Episode
Episode 358: Top 10 Funniest Things
Description
We’re counting down the last few episodes of Harmontown, and to celebrate we’re counting down the top ten funniest things. Nick Rutherford is back, it’s Church’s birthday, and Schrab sees how far he can push the show off the rails. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden, Rob Schrab, Nick Rutherford and Church
Transcript
you lucky sons of bitches harmontown is now a rock drive out here right now
record measure what about Spencer Crittenden
and just in case
Google what up what am I going to shoes they had to turn your mic off cuz you’re not using it right bro good going to be off all night what if we needed you what if you have no voice you mother fucker not you’re going to appreciate Maisie Williams chairs out
alright okay hit the rapper the rap still had a mouse call prism Joe your mom
swimming
sorry to neglect you guys the mama section all right thank you thanks everybody for living this way
what’s happening with the there’s another chair just being sarcastic
three short blasts my local choirs going to be coming in or going to I’m glad someone cares about stage picture there was one thing that I wanted to share because we do sit up here and we go like I heard this I heard that I didn’t understand it whatever one of the guy the guy that hosted my panel at the Norwegian Film Festival he sent me a message but they getting the bottomless hole poop van to you sing and if I go to my Instagram he’s a poop van to equals port to port Road number to Norwegian kids TV show from the 80s about two adults living together with a fucked-up giraffe Port vain to we were herded us into
nope was no such thing it wasn’t something weird it was about two grown ups and a giraffe
for kids how was your trip been loved it love you Norway Propst holding the holding the line against Sweden I did I did I didn’t know like those people are ever fighting but like the town we were in it was like they it was 10 miles moved to the in One Direction because the Old Town got burnt down by the swedes during their fucking bitter struggle against the swedes like do you talk to a Norwegian and they’re like they tolerate this weeds and vice-versa it’s like its centuries-old older than our country is at all which was that we don’t have any opinion about the English so you imagine looking so good how old does that make our country do you think like in Europe it’s even older thanks Dan wow we have a suite in the house tonight
she burned down that town
I only have a handful of things to talk about I think that was one of them another one it said it’s Church’s birthday picture birthday generator
yay all of them
Palmer’s photos you’ve been looking at 17 shares
right she’s finding a slow way up
start happy birthday to church everybody
take a picture we thought Steve was just doing a weird joke but really how it turns out we are going to have a choir
picture Chihuahuas photos that you’ve been seeing for how long church have you been taking those photos to put on her Instagram account 3 years through Jesus Christ that just did this this is why show has to be quit because before you know it you’re lost in cement we have to keep fresh or else we we we die I was fresh changing venues three times
and that was my favorite part that one guy was like right there’s no way that he’s around to feel Joy If he if he is around He’s a hypocrite because he was like your podcast and then he hung around for three years so if you’re listening anyways the only thing I wanted to talk about before I bring our only guest out
and I put Justin quotes cuz honestly what is a guess I would like multiple sets of quotes like but I wanted to talk about the the the Pizookie at BJ’s yeah it’s part it’s supposed to be no idea is that it’s a pizza cookie cookie cookie cookie bring out former BJ’s employee and semi guest Nick Rutherford
Brothers lounge chair
copyright trap
and let’s bring out a real gas political analyst Pele
the one who wanted to be here
are you going to be in your care for Pele
who is the name of singing that song that was the plan.
Hello Kelly tell me what this song called
take a dime by Callie kazoo
wow
trap you didn’t like it backstage when we found it was Church’s birthday we all saying Happy church day to her you didn’t like it cuz you don’t like you just had a birthday you don’t like it when people sing Happy Birthday to you know you don’t like it when people sing Happy Birthday to someone else in front of you just don’t like the Happy Birthday song you’re just you’re just a terrible villain of happy birthday by the way
nobody like singing it no one likes hearing it. We all hate it when I’m the guest
remember I brought my chair out of the pizza pizza cookie the word pizza and the word cookie combined
is the word Pizookie Tookie Tookie Tookie what it was the question it either and also as you said in the lift well it’s a difference between a pizza and a cookie they’re the same shape and they’re cooked in the same oven and pizza don’t have ice cream on them either
so you should have kept that bit in there left for just you and I cookie order pronounce it that way there’s a they’re all off-base the entire time is it delicious yeah but you get it you can’t call it a Pizookie I like The Salted Caramel monkey bread now it’s not as great it’s not very moist
I love myself
what does you know what they really called Pizza Pizza cookies cookie skillets
could you feel knowing that it makes sense because of the cookie with a skillet someone so it was our Lyft driver pointed out actually if you worked backward from what should be called a Pizookie that should be a name for a few when you’re taking a poop and you pee during the poop because it’s a pissed dookie yeah yeah it makes sense but I tracked I still stand by that player
but I think that’s a rarefied audience you need portamento the biggest piss on my Suzuki versus like dude I was taking a shit and I peed during it that happens when everyone but you took a Pizookie yeah man should be called cookies
did you make a week in the kitchen or you’re a server but you did you make the pizookies to put so now I was a server I opened up the Westlake Village BJ’s Flagship thank you restaurant
yet did you receive Wayne Gretzky this I don’t think so
are you sure
you get better right now can you chat cuz we were talking over our Pizookie about your your job at the bank oh yeah it was I was a server at BJ’s are you busy I was a temp at Citibank let me hear my where my City Chiefs at woohoo
somebody hist
Chase Chase Chase Bank and I was a temp there when I first lived in New York and you can make a lot of money as a temp in New York and I just I just really milk that place dry
it was right before they needed a huge bailout from the government
and you would go to work and then you would sleep on your desk for two hours and then during lunch you would go to the park and sleep on newspapers do you want to tell the story I hearing the highlights cuz I think it’s such a funny image of like a kid in the like playing the system cuz like you were sleeping and newspapers and then you come back to the office and type in the spreadsheet and then they go
yeah I know I mean you hit all the highlights yeah bro
I don’t like half the age of a tortoise what
Jeff wouldn’t wait what was it like wherever you were
I was in Alaska
packing Co the show me see states that you’re you’re freaking Alaska
Oh I thought you were
I didn’t I thought you were teeing up like a word
East 58th was of the sun came up at 9:44 and then it came down at 9:46 and says I’m I’m lazy I feel like I would like that but I’m I wrong no you’re wrong because you wake up in the morning and you like it’s 8:45 a.m. and its pitch black outside you want some feedback you if you want to you want to know that you’re a liar you are a straight line like people like we were like oh I don’t I don’t like the day it’s neurotypical shit but you want it there so that you can play off of it yeah if you want to be like
getting to like at the fall winter time spring it’s just dusk at all times it feels like in both cases it to me it sounds romantic like I would want to experience it but like I’m assuming that it would be awful when you wake up at like 8:30 a.m. and is black outside like a totally nighttime you like I want breakfast but not in the dark and you don’t and you don’t have any indication about like any even to defiant like some definition of whether you’re a loser or a winner or Punk Rock Electricity
fan lights
has it been that doesn’t feel the same. You can trace your hotel room can turn lights on but it feels like it’s still 4 a.m. I’m going to go with bad well I think Alaska would feel differently and we got Alaska here tonight let’s give it up for Alaska what Rutherford everybody all right let’s get to the show that’s why it’s enough warm up his voice is I have me I thought we were going to bed cuz it’s his birthday he said we should ask the audience to throw up any drugs they have on the stage and he would do any drugs ever thrown up on
just got just just shut it out who’s holding class a narcotic instead of like going to Steve Scruggs
thanks Steve news instead of asking who like came the farthest like who came for the farthest away we should ask like who has the hardest drugs on there
who here is currently holding ice Evans date lately
I wanted I wanted to go to the random word generator that I discovered today cuz you can just generate two random words but I forgot there’s no internet what is this
what is it
all right at 8 so we got to get to the sheriff Services we got to do it all right here’s the show
quit screwing around in Alaska.
Everybody everybody here that Senator farted today Ono
I didn’t care about but I guess the senator farted
moving on I think it’s a deepfake
I just did the president have a heart problem and he went he went to the doctor he was like it’s part of my
do do do do do do do
making that noise what were you looking what did you or didn’t you say I can find it what what did you say what did you say I forgot to date and time of the year use of resources like you’re occupying space and time on stage like so we used to
what did you say you can do all of that but then you can’t be like I don’t know like that’s a crime but then when you’re just like I don’t ask me I don’t know what you said to wake where yes ending you were bothering to steer our attention towards you and go like I said what did you say maybe we can build something we’re just going to drift we’re just going to Spain with no center of gravity I’ll just whirling around each other going like help I’m dying
April Australia all right all right all right
Senate doesn’t feel good
I’ve been made fun of that to you I didn’t do that to you you you
I admit I put an r in my goodnight I do cop to that Iran College eyes to it
I take it you haven’t you’ve never acknowledged your offense expressed remorse or committed to change those are the three ingredients of an apology I’m not sorry for what I do though
so you feel no remorse and you’ll never commit to change so you’re the anti Harmon you’re like
all right I have a new anime see how do you say I like their reactions
I guess you’ve all heard the city hall with Chad’s
but I wonder what it’s what’s been happening over its Senator Cruz bounce house probably glad you lives
here’s a little sketch waited about it
honey where is ranked dangling Chad’s right where you left them sweetheart
but I asked for an omelette
pause new choice
I’ll get it
read the new text message or was over there
I know it’s probably going to be eating your food
you’re coloring your hair for everything don’t touch me in my new toys
there’s no didn’t know that was a sketch about the bipartisan system
I got it
I get it that you could do like like you could recreate right now give me like the old drive-thru sketch Al Fresco drive-thru for fast food it’s a little difficult to understand the person at the speaker
okay I like where this is going
for $5 a month you can know what Robert is fucking doing right now
welcome to this restaurant can I take your order
alright that’s two french fries it’s going to be anything else
Mary day
1 pair
and a water
please pull around
turn off
that’ll be 1195
$1 to Dollar $3 for $7 eight dollars $10
sir please don’t tell me
you’re about to say what I think you’re about to say
strip for bricks
control yeah what’s up I need can’t do it do it do it what about a snowboard
pronto
ocean
bounce bounce
Ross Ross pop on phone
cancel T missing you
snowflame
I’m floating wait a minute so which weightlessness this life isn’t for me
I’m a minimum wage employee need to pursue criminals this much
tarp
this is control
yeah Rodger this is Alpha 7
suspect lost
I don’t care
just look to your left
hey I did good race man
yeah well I’m out of a job thanks to you here’s the dollar I owe you
hey one more thing you owe me
partnership
Styles and Rigby will be back next summer in fast food Furious
who was the who was the protagonist in that I think me but I’m like I right up to all my characters if you can identify a villain in any of my work I’ve done a bad job
it’s like if you can identify the crust in a Domino’s Pizza
they say you should get your money back cuz the whole thing should be Pizza you shouldn’t be leaving any of it aside over this is Christ no it’s all Pizza eat it eat it
Maurice fail if I can blow my mind
all right let’s get on with the show what was the kind of guy who thinks top 10 top 10 funniest things all right let’s go backwards let’s go from 10 to 1 like a top top 10 funny things starting from the bottom number 10 piano pressure number 10 dog tripping
dogs dogs having number 10 coming in at number nine Church leaving the states
that’s fucking funny she was brought up because it was her birthday she doesn’t she doesn’t she’s like one of my hostage appear that makes nine funniest funniest thing the Macarena
I think I I think you’re right pretty up there television
he’s right he’s right
number seven funniest thing
7 funniest thing AAA grape returning a shirt
at at Target
that’s correct it is that is it
number 6 funniest thing a great returning a shirt would have been number one but it’s number 7 hours I think we’re 7 number 7 7 funniest thing
the alarm people are hitting the word six was number seven okay alright I personally didn’t think it was that funny I think that’s fair we’re at number six number six is an angry bus driver and I bet he say his jokes over the PA system like I don’t know I don’t know we didn’t have any other questions that I can understand that and I don’t know now
I know it’s probably good we’re about halfway through the list we should probably just show the racist bus driver movie
keep it down back there depending on your skin color
that’s a certain amount of offensive to me and how late
skin so it’s just me and this is my skin color let me see okay well you could see how appropriate my conduct was or wasn’t what day is get back into the bulls please why am I out on the I can’t tell
I can’t tell
I believe let me get back into the boat I don’t know I’m a certified razors when I don’t know whether you’re on I don’t just get on the bus get on the bus and shoes your position within it
don’t know I’m not opening the door good job get on the bus Cod Damned
I need to get the phone number to race you are what religion
you’re all free to do whatever you want to question is what’s going to antagonize me your bus driver is that answer will be greater than the curve are you sure you as I am thoroughly racist
I’m going to eat my own countries bread now
better be my country we are bread and mayonnaise drive a little slower
can you turn the bus
do the South how far south just just do it now so I can pray to whom
what does it back to your right it shouldn’t but I hope I’m going to pray myself that your God is appropriate
please racist God let my passenger face South toward the right God that I may continue to bus drive him and sleep at night tonight with my racist head on my pillow a men are you all finished
yeah yeah yeah okay
I’m not weird I’m normal
why is it doing that with his legs
it’s a pedal bus man
last stop
Albuquerque Square
I’m not leaving the bus leaving the bus
I’m waiting for a cab
cuz I’m racist against long vehicles
I’m finished with my shift that’s all I know star
my Taser my change converter
my spare battery bus hat
collar Enforcer
a regular collar
collar under liar my sub collar
my nigla collar and my dick at a lodge
force fields now time to go home to my wife and children what’s your wife’s name what you’re not supposed to be on the bus I’m racist
I don’t have legs
all my life I’ve kind of grass people by race this one lacks inability
carry me off the bus to your wife what race are you
I’m wearing can’t you tell I can
you’re erasing need
the racing needed for a Cindy come off the bus why are you grabbing my the side of my breast sorry I don’t know how to help
I’m a curmudgeon it’s most films about people’s like me we start as comedic relief lot and then we progressed to being normal and then it’s an arc like oh I can’t stand popsicles and it’s like oh yeah it is there that I can eat a Popsicle
Google whatever sorry I didn’t mean to
person
I need your Popsicle tired of your race I hope you like sandwiches on a hot plate I don’t have a
extra I don’t want to rebuild extra read all about it like I can’t breathe I don’t like anyone I hate them all I’ll never be different
tell me what is the biggest racist of all
for one who loves all the races
is it not
no one who is welcome in the Kingdom of me
Hitler Christ
I hear that voice everyday
Huntsville tonight what did he mean by that
what’s up dog
let’s get boba man
Hitler Christ
only I can see you
that’s right that’s the way I like it
okay so now we’re going to win an Oscar red
hey man we just make this Art For Art’s Sake if the academy recognizes it that’s their prerogative is the bus bus driver boss
people just stopped at home to make a sandwich in a hot plate meatball is the street Canfield
original character you cost me my job get up come on what you want but you always be in your mind into the door right behind your door good
let all these people on
you got it you got it. You got to keep this
up up up up up up right there’s a okay there’s a
yeah
my hand my hands you finally have hands
they’re back now I’m ready
ready let’s not be racist
then get the fuck off my bus man
middle of the
well
well I don’t think I mean I’m not going to I’m not going to defend our material but I don’t think that was the right way to end
am I racist bus driver
we got a long day ahead of you a free item on the list is going to be that long. Really looking to get her miss you
Straub Dean wants V funniest thing what is it take a shower
Jeremy
tie-dyed black prison
Missy and Mark
Christopher you may call me Royale champagne
branded man that’s me
Kim Aardvark is this an alphabetical order
where are the Emmys
yeah I’m Chim aardvark and I happen to be pregnant and you’re not going to tell me how to run my life okay
Shelly oddbods
I’m friends with Michael and Mark and I’m wondering what does Aardvark school as an aardvark II Michaels
raise your hand before you start talkin I’m an aardvark I don’t have hands
right now at the fat V funniest funniest thing middle of the 4th funniest below cuz it took 20 minutes to be half as funny as I get it I get it
racist but Sarah and get it now the fourth buddy is a living wreath wreath living wreath let’s cut straight to the third funniest things
I want to know why living reef B. Aardvark school perhaps this short subjects will
twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle
how much are those sleep I’m on okay
crack chicken easy baby
I wanted to get you a ring for Christmas but all I could afford were these two reeds
oh really I know I’m one of the reef
I’m Hitler Christ play funniest this bar has getting high
it’s going to get to the point where the number one thing doesn’t even need a scene to explain it
it’ll all be references to the last nine things so the number three funniest thing that we know we can stay at the same time
baby baby with a mustache yeah
I got a meeting at the saying at the same time
okay okay okay no one more time push push come on baby come on baby come on baby baby I’m with you baby maybe I’m with you baby come on baby
oh baby I was coming out day
we got he’s got some
hey why don’t you cut off baby with a mustache early why did you give so much time to the bus driver needed some more legs I thought into the actual living room
I I get it now
requires no explanation right of Alfred
oh just busted way I’ve been fighting crime a lot all day and what have you brought me here what is this me yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum
brim brim brim I got a jet
it’s talking camp camp Camp Superman Batmobile sandwich that my mama mama mama mama mama Hello Batman mr. bacon
why did you back up into the Batcave
I find it more efficient to back into a batcave so I can drive straight out of it with all of the bacon is Batman a villain
Alfred way to go I can’t believe these things are unrelated
it’s impossible. There’s someone easy to connect you brought me a sentient sandwich shaped like my car I’ll just be a LG
from now on yes and I will fight what what what what what who’s on Department
no you stay on you brought me the sandwich me I was just talking to my truck into the Batcave naked man what the fucking racist
I have a lot of laundry to fold up stairs
are we done I’m going to the back booth and then I’ll deal with all of you
computer what’s up man
give me Superbad Powers okay
hey go look at that not your stepsister
no no we’re not going to have a baby bad
I went to the wrong Booth it happens I’ll see you later
the one on the right going to the southern Booth hey you built two of me one more to the right I get it
all right look
nobody wants me to be Batman anymore any more than I want to keep doing it you guys are bringing me comedy sandwiches can I be honest I should have stolen bread bacon like you can do it out but breads kind of breads kind of the whole the whole point of a sandwich sandwich villain I was taking the bread
I don’t want to fight you
I want you to be the new Batman
Bacon Man here’s the keys. This is this is Alfred he’s going to work for you is an hour here’s the what he called the pink slip to my vehicle just the pink dress
Where is My Talking sandwich I called bacon pink slips
in case you wanted to know that
DJ Sammy I’m yum yum yum yum that’s underwater
splash splash in the blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue
under the sea I used to be. This is the second funniest thing
didn’t do explanation but it’s awful all right all right
all right here I am in Sardinia
I had tiny fish
how about talkin man
backed up it’s like that okay I love her
all right look the two of you I don’t have to be weird
I’m a very rich man of like I’d like the two of you to help me dig a case
help me dig a cave and I will do that I’d like to hook up some computer equipment just to keep track of what’s going on in the outside world no no no no I’ll do it I’ll do it
I want to watch and I can shit fucking don’t need anybody if I can got scared of bats after my parents died I don’t care I don’t need anybody I don’t need anybody I never needed anything do you have big enough
hello
ocean gold there’s only two of us it was a slow year I don’t have anything I don’t care if you’re going to be missed at the party that’s all I need one computer
little guy in the whole apartment access
computer tell me what’s going on
doesn’t matter how much are 93 it’s fine it’s good I like it I don’t matter three I don’t need to fight it and that sounds good I love it later on I might even nothing happening
dining Outlet over there I’m sitting over here I know how I’m sorry do you mind if I do this
I got to go between your legs to do it is all I can go ahead you can plug it in yourself I got two copies I got just as much right to be here as you do
talk to plug in your phone is pretty big knock yourself out, I didn’t forget anything I don’t care
all right I’m digging a hole is filled with dick down Dig Down
so what I don’t get high by Tink Tink I’m trying to dig into what is this metal box
pulling up to the surface of this field in the middle of Sardinia on the other side of a freeway
featureless Chromebox that’s right it’s a Chromebox
the very practical laptop on alternative
08 should I go
I just saw you looking at that Chromebox you know what this is
yeah I hear the coffee guy you followed me you recognize this Chromebox is a hickory switch Chargers earlier and he followed me no I was looking for yeah I could use a guy like you my new lower-budget Batman career course everybody does it boots up in 6 seconds or less
I’m going to your bailing out on the bed already like no I’m not I ain’t what you mean already it’s been 40 minutes will it just seems like once I enter the bit you were like I know right but I’m not no I don’t want to be that guy is like I’m not I refuse to be that guy I’m not going to be like oh there’s nothing leaking a fucking Bale I’m I’m saying I owe you for the you like I pulled out a Chromebox you’re like that’s a Chromebox I know what that is fucking you deal with it when I’m going to walk over there 10 ft I’m not bailing I’m walking over there 10ft can you bring back information that helps me with with my comedy hi Eric I I’m Batman alright used to be and I wish I miss it. My step step step step step
walking ten feet away is the second funniest thing that you have to buy it
I found a twig is that they help you with your Chromebook bit it seems like you’re bailing out no I’m not supporting your bit I’m sorry I didn’t think you’d be like those I just you know it took me a long time to drive here tonight
I think he’s in a mood honestly I don’t you didn’t like their Chrome stuff batarang set my position to knocking out two adult males
and then positioning their bodies ass up
over to wood stumps anyway I think he’s a good guy alternate routes
international waters bitch says I can never never be like him my parents were made that up today died of diabetes I told everybody I just woke up
tell all your friends about me
I’ll have what he’s having all right they’re shorter as at the eclipse of it over the years I felt like I don’t need that explained
but it turned out that one needed the most explains why was it called Batmobile sandwich it seems like
that didn’t have a lot to do with your in the church at the reason it’s funny is because that man is a predator
do you want to eat at How deep did he swim until he found a freeway down there I did find a lot of it resident I like that he was an isolated person who kept seeking space in the more he got to where he needed I thought that was very important to like study and I like
well you would that’s goat
I didn’t put that in there but I wasn’t like into it I got it I got it I thought that was cool people that decide what’s the funniest thing that’s strangely the second funniest thing of all time
it is isn’t it took that long to okay well I guess I guess it’s about that time
what time is that it’s time for the unveiled the first funniest thing right after this commercial break
yeah who doesn’t
is it about time to get it checked out I do is I want one side of your head and I’m on the other side of your head
I’ll tell you one thing both of us are unhappy but, we’re all ears cuz this happened to you
do you have ear itis if your heads covered with years all of them want to hear each other and I can actually accomplish the opposite effect call 188 304
yeah yeah yeah we are coming up on the 10 funniest things countdown and that was a word from our sponsor dad real quick recap the top the top 9/10 of course we can all remember when it’s the least funny right
dr. Razavi
oh sorry I got addicted faster the artist remembering
they’re like nope. Remember that was blacked out during that one something about schools not rabbit television I think was number 7 and number it wouldn’t be racist bus driver of course
bring me out a tree with a message which we just skipped over
nobody wanted to touch that we did it the baby.
Batmobile sandwich
which brings us down to the number one much-vaunted front of his diaper 1 digit empirical running is the human race yes and we all we all know it everybody in the audience knows that we all know what is a to the bar having a valid Gregory
a magic and that’s what it was it was Gregory there was Gregory wanted to join which is a good instincts shout out to you and then the last thing I heard was Gregor
until you’re rewarding the bed and think and Gregory and they want to have fun thing that’s their Heroes
Gregory the funniest thing and if you don’t know why
play The Roots
is Mei a goddamn
backpack I’ll let you know this place holder for jokes like like you know I got Gregory Watson do his thing and I and we really need to say it
we all know the joke about Gregory in the barn yes we do it yes we do it oh oh Gregory you’re going to do it
no I am acting like a British Grandma here in the joke for the first and they didn’t have is the barn or the part the Barn Barn Barn
he doesn’t have a saddle doesn’t have a saddle needs a saddle saddle is a Gregory Gregory Gregory had like an American Belmont needs a saddle we have built up an expectation that we can never say the number one funniest thing goes door-to-door looking in the night I have my saddle do have my saddle, the first guy
I love Chucky. The Saturn won’t give it to you for a second and it South African Jew
I meant that whoever I’m Gregory
do have my Saturday
and it’s not that freaking Jewish person says
and imperfect imperfect you usually do this part
what you normally do it you don’t we do it in the room
but you’re always doing it in the room and the phone calls are always doing it but number the number one funniest thing
just checking the microphone.
And they say it in a very very South African way
South
if you heard it you’d be like you know it I know where that person’s from and what religion they worship
and it’s totally appropriate and we all know the joke so we don’t have to go through it’s a waste of time she goes to is Danny getting a rapping do it do it then
give it a try just try your size I don’t think I’ll do Gregory a dry it’s so easy as bright Roy may I have it
just a South African in it right there you go right and he’s going to he’s got to the third house it’s the god well we all know it’s the trap house it’s the
it’s Adolf Hitler’s house
Adolf Hitler’s trap house
right yeah he’s not there
but who are who is he died nineteen forty-five or forty-six so yeah it’s still his house and it is anytime died with unfinished business
I mean in Spanish
I don’t know if I like the way this joke I did end up getting his shadow but not the way he wanted
it turns out that he’s saddled with the most Road in a complicated place
how’s that present going is the president did you have hit a pain in his heart he’s going to be able to hear this maybe yeah he’s going to paint in his heart and it’s like it’s a tester. You don’t like like you don’t because you’re not supposed to be a bad person the whole point of not liking a bad person is you’re not for the like and I have friends who like I want but they’re privately they’re like no fuck that like remember in the frost Nixon movie when the guy in Frost Nixon it was like he represented the part of the public has like milk schedule war criminal fucking like them like anything less than getting in his fucking that you know on that that guy you just had nine conversation with yourself and we need one conclusion to any of those I’d learned two hours ago that the president had chest pains I have no I never even thought that I would have any reason to parse it has the best chest and the most wonderful it’s a perfect
this isn’t the perfect I honestly a medium
well I mean his company as you want to die but also you wanted to pay yep that’s the trick like you’re not supposed to ever like you’re not you’re not like your you can’t that’s the whole point like if you ever like judged anybody then if they’re like all my foot you’re supposed to be like what was going on so nice but yeah like which is largely passive aggressive but you like your it is a test everything to test
what do you mean
I know the reason you’re asking me that is to find out whether or not I’m a bad person
it finally comes out
it’s not the ultimate saying we’ve never at our generation and I’m saying our generation of the Broaddus is like we’ve never had a Nixon wee wee it isn’t it a crazy thing to have a historical president and then have them be old enough that they would go like how my arm hurts I’m going to the hospital and for everybody to check in for a second and go where do you stand in the world of like I’m so in favor of goodness or things happen to good people that are you are you willing to hope that ill-health befalls another human being it’s a guy and I know that
oh yeah I definitely am we all definitely are but I hope you have a u t i
I know it would be horrible
I guess if the fear is that he will never die I think I’m just going to leave it all do that that’s you guys
Let’s find let’s find some in the audience who they remember the last time I was on it was a perfect version of me is Pele the rehab I didn’t think so he’s always here cuz you pay so much attention to that it was good I liked him let’s talk to him again but he’s not here is there a perfect Rob though yeah he’s sitting right next to me during the bald obvious
oh no that’s not the right to the audience pain
I’m getting mixed mixed signals from that
what do you drink a day who’s coming the farthest
who has the hardest drug so I got an Australia do you see
Dallas Texas
the Caroline is it seems like
okay Australia you want to come up let’s it will get was just check in with you
you guys get around apply for a Australia have a seat on the pubic chair
have you seen a Mike Pugh air Mike this is a dream come true what the fuck up right now I’ll take it from here tell him again
I think that’s what we’ve learned several like 7 years I mean like that’s that’s of General gun in like 7 months and I figure it out
must be nice man like yeah it is
I just trying to be friendly it’s real hard it’s hard to be friendly I can’t blame you for that good it’s this is from my lost pilgrimage to harmontown so it’s quite nice to have you probably meant before yeah this is my second time coming on every year since 2014 but would use it would you say that tonight’s Dinkum is fair and one had a hat on you would like that
just so you know Dave sometimes there are spiders so big they can eat birds yes it’s true and they live under your house
what time are they small it was the real fact because it’s a continent full of poison spider isn’t it true that there is a plant that gives you chlamydia
weather going to be like I can I have the truth but it’s like yes yes it is okay cuz koalas are always just fucking Tudor STD that just go in for it and is it true that that was the truth is that I spent at just love gum leaves that’s why he’s so sweet all the time right now but also cuz the walls don’t like his butt and that’s the number 9 we’ve had five prime ministers in San Diego
seven seven is a Great Barrier Reef used to be real colorful now it’s one that’s hilarious let’s go this way up here, you down there goes the other way
comedy goes the other way
that’s not fair to him is funny but it’s been a fair Dinkum it’s so weird it’s a wig colloquialism we have the gist means yes that is good and we just we just make out words all the time cuz we think with my but when did you know that all words are made up
God I love you so much too crazy to think about that it had to do with the Chinese immigrants or something in a way that if you wanted to unravel it it’s it’s it’s effective which I only point out and it said that like every other phrase you can use in America a cup of Joe give me some jimmies on my ice cream like that like every Uncle Ben I like every fucking thing that that you say in America is somehow like like it reaches back to immediate racism I think Fair Dinkum is one of our guys I wouldn’t be surprised. I would never going to say it on camera there has to be like the opposite
prices for that like I’m not here to fuck spiders
it was just like you have a pretty sure that you got the bike line pump and then just like yeah. He spotted the new exchange money and then you get the Australia are there two fux by Adam Jensen meaning like you guys didn’t hear that you went through like he was like four or five different cities and that did not come up while that’s amazing
it’s only matter how to use those words like grown-ups arachnophobia
survive to reproduce you must be afraid of spiders or you’d be dead every time I come here I’ve been in a baby we’re seeing a spot that’s just like a thing this time and a spider crawled out from under the pillow or the morning after I slept in the bed I’m just like I would have I would have I would have thought that spider off so quick
are you talking about Jamie itty-bitty little dime-sized fighting underneath a pillow like this refrigerator magnet sized ass Harry fucking spiders that have like an ostrich in their tooth and they’re like but anyways I miss I miss you guys I loved being down there with you we get wait wait we would love to come back at us like so generous to the podcasting America I was late like a weird British Invasion but if there was no Invasion it was like Australia was just like oh my God all of you guys to podcast please come down here like it’s really worth noting like how very lonely message
listen to New Zealand podcast but we know that they were way better because it’s like you got it was and I was just great great sportsmanship like so many Fringe American podcasters is like gone on tour down in Australia and baptized like feeling, but I like I can’t believe how many millions of people I can make happy and and then they yeah anyways
pictures of the way that we have out culture we do a lot of stuff that very thing I wanted very very Punk and if I we we invented like the first feature film which is the history of the Kelly gang it was the same thing once we knew what we needed was a mic and a guy named Tim with a MacBook Pro will avocado toast and we love it. Your Abba smashes but it’s fucking ready to go
there it is the and don’t tell anyone over 70 this it’s the antithesis of okay Boomer Millennial to be like you bloody avocado toast my and you just like to thank you I just want to eat avocado toast while it’s the Smashing fucking Sydney they haven’t had Ava Smash Dude the little set of crumble in it
how is he just like my mother’s just like like he just wanders off like my parents on a cruise like where is he
and I are like the bathroom Brothers going to meet with him I have to go to the duty to everyone’s just pulling their own daily like I like a character on the podcast now know too much about nothing this is like the most insane things I’ve ever been can I just say if Duke Nukem was from Australia he might say I’m here to Kick-Ass and fuck spiders and I’m all out of spiders
cuz that could be done that could be fun places means that other fish you would fry but they’re too small but I’m not here to fuck spiders is like I got bigger spider I’m not going to fuck those little spiders spiders bite my dick if your dick is so small that you can suck a spider I say White live and V
all the fact that we continue to refer to koalas as drunk as to confuse these Metro Fence like a brushed and they will drop on the Taurus then just wipe them out instantly
that this is the line that we were out there’s the koala cuz I’ll drop on you you guys are liars and cheats spiders and the guy in the front row is like
a poison in it and I’m like why would your continent have my pills that statistic at the ready Robert Jeff it was really hot and hot Canada
my bad
Batman results are high unless I go to Pauline Hanson I was going to lean towards I feel bad being up here today when I was in the audience underground feeder at the Sydney Opera house so we can and storm the stage and like us
remember she was here the crowd it was a classic Brisbane in a quonset hut sing like an old like like a aircraft Hangar the crowd started heckling each other people got into like just like interstitials fights like amongst each other as it has the show came to a grinding halt with a crowd fucking sort of that their own like their own battles. Those people became friends the minute that should I was like yeah well bar afterwards and someone say that dude that was shouting before the show
tennis shoe
and we saw that too he went outside and emptied the puke out of his shoe and got his athletic shoe and he got his ass kicked there after he took all that effort to contain everything bad about them baby live on the theater floor
like I saw him drink 10 like tall beer I remember that he puked in the shoe in the grounds I want to puke in my own Footwear and then walk it down to the restroom anyway he rents out a shoe and then I think poured it out in the side like yeah I like that yeah it’s a it’s a little different down there other than here in the up over
I need the number to we will cut that out
I can say I shoot oh no that’s where I got the idea what’s that about
why is a massive number one hey we love those them up here in possible and the most was like inconsiderate candidates as possible it’s happening all over the planet is everyone’s heads going not see everyone’s increasingly in your friend groups do you have friends or like like if I can proud boys had a fucking a party at the Baskin-Robbins like I fucked that place 31 Flavors you have friends that are increasing
booking cancel culture bulshit I do have this conversation I don’t like Nazis what the fuck is when did this happen like a like on Facebook team him and give his number out like places that I having like pro-fascist like rallies and shit and he’ll just go and yell at them and it’s very popular I laid. I think Cody got me to high
what did you have how do you know
oh Zack you got to beat the bra bra strap tank big body disengaged everyone dies eventually with me of the time repo you could never got high
YMCA
look what I found
I have food with classic server 2
that you can peel the glasses
sorry if you’re at the moment how you feeling I just said.
How to say
baby Yoda
Troy
Braum’s
you don’t want to
Taylor Swift
your tools
do you have to drop them off with my screen off
Trae Young
just giving up
where can I get Harrison
Harrison trust, everybody
Saturday night
Spencer Crittenden podcast name is your kind of love you all drive fast, take chances if you will
make a timer for calendar
exactly you got it
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