Episode: 281 – If I Need a Gas Mask, I’d Rather Be Dead


Episode: 281 – If I Need a Gas Mask, I’d Rather Be Dead


This week’s guest is Kara Brown, staff writer for the Black-ish spinoff, Grown-ish. Dan shares how a social media interaction with a fan lead to questions about Rick and Morty’s future. Schrab tells tales of his small hometown, and Spencer tries to get…


ladies and gentlemen coming from downtown Burbank California
let’s welcome the dungeon master himself Spencer Criterion Edition Christensen here it comes now let’s welcome the mayor of harmontown thank you handsome man of harmontown front of us rapping rapping at the top of the show slow all right
yeah that was slick man holy shit goes my most pared-down but but they’re for admirable freestyling at it in the in the history of the chef Rob’s comptroller this episode you’re welcome Sauron he looks like no face he’s already doing physical bits hey I was the one that wanted to do the podcast on video
yeah I remind you of that in that jacket with the hood of her okay in the audio world what’s going on nothing I’m on Deadline I have to finish the script tonight so I’m going to try to distract from what’s going on with the audio world
oh well that’s what I was just switching over to not talking about what tribe look like oh alright no problems like well that would be going back into the video where a shit that puts that go back into the video world will it’s going to be a great show never in the history of the opening of a show have there ever been more Milestones of that in the span of two minutes this is the part where I talk about whatever is going on like I said I got to finish the script excuse me that was robbed
I’ll probably have one drink in the in the show maybe even three because it’s bits they’ll start to get nervous at the the show is going poorly cuz I’m bad at doing a show but but I really got to keep my shit together yeah I got my therapist told me this is I’m sitting on this script because it is my last chance to be miserable I am this close to Happy
it’s interesting that such a thing I’m going through the same thing myself I’m having a what are you using to make yourself miserable doing nothing just just just postponing stuff I mean we’re heading somewhere I get walk to Cody Cody right now is at home just
you know which probably doesn’t mind me telling this because she just finished she’s on Hiatus at her regular job and then she hurt her other projects that she like put a lot just spent a year of a relationship with this new series of scripts and and that life time has come to an end so she’s having that like writer postpartum kind of depression and it’s just funny because we’re all miserable your miserable cuz you don’t have a job to do Cody’s miserable because her job is over I’m miserable because I won’t stop working and I think it’s like the grass is greener never applied
more it like we we we are afraid to deal look I’m just going to go there cuz my therapist goes there were afraid to deal with God like I in if you’re an atheist I applaud you because that just means you’re a scientist and a skeptic and we need those more than ever so when I say God you just think Universe think chaos but I don’t want to pussyfoot around about it because I believe in a God that like made my sister retarded and we’ll just give you a leukemia cuz he’s bored so I’m like scared of God and like I don’t want to move on to that part of my life where I have to have a relationship with this thing I picture as a big Dan Harmon had in the sky that’s like psycho and just does crazy shit just to remind you that he’s around I feel like a relationship with God is like owing Polly and Goodfellas you money that’s like good cuz he’s doing you favors and then now you’re like what do I have to do when
don’t know and I wanted to take forever to come to like control that you know I’ve wanted to do it like 8 that’s what I that’s what a writer does or a workaholic does as they say say it well I’m in charge of my bad luck in my good luck I’m in charge of of of like whether or not I’m having a bad day but it’s crazy to do that because I’ve been doing it for 45 years and what if tomorrow I find a lump or whatever it’s like I’m going to be double the soccer I just got I just got to stop pretending like it’s hard to write this is been the biggest scam then I’ve ever perpetrated on myself and Humanity just not what I do is not difficult and I think I’m ashamed of that and like I try to make it like it’s like art or something and it’s like it wasn’t difficult it wouldn’t be work if yeah yeah
I’ve tried not to mention of the podcast cuz we don’t speak to each other because I mentioned them of the podcast so I’ve tried to like like I’m not going to talk about my brother but another way of looking at it I can do nothing but talking shit about my brother now forever my brother is 5 years older than me and growing up like just like this chorus of like he was the guy he was the guy who is like yeah you’re not you got Mom convinced but you’re a fuking idiot you’re an idiot like my brother special you’re not like you just you just a lazy piece of shit you know and like you’re spoiled and you’re entitled and Mom buys it and just because just because I am five years older than you I smoke weed first and I set fire to the mailbox first am in the driveway first and then I poured motor oil in the neighbors swimming pool first and dropped out of high school first and then hit the house with a baseball bat first
even if you don’t do a little only because you had me as an example of the truth is you just a few charlatan you know you just like this you just hear the baby you like you got you got it all you got you got you got everything like the wind up for you and
and that Annette that voice is an important voice because it keeps you especially in these days of like monitoring checking privilege in whatever it’s like I got I got like this great fucking antenna for that because I’m just always going a little piece of shit in my head over and over again like you’re not you’re not stuck trying to act like you’re fucking talented you’re not talented and all the stuff and so the idea of me being like
like just good or lucky like
if you don’t have to do with my sister to it’s like
it just itches Fox with me but it’s it’s tight that it’s been selfish to to like
think of it that way it’s if it’s it doesn’t make any sense it’s not productive at all sorry I had my back to you Spencer know I like they’re better suspicion that your God so I wanted to leave you out of this proliferate if you are God prove it
well if I was God wasn’t it like betraying my purpose is to prove it at this point I don’t think so could you be crazier
that’s what she wants
no she said she said could you
live with the fact that you weren’t like the special one you know I mean like you know like you cuz you feel like cuz I’ve had problems where I’ve just like well you know you get you get the spotlight and and then all of a sudden your brain goes blank and you can’t figure it out or whatever and just like whoa whoa Maybe
don’t be tempted by the spotlight you know you don’t have to be the best yeah and any art is like when you go like I do I’m going to make the best thing I’ve ever done before that’s usually failure but if you’re going to make a piece of shit that’s just going to be fun to do you do your best work yeah and another thing my therapist point and I was like you know what you know what aside from being like cheating you know if you were to just do what’s easy and fun for you and let yourself be good at it and fast out it was like you you work like barely at all aside from not being fair another thing that that would be his offending it because it’s like I have the masculine relationship to Pho Hemingway relationship with the idea of writing like oh you’ve got to dig in Macon
Hayden create an altar and then and then ultimately it is taking something that should not be dichotomous IE success and failure or kill or be killed or good or bad writing and in and get into that that’s what you do when you’re like competitive and Patty and self-loathing and about your work like I want this is a shot I’m writing shity today now I’m reading good this has to be the best and then you wonder why you take 6 months to to write something that could take you three hours and it because you’re like you’ve decided to get into a ring and like make everything about like combat and do you write every day do you like know you did but when you when you decide I’m going to ride today do you write like a couple of hours you write how I mean do you sit down and go I’m going to do a marathon or do you do like 10 minutes at a time
I’ll answer that question to the show after I turn in the script that I’ve been working on for way too long. Cuz I want to answer that question honestly and if I answer it honestly right now the people that that that are that I’ve been torturing by sitting on this script like might just find me and shoot me because I got. That answer is like what what page are you on what what what how long did they let you know like what’s the it’s like yeah if I if I was working 6 hours a day this entire time on this if you do kissing on it of course it would have been done by now
get a I try to write every day but what I end up doing is I go to my spot I open up my laptop and I stare at the computer for 6 to 8 hours then I close it up and then go I can’t work I’ll start on it tomorrow so I’ll do and I’ll be doing that for months and months and months yeah we believe me I am maybe write like three sentences I used to be so much easier cuz I would write I would write because I would go I’m right here I’m just going to write a piece of shit and was so much easier back then
it is a good enough Segway I mean we could it wait until we can talk with our guests about all the other crap which is just like everyone else just going like holy shit in the world is exploding and we can talk about that with our gas but what a good segue cuz we have a woman writer not a female writer that’s a that’s a call back to one of her pieces on our website, you can see there’s like a like a list of the shit she’s with for Jezebel and other sites and she has a head and block him. And she’s like it’s it’s it’s all really great stuff I’m looking forward to just making friends with her or chatting with her please welcome Carol Brown
hello I’m not good at reading people that I don’t know
hello would you like some vodka man you know I’m getting over a cold so if I can help that right with your
that’s a lot of ice he uses all of that by the end of the show do you want me to pour it for you like a gentleman why men need to stop pouring Oregon
you know if I was still at Jezebel
it might be a concern
I thought that was a that was a thank you
you must have retired your Shade Court I thought like you literally have an entry that talks about this like angry black woman like stereotyping how people can’t like it so it’s it’s it’s hard to let your a white guy you like you read stuff in Eagle like I want I want to let this person know that they’re intimidated because I’ll be a good compliment but maybe not too
I know you mean because I’ve gotten intimidating I think outside of the fact that I’m a black woman like I know that I’m kind of like an intimidating person so I think you can I think you can force the two I am intimidated so you can say it I won’t I won’t write about it tomorrow cuz I think we’ll probably get along I guess I’ll be fine I make I make fresh pasta fancy pasta but yeah I I do do that it was sort of a response I think to like I started it early last year and I was like this feels like it’s going to be a long-ass for years hopefully and I I needed like some sort of I like it because it’s a busy body type of a hobby like you you’re doing something with your hands but it doesn’t necessarily require a lot of butt brain power and you can watch TV or do something like that and then at the end you got to eat pasta so
are the eyes so glad to see somebody like a delicious. They want to take it when they won’t put it in the menu description by the way we’re going to put what you call scraggly ass so what it was about your shit that’s going to extend the mixed salad lost when they give you a side salad and they don’t tell you arugulas in the side salad I hate that but the headline item is the year TV writer are you on blackish actually went from Jezebel to grownish ronish is the spin-off of Blackish seen clips of Blackish even though
respectful to my work then obviously I have a court order is not of his cuz I haven’t seen it but I don’t know about a black family Cosby Show ask just in that it’s like you know a well-to-do black family right now navigating all of that in in the show the oldest daughter name is Zoey Johnson played by Yara Shahidi and so our show is you’re going off to college conveniently a different world ask and her her dealing with all of that and and being in college right now and and all that bullshit so I was I was a little young to watch it while it was on but later I I would watch a different world yeah
yeah yeah what was it what’s your take as a modern Millennial I’m assuming Millennial I don’t know I mean I love The Cosby Show I think like after I actually still. I wrote about I wrote a piece about this recently we’re like in sort of the wake of all of this
stuff that’s happening and coming up like for me I may not fuck with Bill Cosby anymore but it seems really disingenuous to act like I didn’t love The Cosby Show because it was wonderful and I get that for a lot of people it’s tainted now like understandably and it could be difficult to watch but you know I’m not going to pretend like it wasn’t amazing and like groundbreaking and that I didn’t love seeing a family like that on television especially when there were still only three or four Networks
use a different game being played that we that we learn from now it just said pointing out the Norman Lear philosophy which is that we’re not our goal is not to like
well I don’t all I know they wouldn’t wouldn’t do it with Norman Lear was it was it was like looking at himself and going like what I don’t I don’t look like the family that I’m about to create a show for but if I don’t nobody will and then the syndrome will continue where people are watching television and seeing nobody that looks like them etcetera etcetera etcetera and and so it like it’s a Toshiba tv like we tweet we made a decision to worship it we do me and me and it has issued a decision that it wouldn’t even get to be about equality and it’s not art it was like a it’s like a barn-raising or a church you know and like we and so that I watch The Cosby Show every night and like I was like
you know what you would read in TV Guide this and that about the idea of it having something to do with black this but the more important thing was that it was The Cosby Show it was just it was the huxtables and it was like always going to be amazing and funny and part of that was like listening to this like audience that may or may not have existed in the live studio cam losing their fucking shit because this episode is about you. We’re good with might come down to Bill Cosby like making up face for his daughter to help her get over a cold or something and I just know that everyone is just pissing themselves took part in it I don’t know what my Goddamn point is I’m having my very first like I’m a bad interviewer vodka so it’s not going to make me a good interviewer but like your perspective on this though it’s like
it’s a little different leg because I’m I’m possibly 20 or more years older than you have no idea I’m not going to ask but like what do you make of these shifting definitions like as far as his first white people are concerned like your advice to them like it in terms of like are you supposed to flip to start with the basic are you supposed to recognize race or is this fantasy of being color-blind like don’t say colorblind yeah that’s bad. For color blindness is a sort of saying like just pretend everyone’s white that’s like kind of what people mean when they say you’re blind and like I don’t want like I like being black so I don’t need anyone to act like
I’m not and I’m sure that other people of color like being whatever they are and so and I can see why people love being white seems incredible so you don’t have to bring the book back there like they did this like I know that’s how the library is working with a person that librarian was like
what is going on is complicated I followed all of them right from the pros from sa how did you get the job I got the job so I had been as a bell I actually like when I moved to LA I was living in New York I moved to LA with the intention of getting into TV writing and I had a really strong start a jezebel so I kind of got distracted I was like tanahashi Coates Knows My Name who the fuck cares about and then Gawker files for bankruptcy and I panicked and also I think it clarified But ultimately what I was trying to do and so I’ve been working on a sample that I ended up finishing in like 2 weeks out of just like sheer desperation and a friend she helped me out of it and then he actually he was wrapped his rapid EAA
we’re having this comedy writers boot camp kind of seminar thing and it was aimed towards women and people of color pencil through panels and networking whatever and so Issa Rae was one of the speakers and so I knew that she she followed me on Twitter and I was like I knew I think she knows who I am and is read my writing and so I went up to her and she immediately was like oh my God hello look at a new you were interested in TV and so she had her deal all checks revealed HBO and said she was looking for material and I was like I literally have this one script and I sent it to her team and they’re like cool and they liked it and they send at HBO and then all the sudden they had a meeting with an Amy at HBO with meant nothing to me I was like I don’t know guys I’m going if she’s the head of comedies we all had no idea and people really give a shit before started to give a shitzu like that so I got my agents cuz like I should have been sending things to friends at 8 in season and obviously nobody cared until you had something going on and then I
just spent the beginning of 2017 was doing all those Generals in that flag and then I have been going into ABC a lot and they kept being like we can Kenya Kenya Barris who created black I shouldn’t create a grown-ass there like we can can you will like you even come you will like you and I kind of to wait until the show has been picked up he didn’t like want to meet anyone until everything was ready and then I drove to Encino and we had we had coffee and and then I got the job are what are what are you can say I don’t want to talk about this cuz I want to start my my TV career what are your nightmare scenarios on your head when you think about the first day of school like is I had been working from home for three years so the idea of just interacting with humans all day was like it was all I need like I was so def
Bradford human contact that it would have had to have been such an unbelievable nightmare for me to have like been unhappy with the setup so I don’t know I just didn’t really like one of the things that I think it’s helped me is there’s a lot of stuff that I didn’t really know like in the same way that I didn’t really know who Amy was I was like I don’t know guys like this will be fine and because I didn’t really know what to be afraid of I wasn’t that afraid of which is fresh blood from the Midwest by the way where did you grow up in Seattle
Seattle Washington never going to get that back but we did our best writing when we were probably how old you are I’m not going to ask why I called heat vision and jacket it might as well have been called we don’t know how TV works like we just we just grew up watching it and we just like love the idea of attacking motorcycle it is which is a bad word for it it’s it’s it’s it’s not naivete to ask anyone you all obviously it was going to ask like you know someone in charge and so I might have asked one of the writers Assistance or I think I maybe just figured it out I was like oh it’s a different draft it’s a different Draft when the scripture in different color and I was like how it’s purple today and
cuz people like make jokes about it on community it was like okay we’re on we’re on here three of like salmon in a triple triple triple Blues rainbow a couple times with our rewrites like there’s a do blue pages left from the first
how can it be possible that there’s still first blue I think there is some kind of like the situation is happening you you’re less concerned exactly which bluepages you’re looking at because it’s like we’re fucking 12 days behind the I always I would never could tell cousin who’s going to come up to me and say colors in the binder you know it’s fucking ridiculous I would always say this is getting crazy can we can we re paginate like movements like because they do this thing where the pages break the other page number to change so then you turn the page and then Troy says Troy and Abed in the and then you turn the page because I changed it to morning anyways is the
why is much as I I understand that people who liked tweet me or through other channels like inquire about the kinds of the writer’s assistant I know that the image in their head is like of a squire with like a quill and you know that he hands to Shakespeare when Shakespeare gets in a duel with with another writer and that happens it doesn’t mean it’s not it’s not I would have been if I had had to come up and started to like the traditional like a PA and then a writer’s better I would have I would have found a different career I’m not organized like I find that job insane and they’re so like I would have I wouldn’t have made it through a season of Television is right for sure it’s it’s it’s legitimately I guess I’m saying is like at the mine bar cuz what isn’t it but it’s harder work than me
is there means that what is with already and easier easy job which is going good horse Weedmaps vape and go what if a guy had a horse and leg up to Tim to remember who said it and those people are good writers it’s not like oh those people are science brains like their clerical thinkers like there no there there they’re decent writers who go on to good writing careers and and and then you’ll look back and go to a man that poor guy will talk about like fraud complex if you’d if you’d it is it is it is it different for you like at all like you when you leap from the pages of the internet’s into into a writers room like that do you ever like I are you are you plied with anxiety about I don’t deserve this or anything like that
for me is that I had been writing professionally for three years like people were giving me money to write and also because it’s Anna. I was getting a lot of feedback so I was like I know I’d like when I first wrote that script I was like I know I’m not a shity writer because like it would have been with someone would have figure it out over the course of this weird I don’t know if I’m good at writing comedy scripts but it’s probably not going to be super shity because I’m not a super shity writer so it helped me in that regard but I mean I feel like even now like I just wrote I wrote a cover story for the feet are on the singer sza was the first feature play profiled ever written and so I when I finish the story I was like I think this is fine but this is a fine story and the response has been much people think it’s much better than fine but that’s usually how I am with my writing so I let you know even like when I was a jezebel and I would write something it was like this is not funny and then the commenters like our finding a really funny
I know that my standard is different so I think it it and I kind of knew that so I was like even if I think this is fine I think other people think it’s better than that so I wasn’t as nervous about that but I don’t know it’s like also it’s funny like my dad says this I I lived in Dallas Texas until I was seven and so my dad talked about when he was Raising me and my sister my mom was there too but he tells the story and he’s like I really try to make sure that you had a lot of self-esteem because I didn’t want to raise like a little black girl in the South to not have a lot of self-esteem because there are probably a lot of things that would crush that and so and then his punchline is that like he went too far. My mom made it very very clear that I could do anything I wanted and I I died at 45 I sometimes like I now I’m entering a dream like
what if she was lying lately I’ve always use the example and I’m going to pay all the stuff like you know being a being a like a like a guy that like wishes he could you know in some regard as far as doing the right thing with a job that is very like. Take I’d like a cakewalk but I have an honor of privilege like a rare like seeing two to come by this job like my white guilt and stuff and like always makes me what we’re going like what what am I supposed to do if it still like like like take my little piece of the of the industry and like try to like make sure I left it a little better than I then I came into it and the metaphor than I’ve constantly used boost is is like the problem isn’t the fact that you know we can talk about representation of the writers of all these things would like the syndrome and the day like
black girl in sixth sixth grade right now is watching TV and going like I think I’ll try writing that which I just don’t think it was in May when I was your age probably I won’t ask the I think that I don’t think that that was even a remote systemic like problems that are that are now pretend that they’re ending but that we noticed that the actual like profound changes are coming in the form of show running late cuz Rhonda Rhimes was like when I first watch Grey’s Anatomy and then cuz he knows that in Seattle it’s really freaking watch the show and then when I saw a picture of her for the first time cuz like you don’t see to the dryer at you know unless it’s so the first time I saw a picture when I was like oh my God like this blasphemous
Shonda we’re going for lunch another rewrites like could have been and then I saw the picture and I was like I think that was what that was a very important thing for me like oh she’s doing this and that that person exists and is doing that’s a job for the extreme play with like little black girl like that image but it’s like little kids in general the problem now like in terms of your biography to segue into that because I would feel like then we can’t tell people to
take a shot at this job it’s their part of that is extremely irresponsible doctor because there’s like definitive Milestones scholarships tests a million chances for you to front for you and I as somebody who might say to somebody you should be a writer like like for us to have sent that person I don’t have to hell yeah it it seems like something I don’t like how you write you one of those I hate is when someone like winds in a war that going to be hell and they’re up there and they’re like follow your dreams you can do anything it’s like are you good at that thing now because you shouldn’t be telling people who are bad at something like you at a certain point you know I think you have an inkling of like can I do this is this really like is this possible do I believe in myself whatever and like I don’t think you should wait like I think that’s an important thing to remember so white guy like myself
like there is a support system there on and I was borrowing money from my mom for yeah well into my twenties and like my mom was like yeah you you look like a comedian you look like a rider out here’s another three grand for you know what really turned out to be cocaine and weed and it was like it I I can’t fathom that that exists in in in the neighborhoods that that would that it would be important for that to be because it’s a separate my brain turns into a balloon animal cuz I’m like you can’t tell a poor kid like a dirt poor kid yeah you should go to you should try being a writer you can eat your dreams you can do anything it’s like Noah chance yeah I mean I’m like I in a lot of ways like my when I was living in New York I was working in PR and I had I was just like blah
all the time and so Jezebel had offered me an editorial Fellowship so that was a job that was at the time it was part-time minimum-wage and it was something real like if I’d asked my parents for help they would have if I was like this is my dream they would have they would have helped me they would have supported me and I and I knew that I had that as an option but I also was just like I don’t want to ask them for help for something that I’m not like oh this is this is like the dream I like to save my big favors for you know when like I really need and I was like I don’t know if I need this bad enough Trump dollar that you know that was like $100 and I never got more than you can get out of an ATM from my mom doesn’t prove my typewriter

it’s not as easy there’s no equipment and if you don’t know anyone eat like I wanted the most helpful things for his when I moved out a and I started meeting TV writers and I was like oh these people are not that impressive but surely I can figure this out if these dumb dumb but I figured it out and like I think that was really important to like realize that like oh these are just regular most of them are regular people doing this but like if you don’t live in LA and if you’re not around those people I have no idea how you would figure that out like it seems like this is mythical unreachable thing figure out when the actual Empire that is the geographically located Hollywood will just buy them out because it seems biological assessment that it’s a total not necessity anymore and we know that people are shooting things in Portland and Vancouver and an all over and that a city bus City going broke now a great way for them as a gift tax incentives and to come shoot here and we will do it
keep like it wondering like why are we here what’s going on but that’s one thing that hasn’t changed in fifty years is like oh yeah you moved to LA and you get a drink in a bar and you are immediately gaining some kind of advantage over someone who’s in Minneapolis aspiring to to write one day cuz you’re just it’s just a rosian it’s just it’s just like you’re you’re going to run into somebody you’re going to over here jokes you’re going to this is getting desensitized to what is otherwise an impossibly mythical Kingdom and you’re right it’s just a bunch of normal more like we’re just we’re just piddling around out here like we’re plumbers that that that didn’t have to qualify for it like you can’t prove that the toilet is leaking in right and you can you can say it but we can also go I think you have bad taste I don’t think you really understand what a toilet is Sir
but we have specifically like class wise where would you place yourself growing up I mean my dad my dad works at Microsoft that’s why he grew up in Seattle that we move back on so I can know I went to I went to a private school I went to a private university so like I you know I don’t I had a lot of fresh water friends that were very wealthy and so I knew we weren’t that but I was like we’re fine so I didn’t you know we weren’t like but life was nice for sure
how is growing up for you it was all right here’s okay I lived in a small town and I drew a lot and I made like stop-motion animated movies for fun and Robin Hometown Inn Mayville Wisconsin There’s a billboard outside of it you know like like The Whole Town’s have signs with logos and slogans and Naval was was the last stop or you could get like supplies if you’re going to go no place called Horicon which is like duck hunting territory and so that was like a big thing for a town of that size so that the sign outside of Rob’s Hometown says welcome to Mayville gateway to the marsh and when I know I know I didn’t want one there was like a time where McDonald’s
except I come from it like a 3000-5000 population town and they we had a McDonald’s in town and it was a big deal at McDonald’s gave us a sign that said with Ronald McDonald on it and it said Mayville gateway to the Mars. It’s what it’s like adderal giving you a defibrillator and they went to McDonald’s and they took the sign away the sign away I just didn’t want to get sued by somebody who is like look I’m I have reverse diabetes I need I needed a the Big Macs and you’ve made me think I could get one here I was expecting a McDonald’s
not intended to a mom-and-pop Burger Shop it was called bumpy burgers
you better write bumpy mom-and-pop you know on brand for what this town sounds like to me is grown-ish done for its season Yu-Gi-Oh season yeah we finished we got a second season 20 episode order so it’s it’s happening which is what ABC family is family okay Brandon it’s like one of these internet channels but we can talk about a buck yeah that I’m very excited about what do you mean you’re not allowed I mean like what
worse is going to happen if you start take it away I will take it away and I don’t know I just know I’ve tried that I’ve done my 20 years of seeing what the worst that could happen is if I say stuff and you’re still here to me when I’m talking to him he’s like cuz he’s going vegan cuz he just had his heart attack and he’s like he’s got friends that are like those who died you could you have a heart attack your speed in vegetable he’s not like he’s not like Hit Me With Your Best Shot he’s like I now have polio but I’m Gandalf the the Beyond gray it looks like Spencer’s wearing the table as shorts I am
anyone’s wearing a table there today again anyways I was just going to say that that like tomorrow’s tomorrow’s Emmys and certainly tomorrow shows that I want to watch are there being produced by like a really big a lift tomorrow god dammit tomorrow like the Royal tomorrow
Royal tomorrow to finish my little my little my little
what happened there won’t be Burgers I was interested okay well you know I have been so weird form of burger I’ll give you two more minutes on bumpy Burgers no I don’t want to talk about it anymore
okay I would like to move around so you know organic clay
you got a sec if you anyways by the way my little joke I now I have to call it a joke and then I have to tell it and it just like this is a worse. I’m not stopping you please do a story where she has to finish the shave and a haircut on the tube that it because I knew she had to I got it I knew she had to finish her shave and a haircut I I I don’t remember this
I’m not going okay I’m not going to finish my joke I didn’t want you to not finish it and you know it wasn’t a joke it was just a stupid turn of phrase I was just dumb I wasn’t even I was making it up as I went and it’s just that I don’t like getting interrupted at but but it’s like well then why do I have a show if I don’t like getting interrupted interrupted you know what I do is just never talk
well that’s why it works for me right now getting to be a man but that house also have to wait and see how is your job guarantee in season 2 or do you just Waitin like your plumber in the in the I was that you have to pay $5 a month to see that the true confidence of the staff writer that Nailed It season 1
well that’s cool but then like like like if if grownish keeps going for years and years and years do you see yourself but gaining more levels in that or do you are you chomping at the champion at the bit to I mean camping at the camping it’s just like Fort instead of forte exactly
drives me nuts too
but you could draw something draw cube in perspective
do you guys remember that game Draw Something you play on your phone with friends the only time I would ever lose is when it was Asterix which is like some fucking cartoon character and Deutschland or something and it’s just like it’s not a real word so how could you guess something that’s a made-up word you can never guess that you’re any way you could play that game I don’t know what I don’t know what causes of them it’s just like a it’s not like a thing you buy at Toys R Us but it’s like a game where you it’s like a party game where you everyone writes a phrase and then you passed the stack of papers and then you look at the phrase and then you draw crossword we had it off and you get like a pudding pops or whatever and you try to draw pudding pops because that’s what you’re reading you got it wrong and
I want anyways it comes back around and you’ve got your like well I I wrote Ghostbusters and then this is how Amanda Drew Ghostbusters and because that’s what she Drew this is what the next person wrote and then it’s kind of it’s really fun I guess I have not played but I hear other movies besides Ghostbusters that you can write down
yeah I know I haven’t seen that Ghostbusters was it we tried our friend KK was so drunk that we were like Jesus is always one drunk person in the game that like either ruins it or makes it worth playing depending on how you look at it they like my friend Dino just wrote Ghostbusters is like it’s a movie with a logo even if you drop badly than the next personal and then it went to take a and it was like it it came out as like this like there were guys like pointing things out of giant peanut and it was crying and it’s just a giant peanut money like you have to make a phone version of it or we should we should we should we should have a society that if it effectively reproduces the effects of it by the 21st century we’re almost dead, politics a little bit where you’re at you’re at you’re a millennial what are you hopeful or are you like stock and canned goods
she and her husband had just bought gas masks and was like convincing are going to go buy a gas mask so I was like okay so I went to Amazon and they were like 80 bucks which is like a little more than I felt like I’d been like 45 or 50 an extra gas mask and you wanted to try it out would you be like PP PP if you made me realize that I didn’t want to spend if I was only to spend $80 on a gas mask I was like I think if I need a gas mask I’d like to be dead I was like I don’t want to be here we have to run on gas mask I hope I go out and if I don’t want I don’t want to have to help them. I just want to breathe it and then I’ll go try to act like I’m not going to get in the car and head for Nevada so that I can have half of face for 10 years I’m just I’m going to like a Run 2
impact Point NY try to catch the missile in my teeth because I want to like Diana flash but I don’t know I don’t want because of the way you die by Things That Kill You by inhaling them make you suffer I want to buy a gas mask so I can make it to my gun
I don’t have a fun I don’t know I was like I don’t have enough stuff I bought a gun when Trump got elected that is part of the problem is I realize it all now but what did you think you would need the gun for like what what made you like what did you think would happen now this is hardly always talking about shooting is really really really good shoot you’re going to shoot your two dogs
well I don’t I don’t want to derail this but like at the end of the world if I’m about to kill myself I don’t want my dogs to eat me I guess I could leave them to eat me and they do have a couple days of ground chuck to have fun with it but like I was just thinking like I’ll just chill you know everybody that loves me for ID they got the gun was definitely over all the most accurate description of it which is my new favorite phrase cuz they’re just like holyshit what a wake-up of like like white fragility it was like I have never had this level of experience unlike basically all women All Peoples color all people of any identifiable demographic as vanilla man with why I thought I was an underdog and I thought I was badass I thought I was punk rock I thought I was an anarchist as Inlet bring the Anarchy like like like and then like I saw my girl
crying after an election and I was like stop crying and then the waitress came over and she had been crying and then the women were hugging and then and then I was like talking to the other guys and going like but then I was like I really am now we come back to I’m done convinced of it again like I’m back to like 17 we’re entering the again but in the days after the election I was like this is happening fast and by this I mean unidentifiable total destabilization like how hard is it going to be for a guy that can the first guy to go out of business in Las Vegas owning a casino like like how hard is it going to be for this guy
with an already unstable global economy to to just like
provoke a polarity shift it just crumbles everything I didn’t even think at the time of like oh you know these races are going to start Clockwork Orange and then everyone’s going to like get mad and now what I’m scared of is that the Mueller report is going to come out and it’s like no like he’s got he’s going to be he’s a criminal and now we have a constitutional crisis and then it’s going to be genuinely like the fan Theory Civil War is going to have because the street like people going like butt
it’s a power tool that I don’t have that with the flashlight is for an earthquake and a drill is for making a bird feeder and and and I don’t have one of those things that knocks the people down that Sawyer Sparkletts bottles if I didn’t have a girlfriend I don’t know if I have cuz I’d be like what what am I text Avery I’m going to like the lake like enjoy protecting my empty gun with the flap 11 bullets my eye is it it’s a home invasion white fragility like fear of impotence like like like like the worst death in the world would be nice being able to protect my loved ones like that’s an insect there’s this product and it’s like I’m exactly the part of the problem that’s why everyone I mean
I remember right after the election and I was talking to my dad about her sobbing and I was talking my dad everything was a couple days later it was probably still stopping and I asked her my grandmother was my 85 year old grandmother and he was like she seems fine and I was like oh yeah like she used to look like they used to just like black people walk down the street and then you just never saw them again and so part of it was like when I see you and I talked to her and she was like yeah I know I hate him this is terrible also she’s like old so I think also at that point you’re like I don’t know whatever sent a porch could be my Donald Trump
but I did think about that I was like you know it’s it’s been worse
so like it there is that but I’ve also had to like I don’t know like I’ve had a really narrow the shift that I can like really really care about cuz I feel like all the other stuff takes so much energy just to like absorb it and want it and like I don’t want to ignore it and so I’ve had to be like there’s like five things I can care about in a real way and then I have to like pay attention all this other ship because it feels necessary to pay attention cuz they’re so much and even now I’m like I don’t even there’s shit that I don’t like names that I see and I don’t really I know that it’s like a bad thing or there’s a you know Scandal but I don’t really know what it is so as a millennial I feel I really actually feel I feel okay going into the midterms I feel very like just just okay though like not on either side of it just like really solidly okay and I think it’s just cuz like I have to feel okay otherwise like it’s just
cuz I went through that phase where I was like these guys are all acting like there aren’t going to be free and fair elections in 2018 but now it’s I’m not arguing so willing to believe in the worst nightmare but the behavior has become so incredibly like clownish that I’m like oh they are just they just thought they just they’re just dumb like I know they’re they’re always done but like not dumb and knew something that I didn’t like maybe they’re just
idiots I think most of the people who knew stuff seem like they’re kind of gone like it feels like mostly idiots left like oh this shit we knew The Jig Is up we can’t leave a paper trail like that and he’s just like you’re fired you’re fired you’re fired and it’s like those are all the people that were like either a just want to say I don’t think this might be a legal later and or the people that were like we should do this but is that like it just this absurd thing about like he’s just like the You’re Fired Guy and now he’s going to do your firing is like could you become Caesar that way you could you justify your Senator then fire the executive branch of the fire they oh wait no that’s me and I’ll hire help promote the executive branch of a fire this
I’m sure he’s I bet you he thinks he can like fire a Supreme Court Judge Waring is the only thing he’s ever done that my dad would call running a business like my dad was like a businessman like like I did that but that’s the only thing he’s ever done that was like I bet he’s never filed taxes or like or like looked at a pie chart like I’d be but he’s just he’s just fired people he’s just that he thinks it’s just like anyways after the midterms I don’t feel like I feel like talk to me again after that because if I still feel this shity like next January that it’s like in assuming maybe we flipped things then it’s like oh we’re super perfect cell
but you’ll have made a lot of pasta by then made a lot of pasta by then I will you think that’s the thing that’s like a phenomenon America’s like people have these Trump Hobbies there like it’s going to be 4 years I might as well take a bonsai tree farming or like something and people gain a lot of weight Apparently after the election they were just like I stayed home for weeks just like a lot of weight and then in 2018 and I was like I got to start working out it is and also buying a guy take getting absolutely like everybody like that’s why I started going to be like some equivalent of the baby boom but instead of just being a population explosion is going to be like a weird hobby explosion collectors that are aged 40 and 20 30 well because it traces back to things in life are these CrossFit Gyms like everyday I seen it one of those that’s probably the people I know that go to gym say that the drop-off
what happened to the beginning of the year hasn’t really happened so far which is interesting I don’t know do you want to meet my my black friend that has your last name too or did you might do you know I just know we met I’m going to say probably 60% I do know that person and I don’t want to tell you that because you’re asking me for an Asian person to you know Randall Park and they’re like of course I know I figured you did but I’m not allowed to
let’s bring up demorge brown no relation
where is DeBarge brown brown brown brown sitting down
that was that was great the blood is in the water like you like what’s going on yeah what else do you feel like
anything new. Simelton well just working working working working working and by the way your work of
buy stuff personally I’m just still riding really weird sort of shorts the weird thing was like Fela kuti at a children’s show and it’s so cold open of the cold of the show with the puppet and Fela kuti on spec realm of shorts that are ideas I want to see executed and nobody ever ever rained every day do you get up at like a certain and get right to it or everyday is different for me so I can buy at some point every day I sit down and write in some form let me know how absolutely
me too every day every day I mean that’s what they call me you know that mother fucker that’s why I know somebody told me something I think I think was my partner in my other podcast Jessica’s house that she quoted something from that book that I thought was really profound and then I immediately forgot but it sounds like they said that’s the first time I’ve heard somebody like like Stephen King’s on writing sounds like a great deliberation crazy I had a girlfriend in Milwaukee who bragged to me that she went out to his place one time and stole one of his gargoyles
to this day like when I see him on Twitter after I feel like should I tell him
cuz it’s like the world change you that I like to tell a book on your bookshelf and now he’s looking just there if I mentioned him he might go I like Rick and Morty like my girlfriend
you should tell him you got to tell him I don’t know it’s it’s not my piece to make though it is I didn’t do anything what if you’re telling him right now lazy I love Rick and Morty do you read a lot of fiction do I have gone back to reading a lot of fiction because I find that writing is much easier for you when I’m reading something like I even like a couple months ago I was just having a hard time with getting words down and I realize I had read a book in like a month or something like that so I have and I’m not working technically so I got a lot of time I used to read mostly nonfiction though but I’m back to fiction so like I can’t read anything longer than a bumper sticker any more like my brain oh my God
oh that’s bumpy Burger executives
happened will find out what’s going on what happened going to conduct a thorough internal review
yeah fucking jail Clips very secure how are you emotionally and spiritually and good I’m good I’m exhausted for put a lot of pressure on myself this year too kind of like cracks up in open to make something happen in this town but I
can I help in any way
died but I suppose I mean that it’s your choice. What else are you supposed to do that would help me it’s not in limbo it’s like we’re supposed to go she ate about negotiating a contract and I said I said I said to the 5,000th kid to tweeted me hey you fat lazy alcoholic stop being so slow writing the scripts like cuz they’re 15 and they I understand why are they so mean why are they
twin twin Community fans would go I’m upset right now because Annie kissed Jeff instead of Beretta I would go
first of all you’re you’re crazy cuz you’re upset with me and they’re fictional characters but second of all that’s how I feel about TV to say thank you for the biggest compliment in the world which is total immersion in my narrative and I get it I understand the compliment in this I get it that these kids that are like like you can stop eating cupcakes and write the fucking show you piece of shit to the part where you liked it even gets crazy clearly you do
a world where
that would work
kids would go with you
cupcakes and you’d write the screen you read it even though it hasn’t been ordered by the network which is why now the trades because now I yelled at a fifteen-year-old look at it just check and see on the Absolut Vodka sponsored sidebars of like the website to where I’m driving up to trying to like procrastinate. I just I see you like my name and I see Rick and Morty thumbnails in my car how you did it again and butt but like yeah is there a universe where a kid saying that would make me write a season of Rick and Morty by myself without getting together with Justin or Justin I’m going to just go ahead start inventing stuff and I was like like like like
the kid would be saying something along the lines of I have Lou Gehrig’s Disease and I’d love to see a script of Rick and Morty before I die and obviously that’s not going to get to see the show maybe not hey you piece of shit that’s why your wife left you like like they dig into my personal life and know how TV works and you don’t know what is this is your 15 so you’re supposed to be dumb but you’re not supposed to have this hubris this is dangerous I guess this is what all old people said about young people forever. People are scary though we used to be a crazy email like every day it was like people are very bold that’s cuz you know you got to like offer to meet them it was like from the species
that has resulted in amazing things like that and evil things so I get his you can now Focus income for groups for like people with Leprosy and stuff very serious things like you know that people have had to live in isolation from and then it had terrible stigma about the internet when the very thing about it that that is used to oppress has that is that there’s not strength in numbers there’s not like let you know that you not going to have a million transgender March people yell at me for that but but but I mean that in a in a way of saying like like we shouldn’t have to wait for that and like like it’s like it’s that’s how amazing the internet is is that we can go over there is there is it doesn’t matter it doesn’t it doesn’t have to be mob rule or anything but it’s like and then the fucking exact same thing happened with Nazis they’re they’re just like hell yeah I have no shame like

to this method like that your your every thought is an opinion and every opinion matters and should be and cuz it always became free I went from being this expensive technology that Gutenberg developed on a set of cocoon and
my references are getting so are older than the first Gutenberg Blazers to have to print a newspaper or leave a comment on something and then it became like anything to say in this Farmville move snail mail the shit that you get come and Son now I like we would get in Milwaukee Somebody went I’m going to regularly I think you’re wondering if you were interested in getting through this hole
when did their fucking parasitism is an entitlement thing too because I find that if like if I tweet something and then someone responds back with some bullshit and I’m like I wasn’t asking you a fucking question and then read it and like just because I tweet something is not an invitation for your dumbass opinions and they think that just putting anything out there is like now I get to respond to it and it’s you like I have the right to and you have to respond to me and if you didn’t want people to like come at you about it you should have said it and it’s like nobody’s talking to you, I’m not having any issues with any of you people as well and I don’t want you to
I mean like every once in awhile and this is a fun way to use Twitter every once in awhile I’ll go like hey I need shorts if you don’t like anybody got any or I found a drone in my yard is anyone know whose it is and like the internet Snapchat so it’s like yeah there’s very specific points when is a primate you could recognize when someone wants information from you and it if it if we keep defining it as when a cursor is blinking and see what they’re saying we’re going to die because that our behavior and is shaped by technology and the options that kind of conveys because it’s like we can obviously do a million things but internet and web sites they present a number of options and so they limit it and so you’re not thinking oh, things not something I have to worry about but then it gives you an option it’s like would you like to comment this is something you should consider doing and it’s like we’ll know you shouldn’t consider commenting every time you see a box that says comment that would be absurd well I don’t know if they ever
like I noticed that the people that writing for online publications of stuff they started having to put in there like TV reviews and stuff like like they had ended their paragraph with like did you think I would tell them they need to be ashamed yeah I did not I did not like the comments I like the any benefit and it was nice when people like stop and some people give you Corrections and sometimes it’s helpful but like it the negative far outweighed any of the positive and like it was always this thing of like
the professionalism like if we if they would like people to comment stuff on John articles and they beat your smart asses and then we would respond back like smartasses cuz your name and being a dick and like I can be a dick to and then they’re like hope this is really unprofessional
you better also I don’t work for or with you and this is not a service so there’s no professionalism we had between you and I because we’re at like I it’s me and my co-workers and I’m not providing a service to you we’re just putting the shit out there and you’re choosing to read it and like I just if we could have every day I would ask her out of her blanket became a joke or as I can we can we go to the comments today to get rid of get rid of the comments sections and we’re competing with websites that have common signs and there’s a certain I don’t know
who the fuck these people are but there is there a sizable percentage of the audience that like they like to comment so if Jesse Bell removes their comments section and has a bell doesn’t has a bell I guessed gets that 10% to 20% of readers I ate it and it’s over terrified but then and I mean this is journalism seeing the internet and going what do we do is is is is the whole reason why we’re in everything going we need to double-down on journalistic standards and like basically elitism cuz I’m sure we sound like the latest right now to somebody who’s like I leave a lot of comments what makes you so better aren’t you isn’t Kerris job to comment on society and then I leave a comment under her comment on culture and I got now I’m an ass-whole because I’m just a plebe well I guess part of me
let’s just go yeah let’s send that argument you are a plebe like your your your your fucking thought process is horrible like you didn’t you didn’t want to spend any more than the three hours it took you to write these two paragraph about like how she’s technically being unfair to your you’re not you don’t you don’t really hurt as much for this as as as as the person you’re commenting on does so yeah elitism I guess but like they’re doing work you commenting isn’t Viet like it wasn’t it’s not like it just came to mind it’s like I wrote something I spent time on it someone else Reddit it was checked like I was doing I was doing something that the time is it here’s the here’s the here’s the replies I enjoy a smart fun person saying like banana splits are the are the blank of Y
ankle ache like maybe it’s a swing-and-a-miss but it’s like they tried and it’s like they’re there yes and doing that you know they’re not the ones I don’t like they’re technically not The Banana Splits that’s a fallacy of whatever the phone or like or like just repeating the joke like like like I can’t give an example that goes bananas I don’t like me as much as in a joke but but but like they were they just like repeat it and it’s like it makes you wonder if like they knew like it was it was it what do you think I am you think I’m just a guy just like making noise and now you’re making a I just put a flowchart I pinned it to my Twitter profile grafted out where you can walk through it if you read a tweet you can walk through the flowchart when deciding whether or not you should reply it’s pretty well find out if I give as I do say so myself how long did it take you to make the flowchart
I’m not going to comment on that until I turn the script in the but it’s like I posted it was like there we go then like I don’t have to get mad at people anymore cuz I can just reprint the flowchart and because like 80% of the people were like how do you know when you finish or like they were like they thought it was a board game or they thought it was like a flow chart of whether or not I will respond to their tweet this is this is so used to be and in my opinion there used to be a gear of hesitation in that so you ain’t see something from the Fig Tree of monkeys because you suck the roof that the reflex in the opinion are not the same thing so you have a reflexive action or response to something and
your first beer for your feet that used to be a chat that’s what I said alright let me just be ashamed for not right away let this uniform let me think about when and if it if it became something that you had solidified you could you would post that if it was that there was enough base but now that you had a milkshake yeah that’s what a gag reflex is gone and here’s something that I is a in my nana. And you can never again. She can’t say to the person like we don’t even know how to spell and you’re like yelling at me that’s the long-gone we’re in the middle of an anti-intellectual Revolution the president just like cats dogs also is something I’ve learned cuz I would get comments and it’s like they’re, Dion Celine I’m like it is literally in the thing I just wrote you made it halfway through and you got pissy and we went in
not to comment and if you would just finished reading the fucking article the exact same question that you have was answered and I mean even with Twitter I feel like people like I’ll get responses and Mike are you understanding what I just said I don’t think you’re understanding this or you’re not reading this clearly into the irony is that Underneath It All people just want to be heard and connect but they can’t then turn that into empathy and go oh I guess that’s how everyone feels so maybe don’t like go to the YouTube video of someone’s daughter doing ballet and go she looks a little fat like like like like because the reason you’re saying that is it that’s your pirouette like this you wanting appraised at a YouTube video from your dad that doesn’t exist and it’s like it’s insane that you can’t anyways let’s do this just to save save save save you guys for my Maelstrom what’s the what’s good about the modern world what’s what do we like about it any worse in some ways
yeah I see those those beer bottles that the mountain turns blue with cold holyshit
that’s the perfect temperature to drink beer what is really my therapist always makes me do this like what’s good what’s good what it what is good even if it’s just in your personal life like your your EZ yeah give a shit about us
no I mean it’s I think I have to remember that at least for a black person it’s better to be alive anytime in the future than in the past right bus likely so it’s better now than to 20 years ago so I guess there’s that you know I like it it’s yeah positive about it because you can’t be nostalgic about it it’s like I would rather be alive now than 60 years ago of what we see far more specific now because you can’t
hide behind this idea that though people only want to see this type of family on TV or that kind of the shootout at the huxtables and that was for me that was like one of the first times that I saw situations that were reflective of my own life and people would compensate what would say it’s not a real family or it’s not of this or some of that and I know plenty of families through my parents and for my you know others just circle black lawyer black doctor black whatever black bike wheels or like whatever man who had friends and have the best parts for me of The Cosby Show still be at the end when a guest star would have been a
a musician of amazing but that I didn’t know I didn’t know could Betty Carter was until that episode where she came in it babe give her 10 minutes at the end of the show to sing a song as part of the narrative that kind of stuff and so for me as a kid I go I don’t know who that is but that song is Amazing wait for the credits to write the name down go to the library right after that realize who this woman is and and how amazing she was and that show just had constantly had that kind of stuff and then so I think that now what’s happening is Somerset was happening so much faster and you have kids whose vision of the world is is now people trying to match up with these kids in the way that they see the world and beyond that is one way that you see that they mean you have to kind of another 30 years
we are living through a Tipping Point where the syndrome that we’ve been grappling with will will have been overcome right likely we can all agree on that it’s a question ironically up if we if we are here in thirty years if we could have what we have today plus now now that we got now that we got to Shonda and then therefore are going to have the 10 to Shanda imitators and the 500 like John de Inspire he’s and end the end the blah blah blah I like not just complaining it to that topic but keeping it on theme for this episode but like like that plus 20 years equals boom I think we’re done and if it’s it is that why we’re having a fever cuz we’re like it’s getting too close to that I don’t like all this talk about like a guy I know I keep hearing that I’m white and I just don’t like it and it’s like making me uncomfortable and I’ve never heard that before I was like wait what do you mean I’m bad I don’t know what that means like
I haven’t been called the white outside of like a Richard Pryor album is like so like weird America is just like it’s having the seismic fucking conniption fit precisely because things just worked in the bubble right now we’re now where things are almost there you were in a place that where you can it’s a lot harder to walk around and going I don’t know what that is or I don’t know what that term is everything is changing so fast that just throwing these words are you now have to learn the vocabulary people are learning that there is a place for themselves in in in this world no choosing their own definitions and they’re forcing you to learn the label because other white people understand about as far as Changing Times under our feet is that if you if it feels like a conveyor belt is making you go like this like yeah your first instinct is something’s going wrong stop it from happening but much like with MP3 technology or anything else that is just going to happen
the second thing that happens is you now have an unprecedented license to be even more relaxed than you’ve ever been but you can pretty soon if this nightmare that you’re worried about where white people are somehow just other people like like like or and that they’re always wrong or there was a you can now be if you could just go like yeah I don’t know which is like a fun I don’t know what I’m doing I don’t know is that what you call that form of of of of of the social custom I would certainly wasn’t trying to offend anybody I don’t know what the fuck is going on I’m just white right I’m fucking idiot like isn’t that a luxury isn’t that fun like this like being in a cruise ship gives me where’s the bathroom I just took a shet over the rail I don’t know you tell me I’m just here is old and dying on a boat I don’t know why I’m like looking at you guys like right right or wrong panel for this is like business as usual
I think I know what I do think so I think I think white people just also maybe need to relax a little bit like it’ll be fine headed to the conversation don’t have to care about Black Panther isn’t that isn’t that fun yeah it’s fine you don’t have to if you can’t you can’t you can’t bring make or break a Marvel movie with your Rotten Tomatoes review isn’t a isn’t that nice you can take the day off you don’t have to care I guess I’m I’m flaunting my my my advantage of listening to Jessica gouw for for however many episodes of that show that had to really be drilled into me cuz I was like we were talking about the Confederate saying and I was like I’m still like what about Hangin like like like like like like
me and saying like your Optimus Prime when you’re in charge but we hate you for being in charge and we we what we want you to stop doing things but we want you to start doing things develop stuff and she’s like no one said you were Optimus Prime turn into this like really weird like moment where I was like wait so I don’t have to have an opinion about Confederate what’s your opinion about it but I’m thinking about it but I don’t want to go to fucking amazing I just gained 5 hours of my work week I don’t have to sound off about fucking Confederate whether it like that to everything America can’t you like Can’t you stop fucking commenting on everything is it to get your not you don’t need your feedback is not going to make a difference
not going to get you a job it’s not going to keep anything bad from happening you are dumb and you’re going to stay dumb and if you’re poor you should you should do something that makes money in commenting isn’t one of them and if you’re rich then you’re going to be losing money, tang and you’re if I imagine you’re stupid and annoying chairs and
didn’t you promise in 2 minutes of Bumpy’s yes he did promise that I gave it to him like my iPad and he didn’t Bumpy’s I like french fries are they what kind of fries were they cuz you know like the ones I bet you they were thin price but I like the french fries I’ma I love french fries do you like bumpy Burger more than McDonald’s
yeah cuz I drew a logo for it and I want a competition
how come they didn’t put it on a billboard outside of town they were they didn’t put it on a billboard but they put it on their menu that is cool that left do we really talked for 2 hours no I just mean to have covered two minutes of bumpy burgers
I mean no one said the podcast has to be 2 hours also what time now we know whatever is as ever said that and most people are like stop making the podcast 2 hours Freeland you read that stuff yeah I’m at work I’m already at work and I want to press pie got to press pause on dragons and we’re not going to play this week’s people are always like that’s the worst part of the show Spencer hates himself I don’t know why it keeps showing up it seems like he wants to kill himself it seems like everytime I see Spencer he’s going to kill himself I don’t know why Spencer hates himself so much and everything he does so maybe that also happens because the show goes on so long must be nice to be able to read about yourself in the internet without killing yourself it’s great it’s great
I definitely why didn’t lot of typing the Dan Harmon into Google and seeing what the autofill says I know you have eight years ago and it was definitely like that is like Chevy Chase Dan Harmon Chevy Chase all the stuff
Shelby’s pissed at me know we were friends and I consider that an accomplishment cuz I was an ass hold to him by doing that voice mail thing and I felt like I was mature and then that article came out with the that was about the feature on Donald I like I had a quote in there that and I was like it was like right on the heels of me like he was like he want any hasn’t talked to me since what what what did you do now what did you do what did you do now he said what would the article said that leg can be recognized Donald’s talent and stuff like that right who wrote a really incredible piece on a good guy but like I did have two conversations with some of the phone where I was like very adamant about how I did not want to talk about Chevy and was really worried about this quote and he it really was kind of assembled out of like weird like I thought I would never ever use the word jealous
in reference to an actor because I know that that would fit it since I just know that that’s like the J word like you don’t say yes so it’s always jealous of so-and-so like especially about actors and I and I just like it just like whatever
just thought I’d had my second I’m a bad interviewer drink and now I’m now I’m in therapy so sweet I’m not going to get my script done
damn then I get to be miserable for another week
thanks Levy Steve’s traditionally right in these scenarios are you in love with me the series no relationship is that is that bad for him sexually
he said it’s normal and then you made it weird yeah I don’t know I don’t know if you have you always weird is weird with where you’re going to meet like the coolest person in the world I would rather a good scratch than a boyfriend right now I think that’s where I’m correct a lot from laughing from the back of the warehouse that I could get your publicist is here maybe I want to know you’re probably 19 I’m not going to ask. Don’t don’t rush it
and ask
no know if you want to know how old carabrown is a researcher and in the process read some of her amazing. Pieces on on our website which is really easy to remember k a r a brown.com but she doesn’t even need you to go there anymore cuz she’s departed from that world she doesn’t she thinks that the internet is a bunch of shit has like I do have you got anything to plug you want to borrow borrowing iPads anywhere in the neighborhood and I hate you
are you enjoying the iPad can you at least give us an update I haven’t I haven’t used it since I brought it are you fucking kidding me
what no I haven’t used it I kind of used it and then I don’t know I I don’t know how many times we have to discuss this in Spain
why is it in saying I can let him borrow an iPad Pro cuz he wanted to see how it works and then he came in the pack hasn’t told the story about how me doing that made him feel bad I felt bad about using it and so you’re just keeping it on a shelf to make things better know you have to give it back cuz I have to go back to you need you so badly because he he needs two of them he needed so badly needed so badly I get to even the score are you Robin Hood now now I it’s I look at all things creative right now is just like a wait it’s you know we talked about this yeah
I was hoping that it would inspire me and it didn’t I will give it back I told you last week I’d give it back it’s almost I’ve had purchases feel I think they get something at the pencils and a hundred dollar pencil while it’s worth it cuz finally that’s the reason I wasn’t you know but I just I don’t have anything that makes me want to draw a right now I mean unless you have something like that you should read draw those drawings that you’re posting from when you’re a kid remember those are really cool you know those are better than anything anyone’s ever drawn
thanks yeah I’m of the opinion that you should just take it easy and let yourself I have been I have been
I’m sorry do you deal with your two young you’ve never done. Going to ask but you’ve never dealt with like a god Rob that do you have germination phases where you’re like I’m done and I don’t have any ideas or something cuz I can’t work desiccated him we were right and I was writing everything I know I had a lot of time I think of it very much as like oh this is my job my job is rating and so I have to do my job and so yeah
youth alright well you have anything to plug don’t highroad me I wasn’t demorge you have anything to plug the live show at the lyric Hyperion with Anna seregina Dewitt Thomas and Dave show to come up with these personas who are poets and they’re going to do it straight As out of it as I almost like a straight poetry reading or something and then they came to me and said we want you to be the person who curates you then we’re not going to tell you what to do you just do whatever so I’m just character that I’ve served in creating of the last couple months and a firm Elizabeth can you sort of like a composite of any writing instructor I had in college. It’s we’ve never had you do it on this show like your character work is amazing. What’s it supposed to shatter on I mean you like yeah it’s like you immerse yourself in to the silliest shit and then make the so it’s like
things to things and then connecting a gas industry disappearing it’s coming out the other end because I was hanging out with Kyle and he said I want to open the next episode of Gumball with this song and it was just fail at talking and the music of his voice I was like that’s pretty close to mine I bet you I could do that and then accounts off the song I just got 1 2 3 4 5 Second impression it’s perfect if you just did that and walked away so that whole premise of that thing is like what how little can I do but then also physically I’m going to cut a crazy widow’s peak in my hair and and for one day just have this weird feeling cookie the haircut you know just to say a joke is kind of like that because we can’t order it up like a fry cook we can’t go to Margie should do a crazy character for harmontown you should come on next time we won’t we won’t introduce you you’ll just or will introduce you as a time it is
saying like you you’ll just come up with some like character and do something and walk off go in the kitchen and cook something up and let us know when you want to do that and then I’ll just crazy in a way then I’ll just kind of in a week of the best thing is to go to food courts in malls as a character and just kind of hang out and just due Monday and she like order food and kind of be not too much to see how people react to see how it feels to be reacted to buy real people because then suddenly you’ve got this inner thing that’s building and its you think less about what’s on the outside more about the inserts
all right Dan do you have anything to plug yeah watch 4 but I have to plug my but I have to plug my fat ass I’m sorry that that because he actually has remorse or empathy is making it was like oh shit on the bad guy now I better backpedal that’s a good and did you did you move into Russia
I sure did give me my iPad back yes give it back come over and get it come over and get it I’m writing it’s hard to write your you’re telling me as soon as I’m finished I will be a good person
I’m going to end this 45 years of being a piece of shit with retirement and I’m going to go to know everyone’s zodiac sign I’m going to like ask about your kids are you ever going to love me they’re going to be like you were this cool the whole time I was busy that’s it so watch for that coming up soon alright well I have a question for me to see you ask I guess I got to think about that
you guys hear about these these Chinese murder Vance
they’re Dan’s in China isn’t that just racist slang for ambulance know we reduced do this every time I know but they’re these Matt these bands that they’ll do pick you up and I’ll kill you and then Theory some cases Dave Dave links to selling and transmitting your organs so watch out for that I also watch out for if you have a student protest in a giant Square in the center of your town like big ass turn off the cameras and roll all of you over with steam rollers and that’s another thing to keep your eye out for a bite by numbers that would Shock by numbers
yeah Tiananmen Square happen and notice the yeah it’s like they are being serious and then and then they just mean to people into talking like yeah they killed everybody
they killed everybody
everyone this is what happens in autocracies this is why we shouldn’t they think it’s cool to fucking like Russia they kill gay people in journalists like they they they they like like China is a fucking can I just quickly on a soapbox people people who are like a man you shouldn’t be worried about Russia it’s like to read about Russia is really bad they definitely are putting gay people into camp set up a virtue signalling it’s about pragmatism if you’re in the game Siri you didn’t your fucking like you should be scared of the idea of not having checks and balances in three branches of government you fucking idiot. Sorry you think I’m a normal person. The first one was poisoned radioactivity poisoning skerple
it showed up on ABC News the day that it was sort of promise I was pressing it was this is happening he’s dying this is going on if you read The Economist which is not the greatest magazine the world as it is certainly informative and has an opinion about a lot of stuff in its weekly and he was saying for a year-and-a-half before that they’re going to get there going to get me and people were listening but nobody has anything and when they went into the Chernobyl in like when it went in and but he’s growing like gas that that basement and then said other people and they were going to do bad things so we had to take them all out there was a journalist who called bulshit on that and then she got shot in the head in a public Courtyard Center.
is it like that have happened like this not you’re not just making this shit has happened people are being killed yeah we had a. In a marriage during the 1920s culture was like being celebrated by journalists and and you know is prohibition a lot of stuff if it really brought that whole thing down wasn’t necessarily prohibitions repeal and it wasn’t Al Capone’s tax is being policed is it they killed a journalist like like like somebody wrote something about one of the gangsters that the gangsters didn’t like and they just they just treated him the way they treat mobsters and the fun stopped like we in our most brutal X like we have always in this country may be only for white people act like we have these fucking like standards a free press isn’t about like Pious this it’s not about like being a holier-than-thou it’s about a goddamn like we got to get to be careful we are animals we will murder each other people will get away with what they get away
like you don’t want to live in this world you think you want to live in where tough guys are able to do whatever they want and everything seems cool you’re you’re you’re dumb you’re dumb and you’re 15 and you’re stupid and I hate you breed the flowchart
this is something that I figured out with no research eye of I’m as dumb as you are I’m a I’m a 15 year old that lived for thirty more years if that math is right that’s how stupid I am along the way here’s what you pick up you’re going to die if the government stops being a democracy you fucking moron knock it off it’s not fun it’s not going to be fun journalist getting killed is not it’s it it is a it it’s like that’s like your country has has HIV at that point like there is you can’t you you’re all right anyways toothbrushes are amazing new technology that they they buzz when you brush your teeth harmontown has brought to buy him’s for men for hymns for hymns hymns for him for him. Cam if you’re bald or you’re just your balls are
I don’t think you’re describing impotence right so when your balls go bald not the way I get it it’s a One-Stop shop for all the things that play gay men you’re you’re you’re you’re going bald do you want to avoid a year I guess your your weiner has his why would you want to avoid it when it makes you so handsome the listeners are going to have to answer that question for him. Cam in and take advantage of of of of our sponsorship take the survey. Why are we doing this to the point where your Shilling boner pills I don’t I I want to chill boner pills and it’s a real problem it could be maybe a battle we can afford to lose all right well Karen did you have a good time I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to fish but it was a good podcasts right now
oh yeah alright well I’m bad at ending shows about starting up a better running everywhere. Here’s your $5 back eat my dick fuck you with all of my work all right I’m never going to work again cuz I got to work on anything that’s not easy I’m going to be like for rich the cough but without the training I’m just going to try to do this like standing around dinos you draft but I look like you’d just falling down that’s what I did
yeah yeah I’m Petty wrapping all of the show y’all having to go out the laptop and shoes and send your mom a picture of your tits to say Ben is smaller than yours and she’ll say that’s cuz I had a really annoying that is not have said yes a my titties are as big as they want to be she’ll stay but they can’t compete with this come on please collection all right good night. Thanks so much for coming out
go to Chris so rough Sarah Kevin Zack the audio Maniac everyone that we forgetting Nolan Steve Levy oh boy Victor cascara Brown are guess comptroller Rob schrab Des Moines Brown of course and last but not least our mayor Dan Harmon thanks so much stay home and don’t take chances


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