Episode
Episode: 9 – Examine Before You Fight (9.4.12)
Description
A discussion of the clarinet and nine eleven is briefly interrupted by an amazing D&D adventure before proceeding into an indictment of the Hugo Awards and concluding with a demonstration of how hard it is to conclude.
Transcript
very very harmontown is in session walking everybody in Hollywood California how are you tonight
fantastic please welcome to the stage that mayor of harmontown
waiting for the phone to ring
side to side
sorry about that podcast listeners people who are big fans of the cracks pops and whistles listening to old-school audio recordings metaphorically dance
when you listen to harmontown podcast you have to come here to nerdmelt debased
and I’m getting prouder of it as I get older which is good in a Cooper Key and sense cuz that’s we as we know it might be early 30s there was a shame of the fact that I was a baby cuz you drive with women sooner or later they find out you’re a baby you’re a baby a baby and I found a girlfriend who is okay with me being a baby and I specifically enjoy being a what she calls a little Cloud baby
would you explain
I’d be happy to know what a good mood tonight I have a big down comforter in my room and it’s white and I like to crawl under it and hold it up to my chin and make a little baby face
and Erin makes a sound that is exactly half horror half orgasm going out with a baby and she wants a baby
she doesn’t want to have to fuck it no but it’s like it’s it’s it’s making her her that her dignity and her ovaries like spite each other at explode it’s like a Twilight Zone be careful what you wish for that will make Erin Go
I’m in a good mood because I got I got a call from my doctor today that I got I got really really really really bad news from him congratulations I had a I had lab lab work done I can they suck the plasma out of your body and you still on a clipboard what do you want checks I want everything checked I want to know if I’ve ever come close to her
I want to know what my livers doing or no my kidneys everything is so I got to take a while okay fine just give it to me this time I’m 39 and it’s been a month then they called me today there was a mix-up with the phone number and they finally called me and it was a dark news because I’m in perfect condition of the reason it’s dark is because now I’m going to kill myself because I feel like he man
I’ve done nothing but abused my body and my doctor called me today and said your cholesterol is well with him country so you know I prefer are you kidding me
that is a lie
are you sure he’s a doctor did the old facade of the Beverly Hills Hospital falls down and I I I can’t yeah I got it I’m going to do a little bit of exercise for now on and knock that what’s that does the LDL and HDL doesn’t matter who cares but here’s what I care about I’m in perfect shape Jeff a perfect specimen let’s have a super baby
a super pod baby there’s nothing wrong with me I have my blood sugar is low I can’t I can’t get diabetes I could eat a million Twinkies I can’t get diabetes at some point if we live long enough we’ll all get diabetes a disease if you live to be a hundred you’re going to get diabetes care of your diabetes or 200 years away from laser spider technology
we’re 100 years away from latest but all of a sudden you know a lot about sci-fi thank you for the second Jeff I went to the Chicago
also can you not see our ticket you couldn’t see my smug satisfaction about that
Mystic does last week what we did is we had even people unless you were here last week in person cuz we haven’t podcast episode yet you don’t know we’ve spent our first DND campaign with Spencer
and
I’ll probably let him recap it but we hope so I remember when we killed some goblins we went into a cave
lots of mirrors in London with a lot of like it was like like a puzzle game for Baby Boomers like like mists with a Y like
all right side you rotate the mirror and then there was like a statue that was rad and then there was a shield that was rad and we were so drunk and so are those of you who are not following The Saga of our DND campaign here outside waiting in line and comes up because I thought I forgot your characters but I have them but I forgot my diet I forgot my 20-sided die to the front desk here at the comic book store iPod application tonight or has a die
20 sided Jesus
I think it’s a shame that’s keeping you from admitting that you did
I think some of you are wearing your shirt from prom night and you forgot you have a 20 sided end in your pocket if anybody have a 20-sided die on the right now
you would have been a hero tonight well it was your my thing was warm up for Spencer or do we want to get them in early so that we’re not so drunk when we get hit with a mirror puzzle you know that was the problem
I want to hear them
before we bring Spencer by want to hear a little bit about your trip because I haven’t seen you for 4 days and I don’t know if the podcast listeners are in San Francisco on the outside the ferry building very old like a very Morgan Freeman a black gentleman I was wearing an old kind of like a suit like like it’s his only suit kind of you can sense that he gets up in the morning puts on his when he gives you a very Morgan Freeman Vibe him to tell you how to golf or or or or play the clarinet or or for worse or a or b a librarian or or loved a woman do you want you want him to like Mystikal black friend
ancient and he’s got a big smile on his face he’s holding clarinet and he’s got a the clarinet case with the recyclable bag in it for tips and he’s going to hat on and when I walked up to the Aaron’s go to the bathroom the bathroom line was so long I got their kind of study this guy for a while so if you if you walk past him all you see is so it’s a master of clarinet sitting on the literally on the Dock of the Bay hanging out watching the tide I wish I was a better person I wish I wish I had more appreciation for whatever Jazzy Arts he could impart to me I was waiting for Aaron so long that I passed it behind what was really happening he’s really just a he knows as much clarinet is I do cuz he kept like
I was talking to people shout out to people talk to him and then he arrived at him
here’s a. $5 with a 50 year old woman and the clarinet guy said
he was just about at random people Generation X I just go home and look at a bird but old white people would stop and go like
capture the old person language with the like like like like
weather in each other was like ants you know there’s a specific species would like get into it 50 year old white woman and said my daughter
that was your wife in the old guy said to have a heart attack
a woman this age that’s a good way to wish me to get a heart attack my daughter
that’s 22% of deaths over the age of 75
play and clarinet guy like he was like it was like a block away the guy that has something to say to your wife
and then you finally finally after a String of Pearls by 30 minutes web cuz I think part of the thing as you know he needs it some point create a seam of like illusion that like he just finished or just started playing clarinet always just finished I was I was in his Blind Side like I was seeing behind a blue my mind or confirm what I suspect and he went
that’s already shocked
Tails I think he was doing but worse cuz he hadn’t seen Sound of Music That’s you know interesting anybody but
I thought it was very interesting hey besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually can elements is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes relate to my own life so it’s always a little t and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest Phil married like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
the clarinet is a very difficult instrument Street I don’t know if you live in my street to France last year for three months before I left town
I would hear
louder and louder and I never saw him and I get taken up residence on my lawn and I called the police and took him to jail to kill the guy is not an easy instrument to play it it was terrible so he went to jail for a while apparently is charm a snake with and I finally saw him he’s an old wizard grey bearded guy as a giant
do you remember the guy or you living in Las Vegas when that guy version every single day at the same time of day there would be this guy you would hear him any place in Los Feliz you. He was he wasn’t like homeless but he was clearly like mentally ill I think he had a support system in the new support system would say yes you can take a walk I’ll try and give him a name that I’m going to regret but if I don’t want to refund her name but but
every every every day at the same time you would just hear this like in the distance I can cuz I’ll be riding with Trav in my living room and then you just hear from way in the distance here
are there like a Doppler effect as he walk past your place like an ice cream man that’s a different kind of crazy guy is better than saying I want to strangle your children I can understand it it’s kind of delicious I like it traditional vanilla bean and John 11 happened van, just came up with a vacuum cleaner with American flag draped in the front windows because everyone was terrified of everybody it was a horrible time
R6 and don’t remember how horrifying it was I remember that in the moments after 9/11 driving with Jeff my comptroller down Franklin Avenue over where birds and UCB is there now it wasn’t there then and I remember just driving at night and like you can drive it was exactly like after a hockey game. We’re someone won or lost there wasn’t significant to the same demographic I like the traffic blockers at 11 happened and there was just the traffic was slow everywhere why is traffic slow is there a 911 happening here to know it’s just a bunch of 911 fans out in the street and there they were like lining the street with some of them with candles okay fine that’s animal that’s nice what do remember seeing like a bunch of dudes with baseball caps on backwards with a bed sheet that said USA on it
the bed sheet and write the name of our country we are better next time no on Franklin Avenue that what country this is
they were chanting or driving cars are like was bumper to bumper traffic gridlock and it was just calling to see where actors and writers were dead the next 10 years is not going to be fun but then we elected a black man
do you think it is we’re Progressive dead did you have any we think Obama Romney who do you like
that he was actually the finalists like that he was the new McCain I thought there’s an actual onion bed or something he didn’t he says nothing of the parody of I was being left of what most people would call liberal because I don’t I really don’t like the idea that we all accept that the government is necessary it’s a bummer and I know it is to keep everything in place now but I think that there is no like it should be our goal to like go like what cuz everybody stop telling people what to do and don’t like this class of people like running against each other a popularity contest and they don’t have never done anything in their life that never lifted a box I never washed a dish that never written anything they’ve never directed anyting
hi Ice Cube charge my current audience in the last couple
Blue Glass they don’t know how to take care of children they don’t know their own food I doubt I bet I bet there’s a guy that squeezes like a fireplace thing into their mouth with putting in it or something or like like RoboCop paste you know like that’s designed to keep them more political they’re they’re not real people they don’t do anything I just the fireplace thing is supposed to be like lately ideal is supposed to be that we would all be like farming and then we would go
you got to be a councilman and Steven go
to do sorry Steve you’re a very charismatic farmer
go to the to the big city and make sure they understand how hard it is it is it supposed to trickle up that mentality like the guy that’s President should be like to everyone America but I will cuz I’m an American and I will spend the next four years trying to make it as easy on you as possible I’ll try to keep these trains running on time but you know our predilection for hero worship and royalty so I can cook over and and then whose disgusting gross Oxford shirted fucking leg like they just gross these people they make
I do an end the end the end of fact that I’m afraid to say the words I include Obama for fear that I’ll get like I said look like politics like turns us all into fascist they start to get afraid to say the wrong thing around your friends and they capitalized on that instead of going the other way which is to say luckily we all just want to fucking eat berries so like let’s try to spiritually realign ourselves keys that survived wolves by turning good by adopting their practice is a little bit but we got to let you know that’s such a bummer it’s more and more crotchety and I don’t know what to do about it and so excited to piss on that because of course Obama is a better president than a fucking clone from a republic
bats in a basement like of the Pentagon like I said I’ll be asleep but but but but that’s like saying he’s better than piss
neither of us can water like water is what you need or dying of thirst I need to sustain ourselves are human beings religious debate you know if people go are you an atheist or are you one of these snake Handler types you do when you kneel before a fundamentalist got your slide rule and going
you all agree on what you all agree on one thing you’re all on the same side because if I said one thing I can make you all disagree with me if I said Dan Harmon is God
easiest and scientists would all throw rocks at me you’re not God but maybe I am
why is that not allowed religion
but for each of us meet your God your God your God your God do you believe in the story of my species my timetable I have a processor in my brain is more powerful than anything Apple could ever generate because it’s capable of thinking two things at once both equally I am capable of creation I am capable of mysticism I am capable of Mythology I’m capable of approaching my life from a logical and mythical perspective and I’m capable of both don’t make me choose between Pepsi and Coke because you’re just pushing corn syrup that’s it politics and religion
we should bring.
Witcher bring Spencer up does the
Spencer get up here is a dungeon master Spencer
maybe somewhere down the road with another good one
Spencer I’m guessing you’re a cat person the cat named Jason
I’m a cat person to I let you feel like a cat to me like he did so unwillingly either David Spade Roberto benigni in the middle just glares at you if you have some kibble in your hand delete it I love it I don’t know I just wanted to say I love you
it’s hard for our kind of express love to each other the Dungeons & Dragons people
do you love me I love you
I was just thinking that like there should be a universal symbol of just like not acknowledge men and benevolence that we could just Express to one another for a long time but also Prosper like this it’s called a hug
kiss kiss
anyways just the symbol in harmontown the new Yahtzee will be Dungeons & Dragons is it possible to cover the time of you have homes with a recap of what happened so far she gave your toes the problem is I have a
I don’t know
you did it the television Academy agrees give me an Emmy for best original lyrics once I don’t know if I ever mention that
anyways we
I’ve never been here before chipping I’ve embarked historic Dungeons & Dragons podcast it’s probably it’s probably someone else’s do I get Podcast Dynamite
he said there’s a lot of fact that there is that makes sense I just seen people asking that question while taking a break from jerking off and then I got other pitfalls of the things that we should do or not do that’s a good idea what was bringing my pair could you mind coming up
what’s your name sir my name is Greg Greg
so Greg are you you’ve seen that the dragons play another podcast earlier things that we should avoid
I did give us some dues and don’ts for podcasting rd&d company
this mistake you think is everybody made
aside from the action itself, also Greg take a shower
stop geez okay it wasn’t a lot of role-playing game podcast they do live TV games and other stuff generally I stopped listening and because the people are sort of Intolerable so
how do we stay tolerable what makes what makes them intolerable
generally it’s people laughing too much at their own when they quote Monty Python
all right and I know Monty Python quote that you probably don’t have any in jokes from bo4 campaign two goes and jokes are hard I would suggest maybe keeping it short I missed the last one so I don’t know how this went last time but we didn’t keep it short or 3rd sand trap that dude come up in line while I was like people going I hope they don’t do three chapters of the laser lights with the statues having been stuck in a mirror puzzle type things myself in D&D games I would say that if I was the GM I might lean more towards something which would allow you guys to role-play and rip off each other
going to figure something out
all right well gone Greg thank you very much for the sheep’s clothing
I’m sorry I was I couldn’t help myself I think the audience I do have dice I’m really disappointed in All of You cover Pawn in my game Jeff
now that’s a dungeon master
so that’s a liar
he’s a mastermind all right used to have a bitch
don’t do either
these are the chronicles of Sharpie and Quark Heroes whose names are etched into the very walls of Fate itself
Our Heroes will last seen hacking goblins to pieces and rearranging mirrors deep in the bowels of the Trove you are in the dark passage of a small cave but you can see that it opens up into a great Cavern up it stretches out before you but you can see a rickety Old Bridge Bridging the Gap
Let’s cross that bridge
I should warn you across the cavern glimmering pile of treasure
when he’s he’s underneath the bridge he’s across the bridge in Treasure a white a white a white and albino Pig you can see it
I have a + 7 against albino pigs
I’m not going to make it up rickety Bridge
I don’t think so
this is the second scary
the rickety Bridge albino Pig I want that treasure treasure
to the pig it doesn’t it doesn’t seem to see you it’s interested in wallowing in Trader hey look your pigs right you want treasure across that bridge we tried to sneak across the bridge
I’m rolling the dice and you manage to cross the bridge but if you hear a couple creeps
Crossett Crossett
I’m a little people
I heard Creeks fucker
can I cash my check out the pig the pig is wallowing in Treasure is a good Ten Feet Tall at the shoulder eyes gleam yellow like topaz
I didn’t come this far to not charge fix
I’m a barbarian no charger
leaving Sharpie across on the other side of the bridge in your sword in charge towards the pig in anticipation of your coming
you swing up a pig it’s a treasure eating pig you miss your blade glasses Harmony off the paint the pigskin you here I’m telling you it’s like some kind of Golem or something I got to get over there and help my little semi friend jackass
my ass over here in history that I cast feather fall on myself to get out of that Tower I was kept prisoner in so I assumed that one of my spells are you forgotten
how convenient
the pig your friend across the bridge
if you cross the cross the bridge across the bridge
all right now you can like attack or cast a spell okay. Think you can wait to sleep work on potentially inanimate pics you can certainly try it
I didn’t learn anything in Wizard School you learned that if this wasn’t some sort of construct construct a pig
rimfrost
a blue beam
connect squarely in the the face of the pig is a pig
the pig reacting to the beam hitting it in the face with brings its feet down on Jeff cork am I am I okay what’s your armor class 1717
give it to me straight friends or how am I
I got I got a 10-foot fake Mega lands on your chest but the manager has to protect you
you are on the floor but unharmed
all right now go so you’re on the floor so you can get up probably on a roll
rainbow friend
hightailing it away you attempt to outrun the pig but the pig makes a swipe at your back ship hitting you all right you escaped safely and Slash the pig in the face
you connect with a pig’s face I crack appears right across its nose
we’ll be right back. You can go ahead and yes
ask you a quick question is a dungeon magic spells here check marks as you can change them
nobody magic Missile you cast magic Missile on the pig
flag
leg let me get a dice the face not damaged say that’s like twice as much as your sword by the way
I didn’t say out loud the sword did i7 damage sorry
he can be here Arcane magic Missile strikes the pig it is a it is angry charges you Sharpie
let’s see if it connects
the pig plows right into you and knocks you up in the air and you land flat on your back sprawled out
you can go ahead Jeff I want to kill this pig
regular gnome Barbarian like me kill a fake konstrukt albino Pig can I see as your eyes turn red the muscles on your body pulled in I get a room is all capacity to listen to logic and reason he can only take violent action
you fly at the pig across the side with your blade like this side splits open and several coins fall out on its last legs
I just gotta get right now
hi I say not allowed to see person right now
can I take a cork out of a spelling
is there a court in his belly examine the pig good job there
here we go
you do notice Thunder it’s on its underbelly maybe some sort of steam
all right well I just a little Hammer I can get ahold of you can see some large rocks lying on the ground to my non logical the hateful friend
where is the
your rings out and he barely can manage to register at your not sure if he understood your full meaning
check the pig belly with a rock holder and smashed into the side of the whole pig is destroyed
repeat after me destroyed innocence is adventurers I just made that up right this second
this treasure and wrap the segment 500g in coins Jesus Christ a few gems were recovered you don’t know their true value see a large it seems to be blowing soft it looks rather heavy as well as a box
a wooden box countdown for each boxes we find a treasure piles
look at mine has obviously Literati stuff using your wizard eyes you can tell that they’re to burning hands nice sword sword
you notice a warmth in the grip you hold it a walk and Mariner
what’s going on over there I’m just grabbing a warm sword handle
why is it warm you tell me how can I investigate the sword you investigate the sword it’s blade is a bronzy gold color and it has rooms that you don’t understand into them handle is found in green leather
all right here’s my vote We Gather all this shit up best we can take 5 analyze another installment a full day’s work we cross the bridge
all right quick. Let’s go to let’s go to Dungeons & Dragons segment Judge Greg Harmon on the street and see how that compared to his vast compendium
Greg what you think that’s really good I give Spencer props it must be really hard but the whole time I was just wondering like how he could not freak out
it seemed like props then again in my early stand-up days would you wanted to fuck somebody over if you were MC you would come after them I got
but I don’t think that was the spirit was that was off
sorry I can’t I got nothing real you did yes ma’am right there.
then I’d be taller than Weekender about examines a gentleman and my defense Jen until my friend charge across the bridge attack the pig when it when I see a pig I don’t think time to fight I think time for breakfast or a delightful Disney conversation I’d the last thing I thought I was going to be fighting it I said I’m across the bridge to test it cuz he’s later you blame me
examine before you fight the salmon run in Latin on the harmontown flag examined before you pick your battles very much I want to I want to hear a little bit about your trip to Chicago and Erin gave me as a couple of nuggets about the clientele is that was very interesting free reception Hugo awards are the science fiction Awards but we were nominated for one for the community episode remedial Chaos Theory which involved multiple timelines and do technically qualified as science fiction I guess because it asks the question what if which is how I would Define sci-fi and we were honored and Chris McKenna the writer of the episode and I went with Chris’s brother and my girlfriend are institutions
I go to go to the award ceremony specifically I have been I have been the fattest guy in Los Angeles and for a long time
and and I was like from Krypton to like like and lots of Rascals lots of leg braces lots of scooters lots of the steampunk tanks to help people breathe just a lot of gimmicks and sayings that goes it was very it was very cool these are my people after all and all of you are here just because we moved to LA to try to force our will on the on the public doesn’t mean that we are extra sexy or anything but lately like I like to think that the harmontown people write a nerdy people and so I was I was definitely home and but but like it’s very it’s very interesting like the archetypes I can live with each of the rotund women who like they they they want to dress fancy nothing is lost on them up with the idea of what
they all like want to do like fancy means Victorian or it like like dragon times but without without buying into the bullshit like black tie Paradigm you know eggs with with women dressed like just Aphrodite and no music never from from from the moment we got there to the moment and we left soon because there was no music and I’m not we weren’t like we’re too cool for this like like we got there before the award show we were told to show up 2 hours before the award show to this reception
figure it so you’re in this Lake Banquet Hall no music everybody like totally cool if I don’t good people are all clearly like like they’ve all been bullied and they’re all very smart and I’ve all they’re all dressed to the relative nines Vibe as per their Galactic definitions of the nines but they’re dressed to the nine kelvins like I said there’s like octopi walking around and then that’s it that’s not true I don’t want to do that image into, concert where there’s a Stormtroopers Eyes Wide Shut like I kind of like like backroom and a real sci-fi convention you know like where they like you’re not allowed to like loser loser like the the people that are into sci-fi book and and maybe a couple movies if they’re really book-based like they’re they’re there they like the smart stuff and they anything I like fucking
play is this like a lot of cleavage I want to like like like I don’t like the taking your boobs and pour them into things come in or something yeah yeah like like like in the sense that it was like yeah let’s be fancy tonight I’m sure everyone felt this way but we felt very nerdy we fell out cast we felt we got lonely we found a table like you didn’t High School except found a quiet corner and satin and then some people like made the effort to talk to us and then we loosened up a little bit in the but we felt very like like outside and then like kind of awkward and for good reason cuz I checked in at the convention the woman that check to send said what’s your name I said Dan Harmon community
not sure love that episode I said oh thank you very much I said you’re not going to win
I don’t mean any disrespect but you’re up against the doctor’s wife written by Neil Gaiman who who is the David Lee Roth of science-fiction apparently this episode was the Panama of of Neil Gaiman name tag which I appreciate it for like your interaction with the show
gas that we show up early
and I’ve been involved with other award shows and this has never happened we had to show up for an orientation in case we won which just adds to the humiliation of losing but
also was like a real-life who’s weird we walked in and
this woman just left like nothing in like like just she had designed the award-winning this part to you guys the misery
so that you can turn it into enjoyment but I don’t know how to do it without making you miserable like you walk in and that you’re in the space and they explain to you how to walk up stairs every basically everyone there has Asperger’s everywhere every single person that’s that’s that’s what normal like like that the attendees or the one every single person every security guard every bartender every every every every every woman is going to hand you a trophy or the one that made the trophy that the people voting for the trophies every everyone in attendance everyone has asked us to Asperger ask on
I walked in and they and they cuz they leave they were just like
uce stairs are in the center of the stage and should you win I wouldn’t presume that you should win however I should have a condition that you shouldn’t mind if it was her a text or gate I suppose you wait wait if you do it please proceed in an orderly fashion
there is an expert on the stage where you were pause with the Statue do not hold the statue of there are glass Wings on the statute do not hold in my candle or it will shatter that would be paid that big investigate stairs
play Train Pig on the top of the stairs to do should someone give you an award
and it turns out what you should do is go up the stairs
take the statue thank everyone and leave
that’s what you should do but it did it was just that they Arthur C Clarke’s at man I like that for that that was the orientation and then we were ushered to the back of the room where they will the woman who invented the awards like our who designed them for the last three years she’s she’s the genius that put glass Wings on the back of a rocket ship that you can’t hold them by so so it was another 40 minutes of her explaining don’t hold the rocket by the instinctive place where you would hold it if it was handed to you and acted like it said of an apology it was just like presumption in any other way than the prescribed to mail it back to yourself in a special box if you want it and you did walk out of there thinking two things if I don’t win this thing I’m going to feel like shit but on the other hand I just hate myself in the ass little
she showed you how to polish it she said it and everyone kept saying like as statues shaped like a rocket don’t hold it like a dick because it was like a dick looks like a dick could I get it to everyone keeps making jokes about her looks like a dick but no one says it looks like a dick they got all the all the all the women I got a big silver dildo so like like Arbonne
yeah so we got the tutorial on how to clean it and never see again in my life and now I know how to clean it and set it up and mail it to myself so you didn’t win as a three-by-three Xerox set of instructions taped to the bottom of the statue would have sufficed I think if you want to look on the bottom back to LA but we went through a lot of that stuff that we went to the reception no music Doctor Who chapter 3 chapter 2 in a word show the reception the award show itself and then the the post after practice party no music at either of those things at any point imagine in the world show no music
murmur murmur and then you go to the room and then Adventure
shitor bucket
then talking like like like track Spurgeon prison was a detective check is not good tonight at the end of these tears are not up to Snuff play my speakers
the good news is the cell system is optimized for verbal communication
alright Steven well I guess no music then I just forgot to play music playing in the NHL ages of strip that down so this award ceremony was just like the trophy itself was just a silver dildo just finally shaped silver before and after the show how to hold the trophy and how to handle it and it did not make it look like a dick when you held it so every single person who won an award accepted it from the woman who hands him the award and then and then looked at it like a soiled babe
and handed it off to so are you happy you would you rather have not 20 minutes that my podcast.
Yeah that’s nice that feels good to write a sick, gets nominated for a Sci-Fi all we’re doing something right / wrong networks coming out I think you just probably aren’t going to Syfy shows do you think you could write a sci-fi shows that we never compete like with the likes of Doctor Who and things like that like did you think you could do you hire a bunch of really talented people are just like you know
you just Farm there their sadness
does anything that’s impossible the TV because it’s the Henry Ford principal like a g think it’s possible to make a jetpack yeah if you put it up Korean people in a warehouse and starve them to death yeah you keep you if you if you murder enough people know if you if you
have you changed of human life together and make each person do one small thing I guess you could do anything you were saying you could write a Sci-Fi show if it’s my promise to you tonight and this election you give me Zoey 101 Warehouse
if you could ride time travel in general I just I love time travel up to a time travel show
shy shy shy
is that what she really meant that was a reverse hack although she what does the high road how close is like do it get off stage
go write something that’s why I agree with you particularly wish fulfillment and time travel
because it must be right well I don’t know I don’t know that’s what it is like like cuz like if if I could be if I could go to any time I was at fantasize about like if my whole garage with all the stuff that was in my previous got transported to 1920 then not only I could be like Batman Machine Gun Kelly and he’d have like a shity old car and a machine gun cuz I know it wouldn’t be a satellite wouldn’t be there
20 Chicago I wish before everyone has a try on that they like to go to the fantasy of going back I could go back to school I’d like the coolest guy in the world but still I would still be bad at math I was told I couldn’t save anybody’s life of a bigger loser there would be a couple things that you would nail and then everything else would fall apart that ever went together for you there’s no moving or wait no it was the other one happy Madison Billy Billy Billy Gilmore Billy Madison
I think I think Adam Sandler was in it
he went he went back to school and he’s he was a jean jacket is ACDC music and he found out that you to do actually wouldn’t be cool and I never saw this it’s not based on any actual empirical thinking it’s based on on the hormonal and like in the moment like a bunch of young people doing right now has a podcast
I have the feeling you’re looking for a way to end your podcast
is there a better controller would have end of the show right there but I’m not I’m not going to do it
alright let’s figure this out
does anybody have a question
Nike sponsorship he’s calling out for a call back to the Nike sweatshirt trying to strong-arm Nike is it giving us money a sponsor people and them promoting Adidas we should probably hit that real quick Everybody by Nike because you’re racist
Nike the delicious for the foot of the Aryan Nation
your dad why you were talking about Nike and their overt racism I was thinking about how comfortable I am tonight and my Adidas
the new shoe called the Adidas made by Puma
we can’t fight that we tried to strong-arm Nike Avenue Madison Avenue we tried to stab you back earlier
welcome to failure
question for Dan Harmon at right here sir
just for fun
is Ketel One your drink of choice or is it just for both drinking that’s that’s my drink of choice there for drinking in bulk
bodyboarding when I was in high school and live in the ocean and I can kick your ass need almost drowned just give me one good way to take me and back into the BS until ball just get me back to the beach safely got stung by a stingray do you write in a fucking kill you even if you’re an alligator wrestler to get stung by a stingray and end in the same week that she got stung by Stingray our friends who is wet
come on.
I can’t wait to hear the recording who is it what am I what are you and scream bloody murder and it’s very painful flip and scraped her face she’s a final destination thank you ma’am that’s exactly what I was thinking of was yes for the
Anna Anna post Freddy Krueger Jason Voorhees too far with the Jason Freddy March Kyle Douglas Final Destination is pretty eyes on paper you got I got his kids like a roller-coaster and then they don’t get on it and then and then they each other like they do in the roller coaster like crashes of 9/11 happen
but then one kid was looking at the pictures and goes like all your faces are like fucked up or there’s a shadow of a thing like like we were supposed to die on that roller coaster now everyone who’s the whole movie is every kid who is supposed to die in the thing get killed by like a nail gun or a their tag close the garage door in their head
Grandpa reviews movies and I think I think you can do better and I think they deserve worse
this is the final destination
yeah we’re going to start breakfast at like 2 and 5 I don’t know I’ve never seen that I’ve no idea what one person guy said anybody out there
Packers beating women for packing 13 years and then ending on it
if I can drive him gave me the movies watch it’s crazy get to the end I washed it halfway through I texted a thing I hate you hate everyone you know and I hate this movie and if I ever see you I’m going to I’m going to do to you what this movie did to me and I’m going to beat you until you and feed you pee soup and beat you to death and then I watch the ending of like it’s pretty good ending but you can’t go to your fucking mouth on Netflix season because it’s fucking it’s an atrocity and I watched a movie and I’ve never seen a movie subtitles audio options play movie play movie with director introduction
french guy. I’m sorry that you have to watch this movie if you would I wish you had not I wish you come in to visit her children do not watch to come in just to open I feel I’m sorry for what I made didn’t I would never have wash it if I see him I’m still going to kick him in the dick because tonight has been a labyrinthine manipulation to get it to come up because the director of Martyrs is actually here in the front row
carbuncle
what’s wrong why I don’t know what’s the problem I just feel like you hate women and the men never do because the beautiful women is is it expression of postmodern in the alphabet
what’s modern alphabet I feel like I feel like because it’s because it’s only women being tortured and beaten to death to the point like to actually to do with the fact that you made the bad guy a woman seems like an apology it seems like you’re just trying to get away with massage the main bad guy I also a woman
touche
and if it’s too late I want you I want you to beg for a new piece of shit
you’re like a woman strapped to a chair look on your face when you die
I need to come to the Thunderdome known as a great director however in every fucking movie he made and enjoyed my butt women talking like snow know maybe yes my skin is a good movie but still a fucking that guy creepy TV screenwriter films
your idea Zack backyard Tech Guys once I want you to rap
wrap up the show Johnny Cash the shower right now I’m in the other group can you just like the land of this song and it doesn’t like you just wear it out just like like put it on Loop and you just like I remember when I was a kid my dad cuz our right we’re right now just just to acquaint myself with us like we were playing rock star and that that that song by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs I like
they don’t love you like I love you and my parents are separated he kept playing turn around bright eyes like
silverheart years old and like hearing that song on a Boombox in my kitchen like living alone in a house with my dad and I like like like just hearing that song just kept playing over and over I got a nose if I couldn’t leave the house I really wanted to go play I was that what finally willing to play baseball I was I I think I would do anything to get out of my room but I couldn’t leave cuz it any any path would take me past my father who I could hear was playing Eclipse of the Heart like on a loop is really weird he saying the house is like a powder keg and giving off Sparks
well I don’t know
yeah I I blocked it out I don’t know which one is bad
closer because it is impossible to rhyme with negativity
Nativity
goodnight everybody we fucking Janet
said you were coming to Hermantown once again
all right no
no
I know you’re going to say that I knew you were going to say that there will be a real closer
it’ll be genuine
I was going to mother fucker
block all right okay all right there’s no way out all right just got to be a way out of no way
there’s a way out there’s a way out all right the guys fucking settle in this is what’s your name what’s your favorite comfort food what’s your name okay
what is your least favorite food is seafood okay alright Jason Seafood is the title of the movie I’m about to improvise
do you want to see music Place obviously
turning on we can do better than that
Jason
H2O Seafood
yeah just like those coming into dude suggest that I just got can’t go over your head
saying that you should I just before you let that worry you I’ve always respected you I know that’s
let’s get out there
Tom Clancy Chiron steak Zone
set the 7 is clear what was that I got movement what
his primary we will relax, and Jada
play mic drop
boy Jan Harmon
in an uncomfortable chair
let me know how do you reply to a text to Tabor. Text us I think Jeff Davis
thank you sorry
God bless you offer suffering through what might be the greatest Knight in podcast history
let’s all get drunk together while we love you
Danica