Episode 338: This Trident Has Four Dents

Episode

Episode 338: This Trident Has Four Dents

Description

Cold Case Murder Mysteries podcaster Ryan Kraus returns to dive deep into the crime podcast genre, with Rob Schrab at the comptroller helm. Spencer’s bees and pirate eye patches are on the agenda tonight! Featuring Dan Harmon, Rob Schrab, Spencer Crittenden and Ryan Kraus. 

Transcript

yeah
how’s everybody doing tonight
yeah
find Rob’s rub them come to early tonight who cares
UCare thank you very much welcome to Dynasty typewriter that we are going to be doing harmontown is now it’s such a let’s give it up for our dungeon master and Spencer
looking so nice tonight how you doing Spencer I’m good man it’s been awhile
is it
now let’s get it
let’s give it up for the mayor of harmontown harmontown
thank you very much
from the bottom of my hip to the hop to the hippity heart Jam back in the day I used to fuck your mama in a bale of hay and I used to milk her like a cow
it’s true it’s true I’m talking about my UTI and squinting at me and listening and then like in between sentences because well I haven’t been around for a while I’m going to make it worth my while we’re here to serve
that’s good it’ll be worth my while you having a fun time working on my show
don’t you know
I know sometimes I’m not there I went on vacation for a week you were in there when I get already asked you off stage and just asking him from Spencer hey hey Dan you like what I’m doing on the show this one or the Rick and Morty Rick and Morty show am I pulling my weight in a way that much so nice
noon till 8 fast have you heard of this it’s a new Fast where you only eat from noon till 8 p.m. and lie that’s not not not it. What’s the talking about intermittent fasting why is it intermittent it’s intermittent because fasting would mean you aren’t eating at all
sedam
this is weird for two reasons first of all breakfast fast is right in the name I’ve never understand that it will means breaking the fast probably why the protein from sleeping all night but the fries any more about these do dietary fat the same as the one I really thought they’d never listen to breakfast is out of the most important meal of the day that the breakfast is the most important meal of the day is a marketing slogan invented to sell bacon people were liking all these lean cuts of cuts of pork and I don’t like let’s make all this also then they cut the port because like fat people are like 400 no not fat we got to have carbs and shit and then so they’re like but bacon and then that got people in Jamaican and then they like bacon and that’s where bacon culture came from
trying to sell this this shity scraps of pork that weren’t weren’t selling his lean dip it’s funny the idea of me being disappointed to find out where bacon culture came from so I thought Farmers Mill made it up around the breakfast table and handed it down like canyons in a world where Coke invented Santa Claus bread
I like that stuff I just wish that we wouldn’t ruin it by then taking it too seriously that’s what Campbell always said it was like they call ceremony is great he was he was he was a Catholic choir boy was that he was into the Boy Scouts he loves ceremony love ritually said it was so important you know Campbell recommended that he’d like you know a lot of like the more grounded tribal societies that we can still observe today they maintained his thing or if you make it two middle-aged there’s a point where you should change your name doesn’t that sound organic Cody proposed to me and she was like Jan Heller and the ringing like I think I’m going to commit to that not because I respect women because I hate myself and like nuts guy you know in this show I like kind of a Halo hit you with a show I hate myself myself I hate you Google like trauma
it’s like it’s both simultaneously it hits the chickenshit spot but never like this Noble exciting reason doesn’t Daniel Heller sound like a writer your first because there’s a famous writer about Danny Danny it’s great I started I will get with you if you get out of their lives with puberty hormones I started going likes don’t call me stop calling me Daniel call me Dan manly move
no offense to Dan’s out there I am one of you but it was just like I was already a Daniel and I threw that shit away I had this amazing Biblical name that was like steeped in Blood and fucking like conquering in like three through your Arts you know like the story of Daniel such a great one Daniel in the Lion’s Den he was an interpreter of dreams and then like his competitors or like let’s catch him being a Jew or whatever and they feel like they ratted him out and then a Christian I don’t even know what
which Bible did Daniel stories in the Old Testament to Hebrew name but I can’t remember a veggie tales about it, yeah
and she played by a carat of the actual story and whatever Bible it was and it was like wow this is like they threw him in the Dan and but then the God was like fuck you and then but then then in and it was like all of the people who betrayed him and conspired against him I think all of them and all of their families got thrown in the Lion’s Den they leave that part of the budget even though their vegetables wouldn’t even be really good for them family oh yeah they couldn’t they couldn’t spread that Miracle no I mean the Lions not eat the families of the betrayer’s they only think God would be succeeding, Shadow be late people just use it as lions do these lines are worn out right
therapist and it wasn’t a Christian Empire and the king would say hey. I had this dream can you interpret it and Daniel with basically take every dream and interpret it as like sounds like you should be Christian
and the King was like nibbling on that hook and that’s why his peeps were like we got to get rid of this Daniel they fuck with the wrong guy put the line and made the line sleep if ye shut their mouth shut their mouths he shut the lion’s mouth you said shut your mouth and then and then he and then Daniel fell asleep woke up and then like the guards woke up while I pretended to be asleep better clean up all that but alright anyways but yeah I would need myself lugubrious schnook Kratts OK Google
start from I interrupted you started nobody to start from the beginning of time ago I was in dance backyard do you know just snooping around looking for Clues and I’m noticing me and there’s some bees there’s not like a lot of bees but there’s bees and normally you see like a bee you know two bees think about it fast forward to these dudes doing stuff at Dan’s house they’re putting wires places and such and they’re like oh there’s a beehive in this wall and we can’t we can’t put courts through the wall because the bees and I was like oh that explains those bees I saw and so then I started trying to figure out how to deal with the BS I call a b company a big guy estimate came by as like here’s what we do we open up the wall we get out the bees we close up the wall bang bang boom sounds great will come next Thursday and I’m like next Thursday how about this Thursday and they’re like at and then so I was like okay I’ll see what I could do
some looking around for a different bee guy found a different bee guy and then I was like okay we got it be guy to give us an estimate but we need to be guy to come this Thursday this Friday some like that can you do that they’re like yeah and so then we make the appointment then like 2 hours late to be guy calls me is like I’m on my way and then a half hour later he shows up and then he’s not prepared to do the job he just tells me what the last estimate guy told me I’m like yeah I know I know that’s why I called you you said you would be able to take care of the bees you can’t and so he’s like yeah I’ll come back and come back on Monday he comes back on Monday I see the guy oh one of the things he says like oh they’re in this wall got to break open the wall but man if that was made with cinder blocks like the only thing boss baby
that’s going to be a problem and I’m like it is that seems like that’s the whole job really we didn’t know it was made out of cinder blocks but I was like I think it’s a cinder block wall it is outdoors and that’s like in any look at these walls there cinder block walls looks like a cinder block wall you know it’s about the thickness of a cinder block and so but he’s like yeah I could do it and then he comes back he comes back today again two hours late and not two hours like not they give you a 2-hour window and it’s at the end of the two hours we do two hours after the end of the window and I see this guy and he’s not carrying like a giant drill for a jackhammer or like a handheld impact hammer any of these things that I would expect to be necessary to take out a while and then I’m starting to understand this is why cinder block walls with pose a problem because he’s not prepared to deal with what those are and
and does he have so he had nothing to be smoker a bee smoker going to do the job and I’d least I didn’t even bring his own smoker leaves it doesn’t have Wall opening tools and he comes and looks in the while he’s like I’m going to have to open the wall and I was like yeah that’s what you said last time that’s what I told you over the phone before you showed up the first place anyway he goes back to his car he comes back with a drill and a hammer just like not even a big hammer like a normal size can I think we’re done that and I’m and I’m watching because he starts smoking the bees the bees are getting past which I mean the bees get pissed before you start smoking I think he was hitting the wall with a hammer and you could hear how it affected
being on the walk because it doesn’t sound like anything’s happening it just sounds like if you hit the sidewalk with a hammer and I know the walls of the Bees home with a hammer that demonstrates its fortitude and then when they come out to kill him he’s going to start up the smoker growing leaves in it and he wasn’t aiming the smoker I kind of like a teakettle like a camping tea kettle but he didn’t like having a game that way he just had it like above the area so it was like an incense stick just kind of burning the general vicinity of Outdoors like I would have portrayed the poor smoke into the hole and then hit the hole with a hammer or something who knows anyway so then he pulls out his drill it’s a it’s a cordless drill which don’t have a ton of cordless drills or come along way don’t get me wrong but it did not look like the cordless drill to have a lot of
horsepower to it so I could hear him he’s drilling a hole in the wall to try and break it open to try and get something that you can stab a hammer into or something and the drill either running out of batteries or reaching the limit of its you know and I’m like yeah definitely what I was expecting me not what I was expecting initially like when you showed up I was like this is just this is a distance faster and so then he tries for a while he’s like yeah I can’t get the wall open I’m like yeah you don’t say and he’s like what what do you want to do you could kill the bees and I’m like yeah I know that was always on the table that’s not what I was going for I could have killed the Beast I don’t even need an apiarist outfit but So eventually we we he was you know I was like you got to get someone you need a jackhammer it open and I was like yeah that’s why I was so surprised that you didn’t bring one and then you know I don’t know
I was like okay so it sounds like I’m going to have to do is find someone who can open the wall then when that happens we’ll get you back in and I’m just trying to make him feel better and then we’ll see about it we’ll see about actually solving the problem and if I can’t get someone to open the wall will spit a bunch of bleach in there or something and with your mouth
the number one spiritual do you make sure your autism
call Joe Farrar Eugene listeners my mom was I was talking to my mom the other day and she’s like you know I hear if you dilute bleach it’s good for your health and I was like no no no the internet like a big thing of the UK their 50th year of mistreating a autism in kids even though we know what it is now very good at diagnosing it but the more parents know what it is the more they just like I don’t want their kids have autism like like so like the end of the seventies they were they were cattle prodding kids and didn’t like depending on where they are in the Spectrum you can train them to hug it just it just fucking brutal man like like late seventies this was happening in the United States and
the kids wasn’t like they didn’t know the kids are autistic it’s like that was that was the big treatment for autism was this guy was like a guru like zapping kids to make them hug their parents and anyways but in the UK now because we’ve evolved so much they’re there. There’s now there’s a new like wave of Guru like somebody that’s like just just just younger the better just get my little two little British cup of bleach stain a little bleach I know how many ounces are in each and then and then and then go outside and enjoy that sweet Flat Earth just roll forever
or don’t roll forever no doubt you can roll forever and roll very carefully around outside you bleach the kids if the kids tell him to kill themselves right I’m sure they’re diluting it but what there yet what they’re doing is they’re stripping the esophageal mucous membranes probably probably permanently damaging the kids and their developmental stages so they’ll be autistic and you know when they learn you usually already learned Everyone’s an idiot imagine these four kids and why can’t I breathe you’re a fuking idiot and you tried to make me hug you by poisoning me
why am I like like you know artistic people invented the Internet like the next generation of autistic people are just going to all be Lex Luthor they’re all going to chill us they’re going to be like I can’t believe I do blame him a speedy says autistic people are meant to create the virtual reality of the future and that’s why they exist but it will that’s that’s fully yeah I love spd’s evolutionary theories and stuff let’s bring him up and have him talk about it
I heard someone say yeah man but I try it running Cold Case murder mystery files is here with us damn guess it was really him saying hey so welcome to the show
welcome to the show will be on at some point I was talking as though you were in the writers room all day huh. Cool huh Hollywood Hollywood and what was that like did you like you didn’t think I was this far from you
yeah how was that experience with Grace we really going to take a great that enjoyed watching you do your work and everybody talkin before and it was amazing yeah
I like this little Shadow program as long as the writers don’t mind it like there’s a there’s a table and then there’s a whole couch area that we’re not using anyway yes it’s like like you’re going to hear like Beyond spoilers I mean you’re going to hear spoilers that we yeah I mean
let’s see the people’s basketball court trying to coordinate and tell him to come in whenever you want John Singleton kid who also graduated from USC is kind of following in his dad’s footsteps he liked the last conversation I had with his dad was about how his kid was so into Rick and Morty in like wanted to know more about writing TV and I want to I want to I want to get him in there too I feel like we’re not it’s just like this
it’s like it seems like such a waste that even I I still feel like I’m doing it for the first time every time because it’s like it’s like there’s no like we need to like record in like you know figure out there needs to be like a Time Life Book for breaking stories
you know at some point so that we can stop wasting time and like keep evolving
but it’s like you sit in a room in your like how come it doesn’t feel like an episode of Small Wonder yet and then you talk for 6 hours I go to Small Wonder and had an STD and then your leg like a small Wonder but what you’re not doing is I mean it’s like if we if you’ve lived this before but it’s like if you’re a carpenter and you go like okay this is called a joist we figured this out this has a function and holds a certain amount of weight it’s use it this way like this is that you put this in a 90 degrees and then you write it down and Carpenters don’t have to fucking every time they build a house built like huh I don’t know what you want to do that Joyce invent the joint that’s what writers have been doing a TV writers room for basically 60 years is is is every single season of almost every episode they reinvent the story joist and that includes me because I just kind of took photos of every like whiteboard when we would work on community I’m sure those are
around somewhere in some digital box always wanted to do like a a book or something that would like try to figure this out okay so our goal isn’t joists that doesn’t make us Frank Lloyd Wright like that’s just architecture the 101 like let’s let’s finish that lets this deconstructed it’s reconstructed it’s done it’s geometry foundations basic shit and then so let’s let’s use those principles to either a you know once you understand them you cannot defy them some I’m going I’m not a parent and I are be like oh so that they always know what to do but like also you can just like okay we understand cords now so let’s write a song I don’t know whatever I’m sure there is an answer to this question but hearing all that there are books on screenwriting so what don’t those do
two formulas the process to the extent you’re talking about I don’t know of any books and I’m sure there are some but I don’t know of any books that are basically like more like manuals for collaborative mass-produced like no bullshit like televisual TV writers room basically gee I wonder why there are books that we were sold 900 copies by now but but but I also think that the principles that you would if you tried to write a textbook for TV writers rooms on how to break stories that I believe that the principles Darien would make everybody better at that everything because really it’s like we did at the core of it is everything that I do wrong when I try to write by myself I’m doing because I’m not talking to other people and then everything I’m doing wrong when I’m working with other writers everything that’s beat that’s that’s being done right
long is happening verbally and you know in an exchange between people but that’s what makes that place the right place to MRI the process because oh we have transcripts from The Writer’s assistant we have we have results we have we have things going from idea to episode that’s why I’m so like I’ve been like screaming and pulling my hair out about the the development of interactive right way toward technology cuz it’s like we have the technology but no one makes it cuz there’s no specific like need for the for the exact technology the writers room with need it but it’s like if we had that 10 years ago you’d now have 10 years on a hard drive of community story break and get stuff including like McKenna and gantzel and Andrew gas like working on multiple story circles for like every character in the in the in the in the dice episode I’m a big fan of my work
and I should be stored for all time I mean I’m getting ready to retire here you guys are going to poop coming back and you clean a robe cold case files and you expressed interest in it and I trust you implicitly had dinner with you yet when you’re on the show and I was like this guy’s definitely not going to run into the street and go
the people hate you by saying this but I do think that a lot of people already do it’s like who hates you have you ever been getting stemming to get hate mail I’ll definitely you should say that I never want to know I got those from people who pay to listen to my podcast yet I have a lot of hate living like that area like I think there was one person who left the review for me an Apple podcast is suggested one of my episodes was going to lead a lot of people to commit suicide
the Jamison family so there’s there’s it’s a mystery where this family in Oklahoma is Oklahoma drove off into the Wilderness in a pickup truck they’ve been behaving very strangely before had it was on camera and so no one really knows if they succumb to mental illness and it was a murder-suicide or if they were stop somewhere and murdered and you know I suggested that I thought based upon their behavior prior to leaving the day actually were involved in a murder suicide and so this person just took it from there when you say they were acting strangely what what do you mean Woodward a job they have their sis video of them packing their vehicle and it’s just it’s just really something you have to check out but they kind of look like Sims yeah I mean it almost it almost looks like they’re robots I mean that you don’t see any emotion it doesn’t look like they’re in
acting in any way whatsoever they’re packing for a trip but there’s it’s just this very monotonous movement that just doesn’t actually lead to anything involving a motion I guess head behind the scenes they already they they were expressing in what ways they felt like they were in the midst of some Supernatural grip for something about them before they died they made a lot of suggestions to people at their Church see that’s that’s a good reason not to be religious if if there’s fucking demons in your actual life and you tell people at Hardee’s if Hardee’s is a restaurant what am I doing if you tell people you weren’t you I was like they get anywhere but Church like a church they’re probably just like I just don’t drink more fluids
there’s like no man you got to do you tell people that you’re being haunted by demons like he hit the right treatment even if that’s demonology I don’t care what you got to tell somebody other than your congregation school that was essentially things they were they were looking for a gun because they had some sort of a problem with the demon or something like that special special bullets I assume demon bullets will they did get the gun and strangely they found a hole in the skull of Father’s head when they found the remains so we don’t know if that’s a bullet hole right
no they didn’t find a gun know when they when they first search for the bodies they didn’t find anything in that area and then the skeletons were out wide open just sitting there that mean for anyone to see at a later point so it’s believed that they might have been moved but they could have just missed it I thought they were laid like kind of night where they weren’t laid flat they were they were huddled next to each other and so I don’t know if they were to have flat they were but they were huddled right now because he’s already suicide without you saying like I remove the bodies dead bodies yeah I mean, I don’t have a gun and they’re not using it that that’s actually probably tell the police everything like I’m taking this gun
by the way to take one from my gizzard if you find it on a quest and you’d be silly not to take it from a bunch of skeletons I mean I probably would have defeated the skeletons first
cuz obviously it goes without saying you can’t quit it would if he thought they were deflected by a demon he might have thought that was the only way to stop the demon was to kill it while I was possessing his family or you know he might have been delusional enough to think that he was possessed by the demon and so he might be taken by violence and then realize what he done but were there only holes in in his head but what was interesting is that there was a very large envelope of cash underneath the seat in his truck so if it had been Foul Play it stands to reason that somebody probably would have looked through his truck or not I mean but I would assume you would have assumed that the the money with the motivator for the foul play and that they knew about the money which they would have probably because they were driving around ostensibly looking for property and saying I had the cash to buy it so I can the razor would say if it was Foul Play it would be related to someone who heard they had a bunch of cash right and the cash
and found in such a simple locations just like killing someone is a dangerous thing so if you’re not going to get anything from it and I’m solo compartment it was like where if you are willing to kill you would be willing to look at was under the seat of their car and it’s not like Deliverance where there was like a Hut nearby where the people live that might have killed them just because Killens fun that’s been suggested as well but I mean I think the truck might have been moved from the last place that the father drove it but video footage of them like what it like just loading up their car how many family member so just three I think Hillary and there aren’t they’re all in on it how old were they were the kids I forgot it was just one I think they just had a daughter I can’t recall that’s just terrible cuz I’ll be aware I am Kraken Kraken cracking funnies but like there’s victims here I mean they weren’t it’s not like they have in the gate
thing victims there too and they believed they were going to get in a flying saucer but but like I mean you’re a dependent in your family and you end up and I mean I just like it it’s like Supernatural series aside that makes me really upset to think that she was so captive for instance that she’s like loading a car that you possibly knows but you’re at it but you you talked about how they didn’t think I don’t have never listened to the episode where yeah you did it you did like a 4 or 5-hour one on this on this dude who’s like wanted to commit Quantum suicide was pretty crazy and you were at you you you hooked into a little bit of Dan Harmon story Circle yeah magic there I appreciated that it’s not why I like you I’m not a
I’m out of flattery purse what is a Quantum what is a Quantum suicide to the quantum suicide the idea is that you’re going to commit suicide but when you die in this world you’re going to transcend to another where you made a better decision and you have a better exicort go to a better place was going to jump off a cliff to go to a better place the ground that’s what happened so it was like like leg leg when Batman drops about Falcone off of the it was like a father’s like look like it was guaranteed to just like horribly injure you if you fell off of it that’s fucked up a Batman
yeah you know used to use a gun
did he ever yeah he’s got he’s got some people before and then it’s like Batman use guns tablets you just sometimes shoot a guy with the ears on his hat that we have up at crime scenes
evidence of Batman started is I’m a detective what is it what what were they called the gun shoot just bad ass that’s why you said that’s why you stopped using it because of the the batarang or anything back the news just cap and people just running around like a regular robe coat in his dress like a bat
just to take off that what are you doing you’re a detective you have any Batman stories
know how can I know how you got to ask that’s how we find out things
let’s see here can you solve the case of these bees in my backyard
I don’t know about that what’s what’s going on with the peace we can do that with your gun
they’re like the Eagles from where the Rings
yeah the coyotes have been a problem of a money pit situation Brewing over at my old house oh man yeah sorry I was just getting excited about the money pick up the Shelley Long movie not I mean maybe it was inspired by The Money Pit but the money fits like a real physical thing
the real Pit okay you guys going okay there’s this island where they like someone was convinced that there is treasure there and they started digging down but do that money with water and then then they do became of Money Pit because they spent like like they spent multiple Fortunes in businesses went bankrupt for Generations trying to like get to the bottom of this money pit and it never really found anybody anything they eventually got this giant drill and a giant drill drill through a bunch of layers of shit in like drill through a bunch of silver so probably just punched through whatever silver cash was down there or whatever but they never really got it anyway I think I know how to how to solve The Money Pit but it’s too late now so let’s just move on
Now The Money Pit it’s like it was sunk with water but presumably whoever actually like created it hadn’t had a solution to get there and there’s these giant Boulders that were found off the island and I think that there is the secret water channels that were covered by dirt but if you knew where they were you were supposed to put the boulders on top of it and that would stop the water from pouring in and then you could just dig through without it being flooded all the time but one of the first things they did was just ask debate the shit out of one of these water channels so it would just absolutely couldn’t be plugged and then from then on it was just done son
The Money Pit
at what do you think was down there it’s just like silver I don’t even think it was that much but it was cool to the people who like had a whole lifetime to do shit you know back like when there is like yeah let’s build a pyramid that’s why I found it I found fragments of silver through the drill because they were just kind of like drilling down and then seeing what they found there was like a pretty thin layer of silver at the very bottom there’s these huge Subterranean Caverns that didn’t seem to have anything of value and I think they are those are flooded too but I do know so much stuff patches over their eyes why do pirates wear patches over their eyes closed but then I was like why don’t you want to wait for us as if I just I don’t want you to see how
talking face-to-face I don’t you know Greg throughout I’m kind of embarrassed about some guy covered up you guys supposed to be tough but then I called my friend Spencer and just to be clear I might be wrong about going off of memory
tracks for me so let’s just make it history sure don’t at me
what are you going to be Pirates had matches yeah well you know
just to keep Airborne infections out of a superstitious I think that they believe stuff like I think one of the reasons they wore earrings was because they just thought that made them hear better they had superstitions about me back and I think that eye patches were were part of that suits for the extended I think they sometimes just warm as a Superstition feed stronger or whatever you just take had one I completely closed and he could do that and that’s why papa is like like the Sailor Man and also like you were saying like because it’s like bright lights
outside during the day and then you go below deck your ID has to adjust your whatever you know when you go below deck but if you have like this you can you flip it up today is a joke where over there do you does nothing wrong with your eye but it’s actually owe you saying these guys didn’t say that I was worried but also I think I said that you know they didn’t have good anti septic technology back then so I probably did you know how the technology of septic wasn’t as it was urine urine
better yeah are you looking for a new way to get your cardio in between podcast now man because I found Peloton what’s that it’s a new way to get my cardio in between podcast I think you’re talking about an immersive cardio experience in your own home that’s exactly what I’m talking about oh yeah that’s why I Men’s Health magazine called Peloton bike the best cardio machine on the planet planet that’s a good lately it’s probably I don’t know how their plans can even vote I don’t even know if other planets call people men yeah they’re better off than we are bored with index performance metrics and that’s that’s like a big thing kind of going on a fitness these days where there’s like a leaderboard so you could see like a who’s doing the best and who’s just barely skating by it’s good I think a big problem for a lot of people of workout routines become boring they become repetitive but this Peloton bike keeps you work out fresh you can change up your party arrives with all kind of different lengths different levels of difficulty themes and Mew
genres that’s right I like that yeah really keeps things mixed up what kind of music do you like to work out to folk music like let’s less accessible than Bob Dylan yodeling I like The Yodeling I like a Tibetan throat singing the didgeridoo dirges the Peloton bike will make you rethink the way you look at cycling classes it’s an immersive empowering heart-pounding cardio experience you have to try to believe and I did and I do, what time is offering a limited time offer get $100 off accessories when you purchase a Peloton bike and get a great cardio workout at home go to one peloton.com and use the promo code Harman to get started that’s o n e p e l o d o n., what if we came to Alive harmontown been in a scab look at the weird split up the middle deck in half and everybody is wearing those tight shorts I like that maybe if they got some bikes and got got started with the most immersive cardio experience that could be a thing in our future
well there’s only one telephone ohyeah
what the hell is going on with me my dick I was like I lightsaber you look very healthy, I got a haircut and cleaned up your active liver prostate everything’s great you’re wearing a belt I don’t even I already talked about this was pretty drunk last time do you level Zoar stabilize I was a you know what vitamin D goes a long ways and then try to talk and like weird right now what right now
yeah I kind of did it feels like there’s something I like I’m sorry I was going to be sorry ladies I’m sorry everyone I got like the like the men are like it’s probably the opposite right that women are like what’s going on with you people anyways but no pain in certain positions like if I put pressure on a certain foot or something a little like thing in my bladder that is floating around and maybe is like and you don’t know where you got this from
a toilet seat maybe where you don’t know if you honestly don’t know where you got question what do you know where you got a UTI like what do you mean OG or should we do a 911 call and maybe we could you know you know back into where you got this thing so you could prevent it and maybe some listeners out there prevent it from happening to them or you again I don’t know what I did but she’s not she doesn’t you know if you ever gotten a UTI before okay so well you don’t shower a lot so it doesn’t shower everyday and when you first start getting the daytime with any detective questions I’m going to figure this out
so when did you first start feeling UTI in your in your dick Disney Land was because I went to the doctor because I didn’t want to have to worry about my crotch during the vacation you were going to do some but the confusing thing is that I also will I didn’t diagnose it as anything I didn’t tell that doctor there’s something wrong with my peepee track because I didn’t know that’s what was going on I simultaneously I think I put a little strain and one of my groin muscles or something so you got to you got like a change in your taint from doing leg lifts a little too hard I work out like a fucking I’ve seen a blast my glutes
that’s what you want to do I’ll blah blast you up a blast anybody’s glutes after the show
but your boots blasted this is a unisex things non-binary I’ll blast your glutes
everyone’s got glutes include she blasts includes you blasting Gucci glasses are the names of those muscles are so so in the meantime at the exact same time around the time I’m like I feel it’s little itty bitty change in like the tippy tip of my wenis like and I’m assuming I’m going like you did something with your paint while you’re doing leg lifts and benching a bench like 135
I could be the last 45 plates right one on each side I could lift whoever plays Minnie Mouse at the Disney park easily without the costume. Can give lasting pain all of a sudden you get up and there’s a little twin yeah it’s it’s what I’m eating that with the the tip of the penis thing right cuz I’m like you’re like poke your belly button to her that you like the tip of your dick cuz that’s your insides I don’t know if everyone has that or not but like I update
do they make her have a belly button like right now first of all I got to figure I got to make sure it’s not cancer but I thought I went to the doctor I said I think it probably pulled a muscle was working out but will you please stick your finger up my ass hole and feel my balls in that order smear it all over and that and then all the sudden I got a UTI and I don’t know how bad my doctors check my balls a couple times and I ate every time he does he says I told you the story about that one time I actually caught myself like reaching up for my nipple like like
it wasn’t cuz I was turned out it was just like I felt like I felt my body but he I know it’s like he’s checked my balls at least like that is like the third time of a middle-aged man eat each other like emphasizes how easy it is to check every time he doesn’t and I kind of liked fix stuff text Julie what he’s saying is making me touch your body when you go to the vet and they’re like you know you can express their anal glands at home I know I can’t
before it’s all you going to do is just because it’s just feel here and here and here and that’s all there is to it
I’m not touching those fucking things you want me to be able to start rubbing my nipples right here I went to get my my my balls and and and I need in the finger up the butt procedure who is like one or early early morning in March it was like cold and I’m sitting there and my doctor comes in Decker Rose Laura Logan Rose Eddie’s Logan exactly yeah I need the older African-American gentleman with long dreadlocks and and he’s just like there is a great doctor he comes in and it’s cold so you know in the gallon and I’m sitting there like all by myself and he’s like okay is now it’s time to do the procedure and I like I turn around
I’m sorry my hands are really cold and I’m freezing and I start laughing and he’s laughing and we just music
have you seen laughing your butt hole he touches touches unless we just keep sitting here laughing as you’re fine okay here’s the whatever is is sign this piece of paper and he left and I got dressed and I went out and Ryan Ridley was in the waiting room
he was going in the same doctor have to say procedure
that would be funny even in his hands on your ass if I can answer now ready to go and what are you doing here well you know it’s that time of the year and where that 8000 Miles can you go to a public restroom be right I’m not a I’m not a germaphobe about public restrooms disgusting the new in the seats are visibly anything like but it provided there’s no visible anything on the seat maybe every like you know nobody wants to like nobody wants to contact each other or we’d all prefer is when we went to the bathroom and nobody else was involved there but there was just the timing work for everybody so that everyone had their privacy but
sometimes is the storyboard artist is coming out you’re going and if you ever like it’s like nice and clean with me like you and your kind of like I made eye contact with the man who right now I’m so grateful for how a lot of Duality thing around like I’m like gross but like with a big smile on my face cuz it’s like
play it’s only intellectually grows it’s physically comforting I mean it’s only if you think about why that it’s like that then you kind of like this species you know the Rick and Morty toilet we have to talk about that there needs to be something cuz there’s like how many employees do you have even known human rights violation there’s like one urinal into toilet Dude Where’s the leak ma’am building never at the old building we were we just kept going. We’re going to go to the new building at the old building if everybody had to be given up on the third floor go down in the elevator because it’s just you know in the afternoon when you when you get the when you get the after lunch
ready to go after lunch Bubble and you know reverse pass baby
so you can because otherwise you just has no I’m dancing around the issue that we don’t want to be a gross podcast podcast I’m just saying
it’s embarrassing cuz you saying like could you could you could like okay can I tell you something that’s we all know what we’re doing in the stall right I mean come on let’s be adults here so if you hear something eating scraps
right okay but then you make all this go ahead go ahead
I mean I don’t know you go ahead
you wanted him to have energy like toots man it’s the worst yeah and then you open the door and then there’s the new showrunner you know that’s what it sounds like everyone knows what makes shoes look like in that bathroom arguable that the two stalls cuz we was there was one stall in the old building one year in 01 stall and then is like everyone had to poop on different floors the now there’s two stalls when you’re not I think it’s worse here’s why
handicap stall whatever we call it now Andy Capp proud stall it’s the one you’re not supposed to use if you have if both are available I’ve never heard of recently heard about this I thought you could just use it forever and then now I’m hearing like it’s like a rude thing to do after the off-chance has resting locked face
you can’t tell if it anyone’s in there without a trim pushing on it right which is everyone’s nightmare if they’re in there

yeah all the more I imagine if they’re differently-abled like butt and everyone’s differently-abled when they’re pooping don’t don’t quote me on that Atlas that I don’t use that as the title
Jordan Peterson about it like a handicap stall if you think about it like And subscribe I’ve never watch any videos of Big Bad Wolf on somebody’s some little piggies poop Sachin
and then once you’ve done that so now they hate you
so if they’re in there now you’re like rattle rattle and they’re and they’re like
read the room like they just going to sit there and be quiet they’re not going to go I’m always like sorry buddy almost
make them feel bad like you’re almost done you’re like close but no cigar I do mean I’m almost done there’s another thing he’s another thing the nun differently-abled install the small stop no it doesn’t it doesn’t look your foot under the door lift with your strained groin until the bolt mechanism will slide in so now we’re waiting every since that took me a week to figure out that Jill Brandon told me that there is this Maniac she better poop nice and quiet or I’m going to judge him by his New Balances
when we go back out there and I’m drawing is fucking dumb ideas that he’s going to change in a week if it if those shoes walked by me I’m going to spill spill the tea in the fucking break room will tell you that doing harm is a shaky Poopers loud to there’s no break room and now we’re all working for a fucking loud pooping Maniac it’s just awful that I went to Dino’s house for fried chicken on Sunday so sidebar cuz we like to give you a little bit of good news in these podcast if you crush pork rinds and use those in lieu of toilet paper
0 carb Fried Chicken
damn right GoGo God be with you
it’s not easy I would probably not healthy but it’s zero carbs there’s no bread pork steak Pizza Great 7
time to time to do it
another guy goes in Dino’s bathroom like he had the he had the right idea Dino goes I got two bathrooms PO box
big big guest house
kids in there to Guesthouse to a PO Box so tiny tiny tiny as a bird house and there’s a TV in it where usually have people got kids the kids will go in there and I’ll watch like fucking Peppa Pig or whatever that show that show fucking sucks I want to be nice all of their heads are drawn identically if you asked a six-year-old to draw a penis as fast as they could that’s what all the pigs their heads are dicks and balls
yeah yeah I think there’s satanic magic happening with that show cuz the three-year-old she like she loves Peppa Pig I want to watch Peppa Pig just like I want to sleep with Cody and Uncle Duty bear that’s what they call me
why I kind of came up with it cuz I knew if I had a nickname that when we had we had walkie-talkies in the desert and I’m like I’m an interloper I’m an outsider a guy I got to I got to be fun you know what I’m not a naturally fun person and I don’t want to put any energy into being fun what if I had a fun name but you can just name yourself
walkie talkies I just like breaker breaker this is going to give it like an improvisational sounds like this is doo doo bear back in the system calling me that I’m like you’ve been manipulated I’m Ronald McDonald a zero effort I’m like a fucking star
I might have kids
I didn’t know how easy it when I got anyways don’t
Athena God I know I’m not going to push it in the tiny guest house where the kids lay in the in the in the fold-out bed and watch TV and dinner at iof kid ex girlfriend of mine he’s like how old do you think Finn is there is like 8 or something I’ve never met him he’s sentient
but it’s just him and I was working like mad he’s like he’s kind of like the feral kid in Road Warrior he’s really smart but he’s just like an animal person
and I mean I got to go get a good way like we just we make fun of them was like you know like 46 year-old man I walk in I got to walk past him as a tiny little bathroom that whole place is like 6 cubic feet is watching Peppa Pig watching them too I got the garbage the kids think I get to the bathroom door
what does thin sliding door and he’s like sitting there as like a long haired 8 year old California kid like glassy-eyed watching his goddamn fucking robots or whatever and any enemy looks at me and I go
I’m going to take a huge dump
and I and I go in and that’s exactly what I did but it was loud or like rain in the sink but I’m like anybody thinks since you like washing your hands for an hour to check the Instagram get alot of likes
and energy look I could lie at this point the story and say that he said anything so that he deserved this but it was really just my own shame it’s just he’s just kind of like so I can I roll and I and I and I got all the way to the exit door and I was like yo I have a car
what did he do then in French you know if I can like Isaac. Came up with a comeback on the way out earlier won’t get out of here he’s going to fucking slay me if I stick around cuz he’ll be like who cares but I won’t have a comeback for that
nope I got to pick up the cash it okay yeah go ahead judge it
if I can I’ve kissed girls
that would have been better have beer in my fridge I can’t even pronounce good luck
you’re up at 8 it would have been grow gills
what is a Winding Road Gill related to the shit now
grilled you cuz that’s going to start overflowing any second
is the girth of my stool better grow some gills I wasn’t bragging about my big shit is just like I kind of just wouldn’t shit in there cuz I feel like no one was supposed to know when and where you would have closed the door and just sat there for a couple of done this without getting like he’s getting like abused and mistreated like it is likely he doesn’t have power he’s like we’re the only TV is so I was like at least least they can do is level with them I’m going to take a big shit
that was my thought process only I don’t like being part of the the Elder Archy and I was like oh you’re eight you can’t vote so fuck off like that’s you know you try to respect these people a little bit like a big poop coming
I don’t know if you want to just take prepare for it and you’re going to hear some shit like it’s fucked up like it if you were 40 I wouldn’t do it but if you’re 40 you wouldn’t be watching fucking stupid ass hologram dinosaur Stephen teddy bears fucking idiot
what is the shit are you watching your finish watching this animated hologram robot show
your show has some Holograms in Roblox to be animated I think I’ve seen a teddy bear in it yeah oh yeah I know no ice no ice thingy when you be bring the ice thingy I mean if I leave the stage this show
are going to take ship all right so
thanks Levi is there any more thank you I think he’s thick is there more to Quantum suicide than just religion he thought he was going to die and I die and go to a better place now so he wasn’t good I hate my life going to kill myself he goes I’m okay but what if I was taller and then jumped off a cliff
call you thought you was getting out of the Matrix like you thought he was breaking through he found a hack right he felt like almost like a creepypasta ritual or something yeah I brought it he brought some caged animals he brought his kind of dog he left them out there in the freezing cold I get her a little carrier but it is the crass one of the craziest stories in a genre that is just riddled with WTF some and OMGs yeah I think he had a psychotic break and he invited this girl it wasn’t even his girlfriends like they had dated then there weren’t there not I call it a movie
Lexus
he had talked to her a little bit I would have there wasn’t
pixel gun flies from the from the from shoving his head under
like that’s what that’s what that’s going to keep me safe already got me 1 and 1/2 all right okay, I only
fucking idiot
so he dated a lady and then then then then he stopped dating a lady and invited her out so he had made sure to leave her like it was clear to her that when he died she was going to get some money is $180,000 I think but you’re Siri based on the various Clues is that he always fully intended for her to do it with him and he was he knew he could only lower anyone out here I mean bribe them especially if your plan is for them to join you I mean it was it was that was the amount of money was going to take to be able to manipulate her through the process of that ritual all the way to the end
and on the way down right yeah I mean so basically they always tell him he’s taking her farther and farther through it knowing that he has the leverage of the money because otherwise he’s asking her to do some very crazy things and if no benefit her whatsoever she wasn’t suicidal which put a pit in why but it came from his apartment so we assume he brought it was like ostensibly like oh I’ll bring that knife cuz then if I jump it’s weird that he would be planning for the jump to be unsuccessful if I don’t if I don’t have the jump doesn’t finish me how to stab myself I mean yeah I think I think the part of that is the fact that he’s trying to solve an emotional problem physically and so what’s happening is he’s jumping off this Cliff but he’s chosen a short Cliff because he doesn’t really want to die but he thinks this Quantum suicide thing is a great thing because he’s falling into this Mental Illness but it’s interesting process but yeah very disturbed individual
she’s got a knife she’s so pissed she kills him laughing but it’s like okay I’m pretty good defense well she there’s more to the story about if he’s pulled her off the cliff by grabbing her hand they have the knife we assume the knife was to finish the job on either one of them if they lived he got up first he helped her to her feet according to her and they walked about a mile and a half of the forests another completely nude it’s the middle of the winter is raining it’s freezing cold and temperature is right about freezing and they basically got about a mile and a half and they get to a creek and they’re about to cross this Creek and then suddenly her story gets a little fuzzy and he ends up face down in the creek with his throat cut and it’s not just caught him he’s almost decapitated so it looks like
caught between three to seven times and she suggested that he was the one who cut his own throat is she would probably only serve a couple years if in fact it was just bottom of the cliff she stabbed him to death like because then she could tell all of the truth and be like
dick okay I mean you know someone who they think they’re just helping commit suicide grabs their hand pulls them down and yet you had a knife and he sounds like a real jerk he left his Pat’s in a fucking box up there and when he pulled you down with him that meant he was fine with the cat his fucking animals freezing to death yeah she’s a life in prison because of the just because it took her a while and and also her insistence that it was his that he did not only that he demanded that she kill him but that he physically told her to put to stand behind him and put the knife up to his throat and then in her version of the story she’s like I didn’t I wasn’t sure what he was up to at that point and then he took my hand and started sawing and it’s like like cheese I mean you will you’re asking us to believe like I believe
you were mad at so at a dick I think it’s the toughest part of it for the for the for the police as well is that when they found her she started telling one story add as they moved to the paramedics to the police to multiple interviews with detectives she told a different story about his death each time and so it just kept evolving to a point where she had more and more involvement and so once you told the story about five times her hand was on the knife with his and so at that point she can’t go any farther and concede anything more we know that there is more that she actually killed him because her story has fell off the cliff
now obviously okay yeah that’s what you told the paramedics and they testified to that and so she should have put you first and obviously that’s not true and then she said that he fell on a knife in the woods and obviously that’s not going over too well so from there it became that she was actually at the creek and he killed himself but then due to the number of slices across the throat they assume that he wouldn’t be able to do that and she started can see it a little more with each detective interview and finally wants they had her hand on the knife then they didn’t bother to go any farther it felt like they had enough. So did he believe in multiple universes are realities or whatever yeah I mean that that was it was basically Quantum mysticism and so he was thinking that there was another version of him somewhere else in a parallel universe or alternate reality where he was going to die from this Quantum suicide and then assume that other life where he made
her decisions and he was going to be happier and obviously that ends in tragedy Diane to transcend this world with him I think he wanted to take someone with her okay and if she was not aware of that he was manipulating her by promising her that money to get her up on the cliff and then and then they’re like wandering around the metaphysical realm together or add some world that’s made of pizza and she’s like why am I here and he’s like he’s like you son of a bitch I’ll take pepperoni tell me about your day
it’s like it’s the Chris Pratt passengers movie relationship
I can’t stay mad at you
I haven’t seen Pat that movie is hysterical I’ll tell her I said this before I know nobody laughed when I said this but I’m telling you going to watch a movie and it you got it you got to give me some fucking credit cuz he was so like and I’m sorry. It’s it’s a it’s a craft area but obviously like what he’s doing is is essentially like they could think of a it’s a it’s a it’s a non-consensual West abduction I need the joke and yeah we kept using the r word I’m going to use the r word as infrequently as possible in my hilarious like appraisal the movie but good because it’s like Cody and I are using it’s like it’s like this is wait by Jesus like there’s cake and then I made the joke it was like well there’s only one way out of this feature film story like the bottom of the second act
the spaceships going to need to be raped and he’ll somehow do it it’s absolutely what happened there’s a hole on the ship that he had to
do the didn’t want you in it there’s all explain like there’s a hole and he has to like go in it forced his way up it and it’s just so nice of the ship won’t want you in that hole and it’ll try to blast you out but if you can just stay in there and stay alive long enough to pull this lever you’ll save everybody and and that that’s the act that he does the word when you come back for that she’s like you know it all comes out in the wash like you know it because of mad at you for doing the first thing but then you then you have done to save the ship and then they plant a tree and grow old together
nobody’s laughing again I don’t eyes
it’s just a bit I mean I don’t like iodized is going to watch a movie in your leg to make that joke and then they have the joke that you made that you did not expect was like fucking actually what they wrote fantastic
feel like if you’re watching my trousers like well only one way out of this find out the house is like a sad fat person’s and they just tell the story when you cross the street
yam
oh man Jeff Spencer you can tell huh you know how I can tell what could you stand by me oh yeah you know I opened up my new me undies package just the other day you know is secretly inside and I didn’t even notice it at first but they had the special me undies for guys that go through the gate you know what I’m saying that kind of pocket flap your checking about the winter going through the in-betweener the wiener tunnel wieners I think is the official word for it I’ve been wearing these underwear for a couple days but I just realize they actually have the tunnel sewn into it and that can’t even tell the difference because they’re so damn comfortable now you have been very candid in the past been so that you are an over-the-top or right have you tried out the other fly business I’m not a monster but I’m just saying that like even if you don’t like particularly want that it doesn’t compromise your comfort I said one of the most heated debates going on right now in politics is about whether or not you should take your dick over the top of the thing that I’ll go through the middle of the things people are saying that more and more
oh yeah these ones are purple with cassette tapes what’s where’s my Underpants package I think I actually got some they’re in my backpack but my backpacks not here that’s very convenient Spencer yeah there’s a purple one you want the purple one or the hot pink one so I guess you can pick when you see I’ve already got hot pink polka dots go purple they’re nice if you’d listen to the show you know how and Amber and Spencer and I are by ourselves with look what’s not getting to grammatical nonsense and if you go on Reddit you know for a fact that I’ve yelled at people about how comfortable these damn things are our people trying to fight back on this actually yeah because it’s rare that they’re made of this coveted fabric of micro modal and it’s very very very soft is so soft and smooth it makes Yanni sounds like Rudy Giuliani I was going to say corn in the band yeah yeah they got better Giuliani is a corn attorneys is
fajita in the sense that he needs to be swaddled in perfect meundies micro modal not only will you feel like your loins are being hugged by Joy itself but me and he’s gives you multiple style options for both men and women you know I’d go out on a limb and say that Rudy Giuliani is not wearing comfortable underwear I bet if you took down Rudy giuliani’s trousers and I do not recommend this but if you did and if you were forced to his underpants were just beat like Barkin sizzles and I don’t want to oversimplify complex socioeconomics but I’m sure if he got me on these he’d be a lot better man can now try the new boxer brief life the same great cuz boxer briefs just hold out for number one which I was talking about you can’t even feel it in a good way don’t be a Rudy put soft stuff on your booty
Mandy doesn’t go to the go to for the softest Lounge where on the planet hang out there super comfy lounge pants and onesies yes and their incredible incredible I wear them all the GED time has a great offer for our listeners for any first-time purchasers when you get me and you going to 15% off discount and free shipping get 50% off a pair of the most comfortable Underpants has you’ll ever put on where your balls and dick dances the balls and dick dances
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because the lounge pants
Jenny Hutt me where I meet you
so you mean
here to Bear today I don’t know they probably doesn’t Trail off like that
making of a murderer do you watch that documentary I love documentaries for the purpose of entertainment but as far as investigating a crime they’re definitely not the best thing for the fact that it’s a debate and it’s due notes that narrative whether it’s entirely true or not in a way that makes it the most entertaining as possible but I definitely think he’s guilty absolutely
I believe he was involved but I don’t know to what extent I mean there I mean that yeah that aspect of is a lot of salt because yeah because obviously he was mistreated very badly and so we don’t really get a good sense of the truth with this character and he also on the on the day that it happened I mean he actually set her up to come there under false pretenses and he had already harassed her and so that was at 3 the next step for me if you look at people who commit murders in that way they generally start with things like that that escalates
and that lie in particular. The idea that you have the step that’s the problem like the police want to do their job really well they want to save the world from evil people and they like they can’t stand the idea of somebody getting away with it or they’re they’ve become certain somebody did something and then maybe sometimes they’ll put their thumbs on some scales or they’ll like Overlook some clerical Miranda business or something and where the they’ll do they’ll be like no maybe we can get this confession or you know through this means you’re that because they’ve got their eyes on the final prize and it’s exactly
that mentality that we have to abandon when we watch these like cereal kind of things cuz it’s like people go oh I I’m going to debunk cereal cuz I think Adnan did it but it’s like well that’s not really the point is rule of law the point is the terrible investigating terrible law enforcement terrible trials done terribly where whether the person did it or not they shouldn’t be in prison by any of our definition our standards of jurisprudence where that word means degree of his I assume like it’s like you can still enjoy these documentaries without having I think people think they’re ruining and they got you know that guy’s a bag of dicks and they shot them I think guilt and police misconduct or not mutually exclusive I think most of the most of the really interesting cases involve not only somebody who’s guilty and pretending to be innocent
but also a case where that person is making strides in that sense because there’s a lot of police misconduct we do see a lot of cases like that they’re very interesting but my mind is blown by like good goodbye the book homicide detectives like the the guys that yardley’s always having his guests like just like to spend that dramatic part of your brain that’s like
you’d brought you you you you you do it your Asperger detective you’d be like let me look around the scene you guys see Caddyshack or Caddyshack what are you talkin about the movie about resources
and redirection of light did we get a fucking psycho on our hands he’s a psycho that gets results the captain said Sky came from Paris he’s Interpol watch him
and then you just like Philo like this year like you like laying down sunflower seeds and follow the trail of them to a Cellar Door in a body falls out
holy shit this guy gets serious Asperger’s
he’s got them all the way to the bank
I’ve never cleared so many cases in my life say hello to your new partner Rhea Perlman
yeah I don’t know if this is something I’ve been good casting
this isn’t my iCloud has my ex-wife called it is a probably cuz I had dinner with a DeVito
I thinking about Rhea Perlman somewhere in the back of my head for casting I don’t know which DeVito
there were several DeVito’s at the dinner dick
there’s a lot of davido’s
the fuck you
yeah
so
which Davido
two two of them including the big one
Frank DeVito now baby Double D
Double D yeah and you know if I can Batman walked in yeah I know you listen to the show you like it fucking Michael Keaton came in with Michael Keaton like yeah yeah yeah
play the first famous version we ever like saw after Stiller
are you sure yeah yeah yeah cuz we made he be jacking that’s why Michael Keaton wanted to meet us and it was just like we’re like standing standing outside is Santa Monica office like and I just I thought I was going to pass out I was that nervous cuz there’s like when we doing why are we meeting Michael Keaton what does he want like a Saturday and then we saw a car drive by and we’re like see that was Michael Keaton’s Carly what is easy cuz he come up on a scooter or like on that Ocean Drive or whatever where it’s like there’s people as rollerblading like there’s no way to use like a dream that I can’t but I don’t would you get a believe that don’t want to do it or is it was already in there but I think he drove in in like parks and get that script what that man said hey come over to my house on Sunday with these guys want to be with these guys
you know why I read I read the script I want these guys to come in and let me let me talk to them they got some pretty good Michael Keaton has a pretty good and better than that
who you doing let me meet these guys
send me these guys impressions
Michael Keaton Michael Keaton
it was just like you open it so fast
you remember right you remember the moment I mean when you leave vaguely remember you don’t usually right now I was there but he was worried he was late and it was like like like the door can open fast enough but it was just like and then we just you think we blew that meeting well if the glue developed with Michael Keaton we blew it we blew it we walked out without I think I think you know I mean
I was like yeah me and Michael I mean like I was probably did all the talking and I just sat there going home but yeah I hardly remember any of it because I have a lot of it was that we were we were both kind of like cuz he was basically saying cousin but he said a lot about a lot of stuff like we kind of characters he likes to play at me like I look back and I like cheese should be so lucky I was that we thought we were it’s not like we were looking down at it but we just I mean is like like like he was basically like kind of saying write something for me and I’ll I’ll I’ll use my mic name and saying you know in the glycol or or he wasn’t actually saying write something for me that’s the thing he was he was one of those things was like because he was a movie stars like you know he pee it and I’ll do a part in it
so that so that but then that we were kind of just like if you have any ideas let us know that was like alright cuz we’re like from Wisconsin where, Google we don’t just tell Michael Keaton what to say he created I bet it doesn’t make any sense for like so I can think about selling and call us Jesus Christ was get out of here fucking Batman, where I think we were like we did act a little boy what’s up with him he’s going to wear but I think that was all about just being insecure I mean for my point of view is being insecure like cheese but we were insecure yeah me more than me I was like eating right and then has to go that well he did it wrong I think I was driving
Exchange
he was being very vulnerable communicative like like loquacious she was like and Susie asked in a meeting better I wish we could we
we packed up weeds but there’s a Quantum world out there where we we fucking went from Steeler to keep news Quantum suicide Schreiber would you accompany me for how much to Griffith Park

there’s a certain Wall go in the bushes with me in Griffith Park and have
what what this is your thing
wow okay well I had that Godzilla movie didn’t do as well as they thought they would it would I don’t know if there’s another Godzilla movie now no oh yeah so why would I don’t know what the difference between like 3 weeks ago I thought it was have you seen the new Godzilla movie didn’t even know it exists at the okay and you’re a detective would be tall ships fuck yeah man which one the first one the first one is great
and I got violent has great from the 90s that means fucking good you know what else is good blade blade the fucking good movie man fucking Wesley Snipes yep fucking blade is great you’ll prove me wrong you can can
hey can we do a guy be bladon you be Whistler going to come home from a rave where I killed all the vampires can’t check in with you
riding my blade car into the warehouse
does nunchucks you gave me
out of garlic
I’m just mixing up some more garlic for you right now
is Maura
what stock is out there than ever before it’s better better be open season on suck Creek Road just cuz we’re doing the suck head killing business
I’m sick of getting out
if you do deep
blade you can’t get out
you’re right you can’t house that you’re coming
I’m working on it you know I’m working on it what I don’t want to cure do I cuz I have all of their strengths and their weaknesses that’s where I keep telling you I don’t want to cure do I like do I like what I do
I hope that are we both on the same page I hope so because of you you know how Alfred’s always Club alright alright alright check this out I think you’re going to like this it’s a new recipe and I know it’s not a spicy I guess you don’t like it when it’s spicy
okay yeah. Maybe we can take it to that say what you’re saying you like that that after taste cilantro God damn yeah yeah the shit you get up to make drip Jackrabbit slap the bear man
I remember when you found me yeah you you were just a little blade
who came up with you and me I do remember you told me that that’s how you put it by their name I didn’t exactly get a lot of schooling
I relied on you for not only its acacian but also the basic framework of thought
like literally nobody told me how to speak or read or learn know you always told me everything needs a name yep you that’s very can I taught you well then because name one thing that doesn’t have one you can’t do it you can’t do it you can’t name a single thing with that one and that’s the first lesson that’s why we named your blade alright alright God damn
I’m too good for you I’m afraid you agree I will wake up one day see you open window with a curtain blowing in the breeze little tear come down my cheek why why why you crying why would you cry I might be say it out loud what the window there’s a drape on it you can close it
are you crying because it’s cold and there’s no window cuz did the window break in the scenario did you break a window are you sad because you broke a window or because of drinks are open what’s up okay give me that give me that what give me my soup why are you crying what take my soup explain yourself you know what I mean because I love you
look at me like that you pulled it out of me like a fagg
I was happy to leave it Angie and muscular platonic
no homo is the hip-hop Community says I don’t approve of it find that problematic you want to see the new trident
yes this has for dense
there’s a hidden one
quadrant quadrant
now press the other button
you can brush your teeth
you taught me how to do that yeah yeah once a month to get a new battery
doesn’t seem to be vibrating very hard I thought to the vibrating toothbrush that’s not the whole point was for it to vibrate so hard and it shakes all the dirt off your teeth will your teeth are so clean it doesn’t need a shake that hard how come how come it vibrates for 2 minutes and then stops and then starts again you’re supposed to do the other side
what a product
here why you put this lotion on my feet
well if you had just give me a Triton I would be doing this
okay put those gross ass fucking Gremlins up here come on you old man look like goddamn Billy Bob from ShowBiz Pizza
you want to you want to watch it again Watch yes
I’ll get the DVD player okay great
I’m going to walk across the linoleum
oh no what
hold on what happened walking over here give me the message it yeah there’s one in the Triad and I’ll fly there
did some flips for the dependence in the in the in the stand and every so often I’m going I’m going blade what I’m going to do now you go I’m going. I’m going
there’s nothing I can do
how I lost it
anyways that’s how I lost him
oh that’s very very interesting mr. blade
did you say and I don’t even have I don’t even have to fight vampires only if you want to just feels wrong not to that killed my mom I mean if that’s if making a fighting vampires makes you feel good then that’s what you should do as long as you’re not hurting any non vampire people
so hard but daywalker I can be out during the day but they can’t
so if I sleep during the day like they do I’m just voluntarily being like one of them but if I sleep at night that’s what they do they’re saying
is like burning the candle at both ends and what time do you want to give me a check I can you use venmo
and we can do that we can do that I don’t know how
Whistler used to do everything now I’ll just walk around and increasingly dilapidated Kevlar vests
little plastic buckles on them half of them don’t work anymore
that one katana
a half a greasy ass fucking biker bottle full of
the active ingredient in garlic
can you remember the names
got a UV light doesn’t even look cool only thing you could do with his melt fat vampires
stay in a basement not what I want to do I want to kick a bitch
I wasted enough of your time
I’ll try to get you the money in some way can I keep sleeping in your basement yeah yeah yeah stairs thank you right here
try not to disturb you with your rest of your patients
well I’ve been waiting waiting for so long
I’m thinking nothing DVD player but now I know SpaghettiOs
she has a built-in ability
cylinder of fucking gross act old spaghetti
dirty microwave
Captain what power and what the fuck is that even mean I’m falling falling for her she seems to have visible
he reaches in and grabs right hold of your heart
go away
all right
fucking damn it what the fuck did he spaghetti
damn
I actually only person and knocked on my door to go away
could have been anybody cuz I like I find a problem I have is
who is it
did I catch you at a bad time
Tempe
you’re a mimic would have seven classes of vampire you should know I got a gun on the other side of this door that I said your blood sucking ass all over the wallpaper
just don’t burn the door blade
she seems to have her call me or not you still have the trident
fuck God damn it
I think I dropped my phone earlier find it
the gift movie is a great great movie
all right well is there anything to plug watch a
play some lazy lizard to us when we were like 2024 and just go stop working so hard you guys are just sitting you’re not even still talking about the movie we just saw last week isn’t there like a hologram television like teenagers doing weird drugs on HBO
no just re-watching blade
it’s that good in fact nothing gets better the great movie you know who’s in that movie Wesley Snipes you know what else
Donal Logue
who would who would go on would build on that role to play me
no shit yeah that’s right
alright well you know I’m there is like Ryan’s Ryan’s one of those guys that makes his own app for his podcast you can you can you can get what it what is it in the App Store yeah the iOS version in the app store and is that a good thing to go ham because I mean you’re you’re behind the pay wall that’s where the magic happens you do spoken word shit you just fucking like you’re crazy crazy it’s great fantastic I don’t want to embarrass Spencer but he really you you got a lot out of listen to Ryan listening to Ryan spot I would you be embarrassed about that cuz
well I’ll tell you why nobody wants to be nobody wants to be referred to in the third person emotionally I do I wish I haven’t took the kids to Disneyland and I was like I know what’s going on here yeah she wanted to meet Minnie Mouse but she’s overwhelmed is like she didn’t know Minnie Mouse with a giant fucking thing and then it’s like and then it’s like adults having conversations about like I thought you liked this kind of like you’re overwhelmed do you want me to stop talking about what I think in like I need to fucking chill in my little tiny look fucking 4 horsepower brain is like like just like a flooded by this corporate goddamn derouen trip like I got a freak out there was a Yeti’s on that then that first roller coaster ride what’s the one that’s Bob’s LED themed
Mario Winans and I was like in the car behind me when I kept yelling I was I was like what are you doing cuz he was in the front car is like what did he think he was do you think he was like I was acting like I thought he was staring but she might ease 5 you might have been like did you go on Splash Mountain
no do you know Splash Mountain yeah I’ve gone on it you know why it’s called Splash Mountain
no
used to be a Song of the South inspired ride Somebody went oh my God we can’t do that anymore and then splash Daryl Hannah Tom Hanks Splash Mountain and I think there’s like they’ve just played Song of the South music rabbits in the Briar Patch in Palestine Splash Mountain because of what is it called if a story it was Uncle Tom’s cars that Splash anywhere in there you got bad not true okay well alright
call yd River Run Symphony River run right that sounds authentic right but really is a you googling it do you know if it was named after the if the splash connection is true okay I recognize the sound of Disney experts you do any do not want to fuck with them so okay I Retreat alright fascinating to say you’re right you’re welcome for making it possible for you to be right about something
check out Cold Case murder mysteries as we usually have a guest a knife-edge sometimes I forget about you this time well we’ll go somewhere else then like them because they both break the fourth wall
I do you just did but I ain’t that yeah I don’t know he’s the mirth with the mouth with a mouth with the mouse you know like everyone shortens mercenary to Merck just stopping that hard to see like you do like just pretend you’re saying the word mercenary and then just stopped and he doesn’t have a mouth he has a mouth but his face is a man there’s no basis not a mask he wears a mask over his face over his mouth over the mouth that he absolutely has
I haven’t seen this movie he hates Francis
music Deadpool you definitely haven’t seen the movie old
I don’t need I don’t need any what are you watching The Mentalist frog what is old ColecoVision commercials all right okay all right yes that’s not as the show
doesn’t really matter
Brian Krause murder mystery files
I got it right right go case murder mysteries face Cold Case not right. Colgate thank you thank you so much I’ll see you next time thanks for coming out drive safe Jacob Jacob buddy to your car it’s
play podcast Network

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