Episode 348: Bequeathing Teaspoons

Episode

Episode 348: Bequeathing Teaspoons

Description

Heather Anne Campbell is back! Dan demonstrates dog barks, shares some goat facts, interrupts Schrab, and sadly announces the end of the podcast.  Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden, Rob Schrab and Heather Anne Campbell.

Transcript

hello gang how’s it going
thank you for coming
my name is comptroller Jeff Davidson harmontown is now in session
Robert Rob
hey hey
and the mayor of Harrington Dan Harmon
are they did a T-Rex folks
all right we got a lot of show for you tonight so let me get my thoughts out there looking good Dan thanks buddy I wasn’t fishing for that that a Hawaiian
design on your shirt there that design has a shirt from Tahiti where can I see your shirt thank you
looks Hawaiian you guys see this documentary about Michelle Carter the the young lady who was famous a while back they remember the big viral story and she encouraged the suicide of the of her boyfriend through text messages remember that now there’s a couple parts and I can’t remember where the house I just Google it there’s got to be one document and watch it sorry I should have got my facts straight but I really recommend it it’s incredible to me how like it itches that you receive the story and it’s like how many more details could you possibly get you felt at the time that you got the details and that’s what click clickable about stuff is always been greedy details but it is the documentary kind of reveals that like most things probably like if you get all the gritty details the grit becomes
you have is a big fucking pudding of a couple Crazy Kids neither of which really deserve I mean I don’t I personally got to the end of the documentary feeling like I wouldn’t if I was a judge I wouldn’t charge her with anything I know if you haven’t Watch the documentary which is why you have to watch it because we all we all read the same headlines in news stories Lake and it’s so it it’s it is pretty crazy to see like a how will it look like directed your socks get by the total just personal system of Click following you know like like what’s selling what are people going to click on and how underneath it really does have to do with
it’s like like one of there’s a journalist in there who kind of lays it down and goes like this have to do with teenage girls and our
desire to believe that they are crazy stupid psycho spoiled you know and we we we we we click on that story over and over again like we have these archetypes that we want to invest in I didn’t check out the documentary only reason I wrote it down so it’s kind of title sequence that’s like just like kind of images but it’s like I was like am I getting older my just finding more stuff in poor taste now that the title sequence is just a smoky indoor interior of a car
is this like smoke in like a gear shift in the am I don’t
is the guy Jones off with the carbon monoxide in his car
Smokey, I got ya I did it like Mickey Mouse in it you know like creatively that defensive before you even get into psychologically did you know goats we were at a wedding then go to the wedding or early wedding was at a place that goats
well I’m not going to cast any aspersions cuz both families are from Georgia so but yeah it was a they’re good they’re good it was it was my husband’s family it was at this crazy kind of like Greenhouse Farm in Santa Barbara Spencer Rider Farm location the actual service was right on this like plain overlooking the beach like you see in like a Hollywood movie of a wedding in real like that doesn’t happen in real life is nuts rectangular yes they are thumbnails
because they have 334 this podcast for 7 years and we never used you still don’t know that goat rectangles.
It’s so the goat can have 330 degree Vision which it first you think you’re a goat you do who even cares what’s in front of you that’s exactly the point where did goats does intermittent or they wandering about like a night without legs on one side or shorter than the other is that true but then you look around and you see all these other animals
DC some chicken he evaded your question Rob used to tell me a favor though and she and some cows and they all got these big round eyes and the goats like what did you have for breakfast rectangular that’s my brother died last week
where were you guys at the 40 questions about what Rob says Rob alleges that half of goats legs are shorter than the other hand disease or whatever Circle goats unless that’s a mess that the yeah because they’re born on the side of mountains that’s awesome
and then one day a horse fell on the goat and the Knox one of the horns out of that goat’s head how do I tell the story of what happened the girl just told you shut up the goat had one of his horns has left horn completely
see Lydia on the on the ice machine
the horn was not clear out of its head and then maggots will get into it because now it was a clean path into it on rain rain yeah and then I would have to trade out with my brother for the shittiest chore of all time was go out with a can of spray can of iodine and a spoon or a metal spoon like a big like Gary scooped out any brains would know cuz I have to get that form in there but I had to go and spray yellow awful iodine in like a headlock
and spray iodine into it which to go. Guess what it didn’t like that sure and then I would take the spoon and scrape out the maggots and throw them out and it would make a kind of a scrapie bone Sound the Horn to started regrowing and I didn’t have to scrape maggots out of a goat face you didn’t finish your story, long story short I’m fucking it and I know the end of the day you are upset that we didn’t know you were
after breakfast we’ll finish talking about this what do you have a breakfast for for that goat wife the Rust Belt lost its horn you no clear path to its brain okay through that wound the maggots set in Wizard of Oz, I was I was just I was think Jeff he said thank you you know that’s like Jeff stories thank you do you think that I suddenly thought like you know cuz we put all this to do about like I owe me and kind shaped dogs like development you know and like
example of like well you know there’s a like we’re not saying about that shaping is that dogs that didn’t behave or look the way we like Gina ended up throwing on the campfire and I was like that’s how you like shape an animal that fastnesses like awful eugenic but today I was like you know these dogs like I read online about the vocabulary of their tails you know there’s a whole language their tails as like a certain altitudes and angles and then like amounts of rhythms of wagging and all the stuff and I was like there was nothing that I read in the article about dogs tails that actually surprised me and then it made me I was like well yeah that’s kind of what I already knew that I already I didn’t see it written in print but I knew that the higher the tail this and the slower the tail lamp
as a homo sapien of like dog tail recognizing just as much as dogs are being born that have the sort of innate sense of like they look at the more expressive side of her face they wasn’t that they don’t know they’re being born with this like these predisposed bread into their gene pool like couplings with human behavior and the starting to think like will cheese what we’re human that you don’t don’t you think that there’s a certain amount to which like only the humans that understood dogs well enough to survive to reproduce with other humans
yeah I don’t like if you’re just not a dog person by the way how many not a dog people are here homosapiens not a lot I mean you don’t have dogs but a lot of people hate cats I don’t get them but I like like like like how many people are just like another dog dog person because you’re scared you don’t want to like you know engage in a freaky relationship I love of dogs that that is a they don’t get laid
they might even get mauled to death we don’t know what Jake men tell no Tales are there any jar of anybody here I can be honest and don’t just lie about it but I don’t have anybody here actually have an aversion to dogs a virgin is different if I could say those what people with allergies are people can be scared of the dog really is cliche but that old man’s best friend thing it’s like Gigi’s there’s a two-way street happening I just thought today was like holy cow man who’s walking who you know I mean I’m sure we’ve had a tremendous if I quite likely like we I bet there is a whole like play flicks Splinter of humans that don’t exist because they couldn’t read the tale right you know what I mean
what is the height on man versus the Lotte General like going to what do you think it means what you feel it means in your heart with a dog’s got his tail like way up in the air excitement and positive excitement right like not just what it would have liked the article want to know what your dogs feeling when is wagging fast it’s happening out like a board like like like a squirrel and we all know what that means to their barks to which we also instinctively understand you test humans including human non dog owners and they all have an innate understanding of which types of barks mean there’s a person
at the door someone’s trying to break into my car that they saw an animal like humans do it for me and I’ll give you mine but you give me a hell yeah yeah I’m going to help you would you in the box or are reading the bar are you barking I’m going to do it. So here’s dog bark number one you tell me what this means okay that the vocabulary of dog barks like a podcast I can’t remember
didn’t do any work they don’t deserve any credit
okay okay okay
stay focused rap everyday Focus
okay I got it I got it I think I got some special but what do you think that means everything
right you got to get up get out of here go go I think the stranger danger okay let me try one more and then we’ll bring her guts.
Do it with her she’s going to love her another text so tell me what you think this park Express with my face like girl hairstyles
do it one more time
where’s my head like the first time you tried to do Donald Trump you just end up Jake said Myers
it is just that means war as hell man they got Johnny
I think that means it’s just a way for my food yes
how did you know that owner sharpness of the bark versus like gravel so the more the sharper cut with a box with more Fidelity like if you looked at them on an oscilloscope the ones with a definite shape to them that it was punctuated they’re announcing something but it if there’s like more gravel and we have we have the stranger at the door. That brick what it is so go back to what I was saying okay
okay
is a good idea okay.
Are you going to try that one more time
I think that’s a dog that is sleepy and has taken mescaline a dog like like wanting to kind of player or whatever kind of you know what kind of asking if they had gluten-free rolls and then realizing you know what it’s about the carbs with me
I can’t pretend to tell Z just because I’m fucking gluten word I learned yesterday I’ve got a big ass and have her be a part of the out of this world that could be fun
steamrolls importance in query that we’re doing right now that we have her back let’s have Heather Anne Campbell come out
AKC
hello Heather Anne Campbell Hey sir Mario Brother coveralls I’m starting a car wash
Mario and I wanted to hear what the dog Heather are you a dog owner.
I just want to
Heather are you a dog at piscina do are you a dog lover. You like her to have a dog in our guests into the fold here strap so if you if you want we can take a moment and I’ll answer all we can come back. I only asked are you a dog person is it okay if I answered this okay great I do I’m take it yes I co-own a dog with my girlfriend but now it is also my daughter so you’re qualified to weigh in on this dog inquiry that we are engaging father are we just found out it is Cushing’s disease in Star Wars
he did not deserve that much today $5 a month
it has a tumor on either it’s it’s it’s pituitary or adrenal glands which release a bunch of cortisol in the woods blood which is the stress hormone so the dog is totally sad
I got you find it delightful if you knew how dumb the dog looked but it’s on medicine and hopefully it’s treated totally treatable it’s just not the most ideal way for a dog to live disease affects human beings and dogs it is transferable from one of the other so that’s correct
all right. What was your thing going to be this is totally okay so I was just going to say you working on anything Heather
yeah I got one
this is what you’re like two other people shroud
very true very true
I was going to say like I want to give you a scenario I want to hear what the dog park with her okay and I’m not going to just get here you’re going to know cuz you said okay pay attention to me to the owner like pay attention like they do you want to hear what that bark sounds like to me
to get get dry to really get my attention for real
no

alright for an hour
you’re the dog and you’re trying to express to Rob your owner or Heather that
you haven’t been walked in a while and it is time to go romp and play
I’ll do it Harvey does
Heather was your dog’s name Brooklyn Brooklyn Brooklyn my dog Lolly
sneezes okay when she wants to be paid attention to like if I’m in bed too long in the morning to go
does Brooklyn do any workers too stressed out man
like for the last few months while she’s been coming down with this has been perpetually laid out in the middle of the room arms like belly flat on the ground arms spread out like the world is moving too quickly bear rug but yeah I think I read that sneezing in a dog means I’m not a threat like those sneeze when they play with each other to remind each other that they’re not a threat I think you are likely going to go with it yesterday and they do it together they do I’m like Jesus Christ what’s wrong with my house what they do to each other around all day and then they kind of like start getting up and getting frisky and then it’s all over the place
I think I read that somewhere where is it mean that Nigel just Fox the hell out of Harvey’s like I think I know I think it’s just playing anxiety lake lake because he can I do to win a game of fatuous RV so he’s just learned now that’s what I do and the night is just like the climbs up buying images of rails him for until what time does Harvey’s would like to look at Harvard space
like he’s like yeah
but but like not like oh yeah but otherwise I can’t tell if he’s ignoring it if he’s conscious of it cuz her at Nigel’s not really getting anywhere near his actual opening I mean Harvey the size of a skyscraper compared to him so he’s just like rubbing is a very complicated look in his eyes he that he’s a pretty simple fellow daughter that just lays his front legs on Harvey like like but they said they just they don’t touch the ground just like like gets on his back and I put both on either side of him and lays his chin down these back I just
for $5 a month you can see
but I don’t know if I’m supposed to stop them do you know anything about this not asking cuz you’re gay
that’s because you’re a dog owner
yeah well I mean okay. When we think about dogs and how their interaction with each other is a good idea what I’ve learned from Modern dog books is that we we we go to that word too much for a two to explain their behavior dog books where the food comes out of like it
it has a it has a toy that delivers treats and after the trees are come out of the toy it sucks but oh so I don’t know that its dominance I think I think it’s I think I think you’re right because Lolli has we get we got her a big stuffed animal actually was Kate stuffed animal became lollies after we came home and caught her fucking the hell out of it and she was just like that anymore but but she’ll like grabbed it and toss it around and flip it in the air and just like roll around on it and then finished with a good old and my dog is a female dog so I don’t know as much fun I think I think if you want what I’ve learned is that when it’s doing when she’s fucking your toy if I say good girl
look at me and stop like
I think she comes to and it’s like what am I doing what am I being told I’m good at feels good at all and if it does if that’s not incredibly frustrating because you can’t achieve the culmination okay so then she takes a shit so she’ll take a shit and then she’ll like kick grass and dirt up I’m missing all over the place like not even touching the shitshow kick it on my face going to my arms kick it on the house whatever it’s all over the place misses it now I know she’s trying what she’s probably trying to do I’m trying to cover up the shit
so no other animals come around and go do this shit here I’m going to have a little dog to eat later that’s what I’m thinking that’s what I’m thinking I bet you’re right but what a what a what an innocent time that must have been in the biosphere in here I think I’ll just set up camp and wait for it to come back take another shirt and I’ll eat it there a lot of grass so it does I go I’m going to go after that thing and if they you smell like I know but will lead Runner landscapers spray on me by smelling it’s like you ain’t got nothing to worry about
why is why are flies fly away when you’re going to be there on the shit I walk up to the church in the Flies get to go run your fine anything you’re fine I’m not going to drink it away is really bad up her own shit I don’t think she knows why she doesn’t she doesn’t know that I’m taking a shit I got to do this thing it’s in my she’s doing it wrong and and I wish I could say I hate you miss you’re missing it just if you’re going to do what do it right or whatever but my question is what are we as human beings doing naturally but complete
play Ron you know like it’s like the next evolutionary stage look down on why are you you’re obviously doing that to do this but you’re doing it so awful to tell you my my vote here we go lying I think I think we’re going to look back when we know we both like the next stage of our Evolution we’re going to be like holy shit people just kept lying it was like insane it was chilling them they lied so much and there was nothing to hide what the hell were they really well you don’t understand. If everyone told the truth when they’re going to be like really snobby about it and that but they’re going to be really happy and horny
do you want to go to a bar and find out who’s in the tentacle porn
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually know a mrs. But you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes related my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerves like a verb you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
one more animal facts
octopuses you guys do you guys know that cows do you know why cows have hooves
why do they
they lack toes
do you know what a female buffalo says to
otherwise she female you know the mommy Buffalo says to her son when I drop them off at school you said female buffalo that early cuz that wouldn’t his impressive again
you know why she text me today
do you know why Heather Ann
Campbell she text me today hey I heard you like Hudson Hawk there’s only one kind of person that texts that it’s an Hawk fan and I’ve only ever met one of them I think it was Danny Aiello’s best turn as I said to Heather and today I mean hey all other movies here’s your medal for not trying
what
try yes
I show the movie two friends once a year on my birthday sometimes and yet I’m fascinated by that is that the one with the letter X that Connery where’s I want to like zardoz but that does not want you to like no under pants and Leather Boots the first to admit it kind of got away from me
I mean that Rick and Morty episode of show me what you got one that was that was as hard as referent planet with David at that give all the sex dolls to the to the male population the surface dwellers those heads are definitely zardoz heads but they also supposed to they look a little bit like Nick Manning the pornstar ever then they drop loads and say dropping loads what happened to Nick Manning he disappeared
using a Batman porn parody and what year he’s gone he’s his load to dropped off the face of the Earth did you not know it’s like it’s a younger guy that every time he comes in an unfamiliar with that he was he was on Stern a lot like the story was fascinated with it because he was the first porn star that I know of that if you’re born movies like finally one male pornstar just decided I would have every time I come I say the same thing no matter what movie I meant no one can fire me I just came in the back
is a Batman 1 he says dropping bat loads I mean
shark Nick Manning if you’re out there and you’re in trouble like come tell us about it dropping
I mean it is it somebody diver reading an article about like they’re you won’t you won’t rob me a lot of male pornstar names they they don’t tend to go for like that dick hard on it like they do they steer clear of like kind of like overly kind of like evocations of erect dissing impenetrability and things like that and then some psychological reason for that like like that’s probably why he doesn’t like shooting lasers you know is dropping love look what I do for a living
dropping loads of a character on who’s live shows where I’m the world’s oldest pornstar and his name is Dusty Rhodes
giving loads
operating Lowe’s reloads with an in-app purchases
hello. You’re the fucking Eagles Lake Road trying to loosen my load I got to the grossest lyric and your load come what I would call a load I’ve never come when I would call a load what would you call what would you call it like a teaspoon and a healthy teaspoon if I’m like medicine in a teaspoon
you know what’s a cool word that’s Lake
like I searched yeah that’s the only thing that gets late football like a dragon
Eastlake the dragon of thirst break new Super Bowl halftime show has it going on how did this get played today and it made me real sad when was when was the when was this Saturday is that going to wait no that’s not London, Conn or anything I know it’s London podcast Festival
brexit I don’t know what the the the official reason that was put out was but my my co-host fell ill so we can’t go and I hope he gets better but I was super bummed out because I love London yes but yeah he’s he fell ill so we can go and you know I think it was the the thing was that he I don’t think you want you know it’s he didn’t want to take all the ire for it but I just did that so goodnight because of him and yeah but now you know now they know
it was Nick have you been having fun playing a video game show is fun when we’re recording and it’s really miserable the rest of the time on Sundays I play like maybe four or five to eight hours of a terrible video game and that’s my scheduled my scheduled time to do the thing for the podcast and take a bunch of notes and I’ve had to give up like good video games I bet that can’t play any good ones I just play shit I can’t help but think that that sounds a little fun like we thought it would be and then our first episode in after the tape Nick Nick was like I think we have miscalculated
how do you pick the games I want what you seek out games you know we’re going to be bad or if there’s like a theme then it’ll be like a Metacritic like what’s the worst game in this genre today was the episode was about c-man the Dreamcast virtual pet because today is the 20th anniversary of the release of the Dreamcast so we pick that game it sucked
they really leaned into it with the press or the the advertisements are you taking off going to drop loads all right are you going to come into the toilet
don’t get a turd pregnant
if you do bring it on stage
female notable for having a microphone peripheral am I mistaken to talk to it and go right you can’t there is no go left there’s only talking to see man what year is 99 somewhere there remembers your answers and then it’s pretty good fish fish with a human face a bald man’s a grown ass man a grown human man’s face and the fish body
what what what what are the what are the visuals like on a tank and in the fish tank is a fish with a human face one graphic PS2 video game you just in a wreck with his self with it until it becomes an adult and then it goes away
it’s a metaphor for childbirth that’s for real girlfriend in the table does the fish tank back to yes and what is what does it sound like
so
how are you doing today
I’m asking you like that it’s a fucking attitude
do you have is it like the same as well if you don’t talk to it dies or do you have to imagine losing is it is it just stays and eventually Mass shoots and blames you and its letter
too soon there’s one a week for the last 10 years of all the words that it recognized and I just was reading the list to it to try and like hackett’s intelligence to make it like a smart as possible right away and that was not satisfying for either of us works way to play a bad day and you know that he’s with your
he really is irritated all the time like it’s not a pleasant experience. I really am a grown man’s head
it’s giving me flashbacks to the zoo potentially traumatizing memory I have an invisible sisters hospital when is it in a tight lid on this thing around my sisters hospital she was institutionalized for Rett syndrome has a big big state funded building and I happened upon this grown man and a crib I was like 8 years old in my peering into a crib cuz I just hear the sound of a guy going moo moo moo moo and then I looked in and it was just like a grown ass man with the mustache and a hot combed like quaffed like haircut lake lake lake somebody like would come by in like take real good care of him like he looked at the handsome movie actor but he was in a diaper and he was he was calling out for his squeaky toy
that’s when I think of a grown adult man in a fish tank body and seeing it from a distance here I don’t know about that it looks like

Yeah Yeah Yeahs designed to look like the the customer
funnymike said he’ll be entertained once in awhile that’s funny
he did say something that really surprised me and I think I talked about this on our podcast here I am talking about again so when we’re playing it cuz we played in a room with the with a few people and at some point he was like so do you have a boyfriend and I was like No And he went let me get this straight. You do not have a boyfriend and I know and he goes do you have a girlfriend and I went yes and he goes well it must be hard being in a marginalized group inside of a marginalized portion of the population
prisoner
I can’t tell who is that woke or is that not what is prospective
I told her I talk about my family and my job and my a like a like a new enough about butt joints that this everybody in the room was like Jesus Christ turn it off plug from the wall
well I hate it you know I know you probably heard this already but like yeah I think the most of us are listening to this and going well that sounds rad
both as an episode and of the game and there’s a job but you know you’re giving us the highlights in order to play it with the gas I had to have had to keep one alive and the morning of the show it died I turned it on and it it floated up to the top of the pic if you don’t like the main you idiot internal clock on the system regulates how often you feed it and you have to like keep the temperature on the water tank like it smells like yeah it’s like the reason we all play video games to get away from it by just reading all of the word that it knew from like an internet guy but
words that it new and it’s death
play do lesbians
remember me my guy named Nick that because I thought that would make Nick uncomfortable like you’re like a lesbian. I never like never learned that over you in anyway I like
I remembered it there later and was like so how is your girlfriend and my she’s fine is she there and I was like No And it’s like too bad
stuff like that for a while and I hated it and it made me feel like weird anxiety because of you if you think this is wise in the kitchen because you didn’t do you know I don’t get stuff that you can neglect as part of a game that freaks me the fuck out and start walking into wall hanging their head against the wall and sobbing and weird computer has I don’t mind things that paying attention to them makes them grow like like you know I got literally just grow fucking plants on some iPad game for a year but like the idea of like with them will Dinger getting weeds because I didn’t do enough it it’s a deal-breaker for me and it’s crazy the shit that’s not a deal-breaker for me especially in like these like
sort of like a soccer mom games that I play now like I haven’t played the reason your job sounds fun is because at least you’re on a console like I just like to have left that life like I sit in the in bed and listen to True Crime podcasts and I just didn’t play buy my own volition like with Cody begging me please play Minecraft so I can get some sleep like I’m just circling the drain increasingly but in all games like I’m just I’m playing shop Titans now or something with Carlos if you just you just run a shop and you just keep making weapons people that are going on adventures that are not part of the game are coming in buying weapons from you and leaving the game so they can go play a video game and my job is just keep the shelves. So I don’t disappoint them that’s how I win and what I wear this more shelf space and I’ve already put like 20 bucks into it even fucking let me kick you
I like oh well I ever again and I can’t wait for this story to be finished I’ll buy some diamonds anyways I found a lot less happy than I asked you like a portion fire guy that you just make weapons and then people coming to your house or just I’m not even making them there I’m actually subcontracting there’s there’s other chip
I’ve just run a store that’s it. There’s a woman that makes all the magic stuff there’s a guy that makes all of the cash it out your manager I’m like I’m like I’m absolutely unnecessary I wouldn’t exist. I am with linen probably called the boozgeois
sounds like a great one for the podcast responsibility deal it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s a it’s a hamster bottle filled with dopamine spikes laughing at it out of habit because the last time I laughed out of the things lit up and said 5:00 and I want to see it’s a six I hated that the engineers that make these games have figured it out there is it it’s a nicotine patch it’s a it’s a it’s a it’s a tobacco pouch it’s fucking it’s a it’s a sharp toothpick you keep picking at the bloody gum with it’s it’s a fucking it’s cutting
that sounds great I’m playing a game kind of like that called merge Dragons It’s like that I’ve ever played like yeah I’m not surprised that seems like the kind of like it’s like I don’t like those games I like mechanics that are real but boy howdy when you drag three rocks or if you’re lucky five rocks together and they become a slightly bigger Rock it’s like oh damn you got the but I’ve had days ruined where I go to drag five rocks together and I accidentally only dragged free rocks together oh man like my stomach just stinks like I’m about to get in a car wreck it’s there’s some highs and lows in merge dragons
it’s the only children of this should be a tip-off to us that it’s not it’s like there’s no way to parody that style of game like you couldn’t we did a joke game a million years ago I was like up Jerry’s game it was like Jerry was playing it in the thing and there’s a there’s an actual game called Jerry’s game is just a bunch of balloons and you just pop them but there are still a thousand people out there pop in the fucking balloons like I know I won’t go near it cuz I’m afraid one will be me and like like just think it like I want to pop a million balloons and like a you can’t there for like like famously some of the most successful game game designers like it was in the Flappy Bird guy like doing it as a bit or something just like this like people to play it and the answer is yes play lately because they bother to put like this aesthetic and what I think it’s just colors and sounds and things that you feel it’s a slap
team feel it’s like like you when you merge those dragons when you pull water that plant as we could just certain textural experience that’s why they tell you to put your phone in grayscale cuz we’re primates whose brains are designed to find ripe fruits like the way we if we can locate things that look right and feel right and we can walk backward in our brains to eliminate the most amount of work possible to get that Lenin we reward ourselves with Heroin that we generated our own brain and we are all Keith Richards at this point to make a satirical version of the game like it would probably be very hard but like super off how would you I mean you know is it’s just like I’m like I really want to do an incremental clicker for Rick and Morty cuz I like the idea of prestiging. But whatever
do you think there’s a game that you could design that could end civilization like because all the stuff you just said is I think pretty correct but I feel like somebody with maybe without a moral Center could harness all of those things and like really cuz I told him on go kind of stopped everyone for a summer sore like everybody stop doing the thing like we everybody would have to park yeah I got it Pokemon go accept it just makes people go to locations that are like away from a bank or something and you just robbed the bank or commit crimes that have synchronize towards where you’re directing these people
you can take over the world but the current thing that’s up in the rotation for Radiolab is about this British game show that’s basically the prisoner’s dilemma it’s called the Golden Balls and it’s just a prisoner’s dilemma you know what that is and it’s a final round of this game what they do is they give the give the two finalists a pair of Golden Balls one says split the other says Steel on it if they both talk to each other about promising which one they’re going to do and that the if they both choose to split they split the jackpot if one of them chooses to split and the other one chooses to steal the person that steals gets 100% of the money if they could both use the steel they get nothing both of them so the constant thing is like how why would you ever
choose to split even if you’re not a bad person you’re so afraid of being fucked that you may as well preemptively try to fuck the other person it’s kind of like what the prisoner’s dilemma is which is the check meet the cops use to separate suspects and they say your friends in the other room telling me that you robbed the bank what do you think I do get false confessions that way a little unreal one is it because what are you do what you supposed to do if you can’t see your friend and go tell him they got nothing there was a story is about a guy who is like a Game Show expert has been in like 46 game shows he went on the show and kind of broke it by saying to the other guy listen I promise you I’m going to steal
so if you say split I’ll get all the money and I’ll split it with you after the show and the guy the guy was like they argued for an hour and the audience was booing the guy cuz he was just like he was just doing it wrong you know he was meta and it was like it was all so he wasn’t negotiating he was simply saying I’m drawing a hard line I promise you I’m going to do the bad thing there for you can Bank on it if you also steal we both get nothing you may as well choose split because it was it was the practical way to going to beat the game and also then I think as an added fuck you to the game with the guy chose split the other guy and then the hero guy also chose split so they just split the money
after doing all that. I think you just decided that would be extra hilarious but the other guy interesting to me the other guy said in his postgame interview about it you know he talks about how upset he was with this other guys like he was not listening to me as like here’s my big time in this game shows has been running for three seasons like this is the thing is like you promised the other person you play this game you walk these horn and the guys just like fucking laying out this Meadow bullshittin was a he won’t listen to fucking reason it is making me really upset but in the end the guy chose split and in by his fully honest admission after the fact he’s like oh yeah I was definitely going to steal no matter what but if that’s the one thing he didn’t do the got another words the guy chose the only behavior that changed another person who whose whose attitude about the world was predetermined the only Behavior was and I would call it honesty again but whenever I don’t know if that’s related like as far as a game
shut down civilization it’s interesting to me that just in terms of Game Theory there always is this like medichoice that you can use to just short circuit everything
it’s kind of its kind of what people who would be like stoked about Trump’s election would say that that’s what it election was like well it’s just let’s just to let the fucking like the unelectable Blake like why are we even doing this anymore like why why why okay I’ll choose that like like let’s shut this Mountain Dew contest down you know let’s shut this Mountain Dew contest down and now we’re all so happy
did I ask for your permission and or share the thing you told me about the the the election when you’ve told me that you did the saying and then you took the picture and I need to I don’t think we talked about that I don’t I don’t I don’t remember are you opposed to sharing that I’m totally but I’ll talk about the thing it would ruin what thing if I say what I did holyshit it won’t work so it won’t work because until we all die you’ll be like what are you guys talking about
this is the most tantalizing when when the election was between Hillary and Trump in the others I went to my voting place I was I’m sorry I was so scared that Trump is going to win that I went to my voting place and I voted for Trump took a photo of it with my phone took out the thing brought the ballad up and I went I’m sorry I made a mistake and I have another ballot they threw that ballad out and then I got another ballot and then voted correctly so that if they come to my door and they’re like they’re like you know the the the jackboots are are there I’ll be able to pull out my phone no no no no no no no
that was that was the actual motivation for that now it doesn’t know it’s over but
they would be like now we listen to We Love Hermantown liberal audience so I had to tell them that I ended up throwing the ballot away but really I was so proud of my phone and they’ll say you said that on the podcast
I want to hear endowing the Trump faction with fourth awesome like the wisdom of any kind in the firing line fucking Heather like laying next to me I mean that’s the only fun thing about getting shot right now trying to cover your ass because you actually voted for Trump so you want
I had to explain that she’s being like three steps ahead of zealous she knows what’s in her photo roll when I also made a lot of money on the election that I the February prior to the election there’s a website called predicted where you can gamble on politics and I was so sure that he was going to win that you could buy it’s the way it works is that you buy a share based on the percentage of likelihood that something will happen so if the payout is $8 and it’s 11% likely that nothing will happen you by each chair for $0.11 and then a cash is out at a dollar if the thing happens and so I bought a lot of trump at 11 sense because there was like he’s definitely thousands of dollars
which I left on The Exchange cuz I felt so sick I knew he was going to I got nothing except
he’s not going to win next time everybody so I’ll buckle up and just think about it that website
Rock trap you member you call me I like you called me and you called me about I’d already had a panic attack because I thought that the world’s going to collapse on me and then everyone’s going to die in it and then with my job to pray for people on the other side of the world because of horrible things happening and I thought the walls are going to collapse of me and then I finally calm down after like a half hour like a full-on panic attack and trap, because you told me that the
the World Trade Center towers had gone down the Pentagon got hit he has some of the White House got hit that there was there was like you had some misinformation on that and you should turn on your TV right now it was you that called me and said that they was all going down to you were having a panic attack before the television was on looking back on it looking at the clock and it was like 911 XO my clocks at 9:03 or 3 or 9 or 4 whatever it was is when the second plane that hit the tower by I just woke up screaming and thought that the walls of my apartment were going to come smashing down on me and I thought I was going to die and I just kept screaming and then I realized oh it’s not me that’s in dangerous people very far away and my job is to pray for them
and I you finally calm down after 1/2 hour of just whaling screaming and then Rob coming over to turn the TV on
and then
if you want to be the new Camille you can engage this
show me always like are you fucking kidding me you dreamt 9/11 was impossible it was good record-breaking nightmare couple days ago you know sometimes it’s like Dream Within a dream kind of things were it’s sort of like like the ingredients are like oh I didn’t know I was asleep but I kind of felt like in my dream I was asleep or something like that but I had a full-blown like
I I was having a nightmare about like someone being in my house
and I woke up
like freaking out like like like 10 a panicked and almost unable to breathe like semi sleep paralysis a coming out of the Nightmare and Cody woke up and it was like what’s wrong and I’m like I just had this crazy fucking nightmare and all this stuff like full-on that whole thing and then stayed awake tried to go back to sleep and then heard more stuff in my house and got up and was walking around that house which by the way was not my house because everything I just described was a nightmare I then woke up from because that was all a dream bitch all of it do you understand what I’m saying so when I woke up I was like genuine like sleep paralysis with real bad like like Cody was like what’s wrong and I’m like you know what’s wrong no you don’t know what’s wrong because this is a different bed in a different house but I was like in a different house that
also unfurnished and wasn’t a house I had ever lived in but was living in with Cody in just a bed but like had no furniture if it was like a big house and was like scary to walk around when you heard the sound and had this whole fucking nightmare in Nightmare God damn it you should be more impressed it was like it was like it was usually work that way like literally dreamt I was in bed dreaming and didn’t know you said you know I can kind of know or whatever but it was for me
Dan Harmon has been canceled after sharing a double layered nightmare has formally for the vast minority of people who didn’t catch her at the end of December or early December since the we probably won’t be around do shows for making out when everybody leaves for for the holidays so we got some amazing gas coming up to can I go hoo yaa who’s coming who’s coming out of show at neumeier RoboCop silence years it was like if you really want me you’ll end of the she got Laszlo panaflex is flula Borg the famous YouTube
they got a nice better than
Dave Foley is going to be here or be killed
I had a dream can I tell you a dream I had a dream that I had cancer that blew my fucking mind and gave me a lot of peace and it was that I lived all the way to the end of my life and was an old woman and was still still with my girlfriend Mary and we have spoken in the in the past about how I want to if if uploading your Consciousness becomes a possibility like if you can dump your load into a computer
because you’re ahead of that job
so I died rip it up. All the way to the old age and they could we can do it you can upload your Consciousness into her computer and I was like I want to do it we got a big fight and I was like well okay I won’t do it but then I did it anyway which will be the way it works and in the dream once I was in the computer my POV of the dream became inside of the computer version of me and I’ve discovered that your entire life was like an old iPod interface would like the the scrolling album covers and you could go back to any part of your life and click on a thing emotionally mentally and Replay that experience that you had in your life and then I discovered that you could Branch The Narrative from within the experience to see what would have happened if you’d made other choices and then realized that when we talked about but the real one
the simulation that it’s not a grand simulation for all users but that each user is stimulating their memories of the universe and making different choices over and over again getting all the way to the end realizing you’re still in a computer and then playing the game from that point All the Way backwards does that make sense that was my dream and then I was like answering this one I’ll just wake up in the computer and then I’ll be like a great so I know I know this time when I play that I won’t you know I don’t fault I don’t you know what’s crazy about downloading your braids into the computer like like unless they decide to then kill your body your brain will also still exist like it doesn’t just pour out of your brain like it’ll get would presumably get copied over rather than like literally jammed into a floppy disk so you just simultaneously exist is this entity on the computer while your body still exists unless Again by science
pills at 4 p.m. do you think do you think it’s probably is just like why would I pull this out of my ass off my gut my gut tells me that before we get to I’m going to put this bowl on your head in your brain information going to come out for a hose and then your brain is just you can just outpatient walk out and go out what you do today I copied my brain is on a computer right now that the technology will first have to go through a phase where you absolutely can’t get that information without destroying its original that’s all then it’s like going to have to like like that if it’s actually going to pull every bit out of that bucking bull of tapioca it’s got a fucking stir it and it’s stirring your brain is well that’s what happened to Kennedy I mean you get your brain stirred by bullets like like let’s see
although other people to ij’s did it plenty of people over on the ghost story movies be seen that is really like heart-wrenching hipster thing is just a sheet so it’s like Patrick Swayze mythology of like people being ghosts and being like green screen in like when will my fingers really forces you psychologically to to contemplate one of them or what I found me a stunning facts of death which is that were you to die and where you to hang around you would be watching your lover like not get over you like in Spielberg’s whatever it was with Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter book
but like watching your girlfriend like lose her house keys and like eat a whole blueberry pie because someone told her it was vegan but then throw it up because she doesn’t know what to do with herself and people are coming to be watching your friends and lovers mourn your passing while you stood there and watched it just devastated me and it made me realize that the thing I fear about death more than oh my God I’m going to die is like holyshit what if I what if I don’t just go away what if I have to think about Cody like like Anne and her having to like put all this energy into my loss like that’s the last thing I want is for anyone to have to expend fucking tears for me and all this nonsense and then we started talking about like so if you could avoid that would you and I and I posed
hypothetical to her this friend I was talking to it when he was like so say you someone came to you and said today they said Hey listen I’m from the Umbrella Corporation and I we have a program called the seam in that you’ll come back for whatever reason we have selected you as a candidate like we don’t know when you’re going to die or how you’re going to die but if you die instantly like what if you participate in this program you may wake up in a hard drive or ideally maybe let’s say even just in a clone body like like like that was a clone of your body like like we were working out the Kinks but as crazy as it is. We have a hard out in 20 seconds
yes I do it I do it I do it even though it be like fucking Pet Sematary we know it would be Pet Sematary we know it would be awful but we can still do it this is what you said like yes
Cliffhanger will everybody week
wherever heart out we got to get out of the theater
Heather
what is it again it’s not good I arrive driving
precious and few are the moments we all can share of a sea of perfume off of her harmontown just gently into that good night we’ll see you I’ll drive fast and take chances won’t change
is that you got beat up those yet
Spanish you’re really thought it when the bottom boys but they still play the plantations wikibuy in there to close minded
what the heck
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