Episode
Description
Dan’s future mother-in-law tells an absolute shocker of a story about a scarf. Spencer is gone, Dan fails a polygraph regarding his potential role in the murder. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Rob Schrab, Randee Heller, Bob Garrett and Cody Heller.
Transcript
from downtown Los Angeles downtown
just think of it as losing a Spencer cigarettes gaming a Rob
let’s bring out the mayor of harmontown you know him if you like him his name is Dan Harmon
thank you thank you for coming
German I got a different truck for you it’s called sucking in your mama what you going to do but my my my future mother-in-law is here tonight don’t listen to rap about fucking people’s mamas
the marriage is Don’s happening I get my ring re-sized my fiance she she sneaking behind my back cuz she’s like there’s always a challenge like what are you do you know their ring size by 12 if they’re divorced you get the last ring
which I had already thrown into the cracks of Doom as I was told to do by Gandalf lately good but it was not unmade there no Levy like inspired behind my back they have my old wedding ring and date but it I get either marriage like either makes your knuckles bigger or like you flex your wedding didn’t fit was too tight I don’t know what happened I got its I hope it’s muscle I hope I gained muscle but I needed it to be whitened it’s only mildly distracting twisted and I play with it and I’ll never take it off
gross
oh hi Rob
haven’t seen you in months
how are you I’m fine I’m at why haven’t you been on the show lately
I don’t know when was the last time you asked me to come on our people supposed to invite you every week like yeah
I am
all right now will come every week alright alright but can I just say that once you just did yes okay what I’ve said it before when what time
the strap backstage like right before we came on stage Cody is like what
too much too much
so keep your eye on him terrible impression of me
I don’t act like that God I do act like
emotionally complicated 911 operators a true crime podcast listener we have a 911 operator
okay
True Crime podcasts like Jeff call me with an emergency hello 911 what’s your emergency so you need to calm down
I said tell me what’s going on I think it was a burglar. Sure I understand but you need to calm down hold on 911 what’s your emergency Cam Jansen I’m going to burgle your house after I get done here much more interesting bit that I’d rather do but I don’t know what to do you need to give me the Candelabra are you talking to my burglar I think you need to do you need
I’m in the other room yeah yeah can I get a word in edgewise with my 911 dispatch
I’m not calling in a radio show I’m calling I’m calling her that was always the Millennials probably don’t know about that cuz I was like the radio.
Nine times out of ten to be a guy in the radio was going to go to the store microphone on the phone and then we’re going to be listening to you listen to you and Christopher Nolan sing but that be a professional mute that radio talk to us as if we’re no big deal and then we good
I need you to call me fucking you see Morgan more stressed out than I am and I’m just I’m in my closet hiding and I have a weapon for a year I now feel like if something happens to me if I come home and Cody has lost an arm I’m like I’m going to try to figure out I’m like Google what to do if you lose an arm before calling 911 because I don’t want to end up like having the recording of me pondered over doesn’t sound very upset I think it cut off her arm but if you call them and go like like like
oh my God my girlfriend’s arm got cut off of sir sir sir come down now what’s your address that is what your three four and six and streets do not sure I like why are you still chastising me after the point where you get the address and your an ambulance is on the way can I have permission to freak out about the dead body I found and or do I have your permission to be enough on the spectrum that the one thing I’m good at is calling 911 I’m so sick of this fucking like they’ll either just 911 call it just seems a little weird hello 9-1-1. Yeah my children are missing your children are missing yeah they’re missing and it’s noon now and I haven’t seen him since 11:30 and then it just like
robot a fuck everyone I’m never calling 911 I’m going to do something wrong
then who have you killed
I’m never going to kill anybody but you are and you’re
show me a matter of time before we’re all adjacent to a murder God forbid how you respond to a trauma right isn’t that what we’re going to have our if your big fan of our podcast and you just want I’m not like an Oprah or like picture pages thing where I might you have to listen to this and but you should know in March the red-handed podcast ladies are coming out from Jolly England they’re going to come out and then Be Our Guests and so like you have that heads up like maybe what are we talking about you get addicted to that that that podcast wonderful best True Crime podcast I’ve heard ever recently and ladies from England dammit like what is happening
how long have I been gone your beard is gray and long
Jeff seems so much further away than usual
one thing that I liked about their podcast
the red-handed podcast which is it true crime podcast I’m sorry
yeah I know why are you thinking maybe a pair of red mittens
that’s why I’m thinking of it listen to yourself you sound like you
sure
you need to calm down
lemonade he’s all right anyways the thing I liked about one of the many things I like about their packages that every single time a lie detector comes up it’s like we have to revolt against this lie detectors are bullshit it’s bullshit I just feel that you’re going to kill anybody and at some point in my life before I die I will be somehow misconstrued and judge because of my affect and whether it’s like I fail a polygraph test or I refuse to take one which is like oh you’re go that’s weird he refused to take a polygraph test everyone please refuse to take every polygraph test that they mean the amateurs it’s screwed up for the rest of us
the amateur polygraph administrators
where do you mean
or amateur Liars all right look take a pic I can see it’s going to be one of those shows right there tells when you’re telling about a lion that we both know the answer to I want you to tell me the wrong answer
okay
what’s your middle name James
yeah you already that you did choose to tell you already
you have the what kind of tells lies that’s my name you asked me what my middle name. I told you to do it wrong I told you to lie well I didn’t lie I was texting you and I told the truth and it revealed that you don’t know the difference
you supposed to give the wrong answer and you comfortably with Steven is a lot I will I promise okay
what’s what day is today 3
I swear to God I fucking swear to God strike me with lightning if it’s not 320 what is your mother’s maiden name yellow
you can see you’re going to do anything to eat going to do you kill somebody
polygraph test test because you murdered Spencer
look at and why you hesitate
you have the right to remain silent my first guest Millennials know her as I do Blankenship from Mad Men right gen-xers know where is Mama LaRue so I know her isn’t it from The Karate Kid right now I know her as my future mother-in-law could you please welcome randee Heller to the stage
randee Heller
have a seat
how many days do you work on Karate Kid how many days of a shoot was that for you as Mama Larisa
you don’t have to call sheet
about three four weeks or so yeah you got to eat that Mike though
well I guess let’s get this out of the way I want to submit this I’ve mentioned it before it’s been a theory but I want to make it a technical fact as of your daughter proposing to me I am now officially and technically a Karate Kid in law you already my son and your stoked about it right you know that we’ve determined that site but he’s grown on me like a fungus
a lot of me joining your family is learning what love really is like from I mean my relationship with Cody and like oh that’s what love do shit like if there’s no knocking on any previous relationship I’ve ever had it just sort of like and then I joined your your family you guys really love each other it’s really it can be alienating and dizzying to stop to an astronaut from the from the vacuum of understand that
just wondering you know step by step that makes me comfortable I like knowing that there’s like are locks and leg conditions II that make me comfortable at like like for instance like I remember distinctly very shortly into me dating Cody which was a pretty intense rebound I can say that now that it’s like permanent but I mean there was no indications and I was like I was dating Cody very quickly after the divorce of my last relationship which makes both of us Ponder things anyways put a pin in my view on this is about you you had this apartment in New York are you were staying at Cody’s apartment in New York and went to visit her on her first show cuz she did the show called deadbeat for three seasons and I went to visit her
OK Google
all right
I’m totally in love with this child
Tyler why does gravity nevermind
she got the show and she’s on the show sheet that Mike and likes to reload my kid has her own show and so I went to New York to visit her and it’s cold in New York so I bought a lot of stuff to warm myself wasn’t freezing a hat gloves cold okay but where is hold on okay see what it’s like I know like should I continue the story I bought this huge scarf to keep me warm continue to start story so I bought this enormous long white and black scarf to keep my neck warm and like
you tried it on and we looked at it and we both agreed it was not cute or I at least okay I at least thought that there was no contention I okay tell your version of it you shouldn’t have brought me out here I’m not going to talk anymore just tell her I got all dressed up and I’m supposed to meet her for lunch or breakfast whatever it was so I put everything on knowing that I’m going to go out and like really freezing temperature now when big long fucking scarf so I you don’t when you go on vacation you kind of off your routine like going to the bathroom in the morning you know like at home 8 constipation irregularity vacation all aren’t alter hope you know so that we call it in my family have a thing called that switch was supposed to be an acronym but it actually is in cuz they came
induced altered poop while you’re on vacation you’re off so I got all dressed up and I didn’t go to the bathroom yet like that’s not like every morning about 8 I have to take a dump okay all right what’s wrong with it because you made it seem like it was going to be given time and it’s not for me at all okay I’m just saying like I think right why I always get constipated
that’s a parenting fail I don’t have done better or something happen there you know what I’m saying so bad now I feel so guilty something happened with my butt hole that I have stuff going on with that you know I got my first hemorrhoid I told you I sent you a picture close up on a group text and a picture of your of your hemorrhoid on accident fine with the sweet potato that I want to keep her
so so you all right
I’m finished sorry we’re help I need some help back up to me I feel like I’m whatever she just told about that we can not talk about that for a second go back to what you were talking about was like the first time that you guys met story hold on hold on all right family fight right here on the state OK Google
mom is visiting New York she bought an outfit she got this long scarf daughter not into it getting that’s all right getting dressed to go meet the daughter and then
so an unscheduled visitor
I like you know your stomach starts to like
I’m going home
it’s 8 and 12 New York time I’m way off my schedule I got to go to the bathroom so it’s like time to go meet you and I said well I’m going to take all my clothes off my start my hat my gloves I’m just going to go to the bathroom so I went and it was a mess because I got up and the scarf went into the toilet
my $150 scarf into the into the Potpourri on into the toilet and you shit on top of it okay I walk in why didn’t you on top of it was already on when I was there we should all have a long went into the toilet on the start by saying the same thing you’re saying the same thing in my car and just it had Fringe fringes so all the fringes were
so I got and I so I got up and I want to die I feel like I walked in well if this if I had seen this I would have let the fuck out because I remember waiting out in the apartment number how is just like always mad at you for making messes or I would have lived out if I knew that she what you were trying to hide it because what happened so I took the scarf out hell yeah and I really scrubbing it down thinking I could do this I can make this happen so I scroll down and then I took it and I laid it out on Cody’s heater to dry it
she was not happy and nothing smell that she wash it properly it was just the idea it was like a scarf I went to have lunch with the story so we came up we came back and I said Cody the scarf that’s on the dryer was full of shit but it’s clean now she slipped out.
on my Dry Creek Fish it’s right cuz I have a little bit of a CD if I always hear me I don’t know ya is
and I said okay now I got to go home to New York so I went back to New York to LA LA and I kept the tissue paper and the bag from the store so I wrapped it up and I said I’m going to fucking return this thing cuz I’m not going to wear a scarf. I am going to put a poop I know but the poop is going to rent to do you know so I went to the store
and I went up to the lady and I said I’d like to return this car here we’re almost there and she said me there anything wrong with it cuz you said I said no no no no it’s fine it’s just that I bought it for my daughter and it’s like 12 ft long and she’s very short and every time she wears it she steps on it and trip so I’d like to return it now is the time to return the scarf she said well it’s too long and my daughter didn’t like it. You said it did not think about it
but you just leave certain details and then you returned it alright in New York walking around wearing a poop scarf probably cuz I was like no one’s ever going to buy this like that’s the kind of store where it has like the clearance section and it will just disappear into Oblivion and so that’s why I didn’t admonishing I was like ultimately when I found out I was like all right it’s a flawed thing that character would do but it’s still Friday if you poop
don’t try to get the money back
just exchanged it for credit
Buckeye save that one I want to take another guess that’s like a public television think we’re like linking things and it’s that’s why it’s emotionally complicated because you’re my future mom-in-law you pooped on the scarf you were Mama LaRue so you were but she was Rizzo in grease on Broadway Rizzo you were the original Rizzo right there was one original Rizzo but then wait were you the original Rizzo or not know you weren’t wait what I mean but after who played original Rizzo on Broadway
I know her as just says Adrienne Barbeau from Swamp say like she was in a TSA zumba’s like me kind of like so but then you like did she choose run of Rizzo on Broadway you’re basically and and so our next guest was Johnny Angel Johnny Angel no grease Teen Angel Beauty School Dropout the song why we’re bringing him up please welcome Bob Garrett
thank you thank you for coming very nervous cuz Randy gave me this Scar from my birthday got to talk into the night we know each other from college and then we did Godspell together and then grease to get on Broadway so we go back a long 150 years but he tells everybody on his nanny for correct when you were all I was the best
linkage here I mean at look I’m not a good podcast host on a good podcast producer but but things happen we follow her our guts in her feelings and stuff and we we recently lost a friend that we talked about many times on this podcast like kind of in the periphery like we should probably mention his name a dozen or two dozen times in 300 and some episodes because he was so instrumental to our lives this guy Sam Christiansen and in he he just recently passed a few weeks ago and it was like very unexpected and I know weirdly Randy had a connection to him I mean I know Sam knew you and Cody but that was just like weird coincidence and I said Randy will you come on the show and seems like a good time cuz maybe you could tell some stories and you’re like I don’t know see him well enough to like eulogize him but Bob
who is Matt like was really close to him you saw him right before his passing and so I thought Kismet we need to eulogize Sam Christiansen someone that like he’s not a household name but if you listen to this podcast for hundreds of episodes then Sam has like Ben caressing and touching you the entire time because Jeff and eyes origin stories go back and intertwined with Sam is so for those of us kind of like remember him and start with howdy how did you meet Sam well we were doing Godspell and Sam was the liaison between the the Actors and The Producers he work for the producers she was so great and every time he comes to the theater It Sick by the way tonight Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward are here and they’re not coming back
call Newman would walk into the theater in an all-white suit in February but the talent rodders and I started doing a cabaret act and I didn’t want to ruin my reputation with the owners so I asked him to represent me and that turned into him becoming my full-time manager and then we became best friends and then he altimate Lee got me to come out to Los Angeles to four meetings and manage me and became like my best friend I don’t know what date that is but what I know if Sam is that he’s he’s working with actors in This capacity was like he was an assistant to casting director is he was he worked on Mash like a in some capacity like below the casting director right but this is how brilliant he was he started out working for the Sochi with a casting director and then he opened his own agency near me
I’m out here and the one of the first things he cast was the movie network and he started to say when he got the script you have to cast Faye Dunaway in this part and they said all weekend the 4th they don’t know when she’ll never do it we have a little budget and everything so they brought in every be actress in Los Angeles to read to read for this part and they kept saying we can’t wait for network and we can’t get anybody why is nobody good music Faye Dunaway why won’t you let me chill never do it she’ll never do we can’t afford he said just let me get the script to her I promise you she’ll pay you to do and they sent the scripture and she said I don’t care what it cost you what what I get I want to do this phone then she won the Academy Award so then he opened his own agency International all these things can you totally when I asked him about that he made it sound like he was just kind of an ancillary character in that story but it did I didn’t know that he actually helped cast that movie he was the one he was the face
how do I guy ever told it that way when I was 24 years old I had a girlfriend who had taken his class and he does is kind of essence like Workshop will you find out it is essentially Who You Are
and you get seven kind of statements to describe exactly why you are who you are whether you like it or not and
but my girlfriend that I’m so broke that you can find the money take the class don’t ask any question and I ended up doing it and really was the reason I started started working because I get you you have the soft knowledge and I told like Dan and Rob and everybody and I told Drew Carey about Andrew Carey now still sent everybody is a you have to find out who you are and even if you think you know who you are you don’t have the permission to say out loud what it is that makes you you when you’re when you’re on a playground you’re starting to you’re having this obsession with like who am I out of people perceive me and the thing the very things that make you unique anything that makes you stand out your tall your shirt your black your your your freckles you but more importantly your personality your sloppy your knee tear your
practicing being exceptional and everyone else is practicing being everyone else and you caught you go into your adulthood with these traumatic kind of like labels about the things that people pointed out about you as you were developing because whatever made you different than everyone else absolutely this is not like the society’s job is to try to like
call you out and go your sloppier than everyone else you’re fatter you’re taller you’re weirder you’re slower you’re faster but when you’re a kid and you’re developing your like okay I need to fix that shit or I’m in big trouble and you it’s right of you to like want to fit in but then once you hit 18 19 20 it’s time for you to drop that shit actually like your body is designed to drop that shit but Society is not to that designed to tell you when it’s time to let that go cuz Sears in McDonald’s are more than happy to step in and go you don’t want to be fucking weird buy a Happy Meal like no one’s going to tell you to drop that shit Sam’s class was telling you okay time to drop that shit what what sparks your shame what what what goes through is exercises to build go through all your love letters from high school go through your year book signings we’ve been getting called the same names since we were children
an inter adulthood and if somebody likes you and like like let’s split looks like Dan friend since there’s a way to describe how Dan is smart if you like them you say oh he’s a genius he’s he’s intellect like he’s at he’s at he’s at least I don’t like how is a mastermind if you don’t like that I keep them exactly how you’re smart Cody and then and then Bob what makes you edgy or what what makes you the neighborhood of what Hollywood describe you as being witty but precisely say it and is his words that we have all been called our whole lives like when I first met him and he said Katharine Hepburn when she was eighteen and nineteen when she did Philadelphia Story every Review called her feisty
when she was 80 something and she did On Golden Pond everybody called their crusty if you’re feisty at 18 and crusty at 8 with it with the essence is Defiance is it you don’t need men and that’s what made what made her great with it all of her roles was I don’t need you and if you’re 18 or 80 it’s a Defiance special about you that their memories of what said that special about you on the playground or probably negative then you have lovers throughout your life they find the positive ways of saying it it doesn’t really matter in also crucially it doesn’t matter whether they’re accurate Sam always use the example of Goldie Hawn who is a very very smart actor who could she could debate your ass off at any time but she happens to be Celestial when she was young it was like it was her the way the public
wanted to perceive her the way that she would get gigs though it was like the people looked at her and said you’re an airhead you’re a bimbo you’re a blind idiot whatever like I figured you’re probably healthier ways to say that but that are equally not acknowledging the truth about her until actor her Jets but if you’re presenting yourself to the public and your for public consumption it’s not as it’s not necessarily a bad thing if people don’t know everything about you because it’s it’s not the way you see you but the way the world sees you and when you go fat jokes and then and then he would pause and he’d wait in the laughter subsided because like I start my set with a bunch of fat jokes because I know it’s like so predictable but also if I don’t start my set that way
hi you guys are going to be out there for 45 minutes and some of you were going to be like if you think he knows and I was acquitted that was Sam’s they were like Charisma is Christopher Walken knowing he’s creepy Charisma is Jack Nicholson knowing he’s dirty Charisma is a fat person like a leaning into the the the they’re like well I’m not going to try to convince you I’m not fat that has nothing to do with me endorsing body-shaming or like you know thinking it’s better to be thin or whatever it’s just like I think there’s a there’s a there’s a weird energy you exude the day you go
I’m kind of on the same page with how I am perceived at first glance and it kind of blows your mind it’s actually more likely that you’re way off because of the amount of refraction and then I was just remember the! Tell us about the airport thing cuz the one that is going to rush through it but it was like that was my big eye opener where I was like okay this guy’s not full of shit we went to the airport it was pretty 9:11 so you could just walk around the airport and we we would we do this exercise we handed out forms and sounded like the worst idea like like this on this sounds like a horrible homework assignment to go to the airport with some of our classmates a look at that guy’s that guy’s me I don’t say a word I’m just I just leave it like like Taylor
engage like doing it right arrives Circle anywhere that you think applies to that guy over there right there he’s down with it’s fine you can stare at him he’s it were part of a psychology class we would say and so they sit there and circle people from Poland people from Memphis people from Fort Lauderdale like it’s as if you’re just in this LAX Terminal you you do that for 5 hours you leave LAX with a giant stack of papers you go home you tabulate everything and then I’m like why the fuck does everyone in the world think I’m sarcastic lazy standing there I went with a guy that look like Charles Bronson when he was a weird dude and we get in the car and we did like 50 of them and he’s going to music
is looking from side to side as a kite
why does everybody think I’m suspicious
weekend class for sure you’re not supposed to look at your cards when you go to lunch by the way you were told what cards are apparently cuz it likely we did the same class like it took but we’re there for hours and then you got all things about you is nothing wrong with what did you get on your cards and I didn’t look at my cards that’s worth a look at your cards
C-3PO
I am waving it around with his elbows locked at 90 degrees as if as if first of all if I did that I would be nothing like C-3PO cuz he never did that Anthony Daniels and now you’re going to remember it because you’re kind of like C-3PO part of the mythological who you are and like what your myth is like where you live on Mount Olympus and what the story is that you tell because all of our favorite like actor and actresses they all kind of portray the same role in different ways but they’re always kind of feeling the same kind of mess and I asked Sam was it what’s your myth and is it mine is to remove fear
and and if you could say anything great about Sam and there’s lots of great things to say sam took fear away from people and he gave you like Freedom he created this environment where I was in my twenties I was the worst version of me and that’s me talking I’m already not a good person imagine me at 25 lately aquarium like still cutting my teeth being a human being and was like but there was the space anyways I think what we want to do is look like like we could have we could have been any point talked about o these are seeing superpowers this is why you should be interested in them I think Bob your contribution to it is is I a you were you were very close to him for his whole life and I asked I asked you backstage and it kind of caught me off-guard it was like when’s the last time you saw him cuz at least relatively recently but you saw him
two weeks ago will he come to my house every Friday night we watch Fillmore and we cook and one of the thing talked about taking away fear I just got a soup make a right so I said I’m going to make soup for you in my new suit maker which takes 18 minutes so I make the soup and he said he tastes it nieces yeah yeah and I said what you mean yeah he said it’s it’s good but what would make a great as if you added an entire lemon to the soup so I squeeze the lemon into the soup music this is the best soup I’ve ever had a he’s kind of like a little chick there he’s and he’s like I think I’ll create a story where I knew exactly what needed to be in the soup when I get back in the old days like that wouldn’t you still could go to the airport and do that thing later it became more like online and internet-based and faster you do the class you gay
presences and then if you wanted to keep going you would do an acting class will you you get a placard and you would put on a music stand with your seven statements about who you are and it’s still a kind of the neighborhoods of all the things people know about you on site but you don’t know the people know that and it was just getting used to admitting that and knowing that people saw that stuff and then you would do a monologue that you could be anything you could be I did something from that work or at least you could do something from Shakespeare whatever the whatever the hell and there was a guy in the class it was a black guy really good actor and he did this piece was like really angry piece of forgot what it was
and he had a ball cap on and Sam goes let’s do it again I want you to turn your hat a little bit to the side and instantly the guy looked Furious
and it goes just do it again when you’re back at the side and he did it and it was the fucking best acting you’ve ever saw heaven is over. Back straight and send why does that make you so angry cuz I don’t want to be thought of as the guy that has the ball cap to the side like if you need it all you have to do is be thought of or perceived as less than you are like if people think that you if you find out what your essence is that equally empowering if you want to play the opposite of it or whatever like being able to tap into your stuff what was curious about Bob now that he’s gone like you knowing Sam probably better than the other than us onstage like
how did seem like did Sam have like where where was he at he was he was just kind of Guru be at the studio in Burbank my perception of him was always that he he had plans to make it bigger he would do the internet version and he was like he was trying to do was trying to Empire build which I totally relate to which I will try to do like enough that I’m just going to do what I do with Sam was he frustrated about The Business of Being Sam or was he content with it like know he was a lot of traveling to New York and Atlanta and all over the country and he goes for weeks at a time and that was very rewarding to him cuz he blossomed this business to reach so many people but it was a business of really having people Center in on who they really are and how to maneuver them they’re sent their themselves through life in a successful way that was in
incredibly rewarding to him he had just retired and and he didn’t like it was such a thankless job he just put up with a bunch of dip shitz like me forever like we just kept gathering at his feet and he would go all right that’s interesting choice in that fight club monologue how’s that working out for you and Fight Club I never chose the fight club model I’ll talk to you if you did
doubt your word though I want to know your seven words oh I can’t remember l7a Bob did you actually did you did you take Sam’s kind of class where you got your messages since is from living my life is his best friend but what was interesting to me is when I start out in Cabaret he said to me one point so who do you see yourself as and it was in the days of Bonnie and Clyde with Warren Beatty and I said well I think I’m the Warren Beatty of song and he said you’re not you’re not so here’s the thing he said you’re in Godspell you get laughs every night now what you have to do is start talkin between numbers in this fact and be who you are with your humor instead of just singing one song to the next song the next song
which helped me discover who I was and then once I was authentic Lee me I was able to attract people and record companies to be interested in me because I wasn’t trying to be Warren Beatty anymore even though on my mind I was secretly wishing I could be that person that we target we think like oh I wish I was like them and the Curious thing is that you might by virtue of some random experience you might actually find yourself being someone else’s thing and what a crime it is that that person looking at someone who’s thinking I wish I was Bill Murray that person doesn’t wish you that you were Bill Murray that person may or may not know who Bill Murray is but you’re it’s like I always wonder where you’re supposed to draw those lines week we have these men towards these figures that I had an epiphany while I was watching this person do stand-up or perform like I wish I was Garry Shandling I wish I was David Foster Wallace I wish I was
I wish I was like what are you supposed to construct your identity out of if it’s not other primates around you who have done things that you’ve admired who and yet somewhere within their you’re supposed to just be yourself and it’s the most useless advice in the world but Sam somehow was able to I remember like half of your essence is down in probably like a few of your is Rob but like when I die I took a first night and then you start telling everybody go take this class whether you’re an actor or not like it’s really valuable no matter what you do but it like that soft knowledge thing and it’s called T to talk about because it really was to this is beautiful that has no way to express how much Sam means to people it was took it when I got my absences sandwich do you tell if he’s like there’s going to be one Essence it’s going to be kind of an epiphany for you that you’re going to that’s how I say that and he
told me that we were trying to talk about my the neighborhood of my toys or my confidence and if you don’t like me American if you like me I’m poison if you’d like I could does that thing and he wrote down his thing and he put on a piece of paper and floated across a desk because anybody else would hate this but I think you’re going to like it and it was the neighborhood of my confidence or Cockiness or whatever
and it was
not conceited just convinced the one that Rob had is my favorite one for you rob last puppy at the pound
love it that’s great that’s not the way I see that when I don’t remember is waiting for permission
also my favorite my other favorite is Little Green Men from outer space what about walk the dog but won’t admit it he got you on that one I love I love that overriding one for me is and it sounds weird but it’s it is perfect it’s mud monster on Shore leave
that’s the one that I like some of these are your own like like Joe it doesn’t need to make sense to other people it’s for you to recalibrate and actually I forgot I refer to the last year being rough for me and it’s precisely because I forgot it’s like you’re a mud monster on Shore leave which to me means
your story doesn’t get to be about like like alright well whatever seeing him like unspeakable sadness came alone and leaving likewise I love that one
yeah they were rough
but that’s not the people with circles of these were written word doors to be like in Castaic Lane in back in the day when you would get there you call it all this information and you would find out like okay everybody’s calling you a sarcastic I start down a quitty songs are on Shore leave. I was just seeing the bad Monster’s always welcome at the ball or something like that it was sort of that and I was like yeah but I don’t I don’t suppose he is but I don’t be acting class after that whole process and it was like a tough guy asshole like
like like a kind of a mean angry monologue and I was trying to be a tough guy again and you have your card up with all your essence is on it which is kind of like you feel very exposed cuz you proud of some embarrassed by others but they’re there and he does Jeff why is one of my ancestors was part of Dashing it gets you choked up how dashing you are someone that stash it wouldn’t say they’re dashing I think it’s do it again and I did it as dashing as it was way scarier
like like like if he’s just like own anything he told one guy
you guys do it again but sit on your hands because you can’t use your hands now do it and it was the most terrifying thing in the world he just has his way to bring out something by the turn of your hat or a little thing or it like if it was Randy and you go do it like to the way you took tilting your head what why do you why do you do that no starch you
your tears like people that think they can’t cry on camera or can’t cry on command like in a player or a TV show or a film it’s so close to the surface like really all you have to do is slightly scratched the surface and just say
what what do you tell you had why you listening like that I always do and there’s tears that come from that and he had this ability to absolutely draw Humanity out of yourself that you think
shouldn’t be there couldn’t be there you’re not allowed to possess it or it’s too far away to own like he just had this ability
I mean I’ll fucking start crying like she
what what what do you think like okay we lost Sam nobody leaves that nobody gets to like go I’m scheduled to leave a month from now here’s what I got to say goodbye and packing my things like it sounds like he left kind of weirdly peaceful a relatively young man to as you describe it you said he was at it was at the home of his partner and he he just said I feel faint and he laid his head down on the table and he and he was gone but how old was he again 70 which hope is the new fifty for my sake I thought I always thought I felt like Sam was 60 when I was twenty-five and he looked sixty the last time I saw him a couple months ago he was anyway but but but he
guy that it was his always like he took other people’s fear away he was interested in them no matter how much of a schmendrick they were at I just like he was so nonjudgmental it like we’re at least he just gave everybody a chance to to figure out who the fuck they were
now that he’s gone do you feel a door closing where you’re like oh shit what did Sam want from me like that makes sense like is there something that you worry about personally like oh shit if Sam had known he was going to take off and I had had a chance to say to him hey not to be even more selfish than I was our entire relationship but any final thoughts like that is something like that he might have given you some advice or her giving you an I don’t I don’t feel that there were things that were unfinished between us cuz we were always vocal about how important we were to each other in our lives I know he was about to start a new chapter because he had bought a house in Asheville
so North Carolina in North Carolina
so so there was a part of him that was beginning this new chapter and I don’t know whether that had anything to do with his passing that it was the end of one chapter in the beginning of another but I know how rewarded he was I don’t I wish I could have said goodbye to him but I don’t feel like there was anything unfinished between us we were always very vocal about each other each other’s lives what was ahead of us as far as projects and dreams and about his politics and get his politics were sort of like he wasn’t like to me he wasn’t like a militant liberal like oh my God we have to do something but at the same time he was absolutely Unapologetic about and Incredibly this world as well talk. He’s watching Bill Maher he’s obviously he’s able to put up with Bill Maher’s personality that means that you guys sat week after week and you talked about his view of the world
and so I guess that’s the related question is did it’s his corneas to say if Sam were here right now what would he say to us knowing that he’s gets one last thing to say to us but I guess but I don’t like Sam had an opinion about the world and the way it was going and stuff like I would give it like it were like he’s damn what you do remember to do now that you’re gone and you’re never going to remember remind us to do it again like I put that upon you it’s really one of the things that he wanted was for Trump and Pence to both be taken down have Nancy Pelosi be president what do you want for the Roku
and he and he was predicting everything like he said I think what’s going to happen is that they’re going to bring down Donald Trump jr. and Jared and go to Trump and say listen this is what we’re going to do you better resign or this is going to happen to Donald jr. that it’s not going to touch Trump but I don’t think that it’s going to have that premonition have been reading like the experts kind of like speculation about this I believe it actually like I do actually believe as controversial as this may seem if Donald Trump has no capacity to actually do anything but blender his way into accidental treason he never was like a great idea about like how do I copy doctor no I think he really thought he was just like I’m winning and web to know how to win and I think his son who is
half as smart somehow
what are way too far and like took meetings I left a paper trail and it’s going to come to him but I don’t but I don’t see it coming to its that’s the weird telenovela that I I don’t how’s it going to work they’re going to go hey we’re locking your son away and then he’s going to go I’m going to Pardon him and everyone’s going to go later so long son I’m proud of you like like how does the parking work like you can’t do it until later right so like they’re going to watch him
watch his son go to prison right that’s my prediction and it’s going to it’s going to finally find the funny bone of this dead corpse of an Empire everyone’s going to come fucking weird what do you think you just watching your son go to prison like no wall no Mexican is that important but I I can’t fucking believe what you’re doing what do you think Sam would Essences for a Trump would be
what are Trump’s as it seems like I ought to I search out at lake lake lake would just be like like like like you could be a fan of his be going like yeah he said he would beat his his absences would be like I’m big very big it would be like like toy truck language truck big
and it would be exactly why when you love them you love them if you love them little bit a bit like my truck big like I get more candy like I deserve all the candy for hemorrhoidal
is it a little bit a little little touches is out of seven Essences like two of them would be like they would invoke pain like like like like how come Obama made me hooked on opiates or something I would like some sucky like why is everybody picking on me like just a hint of that but most of it would be like like like me me no share me candy do you like but yeah that’s why it’s about time someone said that because if they are I love handsome people
I’m sorry we’re listening to this podcast on my phone I will continue to hit snooze every 10 minutes so that you’ll never find out what the sentence was because I eat just come on us-9 snoozes a go this morning come on
I don’t know don’t put me on the spot sorry I don’t remember them I always forget both those those top three were I mean like what would Sam’s here Sam’s watching see him now then he goes away after the shows far as this being onstage like what do you think of anything Sam would like to see us do as an exercise or anything to I think you’d like to have nipple rings that you can see through bear daddy weigh like polo shirts and beautiful white beard
sharp are a teddy bear like I want to tell you how you need to activate yourself and what you be honest with yourself whether you’d like if you squint it to be like nipples
underneath underneath is incredibly tasteful Polo rock on babe what year was your birthday the video somewhere right can’t wait for that to surface yeah we can do more than quit Twitter
by the way I quit Twitter and then they fucking we wrote it down and I said what is Ken’s Essences with predatory roasted salmon at one of my jokes was what one of yours with the same old that he gave me my start eating your jaw also invented fire
I think it was a roast joke it wasn’t worth repeating but the fuk it up like that is
and that and that poops car Story I mean you went out of your way like you I truthfully with the way I heard the story you were a hero you made yourself a villain it was so it because it was like your life ever have to take any shit I’m going to take this shit fucking pawn it off on a regular when I heard the story over brunch I was like holy shit it was just like she took you took a shet on the scarf and then you took it back
I’m not giving you notes
I know I died I died right now I’m bad I’m bad now give it up for Randy Houser everybody I think it will it will make up for any chance you can drive through it and I’m I feel like he would because I feel like there’s my word okay so one of the words I would say that I am is the game that my mom used to play with me which is called wild fish and basically I would spend a lot of time in the bathtub which side note it was because I ate we had a jacuzzi tub and I have just discovered masturbating because you could in a set up on the thing and I had this book called where did I come from which is an illustrated book explaining sex two kids which happens if I mean it was hot it was like
you can spend time on it where did I come from page you a pussy page 3 and you’ve got one page for Sean are no no it’s a romantic it’s a romantic tale about a mom and a dad and they’re like kind of a heavyset couple like they’re just like a normal at like the dad is bald and it’s very realistic portrayal of hit the jackpot and where did I come from I don’t know where it is plain that you know when a mom and a dad or a man and a woman need and are in love I mean this is before you had you know this is heteronormativity like 80s stuff but it was still pretty hot but they’re like Mom and Dad he want to get so close to each other cuz they love each other so much so like when they hug each other the genus of the dad goes inside of the vagina of the mom and then it when it feels really good it’s like
it feels like a big build-up in a release like a sneeze and somehow by the way about the wild story sorry this has nothing to do with as a weird thing because I read that an absorbed in my brain now when I get turned on sometimes I sneeze and it’s because in my brain I got programmed in weird from that book but anyways and then my mom would be like this the wildish existed before I was like oh where my body but anyway he let me just ask you guys something me and Cody just like what you just described the what was it like did you guys take baths when you were a kid what was that like and then Cody go ahead now explain what happened even before like the book and all that I just love being in the bathroom attendant you know just playing and going on in the bathroom just to get me to lure me out of the bath my mom would be
okay we’re not time to play wild fish and she would get out the big like duvet cover from the from the bed the whole thing the comforter from the bed and she would get out of that she would wrap me in a towel and likes you as one of my head one of my body and then she would wrap me up in the comforter in like a big dumpling wrap all of me up in there and she would drag me around the house like in this thing over the hardwood floors and she would do the voices of like basically the premise was that I was a wild fish she was an activist to like was saving me from the zoo we were like going through the zoo and she would do the different voices like a security guard would come and be like I’m going up to see what’s in the bag there and she be like
this is no this is not a wild fish and it was the most fun ever and yeah it makes me want to have a kid to play wild fish with them it was really magical Dan and I remember the water getting very cold
then eventually go hello
my brother and I will take real little we would take baths together and we we had a game called PP monster
and somebody would pee in the bathtub but you had you had to stand up on the edge of the bathtub and try to knock knock the other brother into the p
because the p was because I was in the tub like that you got up on the ledge skirting the edges why did you have to avoid it because it was a monster it’s already P why was the game called PP monster you could have said stop at the first pee I don’t want to touch it so fuck Rose really gross
really gross congratulations you and your brother Bros
just Rose
I wants to go sit in the tub
remember when song was in there with me and she freaked out my sister we’re taking a bath together and I I mean I know she’s 13 I’m done Randy saved my life you know we were we were walking and Sam was hysterical like the story everybody is I hope so we were walking out of a grocery store and this car comes zooming through the parking lot and Randy told me back and she started screaming at this woman in the car she said what’s wrong with you you always kills my friend and then the car was this very heavy set African American woman with nine children
and she looks at us and she got to see me now
all right
navigate me to send emails about 1 you can say no I don’t want to tell it’s right there was about Bruce Willis slapping you
all right what big deal but it wasn’t like it was like he was like leaning in the car on Sunset Boulevard or whatever he’s like hey what’s going on where’s the party and you’re like it was like the 80s and you were like now no Bruce Willis what are you and then he like
what do you do that for talk into the microphone is very high
alright well let’s call that the gossip section so that nobody like I just I forgot the world we’re living in I has I like slapping so is it like a Pulp Fiction
Ving Rhames situation where your Bruce Willis and Bruce Willis is Ving Rhames like you give me stopping at Bruce Willis sticks his head in the car and just say hey you know welcome to killafornia Bruce Willis save you a big flat okay well that just happened or were you like like like what what what what what what what what what what what what precipitated the end nothing at all or just something to do with me returning a poop scarf or something I don’t know
if you weren’t married
if I want if you were not married with you know probably if I wasn’t married I would do it but Chris was slapping everybody what are you doing I was trying to build it out into his days where you’re like a Daniel Tiger and mr. Rogers Christmas comes out
when will first of all eat the Mike vocalize what you’re doing like like like like I don’t mean to feed you lines but like you be like it’s me Boulevard ready I don’t think I’d be free larussa is Karen Brooks you know if you were going to The Improv to see I don’t know why we were pulling up in front of the Improv he came and from The Improv I came by and he put his head down in the car and it goes where you girls going and I said that’s Bruce Willis and probably you know we’re not going anywhere I don’t know what I said.
slap me across the face with a photo if you were pulling into weight it seems like you liked it it kind of seems like me where did what tell me what happened before the days of me or was it really hard like I didn’t even pissed off because I rejected and he was pissed off about you learn to take a compliment he went before he knocked me over at a bar because I was with a girl that look a little too much like them anymore and I almost went to the ground he absolutely nailed me and it wasn’t because he was trying to he just he saw a girl he wanted to talk to and I was in the way he was
BSM Essence for Bruce Willis douchebag knock it off
such a cool thing that I like to hear hit like the way that you know what mommy issues I really like Hudson Hawk I like Monster High
I like that you’re the one what would his Essences be like
hey hey what what it what are you doing over here that’s not what’s going on over here you cannot use my cousin is turning in his grave right now I see you can do it then you can do it
pick it up you put a plant in a pot you got to pot a plant
pretty good pretty good tell me I’m fucking wrong
you put a pot to plant a potted plant or whatever that’s Bruce Willis
but it ain’t who you put a pot to plant a plant in a pot sorry I fucked it up for you dishing would you just have to do anymore it because you fucking figured it out sorry I slapped you that’s not cool people shouldn’t slap people butt in the shower getting ready for drug yeah I know I don’t remind people in the world and he was one of them so it’s like what do I do I have a story so you’re pulling into the Improv where you going you’re pulling into the Improv
answer is the Improv but you can’t validate where you’re going on where you at all I’m saying he was probably say like hey what are you girls going to Cody’s Mom I’ll be Bruce Willis hey where you going
what do froggy mr. Jimmy Carter Arrow window got on the night he was an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme we just got here we’re going nowhere where you going
improv hey you like Improv
yeah we know you’re telling you can’t you can’t ask questions suck my dick
yes and that’s what I was just throwing out the window
I was my point was what the is the fuk tonight Show’s right because it was like a thing like he’s like where you going your answers supposed to be I’m going to the Improv and he’s like if you want to wear your clothes, we worried she’s going to the Laugh Factory going in the front of the Improv on my God, where where we were pulled off or something I don’t know about the Bruce Willis’s house stealing his die-hard gargoyles
hey what are you doing I mean are you at those bill cuz I’m proud of being a die-hard you like I don’t fucking know he is like he tried to grab him and he slapped you what the fuck are you doing I guess I got two things I like my goggles and my die-hard mailbox now the truth comes out again
is she Italian or Jewish
you got to put Ethan Mike out of hell yeah well they were visiting they were coming out this weekend they were moving to Los Angeles to a place that they were going to live tell me about Elisabeth Shue kyu-young just like 18 first job was about 22 Hollywood large
funny first of all can props to Macho we’re not our night we’re not aged shaming him like like good for it’s like I would have assumed absolutely the opposite no shame to Elizabeth cuz when you watch that movie through nowadays eyes you’re like oh Jesus Christ like there were so few people in the world that we always had to cast like adults as teenagers and Elisabeth Shue is like they gorgeous but very very much feels like she’s his mom he look like his hormones it was 1642 playing sixteen when I got hired on with him and I walked out and I said I’m only 36 and he’s 22 you don’t because he looks so young and call your agents goes like got a part
name of the part is Mama LaRue so as a female actor do you have to go through I’ve dated an actor or two here and there and experience existential crises like the what the fuck been there like why am I getting why is my agent telling me to audition for the soccer mom in the Ford commercial like a line where you and I was just happy to work at you know I came to LA and I that was one of my first jobs but you weren’t wasn’t even thinking about us just that he was he looks so young and when I found out he was twenty-two and I was only the first read it I thought it was like a such a little gem even when I first read it I recognized so I didn’t think it was going to be, but I said
story you know a great part for an Asian man.
It’s a super I did this podcast with waiting wives with Jessica guy like we like it’s weird like Millennials don’t Pat Morita want to win an Oscar for that but he was nominated I could try to imagine a world where Pat Morita who speaks like you and I he was you said I was like the devil so he’s playing this guy he’s cast for the shape of his face for his lineage or whatever and he’s like are confusing relationship with weight washing and all the stuff in the Hat Murrieta was nominated for an Oscar because he played a Japanese national immigrant and which is one
genealogy Branch from being Mickey Rourke in Breakfast at Tiffany’s panties Japanese
that was what are you doing are you not supposed to do that but what would I do I’m 46 so I don’t I was socialized not too but like throughout modern lens you you’re supposed to go do this is everything is wrong with everything because it’s like will it’s it’s very very confusing when it comes to cast Nick like this idea of oh why did you cast this white person as this blah blah when you could have cast this person like it’s your brain kind of understand it to a certain point but it gets a little confusing between Generations because there was I remember at that time there was absolutely
there was there was no question of whether or not Pat Morita was very deserving of accolades for being on screen going Danielson are you should have brought you more better if you do it this way instead of that way and then he said he was a stereotype and it was it put you in the shoes of this kid was like the weird handyman is like hey what’s up what do you want Brooklyn I don’t know nothing about
you fix the sink but you know a soul the whole thing had the chemistry to it was a very charismatic and I why am I bringing this up I don’t know if that like I don’t know I guess one of the one at one of the things that brings up is that they did they read they redid the Karate Kid they did the series and you were on that seriously and I haven’t I haven’t seen that but what’s the what’s the deal with the Karate Kid series like it isn’t in it but he’s not he’s not like the good guy right now he’s kind of like it isn’t a series of that kind of how he’s sort of Z straight a little bit in terms of values and he’s not like the heroic innocent he’s a karate kids and now he’s like Drunk on Power doing
can I hear you
that’s a great series but the Cobra Kai are like sympathetic or whatever no no no it’s the two men you know Lawrence they do the blond guy what’s his name right do you watch it it’s your husband you read the call sheet
not been Rivals again you put me through hell it’s called Cobra Kai is anybody watching it went really well but good news I don’t respond to eight million people are watching anybody watching a Green River
now their Rivals again and they’re grown up now and Billy’s after his character has a dojo and it’s so hard to explain us Rivals now a great that they actually did a great job bringing it into today’s world now it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s good I think it’s good what what does a dick look like I heard it’s very large.
big giant sorry we’re spreading a rumor about your big giant dick again violins playing giant dick character pictures and stuff story
oh you tell it and he’s having a for our makeup done to HR and the makeup Lady says to her maybe I’m making up half the strips from their makeup since I heard Matthew whyno say
no so my character has his big wig and aging you know the age me up and there was a scene where I was wearing the wig and I had 200 I tilted at all this is going to be terrible I’m telling it already new wig in the scene so she said oh well I think I’ll do that then so she gets to the first take and she adjusts the wig and then they do the second take and she just the Wigan and she sits a John John too much she said first take you a second date now
how many Jon Hamm stories we need to work on that show I had a great time he’s a good guy and he’s beautiful and he has a big dick
is it in my experience it’s big but it’s weird yeah I’m going down the hill here is Dick is like a treble clef and it’s very its rate curvilinear representatives are in the show I challenged him to come on the show me out a little bit I still exciting as watching he’s still like you guys didn’t do it yet I should have gone to shut it off he needs to be true to ourselves Ian wants me see him as always like like I feel like when I was when I went to see him class the thing that she was always suggesting to me that I
wish that he wasn’t gone so that I could like I feel like I was in completely okay Dan but what are you do that but like what if you weren’t allowed to scream legally bad cuz I would I thought not being a very good actor like I was when I learned how to yell I was like this is great acting
the speech I pray you tripping on a text I got to go I’m yelling and then Sam’s thing was always like okay then but like what if you were afraid to do that what if you had to sit on your rage how that manifest itself and I was never able to do that all my stuff was like like how wounded I was and how you know how badly that would manifest itself and I never got to I don’t know but yeah I do my memories of seeing him that they’re they’re incomplete because they make me go Sam give me more attention tell me tell me I did something tell me I was weirdly pictured Sam when I was 70 that Sam would still be I never thought about him is having an age or immortality I thought he’d be like hanging out and he’d be like you didn’t like job you’re 70 you you did a great job in that in that at that eulogy
like like you’ve did it I was watching you on that. There’s just so many things that he said like like like just with one line because one like little statement but I completely transformed the way I thought about things and he told me why wasn’t it though I’ll never forget you said Jeffy goes you make it all too hard because you think you over think that you’re making it harder than it is because just do it like just say the words because you have tricks that you use and just don’t use them
like just just say the words do it again I just say it
and then all the emotion comes out when you’re not lying you’re not pretending like he just had a way of like terrifying you into honesty but nothing without being terrifying you never also easily when I first took his class I sat down and he told his story there was a girl that was in the class and was the first day and he brought her down in the same way he brought like you just bring random person of out of fifteen of us sit in the chair and he would just say like there was this woman that sat in the chair has that you like probably 20 year old girl said I raise your hand the rest of you if you think that she is the first one in the pool or the last and the last one out and nobody raised their hands
and he does raise your hand if you think that she her bedroom is everything in his place and right where it should be and everybody raising her hand and she started crying
and Sam freaks because he’s not there to make people cry is not one of those acting teachers that wants to break you down to build you back up he’s never like that and he’s like oh shit like why you crying and she does I’m in a silver medal Olympic swimmer I have I have three silver medals
and
nobody thinks I’m a swimmer I don’t look like it but if you look at it seems like if you looked at her short hair the shoulders of the build like the tan like she looks like a swimmer but like no but why don’t people perceive me as a summer I’ve gone out on a thousand women do I have to do as an athlete as a swimmer and last year I went out and I should brought one of my silver metal but you’re not supposed to do you’re not supposed to advertise that and I still couldn’t get a call back on it and he said give an agent and she says yes and she goes go to your agent tomorrow and say no more athletes. It’s behind the desk everything in its place everything just so and he just met her
behind the desk everything in this place everything just so she told her agents that she booked three commercials that week because you’re a swimmer
but we seal as something else Goldie Hawn has an intellectual but we want her to play an airhead because that’s what she’s bringing to like the mythological table there was another story that fits in with that one with the tickets that intersects with the Pat Morita thing which is in area was confusing to me like what’s our job as actors and what their job is producers and casting that there was a woman in his class that she was like look I feel like I want to be an actor and is it like she takes a class and she’s doing the exercises and she’s getting flustered and more flustered and something is eating away at her it’s clear and like it builds and builds and builds and then there’s that class for she just sort of breaks down and she starts she just breaks down and this is a story I heard third-hand and Sam goes what what what’s wrong what’s happening and she does look really fucking kidding and then she described yourself and I can’t remember the description of the part of the story is the is like
I’m a 280 lb half-filipino a 45 year-old woman and I and I decided I want to be an actor or what the fuck am I doing I saw that you went on this rant that included like just this her perceived evisceration of herself which included just a functional cataloging of what she was and Sans response was I want you to go home tonight and I want you to take
well how many how many headshots you have left put them in an envelope and write don’t open this unless you want a forty-five-year-old half-filipino blah blah blah like whatever she said don’t open it don’t open unless you want that on each of the envelopes I want you to send it to all these people that you sent it to and it was she she she was the receptionist on Northern Exposure which Millennials don’t know that it was like the that was that actor that that the it was like like you’re looking I don’t know how to send a file that it’s like it’s it’s the story of it like that’s what’s a magic was like turned this thing that you think is an obstacle into this Evel Knievel ramp and leap into the sky and have everyone look at you and notice these things it’s almost counterintuitive to what we now profess politically and philosophically the things that were trying to overcome is like well
you shouldn’t be noticing that I look like this and your first instinct about who I am is actually your problem you should be actually finding your Shame about it and I don’t know I guess I always thought I would watch Sam grow and progressed into that area and see how he reacted to it I know that Sam was very internet adverse he was always so we would walk into class with our cell phones when they were first developing and a palm tree is that your phone as much energy as a refrigerator per week class isn’t started yet but he was he was he was he was very sad to watch the world progress he felt like it was becoming less and less human and Stephen I hate to beat a dead horse but I guess I’m I’m going to Bob and saying
tell me tell me he went away not going to Jesus Christ you people and fucked up like you and then you have to go in front of the class and save them all and it was what’s amazing is that everybody in the you think they’re either going to Boo or cheer but what they do is they just laughed and I go it’s so cool that that person knows like there was a girl in my first class and she was like really good looking like Latina and she hated one of references and it was hot tamale
Cigna fucking hate this one the fucking hate it I hate it that we were all dying laughing at me cuz why do you say that she does it because I’ve been called Hot Tamale my entire life and I always will be yours but you have to like there’s two there’s two stages it’s acknowledging it and then embracing it and if it’s Throw your arms like a fuck it I’m a hot tamale fact that she’s like like America’s their head even though she is like a giant intellect has sent me an awesome quote from that cave embrace your flaws that the only thing is that the only thing of interest that you have
but your flaws are what makes you and that’s the absolutely would like Sam would have absolutely Doug that good that that that’s what he
he just had a way of like looking at you and gone Jeff sent me there there must have been a thousand people that went there including like you know you guys are trying to find
he had a way of just like all the class and and my friend called me having to go see Sam says hi and he also said tell Jeff he’s an asshole
and in the end he’ll get it
and I laugh because of that the kids like the tell Jeff you’re an asshole and that that same going like remind him that he should call me more like he only spoke to you in truth and absolutely essentially and it’s the best I feel like for me Sam was the anchor of everything when every anything was going through your mind that you needed help with that you needed advice on that you needed a perspective on that you had not thought of he was the anchor and what was interesting is I was with him when the night Obama was elected and I was within the night Trump was elected and on both nights he cried
for the same reason he is like guy a I’m so racist see it seems as though it’s like mint or just screams mental really big you’re saying even though he’s a he’s a close friend of yours so you’re not going to like label him as a mentor cuz he’s like your buddy but at the same time what you’re saying is an anchor it was there did that position
did it that caused him pain did he was he weary of that did he wish that there was like yeah get it everyone wants to hear whether or not they need to feel good about themselves Jesus fucking Christ is anyone going to ask me a goddamn question about what the fuck I want any projected he live he live in extreme my back pain and stuff like that like I wonder like it it’s part of being a
and that being so empathetic that you eat like you take on another is your microphone sorry you think he embodied I don’t know that that Bob was very devoted teacher but you have to wear that pain like you’re an antenna for that kind of stuff used to Spain other people’s pain would ease his pain cuz he would stop at 4 then he wasn’t like a good teacher two years ago there was a televangelist named Terry Cole Whittaker and who I became friends with and she was very successful and she stole DVDs and books and Abu bakar what you think of me is none of my business and all this stuff and everything and finally she quit and I said I’m quitting and I said why are you quitting she said because I feel like I’m
everybody’s crutch and I don’t want to be everybody scratch live my life did not feel like it and he had his own private life away from that but his relationship with me was not like you know I’m your crack it was like it was friend but it was also given take because I would advise him to let me go let me throw something around you and see what you think of that you know cuz we had an interesting perspective because we knew each other for so long with so many years that we could be objective about each other
but I think a favorite thing of his on the off-chance that we were to like or we going to podcast like what was the cause of seems like as far as Charity going one way or another we have a new thing of the podcast were like Divergent things did Sam have a favorite actual like charity as far as like writing checks or it’s like you know what I really loved his puppies for four people or whatever Democrats
documentary though the recent one I just got to do about it or any documentary to make me go fuc Democrats it was a bubble of shitballs leg this whole thing as fuck that I guess I’m glad for it but anyways I just was like
dayjah is like like like he was a he was a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat he’s like look like we got to we got to make this tent in like like go straight for a ride he was a Hillary guy he’s he would he would have been a Pelosi guy / Elizabeth Warren guy maybe or what I when I was but but like, but he was around baby is what he is also a huge donor to a California hair Bears I feel like I’m suckling pig like I feel like I got so much of you say I just all I did was come to your truck off and just lick and suck and selfishly Preen a good guy tells me this and telling me that and I just I never anticipated that he would be somebody that I wear my favorite
times of my life was when you know before you and I were working and we would go to the rest again and we have an hour before class and you would go home to your crappy apartment in Los Feliz and Dan would write me a monologue and then write himself a monologue and I would learn it in the car on the way there and we will go in there and do it and Sam kept a lot of the amount of hours that Dan wrote like right before class and disseminated them to it like a lot of students and some of the best shitt you’ve ever written with stuff that you wrote last seconds for to go up there and do you know like a minute-long monologue of such as you go these classes they do this guy’s Essences I’m here to pick your pocket and suck your dick or something and you’d be like bought that specific and then you’re like okay what is that guy had to talk for a minute I’m here to pick you up at like writing for you or like writing monologues for you who you wrote with one for me
CIA guy that
it was like a big jump from train to train on top of it and kills people and just brags about how much he loves being in the CIA and killing people and you wrote that in like 5 minutes and it was years before Chuck I mean I was like amazing
I just did this of Sam bringing out people’s humanity and bringing out there at like absolute honesty and quality
somebody getting up in class and looking at their cars and people who wrote down in the guy yelling I’m not loud
or a woman going hard to handle fuck this class of walking outside right like people complaining about their own essence of and doing an impression of themselves like there’s just no way to replace them like you don’t know that car ride with Drew Carey like when I first met like that very early right when I knew him I was telling him about Sam’s class and he was driving because
I want to know who I am number one show and I don’t really know who I am and he took the class and he came to me and he goes because he sent everybody he knew that to Sam’s class because we think we know who we are there’s compliments we wish people would pay us but they don’t and there’s insults that we would people wouldn’t pay us but they do and you have to own a my favorite essence of Drew’s is doing the best I can with what I’ve got any brilliant at on Price is Right is because I get a new Andrew gives you a car it’s like this is fucking amazing
fire in the wind fuck me. What’s going on is gone now in so here’s what here’s my thing young people because there’s not going to be another scam and as we hear from these Hot Tamales stories actually Sam yeah if there was another Sam it wouldn’t take the same form because tomorrow is Sam if they were identical to last year’s Sam would be what the fuck that’s super racist like 8 I would say two young people like what I learned from this dude that I had the thankfully intersected with his is there a way and like Instagram and Twitter are not going to they’re not going to be offering this to you no one is going to tell you that this is important to explore yourself
warts and all
shame and all to pour hot scalding water
into yourself and see how low it goes it what Pockets it feels fake a like like ask yourself these questions what are you ashamed of what what do you think is is this is this thing that you refuse to hear about yourself I have somebody says this to you that’s a deal-breaker you’re going to walk away you’re going to someone said this to you you’re going to explode because oh my God that’s your holyshit everyone says that to me nobody’s ever said that to me because I’ve done such a good job of protecting it you you’ve got this time on Earth to like open your own hood in like going to that shit and like figure it out the clues that Sam turned us on to wear but I don’t know if kids these days ever passed notes like now that you guys grew up a cell phone so why would you ever pass a note I had a box full of letters from girls I had crushes on and vice-versa that Sam was able to tell me go home and look at all of them course I saved
his fucking notes from Gina and I was able to go holyshit she’s calling me capricious and aloof and interesting and organic and then it’s like slob weird lazy fucking nerds like Spike like I’m noticing like what happens when people fall in and out of love with you but you have your texts you can go back through them like what what do what do people say about here then you can like search yeah yeah I got to ask it what what what what do people say about you when they’re excited about you what do people say about you when they when they’re your biggest fan what it what it what do people say about you when they want to really hurt you what’s the worst thing that someone could say about you shit on a scarf and then return it is for this stuff then get out of the store as look up the synonyms for those adjectives make big lists of the things that people have said about you and then look at the synonyms for those things and
find words that spike your your rage your shame your silence your emotions and start asking yourself what if I had permission to be these things what if these things were the only point of me being around that make me a really good direction to go as a writer I thought of them in so many of our listeners like I think I just proportionate amount of my listeners are aspiring writers because I’ve knowed him into thinking I I I I’m a I’m a writer why am I stopped up forgetting I’m an amazing writer I’m so drunk I’m sorry how many people do you know a lot of people that have passed away but how many people do we eulogize this much and why are we doing it and I think like
I don’t want to make myself cry cuz I’m a crier but he was a Healer and how many people can you say that about bullet holes in the back of my jacket looks like they all represent 7 * that’s Sam
save my life like I wouldn’t be here it’s unfair that he’s gone and we’re here if that’s why you why that’s why I can’t that’s why I’m like scrambling the like what are we supposed to do what 40 year was supposed to pull when I got the call my first thought was I cannot imagine Sam not being on this planet that’s that was my feelings thought about it and never thought about it it was never something we’ve been talked about about that even being a possibility and he came to my workshop I teach singing workshops and he came to my workshop one night should I want to I really want to be a part of that and see what you do and the next Friday night when we got together he said it’s so interesting to me that without us ever talking about it that what you’re giving these people is very similar to what I do so that if somebody came in and said I want to play Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady
say do you really feel a connection with that character no I just like the songs that’s that’s not it you you have to find out how the world sees you that will tell you how your castable and that will help you maneuver through life so that people are receptive to you and you know he moved me every week of my life and I just I cannot haven’t yet been able to wrap my head around the loss of this man who is so dear
and on Wednesday I have to sing his funeral and it’s going to I mean it’s going to be very difficult
it’s Friday nights is you know it’s Sam
but how lucky we all are and blessed is what I feel the end of the day to have had this man touch our lives in the way he did
and you guys know about his buried gold
his Nazi gold to do so
yeah what was white Berry it then when it just let it be not to Golden what if I had
you got a bear you’re not to Gold All right well I guess I’ll just hang around what were you going to say lucky to have met him and maybe nobody in our live audience but lots of people have listening listening to us have met him or got to meet him but really he’s the reason why
I am where I am and he brought a lot of people together and he was a real artist just by sitting in a chair and asking simple questions and letting you be you it’s pretty it’s pretty crazy he would listen to you together shity is monologue of the world thinking come in and go like
ball
and he would just take it all anyway why’d you why’d you pick this piece that’s my favorite movie doing this monologue he’s like he’s being kind of a shit head when it don’t judge him don’t judge that was a big thing I learned from Sam as a writer like when I was doing community is like men and never judge the character how dare you assume that your character is being a piece of shit now the character is trying to accomplish something he’s got a Johnny greaseball what you trying to do I’m trying to convince and try to convince
what we have you ever tried to convince somebody of something my mom I had to get her to co-sign a car I bought like you had to get your mom to co-sign on a car loan how old are you to where it where you had to go to her kitchenette and it what was the wallpaper what did it look like it was yellow go
he would he would just you never knew when he was going to do that go and and you had the monologue memorized and you would memorize it as an actor like you what I always do it and then you go and you’re thinking about your mom’s wallpaper and try to convince your mom I like you just be like I’m Johnny Chris Paul
do you want to buy a bowling ball
Anna Akins almost invariably sometimes twice something to do it three times and every once in a while you get the sense of like this person needs another they need to mull this over most of the time it was like watching a chiropractor on a caveman just go do this and then you would go huge it completely differently in the room would be silent because you had nailed the Johnny greedfall monologue you would act her or not good actor bad actor who gives a shit you were sitting in a chair and he was like you memorized it now say it like you’re trying to convince somebody if that’s what the intention is that he was going to walk out of there going holy shit to tell the great story about Robert Duvall who works on network with and I did one of the Robert Duvall’s monologues from that he’s firing William Holden and
I did it again in a couple times and it went okay and I said Robert Duvall did that like how many takes was that was at like 10 and he does he did it once
that’s how good Robert Duvall was and what he did the prophet was that one called where he was somebody asked me to interview how do you how do you prepare for that like that and he goes I’m so good at this job doing it for so long I don’t really have to prepare I just want an alliance and I think of one thing is a great thing is Sam told me goodbye overcomplicate things he said I walk on the set and I just looked I just find something when I did that monologue I looked up and I said when I was a lot of lights up there
how do you say you’re an actor and then just one thing that makes you feel like a human being like one thing that puts you in the present moment not your your preparation or anything is and then he goes because I know that it’s there and that’s what Sam taught me is like you have all of the emotions right there like just let them happen you can do that and don’t don’t overthink things anyway we love you Sam trap you’ve been awful quiet
no Jesus it’s 10:10. Not what we’ve got like that mean what Sam would not but want to be remembered extra-long podcast
turn off MyKey no I mean I’ve been quite a lot because it doesn’t mean like so much to me and prove it and it’s it is hard to not talk to you about him without getting choked up so it’s so that’s why I’ve been quiet but no Sam Sam taught me a lot about just
believing in myself and who I was and and just being happy in my own skin
and that’s it
Define subduction harmontown thank you so much you guys.
Cody and Randy Howard
Bob Garrett thank you so much for being with us Rock Drive everybody
I’m Jeff Davis you’re crying comptroller Jan time has been your mare thank you all so much for coming we love you
Minister crap from Nick Cave and Brace your clients that the only thing of interest that you have tried fast to take care of his own
Jackie got to be