Episode: 280 – Let’s Talk About Prostate Massage

Episode

Episode: 280 – Let’s Talk About Prostate Massage

Description

The show takes a decidedly weird turn from the start. Guests Rob Schrab and DeMorge Brown talk with Dan, Jeff and Spencer about enemas, prostate massage and more. Steve Levy shares Diarrhea Junior’s real life origin story. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Br…

Transcript

kiss me on Monday
session please welcome to the stage your game master
what you got in that bad go see your mayor of Hermantown you know his name is Dan Harmon
yeah yeah yo yo rapper to the flow grab her to the beach grabbing all night going to eat some meat and some veggies what can I say I like a full plate all day my name is Mister eating I made of a mouth and a stomach I like to eat things with the former and swallowing down to the ladder talk to you about it so hard that it was he turned to pancake batter put it in a pan and turned it into discs ate it down with a swish of red wine cuz I’m a functional alcoholic in the morning I’m calling you
for brunch for a lady or two mimosas yeah samosas know that’s Indian alright welcome to harmontown is it me Dan are you getting better at freestyle I figure I think you’re finding your your flow I think I’m getting worse at freestyling I’m getting better at focusing in on the 90 words that rhyme with each other maybe Eminem feel the same way now he doesn’t cuz he’ll say stole your mama’s Acura wrecked it gave it back to her
you don’t know it Acura rhymes with back to her unless you’re a true rapper like I’m just thinking I just stay I just learned to stay away from the word we just ran be Eminem for a minute and try to Freestyle rhymes for Acura that are kind of loosely rhyming like Scott Bakula sure guys sure I mean obviously if you can do it like you have that muscle to now let’s hit that beat again it was that put that being back just do better just being real good so you guys with you have my best interest at heart this isn’t some kind of in order for me to be better at what I do and to feel better about myself you guys want me to just do another rap no no no
draw your career tonight through rap spend the night
yo yo yo ho yo ho yo ho yo yo yo up and down the snow blow yeah that’s no blower in the driveway going to fuck your mama going to do it the right way see I can’t let it go right way right what you got it we got a big show tonight we got a lot of gas so we get a lot of old friends we got better shit to do than to fuk with me and drinking
I ain’t that what are the what are the only topic that I have your address tonight as I want to talk about prostate massage so if it if you think that we can get through everything else we have to do tonight and still addressing we should maybe me and David is prostate massage and then we’re going to need a lot of prostate massage conversation
I’m not saying he’s the prostate massage of guests or that he’s an expert in it
rabbit trap hello
I got beard beard beard grow in shop all ways a pleasure and face like it jealous jealous of its lustrous ponce’s is Jeff going through you got a haircut yeah I’m going to get my haircut face Guy Pearce fan of mine and you are one of the things that you know about me is that once in the late 90s I experimented having heard about the stimulation the prostate as a extra option at the Country Buffet of jerking off I took a Sharpie pen and put the non cap and up my rectum while jerking off which I usually do on my knees anyway so I was kneeling on a pan and kind of like moving around and it did feel a little extra good and I came the way I usually do turn on penis
it was last time I did it because then I could come and I was kneeling on my bed with a pen up my ass and I had to get a good pull is there a mirror in front of you know I do for me to the sexual experience that I don’t think you would put it there there I am there you are are wolf but so I always thought of it like okay guys have assholes yeah women have assholes everyone has an asshole and that guys because their homophobic assholes are Mars vaginas are Venus I think the guys because they’re homophobic like they don’t they just we just dissociate we’ve been socialized to not be like what what are you doing with my butthole and that other people be like
bendings up there is the reason of your dick or the pussy like whatever it is it’s all science and be like yeah I’m not interested in anything but the so here I just I just typed it in and I don’t know why I see cuz I remember a conversation with a friend of mine me who know it was there was that was the first prostate conversation I ever had was with a crop to put a pin in that I’ll put a Sharpie in them
the I I remember a writer on one of my Empires shows like going like well have you ever had your prostate milked
and I went no he’s like yeah I did that with so-and-so his girlfriend is that so they know and then he described his thing and it was like you said prostate milk so I’m not going to I’m just going to support you and I’ll think about it later
so then I Googled it so your prostate it is a first of all women don’t have them did you know that now yeah I just found that out ahead on the aquarium it keeps dimming it puts to pee out it release what is going to come out and then it in and it comes to your your third of your the whole pumping motion of everything that gets makes everything go out to provide does a gland a third of the total ingredients of seminal fluid hell yeah so apparently the prostate but it builds shit up but I don’t know if these are websites that are just selling you can wear anal tools and dressing the Hulk
they’re all kind of geocities looking and there’s like a gif of a nurse like like going like yeah this is important for these sponsored ads that your prostate milking into Google and then I started surfing as the kids call it an image search on the rag and the people that would keep in mind these are people who are selling you things that you put in your butt so they want you to put something in your butt but I don’t know what that they might be on the side of something in your right big butt stuff big butt stuff really I never when I put the Sharpie in my but I wasn’t doing it right because you can go to Reddit swear people are talking about the prostate orgasm with the Milky prostate like you put something in your butt wiggle it around the right way you like massage the prostate from the inside of your butthole
and eventually you’ll have an almost to a guy what feels like an involuntary shuddering orgasm grey that has nothing to do with when you do the other thing and there’s like an earthquake and then there’s guys on subreddits going like trust me like I get it you don’t want to put a thing in your butt but you should have guys and I I don’t I just am 45 years old and I just
they counted it should we make podcast history right when you said earlier that when you put the Sharpie and
can you apply did you and you said you did it wrong well just I what’s the right way to stick a Sharpie and that’s why I was pushing don’t worry we’ll know I did everything I say something do you guys are talking about putting stuff in there but they’re not just saying oh there’s a hole there that feels good when you stick stuff in it that that that there’s also a thing there’s a G-spot in their it’s great to put stuff in your butt sure everyone loves it okay to put stuff in your ear to you don’t understand I don’t have nothing to just shovel Shovel Knight rated up here and it’s great to have a milkshake for dinner
yeah I mean look at this right now
I had ice cream and apple pie for breakfast
oh boy
what are those the end of the podcast we just we just actually it was the first 11 minutes to roll
did you end up robbing you lying or did you really have that now I ate it anyway why don’t you make that up and then hang out at my job cake both gotten from Whole Foods where they sell the whole food like if you wanted to get 2% of milk they would just give you the whole milk do you want me to get half a sandwich they would say no you have to take the whole sandwich if you wanted to have you know like what if what if they like Reese’s Pieces no they said you have to have the whole Reese
we are this is Whole Foods we don’t have pieces or halves or 2% of anything here you want grapes or the other only milk is 100% milk have two gallons of it and you can pick them together in one gallon of the talk to my manager was like what do you want you want to counter filled with everything milk has in it before you remove some or would you like a shoe made out of a log because a shoe is real
that that’s just a pared-down laud your plan is bullshit
whatever you want you can’t have it so how it works
CC the prostate is like a normal sized like growth you can reach out toward your belly button and you can feel something the size of a plum I’m sure you could feel all sorts of stuff and they say don’t rub the middle of it don’t rub the middle of oh my God I want to rub my ear hurts more than it does it’s got low but how is it you got your prostate is more than a month like a factory it’s making its making a third of your come I mean you is mostly a factor I’m surprised like it the way that you know it is this urine pump is not well I don’t want to use this card but I grew up in the 80s
we had to know forms the head in Voltron that’s what we had to do. I thought I thought of it
alright alright you’re well why don’t the rest of you put it on the comic card okay and I’ll write all right I was saying that his generation that came out of me I was accusing him of it yeah
who do you who do you think was who do you think was the Christopher Columbus of a prostate massage when you’re rub the your rub your change it ain’t like it does what it is my hand goes there because Rob’s Rob told me something what’s thinking about that while you lie anymore I haven’t done it in but I can’t I feel weird telling a church is sitting right there and don’t say it
church church do you want to step
bet that there was there was a girl and I was like 22 who got right up in there with her finger and did something I don’t know what she did I couldn’t describe if there was a load of clothes or whatever the flim-flam but all I know is I came for 3 days like I like it like a like a laser beam wait for 3 Days probably left it was a regular guy or just like this like the Death Star blowing up Alderaan it was a giant focused beam of orgasm and she went up there and found this like magic button and up my butthole there are different things I was holding my breath for a while as you read it and you want to talk now I didn’t know I didn’t I had nothing to say
what did you what am I doing wrong again what am I doing wrong and crazy you were like you were like not even he was like he was like I don’t know he was like this is not how prostate touching should be and I’m about to explain what it should be okay thank you then I’m sorry I was about to pretend that you were a clone to what effect well I told you about the time when the doctor put the thing in my butt when I was just like that I woke up woke woke up in the middle of it is I pretended to be asleep though but if we cuz the end they were making fun now I was pretending
damn your misremembering I pretended to be asleep so I could find out if they were making fun of me you never did but then somebody sent like all of us like hey man records on his phone the doctors making fun of him while he travel stories back-to-back this is for the people who haven’t just finished listening to 350 episodes in a row like I’m going to go fast for you guys but if you if this is your first time here in your time there’s a snowstorm Maya Rob schrab who’s the best time travel stories in the world first one is
shrub there was a way we could start with that one to the people don’t think I’m insane what you were just saying like you’re pointing and I don’t know what that means I am sorry this song called Space Oddity was that is of the 80’s song coming Major Tom are you received the difference in the song when the the astronaut is like he’s drifting into space and he goes and then and then they go across the stratosphere to the signal comes in and this is Major Tom communicating to ground kontrol he goes give my wife my love then nothing more
and and that’s the dramatic point where they lose contact with major time and shrub thought that that was Major Tom saying don’t fuck my wife yeah give my my love not yours Jeremy my wife my love and leave it at that and Kyle are just give her the message and take her home okay you know yeah don’t fucking and then there’s a giant Coke whether it’s the guy on the set of the medical guys talking to us and strongest can drinking too much fucking Diet Coke like guys I got to stop drinking so much Diet Coke and the medical guy goes yeah well you know what makes your dick soft and strap goes really
and I and I got ya studies show that yeah it does makes your dick stop just so you know it’s or
and it wasn’t it wasn’t I’m not telling stories about funny jokes ticks often I said you mean like Silk we are like velvet like if you just pour it over it is it is it become like velvet yeah you’re right you’re right you’re right you’re right which is softer you guys think so Kerrville to fucking self man and I don’t know why did I launch into the cuz they’re like it’s good I don’t know doesn’t matter
I just I just I just think it’s funny that after all this time it turns out if you stick a finger up your ass you have a different kind of orgasm
that has nothing to do with your other orgasm are you going to explore this at home I don’t I don’t know about that update my podcast audiences I always have to me that it was as good as you’re claiming to be you would do it again you don’t know no I’m saying like when I did it with a sharpie I didn’t do I didn’t do it to the wrong with that you just recently know I didn’t do no I was reading about it go to the go to the pleasure Chest in West Hollywood and go in into the toy room and talk to the people that work there and say hey I’ve heard about this prostate thing for a gentleman what’s the story on that I’m able to walk you into a little chamber of like down an aisle I think this is the stuff that you or your partner can put up your butt hole and is going to make you come to see if I do when I cut you off there but if we’re going to talk to anybody about this we should bring up to March Brown
what about bats. Oh yeah
termites Brown for the pet stuff segments
bracelets just talk about the world’s greatest intros history
okay great Jesus entering on a on a donkey Palm Sunday right I was a good intro into the Rose Bowl Brown being announced on harmontown in association with anal stimulation in a new hope that’s all of them booty fun stories for us or only the things that I’ve heard that’s probably plenty of the street you heard that
rumor that good I have friends and it comes up in conversation they have been a spill their guts and guts spilled it’s not supposed to work like that I have to tell us about the real thing as far as I’m concerned it’s a very real
the one story that made you go or somebody told you like it made you go
okay
all right.
There was a good story I think a part was because I was seventeen I think when I heard it but there was a friend of ours who is older brother went to college and he came back one Thanksgiving I think and had a story about a formal these formal dances where the women would you know where a guy would ask a girl a girl that’s a guy out depending on who’s who was the host of the party and the idea was you would meet and have wine and cheese and crackers and talk around cocktails and do whatever and then I’ll hop on a charter coach to go to a resort somewhere for a big party that involve to dinner but several forks and knives in the story about butt sex and the Toastmaster company brought me up here doing everything work
probably 19 talking to seventeen-year-olds and he’s only talk to me and my friend kicked everybody else out of the room is like this happen to me in this is I don’t know you know it’s just hear the story and also made the guy almost made the my friend almost 9 a blood contract not to don’t tell Mom and Dad and I can accept but he said that he went on a date this girl or was asked by this girl to a formal and he goes to the formerly get the nice to go to the party talked about a bunch of the idiots that are like so they’re trying to chat him up and see if he has the qualities to work in the financier or whatever the older guys are in a charter to go to the same girl for a nice conversation is awesome
all right that’s it that’s our very tone deaf fully guy
he doesn’t he doesn’t have an expansive library and he doesn’t have very good timing
we’re too were two realities before people get on a charger or is it that it doesn’t fit in the story where you had to go on a plane to get these are college students okay that’s all and he’s saying as it was telling his kick everybody out of the room except it’s us at this party and he’s saying you know he was at the here’s what college is like that was his that was the funny thing about what he was saying so he’s telling the story and he just said that he went out with this girl that had a great time at dinner they both got look it up they both decided to leave before the trial was going back got a taxi or something take a back and she takes him back to his room and no big deal with people do they get down so to speak and the guy wakes up the next day
add a light just as the crack of daylight and realizes that he’s covered in excrement what is entire by like everything there and he doesn’t know what to do to serve them gently wake the girl up and then she says she’s all I got something to tell you but we got to deal with this first because everybody else has come back after them there it’s they’re the only ones awake at this point and they go through that sort of like horrific Swiss Family Robinson thing of like taking each piece and figure out a way to get rid of it the mattress had to go out there’s also a place I think roommates
you’re asking questions that he’s going to meet me at the time I didn’t drive to listen right
look at listen to El make sense
El Toro to go like what he’s a fish like yeah let him fucking craft as web we know he’s a fish that everything was cool at the end of it but they had to she had to tell him after they got everything settled they left and went for coffee and now I’m lost. I have so many of his or somebody else it was hers about to find out if she has to tell him that she discovered in high school that she had a natural reaction to a specifically what you were talking about which is that probably has the sort of super orgasm but then she her body Vince itself
maybe you should have led with that maybe you should have said hey just so you know don’t freak out if I come in the living room is a polar bear right onto I have to get rid of the girls should have led with that at the time he wasn’t that you shouldn’t I was trying to check and she pooped her she pooped in the whole everything she came so hard I cried every well you got to be pretty tired to go to sleep most people like you didn’t go all God I just shat all over this dick is balls is stomach is neck and his sheets and everything
but I’m just a little I’m just going to I’m just going to do not off right now can we at least drop $50 on an actual soundboard or something
like this
I know I’m a man of the people it’s a big date raise more questions than it does hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no one messes that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so that’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest film nerdiest Phil married like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
but her track but please continue I mean I just like he does this parting one and I’m like I know is a someone drinking a gatorade bottle like it doesn’t sound like fart and then it’s like I don’t know how
what’s a Mudslide train in a windstorm nine muffled crowds and three City farts that’s it’s just it’s confusing
the answer questions and then every every 20 prices he has to watch an ad for Match 3 game of those are good anyways man that wants only have prostates women don’t men have their for it they have a grape in there but that if you rub it the right way and there’s a whole thing and that’s it I’m content leaving the static stages at you when you
a colonic you know the kolanut an enema Sunday’s used to be a colonic day for me and I would get colonics alright take it from there and it was at first I was trepidatious of it I was or kind of not I was worried about it cuz I heard stories about what they do they’re right but when I got there and then they took care of me it was actually in hindsight was pretty good it was alright in Heinz
my eyes were brighter by Adele except one time she said she’s you know or maybe two days before
you coming here eat something that’s seen him look vegetables is that I spent like all day eating french fries chips I’m so she always says don’t don’t don’t point a snow blower at the shovel erat event at the sidewalk you’re hiring me to shovel
halfway through there’s a problem I know
and it’s I’m getting some blockage
which is hot right now I mean it’s a turd it’s it’s something and anyway I’m not going and she’s being very cool about it you know she’s trying to make conversation take just breathe you’re going to be okay it’s okay so what are you and your wife going to you going to do anything this weekend how’s your dog doing and I’m like and I’m like tapping my leg and I don’t know I don’t know man she’s like just just breathe are doing fine okay you’re leaking a little you’re leaking a lot she’s telling you that do you need to you need to go do you need to do you need to do you need to make up to go and see if I can I can okay okay okay okay I’m going to I’m going to pull it out okay so okay can you can I
with a lot of people listening want to know
what position you’re in laying on your back button is it to come down for like an IV line. If I got it comes out a different hose

I mean what do you mean comes out of your nose is only one you just said you saw stuff going by and also she’s going to like isn’t the whole point to leak like well it’s like shoot water up your butt and then for a while and then you it breaks down everything and then I guess he turned it up and it sucks it oh okay I didn’t know that so is that is so so to eat a bunch of french fries is to create a kind of damn of half French fry have
is painful and also it’s like it’s palpable that’s like other than going all the way up its supposed to go the water supposed to go all the way up there like a gopher in this whole okay all right and she said she saying to you when she says are you going to be okay do you want to me to stop she means do you want to go take a shit or she think she should I run for cover like should I can I get money is not over yet
so anyway I can one person in the room
stand up while I was
during her monologue You’re talkin now I’m sorry I just wanted your saying out loud you’re going I’m having it at I can’t do you need to go to go to go she’s like okay well I could give me a second reason I can do for you really leaking okay here we go 1-2-3 and walk from the table to the toilet that’s across the room and just get all over her I should on her the floor everywhere I’m an intern while I’m shooting at you cuz you need some time alone I said yeah I think I need some time alone I don’t see why she’s not more like why her industry isn’t more prepared for this
that’s what he told me not to eat french fries and I screwed up and had a wonderful attitude about it because I think I’m a bunny she said for linking it sounds like you have a dysfunction about you not oh you’ve been using your body the way a body should be used your leaking there’s a turd halfway down the water hitting the turd early you can just
tie it off with his old is water that’s already up in my intestine right now I bet you could turn it off but they’re still said so see it when she checked in with you and said hey something is happening and we going to the same page here at end like if you would said no it’s cool it’s fine she would have been like okay I’ll just increase the pressure of the hose
what would happen on your average day there be moments of a boy that’s a that’s a that’s a that’s a part that’s a part there that’s an area that’s a that’s something we have to deal with and then I’d be like
and then she would get out jasso like there’s a clump of grass in Arizona and then we would go through and it would and getting that all the gunk and crap and shit and awful that that’s what I’m confused about is how they regard that is force majeure when it happens this Saturday of this ass that’s going ladies and gentleman again would you have a full flight I don’t know how it happened
the work in the airline we’re going to do right this is not what’s supposed to get out you know cuz she turns the water for a while and they said it was okay
a linear and then and then but then there’s some times where it’s too much where I’m like a good good to go where it’s like oh man you know when you’re trying to hold in like poop and stuff okay so when she says it’s leaking she means you’re shitting all over my hands means my arm my blouse humans are not being a conduit for a broken circuit she’s regretting some Life Choices I hate to ask you about this but the other thing going up your ass is a to it’s got time to Bob’s taketh away
they’re listening to the show that we will kindly correct me but I don’t think anybody was listening to this
avoid right now for the best people in America close it out she pulls it out and it’s just like you know popping a water balloon and I’m just like
and I’m and I’m doing this I’m going to give you some time alone yeah I think you should just leave the time of Lieutenant she turns on like like the the ambient music a little louder than the music goes up full value of course I’m finishing on the toilet and after I wash my hands the first thing I do is of course I have to text Ag and go I just shit all over the this poor woman and he’s riding back oh my God I got this this colonic and I ate poorly two days before and it gave me some issues and I cash it all
this woman right now and I mean that’s the point of trying to it’s not that I don’t have anything not figured out yet I’m just trying to wrap my brain around the colonic industry come inside we’re going to wash the inside of your butt out we’re going to stop in warm water up one side we’re going to suck everything that comes out the other side okay they’re moving forward after okay how you feeling peachy and she has cool and then coming back and then what she sees is a half a pineapple and she’s like I did you have a heavy breakfast and you’re like no you told me not to and she’s like suit yourself
we will lie detector she shoots it up forward and then you’re like okay that’s fine. There’s like a wedding ring and a responsive and she’s like look you had brunch say you had brunch I had brunch and she’s like go to the bathroom shit out your stuff before I click on your ass hole Rim he spreads it out and then diarrhea explode everywhere over the world and she said she’s like it’s okay it’s fine and she kills herself I never see her again now I see she wasn’t like its okay its okay its normal she wanted to impress upon you that she is doing this for a long time I’m sure I’m not the first time I heard today was not the first time she saw somebody else’s shift if you ain’t as of the Steven Wright bit like if you ate a box of Oreos before going to the dentist the dentist would be
look what you do come on and meet me halfway and you’d really what do you mean you’re supposed to clean my teeth really cute Oreos
yeah they changed it to everybody gets the same to believe me we me ask from the audience did they do they change the two because they changed it to ya even I’m ready for those of you listening with diarrhea sound number another episode but she she made it a point to say I doubt there’s the the nozzle tip there’s like an adult size and then there’s a child’s eyes I like to use the adult child size on adults because it’s not as invasive it’s not as though it’s the size of a small
dick why do we think that men in America associate the butt hole and things going up it like why is that a normal amount of American
but like women too are like what is it a is it an American but whole thing or is it a male American gay thing is an American male gay thing I think the worst thing you could ever be in America for most Americans believe this is is to be a gay man told early on that gay men use the butt hole that that’s the joke that you told an end-of-the-year the beginning of being as a kid do you know your your game and it is that you talk to they’re like there’s like different mythologies like a guy on my high school had to move Townsend that had to change schools and look actually the family left town because somebody caught him like walked up and look through the window Vista
and he was there masturbating and his nickname became Jackhammer yeah I know you telling me about that and he was so shamed and humiliated left the goddamn for you kids and my kids a story and Below High School masturbate if you’re nice, you’re masturbating don’t let people catch you just like make them like it’s being the bay window of your house and jerking off if I can like dare them to come up on your lawn it’s a different Steeplechase down but the crazy thing is that that kid because there was no internet yet that kid could look in your drapes see you jerking off and then convincingly tell the locker room he was jerking off and then you’d have to change schools this is this isn’t about changing times this is about our attitude about sex and self-exploration and things this is like how bad it’s always been and hasn’t really changed even though now it is a kid could look in your drapes and see you.
got the difference is if he didn’t have his camera it’d be your word against his and it wouldn’t matter it’s really about the cringe value of how you look when you jerk off now cuz now the kids know everyone jerks off but how about a vulnerable you are which is the same thing you know what I mean it was right there on that there also is it like the parents are different them in the things of your card by now they were around at the time now those there are kids in that age of age group now are adults and have children of their probably socialize them differently to add sitting on the foot of your bed talking about your dick like I ate it it could be it could be the way I think you’re doing it right now obviously fucked up now going to look at the guy know I’m just saying like you don’t know you could have the best of intentions you could have it we don’t because we don’t have we we know everything about bee stings that
you should know by now until we invent a way to treat bee stings better we have we don’t know anything about kids going through puberty in like like starting to feel how they feel and what we put it off and it’s not even just cuz I’m going to say even though we feel like in America were hung up about it like it’s the species right it’s like the whole fucking species we don’t just go like oh by the way there’s a thing in your butt and there’s a thing in your balls and like no one wants to talk to kids about this shit like Wendy if you can’t what do you talk to me like you’re 7 years old before you care about it it was talk about your butt in your balls and your dick in your nipples are like the kids like Spider-Man but then a year later that kid could be like I’m going to I’m going to go fucking insane because no one understands what I’m going through cuz my nipples feel weird
fucking what a lost species
do women shame each other about masturbation and is that a girl thing Church in it and I’ve never heard of a story of women walking in and out of another girl masturbating in high school and and that being a giant bummer this is just a guy thing
hi them together I’ve been out here a lot of stories about girls like more they practice kissing and stuff whenever but I’m not I’m not going to I’m not going to spokesman that but I do feel like but I’ve also heard stories about like dudes talking about jerking off and then one kid in the in the group of friends and be like yeah jerk off its the best and then that’ll just be the story of how that kid changed that Community but you’re cool he’s like yeah and I fucking jerking off all the time so do I love you bye and it was like he’s right like I’ve heard those stories it’s kind of like if word got out in my high school that anybody any of the guys that got outed for wearing women’s underwear that guy would have been run out of town but there was one guy was a bad ass and his dad was like in the mafia and they feel like the show Haven your parent Lee you were like women’s panties like silky a little like like song panties because yeah they’re really comfortable
OSHA if he backed off on that that he would have been torture yeah but he goes yeah why don’t you yeah I’ve heard a couple of terracotta are there called the guy died like cuz I can’t I don’t know if like we want to talk about like how girls are different from boys like will they bite but also it’s like if you were in high school did it meet undies and we would we would have been really punished for it but you and I as adults. We like we like we like to hear the soft on these
yeah well I’m hungry I’m starving dinner was over so you can go eat at Broad something to eat or would you have brought it to go to plan to had we all know how do you get your nachos nachos but I don’t do. I don’t I I do vegan Cheez-Its it’s not the same Jesus is kind of a drag getting better better yeah everything is getting better like Beyond burgers and are fantastic you know I just I don’t melt vegan cheese it just doesn’t taste as good and
but but it’s still and I still love it I still eat that shit eat that shit fucking stupid I wouldn’t had a chat with Kevin Smith who is basically vegan now because you just had his first heart attack I don’t want to knock out a way to help that much cuz I figured he’s been talking about that for ever and his podcast but is really fun but he’s only he’s two years older than me and he said he was never a heavy drinker but now he’s like he’s just going to go vegan and it has nothing to do with him caring about animals he’s just like I’m going to they told me I have to it’s like all this meat and stuff and then he’s like yeah they’re my friends are like what are you now that you had a heart attack you’re going to be like this kind of good person and he’s like no I’m just meet 4:47
was a good run I’m going to like now I am going to go vegan because of the thing happen we see almost died because you weren’t doing something so all the sudden you’re going to start doing and you know what are you to put that you were thrown at 80 feet from a car wreck and you’re going to start wearing your seatbelt laws sudden like a really weird I mean people love to put people down so it’s not pull up the door like yeah that was me I was Kevin Smith’s friend that really tried to shame him so he was just kind of collectively be like amazing I wonder what that’s like
I got a big Rob grab fan I’ll tell you that so I can talk to talk to Kevin Smith about Rob schrab
now Alka
I was like can we move on you know I just like what’s it like I don’t know like I don’t know I can’t be that dumb am I not dumb prove it and he’s I proved what what do you want to do with Kevin Smith sounds like you could come up with him that’s so weak I see Kevin is very very nice he’s actually a big reason why I did the last four inches of scud cuz somebody sent me oh Kevin remember forums he’s talking to you about you and the for him and he just wrote like hey you know I love the scud and travel never wants to finish the the book it’s it’s okay
I just you know I just respect what I think is good and I got whatever I got the whole shebang right here by bass nation of the whole shebang was came out in 2008 this is the fourth reprint of it and it’s got a new cover just got the whole is if it’s a 10ft is like that’s like the only Dior though I’m hoping I can do a Kickstarter this year for the 25th anniversary to maybe do I don’t know I’m going to regret saying this but a color version of the whole book about comic books that I just never got any of them but I think scuds are the only comic books I’ve read like cover to cover thank you so well-drawn the subject
thanks how do you do it I don’t anymore I don’t do anyting one issue a month like we would all hang out and we smoke weed and drink and do whatever we were doing but then everything like now would be like what are you working on opening up to us and like talk it out and invite Lake all of that Maelstrom so he was like for at least a month
probably several months cuz you probably weren’t taking a PD like a month-and-a-half feel like going home in like Bob Cratchit like fingerless gloves on your kitchen table or I could draw on a page of a comic book that you and you wore it wasn’t like running around telling everybody I’m going to do a comic book and it’s going to be about this and that and never said anything about it just would go home every night and work on it and then one day unveiled that he will the rest of us have been not understanding are prostates that he had made this comic book on this kitchen table
very interesting interesting Behavior delayed gratification they call it I guess
yeah I got I am damn
so what would it be like if Kevin Smith had friends over like making fun of Punta I don’t know I thought you were asking okay you what do you think it would be like I think it’d be a little something like this hey stop stop leaving me alone I already gave you a copy of tusk
like that house living with the can’t lie cuz you going she’s pretty cool she’s playing stardew Valley right now both playing stardew Valley I both of you are do Valley is what it’s a video game a video game what platform are you playing on the switch it’s great are you both doing on this which yeah she has one to we both have them and switches jargon you plant do you mean of the Nintendo Game Boy
the new Nintendo operation switch you playing them games on the switch could you play like a multiplayer cuz she go to your farm and they can you go to my phone and switch on the game keep play on the game at the farm I think so can you can you can you Google which in the same if you had to be in the same room to switch get me some new curate here we’ll go to my deal and get me some new country that thing right into my earlobe mother fuc up to you like video games at one point what do you like what do you like now I like pepper to Pepper to I like pepper to is a good game I also like to wish a mess and what you making shit up or made up
that’s an old game from like the Commodore 64 so you didn’t desert island you get to pick between you get one I would play the desert island game you know one old-school 80s Video Game you have to choose between one of these two desert island for the rest of your life or until you get rescued burgertime or elevator action that’s easy and come on man I never respected either game no fucking bullshit game
Kevin has a fan of the mama rap
what is a pretty cold Ryan but your mama plays burgertime meeting up to pick up with a little squeeze of lime it doesn’t I don’t think pickles would need lime
it was that your mama get to none when she’s playing out run to kind of like a steak cuz he’s always getting done ran over there she was elevated action and they made her take the stairs to see anything really denigrate your mom maybe three Supreme Court Justices I know all the words that amount of reps that track of all the can you find that oh yeah I’m sure it’s done and I hope he has every where did we talked last week that we talked about nunberg and this isn’t the political entertainment do we talk about number to make a little bit it he’s he’s he’s the best he’s the he really is like the we thought we’d picked scaramucci
I just being a complete fuck it it’s kind of fun like as the very definition of a rodeo clown game drunk me to tell Robert Mueller to go fuck himself on every every liberal use platform has to be just like no I didn’t know I didn’t know I had this weather like where you are going to head home I God yeah but that was a different character because the thing about nunberg is he’s like the he’s like the cupid version of bad like what do you call a cherubim he’s a cherubic version of Martin Short’s Nathan thurm so there’s
Philly guileless he’s just like a flying baby who just flitted through it just has a little arrow quiver and it is like I think you should be 11 I think I should be loved my father he’s like a father to me and he just like he didn’t know of anything that didn’t taste like marshmallows and what was the end result with and I are going to go in at somebody’s if you’re going to go to jail again and so he went in and they take that out at.
I think he’s like yeah it’s all right that’s fine you just need a little extra you do a little baby little baby goes in for a haircut you need to like give him a dinosaur to chew I just need a little extra from us he got drunk and then he was like I’m going to be famous I got to be like that girl who cock cash me outside this going to be great or like to make the cake for the gays or whatever but like he I think he bought into the like it’s a good thing you got swallowed up in the weird gel that they use to douse the hillbillies like they then he started getting high on that supply and be like oh wait this is bulshit Hillary didn’t do as subpoenaed mean everybody’s going like yeah but one thing to do
that you can’t do what you’re doing either do you like watching him go I guess I have to go do it if you go to eat broccoli on the jail
thanks Spencer he look like he going to get high and again when you switch or Kelly Kelly I’m in my room with my cat on Google do you know how about you where you live why don’t you why don’t you come back why don’t you text me back I’ll give me some emojis mother how long is Sweet Child motherfuker come on motherfuker, motherfuker we got to sell some of that we have some sales on this furniture got to help sell some of the Sea Foam couch eating her salad
account for just a couple of cushions for more switches
that’s what happens
that happened yesterday I never watched an episode of Mary Hartman Mary Hartman am I missing out am I missing out I mean like I keep it keeps it keeps coming back how many World Series has anyone on the stage watched an episode of Mary Hartman Mary Hartman and corrected tell me the premise of the story she gets bit by a radioactive I was a kid I don’t know she just seemed out of touch and it was a very internal unhappy but trying to put a happy face on stuff like a soap opera that it was on every day it was it was offered to the same buffet as the soap operas so you were getting guiding Young and the Restless that Mariah Carey
Shirley where they sold its indicated I was always told it was like it’s going to be above a soap opera wrote a soap opera so it was Metta right it was like I’m a soap opera meet move like a piece of shit for watching me and I wasn’t Fernwood tonight like a spin-off of that end in in the show she doesn’t hear well
okay, give you saying that’s why it’s called Mary Hartman Mary Hartman cuz you have to say everything twice yeah
alright well let’s go to the weather section of our podcast night is been raining music tonight
weather
partly cloudy always absolutely no circumstances are doing man Rain Man listen you hippies you scumbags you zipperheads is creep Squad he charges is going to be a rain it’s going to watch it all the way I’m going to be there a train you zipper head is compute rank
are you doing the dude from my from Oregon to the Future II can you dig it suckers on the Warriors all right, saying come on please just one sad can you pick up any day. Just I want just one
I wanted to let me know what’s the gun sword the gun right Spencer did you know God is good the penis is done as well as one of them
add a funnel and some golf balls
that’s most of the story
no
no I don’t have a singular but stuff story what about like an average was put some stuff in your butt
some fingers you know taking the full of golf balls
this is serious it’s worth a shot against the nozzle in my bathtub could you and you’re like a Jacuzzi like sponk waterjet how is it what’s the melted wax wings of flying too close to the Sun of water lakes Rob Eagles Hell Kalin would be immediately and said I took a bubble bath tonight can you give me daily about how you found out that you could jerk off in your bathtub by kneeling down in front of a decide novel and putting Jimmy jacuzzi water up your butt while you jerk. I feel like it’s the best and then you text me one day instead Jeff I flew too close to the Sun
and I’m flattered myself like a water balloon and run over to the toilet and it sounded like you just bought a bucket from Home Depot I just pour it just sounded like that but it was like I was like I gave myself and I told her I guess I have told that story and famously for it’s coming back coming for a wine shop is it true if you know what I mean
just tell me a story once long ago that he says one time I wish it so bad that I passed out and hit my head on the sink and cut my head open is this true while they’re in every Tuesday but I don’t have my grandma’s house and I didn’t let him Christmas turkey before I was like you to answer me at 3 to go for a few days I was probably 22in and 22 I remember waking up like pants and all I see is floor wall and door
and I look up and has blood everywhere like all over the mayor of the sink the thing and I apparently had either peed or pood and I was sitting down and got up faint and smash my face into the edge of the sink and then flew to the other side of the bathroom and landed there and only woke up and my grandma said Jeff the phone is for you and I look up and I still have a scar across my nose and it’s one of the two reason of my nose is a little bit that way but we have to pick myself up how do you know it wasn’t a lien what’s that way cuz it but I kind of remember I talked about the great neurologist who can read you like an MRI
based on this neurologist from Harvard’s like Blythe and I said I was telling the story about passed out and I broke my nose and she liked what you passed out when how old are you
I guess I was 22 and she goes
cuz you just paid I said yeah if you got a good as you walked away
I knew you were a Pisces so you went into the bathroom close the door locked it hopefully
shit so hard that you passed out and cut your face open up too quickly from time to time I my dad’s face my brother fans were taller skinny we’ve been up and we please just eating a lot or whatever if we stand up too quickly my dad never fainted at Channel when I want to know if I can only stay up this late and do you just eat a lot yeah I do you stand up quickly as you got your fine good pick up get the fuck out of here like I like I like if I’m on low blood sugar
so
everybody else is a Thanksgiving family setting and then like phone rings knock on the door hey the phones for you you come in so we can come out covered in blood and they went
it would be my grandma I’ve gone from the only be one person right now it is all coming back I looked up and my face is covered in blood splatter

will you still bleeding I mean so did you like go to the hospital I think I either glued it
like glued in skateboarder turn Bugs Bunny Band-Aids but if you walk into a bar are you even at 22 stick it when I went away like a hundred and seventy pounds with with the one across your nose and a big Shiner people think like that people wouldn’t even make eye contact with me I think I look tougher because like Bugs Bunny me and my friends used to like sword fight with PVC pipes and one time we had a tremendous Perry that blew up both of our pipes and one of the sharp shards of PVC sliced into my face and caused this like vertical
scar going from my I like down my cheek and like like you see in cartoons and stuff it had those little Crosscut things along it for whatever reason and so like when I went to school people are like that crazy how’d you get and I was like oh I was in a fight and then people thought I was a total badass did you get stitches for that no no that’s what’s so weird cuz I actually formed in the scar they got those little butterfly Band-Aids at a great like I got cut myself pretty bad and the ones that you like stretch him out and it pulls it back together it’s almost like a stitch from anyone yet what are those have like extra care about those live nothing else to talk about what you guys are doing great
drive me to kiss me on Monday if no drinking coffee is a lot of fun but you know it’s not drinking fun a lot of fun drinking coffee out of a mug that’s not made by Robert Rob you made these rub yes it is. You can I keep this as yeah thanks for you I brought him in for you it’s Rob. Rob original where do you get it Rob work is there a Don to try and find a coupon code for a guy I commented on your one of your things and you said will there be any cheap Epp t-shirts and you replied to him why would I make fake merch you piece of shit
yeah why would I because you’re you’re what you’re trying to say to that kid as you’re not cheap Epp and you don’t know what to talk about we know that I’m not so why why would this be a surprise to you and why would you why wouldn’t I react I just want to be fake merch don’t know if it’s not that word why does that make the merch fake
I am not that where the merch is real regardless of what you want I’m not that worried are you enjoying the iPad Pro
see how you might want to take a nap. I’m going to I want to but I can’t do I can’t force myself
so is that the iPad Pro isn’t something you’re using right now are you like it or what I’m just kind of laying around I mean I’ll give it back I got it out if you this whole
drama this whole like dragging me through the the fucking mud and make it a shame every time I open it and look at it I hear all right we’ll have you back so now you’re like what year did implying to me that I have inhibited your creative through put no no no I didn’t help it but you mean you aren’t responsible if you don’t like you don’t like the iPad Pro I don’t know like he doesn’t like the person who gave me a hard time with everything right now I don’t like my laptop I don’t like my my my my Apple TV I don’t like you know whatever I’m having
I’m just I could talk more about this off Mike but I’ll get it back right now why would why would why would I make like a TV TV anyting would make it I’m saying it wouldn’t be fake Murph know it is beyond you would have made a real piece of merch that says the worst tppm strong about that sent I wouldn’t have done that so don’t say you it would have been staged because I didn’t pursue it as a hypothetical situation where you did this you wouldn’t have done it right just as a totally theoretical hypothetical what if if I like came like from like like a Twilight Zone like like figure from outer space and said it’s Rob if you
cheap Epp merchandise you’ll become like you will get 10 million dollars dollars are absolutely hurtful wrong Falls City why would I want to celebrate him making fun of me why would I want to put a spotlight on that why would I want to why would I want to do. I’m not going to just pull any principles man hold on to your principles
biker dude
that makes sense why I would have to do is that sounds like a good trade-off I’m the one that’s got to look at me in the mirror in the morning every morning I got to live with me the rest of my life might as well cash in 30 million dollars $100 a hundred billion dollars to make other people list cheap you could you could create institutions are you could teach kids to have that way I’m not cheap anyway not cheap
how’s your fucking free coffee mug aesthetic
oh boy
School freakout
that should be a t-shirt as how’s your free coffee mug Astrid
yes my name is not on a mug
it’s a better bumper sticker or t-shirt invective to them like every week weekly for the weekend but what you’re really thinking is fuck this job but I like ranking dads
well yeah I’ve never seen the number to Dad No worlds
they’re in the back they get pushed to the back so I’m taking generic mugman leave because they go through a phase where you’re like you love your grandma right and then like and then like you look back on a Geico yeah I like this kind of love planets lined up and has kind of like a wrote a letter to my grandma and was like you’re a super grandma and then like the next year was like in all the previous years so is it like Grandma must have been like cool this moment has arrived now these grandkids are paying off just put this on the fridge better leave some space for the next to the hard super grandma what the fuck am I talking about I don’t know who was what would I do I even know a guy one Grandma I try to call
every other week or something you tried to call your grandma every other week yeah Jesus I was just like, like to call me like 11:30 at night and just feel like nobody ever get your high road and you don’t give a fuck about must be a fuck about your grandma my grandma
do you have any extant grandparents energy saw this when you said I call my grandmother. I talked to her once every other week is an instantly just crossed his arms across his own and he said he said have you ever done that have you ever done your grandma right there whatever and I answered and I got to try to do it is attending you answer my question whatever you ever do anything for me yeah I got so mad I got all sets of grandparents are relationships are gray they all call me regularly and I don’t have to maintain the relationships is just so easy
I appreciate you not true color I’ve never had a meal buy them and pasted stale and disgusting the bars do you have grandparents and grandmothers 95 and she’s still as vibrant as she ever was a cook and do some stuff and I am she can’t see as well right now but she’s but you still must be real fucking nice will you please help me out what am I even if your client is gross it’s so upsetting to hear normal family story
Play Dear loving you are lying fencer oh yeah I was I was giving an account of something that would be impossible by most understanding she was algorithmically mocking your relationships with your grandmother’s why don’t you go I have to have to talk about it or safety Network thank you fucking Jesus Christ he’s if I could ignore me there’s nothing safe about loving someone by Grandpa’s dead it’s great minds are to disintegrate your ear in sixth grade fourth grade whenever you’re in all the other guys they’re all talking about showers
enough water but I take three showers a day take 90 showers a day look what is happening how did this happen overnight we used to like being dirty what it what what did you guys want what happened here why why is this the new metric for how to be normal hours I take I didn’t obviously if it’s an unconscious mechanism if you just love showering then fine if you love your parents if you if you have emotional like connections with people and good for you finally figure it out we’re taking showers and then all of a sudden its relations with your grandparents that everyone’s not like we’re just figuring out soap and conditioner now it’s grandparents by the way you are so that means one mitigating factors that you had a grandmother that made may have murdered two people that was my great grandma has mom will bring her around
doesn’t matter it’s not there’s no grandmas that are to blame only inhale here’s what all family is now all family is just baretraps spread across social media that you never know which one you’re going to snap on guy who’s listening who has an opinion I don’t think there is no like I didn’t you meet like Cody’s family like they love each other they got a background together they they did things I don’t know how to I don’t know how I’m supposed to isn’t there supposed to be some kind of foundation am I the monster am I the Hannibal Lecter that’s a go how come family can’t be eating with fava beans out of the hole that late like them I am I the one that because they’re not calorically valuable I’ve liked it like I know who will tell you the answer is yes my family I’m sure they’d be like oh yeah he’s a weird one that one
I want what am I going to take their word for it but bones intact it to your parents either
nobody unlike like everybody’s like but every once in a while somebody fucking coronary and then somebody else send them Facebook messages going to go in like a good to see you Grandma Pappy Pappas Maps General psych I know you weren’t there like father like son on wipes in my fucking Legacy for I don’t know you my fucking turn my feelings off I got a light in a fucking get you a fucking
if the legends of mere true then don’t fuck with me what are the legends that I have no feeling alright fuck you fuck all of you right now put it on speaker phone phone phone phone bones get let’s get we got to get leave me up here we go play the indie
Steve lyrics where you where you lifting the garage and sometimes in the gym other times in the garage where you lifting what gym there’s one in NoHo oh wow are the name of it No Hoe yeah I’m sorry I don’t mean to be high intensity like multiple really fast different kind of circuit range
Meijer little business before before I forget I want to plug the thing that star Burns audio is doing what used to be friends with no star Burns audio and there’s a thing that’s happening called the tapes are coming out in a month old school Walkman and you get exclusive content next two tracks 13 bucks a month he’s going to tape of the month kind of thing if you go to d. R i p for SPI press notes, all lower case you get monthly tapes does Johnny Pemberton prank called tape Ron Lynch double table tents amazing get to put two tapes at once and he’s a fucking Linda taken 11 Dino stamatopoulos is music sorry about everything but there’s also a tape of Dan Harmon’s all the Dan Harmon harmontown a rap star going to be on tape so if you’d like to harmontown thing I’m doing a thing called
the library Neil hamburger bunch of my Facebook page and check it out and charge it and he’s a bad mother fuker so dig it or check out the ad that will play at the end of the episode shit it’ll be great what was that then I don’t know I have no idea what that just was it sounded like an ad
they did ya ever had suicidal ideations Spencer oh yeah Warren High School what do you mean by thinking about it how’d you do it ideas
oh God. God ideations what is it is it is if I said and can about it like that. Because guess what instead of idea if you if your if your language is practical you could just go when you like something when a patient’s means not just ideas because ideas could mean oh I came up with an idea of how to kill myself are you having suicidal thoughts thoughts I’m going to clean up six thousand years of organic evolution of language it’s a living thing yeah brother I think of it like a fun or something you draw
he said did you ever have any suicidal ideas or thoughts
you wouldn’t know what I was talking about my God
no hablo espanol saved by saying that your way got the answer from what Spencer said oh no we don’t because we’ve been talkin about this and I
yeah but the way that you said was bad Steve you have Harris title ideas and thoughts on what I meant and we could have moved on thank you for waiting thanks thanks for permitting me every time we choose a way to say a word we should stop down and explore alternate ways we could have said that phrase or sentence I can’t act like a kid could type in suicidal ideation instead of suicidal ideas if they take been suicidal ideas they make it half of them of these schematics for a kill yourself I think they’ve been ideation maybe it takes him two more crises like we do it’s like a it’s like a river I’m going to go home and I’m going to type both in this could be huge for you and I’m going to lay by the difference I’m going to be just a vent one big bang Blown Away by the difference
what I don’t I don’t want to care about people anymore either I have a shit story tell me more I think this could be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me I was I was fourteen I was in 8th grade Sol Middle School not quite high school yet and my grandparents that lived on Long Island we had like we are visiting we had like Chinese food or something and we live in New Jersey and was about an hour and change to get back home and we had a Chrysler Town and Country minivan okay it’s a 2477 Cedar City of the two fronts the city of driver passenger and then two seats behind those seats and then a bench in a back I need I need you guys to understand each other
he needs to understand the full geography of this car dropped you off at two more just Charter plane way I just want you
so my dad is an option we don’t have the wood paneling my dad was driving my mom was in the passenger seat my brother who is two years younger than me so he was 12 was sitting behind my mom was in the passenger seat my sister is in her car seat so she’s nine years younger than me so she’s like 5 and then I’m behind my brother in the in the backseat in the three the three brother up big big family in the very back of the covid-19 diarrhea in a fan and we are supposed to be laughing as we realize your sister got hit first we have a right to go we didn’t retain the spine that’s fine but just so you understand like I’m in the very back and my siblings are in the middle and my parents are going to get a big family again whatever
is Vistaril for me cuz it says it’s haunted me so we’re driving back to New Jersey and my stomach starts hurting and I’m like I don’t know this is supposed to be potentially bad I think I can maybe wait it out but there’s so much traffic on the Cross Bronx and it’s like not grey areas driving through and I’m starting to go like hey like can we stop can we stop I’m sorry
I like northern Jersey Morris County
trip from New York thoroughfare bullying him the tunnel at the Lincoln Tunnel. That’s a long way what I think I might have to go to the bathroom can we stop somewhere soon and where am I dad and my mom are going look we’re stuck in traffic and this is not a great area to stop anywhere it’s late it’s late at night already we don’t know what’s going to be open just try to hold it you’ll be fine I was like okay I’m holding it I’m holding a we keep going and getting closer to like the George Washington Bridge bus takes you from New York to New Jersey and now your siblings there too
when are the merciful for they going there for Levy are they like hey buddy I’m not complaining to the point where it’s a problem you what’s happening a little bit just like hey just a heads up one of their works at every station though where they said could you hold it and they knew it wasn’t number one then it was number two
yeah I was like you like I really got to go so then you’re so dumb that your siblings aren’t like maybe 11:00 maybe to live in family so so we’re going to go to the bridge and then it starts to really hit me and Mike’s wedding and and I’m like okay this is. We had to stop somewhere and we’re stuck in traffic about to hit the George Washington Bridge you feel this is important I don’t want to store can you cannot tell a lie like I’m not going to make it I’m not going to make it a my my mom’s like here and everything to me okay you’re okay don’t worry I’m so sorry it’s going to be okay and my dad’s like you got to make it you got to make it like 10
10 minute when is your mom is there is your mom’s name if you shoot your pants at school and your dad’s like you can make it or is there are they give you at you got it like the soldiers were almost over the bridge we can stop
yeah I’m
do it just like ready to burst and killing me and I’m rocking I’m sweating crown and buckle my seatbelt it’s just going to make it my mom gives me to go to like use a plastic bag just in case you need to and I was like what and it’s like this it’s like a sandwich bag it’s like a medium sized a Marshalls bag and shirts and stuff so I’m like oh no I put the the plastic bag under me so you are our people can you sing a girl like me
there wasn’t laughing his ass off so embarrassing for looking for is there’s an older brother earlier who’s like haha you have to push it knowing now that Brothers like rub on buddy you can do it I’m the older brother and I’m like I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I can’t hold it and there was like no no no and and that is just like pull my pants down and then it’s just how old are you how is 14 I was way too old it’s like 6 months ago and they’re moving to LA and my mom the entire time is going it’s okay it’s okay and it’s the worst diarrhea noises. Just turned at the bank
this is the worst I’m sorry we couldn’t stop and like and that’s just like diarrhea blowing out of me and the worst noises and I just remember my brother going oh my God oh my God and my sister going through its smell smoking five-years-old open a window and it’s open it’s like freezing winter time it’s like no one cares George why George Washington open all the windows I mean it just happened and then finally the paint but then it’s like what do I you can’t sit down back on that she also lighter about being a fucking wipe with there’s no napkins net diarrhea upper tonight but for the rest of the right what happened
hovering over and we finally get over the George Washington Bridge and my dad gets off and he might makes right and we get at sit to this KFC to assess the damage and then we turn on the lights and it’s just
it’s just I maybe got like if I was lucky 60% in the back
and not only that but it was taking the bag out of the car with my boxers and just throwing in a dumpster behind KFC and we just drove home silently I only just wanted to be at the Nordstrom’s that the bag came from and we we get home and my mom is just like I’m so sorry like I am so sorry that happened to you like I want to go upstairs and just like clean off in like go lie in bed and she cleaned the backseat of the car when it was traumatizing and my family will never forget that it happened but they all laugh at it every once in awhile I’ll bring it back in the older siblings you’re the oldest and my sister is 9 years on his way
but yeah so now everybody remembers it now it’s funny like it’s not like it causes you pain to remember it right except to the hell you’re trying to like I can’t believe a little brother wasn’t cooking dying know you just taking a shit in the back seat I would have been
dying laughing yeah but that’s that’s the window
just kidding I love my grandparents so I called him once a week I talked to my mom alright alright assface
why didn’t they just stopped dead in the in the on the bridge tunnels there’s nowhere to stop you are the bridge Henry portrait of a serial killer on the bridge and then you get out and then you shit outside of your upholstered car
with all the cars with this car is really bad but I don’t think it’s illegal for me to diarrhea on the George Washington Bridge I sent your magic was wondering if they were headed to now with traffic and it just seems like if you’re stopping at all then then you just stop and be like it’s going to take a minute Instead at 10 seconds bag in the backseat I think they would have taken that I don’t think they took it seriously and that’s why I sent you a shin unfolded the way it did
I think their options on the table that were not fully explored to pull off in the Bronx and like try to find a night you just stop. You should have done what you’re on the bridge you tried to make it onto the bridge that you’ve got our sympathies once you’re on the bridge if you don’t tell us you were willing to take a shit in the Bronx are you become the villain was willing and it was like 10:00 at night so where do you where do they don’t know anywhere on your app but no I mean I’m just saying as much as it might be the case like a bridge everyone’s like I get it the bridge Spencer is fascinating me cuz he’s picturing the bridge in a very nuanced far is the thing about a car in front of you is it’s an impossible obstacle you can’t drive through a car because it’s not obeying traffic laws you didn’t you simply have to stop so if they have
the shit that bad though that you stop your car in the middle of traffic the cars behind you would stop I don’t know what I would have instantly cause a car at any age 14 years old till now push it in the car with my family than getting shit in front of a bunch of New York has Alyssa Milano play in your bumper to bumper traffic medium split there it’s like looks like a conveyor belt you’re not going to let your kid go out it’s like the paper and just kind of lean over find a way to because I wasn’t that confident this is my fourth line items sliding door
thank you painted the yellow line on your side of ladies
and this is Emily event Spencer’s you would have thought they would have like said fluck we’re going to stop the car the kid goes out in the snow on the side of the George Washington Bridge and people who hung like dispenser in the front like goes back and goes like lick the kitty is having diarrhea would you rather him have it in my car and then they keep honking and the dad goes keep honking it won’t make is diarrhea in exactly this is exactly what I expect to be happening and everyone’s fine upside of that is what the kid gets back in the car and he’s like my dad fucking loves me I mean I don’t either way I was going to diarrhea it’s just how how much how much we’re going to go without everybody else are we take on that burden ourselves or share with the rest of the George Washington Bridge Spencer surely you understand that you must shiting everywhere already.
he gets out and then people are like Hong Kong, and he’s like yeah right
you guys are here you guys are referring to a man who didn’t stop he said I’m walking here that means I’m getting out of your way here but I’m almost through you can’t say I’m sitting here that means I’m staying here Midnight Cowboy had been I’m standing here that is that movie would have ended 20 minutes into it would have been better why I’ve never seen it but I understand it to be pretty boring. Just two guys like running around doing drugs and sleep with people because that was not supposed to be in the shot and he actually reach that line wow that makes a good he was walking there and it was why the guy in the back seat of that car was taking a poop Junior and I and our past I mean could be maybe I’ll holler at you but yeah yeah
either way we book end of this harmontown with prostate massage and poop Stars the prostate thing I feel like as usual yeah I found out who my real friends are
I like your hair and your beard is looking good you looking more and more like a combination of several of the captains on Deadliest Catch I’m not going to let that may make me trust you because I like the sound of it you remind me of you look like you might go into the Bering Sea and then in the Bering Sea gives up at school you mean crab Jesus Christ and how many ways are going to trick me to think of a show isn’t boring
all right there’s more crap coming out the Bering Sea gives up a gold crab you mean say crab
police their language won’t you I don’t watch the show
I want an episode in the hotel I don’t watch a lot of TV Hotel TVs at Westover episode of Wicked Tuna and one of the boats so I’m from Massachusetts one of the tuna boat is called wicked pissah do you want to promote you don’t want to promote but I want to check out this like forged in fire reality show and church watch some church you still at the Home Oregon fires good friends so it’s a bunch of dudes that are all clearly like kind of laid respecters of nerds who like probably cosplay are they did not good around people and they have a forge and they have to make historical weapons and it’s great it’s a testament to our society that we are murdering so many people per minute that
you can now unlike in the eighties when when Dungeons & Dragons was of concern to parents because it’s stimulated the idea of edged weapons you’re going to have a reality show on TLC or whatever it’s like yes this acts which I recommend you kids at home try making because if you do you’ll only be able to kill one person per police chase in the shows like chopped and hilariously the Chopsticks in the name chops with already taken so they can’t go sorry like one of you one of your glaze is not up to Snuff you’ve been chopped be perfect but they’ve already took that for a cooking show so they got your blade it did not make the cut but the whole point anyone wants to be in that show is so Doug makeda is the Asian is martial artist who edged weapon Master will do a test on a ballistic dummy with fake ribs and blue gel organs and take a Viking battle axe and kill a fake person in the world to chop a hog and a half and it go
blade Wilkie you’re fired because God I mean we would love right now for our entire Society to be using if we could right now in exchange for everything else we would give every child at Birth a double-headed battle axe
but giving up and Steve Levy good Maurice Brown
rabbit tribe
Spencer Crittenden thank you as always Church Chris Sarah know is that Kevin Spencer Crittenden your game master with that we didn’t even when we do check your prostate and prostate stories songs and go to work and I’m here at Jeff Davis you may thank everybody for coming and watching drive fast take chances
water-based lubricant

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