Episode: 316 – Amy Grant Made My Puberty and My Atheism Happen

Episode

Episode: 316 – Amy Grant Made My Puberty and My Atheism Happen

Description

Dan and the gang kick off 2019 with everyone’s expanded feelings on airlines, Dan’s engagement, charitable giving and Paul Rudd. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden, Kevin Day and Jesse Camp.

Transcript

check one two one two I all doing
alright what’s up with that shiny hat I like that is a prion the house of you
all right is January 7th
from the dining table to save up Chapel Doolittle’s
Hermantown is now in session
let’s welcome out our game Master Spencer Crittenden Everybody Plays
what you got in that bad o school supplies and pencil shavings
call boy
Happy New Year
it’s good to be back I really missed you guys we missed each other I miss doing this yay
I miss doing this as much as your mom
bring me bring me back.
Do it more like an iron maiden like more like rock and roll
power from the devil when I eat your pussy when I eat
the section of the abdomen that is located I get out of here Egghead I’m sorry
invited me to the recording get out of here
knock knock is Ice-T like a feeling like ba it’s not business it’s personal when I eat your pussy business come on what is MC gun-control think about eating pussy
alright welcome back everybody god dammit like you know all the fantasies you have in your head of like let’s start doing the podcast again that’s just all goes to shit
in the first five seconds
do this do that now we did it now it’s all I’m back to being jaded again oh no
yeah thank you I got engaged yeah
it’s so cool I always said yeah obviously as a divorcee like I love you kids can’t relate to this like like it away after all and I I endorse you like I think like use marriage as an expression like Les Claypool express yourself like a great marriage but I think the typical person is like no marriage is for Keeps and that’s why I hate it or I love it or whatever I never saw myself as a divorcee I loved my wife like I proposed to my lovely lovely wife my partner my best friend we were together for a probably record minimum amount of time
and but I always wish I was like that would say to Cody like look you want to put a ring on this finger like do it but the one thing I can’t do is be like will you also marry me that seems a problematic because it’s like the proposals coming for the one guy that’s like like you’re already established that your opinion of who should be married flawed
is this logic not tracking like don’t get married and then get divorced my therapist said the same thing which is not really because it’s disrespecting your butt
no fucking you got to do it this time but but Cody proposed to you and the whole thing yeah she did she almost drowned it was cuz it was in Tahiti and she was she picked her spot and she did the thing and she had rehearsed it and she was up to her neck and water and she proposed to me I knew it was coming eventually but I didn’t know it was coming there are you going to take the name Hillary going to keep the highwomen I would like to take because I would like to die
I’ve been through this whole thing like I only like I I could see was very therapeutic like a woman got down on her knee and said
but but but but but
would you marry me and I I was like holy faak I knew this was happening I knew this was happening and then I’m like holy shit is happening now and then I’m like honestly to be honest and share with you this is not a binary decision you make however it gets reduced if somebody says you at the halftime show of a no I won’t marry you there’s if there’s a little bit of a push their where you’re like yeah of course first and foremost yes and but there’s a processor in the back of your head for your like what’s happening how is this going to work your UCB training kicked in at this point I think everyone’s UCB training kicks in every world doesn’t need you to be training that was the start of a thing of Education vacation where I was like in the background I didn’t share this with Cody at all I shared it with my therapist but I was like everyday since I said yes to this proposal I had been confronted
anxiety is like a woman just proposed to you and you said yes and what have you given up what are you doing what’s going on and it’s it made me kind of like go through these thoughts in my head where I was like well first of all now I can get as fat as I want
but then counter there’s like no you now have to get sinner than you’ve ever been with but your your your license to speak is too liberal
curtail it exactly
Free Speech zone is in my butt my butt sir when a guy proposes to a woman the guy it doesn’t matter like to remove all of your politics about who pays for what and all the stuff like the bottom line is that a guy is like thinking about it and then buying a ring and it which is what Cody had to do and like it’s just that power of like when you hit the buzzer I knew Cody was going to propose to me I was in love with her I wanted her to propose to me I didn’t know it was going to happen then but that makes it like like like like
she gets she gets to hit the buzzer in the game show of like we’re married she told me she should I don’t want to hear that you got their way in that’s awful
I told you don’t do it
anxiety hanging over me I don’t know how much we’ve been had to do with the fact that I’ve been married and I fucked it up like I don’t want to do that would you have proposed to her if she hadn’t, I don’t know if I would have I told her I told everybody within shouting range it was like look I love marriage so I proposed to my ex-wife it didn’t work out so good there for what right do I have to it felt like it’s like what does it mean for me to get on one knee and say hey you know what
I got a feeling this one’s made it seems like to me there’s an elephant in that room where it’s like yeah but what are you know you’re dying in this big change that doesn’t know whether or not you should be proposing to someone you already did it and it was always an open joke between me and Cody cuz she’s and she was like what if I ever propose to you am I the day you proposed to me your fucking automatic gas I love you I want to be with you for the rest of my life but hopefully there’s not a lot of couples were someone’s like by the way
shoot or get off the pot that’s a girl
like we perceive it that way but the truth is that you’re like it’s more of a Continuum and and so that’s why I said of course I said yes because of course the answer is yes and then for the next two days unbeknownst to Cody I was sort of like in my head it was like
why do I feel uneasy and the answer is because this wasn’t I didn’t I missing like the way you miss your wallet are your keys I’m missing my agency
it’s not like this isn’t what I wanted it’s just that I didn’t I’m like I’ve been shocked like corn of like something that doesn’t protect me anyway it doesn’t matter I didn’t want it but I was like it’s gone I didn’t it was I didn’t even know I wanted it and then I started to think in my head it was like why don’t you run through some exercises like like what’s your worst nightmare is like okay well I’m been I’ve been taken so it’s my job to serve this woman for the rest of my life and that actually kind of made me start like I was sort of like like I was thinking in my head it was like What if you were like property what if you had been taken what if you had no agency what if somebody had looked at you and said I want that
and you were like okay I’ll okay I’ll let you take that and like I don’t want you to leave me so I guess I better be on my toes from now on as opposed to this other subjects in the more I push the weirdest opiate narrative where it was like What if you actually were just a slave what if you were a servant what it what is your nightmare what is the worst they what do we fear about what it what are these symbols represent ring on your finger like ring on my finger I doing this I take that my father pays for this you that I give you gives you away is transactional stuff and that and then I clicked like thinking about it like my part of it and going like what if I was like a damsel What if I
it came out I liked it I was like oh like like like this is the good side of the equality thing like that ya fuking I don’t want to deal with this shit like doesn’t every guy wanted like ourselves like aren’t insults complaining about like don’t like big they say the women are just giving me sex like what do you think they’d be happy it’s like we live in a world where women could like walk up to them and go you in so I choose you I like your cheekbones can you make breakfast
would they be willing to like just like like meet him halfway a little bit cuz according their website and now they know they want a world where like women are like you can get them in the mail and stuff but somewhere in the middle there’s like partnership or it’s like me which I really I really like that feeling.
Yes I will take her name because I kind of don’t like Dan Harmon anymore it won’t it won’t be because it’ll be conveniently going like an empty our let’s call it Hellertown and let’s say you have to change your monogram on your towels the same
that’s that’s the bottom line like when you see Jed Apatow walking down the road to go ahead to uh you’re going to get married I know it’ll be at she’s so lazy it’ll be it’ll be a million years she was so excited about proposing to a guy and making him that I was I was I’ll be honest I was stunned by the feminist Triumph I was really taken aback that’s all she wanted to shoot that’s the thing it really I was even know how to feel about this now if we get married you want to but yeah it’ll be five years possum Rob schrab will be officiating will be in Death Valley between two rocks like it’ll it’ll be there’ll be eight people that what if you guys love each other so much that you just made me to other shrub
I even come down and Cody shrub
call Hubby good prove your love I would love to prove my love is loud sneeze and family on boat sounds like a hot one fucking insanely loud sneezing family on as we came back from Tahiti like we went to the island like we got on the return boat like you got to go back to the times your dream is over it’s time to stop you going to go back home now that’s what you’re getting back on the boat as it’s just like and you’re back on the boat with whoever whoever else’s dream is expired and there was this family and they’re just like they were from Dallas I glean that but it’s like Cody was like how like what is the point
sneeze if you haven’t sneezed it yet cuz there was this person back there we didn’t they were there just like
you so much and the only funny part of the story is that we went through what we perceived as this whole like Journey we’re we’re like we’re trying to get back home and Americans are just a small taste of like I think we’re a little privilege it because we were in the middle of like a part of the navel of the world where like English is not exactly like the it’s not like everyone’s panicking if they don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about where it’s like I don’t think I’ve ever traveled outside of the American hegemony and I going to Tahiti you kind of Interest French hegemony where like it’s like look everyone’s bigs English we get it but and the truth is like I am a property of French hegemony so I have a French accent and I will speak to you in French because you’re like this first world person into it
if you’re if you’re like I don’t know French do you like can I play Minecraft in my room and they’re like who the fuck are you you’re a monster like leave the airports are like speaking French over speakers imagine that Nightmare and you’re like no wonder everyone just crowds the gate instead of letting me take my first class seat. You got you got you and and and Cody are like goes really shit we’re like I can’t I don’t know whatever it’s it’s all good like I don’t know what’s happening they called my name did you forget your name called an airport terrifying
happened to me once did you marry with you guys to the thing for whatever I run oh my God I got to get out of work let me oh my God like I’m interfering with the operation of a fucking thing so like French airport in the beginning but ended up like a ventriloquist dummy in a Twilight Zone movie is I don’t know am I supposed to throw you across the room
is it going to turn out that I was you the whole time and I just just just just just watch just watch and just take it easy no one can hear what you’re referring to a really is it
all right so that there’s a voice just like it’s like I could come on
just did a thing
5
no but that’s so terrified in another language
all right well I obviously like what happened
I wish I was craving magical comedy
Jeff Chavis
people you’re doing great you’re doing admirably given that
I know you’re you’re all we every night you’re I mean every Monday night you’re absolutely up against shit probably other Knights to but definitely Monday night so I’m seeing it right now in a French airport a French controlled airport and then getting through a go up to the counter like Cody’s back there like they called my name and my name is never been called like I always thought that they were they called your name it was because like you weren’t there for something or you’re going to lose your seat I got all the way up to the counter it was so I mean the amount of people whose lives I impinged upon hitting babies heads because I’m like, I’m like I don’t understand I got a foot and everyone’s like stand in the
they just standing because all they know is that the people are speaking in French and what they’re saying is that the plane’s going to take off and so everyone’s just compressed like a fucking like Lego sculpture and so you have to actively music through that if they got like damn I can’t hold like I have no choice I would never do this to anyone I ran my American Express card met my assistant did I like like I I don’t I did this I I subscribe to a team of human experience that doesn’t involve me ever touching you or you touching me I am in the mid I am like trying to bustle like like every single human being is like has a right to look at you like what are you doing you horrible Spirit why are you pushing me and touching my child head and like fucking like
I just want to see all of them I don’t want to do this they called my name at the desk that says whether you can get on the plane or not and I just like excusing more people plays about your baby’s head in the entire thing I’m sorry and someone took a shit on the floor and it’s because I didn’t get all the way up to this thing in there like I said you called my name is Miss your home run yeah they’re like
for real for I swear to Christ they literally said just checking
what were they worried about you like never know because it’s just checking I don’t like I’m feel like Liam Neeson in Taken like a mortal who is Cody like part of a white slavery ring now like I just left her like I do you don’t understand these airports are not American
they’re downright French
you don’t need three things in their their churches weird even
we like hard toast
American toast we call it
I may never die I just saying it’s weird it’s like
I look American test I love it to love that sucks in this thing when the people are speaking English over the intercom it’s already muddled near like for me I’m on the edge all the time like I don’t understand what the fuck you’re saying eat the fucking Mike what are you saying appointment time with lactose
and everyone just like understandably goes look man I understand you like a hierarchy in one of two ways either either everything’s taken care of because I have no autonomy or I fucking like nothing’s taken care of because I have all the time to make your Airlines telling you everything you have no autonomy and nothing is taken care of they tell you what that’ll be three hundred bucks to go to Seattle if someone pays three thousand bucks they have a right to tell you you’re a piece of shit we’re not going to police it though right like now boarding now it’s closer to my job and then I’m exciting I would tell him I got to give me so much fucking anxiety and she’s like in coding
the one sunny side of the street is it least we’re away from this fucking sneezing people
you know I’d airport terminals. The seats are back to back like they absolutely like you’re traveling with you they’re on their way to the fucking America it was really funny I’m glad to be back I had a hard time traveling I don’t like other white people I guess I don’t know what went what my point is you hate Airlines and so you like you’re expressing your anxiety about what a lot of people have anxiety about obviously a dehumanizing event and yes I I guess I am speaking from place of privilege or whatever where I’m like you know I don’t get it like I only leave my house for one
and I was like and then I always like go hey send them a million dollars in advance like when I get there could they just treat me like a fucking like something above a mosquito and the answer is always like absolutely not no happy to take your money very enthusiastic about the extendable package where you can extend your human legs to a point where you don’t actually sustained permanent damage find American Airlines we love your million-dollar so it remember where the airline where you can extend your legs a little bit and then you get there and they’re just like
are you off and get the fuck back in line you piece of shit and you know I fucking paid a lot of money in there like that’s not ask to talk to see if it’s your fucking shoes up and I’m like okay I get it it’s the government that’s cool that’s fucking cool that’s all right a little bit of back and forth to each Airline they pick and choose whether or not you get to the fires my shoes I got to go people don’t care what you do but you could stay what state is Gibraltar a fuking idiot
it’s humiliating and it shouldn’t be required necessarily to go visit Grandma for Christmas if I don’t see us into thinking that they’re doing us a favor but there’s money changing hands so where’s the favor and you look like you have a an irrational hatred of Airlines I have an aggressive agent of Airline, because if I’m going to die and I am I didn’t mean like that
okay let’s walk through this for a second and if you like this podcast right like some people pay for the pockets you paid to get in here right so like okay I’m going to I’m going to put you in a metal tube
and I’m going to fling you into the air

and if you even talk I’ve talked to like aerodynamics
no I don’t know like a person that went to school for the trip now it’s just really not that big a deal you know the big things on the winds like they suck in the air and then they push it out the other side that’s how you stand
where’s the air coming from what year in the air like a paper airplane
it’s not like
well then you can’t hook good luck I guess your grandma’s going to die without talking to you about you okay I’ll get her fucking every industry I’d like to go visit my grandma which airline treated me well
again everything you’re doing is exactly as what I’m thinking.
Go to an airport and go I like every industry that did this to you think they would be outlawed you can’t go to an airport and my grandma died
I need to get to Seattle by not like any other industry like five companies would be like hit grandma died like get on the fucking grandma Caravan like we’re going to give you a face mask. I think and then other the price-fixing thing would be like they would compete with each other like I don’t mean to be a Libertarian but fuck you like but don’t fucking give an industry like the ability to not compete with each other is down honestly are you just admit that you’re just nervous traveler and you’re freaking out about the fact that yes travel is a is tedious and the lots of Hoops to jump through but you’re just nervous traveler and your how is it different from
bring a nervous eater are you nervous if you go to a restaurant and you don’t like I’m sorry like like I don’t want to eat something is going to kill me or I don’t want to I don’t want to eat like someone who has a bunch of bones in it are you the asshole if the restaurant so fuck you you wanted to eat at 3 funeral and it’s in Texas and a certain time I have absolutely no choice over which airline I travel on I don’t have any choice at all they have a monopoly they’re about traveling and I don’t want to die at the hands of fuck was like I I I I I want I want the skies to be filled with planes I want to go to the airport and Anna I want I want I want people to be standing outside the airport and be like where you going where you going to let me hook you up
Emily what’s going on here is like what you doing who you grab it. I’ll get you there alone come on let’s see what you got a hold on a second what’s this guy said it’s like we’re short of Steve Carell movie we’re going to fucking rub your feet playing like I want to fucking
it’s an American right it’s good it’s good it doesn’t make it bad
I understand you can’t drink vodka or vodka I’m worried about what you’d have no choice and then you get on the plane I thought the peak when I saw them suffocated dog I was like well that ought to wake up a few know no damn man half to death and dragged him off a plane these are terrible corporations big get together and compare
why can’t screw screw I like why is it why should they be able to take money from you I love I love them the population are 30% of population hey welcome to a new white chocolate Luger experience like they don’t say hey do you like white chocolate it will take your money to give us a subscription to chocolate and if you want to make sure it’s white fight the people that like regular chocolate just fight him for it because it’s first come first. I’m almost certain this metaphor holds up
the airline industry is the only sheltered totally non capitalistic like fucking sheltered weird biodome where a class of society is allowed to drive afraid of flying just said why can’t it be by the way how many fucking 60 in the air that’s the ultimate outrageous you’re selling a dream such a giant piece of metal shouldn’t be in the air why can’t it be both think yeah I just fucking travesty I take it back you love flying you loved one
I don’t I love being on the plane I love Minecraft and I likely give a
it’s true he’s right you’re right you’re just terrified of travel or being around other people with frostbite corporate entities that are conspiring to fuck America and other countries they are hurting people they’re beating them up and killing animals punched his face and tell his face was bleeding and dragged him off a plane and the corporation that did that is doing just as much business as they are legally empowered to do that that doesn’t fuk with you when you’re like listening to their safety video that doesn’t talk with you a little bit literally you will have police come on board the plane and drag a man off the plane and then they’re like don’t forget to blow your blah lipop if we if we if we fucking do have an oversight come on man
Jim do a metal tool in The Shootist like a lawn dart across the country like we got to do it or Grandma will yell at us like like so we got to do it and then you can’t you don’t get a choice when you’re like your grandma’s sick and you you go online and you’re like my grandma is sick so I got to I got to go to see from LA to Seattle you don’t get the fucking shoes you definitely do not get to choose likes how you travel like this year is it that little say this Airline will go from LA to Seattle and the end like a fucking lie to you don’t go like you you can’t even imagine the shift is a variable like you go like I’m going to go from LA to Seattle to see my grandma get buried and then you’re like I’m going to bring my laptop to your grandma is going to be a grandma get married do I plug in my laptop I thought I thought I could plug in my fucking laptop and you’re like or if it’s broken but a flight attendant
and they’re like what
what I know like I had just don’t can’t plug in was like it doesn’t work that way it okay I guess I have a fucked up I guess I just fucked up I just thought maybe she needs the model of plane like it maybe you shouldn’t fly anymore it maybe that’s not your thing anymore or I should love the company that’s been assigned to me that’s great maybe you shouldn’t drink water anymore or fucking take it the way Nestle gives it to you if you want to travel across the country which could mean the difference between you getting fired or promoted maybe you should if you’re so passionate about whether or not you don’t want to be treated like an animal maybe you should
fly that makes sense like a hey maybe if you don’t like technology just one of you ride a horse around in the circle will everyone takes a train across the country your side of the argument doesn’t need to be fucking support it’s called entropy or Evolution they can call it whatever you want but it’s the side that doesn’t need any help I’m over here with the other people getting sneezed on and going to do that you were like oh shit we’re going to go out of business unless we treat these people are human beings fucking Zagnut faster hold themselves to that standard and you walk me through that if you make socks tuna chairs anything like there is literally one industry is that where it where they’re like oh did you get a suffix
the dog shit so sorry anyways him and they have that like I was bristling this feature the video where they’re like you know you got a legally comply with all commands that means like if there’s someone on the power trip was like Hey bark like a dog you piece of shit like technically speaking by the law you would have to do that otherwise they could then call security to beat you up and drag you taste out of the building and out of the plane I don’t think I don’t think that will ever happen but when I watch that stuff it’s like yeah that’s what they’re saying is yet technically speaking we will tell you whatever you we want you to do and we’ll beat you up which I mean is the law it’s a bit scary I mean I don’t know their safety video is a wrap or at like 11:00 this robots and like if you see something coming out of the are you have to put a life
under your chair in anybody’s lives but this is actually matter where I’m at creatively but I’m like didn’t make any mistakes the people in charge of whether I live or die. To make a little choreography thing and I’m not seeing any evidence that translates into Jesus Christ how are you going to get the landing gear down compare that to what’s the one that’s like the George Gershwin thing where they’re like are no no no it’s the one that’s like the rip-off of Michel gondry what’s the airline that were like the brunette flight attendant it’s like is it American I think it might be saying when she’s like that like very charismatic brunette it’s like hey welcome to whatever the
she’s like now let me walk you through it and then she walks to and it’s like the stepped out gondry ask thing with his legs stop motion of all but there’s also like a live-action and it’s like but it’s like you’re watching it you’re like oh they fucked up that takes of images short cut it and I’m like what are they going to do if we find a mountain all right like I mean you’re inviting me to make that scrutiny like don’t don’t don’t fucking all you got to do is like have a person like on the video screen. But I might have Jerry off while you’re playing I promise you it’s a flake like during that video he’s like I promised to fly your plane but not playing fuk fuk fuk take it again and they keep it in I have a right to be like what the fuck am I on I had to do while he’s not an actor he’s a pilot I’m like yeah but your company doesn’t give a fuck I had to do we’re flying from somewhere to somewhere like over the Rockies and the guy I think we’re leaving out of either way
Nevada Arizona and the guy had cowboy boots on and he was our pilot and he got in there any kind of like Yosemite Sam there’s no way we’re going to go through some extreme turbulence so I want you to put your seatbelt on and what you just wrap them in real tight cuz work at you’re going to be bouncing all over to join the Telemetry from the three planes ahead of us then we’re going to go to the radio’s top stuff I didn’t put your put your seatbelt on and strap them down low and tight and he wasn’t joking we were we were fucking all over the giant I just said he was he kept laughing I wasn’t lying to you I just wish I had Yosemite Sam at the fucking I don’t like when they don’t say it everywhere and Cody was out like a light
I was like oh my God like the pilot would come on and be like it could be of them. I don’t know what they say he might be like I got to admit to you in a little bit afraid right now but his voice was just polite in French and I was like everyone was asleep and I’m like I’m the only one that knows we’re going to die I I do need I was listening to Radiolab about War of the Worlds they and they touch. Just this idea of the patriarchal kind of like the idea of the news industry the the the the male Father Figure going first of all everything is fucked second of all it’s okay I’m in charge and how that’s being sold at who created that with the news industry and things thank you you it if you heard a woman’s voice like you have to ask yourself like if you heard a female Pilots place like it’s a psychosexual like thing to ask yourself like what
what do we need from news anchors pilots and things like how much are you being sold you have everything to fear but I’m here with you I’m loot Wolf Blitzer like you’re going to you’re about to see a flash in the background iaea I would love a Yosemite Sam guy going like
I do need that cuz I was I was like why am I in charge of when something goes wrong which is what the good horror movie or narrative like does to use it takes your it takes your guardian away before about the time I thought we were going to crash in a plane at my friend Frank me to tell it the deepest theme of the story was that you’re amazing and you don’t fear death know we were going to land in Chicago we couldn’t we don’t want Indiana I think just once in a really long ago it was the women that were the flight attendants that were on board that made everybody feel safe and we felt secure and happy because these women that were just like better’n like flight attendants have been through it all week if they’re not nervous we’re not nervous and when we landed
do over the woman came on the common said
we’re back in Indiana
Oh my God and that’s when that’s when we all should our pants
because like she was nervous too but I like we all thought we’re going to die we thought she didn’t think we’re going to die but we found out she thought we were going to die and she is a fucking bad-ass like she’s John Wayne from bucking to look at the longest day we all we all thought we were going to die and she told us so at the very end of a goddamn Let It Go Let It Go
okay this is a nice segue into our next segment which is Jan recommends podcast do you know the etymology of the word Posh no I thought it was a spice
it’s an acronym
I was in his new True Crime podcast is 2 British ladies and one of them shared this is an acronym for in in the olden days and getting too much sun was a definite gateway to being perceived as poor and people started to travel by boat like as an upper-class thing you it was about the strategy of wind to keep the sun on your face and when to keep it off your face Posh stands for port side over starboard home
the side of the boat that you sit on it you don’t want to get too much of a tan right side over to wherever you’re going to keep the sun off I guess right now would be at the Shady Side of the van I guess that’s what the
and that that segues me to do if my signal boost podcast of the lake I’ve listened to so many True Crime podcast but like I can’t like like I found this one red-handed it’s the two British ladies in the height of my enthusiasm for them I’ll give them an offer that I’ve given to David Cummings to come out as like Shruti and Hannah if if this gets back to you and you want to fly first class to the states and then be a guest on the show like I’ll worth it you’ve given me so much I could love to chat with you if you want to come out first class then I will pay for you to come and just such an amazing if it’s in this world of like I don’t know when True Crimes going to hit its peak I think it’s so funny like I just me and Cody Listen to True Crime podcasts all we do be gobbled him up we run out of
31 and Lake every single one is on a different podcast Network at every single podcast network has advertisements for different ones where they’re like it seems like there’s got to be more True Crime podcast than there are people willing to listen or that have ever been murdered by anything is so I but I haven’t hit my pic I just keep going I almost wasn’t able to take these advertisements think it’s really funny to me is
I counted grab people and shake them and go please stop pretending this isn’t ghoulish the NuWave is like we’re going to talk about True Crime you’re going to hear about strangulation and rape and murder but it’s because victims need not be forgotten but the Twist on it where it’s like we’re doing a service I’m like maybe you are maybe or not but come on that’s not what this come on but I cannot do the Keith Morrison the second guy a fucking wanted a perfectly good about people getting murdered are ruined by people that are like when we should make sure
that’s wonderful is it good to do Keith Morrison bashing wild and maybe it’s not to do it again
the world babe no
I would listen to this podcast called The Dream podcast and I recommend it highly it’s about multi-level marketing and how it affects people and it’s crazy apparently all a big scam the only reason it’s still around today is because there’s this big court case that the people were about to go to jail but they have like deep ties to like the government and stuff so they kind of like got the court case thrown out and then in that court case they’re like will check it out here’s the rules for what is and isn’t a multi-level marketing scam and we don’t do that so we’re in the clear and they’re like yep you’re in the clear and then it turned out they made up those rules to prove that they didn’t and no one has rules on what is there isn’t a multi-level in Scamp feel like that’s now the new legal definition is what them lme’s like made to be to avoid and they’re like we aren’t that that’s why we’re not breaking the law but it’s just fundamentally a fraud by the mechanics of the business itself and the only reason that it can always be prosecuted is because there’s not always
efficient evidence to prosecute businesses of stuff but it’s all fundamentally a fraud and it’s crazy because it’s like it’s all this crazy capital of stuff where everyone’s just like preying on people as a business and it gets into like a sex isn’t because there’s all these men who prey on women and get him involved in so they’re making me money for the man but it like it’s secret and so it’s like this weird thing that affects like women and I don’t know it just is it it takes money are both sides of the family is this is really Insidious thing that seemed to completely grasp all of American Business and now American politics and it says it’s a I don’t know it’s like you find out like every problem we have is kind of all connected to the same problem since like holyshit City idea that we aren’t able to recognize what is essentially a not even capitalism it’s like a pyramid scheme or is that like the multi-level marketing at the marketing companies that have gotten away with it for so long at basically
who created the big ugly
we could make that work we just need to keep it rolling for Lobby don’t make it we had no I know I’m trying I’m trying to be helpful
I lost my train of thought anyway
you use the burden of proof is on you to prove that you’re not just jealous of Spencer taking the Conch the the D&D theme in case you want to play they makes well that actually now brings to mind like you were going to do that it was going to kind of you that was Spencer face you’re going to commit Spencer face back me up on this Airline saying oh yeah
the airlines
I’m sorry I was just trying to do my job as a bit like something that like I’ve been really remiss about we’ve been as we’ve got on we love doing this podcast it’s amazing we’ve conquered tized it we’ve corporated it whatever we’re trying to make it like as self-sufficient like a little biodome of like podcast three everywhere that works on it hopefully he’s getting paid to work on it then arduous process takes the joy out of everything of course you can’t just like do something for finding someone’s going to end up getting fucked over we like oh it’s a business it’s harmontown Incorporated and they give this to that person give that that’s along the way I think one of the fun of your things is like one of our silent partner is Kevin Day
who runs the ins-and-outs of like you know like like milk pumping the show out
make him a Target but he’s pretty Bitcoin Rich he’s like kind of like he doesn’t really need the but the bottom line is like a certain point during the incorporation of the podcast who started like
yeah I have a problem and I need some of the money to go away lately and we came up with this thing Kevin can you can you come up can you come up and talk about are saying they want to go.
Kevin David buddy
talk about how to give your money away
so we had talked about like because it’s basically like if you were to do nothing at all given your situation if you’re taking money from the business venture that we had to create an order to make things you would get penalized that’s this is a common theme of capitalism need a right off you need to fix and you’re like look here’s a shoot something that we can’t do both ethically and legally we can’t say to our podcast if you subscribe to the podcast some of your money will go to take care of down syndrome not I don’t actually know what the legality of it but I do know that actually act as a as a pseudo capitalist I would actually say honestly you know if you’re asking someone for $5
should they have a choice as to whether or not one of their $5 goes to this or that you’re going to suffer in silence unless we give some of your money away every month correct and so we came up with these ideas like let’s pick a charity every month and we can renew it at the end of every month but let’s pick with pick something that your money goes to his you don’t need it and you need to write it off get it out of your hands so you don’t get penalized for it right like what I really wanted to do was like what other podcast do was say that we were going to donate 10% of whatever to some charity and then as you brought up that’s a really bad idea because people might cancel you know that they want to subscribe look I don’t truck with this or that but like don’t put don’t put me in a position where I feel like literally my money helps something that I don’t believe in if they want to listen to
say they’re stupid and pay $5 like that should be there right yeah right it feels like an ethical thing to me this is a if you’re if you’re a right-wing person and you’re like I don’t want my money going to anything but trust me your money is going to me and Jeff getting drunk and dying
I promise
anything left over it’s it’s supposed to go into a private citizen who’s our Silent Partner Kevin De Kevin now who has no political affiliation he doesn’t share he what he said to me is he’s willing to it we’re going to find a charity eat every once in a while we’re going to funnel your money into that charity I’m donating the money but I’m getting Dan pic where it goes it’s all going to the proud boys
big just they just if they could read they they is not fair what’s happening now we will do it now we are going to it’s too late now we’re giving the money to the proud boys for Real where are the products because of that I honestly do think as a side argument that that’s probably the quickest way to defuse some of these pockets of toxic dudes is that you can actually just give him a million dollars cuz they wouldn’t they just it would be Sierra Madre
this big of a flashlight
play that dude like no that’s too dark I wanted to be whiter and Emily fuck you
bad people a million dollars they’re toast but we’re not doing that so here’s my thing that I’ve always been passionate about always been passing it on because they do nothing to do anything but like maybe this mechanism could help us but I said to you prison reform this is the thing that I’m like really like kind of like I because I feel like it’s like easy to not like I I feel awful about the fact that we went when somebody fucks up in life I don’t care how bad they are I don’t care how evil they are it’s not about whether you’re a good person or bad person if you end up in our system like where we have decided as a society this is how it works I don’t like the fact that you get locked up and then your nightmare begins and and that you’re like deprived of shit that like maybe could help you like I don’t like like I don’t like that you can’t get D&D books in prison I don’t like that you
to battle where you’re going you’re going to get raped every day and it’s like wow that was not part of the judge’s sentence but I think we have like a fucked-up Twisted idea of like it’s like if we’re this Society that’s going to lock up almost all the people in the world like it that’s my thing so I told you that like 2 hours ago I was like look up prism and so we may pick a charity tonight we’re like sounds like this is all right all right here’s where Kevin days money is going and I’m the Reddit you may go I looked them up they’re terrible they’re fake okay let’s find that out in real time let’s let’s let’s popularized the idea of Charity shopping so I can’t get it to two options I wanted to give you the first is the probably more well-known and much bigger but not exactly what you were asking for is called the Innocence Project and their job is mostly they do to people who basically everybody look
what does there’s no way this person was guilty but they’re sat with a life prison prison sentence they you know get sentence was overturned and they’re very big and they all seem to be one of most effective Charities and they’ve been a regular been recognized for dollars going to them does the most good I don’t want to thank you for the rest of them like how do we treat like the bad people the guilty people to not have to like in addition to doing their time and serving their I would like it if they could like fucking learn a trade and like and like not live in obviously in arguably a great thing but similar project called the sentencing project that has seems to have two rolls one is to give make sure people get Fair sentences because too often people are you know thrown into a maximum-security prison for something that was
not needed and second that one of their goals is while people are incarcerated making sure that prisons are not things are not cruel making sure education is available making sure that you know job training is made available and things like that so the servants seem to have a two-pronged approach of make sure people sentences are appropriate how do they do that in a world where it’s like state-to-state City to City from the literal 5 minutes I’ve read about them that’s part of the reason I made you do this cuz I’m so charitable that I’m like this lazy they meet with this return he’s a lot they have provided information to States and counties and things like that about you know are you aware of a sentencing guidelines you you guys have and what that produces and how this person here because of the guidelines that that exist in this jurisdiction result
in a 20-year maximum-security you never see your friends the entire time you’re in jail when other states are doing things more fairly and here’s how well does his work and you know so they presented formation of the people who made sentencing decisions still allow them some of the visibility than a nap so you can show your tourney Hang Em High like you you’re getting votes and you’re getting promotions by this idea that you’re tough on crime but but I’m not worth it can we make you aware of the fact that it’s slowly making your city for instance Lake have like recidivism rates that are super high Act and where the faith taken prisoner complaints would have gone unheard of you know this policy this prison has is unfair and just mean-spirited for no good reason and they’ve stepped in they filed lawsuits they’ve helped people showing penetrate that barrier we’re like once you
locked up everybody outside is like fuck that person and you’re like can I get a toothbrush and they’re like fuck you and then someone’s like I want to beat you up because you’re Dan Harmon and you’ve been locked up and you’re like whoa this isn’t part of my sentence and they’re like who cares like how can we make prisons less of a nightmare so I can proceed to get locked up
I wish I had the answer okay in the meantime like yeah I guess out of the out of those to the sentencing thing like like sure I guess if those guys have funding they’re going to be able to talk more to more bureaucrats let’s give them a month or less a month cuz a week is not long enough so it’s not if you’re listening to the podcast your money isn’t your money isn’t going anywhere your money’s going in to harmontown pocket same as always I’m only letting you know as part of the show that one of the people that takes the money from your pocket after everything’s done is going to get fucked on his taxes and so he’s going to for this month give it to this random charity which is called the sentencing project and will maybe at the end of the month maybe a month from now we’ll go see how much money we gave them and maybe we’ll look into it I actually honestly think I’m not putting it on them but I feel like the natural mechanism of the
it kind of mentality as someone’s going to want to take this shit down which I think would be a healthy mechanism it’s like an enzyme like they’ll research the organization let’s find out like Charities like let’s find Charities that we that really do great like for every every dollar that you give them what are they really doing to change your human life and stuff let’s find ones that were fans of and this will be the first start of the project like let’s not be afraid to do it wrong that’s why I don’t even go down that road cuz I’m like I don’t know what to do like I get high with a guy the other day explained to me that Red Cross is like the fucking oh yeah maybe like an hour should be like your natural state should be like whatever you should be kind of exude English it like in a post patreon world have you gone to a private boyz.com
I feel like yeah okay well that is so yeah there anything else you want to talk about Kevin come on share your deepest thoughts my deepest thoughts
I know I don’t listen to him he’s it’s like he can’t he can’t control himself at yeah what I’ve been hearing you live in Chicago usually I do I do I don’t know you seem like a secretive guy like you help me like we said about that I feel go by the Bears the other day I’m not a big football fan yeah yeah we talked about the fact that the way that we really can’t we talk about this in the podcast where you were like hey do you own a MacBook Pro and an iPad to an affair and I got a list of nine things I was like yeah and you like Cameron Diaz had you in her phone and like you’re part of like fabricate or whatever you need to change your passwords and I was like what
yeah give me to explain that sure okay I think I just did bud
I was there and I didn’t get that but damn I got it but I know what happened already so many a few years ago there were some kind of high-profile cases where celebrities were getting their iCloud and other accounts hacked and with these attackers were doing and there were multiple would they would break into one person’s finger they would guess your iCloud password it and once I’ve done that they can download a list of all of your contacts all of your pictures all of your email a lot of really bad things that have bands you don’t want to see I might take away is Cameron Diaz has been her phone so what would happened you know they’ll break in one person’s phone and then from that they would get a whole list of new email addresses in the house and everything else and they would use that try to break into others and break into others
and a friend of mine who owns a bunch of web server is called me one day and said hey this one web server is acting really weird it’s making all these connections to iCloud we can’t figure out why and we went and looked at it and realized it was being used to break into other people’s accounts and I had met Dan before and was looking through all the list of people that it had broken into and I was looking at all of Dan’s personal information and so reach out to Dan and when you really need to change your iCloud password cuz I got it I got everything
yeah yeah what did what did you see
at everything else
no I made it a point not to specifically work with just enough to prove that what did you see
that picture you would safe don’t worry I yes nor his rehab with the Sony yeah the North Korean sounding a little whatever it like it like it was like I was in a fucking full-blown panic here’s why because if all of Sony’s emails were hacked that includes every email that’s received by Stoney that means that like I didn’t know that the price of the public was capable of being that at like like like that level of piggledy like that where it was like there’s no online Amy Pascal was like like going out to dry was like we’re actually like what you’re proving here is that this
the lady that like ran a studio that she made one joke that was like wouldn’t it be off color if I said this to Obama or like
create an email that I ever sent to anybody at Stony Lake ever gets in the hands of TMZ like I’m so fucked like it would be quite a few just tell me if I need to go home and blow my brains out and you’re like there was one his his email inbox was deleted at the time but didn’t there is one I did do a search there’s one reference to you and it said that your your wild card

I was just like them talking about me is like most badass this thing as a glow about that legally look like I’m just saying like if you printed an email that I had sent the Sony while I was producing community
it would it would be grounds for like crucifying me I feel by our standards but I know the word context is now like a dinner bell it’s wrong by old fat white guys was like you don’t understand but it’s like wait a minute like the idea that I was a megalomaniac saying to a corporation don’t ever fucking tell me what to do or a fucking punch your teeth down your throat like like at the time when I was typing that it felt like a really heroic thing to be typing
in six years later the idea that that would be able to be pawed through by these clearly and scrupulous like oh I’m the rap. Organ on my om banana peel. Net-net flake like that was like oh look at what this guy said I was like terrified I guess I’ve been terrified ever since if it helps you sounded more sad than anything there was only one email about you
yeah I know I don’t know I was really rude boy William
digital and whatever
I scared of a Kevin.
Again
Library sharing his do me a favor can I invite a friend up yeah maybe somebody you know maybe somebody like somebody I know that I love
my favorites
Jesse Camp is in town just come out of hiding
hey man if you don’t know Jesse about if I can know how many of the greatest motherfuker in town Audi
Jessie I told you to wear something nice
big and tall in Reseda. They put the whole outfit together they do me and AJ Magic Johnson’s gay son so you know between the two of us a lot of business to tell them if you’re in if you’re in Van Nuys Pacoima that part of the valley take it take a visit but we’re not the first time the first time I met you Jesse and I are we tell the story we were at a party and some shity dirt backyard an Echo Park okay you had a backup riding and Jesse had lots of layers on Jessie is all about the land and Jessica Vickers hey man I like your suit and I said I like your layers and they got a man you got to have layers I meant Harmon Harmon that Jesse is full of shit like what the fuck is going on
I had hung out with Jesse and came up to me and goes
it’s not a bit I fucking I fucking love this guy under the thing is to know Jesse is to absolutely fall in love with the most sincere beautiful weirdo in the fucking world went to his house and you used to have the crib and Echo Park street name for the fridge hoping there will be snacks or maybe a beer not in this for a doll that was all it was was a half-full bottle of Braggs amino acids and then nail polish
a lot of strippers kept their polish up in my fridge if you know what I mean oh yeah you and I when I was in a dark place I don’t know if you hear this a lot but I was in a dark place when I was hanging out with you years later I’m going to go hang out with him and John popper the be Travelers you know that’s a dark-skinned and I’m sorry my brother Jeff just exploded and looks like a g damn handsome oh my God Paul and you guys know this he’s in like the Bromance movie
vintage Kenny Rogers I’m not talking like plastic surgery with the whole thing and we’re getting mixed signals Gambler man just fuck the Gambler Ant-Man free yeah I’m putting message there which is like pads for you and three other man he leaves room for cream if you know what I mean
do you remember my my ex-wife my ex-wife Erin mcgathy who is in her and I’m going to zip it she showed she showed me a clip of your origin story which is also actually the origin story of another friend of mine other guy who I admire equally who’s like truly the opposite of the Specter of like your origin story forgive me if this offends you that is like but it’s like it starts with an MTV contest right I thought you were going to talk about my background search with a yemeni be the next Vijay contest want to be famous isn’t that a one-way ticket to fucking Devastation but back then it was like Hey man be the new MTV VJ and they had like a populist kind of like thing at the end
and it and the two runners-up it was you and it was my other friend Dave Holmes such a fucking amazing charismatic friendly like like of you in every way which is not an insult to either of you okay but like like like like my ex-wife showed me the clip she was like she showed me the two of you that time we were much different shells our bodies but like the soul of like cuz I’m more I look more like Ernie but I got this I know I look more like burnt but I got the soul of an Ernie yeah you one because obviously the people are going to be like fuck with system will give me this guy at like like
you’re a like an encyclopedia of Music knowledge like you really not sure which brings it to the part of Hartmann count that we are introducing tonight called music
that’s right by the way, I don’t know if he’s got mention but can we give it up for Jeff you know that you just for forever
yeah, leave that dude that’s that’s so amazing over there we got it we got to tell some Jeff stories to like the time you and me and Jeff got stuck in the elevator with Bryan Adams and Tina Turner and in a bottle of absinthe are you guys want to hear that.
Richard said Brett Kavanaugh knew what a Devil’s Triangle was cuz we wrote the book or the calendar either way
they wrote the calendar on it in 2005 I believe Ford 250 is New Year’s Eve and it was the headliner velvet velvet revolver vocalist / and tough GNR man with the mustache The Legend Of God damn job and I just wanted
that’s Danny’s the Dark Lord he’s the light Lord but listen he’s the lord of the ring and when he punches that hand stings and its wing Alright Alright you’re here every week sorry for ever
did Diana Spencer Jesse texted me cuz I’m here I’m in the background and I believe that you were quiet that we didn’t know that you were here when I get quiet to Dan till it’s a Wizard’s 13th record no one knows about he’s been big on this quietude thing or two. Album is is is the man and and just amazing and do you want to drink at your house like you I want to whip power down
trivia question just to clarify Jeff can we go through out like Peter’s entire career which type of the leave traces back to 1968 or 69 album from the beginning of a coin or a diet who can go first this is the first time I met each other since get this there’s a male Revue dance review you know what I mean called the Thunder from Down Under all Australian man but they needed at two of them time for One More Dance Chris Farley Patrick Swayze
Fester Stallone Wikipedia is something that that that that is close to a coin flip like my daughter even hotter even hell yeah well I’m rolling the dice and getting an odd which means Dan is something or should I ask who this is Phil Collins trivia you on Dan one-on-one who is the best player on Another Day in Paradise but we all know that’s Leyland still there
call Rod man
it was that day and I’m hoping that was a boating and what does know that is that Phil Collins it is okay I’m like okay Dan Phil Collins this is true y’all I mean this Phil Collins was a war history and I do he loves like historical Wars specific kind of war in the history of this country and it’s also a landmark monument in this country named after that war where it took place this man Phil Collins collect all kinds of memorabilia about the specific monument and and and and battle and then can you name with this battle was it
in America
Gettysburg
Ono Ono
yo yo it’s all right what are you going to think about the dynasty typewriter is the popcorn we all know that available in the lobby if you’re hungry oh yeah if y’all need a break they made plenty of popcorn helping other kids get half off now so just go crazy because I was throwing up on stage cuz I’ll bring back like you know you’ll remind us of a Thunder from Down Under auditions when they would throw popcorn at us to America’s band but I’ve heard of Music Junior like anyways here’s the thing I’m Jude Law and a i and I’m here to serve for you just tell me what what what was the battle the battle of the battle of San Antonio as he pissed on it the Alamo oh okay I don’t want you to just take my word for it just tell me where the internet
I can verify that I’m not making up a random thing cuz you guys do know I do that I can prank phone call the Hampton Inn and tell them that I sell waffle makers and can get them even better one than the Wonder give me the public for the breakfast and said the whole game is not over because I have a chance to get even though I have no doubt at all cuz that was a brain or one
oh
what are we going to fight it so I did Charity I got a great charity I’m a part of that also helps out much like the innocent project and I love them they’re great they do great work prison reform very important. Justice system for all no bail bond for anyone. Just let everyone a b o r d and bucking like you let it just be a free let’s hey let’s do this you have yours I feel like that was you can even the score and Spencer’s going inside breaker there tonight you’re going to have a good one Phil Collins album track called like China came out around the same time as
China Girl by DB David Bowie I suggest everyone give it a listen after the podcast like China by Phil Collins
that’s all I know you tell me Phil Collins amazing a brilliant man he played the drums on to that I know it’s Christmas time
songwriter yeah and it took like a he’s a drummer of a band that started with like a fucking like a rock and he is Gabriel and he dragged her along with him like why isn’t that biopic happened I think now that the Queen Bohemian Rhapsody last night is a golden necklace and Christian Slater a couple of times over at Amy Grant’s house do you know when she’s in town with Clint blast your record label Sparrow caused my puberty
and my atheism Christian and with the kinky red hair and she’s just like baby baby baby move in your lip she’s only been with one man I can assure you that
I’m actually the biggest more out there but I don’t download don’t take her out I always had a fight I’m going to give you a comptroller special you get to ask him any question but any band because that’s how fucking encyclopedic okay so like really one of the things that needs to be said here too because I’m not going to not give Dan act like that’s really do the guy who’s headlining the first week of the first Friday shows of Coachella Dan he basically discovered and brought the prom it’s basically like a Miles Davis to music right now which is going to be in the history books of all the amazing things Dan is done and it’s fucking going to do this is still this to be a highlight for fucking anyone I mean
damn fucking yo it’s because it’s damn that we all have Donald Glover and I think that that needs to be right that’s awesome man and you you gave him a platform to shine and and and shiny did and you it’s just a beautiful thing you brought your Humanity but thank you thank you give me the connection but like also at the same time no no no no no no no no no any era and see if you can stomp Jesse Owens won a provincial like they’re only can I get to watch Clive Davis tell me everything about Tori Amos TV moments is me with Tori Amos sing a Dream On
no I don’t know how that’s Google oboe
boogala boss man googleable yeah that’s that’s on but there’s a lot of stuff about me that I need to get into V this is it like Wallingford Connecticut I snuck into a Tory was concert at like you know how you have maximum minimum security prisons what do used to be this dislike place like 3,000 person place in Wallingford anyway you can think anyone could sneak into this thing was it that Connecticut Connecticut is like minimum-security concert venues you know that’s why I don’t know that was not me I’m sorry for not paying attention to her hotel room smoking smoking slipping on gin and juice
what is she like what is a good way like I ain’t talking like those soggy has Corn Flakes I’m talking Crispin this is presented with a video of you and Tori Amos on my iPhone it’s googleable
this is a replacing a video of you this is you and Tori Amos
and I know this is going to sound crazy but in the video you were wearing a ridiculous hat and this is pretty crazy this this hat. 5150 but wait just like so is it accurate to say you were Forrest Gump adventure begins with the MTV contest gumption you beat my friend who is like the Dick Clark of everything like Dolph Lundgren versus Sylvester Stallone again or like Wesley Snipes
yeah coming to that stage we were already asleep. That’s crazy you should bring that up to Coming to America movie on The Arsenio Hall to Dave’s Eddie Murphy and he played like a guy from Poland and then I was like it’s his helper was very like Black Sheep Chris Farley David Spade we made a movie together it’s never going to come out because that was bad but Dave was going through satanic. But number two was also went to a really heavy wicker candle. He was making a crazy train station is located
I want to know like this obviously least I don’t know
Jesse went to him coming out of the Eagles hell you want to come to the Whiskey A Go Go tonight we’re going to go see LA Guns and we will still live as soon as the fucking grooviest to go to a rock’s girlfriend be on a Magic Carpet Ride in Rock and Roll Fantasy almost me a lot when you eat cuz you’re like a lot of people who have encyclopedic knowledge of things like talk to you about Phil Collins and a lot of people do that question
you’re the skeleton key you’re like the Ultimate Fan you that like that’s your charisma is there such a thing as a bad thing for you baby don’t worry about you I’m talking about as we can talk to you only said the wonderful woman I tell you I tell you a story from this point out the new do or tell you welcome one thing I’m glad you bring that up one pet peeve of mine although I think the public definitely cried out against it but it didn’t need to be that mean to it but it was very elegant Steve the Steve Carell movie Welcome to Melvin about how he basically so he’s let’s just go there with this real quick he is a man that was at like a like a like a rough kind of
are Eddie was just telling all the rough locals that he that he got that he wanted to be a crossdresser or something and so I don’t know the alcohol got in them you know and they day like beat him within an inch of his life like this group of people in England to then this dude is brain damaged but goes to heal in this world where he gets a lot of like GI Joe and weird like action figures and Builds an imaginary life about that with him in it and just movies two and a half hours and it’s called Welcome to move in and it like had a $60 budget and I think I brought in baby 1.2 million when I’m sorry I got that confused with aqua man I can’t believe what that was I’m sorry I’m out of it
it’s this is a beautiful time to start around the time that the White Stripes were breaking this is when The Strokes were happening is when Interpol were fucking jamming out that text Mara to communicate their fingerprint analysis with each other
God that notwithstanding there it is there it is Phil Collins Phil Collins I think you’re right you’re right we’re all back on board
but when she gets into your heart and never believe everything you see and I want to do I’m falling I’m falling for her she said hey yeah alright sorry it was the way back to New Year’s Eve. Thank you now it’s the late great Scott Weiland Vesti pee looking like anorexic then he’s got like one of them like bullies caps on his head
like Faster Pussycat kind of things LOL weird like like mr. clean but with a mustache dude Dave Kushner yeah yeah right I go what do you think about this cuz I get to it’s like 10 minutes till midnight on New Year’s Eve and Jesse looks Migos
if I can suck man maybe a beautiful story but like I don’t really find it believable that there is a child born in Marin County California that’s addicted to Crystal Street masked don’t buy that when adderal is so readily available
I just that’s a big leap of faith in the plot that I really got to let you know but it’s bringing it talk about prison reform how unfair the justice system is and how to bind and rigged it is against people of color you know and believe me to it’s not you know black lives matter but it’s like when it comes to the poor no lives matter and we as a nation got it like come up on that when we do prisoner for the part of that you know but this is what I’m getting at and I think I remember what I’m getting that and I’m trying to install right now buffering buffering Jeff I can’t believe that I’m having a senior moment at the age of 39 but it happened do I just kidding I’m just being false to Humble but let me tell you know I am having a senior moment stuff. Now I’m going in and out of it but I do remember we were talking about Amy Grant and
can you put Jessie on the corner like a call you can we get to the punch line of the Velvet Revolver concert that everyone is so like is that I said that I kind of think they suck and I didn’t you ask me what is it that they’re not doing and Jesse Brantley goes
where’s the songs because they got no songs that was fucking really part of the rest of the night with Carrot Top up brother partying with. I love the top I love the top that stuck audio and I can’t see the props and not much but hard-working prompt, less percussive it’s more about singing then wrapping where are the songs is the question where the song do the revolver had a great song.
it’s the third which but other than that there was really a lot of filler on that album you know so like kind of like a painful yo tell me you’re okay and don’t know but there’s you know what honestly rather it is an honor being in your presence I mean that from the bottom of my heart and it’s like why the fuck am I talkin like over knowing you know now we’re loving your image is awesome it’s like Tom Snyder like but a little drunker re-read my goddamn obviously you can come back every week
obviously but I just agree with all of those points no I am not
where’s the song and our Billy Porter’s the song I’m telling you like I was so Amy Grant was like he was like hey she’s Christian she won’t she’s like singing about her husband and I was like yeah she is
but like I’m going to I’m going to I want to soil like a lady the girls that I had crushes on and high school they’re like they weren’t that it was like it was like there were the immigrants like they the Coal Miner’s Daughter Loretta Lynn sister with the hair down to the floor Pastor Ask Pastor Bruce Hornsby and the range with Michael McDonald.
MC singer hang out with all the long day while I like to sing to the top to the bottom fuck your mama so hard I be long in Sodom and Gomorrah I think I’ll come back tomorrow if I can Mama again biblically free yo my name is Joe way in the house I make your wife turned into a spouse’s if she looks back she saw
you can never call that a song cuz the woman is subjective at 5 to the Bible why from chapter 1 to chapter 400,000 I’m the man that comes down the mountain on the patriarchy I got the glass ceiling and I got the fucking dick G unlocked misogyny with my big spiritual dick
how you doing over there my name is Joe
I don’t have a care I’d like to put that to the test
well your wife has AIDS oh that’s wow that’s so does your maid oh Dad I’m Joe
I hate I hate that I don’t hate that I love it I love it I love I love being abused by God that’s what I’m Bringing Down the House on top of people that preening me get down on your knees
Gerald was brilliant that is going to be archived Harmon I can’t do you say sickly gave Jessie Jessie Jessie and you got to be thinking about us together a California love you can do the tales of Captain Jack Sparrow
all right just like John Travolta without the weave y’all straight dirty get ready for you would go when I look at you I see the sky in my nose and my eyes I see you and I love your family Mike and I feel of he’s got a big big heart and he wants you to know that everything is about the best weapons that we have in this world night
he’s got a beautiful heart he’s got a beautiful silver when it comes to gambling he’s got no control I mean it’s true so when he watches are Kelly are we watching a show that I’m talking about yeah he gets pissed at her that bitch is full of shit
we have to make a plan to do statement okay my mind went blank I got to let you know my favorite college is not true I like Colin Farrell and I also like holiday truck bed at work I like a lot of Colin like calling me
yo Amy’s husband has to do they put black and right now which is why we just want to talk to you print you just want to give you a message that can we just want to have a meeting you over me and Dan have a timeshare in Boca Raton do you want to fight you a name the end it’ll just be you and Amy at me and Dan three guys one woman will give you $25,000 we all share a me if I got into trouble for having this out loud I feel like my overdraft that offer okay
one thing I should be noted okay oh my God before this gets Michael Richards he let me just preface this
baba baba boom is filled with the original Indian from the Village People drag is back there any smoke and everyone out with p o t to that was just me going way to the dark side I think that’s a teachable moment and in fact right now we were trying to make the song much like the end by The Doors you know like yet hello father yes son I’m going to kill you but that was the time Father and Son kids like listen to each other with like Father and Son by Cat Stevens and that’s really what we were going for just this was a play this was a one-act then I wrote this all over the New Year’s Eve weekend so again you know just a hero villain Story I played the villain so my Mia culpa Amy think it goes without saying that we were purely want to put sonic relationship with you Ken and I are both about monogamy we are both about wearing special layers of underwear if that helps with the intimacy you know we are
we do not mean to say that we wanted to plow your field that was a Miss quote that was a Sony email that we sent to Seth Rogen about his afro at the time I don’t know what more to say Amy I’m really like yo my trailer don’t know it sounds like everybody to just take off now after the Amy Grant statement
Jesse Camp we love you all that was special

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