Episode
Episode 357: What’s Up My Twitta?
Description
Brandon Johnson is comptrolling, Nick Rutherford is and isn’t our guest. Dan talks a bit about Community. ED-209 makes a cameo appearance. There’s a lot to unpack in this episode. Featuring Dan Harmon, Brandon Johnson, Spencer Crittenden and Nick Rutherford.
Transcript
sitting in protect David we love you Jeff Davis Make some noise for Jeff
got gold rare yay let’s get right to it there’s so much show
King Master shortener Spencer
dungeon master uphill task ladies and gentlemen
yeah
been drinking in Spanish
been drinking since the day began
been getting all kinds of drunk for reasons I can’t share damn I remember the time your personal secrets
now you can’t anymore because you’re rich and famous cool damn yeah I remember the time
transparency
no I don’t have Brandy Johnson everybody all right
looking a little late on the podcast is like strep beef but honestly my favorite comptroller doing the idea of pettiness you’re not booing him and you’re blowing the idea of me pitting them against each other that’s what I’m saying, exploring the pool cue in half on Mike
I have never said this before but would somebody please help me in Spanish
my family call my family and I have been drinking all day, Veterans Day
wow that’s patriotism I truly did you guys see my Instagram post about better and say I fucking knocked it out of the park
you’re welcome you’re welcome men and women and gender fluid soldiers
you couldn’t fucking like it was beyond reproach I was like dude no matter what you are whatever veterans but boo Biddy Boo biddy I fucking I just like a man the world’s going to suck my dick when I click submit I did it boom dude I got coast of marines coming at me like a simpler final all like I fucking fucking signal that virtue
I’m at at fucking warp and I like hate myself today I honestly can’t tell you guys why I’m so fucking upset but my hope is that I can just be honest with you guys when I’m so fucking like I’ve been at that there are out there outside circumstances that have me in a real fucking tailspin and that ended the thing that I want to be honest about it is because I’ve been taking note of it is how fucking rude and mean I am only exclusively only to the people that are closest to me the people that I can trust that that that stupid expression you only hurt the ones you love like I have been so fucking mean to Cody the last couple weeks because I am going through something with people that deserve so much fucking abuse and we’re getting nothing
if you want to be treated well by me here’s an Insider tip be a bag of dicks to me Proclaim yourself as my enemy you will be a fucking red carpet and bassador like like you’ll never hear a fucking Pete from me cuz I’ll be so busy strategizing and all but if you want to eat like a fucking verbally abused by me love me just love me just be into me be on my side being my partner that’s where they knocked out its it really is cool that you know isn’t that the thing that a good friend Jerry minor said when I said I lost my mind when I he said who was crying and who was angry and I said neither lose your mind so who told you that you had fucked up did you discover it yourself me okay good well I mean but it looks like
get her and then she’s like why are you being mean to me is that that’s her the source like unlike I think that counts yeah that’s what a bag of fucking shit I am now it’s like yeah but like
yeah I’ve got terrible person
what’s the difference Brandon
again somebody help me I will tell you when I was a kid my mother would say to me
I don’t know why you talk shit to me but you don’t talk shit to that dude who stole your book back you little bitch
diamine that aggression out of her that was based on someone stealing your book bag she felt like it really didn’t matter what the reason was which it was her fault that house that you’re upset with me but I can tell you this I saw your bitch ass one home today bitch
allow for that to happen in your relationship did your mom ever give you this one where you like did you ever come home like stifling and crying cuz you got bullied and did your mom go like well if they’re that me and then they you don’t want them as your friend
you fucking bitch it was just like it was like the true it’s so perfectly right but not the message your mouth
well then they’re not good people and you don’t want to hang out with them yeah well that doesn’t mean being in their tree house wouldn’t be rad
which team mom
Play Circus truck you like to come home from here
I miss him too
who’s going to find the good chair and move it into place
I I said that I went that there’s no there’s no guest per say I think I heard a possible guest respond to that
but I sat down here cuz they checked there’s a camera situation where the worst I don’t know like me standing up there is not good for cameras purposes cameras is amazing I mean sitting here is amazing just look at the composition but let’s let Nick Rutherford
Frederick Rutherford oh my God that was good I was like we’re all going to die
what’s the temperature of the road is scooter up on stage for the show me very expensive
you you’re you’re fast island of what these things that you knew it would make a punchline sound when you deactivated and I love lines and they’re they’re bad people who rail against landlord are awful little to curmudgeon the people are the limes people yeah I just did anything but like I n e critique people have these scooters is the same about bikes but no incentive about bikes because bikes are old and adults use them okay Boomer OSHA it. It just freezes exploded like a fucking lot of shity come everywhere
I thought what is that what is that
you know demographic alebriated you’re my age I’m sorry that I don’t you but what that means is that we have no voice sweet spot where like people like the morning so I have a lot I am Disney plus is made for you guys that’s true yeah I don’t like probiotics with my point is that like demographically when you examine it the Baby Boomers Brandon’s parents okay that was a generation they’re called Baby Boomers
sure this because it’s Veterans Day
my grandpappy came back from Guadalcanal and did so much fucking that they created The Beatles with their dicks like they’re just like a fucking horny I’m just letting the enemy forever I can’t wait to fuck until there was a baby boom and that’s are fucking up noxious Trump generation is the fucking these Boomers there like a Trivial Pursuit like by the way how are you
great man I got 9 and 1/2
her say you forget or you don’t consider me again
and I don’t have any friends damn doing let me do that to you
I’m your friend and anyways the Baby Boomers had a couple of kids like three of them total me Kurt Cobain and Brandon
call Tompkins David Cross Janeane Garofalo okay
we didn’t have any kids cuz we’re fucking awesome
we were like 22 and we were like Disney think so
Coca-Cola anything corporate you think you’d you’re into the Bernie or whatever like fuck you we were like socialist before we knew it was called socialism we were like fucking fuck you dude hands in the pockets Alanis Morissette fucking give me a fucking peace sign and then playing the piano over here I got
I thought you said I thought you said something else
oh nothing hard are the nater man
yeah I know Lord made us my first vote was 1992 I was 18 years old voted for a guy named Ross Perot my parents Aspera Felicia. Felicia Day in her book talks about that was her her first boat
Generation X sandwich real little sliver if you were to represent demographic Lee population-wise we’re just out numbered our parents we have a thousand parents and 1000 cousins that are younger than us like I don’t know how that works but is even though we didn’t have kids we now it’s like if your Generation X you just too fucking like piece of shit sandwich between fuck everybody man yeah but we were nailing it
I doing what I nothing yeah that’s what I
hip hop hip hop hip hop you guys came up with hip hop
Brandon and Daniel came up with hips
we were born and then we were 20 we were like there should be three hundred yes we did that we did that we we we added value to everything
cell phone more billing and what y’all do y’all came in with the fucking YouTubes
and you fucked it up
y’all like like subscribe fuck y’all
let’s give them one Taste of the hip-hop we invented can I have a Beat
yo
yo my name is puppy jacket
I can’t change it when it’s warm outside
I’d like to let it ride my name is Puffy jacket sleeves infinite
feeling down to the wrist fuck your mama so hard I made her fucking list fingertips going inside a pussy
I woke up on Monday morning
yes a little more hype that I’m worth
it’s all hype right now
starting to talk me into it
Coronavirus
I want to be a better rapper for you you make me want to be a better rapper
I want to take you to the break of dawn time I want to make love to you all day long
another prescription 15 for a hike man
you want to lick your booty crack
are you sure I can expand on that a little bit when you say pretty sure
Usher Yeah
we got a real crack crew like like the lighting effects happen
tonight’s guest is Nick Rutherford he was in The Whitest Kids you know what was it good neighbor alright well you can just do a quick Google before you bring your not quite real guest on stage
you’re a friend we abused you
dream Corp LLC I saw some Buscopan chance for that pretty good I tried to promote dream Corp LLC been having a really cool as that didn’t say what dream Corp LLC was it was like they did really subversive like is again a picture of Jon gries who plays dr. Roberts and it said like we will analyze your dreams and it’s a fun anal time is fun yeah he was like look at that dumb billboard they didn’t they space their text wrong and then nobody watched the show when I was doing community which I never bring up
there was I wanted to I was like so excited about the website I was like I want to do the Greendale College Greendale
I’m like so I might go see Glendale are greedy I want to do like the Greendale colleges like a website and they wanted to be like it’s got to be legit it’s going to be like the Dunder Mifflin like a website but like beyond that like it you got to go to be this fully immersive thing we going to have hundreds and hundreds of like student Registries and you got to think and then it was like NBC digital was like yeah but we did research and we did that Dunder Mifflin page and like people were upset because they what we found in our testing has the lyrics they wanted to know whether it was a real website or not
and so what we found is if we put like a Toyota ad people it made people more comfortable
it’s just I mean it sounds like I’m complaining but I’m not I’m just laughing weight so you never got a look at Community College, Community / NBC hashtags this is a TV show / we promise this isn’t really happening slashdot.org TV. Biz Pretend This is a community college. Just for fun. Just kidding. Calm and it was like it was nothing it was like like let’s go to the motions and hated it and then we would you like Twitter I was like huh see what Twitter episode where they have the characters talking to each other and they’re like that’s great just make sure that every character after everything they tweet they hashtag NBC on
Square Community watch it at 8
he saying that
anyways those guys all got mad at me one time on Twitter or something they’re all like adding me the cast of Community yeah the characters from me it was there was someone it was just someone who’s willing to go after it was after it was something like the people are like RP them and they just like in a lost reality or something for a while this wrong me they had to because you couldn’t you can make writers do that soon as doing it now then
I said we did the vulture vulture
at the risk of offending anyone that I’m forgetting I was basically everyone – Donald and Chevy on the panel and and then we went to this dinner in the basement of this steak place that Joe love and in the middle of the dinner fucking Donald Glover walks in it was so fantastic to see him with his fucking crazy beard and is like thank God damn it I’m jealous and that guy
did he know about the dinner or does he work at that steak to make the panel and only made it like just to the dinner but it was just it was just good to talk to him again or did he know you guys were going to be there was literally coming from Atlanta figuratively and literally like like they literally and literally and and he just the flight didn’t work out but he just made it to the dinner
did Chevy Chase ever paid all at the diner
I think they would like his phone number right I’m okay as long as yeah
you should get hired like after people go through rehab you should be like the tester anyone answer their phone anymore
someone who said yes
a liar Fred answer phone I don’t think we even need the actual phone call function anymore even if it’s nice to your mom
nice try I just asked my own contact
Nick what you do last night we went to the Rick and Morty Premiere last night yeah
who said no nobody second one this is my first premier I don’t care for the show itself but I do like just hanging out with friends so while great eye is it liquid the time on that show move so slowly that the episode that you inspired which I will we will call the vat of acid episode like you get to see the finished product on that it’s an amazing episode I cannot wait to see if we have a good time Rob’s in there Rob is in there sometime around the dog in there there’s a lot of the two dogs in there constantly
let’s talk about well one’s a little angel that’s Tilda that’s pill that has a dog named Tilda just think of a cute dog
that’s kind of what it is it’s about the size of this microphone I have video of you and I holding hands prancing downtown I don’t know we were just one strand in the photo booth and then there’s a picture of it I screamed at you it was it was right as the first picture got taken so you’re sort of like and I’m like I don’t know I don’t want to be like a drama queen but I just also want to be like honest and like try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me what am I going through what why am I in this weird State you know we we
we had our producer friend Mike who passed away and then like his wife was there at the premiere and I think I think maybe that like set me off I don’t know that’s just seems like a something that I fucking horrible drunk uses it excuse like I but you know Jewel like as I’ve said here before she was the casting director on the first thing that Rob schreiben I ever did for TV three decades ago or something and it was just pure coincidence that her husband was the line producer of Rick and Morty and then and then I hadn’t seen her since the funeral and she was there at the premiere and I just like I can’t I just I feel I texted her today like
Mike can you have a drink with me and she’s like no I’m at work and I’m like I keep doing it wrong with this like I look like she was robbed of her husband and I just have this shame like I’m just filled with Shame about it because I feel like
we take people from their private lives and we use them in TV and then that’s like it was for nothing and is Justin said to me recently it was like
you think that if Mike new
that it was going to end that way that he would have shown up for a day of this shit the answer is obviously no not at all course not like what the fuck I put I don’t even know and then to see her there was like what the fuck are we doing super hard it’s really hard to make sense of it you know I’ve grieved if that’s what a great and that’s how it is that’s that’s the way it works it looks like I’m an orphan
even when I rapped that I fucked your mama that’s colloquial
creatine
your mama God damn I talk to you
it is super hard to see you have a survivor’s guilt the part of it and then it is super hard to see the passage of time when you lose somebody you see that other people that loved them at a function like that and you’re naturally look for Mike and there’s survivor’s guilt as murderers guilt
well you should have heard him yeah my feelings yeah I know know he was a great family man. Great husband great father yeah I took as much of that away as I could and nothing like some people may say that hid the fact that he was great at his job made him a better family man and now I have some salsa fully if you looked at that room last night that’s what you saw is that there’s a room full of people who are standing around all agreeing and that’s what you’ve created to the fact that Mike was a part of that a massive part of that
is amazing and it’s super sucks that he’s gone
that’s the profane thing to me is the idea of like it’s this old Hollywood thing of like
yeah what we do is so important that it’s worth human life and it’s not like I mean that is worth that I can show like that
yeah I want yeah I mean he chose the job right you probably could have quit now now that’s a complicated program we we actually selected New Jersey
I love growing up in New Jersey I like it better than the old one I didn’t grow up in New Jersey okay I grew up on the Coney Island Pier we can ride New Jersey I don’t think you grew up in New Jersey when on the Coney Island Pier I was a Carnival Barker on the Coney Island here was born in Tarzana California are you shiting. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeahs from somewhere else and then there’s a bunch of people that are just like I was born here like I’m a con artist or maybe I’m just going to run a con artist
I do feel like I noticed a lot of the time you know that you’re a lovely man and thanks Dan
I don’t know you that well
but you but you’ve been very kind to me you’re very nice well we’ve been hanging out it’s very fun to hang out with you I trust you where in the wings now the show ya like it was a bold choice to set a sitcom in an airport
yeah we got drizzle wings at BJ’s
thinking about his mom
does anybody call you call you B J
yeah I work at Brandon’s restaurant
yeah we had drizzle wings and is this is this good content oh yeah what kind of
what I think they have root beer wings at BJ’s now now we didn’t have those bring out a celebrity guests use Roofing make famous
everybody’s it’s me what’s up
roofie I understand you have a book or movie coming out
what’s that about the line for the East Coast hanging out
is that kind of self autobiographical yeah okay do you want me to go so you just made up again with a guitar pedal
Ruby mix celebrity I can’t even hear it I don’t even know I just you just see roofie that clearly
you guys go
I’m famous I don’t think that pedal is doing anything honestly Meryl Streep
four wheels of a good this isn’t easy and I have both the car and I wrote a book about it you got into a lot of trouble recently Ray the funny one
people add water and black
whatever’s snowflakes
Cox
I mean to be a contrarian
but I’m a boy and a Centrist
I like things the way they were when America was great
it just seems like a lot of
are you Jewish
I don’t even I don’t have it cuz I’m not
I will I’m not I’m not Jewish I don’t know I don’t
play neutral I love it I love you
don’t get me started where
roofie everybody
Translate
we’re taking Roofing away now
would you say you just headed to Classic character for the dentist at 2:09 is Ruthie big celebrities
if anybody wants a yellow out of character named at any point please like his his one of his kids is like a non-binary activists Lake trans and autistic like act like you name it there an activist for it and she wrote Robocop and since he was on the show like their kid who’s liked this crazy like that crazy that’s a bad word I crazy I meant extreme like like like like like super activists like into trans rights and stuff like they’ve heard my ed-209 bit weird that I did years ago where I was at 2:09 and I was like but it was like at 2 and I was a gender fluid
and they heard it they liked it
and they would have a lot of reason not to like it I think I’m pretty fucking woke this is everybody and I never offend anyone
okay Boomer
did it was until 9 wasn’t the robot that was addicted to Nuke right that was does key to your clothes and you don’t like it as much I mean you can’t like it if you’re a Robocop fan I mean it’s pretty good movie actually I would think I’m either look drug dealer kid the kid admire talked about that cursed human giant
has great even funnier in person
when you come up with your comedy what are you smoking yeah cuz some of these ideas are out there when you come up with some of this stuff just high on life and not Jesus but the Jewish one
I guess not Jesus again it’s me
black Twitter
what’s up
what’s on my Twitter
don’t even
don’t
you need to come with me I’ll know where we going okay
second x-rated Harvey Korman
are we walking or are you sucking me
who says sucking me
what is Bubba. What is a computer-generated born talk to keep sucking me dude everybody out there to get sucked tonight maybe try saying that
but I’ll leave now
no hay
shit
where’s the door
the dude smoke pellets
tooth broken shoot fucking door won’t open back up here I got it yeah yeah pleasure
Uber you’ve never caught anywhere before in your life
coming right up
it works like a trap
I’ll say on your settings that you prefer and cool
I’m a mad and that I’d like to play some of their music if that’s cool cool since you prefer cool
if you want, then let me introduce you to
Six Feet Under
My Band
Mississippi what the fuck black Twitter
and confusion I don’t want to fuck
Six Feet Under
you’re everyone’s going to get that reference
Fireside like Phil Collins
a little bit after all black Twitter
ribs
what the weather in Pleasanton
they loved it keep going I’m going directly to came around Six Feet Under
do you want to go see them in concert
3 hours later
yep that’s cool
I think they’re all Straley
how to make it alright alright that’s okay well anyways so it’s it’s kind of a show but not a show this is kind of feels like a show yeah I think we did good we put it out already and it’s a it’s a bit senile the hands of the people that did you retain the offices ratings we were no yeah that makes sense of the office did you retain I don’t think any of it okay well you’re you failed then yeah by they’re moving you to 8 p.m. good luck
KCBS think so to fuck off
Winnie the Pooh
Steve Levy looking Wonderful Tonight doing a big hug Jesus brought out the booze like an hour and 20 minutes maybe this maybe this will help I don’t know just has more alcohol and we got to start looking real guess
all right
Philip a city’s Tarzana not being from California you have a rivalry with what city in Janesville civilization grew up in Tarzana figure up in Thousand Oaks Valley raised in Ventura County Thousand Oaks is great I grew up in Moorpark good when you want to have fun you would go to Thousand Oaks or if you wanted to not have very much fun you go to Simi Valley yeah same here I know about CV Valley is they had a an outlier in terms of per capita incest rates
in an outline the shows back on track ladies and gentlemen jokes that’s where the ball was more hey guys how did you find out about the interesting and then I looked at the census it’s on there like welcome to see me some population but really population
what are we going to confront the fact pornographic lie that literally everyone is getting online and like like it’s like these numbers they go happy Saint Patrick’s Day here’s how many people search for a leprechaun rape lately who basically just represented to everyone is like hey whatever you thinking like no one’s normal that was that was his contribution to Mankind and that’s kind of what PornHub yeah it’s like hey everybody you’re all searching for incest porn all of you
well that’s all there is now
I heard someone say that that the increased like the attention towards incest porn signaled a deep lack of connection felt by the user base everyone is feeling super isolated and they don’t have any sort of connections to draw upon so you know when you kind of eroticize that that’s like the truest form of a bond to someone who’s often find that it is going to sound silly but I find that incredibly unscientific to connected with their families I hate everyone in my family and I love incest porn so you know I guess that’s also not scientific
it’s just shampoo right it’s like I remember I think it’s a question is does sex have to be taboo that’s my huge question like could you lick a human kind if they were given an infinite sandbox if they were given total permission there was no such thing as taboo would sexuality made my my speculation my gut tells me that sex is not automatically tied to the naughtiness Homosapien like we we just have this thing like oh it’s not easy because we’re so into it and part of what we’re into as the naughtiness it’s like putting your thumb over a garden hose it like makes its prey more this is how you jerk off
that’s how I do it yeah the inhibition is what drives things but I don’t think that that thumb needs to be there I think there’s a version of humanity that just flows out of the hose like I think taboo taboo is attractive the same way it’s attractive to touch a hot stove it’s like I know I can’t do that so I want to but it’s like so that’s part of what’s important but I don’t I think that’s a human inclination that van Gogh’s in ties in with our shame towards sex and stuff but yeah I think that we would still seek out various forms of taboo if sex weren’t taboo but then I think when I ask for it myself I got why is the time thinking about the fucked-up shit you know when I have so much permission to do whatever I want like why am I continually going to like bad places where I’m not supposed to be a grab that officer’s gun
then I’ll know and I think the answer is because as human beings as animals we want to just engage in sex we want to have fun with sex but we we work with each other we wear neckties we go Lego that you can I take your order please like we had we we have alphabets we don’t just fuck it to make up words like we we don’t just shoot the street we go in toilets and so we as human beings a sentient mammals we we don’t even trust ourselves to be fully sexual unless we build a wall around it we need to we need it to be private or we don’t really actually trust that its erotic automatic built-in naughty right it’s because you’re eating chocolate you know
I think it’s like shit talking a third friend or some situation you’re both in its like it’s that it is the fact that you’re not supposed to be saying what you’re saying that actually Meek’s mimics what you’re going through sincere and there’s something really funny about their equates to me with that feral pig thing where the reason feral pigs are a problem is because there are people who are incentivised to hunt feral pigs and so they’re breeding the pigs like if they if you really wanted feral pigs to go away you should make it not legal to hunt them
whereas if you tell me if you really want it like taboo sexuality to go away you should like except that sexuality is what it is and then it would because people then be like okay I’m allowed to be sexual but it’s like I asked for my money I’m like I might I find myself with Cody like I’m out of my mind will wander like why is my mind wondering when I’m with Cody like we’re already filthy enough but we do we do we get up to enough like batshit and and I’m like it it’s Bo it’s because it’s because you want to trick your brain into only focusing on Primal sexuality like you trusted that you’re like well there’s no way this has anything to do with anything other than my dick then if this is what’s going on
I nailed it drywall taboo is drywall it’s just like this like it’s
drywall we proved it you kind of hit on it that like you have a little secret people Bond over Secrets right they bind over something that they can withhold from other people and that’s that is on in a way connection also give me get back to that touching the hot stove I’ll get there okay what do you want to talk about it I don’t know I am so afraid of getting burnt I got burnt making popcorn and that’s the story do you have the thing where when you’re up high you pictures of jumping on that idea. I think I think the human mind has this this mechanism and it’s a survival mechanism where it’s kind of like flash cards that runs through scenarios and then has visceral reaction to that and those cement the the light connections on our brain and so you think of jumping off a cliff and then you’re like bad that’s scary as horrifying and you’re like okay if I’m in a situation where that actually comes up or remember that feels terrible and I won’t do it the same was grabbing a cop’s gun
or you know like you keep legend that in there man
like Ben I could just do the sucker punch you right in the neck what do you do with that you’re only going to feel like that’s the only time I can’t sell it but yeah like I said I think there’s a lot of shameful that we have and then we have guilt associated with it but it’s like you having that thought and then that reaction is you affirming like your ethical nature or something you know and I think that’s I think people think those thoughts and they’re like oh this is so violent or so so fucked up but it’s like no you you’re repulsed by that and that’s because like that’s your brain reminded you not be a sociopath cuz if you’re like oh man that actually seems like a fine thing to do with no consequences that means your brain doesn’t work right you don’t
shoot the worst elements among us are constantly using like naturalism we’ve talked about this before we like they do like leg they act like if they can conceive of the idea that it would be natural or people have a natural inclination it’s like that’s proof like women do this and you know it ladies don’t fucking deny it I we proved it was like yeah but you people take schitt’s but you do it in the toilet because we did in the street we don’t get sick natural natural is called like it’s a classic logical fallacy that people use to try an excuse Behavior but it just doesn’t hold out most the time because like you said we built a toilet because shooting is natural eye colors are fuckingawesome alphabets are natural that shit up it’s crazy it’s all the words are made of
I mean G
h this is like you’re a big H fan over there
do you know both bonobo monkeys keep fencing they’re genetically look it up the closest animal to us that’s also another species we are but I’m very fascinated by it but we don’t have religion or are like you know protestantism sailing you like that was the biggest word I know how to booby that’s gross don’t have to. Over a banana you’re sucking me right now
find the energy just all fucking suck and they wake up and I like what the fuck I agree the only reason we wanted water is so we can hydrate so we could do this is my uncle Glen Barrera studying bonobos like there’s a there’s a huge like lag behind the scientific study of them because of the 50s because they’re just holding their behavior and not writing it down literally they’re just like what that’s fucked up I can’t write that down
that’s crazy I can’t tell my wife what I watch today the end that is the generation of pornographer is what we are we want to fuck and suck baby that’s it that’s all we have to do to live is eating fuck that’s it but Desmond Morris
says well then we had to compete with Wolves so like the other part of us is like we had this pack mentality this Alpha mentality like we’re ashamed of our funky sucky part like like we hate we hate how communist we are we hate that we just want a groom each other in like lick each other’s tits like we’re going to die which is not an unfounded belief genetically because our primate cousins are like dying and we are but they died because they didn’t invent drywall not really because of us they’re just dying because it’s hard to have a planet that’s so Lush that its equator can support this giant tailless ape that doesn’t climb trees anymore cuz it’s too heavy just hangs out wipes his ass with his hand fucking like howls at the moon like a flash in the pan
but the that like the version of those primates that like experimented with this weird for brain that’s us and here we are going strong we are ashamed of our animal nature we eat the part of us that is like we would save our lives right now we hate we hate that we just want to chill and if we just held ourselves to the standard that we had when we are chimpanzees we could fucking save the world like but we have this compulsion we’re just like yeah but what about my iPhone what about that fucking smokestacks what about the rocket ships what about fighting this other person like we you you told me Brandon at one point like like like we still genetically like we’re we’re acting like we’re we have this feeling like we’re competing over resources
but nobody I mean at the end of the day we go through all this this technology and we get to these Great Heights but there’s always like two floors of of breast augmentation in like one floor for sick kids of cancer does were monkeys and we’re just like titty titty big titty room floor floor like will your kids sick I know my kids sick titty titty titty got a shity shiny monkey banana more more banana and you can tell monkeys this is going to be awful for you this piece of technology is going to be awful for you whether it’s breast augmentation or cell phone screen and they’re like yeah but Tity yeah they can you imagine a monkey with tits that would be one to talk not sign language known that bullshit is not sign language bulshit
we’re going to let that we’re going to let that is on you guys if you could if a chimpanzee you could actually have a sentient conversation with us with what what’s all this Ruckus what what are you guys doing what’s happening and we’d be like we’re trying to save the Earth spotted leopards giraffes ants like what is a chimpanzee look like what the fuck is your problem calm down is it likely and we’d be like no no no it’s the disease people in Saudi Arabia and then I don’t know what you’re talkin about like
what are you so fucking panicked about their tribal they got they literally War
staying like
play Separate songs from chimps which is like this fucking compulsion to reach for the stars and then like if we could just accept we were just to take a one breath and go what if we just as a litmus test what if we just for one second held herself to the standard of the chimpanzee and fuck frogs Yeah and and like which would you find a Frog as a great Saturday afternoon and which would Define indoors as a fucking miracle because we control the weather like a chimpanzee that could make a house would be a chimpanzee that wouldn’t make war achieve are you fucking kidding do they make leave houses leave beds and they think I think what you’re saying is
we like we we have a goal and we go for this golf but then you hit that go in your like list fucking sucks I hate this I hate myself nothing has changed I still want to die yeah but I think that you can work that out but it’s like every human has that and I think that’s evolutionary because it’s like oh man I just got to jump over this Cliff so I get away from the wolf in like a couple people survived in path down that trait and it’s like I’m really good under serious pressure and I only feel like a live under pressure and once I accomplish the thing that I have loose Natalie allowed to Compass I don’t feel better because Evolution wants me to keep going keep doing the same things and keep propagating the species in an aquarium full of flies like it and it was like dude you don’t have to build a web and this better be like what are you talkin about how many catch all these flies know the Flies are right there like it’s a spider could just understand and cheat the system and all the flags are there
I’ll save all of this biological energy that God gave me like like that my metabolism is so high cuz I expect my ass stomach crank out silk what if the spider was aware enough to go yeah but I don’t have to do that there’s a bucket of flies here that’s the situation that we could be in you will even go web is built to catch the fly now cuz he has a compulsion to build a web without knowing its relation to the fly I agree with you there that’s the fix skyscrapers space programs alphabets eyeglasses insulin podcast Oprah okay wallpaper like humans have
me and we have ourselves convinced that were like making these decisions were not at all obviously it’s compulsive Behavior or we wouldn’t fucking do the shit that we got to Lake and we but we measure intelligence by this thing or we go I will if you know what you’re doing and then you choose to do it that means it’s your choice that horseshit Jack Nick wouldn’t show up at like in your books coming out right yeah my life what do you adjust second fuck each other all the time I don’t know how much do baby right
how are you still able to do all this it’s called functional alcoholism and it’s like the most dangerous kind did you see Denzel Washington in flight
yeah he’s saved all those people those people he’s a goddamn hero cuz he’s the only one holding a plane upside down and you get away with drinking while flying and then finally at the end he alone has to be like nah dude fuck you I’m drunk and I don’t know what that says about me I will forever say that is such a in the world of cinematic portrayals of alcoholism that is like the fucking end-all-be-all that and McNulty in The Wire
exactly when he would get drunk McNulty Nick Nolte oh my God I just turned on me so hard it is over it
fucking nerd I’ve never I didn’t watch Game of Thrones either I watch wings
let’s meet one friend who who who really genuinely feels like they deserve attention
proud of you guys that was an amazing response this total silence give me 90 seconds to speak from the farthest cuz it’s a lot of people in town for the last couple Florida who’s farther the floor
we have anybody from Italy Germany
Benjamin y’all always fuck up when y’all get up here but we might talk with you later what’s your name friend is like the perfect version of me
hello neighbor app require a 25 God damn it sings the song soccer player for like a moment where you asked I didn’t just give us a pretty good then yeah you’re right to that’s good you’re going like hey look I’m not like some crazy person that just really thinks they’re entitled to
do what you just did go up there cuz you want to be up there your humble and you’ve done it you nailed it now you can do whatever you want to be racist mixed race that would be a strange choice for me to say that
I don’t see an extra what did you say the idea that mixed race people can be right where I find really offensive is a white person thing cuz I thought that I could lick week together some different ideas the sign said give me 90 seconds I can offer a full filling conclusion US 60 seconds US 60 seconds right now bro I just want to thank you for doing what you do not just for this and for harmony twice but I do it for the people and I appreciate that and I also for opening up your platform over the years have been missing you for a while to people who wouldn’t otherwise be heard regular people like
myself and socialists in minorities and you’re using your soft power your platform to allow people to talk even if your come visit feel like it’s a soft Center phrase yeah I’m a political theorist that’s why I so soft power is having that’s not hard power
I got like a diva I got it survivor 6 years so hard power is like guns and money its military mind and the straight-up actual capital P powerware soft power tomorrow versus cultural forces you are a person who runs shows that are inside guys then you have some soft power to you or if you happen to be a tight ship
but I take photos of this guy before and after is it like Faces of Meth right here over the years I like watched as you like like gone from from from from being a Centrist security into recognizing your role as you quoted the world shifted under your fees and I just think that you’ve done a lot of brands of seeing you existentially worry about the state of politics and power but you’ve never liked delves into actually political Theory so I just wanted to get one idea out to your brain that’s what I want to do that
Nazism
Trace Nazism
hear me now
practical it is the races that will dominate eventually they make that I am sorry about what was wrong but it seems like you are recognizing the issues of late-stage capitalism off stage last night imma let you know what l a i will do to you unless you get into that second song we all want to hear that let’s do you want a really long night is Atkins I’m sorry and it seems like that to some degree you circle around the idea of anarchism is the old ternative and what that is doing is
getting a corrupt and outdated Motive Power or power structure and replacing it with a lack of power instead of fixing the power structure revolving it doesn’t work because of the nature I disagree with you is impossible because maximum power the essential nature what power is that it looks to conquer ties itself to cement itself to to understand itself in and it doesn’t go away like that so you need to fix the power structure not dissolve the power structure it sounds nice and Theory because it’s like oh hey everybody is on equal footing and everybody has equal power but it’s just what you’re doing by the dissolution of political power is not empowering people to empower people by having a political power that is powerful enough to give power to the people
we don’t tend to road non-hierarchical we tend to no matter what you give us an infinite sandbox you give us like a bunch of mushrooms and like primates like we tend to fucking start leveraging each other and exchanging things and people tend to rise up and you go like hey is it me or is that guy more awesome than that guy I liked it you kind of start to compare why would you say that
I mean yeah I used to like I was way left of Noam Chomsky when we started this podcast cuz I was like I had that privilege like I never cared of I thought all politics was horseshit cuz he was dangling Chad’s and are you going to convince me Al Gore’s any different from fucking George Bush and all my fucking bullshit and then we went through me or you really showed me a thing or two that like politics is not bulshit it actually is a thing because both parties admirably or not like they both got hacked at the same time like the Democrats got hacked by quote unquote socialist should forget out just to oversimplify and the Republicans got hacked by to Overton play for the third party fate and it was it would happen it was just like the real politics and then went to did I was like oh shit I guess I can’t be an anarchistic anymore I really can’t because you act
have a bipartisan system that actually means something now because right actually means Nazi and left actually need socialist and I don’t want either of them cuz I want what would I want my Obama back-to-back the other things that I was saying was totaled straight Siri this is just opinion to some degree I mean it’s based on you can look at the empirical studies and you can look at the theory of it and eventually you can call it reform liberalism or Democratic socialism and socialism social democracy they’re all just different steps of the same thing which is a synthesis of Market society and a powerful enough Leviathan to provide for people with that seems sad that that’s the thing that is required is so handsome I can’t so much as a drink I’m so far
scary ghost
hey I meant Vic Vic Vic
leaving scooter
yeah I honestly I’m too drunk to have followed what you just said and that’s on me not you I admit I don’t know man I’m like we’ve been doing this podcast for eight years I’ve tried to be upfront about my politics which is like man I was sucking my thumb and go in like
voting is bullshiting democracies are you have been your amazing I so appreciate it when I got there I told people I was really wrong and I got really invested to the extent that I’m finally got no man it’s not even politics to me when it’s like fascism vs. anything other than that and most recently because its primary season did Stefan like I’m driving to talk about it cuz I don’t want to be like I want Elizabeth Warren guy and have everybody cuz I totally respect everybody like I don’t want them fighting like it is a fucking heartbreak that the good guys and yeah there’s a good guy that they’re all fighting they have to fight now and so I don’t I can’t even it’s like I just watched the whole thing play out and I’m like god dammit I wish there was some way that we could be as unified as the ship faces you can’t as far as I can tell I mean if somebody was involved in politics Progressive politics and that that’s where the thinkers are and that means you get released
why do people were all worried about very specific and small issues or wording and you think about like there’s a Radiolab episode or whatever about the Irish system like they were they do like the first fast and posters is terrible and Antiquated it doesn’t end in Canada which is where I’m from his first pass the post-boy that’s the other half of the time is weird
real gas
a real gas that was a real gas thank you baby I was going to pick a fake name and be handsome I’d be like Haley I want to know is Pele and you could just share this out are you caught up on the podcast
OK Google where is Pakistan Pakistan
do you have Germany, Germany
put the two parties at once.
Myra from Pakistan what’s your name and where you from Vincent Vincent High we can share one
are you visiting from Pakistan or are you moved here like three months ago I’m doing good at school at USC so is it like is that a student visa yes I can F-1 student citizenship but it’s like they give you enough time to study and and then like if I get a job I can stay for like a year but that’s it unless of course you were to get a husband and I stand up baby
what is the architecture that’s so cool what do you like about architecture
not what I’m studying right now I don’t know what are you studying right now earthquake proof it sounds, but you’re not going to quit right you don’t like fuk architecture I’ll get through this and then I’ll get to be Frank Lloyd Wright later do you respect respect I don’t I don’t know I took psych and everyone is like first of all fucked Freud and I’m like really
McCoy yeah but that’s a start turned out he was right
I mean he was like eggs is a place wrong about a bunch of shit but it’s like how much disrespect but anyways I just wouldn’t Shock Me If You said like as a millennial you ain’t even bilineal are you or Generation Z do you know I don’t even know that like distinction I mean I’m 27 what what does that make me look like you’re in control that’s what you are but I just want to say something to you so I know it’s nothing bad so I was at the community reunions yesterday it was so fucking emotional I like I cried when you guys got on stage did you get you happen to know a fucking like I when I went up I thought I was like this is a problem I had to shut it down I was going to we did something about going up there I had to make a decision to either going to weep
in front of a bunch of people about your own sitcom which is as your generation is it a bad look
or you’re going to fucking robot and like I made the little and so since I’ve been here so okay so I got you on the 9th of August and on the 12th of August there was my first time and John show and I’ve been coming every week and it’s been like the best transitional thing for me because I mean I don’t know what like it’s the first time I’ve ever been here and I am really bad at making friends but like parmesan is the only like Escape I have every week and it’s just it’s amazing cuz I’ve been listening to the podcast I got to remember being at home back in Pakistan and just like listening to the podcast and they laughing to myself and it just the fact that I can be here life is just it’s insane and it’s kind of mine blower to me like I have no image in my head of Pakistan like we have to sleep that’s where that’s where to mail is from and I’m like I don’t
am I bad at making friends like I never asked him what’s it like there I have no image in my head you know like I don’t know like what was it what was you you’re you’re just a little baby if you start listening to the show back when it was 2013 I was just starting my undergrad so yeah it was in a baby I was pretty old was living with your parents and Pakistan house and apartment so we have a really large Farmhouse so it’s just it’s pretty cool but it’s very like like there’s lots of donkeys yeah I have one dog that was a long or short hair what point did the ghost of your father watch you do
he buried your money in Arkansas.
What do you say okay I’m just listening how long was it
did you cut it I had a barber I had a cat a cat hell yeah
did you want to cut your cat’s hair short hair or long hair medium medium
their response by the way people are going to lose by continuing to run they’re going to think and if we’re going extinct
it’s like BoJack Horseman
alright anyways
that is Michael Jackson.
I don’t know what’s going on anymore then what brings you here from Germany Vincent this show is the only thing how long are you here for two days okay so we’re about to go back in the morning just coming up to cribbage here for this show yeah I mean I made some stops I wasn’t building previously and no I mean the balance in Germany obviously have you been listening to the show for how long yeah I think I said it about episode hundred 100 and then I’ll make my way down and up and now I’m here LOL yeah cigarette in English show all right you didn’t know
I went to the vet once I had a cat that was like now you guys are overcast and I think the vet was like he must have like had this conversation with so many people cuz I really didn’t you him to do this speech but he it seem like he’s just like so he’s so wanted people to understand this that I almost thought he was like a cat murderer but he was like you know
if you can’t sick it’s not human so it’s not going to let you know it’s not going to be like Oh I’m sick you know and then you take the cat home and it’s like curled up in his favorite Sunray
and it’s like
it’s like wagging its tail and I just got to know anything about cats
cat acts like your cat and then it’s like you don’t want to put it down but he was like that this was like I was like Pro putting my cat down and he was like he was letting me know I was like yeah here’s the thing once you decide to put your cat down your cat’s going to start acting like a normal cat you still got to put it down why did I bring that story of you were talking about the show and make anyone happy like what do you wear a silly hat sealed healthy and it has been for a while and it’s like we’re saying goodbye to Barbara and like she’s going to die like it it and it’s like she’s like wagging her tail and she’s like running all over the place in like it’s like
fuck me and it’s like knowing that she’s going to die is like making her seem even healthier than if we didn’t know that was my do it like you were saying like the doctors are one of their always lie, and it’s okay you know it’s way it’s worth it it’s torture to believe them alive it’s like it would be great to actually ask the pet like oh would you like to be ceased right now or do you want to keep feeling pain for another terrible couple of weeks because like it’s all just trying to switch the guilt but it’s like no you are ending their life and that’s crazy if you think about what you talked about this and you would said something that really stuck with me would you like eugenicists who have been mastering the dog race forever like we have think there’s not a dog alive that we tampered with genetically and like $6 be Genesis the dogs that we have created there’s no biological profit in them registering pain or expressing
like dogs that said gone when their leg is broken are like can I have a cookie doughs are all of the progenitors of our species anyways what’s it like in Pakistan leaving to start going Pakistan I know it sounds weird when you say thank you give me a card that says hey I know it’s Pakistan at this point but I might be hard ours are there
you got a lot going on anyways so let’s squash this beef between Germany and Pakistan
play some soccer you guys what do you do in Germany are you starting as well and I like very quickly like my first year of Journalism I was like you’re not going to do you no no I’m I’m going to finish it and but we had sex right now everybody keeps just keeps telling me how you’re not going to get any money to get a job for BuzzFeed Harry we have that in Germany do you guys have a lot to notice extreme I mean it is obviously emotional eyes but it’s not I mean you guys everyone makes fun of Fox News but even if I look at MSNBC I think I seen and it’s like
it’s still extreme that’s what’s so crazy people are like Fox News is bad in the Fox News Watchers are like no you don’t understand CNN’s news it’s like no
anywhere else in the world it’s like oh there’s do that surely there’s a real dude it’s bad is there real news is there really a secret so it like a supervillain they’re so busy
what’s going on over there not cwise come on. I mean it’s coming back right now it had spoke yeah I think that that was enough of a city but we just had an election and they were second-largest false I mean we’re toast then right if we can’t count on you guys to be not to phobic we’re fucked right I mean it’s all of Europe and America it’s the whole what why do you think as a planet I have my Siri why do you take as a planet that is just like almost unrelated Lee just seems like all of these nations are just sliding right do you have a theory about that or I probably wouldn’t have journalists if you were like it’s because of Christmas but I can think of now
stimulate I think people are going to be just one guy and now he is connected to people when they is at like Nations when they go Multicultural when their economy is destabilize like that there’s certain like choose the people start sliding right because they have an authoritarian Mystic instinct when they start to get threatened they start to have that xenophobic like the weather in I ate my the rest of my thought would be the internet has made everyone feel like that’s happening but it’s not happening any Muslims where you are like you just got on Facebook for the first time calm down yeah it’s like every time the pots of the countries where these parties are active
those numbers are the most extreme bass like none of the problems that they are running on all the cities were stacked up on top of each other you can’t stay racist of living New York really that possible I mean if it is crazy series and the stacked on top of each other in these giant cities were people are functioning and like generating all of the shit that keeps the lights on for the rest of the country and its age-old irony that then you go out to the sticks sorry no offense what the fuck ever but it’s like where there’s like three people per square mile in those people are absolutely the most convinced that the world is ending and let race-mixing is going to make everything as a big dent in their leg is your grandpa’s birthday is the last time
what do you find I think it’s New York and stuff it’s like it’s the same kind of thing but it’s just like those the the internet kind of lets you hold on to these crazy theories without being challenged in the same way that you know your your face isn’t rubbed into it like that’s what we didn’t anticipate is that we don’t want to evolve and I’ll and we should all cop to that I will like I don’t want to be wrong I got a world of knowledge at my fingertips but as I’ve said of the facts before I like I’ll sit in the bar and go like doing wants to actually know anything we do not actually want to use the internet to become like cyber Christ we don’t we don’t want to like learn and ignore stuff nortz we could easily just know everything I did say stuff that’s a reference to this podcast episode called cyber Christ and stuff North Andover
he was involved all right kids what do you plug in
you going to put coming out about architecture be worth my while I’m I’m good I’m so I’m so flattered thank you for expressing that you to like yeah it’s it’s it’s that’s why I brought up the dying dog saying
it wasn’t it wasn’t too discouraged
it’s like yeah okay the show of course I God damn look at the show just be ending forever will launch another podcast called harmontown is ending and then we’ll just do that forever and like the never be on their best behavior I don’t know I just want to say my accent sounds really German now that I know you didn’t know that you never hurt you yeah I’m so glad you said that I was thinking that the whole time will you please say will you please say there no more fucking krugerrands mr. Johnson krugerrands
best dance no more fucking krugerrands mr. Jones
but not Granite is rock hard right now because if you guys can’t take these and rock-hard throbbing can you pull it towards can you give me an evil laugh and then stay diplomatic immunity
I can’t I can’t
not you there’s an evil laugh diplomatic immunity
I just got those bad guys were South African
no there’s the Germans were that’s why I have any Imperial territories as Pakistan Lego yeah we ran Portugal for a while there’s no I just don’t have to like fight for its independence and then when the British left they were like fuck you guys what do you want and then Pakistan was like oh we want to be separated and then there’s a slight find whatever you guys are a nuclear power
yeah pant leg 70s 80s 70s and why like why wasn’t that a crisis was that because we’re on good terms with them so was that America did America go like yeah you guys should have nuclear bombs like that’s not like us at all as a place you invite people to come back they learn the same things that they are taught so you have a bunch of new engineers then why doesn’t Alaska have the new expansion pack and it was like Pat Pakistan was like this like wild card it was like over there going to get involved like they’re like us allies and like we don’t I don’t know whatever man-seok
I’ve been drinking for like since Thursday
I really do so much for a second
Myra Myra Myra chaos Magic Bus you call the same thing so I woke up this morning are you crying yeah
I miss I miss them you what you want their nuclear weapons to work don’t you
I just I don’t like them or not I like not being threatened by the guests up here you like both of them are very sweet and I like it’s sweet to think that there’s a generation of kids who listen to me ramble on and on the same just been ruined and loved it
but I also don’t you think it’s kind of a cheap she goes to school 20 minutes from here wow that’s my friend is here from Australia right now let’s do a rap all right to your question is no I was it was the hair of the dog thing I was a bag of dicks this morning and was like there’s only one way through this I got to get drunk
there you go to the kids so will I will I be like tomorrow no I won’t I’ll like I don’t know that I would use to put a packet of salt in a glass of water and give it to him or give him a Gatorade or whatever’s bacon bacon sandwiches oh yeah anything fatty alright sourdough Breakfast Jack give me a kettlebell Kitchen Kettle Bell kitchen yo I remember the time kettlebell deliver it without lag bring me some drumsticks in flour
give me that home cooking power I don’t want to go to the grocery store but I also don’t want to go out doors to a restaurant I want you to deliver me ingredients that’s what I want the difference between autonomy and dependency bring me a box of those pieces of food I’ll put them together when I’m in the mood I’ll impress my date hey what do you want broccolini okay don’t hate
here we go I put it in a bag shake it up and put it on the plate you fucking hag
what was the outside and say I like to deliver food all the livelong day I like to salt and seasoned and put it in a couple I can pop your mama up a piano Jazz a French wood pallet on the stairs
this is kettlebell is a thing that says it’s everyday nobody knows what the product is
delivered to your house 2 times a week for vegetarian protein style paleo you’ll be swearing they have good stuff for you get to this food I do I do I have to sell the cakes they have collard greens it was fine that’s fine
we love you downtown Santa Fe
Byron Benson who’s the Myra viola
the most real guess we’ve ever had Nick Rutherford
good night
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