Episode: 90 – CyberChrist and Stubnortz

Episode

Episode: 90 – CyberChrist and Stubnortz

Description

Mayor Harmon has some qualms with Uber, we check in with Adam Goldberg and SuperEgo’s Matt Gourley settles a dispute during D&D.

Transcript

hello you beautiful friend
please welcome to the stage the mayor of Hermantown mr. Jack Hartmann
REI
is very different for the performer tonight different kinds of stuff lately what’s that Claire is like when it seems to be like a lot of the light that Quincy used to figure out how people got killed yet above me a chicken McNugget I’m fine with it and I’m sure I look great but it is it’s just it’s funny how the little things kind of throw you could take me to he’s got full control over every single bulb in the building when he won you want to know if he can you take us to a couple moods right now or not okay there’s this one right and that
I’m sure those of you listening at home understand that what we did was the old joke where there’s two things okay
light bulbs
Jeff just what I learned from last couple episodes is that what it’s called
help me help myself
so I need help with a couple things
help me with Facebook
here’s my here’s here’s here’s my dilemma I got lots of fucking problems with Facebook
so I have a Facebook account I have at this point I don’t know let’s just say 40 mm friends and putting air quotes around friends of course because what that really means is like fans who I consider friends better than most of my friends my Facebook page is I’d I never go to it and the inbox is just full of you know people going like I met you at such as Facebook’s actual usefulness kind of neutral it doesn’t really Facebook in the really useful for me so I never go to it and the syndrome continues so I’m just wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do it is a question you can’t really ask because without some kind of humblebrag
what would people that have the Ronald McDonald Ronald McDonald friend’s though and then there’s Ronald McDonald’s actual Facebook page I assume or he’s like a Grimace last night
here’s a picture of it and he’s like you know and it’s cool it’s fine cuz it’s like it’s only the Fry Guys in like Hamburglar like leaves a comment and a birdie birdie birdie like this and he likes everything
moonhead moon heads performing at the piano bar again Mack Mack Mack of desperation
what’s the dark chapter of McDonald’s otherwise rights in shining a delightful entertaining A Cavalcade of characters look more like a band would I need to do something I need I need I need someone to Facebook coach me I need it I need somebody to say here’s what you do take your existing account with your 48 million whatever’s you know did you convert that to make an announcement that it doesn’t like LA stand up so I can go through and I think sometimes they go like like you know what I’m going to change my Facebook account to a fan account and then all the friends you like fuck you and it’s it’s it’s it’s not exciting
I don’t know why I thought it would be I thought maybe a Facebook expert could come up and help me that would be amazing if you get several Facebook experts they’ll be quite happy to help you out to be Facebook expert
for me cuz I was always feel like notoriously single not have a girlfriend but Facebook the only receive a benefit that ever was what you could go look up a picture of a girl you saw last night you can type in her name and a couple triangulating put bits of information of a racial slur on her forehead and I’ve no I’ve no use for it now now I get in trouble I got in trouble a little bit not really a joke in trouble with my girlfriend because she was she loves space because she is from Scotland in touch with her friends and family for free that’s great I’m from here I am I see all the people I like I like three people from school and one of them coming on the show tonight and I was anyone else I really need to talk to you but because of you I’ve been playing Heyday Seattle game where you make a little farm
I just feel like Katie’s Farm everybody I know that I like the farm
that’s the fucking worst thing I want to know about my Facebook Hay Day paper trail
make red paper towel because I put a lot of fucking work if you want to help with your apple tree apple tree I don’t know that that means that it’s
I don’t know. Just an old man No Country for Old Men this internet down on it and the pictures always look at pictures of different
I like that movie that’s a good movie
you okay that’s fine that’s valid last second and last item in the segment that I need help with help me help myself but I came up with that it’s a it’s a take on help me help you from Jerry McDougal when you get an Uber a lot of my time is spent in Uber’s now over Uber cars is the compulsive insistence of the driver opening the door for you and it’s especially annoying because it truly slows you down there you pull up and okay we’re here at any second scrambling it just it happen
something someone’s telling people you have to open the door for them that’s what makes it not a cab I keep sometimes I have success by Garnett
but like you have to like a cert yourself you have to like deny someone something and if you don’t if you just go with the flow it’s the most ridiculous
a singer yo yo yogurt
not the one close by your house that you could have to get a ride I’m not driving back drunk on yogurt to Alice Burbank cops there waiting for you pull up and then it’s just as if I could help you help yourself on this one if you’re going to start taking Ubers everywhere and you and you’re going to you’re going to keep getting out of the back seat of a car yes they opened by a gentleman that you want me to own OK Google I kind of put my leg out
like a prop poodle high heel shoes with a goldfish alright my next segment is is called Starbound video game I’m playing
Starbound great great video game
you just learn how to help yourself you didn’t need us to help you on that one. I was just excited that you that you’ve already like you went from helplessness to completely activated on your way home and get my pretty quickly gave him pretty hard on that note pads it just wasn’t working I just doesn’t it if I have it I’m using a new kind of app that works with Evernote that my friend Kevin Day recommended to me it’s called ever memo
at all it does is it just lets you put in a memo and it puts it into Evernote for you so we can you give me an app that’s like a rope that I’m going to sell the home carrying around a little magnetic ball chain thing that you can make little shapes stuff and you were like you’re like a cute little like Savant baby got up at the reservoir
and nobody bothered you can bring your curling making it to buy looking weird looks like I could strangle you with it anyways I’m still looking at this is only one more thing on it I don’t like Southwest Airlines I don’t we went to sketchfest and I don’t like this first-come-first-serve seating thing I don’t like the weird combination between that and the year in section A we’re going to call I don’t I don’t I don’t get it I don’t want no one likes to get on an airplane nobody likes air travel leg that’s just really cramming into this little tube you might die I know that you’re more likely to die of the freeway but you’re also more likely to die by your own hand on the freeway like before you get decapitated and posed to be going like
or like Denzel Washington and they telling you the truth or not as the mass hole up there like sad apples all around you put your phone in airplane mode out of airplane mode the whole time science experiment for the plane doesn’t crash you can actually do then you can have the thing. But I don’t know what the fuck was bossing you around with everything a whole got knocked out by a duffel bag in 1938
we all have to listen to know the amount of time to put together that we’ve all had to listen to that fucking warning about how items made shifted what the fuck
have you ever seen a worried about that $50,000 lawsuit that I’ve been telling you what the item shipped and I just had just hate them I hate them I hate them
what what who’s Billy Mays die the baseball player
I can’t those waiting means I can’t see you I know it.
Oh yeah the cookie infomercial guy the ShamWow or whatever the hell that OxiClean
can you die from cocaine
I need not only did you do that Adam before you did and I think you would really like like like you were incredulous about mid rant yeah
am I at my my outrageous just numb
going to massage me with their hand and tell him angry about something again
I wish you all could have been up there for the show it a couple nights ago in San Francisco or a felon Jeremy came out on stage and then it went just straight-up breath of the guy that shooting into the documentary said like I hated that Eva girl that’s like you wouldn’t have if you saw her you would have hated the guy more visual experience you have a podcast on live shows where nobody really had a problem with her that I could let me maybe somebody did but as one that the audience instantly didn’t like that guy and it was it was it wasn’t wearing like a a KKK outfit like he was just say he was like a vast majority of people suddenly decided that they didn’t believe him
did not have been up there or whatever yeah I don’t know I think they all went had a drink with him at the moment somebody came up on stage and made it onto the stage that person has ceased to be one of them and became somebody that they wanted not up there at address pain can I take everybody knows a lot to the audience because the audience is sitting there thinking I paid $10 to I’d love to be on stage maybe maybe not but I’m not coming up there so what the fuck are you doing up there and you better make it good and I think people are less prone to feel that way when they’re listening to the podcast than when they’re sitting in the audience because they waited in line at cetera and the pheromones and visual body language that’s why that phenomenon of like in the early days was like Adam Goldberg do you love him or hate him
is he is he is he a Hamburglar a hero to the podcast for like and you’re just beautiful chopping carrots and he’s not fucking with that
taco Adams Adams
The Crowd Goes miles I love it
Capital Plaza fine it’s fine it’s a year-and-a-half I’m Reinventing this promise you know what is in the last year from I’m Reinventing not to derail a derailment but you made one little sound that was the sound of enjoying a show at you you’ve been for the last 10 minutes you go like my bravo Yes means I’ve been rooting for you for a long time
Robble Robble but yeah he did die from a he died because of a bunch of junk fell on him in an airplane that’s really the local Fox news says it’s do not Fox News the international why would say his his publicist want you to think that he was unpacking so I don’t know how it was a kilo of cocaine MythBusters should address that like how I like can you create a situation where a shift enough overhead compartment in the most important part is now let’s warn them for the Matrix if I know that
what kind of bullet time over my shoulder
the traveling what the fuck is it
10 doors they open like with gold wings or is it a is it a is it a critter from the
from the joke one guy got that was it that was a cool male laugh from the Rodger Corman classic animal give you blue ramp in the middle are okay so Adam how are you doing how are you got a g and optimization online stores actually sell things when they want to be important when people only go to one website to buy things are you passionate sex and like yes so you look at the things that happen when you Google fishing lures and you see and you do you what do you change websites
maybe the ones I have I don’t want to click do 15 different pages as opposed to like getting coffee for people and driving RVs badly which was the last year of my life movie which everyone I got fired from It 2 days after talking about being on it here and everyone got carbon monoxide poisoning because trailers are you still under investigation for that
police eliminated a possible suspect he seems a little short to be on the phone not going to do it and then I got fired in making the movie and then I was fired and then I was referred it was like continual panic attack so when you see a movie it’s not because they weren’t because one person was trying everyone else wasn’t
the guy that was trying to say to levels above my confidence which at the time and if it was meant hey Adam you’ve been in charge of the dollars before I don’t know I thought it was going to be a production manager I thought I was getting hired Associated do you want to do it
oh no I don’t know I don’t know you already taken your I got a feeling you ended up in a situation where you were over your head like like like like
you’re offered a high road at on November 8th
there is so many Pokemon now I can type the old one is like it used to be not very many Pokemon are very many Pokemon I want it to run a business now I got to hire somebody catch my Pokemon
Adam Goldberg
I have
I would have had more questions for him but we have we have a lot of talent in the show tonight too much not enough time entertainment for them they’re going to be coming up over the top is going to be a meniscus on the top of the show before they carry it to the you’re going to have to as gross as it is for your friends you’re going to have to split from the top of the other show before you give it to them we put more show on the stage because it’s just the one on top of the Kryptonian Tribunal
track my day look like they’re going to they’re going to send me to The Phantom Zone
reset Into The Phantom Zone I don’t know if it was the same thing in San Francisco
what have you wrought hey how’s it going, Dee food is a bombshell for Comedy Central the Meltdown which I know it’s great you can I say something again I’m going to be back there and I was like it is Adam Goldberg
can you even bring yourself to not do it like I’m going to go early said they probably hired him again to fire him
can you fire them from this
really we should be able to fire him but we can do not like I didn’t fire him enough
that dragons never is Adam Goldberg I died with a smile on my face but the problem is is over at him
remember the happy ending I did laugh at you set as your brain dies the set was among the sad things are that everything you’re referencing 38 I would say I was going I got everything in my brain that I used to make a point is now absolutely unknown to most of the people that are talking to the Saturday thing is as you just witnessed that 41 I couldn’t quite think of the word critters anymore
Embrace that just becomes 16 again
I think it was Miley Gaga
ironically it’s appropriate the only young hip reference
says he’s only getting old now it’s not a song about Community or something really great low-rent Leonard Cohen song I got I got it I got to talk on the phone and sent him like 80 paragraphs of Love lyrics areas about dropping coins and a half of them into a song
but I also I know I got jumped on the opportunity Aaron’s a big fan of the Ben Folds bigger bigger fan than me certainly a better fan than me and so I can a golden opportunity go to dinner with him and and I would say I don’t think it’s premature to say that that that we’re friends and that you invite yeah yeah yeah
the weird thing is I sick because I don’t want to overanalyze or suffocate this new relationship that I’m that is just
but I think that the fact that I know nothing about music and then and then he’s not a writer like is allowing us to be really pretentious with each other and text and seen you practicing your concerto and
and for good reason Warren Zevon
great references
charts right now
show me the man. I got you I like you I want to challenge you to see how obscure seventies eighties you can go if you got lung cancer and they were like you have like a couple months so he recorded his last album was called the wind knowing you was going to die neither is the last thing I’m going to make and it’s awesome it’s really funny and he has like a bunch of his friends on a Bruce Springsteen song is fucking grade wasn’t do it who’s the guy that
I think Ben Folds
it doesn’t relate to mortality
heat when he found out he was going to die he held a press conference and this is before Casino Royale came out and he said in his press conference I just want to live long enough to see the new Bond movie I hear they’re taking it in a New Direction
Casino Royale press conferences and some of my guys do you hear that press calls with Rodger Moore
Daniel Craig
I’m sorry, casting director
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out while a weight limit is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes how the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest filner do you spell nerd like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
speaking of bond Obsession clerk everybody
this is the worst intro of all time he’s already killed on stage and he hasn’t been on it yet he’s in seventh grade and he’s my dear friend
hi everybody I’m as big of Warren Zevon album for Christmas my God and you guys are back I’m back there and you’re talking about it I’m just going to put that your favorite Pokemon

by the way every single thing you talked about on stage at a list of things that I’ve been thinking about the Facebook thing fucking sucks Southwest Uber thing I all I hate that so hard to complain about a thing that a lot of people
planning our people opening too many doors for you
I I should I should I should have called this segment like things I can’t complain about blah blah blah but I wanted to change it up but but I mean fuck it back to it and then I’m going to complain about that five stars just for not talking to me I don’t make an effort and I don’t want to sound the sound from The Uber driver
Morkie dog fast before somebody else does Uber driver who was the young very handsome. I got a Tejas hahaha that is it is coming up with a hilarious new names every time every day there’s a lot of looks like Karen but I think they would prefer a car in like a good guy
cuz fuck everybody
I’m here
mr. he was like you have to give you that you have to give me five star last week my rating for enter deactivated made by rating was too long and he kept asking how you doing. Just asked me to do you expect me to talk just like you expect me to get you to your destination
but speaking of those thing is that it’s an app that’s not a cab you hit a button they come get you there like a drone you know like like and every time I go wrong address because this conversation with all the apps that are revolutionising capitalism they’re also like kind of I mean they’re a little unregulated it’s the Wild West
and those fucking their crazy shit happened with the fire departments like that Lyft New Year’s Eve had a bunch of people just ordered lifts and send them to where they fight over is is is the driver whose movement make no money and I don’t know if I like a teaser for a piece of that CNN and I didn’t get to see if I said there was a little high but I’m here
I’m always going to be here all day I’m never going to look at how are you
I don’t quite understand how calling you and verifying limo service work am your driver stubner do you spell it for me against double an alarm just like it’s a common spelling of Stephanie
no I didn’t we didn’t have that comes out to be an easy have a Guys open doors for us just one more thing people problems like there was an article about time somebody went undercover and did they went to at work when works at Amazon at one of their warehouse is all secondhand I I tell you I don’t read anything I get all my news from someone in the writers room and stuff and they were talking about this article is person goes undercover and works for a while at Amazon and it describes it as being like this insane orwellian prison where because the technology now allows them to track their workers with with
GPS an end end and hold them accountable to every second of their time like I would like to get 30 seconds to make this delivery like every second over 30 seconds comes out of your pay or something is stuff that makes you wonder how can this possibly be fair and I guess the answer is just because someone was telling me at Disney World or Disneyland I know a man who used to work for every employee and the theme park and so you but literally everyone that’s what they did in that movie
I stopped Coronavirus
call is a very small world
we were all in bed we’re all in trouble here for slavery right now I’m not doing it I don’t know how to get in so much trouble
I got 500 on the Underground Matterhorn
if a lot of people
what are Yetis receives I have for Mart
SMS throughout the ship
I will say this I change my Facebook profile to like a comedian profile emails me there anymore my wall is Fox Resort cuz your friends don’t even know but now it’s different it’s not like it’s weird it’s more like a thing that I can really just like a regular guy or you have your Clark Kent’s privacy settings down to only people that you say absolutely that you and you don’t have to let the entire world and I don’t know what to do with either cuz I did it and now I have to and I don’t know if the other one is an old version of me to bring someone else
I’m at to eliminate the neutrality of this thing that’s crazy stuff Aaron has a friend who is passionate about the stuff Eddie Gallagher I think it’s name is I got to start complaining about I don’t have to stop complaining about how how much it hurts to jerk off and on and how hard it is for me
responsibility
play sorry that we have we have jerk off question
why why is Fallout question why am I asking if you could ever complain about would be it would be how much it hurts to dig out the answer the question that you checked out so much I guess since I was like Sunday afternoon and you just like her more all right I’d like to see the rest
you said you were joking off into your laptop waterproof thing for your iPad
again it’s just it’s all hyperbolic language
no deal and why is Disneyland so it wasn’t just just so that you see like 35. So you like getting a thing like like you today that’s not good don’t you want to be higher than that like that kind of stuff you know are they voting for each other or no
comparing like the guy that sells the ostrich legs to the guy that’s running the the roller coaster have to go talk to the person I don’t even remember who it could have been a dreamer Wattpad
yeah and I do remember that they never liked a little number on your chest okay you can do better Jim LOL
we should have a segment of people I get corrected all the time I say five horribly erroneous things you should try doing a James Bond podcast those people do not let nothing go by James Bond it should not try doing it but I will say that represented the most social social platform has its own personality Tumblr is a is a very like a passionate young lady and a guy in a Vulcan costume who’s who’s playing 3D chess with it with some specific
Instagram is a cat my account is Quake leaks out so far is it to Lake like if I’m up here spouting nonsense and blah blah blah and I’m drunk and I go home and I sleep like a baby I got to look at Twitter and people correct me and it is your people who protect us historically from people like churches that are going to burn women it’s at the steak and things like that however the other side of that Dumb Starbucks thing there’s a Dumb Starbucks
it was eight pages of just a bunch of people not able to have fun with Google’s like the simplest thing in the world I don’t overlap well that’s not true they were making that point then that wouldn’t be a way to make that point where it is I don’t know if it’s Nathan for you or Banksy or where the fuck it is but somebody’s telling a joke so what he’s just putting them in front of Starbucks on with that but you definitely are never going to digestive enzymes that I bet Rivals Mario 3D World on the Gameboy Advance
I’m sorry we missed both if something is written in the tweets if the tone but brings the phenomenon of getting corrected on Twitter into real life
Northside request and stuff North so that we have to actually write a play in The Loft blue
is it okay if we can track down stuff by the way that’s happening sorry go ahead and Emily go Emily and I were hanging out she got an Uber driver he dropped her home he called her and then she texted me like I’m home the doors unlocked to me but she actually noticed and she said oh sorry not meant for you and he said no no I like
it is still at large women are found
I don’t know I like and he knows where she lives at the terror that is a bummer and in the very early days of uber there was some sexual harassment going on
rapes I’ve never seen an Uber driver with lasted of 4.5
how do I record what is a rap star rating these days
the way it works. I’m told is that if they drop below a 4.5 or the attic air out of the club where to put your foot in for a change of pace a drug driver coming to pick you up whose a little frightened that he might not satisfy you with your Driving Experience what’s this it’s the to welcome welcome but then you kind of overtime be kind of like what was Jesus Christ what is what I do I feel bad I never give anyone less than a v now I feel like that’s the new tip because I’m like
kind of was before but what am I doing who am I like they go to in my in my in my in my Simon Cowell. So I’m done talking that’s the second highest rating you can give them but well I know it’s a lot but if everyone else can give them that number they are they would be does it but I think I guess they figured that into their algorithm that people are going to tend to give you a five and then I guess like I would not want to give to someone that would get them fired well it’s not like I’ve never I’ve never under I have had horrible people wait on me and restaurants we all have we
I I’ve never crossed a threshold where I’m like use your dollar for your tip like I always just like I just go okay I seen too many goddamn monologues and Reservoir Dog how about you do that it’s part they get taxed and all this stuff and it’s hard for them and it’s not like I’m not going to carry that that relationship into Finance so I’m tipping you 20% even though you suck and I just hate you cuz you suck but here’s your 20% and then it becomes systematized let’s just say I like here’s your five stars you were 10 minutes late and the boy I’m I’m I’m really honest are about something I might like you you like we talked about before. You have a lot of instant crisis like like sensation when you’re talking what you dealing with strangers or even with the transaction that has to happen slumber party when I was when I went on that this is what this is my Stanley rectangle on the panel
yeah he bought the Submariner that’s that’s why he’s calling him the fish face
the name or
it is beautiful that’s the name of the guy I’m sorry continue can I leave actual Prince name
I’m at my house in Los Feliz I order an Uber it’s like ordering honey in a beehive there’s a lot of black cars in Los Feliz is a lot of limo drivers living in my neighborhood and and when and if one of them’s bad he’s not only my neighbor but he’s bad and I can’t I’m stuck in a horrible position of your credit card information and send it to me before that I don’t think he’s going to nice my dog or steal money for my trip electronically I don’t think it’s like hackers or something I’m just saying like I can’t socially I can’t I’m going to see him again yeah. Does he know that I gave you know his life
2.5 Disney thing again. This is one of the one of them
if you’re if you’re afraid of listening at the air podcast land and you don’t know what Dumb Starbucks is and your city is not big enough to have Uber and and you don’t know who’s been Karina is I’m very sorry
but fuck you right where I’m at
when your carrots you little bitch
your fucking get over it to next week Michael who didn’t get any of the jokes and you just blew is mine
show me about that like a Todd Rick like just look at the camera show me people that were recommended you got to get you got to watch Rick and Morty but you got to get high get high and then we did this episode where is dead cell from another timeline in the backyard to do you stars look on down from the bridge is playing as his MOS shot of him walking through the house observing a life that does not belong to him but that no one will ever notice that he’s really going to go get high when you want this show man
my friends doing okay it’s going to be fucked up I don’t recommend you get high Todd Johnson I just look at it and look at the camera and it is just like ride that statistical. Johnson eating your peas are like him up forever I watch a lot of religious television tonight and there’s no exception included a woman named Marjorie out there and she has a type of lung cancer and I’m going to focus on her right now and he of course everybody out there is believing that
about that glass that they would pick up and and look through at McGuffey Lisa is on TV and it was like crossing the bridge or something like that, he would be like someone but they don’t even want to talk to these assholes you know.
I really I was listening to the radio the other day someone was it was a numerologist on that this is going to sort of reveal maybe how close-minded I got so angry listen to this guy
Save-A-Lot emulators outta me so much that is after I put crazy psychic the preying on people who are in moments of weakness position so if somebody ever tells me I’m not allowed to say that I have some accountability with someone last night you need to. I’m offended on some instant reaction is to go go fuck yourself you watching TV wrong take it so seriously I do care about what I’m putting out there and and and and if there is a responsibility
tell me the truck that seriously sounds like you know what I’m making a sitcom I can keep I can keep doing stuff the same way or I can pick us up cuz I see a huge profit at it because it’s something seems wrong with what’s being presented on television we’re shaping people’s brains as they’re watching it two days three year old is tomorrow’s 40 year old and they’re all watching TV and they’re all learning from it looks like you high road that when people are telling you what to do you want to you want to fall back on like sometimes like you have to take every one of the sentences at for what it is so I do this podcast am in the intro there was one time I had hiccups it was just a couple weeks ago it was a five-minute saying and I thought it was a funny thing to pick up that I just really really angry he got really really angry at me
is his responsibility to not have hiccups Vlog casting yourself until you’re done with the roast him out it’s fucking hiccups sound of a fingernail being clipped might cause them to that then I can’t wait to see a close-up of a fucking hypodermic needle go into a goddamn arm every single time and every TV show or a movie anytime there’s a remote I have to try after I vomit I can’t stand needles going into fingers being cut to
does that come up a lot. As well there’s that there’s that what are you doing it’s spreading like I can’t handle it but does a fat cat look like every movie I know it’s coming I’m conditioned to know it’s coming and I going to cover my eyes like a baby when you give love to you dying I turn my head and I start to sweat and I go by I and the nurse is always go are you okay because I’m having plasma sucked out of my body out of my body
I I don’t I don’t like going to the doctor I don’t want to be Jim Henson I don’t want to die so I force myself to go but I I know he he he didn’t go you didn’t go like if I if I if I if I didn’t know that that was possible to die from not fucking going to be like super cold or whatever but I go and they they they fucking cuff and that’s why do they take your blood pressure they inflate that come until the walls of your artery collapse
and then they measure the amount to flow back through your own arm and they recorded dinosaur number
we’re like yeah I always have very low blood pressure like taking my blood pressure makes me think I’m going to die I start sweating it go are you all right I go just do it just do it and get off on the fuck
they love doing it like it would be so easy to torture me
you can Torture Me by making me feel better about you
blueprints to the White House don’t take my blood pressure I can only get through by pretending in my head I imagine in my head that precisely that that I’m being interrogated by an enemy like that. There isn’t it. There is like an Empire that I’m part of a rebellion and they’re trying to get me to tell them Todd Johnson don’t get high for this podcast right now
I have to imagine in my head that I’m somehow that if I just don’t
yell out I give up at end of run that I’m a hero I have to like reduce it to that like stuff so that I can make it through the afternoon on a Razor’s Edge
fluid siphoned out of my body through a tube by a bureaucrat
so it can be sent to a lab that’s me that’s mine
not anymore
you know it’s safe and it out of your body I know I love to watch it I know I know this about him – is my favorite word is not typing is more videos
he loves giving but I also watch the right it’s so weird that when you when I when it happens I have to watch it cuz it’s so fucking crazy baby I also like I love how it’s made and how they do it and then it shows how they make those needles and stuff it’s awesome but you have to look at it as I lay there and they’re in there like are you all right I’m like I know the last half of that statement is are you opposed to be like the answer is yes about this if you’d give YouTube you tell me what I can’t write in my TV show I’ll fucking tell you to fuck off I’m strong that way
people don’t even take his clothes off at the end of the show and I she talked to me after the show lady that gave the anesthetize me for my endoscopic you guys weren’t as impressed by that I don’t know about first actual procedure. I’ve never been knocked out
specific to me no more aspirin and I was going under and they put me on anesthesia and it wasn’t the medical process I was afraid of I was in a hospital where I didn’t trust them with while I was under something went wrong Like An Earthquake the way in her bed going
another patient another patient difference between these places in a d m v there is no difference
add two years to the lady at the DMV and did tell me that if my heart stops during my endoscopic
Forum on the tube you have to sign all the stuff because it sounds like you’re saying that your loved ones can’t do them when you die that’s why I didn’t bring the hospital bring passed out during an earthquake is the safest place to be no I don’t know unless you have insurance
get your surgery done in Orange County otherwise don’t go there cuz I was in a hospital in Torrance and it just felt like I was going to die at the hospital felt sick like
Othello’s don’t hold up to no earthquake man bro Big Damn
there were no doctors zombies in Walking Dead when he wakes up in the hospital with a stethoscope going to go ahead all four of my wisdom teeth taken out the country as I give me all you gotta go ahead I knew that one of them was really packed in the list I don’t wear it like certain kinds of clothes to wear tight clothes and where’s that because it might have to move around a little bit to get some sort of hammerlock to get the shit out and so I woke up the assistant this woman was in there and I said that
and she was like it was it was like it was hammer and tongs man I was like it was she showed me my teeth on her necklace
Turkish World War II Soldier comes out of the Shadows is wearing your teeth as long as I was laying sideways of that when did they really have to get in there with some fucking byzantines yet I fucking really this is not a joke I had defensive wounds on my wrist and my belt was off
okay one of those. We are a whole lot I think it was a point I guess you really like suck your dick the fucking heavy artillery and the only way to make a tooth in that many pieces is to get in there was just absolutely like oh man I didn’t even tell me
you’re so old you’re 18 now that you’re 30 you six or seven or eight whenever I was you have two for one it’s right up to the edge of the sinus what was the very thin thin bone the boys about this I did like the sound of this but he was like it’s possible that when I take it out it might prefer it to be on there that might be a little tiny hole in there if it isn’t he allowed to take longer to heal their teeth and do some paperwork on if it happens probably want and you’re you’re healthy enough to the bottle regenerate take a month if it does happen but don’t worry about it too much so I get home every sort of medication I was just absolutely shitcan turn on whatever they had given me and my friend drove me home and I’m reading my paper work on changing the the gauze and I get some like some broth or whatever I’m meeting for my first meal and
do not let us switch your mouth or anything and so I kind of lean forward and I had a mouth full of soot and I lean forward and my soup came out of my nose
the top of my mouth
picture of the guy that can blow air out his eyeballs anymore sound that would wipe you how I remember that
can’t do it now. I would have thought about that if I had a chance from us
any more involuntary shit that I should know about no breathing
did you do with your mouth wide open as possible what is that look like
First Act of speed
show me the scanner Vendetta against you is rigged your head
the fact that I have I have went what are consistent with defense was on my forearms from whatever fucking Christ has went down in your office is going to be the bad guy. I think he was next but mine’s not important I defy see you when I go out it was like yeah.

Skip. It’s party continued I need I need I need to clear something up when you sneeze and turn it into a yell at sounds like there’s no chew yeah it sounds really awesome like you’re at like a Super Saiyan or something else why did why do you know that because I’ve done it before it’s really funny because nothing is so monotonous if you’re just doing it the same way oh yeah I know I know if you really just stand in a field and let it go quick for something
you sound like a polar bear I almost always like that
don’t look it up
I’m interested but I just feel like I was definitely not true your sweat glands with what’s the difference between that and stifling a sneeze
Spencer house a house a house wife at home I just got back I saw my cat again it was nice while we were at sketchfest I got Jackson to feed him dinner I don’t know I just I mean I took all the guesswork out of it I am measured out the food and put them in bags and tape them above the cat pole and then I labeled them with times and dates because I bet you ten bucks an hour before your flight came back empty bag time. I mean she was still alive so I’m good
I mean I don’t fly none
did Apple I worked at a small bookstore and occasionally like two or three times a year I’d go and fly out to a book conferences with your kind of like, Khan’s just for ran ran the books it was a chance to see a big bookstore
yeah when people dress up as their favorite but the actual book the store small
yeah and short stories all right
super cheap because it be like Publishers trying to get down there stocks and I just go and buy like several booths and I had to you know get them all packed up and shipped back to the main office is in Bensalem for profit at your smoked meat I’m sure if I did it for long enough there would be and then but I think they’re all enemies it’s like you know Pawn Stars where is just a bunch of trashy people selling garbage and they’re just elbowing each other for like a porcelain duck but I mean I it’s if you’re if you’re making a living off of selling like reclaim stuff I don’t know I don’t know I don’t I don’t love Pawn Stars because I need like that
play the big bad guy and it’s really not adding value to anything I don’t think I’m sure I’m wrong but I mean you could be like a building the bridge is it supposed to be on your TV channel guide thing I’ve never watched it is it supposed to be I just realizing that was supposed to be a play I can form Stars yet stance on industry I think every single performance
Bright Stars
are they still just amateur porn star yeah and then you’re a pornstar it’s like an extra layer of the extras a joke you said it was an ominous miss that vet that the treatment of the truth can be ominous
are there are there are no small parts in in pornos call people
I talked to what 2 is it would notice that it’s always the it’s always the best boy or the key grip that has a funny nickname in the credits like fuck you and I keep the Terminator the fuck you better than what I thought it was kind of funny I can’t listen to it clearly I think it’s great that the best boy should have a funny nick then next up north and also I listen to hear me stop North
weather for tonight in your Chrysler LeBaron and drive to me
oh God he’s like the fucking golden ticket of Uber drivers now and I’ll take a picture I wish I had a screen grab all that all the Uber drivers now and I’m not going to want to get on the ferry that are jetting around in Uber’s I followed this weird Tumblr the other day called and Englishmen is anybody heard of this okay so it’s just a bunch of Tweedy like Rodger more Englishmen and I think it’s called and Englishmen because it won’t be every 3 days those are being naked black lady and I think what they mean is like
naked black lady oh and Englishmen every couple of days with me again when you really find out yeah you learn some about you talking about, Rhode Island
does a praetor account called at Coffee dad you guys follow it’s a God damn it it’s it was it was just a guy holding coffee older man and I know it’s the right and then every time I close my eyes I smell your hair I miss you my son
Dana Gould being funny on Twitter or
funny but it’s amazing what some ground work everyday for like a payoff for so few people how how is that discovered I don’t know you got to stick with that for 3 months 3 months and everyone has one for sale for you for that first 3 months it’s just like hashtag having space coffees like I said he’s a middle-aged guy doesn’t know what Twitter is in just likes coffee a whole bunch it’s kind of amusing
I do like that a guy named Kumail nanjiani is making fun of people for having weird names for an hour the hunter has become The Hunted
Loosely translates to stop North
my biggest or there’s no translation for impossible try to do it like a mild impression of them not to like my grammar because I’m so good an impression but you just try to kind of do the voice I wish I could hear your voice and see if your voice as the life of me I can’t get can’t get anywhere close on diamond doing it way wrong and it’s expensive
it’s not offensive. I just can’t get the boy that I can’t quite the practice so I can start emailing for what’s a good with anything that I can’t, I can’t. I can’t do something, by Punjab
I could talk like that and never stop.
Last time on harmontown the party was in Dire Straits by their very schools and in the clutches of a crap at the mysterious Rites of telling Barna they begin the proceedings by shouting and asking for the guilty party to reveal themselves came forward confusing and bewildering all cork struggled against his chains and managed to sever his ties but that only begin a countdown to the total eradication of his very soul of the bed I keep saying very souls in this thing in their muscle on a death timer skate the rights of Pelham Barn their own Collective death-wish which death Collective death-wish
find out blah blah on the next blah blah blah
you guys hungry I could really go for a nice Collective
table top of the show bottom of the DND top of the DND show notes cork you’re still about 10 minutes from dying Sharpie you’re a chain cloud of gas is the cloud of gas he turned into one on accident
nope but was it somebody else hexed him or he is trying to get out of our bodies I ripped it out and sever the thing and then they’re kind of just retreating in my body like a fuse and I’ve got about 10 minutes or so before coming probably one of my guy ending happens
so what are ya you guys are all in this all up in this you know broken did Church surrounded by all these hooded Undead dude there’s the bone stages you know Ahmad and 2nd or second tour speaks since the accused has already made a mockery of our law of course this means that our special Pierce persecutor in return bring out the special defendant
special defendant hi I’m skeleton Gary and I will fight for you
the law firm of Arrow
Beamer palandjian Shapiro
is my ribcage when you’re buying me drinks in the beer is flowing through it because we’ve won our case let’s fight for you
this is great
yes yes he is I will convene a brief recess if you want to catch him up on any trial note sir anything that you might want to know
disclose to me would be if I have an evil demon inside of me check I am a I’m a short Barbarian no matter who I have 10 minutes to live yeah right and the threat
how can I talk about your character
really I mean come on
I perceived a threat when this guy we know and he said well I’m not eating your face I thought that was I thought that was a threat I see I thought that I thought that meant that if we stepped over the line I thought that was him saying I’ll eat your face if you if you if I don’t if I stopped like that we got off on the wrong foot with things are bad if you cross the line he’s going to sign of the cross the line
preemptively in self-defense will handle
how to draw those kinds of why we leave that fucking discussion I got 10 minutes to live
that’s why we’re here that’s what you would tell a big misunderstanding didn’t mean to kill the whole village
play overtures as he got mad or time and time again extended it was announced that we were bad people and that’s why we’re still Shackled
I don’t want to worry you is my first case I was a boat repairman for I don’t know 20 years and
what is a hobby I’m a hobbyist lawyer but go team we’re going to do this you’re fired why did my boats would think LOL don’t think this recess is over a recess is over recess is over three bone stage is it one at a time
we shall proceed now special persecutor whenever whenever every time from the audience it’s like an old cartoon when I was a kid I knew what it was anyway
whenever he addresses this the circle of hooded figures kind of standing around you guys remember how we all came together to Stave off the dark Admirals demonic Sorcerers as well as how you rallied with me to break the siege of the frost Giants and their necromantic King today we Face a similar challenge in recovering from the artist disaster I scarcely need to mention the hundred of lost lives but despite those most giving of ribs who devoted eternity to staving off the inevitable Decay I tell you we will rally again and we will carry on but not if we allow these Maniacs to continue their Rampage you stand before the four culprits of the destruction of the Artisan Xanax in the murder of our most valued Craftsman and we will have vengeance
the Ring of hooded bodies hisses and stamps their feet bones rattling and rage
Model United Nations before but it’s all right with his Palace at The Artisans or whatever of the cross-examination we got this okay
the cross-examination shall begin shortly I mean now all right I did a fence would like to call to the stand core please hello how are you feeling today I am I doing your accent I don’t know I feel like shit I did I down to my chest that you have it first of all we have a medical expediency that we need to make sure is is is in
no just a judge exactly all right we haven’t used that word so much and and consider that now thank you very much thank you I’d like to call to the stand Sharpie right now you say you’re a big ball of gas that wouldn’t mean anything joking this way you are now in the recent past
someone who takes a comment or a threat seriously and if they do them
Red Barn bar
he’s trying to help you yeah but I mean I guess what I mean
do you are now physically a ball of gas and you wanted the time is it not true that when you go through some sort of transformation you get like when you’re drunk you become your true self you you have now turned into what is Central your ass isn’t that the Wagga Jester just someone who has a good laugh I am an alcoholic and I have a problem with authority
if that’s what you’re asking
judge sentenced in individual years a whole can we can we cast aside all right
Chris I create the scene Christie Berg hey Kristen what the fuck is going on here. Here’s what happened since I liked and and I have literally been fighting them for the last few hours in an effort to get them to stop killing all the artists how did how did the castle fall down
isn’t there a castle we killed Admiral Dark Star because he had it coming everybody agrees, Yeah Yeah Yeahs killed all the Artisans let me rephrase that instead of everyone being dead because of the good we did all the Artisans or dad
desert that the greater than the needs of the few and I think that’s what we have here if you fail to appreciate that you might as well do justice animals might be as dead as you would be as if Dark Star was a lie
gas everywhere I don’t know what the fuck and then fighting each other all right, can I say I am not maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy right
alright alright alright alright
yes what the three of them
all right I’m going to invoke a little-known codicil of the legal book called the cans of course the house phone which it’s not the house owner or occupant or visited full can you prove any intent to kill at at at work this is involuntary manslaughter not artist murder
and look at these faces first let’s start over there look at that face
look at that look at that salt and pepper beard the Sweet Disposition the very fear of having blood drawn your prisoner whole all right
let’s take a look at Chris de Burgh look at that face
this is an artist killer with a man who had killed Artisans he was a big brawling mannion. Do you think it is Harry was a punk rocker that was an artisan killer look at this listen to him speak say the word it’s so sweet now we have we have a limited time over here he’s sick leave if you’re not going
you want to do this at this face now there are three of you there are three of them and what I asked you is that if if all of you are going to find them guilty you have to find all three of them guilty but all three of you must find one innocent little lamb among these three and if there’s one certainly there could be three
you don’t even let them leave but I will tell you this if you let them go they will bring you back the head of the of the marsh Minotaur
shut up or go with me
where is our next Monday yes
I need the score of the of the flea market Hills
going in there every Sunday when they had that little farmer’s market and taking the Cochise is in the Artisan Breads and he’s taking it for the sake of the poor peasants they need to be rid of him if you see it in your heart to let these freaks they will bring you the head of the Marshall Minotaur that is going to send him into the pits of skull dog
show me images of sex caverns of Jeremy died
I’m not jumping I rest my case no further questions attic attic
potable water
so I don’t the bone stages they deliberate they deliberate they the grumbling grown and talk to each other for a while. Cheese’s he is on our side
well you guys have made really good points I’m actually quite astonished you came up with the possessions and all sorts of reasons why they might not totally have been in their right minds and it seems like did you mention that they killed Admiral Darkstar you serious about that as a great service to the land even when they have couldn’t do that name is a pussywillow he’s been pretty busy and he can go screw
I got to admit when he came in here histon and yelling I was I was pretty perturbed by that whole thing yeah he’s a little bit of a fuck face I was surprised when he brought us in it was it was it was it was actually impressed that he belongs to you as a people and it didn’t it didn’t match I mean he’s a still a great warrior and a hero to our people and if we don’t
well then that settles that bring out the Beast of Burden telling varnish L something resembling a a large maybe like a like a cow size six legged pillbug like a pillbug trundles into the church only that the skin tag
that’s what’s happening kernels into the stands in front of you guys before you see his head kind of head flesh it feels back and reveals a sprained skull
in the shadows and it falls dead is over with the shackles banish Jesus
what does a different directions the skeleton justice system it’s better to let one man go fries and not have 10 potato boxes at skull shattered. Oh my God you shall you shall take care of the marshment are okay or do you not see the Beast of Burden just now we did make a promise not negotiable think when you started that you had you had What it Took but you really are
do you love each other Larry did you making up the marshmallow Tower the real thing is fearsome will you get my bill
skeleton lawyer closer
55293 outside for you
I can do it for you
Gianni
take you out and once again everybody here and there is no more time for your mayor haven’t happened to Dan Hartman
Aaron will be back next week I love you Erin sorry you’re not here

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