Episode 339: Swinging Three Bats

Episode

Episode 339: Swinging Three Bats

Description

Rob Corddry is back! Dan tells us how to break into his house, Rob talks about his time at The Daily Show, and mountain lions do what they do. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden and Rob Corddry. 

Transcript

how high
how’s it going game
let’s all just check in with go around the room and pretty I say your name and how your day has been
is it freezing in there
time in a good way
play MacArthur Park which is melting in the dark and all that sweet green icing flowing down
I would have brake brakes right now and break tradition down here
I’ll bring you a fresh round car dream
Rob corddry
where do you like Rob make yourself company and everybody’s
oh yeah
oh yeah send the mayor of harmontown is Dan Anastasia Harmon
hello thank you
I really want to thank you more than a bucket
damn it seems like back in the day thank you in a shorter way used to just say thanks and then go away but now the Gratitude takes all day it seems like I say thanks in a song that
last long
and then it brings the energy down at the top of the show
what kind of decided to harmontown The Greatest Show on Earth
making some structural changes you brought the guests down and I got I got excited that wasn’t that was really weird under a bushel you got to get that mother fucker out here I had to pee I was hoping I’d had time to pee interviews everybody and then it but then he holds people captive for his leg final thoughts bit like I think they’ve clearly been a struggle like your feedback now the camera change his ankles and then everybody if you laugh at Bill Maher they cut you laughing but that’s it that’s all you get you can’t and so that’s got it you know like maybe for the form I think I have to have an opening and then we bring out the governor of a format to the show Ridiculous for terrible people for ever thinking with the show had any form to it I’d rather be out here just commenting on everything you’re saying
make sure I remembered first of all I heard this yet and I may be spilling the beans a little bit but Chernobyl got a second season I’m really excited about very very popular popular show at me they just happy that they don’t know what they’re going to do yet but yeah they’re they’re like by the way she didn’t exist two birds cuz we didn’t have a lot of female characters that weren’t just giving birth to deformities and Zoe just arguing with each other about boyfriend he’s Radioactive
but it’s happening at Nantucket airport is kind of like wings like like psychic is truly like I did definitely by the 4th episode I was I did say I’m in more than one occasion through the different combinations of the three characters who are the only people that are not dying rapidly I was like you guys going to fuck or what
play uplifting because it’s like none of those people are page 3 Pinups like love love that’s why we shipped we’re not like we’re not like it you should suck cuz you look good together you know it’s like somebody fuck cuz like there’s so much ability going on here come on you love her
I love Chernobyl I actually watched episode 1 today just cuz I was I was I missed it and I went back into watching it there’s a love affair with a director at the same director all the way through half of the first one but I fell asleep cuz I was drunk that’s the way to do it I guess the second season the they just like they did they had to do a little fudging but like the couple people go into remission and I have already announced that Richard kind in season two we need we need you back at the cold open of season 2 is the cat nibbles the rope in the guy falls off of a bitch I’m one of the two characters that talks like this the good one not the one that looks like he should be in Pink Floyd on the kind of looks kind of like Bill Murray that’s a good cop
the backup guy with you I was at the time the guy that guy the guy with the inchworm on his hand wake up I thought it was very without this isn’t it there’s no spoilers in saying this is it struck structurally can’t spoil the end of Chernobyl I just thought it was I was I was I would you how would you tell that narrative where would you start would you do a ton of like flashing back or a little bit are you going to start in the courtroom threaded that needle like in a fun way I was like they start just seconds after the fight
everything happening second-by-second right after the explosion which you just missed in the in the and then eventually you’re going to go back to all the moments leading up to before the explosion and it’s that book ending like all of these really find out what what exactly happened at the very end they finally explained what the disaster was it was a Soviet communism
it was like the USSR was the disaster right now is that they were like they tried to save so much money they’re so cheap I just put graphite on the tips that’ll be great I will give you a little boost when you have pot those fucking rods in
no more bang for your nuclear Buck fucking turn your ass into the game when we used to be strong badges there
the directory has a love affair with long lingering shots of a cigarette in an ashtray and episode miniseries about a thousand people dying of cancer in front of you but hey you watch you watch Die Hard they’re all smoking in that they’re basically the same thing
just giving yourself cancer different ways come on the news a lot like Century City of looking down at the pre exploded reactor core and then there was The Matrix of Orion’s was like that’s what I like Alan Rickman said to shoot the glass now cuz he was barefoot
I know we got to do one more season we’re going back to Chernobyl
I wish I could marry where they built the big housing that they put over and it’s going to last a hundred years I think they build a big house over the top of the thing to contain it and I can’t get to have robots dismantling all the shit going down there holding up fireman pants just so the epilogue can have a shot of them but you can’t touch these fuckers you can wear a suit you can be in there for a little while but you got to get the fuck out of the work exposure there is like you get like 6 minutes or some vacations Lake Chernobyl vacations now you can go to Chernobyl and see like the fucking merry-go-rounds
yeah it’s not expensive where you going to put them keep them in Chernobyl but I guess it makes sense
play what what are we going to do is grab the moist dog shit mirroring on the floor dabbing around spray and it’s just like if I can leave at the dog already shit we’re already pigs nothing’s going to change 10 minutes from now except that it’s going to be less gross to touch
how’s your how’s your paper was going on I’m on I’m on a Zoe’s album string you keep girls do the complimentary cranberry pill pack
somewhat yeah I mean I don’t think it’s a UTI at this point I mean if you take antibiotics for the all of the bottle and then it’s like I’m just I got but I got doctors appointments let’s find out I got the keys to my house on Wednesday the way I understand God I hope he’s not listening to anything but I just this is what I’ve always been terrified of like here’s your house here’s your cancer like why why wouldn’t you do that on the same day like I would tell my story should end it it’s like like football in my therapist office like I was I was like so remember you kept asking me like why am I afraid to be happy and I know ya ya pull up an x-ray
what do you think
bitch
looks like a fucking there is a God and he’s the devil looks like my misery was keeping people happy and making God happy and he was like spin little Top Spin and then I was like I got a house and he’s like fuck you I’m done with you
but he’s just like like like humans are like now whatever I was going to I was going to answer differently supposed to be like oh I don’t care if I have it and I still love God and how he doesn’t give it to you I don’t whatever the rules are just fuck to just leave me alone you make my sister retarded for like nothing it was just like us it’s just it seems like a nice sister
have fun being famous for your intelligence
yeah
yeah you’re offering God alongside me like and don’t say too soon I’m 46 I’ve grown up under this thumb it’s terrifying late Mafia stuff you know it’s just the tactics if you’re going to make a people and you want them to like be grateful just give out candy with a whole generation of kids that they didn’t get beaten they’re doing fine I told you I went to Disneyland with some of these kids there too they didn’t get hit they’re fine they’re fine they’re not killing anybody to work like this you know God okay so I’ll tell you one thing and then I’ll sit down cuz that’s the format of the show
so I’ve been to solve my structure is our kind of them at the old house right and if I press this does the does the does the music playing as quickly as it does for poor person not yet okay aren’t because I’m leaving now so just like we’ll just Airbnb it and will trick people’s LCD screens all over the walls will be like who is Buck Rogers live here and be like yeah have fun with that you’re going to be getting a Boombox from your car in 10 minutes but the whole thing is like you press this button and then the shades do this and then the whatever it’s dream unachieved but and I was like this was like the fourth company maybe V company to come through every company shit talks the last one there like with those guys did’t know they are do it and we do that’s what we’re going to do it so I just wanted to share
I mean everybody does something fucked up everybody just some crazy thing it has buttons everywhere and whatever so obviously is going to be a few bugs to work out but they leave they got like here you go to like just enough for a couple weeks and then we’ll work out the Kinks the little things the things that we we maybe tend to overlook
little little things so I go to bed and sleep I wake up I wake up to the sound of the dog barking because someone’s knocking on the door it’s Dave Klein the trainer demon here come to think of it I don’t think I’ve heard of doorbell in days and I go down I open the door when I go did you try the door you did you did did the doorbell ring just butt downstairs or a light tone of some kind coming from next to the door and it’s like okay if I go outside and close the door and I rang the doorbell and I hear click and I try the door it’s unlocked the front door and it doesn’t even say ding dong and unlock the door it keeps the victim sleeping
get some sleep where this is for the rapist
what is a huge step for guns open in a compartment and just come down it when you how much for the Sword of Damocles hanging over my bed spread
find a genius it’s like cut out those middle for years we have Savages have been in the ding dong though so that means it’s time for me to go down and let you know when does the algorithm
knock knock who’s there Knock-Knock who’s standing over my bed like that you brought tools why use them save those tools first for a poor person’s house that’s going to make it right away at the door lock I’m rich come on in save your players just get your night vision goggles out and commence just just just just just put the put the tea cups and saucers on my back Dragon ruts remember that you get it I don’t he doesn’t remember Rob explain it to Jay I don’t remember what was it we don’t have the California Golden State state killer a California murder
the fucking serial killers ammo he went he would have to have tea on your back after he killed you Jeff here for this it would you do if I don’t eat put I don’t know he put loud stuff on the house this is terrible on the husband’s back while he raped his wife the husband started moving it would break the China or what I fall off the husband’s back
have you been currently what’s up what’s up what’s new with you what’s up and what’s been up the murder in the first season of Ballers season 93 of Ballers has been murdering people ballin I’m a baller
the wits I we just finished the season 5 that my father’s endgame it bothers and can wait and then we’re going to do the other than that yeah if they call you the kiss of death cuz you keep having shows that go on for several seasons and then strangely think it’s best we end after a weekend when we want to kiss. I know it’s like a weird thing like a it’s a it’s a it’s a two-step idiomatic process it starts with wheelhouses like as a in a in paddle boats or paddle Wheels I got to know if it’s like stationery for power or whatever they paddle Waterwheel technology where it’s like if it’s if you’re if something’s in the Wheelhouse it’s going to get the
full force of the wheels big impact at but then that isn’t necessarily like band that’s your expertise like it doesn’t translate to that but then baseball used that phrase so like mean that that’s in your wheelhouse it’s basically you’re out of the park that’s in your wheelhouse like they’re idiomatically are borrowing from baseball but the whole time we’re going wheelhouse I don’t know I’m all look it up one day was always just like oh a wheelhouse is just like a old timey garage like they didn’t call him garages like they probably call the Wheelhouse and it first
before they were even wagon there were just it was like well what are you going to come by your house is like probably where people always did more of their work go well put it in your butt that’s absolutely true that’s better than this in the corner of your cave that you don’t shit in
yeah that was a clunky so they had to write the word for that was just baseball metaphors I’m not even that huge fan of baseball but I’m a huge fan of baseball metaphors like Strike Zone like there’s my favorite one wow you were
the first couple years of harmontown you were swinging 3 bats but now you’re up to the plate swinging one bat new okay what does that mean that it’s your just hit in Bakken home runs now cuz you’re dumb. You’re like you forget you’re not no longer okay so many home runs in one light it feels so much lighter follow me you’re swinging so Dan
you used to have three big old wooden bats and you swinging them why would I do that just to make my are not you just figuring out the show and you got this
so go ahead Jeff
there isn’t a like swinging to Bath & Beyond X Circle 3 bats man I got you chance does that mean like / preparing Sweeting multiple bats like is it is it lower or is it just preparing Jenner colors on your thing when you get into the into the batter’s box location of swinging more bad know how you think maybe cuz I use it in regards to show which is always been great I think baseball people swing more than one place they want their arms to be more accustomed to have your weight so that would be out there like okay
play your arms tired they put a wait at the end of their bed they put a donut on it before your basketball inning starts that’s right thank you know where have your shirts that look like wait wait little I was playing with weights on my ankles were you take them off cuz that that’s the same thing you use that one I have used in the past because I’ve often felt like I was overqualified for a job at hand and was going to go in and just dominate so and I run out of ways to express.
nnn it’s important that I be relatable so regret this better for me if you want to have a host of relatable ways of explaining your domination to people
you know what I’m saying right now but I know did you see that that girl a 15 year old beat Venus Williams today in Wimbledon 15 years old for tennis rackets before the match
nah 15 15 years old she wasn’t even born when Venus already had four grand slam tennis players where the little skirts
that’s a great question I don’t know when will then you have to wear white to know that you have to wear your Wimbledon whites someone in the audience whispered yes do they choose I mean is fat and then like Serena Williams reaches for shorts and a gender foul like you got to wear a skirt girl there’s no way that’s happening probably a good move are you running all over the shop you even went out the guys wearing skirts that’s exactly the problem you just said a mouthful there pal why don’t I just wear skirts all the time so comfortable saying it seems clear that there’s no distinct that it’s not related to the to the any advantage on court whether you’re wearing shorts or skirts
both sexes would where you’re saying like maybe tennis is like I just curious if I’m always curious about like when you get little outfits involved in any kind of long standing sing the various team did like the people involved are very like they discipline themselves in like it’s all the stuff and then in these like turbulent times unlike are they ever going to is it is it is it is that is that I’m always curious like if somebody like man I didn’t come all this way too busy complaining about the skirt lady in Wimbledon like it’s like you probably probably a part of you is like I’m going to be wearing that skirt and fucking shove this ball down your fucking throat like the skirt is part of your fantasy of dominating the world which is part of your empowerment this was fun to think I can’t watch a beach volleyball
because I’m outside like the tiniest bikinis on the guys on the fellas it just said he’s wearing the tiniest clothes ever and and I’m always like looking at their eyes and I can’t catch the game I’m so I just don’t watch him I think that’s sort of what you’re talking about rent and I’m always on guard at my house like
I’m on my way and warm-ups they have to wear two bikinis
it just makes it better or for the get for game time I’m always tornado watch I’m watching the distant Horizon of sports outfit problem is to zacian because I’m like are they one day going to are they going to come for the figure skaters
and is it going to be all about Talent one day for the figure skaters
but yeah I mean I think I enjoy figure skating for the wrong reasons I do it I do and I am impressed with the promise and the discipline but yeah it seems so impossible what they’re doing you’re wearing knives on your feet that you’re jumping in the air deadly surface and the fact that I started off on a gurney after that. But they should all win a gold medal from Eufaula on that surface your desk is going to stick to it first of all you fault your son and you got to run around it’s fucking crazy and you know yes you should wear sequins if you’re going to die if I can go out with some sad
I can’t watch the bout the balance beam make me want to fucking have a heart attack yeah I can’t watch it too much man.
Brownells memes stop it don’t do it that’s not going to come into play in real life you’re never going to have to stick to the other end of the pads dick
what do you think I can’t believe that shit when they when they when they do the flip and then they land on the beam I’m going to Kim Possible superheroes yes they should fight crime they shouldn’t be doing that shit they should be fighting crime that I think their bones are all splintered in their miserable and so they’re not going to live long
they’re like mostly Gothic now let me know if you know the documentary about the former gymnasts and it’s like, in the face in like I wonder if it’s it’s it’s like it it’s it’s and I did I was blown away by which is that there was an active like threshold but that prior to a certain year in the Olympics like women’s gymnastics meant literally women which was like 25 year old women like jumping around doing their best like and the idea of having a child is like like do do this thing was like the same as like a child doing like you know any of the other things and then and then this this guy like pioneered the Art and Science of like yeah but when you’re 13 you’re like marinara and like like just started winning gold medals like a factory with like by like
children just like a Children’s Crusade in and out in a women’s gymnastic means kids because I was I didn’t know that that was like a thing that just someone invented on top of you know I didn’t either I didn’t watch that documentary with the Beastie Boys
it’s a it’s a fucking lyric I like yeah but there’s there’s words in those lyrics that made the Millennials hear the words and they had to say Jesus to it and it’s too soon for you to stay in those words that were in those lyrics yeah man he just died at rock that is and I did too soon we have long I’ll see who else is in the news people we’ve lost our audio. I think Greg was at a rock
you just killed him and rock and then brought him back to life
and then 2/3 and I lost it last week was his last week he still heaters in there honey I think he’s bluffing he’s doing what he’s training a replacement audio guy stepping up no one’s going to take over his position so he’s doing us the end I think that’s probably exactly I don’t know why I’m pretty confident
how do you think I feel that out now serve service the the quality audio the the johnny-on-the-spot stunt work of like doing these live broadcast that we do that you guys are not hearing any feedback and it’s going out live two people to pay a subscription fee and then a couple days later is like I’ll rubber-banded and nicely mixed and dumping for free and the on the holy polloi and it’s we’ve we’ve been spoiled in our diaper of both of amazing audio care and it’s all due to Christopher up so give him a give him a hand
hopefully he’s dumping my audio down as I have taught is he like is he like fucking off at your wolf or some shit to do the game grumps problems she got a job offer that this kind of fucked up of them though now I’m kidding I took Game Grumps poach Chris off of the thing he’s got he’s got little Chris perhaps in the oven to get annoyed doesn’t mean his testicles he just likes to take care of his testicles his pants are in the oven by we strive to succeed but I mean that’s a lot of service for industry we’ve got it’s not like we’re
we’re not like exploding people but at the same time we’re definitely not Google Play did they split people I don’t know I’m I’m one time one of those and one of those businesses where I’m like hey take 10% of everything we make

you know and it but if the end I want that to be a billion dollars but it often isn’t and and then there’s like you know that’s like a little salary on top of it but we we we have a little biodome of of people getting paid a place where people can start climbing right at working and then start climbing and in fact that they’re still getting paid it’s really cool you have launched a lot of Rockets oh shit you know okay I will let you know who’s your favorite rock it I didn’t set out to a
do you know Donald Glover count you among them and
can I found you in the streets like that Daily Show and invite you in to do community on NBC I just I just hung out for a little who’s this little British guy thank you
it’s true that’s true then that mother fucker was like I don’t need you but you know what he did do and I’m not saying this is what you were represented use he mentioned me in an interview they said Sunday was in some interview is like some of those like a big thing is like John Oliver’s the greatest guy in the world maybe let’s talk all about him because he’s like he’s the greatest he’s doing the Lord’s work and like and they were like what somebody you learn something from it he was like Dan Harmon. Probably didn’t say it like in that accent or at that volume
you know what to hit the guys like him and guys like Colbert we’re always like I’m getting these opportunities right but all I want to do is take take read the news in the morning and send the news into the joke pipe and then at night I want to do jokes about the news that’s what they want to do know I have no interest in those guys did Colbert absolutely I definitely know because he works on our show and we had to negotiate with his guys I’m kind of person is that he had lots and lots of carrots dangling of like just be the fucking guy in this Adam McKay movie or whatever the fuck like you know like like like like to go there and he didn’t want to just have definitely
they both told me they were like I don’t this is what I’ve been working up to and I don’t want to do it I just discovered Phi doing The Daily Show that I wanted just been making jokes about the news all the time that takes a lot of you guys are all younger than me and I always like look at you guys as grown-ups because I watch The Daily Show when I was like that at the height of my like fear of having to move back to Milwaukee as if as if that’s what you do when you fail in Los Angeles like this city you leave while we were at the airport Milwaukee even if we haven’t lived there that’s where we go
maybe like look at all these grown-ups doing news jokes like like it always like I hate reading John Oliver’s age when he read like a thing about him I might go out. He was so young then me you are looking at me like that those that I was like that dick joke guy on the dealership I was never like the let’s nail the news why I don’t really get these mother fuckers I was like who I’ll take your word for it but I really don’t know how it worked on that show I mean I don’t know my perception is of you or was that everyone was like it was like a face value think that everyone was a kind of like little producer of their own Bits n gigs and you would do a piece
how could pitch those bets could pitch those pieces and John would be the ultimate voice of all this is going to get done in this is going to get done this going to get done and we were busy right me and a producer would write a what we set out to get and then we would never get that thing we would get something completely different and we come back and edit it and John would come back into the room and helped of craft it would become something totally different and always something better that’s great but like with me they weren’t like I was I was the dumbest guy in the room right and I learned how to be the dumbest guy in the room and I learn how to be that cuz Rob Riggle would come in and be like I would his pipe in his magnifying glass I never had to be the second dumbest guy the roof
about like we didn’t understand
but I but there was a time when I got start I got a dick to do it and I was like at the debates right or I was in New Hampshire and I was watching to C-SPAN that once cuz there’s two of those shit and I was like because it was literally I was watching it and it was sweeping this crime is Rob Reiner pass a good man is running so I can tell McCain again and there’s Dennis kucinich and their egos and I was obsessed with it and then I realize like what am I doing but this is never going to be an interesting area of snot my felt by this is not who I am but I loved my time you have to become a News Junkie yourself I just felt like I was saying before right
realize I was the dumbest guy in the room and that’s it but that’s a good thing in that I realized like for the first time in my life I wasn’t trying to be smarter than I was so then I realized that I was not dumb and I wasn’t as dumb as I thought it was from does that make any sense trying to be not trying to be the smartest guy in the room makes you smart and and I felt comfortable with all these like Eggheads these political beliefs of walks these, D like fucking ninjas and and I and then I just felt comfortable night and then I got it I got the whole thing but I’ve been they got me and they still realize that I was the Pooh and Dick guy who are the people that go through and watch everything and Co it like John Oliver Last Week Tonight whatever
did these people that edit like an end now this and it’s a bunch of clips of how does somebody go through all of that you still there I’m John Oliver didn’t get them cuz you know I don’t know there’s a lot John Oliver has snapped up a lot of guys Colbert snatched up a lot of guys but there’s still this dude I’d still think he’s on The Daily Show does Adam and he knows everything about everything and he’s the one that’s like he comes in every morning he’s like a clip-on fucking Trump in Korea Oliver characterized him is like super human has the same day on the set of community was like how how does it happen when you catch a politician in a lie because you it wouldn’t you can have all the equipment all the hard drive in the world but it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t when you heard the Democratic National Convention to say something about taxes in Hugo okay
that thing that she just said she said the opposite of that I know you did I only now have to go look for it but to have it in your head yet what he was the guy in the room that Jon Stewart was like that guy is as smart as I am like Adam am I right about this and I’d be like well here’s the thing I need to let you know dissection of economic policy and John would be like got it here’s a joke you know so he was just this resource and still is I believe
you might like this reason bet on John Oliver show where they just cut to one of the Fox News saying the same thing a thousand times but somebody had to watch that every every episode of Fox News with the morning show whatever it was they can just do collate all that all that information and to make a giant edited piece out of every iteration of that stupid thing that they do with somebody on every TV show that recycles and news and makes jokes about it that watches TV for a living right right on the Howard Stern Show it said JD get out like he just his job is watching TV and and these guys have this Talent of of of doing what you said was collecting and come and then and now in this business a system of of who to send it to to make it into jokes that somebody sent the world it’s the washing part but then I know I would
because of the sense of responsibility that you could like when you read like a Sherlock Holmes story or like any of these like takeoffs right psycho the whole point is that like while everyone else was thinking about Moriarty’s if I was noticing that the air freshener was this go and all these in crosswords and things that I at least 3 p.m. sorry I didn’t know about Stratego is that it’s like people that lie Chris car like Yanks own I like the Spy I think is the Spy part of it yet a bomb yeah the bomb Oh my God that can fucking rocks strategy freaks me out I got out cuz I just always feel like I get burnt in strategy I can’t play games I’m not good at games until I know the strategy
yeah and then I then I fuck with my kids I’m at my I’m at my worst when I’m thinking a move or more ahead I’m really shity again at my best when I’m not thinking ahead but I doubt you’re like what is he giving him some credit for being a genius in the moment cuz but I’m just I’m just not the more it panics me it’s like it’s like I think they can consciously thinking about what what I’m supposed to be doing like Fox me up and I’m panicked until I figure that part of it out and it’s usually not that complicated. She’s like oh I got to go left when these guys go right like finding your bit and then you know what to go after and then having like a well of like I enjoy that sensation of like looking in like fucking around and then you’re like wait I know it’s a bit is that’s exactly what it is it’s like to go out there and say
we’re really going to do is an interview and we’ll make sure we have one thing in the can and then you come back and in the bay your kind of like a new angle fundamentally change the opener to the remote. So that’s really so we had a lot of fun we are going in on that you know that thing and then we come back like I said and it be wrong and then we have a lot of fun and edit zeroing in on it again I’m trying to figure it out I think that’s what you’re talkin about Dan real quick just to clarify I think mistakenly called Chris for of the audio guy he’s the Visa videos talking about the live video director of harmontown from his stuff and he’s he’s the editor of the video for sale
no he said he’s back in the Chris pointed that out via text has not texted me but I didn’t say anything I didn’t get a text from anyone can do syrup Game Grumps so we got that all systems alright alright well we’re promoting exact ahead of texting so I can free podcast Batman that’s a great analogy that would be the right place to even know what I did
Drake driving a half of what I do I do a big half of your eyeballs nobody likes peanut butter sandwich exactly can’t I craft service backstage that’s all he doesn’t make sense your might your mic do the that your your feet is just racist quotes from Hitler now he just swapped it out through the Ketel One cap on the ground I can Google it
Google Siri what is alcoholism
anybody noticing Siri getting more aggressive at all or is it or is it just stood with idevices as I get older two days ago and I was like stammering through some explanation of like I’m some like this it’s like that like that it’s like there’s an impression of me are you at I don’t like what what do you know what I’m asking is like well I think you might be going to but if I say anything close to Siri in the midst of talking in the writers room like every once in awhile like this my watch or my phone cut me off halfway through and it’s just like a woman in a tin can mocking me. Just like it’s like she thinks I can’t find the answer to that Jan Harmon what I heard was I think it’s like this but logistically it should be that but from the standpoint of internal logic it’s more like that but what we should do is break the rules with
are we defined them because the insurance like maybe Define than well it’s not to say this is that what you meant and all the writers are like she nailed you
I ain’t we can get fired but that bitch got you. I’m in the car and I’ll tell Bill Davis my brother like a cough or something
what are we talking a couple like give me a break please of the worst out of my life to you never asked her anything I’m never going to I’m yeah I’m not doing it like why did Baby Boomers take to that why are they so into that yeah I feel like I’m getting you a text from your mom did just now have this leg leg legume or
your father’s doing fine is glaucoma is acting up but barf barf Pluto Nash sorry I’m using Siri intimate cuz it with my mom but you’re at like Sam’s Club barking into the air like another saying about the phone’s just getting a little bit of it wrong but it’s just a son
but she makes my mother makes no effort to correct him for a kid whatever like I finished my job when he didn’t get polio
I think he’s he’s over eighteen fuck him send him the gerbil text before I don’t give a shit what he reads let him let him judge me in my lime fucking six feet under I’ll be laughing up dirt
laughing up dirt that’s the name of the episode of so let me know if you talk to Mom and Dad I told you my niece is a violinist and then that she’s got from Bones yeah but she’s like like like she’s a she’s going and she’s your daughter’s age I believe I think she’s like 13 and she is but she’s she’s like a violin maybe the word prodigy I don’t know which it likely she’s been asked to be in the Milwaukee Symphony twice the money goddamnit
same thing it’s all extra runners
Live on YouTube World War I paid my dues and the children from the Olive Garden Zoo employees are just people that we’re working in San Diego and got drunk and woke up in the Tiger cage San Diego I hope you listen to Waka you fucking piece of shit fucking asshole but he has a great Zoo for a city of its eyes and a great symphony is it I mean it is doubly proud of you you are in aquariums
open sound like there’s there’s it’s important for jails to be to to to be fucking well-tended yeah yeah thank you for my football and you don’t know which is a touchdown for me right yes keep going and I stand thank you for swinging three balls or a baseball been to the goddamn Los Angeles County Jail. Remember When
what okay that’s cool I think it’s name p129 is a right yes and it is so my daughter got your number she was seven right and she came home and she was like p129 a koala bear and was like what’s p129 or whatever and she gets up mountain lion and it stolen to the zoo and 8
she needs a little push ups
it seems like he had it across the maze
and so anyway the day she was at
Little Bear
yeah there was a mountain lion busy with my daughter was saying it’s a fucking mouth the night before she went on her field trip to the zoo and made my wife like no way and yeah I hate your daughter has most of the time
I’m not I’m not going to say she’s not talking about a Rick and Morty fan oh well that’s the youngest one she’s not allowed to watch Rick and Morty yet oh I thought this was a story from so long ago that you’re 13 you’re a other daughter who just recently ate are you looking at you reminded me of thing I need to look up on Nextdoor app that’s going to break a koala bear I mean this is a long way of going to the mountains and when I went to the zoo a koala fence La is there like that’s nature
my cat is Buck yet it’s like it’s like Trader Joe’s absolutely and all we can do is have a tag now they tagged in it so I can eat more koalas but we’re not going to kill it and like it was supposed to be really unfriendly and my kind of suck ya smile animal deserves to be locked up and then like the eucalyptus see you tomorrow from Milwaukee Milwaukee eucalyptus
hey you new here right yeah I don’t do a very good at staying here I got you can save me
I bet that you wouldn’t be the first to cry
listen to suck it up are you are you trying to fuck me my time welcoming you to like a horrible new lifestyle I was told I was this is not a fucking works but no animal deserves this tragic irony that it’s just just take it easy night like look I was just going to fuck up the largest call in here that just remember you’re in Here For Keeps and you never getting out and like they control everything but being in the jungle
oh did you did you say something I did you hear that I’m not familiar with this seemed
what are your habitats I was wrong about one of those horror movies where it’s like the zombie apocalypse is happening in the you know if they really want to hurt your feelings like they’ll cut till like the local jail or whatever and it’s just like hey let me know God damn leg like that sucks likelihood already sucks to be human into the apocalypse and then there’s like meanwhile where it’s illegal to have more than a pot of weed
are we eating pasta as a mountain lion it’s not sportsmanlike of a zoo to be like here you go you’re not allowed to do anything naturally koala I don’t know exactly where you are I’m going to go to bed out of this is like you say here in this nut mountain lion proof sale
yeah not coming out today fuck this is not fair Dinkum
the Zookeeper hat you’re wearing might don’t like your hair in a skunk battle like so after that last week we were celebrating the weekend diversity of the front porch Massacre Cody thought it was coming home from the show like she like like she thought she was so good like she said she thought she was trying it right some of the dogs started barking she assumed it was me coming up the front walk she flings open the front door going to be a beautiful thing all the Dogs coming out Barbara Harvey Nigel they’re going to like run out and we love being a family and a pack and
the worst
that was great great great but it’s great she’s looking a little much she went out the front door but it’s not me rolling up it’s just it’s a skunk and in and so it’s Harvey runs out and it’s like what’s up like that and then and constantly like when they’re feeding and like like like like like purposely concert isn’t like it’s just it’s just ironic that this is now a time for sibling support that she’s like
play my brother is like runs and grabs the skunk and it’s like
and it’s like spraying every guy I got one move one
and I just like I’ve been through this six times I think I’m supposed to hang back and and Cody’s like Barbara let go and Barbara let’s go and the skunk goes by her account limping away look back at Nigel who’s just like watching it and go see enough of this yard and just like limps away and he gets all of the pack into the fucking house which in still stinks and it’s a nightmare and all this stuff so then two days later this post on Nextdoor app Because the Internet doesn’t let anything happen anymore without I like we’re not going to survive did now there is no Escape like and and the the bad I think outweighs the good of a purely connected Society like we’re on the Nextdoor app so we saw this post in
baby skunk
fuck you
I saw an injured baby skunk whilst Wild hockey shit right now is Princess in Disguise whilst walking on my neighborhood at around 7 p.m. it was dragging its back legs not live it was like don’t mourn this skunk possibly hit by a car
you keep thinking that it made its way into someone’s Garden so I hurriedly got on the internet and search of a place to help rescue it I called Humane Society in Glendale as it is supposed to be open 24/7 to get an answering machine which is we do not rescue animals call the Pasadena Office well it was closed at 7 p.m. I’ve been called around every animal rescue of Friends of Animals beds Etc to find the mall close it’s pathetic that it is so hard to find help for a sick or injured animal I lived in a small town in another state where there is always a place without her we were eyeing for weekend I realize that sometimes an animal is so badly injured that it can be the only thing you can do but at least we can try to find a white one person in a city as big as La it’s so hard to find some organization to help I went back with water for the little skunk and could not find it and it was getting dark I am really angry
best rated right now send
send
all of those feelings except for the cooking instead of the biography of small-town dude you said she II
what the hell is immediately pictures of the guy cuz I only like but but you know now that I’m proud of myself for picture cuz the guy but but it’s because I don’t like them and part of that is that I feel terrible because I’m like they’re describing the weight of a fucking horrible war machine that has to be a bad person I don’t know that this person doesn’t have empathy for the little skunk this person’s like these fucking neighbors are going to love me after this I can’t believe this review about the other relationship with doing nothing they’ve they accomplish nothing had do you know do you have a ring doorbell doorbell unlock the front door well well
never has this I think it’s kind of perfected and fucked up neighborhood would Nextdoor neighborhood whatever it is because it’s basically ring does anybody know what this is like ring neighborhood so basically it’s just pictures of people sneaking into their yuck or like trying to find a key on top of the door jamb and then singing There’s a ringing like fuk fuk they run away and that gets posted the ring neighborhood and ovaries like Jesus that’s awesome that black and white
nighttime photo of the criminal every once in awhile like a black him trying to sell candy right and yeah right at people like huh I’ve never seen this fellow around the neighborhood
yeah it’s at least nobody’s like talking about their fucking little skunks everybody says it’s just pictures of criminals and that’s the only did you call big mistake and he only like it if someone knocks on my door I’m instantly upset like I think it goes back but if you knock on my door and take it Harkens back to the time when I was broken in it that might be the sheriff coming to evict me like the mailbox and then knock on the door is always the enemy yeah I ordered food and I know this Summer’s going to come with a knock on the door look for my shoes because there was a time when I literally had to like think about me like going out to pack like the back exit and so fuck you for knocking on doors but if you’re going to knock on my door have chocolate
play it’s a going to get there going to get a trip somewhere I don’t give a fuck but if you’re knock on my door candy bring me some goddamn chocolate with Mom and I always buy that I’ll buy the whole goddamn box yeah I told the story on this podcast about like Lily the first year in my house I got the weirdest encounter that I still think about all the time and I’m like it like this guy that looked so much like Kevin James like this picture Kevin James in a baseball hat on he’s looked like Kevin James make sure that he rang my doorbell and like he was like kind of like he really rattled up the stuff and I’m just like you know I’m in full like stranger on my porch mode like I don’t like and so I’m not absorbing what he’s explaining which is that he’s related to one of my neighbors and that his mother-in-law’s Grandma’s sister is the one that walks the poodles from time to time and like I’m just giving him his blank look cuz I’m like what what’s happening in
like if it sets the tone for the whole conversation that like he sees this blank look and heat in it it it it it it seems like it in his mind he’s done so much explaining about who he is and I’ve I’ve given him nothing in return that he he just gets this look on his face like nevermind so anyways and then he continues with this pitch about like kids in a soccer league and they’re like playing soccer and they’re going to go to Italy and play soccer and all the kids in the local school of those things are going to play soccer and and they need money in there raising money in their fundraising and I’m like I’m just like wow man like if you come knock on my door like like if you’re lucky if I’m high like like like you’re you’re unlucky if I make in the middle of a movie like I don’t I just like you’re at someone’s house or but I’m not how do I what do I do what do you want and I’m like I reach in my pocket and I like unwanted like a $5 bill and I in my head I’m thinking like Harmon you’re crazy this guy is a panhandler and he’s like going to get V bucks like if you saw
on the street you wouldn’t give him $5 bills away like you just beat you this engaging this weird like Suburban privilege thing cuz the guy that looks like Kevin James and while I’m thinking that the guy is looking at the $5 bill like I’m producing an AIDS needle and like offering it to him and nnn I’m like I tell you what I just said this is what I got in my pocket right now I’m kind of in the middle of probably disappointing someone Studio on a 120 more like lick lick lick you all like in the in the neighborhood of something of it if you have a checkbook or they don’t have a checkbook in the house and make
I don’t I don’t know what it’s like like like whatever it’s like I come over here you’re pulling out like $5 out of your pocket or whatever and he liked walks away I’m shell-shocked I don’t like walk out I guess he’s walking away cuz you kind of like walk down all these like DreamWorks flagstone steps out of place he can disappear into a bush he’s like he just had this like weird thing with me and now it doesn’t walking a football field I got and I like are you a psychopath so tell me what are you fucking psycho or something like I was like generally curious like I was I was like what was this so I can tell my friend and and he turns around and James is wearing cargo shorts a white baseball cap and but he does this move where he turns around while he’s storming away and raised his arms out and goes like
everybody has a checkbook in their house sir
any other units like walks away and I’m like what the fuc that’s definitely not true for me I’m sure it’s true for everybody you fucking got to pay for your friend’s soccer what the fuck are you talking about this is the big house on the hill baby
I pay people to count my money I don’t have I might be broke right now that’s how rich I am I going to check the check but it’s in my checkbook expect fucking poor people shit but I’m going to get out of pen and write about money and I won’t judge whom it may concern. Can I have some Bengay stop Windows 10 and write about money I hope I have signed Shirley what’s the date again I do not like once upon a time when I learned about that shit in the whole Mack in Landon Middle School my how much money do you have to pay to get to get rid to know I’m not bouncing no check when I keep it a diarrhea but my money is fucking Wilma Flintstone shit
my mom and my mom going to let you know I’m a little Terrier my mom my mom and my mom would be like you got to learn to tell time like I’m like what the fucking things with the needles like no man there’s a clock on the stove and she’s like that’s a digital clock a different am I bet you think this kind of clock do you think everything is going to be everywhere
Beach please
you think people are oh yeah do people invented the stove clock that says 803 bitch
and you don’t got to subtract and he’s the shit multiply time but with this fucking the Archimedes shit on the wall with a fucking cats eyes on click clack what do you think I don’t know there’s a hint about what time it is 5 * 5 – 13
I’m going to be rich in the future when cars going to drive itself I’m not even going to have to steer I can’t believe your parents beat you
they did it first then I got Surly I think I don’t think actually you’re making me think
can Hyperbaric I never called my mom bitch
I mean you really not have a checkbook in your house
no I didn’t I mean I’m going to have one like packed away with like this why shouldn’t I have one member to princess die shot glasses and my ex-wife bought that house they were like it’s like 50 bucks or do you know whatever I can you write your friend a personal check or whoever it is no matter what it is the gas company whatever you got to do to get Fred to check in the notes section I think people neglect to the notes section and every time no matter who it is business-related friendly whatever and then notes erotic cakes I always just put drugs
what time of David Butler our business manager accountant who just talked to Dad and he said they did you spend $800 on erotic cakes
are you like a job or whatever it is now right like if you put a little memo in a venmo payment
I don’t have venmo yet so I don’t know what are the Raiders are Savvy and it was like as a reference so what you talking about the therapy section session which also happened to allude to like explosives or something it was like and they held her check up because it was like the memo which as long as I’ve lived is always wears a joke goes she put a joke but now that were in the back of the new new digital world the memo matters they like held her check because she might have been I said because Isis Love is like so in do I clean bookkeeping there like

just put the explosives like signatures or email you the email you sent as the same signature on venmo my memo that I sent his just kill the president
and I do far so good ringing my doorbell now I don’t know it’s not funny but I believe support is the Jew run media he’s being paid by the Jew run media that’s really good but I really blew it really stunk
by the way what is this guy know about skunk ages I can’t believe you came back with water
my trainer is he or she surmises that it’s a it’s a car accident Fox sharks fuck bears and fuck mosquitoes yeah but they will fuck up your life if they if they decide to do it probably be a family of skunks on my doorstep and it’s just a standoff I have to go to a hotel tonight and I feel like a little tongue or nose on the back of my shin and I looked on as a fucking skunk what is sniffing
play the back of my Lac your neighbors feeding them a million years away a coyote in your yard yeah they were back last night so this is one of those shows where I was I was I was walking and I was listening and talking to you through the airport my airpods or whatever they are cuz I can afford those man and I was like I was like now you got a haze the coyote yeah he’s like nobody’s going to come and get rid of that coyote what do you mean hey Zack are they supposed to get in your paternity
Roxana vancea friend the coyote and convince it to butt chug
and then the coyote light comes you it’s like rushing retire but I want to say one thing I have enough tear on the FX gift list that I got are pods for that gifted and I opened it up and pull them out and they branded you know it’s at FX in the case of it where those each fucking Michael Chiklis on each little thing that sticks out of your ears it doesn’t say I fax it just says they’re there one word slogan which you definitely want on your airpods
Fearless yeah that’s cool I’m already like already in the crosshairs of of the of the of the of the of the commoner walking down the sidewalk area in the little cigarette butts coming out of my ears okay so anyways can you get a double butterscotch
yeah you got to clean my soul it’s like confessing my bladder it’s sending coyotes and bees like it’s horrible Electronics people that are making rate friendly doorbells like I feels like eating like those fucking Palm pits if the dogs are puking everywhere they took like like we got to get these dogs out of here it’s haunted by a just shity house I kind of know ghost it would be cool if there was like a good the house and get the fuck out the house to say it’s not you it’s me
I can’t wait to keep fantasizing about the two dumb shit that buys my house but you got to pull up in the crib right I don’t know do you want to believe I’m a pool person
you’ll never go in that pool right I don’t think Jeff was there for a bit so they’re good for you. I think it’s finally time at 45 go into pools of the first one in the last one up baby oh yeah. Rich deep Lorenzo Lamas
did I tell you guys about my therapist I’ve been seeing a therapist now he he thinks I should get a haircut so this is a therapist that told me to cut my beard and now he thinks I should hear what the fuck is this problem that’s the thing is I keep telling people to write things down here on time I tell people about that they’re like that sounds wrong and I’m like I know right why is he waiting on your style will they just kind of like I go in there is like so what’s new and I’m like how do you know I’ve been depressed as like well you look like shit
maybe get a haircut hippie yeah you’re allowed to be like 20 their business where you find one you like you’re going to keep going to ask about my therapist tells me to get a haircut. What do you think about that it would be as they see therapist then we learned that in The Sopranos and it’s true like they all have therapist and I think it would be fair like we should all head get to have one session a month with our therapist therapist what’s up with Linda and it’s open
haha you don’t know am I going to she’s usually asking me stuff was like look if you’ve ever heard her complain about her mom let me explain a couple things about that and put it in perspective and he also said I don’t make enough I contact God I’m making more eye contact though it’s a lot of fun it’s like a video game
it’s like stardew Valley people like I’m going to kill them like that’s the thing is that what time I called him and I was like would you think if I went to another therapist they tell me to get a haircut and I fucking maintains unbroken unblinking eye contact like you’re doing really well as watching an answer I was like right this is why I don’t like eye contact because it’s inherently aggressive this is what predators do to pray that they’re going to murder super comfortable doing it in this context because I want to kill you right now for a reason I look at people because I’m like Cyclops armor
I go to the therapy I’m like this
NES why I did that and I was like well I don’t want to close off my body posture and have you read it to me close to cut my pod Foster my therapist issues. It’s a it is like it it’s like I contacted and open your body up but like I feel like I kind of like kind of more likely I do so I do my Cornell Glee people
I don’t want to make eye contact
buy here now like why don’t you want it’s just not fun oh yeah
look at you if you were hot when I was when I was really young I went to a therapist with my mom below is a psychiatrist they’re giving me drugs and stuff in there like I noticed you have your hands on your genitals do you want to talk about that and I was like my hands are in my lap like when you touch what do I do if my hand it’s just in the past 20 years you don’t know what I what do I do with my hands so that they’re not in my lap so they’re not off my genitals I can’t fit them in my pockets I like sit like this like I’m Jesus
all right it’s a lot of fun I think my hands are on my genitals your eyes are clearly on my general let’s talk about that see that would have been a good comeback a good comebacks for when I’m fishing with him yeah it’s about him or whatever that I would definitely just lazy as 85% of their butt suck just like and he was like we don’t have to talk
no he was just staring at me and I was like all right
this is what we’re doing my mind is just how long can I keep this up and it becomes about keeping it up for the stupid I’d be here for a reason I want to want you to tell me why I’m so far what do you think what do you think it’s backed up about you it went well I’m just awkward I’m a fucking nightmare but my mind is on fire is it good or intelligent it’s just like you fucking is there a team if you could identify it within that flame is like like I’ll go first and say like it’s it’s just like don’t kick me out.
kick me out like that’s what I’m thinking like I almost preoccupied with don’t kick me out like I just have this lake lake don’t kick me out of society like don’t feel like that’s way deeper than what my mind says to me my mines I was like oh you do look like an ass hole right now you just get a haircut you just said something really stupid and that person hates you now that person like the like a TV listings stupid I’m just so you know like what nobody’s thinking about me they would like they would like to take you out which doesn’t happen, like like like my driving like Lake legally cut you trying to put energy into the interface you’re going like hey I hear you like like like like you know I don’t know what’s likely to say the right thing and all that stuff and it’s like and then that man
itself is like things that might make you like awkward do you say the wrong things sometimes and I I’m always thinking like a sociopath doesn’t give a fuck it is like like ya got this man like what’s this guy talking about I’m going to listen to everything he says and then I’m going to like mine him for weakness is not jealous of sociopaths, I totally am I think everybody is like we’re fascinated with them like we wish we could take like a little sociopathic supplement a little like like snuff box you take the edge off of your wanting to not get arrested and it is like enough to relax in about how they’re being received a suction cups
yeah and then
that’s how that’s how humans left notice that your hair but this is me on the fish White Bear Lake still working you’re not working very hard to get these answers as identical to work. I said that we don’t say it
we try to point him in the direction where they realize they want to get a haircut that’s right now go in the corner and piss your pants on purpose
do it
and then that guy goes to his therapist that’s like you like just fucking like it’s just a dominatrix
and then she goes to a therapist but it’s just like a weird like wicker man
we’re all being led by a lunatic that something we should be thinking about when you were here
has a therapist oh shitt what what is there some shrink on the moon like making us all crazy that there’s a therapist and then they’re all just disseminating
you seem like an eye contact the kind of guy you always look me straight in the face away from you or I don’t like talking about I contact it’s a weird thing to think about how am I looking at people’s eyes that aren’t looking at mine but here we go
play I don’t like it right now I love you I love you I respect you I love you I’m in the moment I’m mirroring you yeah for real though we’re not deflecting with comedy I really like you and I like you
I’m I like you and I’m not joking making a joke either I’m actually responding that the reason that I contacted you to come on the show is because I love this show and I love you and I I really look up to you and respect you yeah
let’s do you want both look at Jeff liberals will look at Jeff
he doesn’t care what an asshole can do I have like like I’m a psychopath cuz I’m a big eye contact person I love looking at people’s Society wants you to have eye contact I think it’s like something we created like we’ve made that a thing I don’t think like humans naturally want to make eye contact I think it’s something that culture has like you know I travel around June shows and stuff and I like to go out and wander and walk and I’m very fascinated by strangers that I’d like like I like meeting people and if you walk up the road and certain like in New York City people make eye contact be like you can be on a subway and people look at you and you know various kinds of reactions people flirt but it looks like strangely like Seattle nobody makes eye contact and I noticed the towns of the cultures were just 2-0 I contact Milwaukee Milwaukee
each other and we said we were honest with each other and then I think back then like worse people than us was kind of hard to do that eat broccoli and do that and they did it all the time like the most you could like you’d you’d feel like this much every time I saw you and he’s going to look at me right in the eyes and tell me how much he loves me how much I feel I don’t think I can buy for importantly I think you and I could but we’d be like I love you I love you it’s great I think I really respect you a lot and I think people that think then people around us and be like look at these two fucking jerks like what is he doing I said what kind do you want to hear you’re like like like like talking we’d be having this conversation is inappropriate we being like
Starbucks I don’t really like we we did that to her and like I meant like a thousand people at night like I’m flattering myself there’s like 200 people in this is like like is getting legally going to stare at something else at the height of their effusiveness expressing part of their Enterprise down so that they can give her they could tell you if it’s time to be honest and who wants to like look into someone’s eyes while you have something really important to stay late like late late like that that’s so distracting like I don’t mind if you can do it fine but like maybe some people are like like distracted by eye contact and then they’re not like they’re not able to find their when they’re not able to be honest
a really really uncomfortable looking at other men in the face and like it cuz you like meet somebody and like you say nice to meet you and you look him in the eye it’s it’s pretty rare to meet somebody that really just looks you right in the eye with a like I’m I’m going to do and mostly it instantly they look at the ground or add something else everybody take a video game Dale Carnegie like I looked at five people and it’s like fucking insane like I would like five people you got you got ya know he’d lead she came right out of here can’t even handle
open relationship
I like this guy Harper Chiropractic beer know that’s hard enough
when our talking about we fucked it up right right down had that she was like she could tell that it was like oh she’s looking at me as some kind of like
digest look at I just sent lasers in the Harper go ahead by the way
this is completely off topic but there is this guy that DM me saying he could get me a free bird scooter and Matthew McGinnis if you’re listening give me a free perk scooter
when are your own dedicated Birds go to yeah yeah sorry everybody you take it down to the market and you put it outside to someone going to go and try to get on your birth go to sell it like locks you out with a special VIP bird scooter I don’t know how that works because they do they’re making ones that you can like buy or rent to own or something there like more personal use but that’s my question is how does that how does that work in a world where everyone thinks you could just take him and run are you just got to put the numbers or Chevrons on them I can grab it to my wife the other night I was like hey let’s go out and try to find some scooters and ride around on the scooters and never has like they have curfews like all of them shut off
11:30 or something like noblemen circling alone milkmaids like two colored tights like in the 70s Romeo and Juliet
right thing is like I treat people like that dude can I wear suits and I’m tall and I see tall guys in suits like going around town that is a bummer not see me going down the road in a fucking he’s good or are we going to walk in your shoes when I’m looking good going down the road I don’t got to be somewhere that has one of mine is amazing the amount of people who can see in per unit time is that your only walking like a half a mile this guy he’s got three miles
pictures of me and the scooter. Yeah there’s a lot of 100 all over your eyeballs but I don’t have a credit card like I can you get a scooter oh yeah I’ll fucking.
show me to make an introduction between you and Lowe’s hardware Gaffney
entrust you to take the necessary memo and riding cakes
another Kali kakez how long can the show me I don’t want to go pee and then come back out of how it suck to be stupid but I’m going to make your I’ve never heard any more nightmares than that I’m really worried at the Rick and Morty officers one urinal and I worry that because I’m on this pain killer medication that makes your pee like dark orange pumpkin orange like like like sci-fi like weird and in it just like I worry about like I just don’t like Blake played guys don’t get as many UTIs and like I’m in the men’s room and it’s like you’re at a urinal and there’s like a straight mrs. Robinson shot between my legs look like if you see the boss
being and you just like
where did a double-take it’s not supposed to be that color cuz I had to learn like they are going to respect you last I don’t understand why I don’t want him worrying about me yeah whatever is it going to take me to the wrong color entirely if it’s just it’s like I think the color would catch your eye and your goddamn non breakroom it being like like dude that guy needs to like hydrate what if you close your legs so there’s no Gap in there you know
yeah that’ll make it easier to pee
all right if I don’t know that’s what I do at home, sit down here like I like I’ve been standing all day motherfuker and like I was really brave because I’m too tall and I’m being to be enjoyable with my penis is too small for sit-down peeing to be like a vacation from stand-up hey it’s just like when you have a smaller like grow a grower not a shower and it’s like it’s like your legs if it’s like is it like it’s kind of like it’s it doesn’t it’s not unless for some reason you be a semi tumescent it’s not necessarily pointed straight down at the water it can
tumescence 45�� right at the crack of the between the seat and the thing there have been times when I just been like poop and while so I’ll just doing both at the same time some of the shorts what the what the fuck I’m peeing in between the crack of the toilet seat it’s like going out and I’m like oh it’s cuz your dick small
you can’t complain about this on your podcast no one with no no no true man will understand his dick like falls into the water
Whitney big deal might be a worse problem
I’m the one with the Yu-Gi-Oh
you should you should you should have banana peels in that shit I shouldn’t I should be the safest that should be my only Advantage darwinian I have a fucking like the older I got
my dick Poe write a check that your ass can’t come on man it’s alright well there’s only you know until we actually play a recap in an audio oh boy it’ll be so fun when we use it one of these days where we have an audio recap do you apply for us so traditionally Jeff play the music and I go like last time on Harmon time or whatever the fuck and then I’ll explain stuff so instead I cut it out of audio so instead of me explaining it dance like the Japs like I think we should do the thing it seems like I don’t know you guys and I’m like and so like you know maybe it’s more like a TV recap or something that that’s only giving you relevant bits
rather than me just like coming up with it on fly I mean I’m good at 2 how do we physically do that here in the space we have a sound system that can play music and all sorts of fun now with video capability he’s overqualified I mean that’s a perfect way for him to leave it’s true I got to take the L on that we could say Dad you forgot I also do video are right that you deserve a better day to go to the game grumps it’s beautiful that he’s going to the game grumps I love those guys and I love that they’re still successful in like fucking showering people with money that’s great I’m proud of them after what I put them through Play The Cat in the Hat game with them shouldn’t have done that to them
what’s a good kids with Game Grumps
I love them yeah ever go over there and play video games at the game grumps I don’t know what you’re talkin about fun we could hook you guys up a man you’d be great on the yeah all right
give like a video game that you’re upset and kind of like have a relationship with emotionally like a bad or good I’m afraid of video games I don’t know why can’t I feel like an idiot when I plan cuz I can’t do it that’s part of the fun on Game Grumps I don’t have to stay of what it is that’s fine
what is a gram why are they grams and it’s kind of fun
I’m sure it starts with like you know one guy going like I hate this game like you know and being good at showing you why you hate the game
now I guess I want to play Stratego now what what what what am I why don’t we all get together the four of us some play some Tycho but like loads of eye contact we can do it in my pool on Wednesday in your pool if you get a waterproof Stratego fucking talking I have me the worst all right I’m not going in that pool for for 4 hours Judy next week it’s about dating women for 4 hours a week it’s in the self-help velocipedes I don’t know if you wrote a book would it be Pros or to go to be non fiction fiction have you written a book by the way I’ve always wanted to write a book you got to do it I guess I am I want I feel like that is the
some reason that’s the measure of success to get off my ass and get a book deal
any like give the money back and give him the money back so should I not write in your book am I in there like yeah come on and we give you money and I was like I literally gave money to a person that was like helping me write my book so it’s like I truly like like it was like not only did I get paid to write a book I paid to write a book that I paid they’re not write a book that’s the book then some from somebody else did Cade to write a book I paid to not write a book Omni Hotel
all I know is what’s his name
Arizona yeah I couldn’t I could I wasn’t it was going to be shity book so I gave the money back how much it was a lot I was like like two hundred grand I like to spend it and then pay them goddamn I ended up eating the fucking blood but nobody knows like worth it was giving me so much anxiety I do want to write a book but I want to write a book about writing I just want to write a book about like like the craft that sounds of noxious but I don’t want to write a book about I told your brother that I think you should just write a book about not writing a book
now oh yeah in like with we don’t really need Publishers like like no offense to them but like you can self-publish on Amazon book
but it’s not going to hit you to put this at Metro publisher shity book you like like so I did it
there’s your money back for some more money for letting me have that experience no shity book and now I can help you make $1000000 because a million people be laying I got to see that car now you’re setting it up I’m going to put a coupon in each dollar book that you get $10 if you don’t tell me if you don’t give 10 people a free copy of the book everybody rob corddry
I was given overtime for Chris for after all the work is done
in all media video audio list all senses paper mache typewriter rent equipment is here game master I become, Jeff Davis
Drive fast to take chances won’t you
Jackie got beat
thank you again talk about go kill shot
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