Episode
Episode: 234 – The Patron Saint of Acid Wash
Description
Featuring Dan Harmon, Rob Schrab, Spencer Crittenden, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar and Brandon Johnson.
Transcript
oh man everybody Welcome, town is now in session
welcome to the back of the Spencer was already I forgot to introduce myself I’m Rob trap I will be here tonight
how y’all doing tonight you haven’t been feeling good all right let’s bring out the mayor of harmontown
yeah it’s 8:12
when you were in the bathroom at El Compadre Rob shop shot me a mysterious look I said now Rob that’s not a normal man’s look you’ve got something cooking up right in your mind right now and what you say Rob
who basically just he suggested that we do what you just saw happen
what did you you treated them or what I didn’t reach shit man I’ve been on Twitter since Bill Paxton died last Bill Paxton I’m really bummed out about that who is really bummed out about that
some people make fun of it. Ramos die do you know like oh he’s seeing things went on the other side now Tik Tok don’t do this don’t do the thing where you like you know relate their death to their product like I don’t think you’re not not not when you’re genuinely trying to eulogize and I’ll do it do it in the privacy of your own bedroom when did you find out I don’t know this morning just just hit me and he’s like one of those guys that you think is going to be around forever and he’s just gone earlier this year and we also recently lost to Milo yiannopoulos
you don’t know when it’s going to happen and it wasn’t just
somebody will be complicated in surgery some people if somebody will dig up a year old interview where you sound a little bit like you’re you’re all right with pedophilia and then the year and then you just gone really just congratulate Simon & Schuster they really went out on a limb there to cancel a book deal after rediscovering someone’s highly-publicized remarks on pedophilia I think the second time it would have came publicize do is really just the right thing to do at the time alright well I thought I was one of those One X
it’s too bad cuz he’s such a nice likable person is like being funny
he was just very funny it was just a very funny person he would surely he would not give and take it would just play it no matter what show he was on you would just be hearing him talking over anyone that it was always tight not a funny person and not a talented person just a tragic attention and that’s fine the thing is I finally got it ready to be as soon as as soon as break part of the lost him whether he quit or got fired it was like and then I watch The Joe Rogan thing where he was like talking about getting fucked by his priest or whatever and it was like I think the interesting thing about the left versus the right is that the left would like to hear about your bullshit like after we know it’s related to human trauma and the right would like to hear about it right up until that that that that time
$5 gets you the video subscription to harmontown
see what Rob schrab is doing alright well I’m not going to I’m not going to try to do it right now on the Oscars
who’s won
tattoo Suicide Squad
La La Land can suck suck my dick dick
and it came to I song is this concoction somebody
that’s that’s fernet-branca that’s what jeffy’s I feel like Rihanna Mater man
my thoughts on my lower very cogent and timely and now they’re lost to the ages
how you doing Dan I haven’t seen you in awhile we discovered some new planets robbed
okay
have they been named yet
how many planets name of it I don’t know either Wednesday they were like there’s like some things that there’s a call I was I was getting it third-hand there was like it was correct me if I’m wrong there is a solar system that has multiple or is like 7 new earth-like exoplanets or something involving around a single star Solar System Song how many moons
imagine if these planets are like actually like likes you forgot a figure like before we could ever even before we had gasoline before we had electricity we had telescopes we could see what was going on in the moon so these planets are let’s say they all have sentient life evolving on them sure like we would be making first contact with people already be if they had telescopic contact with each other they would already be like the New York to our Wyoming they would be because they would have grown up like in the year 1400 they would have known there were fish people on the planet like a couple of orbit over her like a hundred years behind us or ahead of them whatever it doesn’t matter like we we will be making contact with a solar system that will be like why are you people so racist because
Quaker lake lake when we were getting to that point we could see fish people waving at us and we could also see them beating up snake people next to them and we could we were you like monkey people next to giraffe people going like stopped doing that and they were like you’re right you should stop doing that to your right and then we’re going to be like we’re going to be so intimidated by them that we’re going to be like not me I think I don’t know I just think it could be an ironic development where is there like we’re like totally technologically the same but they’re kind of snobby like they’re more Cosmopolitan and then we end up going like like they claim they’re looking down on us and going like you’re still racist and will will be like
I hate this Mexican guy and he hates me cuz we’re from Earth
I’m going to let me get through the thought
all right all right I guess tonight
thank you
hey Rob did you get that tiny bottle of table wine we sent over to you Joyce okay let’s get to the twin stuff for a second I thought we’re going to talk about the planet stuff I always felt like Pluto got the Ross deal of all like we think we have job security problems like he had that would like that it was locked down so long that was diorama lockdown
my very elegant mother just served us nine
dwarf planets
my very elegant mother just served us nothing but might be now was dwarf planet for a while then it was on Game of Thrones and then now wait is Rich Hall still doing so I collected the word sniglet to me in a little thing so I blocked that entered my head I thought I saw some little like subhead that was related to the NASA conference Taylor they found they call these little exoplanets but then that did the door is also something attached to that a writer like also Pluto Pluto
it is again. I don’t know if that was just an attachment on the little gas
alright want to talk about twins we have we have a safe distance from the Sun or one of us died when we’re not together and actually I actually found out about bill passed in last week. My phone’s got crazy alert I see you’re trivializing a human being’s death hey
I just know I’m never getting LASIK surgery that’s one thing I’ll never do cuz he died of complications from LASIK surgery
wow if your glasses are the only way we can tell you from your brother yeah but really I have no heart and no soul Simple Plan tonight you guys like a simple title the whole fucking good voice in all of movies he just he says it’s so quiet. No I have not really good really really good it’s the Simple Plan of movie no trying to do my Billy Bob Thornton impression it’s good hard I like mashed potatoes
what else do you like Billy Bob I’m going to just start showing you objects wine goes well with mashed potatoes what else I don’t like being questioned by Canadian interviewers about my band
what is he looking at I don’t know what Billy Bob is looking up and down on the floor can we also know and then also be like do you want pizza or make eye contact or yeah or maybe I kind of got the very least mashed potatoes and gravy to the creepiest I will never look away from you I contact he looks through Jason to me like I talked about his influences yes that’s my favorite part would you ask Tom Petty about his influences
that’s the first thing they cover in the Bob jonovich thing I was in the gym clothes but I offered for all right smart princess influences billy-bob what are they
I’m sorry I just made Suzanne influences are hookah
I’m trying to hold it Captain EO feel it look at order most influential David Bowie
not a close second but definitely a second
The Muppets James Brown
what are you guys do you have do you have private time do you go like at the end of the day like you go okay after tonight do you go home you know you live in the same house we just know we that is an extraordinary Li fair that is a super valid question I don’t want to stop on the validity of that question I don’t stop my nose in the in the face of that question
quite simply, although I will say this I will say this a recently we were we were about to go do some shows on the road and when we have a really early morning flight will call each other in the cars were driving we don’t live in the same house
we both know we both have two families we live on the only cookbooks in La the communal living site so we’re driving we always I will call him always or he’ll call me just to make sure that the other one woke up and is coming to the gig and and so he called me and I couldn’t take the call because I had stopped cuz I had to pee so badly like uncharacteristically so badly I’d already peed in the morning I was stopped at the 7-Eleven which someone told me dummy they don’t have bathrooms at 7:11 I didn’t know that I went in and got into a fight while I had to pee with the guy I was like you have to pee somewhere like I don’t know why I got into it with him at that point
then I was like fuck it I’m going to walk outside I went it was on Olympic and La Cienega I went around to somebody’s house and on a privately and peed on the side of an apartment building cuz I had no hope I had no chance I ran back into my car I called Randy back and I was like I’m so sorry I saw you were calling I didn’t want you to freak out that I wasn’t over the thing but I had to pee so badly that I just peed on the side of a building and you said I just peed up like too much coffee before going to LAX and then and that was creepy that almost made us want to stop doing comedy
if we looked at your text messages are you guys
that’s that’s what I do. But there’s obviously there can’t be any because you were born that way literally there is no build-up of resentment or craving for individuality right now Jason is not a planet yeah I know I’ve been demoted swear real I don’t have a fucking name thank you Billy Bob no
what we have family like we have separate families in separate lives and so you know like I think the fact that we even up until that point but the fact that we now have kids and wives and we have multiple wives Bill Paxton Ric
and then you have a third wife that you deleted a relief life we don’t know but yeah so they think it’s just the same person coming in and sometimes he has glasses sometimes he doesn’t he’s just super attentive he’s around a lot for her but the catch is one of you falls in love with her
I was going to say Thursdays on TV it’s called hidden figures
all right well oh yeah so we do have our own lives and I know what’s crazy is that since we’ve had our own families and kids and stuff when we get together we hang out with you can I say this is all right. I feel like we enjoy it more now than ever before because they fear yourself love you and then everybody else is gone
does it ever get dark like like if you share with each other this kind of like you’re like that one you know like or something or likely know you guys are only some fucking like weird energy between you wear your like yes I was going to say I thought that’s what the fuck are you I think it is I can describe it like this I do think it it goes beyond the normal sibling relationship it goes beyond the normal friend relationship like we’re past the point where you share things with each other this is going to sound so bizarre will you share things with each other and I think because we’re twins in some weird way were allowed we allow ourselves to be as hard on the other person’s you would be on yourself so it would be about yourself and that to me
intimacy to like rip on someone who isn’t you the way you would basically rip on yourself is so intimate and I’m going to worldly twin brother yeah and then I found out like I was like wait oh redhead cheerleaders I’d like I’d like to call my brother and go I think it’s redhead cheerleader right at the combination something to do with that one exactly like beans. That’s that’s our journey I think what you’re just describing right there is to get to actually we’re so close to each other we’re actually stepped on the other side of each other facing away from each other so the key is now over the course of Our Lives yeah he’s getting of a duel
that one is the turn yeah at gunpoint between us is a redheaded cheerleading socks up it’s a it’s a it’s the dark version of Fabulous Baker Boys it right yes yes I think to peel it back and actually have the type of relationship that a close siblings would have that is our work that we have to do the restaurant withholding from each other so that there is a yes and or taking time apart from each other so when we’re not working we’re not doing that stuff we do spend time with our different friends and family friends and whatnot so then we do come back together we are actually happy I have to wonder if this biological psychologically mirrors the stage in a normal individuals life they would be going through some thresholds
that’s something that I’ve never heard about in twin studies we are always so obsessed with a girl who what’s the difference between nature and nurture let’s study these twins right but like that idea that that twins have that unfettered intimacy and that you guys are experiencing this this weird crisscross right now I wonder if that coincides with with the age at which of her life right yeah I think so for sure I think we experienced that more because but I think it’s also cuz we’re comedians with it we are constantly examining our relationship and who we are and what we’re about what’s wrong with us and all that stuff so we only participated in one twin study Everett St Louis washing University and I don’t want to say we thought this thing up but like I had to go into a room and is no joke this actually happened people are studying this I just stare there was like it was just a little machine
I would just light up with a red light when in another room Randy was looking at a picture and I just lost the hall looking at a picture and I for no reason Rob just rub my temples as if to send it to me as if to fucking send it through the ether to him like cuz I was like that’s what you’re supposed to do and I just had to win the light came on draw what popped into my head to see if he could send it across the hallway at Wash U and not only did I not draw even a remotely close shape to anything he was looking at it was so bad like we they shut down the experiments they lost they lost their Grant and their funding because of our results
how do you draw what did you drive by Drew I remember he was looking at a tree like a very tall tree and I drew star nothing like a tree rounded edges and all that stuff you were looking at a cow and I drew I drew a car you were looking at what can you remember any of it with the other ones where I can’t I think about you get in my head and find out we were so off it was so off at their they couldn’t even prove to us and we’re like that I don’t believe in that shit I really don’t I really
every copper I don’t know it’s only 13 coming out of its mouth now have two dicks just so I can doing it he’s back there I love you
Brandon
hi Brandon what is the
yeah right
Riverton Riverton I could see Steve Harvey starting like a stand-up act just what is this about
now now he will woman Rai Blue Planet a planet
I just I just I just threw a dick in my mind Rob just I was at this function and Martin Short was being given an award and he he came he just fucking murder in shorts and huge and then we’ll Jim it when he did Jiminy Glick I was like that is the most electric character that was you know I think I like a lot of us we start just by imitating people like you I would just do Ed Grimley and relax you started SCTV I must say
oh my God that’s fucking why you holding a triangle suddenly
Brandon who are your childhood the comedy people I love like the Broadway Whoopi was one of the first things I ever saw the young comedian special Robin Williams with the first thing that I ever saw I had to like way too old ass TV and we got HBO and with dials on the shit so I had to like back in the day if you got cable you have to hook it up and you have to dial for like maybe a half an hour just trying to die until the cable hooked up with like a rod signal the fucking remember at 3 in the morning Dial Dial Dial and then Whoopi Goldberg Around the World in Eighty eight days and I was like what the fuck do you like the character pieces like the the one-woman show kind of like I’m going to do 20 minutes is this person and I mean that’s what you were like
when it’s it’s super early as memory of somebody who inspired me but I didn’t think like I wasn’t like one woman show type that’s why I was in shock I was like this a one-woman show but it’s funny I poisoned you molested when you work here so that’s how you can tell if someone’s give me a comment or they hate something like how high their voice gets me how her one-woman show us what a woman shows now ask me how her one-woman show was until you are all the characters are there
revealed to me at dinner tonight that he’s going to us. I was there
thanks man you were sitting at the next table though the facing the walk off
why do they make you do that right I forgot I have revealed to us that he is going to a vocal coach yes because he wants his voice lower wow
how is your vocal coach
started so the tendency to if somebody were to say and it was like oh I’m going to do this you have somebody respecting you like a knee-jerk reaction to comes from the best of intentions which is we kind of like we want to argue with them like you do that you’re right but I’ve inspected it from that angle that the guy was saying when you went in for your consultation yes did he said you’re holding your breath more than you should or something on that
now I’m comfortable and everything but when you know on set and I more I’m you know in a pitch meeting if you know when I’m having a bad time I tend to talk fast and not breathe at my register goes up and it and it’s just learning how to breathe and talk and think and just organize your thoughts and so it’s just something that I’m doing to improve myself so sorry we made fun of it so how low how low do you want to talk Lou Rawls like hip hip hip hip hip hooray hip hurt headed birds of the doctor on The Simpsons
y’all bout to wish I was
I don’t know how was your one-woman show
that’s not what I’m talking about you know when you’re when you’re
which is my comfortable register you know which to some people is grading I just like you know I’m trying to I’m trying to fix this fucking problem which is I like a lot of people like your voice I think I like your origin story is your hair piece story like when you like like Rob lost his hair at a very young age before it was even possible to call Blake I’m Cinema before Bruce Willis like like paper for saving Raves from that movie the card as you go up to the ages I’m not saying it’s equivalent to anything else to help with
but but you told the story of like you had a girlfriend that was like you know she made it obvious that she said you had hair maybe you do need a hairpiece and then you went to the get you into the Lion’s Club in the Lions Club yes outfit you with if I can head of hair real hair somebody’s hair was awake and and and I was like a man is it I’m going to be fucking sexy again
looks like exactly how you’re picturing it I’m just like like a hair hat like a bowl cut round hair wearing hat Just Like Paradise Ocean I can’t I can’t do this and I put it in a shoe box and then I walked back to the Lions Club and I said I can’t do this I’m sorry and I gave it back to them and I left when I shave my head and I never had a problem with it ever again and that woman is now your vocal coach
call Circle guys I like me I like my voice I just I’m I’m it’s all about like when I don’t like me and I don’t like my voice it’s it’s I’m trying to get over that you know part it’s not right now I mean I’m not trying to hide easier to just change it to change the way that you feel about yourself than
this is part of what we need to do this show I like I said to you
I said like look you know if it’s even if it’s a placebo if I in the password done the homework and then I’ve gone into like a meeting where I need to be everything I need to be and everything I know that I need to do and can do I can do it but you know what
I put it into it.
5 Teen Top 5 teams and go don’t let me start
wait a minute. Wait no this is for him to answer
dinner Secrets time management yeah I wish I wish that my toe and fingernails didn’t grow but I guess that’s like you were so humid yeah things is going to happen I feel like we should have happened after you’re dead I wish that the hair on my legs didn’t stop just short of my ankles in 1997 I think it’s because I wore my socks too much when I was a kid
he said I was abducted by aliens and that’s why the hair on your legs doesn’t go all the way up to your kneecaps
well which one is it I don’t remember that conversation maybe I was defending myself
I don’t remember this return dinner the other night
we’re getting into alien abduction mythology because we were trying to write a screenplay about alien abductions and things is laid Lake and I was researching a lot of it so I was starting to think about my frequent nosebleeds and maybe body hair patterns because they were being married in the testimonials in the book I no longer believe that
I have more body hair than you do not text each other I’ll be there like in 20 minutes so that’s how do you wins do you so fucking hot now that’s hilarious is something if one of those High try a cock ring on the ceiling fan and then you like come your brains out do you do you text the other one and go like have you tried this yet cuz you might be into it the code
we haven’t yet. Maybe we should start at all those things you suggested I just made a mental how is like maybe yeah
cuz they don’t have twin brother so you guys have that like maybe we’re all more darker in private and we’re a little more suffocated in their cocoons right and you guys are just get to be more mainstream like like you just lay the pipe missionary style at a roll over and smoke a cigarette inside no no conversation podcast what oh Jesus oh shit
someone take that tiny bottle of wine away from God
I’m at practice is all about us sharing sexual proclivities with each other
it’s dumb people town it’s like it’s all those the most if I wasn’t asking you what I like to hear him talk about now it’s just us breaking down three insane stories and going super deep and the stories Story number one high voices no no no crazy stories from the news that we get from our listeners actually and then Austin Dan Banker co-host along with the gas we just start Roofing and it the stories are just launching, launching pads and we just go it’s kind of like a writers room before you get down to the actual writing so is how much how much Florida is in there a lot of Florida I mean we just we know so much about it from the first line of like this person like everyone but we can guess the age of people by their behavior now cuz we’ve done a bunch of them like usually I know when someone looks like they’re 50 but they’re 33 from the whole story
3333 years old
Waka Flocka Waka Flocka Flame rapper always like sizzurp and like this every year did drugs are like going through its Silicon Valley is going to do that we have to come up with a right that that no one’s squatted on the domain for
I was looking for a drug that we don’t have to go to a date who I think this was in the Florida we was trying to impress his date and jump over like from one building to the next and he didn’t make it and slid all the way down between the two buildings they got closer as it got that they were still properly anyhow I need to die in the fire department had to come into a bus the wall down of a Chipotle to get him out Tim Burton
why did Trump Tower of all you ready for the distance between the two buildings a foot and a half
he misses that it was like this
call the fire department fire department they punch through the ball they can get him out and he probably should look there he was like so can I call you again. What if I tell you going to punch the wall but could I get low
a number five what is a punch to the wall and it was the wall of the one of the two buildings was a bank and he bolted through and took all the money and ran out of that grave biggest like the greatest Heist ever 2016
for that guy because number one he didn’t he’s not doing something stupid in the beginning he’s it’s a foot-and-a-half so let me show you something
just fingernails coming down
it was a few stories I know it wasn’t like it wasn’t like
just magic stories like that what is the appeal to us is it the same as like watching intervention or hoarders or something like that when we just we just wanted we just want to look down and not see Rock Bottom we have another person that you feel you had before Rock Bottom I think you feel better about yourself but just to know and and some not to try and justify everything that someone does the situation always like the best move whenever I get a pool in a pool and then goes into the house and goes into the bed and sleeps with the six-year-old
have you ever taken a shit that just makes you tired I have no electrolytes anymore after that shit I need a layabout
with a six-year-old do you mean no do not upset just actually literally just go to bed in her bed just took a nap and lay down in front families, and then the parents protected him from the cops came as like it’s someone in here and they’re like no we are we’re all right like they were some reason protecting this got it earlier about this person what I remember where the cops come though because they reported a naked man with a machete they figure it out in their pool yeah it is Florida Florida Florida now but I just I remember back like just the parents not wanting to like involve this I don’t know what they were trying to do they like we can handle a son as well we don’t trust the cops or whatever but you can’t discount human empathy I mean they must be able to look into his eyes when he woke up and we’re just like he’s a human being to the cops
did you get my pool no take him away alright Billy Bob just take it easy for a second we’re at we’re at least you know this country has it has room for error I think there’s a turd in our pool get him out he’s right over there and they’re like would you like some lemonade would you like some breakfast would you like to go for a swim no thank you we met you someone else took a shit in her pool in the pool is probably a lot like a water birth you know what I mean.
to the Caddy Shack bit with the flu add person doing the shimmy like you’re never immersed fully in water oh you’re done over there. I think it was in the pool to this bed when I mean he’s not an animal that yeah I mean that’s is yes, thank you. That is very run-of-the-mill for the stories that we get in to get a chance talk about it but it’s a it’s a good fun time and we love doing it from St Louis all all three of us thank you Luis. I thought you were from Chicago Chicago for a little bit but St Louis
good old Louis good old provincial yes Gateway to the West yes they’re like that’s the corner of the Old Courthouse and why is that place name is the Dred Scott case do the case we could go back up north and get your slaves and bring them back down south that’s why it’s name is congratulations horrible horrifying to be here in the Bible what did Lewis do I think it was the patron saint of acid wash
Iraq Iraq the stlbfl about that but I just feel like it did connect us with like people that we probably would not have met have we grown up out of here like we were just just just got message also true that only works like we were to snack bar at a pool when we were fourteen years old the guy who brought us the ice was this tall thin guy that’s it keep longinus fucking great now listen to this keep on jennette’s pier bull yeah do you want to that claimed to us that and there is no proof of this no but we had to just agree with him that he kicked the longest field goal
in Missouri State Class 5A High School football history just told us every time he saw Asia that’s what he did that to me is like that I don’t think he will hold on to shit out here like that that is just an unbelievable credit and an ugly person an amazing book by Jonathan Franzen that he wrote before the corrections called the 27th City I know if you read that it’s about Saint Louis amazing amazing amazing are you just saying that okay do I actually say I do love it to do like going up there he probably didn’t black families had a multiracial family has tons of culture to see that they recently vandalized when you seen the national news that they are fat
buried in that Cemetery another culture but the rest is Saint Louis everything the part that our family was in need and I was like how dope is that shit right but still it was dope that your people thank you I can’t help her get on the mat thanks man with Judaism with love the fuck out of his rear wheel of Israel wheel of Israel’s at this great like amazing like like the Alabama Crimson Tide like they’re just
Beacon Healthcare recruiting him like the colors of the real head yeah you can talk deeply about this what how do you just know people close to yeah there are people in my family I’m not going to call him out but that my family not Randy’s Family that are that are conservative and because of Israel and I just want to be like it’s not like if anyone else is there they’re not going to shit on Israel they might call Israel on some stuff but they’re not going to shit on Israel Israel’s like a good restaurant in like a weird rough neighborhood all right they’re not the city’s not going to suddenly come in if you like close this shit down we need it it’s good it’s like there’s if there’s a lot of good that comes out of it so it’s a very odd it’s a very odd relationship because that happens I think the I think there’s no way desecration of
of a Jewish cemetery is not happened in even in the Bush Administration I think it’s completely because sorry I didn’t mean to make take the derailed to see you it’s because Trump is like oh Steve Bannon come on in and so now anyone who has like a lined feelings like that they don’t feel like there going to be any consequences what they’re doing so now like more and more Jewish community centers are being threatened or more you know the cemetery that scares the fuck out of me and my I’ll be like about to pick my daughter up from ballet and I’m standing outside the Jewish Community Center in Silver Lake where she takes ballet and I’ll just be in the parking lot in like people are picking up the kids and my wife will call me if you like to hear what Savannah did I’d like to know what the fuck did Steve had his eye of in the parking lot of my Paisa what the fuck did you know what the fuck did he thinks there’s going to be this is like the 4th Revolution and what the fucking Civil War and he wants everyone to fucking kill each other sweetie I don’t know how he’s going to make money
La Bou Bou fucking white white person because every time every every day I I bought a gun if it was for the 10-day waiting. Then I haven’t I haven’t picked it up yet you have picked it up he’s still there so it’s like Dillon’s Nobel Prize I’m going to go pick it up the article I read that that made me want to go pick it up was it was it was it was this with a bar the CNN from the things I do for me it’s about First Amendment because I perceive Steve Bannon and that whole plan I don’t know what those guys the Nazi part of trump and there’s a huge not to part of I was just ended from a fucking that other in the eyes are the only fortunate thing is that they’re not upgrading their playbook they didn’t update it for the internet it includes I look at this all this first amendment stuff every time there’s talk about laws
protesting that ringtone does not match your voice at all hahaha
just really delicate wind chimes
he has not picked up Dan what are the other three errands you’re going to do around the gun pick up and go pick up your guy got the habit of finding out he doesn’t some porn to just to balance that shit up because we’re all finding out like okay we need to take this seriously how our perspectives are different how under ologies are different for me every time this first amendment stuff comes up as a particular idea of the press is the enemy and all the stuff I perceive it as those guys like that’s the Velociraptor testing the fucking electric cages because the and or they’re just piling up this zombies piling up against the the the the shopping mall doors in Dawn of the Dead like they if they could get thicker and push it down they would they wait because there’s a Nazi Playbook and it
there’s a there’s a fascist Playbook the Rhythm that is not treated their people they can use fake nude in in the 32 took six guys in a in a pair of boots to go shut down the media you tipped over if I can press and you and you set fire to a building they’re doing the equivalent of that and that’s that makes me it’s their intent you like when a kid hits you in the nuts as hard as he can with their fat that you bought that he was good at fucking hit your nuts as hard as he could with what he thinks is the biggest weapon he has in his hand and there’s an offense there you go nephew
you don’t just do that. Those are my nuts and that’s a bat and it doesn’t really matter how clown Ashley it effective they’ve been it’s the fact that what they would have when you see their intent when you see when you look into their dead eyes and see what they would see the future be when you see it that’s why that’s why I was like they don’t fucking care another parent told me that the other day that day Trump was on the TV and they’re like two year old kid point in and went Trump because he’s like Grimace from McDonald’s and where the Hamburglar get outside like their kids are learning the mythology is not a good guy at 9:11 o clock
we are is this it’s not a silver lining it’s not like and I and I know that I know is 2 years from now for what is the silver line with any crisis is always that you know it’s like or is fire and you children are getting so fucking gigantic that you can’t ignore the Silver Lining is that is ready to burst its Windows graveyards got desecrated you know that is one of the things that I saw it was open like where the funny smart Progressive decent people have nothing to fear in the light and and only the bad people will they will they will continue to be more and more recognizable because they will continue to advocate for shadow and darkness they will continue to stay everything should be secret everything there there should be boundaries there should be borders there should be always things and that is going
that could be a really healthy thing for admittedly a side of the political spectrum that that in times of peace and prosperity did nothing but someone brought their their Chihuahua and I just sat on a duck that’s fine that’s good
what you don’t think the Silver Lining is that everyone who voted for Trump who believe that their life was going to get better their life because he doesn’t give a shit about them gets so much worse that and they lose their help carry and they see that there is no loser money is your money and they say there’s no way out but to commit suicide that entire pool leveler human gerrymandering Arnold Schwarzenegger just in a random tweet did you see this that he was like it’s amazing that like when Congress is less popular than like herpes and nickel that like you drag Nickelback and I was like well you don’t fuck with it like you fuck with a nickel you get the back then and they came back so hard on him and they tweeted back at him like leave us out of your stuff and they went after him
I apologize like immediately I was going for you because I saw that video and I thought it was a really important primer or alert today I kind of gerrymandering which we don’t talk enough about totally but it was I know but I didn’t read it because it was too I didn’t want to deal with the I want to feel like someone’s mod Dad let’s go motorcycle riding in Malibu you can reach me some more of my stuff
Republican sell out as a republican the first people he went after in California with the nurses and the teachers and good message like we need to talk about gerrymandering yeah I agree and I love that Nickelback dog came back at him
only in the App Store only in the App Store
this tweeted to each other I think it would go a little something like this would you ask Tom Petty what was in the App Store only what’s in the App Store
and you should pray for her release this video big lake lake are these guys all the floors actors like the only thing missing is a mile of Arnold again because because it’s like that like Charisma and empathy and just as faces and heads on screens is what we’re so subject to and that is the whole probably got to get away from that your Heartstrings
are primates so we look at each other and sometimes they could be different people have different like effects on us and we got it actually we got to grow up we can outgrow that I’m a writer I know all about like the need for Heroes that we have but that’s a biological impulses so is taking a shit we do that in a toilet when we literally stood leaders who are smarter and more capable than us and new John Wayne this and all the stuff in like the the Democrats need to leave the charge I think I’m just being like this is not a human concept is that an individualistic kind of beer do you have bleeding 300 million people and then by proxy eight and eight billion people I think Alec Baldwin should be our next yeah it’s the only way we get a silly way to go just every month
is it they really did need to have we should have this popularity contest where we have a symbolic leader of the British we already have the Kardashians you seem that concerned that that if if no one argues with me we’re going to revert to Market okay of course but not American people have to go visit the museum and look at a fancy hat and say oh we’re the best she’s running shit there there is there is it right but seriously there’s this great thing where they hide it in there like a fuking power Parliament doesn’t convene unless she speaks so don’t trip but they’re still there still
nobody was tripping out here Brandon
anyone it wouldn’t be a powerful office we would be elected representatives and officials do some of the the grunt work and we’re supposed to take care of each other we’re in this position now cuz you keep trying to hire people to take us out of position in a true American since we’re we’re like I want to send my car when the reality of the situation is how do we been together none of this should happen in the first place not democrat or republican true
when did this become like an American tradition and write the idea that that’s fucking grunt work Civil Service like go represent me on Capitol Hill I have potatoes to farm but I really want to do it when you talk to a congressman or we talked to you about this and they actually really do give a fuck. Not all of them do but but none of them are like him and my calling was building neighborhood my calling was figuring out a way to have high. Each of us put 10% more of our day into the being represented part of representation if you paid attention to what was going on just one block over just one block over don’t don’t have to be come out an alderman going to become the mayor of your city but take the block to the left or take a walk to the right and if everybody on a black dude that shit
will be a way better off and what we needed our elected representatives to do have a guidebook for what we talked about that a lot of pages from the tea party’s play book because it’s observing the fact that a small but passionate group of people that were filled with hatred and had their heart in the wrong place still managed to little efficacy just by working on a local level they showed up and drove the town halls of the shit you can tell this this indivisible Playbook and if you just Google it like there’s an audiobook that’s like an hour-long that reads through it and your car don’t listen to this episode I give you permission to spend that our listing this thing will weigh whoa whoa whoa
what is in a certain block radius of you that are that have started something start started and here’s how you start up and here’s what it was that people called the cops once they moved the neighborhood that a crime people call their friends and and had a visible presence in that neighborhood so we know that it works for real estate prices would work for each one of us trying to take one of them to both of us send our kids to public schools here and one of the reasons why public schools in our neighborhood a good it’s cuz the parents are fucking involved it’s that simple that’s it that’s the end of it teachers can only do so much that we have the same shity classrooms in the shity chairs that every other school has in the city but our parents won’t go out in the community and raise a bunch of fucking money and put it in and be like we don’t want the music teacher
one day a week we got a raise what is it is it is it is
what’s the temperature tonight in public true but I’ve been doing was passing legislation so do all California schools
we know that people are
walking with this abandoned baby can’t fuck you up not really the truth is you don’t churches are already coming up with safe houses maybe we got to go back to the days of obligation to the Quakers had to hide the slaves and we got to hide people who have come to this country I don’t say illegal maybe that’s what we got to do before we’re about to do you ask what the Silver Lining it just real quick the Silver Lining is that you all know how do real slow you know how to start this fight you know how that’s the silver lining the Silver Lining is instead of your $4 Intelligentsia now you going to these mother fucking meeting taking $3 down and make some posters of showing up that’s the Silver Lining you get to become you now more than you’ve ever been you before
I mean
now a lot of you are moved by that but and I don’t want to pull the Wizards curtain God but Brandon now pitch 1980s Manimal let me tell you something about this film
you’re still at you got sent to Hollywood we want men but we want animals we want to be able to find it you wanted to be simple Manimal
no man is an animal break
Ramen
Dan Worthy
the song I want to hear your voice coach are you I have a question to you and this I want to get to inside the business but are you open to having your whole life 80-yard you can have somebody just we could move your car
tell him he doesn’t but okay it’s Dad’s just a prop but okay I was okay just give it to him
this is working if I speak slowly
my voice will be low Brandon you use this Mike
Chuck Chuck Chuck Chuck
check check check
another thing is a 19 year old
I want to get some but I’m not sure this is the hair for me
how how how
you like you’re not
I’m thinking maybe I should Skip it’s okay
every everything he does and didn’t Applause break it was it the monitors are some of your voice sounded not altered by the way was it like going lower with Terry a little bit of helium just be honest don’t get it
all right look that feel good
A friend of mine and his son so no younger lad don’t really know how his son’s age but he’s like like way way way before puberty just like a little kid and he was on the computer and he was like that the dad was like what do you take messages playing this game and he’s like okay I was wondering about it cuz he was extra quiet took him and went and hung out with him or whatever and he later he came back and he looked at the history history pages in the next to the internet is like type of everything coming into your home and I was like again I was by a storm drain like Crouch
I don’t know how healthy that wasn’t one of my girlfriends are happy then that’s how I saw my first naked lady but but the kid he’s he’s just saying that he went to the search history in the kids the kid search for the word vagina which we’re not even talking to vagina anymore as a country is big issue and Rob cross picture came up on that one that is a sexy ass a very sexy ass we know from just watching that bit stuff they’re not cuz I had two daughters so I’m like
now you guys are really quiet I liked it there room turn on I don’t think we’ll have an issue with that with with them but there it is crazy just haven’t grown up I don’t I know my kids but I mean for right now they both kind of I don’t know the older one who’s almost 12 kind of like skews younger I do we want to wait a little more time before weekend they’ll be a point in time where she’ll just come visit lately stop communicating with us and then we just won’t have to deal with it my son tonight was like he’s ate already just turned eight and he wanted to see the Karate Kid cuz he’s been doing a lot of Taekwondo and I was like well let me I have to talk to the weirdest sea never to show him the Pat Morita there’s no if a cop showed up at Pat morita’s house when he was
drunk every single thing that he said yeah like real explanation of stuff that he was going to make him sound like a pedophile I just was having and wash my car since I just gifted him a silk robe what are the problem here so you wanted to show your son that that’s good car for nothing and no strings attached but no I was like I haven’t seen the movie in a really long time and I was like I have to watch this with you and being case something’s in it that I want to explain to you. Like I was trying to be there for the whole movie and I was and there were dropped it as bomb they dropped a couple of other things but the thing that he wanted me to leave the room on his when they started making out you like Dad get out of here and I was like do you need to see this alone like that
that mommy and I don’t kiss anymore but why are you our favorite moment in there this week in bed but the best night and I saw it tonight the best line is he makes up Ralph Macchio the karate karate kid makes up sorry spoiler alert arcade right and they’re hugging they’ve just kissed dad get out of here I stayed and she goes he goes so I guess you heard about you know about the big karate tournament tomorrow and she’s like who doesn’t like yeah who in Southern California doesn’t know about this obscure High School karate tournament bikes riding karate on Saturday there’s like wet wall-to-wall traffic on the 405 Junior High School jiu-jitsu
text Sebastian is happening down in Long Beach to cause this much was stack up in a few minutes once upon a time the society didn’t think it was important they skip right to the little world where karate is important too I think you’re cute kid is probably experience empirically oh my God
beautiful that movie like that character coming on screen it’s like that launched a thousand ships to meet it did it was like it wasn’t Ralph Macchio we’re enamored with no identified with him and wax on wax off with him I saw her you asked off to her yes most likely what they do with the sweaters of a little brat and the all right perfect perfect 22 when they did it and everyone was like in high school
this is the significance of this Dad that told me about that story is like okay why do you have another kids on YouTube in the Google things and they’re looking at things and it’s time to it’s like this Ambush where it’s time to have this weird talk with your kid about and all of these stories and with the sort of like it so I said that sometimes a parent is the hero of the story cuz they said something so fucking weirdly like navigating all these highway, but that’s as good as there is no healthy like we have all of these like toxic ways we have all his ways that we worry about our kids learning about sex we don’t have any ways that we look forward to demonize did you want it to be awkward I want it to be as awkward as possible like at stand up so I think it light for just as people who look at life and try and create you want the most if it goes smoothly if it goes really smoothly that
then they then your life is good if it to adopt some kind of standard if we have the most fucked-up attitude towards death and loss and like we’re all fucked up. That shower and I didn’t get it starting at another point but like controversial right now hey but I mean I just think like we have a lot there a lot of things that need to be changed but definitely the sex talk and the way we look at it there’s a there are puritanical underpinnings and we grew up in St Louis don’t know if you felt it too I felt like more constricted to the Bible like a week ago and spent time in cities like Denver Seattle San Francisco that the overall attitude of the people who live there it’s like way way way fucking more open about everything where we grow in St Louis I feel like the puritanical underpinnings of sex made it something that is wrong and you should not do and so you’re really not talk about
so if you were like the only black dude it was rough because yeah everybody would experiment with you if you were technically I miss the racism of sex I still got drunk we’ve had women up on this stage whoever really young lady coming up and telling the story about when she was in high school she was sort of you know it’s a classic story in like the the the movies that we she was branded a slight essentially like like because she like she was the participants in the early experiences of other shit heads that then punished her for that it’s like it wasn’t like she went out with the sandwich board and said let’s do this
you know she simply was the person that lady she fucking enjoyed it did not show him on the show and yeah maybe she just enjoy the experience has themselves and she should be allowed to yes I mean you’re not sure enjoyed that right am I right ladies guys know I’m sorry I jumped off the ship on this one they should be encouraged to enjoy sex my wife should be encouraged to enjoy sex and sexuality over and over again because it does become a Civic matter it becomes a legal matter if you have some kid didn’t understand the difference between consent and not and it said that becomes a criminal legal matter if he comes all of our problems
so we’re still living in this weird time or like I’ll let my kid learn about sex like however they want and like and want some Obama’s panel telling you how to tell your kids about sex but there’s a to be coming into everyone’s home all of our kids are learning now from the same if I can aluminum hinge device that Steve Jobs designed it couldn’t be in the way our kids are learning about sex except for one thing there’s anything else they know that that learn from each three forward which is where is this going what’s this for and what the fuck is my supposed to do and why is it feel good I mean not learn about intimacy either because there’s none of that in any of the like videos that are on we get the same shit though they’re doing it to the adults as well you know they started took it from all of us so it’s hard for us to like give it back to her kids
what are you doing Google go out for the river and Hunt crawdad
Monday I think there’s a laptop laying by the creek over there you can see it on that yeah if it’s attached to commercialism and you about to buy something then fuck you just look at those boobs are you should be doing this on the schedule that that Disney did he deems it appropriate you know that this this slipped and allies of skirt during Let It Go or whatever should we just high enough and it’s like it’s it’s it’s up to pick start up the Disney character in Frozen
just thought I’d share. Lucia a little East what are the it’s Anna and Elsa but what I meant sorry that I know that shit yeah
made mystical pajamas if she’s letting it go she should have made comfortable flannel pajamas in my world like like super comfortable like not just going to eat shit now and not care if I’m letting it go away how do you guys filter do for your kids like how do you make sure they don’t see any I mean you got to be on top of what they’re doing you got to watch what they’re why kids got into a really interesting discussion cuz we are super in the Hamilton they’re fucking Sony Hamilton and I love it there in a Hamilton cuz it’s amazing and it is like we just bought the record of the second Hamilton is amazing how it is it’s a trap music trap rap it’s all about the duel
they do love it but the soundtrack it’s a little later songs will drop them other fucker and they’ll drop of it and they drop some bad language and my kids were telling me yesterday that they love that we don’t make a big deal out of the fact that will let them listen to that without being like you shouldn’t because we aren’t on top of them for that that’s right
obituary how would I say if I were you a hundred and fifty dollars
I like cars in there thank you very much like when we heard some of the bad language and he was like I was like why you want me other movies like you’re going to hear something bad you’re going to make me turn it off I was like I’m not going to make you turn off but I do if we talked about it we can talk about that word it when it’s appropriate to use it when it’s not actually some kid some fucking douchebag kid and there are douchebag kids all over these three if I can kids read add one of them got mad at my son and a for some bullshit thing and yelled at him really loud and my son came in the house and I don’t think he knew he was like that motherfuking piece
and I was like you know I was so proud in a weird way that he knew that I was proud I was like oh my God he knows these words and he knows not to throw him around at school or in moments where it’s not appropriate and this was like he was reaching for the worst thing you could say about someone and then he had these in his cash and I was like that’s cool I thought that was very cool I bet she does suck ya
well that’s the way to like I guess that’s this kind of example of like allowing them a little bit of control in this scenario cuz I didn’t go in the other way where he’s trying you’re going to feel like you’re doing 80% of what you’re doing wrong even though you’re trying to do everything right all the time that we have insulin we have we have a have an alphabet we have a food pyramid there’s a stand we got to that Farmhouse over people behind the Civic body fat your kind of supposed to have it doesn’t mean you have to do anything else want to fucking dumb piece of shit
find me to get excited to share something and then I just like right when I get into this is why I know I know I know I understand the lyrics I don’t know anyways whatever that was my favorite Crosby Stills and Nash song called ride
play El DeBarge
we were talking about this on the way home from that party or the story friends talked about that YouTube thing she learned a sex from a children’s book they probably maybe hippies have and maybe not everybody has but scary it was
Cars planes and running a train
it’s time to find Goldberg
Goldberg Goldberg and that’s what is going to do time to find Goldberg the drawer on this
the fictitious
I try to situate myself when I was leaning back too far and I pulled this drawer front off. That’s what you do to every situation you break the door on that shit yeah I’m sorry don’t worry it’s just the luck of the drawer
yes just going to Applause it is too it just go into Applause clapping he needs it or else he’ll keep going. I’m glad that happened after the Planes Trains and running a Chase account
volume had the best daycare at what age is a joke and I can’t remember what it was but it fell in silence and I said and then a couple seconds
the next
rightfully so there’s a there’s a here’s a gem for you
serve those papers valves and he he met he makes me put my finger in this thing and I looked at the computer while he was out of the room and it’s measuring heart rate skin temperature and skin conductance skin yeah that’s my back is Scientologist did did he make you confess all your sins into a chafing dish
radio is like you always shows me the next week because like oh here’s your reeval based on that and then if it’s like within things that are like look really healthy hook out by the way have you smoked pot recently which the answer is always yes course and then I’ll be like I thought so pot really screws up the numbers and it’s like this is a religion you’re just making up whatever
and then not go to him anymore you make my back feel better with all chiropractors
killer back cracking like a rather large part of the Moon and back doctor and they don’t want that like they want to be like part of everything yeah he’s really overstepping his bounds like he has he asked you to pee in a cup at all and now has printed out that’s no the chiropractors were you going when she gets really bad and then you go to the guy and then you get a dick all right. Helping a all right I don’t know he’s trying to help you out and you’re making fun of him you’re giving it to him
making fun of this poor man is trying to help your back you know Priscilla is taking voice class of your voice is still so high
put in the work he’s not going to lower your voice. It’s like what Brandon said if we put in work as ourselves don’t put all the effort on him it’s like what he just bought
I can’t believe he’s not done with it yet that’s for the Empire is there an hour and a half of bottle
half a bottle still left in there
he calls that a magnum
all right well maybe we should maybe we should close with a what have we learned rap all right
we all look at Brandon
ocean
mr. Gorbachev tear down this wall which wall
KRS 1 political song Let me play me start you off brand and I’ll lay you a beat down
alright alright alright alright thank you baby get down and you can only be a smart make beef uncontrolled puki into trouble but stopping at Lobster menu breaking them up and make you show me to pay rent making sure you get money and then catching catfish on the 4th but maybe boycott don’t give him no money but she ain’t they already. Pay taxes but don’t shop at Falls you can stop and get down Brothers
are we talking about kids and we talked about families we talked about his voice cuz it’s so damn hot how was her one-woman show Young Brother how was the Wonder Woman show Young Brother
call Brian The Karate Kid knew that he had to do cakes and ship cuz he’s like you and we we got kids which even want to do we tell him what’s on the internet and how to poop we tell them who to be because of who not to be we say fuck your kids right and now you fuck right that’s who we are that’s what we do I’m like you I’m not like him though
four fingers and a thumb I’m going to pick her up and down when my one with all my brain and all of my mind I’m going to take her into the floor and throw her at a landmine Iraq Iraq Iraq and Iran
Zach McKeever in the back doing the audio and Chris Brown and that’s it I don’t know where we are next week we’re we’ve been moving back and forth between here and Starbucks will what watch my Twitter or something to know where we are. Thank you so much
I’m sure over traveling next week or next week or an Oklahoma we’re not here okay next week or no, but we have weed bail on you