Episode: 335 – What If Dan Had Four Ears?

Episode

Episode: 335 – What If Dan Had Four Ears?

Description

This week’s a whopper, with conversation topics ranging from Spencer’s hip surgery, Dan’s much anticipated Game of Thrones take, and another underscoring of how unprepared our (Dan’s) parents were for the advent of the internet. All that and THE RETURN OF D&D. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden and Steve Levy

Transcript

play MacArthur Park
what’s the first lyric of that
Springs never waiting for his beer and ran one step ahead while he probably has an advanced give it up for harmontown which is now in session
let’s bring up our game master game master
the Welsh Orin
you got a side pony going on right now oh yeah I need it to live and everybody
yo I got a microphone back back on the stage it’s all the way back but deeper Mike for a deeper show fuck your mama in her big toe yeah
that’s inside her big toe orthopedic surgeon your mama was a virgin she wanted to stay that way so I said come out to my house the next day that I have off of work and I’ll do a little experiment that I’ve been wanting to do I need you to sign this waiver girl I’m going to be the most famous orthopedist in the world how about if I like your child and you’re going to get to stay a virgin and I’m going to be a famous surgeon
we’re going to be on the cover of people
I’ve got a very small wiener
you’re a you’re a beginner yeah when I was born the doctor said whoa I think that’s a girl my mom said he’s going to suck a toe
stuck in traffic was ever done I’m a weird Surge and with a tiny penis that invites women to his house and puts a hole in their Cho and then fax it
when you put a hole inside the tow I put a hole inside the chapel we’ve been over this
that’s how much more invasive than I had signed but didn’t want to be a non-virgin they wanted to retain their virginity and so I had a plan that might have some affinity for people of the kind of persuasion that doesn’t want to lose the that Hyman and then end the end the props with the God above I don’t know I choose Catholic as what I’m saying
she wanted to maintain her maidenhead can I can I ask you the procedure what you makes a hole in the toe is called the toe pussy out of me
and it’s smooth and sexy
wachenheim Italian wedding we did it again coming out on a holiday weekend to you by Steve Levy who who forgot to cancel the show I was told there was no show tonight I was you were told that by me
right I was told that by Common Sense it’s a it’s a national holiday get men and women have befallen for our freedom and yet we have almost a full house right now I got to be a good night to do a show that’s that’s that’s the upshot
I mean sit yeah since we’re all here will make it worth it but but you know I think the fact that we are here is a crime and treason is really these aren’t times to be fucking around with the definition of what it means to be a proper American you know that’s a razor-thin Highwire that we have to walk every day a lot of new wants you can’t thank you alright I don’t mean to be glad but like what did they find your americanism like what what what kind of patriot are you
can you give me like some categories that exist already I don’t know where are you like senecal Patriot are you
yeah I mean it’s at you. You know you don’t have to try to think of things for me to do that
the eye being a patriot right now it’s complicated like oh yeah I know it’s like I was saying you know it’s incredibly nuanced incredibly subtle paradoxical I mean it’s just you need a surgeon’s touch too I’d want to go to connect that. But I didn’t say anything I didn’t know you’re going to make a hole in a person’s childhood fuck it anyways so yeah yeah I was obviously being sarcastic you can you can you can literally be a semi-literate fucking crazy is we have a Madman on the throne did you see he had that he had those speechnotes hey guys
what’s up you hear the speech notes that I took a picture of a hero achomlishments I can’t read about liking compliments like a CH and then no pee like a charm lishman’s I mean there’s a lot of words to to misspell but I feel like accomplishments not not high up on the list if this were an ideal world he would be allowed to be dyslexic and we won’t be some Lexia sorry sorry continue
I think it is just like Cas he doesn’t know how to read her right because he would like because when he looks at letters and words in things they’re jumbled and so unlike a lot of our friends who learn who had that learning disability diagnosed for them in like third grade and like put the extra effort until I Ria unjumble the shit is it comes to their brain he just did that he just was dishonest about it he just was like I’m not going to go to school and then here you do my homework whatever the fuck you did I don’t know like we got a lot of people in the world in a lot of a lot of states of literacy literacy is a spectrum there’s a ton of people who are illiterate in America but we do know that he be comfortable diagnosing him is dyslexic I believe the frustration that he experiences when he tries to read a prompter and that’s it that when he tries to like say things and stay on book and stuff and he’s a
obviously gotten a lot more dopamine spikes for my going off book and that’s why even though he’s kind of dumb he has that like a lan it like he feels like he’s flying when his long as he’s not read a slight legs legs so even though he’s saying the dumbest shit he’s like this is so much better than
play like that I guess that’s like me with math like if I was just like 8 + 8 + 99 like I’d be excited to think about it like I’m dying I almost don’t know it’s like I’m going to get you out of that anyways what I was going to say is it an ideal Society we would be it would be great you know we’ve had presidents that are like holding themselves up at the podium cuz they got polio legs and they’re in it in the midst of we need the strongest person in the world right now and you be so strong as I got my polio leg they hurt so much I can’t then the photographer’s really don’t take pictures of those polio legs what do you do in America needs to be strength right now and
in an interview with president is like they click their wives are really running the country cuz they’re like they’re like they’re having insulin attacks or something in the Caboose I think that’s the same guy I can’t remember if it was me like a train going around and it was like a president’s wife he was like he says he’s proud and you guys are doing great and you need more canals and chicka chicka choo and he was like whose wife is this one of the Eisenhower’s
there’s only one I see
I was like the third Roosevelt before the second Bush it’s sad that we are the culture of dishonesty Jeff is what I’m saying thank you like why is the truth have to have to be a bad thing when we now know how much obvious lying can be tolerated it’s like it’s so close to saying it’s okay to be honest when you’re just like I’m I’m not dumb and you like have a dumb you know it’s like you’re one lie away from us no need for the hat and you can just say you can just say you are dumb and then we can like open a book with you look at it you can go like we’ll decide still I don’t like this book and makes me feel dumb it’s cuz you are dumb and keep working keep working at it I can’t work on president
what did you cuz you’re dumb there’s a lot of dumb people in the world we love drum people like but let’s try to get smarter and you know we could all be honest but now it’s like it’s always lying everything is lying now I can’t believe that person said that oh you hear what they said any of it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not it’s just like whether they said it it opens the door for vampirism it’s it’s it’s like people that lie are that they’ve they figured it out they can say the things that you’re supposed to say whether anyone believes them or not that’s a that’s a terrible world to create for your shity little children
are you are you ever going to have a child to think I don’t know why I can’t declare that I need I need help with I do
quit right now walk me to the what a Man Loves a Woman killed by two people that are bigger father of a boy or girl I’m getting up there in age and I don’t I still I still know I don’t have emails and we’re staying there about it and I just it’s getting to be a harder sell every day do you think that’s something that you could enjoy I don’t know I think I kind of feel like if you got to ask yourself that about something you know that maybe it’s like what when’s the last time you like ordered in a restaurant or like do you think that’s something you could enjoy you know I like you don’t work for that stuff who you Charlie Chaplin you don’t want to be a 46 year-old add now do you
sure I also weather what whatever factors are in this is like if I don’t know for sure that I want to be or not I don’t like then why do it until I’m for sure had to pick what you want a boy or girl
I don’t I just I just would want it to be
you know able to take care of itself I mean comes out of the womb like I’d like a like a deer that just like spend some time being adorable and then just like runs out of start eating leaves is that a boy or a girl that’s a girl
boys are fucking nonsense it doesn’t matter what’s not I mean you know there’s no disco D give me at least rise to that level of awareness in a debate about that it’s not a philosophy is not like we’re socializing to believe that it’s like crazy like men are monsters physically violent monsters however when it comes to who’s garbage like like like all humans 85% of all humans no matter what category just dummies but if you had to pick you pick what I don’t know I can’t I can’t figure out which one would you rather be a father of a boy or a male or female
easier for you I don’t like honestly I don’t know because there’s a it’s just as pros and cons both I mean you got if you get if you get it it’s a crime perspective you’re talking about do you want do you want to worry about someone or do you want to worry about a million people that that person leaves and goes in better with you had it would you rather die or a daughter or a son I don’t know
if you go by stages stages boys boys boys suck more earlier girls are cooler like like 0 through 3 and 1/2 like they’re there it’s like her brother was a bag of dicks I like like you know I like boys boys start to get a little like they’re like a little more whiny and like throwing it around more like earlier but then everything starts to roller coaster
Rollie girl on sine waves of like ugly adjustment periods and stuff from what I’ve seen it’s just like there’s no science to it there’s a I would I would accept him if somebody had a report that said like I’m speculating from my anecdotal observation I think like little girls baby girls are initially like if you spend two years watching them from first and then parallel to them you’re watching a little boy from my experience it seems to me and I’m face this largely on watching videos that I get texted by ants
but like it just seems to me like the girl makes you want to go I hope we have a girl
what is that react with no one knows with that reaction is all it is is mugging that does it says there’s nothing to that no one knows what you’re doing other than not why you with me or what I’m saying video from an yeah well as anyone gotten a video from an aunt in their lifetime
okay I was just some hands there that we’re going to be okay did you think I meant the insect are you scared you scared to answer getting smarter the inside but I know it’s summertime there they think they get more active in the summer because they’re like heat based in like water but every year you forget the previous summer and you’re like they’re taking over I’m like no it’s just you left a sandwich out that’s it
I just never received videos from the ants like I don’t I don’t get an videos does your mom have a sister
does she mom have a sister she used to anymore
someone’s walking out because of that we just did they have phones video cameras
no see that’s why you’re confused why are why ants why because moms and dads
why ants
because if I got a video of from my mom of a two year old boy died because she’d be a kidnapper
god dammit
happy Memorial Day
we have a salve as every year cuz we’re proud to do the show on Memorial Day we have some of our war trivia
I read an article that said that like the first Memorial Day was like free black slaves that were like memorializing the following and then like everyone was like nah we’re starting Memorial Day and I kind of just crushed that out of history for a while yeah I’ve got that right here shit I stole your thunder that was actually that’s what there was a big battle over it and there’s a cemetery where you can go see all the Memorial Day soldiers cuz it was a big war over over who started Memorial Day
it was like a second Civil War
I got it right here
Nantucket 1897 this is like well into the Reconstruction and like Spencer said right
black soldiers are they weren’t soldiers they became soldiers because they were trying to celebrate a new thing they called Memorial Day thank you and then a white the Cavalry it was a Cavalry unit for I came by and said stop that and they got in a big fight and it’s a Nantucket you can go see the cemetery where all their bodies are buried they all killed each other as the only war that ever happened where everybody on both sides died and that’s how the war ended usually there’s a winner this was as though they didn’t have a big they couldn’t call it a Reservoir Dogs ending back then cuz they didn’t have that movie yet but they did and they didn’t have any names for it because the only people there they all died they got in a big fight and they all Drew at the same time with whether or not there should be a Memorial Day Memorial Day okay yeah and they all died and eventually someone had to come by and bury them all and they gave him special Graves it’s it it’s just outside Nantucket you can go see him
what it means in the Atlantic Ocean I mean a lot of people believe that Nantucket is the mythical Atlantis
that they brought Mastiff to Phoenix
and agriculture that that that that that’s what they’re the peruvians are referring to his Quetzalcoatl it’s just it’s just Hillbilly’s that came by and a boat
what why do you think the peruvians were so involved in the Mexican mythology get in on some of this ancient civilization business I want to be in Equatorial is soon lost people
let me do what we got to do I got built would have been got build a pyramid fine what do you think what’s your favorite fun fact about Peru I like that its capital is not what you think
a lot of people ask what do you think of the capital of Peru is well a lot of people think it’s Colombia
and it may take the capital of Peru is another country and yeah but they’d be wrong like bad if he went right now you and I went to Peru right now in the road trip where in Peru what’s our first stop in Peru I would like to go see the famous Canyons right
and they’re not tell famous Canyons cuz they’re both have to think laterally to the real proof that is the real it’s waiting there it’s waiting there for you like like there’s a reason why people go to take pictures of the Peruvian Canyon the famous the famous that’s the first place I got you first. That’s where the Beaten Track what’s your what’s your hipster like we’re going to go somewhere group I just told you I don’t do that are you say you’re going to be in Peru right now called like Neo Peruvian like Fusion like whatever it’s like I don’t want it I don’t I don’t need that shit I think I could get that shit on the Sunset Strip man I’m not going I’m not going to fucking downtown Peru
I’m going to the Canyons
I’m going to the Canyons baby yeah where it all started
that’s why just why they’re called Canyons because it starts low yeah yeah
alright so
is it we’re going to do horoscopes now we’re going to do sit more segments in the show so cool trivia trivia and then you guys started biting your head off you just started sharing some stuff sanded it and then what war trivia War trivia is the first thing I said when we can skip that I got a bunch of War trivia
all right
okay so 1943 the bloodiest battle of World War II where was that staged
it was an island in the South Pacific called Guadalcanal
it’s your dad that their grandpa grandpa did not die there but he wished killed a lot of people probably never never talked about it the silent generation they called them didn’t say much
I mean you talk a lot but not about the war right
when we talked about when he wasn’t talking about the War what was his topic of choice
do you like do you like to build stuff like Dex
he was a welder
can I would make fun of my great-grandma yeah but yeah but they’re at least people are all dead now so I feel like we can’t even I’m so sick of sharing my like family goodies and then like when I talk to my mom about it I’m like I always say she’s like where Gina and I kind of want to be a part of this disintegration of all of the truth of my family you know
like I do I do I do but I’ve lived so many like little details I don’t know if this happened to you guys and pretty talk to you or maybe your younger but like it it’s just like I don’t know if it’s like to eat it it’s like the inversion of the terrible twos like your parents just start learning the word know as they become adult children just like we always joke about know we don’t I was just like my queen and I’m good I’m going to take as much as I give now I’m 70 it’s just at the end of their like that they’re just like me I don’t know maybe not I don’t know maybe you weren’t a good kid and I don’t know you know they’re just packing everything now it’s this Trump has made the the Baby Boomers the fucking nutty they’re just like what truth I don’t know thinking is like I don’t even want to like bring the precious stuff over like I want to keep that lure lake lake cuz it now everything is
for debate like I don’t I got to go I will ask my mom for you got any of the Home Movies home movies like looked at me like I just a fucking piece of shit you’re think I was at like I was talking in Martian or something I like yeah the whole movies like I don’t know that you act like that that that CD the DVD would like all the shit you compiled it’s like I know the old Super 8 steps like the Cody and she’s like we were a poor family we couldn’t really afford cameras and things when we were thing and it’s like this was with recordings.
and here’s the thing right now one way or another at my mom’s going to hear this and then and then and then it’s more fucking butter in the churn it’s just more fucking shit that I was like I don’t like the next thing out here if I hear anything is I didn’t say that I didn’t we didn’t have that conversation where I said we never had cameras I don’t care I love her mom I love you I’m like I don’t I I promise I won’t talk about my family anymore Jesus Christ I just wanted to be like a fucking crater but but there is video evidence of the things you’re talking about yeah I mean yeah it’s fucking insane remembers she went through a 20 cat list of all the cats we’ve killed it was like
when was lost in that it was like talking to like what’s his name is real cheese tapes and shit like I like she was just going through the like she just got lost like it was like she was talking about the do you know the one you like the cats that they do have and then there was like the cats that we did have and then the cat then like you know mentioning like well then that cat got sick and then you know it’s backtracking to this big long list and then a lot of them have like questionable kills in there like like like it was sort of like oh and then mr. peanut do you know he kept going near the pool and you can’t have a cat go near the pool. You know it was like holy shit she’s Dexter she’s like she’s just making up reasons now and I didn’t even know this is just like oh and he was
how the fridge was so Arsenic and Old Lace they just fucking God damn cats
and remembers every goddamn one but she thinks cameras don’t exist like I’m tired of it I don’t even be telling me about no Dementia or Alzheimer’s it ain’t that it’s not that it’s like it’s this it’s this it’s this Facebook like Trump like fake news then it’s like this fucking Fox News like that my mom’s not a conservative but not that that matters but I’m just saying like it’s this fucking world that’s been created around that we took we took a generation that was like so fucking orgasmically proud of itself but just there like like like the bounce around the moon in like physically like I’m on the moon you did it you did it teenagers next here’s Elvis and The Beatles as a reward for you put me on the moon
and they were just like as many babies as their parents did even though the reason they did it because they fight Hitler let’s do it in the morning and then like they’re just like it was just a dangerous animal to put in a digital box there was just a fucked-up thing to do like they weren’t ready for the friendship
they weren’t ready for the fucking Lawnmower Man threshold they weren’t ready to become a cyber christ-like lake lake mom died the minute she got a hold of a Tetris paddle like I I should have recognized the look but I didn’t know I was like addicted to videogames of stuff to do is just like they’re not ready they’re not ready for the dopamine there they’re like oh my God Jesus there’s a farm on my on the same screen where I can check in with my grandkids they’re just they lost their fucking mind and then and then 911 happen to her like that eagle crying in the email but you know crying is my email
he freaked the fuck out all of us are getting all these emails at all the emails the coat hanger band did he’s coming for you where is Building 7 the eagle crying then it became like a mean Dad stop forwarding you know so I go up to the here’s a Polish joke and here’s a fucking crying eagle and here’s a warning about your pantyhose are giving you cancer and I was like just kidding you don’t some some fucking clever little a I figured out the only took him 25 years ago like Gigi I guess you could win an election this way I mean these people technically are allowed to vote fuck it
hey did you hear there’s a black guy under your car Minnesota vote for Trump and they’re just like click click click click click clack clickety clack the fucking idiot stick but they weren’t ready for it
they just weren’t ready my mom my mom is a similar story I like even when I was like early twenties like there is stuff where it’s like very clear Vivid memories of stuff that happened and stuff that was validated by their stories later on like remember when we did this thing and then it’s just like they just have no recollection of it as like okay Dan the the the the black sheep you know the guy with the motor mouths podcast mr. fucking TMZ mr. You know my mom super into like elf stuff and always has been like caring about health and Alternative Health in so that she’s on Facebook now she’s like you know these people are drinking down watered-down bleach their cancer and I think you got a yeah it’s scary stuff by the way
really liked that Facebook Arc and they were just like this is wonderful I like the cushions there’s a slot machine how many fucking Muslims are there
they were just at what is with this is what is happening there’s a SWAT with the Congress and the third one is happening there like freaking out and then it was easy to grab them and I’m 46 and I was I wasn’t ready like these fucking oh my god did he set those that combination of words and other things
just the worst like like don’t don’t fuck up my already bad mood you a bunch of fucking raisinets
that’s the worst thing you can call somebody I mean thanks for coming out and everything

I hope you have a safe drive home but please do you do
and by stupid I mean don’t have a visceral autonomic unconscious reactions to things that sound racist
be sophisticated suck up the toxicity and just process it and just let it go through all your veins and take it home with you and just like wipe it on your significant other
I see that in the shower in a in a in a scheme that’s what my generation used to do is take it in you read something stupid on a billboard you can’t you can’t go you can’t give it a thumbs down we don’t have that luxury here just like I hate it I hate everything I hate corporations I’m about to have a baby hey bud hey bro hey bro hey bro hey bud hey you’re my bro you’re my baby but you’re my bro
I’m never going to hit you and that’s all I’m going to do level equals
going to be a horrible person
call me bro I didn’t hit you though
never delete a fucking finger on your hand you should have a kid
nah dawg
Dodge Ram after all that
I don’t want no kid running around my house
I don’t know sometimes it sometimes sometimes I think maybe I like I like that they like I like that they like like bits you know like I like that they like songs like you can make up a song and then they lie in a song
I mean that’s cool they’ll be a fan of the song that you make up with them so you can like you can go like my name is poopy butt or nuts I like to eat the Buttercup and I’ll just be like they’ll start love memorize it starts singing it like they’ll deal with my dad saying like like hilarious improv songs all the time I think that’s why I like that in person had reason dancing doesn’t seem like a good reason to have a kid but then you start thinking well what do you supposed to follow your bliss when it comes to having a kid then don’t have a kid right like because the kids going to poop their pants
we went house-hunting this weekend I found a really very picky and they’re taking it very slowly this isn’t this isn’t like we need a house this is like what where do we want to die or whatever like wait like like what what you much you know too much Bliss like we’re already happy what would make it a little ridiculous what would make me come home from work everyday and go that’s the standard I’m holding its own I want to go to the open houses on my I want to I want so much house I want to like to like take a couple turns and I feel like I am I talking to me how many fucking ways to get to the pool are there Jesus Christ
what is this a good idea what is a governor live here I’m going to punch someone showed me a photo of this house are you going to be in the pool I’m going to bump you don’t strike me as a pool go over that pool is all about the dude that’s that’s Cody’s got to have a pool and I got to have a Kodi no pool parties are you going to be why did you ask the question so that you could I do it with me I don’t know who are you okay I mean what are you doing you’re like Oscar the Grouch yourself like what are you you’re looking at your actively looking for like things to Heart Is there a world where Dan Harmon is a pool
I’ll get it I’ll get in a pool as as little as the next guy I mean I’m going to want you to go in the pool and I just wonder whether you’re going to go in the pool I’m going to have a pool right I’m going to own the pool right Cody is going to be very happy being in the pool to be in the pool and the pool is going to be right there at my house making Cody and I are very happy functional couple where I like I could sit next to it if I don’t want to get in it I could sit next to it. Do you think that you might become a full person after you have a pool never know not necessary in order for me to continue to enjoy the pool though right cuz I’ll be like well I got that for you having a pool cuz I’m not like I can’t wait to be a pool guy this pool is going to change me it’s like this this is pool is going to be a great thing to have I’m picturing you
becoming very tan like you’re going to be Ray Winstone and sexy be sitting here at you live in Greece and you have a you have a you have a pool and that you just you just really tan yeah cut my toenails more I think I don’t get why why is that because I feel like if the pool lifestyle involve more like bare feet and Aunt plus like, more company and right now Cody’s being way too tolerant of some fucking Marley ship going out on my leg it’s just I don’t I always do I stood I clip them and then I get to spend like 2 days being proud of myself but I got a wild walk around in the sandals and you know I’ll get the food in the bare feet and then above the from the from the door it’s worth food comes from front door
and through the food and I’m done I’m just saying hey thanks
I do a little I put a little little like I’m your nails did like I’m never going to do that but the thing is they just shoot out everything in my body they hair and nails and everything just everything just shoots out like like I’m just like a fucking like pustule of like Karen Doyle and
so anyway I went to this house we like this house and me and Cody like the house did you say who did pooping or pooping yes
I was like really was getting so excited cuz we’ve been we’ve been so picky about their and we were looking at a lot of houses and it’s like starting to wonder this is kind of crazy is it possible to please us like it are we ever going to play again I guess that’s okay I already got I mean when there’s no hurry but at the same time you start to think like we just suck all houses does it matter and then and then finally walking the one where you both survive in it and then we’re walking around like oh my God I got his best house and it was like
I got a new house and they just built it and
and so they were having an open house and there are these old ladies hanging out there just hanging out I was like a gang of old ladies I swear they just live in the neighborhood and they just came there so it’s an open house was it Captain punch they were sitting in the in one of the bedroom and one of them in a bag of groceries like they are just like it’s an open house let’s go look at these houses and we’ll just hang out there just sitting in hanging out what was it with a looking for houses or is that just the my suspicion is no I mean the guy but I don’t want to be you know what I mean like I guess maybe one of them I’m going to buy it cuz I can I just needed to break it in and feel like I could be coming home from groceries and hang out with my friends and I don’t think I think they were just Lucky Lou’s you know they were just like there’s a hanging out so not not a crime but kind of in the way a lot but a big house so they weren’t really in the way
but why it was like I’m the tail end of I’m so excited so excited about this house man I just like getting really excited I think we’re going to actually put an offer on this place or have you really tell you I was like oh my god did you see the other bathroom over here and went in there and it was like I was a good bathroom like one of those ladies in the open house
it’s like March for Life now it’s crazy I’m kind of stoked about it cuz it’s going to be legendary like I just bought it but it was I just couldn’t believe it I took the first poop in your place there was an open house I just go to open house you took a dump it’s pretty amazing
that’s what the kids are called baller I guess for an old lady that’s like like Gangsta old lady like she just took a dump in the open house toilet and then just sat next to it and was like putting people’s houses this other place and and Cody’s immediately she has like a like a like the vibe of this place I’m like What’s the vibe you get it it’s okay for you not like I just want to make sure you’re not talking about the wallpaper cuz that can change you knows the guy it’s hard to talk about whether you like a place or not unlike like and I just don’t like the feeling of the place I don’t like the feeling of it like I guess the layout and it’s like whatever and then the realtor guys like you know and it’s great it’s a great neighborhood lot of great places to eat you know what’s over there is Cafe such and such and and Cody
is there where Robert Blake shot his wife I think that I think that I think that might be I think I might be it yeah and then we can chill at the house for like a Zinger like email Bing and the realtor is our realtor say that realtor just emailed you saying it was Robert Blake’s house
I like what you were talking about you if it’s listed you might want to move into the I don’t know I never said I might want to move like like what you just talking about this and by the way I don’t know why I thought it was listed as the I don’t know how I got that completed but George Hodel house hold the Black Dahlia the guy who probably maybe killed the Black Dahlia probably in that house he told her you in the basement and that that is a house on a yeah whatever Stone butt hole outside I’ve got this weird and I don’t know if my partner was like through the roof about I was like I want to live in the house where a famous murder happened it would be like a pool I mean I’d be like well it’s I mean you being happy is like very important to me
if it’s haunted I guess we can move when they relisted it like a couple years ago the police like somebody was for praising the house and they brought cadaver dogs and they hit on the fucking room where all the murders because it’s like all the there’s no Corpus delicti but you know a speedy who is on the show who did you get you get you guys enjoy it well don’t let me put you on the spot you guys like you like our friend Brian Krause
is What will what will have them back time I like him as a person I think he’s a great guy but he was telling me that the that guy who’s like the hero of that story is like Hodel son
who became a cop and then and then and then he became convinced that his dad was the Black Dahlia murder and he basically like spent the rest of his life in retirement like building the case and solving it like that yeah that was my dad did it and it seems pretty legit to me and you can listen to that podcast I can’t remember what it’s called now god dammit it’s like a serial podcast that’s produced by some of the whole little children but then a speedy was saying yeah but then that guy lost all credibility when he started saying oh yeah and plus you might have been the Zodiac are they really that was him either that I didn’t look that like like like like it was like he made it sound like maybe the same guy that I thought was like a smart the detective guy that retired and proved that his dad was the Black Dahlia Murder then later on was like plus he was the Zodiac Killer
the weather in at the sky actually I mean anyways not interesting Dan Harmon we don’t care about your dumb conversations with yourself about if I could in the crime within a crime was that a true crime podcast the rest of us are living our lives where in Des self-care we’re not toxic tailspin where we play a match games like best fiends or or candy cookie cookies while we listen to podcast about murder because we’re obviously like having a real hard time and we’re not admitting it’s like we’re we’re we’re we’re we’re doing yoga and we We only listen to shows about yoga I are you are you going through a rough patch right now I don’t think so
you heard them that was them
pay attention wasn’t me talking I’m fucking happy what’s best fiends it’s it’s like a match e it’s one of those matching games where like the matching like shoots the bad guy oh yeah yeah yeah where you like is Iggy got a bunch of different colored cookie candy things and then you you like you know you connect to connect the ones that are about to have a house key and bring her back
you’re killing your attacking Werner hertzog
it was advertised in the True Crime podcast called the I never remember the names are also bad at naming their podcast I think it’s got the serial killer podcast
is this Norwegian guy his name is like Thomas borns cyborg or something hello born if your Norwegian host here to talk about the Insidious Jeffrey Dahmer every time he mentions like if there’s anything that happens in like Louisiana or Atlanta or anything like that he affects this weird accent like he starts talking like a like a like a southern American can you do it I tried to trap me to turn to do his accent from the beginning so like I was like the toy box killer was the most prolific serial killer depending on who you believe Texas Texas authorities say that he might have killed as many is a 500 people
like he he just he just start talking like his version of Southern Americans just because you like I’m going to give it a little cayenne pepper cuz we’re talking Louisiana here and normally it’s Charming but then there was one episode where he was the story was about the Atlanta Ripper which was like this fucked up like I can’t remember if it was like during Reconstruction or like if it was aware of during the Civil War before it is likely around that time with Bill Lakewood unlike now when things were not hunky-dory like in terms of between people talking to each other end and there was like a serial killer who is like killing I was it was it was like Jack the Ripper but in Atlanta and it went and steeped in racism like in terms of the suspect in the end who was getting charged and what the cops are doing with all the type that was like he didn’t really innocent but it was just amazing Mia
fact of it being like a train crashes like he was Shem reading quotes from racist cops at the turn of the century in this silly the accent he sounds like you know the guy from the sugarcubes at like it’s the sort of like the effect was like and then in the next episode he was like hello do you know I’m horrible creepy crawly a serial killer podcasting a lot of reviews of from the last episode of saying don’t do that anymore and I won’t read the read the reviews of anyting goddamn and then and then take it right I don’t see how have you totally stopped doing that like go out of your way to look for your podcast reviews
do you know I read it right like so shut the fuk up
she’s back the fuck off cuz I’m there
no but I’m just I’m talking about the iTune reviews it’s funny you know a speedy like one of his earliest episodes yeah and I’m sorry if you’re listening to this no offense this is reporting facts but earlier and he’s like give me a give me reviews even a one-star review is fine helps me understand what I’m doing and like the next time he invoked reviews he’s like give me a 5-star review next time you give me a 5-star review I know some of you won’t but please do so it’s like a real are cheat codes on a cool people would do that and don’t tend to give reviews in a bunch of assholes give me one star reviews for the fact is if you don’t give me five star reviews if you think I’m doing good like it it it it it it sucked me up because everyone else is such a dick that’s the truth but it might listen that offensively with less because people are dicks and more because he encouraged them to do that
right well that’s why I never ever ever had in my life even before podcast culture like I don’t want even go near that feedback loop I like that idea of having to ask people to rate subscribe and like I said I don’t fall to anybody who has to participate in that, that’s like a Greenback dollar and I’m like a carpetbag and like like I’m not that’s that’s before my time I’m I’m not sure what is your hang-up with the post-civil war America send you a lion is why we have back made of carpet
everybody or what is that just to take over like my property because it’s cheap because the whole upper right so yeah nailed it yeah I bet that’s the thing is like like like podcasting is like it is it’s like a crazy wild west like seeing and like so anybody who’s like hey you got to you got to give me give me scalp sore give me bottle caps or give me horse hooves like I’m not I don’t judge anybody like Taylor that’s terrible but I’m also not trading it at do me a favor give this podcast of one star review and then stick it up your ass and I’m never going to look at it I don’t care but that’s my philosophy or I kill myself but it does suck cuz it’s like now you just removed the meaning from Greg is like the Uber thing it’s a five-star reviews have no no fucking mean are stupid because you just want to do you want to when you get to take a lift and you forget to hit the Stars
you say next someone gassed that you gave them a zero stars that meant that you just skipped that process accidentally slipped and hit like to stars and I was like oh no how can I fix this and I called like customer support or where I email them they didn’t get back to me
anyway cuz I don’t want to be the reason I don’t want to dig into someone’s right to say skip it and send to live and you don’t get many stars did that means that you skip that step right I think it doesn’t it doesn’t mean you gave him a zero Stars I hope I believe that’s the thing I do it all the time. I don’t know you guys with extra ears tonight
Dan’s been standing up I keep thinking like one of the in in 4 years will what about sick are you are you on mescaline what’s going on right now that’s what’s so fucked up is like I’m like why is this my brain doing
okay so it’s really
how many years do I have right now for as I can’t I can’t picture you with 6 I think cuz you’re straight on
like your face at your face in me will see now I could be 6 I could be that could be a thing to make glasses tighter do you go to the thing right is the area yeah I like that I mean they just fall off my head there like their to their spreads to why I don’t know what the terminology podcast in the World War II like the plastic frame so I think you need like a hairdryer something you can’t just spend it give me the glasses not a glass place not like like like a glass glasses Warby Parker at Burning Man home try-on kid
so how am I okay we’ll chat now tell us we don’t have a guest so I only come here for the surprise guest surprise guest out of the special kind of harmontown live podcast band of the person that’s like I only come to this fucking thing because every once in awhile Judd Apatow
damn it that’s 90 in a row to bring somebody up should we should we should we try to I first I want to talk to Spencer about his eye surgery oh yeah it was it was okay
can we can we you can we get that at drop of that you take this seriously for a moment
are there yeah I don’t know it was as if it was a mess up there going to be more mail and I had on a hat that’s a hat on a hat yo nothing ironic here ask him if someone starts to do something weird then something else has the weird weird weird weird using sometimes they call it a stock Barrel
your character’s name is supposed to be.
Are you going to change it to Capricorn
pictures of the words that’s what they call a stock Barrel
but immediately we call it spin on top of spin your shadow
like if you’re doing a hilarious Star Wars spoof
what are you doing what are you heading
come on just let Spencer talk about a surgery that’s the point that’s been at David Smith I’m being the asshole I’m interrupting his surgery talk with blue like being a goof guy on the Gas Pedal Gas Pedal then
Maybe
maybe a or maybe of your baby if someone’s already got their foot on the gas then the pedal that you’re hitting as good as the brake is there another way of looking at it has been on top of spin had and a hat stock Barrel stock Barrel what do you call it when just doing that and then someone make the lights all funky and crazy that is what is that
he hates that he hates it it’s pretty fun
so mad that I’m mad I must have rested mad face because I am fucking board right are the hours to go and I don’t know I mean you know she was so long yeah I mean anybody maybe he’s crazy
that’s fair okay so your surgery yeah so I don’t know
so yeah I was I was going to act like my mom wanted to be involved and you need someone who you care about no that’s not a prerequisite you need someone that you trust to
to get you home from the thing because you can’t and then there’s supposed to watch him for 24 hours apparently but you can’t just like calling a Uber or taxi apparently cuz like if you dye it like if you start dying at a taxi I guess I’ll dump you out or something I don’t know I don’t know what I’m thinking is there but so it’s like a cat starts peeing on the carpet I try and stuff like a shirt under there for you as she starts freaking out anaesthesia and you have to have somebody take you home yeah I mean I was going to drive myself home but Lyft is like a thing now it seems very easy to get someone to talk to be so cuz I was like I just want to take the car and they’re like well we have a car service that we can provide but it’s a blah blah on oh stuff it started to get so insulting that I was just like
Steve that is like people trying to act like I’m like they’re they’re like you know that’s going to cost you money and I always have the opposite reaction I should have which is like I get mad and want to throw money at the you thought I was a Clampett but I’m a Beverly hillbilly
it’s got to be like a liability thing right which is always the word that uses for think second from the to come over and then take me there and so I was like okay so be at my house at noon and then we could get over it we could drive over and be there at 1 or whatever and then still like at like was taking a nap cuz I was getting nervous and I was like I want to be conscious anywhere this is this thinking about stuff is a bad idea and so I took a nap and then I woke up and my mom like sent me a text at like 11:55 sound like all right I’m on my way and she lives like an hour away and I’m like wait what the fuck and then so I call her up on my how far you is like I’ll be there by 1 Wright and it’s like no we got to be there at 1 and then I start freaking out and then she was like okay I’m sorry and then I had to get a lift over there and then she met me there and then we were kind of late but end up being fine I felt like the surgery was going to start like shortly after 1 but then we have to wait for 2
hours for it to start and I was like what and then I started getting like last Freddy like I was like oh it’s two hours I’m not I’m not I’m not stand for this like this sucks and I was just getting really nervous and stuff and then finally they they took me in and what they did normal stuff they oh yeah the anesthesia guy came by and he was like are you ready and I was like I guess he was like you guess I was like yeah I mean I guess I’ve been waiting for like 2 hours I start like psych myself out and he’s like you know usually people are always mad at the anesthesia guys save an earful for your doctor and I’m like I’m thinking like what the fuck are you talking about man and then my mom like senses this tension or whatever and then she’s like are you ready in the guys like I guess and I’m like what the fuc
give the chip in that his shoulder because like apparently he feels like he takes a lot of lip from nervous patients were about to get cut the fuck open and killed and brought back to life it’s like it’s like the highest paying job in the hospital right like you could fucking take a knee for this like Jesus Christ count your money but it really pissed me off like it put me in a terrible mood and and then like the doctor came by and I was like well as guys doing just fine when I got when I yelled this guy I’m not that I was yelling like I was really just being nervous explaining that I was nervous and the guy took it as an insult any way they were operating room and then the fucking anesthetic i t i start Nexium start to adjust adjust a drip like my IV drip and stuff and then he puts the thing over if I don’t say things like this just the oxygen just breathe normal and I’m like fucking out and like no but the whole time before I’m out I’m like I don’t think this is just asked and I think he’s applied an anesthetic without telling me I think I’m just going to lose Consciousness or handling that’s exactly what happened and it was the sex and then
came back up and wait what the fuck that was just asking the fucking asshole I don’t know if he was like beatley was like punishing me like I was being a dick because I like you thought I was mad anyway I come to and it’s fine and I’m in pain and it’s fine it’s like not that bad it’s always surprising and how like not bad at all anyway I was I was pretty woozy and I threw up and then I was like I think I’m going to throw up again and they ruled me in a wheelchair over to the thing and I had to like I had to like like you know get myself over to the toilet like to throw up properly and they’re like hey you do you just projectile vomited from your wheelchair all the way that’s impressive I was like hell yeah and I explained to the explain to the nurse that I’m actually really good at throwing up because when I used to smoke pot all the time and sometimes make you throw up and I smoke pot in my car so I have to learn how to throw up while I was driving a boy
I became really good at throwing up in this is the longest short of it I can throw up in my mouth and then fling it out of the car like a catapult to kind of get it to clear the side of my car so it’s not splattering all over the side of my car and I’m not supposed to do this but I’m just letting you know I’m not married right panties were dropping Hannah yeah so we went home and I I wasn’t feeling great and I was just shaking her whole family because has issues with anesthetic so it was a great they gave me Percocet because I had bad reaction to Vicodin and the Percocet I wasn’t feeling it at all other than it just made me feel like I was like dizzy and losing my fucking mind and so a kind of wean myself off of that and just was taking Motrin and that like I don’t know the pain was a lot better than I expected too and I had to be on crutches for a while until Friday and then they said it didn’t have to be on crutches for like a kept being like I would wake up in the middle of the night or my cat started vomiting and no just react
situation and not use my crutches and I’ll be like oh shit I block it this is nuts and then I would like realize I probably should be walking in stock but like I didn’t feel very thing so now I’m walking around it’s great it’s the worst thing is just you have to ask yourself and then you have to like lay in bed all this time I was like losing my fucking my meant going through some dark times haven’t like absolutely nothing to do with like the pain I was in just like I like a nobody likes me I want to shoot myself in the dick one of the things that the doctor told me way too late in the process was like your your penis might be numb for a few weeks in this is not part of the deal why why is your penis a casualty of that surgery I think just the anesthetic I know
quest for the Blimp was he right that you do you have in them pants yeah it’s it’s been disturbing I think I have a back but it’s not I’m not I’m not that was very unnerving out everything but the ideas they did they get into your hip joint right so they they put a post between your legs and then they get you up on the thing and then they put like an like the handcuffs around your ankle and then they just like pull your leg really really hard for the entire duration of surgery smashing into your groin and then it’s like the handcuffs are on your ankle so you have like I had pretty sharp pains in both of those areas from the surgery because it’s just like you’re being stretched as if on a rack for like 2 hours while they’re doing the surgery and so that wasn’t great but yeah Percocet was suck on those cops Amelia Howard like they can’t like move my dick out of the way like what the fuck it seems like there’s plenty of growing to go around like I don’t
there’s ways they could design put a hole in it or something I don’t know there’s ways around this stuff I’m sure I mean I guess they’re doctors but that’s been my experience I’m I’m finally everyday like after the surgery I felt like very noticeably better and more mobile and more capable of moving around like to the point like I was a bit shaky even yesterday when I have weight on my left leg and now it’s it’s I can walk pretty it it kind of hurts to walk without looking stupid but if I want I can kind of walk mostly normal without without looking like you know a person with a limp or anything and I said yeah so it just it was just weird I just felt like they were there very businesslike about it and it’s like my man I’m just freaking out over here yeah we don’t we don’t we don’t we don’t heal people we just wait I think about the bad stuff out or not he’ll it we don’t have healers what it what is it something I don’t know that’s clerics the medical business isn’t it
it’s like an engineering thing it’s a science you know it’s not a bit said there’s no healing to it which you know if you if you think God there’s science involved for sure but yeah but yeah but it’s also like like a sick person is obviously like damp two things wrong with the minimum the thing that’s wrong with them and then the fact that things being wrong with you is like scary and we we treat it like a dick in your car and like all we have this replacement part do you have insurance and stuff and it’s like people are in there people are getting traumatized by the experience of being treated like a car right about telling me the price of things like I had to agree and set the schedule the surgery and then agree that if I change the date of the surgery and pay $400 before they would tell me the price and that’s going to be like one of the only places that happens where you don’t know like what you’re paying before you agree to a beta.
it was just a very weird experience it really set everything up to be pissed off in myself you have insurance or yeah but I don’t know how any of that shit work that’s something they should teach in schools like how insurance is supposed to fucking work because I just let you know people are like I you know you’re pretended your help pocket your total beer maximum deductible is like I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about insurance is another thing exactly like the rating systems that once it becomes institutionalized it loses all its it just doesn’t make any sense and like put you in jail for not having insurance that it’s that insurance anymore now it’s part of what allows you to drive a car and it’s like a driver’s license to call in First Blood Part 3 lake lake lake and I understand I’m not like I’m not so much of a hippie that I’m like we don’t need insurance and we shouldn’t be encouraged to have it
someone just explain that to me that if I hit someone in a car that doesn’t have insurance there fucking me over I guess but I don’t know man it’s like we’re through the Looking Glass and maybe Common Sense through the Looking Glass but isn’t there a more common form of science where you don’t have to go through the Looking-Glass where it’s like you’re just normal people like you know is there’s got to be a system we can figure out right I mean that’s the thing is they take advantage of the fact there is insurance so the people are like all you got to go in the surance and insurance is like I don’t know talk to the doctor the doctor’s like I don’t know the medical company says the back cost $600 and it’s like all of you were lying if everybody is that you might not get sick then why does the end result of it always still that like rich people are more allowed to get sick than four people it if that’s the case but can’t we just
make a system where called Medicare for all right question like why don’t we do it this way the answer is because that would be horrifically immediately which is a good you know what I mean like even like that even conservative like hardcore capitalist anti-socialist Healthcare people I believe would not they would take one look at a system that was absolute Draconian like a private healthcare system where like it was going at your kid had a cold and you go into a hospital and it’s like a McDonald’s menu like cold $500 like the end and all the permutations of that system like the rich would also go oh no no no we can’t have that right well I mean I think that that is something people are doing is just can I pay out of insurance
what’s your what’s your day rate is a doctor and then those those prices are actually saw it depends on the thing obviously I don’t think really bad things it’s good for but I think that that’s something that has work for people which obviously you shouldn’t go but give him a complete capitalist Enterprise but skipping the insurance entirely and just paying the doctor what the doctor needs to order the tools and stuff I think actually does help because it’s not again like the three layers of middleman all fucking you and it kind of feels like that the whole Healthcare thing was invented to make the one of the most important thing in the world as boring sounding as possible I think yeah why do I feel like I’m 14 and I were talking about Nicaraguan Freedom Fighters like I like with Peter Jennings like I like why is my brain turning off when what we’re really talking about is if you’re poor or do you have a right to live as long as a rich person cuz that’s it that’s an exciting conversation
everyone wants to and I like everyone wants to make it complicated and it but like yeah anyways okay so that’s that part of the show Game of Thrones Game of Thrones binged it. I’m all caught up I’m all caught up
that was really funny when they when you guys a brand of broken he’s got a best story and then they bothered to cut the Arya Stark and she’s like you’re the one that wrote that light a dialog and shot it like it’s legally and then your area that’s great I love that look she’s playing the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme in her head yeah I know I love that look I love that look she’s saying I have the best story ever change the Universe I literally started as a little girl that wasn’t allowed to play with arrows stop by Dad’s head get cut off and ended up killing the devil or the crippled brother that you just said has the best story
he looks like John Oliver lost his glasses and had worst breeding and that’s why it was I who picks that fucking people that got to decide who the next king of and is there a Lord scared some people that have a better story than bran no offense to bran Hodor
Heather has a very interesting start he’s just not there either of the Dragon Wok in Stevensville at cgc it’s 11 how about how about Jon Snow’s hair lines that that is that there’s some interesting stories there what the fuck that dude needs bangs when I leave and what do you mean that committed count chocula if I could widow’s peak that comes it’s just like a little seismic burped like in the middle of his hairline it’s like off-center like it’s not it it it it doesn’t even it’s like
are you are you are you Eddie Munster or because that he has Symmetry and purpose like it’s genetics and we were talking about just the natural thing going around up there I’m saying don’t tie your hair back you got to you got to you got a weird thing in your hairline give that guy some bangs he look cute with fangs like I think they show up at the end of my car at time to go work at the what was up with him walking off into the woods with a bunch of children and then go hang out with like there’s no wall so what the fuck is going on but his red-haired friend who yeah who said no I’m going to go it’s a pirate’s life for me and then he’s like working at the DMV
if I could like get one of President. He can’t he talk too much about it.
I’m glad I’m glad he wasn’t like the guy that got late on but it was good about the Game of Thrones was that buries on after it because I am good I am Barry Allen man is fucking great I just got Atlanta I got to get to all through Atlanta
I mean man alphabetical order I got 9 seasons of Atlanta now
what do you think Cash Cab
brackenbury the episode where is just a fight or is he fights
Lillian what is a God damn it that is a fucking goody I I don’t know how they write a show like that it’s really really funny don’t make me mad at it before I watch it you can also be a good writer to I know but you’re starting to make me you know how much do push the boundaries and borders and you’re a bad writer okay with people I was watching an episode me like killed someone I’m like I don’t like this is acting crazy kills people that’s not cool but it wasn’t because of the acting class and in his good because he just killed somebody but that’s what it do that
all right yeah

where would we even starts by saying that we did that like how is that going now we can talk about it I have always been of the opinion that a big part of the problem is you guys don’t remember stuff and part of the reason you don’t remember stuff is cuz we only play for like 5 minutes and we only played like once every 3 or 4 months and I think it’s hard to remember 5 minutes 3 months ago but but I admit I miss I miss playing it so I want to play again yeah. I miss it too but I actually get to a place where you guys feel confident comfortable playing and I think that’s truly a big hurdle to delete or such a good start I am willing to I’m willing to it let’s do it for sure I have a prediction that we can play for 20 minutes every episode and still we’re going to be like wait what happened where that guy go for weeks
you heard of us isn’t going to be here with you
you don’t need it when you guys look at it I guess you do you want your character sheet for you know bring it back to where we were right but I mean sure
oh good
Tommy P hey Levy get down here Memorial Day show
delivery Mary is leaving
all right my Memorial Day show
now I have to restart my phone
I will break down yeah
last time on harmonquest are heroes harmonquest comes to TV not on the on the computer I saw someone like to see the two I think aired on Comedy Central somewhere like it you’re up or something I don’t know but I saw screenshot blew my mind we’re not getting money from
the guys the people they had they had left then left the town what was that town fights bill or some shit they left fights bill because they felt like they did a bad job and then they called it did exercises and they did exercises and then they left the call and then they help them some of the demon and then the demon came out and start killing people in there like well this sucks look to leave and then the church militant came and slaughtered the demon and then then they were like well yeah we’re a lot worse than this than everyone else is so let’s stop doing this let’s be a farmer and then they went to go be a farmer but they didn’t actually go anywhere I think they were deciding to do that and so we rejoin Our Heroes now or in the future depending on which they choose at a point at which they had been farming or made a decision to start farming and we’re going to go about doing that
now
you got your dice I got my beer in Ashburn in empty field you see a bunch of slaughtercult is awake do you want to be farming or do you want to be deciding to be farming and go to search out a farm to farm it half-heartedly forming right now alright you found the town of potos dodos the farming Village there’s about it’s not much of a farmer villagers like six farms and there’s only there’s only a handful of people you haven’t really met them you just kind of few rolled up on a farm you kill the fucking ghost that was Haunting the farm and that you were like well I’m going to I’m going to take this Farm now you started farming it feels like the Earth had been assaulted or something so you’re making a really hard time earn time getting crops out but this is your first harvest in the first in the first half of your farm and your other half of the farm is just ready to be planting
if I like her we have diarrhea Junior and Harmon is Carlos Carlos Carlos Johnson
and you give me cuz it’s been so long give me classes and end he’s a cleric diary Juniors a fighter and you’re a druid
coming up
guys not very cold is it is it seemed kind of diminishing like we used to be Fighters and like we were on a on a on a quest now we’re just we’re just growing potatoes well for me the big relief is you know just knowing what I’m trying to do and you know even if I’m okay I’m not the best potato farmer I didn’t think I was going to be but now you know I felt like a bigger failure handling people’s lives than these potatoes here we were bad at the other thing to my let’s talk while we prepare dinner guess what’s guess what’s for dinner
I’ll wash you peel it this way we’re not we’re not really we’re not hurting anybody but ourselves with these potatoes hey man I take out my my dagger and I start peeling potatoes I’m piling them on a plate ready for peeling scrubbing them with a rag and a bucket of warm water that I had heat it up from the river are we doing the potato latkes with a side of mashed potatoes tonight. Why don’t we do this you don’t eat potato in the water okay and then I’m kind of give it a pre scrub hand it off to me and then we got it like assembly line I’ll hand it to him for peeling okay all right
thank you good job nothing like a clean potato nothing like a potato
gentleman
I appreciate you guys doing this with me
Gorillaz
you you have like Ambitions like to do to be a like a cleric that wanted like purify the world evil and get rid of all demonic stuff and now what are we doing where you want something more it hurts to be bad at it it’s terrible retry like they can I put a feeling that’s what babies do like like that it was over there bad at something about you can try again or they’re like I’m kind of old and I was a priest and it’s like I keep killing people and not knowing what you doing and I got like it’s some point if you’re saying that guy come on try again it’s like it’s an able your which is fine if that’s what you’re okay with well I’d like to see the day when I really hungered for adventure I guess I mean I haven’t seen that day like I’m still recovering from being so bad
I mean do you think of that demons don’t exist anymore that that that used that the world doesn’t have
come on after all the stories we’ve been through I know exactly how I know demons exist and you’re good to go now that you’re happy you’re happy tell me your happy look me in the eye and say that you’re happy right now I can’t tell you that. Doesn’t that’s not I wasn’t happy before either I was anxious I’m trying I’m trying to I’m trying to find the thing that makes me happy but more importantly also that hurts the least people don’t want to help the world but like I was kind of getting in the way
diarrhea are you going to say something something on your mind young man I mean look it’s it’s not as fulfilling but this just this potato farming really is scratching an itch for me
I’m going to put these in the oven I’m going to invent the oven
I’m going to I’m going to put these in the equivalent of an oven that’s a kiln to potato kilm to heat up the oven Pastor you do that I still have powers now you know you got to cook them didn’t have ready access to water and Dan’s ability to create water was instrumental in growing the potatoes that’s just a bit of backstory farming families there’s one right Bill farmer what was her name
ketamine all right she’s a hard worker and she’s really a competitive about farming which like you don’t have to be in like the markets not saturated enough for that to be a thing but she’s like she’s always been doing that and she’s better than you because she’s like she comes from a long line of farmers and she has a much better Farm on a much better choice tobacco
I think she’s delightful I met her on Tuesday she’s fantastic she’s a fireplug you guys sit down you’re going to be there going to go cold
I got to say you knocked him out of the park but they’re growing all right jealous that tobacco money that that kind of means she’s going to be better if we should make friends with her and learn to farm back
she might be single you hear it not you hear a knock at your door we hear a knock at the door it’s a man it’s a raccoon man he’s like he’s a beast man he’s a raccoon
that’s like yeah there’s all sorts of Fantastical races you seen him around town you noticed that you noticed his name or you know his name is Tom and he’s a shopkeeper in the area he sells all sorts of supplies and I hate it so glad you guys are settling it looks like first harvest coming you do a lot of money for this property so I mean it’s no big deal you know we we we just want people to live here but over time you might want to be paying paying that off come up with a payment plan
yeah yeah it’s got the potatoes come on, answer that’s racist that’s racist
this is this is some crops you got going either this you’re busy or yield I was a kid I don’t know what to charge do we buy this land from you no no but I I do almost the land I don’t mind it and I’m not going to be a bad guy about it but I mean you know it’s just that the land is like a big thing you don’t seem to be Lord so like well we didn’t charge you for killing the ghosts yeah well I can give you a big discount that’s it that’s a great point he does he pulls out an abacus and he starts doing a thing like that that’s fine yeah
that’s a coincidence because we are also having a deal on ghost killing and I just make the beads the same looks like Even Stevens
I don’t want to be a grumpy Gus but there was a buyer on this house even with the go so I don’t feel like it’s that much of a value but I don’t want wanted your Honda Das Haus think they’re potatoes taste this good like they don’t like can’t tell I got to make a calculated assessment that’s part of being an entrepreneur was give us a potato need to sell some potatoes obviously an overtime in your wheelhouse huh believe exists that wanted to buy a haunted house oh yeah they did her name is Kaka she loves bust in ghosts actually you know I think she’s busting it goes right now you hear outside in your farm are you hear a fire is a fire you hear a fire
woohoo I’m getting up putting my napkin down leaving my silverware and going outside Carlos I love fire so I’m excited cuz I’m Chad the fire like her all right so you go out back at the door your farm is and not much of your farm but stay about five feet of your Farmland has been replaced by a giant tree and that tree is on fire and outside of that flaming treat no inside of that play me treat you see a ghost it seems to be trapped it seems like a wraith you guys know about ghosts a little bit it’s a race and arguing about that race is a is a is a is a woman who looks like a druid and she has like a mask on the side of her head like like a tribal mask and she’s yelling at a small bowl they’re arguing they’re like ride the bull man’s like I care I don’t care what you want to do with these ghosts this is not a place for you to be use your magic this is someone’s property and she’s like I can’t I can’t beat
old when or where to bus goes this just might to my calling and then you can either but go Scott anyway so they’re arguing about that looks like a secret language was like Hey do guys that was tracking this race tried to catch it in the spirit tree you know I conjured up a tree I’ll help you got I got this tied up you want to take care of this mold get him off my back that be cool I sent motive on the on the mole
alright the mole he’s just he’s like a a classic what do you call it like he he love laws and Rule of Order and he’s just gives a lot of the city as long as you sound when he first moved to the town he wouldn’t shut up about lies and stuff he’s telling you you’re always fucking up but it doesn’t really do much about it other than show up and yell and so he’s he’s been doing that and I was like this is not an authorized runic magic Zone you can’t be put in trees up in places and that’s kind of his angle is she’s been practicing the law and she’s like you know we got to kill this thing that’s Mike was this thing here before she put the tree here or is the tree containing the thing I’m a little confused he was chasing the race so she was chasing across your farm and she could finally caught up to it in a cast this tree sounds like if we give permission for there to be erased Tree on it then then there’s no law being broken but that’s all well and good but I believe this property so maybe we should get him is he around Tom’s actually he kind of want
about to see that he’s like a raccoon eating our potatoes and we’re kind of subletting Tom’s like will ghost don’t help anyone really so I think I’m okay with us thanks for the race tree oh yeah it grows raspberries
so he’s just as safe now here in this is well it’s on fire so you got to contain that but the fire over and out along with the race should be good pretty soon oh okay then let’s Escape didn’t you create water yes
what was that Translate in Spanish the cleric. What’s keeping the rates in it that’s actually yeah it is for the right thing and then then we get that
the most piston leaves it kind of burrows in the ground and I was away
thanks ugly understand what you were trying to do it sounds like do you know about the Church of coral acts I don’t believe we do oh man quarterbacks is great he hawrelak sell yeah he exchanges goods and services for money
check this out he has a church yeah I’m a worshipper right he kind of pretty start spraying and throw some coins on the ground in the coin spoof away and then in this place is like a small wooden toy like that some God huh that’s what you like wouldn’t I love toys what you can have that just take that on me and I won’t add it to your total thank you yeah what kind of toy did you get there it’s a wooden toy what kind of toys of Steve it’s a it’s a it’s a
it’s the it’s a it’s a do you know what kind of device is this yes it’s it’s a it’s a super useful it is a fine line between a toy wooden boat in a cup
it looks like it’ll can hold level volume of liquid
could come in handy later we could use it as a cup
play music of people with a little patience is Tom still there Tom’s Tom’s hanging out yeah it hasn’t been too long since I what what what what goes down was a church of Carl at the symbol is a brass try helical not congregate engage and rituals that exchange monetary and a good like a pony cart trade goods for services and another cut so it’s not all wooden toys that you guys do things for you to do scenes
the guy just like, aren’t these just put the other potatoes that’s true so we don’t even know how potatoes work we’re not fucking good yet right leg were you a good Adventure before you were an adventurer you know what I thought I had potential well we have potato gentle
yeah I ate blank and words I just came up I slap my instincts are kicking in
all right give me a good potato joke like a dad potato joke why are potatoes still good at democracy
why because the eyes always have it
oh shit pretty good size for those hormones GMO where I come from Wisconsin potatoes have a little warts all over on that you have to walk off called eyes I said believe those are just the roots route tendrils
that’s the potato saying please let me be a potato let me live don’t eat me and then you see me peel off the eyes of a potato and then you eat it before you eat them right to ever feel guilt about that and now that I described it I do it yeah
yeah but what are we doing you’re not just murdering potatoes all the time
well there won’t they can I write well Tom thanks for coming by thanks for the way thanks for the information about your religion yeah man come by anytime I’ll pray something up and I don’t we do it things up super easily it takes like a couple Circles of initiation to learn the rights and stuff but we talked about that I mean a charge of course for those training courses but out here we can go over where you working at will tell me we’re going to come by next Sunday don’t join the Colts we just moved here now we got horses can you conjure horses oh yeah I got horses what that correct or lack Coral axe
but it’s random you can’t just get horses diarrhea no you got to pray for them and pay the requisite price
okay 25 DP
20 DPO GP gold pieces I will think about it Tom the landlord goodbye thank you they were very friendly tenants thank you thank you I love horses and toys so well I look you can do whatever you want but I don’t I just. Look I’m trying to get rid of him and I
you guys
maybe we should all split up into different potato farce
I just did as much as you know you’re always asking should we be potato farming that can’t be the right way to do it as being a fail potato farmer the answer is no I had I’d rather be
I’d rather be I’d rather be trying to kill demons so you know maybe this is
laptop
he’s within earshot of yellow
yeah hey hey
you got any demon trouble
not now I mean I can’t fuck you got to go away this guy coming in so we’re going to catch our death of cold get inside tell some stories okay I go in and I use a cast Church fingers and I I light a fire, right
those potatoes got me feeling like a I think I’m going to turn into a potato is so constipated all the time in light of our conversation with Tom we got to figure out how to monetize I mean we’re only growing enough potatoes to eat right now we’re living on property that he claims not ours and then we feel like we’re just kind of squatting cuz we killed a ghost here it’s I mean anything if we join their cult they won’t charge us well it seems like he might be more sympathetic but then again there’s always the danger that you know we get sucked back into a world we don’t want to be a part of or you or even you say back like the world of Adventure but what if we just end up being shity potato Farmers that are in a pyramid
what didn’t happen last time in a manner of speaking you guys I hate I hate this life I wanted like I’ll do anything other than just fucking grow up at 8 O your fucking see a potato Olive olives for potatoes
what are we doing you’re right let’s fucken swear that was fucking like like I see it doesn’t have to be so dramatic I hate each other we love each other but like we were a band of adventurers and then I was like we’re doing this badly what have we were potato Farmers you guys came with me but like you know and now you’re like I’m miserable I’m miserable and I’m like you know I’m not happy but you know how to submit it to give you are a leader you are you are the guy that was the most driven Among Us yeah and now look at you yeah man
take that back. I won’t take it back you’re a potato man you’re nothing but a man is a potato Savage
you are you are a mean what doesn’t feel good
oh I don’t like the way you say it say what I’m not a potato man I’m a human being tell me tell me tell me why you’re not a bit like prove to me why you’re not a potato man because I don’t see any evidence to the contrary I’m a farmer there’s a difference I’ve dived I live off of the earth when you call me a potato man you make me sound like I’m not a human like I’m doing my best I’m accountable to society and I’m not a potato man
you’re a big baby
you’re a big pyromaniac baby woah
you’re ungrateful to you don’t like other guys. I do most of the hoeing
I feel all the potatoes you want to peel a potato no I mean I would if I had to I could do all this by myself okay and so if you’re not happy you know we’re all ready for you to be like I’m happy while we’re already not happy like it’s like it’s like we’re in a rowboat and you’re like this isn’t a ship and then like jumping up and down of the rowboat like trying to make it a ship it’s like an okay let’s not fight I’m sorry I’m not being I’m being aggressive but like I just I feel incomplete right now
King treasure Bloods Roan bloodthrone for a clan
dragons reach and I’m be horses on the slave
James Andrew come you’re maybe sing a little old old adventuring song from when we used to be on there and what do you want
I don’t know all the time he’s really isn’t making me really hopeful for the future song Meant to me yeah you see this cheesy that you are have a little embarrassed I didn’t want to wipe it away cuz that.
giving a Ramblin band
I’m not going to be a negative guy I mean that might be the way maybe we feed ourselves from a land and then we go do music during the day yeah I’m willing to give that a try sounds like a singer that really touched my message I’ll say this you’re a better singer than you are a potato farmer and that means a lot because you’re a very good potato from all right over first thing in the morning we’ll go down to town and we’ll see if there’s like I don’t know music jobs yeah
feeling good about this I feel fucking I haven’t felt this excited and choosing between potato farming in adventure adventure in the potato farming life
yeah guy comes over I need rent how we going to make that rent I don’t know get frustrated had a little fight and made up started singing there we go yeah that’s a store game I’m so inspired
thank you all
I think we can all agree on something important happened tonight
happy Memorial Day happy Memorial Day don’t forget to remember
Frederick Redman on Jeff Davidson, Trail your mare is Dan Harmon
thank you I’ll drive fast and take chances
thank you
play podcast Network