Episode
Episode: 43 – Harmoncountry: Los Angeles (Bobcat Goldthwait, Marc Maron, Duncan Trussell)
Description
Looking back on his tour, non-heroic Mayjor Harmon asks what have I learned (spoiler: he doesn’t know) with friends Bobcat Goldthwait, Marc Maron and Duncan Trussell in an epic show at L.A’s Egyptian Theater.
Transcript
hello everybody thank you for waiting
shut up Steve Agee
oh my God
it’s so nice to be back in our beautiful Los Angeles California
Santa Maria did you get the chance theater Temple of the Pharaohs
I got very good news for you all guess what harmontown is now in session
somewhere amongst you a new Pharaoh would you please welcome to the stage the mayor of harmontown Dan Harmon
yep yep yep yep yep thank you Mama and Daddy to the horses that turned into glue freestyle rap off of top of my head I can do it acapella aren’t you the beat and stabbed
your mama your mama your mama in a basement what’s your mama to the Moon in outer space like your mama in a freestyle rap so bad but your mama oh my goodness gracious, I do and I came home, Where the Buffalo Roam
still at Ryan for a different song
welcome back everybody could be back here in California
it would have been nice to get some answers on these seats
but it’s good that some of you could have turned out we have about 500 angelinos in the audience $10 at least some people Jeff paid more than that some people paid for some VIP tree out there was some Kickstarter nonsense going on since
are in the 500 people here at least but Dan is already gone to make a cocktail which is fantastic put me to work there’s a GoPro camera on my head shooting everybody that don’t get some beautiful images of of not you waving just that light right there just looking up at the camera on your head to that camera
damn it damn it I mean I couldn’t do this at home in the bathroom or anyting
it’s better dude going to make you a drink while you’re dressed for crab could you please Jesus Christ man
shit to do we got it we got it we got so much VIP treatment to Knockouts but it’s good to see so many old friends too and I got some special guest here tonight and get a good friend that’s fresh out of radiation on the talks about his balls and we got to get on the road out there and and we have the Barbara Walters of Comedy who’s going to give me some tips on interviewing and I think he’s got a pretty interesting story but let’s get these Jingles out of the way
these are going to be so
and the others are going to be acapella anyway it doesn’t matter I don’t know any of them on the kickstarter that that that we were selling tickets through we offered for $250 you can get a jingle in about your name so the first person to take us up on it was our friend David Butler who’s our accountant
push press Reno paid for these tickets with our money right now so
don’t laugh laugh
the butler did it David Butler the butler did it but when David Butler did it he regret it and he hit it so we did it but we don’t know when he gets away because it never leaves a single clue so when you need a butler keep your eyes on all your butts or David Butler will be doing you to Jakers on the scene can never find this Butler’s nuts and wieners deep in your behind and when there is no Applejack he does know.
David Butler. We don’t know what is a Candlestick as weapon is a giant dick his victim is another but
you can have your money back
you’re going to be good this shot on the Cement City VHS camera it looks like The Lawrence Welk show up there it looks really nice dance Kim Fowley but if you email and said I know the thing is for a name could you make it for the name of my comedy show gym and then hilarious for me to stand up here and seeing your jingle for your show
but did you turn about’s Fair Play It’s a shity song so I literally wrote it while I can do it any other hand was trying to write this song OK Google a die no one will have some friends of a guy named Julie they don’t have much room in them for the song It was supposed to be a name so they did it wrong
all dogs are boys all girls are cats that’s all I got
you can have your money back its free gym
think about it
Sports Corner
hey do miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes relate to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
what a bull what you think no ordinary bull Jeff never is this time of year how do you feel about the Super Bowl how did they do as a city it’s great when the team can be on their home turf you know they always gain more confidence from that the home field advantage there
great to see them having the home-field advantage going into to the stadiums when they people play into someone’s going to always you know hit the wrong switch or something
Birds what was the braven’s Ravens I was thinking Ravens maybe I thought maybe 49ers and then I thought I would wait to see which team got more yardage and then we’re playing on artificial turf I didn’t know that cuz it was an indoor dumb sunlight sunlight shortens yards
great game amazing the outcome who could have predicted it not me certainly nobody we don’t need to repeat it you don’t need to quiz me on it that’s not what time for it all tennis Australian Open talk with her
good a wow some Australian Open Harmon why is that
courts that are larger they’ve got they’ve gotten our journey and if he holds the original size nut goes that’s not an it but kill it I knew too much about the Super Bowl cuz I don’t get it
I don’t get my own joke anymore on your Headmaster activity or sport what would you what would be the one thing you’d be awesome and you have it you can scuba dive deeper I don’t know
I know I almost want to say other than a billiard
cuz I got a pocket for a ball
some people call me Billy are the day cuz I live inside a Billiards Hall
yeah oh I got chops
I live inside a place where they played pool and I fuck your mama all the time
Ryan sweet a line where you going to stay there yet even wrap it across this great nation of ours and you still haven’t learned to stop saying South and mouth time and time and rhyme mama llama
you know I don’t know I don’t know if any of you listen to the podcast as we went across the country
I thought that was an opportunity there for Dan to really grow as a rapper and I think now is the time to test whether or not you have good at rapping you could hear me run around Madison
I don’t know what to say
television
I went to prison Newton into the prism
better father has done
okay I was wrong
thanks Lots Angeles
west coast
a woman’s brother and for a moment consider that was your own Uncle Hayes like a silver Prius second most common thing just lost to the parking lot to your right yeah well it’s blood coming back to me and Jennifer you blame the altitude of but this is we’re not we’re not high right now
all right but I left you for a while then I have to Vegas to do a thing and I missed the ride home the triumphant return what did I miss you know you miss did you see sponsors sponsors collie you to be kind of clipping his weight was he driving during that it was it was really was beautiful and it’s sadness
I think that guy is going to be on the cover of the DVD is beard
he’s bigger than you are a poster I think it’s probably
the bears bear cuz I didn’t learn anything Jeff I didn’t change out there
I learned I learned I didn’t learn I learned that I’ve been abusive boyfriend but I think I already knew that like
I learned I learned that the fans are great unlearn they’re good people I learned that I can do whatever I want and that I don’t know what to do with that permission Sabor people make them sad and gross than a life I learned that I smell like an onion I learned the tip I learned that I learned that my hemorrhoid comes back quicker if I’m off my diet back in Salt Lake City I believe
open on my Android return my phone out and help until everyone and it doesn’t matter what the audience do you just want to be truthful and tell oh I got a bucket thing on my ass
balls fried nothing a song for you and I’m jerking off in the mirror every night I’d like my mother and I Cry by Toby Keith, big dumb fucking asshole Toby Keith
easy target
easy target we came down pretty hard on Toby Keith what’s what’s they’re bringing some of our people that. We have a list of people to talk to I’m trying to think of what order to do them in I think that the most logical order will be
to check in with I’m sorry I’m out of breath
how much how much weight do you think you gained on the road where we went to In and Out you weren’t there
from San Francisco to LA I was like okay I got to go back in the day when I get to La and that’s when the shit really hit the fan
that’s one that she meeting started I’m not hungry at all ever hungry just eating just to eat just because you want to get the LL going to go back with a diet went to In and Out got a double-double some fries and a Neapolitan Shake it’s a secret thing Spencer taught me about
Duncan set up off the menu you can get like a flying hand job you can get a reverse Chihuahuas David Blaine’s scrotum but they’re not on a bun there on three sheets of paper and as a cigarette until I spend it for 6 minutes
495 it’s really a deal it’s pretty great but it never goes away and it slowly stale they were too crispy
I went to an adjacent McDonald said he is Ricochet D2 overheated and everyone was watching our bus driver Jason fix the engine on the bus I went to a McDonald’s fries at McDonald’s
have they found one of your earlier french fries stuck into stuck in there just to buy you time it was just a pitaj the engine to go to McDonald’s
and I got and I got another milkshake
I put it I put it all in the bag so I can put the milkshake in a bag so I would just look like I had fries and and I just I just walked past everybody who is like on a picnic watching the bus get fixed soon as I by 8 16 year old with with real problems
but I’m 40 and the real problem is that she’ll kill you man what am I doing all right let’s talk about
speaking our next guest is no stranger to our next guest we kept running into on the road out there and he’s kind of a seasonal the hero of mine in terms of performance not that I don’t want that on him cuz I’m not I don’t have an act and I’m not doing anything that he would want attributed to him as I did when we were in Milwaukee we saw him do something incredibly inspiring me and Rob and it kind of a kind of a kind of like to put it past the Tipping Point of moving to La he’s a master stand up at one point and then another Point completely reinvented as a as a guy that makes him great indie films I’m so please welcome our friend our road dog are are strange soulmate Bob Goldthwait
I think that might be okay I love to take credit for your comedy styling what was the story about where you please forgive me for not getting the details right I’m going to sound like like like like your dad or your lover on fire one then there was another thing was like are you opening for for for Pearl Jam or wouldn’t get up and I was like it was like this beautiful
beautiful old architecture and people are always surprised that I meant Nirvana before they broke Kurt was a fan of mine and he interviewed me on an an arbor yeah it was really weird and quiet it’s like finding out that.
do you say Kurt Cobain interview on Ann Arbor Michigan radio station doing or why he wanted meet me so that’s always put together but it’s funny because you know he was quiet and kind of mumbly and then you know I’m going like it was an audible interview people when they find out that like Jimi Hendrix really like Buddy Hackett you know but yeah I did about 15 cities opening for Nirvana but it was it was never really bothered me and that you’re being set up to bomb if your account opening for band no one’s there right kind of enjoyed that part of it how did you do over all
we were the Chicago right after Michael Jordan had retired from basketball and myself and the Nirvana’s knew about as much about sports as you do know I didn’t watch the football show yesterday I really watch it but I saw the names of the two years and then someone’s someone’s breath shots over and then and then another guy that’s in my cell phone came over and that’s always bad news and I woke up at 5 p.m. the next day I’m sorry to interrupt you please if you’re bored with me I know how these stories in it so it was it was in Chicago and it was like 4000 Ivana fans and Michael Jordan retire from basketball and I went out and I wouldn’t do this now cuz I actually
understand that everybody has feelings now but I went out and I said hey Chicago how are you I feel bad for Michael Jordan
my own dad in the fucking head
and that wasn’t even that ground it was more like like like in my mind. I only got hit with it flying off of my wall right here for you in the podcast flying off of my beard and mustache and I even trimmed for for 30 days in your head you got and I got I think I’ll do maybe I’ll do this but are you also thinking about their reaction or are you thinking I said that the Kurt as I was walking the stage I said forty-one Dodge and shoot them down if I can have it and then I went out there and I said it any good
what did he like when you set it to him did he go ahead you could do that that would be a picture of gold horny bear no actually I remember when I got off he was truly like the only one laughing in The Venue 8 years behind an amp
yes so so we’re going to stage and told Leah Kurt Cobain blowing his head off Jen Story comes full circle in a terrible way and what I’m saying
yeah where I feel like a bus you go by right now with his name on it.
That’s a really bums me out all the way Jeff amini bang oh man that’s the real David Blaine magic so you’re out why are you out there on the road why did I run into you in my underwear after yelling at my girlfriend in a hotel like yeah I heard you want to walk tonight when I came down the hall and heard you fighting I mean that we hatch a co-dependent they were more of a dick in the ass that woman that came out and yelled as I got took the kids or something and it sounded like she was skinny
it was just I just put my babies to bed I got that lady but yeah yeah she said that I was yelling at my girlfriend it was doing Kevin Spacey Kevin Spacey
80s comedian Bobcat Goldthwait and I’m the only one not screaming
why am I the quiet wonder why am I
call Justino.
I never put that together you used to be famous for screaming that’s another thing I wanted to ask you about the cure your films like your I feel like there must be something you do as a director is going to sound like I’m just kissing your ass cuz you’re here but but I always wanted to ask you like if there’s something you do with your actors because I don’t want to bag on Robin Williams izuku music icon National Treasure blah blah blah but I don’t think he’d cry if he heard another person so yeah I never even told him a cup of tea on screen as a dramatic actor but then your movie where is it in that first after he’s relating to that kid who eventually auto-erotic asphyxiation self and and like like like a spoiler alert
time I’ve done that to his father the years
woman let’s make a movie called father to your son and I stop being wrong about it when I asked you about the Muppet Babies of erotic auto erotic fiction I found Robin Williams like absolutely resonant and relatable and compelling in that movie that only is that the first time I liked him in a long time is a dramatic actor but that is the first time that I’ve ever seen a story about a dad of a teenage kid I’m 40 years old now I should have had a kid a long time ago I’ll probably have one at some point you listening to penis I wasn’t nervous for either of your safety when I head that way
not your argument at one point
I did you a favor the day I met you
but
I will sprinkle you with this plastic thing that holds six pack together okay so so if we were
we have Mike’s
everybody can hear you when I get from from to still say that I’m a really bad actor and I may be part of that if if people do like the movies that make you know we can ask Maron I just worked with him I don’t know what if I did I am going to go
shut up
marant yo mama bone the Marc Maron this is Baron got a loan but not for long when I can’t deal with house
is going to make you pregnant nothing’s going to run with that that’s the end
hello Mark hey this is buying are you biting me
I got to tell my mom to listen to this
find me those ones are going to tell my mother to listen to that is very nice actually putting your penis in the foreground of a photo
there’s a lot of motherfuking going on in your wraps I do not I am not soft on Mama’s well when I wrap I don’t get I don’t get to use the n-word so I just feel the start my styrofoam peanut is what your mama said that’s your analogy for the n-word is your mother
n-word can I wrap to be filled with it
I’m not sure why it was that you would not like that annoying Jewish woman
I know I don’t take it I’ll take it but I’m glad you didn’t get that reference Manheim California okay okay good job on getting the mic that only took a few minutes it feels better now I appreciate it for a while
you want to know about Bob’s directing style he directed four episodes of my show and what it is and everybody you know we’ll do the lines and everything and then what he would do with me is he come over and eat or to pull me aside and it goes to don’t listen to what anyone else is saying okay just just do what you want to do and I’m going to be over there directing trying to find a chair and a Tales from the Crypt
how to draw a Lego yeah and you guys come to my trailer just throws me a pillow on you guys take a lot of naps Citrus Heights for Young Writers and we can go take a nap for like your young ladies don’t don’t wake up until the pressures on cuz it’s not going to let you sit at the computer and you look the screen until you go fuck and then you jerk off and then you take a nap is not writing I mean am I misunderstanding it
get his get his short a deadline as you possibly can from any one that’s willing to pay you for anything because if they give you nine months you will you will find out what happens to your body if you masturbate for 8 months and 3 weeks you will you will see a penis I passed that line 20 years ago wga guild war
about your photos of ridersdx do you want me to a mac and cheese on the stove that’s right before the show and I and I’ve got this story that is such a classic show visit a story that I’ve been gifted with I never expected this to happen in my life and and I’ve got a like a like a classic Show Business story
a classic because it also it also addresses your question about interviewing cuz this was this is it all comes around at this to trick people into buying tickets but also I wanted to ask him cuz I just finished podcast to her like I’m I’m a terrible interviewer cuz it’s likely my weakest skill right you after rap I think he’s excellent rap that’s what he is he’s all right yeah I do what I do. I was going to I was going to be I was going to ask Maron how do you how do you interview these are what year was Barbara Walters attorney today interview Mel Brooks okay you haven’t heard the whole story so now Mel Brooks there’s nothing he hasn’t said publicly about his wife that he
working to a stick and that he’s gotten laughs with it’s all out there I did research I watched all the old Dick Cavett shows I watch the new Dick Cavett interview I watched him interview interviewed by some English. I listen to a whole episode of the Nerdist that’s how far I went wow and contempt that’s the triangle for me that’s the the Triad so I might my problem was how am I going to talk to Mel Brooks and get something out of him that he hasn’t said before and it really connect with him as a person so I realize going in this would be the advice I don’t know if you can take this advice my first thought was like I’m a Jew
sorry I’m a Jew welcome to the Egyptian he’s a Jew yeah we used to have some of the greatest Jewish artifacts are Egyptians that would be fine I hope that his mother finds me
so I can fuc her boom huh you with Mel that’s why I just literally got in there within 5 minutes I’m talking like this what are you kidding me of course yeah new podcast.
but I’ve seen that happen to you when we have Kim went on the show I haven’t started
that was a good moment on the show that was fucking hilarious Judd Hirsch plays my dad my dad’s a bipolar lunatic all right so they could Judd Hirsch deployment my concern was Judd Hirsch is a little too late now so he couldn’t do it too cute and to Julie not scary enough to be my father right so he gets there on the first day of shooting and he’s doing is Judd Hirsch in like am here and all you guys were sitting there behind the counter and then there’s that moment like he’s an actor don’t tell him to be scary and then you went over there and I think you said turn down the Jew or a little bit
yes could you could you just Levin it 1/4 inch
could you tell could you just snip a little bit off the end of it I don’t know who he was great by the way
I think my I think my real dad’s going to sue me
and I go get you that may happen by Mel Brooks real. There’s a couple of Great Moments in the podcast one that is not on is not actually on the podcast Mel Brooks looks to me cuz I’m going to give you something exclusive fucking great because I’m at the fox commissary I see Gene Wilder sitting with a legal pad I walk up to Uncle what do you write and Jenny goes young Frankenstein’s an outline for a movie and Mel Brooks says he’s as I said to Jane I said we’re going to do that movie in jeans that you got to get me out here no Brooke said I’ll get you out here in gene says I got it I want a cottage at that and then Mel Brooks ghost what the what the hell is that hotel what’s that hotel I don’t know what you’re talkin about it at the hotel it’s in Bellaire it’s a hotel Beverly Hills Hotel it goes no it’s in Bel Air hold on a minute I’ll get it
I need stands up and he goes to the door where is assisting is he does what is that hotel it’s in Bellaire it’s on that street what is it called fight so so I hear her clicking away and she’s a Eagles it’s in Bel Air at the Bel-Air Hotel
he comes and he sits down he wants a room at the Bel-Air Hotel he wants a supply of Earl Grey tea and a supply of digestive biscuits and then I’m like yeah because that’s the whole thing all right
Xavier is beautiful. That takes a liking to me and he says you know you should be doing a talk show on television and I’m like great make some calls let’s make it happen I want to cut it right at that hotel in Bel Air right things like that be great cuz I’ll set up for you I’ll call Carl Reiner it’ll be great and I go how is Carl Reiner and Mel goes he’s about 80 per-cent all right hold on I’m on the second floor in an office building Culver Studios so I walk outside we walk down the hall I do thank you Monica
a boom in my bag and everything goes you know what I’ll walk you down so then we walk down and then go all right was great mystery books because I’m going to walk you outside so we walk outside we’re standing outside as well thank you again he goes where is your car and I can wait in the parking right now walk you to your car so I’m walking with Jacquelyn I what you would love him to be here so that way it’s a Camry goes in a point to the Bentley goes all I thought this was out here
Eddie, it’s at 1 that walk over the car and like thank you my brother and mr. Brooks and go in your car
so I put the stuff in the car and you guys used to have a talk show and I might make those calls because you talked to Carl right all right
so he sets up Carl so I go to Carl’s house there’s a whole other series is a whole other Jewish experience Shapiro who’s in his seventies tomorrow is going to be 91�� me talks about sign sits in a chair and I might come up with the boom right and we start talking right now and I stayed over here every night we hang out at like what do you do because it has to do with chicken feathers maybe I’ll tell you fine
so I’m sitting there talking to Carl for like an hour but while I’m talking to Carl George Shapiro is in a in a chair directly across from us the entire time he’s in and out of this
but when I finish the interview Shapiro’s the first one to get them real quick and I’m getting to the punch line in the middle of the interview he said did you see that show on PBS about the Jews in the Broadway musicals that how many Jews were involved in Broadway musical psycho identity cuz I never knew there were so many Jews involved in Broadway musical there’s a whole list at the end you got to see it I’ll show it to you after the interview and Mike fine so we finish this fucking interview I went hunting for like an hour and 15 minutes and then he starts he says I’m going to show you the thing he starts playing with remote controls to find the thing on the TiVo right George Shapiro goes is there ice cream
Shapiro Cohoes and he gets a box of ice cream sandwiches and he has everyone an ice cream sandwich so now
now we’re eating ice cream sandwiches Carl was figuring out the TiVo and he starts the documentary at the beginning but I’m an hour and watch the whole thing up to me but it’s also a little peculiar right so we’re watching that and and I’m just sitting there and we’re eating the ice cream and then yeah I’m like yeah George Gershwin we’re talkin and then the phone rings and I see Carl pick it up and I’m putting my shit away because hello yes it was great it went very well yes and he holds the phone now and and he looks at me goes it smell
Scott pick up the phone I go hello and all I hear is 80% right
David Butler Danette may be 85 Carl back on the microphone so then on the microphone and then hangs up the phone they talk about chicken for a few minutes they can’t thank you so then I forget that my cat forget to ask him about the feather so I can put the what’s the chicken feathers what you and Mel what is that about it goes all right you want to know I go yeah and he points of the public issues on the couch you guys are you got a pillow behind you to feel can you feel anything just give me the pillow so this guy has melted hands Carl the pillow and Carl sitting down he puts the pillow on his lap and very delicately starts running his hand over this pillow like this and then he goes and he pulls a feather
out of the pillow right as I get down to the you know and it puts any very delicately puts it on the armrest and he says I put these in a bag I got a lot of them
yeah in and he goes I don’t know what I’m going to do with them but I got a lot of money
and then he starts running his hand over them hello again I go with this have to do with you sitting here for hours with Mel Brooks he goes this is what we do
Marc Maron everybody had
that was I knew somebody called The Fold you don’t bring Marin back every week and do the full Jew if he can if he could stay in with these guys are you kidding I could do that any night of the week but I did want to ask is there anything specific that you said Bob to Robin Williams on that set that resulted in me going holy shit that guy’s me instead of the guy from Hook instead of the guy from mrs. Doubtfire yeah I pulled him aside and I said don’t be so Julie okay Bobby okay okay goo OK Google
don’t read don’t be right I got to stand up like this now like this
it was wonderful
drop the mic drop the mic if I cat goes away and Marc Maron
thank you
so awesome
that was wonderful beautiful school so many people out there
can I get Spencer Crittenden stage plays Spencer
dungeon master to the Stars
Storyteller extraordinaire
he approaches the stage clad in Red Flannel his beard is both inviting and repellent
he is the master of all world’s inhabitants of none
Spencer printing in Princeton
his name was improvised by Chevy Chase
Spencer Crittenden say that again and go welcome back to Los Angeles
booya booya booya booya booya booya
yeah you’re from Moorpark Simi Valley a visitor here more or less when I’m explaining to people who don’t live in Los Angeles I say I live outside of Los Angeles
that’s about it that’s not even a joke
It’s My Life
that’s no joke that’s my life is really stay in Juliet.
find a good that we did did you learn anything I learned yeah I learned on my my parent Lee pretty great
people like you I agree yeah I think I like you just the way you are kept telling them not to but it didn’t stop them so they’re a contrarian by Nature have constantly try to offset the weight of whatever the universe is feeling you kind of I’m paraphrasing you you you disagree with things for the sake of It kind of because you find that that often as needed yeah it’s like there’s too many people say anything and like will they must be wrong right they have to be the world saying they love you yeah it’s complicated because they’re wrong made any like online or in-person foes or enemies during this trip that you were actually the piss anybody off or rub anybody the wrong way I know I hope not I don’t think so I am I tried my hardest
not to do that do you think you went on a journey you’re probably familiar by now with my hockey story Model like you’re a dungeon master you’re a writer you’re a Storyteller like you know that I draw the circle and then I wrapped all the way around and follow these eight steps that sold stolen from Joseph Campbell to field and stuff and like did you see yourself do you do you think that you went on a little journey I mean I didn’t go like placing myself around the wheel but yeah it was definitely a journey I learned some stuff I returned and hopefully a better person what do you think a different in your head I think that before I was really afraid of social interaction but you know when you’re freaking talking to a like like 30 people who are mostly wasted and like a bar
like 20 times you know in a row that’s the worst so everything else anything else that literally I was I was coming home and I was like my friends wanted to hang out and I was like two people that’s workable
some I hear are thousand-dollar VIPs down here talking with their character sheets yeah that looks Vikings a real deal is a rockstar nobody would have paid $1,000 just to get up here and only did it cuz he wants to play cuz I see show you know
all right I didn’t show me right now starts in may now by the way yeah yeah yeah you sure but Bobcats new film as God Bless America right we should have talked to him about his his Bigfoot movie to show me the tragic show me the trailer for it after I abused my girlfriend and can’t be your hotel room and you offered me your pizza and trying to show me your trailer of the shity wi-fi at the hotel but anyways did you get relaxed
the goddamn 50s just go out there and consumers work out there working for you assholes terrible people
fitting a displays is called the Egyptian
if you’re at your at your a bunch of tyrants pharaohs this is the dark point of the show is where it fits into the story circle is of the atonement hate you hate you hate my father I am my father Jesus is my father
you and the podcast I’m ripping up on my shirt is blood everywhere bleeding out of my nipples
I’m pissing into a jar there’s a dreidel in it
the bull whip up my ass is
now a resurrection now we’re back let’s have some fun when you came up and you sat down and then your God damn it I’ll just asking me how I was doing this like this was a big deal to change anybody
Chevy Chase call me back that’s what I do that’s
wait what the fuck is Adam Goldberg has just stormed the stage ladies and gentleman 3% more of the night is that this is a difficult but Goldberg Dan has come home and has changed and reached the apex of the story Circle because before we got derailed he was doing an excellent interview with Spencer oh damn
and that’s it and you let me this big red left a note that I didn’t read but does anybody
when we went away for a while and we all changed but apparently you just going to come storm the goddamn stage Adam Goldberg is this is what this is something this is a typical example information per second copy of the master there’s a note from Big Red like if I had eyes what the fuck is going on
did you do explain to Bob Goldthwait what is happening I would need to extrapolate that I borrowed in my lint in my master DVD blah blah blah let’s talk about navigate me to the full G with Adam Goldberg right now you got you got bigger fish to fry you already Barbara Walters of of everything The Goldberg we met your brother’s in Somerville Massachusetts for those of you who are tuning in for the first time I can’t imagine any of you would be coming here for the first time but but Adam Goldberg is our Hamburglar
part of the mythology that that that that strengthens the Mythology by his Covetous like desire for it my mind on a clamshell slowly closes on them like and you your heart bleeds for him you love to hate them like the Hamburglar he loves hamburgers but he never gets the Fruity Pebbles Pebbles cuz he’s the Hamburglar
if you got them I wouldn’t know what to do with it and an atom loves stage time so the people in Los Angeles who are trained to be restrained because they’re strfkr muscle is strained his people in Los Angeles they know strfkr don’t look at him he’s a living go so what he was on X-Files who gives a fuck if the coast you came out here to work and be created through the Starbucks or muscle is is is is is withered here
Goldthwaite was looking on the forums where you proudly Proclaim you know people in most viewed thread thread like everyone’s like I love Adam Goldberg electronically
the people in Los Angeles pretty much they don’t want
cuz I took their hamburgers there was a plate of hamburgers out Ronald put it out there there’s a rainbow there’s prize dancing around that your magical world where is supposedly anyway I can have anything they want because there’s no crime and then to you then why I don’t fuck this guy that’s what I think they said wow
Bullseye I’m retiring from harmontown
world’s most famous bouncer
how is the master for the first 20 minutes of that movie I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could go tell her I just saw the best movie of my life and then for the last eighty to 600 minutes of it I was like okay
can I ride in this purpose to the bottom of the ocean
ocean Jepsen that metaphors movie quality and just say I’m just a guy that wandered into a fucking movie
amazing amazing
let’s meet our $1,000 DND people shower
we got another guest we do dude his ball
got cancer
he just came out of radiation and everybody welcome David Blaine to the stage spent with him to how much I love him is is more concentrated than any human being and I know get jealous feel the jealousy and Grace the jealousy when you watch me make mad verbal love to Duncan Trussell
Duncan Trussell my name is Russell Simmons going to give me a cancer in the ball going to talk about it got some radiation radiation radiation just got out of radiation or is not
good to see you and you’re a good rapper thank you buddy
hi
Duncan has an amazing podcast that everyone should listen to I was a guest on and I listened to that episode and loved it
I love you we had a big talk about robots and the future of sperm and you’re just sort of stumbling around that’s my favorite place to get to we definitely got to love I love you I love you I don’t really hang out but you know you locked yourself in the bathroom and I came over and gave me that’s right I forgot that was such a humiliating but awesome moment after I’m at my house I was taking a forgive me for saying that and I live in This Old House and it just the door just locked it just like Amityville Horror style lock
and it’s the it’s summer it was summer and it was so hot in there and I started hearing the narrator from those deaths shows in my head like he didn’t realize they never took him his life
they found him two weeks later earlier that’s too much on fire
that’s where the cat Choose Your Face Off style I’m 12 years older than my girlfriend and we saw a billboard for the for the Life Alert thing and by the way their slogan is I’ve fallen and I can’t get up and its trademark now, and I can’t get up that’s not
I don’t know if you hear if you’re a 911 dispatcher charging the birthday song but we started joking about how I should get one of those cuz I’m 12 years older than her and then the joke turned into some serious like you could if you got one that might help
those commercials are so existentially horrifying there’s a line and one of those commercials this old lady says I live alone and I don’t get many visitors center some somewhere in between there’s going to be a drag when we do it’s not going to be fun no one ever has fun when they die nobody hurts I don’t think death is that bad a thing at all think that’s what I’m pushing for my recent running with cancer made me think that it’s it’s not well for what but one thing you realize it did this is not new to rain like you realize there’s this well-worn path
when do Oblivion that they’ve worked out for us so I’m ready for human good bad the narcotics are incredible you’re going to keep Steve Jobs said wow wow wow cuz he was on Dilaudid and narcotics and then he said then maybe he saw God or something but there’s this thing wrong guy says which I’ve thought about a lot which is he says dying it’s safe and it’s it is it’s like there’s a very safe thing it’s the most normal thing that can happen outside of being born like aluminum is no big deal to be dead
yeah it is in a bit it isn’t a big deal it’s a let me thank goodness week preferable to living forever probably
what are the things like when your mom says those guys that beat you up shouldn’t be your friends anyway late like you hear it but hearing it in understanding it are separate from like realizing it in your heart yeah that really getting it like that whole concept of like well you’re alive and you’re going to die and it sucks that you’re going to die but because it sucks that you’re going to die your life is valuable otherwise it wouldn’t be cuz you just be hanging out like you just be like Highlander like like one around son’s going to Super know but you’re going to be floating through the void of space screaming for Infinity like one of those probes floating rings
you have to be like your skin doesn’t burn out your car would be to be a more. Like I don’t know when I’m ever going to find another planet and then when you do everyone’s like and I can’t die and they’re like fuck you when you want me to open it after I get everything and nothing would be exciting you’d never be able to love anyone but this is Alan Watts idea where he says if you live forever you would try everything that you could try he’ll eventually if
you are God you’ll be like oh I wonder what it’s like to be mortal and that’s when you pop into this body and become Dan Harmon
or Highlander Highlander but that is the idea that were sort of like the way we have to sleep or we’ll go crazy in the same way like we’re what happens when God falls asleep we think the word impermanent mortal beings because the state of pure immortality for eternity there’s nothing more Cara find claustrophobic so we’re kind of what happens when God has a nervous breakdown and shatters into an infinite number
so it did and it split into Duncan Trussell and Dan Harmon at Spencer and Jeff and maybe a little bit of Adam Goldberg God like rubbing himself in a mirror
I think every every person’s a little finger in like the merciful got a bob Goldthwait of Eternity comes into shoes you off into nothing is so can I never knew the Mayor McCheese had a really is he has a power Ronald the clown when do I need to look back on our present for a heart
talk about your balls talk about talk a little bit about like everyone in this room or at least half of us are at risk of testicular cancer is that the specific got the was that what you got cancer
I’m sorry that was not fair
how do you find out what they tell you to check in the shower I never know what that means
I was so stupid
are you just saying I’d like you don’t know that I love rubbing my feet and my balls
getting such a hard I’m squeezing my balls
anyways you come from rubbing your ball yes yes you can
this is watching a Shakespearean love honey floating through space forever how many times do you think you jerk off
you just jerk off all the time right now
like rub Cosmic dust on your nipples and
cancer
so how do you find out do you do you feel a pain do you feel a lump do you know it’s really big it’s not a lot of concern that people have expressed behind it is just this Terror now how did you know what was it like weird anyway so it’s hard to tell if your balls are okay no matter what cuz they’re always wrong
they ever done that looks normal
what should I do if I can move around
temperature
moving linguava this one goes out to the ladies in the house
do it
you think it’s fun and games to play with them but there’s a lot more to on their pretty gross and weird
so yeah. We’re in the angle and then they don’t dangle and then they say when it’s lower.
When you went to college over stickers on the shower stuff like showing like diagrams of going to do that to my ball neither like like I don’t know like a like a like a like I don’t know like it in their mangled mine yeah I know it’s holding my balls under protection
talking about it alright it’s known it was no mystery for me it was like one of my balls was big it was like this is definitely it was crazy it was like kind of cool air is like this big ball
you thought did you win did your mind immediately and then I Google searched you know the symptoms and everything’s cancer cancer cancer and then I went to the doctor and the doctor’s like yes cancer your you Google on a Friday is it always happens to me like a lump in my neck or something and then I’ll Google lump on neck cancer lo and behold ocean it it’s Friday day to sit here for the weekend with cancer
cancer eraser on my neck and then on Monday at falls off on polish
if I can skin tag what are skin tags
hey guys I don’t like feverishly at your neck you try to remove the odd skin tab the small square may be rounded roof oddly colored flash popping out of the side of your neck
are you dying probably not but it was weird
your shirt collar over a weekend of drinking and they’re just balls up people tell you not to pick it cuz it might give you cancer
are you on the clear now Duncan statistically I’m in the 95-92 well it’s like between 9 and there’s a 10% chance I’m still fucked basically I don’t mean that it goes to the other both know it’s the cool thing about testicular cancer and the coolest the coolest thing it’s like cancer with its beta baseball cap on backwards dancer it’s like
Seven Bridges enough for your brain in your pancreas
kind of cancer
exactly from itself when Quentin Tarantino makes it a pig pig ball get there cuz it’s the most curable, which is why everybody says check your balls because it’s if if you catch it in time when Lance Armstrong caught it he was coughing up blood one of his balls was the size of an orange he just ignored ignored it cuz he was riding his bike and he was jacked up on awesome weird Sports drugs and I’m sure of something I did check because if you can if you catch it at the right time like when I caught it there’s like a 95% cure rate with it so it’s guys all the guys.
which over to your neighbor and we’re going to do it
the man next to you refuses to do for himself
that’s what they want you to do
fucking cancer fuckcancer take me to risky stance here answer they think is like a primordial version of us there’s something like from way way way back in the distant I don’t know like I just did what is a stutterer in your boss forgets that it’s a part of a bone yes
precursor of multicellular life because it sells knowing how to play on a team and before that we were unicellular organisms who just so it is kind of ironic that like all these years later biological weapons called Humanity Chihuahuas giraffes into the Curiosities lately we we we are in your nuts like one little like like this thing from the year six billion billion BC goes like it’s very strange at the very least it’s a very strange disease and it’s very different every day every different every type is like
so different than some of them should maybe have different names which is why some responded different types of chemo this type that I have response really well to radiation which fucking sucks so I don’t want to but I want to follow through this line because okay so you had did you have the thing removed just I had it is like we should do this on Tuesday I went and we should do this every week
we should have five Goldwing come out and they immediately they just got to get that out of my radiation and didn’t throw up on Friday but I’m still super tired from it radiation is crazy it’s the most absurd and say I felt like I was in a Fellini movie because they put you in this like cuz they want you to feel safe they designed the radiation machine to look kind of Fleek like a Mercedes or something it looks like really fancy but it also looks like a Transformer it’s like this believing weird thing with arms that you have to land and they put the steel cup over your balls and you have to like push your cock into the steel cup and you’re laying in this most vulnerable way and they fucking play Celine Dion
it’s like Jacob’s Ladder level hell is happening there is some kind of help and finally eventually I got them to play what I wanted to shoot Coldplay and the air
what does the Korn concert in his lungs
the playlist what did you sit are music like rubbish anchor music for radiation at all you’re still in a machine and you would like this these things are spinning around you and Tori Amos was playing well that’s it for this album
scratched off your life forever you don’t want it don’t take the Kingston to your dad and Wendy I will know one of my friends said I told him there’s a 95% chance that I’m cured that just means there’s a 95% chance you’re going to have to pick out season they said congratulations now if you could cancel you wasted twice as much money
they bring good things to slow death
but not to equate your balls with with Sony or anyting the doctors are going to be like let you know in the coming week though I mean I get to see I’m going to go to CT scans like three times a year for the next four years so just to make sure hasn’t spread it sounds terrible man but like really once you get like the water thrown in your face it it’s not it’s not bad at all I kept telling your landlord to fuck off easier to get like a first-hand glimpse of mortality but everyone says that everyone should not be afraid of telling their landlord to fuck off
deep into crochet where and when you have cancer because everyone not that swell dying is like the well-trodden path and everyone goes down so the thing where they’re like man I really appreciate life now and like I’m so happy to be alive all that stuff really happened but you don’t need cancer to be happy about your life you just need Celine Dion
but Duncan Trussell yo-yo added Duncan Trussell got the Duncan chest look at it. Contessa, Barstool I’m a puppet waving my feet Duncan Trussell came up and his cancer was a tree be treated you to glimpse of the Abyss like your mama’s so hard she started to piss into a cup and a trank that shit
and then I rubbed it on my face in their tits and then I put My Little Weiner in between those things and I said I’m going to make you sing and she said his
I’m your mama
Duncan Trussell everyone
I mean what
don’t be jealous of him you can see how much I love them I know you the first time you met him that you had this giant what kind of special go hang out with some play some DND though
go to vape
where it was
this is this is the place of the Dragons show and achieved in the top tier prize of playing Dungeons and Dragons with us let’s bring them up right now guys come up its Sean
one of them is our old friend Sean Sacrament AKA snap the Jab
the most defensive Twitter name in the world
because
he didn’t have to have the name
Leclerc everybody $2,000 donators holyshit
discretionary money and no idea what to do with it
that’s supposed to say about concealed the Morgan what’s the name of Morgan Freeman in the Batman Universe
of of harmontown so much thank you thank you and Roy how do you come to a come to us I flew from here from Dallas to is at the hotel right now or she just didn’t like the show I explained the show to her and she was a little taken aback by the fact that we’re going to play D&D and talk about dicks
and it cost a thousand one of them which one doesn’t matter Penny penny
South County Columbus NE
that was angrier than normal then I was angry after 9
I don’t think I may have
about about Dan Rap fucking her yes the master is playing at 9:30
have a seat just bring Erin mcgathy to the cage as well
Erin mcgathy
because my wife is not here been on a big auction items here last year to go there and it was just like a
write a note hello things like just as soon as she’s not
she’s asleep
been an auction item that results in it hurt like a buttcheek on a contest or like
check one two
play sing in the back I think we have good seats I think I’m not sure
you were at you were talking about earlier about our fight in the hotel Rio Lantern really wanted to meet you and miss you cuz I was doing merchandising Arlington High caste which led to Pittsburgh was that fight and Dad and said a lot of things to me and left the room and I was shaking and crying and then I got to go straight across the street and I wanted to go so badly but I looks like an octopus but I’ve been run over that’s what I do that’s how I abused you or Mike
you’re a big piece of shit Richard Dawson what’s up
family feud
wish you were here
embarrassed that you that you heard a offering you a ride and a van and you getting upset about that so psycho that you when I get into as well
like you feel disrespected by me and then you go to appreciate me and then I got to you appreciate you so much
we have a lot of fun you guys
you’re welcome your throats just sitting there
you won the lottery with me an animal would kill you for all your tacos boyfriend are best friends and I’m a crazy person. Oh let you know it’s it’s it’s it’s fine I’m saying this to Bob
I feel terrible
strangling his wife over here
do you still want to move in with me
yes all right let’s move in together wow
cuz you guys already live together though basically the announcement we are getting
I cut myself
I’ve carved Ann is my thighs
when you laughing at you kind of think of that could be true but
alright Spencer you got kitties you give characters
you guys got to sit on what stock the stairs
Spencer on our campaign
are you going to music
all right do you want me to distribute the Sheets first or at the same time as talking
we have our adventure this is great podcast talk you can’t read
doesn’t say that all right better take it away
on the last episode Our Heroes Have Been trapped within the deep in the stiffel magical infinite fish for what seemed like an eternity, sorry mystical who can’t read now this guy right here
look at Tony’s headed I can’t breathe I can’t do math either
I tried going good I’m going to miss my music you this time a meeting with the village of fish willing Human Resource Center he was found and destroyed various organs in a quest to escape their lives in prison slipping down the slippery slide they found a magical Tome before coming on one of the Beast green hearts and after a long fight the game was on the road just when they thought all hope was lost a long lost a lie real Tylenol with codeine with the aid of the mystical unicorn the party was able to destroy the beasts are defeated the great Beast fill out of this guy crashing to Earth with a castrato crash strong in crash in the sickness why you feel yourself being plugged into the wall at the mall.
span to get traffic you wouldn’t it’s pretty cool you feel your body is being compressed crushed grab my feet done and the squelch of liquefying tissues inside verse soap in your party squirted out in the bullets of fleshy bit slimy fluids and bloody chunks you land on ceremoniously in a heap
New York you’re only 3 seconds over but that was my fault I was my fault yep you’re on the ground and a big pile of each other and your your full of your your swimming and fish fluids there’s a gross Visser in your hair embarrassing
maybe one day we will a little man when we finished our Journeys
settled down but what are we really questing for we’ve been doing this for so long what what what is it that we’re really going after I know going to rescue my father I think you know
we could
I mean I’ve never liked him but I’ve always wanted his approval I feel like I got that so we could let him die
you guys found closer there I think that fathers are only good for approval after that like what are they doing they’re not
Captain the most technical terms
like like like to know if they’re not Mother’s they don’t nurse you there
my father taught me how to wear a breastplate and swing a sword
well maybe we should go hang out with him
I care about him I guess why don’t we explore our surroundings
you explore your surroundings
I should say I’m after defeating the great infinite face you feel a lot wiser and stronger as a result
as it happens I level for Eugene animal companion
what kind of companion do you want
I don’t want to be Meg Ryan but what are my absence of exploration I’ll have what she’s having a reading dog Eagle Hawk horse owl Pony snake wolf what’s up to you I don’t know where is it what color what color do you want to be your companion
Chris Brown there you go
it approaches you with a knowing look in its eye it seems to say my name is Coco
and that too
Coco metal
the sky is this world is tinged with purple and swing or absorb orange light that seem far off Bob and weave slightly in the Twilight expanse of the sky large trees cover all you can see aside from the massive bulk tuna fish whose body is decimated a wide swath of trees that I must have fell upon the body of the fish stretches upwards of about 20 ft higher than even the tallest of the trees from the split in it side of massive and seems to be a mortal wound the body is iridescent and it seems more like an eel than a true fish you can see the occasional twitchers stir Ripple across its mass the body stretches on where in both Direction what’s happening what am I not sing as far as you can see and almost certainly fire this Wilderness landscape is very foreign to you it must be on another planet or plane or something along those lines you can hear the occasional Roar and Screech a beast but then you hear shouting from far off and the sounds of branches and twigs breaking two people are approaching
I am sure before us a lot
I’m over Auntie Donna I have a nose and I shoot them
might be friends sells what the hell did you do to her if in the fish
Hulkbuster
we were stuck inside them and it was you
yeah but we were stuck where we are now and that’s the only way we can get out we were transferred
perhaps wearing heavy armor definitely wearing heavy armor when we talked about battle cleric by the name of slap squat thrust
put that Royal Sean Sean goes by the name of stomach Jumpman
jump jump jump jump jump I apologize
well you guys are standing
wait till you guys you guys raised a giant people devouring fish to get off of this planet for their Liars because if there were people inside that place that we were stuck there forever I think they might have been improvising about them
like our our face was the only way that we could get out from where we were it it’s unfortunate that it swallows you I do apologize for that but defend yourself you killed our fish
combat
I have I have I have gotten this far avoiding all armed don’t sell yourself short over the course of his journey of change you’ve become stronger and do you have a hawk
no no I’m kidding
I got some better if they’re bad
Aqua I’m working them don’t let’s not fight do they still want to fight them
Under Armour nc-172 how do I command I command you like us
we like you casting his arms about in a magical manner he cast the spell command while entering the command the like
pick a Target
that’s one of them threes thank you
Mega Target
cast it on Sharpie Sharpie you feel compelled to like this person which is weird because he’s the one that wants to attack you
are you at least liking you how does that make you feel
probably like
Sky’s all right
I am a gentleman or are you wishing to destroy us
I’m sorry that were talking about this for so long but maybe we got off on the wrong foot so you like us by proxy I like you what’s anything fun to do on this planet you guys have a camp nearby that you’ve been staying at we check out the camp over here
you only like him a couple seconds ago and it’s gone to love on you
if you’re 40 years old faster than I did when I was 25 just to be sure we will take him to arkan
Junior a small can a large green canvas tents are pitched in a fire pit has been done with skewered hunks of meat roasting over the Flames a few rocks have been shaped into comfortable-looking chairs our camp is your Camp to welcome here in one of the rock chairs nice would you like some of the meat that we have grilling open open over an open fire I think you weird day
I have to say you got you guys are handling the murder of your pet pretty well
so are you two together or is there a
our relationship is strictly platonic for all intents and purposes
he said plutonic yeah that means super gay
I need to say platonic I told you that a million times
cheap fans at a new finisher for my Kia is beautiful
every person and creature in this land once something what do you too long for it what is in what way is your life Compass get into that I wanted to extend the use of our cleaning area since you have plenty of fish guts all over you I kind of like this summer viscous create water that is Christian
where are we do we know where we are looks like a $1,000 I would you guys want out of this I hide behind Pogo they think that I’m brushing cocoa and then I just I enter where and I’ll poke around do I find anything
cool lips pulled back into the bearded charges
I I used to talk to the animal you don’t know that she snuck away
fire it at the badger you fired at the better to hear you take three damaged but the badger with the arrow in it falls asleep
still three damaged though going on over there
if I come limping back sometimes I fancy myself a court Sharpie these men have a dire badger
what kind of people have Dyer batters cause fear
call Ryan close to will save you run screaming
sorry about her guys
that time of the Harvest
trailer I’ll cry in a room
I said that as a joke I’m sorry
do you eat your spelling Banco over your brand new sheets much must like us stranded here in a in an unfamiliar realm we are just try to find a way back home
I don’t feel comfortable disclosing that information with you
I know we’re just going to run away but I do not trust these guys
Spencer I might invite in the area yeah you recover from your panic and start to wander back so you know man it’s been a long fight that incentive fish I could really use a nice back rub
I have Jeff likes the settlement I cast hold person
and you fail your save your stricken that he can’t move you feel yourself being held as a person
in a tender way or in a less sleep paralysis way I go to sleep
I sent her you want to buy them
d-rose I fire at them and me and tacos for their Mark and plant them self deep within the Earth
so you’re trying to hurt us are you
with Heroes Andy Dick party more a damn reaching out towards if he attempts to touch you with his crackling with energy they say
just making sure I got the right to spell that’s all you guys don’t worry about it
he touches you lightly on the arm but you feel intense pain do something you spread throughout your entire body as well damn it I like you
you and your burn in my woman’s I’m so just relax as much as you were
be honest okay I cure moderate wounds
start all over the shop are you out for the keishin I love everyone is showing it has healed full health partner as a sign of good faith please take one of my to healing potions really
alright I’ll take it but also dumb you have to should I give them to
how do you calculate a cam I need to keep one just in case on fire
why do wives ask their handicap ocean
the words I just try to open up and get a back rub and everything is fucking gun shity
wow I take it I take my sword
and I I try to hit their throats holyfuck guys she’s not with us she’s not with us you’re paralyzed there sometimes is bad hurt I try to slice your throat so what’s your favorite way to use a Bayesian you slice your foot open
you’re not wrong item that I’m sorry you take just three damage that’s not bad
you look really embarrassed
you know things happen it doesn’t even seem like an act of aggression it just seems like a very confusing in that death reminder
I cure her light wounds you cure to full health
I punch myself in the head three times
what you do that you redeem you regain control of your body and just try not to punch your face
it wakes up
I use my power to talk to the badger and I said Badger aside behind one of them attractive Stone chairs I got the horses are our intuitive right they can tell if someone’s a good person or a bad person Baby Spencer can we take care of these two actions, I don’t know what it’s called because I’m a badger I don’t name things but it’s like a forest this whole thing is all for it’s all I’ve seen is for us to hang out with these guys don’t hang out with humans and I live with my animal friends and sometimes we could come for and play but we don’t we don’t talk to people
I can talk to animals which is I’m going to hang out with you guys are freaking me out these guys are not in their element they aren’t from here so are they evil I can’t I can’t say if they’re evil they don’t seem evil but they do seem jumping and then bring the table all right whatever you say is perfect. I’m starting a lengthy monologue the lengthy one would hope we’re actually we’ve been searching for this this thing it’s called the soul of growth you know the soul of growth is what birth the world tree in the world tree cow created the entire plane of Vibrance from that came the material plane and all the plant life in it and it’s a very powerful thing it’s supposed to be here like like ice
said before that wizard dude he he teleported us here but I he got eaten by a Dar Wolverine it wasn’t fun. These guys are looking at a written down but I have it written down somewhere so I can man Sharpie to help us find the whatever the hell I’m going to have to cut it down to like help Halligan course it’s fails to affect him unfortunately no you were told to help but you don’t necessarily feel compelled to can I use my skill of diplomacy to try to have them Aid us in our Quest and then
yeah man I’m okay this is the Soul Vessel growth just explain it looking for it we don’t know where the fuck to go he would appreciate your help and in turn we will help you on whatever Quest 4 on
I give bull strength to mulrain
your strength increases by 5 you’re welcome
status of Tanner
can I buy aguire as to what your quest is what are you doing out here I’m just hanging out with these two fuckers ready for a while and Fortune right fortunately our souls can prosper through this we can grow as people as it’s okay with me
yeah but I’m really afraid I’m really afraid of
horses
is everybody on cooking mushrooms up here
I thought it was just me you know he has a talking dagger that’s true. What’s up are you interested in that and not yet are you sure
what can you tell your dog urine New Orleans New Orleans
I’m pretty sure these guys are going to try to rape and kill us on the road to the soul of growth Divine favor on
it’s Corky we can meet on 1st Court court that if you attack something you do a better job of it as if you had the favor of the Divine God
that’s right
going down if you are a fucking wizard you do that shit too
wizard all them do that is fun but now I’m at over here to check marks buying a whole shitload of wounds on you guys can you get the ability to teleport or I mean sorry play X Rock OSHA okay now I’m on the rock it is covered in a sheet of ice
I use Stone burning hands on the Frozen Rock
it cracks in half
what’s fucking do this to the powers you’ve demonstrated can a dozen requests please stole a cereal and I use Stone shape to make it a puppy into the shape of an adorable puppy
the puppy bowl shaped like a stone I mean those shaped like a puppy is but a stone
Jesus Christ you cannot one of them strikes directly into the throw up big guys are you doing each
how many times did they kill you now
it’s like you don’t want to be loved
but they’re not they’re not open about who they are and it’s just been sitting there so open you just told them you were somebody else earlier when you were behaving like an arrow
listen to hear what mulrain has to say damn
I use level 3 to cure serious wounds you kill he’ll cure your net worth James Spader just like Jump Around was going to jump around
can arrows you get indigestion
alone in search of the soul of growth
anybody anybody that wants to come along can you come put your dick in your pants are take it out the crate water all over each other you’re a bunch of fucking nut job I’m leaving you guys stay here and fucking punch each other and kiss each other and reads rocks I join a person
I joined him in Mass magic vestment
as you leave you feel your armor grow stronger I appreciate that you guys want to go east west or south or east or west or along the side of the fish in South is away from it
all right that’s a good direction everybody’s coming try to really I really could use ten minutes alone but fine
first time DND players guide
I enjoyed myself and that’s what matters we had a CD player music going to the weirdest bisexual bar in the middle of nowhere I didn’t know that it was like no encounters that I had in the room alone but you have to do it tonight as well and signed everybody’s shit after after the show but this is too big a crowd you can’t do it tonight and I’m very proud of the fact that I’m not proud of myself for shaking everyone’s hand inside of the shed that would be a dumb thing to be proud of because it’s not a compliment boy that’s so hard
looking very fast that I didn’t my instinct wasn’t to go go fuck yourself I’m tired like my instinct was a proud of that across the street with Sean McKenna and Milwaukee and Anna motorcycle rider had his horrible wreck in his legs flew off and and I asked I was running down to him a tripped over his leg and there’s like a proud of the fact that I didn’t like I would always think I’m paper if you said oh you’re going to you’re going to interact with a guy who lost his leg that I would go I’ll probably faint and I won’t be able to help them and I didn’t help him he died
do you want you want you want you want to truth or do you want to story
we want start a true story preferably
he didn’t. He didn’t die there on the sidewalk but I found out later that he died but but the point is that I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t like faint and become useless I called 911 and put a blanket under his head cuz that’s what Heroes do
that was hit on the road like a damn it and I were both kind of concerned in the beginning that we would go out on the road and leave our little Nest that Meltdown Comics and wonder whether or not the cries of a come and see us in Phoenix or Austin or are natural rubber wood would get it or dig out or whatever I’m only found out it was that it was really safe really cool when it’s it’s it’s for me I’m so happy to be back and just go back into Meltdown Comics and her are * 50 loyalist to come in there every time is it where do the show where to keep doing it every week cuz that’s like therapy for me 50 people show up
weird thing to cheer for cheering it’s just want to make you self-conscious about it having to do that but but like the voice in the back of my head are you regressing like into a cradle of comfortland ever-diminishing are you because your world getting smaller and smaller by sitting in the back doing this purse at Spalding Gray routine or you just like a shrinking shrinking and shrinking into a less and less of a person than just talking to the only people left that’ll ever listened to you and that so that I think that urges I get out there go up ghost try this bullshit in Phoenix and see if it plays at your face look like Patton Oswalt came up and he warned us like very justifiable I was like holy shit you going to Phoenix is going to be all fucked up the podcast
half a day is like in every city in in in the entire world like you can find like a hundred or more of the of of the people that you would want to hang out with their it so every city that we went to it was all the same was really odd that like like to blow smoke but it was amazing and really reassuring was that the people that we meet are the same people that we fell in love with hear that for our show is an incredibly creative people come to the show I could have all the artwork in the gifts and they’re going to conversation I think you’ll like power plate frame
50 people clap somos 150 writers out there for everyone you see Jeff and they’re in their born pregnant
the cool thing is coming back I feel like doing the shows in the back of meltdown we’re going to continue to do them I do feel like okay having gone to like 20 cities in 23 days what we learned is now it’s not necessarily unhealthy thing I’m talking to people that are all out there we can everybody that came up to me and talk to me at all these shows they all had that thing in kaunas like he’s a little little nerds that like like like like we we we we don’t fit in and we just like but the Nerds that turn that into anger and go like lost and then there’s nerds that are like I just want I just want I just want to and I want to like them I don’t understand this
5000 people I think I probably asked shook hands with and talk to and it was all the same some of them can’t make eye contact him a picture in a picture
I have a conversation with Spencer of the bus in the camera Crews weren’t there is like the director will blow his brains out when he hears a who is good everyone was sleeping the camera crew was sleeping it was the most important scene in the documentary the scene everyone sleeping everyone in the aliens ship was in hypersleep and I woke up mysteriously getting changed and they walked out where the middle of the space station I walk randomly into this little thing and Spencer was sitting there looking unexpectedly like perfectly at home in the truck stop when you actually look at it looks like
yeah. You would not you would not look twice little do you know yet and I just talk for a while and we talked about autographs we talked about pictures we talked about weird things Spencer’s half my age in a very interesting conversation because you and I were talking to each other about about about why is it what what why do people why do people put important on these things like that like like what is it to buy autograph souvenirs photographs all these rituals that we engage in that they they celebrate specialness in an elevator I get a lock of his hair I’ll have him sign the thing I’ll say something shity to him so I have a story to tell my friend like you have this urge to make this moment special and I was like China is explaining to you I have this urge to make this one was special and I feel like you and I want to put words in your mouth but at one point you were like so you so you want to understand them like like like about normal people
do you like actually want to know how they think and then end like I think they when you don’t fit in like you can react one of two different ways to that and I had that conversation with you and I don’t know I know it was important but I have no idea what the final verdict but is there anything like that and I know that you were affected by this journey and I I I I I I I hope the move is good and I hope that be battling will create some kind of
I hope I can improvise in the ending of the movie I think I was told there’s going to be some visuals to go along with it to jam supposed to point at the projection is to
shit has watch
cars that you can sing along and we can rap to
cross the country
your mama’s
right area
Brown I thought your mom has a few people, but I never really found out why
I don’t really have a Pringles dick I just keep my dick
I can eat my dick inside a burning house cam because
some people call me Pringles I never really found out I never really found
we lost him a goddamn an instapot chicken noodle buy chicken and noodles
Dragon chicken noodle man you got to work all day chicken noodle man you got it
call Bolton’s boom boom to the mountain till noon drink a cup of coffee
embrace the darkness praise the light I have got a dealerships in tonight
Armenia
thank you Marc Maron the Bob Goldthwait and talking tough overcoming
that’s what your mama child
let’s do the weather