Episode: 145 – Swastika Made Of Dicks

Episode

Episode: 145 – Swastika Made Of Dicks

Description

Mayor Harmon’s neighbor posts an elitist sign in their neighborhood and he loses it. There’s rants, bits, baby talk, Shadownrun. Spencer, Curtis, Erin and DeMorge. Become a member and watch the video at Harmontown.com!

Transcript

did I hear you
what do you tell me I heard of you
Hollywood California Meltdown Comics harmontown is now in the section
please welcome to the stage the mayor of Hermantown
thank you don’t know how to smile so my block who has a beautiful like varnished wood enclosure for their garbage cans and it’s like all like beautifully like this beautiful wood thing
I got a bad feeling about that like you’re a bad person and garbage containers before he allows them to be put out in the street garbage can Hutch you know some people do homeless people are raccoons City about it and she said like what may be the dad of that family like loves his kids and wanted to show him like woodworking or something
so is everything Aaron says to me is always like a subtle Barb about how much Minecraft on playing
is it like they’re probably great like she does even know she’s doing it anymore but anyways so check out some kind of answer I don’t know
no idea there could be a movie about it was starring Will Smith called like three garbage can you compost there’s no bin for where you go when when you got no hope
and if you have a do you have a working title for that movie it’s 3 p.m. right and she is wrong because I was walking past it again today so here’s the wooden enclosure with the bins in it said the whole thing closed off the street was it open a trash truck and come in with a robotic arm goes out there to be going to the day when I got lucky and like I’m going to have that at fellas I have no idea to put that much effort and aesthetic appeal into something that was also just an abstraction like a Civic disobedience
facade of their hum to be sullied by a I’ve already given this person the benefit of the doubt it they might have cancer
yes obviously thought it look good if only there was a way to find out if they were a douchebag if only there was some other. There where you can draw
we learn in space could be the center of anything but it’s not until there’s another doctor that you can go do
what is three feet from their wooden garbage cubby in their city of Zen gravel that is different from everyone else who just has Los Angeles distributed grass a little this is where I wish you do in the future we’ll have if I could be like trying to curse and I can throw up a feed I took a took a took a photo but we did scooting you guys and it only including these assholes to pay money for feed but they paid twice as much as you do each week you guys paid $5 to put a photo in after we’re done tonight and put this in for that was store-bought like it’s plastic and it’s a it’s an it’s a image about this big I’m holding up my hands
I hope that’s what it is is is
tired of tired of worrying about it
I don’t know if my I don’t know if my first hand is at the bait store at The Chainsmokers
all right I’m on 42 I give up when does stud mean
no changes so it’s just it’s just it’s this small little plastic sheet flat two-dimensional like like this is a flat thing is that a sculpture it’s like a it’s like a plastic plastic kind of plastic like a something glow-in-the-dark frisbee would be made out of plastic door and it’s a it’s a it’s a outline of a dog squatting to poop
underneath the the dog squatting and it’s got a little post you can stick it somewhere so this was made by some asshole and put on a rack for assholes at an ass-whole store and this asshole bought it and it’s designed to do this to stick in areas and so it’s a dog pooping and underneath it says
Translate
the city of Los Angeles has seen fit to gather together and Implement leash laws and and doggie doo lies what’s good for the
this is not good for the gander my area outside my home is so fucking special that in front of the pile of plastic bag and then if you don’t have your dog on a leash the police can come and yell at you and give you a ticket we have seen to this as a state and city of animal lovers but in spite of all of that this person would like you if your dog decides to start relieving itself near their beautiful home yank that little fucker down to the next fuckfaces house I let him shit in the inferior persons lot because they don’t like shit ever touching their legs and gravel
what does Pick n Save got signs everywhere we don’t we don’t live in a world where there is no law so you have to put a sign if you do not like dogs. We love it we all love George chips
is what you’re saying to me but I buy exclusion I have a sign over my head with a judge sitting on it that says yes
it’s your special cuz your garbage is in a fucking a log cabin
to get enough money to get in the helicopter get the fuck away from everywhere cuz where did you just took this dictated in the Jets motherfuker you’re damaging the part II by the owner is legally compelled to scoop it up and do a fucking hot bag and put it into their stoecklein pocket Jerry Bruckheimer have to probably does
we are country and just about to make you an equal plastic sign a picture of you, what have you and pooping in your mouth
Maybe
no because because the alternative is going to scar my dog’s memory three things I going to have emotional
we just finished successfully Aaron just finished successfully potty training our new grief. And like
the day your dog like like a little puppy goes out the doggie door and he goes you watch him and make it outside you don’t like the idea of taking a walk with my dog and like he would stop in that forbidden zone and then I would be like well that this person would have me like feel bad that my dog shows there instead of the eight feet away is that bad person they made that garbage Hutch for bad reasons
they probably I’ll tell you now I’m comfortable saying because of that little dogs hide the reason for the garbage is because they think they see like the skeksi that come and pick through the garbage they don’t like what’s that guy doing down there
try not to Panhandle that guys like like picking through your shit in like pulling out aluminum cans from
garbage
I told you to remember my neighbor we got what we called them at Nick’s because he was actually trying to be kind of a fun guy was always like he came over what time is it by the way the children play
methylated I’m not making that up he said when the light is on The Children Play I like to steal the stun light
sunlight brings the children’s Joy five of the ethnics see you like this was his Idol. He was he was a naughty boy
I actually like that brings the races out in me when leg leg like it I would when racist people are like proud of their race and I’m like
anyways I would love to go and I also hate to go inside their home because you know there will be lots of lots of rules but they end up man yeah I told to be the housekeeper and stuff like that and a passive aggressive notes that, that’s is that still a thing passive aggressive notes at the office or an apartment building so people that leave I’ve been one of these people I think we all have his part of the appeal of his because Grody part of you that one time in your life at some point you’ve left like a weird long note to Strangers Like a roommate like kind of like just laying in a weird time in your life you haven’t learned
shame yet are you notes
clothes from the dryer
I’m a firm believer that like I’ll get out of my car and looked and if I can use like less space I’ll back it up to the very edge of the curb like I use all the space I can one time I didn’t and I got a note that was clearly a a copy like this person had a stack of those notes goes around here and I kind of did I like the idea of standing between you and happiness is other people is ugly like is like something that all the assholes that never have to interact with you because they paid enough money that I have to They’re laughing all the way
the bank well you and I are sitting there going like could you play
they’ve got to train the police ourselves will the cops have a guy I don’t know where he lives I do know about 2 years ago I just kept hearing strange hours of the night and the day distance clarinet noodling somebody’s got a clarinet and visit klezmer Eli kind of Fiddler on the Roof Eli Cruz.
who do the lights at look for my street light on my street and I would see a figure like a Sasquatch
so now what he’s done his he’s taken up in a red SUV and he parks on my street every 3 days would I take to go to being he has ever streets he goes to his shit
he’s scattering that out and spreading it out and I’ve always heard it in a
he parked right behind my office window at my place and my guess is he has a wife or a roommate or something like that is older guy with gray hair has awesome like Steven Tyler ribbons in the daylight I’ve seen him in the daylight being reflection off the glass image of them and hold you
what if you what if you took a picture and it was like there’s our affection that you took it to like a detective and he’s like in his head like futuristic like microchips on it or something he’s certain that mythological you you pick me up in your clarinet player or buying am I going mad for the jogger came up and completely just gave him shit I think it lives nearby, like way around a job that to him. I live way across town
I lived in a white my first one bedroom apartment in Hollywood the guy right next to come pick him up when you’re ready to go eat for or teach physics
I don’t want to get all PJ O’Rourke about it I’m not going to assume he was on the Dole but but but but
but it seems to me from like I pissed for a year I listen to him and he was he was an amazing voice he was like an opera singer and every once in awhile to get somebody over there was obviously had fallen for some kind of singing with something like teaching people Is Amazing by voice I get was like I kind of like I would shoot it out and yell at the handicap van cuz they were late he had the perfect guy at least a year went by but I live in that place is like that guy’s does that is all
South Pacific and stuff I can just here like weird like snatches of South Pacific and then one day just like up from upstairs of the 6-unit building it just like like after like 20 minutes of Hitler
after a year of the says I like all of a sudden upstairs you just hear list of Mike Myers reference fat bad but I remember the guise of you fat bastard and he had a Scottish accent and lived upstairs and the guy just immediately went silent and I never heard of again is a fat bastard any but anyhow I guess he’s like I just want to say this but guess what do you live with other people climb climb climb for the stoop to tube of the Tuesday night she does this and then Wednesday night he vacuums and this guy it’s called living with other people it’s like it’s a thing that they have done to us as part of a class system when you’re poor you share property with other people that you don’t even own so
what would be a really dangerous thing that happened in that case is everybody getting a call them Apartments think about it
and everyone just sits there for 30 years of their life going like a trying to act like their goal is to turn their life into like like like Hugh Hefner’s life even though they’re still living in a fucking building that they share with a bunch of poor people inside cuz we’re still trained to hate each other for being course you can look closer person in your family like like Firehouse motherfuker like which is what we all want to do we all can’t wait till I get behind some big gate with a heart-to-heart logo on it and just like sit up there and fuck it like abducting women and keeping them prisoner at night at building Cedar enclosures for your trash cans
play some in the guy that stomping above you that’s that’s it that’s is this is this is as much this that’s it this is this is this is your family this is your life you have to love it I’m just saying like like like like by the time you don’t have it anymore you’re you’re you’re going to be powerless against it late late you’re going to be powerless against anything that actually makes you unhappy which is the more it is collecting your friend he lives by himself this is a special get-off-my-lawn episode of harmontown
Aaron and I were talking about dicks of the way over here and because there’s a guy in England who’s drawing dicks next to potholes and then clothes get filled because in England like I guess like a penis on the street is like they’re like oh well you probably have to at least you at least it would have to be like a swastika made of dicks
vice versa are instead of Dex and I said
when it really is you really are they really are far removed is like the doodling in this is anything’s a dick and then there’s that urge to you know like assemble the Rhineland and Conquer All of humanity
I like Hitler was it like
I challenge
certain if you Google right now so I think I may have dicks or whatever just images of that
is our friend here by her friends here
well I had a Curtis said he was coming tonight is why I’m asking do we have Curtis in the house no Curtis
sorry everybody around 9 the lights deferred my wife basketball team tonight
belief in which is designed by where is Hannah’s not usually she’s in the front row and enhance our longtime Armenian a graphic designer design t-shirts and she’s also doing the illustration for Emily Gordon’s book like I’m just putting a string around my finger we should have Emily Gordon on the show we should a long time ago I think it was a victim of of like how close she is to the because it was literally her idea for me to do the podcasts like like she she suggested as I so whenever I see her in the email she’s always just going like you have any names for the guest list that I just like to think of never thinking I go Emily Gordon would be like next week in Portland maybe she will be to Steve leaving are you here Andy Kindler on your list PJ O’Rourke
I’m going to start doing like a regular package having Steve leaving the place look what are the funniest days of my life is that guy is so bloody fucking funny I thought for some reason he likes the Lakers are used to I sent an estimate is girlfriend’s apartment up in the valley like many many years ago she I watched him watch a Laker game and it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life because he’s a stand-up comic who was just giving a licorice it is as he’s he’s tremendously funny is it is an l a treasure is funnier than any any new stand-up he’s like, start in the old days when there was a thing called a holding deals and development
$500,000 to go don’t go to ABC you work for CBS and we’re going to put you on the show and if we don’t you still could have a million dollars so the big back when every comment was getting shows like you and Drew Carey’s look like that way after that he was going to show digby’s what is a comedy club I think that’s gone now and on the west side and they told him do your set do not go off script is all the top brass all the big companies and networks are going to be at your show and you going to go to ask me to just do your thing and he made a reference that someone goes like I didn’t get the reference and he never got back to the material and absolutely crucified the entire audience
because they were Westside tight asses and didn’t fucking take it the right way and he just laid it on them and then you can just type in and ask me what what that means I need to see you at a concert and then he did 40 minutes
the crowd was it was abject silence except for the 7, it’s in the back of the river with losing our minds
are you still at you know you guys are up the phrase Comics, kamini really is like somehow by me saying is he jokes about it all the time but I think it’s notable about his career in heavy air quotes around the word success very heavy are quotes because that’s the point of his existence has proven out as I stay at a glance success eludes him slightly as in he hasn’t had a shity sitcom yet he hasn’t he hasn’t like he hasn’t embarrassed himself grappling for an attempt to be one of those household I don’t know if it’s because of I don’t know if that’s if it’s his own choice I don’t know if he’s if he sabotages himself I don’t know if unconsciously that’s nobility or if they’re just happy coincidence that he’s I don’t know if he’s like if it never if the opportunity ever comes to him
like he’s just he’s so funny how you do a thing about the Just for Laughs in Montreal or he would do a giant giant show called the state of the industry address and he would just talk about what’s being picked up and what’s not. I just I think there’s always the center to I’m always talking about like I hate this like institutionalize comedy concert but, he’s very popular now she is like and I’m sorry I’m going to slit my own throat by saying sometimes when I’ve see ads for Jimmy Fallon with a with a with a with a politician who’s going to come out and play tug-of-war with him like how did how do I even know what we’re doing is going to be hosted by people such as Andy Kindler and Jeremy Kramer grapefruit speed like I always be separate from politics should always be profane it should always be the other things it should because otherwise you cannot guarantee that it’s funny and you killed that is funny as a
could be and you cannot like I’m always like ranting about this behind closed doors I feel like it’s actually the career suicide for me to like you know I can’t I can’t even fully like to talk about it because I would say so much shit there were just people already don’t like me but I just like I just think he doesn’t have to be dark have to be suspicious of authority I have to hate everything that’s popular it cannot just come out and say this popular things coming out but what if there’s popular thing played peekaboo with me peekaboo
accommodate that cannot be, dates doesn’t make any sense to me and so I think I feel like going to represent the intersection of an investigation done because he’s truly funny and it seems like the reason all Comics love him and like all always trust him and fear Him and and why he’s never able to like he never shoots up and Rings the dumbbell at the carnival where it’s like the point I I have a feeling it’s because he’s too
like whether it’s what is genetic or unconscious or by choice he’s he’s too committed to being funny I don’t want to allow for that like like you couldn’t put Bill Hicks in a sit down there’s not a drawer that I like on on TV and stuff like that that’s what I do to the Indie Comics like mostly San Francisco people it’s called hacks hacks hacks and they all everyone came up and did their favorite hack style of Comedy like the fact, the only touched on Friday was I keep stuff to share it with Joey sandwiches, soval time he did that hacked Up Comedy Jam, and I think it’s
but the comics to do and I won’t say nothing just people to still do this is my least favorite kind of stand up like Paris in that kind of a bachelor Madam I don’t come down to where you work and not the painting off the easel when you’re creating a delicate masterpiece
only for Comics it God damn it
he lives in my house she raised my siblings and I and she she said us and she put it in the living room
only for Comics everybody was shit in their pants
I worship and the killer we have to have them on the show had started so sometimes lalala jumping like cuz he’s getting likely he’s like he’s like getting drawn into some like like like weird thing with like atheist kids who like like like like a dumb fight with dumb people
Somerset exotic animal backgrounds
it was the first time that guy ever laughed in his life
he never he’s like Sam the Eagle at work I said I said you have those files I don’t know but I got a dildo and he’s like put that away You’re Fired
are they just like walking around is this I know I don’t see the humor of this so that there’s a fire hydrant and then he came here tonight I know it’s something about the frequencies
and now he’s going to go home and I can rip off his tie and jump Anjelica Huston is playing his wife
whose father owns his company so it’s okay to be like her father owns a company that hardly careful
we used to think rules were that simple and that. Where is everyone
he got he got a little too high and he was just like a lab I let people that I wasn’t pointing at you the other half
thank you. I have a meeting for wearing a t-shirt
can you get a record games
you want you want all again I know the record so I won’t go and and kindness and we have a task for the only team in the league that has a mask look up Willie Roberts who plays teamwork of the unicorn and its really good
I’m having a difficult time cuz you to put what could be more supportive than your wife playing in a local sports League, I haven’t been to any of them I bet I’ve been busy with enough but now she’s coming in like sweating the headband and the shoes and then I was like as always you know there’s a couple Minecraft jokes cuz I’m always playing Minecraft looks like you have to step back and look at yourself you just a jock
I don’t know if that’s true. Just like the wife laying in wait for me to get you know like like like like like like they love you you’re like this lady coming home and going like to fuck what you pick some more food savers
yeah I play the game bro
what do you think can you craft a pussy
I mean I believe I said can you craft the deck but it’s fine
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually know when mrs. But you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little t and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like a verb you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
I didn’t mention that you were talking about the trash bins having using you explain to my my Siri I don’t think I mentioned that I saw that sign and I just kept it quiet cuz I was like oh no they’re bad people
been suffering and I don’t want to lose that argument that I saw that I was like but you never see people is it going to rain is it going to call me home okay
have his I have a speaking like it like in it
I am around it I mean I’m joking but I’m joking but I love the reaction but I got to craft maybe make a make a make a baby crib around you show me
I don’t think either of us knows
Aaron
anything I cared about sleep at anything you made in real life
are we supposed to build a crib around you
I’m excited cuz like the door on the back door could be smaller right to let the baby go out in like

yeah but yeah but Lisa’s basketball Tuesday’s what’s the big name is squirrel we all have animal is a home apology about our team we’re from a land of magical animals that live that lived peacefully for a very long time until one day I was kidnapped by a dark force
and we were told we would not get this until we could prove that we could live with compassion and sensitivity and teamwork as a women’s basketball team
okay
so there’s a lot more at stake for us and so far you will never get
what are you guys doing a training workshops
I had a stump that we were passing around and smelling how many people show up to watch the game is hard to say who’s a supporter and who was just taking a break from their game tonight it’s right there always on Tuesday nights are schedule our next game is in North Hollywood at 9 and we’re playing at Tara left Hitler I can’t remember
Dragon there’s a badonkadonks with the l a nail clippers is very good girl there really haven’t played Sports before they’re all super size of most of the game because I hit a girl on the face twice
why are you tearing that same girl twice is that all I mean my limbs are like I don’t know if anybody feels connected to me it’s like some tights to my torso and they’ll do what they will
you are kicked out for fouling out or he was we were we recorded a podcast earlier in the day went better bed and I was a little testy towards him during the podcast so I thought he was taking that out on me because it happened twice reset to the bank
it really is it as before you started assaulting women in the face because there’s a consequence has a life lesson I didn’t I didn’t mean to do it obviously. Obviously but I didn’t mean to do it so he was keeping me out of the game so I ruined game for us and hitting people you struck a nerve when you talked about your limbs like and your lack of control over him I just
I guess everybody just left the police
I married this woman that I I just like I I just
I know that like like like I just like you’re like
you’re so prone to
being a magical organic acts like I’m so like I’m so scared like like like like like like cuz he’s really handy and crafty and like leg lives making things like like a great gift for her would be like a table saw but not
like I like I sometimes think like I do I like that space under the where the firewood is risotto Workshop that guy that used to own the house before they can have a little wood shop or she could make bird feeders but I won’t I can’t do it I can’t I can’t I can’t I just live in Terror that you even the even the regular door or a just a just a normal day alive like I just I just live I just I just like like like like like
I just think it’s so like I like I say the words out loud like I’m going to Leo and I’m not there
I mean here’s a thing every man in my life has had this exact same speech
that makes me feel better my brother two lovers Two Princes
I have heard this speech I do think statistically at some point
what happens I’ll put it on I’ll make it like an hour
how about yesterday
about a year ago I was making a bird feeder too quickly
no I’ll be careful. Be careful of the problem is like the combination of patience and I thought it wise to hang out of our I wanted to hang a bird feeder near the second-story window so I can hang up
I’m telling you like like like like like we were first going out like like I was like it was like okay like I am not this is the one that like I’m not trading it like for anyting it’s an it like like again but then like there was a time it came home and like the oven was on and it was like you left I just got back I didn’t know that I had this like she’s going to die when I was when I was your age I am
I I would I would I would love those like live in my doors were windows were open and I was just in a sea of semen and junk mail and I just Burgers one day I came home I woke up to the smell of burning Kitchen in the kitchen was on fire and I put it out and fuck it if anybody had loved me at that point they be very concerned and me an AC of semen and talk now
don’t don’t is that a challenge at all
physical challenge
Fred Astaire Curtis Armstrong
I wish I was under the weather but we still communicate through direct messages on Twitter we haven’t graduated to know is I came in here to publicize one time to publicize King Of The Nerds that’s why I came here initially and then you asked me to come back which I thought was really polite and and and so I thought I would come back in and then the next thing I knew it was like I wanted to be here all the time and never leave us artists that ever ever
I don’t want to be presumed Sumptuous and overstepped the bounds of courtesy or whatever 94 to Milwaukee and we have an estimate 2 years old and we would threaten to be friends we would always have we should hang out and I was always talk and we see each other once in awhile I would always have we’re going to hang out with us for years or more took a long time let’s not let’s not only communicate through direct messages on Twitter to come to the end of a week to come here and have all these people not a lot of people feel that way so if you feel that way then that’s perfect cuz we is at
leaving again but where are you going I’m going to England to visit your daughter
I thought I was very didn’t look her up she’ll be pissed
I just saw a Still Alice with Julianne Moore’s I change the phrase thought of your daughter’s house has she seen that movie it would really suck to cut my grandmother
all of those the Linguistics people hang out I know she has my daughter’s first a consider establishing her as a linguist she’s giving a speech where she kind of like covers in a cursory fashion some of that shit that we were talking about when we first talked about your daughter when I know the fact that human beings have as a matter of learning it from other people around us really has been brutal
she saw it there’s one person here who saw the weird implied for enthusiastically
a prophet is at like like I don’t know about Linguistics as a result of my daughter I don’t even know where she came from I mean this was not where I thought she was going and then such a Man Loves a Woman the man puts a penis in the vagina no that’s that’s not linguistics
is it right here is your wife do you ever wear as your wife ever had a serious injury you’ve been with her for all these
he ever had a serious injury like as you recover finger
we are broken I don’t think so
I just got here so I missed I missed what was going on before like she’ll just died like I should be on top of that pile of razor blades I can touch it
she never she doesn’t like. Like I said hi. Call the other side which is great old gay piano bar in public a place where I mostly like a woman will go in and sing show tunes
I said it’s an unrelated satanic
what do you say
Easter
I was horrified by the way can you say pepperoni
where you from Switzerland how do you say welcome
say it’s been 11 and your most ominous Swiss accent
I should be all right
right about Switzerland alright alright it was a coup is a great place it’s change ownership now it was like it was a great place to drink piano like like like you know if you’ve been to one of these bars are like like it’s like the gay guys go and they like they saying it’s not karaoke like they got to know their shit there like competitive with each other and it’s like super supportive and very fun and a lot of people really bummed out when it closed down it was a great place. I’ve fallen for it like a father figure by George Michael
it’s not karaoke it’s like it’s a different thing and so are you here and we were having a good time we’re expected Aaron’s like I’m going to say I want to say anything I’m just letting you know it doesn’t work that way it’s never going to work that way it doesn’t work that way it doesn’t work that way they’ll be terrible in can’t work that way when it will happen that way it would can’t work out but I love you 10 times more but I was like I’m going to check on therapist
I have to hold her hand in like I kind of just just hold her hand it’s like an exercise like Dan just focus on holding her hand hold her hand and she’s like what do you thinking about it is just burst into tears and I’m just like
either going to be hurt
lake lake lake. Is that is what the meaning of that a whole can belly and journey is my mind is it’s like like the middle at you you owe you think you own life you think that you you’re a native of it like so you’ve conjoined with another person while that guess what that means the price now gets paid and I just existing societies to rise up with me I just like I can’t stop thinking of these like you just like I’m coming home and you’re like on the floor and there’s like a stump or your hand was in there like a half but his bird feeder in your life
I’m not I’m not kidding I’m not kidding I got to go to bring me edit bird feeder
what do you understand what I’m saying I don’t want to even go into what you’re talking about because it’ll get so much darker when I talk about it I mean it I do completely understand that I’ve been going through that for a while cuz then there’s the Romantic that yeah sure there’s a romantic notion of those hilarious that’s like a Game of Thrones someone who can override like a child I’m a good child Conjuring these things up cutting off more than your hand piece by piece until the fucking left crouton
any planets or Stars
I love your little titties fingers I don’t want to mess up my star shirt
sexual food critic that is a psychic a terrible terrible food critic I will be more careful that’s what that’s why I got to get you pregnant so that your jet that they videos in it that’s like that’s like a Post-It note right about to reach for the razor blades
I’m fixable Harmons in here
let’s face it
come on
why do you really get over yourself and he’ll be like okay
very very very telling what do we see any way to get a daughter
never know it’ll be a Sleeping Beauty type situation.
Parent has a child removed from the hospital I’ll be handled like a bundle of sticks
I will raise. I’m just getting better than funny and poignant
yeah I’ll bring him here and I’ll have everyone in the audience give the baby a gift like Sleeping Beauty will be the last one
no
Damaris Brown Spencer Crittenden
yay I can use that space and it’s a status move like he keeps putting his sweatshirt on my table eating means what do you mean this is my show
I mean it is when we bring you out it’s yours it’s your world now you could put like a note saying it’s my show on the table
so that I don’t put my sweatshirt I mean yeah I mean you just your right like you don’t have to be so vague about it you could be bright red neon sign says hey fuk you Spencer on my show I want a bad and I know you can put a little plastic this has been putting a sweatshirt down with his no
why do I feel like I could I don’t have that authority to my brother about laundry but that’s like that’s the only thing I mean he’s like a roommate kind of tree was at the time when I was living with my roommate named Jackson but I just kind of implode with the conflicts with him you know you know you left the front door unlocked I guess I’ll just
you know just sit here and do and then yeah everything’s I do you got to pay me more know I get enough I just haven’t found any good places lately I’ve been working the liver or the kind of like now I’m a direct contact person I was saying to you let’s talk and now just laid out this easy is quickest way to notes notes OK Google, confusing though in my door yesterday giant piece of purple paper and a Sharpie and it was a Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather fight and it’s going to be we’re going to be in the garage area signed Terry I don’t know fucking Terry and I don’t know what area do you know the garage
stop by we walk come on come on now don’t have the right to complain about noisy party I thought what that was like aliens like it’s the equivalent of duck calls by an alien language trail of notes like that until like an alien Lair with a gobble people they don’t know what they’re saying I just like
they just like they’re like ml gamini with their alien technology Tony’s
when you’re going when we’re going duck hunting
anime anime probably a hunter or any of the duck
is there racing at Gary Larson cartoon where they are okay and then there’s like this guy was like it’s not a guy is like this like reptile like like monster with a trench coat out of its tail is coming out the bottom of the trench coat and it had like this is Halloween mask over over it and a hat on and it’s like really like a terrible monster and the caption is yes I would like a knuckle sandwich
it was great to sit in that fleeting by Leah and I just one image and when catching a friend of mine had a party to spend to go watch a big thing until.
That’s just saying if you hear noise fuck you I let them know when Manny Pacquiao came out behind him was Jimmy Kimmel dress like Run-DMC for some reason and he was behind the coming out his camera. I don’t know where on Jimmy Kimmel shower at any given time does Jimmy Kimmel being hilarious that that idea goes out the window when Mayweather comes out and I’m not fucking with you if you haven’t seen the fucking Burger King got the scary
a cane with a fucking horrifying Burger King mascot
walking up behind Floyd Mayweather python eyes made of snake wow that’s really a weird New Direction for fights to go with a Burger King Dude is coming up behind you take helmet actual Burger King
I made it 42 years
sorry sweetie. I had I had the magic but on the other hand I was obeying a little lost but did mix
a lot of which were super unfair to women like that don’t give unto a woman the patties that would have more cheese for a for a man at the side of the seat and extra onions everybody’s smiling visit the Burger King on Modern ironic dark Burger King guy he was he was walking out behind Floyd Money Mayweather who’s one of the most universally unlikeable human beings are Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Kimmel is the coke to Burger King Pepsi like he was like on the other side yeah yeah they’re just like two boxers with to corporate sponsors when it was Jimmy Kimmel
give him a break, it was someone I follow on Twitter comedian said if he was fighting Adrien backyard like you came on Sho in time to be pretty funny if I was just like Run DMC and come up behind the last night behind the walks out with a rather well and I feel like that was I feel like I was saying a man who do you have behind you let me be the guy behind you and everybody understands this I can I can fuck off but what is the purpose of us like what is
but why would such a big deal like what was the what is the cuz it seemed like this was like a big like culturally important things they have the trailer where are they fighting each other until one is this one gets to see the other one hundred million dollars and other stuff where I see on Drew Barrymore’s Instagram she’s like why are we eat years ago it hasn’t happened
nice famous boxers and they’re like oh who do we want to get people to buy tickets for how about the two most famous guys we can think of Josh is like Beyond why I guess because you can’t do pay-per-view football because in I guess what it is is that the sports leagues they have this whole tournament thing set up to where is boxing two guys beating each other up you can arrange one event around it does it make you hard
wait wait wait do you play sports now though I mean it’s just a horse makes sense and bucking like who reject the idea of two of them getting into a ring and literally being told one of you leaves the other one doesn’t yeah there’s padding everywhere and all the stuff in there do these rules but it’s like I don’t watch Boxing I don’t watch any sports but if I but but like what the fuck is the difference between that is the big football it’s like that you just spread it out and did team play and stuff but
you’re getting hard right now
I think I mean I remember being a kid into kids getting in a fight and it’s always liked the idea of like everyone’s supposed to be scared of getting beaten up every was supposed to be scared of it like like a fist hitting you in the face that’s what that’s what guys live under it so it is what it is like maybe I’ll beat you up maybe I’ll beat you up like it’s always the unspoken and in the air and a Coliseum rain there also and it is fine there is science
what the phone with the business about his supposed to the sport of boxing saw the execution of the business a box in the way that played out all the way through all the way around but in it those guys actually had to choreograph sort of what they were doing to make that pay off a 6 or 7th round the announcers all uniformly started criticizing Pacquiao for not fighting as much as he would have even though Mayweather never came out and try to attack him Mayweather ran away the entire fight further metal sale when somebody comes out and does arguably what would the greatest boxer of the world should do Mike Tyson which is go literally
I’d like the other guy just goes down at it’s over and everyone goes I want my money back I guess yeah they do so I would believe that you like and then this way sir the Mayweather Mayweather has lost that fight everybody who hates him which is almost everybody now that question is still in the air because he won that for the greatest and he’s going to LaMotta fight the some of the best fighters available in the world will Mayweather had nothing to pick from and when he did have somebody to fight him like he got enough Burger King
apply to other violence happens after major boxing Valentine’s Super Bowl. I went out afterwards to the drawing room and it was just it was just a general violence in the air but everybody’s going to Jefferson ER IR
but I like that I would like I’m probably wrong but I feel like I could I could beat for a Merriweather obviously all organized Sports especially including gladiatorial combat between undoubtedly would Inspire in a normal world like everyone else is like fealty behind like has possibly subversive Army all of this shit is exercises in pacifying jingoism you you get the people that you hear in bars that are just like
guys that’s all white house burning energy just going down the drain and it’s just like in Toys R Us diaper diaper funds
those guys are like biologically meant to be the the the guys carrying the spears of the fronts of like armies that are still settling across the planet is Empire we were all sitting there sucking on pacifiers how are we going to keep these people from from like going like look I’m not smart I don’t get missed your show.
better off dead guys are fucking either in prison or they’re or they’re working on Wall Street and will you give him the occasional basketball games in the hot wings and fly in the air as used and maybe storm the castle or just be like energy politically they have nothing to do but like conspire organized Sports especially when it’s too fucking hold more than a guy another guy I’d like to turn them into property to turn this damn in the lowest of the low while shining a spotlight on collecting money each other and they’re fucking like they live now I’m glad you’re getting me hard.
I don’t want to be stupid like I don’t understand like the artifact doesn’t matter but I think for a while
see my instructors here it is like I remember when she was there they called me and I did it after high school and I did it right before Atlanta well then you know that you know why boxing is Nate they’re right next to happen by this fight in particular was important in two more texting my friend whatever but I bet I mean like they were all my friends are Jack’s cares a great suck my dick
all right but then you say that you went to Jenny reason I was suggesting you watch the Super Bowl and you dug it like you got a t-shirt I would I would like some kind of lady basketball are you going to go to the game
I can’t go this Tuesday or Thursday another thing by want to come to a game what thing
you’re hanging out with your friend tell me what the creator of Black-ish because some people consider me a fleet what
some people think that I slam dunks of pieces of paper
what would the sum say you punch
read holes in the paper
for the Bratz just a question of a writer’s Burt Ward’s

why not
did you have a price then Optimum length when you’re when you’re choosing Brad then what you have
I find that aquifer dramas I use a Magnum for comedies like you don’t want to view and extend the feeling that you wish the script was longer so you use a micro I said there’s no way they could have paid off
I I I don’t like it
spoke too soon I’m glad I kept communicating through Twitter
last night it was the Tipping Point I was been playing up Shadowrun all right
how do you say what your name is Tim Drake and make sure that we said do you want to play some Shadowrun and he put both Fists in the air
doctor Sports Arena
we’re better than this
athletic people
I think that is the whole point of playing like a role playing game that you getting this fake combat is kind of exercising that same the same as or Burger King man behind us
Justin Bieber, just like a really big Flashlight by it but I’m imagining I’m really just like I thought a lot better
Barberton cares only about spectacle as money is true of McDonald’s hamburger
like you said that I might see that fight right before the main event the guy dressed up like one of my address like the Burger King like that’s good advertising Colonel Sanders versus Wendy
I can watch it
copper is in the Whopper as in the hit your wife are not aware of this so that this doesn’t happen if it’s that big Burger King is is sponsoring the Merryweather what’s his name he would hit me for implying is named head of Mary in it or wood dowels board of directors has to say like I don’t think we should do that and then someone someone else’s goes like well why not and then he has to go
is Logan’s Run is insane what there’s going to be a bit has to be Burger King versus Jimmy Kimmel everyone’s going to finally find out that we’re living in a fictional universe and there won’t be any reason to not run out into the street just start flipping over cars will be a black guy with one fast food logo on his head and another guy that was all the weed eating each other up and they’re fast food logos will be blanking and there will be burgers on the sides of the screen going up and down
something else napping even the most indoctrinated fucking Thug and Zen Den done and we’ll be done before what color is the other guy
I assume both Kaiser black but hey I didn’t want to derail the conversation by saying they were are both guys black. Manny Pacquiao
documentary but I guess that’s on the street like 3 blocks at the crater of Simpsons when all budgets heavyweight champion for a defendant like two or three times I went there and watch them and the sound they make when they just sparring and the sound it makes it so horrifying and Freddy Russia’s younger brother who just got out of jail I believe he was like
910 Horace Greeley spinner then again it’s like okay well I’m not going to say this like like like Mike Tyson bit it shouldn’t be a however he ready
but whatever it is you guys are just here the other day she is like off of like they like the just a listening to him as someone cries of that was that point I don’t feel it all feel so tragic because they’re an adjusted great person is a planet with everyone can like recognize you
by the way she could barbarians that this happened
because there is a
boxing obviously it’s a sport and it’s it’s it’s a very sophisticated thing I also the people that are in I don’t have to be the most adjusted album from Harvard them enough to because like that it just seems like there’s so many rules to beating the shit out of another man who has also learned how to beat the shit out of another man like that you have to like you wouldn’t you wouldn’t imagine any of these people getting into the ring is being people who were capable of like like showing up at 6 a.m. for like a practice or something but obviously they have more discipline than anybody which is like me and I’ve never worked hard for anything like that in the guys that beat people up as being the laziest people in the world but
some people will hang on a second I’m trying to remember his name now that you was the world heavyweight champion in the in the twenties work works hard to hang on guys are all touch and stuff I don’t remember his name I always blank on his name but he was an interesting guy he was the World Heavyweight Champion and he was a Shakespearean scholar at the same time as somebody who I have a book at home which is a collection of the complete works of Shakespeare and it was signed by this guy and then the student loan the book made a note in it that so and so I can’t remember his fucking name the heavyweight champion of the world and you know his name immediately if I could remember it which I can talk to Professor such and such as class on The Bard you know I met on this date so this is
why was the I mean at the time the heavyweight champion of the world could also be in Shakespearean scholar
what’s his name in front of Jim’s
do great hitter Be Our Guest recapper for Clare from Australia yep
we talked on the phone and this is how she sounds last time on Shadowrun last time on Shadowrun Shantytown we open with the gang inside their van with the rescue youngster jelly dervish and I’m tied up Arturo’s pezzulli took the information about dervish while Arturo was assertively listening Nightblade stayed with Arturo in the van while the rest of the one inside Hanks Last Stand and came across as sathi Stranger in a magenta suit with a Bose one over his shoulder Mercy attempted to end failed to learn his identity so she gave up and left to take a shit the gang received banks in the payment from Brian Gervais fellow as well as a bonus of these shoes off the poor Italians feet
meanwhile in the van but Julie mentioned tonight blade that they’re getting has compromised their anonymity with the security footage at the Burger Tyron implying a hit could follow Jim discuss the risk of rewarding Shadow runs in the reason why good men rationalize why they do bad thing and in this world that is a prison but Julius just a pedophile
what will the games next mission will this flamboyant stranger reveal his identity and will spookily take his revenge find out now on Shadow run
thank you Claire thank you Claire I missed one week
sounds familiar to me one week and all of those characters showed up to three weeks and we are still in the car getting comfortable I was getting comfortable all of this is new to me now what do I do if I didn’t even hear your doctor friend there was an episode where we I don’t think we did as you were out of town you did it out of town and I’m in the car with the the mob the mama dog right now that there is an interesting new character in blue suit that has a bow and arrow kind of situation
so he seems to be somebody with me might want to investigate okay sorry so I couldn’t believe we moved that far ahead we didn’t really go that far I walk up to the at the bar and get to get near the other fellow in the magenta suit Spencer all right he’s drinking a glass of water quietly I say I what’s your name you know I don’t give that out too easily I’m the same way I like your style and I walk away
that happens
meanwhile in the car I think Jim Nightblade was just climaxing any traffic Grant, I remember
so so anyway that’s how I feel me I’m a Gangster I’m tied up I think I understand if you want to
so you’re not going to encourage you to be convincing you’re not you’re going to forget this happened and nothing’s ever going to happen yeah man said that’s the speed of your response is reflexive feels like if you were lying to get out of the car okay you’re right run it by me again
okay so if you try to pursue this event if you try to follow up on it if any harm comes to jellyfish or his father jelly Jarvis and Ryan Gervais
it will be repaid upon your family for generations to come yeah man all right you know what
I don’t believe you I’m going to shoot him
Burger King
I’m sorry Curtis this is me is the character sorry I’m shooting a man shooting him in the head with a head
right in the head and he doesn’t even have time to react your robot like arm reflexes are so reflexive he doesn’t even have time to breathe out
interesting trait for an assassin
can I use Mason to contact everybody else Mart everyone can we meet by the community we meet by the truck to recruit
we’re on the bar right now everybody but I’m here too I’m staring at you I’m saying
can you meet us in here we don’t know if you’re doing alright I’m going to pick up the Ubers make sure it’s a robot in a private company with police if you said one back with a dead body in it that’s why I don’t think that’s a fair question to ask the dungeon master I don’t know I think that is General bodies I mean you you don’t just yeah you take care of bodies by drag the body out of the Uber I’m at a radio to them like I’m almost there I just left rappers
charges that Emily drag the body out and I find like a dumpster
okay you find a dumpster near a Hanks Last Stand that throw the body in there okay and all right I go to join though you enter there’s a there’s a purple suited man with a bow other than that there’s just Teddy and the dervishes
you do did you did you did you do did you take him out he agrees with the mission is over
the mission of a breathing hole to God knows the answer to this and all other details in between he rolls his eyes then activates his mind probe in Direction toward the young man who’s sitting with the magenta suit to see if there’s some sort of information that he can draw from him all right you start doing that in the man starts screaming in agony you leaped to his feet and pulls his bow and starts you’re getting flashes of pain in the air and darkness in a loneliness and Grim work being done
what do you drink I’m being mine probes and it hurts like hell this is the worst I’m going to start to loosen loosen arrows Every Witch Way
three arrows bury themselves in the ceiling it seems that the mind probe it threw off the same or maybe Zapora name hey sharpshooter
what’s your name talk I’ll have I’ll have what he’s having a hank brings you a water cool you just had a freak out I got that I freaked out before what’s what’s going on with you just I’m just a connoisseur of stories What’s your deal guy just tried to read my thoughts
what it what do you think he got probably but I don’t know maybe my childhood
I go on the comlink and I say the mercy the emergency like we were kind of out of a job right now. Maybe this guy and find out if he has something he wants to do child had the worst why do we have off
you welcome you look like you’re somebody who wants something and I’m somebody who gives things
what’s your what’s going on with you I guess not on the up-and-up neither are my friends
do you have a video he’s been Vendetta’s
she said she’s not our face man for nothing you guys
yeah but I don’t I don’t talk about business at the bar I guess that I’m going to the bathroom to go to bed
will you take a walk with me to order for you smell I’m sorry too dangerous
what
this is so embarrassing but what might what might I be smelling what is that smell what is that dangerous
oh my God danger I’m playing I’m I’m playing with a shirt
going to be one of these guys or one of these guys
I have a really hard time talking to guys who I know are really physically impressive and I’m I’m meeting somebody and needing somebody to go or are you eating let’s can we play a game really fast I don’t play games
what if I told you I was a game
what if I told you I was a game with a reward
I don’t play game
alright what if I gave you
that’s hot
that’s hot
gently
what’s the bartender’s name I don’t know man you got to talk to him about that oh yeah
all right yeah okay I walk over to 210 and jelly and sit down next to them saying Mercy our usual face man is that apparently you a prostitute
not sure what’s going on at precisely but you had you have any gigs for us I wanted to talk to you guys about video surveillance on the air last mission you left a bunch of security cameras it’s just it’s no good I mean my clients can’t have you no personal data is leaking out of the can’t be tied back to these things it’s no problem I understand you got your strength so you got your weaknesses but that’s why I called in some help he’s a he’s a technomancer and his name is Hawk Eye
are you referring to these over there he’s going to be helping you out with a technological side of things so I already had a wife.
I don’t know I don’t know what you’re talkin about the first one to agree that other technological side of her for not that Savvy yeah that’s him he’s a he’s a pretty Renown hack around these parts he’s a he’s a good friend of mine a new cool Dennis every day every can trust this guy yeah using the power to underlies truth I analyze what the hell that was it just came out of your mouth
it was it was confusion because we’re talking about you know who hired murderers and criminals prestas I mean I don’t know it’s a perilous Concept in this kind of world could you have a job for us and if and if you do that you’re saying that we have to bring along this weirdo at the bar I’m saying if if you want you know if you want to go on runs of the can he can he can stay here if you just need someone to delete security footage do that I mean to leave a message for albinism there
that’s okay okay so do you have a you have a job for us yeah I actually got someone on the horn right now you know those guys that hired you to get that Baldwin guy much are you again what’s the job are you guys ready for this cuz she has her face on my face
I do okay on the screen and you see see a black Avatar of a of a shadowy businessman figure all right I see you’ve done some work in the past for a company in
full you see you helped us with
the acquisition and we need some help finding some of that Acquisitions former possessions there if you need food
can you be more specific what do you mean Acquisitions and we recently took on a new hire that you helped procure for us and he left some of his prior work at a former employer that we hope to receive some of that work but is made it hard for us and he’s hid it away are you checking my BT I’ll chip from Baldwin we’re talking about research in that department something along those lines we don’t know exactly what the research is but we know it’s about you
music go somewhere and get some files
yes I would like that very much right to do you have any other pertinent information
clinics specializing in brain stuff
they operate a small clinic in The Burbs
there is the paydata it’s caps under lock and key very strict security they’ve got vibration sensors cameras and guards
oh my
so some of this material is organic go yes the BioWare store brain enhancements what is the security system like that brain brain limited plus Clinic vibration sensors cameras and guards pulled up I pull our team team name of where is Sterling’s right
what’s a couple of stuck-up aside and say I like it like that. Sounds pretty technological I think we think she seems fascinating what’s the worst case we don’t meet new people that the technomancer
sorry what is waiting to meet a friend or ask me about mine murdered a guy in a car, not interesting because I’m not explode
you can always find more information using the sort of the maps that I have in my head and using it irrelevant information able to do the actual rapper everything indicates the location is
this is the map that I’m using in my head near the beach near the beach but I have it and I have a specific got this there were specifically looking to get certain files yes their research belonging to the former employee Baldwin to take all the files you know whatever works
I want the I want the number to the to the guy that won’t tell me his name and I slept next to him and he’s a bartender I want to water
okay you like the water has bad luck to toast with water but you into making some some some easy money o yeah maybe you kind of got it maybe knows little bit about technology
yeah my name is Eve what’s your name I know you don’t like telling them that I gave you mine call mehak I is your last name is your last name Pierce I don’t have a last name okay we’re going to have to thank you Curtis sorry I liked it was only make her we need a guy like you that’s a technomancer that helped us out in his job but at first as is our policy we got to take you out back and kind of Jumpy jumpy when I’m going to jump you in our friend Nightblade the jump again
West La Veta Loco ready to get jumped in
yeah jumped in my God
the weirdest cliffhanger
thank you everybody Erin mcgathy
Damaris Brown
Spencer Crittenden
Curtis Armstrong
call Jeff Davis and your Merry Christmas mr. Jack Hartmann
what’s a good body by Burger King do it your way Burger King

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