Episode
Episode: 54 – Go, Marbles, Go! (Duncan Trussell, Greg Proops)
Description
Mayor Harmon, sore from softball practice, enlists the aid of Duncan Trussell and Greg Proops to keep the meeting moving. Topics include virtual reality, dead mothers and Jaws 4. In Dungeons and Dragons, Erin summons her first monkey.
Transcript
boom boom boom
how old is Odell Beckham the Meltdown Hermantown
is now in session
I’m a little Old Camp, Jeff Davis please welcome to the stage the May or Hermantown MN
what a lively crowd
it’s not just like eight eight people they’re going to blame everybody else out right is it said it’s actually a lively crowd at that you can never tell if I’m listening and I think it’s her bachelorette party out there that actually has Caroline and her friend we made them wait it’s at 8:15 okay I’m glad your energy is up mines mines a little down my body sore football softball practice started
I just registered as a joke that I’m playing softball at all my Animation Studios starburns Industries has had the softball team in the in some kind of league and then we got together to practice and the it’s looking pretty Grim but it was kind of myself but I actually I kind of enjoyed being out there I didn’t die I didn’t but two days later it’s like you know what you did you don’t exercise it all then you go to the gym and you feel great and then two days later all those torn muscles are that are like now repairing themselves or whatever however muscles work that is like all of a sudden you’re all sore like that that’s where I’m at so whatever who cares to go fuck yourself. We we were thinking about because of the scheduling conflict cuz we’re going to be playing softball on Monday nights we all we came this close to taking a little Hiatus from from our harmontown meeting
but and then we told meltdown that they’re all bummed out and they said what about Sunday so starting May 6th for those of you to come to the shows here in La we’re going to be moving to Sundays at 8 for at least a couple months I can hear a couple people crying but
what who’s got the biggest conflict with somebody going to be unable to come from now on
is someone is that your waving your hand back there what’s what’s wrong why can’t you come
what were you how much they paying you
what do you do for a living
you make a Cheesecake Factory okay well
I don’t know I don’t know what to say to him it’s not that easy for everybody
Monday night Monday night weather
you’re a big wheel and cheesecake town he said he is a very important member of the cheesecake team I don’t know what the hell I didn’t want to suggest that he but he that he quit a minute so it could be an important step in the right direction for him we don’t know my girlfriend has recently become a cake Maniac Shih Tzu keeps he’s making a million takes a day she made several cakes for tonight she made one for Emily I think it must be Emily’s birthday or anniversary of her cat or something she made one cake and then she made another cake in honor of a movie we watched when we couldn’t find the movie that I said we were going to watch what does the Abominable dr. phibes so I didn’t see that nor did I
I couldn’t find it wasn’t on Netflix or Hulu or any of the thing in the Apple TV is and it might video store didn’t have it
okay you bought it for me
the squeaky wheel gets always gets the grease at harmontown I figured
it’s a beautiful Jaws for cake there’s a little chocolate Mario Van Peebles getting eaten the debt
even though in the movie he doesn’t really die spoilers Mario Van Peebles get stuff placed in the shark’s mouth gently and lowered into the ocean by the helicopter and then he pops up at the end it says
he he talks just like that in the movie for real
Rhody Rams the shark with the what do you call it the at the shark and paler on the boat and it explodes on contact with the thing but that makes sense they enter cut it with a smile you son of a bitch for the first movie that you think like well maybe it kind of exploded reminiscent of his doctor phibes himself thank you for for all the trouble you went through to watch that movie that I didn’t watch shark cake
if she has to leave you have to leave I’m sorry you can’t have that chicken are in town to know that’s just a shark damage that’s not looking it like I just remembered Van Peebles and saying it’s been partially eaten but if that’s all part of the verisimilitude of the cake or the weather in movies where they’re making animals yell that don’t they don’t have vocal cords or voice boxes I’m pretty sure
yeah I popped a wheelie and came at you and yelled at you are looking down the barrel of a stinker in the final audio mix you know I like you got that big board in front of a computer and you’re just like juice the spiders give a spider some juice in a box or something right okay it is what I’m feeling a little off tonight and for that reason I have surrounded myself with a blanket of friends who to give me energy and and offset my softball soreness so let’s let’s keep this bullet train on the tracks and bring up my friend Duncan Trussell
grab any any Mike you like wherever you’re comfortable buddy thank you good to have you back thanks Dan I thought I thought we could bring you out here and keep the spirits up cuz I know your mom just died and
yeah I’m grieving
I don’t know why is your happy your at your at your head like it awfully well but I told you a couple episodes of a podcast his his mom’s death bed I don’t know how else to put it I mean it wasn’t technically she died on a different bed so it’s like the bed but the bed before deathbed it whatever you call that I mean he sat with her I mean I know that doesn’t sound like a sail out of the way to work clammed up that pitch but it’s it it’s a transcendental experience it’s incredibly it’s it’s it’s neither saccharin or is it depressing it’s it’s it’s just it’s just transcendental enough to lift thing I mean it’s it’s it’s okay I talking to
and I mean it was so important for you to do that because like that would have been so easy not to so many reasons not to want to do it see I was I was putting it off because she said you know we should probably do one of your podcast I just the Holy Spirit are your parents still alive
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the theme too late to my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
the whole experience is not what you expect when one of your parents that the problem with it is it’s just not what you expect and all these crazy defense mechanism start floating up from inside of you that you did that you like like denial of the experience or years ago for some reason I did some volunteer work at a hospice and they just sort of walk you through the death process and one of the things that they said was people die like they live so when you’re dying you sort of it’s like your wife repeats over the course of two or three weeks it just you go through every single pattern you like all those patterns that you keep repeating and repeating and repeating and you can play Minecraft yes if you will know you’ll play video games and then also any kind of relationship stuff that you have you’ll probably relive in any kind of like you know that that that track that you’re always if people are inevitable
find a repeating track that happens again and again in your life like some weird echo echo happens
sped up when you’re dying and it doesn’t just happen to you it happens to the people around you they start reliving all the old pattern so what I was doing while my mom was dying is in the basement and just started playing Starcraft just playing Starcraft to try to like as if you know it’s skate cuz when I was like okay so I’m sorry so the cycles that are happening happening to the to the person that’s dying or everyone reacts to every one of them Infinity you’re in the presence of absolute truth that there’s you can escape from there’s no way to bargain with it you can’t so what happens is all your defensive you try to stick your head in any kind of sand that you can find who escaped from the the you know that Lloyd basically so but your mom your relationship with your mom I was surprised to hear this cuz I would have guessed just through natural Mental Math that your parents were
truck drivers or football coaches right because you are a guy was like into everything in between actually only a couple things in between those two but you are your brain is this is spiritual you know the tree branching out into everything The Roots drinking deeply from everything beneath you and the leaves I love you I love you too
but then the podcast started rolling it was like okay what is this going to be first of all I expect to be here like the the the Darth Vader sound of an error device you know when I accelerate definitely expected her to be in firm locally you know that you would do this horrible experience of listening to a person that wasn’t able to live a very service the expectations I also expected her to not have a personality as much like yours I’m sure it’s not an exact match but but but but she definitely wasn’t a lot of ways she is she’s the I mean yeah that’s what’s going through her books and I first found the bhagavad-gita or found any kind of Eastern
religion or anything like that so that means that your dad must have been so Frank is my dad is this like he when I was a kid I grew up in the South and he used to take me hunting and I hated hunting I didn’t want to go hunting until I’d end up sitting in the back of this truck with cuz when you go dove hunting you just you don’t kill a few W kill piles like Halle Cubs child I guess they do that too I guess that’s how they become Christmas trees
I didn’t think the tubs on the trees were also had to be treated of corpses on the tree
so I would like one story that my dad likes to bring up when he’s when he’s around his Southern friends or drinking is like I took you on you were sitting in the back of the truck and you started trying to breathe life back into the Dove
Starman
so that’s probably where the where the Rebellion thing happened that your dad was a corporeal your dad was visceral he was he was a of the Mortal coil southern guy but yeah you know I read one of your blogs to my mom on her pretty death with late-stage cancer authentically lap and she compared you to she said that you remind her of Dylan Thomas
I I I got it a text message that was incredibly flattering Spotlight on cuz I was being of what you’re watching you this relationship with your mom and her dad and all this stuff and I am a rampant narcissist I will insert myself into and they had a Bend everything for my ego has just hid it’s it’s like some Singularity I just had it look like it’s the size of a penny but has the gravity of Jupiter and unassuming like you a little old me game and everything’s about me before the word IR me cuz it doesn’t matter what we’re talking about and I was listening to that and I was thinking in my head is like I wonder what she’d think of my my writing
that kind of cancer gone into her brain
only the tape Center
I wish I wish you’d gone to one more place
and then Herman’s like Dylan Thomas work but anyways I thank you so much for having done that because I mean I mean I won’t like I’ll have an experience will if I’m if if I if I’m if I’m quote-unquote luck either either I will die before my mom or or or my mom will die before me but assuming my mom will die before me I don’t know why I’m qualifying all this superstitious and weird and death is affecting weird and even even viewed from from the deer blind of of of of it not being reality like it already starts to get awkward and weird and you want to knock on wood after everything you say and you want the dying to be invisible that is why it makes it already hard process even harder and end that tunnel is what you go through would you listen to that podcast episode you come out the other side if only for a moment because already I feel weird about that again but but for that that that that. Of time and all day at work
that day it was like Pac-Man is so much shit that I was afraid of you know is not it’s it’s not nothing to be afraid of understand it it’s impossible to understand it it’s not anything that you expect you can’t being afraid that is everything it’s kind of like any reaction you have to death is like kicking sand at Godzilla it’s a if there’s no reaction you can have to do it because it is it’s it’s a singularity and it’s in so they’re almost seems too it seems pointless to contemplate it too much even though all the a lot of Eastern Traditions say that meditation is the preparation for death you know because when you I guess it’s kind of like you don’t if you can avoid it you don’t want to relive your life and the last two weeks of your life so you can avoid it you want to have this stable steady thing and not go into all the old neurotic
aspects of your life cuz it cuz it’s a terrifying I mean now I was just saying don’t be afraid of it now I’m saying is
it’s it’s really I haven’t even really my brain is still stuttering from it and and my parapa says it’s like at least right after right as it was happening and and and now you’re back and and I know you were by a Dustin who’s you know it’s just gossip Heats he said that you were you know having trouble getting out of the house and feeling a little like I’m depressed what I do is I buy robots and feed birds and just sit my brain is reacting in this weird way where I bought a Roomba lights that I can draw with my phone and a bird feeder bird feeder so I just sit it with the Roomba and you’re still breathing life back into Birds
by killing them I fight so I’m sitting on my porch I’ve got to pick up the robot food of the bird food
RockAuto
are you not set up my porch for this to get a place to read I’ve got wind chimes of Fountain a bird feeders and I thought all that stuff recently yeah it’s all part of our party I was just over at your place you can buy a package you can get I don’t know what it is like everyone’s telling me you’re a grieving so you’re going to go crazy so let yourself go crazy in the more you let yourself go crazy and be impulsive the faster you’ll get through it so for me that going crazy with all I’ll buy iRobot vacuum cleaner and I have a hummingbird feeders in so I’m sitting on the porch proud of myself cuz all the birds finally came to the feeder and it’s covered and birds and I’m watching the birds and I feel like the god of birds like when you have bird feeders you get his weird sense of like this is because of me I have I am your lord
I bring the food it is starving before that gratian Roots another day. I’m sitting there wind chimes timing the fountain it’s so peaceful and gorgeous like rockets right into my fucking window right in front of me that’s not right in front of me and in and I go over do it it’s little and I had seen I went to its body and a little trickle of red with coming out of it cuz it broke its neck I’d seen that bird on the feeder earlier in the day was it a hummingbird okay the hummingbirds don’t hit the window there they seem like they would be incapable of that dress like a hawk
I poured stress is all very complicated but the Batman version has been taken and I want to be a superhero these days you got to get the Labyrinth teen fuck yeah I dress like a hot record we’re recording the house dressed like a hawk and sit on my porch it’s a weird
yeah I got to tell you though it’s a very strange Dimension that were existing and when you and that’s why bird feeders are cool because you just consider what’s happening is such a bizarre thing from the perspective of the bird which is this giant Tower of meat like this HP Lovecraft Cthulhu thing the opposite of the bird is like put these things out and they don’t understand what I have but I think to them I like there’s some weird smells burnt that birds hate is coming off of me and they didn’t put they want to eat the food so they didn’t eat and like pure around and look and then eat whatever their version of fear is because they’re surrounded by mammals that and 90% of them will hurt them if they grab them but then see a 10% difference between a cat and a dude they’re just all yeah they’re always yeah they exist in a Hell world where one wrong move move like like like you
I was watching them before the bird died and I was thinking I bet there’s an older bird
somewhere being like don’t go to those feeders
the kids curse near the feeders you go near the theaters in your cursed by the Lord of birds and then one of them that’s what it is
we were trying to season but we don’t have hands
equivalent of Caesar yeah I don’t know what’s natural for a bird the other probably like some cartoon like big they got to be thinking someone put that there to what am I talking about right now
I think guys thanks I’ll keep getting that reaction and then that guy that guy did that remember the guy did that a while ago at an open-mic a guy stabbed himself to death in Colorado
Senegal he came on stage and he just played some song I can’t I think the song was like it had something to do with like sorry for the mess was the name of the song and then he just started jamming and neither was this this isn’t this isn’t Colorado so we just I don’t know just some shity open-mic you know like it was terrible thing to do
two other people who have to talk about that suicide is actually like a very selfish you know it’s like the amount of gravity that you exert in other people’s lives when you when you when you when you take yourself out of the picture like I mean yeah it’s definitely a chronic illness or something is totally cool. Oh no no no
groups
your microphones in your in your tuchus
evidently a bunch of jokes all those years what what makes a Private Pilot purple flower
agua de vivre a certain je ne sais quoi certain sense of denial goes into every day of living file anybody God think about how fruitless that is as a Pursuit and then you get a good idea of why proof of files follow it I think it’s not on this 250 and pushing a rock up the hill and then not rock roll back down the hill kind of thinking either that or some hilarious sitcom reference from the seven days
more of a Starsky and Hutch Ian me blankly all the time to get Huntsville egg whites
Greg have you met Duncan before you guys pal we haven’t and I’ve been very moved by what Duncan was saying that you are an extraordinary person you’re very brave and you’re very funny and I adore your podcast and right on buddy very much thank you Greg bank that’s why I think it’s been marvelously genuine denied something that I’m terrible at what would happen if I don’t know like three friends it’s certainly not 20 or 30 people that there that they called friends and then they have like a hundred and fifty people that they call something else like acquaintances or something I have like I like like like three people that are my friends only because they’re the only people that can tolerate texting me and then not me not responding cuz I was like it’s a Japanese person
no I don’t I’m not I’m terrible at answering emails and I do the exact same thing Dan and it’s this it’s a problem because it people take it the wrong way they think it means you don’t love them but it’s just it’s just so that we can be friends so yeah I already got her friend you already haven’t responded to several of my
a honeymoon which would never ever have lunch together
no because you’ll never be able to finish that series of tax if you really have to love drinking a block from my house in order to become like a really tight with his friends daycare, you got the house. We could have predicted this that I see you Monday nights here at Hermantown and if I go to your house I don’t work at starburns Industries and other than that like I have that’s that’s why you’re going to be yeah I’m getting bad like I’m a proud Minecraft so I just like it’s it’s it’s obscene what are you what what do you work with the new a task in Minecraft Minecraft mods that you make all these different things I’m working on making a nuclear reactor and I have a solar panel
what’s that guy that like Korea yet it doesn’t matter
if if if if if if if what was going on with me was interesting I wouldn’t you know it wouldn’t be surrounding myself with entertaining people
succumb to harmontown play tonight I got back what am I going to talk to them about Minecraft
why not I hope Greg proops and Duncan Trussell show up Greg do you play video games what you don’t play video games no
but you know what I don’t I don’t I don’t shame people who do I don’t
it wasn’t intentional Jesus
Jesus had his bad side let me let’s not blow it up. It was asking for it maybe Mike my in my Tom Brown are my tone indicated that I that I had that I was diminishing people to play games but I think it’s marvellous when people let their creativity run rampant in that area it is simply not for me I think it’s a generational thing I’m in the middle of a I was born in a crossfire hurricane Irma driving right now
I was down in the thing is there’s a healthy use of your time I don’t I like to read and watching old movies and because Jackie Robinson’s movie came out this week 42 I went and saw it the other day and I have in my wife you know imagine her disappointment when I bring four different books about Jackie Robinson out including two that he’s written I saw the poster at the at the Grove is like I bet Greg’s happy about that baseball movie coming out is any good it it it it it it it portrayed him in a way that go on like that all of a sudden you beat you’d be pounding over a typewriter and pieces of paper coming out in the movie stacks of them right I know Stephen Jake Harris Channel logo and have a shot
and then
you take a sip from a bottle but then we’d see in the garbage can 80 bottles right and then all over the floor and a letter from my mom that hasn’t been fed and the Ancients in line. Every single one of them playing your character right this is your mom why won’t you call you know that when after the nap but then when you finally when you like right this group that wins and and you become Dan Harmon and check. The moment we be like I’m so grateful they didn’t they had to be a human but like I know way too much about this and I don’t want to stop your ship caught up on this word hey Geographic I just want to make sure I understand
and I spell that word yeah hagio in Minecraft where you going to do I was going to mine it like I don’t have enough they worked in a mine all day and I spelled like Haji the Greek word and I’m not certain what the prefix means but it happens what if easy tiger I’ll take it from here thanks I know you got some Asperger people here tonight at the other tiny dinosaurs all around the audience
it just means that it takes what was once a human experience and turned it into a movie experience going to Arabia biopics but like they have nothing to do with it actual fact there’s not a single moment in the movie that probably happened and yet it may be heated if he didn’t he talk to him and that’s what movies are about actually said in the hallway of the tire world at war that’s my favorite part of the movie two and a half hours yet for the best part to an entire world at war and I’m not allowed to be in it and God will not allow this
his will be done
cat work with belly standing there like
you know that’s why movies are good because I want to do my wife is movies are better than real life I don’t want to live movies are at their reflection of a movie For Better or For Worse the definition of it has become well now it’s been extended to three hours I don’t know why that movement happen why in the 90s graphic designs of posters went out the window and I just became Denzel Washington’s path of his face and have whoever else’s face was in the movie and then like a knife and I thought that would never admit it but I think I’ve seen some cool posters lately like like like a graphic designers of starting to get paid again to probe to to that that thing where they’re like wait a minute we don’t have to do three passes on this movie let’s just make it three and a half hours on but you would think that the bottom line mentality would say no make it 90 minutes
movies are like 8 hours long and I guess what they must admit to they make so much money that everyone’s confused and going like sure let your Brad Pitt movie about the invention of ping pong be 3 hours long it’ll be just like a Pikachu movie by the way they have in Japan that are coming here or go there and stare and China there’s there’s these new theaters hardcore theaters that drop bubbles on the audience and have sent that they took their sweet yeah I can’t wait yeah that’s coming back that the aspect of sent like apparently it’s coming to the United States soon but yeah it’s basically them out there emulating smell which I’ve always wanted to see what that would be like does anyone remember the book Brave New World by Aldous Huxley where you held onto to you held on it to Electra during the movie and they were called the feeling is so when people in the movie are raped and
put on the movie are shot and while you’re watching you and I always thought that really nailed it doesn’t like they’re starting to ship the development kits for these things that when I was in my twenties there was this concept call virtual reality in the 90s that had everyone was at Eva is it lately the inserted into everything Lucky Charms commercial get virtual reality at it like I’m not kidding I’m just really not exaggerated like they would be a the shity movie of the month would come out with Michael Douglas and Demi Moore than they do have just a scene in between blow jobs where she was in virtual reality I clicked the scene where they go into the office and look through a filing cabinet was replaced with a scene of her putting on goggles and going into a virtual filing cabinets anyways lawnmower man yeah.
then we dropped it cuz it got so embarrassing it was like disco’s like we got so we went as soon as New Years in 2000 happened or like enough with the goggles in the people going like this look no more ever really happened because there’s started a Kickstarter can I call him a kid he’s probably under 50 he started a Kickstarter and said look I don’t know why we gave up on us we can do this this is a real thing and and it just got flooded with money and flooded with agreements from software developers like yes yes my friend Justin Roiland visiting saying Cole creator of Rick and Morty and he’s like just insane like collector of everything he got one of these development kids brought it to the office I put on these goggles and like I’m standing in Tuscany like in a house and I move my head a little cautiously this way and there’s shit over here everywhere I’m looking everywhere and there’s
Tuscany everywhere
360 degrees of Tuscany which I’m recommending is the title of my bio pack please please let it be had Geographic cuz I’ve never been to me in the first scene you’re burning your canvas and his fuming of red new spent hours painting it and it got rid of all of my girlfriends comes in and goes when someone rides on a donkey and goes this is from the pope and you’re like shit
did you and talk to me that that that within five years because these things are super low resolution they don’t have proximity sensors on them so when you move your head that you get this like very you get motion sickness very quickly you get like a weird idea because of a little tweaks that they need to make to this thing but once they make those two weeks and increase the resolution of these things it’s like 3 months old baby and in two years that we were talking about the Oculus Oculus Rift like like that’s like that they’re going to start out there that is so cool pair of Ray-Bans you know it’s not going to be a fucking ridiculous
Temple it’ll be inserted in New Braunfels
backpacks in the 80s what they happened to the bench for the Fall Guy
because of this technology business created the existent philosophy that were in a simulation this is something we always talked about but your testing right now which is interesting because in the elderly like Plato’s Cave is like he’s using state-of-the-art technology to make his point candles Shadow by area like what the fuc hey man listen I know you trying to tell me that life is a dream but I don’t I don’t know fire yet let alone the controlling the shadows and stuff in this concept of actual like video games or gotten so addictive and so immersive that you and I kind of like like like talking about this I’ve been on your podcast twice and we keep talking about technological tsunami that’s about to destroy Society because the moment the technology advances to the point where that reality becomes more amazing than this reality becomes
indistinguishable from this reality when it becomes a geographic is that what is better than the exactly when that happens like movies are to me already people are hooked on World of Warcraft or even movies are on these very low dat he won’t want to travel people already don’t want to travel the people that feel like they should travel but don’t have the item because it’s probably beautiful but I really like looking at fake low-res Tuscany motion sickness through a pair of goggles because we’ve been as a species we are instinctively compelled to I think destroy ourselves we’d we think create ourselves, would say we have like a blueprint on our spinal cord of that’s why we create the gods that we worship they have these we have this fantasy that our purpose is to be God’s our perp
this is to create life purpose is to change the weather our purpose is to defeat death our purpose is to teleport our purpose is to get out like like reach across the Earth and grab the Loch Ness monster by the neck and use it for assaulting our pizza by the way that’s exactly what I would do with the Loch Ness Monster
a lot of people don’t think so cuz you Scottish it out I think it’s going to be it’ll be
I thought I’d like a Scottish Pizza I kind of got half locked assault half Freedom it’ll be a little bit sharp tonight
how do you find an accent Workshop in,
did they thought that I was surprised if I knew how to say
every time someone says you’re Jackie Stewart I think I think the irony I think we already tried that
the actual irony is Rich Little’s tape incredibly distinctive resembled no one else is taking to the world singular tank was just it was only his it got broke the mold when virtual reality Advanced enough we will be able to stand in his tank and look around this is Rich Little tape. Dots not a day I look forward to that. What you were speaking up before I could thrill to but there’s a but I did you guys travel ever you travel right a little bit out of the English hegemony Zone once I was in Paris where they still speak a ton of English or at least 3 lb of it and immediately like
predicted like a very uncomfortable like I I I roll with it like I’m not like you know but but the truth is like I’m walking around Paris and I was like I just feel absolutely useless am crippled and it’s my fault because you know I never I took two years of French but didn’t know we all hate that you’re surprised and I never took languages and I look like with their I was like I was the Eiffel Tower is looks like a big thing so it’s great because they from Greg’s Greg and I traveled around the world of a few countries that don’t speak English and Greg has a great day my gray actually keep they like a book but it was paper in it and write some notes down and his little pages I want to Cock all the all the all the he write down notes if if you could pay per
cast your mind.
The best airport for 8 hours and this little tiny airport with one playing at in the show up and it wasn’t I there was a fucking I think I’m going to talk about everybody everybody wanted to murder this child but you can’t cuz you’re the airport and 911 on YouTube
God damn that 911 in the old days you could if I could Patriot Act you could smoke and you can throttle a chat with thank you thank you Hawaiian Airlines that give you away and it was sexy in those good but now you can’t kill you can’t kill a three-year-old and end his laughter behind us this time there was looking at a magazine it was trying to iPad it was trying to swipe the baby hadn’t mastered page-turning technology he could understand why he was moving his hand across a thing at time of service wasn’t changing the image and everybody laughed and I wanted to vomit tears are to be fair to be fucking Fair though not a single person has child
that because that makes me feel queasy to but then you have to remember that not a single person in this room say that and I’m going to make one guy’s going to stand up and say I know how to do it. I’m 10 make a piece of paper that is technology we are as beholden to the guy that invented paper as we are it is the jobs jobs or Jobe the percent of this audience is wearing eyeglasses a hundred percent of the body and speaks in alphabet that was invented after you know how to turn a patient may never turn he could end up being the president of of of Earth and he did and a futuristic episode
and then I had to kill his mother because so he wouldn’t be born in case he made peace that didn’t defeat Kim Jong own
the a lot like that Harlan Ellison the Star Trek episode of Yugoslavia whenever the family were those of our citizens are called steroids write down all the plays and thank you hello how you doing sorry good day and that you write you write those things down and you don’t have to know everything you travel to foreign place if you walk in Hugo Debra don’t be freaked out and I can I use it all the time whenever I go anywhere I make sure I know how to say all the polite things that you can walk there and kind of see what is it m
Syma about them and I met some people that took me to a club that was run by these giant Eastern European guys who hated my guts unsightly just like this girl who they knew and I didn’t like me at all but they were I’m 6-4 kind of did they were like six-seven inch giant hockey player looking dudes in suits they wanted to murder me and they were either Serbian or Croatian but you can’t guess wrong on that one
option kiwior versus Ozzy like that’s not know you know Japanese and Chinese the same difference. Hahaha and one of them were there have been really like they’re being really hostile and strange and I said iru Croatian just guessed his name was like Draco or I will bury you in a minute music
yes I do it because I
what what does it mean when your answer this time is Easter special
yes
he went over to his buddies
get my wallet out of my pocket they would not let me leave the club drinks are on them for the rest of the night they took they took your wallet out of your pocket and it wouldn’t pull my pants down they put their penises in my ass off I mean lunch restaurant big factor in the dirt
episode on my friend fucking you know what we do to Runners don’t you you bring them back if we’re going to fuck you into the dirt bike people with yogurt know they didn’t but they threatened to fuck a guy in the dirt and listen to episodes of got but yeah that’s that’s saying a lot too much cuz there are some people that will be a couple episodes behind but but I swear to God you are you fucking went into that we talk about this in the show at a casino and I’m wandering around in the daytime the shows not till night is Greg sitting at
slot machine and he’s sitting there like it’s like a little old lady has been there for a while and it was the Sex in the City slot machine
oh yeah I almost I almost disowned he was a friend I’m not going to make no case for it it was the best slot machine I want to
did you like Samantha has to pick a pair of shit
I know like which shoes will it be and I’m like oh God the pump so the fucking slingbacks and shut and Slingbox and then nice choice
pom pom pom pom pom pom pom the dragons Spencer Crittenden
summon yourself
has there ever been a plane dungeon master to the Stars
almost and also said he walks to the black table whose beard wagging his community t-shirt making Dan Harmon feel sad
it’s not like they’re blue shirts to work cuz when I’m leaving people be like help me and I’m like no
he works at the Apple start but isn’t that your back rumor know because they still be mistaken and then they be like I do that guy didn’t help when I work in Food Service I worked in the dish room and then they promoted me to work the front line of the rehab center where I was doing dishes and my raise was a quarter an hour and then after a week I went to the manager and I said I want to watch dishes again I can’t play Glee I can’t deal with the people in the whole thing and it was going to be a dream I call instead of washing the dishes I get to make the dishes dirty I got to put their mashed potatoes on the plate but yet to talk to the people there are psychological dishes were not done
and if you would put that out a counselor would say that’s inappropriate not inappropriate and you don’t have a psychology degree it you’re a fucking counselor at a private rehab center that’s draining insurance money sending anorexics home I’ve been putting polycose in their apple juice for 6 months and their insurance ran out there walking home with human skeleton they use to keep an erection from dying while they suck their bank accounts dry anyways
I’m going to write a letter to 1993 senator
I’ve got to shut that place down again because I’m sure that everything’s changed now they did not need a lot of Reese’s Pieces
sometimes the Oreo bits
charge of like I would have to watch the the people from the anorexic unit because they got an open cafeteria and they would hide their Jello behind the juice machine and I had to go I said I was 18 year old pimply faced guy with a rat tail I was in charge of going to a Veronica come on
I’m making $3.75 an hour which was raised from the $3.50 an hour that I raced back to after 1 week on the line as we call it is that a thing where they they would drink it like a glove apple juice liquid turkey stuffing and it invisible odorless flavorless caloric booster in it which is a conspiracy theorist by getting together with the government
it’s not a can’t be healthy fat in their apple juice to keep their bodies from dying while you have them drop pictures of themselves and finger paint know they don’t and we really appreciate it if you keep a lid on the mayonnaise you minimum wage this food service worker for helping us with people’s brains for a living
let’s play some DND
how you been stranger how am I what’s new in Crittenden Crittenden yeah yeah no yeah yeah yeah we we started playing I think we spoke about this we started an actual D&D campaign podcast it didn’t cost him last time and no one else did
you’re not supposed to wear costume to yeah you are you yes please keep doing it tomorrow night you going to be stopping at thrift store I went to stationery stores I wanted like a little notebooks working at the mailboxes journals and I’m looking for one right this way
and I we left that’s that’s that’s that’s the Jazz right there and then when I got to put my character sheet and next door to the place is a thrift store and I went to the ladies section it turns out you can get a nice little halfling rogue costume and nobody wanted to help them. Like I said they’re like that’s the stuff
are you going to dress up yeah she has anything to support this Gateway that you’re going through
I want you to I want you to end up where you want to end up by up if you need me to. I want I want to dress up to yes I’m looking at your bucket drinks that we’d spoken a few times before you realize that I was wearing a turn the Kathy to the stage and the gas gauge
the return of Mal rain sadhana
I’m glad you could take a time out of your busy cake making schedule China amazing I’ve been eating it by myself and my house just scooping big chunks of chocolate cake and watching Birds
thank you but it’s delivered to wish how long does it take to make a cake like that multitask so it takes 30 minutes for the cake to bake in the oven it takes about 4 minutes for me to mix music box I’m just doing it because I like decorating my cake if I read every weekend you like 2 or 3 weeks in a row now you started with a Dinklage that look like Cobain then it was that it was a giant snow that look a lot like Jon Snow and last night your cake Your Game of Thrones cake had the what’s your name the Dragon Lady Terrace
Marathon. All right he’s fun guy is like sugar sugar clay you give it to anorexic and they don’t know they’re being said I would be glad to thank you sir Duncan will be portraying Camille’s character Chris de Burgh lady in red and performed it better I love on your own character
the thing nobody realizes I’m always a character you are a I just switch it up
it’s not funny it’s not meant to be funny that’s the honest truth
again not funny thank you Melissa Lewis yes I do have a message into my skin for Kemal the night
like the fuck with him for sure
great baritones It Happened One Time last time that was weird and I mean it was cuz I remember that a guy turned into a spider and it was my fault but but but
and and we and we brutalized it but out of self-defense had I put a blanket over and I had violent because I’m never going to have to kill it and I was like I’m sorry we did this to you you had sex with it and whispered in its ear we’re going to let you live
but he did that while those spiders sleep but if you hadn’t been there were some circuitous conditional statement and I we’re going to let you live but I’m going to fuck you every night and then you killed it
what year did Ted Bundy I was putting out I was I was it was a commentary on the book of the chaos and everything preceded it was a disabled hurting it trying to save it so I talked it told her that I was going to fucking forever then someone didn’t actually playing now
I mean you can call it a commentary I you became the BTK Killer
I’m a barbarian it’s understood I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m what is it called when we last met her Heroes were following the mysterious Wanderer brefi into a web slime stand a black pillars on the mysterious and Dark Shadow plane immediately after fleeing a forest fire set off by Sharpies Fireball the way right
do wizard blasted the new Webbie obstacle to shreds was our second Fireball sorry the gang left into action Maureen fired arrows in court detached three limbs with a single Critical Strike then a monkey was summoned to her fiendish a prayer something Christopher rather anti-climactic Lee feeling the intense blood last from the in satisfying and peaceful end of combat the Barbarian expressed himself in the only way he could.
after promising that clearly unconscious shapeshifter his life would be spared Court drove his sword directly through the spider skull mean quit bringing it into his miserable tormented life but with their guy and the only Ally they had on their Shadow plane murdered how would they recover their shadows and return home
I stand by my actions I stand by my actions
you were only cleaning up a mess I made you know I was feeling like I only wear it made sense given the circumstances you wouldn’t have known you you know there you were trying to make momentum I don’t know whatever I can’t do this right now right now I should have first mention a Sharpie you’re out of level 3 spell so you have level one in two spells left but you have to like sleep a whole night before you regain your level 3 spell that’s true I don’t know it’s weird weird
I neither would never deny that never answers once if you’re in the Navy and to never
where no one else was thinking the same thing you might look as you asked when we were starting and I was sitting here nervous that you were unhappy or no I’m not sorry sorry I did Jordan smoke some pot but we’ll wait to thank you good morning my sweet was it was great the burned webs are slick and shiny on the remains of the crumbled pillars burnt by spent Fireballs you created a pretty large clearing from all the fire and where before was a large Vision obscuring barrier of weapon
wedding you can now see clearly and through the grass through the Gap you can see a Ripley waiting Mass far off in the distance but to the South you hear the approaching of hoods OSHA
Tylenol with codeine what are you doing here
play mangala to Kathie Lee Gifford once again I find myself in your company for my entire Forest has been decimated Burn It To The Ground cuz I what doings are these would come to my home runs the place where I was folded the place where my horn did grow I am of course a unicorn and therefore Immortal but the place where I did once dried upon my four legs
unbelievably
has now been rendered useless and I find myself in another dimension this one with you
greetings hail and salutation says hi
word app
yo pretty ladies around the world
I see that thou art gathered and all are still as ugly and hunched at as I remember whilst I remain beautiful pristine white with a Golden Horn spirals toward the heavens how come you to the shadow play in The Shadow place I must come with two in order that the place where I am from it is burned down
I feel like I feel like I might have done that
to be serious it was an accident
father did we know
I swore I didn’t wear in the shadow plan I think I like has Fireball and I think things we do here made of other places I made a boo-boo
until 9 I
I know you will find it within the Unicorn beat his two things one a member extravagant and Wild
into a heart that encompasses all forgiveness I bestow upon all of them for destroying the land I am from
thank you, we’ve lost our shadows that there are shadows are ripped apart from us and they ran off into the mid the middle Darkness
the fuck the fuck I don’t say that has not have thee know where the shuttle playing
even in the brightness of dying Noonday find out no Shadow to follow the upon the ground I don’t feel I don’t feel like myself what is it I don’t know I just I don’t really I think I have some form of Amnesia perhaps in this battle something happened to me because I have this compulsion at this moment to start slicing off my own fingers oh my God
Jolie Evangelina from the 90s. I’m just going to carve it into my arm and then then we’ll and then we’ll get back to find eyeshadows I pull out my dagger wipe the poison off and I carve into my arm
I carve into my arm something very strange that doesn’t make sense probably to any of us I carve into my arm how can you have a video game podcast an odd place Starcraft 2
wow wow strange strange cryptic I don’t know what it means
I just wanted to do it broke you’ll die then I have horn + 11 + 1 D 8 + 10 damage can I help in that respect you could dabble with your horn it wouldn’t help we would hurt
stab me with your heart unicorn since doubt demand effects shall I yes
Northeastern no I said make it when my horn just a bit then to die
OfferUp my bedroll and some flint and steel so you may
I could use a bandage I’m bleeding a little bit but I thought there I think it’s going to scar permanently that’s on that’s on me permanently saying Spencer how far off is that shimmering wavy thing of a head it’s it’s about 50 feet away there’s a couple leg up pillars in front of it obscuring it but it’s mostly out in plain view Tylenol with codeine and I say or Tylenol to the to the show me once again
NFL do I feel transplants for the light do I thought I’d follow closely Shaggy even you with moderate wounds that I shall heal because I have the money on you doesn’t need anybody to take bucket and here we are you appeared you head towards the undulating black barrier it wavers and ripples slowly like a massive black ooze but appears to be the daddy boy statue of a massive iron or wrought iron fence made out of thick shifting Shadows you shove your arm in it
Maria trying to kill Camille character throw your arm late into the shadow part of the space between the shadow of a shadow part you shove your arm into the shadow part and it strikes with a Klang
I like metal gears that sounds that way it doesn’t appear that way has a game game game with a bow
Jane Zhang.
Silently you see what appears to be several black tendrils shooting out of the ground beneath the the wall with your feet and wrap up your arms and legs and you feel yourself bound you and Chris de Burgh their hands through the fence there
can I use my Dodge ability to get away from that not in this case cuz you’re like reaching into it though those Shadows that Dawson beleaguer my friends shall I point my fucking horn.
Crunch crunch
take dada’s Shadow and suck it off into the night be you strike the shadow but it does not waver
bad unicorn luck. So more rain in Sharpie are seeing this happen you know about 30 feet away about those still Shadow Coco you’re with her Coco’s her horse well I mean yeah
but but you wouldn’t be able to know by look at my horse like a shadow out of the bottom of it I mean you haven’t is it how high is it keeps setting it you don’t know that for say that what’s up
for my rope tracker they are it isn’t possible fence
what will soon be a new favorite of my my spell things you said I have no level 3 spell emotion emotions for 8 hours to the fence on Coco do I have left you have all your level one and two spells just not the level threes
you get three of those per day perhaps the shadow rope is susceptible to blood I bite my own tongue and
spin the blood at the shadow rope is it affected at all awesome thank you for those of you keeping track at home Chris de Burgh is now inflicted 18 points of damage on a cell phone
how many does he have left over can cure moderate wounds heal to mouth character
58 Point there’s plenty left to spare for a fuck it
I I seem to have found a spell under level one that called jump jump jump jump jump jump your legs are still nearby.
zing zing zing went my heart from the moment I met him I said hello
yeah that happens you jump over the fence you’re now on the other side of the fence can you disentangle me and and Chris de Burgh from from the shadow shadow tendrils
radian Raptor get to work jacket what were you going to do there more in my sack
I detest when anyone even nibbles in myself
I was going to take my sack and loop
rope and create
a shadow gate retriever at Chris I also said Chris can I have some of your stuff
you know what just take it out you just take it all it seems like I’ve got a hold on it
I’m going to give you pick one pick one pick the Unicorn is sensitive pick one thing or some sensitive you don’t want any of my stuff
you don’t want any of my stuff codeine I need nothing need I I don’t even know if I am completed every moment
over Chris lands over Chris
and I can come out to you and come out his neck doesn’t snap
the bag slides off his head and you know it doesn’t nothing happens so you are you at the gate right thinking of casting knock but I can’t tell cuz I think I lost one of my spells sheets yeah I must have lost it I can’t tell if knock is a level to max level two to spell okay I was going to try to cast knock on it without touching it I don’t touch the stuff open ya ya with a loud knocking sound knocking with a loud it open immediately or fines are dissolved then you can free your limbs again thank God
but you hear a sound behind you Sharpie coming out of the gun you know the sound behind you
words words are a thing
I turn around and examine my surround behind you see 6 Shadow you humanoids approaching one of them hold your hand. It appears to be the shape of a blade one of them holds her hand up it appears to be the shape of your blade is there I’ll answer that in one second you said their hand is the shape of a blade like like
yeah alright over there just holding a sword now it’s the shape of blades like muted into a blade definitely muted into a blade and it strikes you dealing 12 damage my armor class by the way is a million
I can cure medium wounds that’s true definitely you can can I am I able to hide in the shadows you can try definitely only Stevie Nicks
you attempt to conceal yourselves in the shadows hopefully the Shadow with my medium healing wound healing powers
let me squat upon on face
and dispense the mucus that does make one whole game healing 19 hit points of damage do you can okay thank you welcome back your dreams were your ticket out here with not me how many of these Shadow Warriors are there are six of them
two arrows
you know now you can fire three arrows you got a magic bow
stocking up in 2 hours for so long wait while she fires the arrows I quickly use my knife to pry off three of my fingernails and and then I I do is try to do a back stabbed on one of the Shadow beings do you hate Kumail nanjiani character
Pharaoh’s Blenheim cells in the figure dealing 9 damage at the same time
but I doesn’t seem to go as planned in your face
all the time they want to know what is the arrangement of these figures where they standing in relationship test there’s about three that are up on on Sharpie and he’s inside the gate and you guys are outside this gate and then there’s three farther back than he did from the inside but they’re farther inside so I can I come to the gate definitely through the gate and take a flaming sword attack on the the nearest figure that happens
geberit do you charge directly towards the the most menacing of the Shadow shapes slice an incredible slice across the dark faux ceiling some damage OSHA oh that was almost off the table
stealing 16 damn it I can’t wait to find out what the conflict resolution of this encounter would have been like I had a sword for a hand write an elite Shadow Fall’s the rest of the Shadows pour out they actually flow past Sharpie and directly towards me and Chris
can I apologize can I kick some it fucking dick all of those things can happen in due time ladies and gentlemen let me get some attack rolls out of the way it’ll be a blast
are you okay
no
by not having the best time objectively
anyway to the shadow creatures that approach mo’reen and Chris and strike deadly blows on their arms and legs with their bladed limbs dealing some damage Moraine takes 15 damage and Chris de Burgh takes 900 the other two Shadows one of their limbs become hazy and smoking like he’s seeing smoke and their limbs and the smoke that they. They you know they have for their now limbs flows directly into the throat of a cork as if attempted to strangle him you feel a dark presence invade your body won’t be the last time
yeah now it’s a costume on you feel yourself choking and like it’s getting harder to move but otherwise you’re not affected and I mean you’re choking but yeah all right I responded that at first I think it was I think this is more answering now so you can summon some sort of magical beasts with no close close out this whole thing
she can’t some of this good that’s the thing. I wrap Eagle monkey octopus owl porpoise snake wolf
Orbitz.
Some of the terrestrial space you just want to see you suffering it was going to watch a creature die in front of you can imagine that without doing anything
not visually happening
I’m just hesitant to me as a most fearless and maniacal I summoned the monkey with a snap of your fingers in a wave of your arms a monkey leaps into existence
cover me when I sleep
he appears if he jumps like he dissolved into existence jumping directly onto one of the Shadow creatures and is now on his head trying to like be tomorrow like, limmer rip his hair out but it’s not it’s not going so well not doing any damage
I remember my first time summoning a monkey
I was searching the person my some of the monkey
I was in the bathroom my mom like
Marvel’s what happens yeah what happened
is Chris’s tearing
call marbles go
it’s our goal to delete these and photos into a submission
do they have a little hat on
birthday birthday hat
why do blood vessels in a bad mood so serious
sorry you’re not in a bad mood you guys I’m sorry I’m sorry you didn’t do any damage
I’m watching an ape named Marbles and try to attack me I just wanted to make sure you’re okay darling I’ll be home I’ll be home after 8
so it’s Chris’s turn
that’s so sorry
well I need a high cholesterol breakfast how old are you not going down right so yeah you cut one down it’s not moving far do we have a maybe we should run is that didn’t seem like we can run you guys why don’t we just run jump up on my back all of you and I can throw my blinding bombs at the shadow beast and then we’ll just get the fuck out of here but most of that plan is good other than the fact that like only two people can fit on I’m not running
I’ll stay behind as a distraction you guys go
leave him he is too slow where he is Kumar’s character and she’ll Live to Die Another Day
people yes fucking let’s do it
why
I saw a man coming on my back by six months instead of 5 and 1/2 year he said he didn’t kill himself
everyone Hitler futhead run
Delaware from the Delaware
then the Hessian from from from from from itself
stay and fight these shadow being read right after marbles do I have any fucking Powers here that I can you can stomp on people you can stab people with your homework
let’s go Rodeo on this dick
alright see you want to stab them honey I want to do everything I can to get out of this
Spencer what’s up I’m just resolving an attack real quick hold up you guys you deal with your horn dealing 16 damage that is precisely what I’m talking about
what Mike bump and was there a question
how many photos would let me know when it’s my turn there’s still five that’s true I thought you changed your mind up and then let’s kick ass I take just like one small hit from one of my vials of acid and throw 3 smoke bombs
do I get I throw 3 blinding bombs at the shadow Beast throwing three blinding bombs at the feet of the Shadow would be so giving
let me throw one of my blinding box on you it’s the worst Thanksgiving ever I feel her tea
that’s just a blinding bombs
I don’t know what’s happening
dispenser for Lucille reflect what what is happening now
I’m not running it’s not running it called
galloping
discretion is the better part of valor being outside so proud love has no Pride when I call your name
shadow people with swords for hands
to the ground you cock sucker can’t you fucking jump on my back and run with me for a while
is it possible though that that the shadows of it if we Vanquish these shadow people that we’ll get our shadows back or maybe just maybe they’re the embodiment of our shadows in some way or know that I just Guardians of the captain Burke looking at them they don’t seem like they look like your shadows but that still might be the case toss them to her marbles with a guy you want to give out of marbles five of my arrows and I say you know what to do
Marvel’s is going to take those arrows and stab the shadows in the head and she’s a true
what’s happening
arrows going to try to stab by the Shadows with Five Arrows
as it happens marbles doesn’t have anything to prove anyway you give her the arrows but she doesn’t seem very confused
what is happening
yeah they’re just fucking animals I don’t know you can’t like the account that I sent you have anything to prove
something to prove right marbles parents said hey you’ll never amount to anything
a murder a shadow creature they come from an alternate plane actually yeah they’re just hanging out and they got pulled through and then they’re confused in that attack whatever looks the most threatening but there’s no way of knowing
but let’s make sure that marbles has something to prove I’m only asking I’m just I can’t say what you should or shouldn’t eat if you’re going to fuck the monkey will you fuck me first
all right
I will order my emotional ties with Marvel talk to me after you fuck the monkey
what white waves chance to get extradimensional
right now Chris de Burgh I like where you’re going with this the right now we got we we dazzled these few shadow figures are blinded right now
I’m hard as if I can diamond right now
charm person on one of the Shadow creatures when it’s my turn because it’s a level one spell charm person it has no effect I go into a barbarian rage I go into a Berserker rage I jump a stride marble can I take out my farceur and taking out my far as sore as I hold it out their clothes line and try to slice through all of them like I got like a bunch of trees how big do you think Marvel’s is
I was just five five
Meg Ryan says I guess I could have done it better. I was always thinking of marbles is like a marmoset size like some Tylenol if you and me baby let’s roll this back and I grabbed a fistful of Main and I told marbles Kermit ago
two separate people over coming out
1
pocket monkey
and I gave him a little spare a little boot didn’t into his conscious that I restored and try to slide down the shadow figures okay so all of this is happening but you’re still being like strangulated by that that shadow I forgot about that but this stuff can still be happening with your strike you attempt to attack as many of the Shadow creatures as you possible to Shadow creatures
hitting merely two of them feel good I don’t know dealing 11 damage and 17 damage
one of the Shadows Falls Lane the other is still standing here with your face with four you might want to cover time there I do 300 you know we’re never going to finish this fight and you have to get out of here and look at those do you have slain in the others that are still standing
wait did it doesn’t mean the game’s about to end I hope so I have to do I have hair cut all my hair off all of it all of it is with my dagger and Dagger
we’re putting in the field and in the sky I fuck your mama soul of a fuck your mama I’m sorry in the background of this wrapped in the background I take Christopher his hand and pulled him off into the Shadows
take me out I wrap over them as they is a conjugate like like Richard Gere and Guinevere and in first night and I I pull them out of the Shadows so everyone can watch okay I just watch him fuck and I wrap over them which is what king are there didn’t do
yeah yeah yeah yeah I like the shape of your ass but I like to look at your manly charms like to look at Boost male ham coming together to form androgyny Alexis witness sexual weiner go into a butthole look at it but I also participate so I’m going to go see you into the dirt matter where I come from that’s called starting to flip down everybody
that was rapping closer sanctuary
Duncan Trussell
Erin mcgathy
Spencer Crittenden
and of course everybody here at the Meltdown, cuz I’m making this the best place to do a podcast in the world
one more time for your marriage and Harmon
we will try and watch the Abominable dr. 5 this week and get back to you my see and Trevor shooting the ice bucket
but the fact that you for coming everybody we love you all dearly