Episode
Episode: 47 – Procrasturbation
Description
Mayor Harmon suggests a new, fecal approach to morality. Other topics include Halle Berry, Superman and accents. In D&D, the gang runs afoul of snake men and each other.
Transcript
sorry
hey, let’s say hello meltdown how are you off tonight
once again harmontown is in session in Hollywood California
have a comfortable confines of Meltdown Comics Paramount Theater
we have so much to do tonight what the fuck thank you all right tonight Steve is list all right items on the docket I’ve got a pad of paper and a pen with a Samsung giant phone I got I got Evernote I got I got a list of shit I want to talk about tonight we’re going to do it fast because I just got a note from you in the green room or the shows are too long or getting too long it was good with 90 minutes let’s make it 90 minutes he’s like annoyed
these are anime
all right
I hope you brought some snacks
in Jeff defense if we target a 90-minute show it’s a two-hour show so if we end up like okay to hit it but thank you ma’am when you die you poop your pants
okay here’s how you solve all of the world’s problems in my opinion
I don’t know how to enforce this I don’t know how to create this environment but this would solve all the world’s problems when you died instead of pooping your own pants you get to choose whose pants you poop it
you didn’t create poop in somebody else’s pant every every every human being on Earth there would be no Dick Cheney he would not do the things he done he wouldn’t do it because it’s not worth it every minute of every day it’s like a bell rings an angel gets its wings if there’s another load in my fucking pants I can’t do it it’s not worth it it’s worth it all the oil all the money in the world chooses me my pants a crap at all so if you murder somebody and get away with it that person that you kill get to poop in your pants at any time there’s a car that they could get the side that you rarely uses like I think it’s like a hunter or something and it’s like that when the werewolf kills a hundred a hundred get to actually pick somebody to take out as they go out
don’t have that power at no one would fucking it’s the Perfect Blend there’s too many people in this world that that that shoes is a religion that lived a good idea that they’re going to be punished in the afterlife that’s fucked up because that means you’re not on your best behavior in this world you think you think too much about the afterlife it’s too it’s too it’s too stupid as dump the other end of the spectrum you have like 80 is true or like well I’ll let you know what’s happening right here is what’s important but they do have a God’s they’re not accountable Anythink the perfect mix the perfect karmic mix okay there is no afterlife fuck that but on your way out of the game you get to shit in someone’s pants who’s it going to be snow fall through the ceiling right now and crashes and you died down or if you prefer i l o g s a p whatever your religion is
if you’re if you’re Muslim or a Italian snake guy comes out with a suit in the briefcase because it seems the game is over expect a response from my crowd for the half-life reference
what what’s his name G man yeah would you like to see it in the form of your account and I would like to know more about this piano that fell on me was good good good I like your style so you get to spend I got to get a half hour or
you get you get to move around the camera it’s like that half life story at dinner if that’s the person does a person who poops their pants know that this is ghost poop know that this is what does this is no they don’t you never know like if you’re walking so there’s people on this Earth that are walking around and then I’m such a Real Estate Mogul be nice tomorrow you motherfucker be nice you’ve revealed that you poop your pants a lot throughout the year you just going to think that you’re a terrible person what do you normally comes no not you you have admitted that you poop your pants from time to time it always follows me going I think I have a fart coming this follows nothing in line at the bank and then your pants are filled with shit if it doesn’t come out of your butt
it’s a Teleport into your pants you’re a you’re about to cash a check if you know you know it’s like a comment section like like like okay maybe that person may be the person that pooped in his pants as crazy maybe give them the benefit of the doubt because if you don’t if you punish him too hard if you go hey stinky who’d you fight over he might shiting your pants when he died so keep a low profile that’s what that’s the natural effect is going to have lunch at you get to poop in one person poop in in anyone other than that in the pants of your choosing drop dead tonight and and who would I choose who’s your who’s your poop accountant your poop your poop your poop Meister top of my head Bruce Vilanch
no not not who’s. Your head
I don’t have to be dead. I’m going to shut your pants when you die
all right side so no jealousy comes to taking time out of his his trench into social commentaries and you tell him you want to poop in his pants like it doesn’t matter. You’re going to go you know what I discovered language at MIT and I’m the foremost the center of American foreign policy Choice tin the gioi you carry into the Afterlife into Oblivion would you like about you can’t leave a calling card that they don’t know who’s I don’t want them to because that’s the important thing right because then you start here here’s what he hears what here’s what
here’s what channel do here’s what I’ll do if he’ll go to the Pentagon he’ll go in the basement go coming into my pants and separate if there’s a name tag on that shit I want him to just have his pants of the volume of it is a measure of people’s anger against
I’ll tell you what you did motherfuker you fucked around too much with too many people die on the radar
clean it up I hit call Big Friendly be nice BB Mother Teresa if you’re going to be famous coffee cup be on a coffee cup because you’re the coolest person in the world
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out while actually. But you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
aren’t aren’t famous you’ve read the comments sections after an episode of a show that you’ve made people are Petty well I’m an ass-whole how many kinda lost it seems it seems like many times do you think people are going to die at on their deathbed make you poop but honestly I don’t know. You know who’s going to do was going to use it to ironically you know
I don’t I don’t I don’t get credit for the idea I don’t want that
that’s not cool you can’t do that cuz then everyone’s doing it cuz it ever after I after I make this happen everyone’s going to resent the let you know yes Connor MacLeod invented egg a shield that protects the Earth from they are the effects of the windows down and everyone resents him cuz it’s an eternal night and also there’s Highlanders
it’s 8:25 but I could go on and on about it I can I change my answer in the pants of the director of Highlander 2
not the writer can I split my shit can I split my shit and I put half of it writers pants all right listen we have a list okay with a menu just move on okay Jeff you’re right I spent today I change my phone to Android a couple I just sent you a text by the way I have my volume down let me just explain I just this is the benefit of Android phone as opposed to what I thought I’ll resend that text. My phone notification wise like I doubt I downloaded different sounds and set them so send send me a text first sent me a text sending right now
yeah there was a Star Trek sound can you send me an email read the text
I Dan Harmon love dicks and balls in my head
that’s not going to fool anybody else they know I’m reading that
I said it was going to take us I got to send that one
oh yeah that might not registered right away I will just leave it on yeah cuz I can’t cuz I’m free and I’m not I’m not a slave to Apple I should have sent okay well it doesn’t matter just just
Transformer Transformers old school Transformers from the kind of rude I still love dicks involved
sure if I can chat for you
I thought I thought there was a wrap it that’s why
I know what you’re doing but it sounded like a wrapping was starting to go there was a Motown sample and they’re rapping to have always if you are you are you my friend
I answered yes they’re not even answer all right all right next on the list next on the list Holly Berry Burbank I movie poster I guess there’s a movie coming out of tile Halle Halle Berry’s got a headset phone thing and underneath your face is is a map of Los Angeles
it’s at a stoplight at 10 at bus stop and it and it said I guess it’s about a 911 dispatcher or something that says it says like there are 1800 911 calls everyday in Los Angeles this one got personal and it’s and it’s Halle Berry’s face and then underneath her face and a half a Pasadena is a map of Los Angeles the corner of her lips but they’re like right under eye it’s like Glendale Burbank undercut the severity of the Burbank Burbank I like best
for I fear I goes right to it because her to her eye
dumb town I I work in Burbank what is just a dumb like Burbank Burbank I kind of jumped same Department Superman poster what’s going on I drove past the Warner Brothers lot I saw a poster Superman in handcuffs with the people that cops behind of anybody anybody somebody’s got to know about this
so who called out what
Henry Cavill
Cabo
travel I’m sorry I don’t know Henry Cabot Lodge is playing Superman can give us the dope on the Superman movie that the time scene T’s done this poster is there anybody here that there is no what, can you come up here cuz that might come pick you up if you’re willing to it’s fine
what’s your name Jeremy everybody Welcome Jeremy to the states
is the new movie Man of Steel that they’re working on righteous man of steel as a very cool looking Superman what’s the actor’s name
Henry carbo cowbell Henry Cavill got it I got to have more cowbell
I so happy so happy
I’m a hack as your grandpa at Christmas time I’m asking you kids will why is Henry Capo exciting like what was he in
Interiors by Woody Allen and Ward oh wow
The Shootist did Shooters shoot today
does Harrison Ford have three other guys and now it’s just the barrel is so much wider in the bottom can be scraped forever
all right
Alright Henry Henry Capo so what’s up what do you know about the what so he has to find out that he’s got his dad well you know. Just don’t drill he think I will clear this courtroom it goes to the authorities in like a migration walk and he wants to let he’s been hiding here You Go Tellin it’s like
have you seen have you seen as well as how do you know this trailer is than it’s been around they’ve been talking about it for a while are you but you are you a Superman guy or are you like Batman guy needs to 2,000 Comics, they actually made Superman appealing a Superman I never got it what is it made you a Batman vs Spiderman Batman Superman we developed the idea of a Superman and then everything else is a commentary after that and if you watch Easy Rider and you don’t like it you know you can’t necessarily say Easyriders a bad movie because some of it was influenced by the good weird that you have Dennis Hopper’s high and you got a camera but the Superman like I didn’t know this about the history of it was created by two Jewish Brothers
they were like they were it was during the time when Jewish people were like incredibly like feeling it was wrong with us today or Monday and they created the character that was like a little super hat on his head like and had him be able to throw it and decapitate Nazis instead of just so that we could under cuz I never got it but but but but they were they were they were expressing like maybe that that is like the little bit that when we when we do to keep Superman around maybe we’re all feeling that like that fuck you you know just that one impossible q u i like that that makes me like him other than that he goes back and going to beat the shit out of a truck driver where it’s like to me growing up lower-middle-class of the Wisconsin like a Batman I like because my fantasy is I want to be rich and if I was
I wouldn’t fuck around with my money I’d use it to fight crime and we’re like I I I went I would make a super car and I have cameras everywhere I go out and kick some ass
in Spider-Man 2 it’s the same thing I got your a teenager you find out your talented and then how do you deal with the answer is wisecracking you know like you get out there but that Superman was always like you’re born special boohoo like a jerk off in a cup port on your head
that that that’s his that’s his weakness which it’s just a dumb butt but the Jew thing like like a really lift it up
I’d say that’s a dash of pepper that every on with me is I can just eat a little like like like like like like like like fucking like yeah Superman in the in the subheading like an expression of Jewish like rage and then I be like one of those valuable like that
if I don’t like this I’m a bad person and I know this is important I don’t know why I said that stupid all right but I got a lot of shit to get to just stay there stay there if you’re going to help me
Halle Berry Burbank I Superman poster all right all right
if you’re not caught up sorry about a TV man I don’t know Aaron tells me you’re an open the window and I’m in the backyard writing my thing and she goes
she’s right to do that it’s like this is history how do you do that how do you dump a one-armed girl they should have they should have called The Bachelor this season have the Bachelor season 25 how do you dump a one-armed girl
it’s a good question again like the Superman thing come clean about like what’s really like like like power in your myths do you know
all I’m seeing is a gator Cape jumping around I can do anything they tell me it’s about being a Jew
you’re complicated fellow.
Alright okay Alex Jeremy Christ
no at watch this job watch this should I get a name tag if you if you wanted to be named anything what would it be like when I do that God working through me and effect of the high school boys who is who is your poop meant or what it says hi
did Dad sorry just so young
nice best
have you seen that Superman movie
sorry you’re not even hack from me
who do you want to poop
call you’re going to poop his pants do you want to fill
poo poo
if your right is a dead person
Tik Tok
I’m a pretty popular poop Mentor but also you have 10 minutes to ask Christopher Walken anyting
put on the spot it be so difficult all right
what is a
we have a lot of shit to go to the show Chris what are you telling me what did you do to you what one of the one of the actual Justin Justin Thomas you can delete that out regular like weekly he would if I had to leave the classroom he would split my bag inside out but my backpack bag it’s a good thing that they figured out how to do is they take your book bag and they empty it and then they turn it inside out and put all your stuff back in except I always had a lot of stuff like papers and whatever my bag so the first time he tried it he just he didn’t bother putting it all back
and I’m sorry you have to undo it and put your feet up or anything like that and then he didn’t try that anymore
uh oh well what what what most people don’t like lunch boxes that experience he does he’s got a lot more people to deal with it was torment of it was just that constantly annoying stuff little guys were the worst they were they were they were big guys were abusing their Authority but then you’d you’d go to all of you
but then the little guy be like yeah he’s a guy’s going to Morgan exacto Blade the school is like a little guy Dad burned it with a cigarette and your problem all of a sudden
the worst thing is you got to your 10-year reunions all those guys just like drank antifreeze and died
I went to my 20-year you again if you wait that if you make it that far they all blow each other up in cars and like go to prison and stuff like that I hated the most oh two of them went to prison three of them rather than each other and then one of them got out and blew the other one up like I just great you just so I don’t have to do any bacteria and you all right thank you John whatever your name is
Thanks for opening up
but it sounds like that Superman movies and the jury’s out let’s check back in with that Superman movie in it in a week after we we get it let’s get some more things and Goldberg right so God damn it like one of his moves he gives he gives you things when he asked him back I can give you a plate of brownies because I want the plate back to take this is my speculation he read about it in some book about like Joe Rogan’s guide to getting laid or something I don’t know if I got to leave a purse at your house like on a woman’s side looking to give give him a thing like
Uber gave me a box of a game called citadel’s like a role playing game some of some kind some kind of thing and I have it here I’m going to give it back to him that’s it that’s what just knock it off okay
Adam can you please come up and receive your
will edit this out
are you going to come up when you get a discount like you breaking up with the one arm lady thank you have a great week
alright shed no tears for him all right moving down the list all right along. I texted you earlier you’re at a bar and I texted you it was over at the pikey before the show airs and order me a Sam Smith lawyer in a fernet branca and I’m walking up and I get there I said did you order that no his giant 11 by 9 phone is on the it’s on the bar on the think of the table in front of him and still nothing I was probably talking to somebody or something about you know who knows is BJ hair
BJ okay I have his phone started alright knock that off the list
are you breaking up with everybody but I’m making amends Jeff why do men date single gunshot
has the most amazing show diamonds is this your card
all right Bachelor one-armed girl or I try and really couldn’t be here tonight he’s on a date tonight
I want to I want to I want to bring episode
I want to I want to I want to I want to bring him up next week cuz I want to ask him have his date with that’s not cool
what I bring my bring no he’s not here he’s going on a date with a girl who can I use an activator need dates more than I ever have seen a girl that she said that they’re trying to decide what to do for their first date and she said I want to infiltrate a cult
set a reminder I am really like kind of came down and I was like
manic pixie dream girl kind of thing you know I’m a lady like like I don’t know just
did she understand I like like my first date with Aaron we had a drink at 11 a.m. at the drawing room that’s why I love her I’m going to be with her forever cuz it’s like you have a drink like that’s what being in love with me going to be like
you like this
welcome to 20 years you know like that’s that’s me I’m 40 but Ryan still out there playing the field so it’s like that
artist Colter Jam
let’s go to a laundromat take the cameras there but but be pumped punk people and it would be Tom Green and it will be an awesome thing as a poop thing happened because you could get a bunch of people to all poop the same guy’s pants yeah you can go get the flyers I can covering over LA and focus the poop like the Real Genius laser just Target things remote viewing poop people
but the president was unable to sign the anti-poverty bill today cuz so much poop is in his pants that he couldn’t reach the path I had an unpopular war end in one shift after the other or does it just come pound like in a building exploded because of because of what some of some sort of policy and they all pooped president Pence is it four hundred turns at 1 yes yes yes so when you go to the White House all you see is a giant pile of shit always right but you don’t even see the White House unless the government start shaping up and start representing the people’s so well and if their poop doesn’t like the clips the ivory or nobody would run for president because even if you wanted to hang like actually exactly no one would run for president because it’s a thankless shity job because it’s supposed to be because you’re run
everything because you make the trains run on time you make sure everyone’s happy and if you unless you have a passion for doing that or a passion for sitting in a lot of people shit well random I’d Bobby like I’m probably going to do a lot wrong
where is only so many of those all right I’m from The Hustler party but other than that look I get it you’re going to poop on me going to poop in my pants can I get the every day is going to have to deal with this poop everywhere and I’m going to be surrounded by people who have to deal with the stench of poop like when they come it’s not a glamorous job if you want power and you want romance you don’t get into politics that way that that you keep all of those people all those shity people out of the business by making an actual shity business all those people then they go into like model railroads or something all of a sudden just you just do flax into like a model railroads become like a billion dollar industry of you if you can make a perfect little train be powerful
this is where you’re running the government are like like people just trying to keep the level of shit down by not fucking up everything all the time it’s just it’s just a working Theory Jeff a spiritual teleportation of shit saying I can also like an afterlife and kind of thing of it is I just like replicate the effect of the Holograms in mind when we start our moon base on the moon bring it back to the the older wire last are lost pieces and I don’t know two things I jerked off today at work
wait your your office is nothing but a glass window that is a secret bathroom at the same time cuz I ate but I have to stay in the same page and stay transparent about it because I had like 3 weeks ago I stopped because it was getting away my word this is your first masturbation after the last couple days like like like I didn’t ask for 3 weeks
you’re welcome thank everybody thank you and your welcome
but I must have been a doozy I did not really know that’s a weird thing is like it wasn’t like who
it was kind of like what it was I was like sneezing or something I was like all right that’s why I had to do it because I felt like I kind of felt like a weird kind of weird compulsive thing like you’re addicted to the dopamine in your brain that generated by others is my comfort is like eating macaroni and cheese it’s a different thing and then when you weren’t like like finally or like I feel like I have a bag of concrete in my pants and I just just just go in the bathroom you know I don’t know it’s not know I can’t I know it’s not a sexy thing that’s why I am but I’m confessing night I ended my 3-week streak but it was it was a biological imperative I felt like I was going to get prostate cancer
because I I had Aaron had been kind of sideline for the last 3 days cuz I’m working really hard to finish the script and so I was like I’m staying up all night and then I’m going to bed I’m exhausted so the end result of that was like 3 days of I’m not doing anything and then I’m sitting at the office today and like I think I’m going to get cancer from which is an urban legend but also I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I haven’t seen I’m just going to go and you want to save your own life
so I didn’t I I apologize America but I’m right back on the wagon and that’s it like like like I try that’s that’s your update again
the smattering of Applause small portion of our crowd
I saw him in the green room and I had a little brown paper bag which I wanted to start a new a new segment called one of the Abbot by at the comic book store
I bet Jake everyone hello how are you man good to see you last week was super fun it was like really fun last time you drink it
like 2 days ago maybe either actually because I live with my brother now and if I jerked off in the same house is him right it’s weird it’s like kind of like I need to be alone what am I jerk off and there’s a roomful of animators outside your door the bathroom don’t read before in the past and it’s only because at the time I can’t remember like you said that you feel you had cancer I was like something’s wrong with me I got it yet and you know it’s kind of like one of those wet dreams they taught us about in our 1950s inspired eight eight 1980s sex ed class has happened but it was like they only knew what dreams existed because of the fifties people actually didn’t jerk off for a while but I thought it was like when you just piss your pants
later found out it was like it and I was really Disturbed I was like yeah it’s a nocturnal emission it isn’t like you just come in your dream and did you like doing shit to me you’re dreaming about you know you’re you’re you’re hanging out in your playing badmin with Nicole Kidman in your dream and then something happens like otherwise I would be sleepwalking or whatever so you’re just sitting there but then ostensibly I don’t believe the scientist I love lemonade I’m really grateful for it and you’re like
I have the badminton tournament and then you wake up and you know it’s never happened to me like you know that you’re having to meet you actually play with an imagination like that you can you stop masturbating with three weeks to fax and I was like I am doing two things less than others like like like like I am writing like I’m not giving him a ride and done and I talked with Duncan Trussell and he was like yeah I was like what is tied to this self-denial is about lake lake like what do you what do we really doing when we do this and I’ve noticed like when I have a deadline I’m supposed to be writing a break world record like I’m leaving there’s nothing happening down there it’s at but I’m compulsively doing this thing because I’m trying not to write because I’ll do anything other than right
Twitter and YouTube of but one of the biggest things that can really put a dent and everything I just like if you eliminate this artificially than likely if we close that door to that wing of the house let’s see what happens in the other think that’s weird for me when you say that is like it never gotten my way really it itches
okay I got to do this when I get back to what I was doing and I guess I don’t know I mean I feel like I was writing like I could I could I could fill a Dixie cup like like I like if I have someone told me you have to do you have to turn in a movie by next Wednesday I would like if I don’t guess what you have a quite a bit when you got to do procrastinate and masturbating
procrastinate.
Title of the episode
now you just did you just masturbate all the time anyway there’s playing video games there’s eating ice cream there’s masturbation they’re checking your Twitter there is like all of those things are like the leaves on a on a branch as part of a tree and it all goes back to dopamine being generated in your brain in your self I want to write writing is coming up against my limitations I don’t want to be doing that what do I want to be doing the pipes though cuz it’s like I just want to watch something. But I’ve tried using your method of clearing the pipes constantly and I got less writing down there when I stop drinking off you means we’d make sense College eyes just just forget indicate my brain did one of those like random things alright real avid
well that what did I do what did you buy the, I just like this isn’t even something that I’ve read or I know about I just bought a fashion Beast by Alan more issues 2 and 3 I don’t even know what it’s about but it’s like I got it because I really like Alan Moore
how much is a Tesla
he’s like the Dan Harmon of comics the first 5 minutes of a documentary about Alan Moore I knew nothing about him like you always hear his name I’m really late to that party like I really do nothing about him lately good amazing that he did all this shit that make that all everyone makes movies about all the shit he hates it amazingly articulate like fries like you kind of but I mean he’s he’s like quite an individual crazy individual envious of his like like like he just planted a flag and goes this is who I am I’m not putting out into the world at 40 and I’m still I’ll probably go to my grave in this lifetime still need anything from other people but it’s so refreshing to see somebody that’s like like what you just push it out and going like this is how I feel this is how I think and it’s like I made you could do a good go get back up into his River and drink it at he’s he’s pretty interesting
turn on that likes by Malcolm McLaren like Sex Pistols really like I don’t think it’s the same guy all this is that the guy that was like the over helping you know anybody named yeah yeah well maybe he co-wrote it right Bruce Vilanch and saw Watchman and I felt so bad because I got to love the comic
just hearing your did you go over about how bad it was because I agreed it was like it was so bad and I like it so much because I love the comic but it just didn’t translate it was it was a movie that set out to ask and answer the question who watches the Watchmen really good that deserve more
there were a lot of reviews the capitalized on that board would probably agree I don’t think when you adapt a comic into the televisual medium or the Cinematic medium I think I don’t think your job is to take all of the content from the comic book which is a specific medium and end and translated under this tree night light that was so confusing
maybe it was playing I did I miss a must have missed something there that we were just full of moments like that or the guy’s a problem with cinema today is it writing is increasingly a lost all right because it gets easier and easier to writing software is now just like anyone anyone like a fire hydrant outside 10 fingers away from writing a screenplay used to be like I have to know how to set the margins and also what if you was a typo in one page in you going to get out white out and take the page over again there used to be a filters hair that guarantee the people who are definitely passionate about getting that job done right where the people that did that stuff now is easy as like like you know tiddlywinks and and directing is not the case so you have these Geniuses these Visionaries were so knowing where to put the camera I’m so passionate about the ways to use all this new technology of CG of those guys doing amazing things like
do you know where he’s jumping out that regarded riding is like I got fuck you think you hate cheap cheap cheap rewriting ackee tree rated you fucking fatty you neckbeards you fucking love you love you love die hard and it’s a good for a good reason because that was based on a novel the movie was good and I know exactly what novel can you suck my dick it doesn’t matter I think because it was based on a novel there was no die-hard novel I’ve seen the car but it wasn’t called die hard I know it’s called something the building blew up
the airport blew up wasn’t related it wasn’t called nakuto me to the airport this time it’s not in there to Frank Sinatra was it was in her some movie of the Die Hard franchise is what was that the detective okay there’s a lot of my depth here but but but it’s based on that one time do they make it do they make the movie
it’s do they make a movie with Sinatra or did he okay so there’s a Sinatra movie called the detective and which Sinatra is is the John McClane character I did not know that that’s a good guy who sang for a living I don’t know what is the director of the writers of it look like a good movies are off on a fluke like die hard one was really good you can’t repeat everyone tries to repeat like you get let’s get jamming to make me turn into directing the other thing is like it’s very very difficult to it was like lightning in a bottle I can’t do an accident you can see from the movie like they weren’t they weren’t trying to make a awesome classic
one is painful to watch the deleted scenes in the first Ghostbusters movie or stripes or any of that all these awesome like Ivan Reitman movies you can you get to the deleted scenes and then you got holy shit if these eight seems he’d been in the movies bad mood and a random mish-mosh the last time we should take away from that is a little like a nice humble one just like the thing that we’re trying to achieve is a the spiritual event it’s like Wachowski Brothers you’re not a genius like you you sat down and you you made a movie called The Matrix where you were so joyful you were like I hope we make sure you make the Matrix like, an accident we can you make Jaws an accident when you make a good movie
Rocky Flats in Back to the Future cuz it’s like that movie so perfect and then I watched him again recently and the second one is just off it’s like this is like all these levels to it that I don’t work at there’s no way even even the almighty Empire Strikes Back everyone I know you remember being 11 and like it it it gave you so much and give you so much more action figure wise but that’s
you don’t like Empire I’m just saying it’s I’m saying is that unlike I I am 40 years old I’m entitled to my opinion I don’t think it’s the best movie of the Star Wars Trilogy I think that Star Wars is so good at Empire Strikes Back can sit on it as a patio and not break to you’re looking at it is important right that’s what your angle is I’m looking at timelessness and storytelling and clear simple things like Star Wars Joseph Campbell hours could be a cowboy movie could tell the same story as a little farm boy from a small farm town and goes in the bigger part of a bigger world of The Last Empire Strikes Back is driven by Syfy Concepts if there’s no big penis monster trying to swallow your spaceship there is no movie it doesn’t make sense a plot point is we’re inside a squishy thing and it’s like there’s a million plot points in Empire Strikes Back that are like it has to be a sci-fi movie so it’s just at the end of the day a good sci-fi movie Star Wars is a Timeless Masterpiece let us move on
after dinner I want to say time after Deming the show I want to tell you why I think I’m parched
are you got me next week we’re going to hear about that date like way I were to find out that he left if Becca a sock at your place is it because of his is it possible to have a bird play a Chris de Burgh and I’m assuming command was not here Camille text Mike for Aaron and Brakes Plus get Spencer up here and you know what I mean like I’ve never played before it’s all right I know but don’t have to know stuff
and Erin mcgathy
I’m doing good I just dropped the guys I’m doing good. I can’t see it that’s a good sign of dice on the floor Ventures Galore
Jason the table evil is able
222 have to happen
stand or it’ll be like weird that’s good but doctor host
like what we’re most comfortable when you feel bad taking right Spencer that’s correct Roby kreisberg yes yes read from the 80s right after he’s been on hard times but now he’s he’s taking part in an adventure with us on our Quest towards wherever the hell we’re going through every all of my items West like you just joined yeah okay yeah sorry I meant to say great analogies tonight
it was a pepper of how are you how are you enjoying the living with me we’re making the space I had planned to turn into a giant master bathroom into your little Art Studio I like that so nice Testament to like you know what I’ll keep using a slightly smaller bathroom like a relationship I really feel your love of my dreams of having a Roman bath
does Caligula mean like a big bath when it’s always a bunch of old Roman senators in their underwear I’m at my life there always make me feel more important
nothing so nothing egg salad the perfect choice for you got to go to the dragon when I got to go like I think grakkus infraccion I don’t think they don’t think they wanted me to have an egg salad sandwich I fear the game is afoot also I am outside of the fear of SpongeBob
I think I have this sweater but mine’s blue did you get that at a shop at the same store I don’t know 21 forever you know this sweater from Target so you have the lady take it easy
polyps, and Arab strap they’re great
where are you from
London is she still in love with you. You have no idea
Mega Pawn what do you have to hear the access really I hope the bikes but it’s like a terrible sequel to Trainspotting I said I don’t
cool action and works against them because I’m sure they’re already drunk but the Scottish accent ever made
hahaha accent Workshop pictures of me about your dolls
dark matter
if you do a can you do a Australian
Boomerang forget it I only need the Irish and Scottish ones. They’re giving me microfiche
French German
Gohan cereal not let me see your papers your papers sir your papers
opening spark car light bulbs in a man pretending to be Scottish driving towards the German border play serial
father
I’m Hitler right you love Siri
even the Jura Blazer Irish
to the church
Downtown
all right for Jesus to this place when they would have heard it on harmontown with the help of Christopher Traverse the dark forests of Twyla the troupe defeated a small horde of zombies before coming upon the ruins of Mercia Passing Strange statues they made their way to a mysterious stand of trees and wind in entangled into a massive clump of trunks and brambles throwing them throwing caution to the wind narrow crack in the trees falling into a muddy hole below soon after the rest of the party followed in together they found themselves stuck in the muck after searching around the darkness they found it on tile discovering it to be made of thin wood and kicked it to kindling Sharpie cast light on an arrow which Chris de Burgh Hadley shot through the open and they crawled through into the narrow tunnel
examining a large Mosaic depicting a green dragon on the floor he attempted to remove what appeared to be a massive treasure before he realized he had sprung a trap fuck everything I know he’ll be right now I’m not reading I’m not reading off of this you know you’re not you’re not living up to the harmontown mark of quality such a big standard you know it’s it’s it’s a hard act to follow solid wall of Big Stone thought it into the ground would he do what would he do
I’m going to call bolshit on that one I think I fabricated I think you knew the music if you can put your faith in your fake the moment of insecurity just so you can come back and just I just like to come right down there at the end of the music came from a real moment of insecurities but I realized I could twist it to my advantage you guys were in this dark pit there was this whole Chris de Burgh crawled through it and he was looking at the floor and then he was trying to extricate a large Ruby and that that caused a trap to go off causing a wall to separate the two of you the wall started approaching threatening to crush him against the wall can I have I have evasion is a special ability can I evade you cannot evade getting crushed to death between two walls
and when your plan is Kumail or when Kumail was playing as your character who you’re playing as whatever he was pulling the Ruby out of the ground and it was big was this big thing and he was starting to get it and it’s starting to come out of the ground and but you know he’s trapped because like he don’t know if you want to pull it out of the ground or dropping the Ruby Falls into its place the wall continues to advance our perspective we see a wall moving forward I so like I said you’re probably peering through because you’re like what the fuc right so Mark he tried to jump through and and save him if I recall correctly but the wall that it down before that so he’s probably in the best position to see what’s going on but yeah basically you saw the Wall come down and it’s going towards the walls in between me and Chris de Burgh right now and you can tell from from what you’ve seen that it did
probably going to crush on the walls moving away from twice likely a price ceiling all the way down under it’s not as far as you can tell dammit I look around on the floor for any any kind of triggers are traps just to send some way to add to stop this all right notebooks all right let let let let let me let me ask you a question sidebar no time quick anyway even though it takes no time tenser’s floating disk space right you can do that we we’ve written upon it so it’s a thing that like physically like like like occupies space can I cast it through a wall like like like like my objective would be to cast tenser’s floating disk as a wedge Indiana jones-style like wedge the a creative space that couldn’t you know to hold it so if this was like a weak force that wouldn’t be
will crushing a human to death like that might function and also you don’t have line of effect to the Target
magic hands with Jeremy
are the portable hole
you don’t have the portable hole do you got that last text about the can only inflict very light 48 says 5 lb a week
I’d say it’s about does Aruba have Garth somebody ass
I think I know the answer
can you say sir
I’d say yeah it’s it’s it’s a roughly the size of a manhole cover himself like that if he left it out perhaps
I think I’m going to lift that Rubio all right sounds like a good plan a whole so much is a socket in which a ruby is sitting anyway you tug at the Ruby with all your might have begins to budge you think you’re making good progress it’s going to take a couple more jugs or so the wall continues its approach continuing to tug I’m continuing to tell you increase your tugging speed and intensity I’m going fast but I’m taking a tab Ruby man alright I assume the oval Ruby from its socket and you can see below a deep dark hole whoa whoa natural reaction that was my reaction to your natural reaction
big enough for you definitely
well I will I think I’m going to throw that 150 foot rope down the hole and we can all climb you can climb just you and that little section right now climb down this hole quickly throwing the Rope down to the hash you noticed that it’s not typed anything Falls done the whole person through the through the saying I need a line of sight yeah that Jesus can you show me down or climb a wall continues its approach dude well I guess I’m going to jump down this hole
I mean here we go try going down slowly like with your hands out like like I got can I do that am I that cool like I mean yeah yeah yeah well that would work if you had a rope
but this fucking rope is going to be the death of me is going to be the death of your anchor that you if you could dock it to something on the wall look at you look at the wall it doesn’t have any dockable search at the surfaces for an egg to attach to otherwise yeah I’m talking about that creates a magical anchor Coco’s out of the dungeon sorry you lowered yourself down the hole but you you fail and you fall you fall into the dark abyss and something I have to read it’s Goonies
I thought you didn’t really bad Kumail impression
dying does having maybe your tumble through darkness is that when you land in the pile is something until you land in a pile of something squishy dry and Dusty when you land if you feel a great cloud of dust releasing into the air invading your lungs burning and itching you cop incessantly for a bit and feel sick and almost immediately
to no effect though you managed to Shake It Off
my bad all right now all the way across the room you see the wall for a bit strange as if it’s trying to smash something and then you hear a crumbling the wall strikes the far wall before you you can see a giant green Mosaic of a dragon but in place of its mouth you only see a dark hole so that’s the whole of it that to Crystal Bridges fell through I don’t like you don’t know how you think he’s dead but I guess he had come up behind us at the end of that so nevermind nevermind stupid we’ll do it another time you’re in Pitch Darkness right now you can’t see a thing, right now hello there I’m fine but I can’t see anything though I need those cool glasses that you have actually it does he have
I die I light a torch and toss it down into it so we can see his way down there you light a torch and toss it down to him so he could see his way down there
I look at you just barely managed to catch it I got it through this crazy dark tunnel I should stop you you’re you’re sitting on what appears to be a giant mushroom it’ll ever released this great cloud of dust in the air that doesn’t sound good glancing around quickly you can see the wall is covered in large fist-sized holes
you can also see a large metal door with a huge elaborate locking mechanism
the sounds of hissing snake well or Tire leak yet yeah I think there’s a snake down here if you guys can come down I’ll be great if you could help me out alright right on the button staff use the button staff using the button staff you are wrecked a rope I mean not a rope that’s stupid you erect this staff it reaches all the way down below nice I’m going to grab the staff and ride my way up ice I have a witch ice I slide down it behind Sharpie and we both do like a Batman and Robin quips holy holy mushroom powder
the mushroom are not on the floor next to the mushroom okay then you don’t hit him wait he said he was climbing up the pole oh well then you do hit them
you’re at an impasse well we’re coming down well I’m coming up will you know if you want to come down cuz I heard you’re coming up, we better get this party started
fuck you it was delicious low-hanging fruit
well maybe I’ll stay put cuz to come back up because you were previously in a situation where you weren’t able to come back up so how your first instinct is to come up but as I speak on behalf of the people that were up and couldn’t come down I’m saying the grass is always greener on the other side vertically or horizontally like we’re coming down I suggest you stay down here though just like it’s dark the combined weight of everyone going down at once over comes
guys guys we got to start fucking cooperating a little game
it’s dangerous
already down I think that the way it’s painted in my head there’s a rod but it is standing next to a mushroom he’s climbing up you his his face is basically in your underwear and now you two have, top yet and that’s causing the whole assembly to slide down slowly to the floor and a float like a parachute live slowly to the ground thank you
guys I can’t feather falling and then get off the phone to have Kristen were going to go up and go start his music career you can all right okay so what I look around what’s going on. You see or what you see is it surrounded chamber some might say ovaloid some some might say what there’s definitely fist-sized holes. In the walls you can hear the hissing that he was talking about earlier and since you’re going to come this way there’s also a large metal door it’s it’s embedded in the walls the only door you can see it as a large elaborate locking mechanism in a large key hole in it I got a feeling you hit that lock ring snakes to those holes in my right well if it isn’t Christopher he’s good at locks but he’s a thief isn’t true I want to let the snakes out
but I mean open the lock with my lock skills okay skills before you can head to the lot more rain out of the corner of your eye you can see snakes pouring out of a few of the whole some of the day.
Alright alright don’t you have like an animal husbandry or something and can I can’t we just climb back up the staff
you’re a rumbling overhead
I handle all those animals animals to handle the snake it rises up and seems to be swaying slowly from side to side you hear hissing behind you
cool I turn around and be a few more snakes pouring out of the hole right handle animals is what we would need to use in some way and like I said it first I should take one bite
well that hurry up
take me to pack I take my sack and I hold it up to the holes and I’m also handling the animals I handle them into my sack I’m going to open
how do I undo their skills there should be something on the other page not that one on the right side of the page there should be something that says open lock and then there should be a number somewhere the right side yeah all right I’m looking looking at 800 okay it’s 13 awesome okay you start picking the lock
can you take a big as this happens you guys you feel like you hear the weird sound of sprawling floor spring floor a green cloud of smoke is emitted from the room and standing where the snakes were you see several green humanoid figures what are you doing in our people are Travelers
we come in peace we have traveled far and wide to give you a homage we come here only to to extend to you the utmost privilege and courtesy thank God we found you cuz we’ve we’ve heard about you forever and we just we just huge fans do you have diplomas 8 then yeah it would be on that first page I have to say hey do you want to also say stuff what about the Lilly let’s just on the right side where your skills are at Medical so okay okay okay
but you just aren’t as good can I use my hat in Disguise make myself a green person evade detection are they threatening us there they’re holding bows drawn at you yeah I’m going to say look it’s your cousin from long too far and she misses you guys why haven’t you wrote Scrolls detailing how you’re doing to her Everybody’s Talkin at once it doesn’t seem very convincing but then that we were holding you as a hostage cuz you look like one of them but I’m not going to do anything bad
open that door and let us do it our friend gets it that means you hear the voice of the dagger call out hey hey snake dudes this guy is totally lying with the trick why would my dagger do that because it’s an intelligent item and you haven’t talked to think I got it at a Renaissance Fair in so I can open that door in front gets it
what’s up what’s your diplomacy with a minor in sociology
turn the three that seven whatever that means
yeah okay that makes sense sometimes it’s a math
you seem convincing he moves the the lead snake purse and moles over the options I use intimidate to will you got to pick one so intimidate
he stops breathing he’s like wait a second you shouldn’t kill one of our own probably also I’m frightened O So Superior because you’re back spend one different ways we use of the primates just come to pay honor to you for your for your blood runs cold in your hearts are but two Chambers Aurora maybe when one eye I can’t remember it’s true I Came Upon them they were making posters to hang on to our people who does George is here to hang out the least power is like he seems lizard people yeah that was bad right by your speech after being frightened by The Gnome Barbarian
we got we got to get the same page here you guys were super excited we’re send messages I’m going to snake man to the left he looks a bit unstable he freaks out and he hits the one in the middle
what happened to each other one of the guys in the ribs he’s like hey get a freaking grip stay over here I walked over to him go what’s with this guy huh I walk around before that happens the one on the left side. I’m just saying let’s get along I’m relying on my elongated asses to woo them in to say we’re just here.
service the idea of getting along I walk around one of the snake guy and I get down on my hands and knees like I’m hoping Crosby kind of thing a square is at the end of the day
all we are is just a bunch of slave to working for the weekend and I pushed him
for a second you don’t think this half-assed plan is going to work being naturally sneaky manager position
thinking faster whatever you had mentioned you push him over Court
they shoot arrows at you
can I be a little bit woozy there was something coating that you know poison in those are a tricky business indeed it hit both of the arrows hit Dan flames in my eyes I take out my arrows fire two arrows at the snake people and they’re looking at me like
nice so I what kind of arrows
GTA v v v v v v Rose
the Euro Rose to people both of their arrows strike their Mark 7 damage the other three attack on the other snake person leaving quickly to your feet you grab your sword and thrust it viciously into the which one do you say the one that I did that that we knocked over the one that’s on the ground they’re knocked over one glued or mandolin whatever can I like score of the whole action scene
is there doing all that I might have to lose if you do it is shipping you could
yeah I mean all right I’ll help I’ll help my homie out and you know climb on the head or something
yeah I’ll use my bow and shoot arrows also all right well at the last guy you know his flaming sword strikes the Fallen snake
he dies oh yeah Quite a feat oh man we get like points and shit experienced ones yes cool
okay so now do the thing that you’re going to do so it’s divided don’t you worry I’ll take care of you do with a bow maybe what was it mean yeah there’s nothing left to do to other guys
I’m going to I’m going to like shoot one but like really fast like one bowl one guy one but the other guy I mean Arrow okay so you can only shoot one out but it looks like I will you can shoot an arrow so pick pick a Target left right left
unit well maybe right I’ll go left my first answer seems right yeah your arrow strikes true hitting the snake right in the chest
deals 10 damage the snake goes down
the other snake freaks out and turns into a snake and actual snake this time and slithers Away into the hole behind I want to do you want to see I want to grab them what’s your dexterity I don’t know it’s not looking good man 14 + 2 + 2
he manages to warm away
too heavy I like your thought your magical Whip and then you whip but you missed so well there you go that’s true in this time the door has now been unlocked earn some points there I open the door and threw it through the open door
now what’s happening
as you open the door to the threshold you are such a salted by the sharp abrasive smell of the chamber are thick and heavy but applying at your eyes and nose so sharp Tang of vinegar and Incredibly pungent sour Aroma invades your senses what we’re at the drawing room
you can see a large Stone chamber in the Centre of which has three large human food stamp shoes they’re beginning to crumble next behind the statues is a large stud staircase leading up about 80 feet height in tiered steps at the top you can see chests in barrels and what appeared to be a massive sarcophagus made of obsidian surrounded by several forms of tribute gold heaps of gold I turned a Sharpie and I start to do a high five
Minecraft credit start to freeze frame
is there everybody once again Erin mcgathy
Abigail Abigail
Hobbit Chinese food game
enjoy those fashionbeast
all right show I’ll give that a Burbank 8
Burbank 8
like what the fuc
god dammit this is going to be hard to describe for the podcast
an apparition just appeared on stage
BJ briefly briefly for the people listening in Indiana and whatnot BJ comes on stage wearing pink leopard or cheetah jaguar with his trousers up the pink leopard Rainbow Bright Moon boots at Punky Brewster’s giant shoes thank you they’re not Strawberry Shortcake boots as previously said by someone not here and it’s a red Tartan jacket open shirt hairy chest of a colorful scarf in the show I traveled back all the way from the future
just to figure out how to end the show
how about with the song what’s the future like BJ it’s bright
cuz the sun’s bigger there’s more than one in the future and one of them is ours
send alarm to the other Sunday longs to Jeff and the future of sun from the future
in the future technology is Jeff son from the present he put his sperm on a Shelf
he impregnated himself and BJ is the resultant and I have a son that lives in the future
there’s no woman involved you finally achieved your dream and if they’ll hire is it possible for you to have your dream you can procreate without having to involve any woman but how does he how did he go to the Future and come back now because he’s part you and part you he’s so smart he can invent time travel wardrobe choices are the radiant that he actually is defined as a solar body future you is a star
just like the sun and the future you like to drink just like you because drinking is so much fun
coming to Hermantown everybody
DJ thank you for the Hard Rock in Scottish friend
Robert gay Erin mcgathy
the harmontown
play ball outside your Mama tell her if I got them all I’ll talk to your mom