Episode: 50 – Joe Jackson: Steppin’ Out


Episode: 50 – Joe Jackson: Steppin’ Out


In honor of the 50th episode, Harmon drinks too much five hour energy, Genevieve Pearson teaches us to fabricate reality and Kumail proposes to three-time-wife Emily. D&D is bunch of garbage, but then, and, admittedly, this is Harmon saying this, but: BEST RAP EVER. Enjoy.


hello meltdown how are you tonight
just as I expected guess what Hermantown is impatient but not just any harmontown to 50th and 50th episode
wow for the very first time I announce the mayor of Hermantown
what time Dad Harley
your comptroller Jeff Davis well hello
49 49 times before now I never thank you enough thank you for being my friend then all I need from you that’s good that’s good to know alright please ma’am would you please have a seat
my girlfriend always late how many episodes in was your girlfriend you think I have a terrible memory not 400 harmontown 250 podcast episodes
yeah there was a whole Phantom Zone are we still have like all these things we should wait wait we can’t we keep threatening to release like archives of the old recordings before we even thought this would be a podcast know when we be talking about Beetlejuice audience
I feel like if there’s a hundred people here
the answer might be as a 2% chance of being as does anyone have a 5-hour Energy
all right for semantic Behavior I don’t like the ones to the liquor store down the road from the shows going to be shity that your present for sure that
off brand
when you come up here so I can come up there
Panda Dan what he referred to as an off-brand 5-hour the other day. I wasn’t sure if I had in my bag because I wasn’t sure what your name is Chris Dunford Chris Dunford fake name and using my ID from from from from from from from from Denmark and a grape Kirkland energy shot
Toyota commercial Kirkland Energy Shot the number one energy drink I’m going to Anonymous rapist
hi I’m at the fact I’m Alec Baldwin for a real dad’s trying it so that means it’s probably working last night at this point 20 minutes and then I’ll drop dead that you could I keep I keep compiling these I’ve ever adopted these in place of adderal Street at around the Chris Dunford Chris Dunford where do you hail from Chris from Boston area
and that what brings you out to harmontown Wells my grandma’s 80th birthday this weekend.
Not a trace of a Boston accent from Boston it’s my grandma’s 80th birthday I enjoy potatoes and skateboarding
I can let you know just confirm or deny that your grandmother passed away in Los Angeles Columbo I was trying to catch him in a lie, right
no I’m not passing it although one thing alarms me I think I drank one of these three hours ago let’s see what happens
so Chris you visiting your present from Boston to see you’re still alive 80 year old grandmother that is correct yes that you plan on murdering soon as it right now is she being killed by Ray Milland and to establish your Alibi Alibi Alibi establishment of the Kevin Costner movie mr. Collins what was the mr. Brooks yeah but what if what if we would have the way he looks right now is all an elaborate disguise like underneath that he’s Seth Rogen and he’s going to
Kevin Costner like get at one point to get his daughter out of a murder charge he boards a plane puts on a fake goatee and has kind of a long mullet wig and a denim jacket goes in Hatchet murders someone comes back spoilers yeah I’m going to say here’s another General spoiler if Kevin Costner is in it
careful older men movie with Kevin Costner and Rene Russo you are there’s no way you’re going to like that movie that’s got everything going to watch it. Jones’s agents in the area
hey that’s the third time you said that tonight. He just finish saying it at the end of Pizzeria down the street you forgot about Don Johnson hey I’m not paid to remember him
Adidas sports movie it’s not a good movie in the strictest sense but at least sitting here nodding about 10 cup trip to Los Angeles was it Wicked retarded
all right well okay then I’m going to the bus it’s a philosophically profound sports movie it’s it’s a it comes down to going for it or laying up I really identified with the Kevin Costner character he loves going for it he’s self-destructive he’s impulsive he he wanted you can’t I can’t spoil the movie you have to watch the whole thing I defy you to if you’ve never seen that movie to write the end of that movie better than they write them out of the movie and try to try to get your way around the idea that in the third Act of a sports movie either the people that you love
have to win or lose and if they lose it’s a fucking bad movie because you love them what do I when they lose or they have to win in which case it’s a shity movie because you knew they were going to win like there’s only a couple movies that get around that and obviously Teen Wolf is one but I don’t know anyone being a werewolf is it basketball doesn’t matter who cares Space Jam that we really got into last week is the number one basketball film of all time
funny but bye-bye your precious money I don’t doubt it changed it like like like like plush Bugs Bunny’s withholding basketballs on Universal CityWalk vile it’s a vile practice
good movie
Gene Hackman from from Hoosiers is here tonight
I thought I thought that was my what’s the guy from The Scrooge story of Jacob Jacob way to go Harmon way to let Space Jam have it
this is what your career has come to stick in it to Space Jam
can we got a lot to do right what what’s your name Curtis Armstrong want some like that Carl Carl Carlsbad Kirkland’s energy now and fused with grape it says down here at 10% 10% less MSG 2% of all proceeds go to the defense of the perimeter of our compound
by the Mormons the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Cafe one thing real quick you got robbed you should have got robbed remember that phrase remember this is some of the ideas are invited to the show but I usually do just we bring up a ghast and then I spend so much time talking that the people getting comfortable cuz you like the person standing there so late just say a few things about why we’re having her up here last night and you promise when she gets up here she’s going to do all the talk is a cucumber man I’m going to be late you’re going to be like is Carson’s ghost leaving his
you’ll figure it out you’ll figure out how to express your wonderment I think I’m going like teenagers or I’m going to die
it will be weird why would I die with a fake name comes on station gives you
what you left she’s gone the guy she is not here anymore. He’s not here
fireman accidentally took his shirt off and now he’s committing to the vet
what is going on
then you know what you like 50 episode spinner
thank you just a little hot for my energy you might be in need of medical assistance I think I was before and I finally got it this is what it feels like to be alive
Robert De Niro in Awakenings
let’s bring her up
you intend to use your crack a generic energy drink brain to fucking never let her get a word in the new listings that seems abusive
I cheated on my girlfriend and live-in lover we shoot she was just I don’t know why she landed on this she landed on the CBS Series this reality show called King of the Nerds it’s a reality show it’s very very straight up the middle structurally to get exactly follows the template of every reality show but finally instead of like who’s that
JoJo Middle Road there’s a known as we do that today remember with them all that what that is
Tuesday cuz it’s like it’s nerds they literally they should call it King Of The Nerds they gathered what they claim to be like the best of the Nerds of the of the country they eliminate one for episode standards and reality show do they answer the question what’s up with titties
it’s annoying that
Daisy a manic Manic from the energy and losing your cool this is what we wanted you to produce so I think they probably took it out and pitched it which makes me feel a lot better about it Curtis Armstrong AKA Booger Revenge of the Nerds and Robert Carradine AKA Lewis hosted an executive produced by them and then they’ve gathered ignore it and they haven’t ignored competitions and eliminate nerds my girlfriend she surfs Through The Ether sphere new show in the span of three and a half hours we watched the entire 8th episode run in the first season while I’m watching it and at the
I hope that girl wins like oh she didn’t win spoilers you should have one thank you have you ever known anybody to drink hey I live in the valley are you okay yes you tomorrow night
Murdoch’s greatest nightmare or or or his master plan
I can’t figure out which but I know that reality has changed and I know that has nothing to do with reality television but the television is being made differently consume differently at my age it didn’t call her agent she’s a fantasy author she was at she was one of the Nerds she made it all the way almost to the very end and really really at had an incredible interesting hero’s journey sheet you can even buy her books and stuff will let her plug them when she comes up here this is my introduction of her
roses are red violets are blue please Genevieve Pearson
hello sir I had a I had an energy drink and and then I had another one
Tipping Point everything goes by in a blur and help yourself to help yourself
two vodka so I want to talk about the things logically feasible to me
infinite Dimensions to actually watch season 1 of the show and actually would have a million questions about what’s up with Alana what’s up with you I think the most important thing to talk about cuz I’ve never really talked to someone intimately that went through this whole Sausage Factory called reality television which we now it’s going on twenty years we’ve developed a thing so like like what but I feel like I have to give you a specific question about it I can’t just go talk about us from the mouth to the anus of this monster
do 8 episodes but okay well here’s a specific question how long does it take from so that you show up like is it like bootcamp where that you bring your luggage and you show up and yeah so what happened with me and I found out I was in the top 16 and only 11 people are going to go on the show but you have to show up for the final audition with everything as though you are going on the show and so they spend a weekend when I call Bill called Hotel jail you don’t see anybody you don’t interact with anyone if you go around you have to wear a blindfold because they don’t want you to run into another contestant you can’t have any clue what’s going on and what if I don’t understand the reasoning for that people in five of them could they possibly spoil
they Curtis Armstrong is walking around the hallway or so. Then once a genuine emotion that you have when you first meet somebody has already met them yet and even if it was just passed me in the Hall of the first weekend and then from there you don’t have any contact with anybody you know where love for your block like I really like your sequestered like a jury until I was done with the entire show that’s crazy with no contact with the outside world at all you’re not allowed to tweet texts to email nothing
confiscate your ass get it all of our Electronics during the 20th century
Kendall Knight about crying I thought they took your Kindle there’s no way
that makes sense we’re going to have to crack down on these and words
like lately but you can’t say the first lady during the eighties has
OK Google that’s intriguing first ladies how did you not went well because at the end of it and I’m sorry this is going to involve spoilers you can you read Survivor style where it gets down to the last two people and the final decision is based on popular vote among the people that have all lost they all come back and I’ll go remember me soccer you know it is a scam on it’s unfair cuz you went to 3 like that’s like the dog pit you send people that you hope get eliminated took to rip out the throat
times you watch her have to cope with areas outside her nerd expertise and kind of adapt and it it’s very very lovable and then there’s a hell of a show of the first season is after the debate where you did a hell of a fantastic job of debating they did they had a competition where they have to debate about comic book characters and Genevieve shut down this guy that he accidentally called Frank Miller John Miller or something but your your argument with more cogent it was it was more deserving of when Kevin Smith it was one of the celebrity judges goes like first but you got to give props to a chick who could shut down call Frank Miller but at the same time you know you don’t got to give it to him yet
her face is is in a pillow her head’s not a camera all you can see is her hair fellow contestants sitting on her bed and you just see Genevieve had buried in the pillow and it has to be subtitled because it’s a Saab he’s
and then stop.
is so great so human
and and is so much more merciful to him than he was to you because I mean you can’t follow up you go to give props to a chick with not giving her the point where the TV chance of winning you have to fight you at if you say good job to its
with but I love guys like
you can barely get away with good job talk to your higher did you let you know you got a
that’s Enigma return to innocence the show so a month and how much do you get paid while while you’re working for a month off the grid while your husband may or may not get 911 and you wouldn’t be allowed to know if not on your Kindle and even if it was you’re not even allowed to see it there
contact okay so I’m not have an idiot I’ll say that we got a per diem and it was a meal per diem of $25 for three meals a day so you could do the math and now it’s the total we didn’t technically get paid you’re not allowed to say that
but it was a game show so we’re not mean or another Gillis find out that you were going to be on the show for a month and possibly only get meals paid for that entire time my prize money. You didn’t know you could just be there for a 4-month go right to the wire and then come home and then zip it was going to be done at that point it’s like oh okay hey guess what
loving husband I can now and now I’m in the final 16 IO let’s let’s take the dignity option where we just like winner-take-all which I mean I’m biased those are my unique perspective but that’s a prize
I mean I got it
$100,000 is a lot of money to put on your cupcake electric bill
I just turned a reality show I just have people come over and just like like I don’t know how like like like like like bring flashlights and compete for the right to light my life and then I give the winner a $100,000 after a year of doing that I’d make a profit on what I saved in light bulbs
do you Caesar Augustus what oh no I’m not really doing that and then they’re not
he said it’s going to be a game show is it
and my hands are tied
so are their stuff but
but that’s just part of the rules you miss meeting apparently I can get out well actually, no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
I want to I don’t want to be guilty of the crime of letting you go without without a light like it is it is there anybody in the audience has a question to ask Genevieve like like the weather in about reality TV in general or or the show someone raising their hand back there
so we everybody that watches reality shows knows that there’s two components to it basically there’s this sort of pseudo coverage of everything that’s happening and then you’re constantly cutting to these VH1 Talking Heads against the green screen and they seem relevant because if you guys are in costumes on your you’re in a in the same costume and that’s probably not fake because also emotionally like very often people are crying in the Talking Heads the wind of those happen and how did they get you into that slaughterhouse
what happens if I don’t know how other reality shows are I feel a lot of ours was honest to the spirit of the drama honestly they have to edit a lot out and everything gets changed but this food or what happened was pretty honest overall however for the talking head there was a sort of frustrating situation for me because you might not have realized I’m a person gets really focused on something right now and I’ll be focused in on this and it’s some point they realize that if we pulled Genevieve out when she’s really focused on something we get really great off the cuff, because I’m so Snappy I want to get back to work so I start getting really knavish and kind of fragile you like is it like a producer with a clipboard that pulls you aside can we do talk to you generate okay all right so I’m Genevieve
in the shower do you want me to be like we’re here and going to be at a moment when I’m I’m Genevieve and I’m writing a fantasy novel and talking about stuff and then the general pull you out as a producer Dan okay
fight with somebody
dolled there’s somebody that are going, okay okay okay all right so we’ll start from a I’m doing dishes and washing a dish I’m Jenna gave us for the sake of this experiment just try to manufacture a conflict between the two of you
yes it’s just strictly for entertainment. I’m sorry I just I’m sorry to wait for me to find out that it was broken and we went out it was broken
call Patrick I’m I’m I’m I only brought one dish

Jeff is giving a certain Direction girlfriends what the fuck is going on
down for whatever. If you could pull them out of their real-life or give up a fucking
okay alright Ann and now you never talk again
hey Dan how you feeling right now I’m frustrated I just a broken dish thing and also I didn’t understand what the fuck anyone was doing will you tell me what happened I had agreed at the Forefront that we were going to do like a re-enactment I’m agreeing to do a thing that’s like a reenactment of a reality show I want to play Genevieve and then other people are piping up with their comedy and it’s just a little frustrated cuz no one’s listening like there’s not a lot of listening going on and there’s supposed to be on stage with like like professional improvisers
okay so you’re telling me nobody’s listening can you say that in a more concise way but listening okay
can I take you back to this morning when you and Aaron I’m going to remind you that you and Erin were having breakfast and she took your eggs I saw her reach over and grab something off of your plate now how did you do that how did you put how to put it was weird question while you’re answering
I didn’t think it was a big deal
bother you well I mean I guess it could have bothered me when Aaron took my eggs in it it seemed like a could have bothered me so you don’t think maybe it was indicative of the fact that she doesn’t respect you as a partner
sure I got so sorry sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
when Aaron took my eggs I felt like it was indicative of her not respecting me as a partner
we’ll be right back
very nice wow all right well Debbie Pearson and right now I have a a Kickstarter for hobby Con 2014 in Pasadena California so if you have a hobby or craft you want to show off like an all-inclusive hobbies to mention Gen Con
do you like net or paint Warhammer 40K anybody who likes to do stuff this is like your Olympics so look for Genevieve Google Google the name she’s got to get to Buck she’s very proud of and one that she’s fine with
alright let’s work it out now on stage I don’t want to
Jeff suggested that we played ourselves and simulated a fight. I said I’m sorry a lot of mixed signals friends
could you set a
that’s another demon reality shows every single person alternating with it when they’re when they’re on top of the game there that they’re like it’s not business it’s personal or I’m sorry I think I’ve ever met who said he didn’t like me
vagina when you are up here do right now pretending to be a producer and you got in the middle of that conflict how did you feel about that
I’m feeling a lot of stress right now because I don’t like having to mediate between the couple
I’m feeling a lot of stress having to mediate between Dan and Aaron right now because I’m in healthy relationship and I just feel really bad
can you say it again to be a little more succinct and also add something racist into it
I can tell that Erin
fiery Irish temper and that’s why she is having such a hard time in rugby
that’s what I was hoping we could talk about is the the the the reality show source code make an open source projects you at home can make your own reality show now with that source code bring to the stage Kumail nanjiani
Caillou Caillou
rock and roll face anyone’s ever made to this song
I love that song I’m going to call out your name next time I’m making love
to me know I like the sound
that’s actually what I do and then I know it’s weird and it’s not
Enigma 1998 season of real world and I just watched it and it’s sort of the first reality show reality show where the people don’t have like reality show they’re just sort of being themselves and others watching discovered the Flint Rock of eliminating the black guy is very antagonistic
you noticed that too and then afterwards you watch them institution where they had to eliminate the black guy with the steel cameras but then later they’re like all right we got to do this at the end of the season all the guys decided to start interviewing the interviewers and it’s a very real organic I bet at some point they were like allright okay what you guys do now if you have to pretend in the nineties I remember if you if you like I remember being in Milwaukee in the nineties when they were starting to talk about how they’re going to make the sure they’re making the show for MTV is that which was still as a channel that where they showed music videos but had they had some other stuff it was like still largely like we were making jokes
working on this thing and was called the real world and the whole idea was that these kids were living in this house number to be cameras everywhere and it was ironic it was ironic like everyone had heard about the new was like what what is that mean like with their cameras everywhere than that I don’t know what they’re doing is they’re going to have the cameras everywhere are there and they’re and they’re not even have filming them like like right away and if he’s going to get used to it going to get so used to it I was like this whole thing was Ricky and expand crazy thing that it was crazy so so Flash Forward to me and Los Angeles Thanksgiving I just moved other tribe was there I was there I’m sitting at Thanksgiving cuz we had no family in La I’m sitting at my agent’s house for Thanksgiving him sitting next to this weird little Australian guy what are you working on it goes I got a reality show it. It’s been thinking you might be whatever I think it was I don’t know whatever
ice ice I’m almost reasonably certain like piecing together the evidence I haven’t read I choose to believe it was Mark Burnett that I was talking to don’t know but he was like the easiest thing to find out I don’t want to do it cuz I don’t I don’t want to know I was at my age and he was a Hotshot she was similar to this guy and he was telling me about the show’s reality show and it goes like they put everybody on an island and then the limit this is the elimination thing was becoming like a thing and it was like what the fuck I just eliminate that would that work and he goes no but they eliminate the they eliminate the strong people first in the middle of the road people can I take over but more than that they’re also like eating each other alive and they’re having sex with each other and I was like that’s going to be a hit I said it I said it
yeah I was before wait wait turn it off
then I’m sitting in my apartment
my girlfriend at the time calls me she was a studio executive she calls me and she can see what you used to call me after a day at work to call me from the office cuz people that picture shows and she’ll go away like I what am I going to talk to my Raider boyfriend I I got to get together some release from the Skin Scene industry and they have Survivor the world is exploding everything’s changing she she I remember talking to her for my one-bedroom apartment on the that was your like Tipping Point for the world-changing was Survivor I thought you were going to say 911 I mean they did what they did because of reality TV
I guess that’s how you know that they had like oh I know how we obviously we can camp Kardashian
no we’re never going to be anything you like you can do whatever you want to be
can you give her the confidence to be horrible girlfriend, my girlfriend called me and she said she heard a pitch for the buckle up you ready for this these people they’re they’re on an alien planet and you know that one of the guys is in a wheelchair and the gravity is weird so every once in a while he can walk and I later lost would have a character like that but but but she so listen to this so this is a picture I just heard for a reality show a man who’s rich he doesn’t have a wife and but he’s Rich so all the women compete
to beat his wife because he needs a wife so bad and I’m I’m I’m like 20 whatever your old Dan Harmon going like like like like I’m saying in response to hearing this concept I’m going no fucking way Society can’t go there it’s not it’s impossible marriage the institution of marriage as I get this is before who wants to fuck a midget literally proved Me Right light like everything just exploded like a mushroom cloud to the point where one day you were allowed to be like like frazzled by any of it and then the next day everyone had beat you to the fights it’s it’s pretty impressive because I just read a thing today that said how marriage people are getting married less and less of like almost 50% of kids something happening
50% of kids city of marriage whatever that mean you want to be romantic because it has so much soccer like we’re moving into like a weird Logan’s Run Universe where we have three life cycles or something and they literally were like why
that was literally the reactions and I said when you got married I got married this year from Pakistan is that a thing
because you’re know what I was doing your guys have eight heads so I miss that you have to go out
what is the weather of the North Plains and sanctifying this minute
I don’t know where my son stereotypes we had to do one for the cab driving on The Big Bang Theory the 30-minute circuit Johnny 5 O my God we first got married in secret like just me and her and a couple of our friends at a like you know where you go to just stand in line
are you getting married and it was like actually really beautiful wonderful experience cuz all these people in line instead of them are pregnant and they were Super Bowl and the guy who married us the magistrate that I don’t know what you call him it was probably like the 30th wedding he done but he was so like warm and happy and joy is it was such a wonderful and then after that we went home and watched Four Weddings and a funeral you know that after the 8th headed guy and then we had him and then we had how many and then
we’ve had three weddings and then the third one actually was not even have a funeral
I’m jealous I love weddings where is interesting was I don’t know that right now normally people once Mike Tyson got on there we would I already wore out you hadn’t told anybody and then one weekend we just moved in New York we just told our friends like we’re going to go get married this weekend and what we did was we stayed at home and we turned off our phones Android
how many Garden everybody
never told anybody that we were married in secret we’ve been married a long time and you know what no secrets anymore
Corey told anybody yeah
I highly recommend it because you don’t get people being like you guys are newlyweds isn’t that weird old people still do that if you don’t know how dumb that is not as we’ve been living together for so long to getting married wasn’t really a big difference I think I should be the new definition of marriage Grant this is very La of me to say cuz we live out here in this culture where people people come out here to pursue their dreams your dreams don’t come true so people get married out here when they’re 40 and they have kids in their 50s exactly bright I married Rob and Kate and like their they had been together for so long and living together for so long before it that your first question is what’s the point of getting married and then your second question is like what could be more romantic than the decision to get married
two people who don’t have anything to gain or lose yet by getting married and I think that we have to move forward into a into a society we have to we also probably have to stop making Blazers with destroy the Earth bit but we have to move into a world where marriage is no longer looked at as moving across a threshold like a thing that has to be done where you’re like I wonder what it’s going to be like after that yeah because the answer is it’s going to be the same so if if if more of this for thirty years isn’t your cup of tea don’t marry this person I mean for us and for me it was a very romantic thing because it’s literally just saying the war like I’m going to be with this person forever and it was a very romantic and even though we’ve been married three times I never actually got to propose to you so
what are you going to know
hi hey hey hey
I’m waiting for you marry me
I took a sip the episode destiny
give me Emily cartoon everybody
Qubo shows
fourth wedding when I asked trap why is he marrying Kate you know he said to paraphrase him is like I ran out of make it clear how much I love this person that’s the right way to go like lake lake don’t marry him until like it’s it’s absolutely the only thing left
all right let’s do it come on we got time time
do you know what you didn’t see a proposal after the wedding but you never see a proposal after three white eggs
Spencer Crittenden everybody
hey hey hey
what’s new in your life since we saw you last told you guys I’ve been listening to that song Steppin Out by Joe Jackson and I was unable to download it in time for Showtime tonight but I’m not but I I really appreciate the thought.
yeah yeah yeah yeah but nothing hides the color of the lights that shine
if what you just did it’s not on Tumblr the next hour I’m going to be very disappointed I want full animated fully recreated music video I want to hear a mash-up between enigmas return to innocence and Joe Jackson Steppin Out by Sonic’s on the way to Medieval Times
Auto Repair, is it sounds like it could be other white or they are but you can put Enigma and annia and a line up and I wouldn’t know what was going on and you whenever anybody like sadness part one will be more any time anybody was doing anything involving God’s candles duvateen and S&M like in any HBO Chris de Burgh lady in red light
I picked her up kid eating Mango for the first time
magnify my mom’s pussy but I also like like when I hear a variety of songs his mom says he’s a staircase
it specifically at the marble staircase in Philadelphia hey guys so I actually this is terrible and I I am terrible picture of my mom’s pussy when I do my buddy should right yeah yeah that’s what he said I thought that is what he said listening skills see I’m listening to Dan was just the idea of writing the intro sequence so I mean I can assure you I can dry
I did I blaming I distinctly remember you holding holding a dragon’s dick open so that arrows can be sure it’s in my bag. I remember that yeah definitely remember that why don’t you just freestyle no right or wrong answers the character sheet passed out who did it I mean what are you just listening to that song and video of similar to a nerd
check it out
so I am a lady with arrows
can I bring Celeste app to help me out right now please
she said she’s up spending a hundred grand
all right dispenser you’re spelling it just keeps laughing character
how much vodka
yeah okay super nerdy God saying stop drinking
doesn’t accounts with water the two it’s like stop drinking water and general told me when I was 8 years old but I had a problem with my ears that made me clumsy and severe ear in Balance it’s meant that I couldn’t measure space that she told him to tell me that
I’m at the end of the Cave of the episode anniversary of nuts anniversary
last time our heroes were scouring the depths of the ruins of Mercy shul On The Faraway plane of Twyla the Twilight Forest after opening a large chamber door they enter the treasure room that appeared to house several treasures and perhaps the fabled soul of growth that they had been seeking so earnestly it was just then they heard a voice echo throughout the chamber that they saw a dragon come into view and then immediately began combating it after a time they thought they had got the upper hand on the dragon after paralyzing it’s dick and doing other things
together the group shot arrows and commanded magical scorpions Sharpie tried to get it to fall over laughing but that didn’t go so well grasping it stick firmly tried to get more rain to fire arrows directly into the Beast urethra but that failed as well grasping a bear track managed to snap off the tip of the dick with his trusty traps mean the skills after which Sharpie cast jump on himself leaping cinematically onto the back of the Beast throwing his flaming sword towards the wizard Sharpie reared back and stabbed it directly into the Beast back killing it in the last blow the group stood around to survey the corpse and the treasures they had unlocked
wow you don’t ever need to write one I think I still will like I don’t like I didn’t feel comfortable with ankle that crossing the threshold you just you just found out I don’t need to do anything
that was my like not wanting to write you graduated
you’ll be taking baths instead of showers
remind us of our immediate surroundings please tell you were in that room there was like a big staircase that led up to where all the treasure was but that there was a huge crack that’s where the dragon came out of in your ear for the dragon you’re going to climb up there with rope but now he’s dead so like you don’t have anything threatening you in so you can even look around or whatever to giant statues know there’s three actually in one of one of the arms fell off because you tried to climb of the statues silently Maureen and I knocked off its arm because
she spilled the arm
Chunk in The Goonies does anything this map at this point we’re not in combat time so you guys can just do whatever you want yeah but there’s has just killed a dragon
it’s my dragon deck there’s a $10 cover Genovese recommendation which is definitely the horns can I cut off both of them I put blades on my I put my sores on my legs and my arms and I do like a slide
we’re looking on your underarms don’t try to cut off the Dome already did it no I don’t get it
like like like a cutting kick their legs and they put the blades can I put my how many swords do I have you have one you have a longsword
okay will it but you’re tied to your foot do you want it do you want my rope I have rope
I’ve got like three I got like three swords I got all of my storage tomorrow. Just giving her a storage idea is that I have a sword tied to my left calf and a sword a tied to my right cat where is the deck the deck is on my head like a top hat like I’m Abraham Lincoln like a bunch of the shortest marriage bachelorette party ever I have a giant bucket hats my head my legs and I slide down to cut the horns off at the same time it feels like there’s a more efficient way to achieve this hey hey hey Chris Chris
is there a difference in this makes slightly more sense I hear you I hear you my my arms are too strong of a what’s up I mean like I said you’re not really in combat time you guys can do whatever so I mean I want to go to work Chris de Burgh I want to transcribe as much of this bloody blood spell book as possible about the possibility of a sword cartwheel either way either way legs cartwheels ropes I mean it’s just slide down the Bergen Sharpie pour over the book trying to study one more rain ties blades to our legs and what does it matter

so I read the book okay you guys are reading the book I am I get naked while this is happening walk up to the top of the steps of my Loot and laid down and kind of like a Greek like like like by Kern poem is like my side and been watching them read the book and watching more Raines high school wrestlers of I just started like like serenading the whole thing will actually your serenade is so powerful that everyone stops what they’re doing is paying attention to your your sermon what is not a sermon I was just quietly being nude and play my lute so quiet and playing lose because no
okay I I I play the lady in red song to the top of the dragon and doing the maneuver she had mentioned earlier which I still not fully understanding manages to not it’s very awkward and strange for moving people around
I take the dragon deck but they can be strong
I take the dragon deck back I take the dragon egg back from the head cuz I think it’s going to get injured yeah yeah well that happens but I mean you you jump on and you do your thing and that knock knock the horns off yeah. You do realize that or I mean you didn’t realize you always do then you are quite magical it’s fine
I don’t care
I do he has true experience have to go home and think about physics a little bite your jaws are strong you don’t use them to lift up a manhole cover
I just know that my legs are stronger than my arms and I wanted to cut off both of the Dragons horns and that is what I that’s what I always do yeah you guys are reading it’s actually going to take some hours I mean but yeah we take the time time it probably maybe took a like probably not even 10 minutes out the logistics of it it’s not my fault
friend but yeah I mean you’re in a room full of treasure because they’re all fucking about doing good book reading the dragon slice in the night I go try to get my my grubby little fingers in the people often get naked like not even for any reason other than to not have closed but anyway you hoping a treasure chest I feel like the overlap of people who played D&D and who get to get naked around other people is maybe not as huge
that’s true it’s it’s wish-fulfillment all literally get naked right now everybody I’m in
examine the treasure in the Treasure I said you’re opening a treasure chest. Click on the interior you see four identical silver rings a small inscription ring Reed’s ring of armor
I bet if I put it on you when you have you know you’re stronger and it’s want a little tap on the entire body when I read all of the Ring Of Armor All rain slicing Dragon Friends officers with their calves and and I and I throw them in a perfect throw they all
and when I do a little pirouette like Cascade them down they perfectly land down at each of their fingers yeah one of them does
the other the other night when I said Spencer
do I know I would lie I was just fired and I saw her doing it I think it’s wrong here to mail guy said the other two Falls experience that’s true we can take that to the bank
what’s a bang yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you do if you want to just look for Treasure saves reading the book Christ truly other than you caught the ring around the around the end of the treasure chamber okay you find
the magical wire a building I put that in the cart yeah yeah hey what’s in my bag of holding most of your stuff
gingersnap no that’s just how it works like they get the holds you know a lot of stuff so it’s just all your most your stuff’s in it more than half full ayhan that off before I resume the blood magic research I give it to anybody over there and say hey Phil this up my friend my lifelong friend of court in order to affect more that’s not call me Chris de Burgh and fall Chris de Burgh Peabody also do the well what you’re doing for car only are one of my friends can call me Peabody
headed your way Peabody and you’re my friend
I’m happy
you also find the goggles of minut seeing
Lego black binoculars no I mean they’re just they’re like little goggles that strap on your head
I want a small can I have those on when I know is I got to call the halls and like do my newts and yeah I don’t want that shit
okay alright can I can I inspect Magic on the dragons horns cuz they’re intensely magical and you feel as if they can be used to power up spells or maybe make magical items are potions that can I use that on the magic penis to see if it has anything whatever she used on the horns to find out how good they are you just know that I’m sorry yeah you can’t detect magic but yeah sorry so you can do that on the the penis and that is also magical and less so than the horn but
so it’s less magical plus I have to hold a penis and it’s pretty hefty he’s a heavy penis yeah it’s a burden
spells go I don’t know what spells are available for these horns can I use them to make everybody in the party like me a lot proper like wizard you’re not a true dungeon master
so how do I do how do I figure out what the parents you’d have to talk to a wise Sage or someone who knows much about dragons with that me know
hey it’s not me what a B Sharp ER he died he just do the Mage now you are a mage I mean you know that mean I only know how to kill him
can I can I prevent the horns of Sharpie and maybe he’ll have some ideas you actually know how this
I can’t I didn’t have a queued up but yeah now that your level. You know brew a potion that’s a feat you have now so you know that dragons horns can be used to make potions moremeknow powerful still like it expected its effect would be heightened to a Sharpie I’m just being a dick to Sharp and I say I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to do some little Archer I have no idea what the fuck is going on
I immediately get an erection what is happening we’re a weird perversion of women think that men like dumb women I guess she’s a thing at the end
check it out guys anyway I’m doing a parody but I totaled turn on that
yes I have in my possession to dragon’s horn put them in one of the bags tell me what to do
put him in one of the what did you say why do you are you able to measure them
they can do here that you can tell me what they can do and not listen to the fight
all right. Very convincing by something I want to stand atop the nearest mound of treasure and address that might people you ascend a pile of twenty-five thousand gold pieces
does anyone remember how we got here
I remember he asked but my dad needed something I don’t know if we wanted to get treasure in the soul growth has true
when we come look at us it’s like a Stephen King novel
I think we are the monsters
we are the Dragon
I called you but you but you could you play
when I was weird by any definition
Sharpie and I have had a romantic relationship and maybe that’s our language maybe that’s how we express sexuality to each other
I’m fine with it I’m here right hey I’m cork
can we go all right that’s always been an option let’s get this I left you guys you guys are digging about in the woods and I thought I’m going to go try to become a better person I and I sought out after this thing as a place where the infinite fish landed in some weird
I mean I said that’s long since gone
I don’t hate it’s been an okay day
the exit of the soul of growth with then we have to exit the world that the infinite fish frenzy you can’t tell me what’s on the horse so it did make magic stronger magic established freaking out sorry I’m having a adventure phobia
is Derek
make out in the direction to there’s a light source right by the one who knows where the soul of groceries I let it supposed to be in these ruins guys yeah he’s still treasure shopping
I can go for it
where do we go we got to go back to look for you don’t see a doorway however you do say a massive sarcophagus surrounded by more treasure that you haven’t picked up yet I open the sarcophagus
Jesus Christ you can be a giant fucking money in there I go it means that we want to fight a money now
I can’t examine the writing eyes are there any writing or illiterate but yeah there’s no
nightmare parade
Jeff who is Jeff
clear my throat and pull out to a pair of glasses but I keep on May and put them on and I examine the coffin again no writing
do muffins normally have writing on them
hi Wireless are technically raised obsidian I’d say obsidian
are there any other doorways in this room that we know where is the one you came in resting in the coffin is a skeleton wrapped in plants and tendrils are wrapped around the body covering it and ivy leaves and small blossoms and flowers and all manner of different strange foreign plants cover its body on the breast of the skeleton is a perfectly spherical Amber orb you can see that inside the warm is strange plant that is changing states between seed seedling schirra tree and flower the inside of the orb is always shifting and if you touch it you get the sense of Vitality so it was gross I literally got chills down my spine
just and ironically excited snickerdoodle
nobody’s on board
okay that’s another with a sharpie the Hannibal of his 18 wanted to go up there and play the song when I pick it up
I pick it up you pick it up you feel Nature’s magnificence feeling you it’s obviously a powerful artifact
you get the sense that it’s the soul of growth or something is swear as like well water in my head but if I focus I can feel it a million thoughts of a million people calling out pie
we did it we found
yeah we don’t want to go down the road and picking and choosing but I’m going to say worst worst DND chapter ever around we hung out who has shopping nothing happened Housewives or whatever you call it like The Real Housewives of Orange County or whatever usually people say we look for Treasure and I say the names of the treasure and people don’t interrupt me and I finish explaining all the treasure if you want more things to happen oh no no no baby baby
everyone knows that you’re good at what you do I’m sorry I’m not trying to help Matt just just to be clear forever I love to review whenever you’re over that anxiety now I think we’ve all left headlong over that freaks out and tell him a bad person, I’m a chicken like I just want to look at things can I speak to an age in which D&D was very much about torturing players by the dungeon map
there’s like you walk into the room and the door would eat you and if you kill the door then the floor will try and strangle you and if you do that there’s a there’s a treasure chest and if you open that I’ll bite your face off like that’s literally how it goes so it makes a lot of sense that your lifestyle is very cautious
doctors we started like
what a lot of those monsters like there is a thing does a tree stump with a rabbit on it but if you approached it it would eat you messenger say I don’t know that I don’t like like Gary gygax love that shit so but I mean after a zit the game of all they can do is I’ll talk to him on the phone I talked to him on the phone once yeah Rob schrab made a comic book called scud the Disposable assassin when I was it when I was when I was your age young man
we had an issue with the comic book that was like a special like Scott went to DND world for an issue and we wanted to have the cover being like that and I had I talked to get we were looking for a specific artist the guy was his name Teasley Beasley easily the old school like first edition dungeon Master’s guide like we wanted that style of oil painting for for the cover the thing and the only guy that had that guy’s number was Gary gygax I had to talk to him on the phone and the week later and then
also you know who else died chinua Achebe
he’s dead he’s another guy that I’ve been bringing up lately who should I bring up tonight like randomly half of the members of enigma are going to die in trouble is going to be a weird private jet crash episode 50 podcast rap which one do you want
I don’t know man
break down 50 episodes but your mom is so hard I dropped a million load team, and glued to the Wall of China, and it couldn’t be fine but your mama on the Great Wall both balls but your mama and all of Japan put your mama so hard cuz you’re hot as I can but your mama in the ocean Buck your mama in the sky but your mama and I don’t know why but yes I do I like to fuck her Mad TV but your mom a heart but you like my dick was A Shard of power every hour, every minute like a flower blooming from the dirt to the sky crunchy Mama inner tie between the two of her size in her pussy in their side but your momma made it pregnant but your mama and I
egg egg egg egg egg egg egg
50 episode fuck your mama animator pregnant but your mama for a new segment called fucking your mama the way I do it but your mom is like my name was Ray Pruitt is a friend of ours is a dozen
okay so that was a milestone cuz that was like that was that was the weakest reaction to a rap and also the best I’ve ever rapped ever
that was the most incredible rap I’ve ever heard and I’m knee
what’s a good that’s great that means that means you guys expect me to wrap but good keep it going to stay in the zone the mess and it’s not we’re going to have to see what your mama like a pig and a cow but your mama and I don’t know how I do I’m going to tell you right now but your mama
play the plow
hold on hold on hold on hold on a second I’m sure my son just for fun I left you behind with a rock is it lifted when you get old enough to put on when you look at it you found some shoes but your mom is what we do you got to fuck your own Mama now but your mama like a gospel plow
forgetting to wait podcast like creepy crawly spiders crawling on your skeleton sold a million colors in locked in a thousand coffins meaning that each coffin has $1,000 in it the distribution of Horrors the coffins absolutely
v i e island of Cyprus never knew such horrible
rapping about the Buckingham Mama thank you visit
breakdown breakdown everybody’s having a breakdown breakdown breakdown break it down build it up break it down break it down like a little town filled it up from the street to the sky but your mama hi thank you for coming to Hermantown everybody
Sofia episodes can’t believe it appears that whatever come out on Jeff Davis
DanTDM 9191
all right next week we’ll get it
do you think about it


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