Episode: 182 – Sociopolitical Anal Beads

Episode

Episode: 182 – Sociopolitical Anal Beads

Description

Fallout Shelter racism, Rob Schrab has bags on his feet and wonders, how come we haven’t gone down? harmontown.com/live

Transcript

from Hollywood California permit town is now threatening everybody in French
freshman magic page
take me to giant Kit backstage is the mayor of how much I miss your dad
Los Angeles
thank you
give me a very bad mood is give me the terrible show and even worse is that I went I give my doctor blood and said to check my cholesterol and then as soon as I gave the blood I like ran back to the office and would like eating Doritos and twinkies and stuff cuz like they had the blood already right I can’t those numbers are safe and then I just eating like pizzas and rubbing Philly Cheesesteaks on my face and Rick and Morty again and I’m like I’m not not doing a good job I’m like not able to write and like I can’t break the story is that they’re very difficult and Dino Dino that Justin’s got to be upset with me at this point and let’s cuz I just it’s so fucking if I don’t get it I don’t know
they make sense and then we break them fifty times a different this season than previously know which never different I never ever ever ever been different I like 20 years like trying to like codify you know this but that’s all me going in over the circle thing as me trying as hard as I can to like like please for the love of Christ we make this easy or like like like make this like by the numbers like let me phone something in I can’t fucking do it and never liked it just doesn’t make sense and very upset but it’s not part of the mythology of the joy of what you do is kind of the torture of it all or no I hope to God that that that that I used to think it was possible that was making it difficult on purpose so I could like justify you know a lot of narcissism and kind of but I’ve crossed into a world I’ve been to therapy and like I’m perfect now and like that like
I want quality of life and I just want to be happy and I know I’m old and racist and sexist and I just want to die that’s how I healthy person feels like at my age like lately like I’m 25 and I’m not racist knob of old racist didn’t want to die I’m not really racist I just be better to just say that like it’s healthier the Donald Trump he says that you know who said he was Jesus Christ
and he wasn’t he just seems like that’s a nice thing to say you are a nice thing to say walk into a party if I’m racist where do I hang my coat but don’t say don’t connect those dots
don’t don’t don’t like look at the person of color and say where do I hang my cup
I I I like like like don’t connect. Just say you’re racist and get through your fucking day and don’t be racist thank you to so shut up you think you’re more racist than Texas or is it even Steven that
Venn diagram of different conclusions from that you know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know
can you imagine
we talked about this before out how crazy it is that like like this country like it’s Legacy as far as like you know race and gender relations Is it like it was kind of can be summed up at least in terms of the weird lunacy in that yeah we we freed the slaves and they were like you can vote now attending like a million years later like you two ladies like like like like it was weird that Alexa can you imagine being like a like a black woman and like gaining suffrage but but but not quite likely to be like at the reds are depending on what year you are you know you’d be like yeah damn it what is with these people these people
the hunter has become the hunted by Glee Glee Glee pick this guy like you know anything with this last 10 years of like mind your p’s and q’s president
speaking of racism I play this game fallout shelter on the iOS you guys played the part of the okay so so you put them in those spots and they have attributes like you’re supposed to you’re encouraged to like breed them like like because you’re told your supposed to make more dwellers in your fallout shelter and like their attributes are hereditary so if you breed somebody that has like high scores like those pieces me those those scores like passed down to their children so picking like you somebody and you’re putting them up in the special room and also like there’s different outfits that like add to your different attributes and the attribute that drives whether you make quickly or not is charisma so so so so and then there’s these special characters so there’s this guy and how did the special characters work
like they like unlockable like like they arrive if you get them on card the ring I was like those freemium games like you get a car opinion paying you get a card and then sometimes the cards like guy and the special guy I got is a young man his pigmentation is darker than the what you might call the caucasoid Fallout dwellers his name is eulogy Jones
his stats are through the roof across the board so I couldn’t even like think about it so I had no choice but to put him in less likely to be like super Charisma pajamas and he and then all the people in the vault I have to like type Click on each lady and I go let’s take a look at your your strengths and your perception okay you’re pretty good I put on this lady you’re going up to eulogy
I need to bring bang boom in all the women walk out change their outfits into the different outfits have different bonuses to different attributes and Charisma so there’s sleepwear ads to Charisma so you literally are taking like a woman who’s like working hard on like a like a water purification room add you as she’s wearing my combat armor cuz it gives her more strength and make sure water purifying better reception for the knock it off like a lot of people don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about I don’t have time to get your fucking accurate for the three people that do a woman in the prime of her working career and you’re likely likely clicking on her her her her combat armor changing it into a slinky nightie and shooting her up to this fucking do did you
back and there’s like little blue dream smile faces when she comes out limping and Pregnant
I know you said you’re back to work
it sounds like it’s like you’re the leader who I really like awesome cult to put a woman up there and send men after sure yes but you eulogy Jones is like there’s no comparing like like he hates like he has like almost is like I’m just at so yes you would do would be great too that would be would be more in keeping with the sort of like biological tradition right like The Keeper of the egg stay stationary in a shooting spur matter and I like going to the queen and you’re up Bank you’re going up to the the boss lady your time of the barrel today get your get your dick out your little fucking drone
unfortunately that’s not how it worked out it in Harmon shelter all right so I got a great organization such as possible and I want to pick me up and I had to pick up you know because cuz he needs a ride in order to do the show and I told him telling the guy how to drive to the place they go take a right on this street and then what else show you which one I think it’s it’s just a it’s a it’s a stop sign up I want to say Ambrose but I’ll show him driving comes get to the street
it’s avocado he takes her right eye was very clear not like like sure what the street was in a fucking couldn’t resist double got it require a request that you type in your destination address when you get in the car so I do that for my own convenience but I first I needed to pick up frob and then go to the citation but I didn’t want to freak anybody out here I don’t know how that would work and I want to put in his address alright that’s it that’s all I got to turn it over to
speaking of sexy nightwear and attributes
just come from your lucky Jones’s place
I was sitting on the couch
that with my wonderful wife in my perfect dog
watching LA Story
and when said good movie
what a wonderful
like an hour before you got here we never
did Jan in the moment of weakness told me that he really enjoys you in the show and I think it without him having said too much I think it’s that it’s such a rekindling of your guys is your friendship will hear let’s do the actual conversation
wait wait wait wait don’t go yet he sent me some kind of video of a slow motion of someone throwing a baseball at a batter and just before the batter hits the ball it cuts to a woman peeing all over other women are you doing her phone
what did you text okay so did you want to play each other
what do you want for ourselves which part do you want well I’ll play you you play me okay
this is this was at 10 to 7
tonight
I’m in town tonight
where is everyone loves you
dude
power before your show
I’m not organized
there’s no there’s no guess you’ll have fun like that’s the thing that makes me have fun or not if there’s like a guest I know you always get a little antsy when you know people come up and they want to talk about their illness that they’re struggling with and you like turn into a six-year-old in church
you know is make an armpit farts in someone’s just survived leukemia or something I don’t even think you can find you have two assistants remember last week talked and I thought I said please just come every week
yeah and you didn’t tell me there wasn’t a show last week
extra text I look like an idiot all alone on the stage
all right I’ll tell Steven you’re a regular part of the show so he could be on top of it if you come tonight
you pick me up okay and hurt my grams okay
I need every heart I need every every heart I can get It’s a Jungle Out There
and then I kind of fucked up just called Uber now and it’s 10 minutes away from my place so we’re going to be rolling into meltdown like 805
oh no
is that a thought you were being sarcastic right yeah
Saints preserve us all the cow 805 the only bear heading to you now pick up pulling up all right I’m glad you guys had fun
alright I can’t find my pocket now so I heard you got a pedicure you told me on the car ride over here
well an ounce of prevention is worth a pedicure
hey man you picked a guy that the kids like you know the crazy uncle is my astrology believing ex-girlfriend Robin say every two weeks Mercury traffic and parking and like that because I feel sort of like you’re out of your out of sync like you feel like everything you everything you say is like ill-timed like like every it is like nothing working you’re like out of sync with the Lord and a full moon yesterday
when are the planets aligned didn’t like all the planets align and then there was a full moon somebody thought I read that all the planets were aligned like all of them all every single planet is like that would be a lie
Robux
February 2nd all the planets will be a lot of free one but I found a new planets going to be in the front of the line yeah the other side of the line of the universe right so the front of the line would be going away they be going away man that’d be going over there might be by now son away and I’ve gone all day. If I were you I wouldn’t want to be the first to be devoured by the the gravity on The Heat Of The Sun now I’d hate that no God no that wouldn’t be me however
I wouldn’t want that where and why would you like to give me the farthest when that where I would you like to be like tonight
like metal kind of a guy you’re out there soon and then we start improvising and it’s really fun enjoy holding that yet the things on the outskirts of the solar system like like Louis V keep we’ve never gone down where we going to the Moon
they’re always sending stuff out of the Earth planet
why do we always go why do we always go where we’re going to go to we’re going to go to the apartment complex that you see some a rocket takes off it just goes left it doesn’t go if you never go down you know I don’t think it needs a like like a rocket micciche when you when you’re making those let those little like bubbles of the of the solar system is just a flat earth based on a bow bow bow bow bow bow bow
all I needed what we learned since childhood we even all of NASA’s scientists grew up looking at the first thing they saw how about that you crazy do you think that’s why there’s a baby in 2001 Space Odyssey in the Attic okay
baby sound
guide like he’s like flooding and he kind of turns and he’s looking he’s going to break the fourth wall and they cut but in the director’s cut it goes you should have went we don’t go down
why don’t we ever go down a big triangle Illuminati
and then I’m going to keep pulling out and there’s a Jew
I’m racist the freedom
is the Trump Factor we we’ve entered a fucking new so afraid of going down in a WeChat we never we never went down I think there’s something down there spokesperson
what is a resident astronomical spokesman this is what I look like
this is what you’re doing at home this is what I was look like I was in heaven
and then these look like comfortable shoes their Uggs
they sure are you guys attracted to women in UGGs I’d say quite the opposite
I’m very turned on by women in tights and hugs tight black the combo or just either are
I ordered from 870 no no no do do do do do do do
fossil bag thank you for the
to go and I and I and I was dressed like this and I went down to get my my green leaves and then and then I’m signing for it and then the guy as I’m signing for the guy goes those are cool they should make him for guys and what the fuck away
wow who’s the guy that works at Greenland was he a Wahlberg
should have got the check out Burgers from Wahlburgers because he was watching the Entourage marathon and was having an all weekend that sucks
you still would have gave him a tip even if you had said that before him
nice joke you should you should have got it you got it Tik-Tok I would have enjoyed hearing it from the first person who originally came up with it because then it would have been a forgivable due to feel like like they would have been back to green leaves
is it to hack you know that’s the thing that’s like that’s the really bums me out. I was all bummed out no look at those queer looking now.
Brown that got like places with lazy and more clear than animals had to die to make those no. Burning of our tables and maybe maybe the green leaf guys like Dan it when he sees that the women in tight so they call you a queer
that’s probably true these aren’t vegan okay that I’m getting rid of these men do a field and kill a lamb
for Valentine’s Day I ain’t going to try this is Spencer these are these are definitely like what I mean share lamb what are the words that mean now
they share the lamb like they pull the skin off of the Lamb okay well I should have done my research before I did my building your bad ass sandwich
but I know you’re feeling better what are your feet what are your feet made out of rose
two different people will find them and then don’t know true love once they come together
Tale As Old As Time
I hope I hope you’re covered
there’s no tag on the back of this is just your shirt it says pork shit out of his animal products or they will slowly introduce him into the Sweatshop thing
I work at a sweat shop in Vernon California okay yeah I was I worked with a bunch of Russian ladies and I was fired because they sweat it out it’s because I spoke English and the guys like you must be good at computers and then he made me try to do spreadsheets and I was really bad at Xcel Energy says your fucken fire
cuz like I said I was pretty good at putting buttons on jeans you said no you were what was the product brand that I never heard of I think it was called Ali faiz the top button above the the zipper. That was all I did all day for like it was the Riveter
how big was it was about as big as you mind so I should have known that along such a go to for for people who are defensive about about about the the animal think the first thing they said they learn to say is like what you what do you think your shoes in your belt wallet but I didn’t think about her like Officer and a Gentleman better you better is as much as I’m sure you’d love to have a perfect like like no animal affect records and he’s impossible much more importance is like I mean a reduction is good right it’s it’s it’s really impossible it’s really hard you know we are fucking crazy super evolved monkeys that like
looks like we can we can figure out how to evolve and subsist not but not hurting animals but like I mean you we do live by murder ring we
why do plant plants plants are alive they just dance kill this is this is not me this is not me being a person to sing like all we might as well eat a bunch of cows like that’s all I’m trying to let a guy off the hook that’s given himself a hard time I mean you’re doing a two or three years here we go but I have one weakness I would say I’m a hypocritical vegetarian all the way no I mean I think you know nobody wants to think of things and reduction because then your leg feeling like you’re like oh I’m the only going to kill a certain amount of things with my life doesn’t every little thing I do
sectional furniture
is it like a magical cookbook
now it’s just me Pastor like a weird flask people people are drinking out of a drink drink drink a boot hashtag drink the boot
crank The Boat Boat Boat that way
find a Cameron drink the book
oh yeah and they say it’s it’s real bootlicker
shit
take a boat I’m actually going to go to the bathroom during this okay
I got to go to the bathroom with no shoes on so gross
do shrubs going to walk back on with like piss sticky feet
are we going to apply to his vegan values or we go are we going to piss which shame I mean like cuz he’s reliving the Town Road with his socks on but about that
who did they sound like they’re moving to me
I guess it’s just I had my my my penthouse apartment but I like here is a kind of drone it’s not like I move a bunch of their happiness
what if what if what if most of them killed themselves in each other because we just delete their fucking energy off of them know that feeling when you walk by a homeless person that you don’t give any money to and then when that feeling of guilt goes away that’s the best feeling in the world
socio-political anal beads
there must be like a way to yank that it’s a black later you’re still a little bit of relief not so fun on the way out is Department that a sex toy shop coronavirus new to work late night box like raining later on or in the precise and now they’ve but I decided this wasn’t what I wanted and my friend is real work in the shop and they have
Gargamel would mop the booths
a guy came in like late night
there was this the brick and mortar for like front of the shop that you could go in and buy sex toys and a guy pulls up late at night and I hated his job more than anything you can imagine and this guy pulls up in a fancy sports car with a hot drunk check out in the car he comes and he’s super drunk and he’s into your butt and right as you’re about to come to tell her too and screams are they did that I’m hoping that guy alive still
is that what you’re supposed to do
I know about anal beads I learned from stand up, so I love that book
Chicken Soup for the for the flashlight
my friend he worked at a video store that was 15% regular new release movies and then the rest porn just born and sex toys they said there was one movie that was consistently rented a long as if he was going there for this movie and then he would get a foreign because I don’t you want to know what it’s like to face is a cigarette and I need some toothpaste and some pantyhose
and that’s your face was A League of Their Own
I had to go to the market yesterday cuz I was but you put maxi pads in your t-shirt in there and it works like a charm does it look like
you guys are go right
on in the inside of your armpit of your T-shirt and you put them in there and you’re good to go it’s like a wardrobe secret but I was the first time I walked up and I forget what else I bought but it was a pretty funny I got some peanut butter cups
yeah I guess so much I was going to go pantyhose straight across the board and don’t you don’t ever do a guy like a beard purchased on that there was one time this is all pretty Amazon days late like so it was really if you were going to have if you were going to be a creep but with a nylon fetish and no girlfriend it and you were going to have indulged yourself with your mannequin leg you were on some level you were going to have a face-to-face encounter at Ed and I remember going into like I like a boutique like I’m like what’s Larchmont you know I just like I got caught so off guard.
I was I was so used to like
you know Rob
the Plastics industry ain’t no saint either the carbon literal Footprints of what you wearing right now to drive the plastic Mills Rob has plastic bags in a sweetheart as far as listeners Rob’s having some beautiful to plastic bag
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses a lot but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerves like a verb you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms

anyways I watch I want to do this Boutique like and I was so used to look the word but like the larger kind of Albertson’s energy where I was like okay I’m going to walk around I’m going to browse I’m going to walk out of here with a few Sundries and Notions and among them may be a perhaps at a Hosiery product are really helpful at me like I was up like browsing the rack of like like you’re not allowed to give just like the beginning of the story now I can be quiet and listen that while you were on the stage. We listening
I wasn’t listening Gallagher with shit on your feet like
you guys are saying about me when I’m walking out
I am walking out there and I’m going to the bathroom so you go you can get pianist but nobody can do anything with plastic bags on your feet jackass all the time like a piece of shit it’s all over me thanks thanks for having me
anyways I look like a jerk
front of my white dog that was when they asked that and I was like like at pantyhose for your girlfriend. I had to make this whole fictional girlfriend at like like I was like shopping for like why am I buying her pantyhose and how tall is she and this is like it was then
we got some you take notes
so anyways it’s Jonah we label mates in this new Venture called cso-cso
EMC so question why is it called see so but there’s only one of them if you see something say something something something
knowing it’s why do you know what he says if you don’t believe that you can get good comedy for for 499 a month do you get it I think that I mean it’s not good but that’s what that is that’s what it is ya come up with gibberish because that’s the all its left available and it has to be gibberish that when you hear it you know how to spell it but I think the logic behind the etymology as has been told to me is that you see something so you tell someone summarizing the Primal experience of word-of-mouth advertising wow so I’m telling you go to the seaside
hidden America with Jonah Ray it’s like one thing I’ve done harmonquest coming soon to see so I don’t know how I don’t like I don’t like you going bravado so to say I like something I did feels a bit too forward then you’re just being humbled by the time I made that you do that
no just with harmonquest
Community seasons 1 through 6 all stocked Rick and Morty can suck my balls harmonquest is the one thing I’m proud of how
that’s great so if that interests you tune in that does suck cuz all these people are going to like what I love those things the guy who made the things I said this guy to the extent to which ratio in HB I was like I fucking love it when people are saying shit in audio off the cup and then animators are like it was trading it in the exact what is the thing that makes me laugh until I cry all the time if the if the if the guy is Karl Pilkington and the artists are those are for that like you can make me laugh till I cry in that format so I was like yeah I’m good just got to be a way to look at the DMV thing like that to do that and that’s been like years and years in the making and seeing it actually come together now
friends are apart of it
just the just the funny ones
yeah that’s cool that’s cool that you got got them all together ya must have been hard cuz they’re so busy but you but you don’t you don’t like games famously yeah yeah that’s right I do you hate playing games
oh wow yeah I hate I hate I hate seeing you eat crow by your own petard
as a real thing
you fucking petard
not a big laugh on that way anyways to episodes of Rick and Morty that are kind of like that with improvised dialogue and then the enemy makes crazy shit up and then the animators like draw it yeah it’s pretty great you know I think it’s a good time for you to grab it then
he’s not going to come after I sweep it is what it is right now
time we’re getting a cease-and-desist letters for a letter back to the lawyer sending the cease-and-desist to go I think we both know that you have bigger fish to fry right now think that is the way I would use time travel if I stumbled onto it there’d be like portals that like open as like I could I could push Hitler in the shower I could like like I can make him break his neck I could like I could do I can’t rip a bunch of examples of a benevolent was used time travel just just regrip your own later with your own room I’m going to shame Bill Cosby for his crime against me
Humanity
is that the thing he did that really gets my fucking Pandora I just went back and watch her pretty fun yeah yeah yeah yeah they were real good you’re you’re in those Rob I was in a I was in a couple of you are a big Bill Cosby fan really talked about the impact that these now you’ve you’ve you’ve had about it you know anybody that was inspired by a color like if you go back and listen to his records yeah it’ll always I mean how couldn’t exactly make a trip to the dentist that funny now
he’s now more moment he’s now more known for rape than being funny so yeah try to get that out of your head doesn’t it’s not easy so you can do you want you can separate the art from the artist
I was trying to think of a real pretentious thing to say in the light of eyes
is it true that you listen to like as I do like I’m flipping channels in my car on the satellite like XM Sirius radio is the 405 comedy channels at once in awhile you what do you do
are you going to find out later he’s going to rap with me
are you going to counseling advice whenever you guys literally all of these bit the last time I turn my chair around for things to look at it one of them as you you did over react you guys are all acting like that like you don’t always see a guy in pajamas with plastic bags in his face get up and do arbitrary time
in the middle of somebody else’s house the three of us do normal things that you’d be an asshole for being distracted by it I felt like I was taking Focus
sorry I was dreaming I was on a bicycle it happens what’s the biggie doing what’s the biggest
we’ll be right back
adorable forty-three-year-old can we got to send you back to where you are actually from will you need that you don’t know their culture is but we’re just going to let you figure it out what you want
could start with that
Rob is still hear them Play a clip from Cosby and I don’t know if that’s been put like like being provocative or is it like are like you’d like or maybe I should old programming said they had they forgot to it like expunge the other is an interesting like I don’t know what he started like coming out I got to the Hannibal Buress stuff and and all those like the first wave of the women coming out saying that they did in the Salted by him they would play and they would talk about it the Spanish Fly bits which is like that’s the first thing I thought I just heard that a few weeks ago and has been around you know 10 years prior to Hannibal it ain’t like they were doing bits that there was a conspiracy of like that there’s a
I was scared about it I was bummed around about people talk about it and then that was I thought that was an astute observation with the truck because it’s some of the people have already hit like it’s already been in The Ether of it and then was some weird fascinating reason about our national psyche because he is a young black man and a comic like right that’s has something to do with it right look at my crazy that’s the that was the sort of like the thick pieces that were written about is like oh it’s Hannibal Buress had to say something before people started dogpiling you know
kid record that set long before it was ever release and it was in Philly which is why he brought it up because that’s where Cosby was from I think it just like happened to be maybe a slow news day that some guy was like I’m going to post this make an article about it and then it and it blew up for rightfully so and it’s great for what would happen if people getting recognition from it but like it’s I think it was just a happenstance that some guy that helped decide to write an article about it huffpo
I get all my I get on my hip news from The Hub Pole
what’s the dealio I don’t have time open let me right click on that HuffPost it’s a balmy 65 with a a windshield what are some of the funny cartoons I can look at
it was told the Huffington Post
what about grandpappy say it was a whole big ten post office didn’t know back in his days
back in their day they called it The Huffington Post Office choir choir pre-linguistic that word is someone seeing a dinosaur and run again later. There’s there’s there’s things you called it and then there’s a
dinosaurs in men existed at the same time
but not women
what’s that my very controversial point of view I believe in the big bang I believe the universe is 6 trillion years old I don’t I don’t I don’t cotton to all that bullshit like Evangelical people but I believe that man and dinosaurs lived at the same time does that mean that women are a descendant of man fucking a dinosaur so hot
yes yes yes
you guys know that there’s like Dino porn they do not so matter-of-factly
my crowd yeah there’s a series of books or like like they’re there their fiction women being kind of ravished by dinosaurs dinosaurs have feathers you have every question that I have that was like pulling up some of the covers online and then like that yeah I guess I could just sort of a it said something out of fanfiction and then became like dinosaurs / like like this is dinosaurs like stories about like a dinosaur and then the sexualizing
dinosaurs like forcing themselves on the Whiteboard this amazing picture of like a t-rex with a big hard-on and then a woman kind of perched on it like like sort of like like rubbing his nipples or raped or
the but but but I think it’s sort of like like cuz that was my first question is are they Raptor size because that’s who cares
well the Raptors are like you know they’re there regular size so that’s like will the imagination of Whimsy don’t don’t don’t put me come find me in such a raptor Shaped Box alligators bigger than we have beast on this Earth that the Raptors are the same size as I think it’s very interesting cuz that I’ve never heard of that like the idea that you could sexualized such a giant prehistoric lizard I wanted to be very clear on that has like a Godzilla size like fucking things and then they sexualizing I don’t know I didn’t read it like it’s it’s reptile on women action or Orban know more about this
happened get up here with Rita some Dana Point was you mad
what is your name
please play America’s foremost author of Dino for engine many a book I don’t remember his name though
that’s why I said I thought it was a woman but I was like Danielle Steel
Reddit AMA one time and he likes to put business men in suits fucking dinosaurs or dinosaurs and Suits fucking the reality of how I’m turned on now now you got a fan
I’m sorry what’s your what’s your name young lady I shaped size but there’s also so yeah there’s no do you like dinosaurs
I have Island
don’t encourage him. I think we know how it is
Griffin mostly everyone else says
anyways. Please Dilophosaurus dinosaur is fucking cars are the cars like cars like they’re like with no faces not human eyes at all just like giant Hill I got sorry I got it wrong it’s not dinosaurs it’s dragons dragons dragons fucking cars
dragons fucking cars
everybody can I have my tequila back all right now we know there was a guy who hosts of the talk show before Geraldo
Somali
yes dance
you mentioned in passing some of these stories are dinosaurs size dinosaurs
sexualized and situations with regular sized women right
this guy and then we’ll have like a million okay do we have
truck angle
angle Wright shot human size dinosaurs but dinosaurs size humans his butt fucking his own but his own his own damn right it’s nice work if you can get it
his single wrote a story about his phone but it shows up and it’s like
so the first title that comes up is my ass is haunted by the gay unicorn Colonel or so a lot of these people a lot a lot of his 11 his invasion face Raptor in the hood
3/8 Raptor
okay so here’s the one I was thinking of pounded in the butt by my own butt
can we get can we put the can we put out the hermit, she’ll read that that story that’s good I just don’t wanna movie thing where it’s like a guy to be in on the joke I wanted to build a lot of the story is about him being so surprised that it’s actually his own son
is this rectangle do is this the guy is this woman as your as he’s holding up the cover of of of my butt pound of my own but as I can clearly a gut is on the title
when you walk past a harlequin novel do you think that Angela Harlequin is the woman on the cover of game
I’d really good thinking and I I feel dumb now thanks
all right well I thought it was like I thought it was like a new like culture among women who were like I want to do it with a dinosaur and they were like expressing themselves I didn’t know it was like some Anonymous guy who’s like and the dinosaur park the lady and everyone’s like the authors were female like like like things that couldn’t have been possible if the internet hadn’t like like like you know existed that the people can find each other in the find Their audience of that that you can if you know that rule 34 meets the human psyche and there’s like people going like you know what I have this one thing that I’m really really really obsessed with that I’m really really passionate about it and then everyone going yes yes yes
that’s what I love about the internet I thought I thought it was like there was just saying there was like this biosphere it was like like like a small subset of a subset of women like like that when they look at a T-Rex they like they get a little bit tingly people are like flooding there at work and going like this is amazing I got about this person I’ll be I’m not saying I just saying like the pathology I created in my head isn’t disappointed it’s like II
the lot to him whether or not people actually get off on it or not doesn’t really matter if it’s and we can just laugh at it too cuz I have a I have a relationship now or it’s like we open up the laptop we watch the Bourne the acting is bad like we can we can search for jokes we can search for whatever we laugh but I was just I was drinking off number if I can whatever it like like like like I didn’t tell you I guess that’s fine but the the Piranha movie thing that’s going to be part of someone else’s joke yeah
no no I got that when someone is in on the joke that makes it don’t laugh with me when I’m laughing at your thing if I can stay out of my joy making fun of you
your ground and say this is a Citizen Kane of a movies about a guy with Cronenberg e and scars on his back doing a sex scene with the woman and a fucking crazy ass like psychological experiment that involves keeping two cameras together when you see the shows up and about how much he loves it but have you seen it I think I can get even bring the title shot the words are too close together it’s all just type self-made movie star he made his doctor Phil kind of the lawyer is a lawyer in Los Angeles and so he funded and wrote and directed and starred and I’ll submit it and saying in his own movie and
cancel it at Center family and he showed up there once I cuz I would you think he’s going to be like now
HughesNet after my birthday
your birthday was right before it showed up and he was wearing a windbreaker suit 2-piece windbreaker suit and brought in his own Igloo cooler full of natural light are then when everyone ask about the movie they’re like it’s like so tell us about how you made the movies like well you know I want I set out to make the best action movie ever and I I think we got pretty close yep and then everyone it’s like you’ve heard a room full of people laughing but you’ve never heard of a room of people trying not to laugh
I really I mean that. That’s an interesting new phenomena to like everybody go see what was that worst worst what’s it called where the movie Troll 2 is like this like insanely horrible movie and there’s the actors in it and then it is interesting this thing that we do we celebrate because I’m so into this room because it’s so horrible and then like we’re like like what we are definitions of like when you’re being mean by doing that and are you supposed to be anyway what’s what’s like a issue or anything that I can solve for you with a rap like a like a like a social issue or a topic in the news right now or a personal thing for you or I’m I’ll make it all better with a wrap or I’ll dress it at least I’ll get to the bottom of it with dogs
and a city we’re going to die with dogs in the city and you people who live in cities stop getting dogs please can you go to work and you leave me alone and they’re bored you’re mean not doing that well that’s nice you were going to park where I can run around no but I’d stay inside all day to give me a beat
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
MC Dede gripes friend he’s been with you from the beginning to the end he’s got four little paws and a tail
yo check your mail there’s a letter from me I wrote it with a little blood and Pete cuz I’m trapped in the fourth ring of hell and I’m telling you you got to get your dog and sell it to to to to to a park so we can
get second verse gets to get better cuz I didn’t care to come in
tomorrow
I woke up.
There’s a certain character comes in
what dogs living in seclusion inside house has indoor dogs there should be no such thing my name is Vincent Price
I I take it I had to tell you that from your reaction
Vincent Price and I’m here to say now I’m the one that gets to rap today I usually do the Talking part in the middle but dime Vincent Price I play the fiddle
I put the sausage on the griddle I I love I love your I love Malcolm in the Middle
he does all right
well I hope that was exactly when the track ended you brought that right into the station then what
what would you want us to just throwing up what do I do
the big bus I feel pretty hard but I don’t feel like I’m in the city indoors like Molly said
you know what bring that beat back
you’re the same beat donut you’re going to get up and play it down
doubt doubt doubt doubt doubt doubt doubt doubt took her out for RVs and Fries but your mama in a size I can’t get my dick in her so I just rub it in the place outside for her to be in a dog
being a dog in the North
why you don’t want to go down to the town with a dog on the crown of the team of dog
when you go out tonight got a bucket job going to do it all night cuz it’s being a donkey
big fucking phone my name is Quincy Jones all I do is mattone all I do is all my child protective you’re interrupting I have infected the rage about you get out here you can take to get to fuck you
fuck you fuck you I quit and I’m going I get to my car and I’m driving away
yeah keep it keep it up
dim this light takes forever on your radio shit fuck I’m going to go to my girlfriend’s house she’s the only one in my name is
I just married Mr Joan what I didn’t even
put on the radio or your girlfriend I just married mr. Jones I am legally married to mr. Jones
why do you why do you like him in a California said they were legally married now we can do something about that I didn’t know if you love me though if you don’t then I don’t like you I I feel like a relationship is kind of hitting a plateau get out of my truck I don’t want to be in your truck
get out of it then
get out
alright I’m closing the truck in 5 seconds your truck you can’t get out I’m out of your truck
now I’m getting out
wow
I’m very good at was called mr. Jones and me
we’re going to be the real urban dog having
yeah I got crazy
will check back in with the Spencer what’s what’s going on in the world of politics let me tell you guys the Iowa caucuses are upon us people are caucusing they’re out there hitting the pavement the real shoe leather work by the the real working men and women of Iowa gentleman
oh wait wait wait caucuses vote if we be voting like this
and I don’t think I have to show you what the black caucus outside
and this is done it’s just very simple and elegant nice
what
what’s going on over there I just realized I forgot my keys so I want to make sure Kate’s awake when I come back home otherwise I’m going to be standing outside with plastic bags

NFL, but their neighbors are going to come out and go to clearly doesn’t want to see you right now
what is a caucus it’s you know how like we vote like for the person we want in California other places they don’t that’s that’s all I got what’s a what’s a what is a caucus
I guess I could have helped but isn’t it like well it’s more like a representative democracy where instead of one person one vote it’s like we get a bunch of delegates in those delegates get their delegates or something like that
I was so happy to see that SNL sketch where Trump was like the straight man and was like Sarah Palin crazy I’m going to be the new president has already for it like they’re ready they’re ready for eight years
I have brought me out so much that’s an old seems like the only comedy property that actually seems legitimately excited for a trump presidency was a joke but come on we care about that you guys are a caucus has a faction within within a legislative body that pursues its interest for their legislative process that means anything that might have
or a meeting of party leaders to select candidates alike from Pella 2016
it really makes no difference
Holy Ship who’s got the smart money right now I don’t know what is a cocktail party strategy and select their leaders in Canada
our voting
multi hours like hours
a quicker way of saying it was like
it’s a multi-day situation the week
yeah it’s like a it’s like a it’s like a it’s like a quorum it’s like a it’s like a meeting about did making a decision that ultimately is done by a show of hands or counting votes but also there’s a bunch of conversation not like a like a popular it’s a it’s like a caucus it’s like a collector, Iowa
they decided to go first you could just decide to go first really yeah except sin that’s what like I think Nevada was like we want to go first and then they like now their third or some shit I don’t feel like yes states are just they did a really bad job of decide to go first
I mean if I don’t take a rocket down the floor
start downtown
oh shit guys what man I tell you what it is it’s going to be it’s going to be a crazy week I’ll tell you I got a lot of stuff that’s got to get that shit wow are you finding I’ve got I’ve got you like I used to wax rhapsodic couch situation is crazy in my living room and my gas ones long one short it’s not working I know
got a table that doesn’t match the drapes if you know what I mean all right are you finding anything of which Miley can I ask you a question
nevermind babe this is been something I’ve ever came on stage Rob Robert I’m glad that you’re thinking about that so
that was not intentional
I just did Tim Conway right there are you finding it harder to be creative as you get older I think we forgot just now because it’s a depleting thing or or we shouldn’t be that easy I don’t know well it’s like I think you you’re you’re not only competing with everybody else around you but you’re competing with the last thing you did so you know if you know you did something that was like well that’s the best thing I’ve ever did now you know you’re going to have to outdo the best thing you ever did and everything that I feel that same feeling I feel like I feel like I just want to shit to make sense and it was like yeah well hard and never make sense lately
oh yeah because well yeah it’s a release from yes Rob definitely represents for a lot of us the the The Liberation from making fucking sense best
for sure you can’t lose I can’t I send you a kind of Comedy the new kind of Comedy, what’s the new kind of Comedy what comedy where I just say things that I should shows I should have said like I’m a director in size and I’m a writer fucking hard it’s hard being a director. Come on if you’re at the Rave what is a right to put it there and you don’t even have to use of that that’s wrong I would have put it everywhere
put it in my land
and then said do the same thing that I’ve been saying that for years then you should be directing directors get to like rewrite scripts to so it’s like the easiest part of writing right now and everybody thinks that they make the movie yeah
so it’s saying that I just like you did couldn’t be a dumber species the director
actors get me out of here you know why yes yes because actors are smart enough no matter how dumb they are that they’re like I don’t know what I should stay under the lights and like like like like work hard till like pretend to be someone else at a director could just be like
do it different
don’t forget to take cut that’s the second ideas for
exit again do different
let’s do a series do a different Prime X action action action action action action action action action
holyshit can you please direct something soon I want to see if you actually did that if you actually if I get there and you literally just got action no no no no and then all of it all it is is just like an experiment to see what the actors do when you just make fart noises Adam it’s going to
feel like a Crispin Glover movie
no
acting you you should have been directing a long time ago but you don’t want to be able to have perfect writing first like why would you direct until you knew how to write because I make any sense hard to write already and I need of the Waco I should I should add directing this is raining this and then I’ll fucking low I was already bad because I can’t finish making it goods are there no. Are there no directors that you like
are you not really like Justin Lynn he’s he’s he’s pretty good he’s good he’s a good friend of yours
so mean right he’s really mean right I’m going to mean guys are you happy with the episodes of Community that Rob direct you alive right really really really really
yeah we finally did it
your little sick, kill the multinational corporation
Yahoo
kids how much do paintballs cost oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God I’m going to Terry sit down oh oh my God oh my God oh my God it’s going to be okay oh my God oh my God what am I going to tell my wife
we could run right now really we could know where fucked I forgot that they said they had today I went to the art show it look like the place was packed.
The place was wall-to-wall in meltdown yeah in Los Angeles yeah I thought it was like that everywhere own shit fuck ocean man goddamn so much fucking money
so much fucking money on that show that got cancelled from Embassy on my car
Christ
well at least Donald Glover
know how old is Jed what were we thinking goes oh God portrayed somebody just admitted that I want to do
maybe I read the numbers wrong let’s go
where’s that
oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God
Girl Scout a good time what do you mean one second one second one second please
the temperature of just I’m just here to tell me about the board meeting that’s mr. There is a board meeting that is happening actually in the room you’re standing at right now
yeah okay okay okay I will just wanted to remind you of that my name is Andrew his name is Andrew Andrew you have the floor there’s a board meeting
Oak Island where Elsa live via satellite to all the shareholders
and I am I in trouble and I can show the board members in if that’s okay and also John sculley is here and Waze
and your daughter Lisa
I’m sorry your daughter Yahoo
expect that joke about Yahoo is here
you’re going to have to tell her that you didn’t and a situation that never happened all right, nine point member number to gamble
well I’m co-head of the stockholders and chief board member my name is John’s and
I’m seeing foco ahead of the shareholders and I’m saying
I’d like to know why I’m Yahoo
I’m only seven
Yahoo has been around for much longer than that I’d like to know why we
Thirty billion dollars this year on TV shows
that no one wanted to watch
I don’t think all of us science is back in Scrabble Gabba Gabba Gabba
what’s other space and who is Paul fagg
AJ is a very very talented director and we are lucky to be in business with him it says here you’re doing a basketball show with someone named Tom and Arnold
at the same time pick a lane this new Johnson talk
Alyssa the new form of Comedy explains itself
Roosevelt Roosevelt
sorry I can’t find your own way home right now for easy easy easy
will probably cut that out From the Ashes of Yahoo fantasy so don’t ya see
you guys on Sleestak 399 a month
all the way to the last you can get quick plus Garth marenghi’s darkplace a new a new stand-up special for 399 a month
eFax
did you hear that he has he’s just lost a zizo you Aziz it so user all right we tried our best we’re all going to die there’s no way we’re all going to die
that was the singularity the internet was the singularity
37 Macon content
Jonah I really like your last content special thank you so much
what good are they is bad so go to omaze.com I think of him so I can’t remember the web address how to get soulmate.com Rick and Morty just type in kids
scroll down past all the Jimmy J’s voicemails and you’ll come to a $10 every time you $10 get you a chance at fucking there’s a thing that you could be a voice of Rick and Morty and your cure AIDS that should be enough that should be enough you selfish age lovers
what’s in it for me so you can be in a cartoon
I really love that I going to make the winter appear as a anthropomorphic AIDS virus that supposed to be a villain right so we’re not going to let you know we do what we want here at harmontown do you know that’s what I that’s what we always say is you do you at harmontown I’m so glad that we’re not in Florida anymore
Jesus Christ I miss that I was I was doing anything about there was a guy that punched a guy on State and now is probably the best thing that happened I beg your pardon yeah it was it was a Florida man don’t go there I mean yep
I think of the millions of people who are there were millions of people at that convention but it’s the most wonderful people in the world and all of them were really nice and all of them are constantly apologizing for being from Florida which is not that’s insane. Lake lake lake that’s not it doesn’t Define you like like like the Armenians in Miami are identical to the to the Angelina ones except for the two guys they pretty proud of your house and you’re pretty proud of your home state after making a murderer
then you find out like he really did it
it’s like Death of a Salesman but it wasn’t in the title
what it was cuz it’s making of a murderer
yeah I thought so too but he didn’t do anything so I think one of his brothers is a part of
how do you make a connection I think one of your defending a guy who put him in jail for murder I don’t care
turn on sit down sorry I sorry you’re right you’re right I feel like they front-loaded that cat burning thing so it’s because I was watching the whole thing with my girlfriend and like I kept like lick every roller coaster dipped where you would like your heart would spank and grab each other’s hands ago he burnt the cat
a bunch of cat doesn’t matter who stood with like I don’t know where the cat threw it in the fruit in the Bible where the fuck Janet Rick yeah he definitely needed to go to jail for that I mean people that kill things should be in jail probably cuz they’ll kill things but even even the shittiest cats in the world minded their own business like there’s no such thing as a cat that like comes in your window and I was like hey I’m a cat I’m going to fuck with you and say feed me to pay attention to me but no cat is over like made you made their problem or because you have them trapped inside your house
everyone is irritated by a cat is only because they’re inside and you won’t let them out
that’s because Molly Brad has a dog things that are you an indoor cat person cuz cat shouldn’t be let out because then they spread if Ivy and they get all fucked up and eaten by Coyotes that’s gross. Com
go to aldis.com
episode title
what do you expect from a manic panic pixie dream girl
what’s your position on cat’s cuz I was renting and the door when the window is open but it opened up into the ground floor and so I was sleeping and I heard this noise in my room and I thought it was a robber or a raccoon which are both equally awful stuff in your room in the dark
dinner at the mime black mask over its eyes
so what you what you were so used to wet what’s the the cracks of that story is that chapter
I’m just saying that it doesn’t always mean that cats do one thing they’re not always indoor vs. outdoor cats sometimes they’re indoor or outdoor and they come in for unexpectedly and this guy the shit out of you should we should keep that in mind ladies and gentlemen flash play like like why are you putting fucking indoor and outdoor on me like I’m a dork at
gavel gavel gavel gavel
or you an indoor cat I don’t know if I can help out an Instagram of me crying cuz you asked
how about you fucking hurt me by asking me how old are you
anyways I was like my point being as like cuz I think it said yeah I feel bad for dogs that are pent-up within the opposite applies as they do people tend to are culturally we consider cats like these things that you open the door and let him out into the world but then we also talked about how that’s inhumane cuz this is the cats go out and they look like they shouldn’t have the cap should be indoors
what year did people get their faces scratched by cats any of the kids are bitten by cats and then I ever did was I put it down it’s ridiculous I agree I was anti cat stigma that’s why I think he’s descended from wolves from Egyptian cats
no disrespect but a lot of people into slavery that’s way worse than fighting a two-by-four on the Egyptian Santa’s a fucking bitch statues of them they pray them make the statue this how do you know we were around interesting
tune in to Jonah raised as president
all right how do I close the show is in song Tucker now I got that we’ve tried that you’re the last one that was great song Like We Are the World kind of celebrity kind of thing like where you at I’ll pick a celebrity character that you want to be a week like we kind of America in Funny Farm Aid kind of shit you are you literally
lifting something from Whose Line Is It Anyway
yes okay you like Whose Line Game is that Whose Line game last night
when is there a who’s there. Who’s like game where it’s like USA for Africa other celebrities are then Wayne Brady does the Klumps know that some Contents I want to see I just signed him for eight mobile suits
Dragon Ball my Razor phone wait for that in Seattle in Argentina yes it’s shaped like a dragon’s tail in Canada and you existed a swath of land that AT&T is about to invade you can watch three episodes of Mighty python boy that geofencing that’s good boy
what did you do to get back to the show
yeah don’t mind doing it
okay but what’s the cause of outdoor indoor cats
but it was over benefiting both of them all right but that backflip backflip backflip like they complain and they like we feel terrible for them
oh yeah gavel gavel hope you’re all enjoying you eucalyptus soup
and your Lexus yeah yo yeah for one minute wild and breaks his death right now is that this soup or too busy focusing on what’s on their feet to the street yo
for everyone to get together every bird has a phone but also has another bird with the feather and when you looked at the saying that should cover your feet you don’t want to see bags but some people see back bags on the feet
people
boo boo boo boo boo boo
we belong to each other every sister every uncle and brother that rhyme was predictable but this next one is delectable that’s impressive. Your mama’s so hot like an old-timey letter writer
Robert Rob
Molly ate cat gamer
I’m Jeff Davis your man once again this is Dan Harmon
Jones mr. Jones mix and I also invented telephone
and ringtones
dry pasta Kansas
give me find some shoes

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