink any drinks at he says race is an amalgamation of Geo typical of phenotype of genetic traits race is an artificial construct and then he and then he takes the bar near it’s like the Hulk out of the floor
how far is it to the wall and the chairs on the curtain in the bartender’s a dog
thank you for coming to harmontown
her parents or friends Johnson everybody
rob tribe
we’re going to be in Chicago next week so fly down to Chicago if you’re in Chicago buy tickets to Chicago and I said Rick everything call Kevin Jay back in Chicago making all the live streaming happen I’m Jeff Davis account
drive fast, take chances
I know