Episode
Episode: 249 – Harmontown From ID10T Fest
Description
Harmontown goes to Chris Hardwick’s ID10T Festival. Dan raps about Kubrick, takes questions from the audience, does some push ups and even dance battles with a cosplayer! Our role playing game continues, with Steve getting a feel for Diarrhea Junior. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Davis, Spencer Crittenden and Steve Levy.
Transcript
View California
AliExpress harmontown
they are part of town
I’m not sure I should be offended that these he’s already right those are famous people seats it’s just other famous people don’t like me that’s the that’s the Harmon guarantee that’s fine for the other people right like the one that was cool okay when did Portlandia Aniston
other famous people that I don’t think I’m an outsider
I love people that were paid by Fred Armisen to be here they were they were paid seat fillers crooked
you should know if you like her you should hate him if you like him you should hate her
call me the Laker
end and then and I drain the swamp it’s this was one of his empty up there but thank you for coming it’s a nice sandwich a hot day and you’re walking around you come into a tent what could be funnier Comedy Works with high ceilings Outdoors thread threaded like like like you took a big chance and I want to make it pay off for you and it’s amazing
weirdest festivals going on right like Chris Hardwick to try not to new things but good guy
you guys all know that you probably Chris Hardwick fans like but you know he’s got that amount of niceness that brings out the Badness in you like when you’re talking to him you just if he makes you wonder what you could do to make you mad or like like like like what if I ate a baby would you would you frown would that make you upset like evil evil evil people have that technique like you know that you’ve been an intoxicated with evil when you’re like if you start coming up with hypotheticals like you tell people like what
tell me what is the code for an outdoor kitchen right now your hair is kind of blew him a Stevie Nicks kind of rock and roll
I’ll try to think of a Stevie Nicks that you can tell for one syllable I was trying to do Stevie Nicks it. No matter how you try that Rodger Waters last night cuz I was trying to watch the wall with with Cody in the hotel room because there’s not a lot of places to eat out here and I just we just stayed in the hotel room and tried to find a friend to find the Wall Pink Floyd The Wall you Millennials you don’t know what the maybe that is like a summary about
all right I misjudge you but it’s hard to find the wall
how are you Spencer I’m good
Spencer Crittenden everybody he came out here you’re too kind of mine behind the wall so remember the koala came out and then you’re like when I was a kid it was like yeah the wall it’s like education and then and then when the Berlin Wall was coming down into that big concert it’s relevant again and then Cody was saying like his he just did a concert again cuz now Trump is like saying build a wall and then now he’s doing he’s got a new album and Cody said Rodger Waters his stoves about Trump
all right by saying that you are doing a pretty good Rodger Waters impression these days
but I was thinking I could be funny if that that song you know that starts with that I got a little black book my poems in got a bag and a toothbrush and a comb that if it kept going and it wasn’t relevant to anything with ice cream inside two of them. One has a frog with a screwdriver so you’re not going to do the impression for us
that’s the thing is you have to be in an elevator with me or very close with me in bed in order for the to sound like Rodger Waters is he wasn’t somebody that could have worked in like 1930s radio or at Woodstock or something he’s like he’s an artist this reliant on a certain layered High-Tech high fidelity thing so don’t don’t look at me like I’m less than talented
blame God for the speed of sound in the laws of nature is a place in my shower if I get right into a corner in my shower at a certain place at a certain distance from the corner of my shower I can sound exactly like a cello
it sounds exactly like a cello but I can’t do it anywhere else it sounds like me humming like an asshole spit Spencer do you ever sing in the shower yeah I sing in the shower you sing anywhere else using the car or do you like so nice I really let loose in my car I if if there is a camera in my car I’d be in prison I think I just I really I just scream like just scream on Amana poetic sounds for an hour View California
Jen it’s where the white people live
Hawaiian people and white people white people go to die and that late date or invent things that make everyone else live with kills them I can’t plug into the goddamn Jack here
weird things like a there’s a strip mall near our hotel that’s the size of fucking like Babylon like I was just saying like it’s just endless endless and every single store is like someplace where you can buy $1,000 pants or a plate you can’t eat off of and but then in between every third one is a restaurant but it’s like corn dogs
that’s it like it’s a shity restaurants where you order at the counter there’s like shit on the table and there’s like a sixteen-year-old going to make you food like people pick a lane or do you are you going to kill yourself to him all the time I guess that’s what it is okay it’s not your fault that there’s a mall in your town and I blame you for it I guess I guess we went we went into a place and the young lady that it was at the hostess counter when we went in she she said
Rodger Waters
the weird thing is if this is an issue if she in any way has a disability than this is a terrible thing to do is to imitate her voice but her head so I guess the ideas you never supposed to make fun of anybody really take them cuz you might and then put then what then what do we do
like what if you found out trunk was disabled like he’s such a terrible Blakely
three bad people this is our invitation there’s a horrible man in the White House you just be a troll now you can just go anyways
but I’m just saying like she was like she still she did this thing it was like a Seinfeld low talker thing we couldn’t understand her there’s like a loud music playing and chief he kept going like any other way just leaned in and then tell those still at that one syllable became stuff in the zoomed-in on the wavelength and so you could hear and enhance like like like
can order right away so long as every restaurants disclaimer that doesn’t make any sense we can’t compare that to anything I don’t know how fat
cuz I like the fastest restaurant the world but you should know and there was a picture on the wall of Steve Jobs was like a portrait of a famous portrait of Steve Jobs broken chin hairs but he was flipping a middle finger then I was like to me to to society what I don’t do you hate the guy the weird swiped my credit card on an iPhone Steve Jobs flipping me the finger cuz I have trying to like I don’t do Einstein the picture of sticking your tongue out is like my second baby you all hate Steve Jobs cuz he doesn’t give you a kidney I don’t know I’ll never get the truce to who made that art some guy that wanted clicks and then some restaurant prison
has no sense of time doesn’t know where the restaurants fast but they’re nice and charge it was slow today
your city
I seen all I can see
I know everything about your people I pronounce you terrible
going on now you seem interested the only negative experience I’ve had since I was here at walking down University Street Avenue whatever that is where all the kind of busy restaurants are and I was walking down the road like looking for a bar to have a drinking on a Sunday morning and so I couldn’t hang with that number that was too late bro and it kind of smells like last night body odor and I couldn’t take that is really good looking young down tight jeans size of a shop and is anybody ever experienced the makeup people that’s been out there and fucking stop you anybody and it’s really good-looking guy but you do you want to sample you just shaved you want you want some aftershave lotion is really good idea to take that okay cool thank you
play some foamy bike cleanser I presume and and clean her haven’t you put some shit on my face and it takes like a folder and touch Fanning it and it feels like cement on my eyeball
and then the only person I want to put your hand over your eye show me like you do to feel so tight and keep your head up and being good to see if you look over here you fucking forty-three-year-old alcoholic you look like shit over here
and then take your hand off you see there was no fucking difference
the side of my face felt like that was plaster on it still look like I stayed up too late last night and had a million tears
yeah well some people have had their health care taken away anyways
oh hell no
and I take the low road is off limits Road dance
they have the update have the life they have the equipment they are ready to go when we are in the way of a fucking ATM Revolution
these chairs are obstructionist you you you you you are going to be happy when I’m gone is your prom night you like an old piece of shit can we can we do we have the capability to take people back there to do the tickets a medium lights going from the ATM can’t it be to put on
and no new taxes, the leaker
lights on it
wow it’s like a it’s like a text in second MDMA tambourine it’s I got a blinking lights on it
and the people around him like a please kill yourself
the people around him are going to kill themselves at his cult meeting 6 months from now tamborine glowing tamborine guide
are you coming down on flashlight
are you Criss-Cross I’m with Molly and something else
picture of Marina Supply
who’s it who’s on something though it would make him freak out if I started talking directly to them
I’m on
don’t want to discuss it on stage with you
felonious amount of class a narcotic
I would like to come up and discuss that with us in front of the police
now we don’t want anybody up here they’re tearing their there they’re looking at there’s a microphone in the middle of they can they can ask their they’re drawing season 3
in fact by now they’re done crying and it didn’t get a baltics red guy that keeps a man I’ve been to the studio just doing nothing over there he said about the show they don’t care about you
Jared a long time ago I feel like I can’t I go out of my Instagram me getting my mail and there’s a spider in my mailbox and I’m like that spider scary and 15 dudes are like I like yeah this is what you’re doing pretty good morning I do my taxes I’m pissed I go to the studio that’s a big dry is a giant dry erase board that just pictures of tits and Dixon balls that’s what they’re drawing over it start for as a district responsible for it taking this long finished working on it a long time ago.
beauty of being slow shity people that in the hand their work off too talented fast people there they’re behind schedule but I can’t do anything about Canada a little a little Sweatshop called Canada
Outsourcing jobs
buy American
that disgusting troll Justin Trudeau what a grody autocrat
bleeping out of caves taking selfies with Taurus
sexy bras monster
just want to cuddle him to death
sprouted is a roll around them in a big coolest syrup
people maple syrup do they make up their maple syrup I’m going to make maple syrup up there
is I’m a boot to come
that shouldn’t get that bigger reaction by whatever you whatever makes you give that big reaction
are you doing comedy good did that do this like I could give you a cat peanut butter if it’s kind of done something non-binary and my name is
nothing sorry I thought I just saw a guy or check lady and then you like I wrote it that and you’re like it’s stellar
what’s your name if Dad ever tells a joke I totally took a right and it’s Edie Adams lights
show me the signal that you guys are supposed to last and with no Portlandia
something that works can’t I get a celebration for the day if you want to celebrate it when something really good happens if you want to be ironic
back to it that’s another so keep your eyes peeled for all that
what’s the temperature right now
yeah I almost finished the word Wicked that’s how I was getting into it but it but I was getting tired so can you stop I’m going to be catching my breath for the next few measures
call self-deprecation it makes me invincible
everyone on the internet with the fucking now hate you where you just hate yourself I hit myself there I said I’m already I’m not sad anymore
you can’t make me fat
big crowd of fat people over there
set up a bus from a camp the date
CR Heroes
Fountain View you guys are and ladies and ends and then anything or you’re going to are you stupid it’s a college town right now
okay so it’s like let me keep walking through gases there’s nothing normally here but we all decided to come here I got got it I don’t know what my third guess was it’s so weird
shut call the Colts and I can speak
Fidelio Fidelio but the eye is a 1
if I watch a movie that the password to Tom Cruise has to get into the sex party
do you guys think that Hollywood is controlled by an elite the cabal of pedophiles
is there was an article or Nicole Kidman said that Stanley Kubrick told her that was the case and then it she like now she’s catching some flak for that like it was recently a big thing about like British pedophiles up in high high government
sing and we kind of like it was a weird thing and you’d expect a better file control the world that story wouldn’t be huge and it wasn’t
you’re a Believer jet fuel can’t melt steel beams
it could be real it’s really crazy but it’s weird to talk about it without seeming insane
Target of a secret secret, you’ll come off like a pedophile
if you were Rich you suck.
Maserati
I want a yacht
that one took a lot out of me aerobic lie and spiritually I think we all lost a little lost two pounds and gained a horn I’m going to die and God will be fine with it
I’m out of breath I got to get back on the elliptical yeah I was so proud of myself
and then my stomach was like what do you mean you’re like
you got to stop
I’m going to fuck more kids
king of power
how to cook it
the appliance is getting less enthusiastic as the no no no
I think I think telling you to Pump It Up
I was standing next to you saying we all feel that we don’t want this to be a runner
that’s what I’m saying is right and good I think that the minute the closet supplies with kind of the feeling of that was acting like I was The Empire Strikes Back of a Trilogy did the payoff will be an x-ray of your child and pedophilia
Zachary is not. Satisfied
it’s either someone escaped from a garage or it’s told from the other side
dear idiot facts
here’s why our sponsorship is being revoked
assigned Microsoft and Google Monster Energy and of course Red Bull girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually know when this is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea in a flight that is embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
Lego stormtroopers walking around on are they all cosplayers Stormtroopers 14 are they are they like them
Union like a fake Union as I can file a sexual probability
I think you sound like the old lady cuz they’re nerds whatever let me look at me I’m at I’m out what else can we rate in terms of sexual probability chances of raining men 20% partly cloudy anyways
don’t be a smart thing for Trump to do would be they just change it because it’s a pretend to be a Star Wars fan and then he’d have liked this street cred with Nerds and then he he’d start dressing cops like Stormtroopers and then you could just like you can really beat down the people that would be the first to resist like those other you could like Target high IQ people unlike take their asthma inhalers away and like stuff on their faces and then if anyone had a problem with it Trump would be like I don’t see why these people haters about Star Wars
like I’m looking forward to the movies I enjoyed give me little pleasure would have have people behind you more
because he’s really hurt he’s not going to do fine at all we’re all going to die
brawl in the midst of dying its permission to have fun if you’re 25 I’m sorry sorry about the burning husk filled with water good luck growing gills and figuring out a way to express yourself in Cole
just on the hammered flat surface of that used to be a radiator
in your fucking eared horn cave
drilled into the side of a ruined the skyscraper by a robot pterodactyl
powered by call my vision fuck you and Alan Moore I have a vision to
anyone can do this
it doesn’t just have to be to Zeppelin’s if it’s a dystopia at maybe it’s robot pterodactyl and key all right
I say so yeah let’s stop delaying things that was all the cold open
idiot but one of the eyes is a one but you don’t know which one
I don’t know who try to Google it you write an idiot the past and it doesn’t comes up you got to put the 10 in there and it’s all fucked up maybe it’s genius I don’t know maybe I don’t know where do I go where hardwood tells me to go you know idiot like that is like an Apple Stores when when the customers an idiot you might say they’re having an id10t error code name for their an idiot
don’t let the clouds
I just relevant right in front of the squad car once and the cop said to another cop yeah I got to DFW and I said drunk fucking or wait wait was it that God damn it was cracked your code you’re not going to use code
it was like three letters that was
I was just like yeah whatever I know what I am like
and you’re not going to offend me like what are you doing what it what happens now it like like I change squad cars quit wasting taxpayer money
I’m trying to screw you being arrested. No cuz I’m drunk man I was I I saw the cop I pulled over got out of the car he came roaring up what were you doing that’s what he said oh yeah where you going I said to a friend
price and I’m coming from a friend’s and he said what what’s your friend I said Carl
how do you say where is Carl live at said I don’t know I’m drunk
can’t remember where Carl lives I just know I wasn’t driving and I walked he said what if I said I saw you driving I’d say I don’t know I’m drunk I just came from Carl’s and he said what if I went up to every one of these houses and knocked on it and ask for Carl I’d say at that point Who’s winning
any put me in the car and then made me wait forever and another cop came up and said what are you got all of you
like it’s not that big a deal I respect I respect you because you can shoot people
not too cuz you’re smart drive me home
I’m sorry I took this into an ugly place
okay what kind of a sad turn from pedophilia into that dark
Realm
what are the good old days of pedophile Johnson guys there’s a kid there there’s a kid I can see their kids every where I got The Bourne Identity KidVision
why is that then because I protect them
why do I know where every exit is child is
this better not translate to any online medium
it’s just it’s all about context these days it’s it’s 4:42 I feel like we should maybe do it should we kind of famous for it were for my math skills 50 minutes to go Mart GT500
let’s meet with meet one person from the area
I don’t know how you can get them what are you doing yours running up to the microphone
all right this is great
do not look behind you whatever you do not turn around
speed run
okay I did I mean by what is your name anything that can be answered no one will ever shut down
all right all night now man the Delta cubes so I was wondering if you feel like hi Nana. Hi Nana. Not work for me now or if there’s something other than Jack I don’t think it was there with audiences weren’t fragmented enough that 1 million people wanting to watch something then switching yet but didn’t know how does a mean and I think a million people would have liked to watch evision exact cuz it asked the question what is television but back then it was like you think you need to watch something as simple as it was a pilot and they didn’t pick it up
I thought they would be expensive and it would be in it was like there were things before that you’re just a baby inner what was the police squad what was the think there’s shows that kind of like the absurdity and stuff and then it’s like I could I watch this or is this a sketch I think it was just that these days you can put something like this in a jack on Syfy may be too long an answer thank you Siri but it’s crass Punk actually it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s from the Eric Andre show it’s called across poem do you like yourself and it’s all done crap Punk so it’s like you know Daft Punk but she is a people feel like that
first off I want to dance with you if we can do a dance off that be cool but
set
does the bus supplies you’ve ever gotten
I was kind of just like humping the ground,
take a little take a little nap thank you
call you Carl world hunger
I am John and I was wondering this is a question for all three of you but guests at harmonquest would you ever want to join
Chris Hardwick
hey there you go
he asked what we talkin about getting Dwayne The Rock Johnson Dwayne The Rock Johnson
famous hair great they don’t come to my show but they’re great
yes old timey root beer spokesmodel
tank scene harmonquest I know there’s a lot of chaos to your creative process how much do you feel a fan theories influence where Rick and Morty goes cuz of some of those fan theories really sophisticated and you may not have met them but I bet you can run with them
I’m sure fan theories are just as good if not better of anything we would come up with the writers room but we don’t I don’t personally go to those forums since Community because I don’t want to be employed by 5 so it’s like higher Stakes to let yourself be influenced by a theory you know what I mean and also tell me the truth I hope this doesn’t spoil anything but there’s not going to be an underlying fucking like I don’t know we have conversations in the room and then what’s Canon Canon but we just I just I’m not a person that would ever be like an okay from the beginning of the series I’ve always got this thing that inside the bag behind his ear if you look real close there’s an egg in the egg means the whole show is a lie like I had an old drunk guy that’s smarter than everyone and he for some reason he’s incredibly selfish and we will figure it out as we go.
but I have any like I did have like I’ve had like when we sat down started it was like one of those just in case and Mike McMahan one of the writers of like how about this one I was like holy shit that’s amazing let’s do that and then two years later I could see over like what is this I was like fuck that no but if you can sit and shouldn’t do that like audiences are a render Farm of ideas and they have nothing to do but sit there and think like so if your show is payoff based your fucking you I think but I’m just an old Batman dead that just like that I think we have time for a couple more we can’t we can’t save everybody cuz we have some business to attend to
when you guys you guys do festivals do you stick around and watch bands or do you go straight to the hotel room for Minecraft that’s because last night last night the status text message to the world came from Jeff to all of us cuz he went to Weiser at it and Spencer stayed at the hotel and played Minecraft and it went well Jeff sent us video and then said have fun playing Minecraft and it was sad yeah cuz believe me if you want me to come up here in a little bit and the people here at the festival tickets in the amphitheater and we saw that when I get back to receipts we have to walk by the front row and we walked by in the security guard that is in front of the photographic pit I right in the front I happen to be a Whose Line Is It Anyway
oh man Jeff Stoner dude is super cool and
what’s the first three songs of Weezer right in the front we just took a bunch of photos and send it to these assholes to work at home in the hotel playing Minecraft I mean
it’s like I was in the Overworld and I went through an obsidian portal for there happen to be flying around in lava rocks everywhere and I didn’t know where it was going but then I found a boy shut up
I mean you didn’t get a fireball shot at you and I didn’t oh my God you guys billions have been deprived of their health care
the high road and everybody hi Road
when you take a low road
you won’t get far take the high road tell people where you are actual argument is this is who I am to the high road peanut butter and jam public real conversation
I didn’t mean that bisexual people take the high road that was a weird I didn’t I was always just what did you mean I don’t know I was stalking your mother that’s the high road to you is like as an ironic pulls in for the low road I saw how old was Ol Dirty Bastard we don’t know I mean he was older than Wu-Tang but alright alright
sure I would be honored
I wasn’t your guys’s podcast everything is that it comes on and Spencer and ask if you’ve seen the street that is your last name that’s like really close maybe not this exact one or maybe yeah cuz I’ve driven around Northern California fair amount but I’ve seen a ton of streets not even on purpose I just drive by streets that are crammed in so it happens there’s way too many of them beard
appear in the movie thank you so much I’ll check it out thank you very much
really really alarming
what they’re hungry, I have several questions for you
they’re going to have I mean I serve you if you have a question you know. I was I was I was just saying what do you want I just want it just this is Dino we didn’t press the button you’re going you’re barking up the wrong tree dog this is bad nerdery to press the button and said go out and learn everything about stuff and we don’t know all right I just want to know
even though Jerry has been divorced and whatnot season three some of us are still left around we need to know if his short game is going to get any better
they are headed out to get it already.
Time and I are yeah I know I think eventually he could become a permanent
learn your music feed in a river you know like do you like Awakening stuff
I don’t know how much longer I can do this like this you better be Tiger Woods five years ago tomorrow conversation at this point I’m just saying like I can’t control it
anyway so alright well goodbye
I want to I want to know what’s in that fanny pack so bad it’s like a weird to make it to let it be regular sized head is like John Wayne Gacy clown makeup a second shuttle but fundamental to have a meeseek with a tiny head and I okay
belated
hey
how’s it going everybody Batman high but a pretty good night last night was wonderful good music but a good time by memories memories that will happen tonight
that’s fine I don’t care I watch the wall with my girlfriend I had a great time
okay
I don’t get jealous of people anymore I don’t care I have a perfect life you seem pretty mad about your restaurant experience today the bad restaurant and I don’t understand they didn’t salt on the table I don’t like restaurants that don’t put salt on the table I feel judged by then like I have low blood pressure so judge someone else if you serve hash browns at your restaurant you don’t put salt on the table what you’re saying to me is when it gets better
that nothing makes you question what you’re truly saying like the vision of someone just walking out your like wait what am I doing what are you doing
it doesn’t matter they might have diarrhea so they’re not trying to send that signal but it makes you to really think twice I think everyone who’s ever talking should always have to have an image of someone walking out of a tent while they’re talking
so we’re going to play a second round of her new campaign in Pathfinder everybody
damn that leave you weren’t you weren’t with us for the first time for the for the pilot episode but I certainly looked into your last week’s DND Spencer you’re going to catch us up at your kind of coming in pretty fresh like you’ll be easily caught up on this pray for us
I’ll come grab you.
I think that yeah one thing that’s going to
going to be tough cuz we’re going to have to like make sure we hear each other it’s a tent
we’re doing stuff is going into Canon Carter was Isaac what is that results in feedback you know they they the right away but never been in a rock band
alright I’m just looking for my character sheet
it’s fine
tears are not doing anything.
All right you guys left time what town was in Peril and they dispatched the church that is to say you guys to help solve the problem upon seeing you immediately demanded entrance pushed past the homeowners and went upstairs to a cop to child
bedridden you attack the child and punched him in the face luckily it turned out he was possessed by a demon so it wasn’t like entirely terrible but it was a ghost came out oboy the demon attacked and you guys didn’t know what was going on and so you told the mom to make some bad soup like Addams family and then you left and then it was over that’s all what kind of okay don’t have is my list of spells yep
I feel like you you like it that I’m not prepared yeah it’s great I’m really digging this list of my spells on the slack
I’ll try you know I mean the other thing is the
going on to Slagle require me to shut off my iPad and turn it back on so I can get on the AT&T fucking Network an interesting I just spend this adventure eating shit and die a Bealls or you could cast healing spells it’ll be great. So where are you guys you guys you just left the house and diarrhea Juniors there
hey guys how’s it going I finally caught up with you after you left me in the last Village to clean up that mess you made yeah well you know we have the wagon and the horses and you know I’m 6 I mean 6 you were late and so we we left without you
all right well I’m here now what did I miss the child and we didn’t know how to get rid of the demon ghost so we left and we’re going to go investigate these burned-out ruins over here we think let’s do it I mean do you have any spells that you think I could get a demon out of a out of a child I’m just a fighter me under your wing
I’m coming on the ceremony is this is like reunions I don’t and you and I went ahead and bring you explained my work here is done and then everything was on fire and I had to stay behind and just put out the fires and
and you are so you’re kind of like an assistant to me whatever you won’t think
all right
yeah Hey DJ you’re not as a sister you’re you’re you’re a priest of the silver flame just like he is just like I am don’t let him talk to you like that I appreciate him and he can say what do you want to know how I feel like he’s walking all over you let’s go check out those ruins that were across the from the street from the kid that I punched you walk over there and you see the charred burnt ruins of what looks like it was a barn and then I house there’s only kind of the skeletal structure of black and building
I investigate the black and charred oh man it looks like it was a recent fire there’s ashes everywhere
do either of you have any magical ability to kind of find important things while my iPad boots
I take out my magnifying lens oh shit and examine the charring wood
you see that the floorboards don’t line up perfectly hidden among the ashes in the dust there seems to be the outline of some sort of trapdoor something it looks like there’s a trapdoor nicely done Squire thank you
let’s examine it
can I do a trapdoor I pick up like a like a chunk of like burnt would throw it at the trap door to see if it brings any mechanism it kind of hit hits has if it’s like a little Hollow underneath it but otherwise it just laying up the door you do that inside you see to charge
appropriate
I investigated to see if there’s any identifying like clothing or marks or anything like that not really they seem really heavily burned is if they perished in the blaze a human female yeah they look like this is really upsetting to me so I take out my foldable shovel and start digging Graves for them
I just examine the corpse is more like what are they were they wearing clothes or they close gone closer like kind of the only see the barest remnants of it but they seems like heavy heavy duty clothes like blue collar clothing can what can we tell that one was female and one is male cuz it might be James and his wife but they said burn the house down or left can’t really tell the skeletons are too. Is there anything else is worth looking at check out the rest of the Tramp area know it just looks like the bodies are just kind of stuck underneath the house so I think somebody burned down the town and hit the corpses down here
wow
wait you think somebody burn down the house and then went back into the burned down house and yeah another theory would be the date that that someone came here to to bully these people and they hid themselves in the place where they could be hidden and then because the people couldn’t find them they simply Break Down The House of these people died with the fire
that’s a possibility or they wanted to die together and they lit the house on fire and then lock the door and they just hugged and burned to death
diarrhea Junior don’t you have some kind of looking glass that you were using oh yeah can you check their privates like that because I just feel like I had you look closer I’ll do my best for the pelvis or something like that and start to examine their groin area if they’re all burnt up it’s all fucking burnt to death it’s all fucking burn to death
I got a hunch at the fire like her but I don’t like I don’t like this at all
I’m not Chad that the bird corpse like her I moved the corpses where do you move them out of the whole you do that I was okay is there anything beneath them know it just kind of looks like it was underneath the floorboards and then they kind of just put a new blank in there to make it look like it wasn’t it seems like you guys didn’t make it here on time
I go out onto the what what if what kind of thing is that to say
you know you left the other town early and it’s just really bummed
you know we left when we got the call from our Superior is this a to come in because bad things have happened that mean if we got here and nothing that happens if we probably wouldn’t have gotten that call and maybe if we don’t dwell on who’s the blame for what will get to the next place faster cuz I really like this is awful when you do to a Outer Perimeter cuz I feel like a people are going to burn a house they’re going to do it from the outside after they’ve filled it with accelerant like they did at WinCo
Texas
and I just want to do a perimeter around the burnt house like knowing where the house was if I was going to burn a house
from the outside that perimeter and walk it and look for anything before an object’s anything it doesn’t look like that it looks like the outside wasn’t as burnt as the inside so interesting so burnt from the inside guys figured that out do you think that it was magic or just regular fire hard to say do we see any tracks leading in any direction
no
no trash how far outside of town are we in town There’s the towns and then there’s the Farmland which is you know pretty large swaths of property and then there’s more kind of town e building if one of my skills as knowledge parentheses Arcana that maybe qualify me to know the difference between artisan and like maybe a fire yeah you can tell it’s a magically started fire and I pinpoint where the measure we started fire started from the inside like the main room can I go to that main room so is that where the corpses were no not exactly but it’s close it’s like the house was small and there’s only one main room is kind of just the frame like a structure so there’s not really rooms anymore so you’re just kind of in the middle of it when I go to that spot just because I do want to you know a sorrow Ash Ash Ash burnt wood
horses into town and go I mean like this clearly there’s something going on we got to possess child across the street we got clearly either a double homicide or a double suicide here do we need to go back across the street to help it possess child I think put a pin in him
whatever you say boss in the wagon into the town you entered it seems that there’s a small hill and there’s just like seven or eight buildings kind of situated around the hill most of them just seem like little houses and then there’s a winding path that goes up up a hill and towards a wooded area and right on the edge of the woods you can see that the stone church building
great I should probably check in at the church at 7 I could have go to the church at this point it’s late at night
sorry sorry Rick The Masonry is impressive and expensive in the front door is old and weathered on the door you can see cracks in the wood and Nails poking through as if the door’s been reinforced rate recently you can hear the sounds of snoring coming just from Beyond the Door
the people that mail themselves inside the church all right I’m not going to church door hello who’s there who’s there no one should come in at night it’s too late who’s coming in inquisitors
can I find the Church of the silver flame
we’re here to Richard town of evil forces will prove it if I prove it you’re going to spend a long time nailing that door why don’t you just opening the bags Brett I can’t backup
he doesn’t respond my name is Carlos the unimaginative
the silver flame I said what do you mean prove it we don’t have fax machines I I will have somebody put their head up to the door that’s sick
he opens the door it just opens despite all those Nails. Ok
hey what’s up thanks so much for coming what’s your name patches patches patch ends with an n
passions which of the nail door people been trying to break in or something I don’t know I just do what I’m told people my experience that I just heard people saying that happened are you allowed at nail up the door are you alone in here everyone sleeping I’m what just watching guard
don’t let anyone in
how many people live here or 5 I can’t count
we should probably wake up your bosses and let him know we’re here are you sure I mean it’s late this is important there’s evil at work in your town all right you know what they say if it’s worth nailing a church door shut it’s worth waking people that work in church up
all right he does that he takes you through the church yeah you just does that eventually here at the door just a door you don’t know what door it is because they’re not labeled passions knocks on the door and you can hear sir experiences like sir sir they’re here the inquisitors are here and he can hear just kind of a mumbling and then like a fumbling and summer an old and old looking guy comes up he looks gross he’s like a fat gross old man he’s wearing one of those really long night caps and he comes up please like and what is this what’s the deal
we’re inquisitors from the silver flame Church on Carlos this is Chad this is diarrhea Junior you can call them DJ how do we know we can trust you we will now can’t you see by the church of the silver flame Glory we we we show that we show him our silver flame he looks at her like way too long and is really suspicious of them but eventually it’s like
okay alright whatever you guys having some kind of problem trusting people that you’ve been look like people you should trust yeah everyone’s gone evil has taken root in this town and its rising up all over the place we don’t know where to turn and who to trust is a terrible situation we don’t even know to trust you and how do we trust you exactly that’s the problem I’m having
all right I turn my back to him and hold my arms out to the side and I just fall back for it
he catches you
I like it that’s a good start LOL do it he’s holding Jeff still alright well then that’s fine it’s all fine everyone wins day we like to do that everywhere we go just to show you no matter how big your problem is not as big as you think follows perfect can you if you tell us what what what has happened exactly that tell you why it why are you hiding in here we don’t know exactly we just know that evil is loose evil spirits are messing with people and cars and evil we think the Spinners are sinning and God is taking his wrath out on us
we’re here to fix that because we evil for breakfast and we ship goodness clean
are any tips on how to do that you have to your job you’re the experts right yeah I mean can you take us from the moment when things were normal by your definition to when they started to get bad thing is back as far as you can I don’t know it just seems like it all started when Tom Tom was getting weird seems his kid came down with some sickness and ever since then it’s been going down at kid died we don’t know if it was a punishment for his evil Archer
yeah that was the first kid yep didn’t have two kids yeah the one that you punched
are you saying that the Father Tom is it is evil to you don’t trust him I don’t know but he’s been acting all fucked up like an evil person would
we were we were pushing the Rock
well that’s what we had what you say every time we go to a movie theater and I like I like how can a kid be to blame but at the same time he was the one screaming
wow I didn’t know I know to use language that I shouldn’t be able to use I thought that was more of a side quest when we came into the turns out that was a story or maybe maybe not but he’s the Jerseyville we just know going forward that we don’t we can’t trust everybody when we meet
brother other possessed people are there other possessed people what are you talking about possession right back and I could do it for this why are you talking about, child Cliff as a ghost peppers all of them with a name like Phil that like means you’re from hell I think we never asked for as long as his last name well I know his last name because he’s a person in my Village oh yeah
call he fell from Grace I don’t know your last name doesn’t say whether you’re evil that doesn’t make sense you’re born with your last name you’re a nonbeliever shut up with your heresy alright sidebar about this guy is it as we go up like this guy wants to murder a family what if he’s the bad guy and I mean I think like fake news since motive I misunderstood what was your name what is my name
do second sense motive
you do a sense motive oh man he’s obviously freaking out he’s like a paranoid man who’s terrified like as if he’s he’s thinking the world is going to fall on his shoulders and everything he does is motivated by fear my name is Bill stokan Waller
Phil Hogan Waller
alright spill when you’re clearly not in your right mind so Sit down you’re going to tell us everything would you be in your right mind of demons and whatever people are shown up talking about ghosts it’s fucked up yeah so now empty your not write mine so the people with the brighter Minds can take in your information digest it and go do more right shift than you’ve done that Tom is a real piece of shit he’s coming knocking on my church door asking for help we’re trying to deal with evil we can’t be helping people he’s here all over the place we had to lock our doors and bolt them so he wouldn’t be coming in a fucked-up let’s go back and talk to Tom sounds like a victim with a sick kid in a corrupt Society I mean what what else were you dealing with that you thought Tom wasn’t a priority people are all fucked up is Evel Knievel’s in the town and everyone’s being fucked up look at you you’re
maybe we both have a lot to learn
you have anything to give us on our on our Quest here I got some holy water can I see it can I see it after what I heard happened last time I think somebody else should hold the holy water when why did you waste our holy water equals how many more holy water and I hope that wasn’t all of it are you going to just fucking throw it anything for you people and in a safe Manner and tell you where it is
where is it it’s right here and then he leaves I follow him all right he goes back to bed
I stand at the foot of his bed and stare at him bro anything at me I won’t I pick up the holy water it’s okay you fill up a bottle or something yeah I’ll fill up my one of my three glass jars of my fear of being left out
I follow that to the holy water all right
all right fine I fill up my holy water. All the holy water has bigger fish to fry okay but what
doesn’t work what if we go back to Tom’s house and it doesn’t nothing like what we just out of our element have we won’t know if we don’t try to investigate the town a little bit
so what I just can’t hear Jeff for whatever reason we’re going to investigate the town you go back into the town there’s a there’s a hill full way it’s night time you’re going in the nighttime all right there’s a hill to see a bunch of houses that seem to be asleep
how much did take a shit in the street or something so we can end you look for a town Bell in find none
do you really want me to take a shit in the street the adventure bags what is that designed to accomplish with holy water we get weed we have 7 minutes so I can do it I can always come back and take a shit I’ll be really embarrassed about it but
I knock on the door Tom wake up
all right it takes a while but eventually you here so much pain or what what do you want get away from my house
I dropped my keys I got to take my keys are here somewhere I don’t care about that I think I don’t have a memory like this is insane that I’d let you back into my house at 3 in the morning after what is to inspire all right it starts burning
now you’re not a problem
I take out my water skin and trying to put out the fire okay you do that I’m going to go around back all right I was burning the door down yeah well it is still burning but it’s being damp in like it’s starting to be extinguished what’s your strength is pain you don’t kick it in your kick it with your little gnome foot DJ what were you doing I’m going around back because I saw that documentary about Waco and I know that that’s where the innocent foltest will try to run out of
and I want to be able to possibly pick them off with automatic gunfire okay still on the ATF or FBI but not really okay, Terry over till it’s your 90s therapist all right your stations there behind the door
what’s your strength bonus
sorry sorry hold on it’s coming up my strength is 12 my ability modifier is plus one Talking Tom
hey Tom I’m I’m just another guy I wasn’t here earlier my name is DJ and I have this holy what I really if you let me in I think I can help your child how convincing do you think that was I mean you’ve got no other options with these two guys I know they didn’t do a great job but that’s why they brought me here Dorinda Jacob strong Chicken in I don’t want to I don’t want to resort to violence but I am strong enough to kick this door down it’s just please just let me in and let me help your child so fuck you
all right I’m going to kick the door in this a great tactic I mean we’re great right you also jump
and a bunch of objects start raining down on your head
rocks mostly
you’ll get hit by a rock all of us all right you eat steak sticks is heavy rocks are hurled from the second-story window onto your head I’m in the back there in the front right not using sorry I did I forgot about that I’m great at this
we should do a rap
ladies and gentlemen you have been present at Mountain View LOL Jonestown California somewhere within an hour of Los Angeles by plane Indian festival filled with any number of ones and zeros capitalize and
I said hello then I said hi it was it was a greeting oh shit it’s some combination of references Jerry comes to Security Site I feel safer already wheelchair
Chris Brown yeah
my name is h a r m o n your name is it
we’re going to do this
before you put in your foot
5300 North 10th Place
well I got to go episode and I’m not in Oregon because we belong together
what’s your name what’s your name and everybody everybody everybody everybody
call Jeff Davis
you’re married, thank you so much enjoy the rest of gradients