Episode
Episode: 80 – Harmontown At Largo (Justin Roiland, John Oliver, Sarah Chalke)
Description
In conjunction with Adult Swim and Starburns Industries, HARMONTOWN Live at Largo Coronet Theatre! Featuring Justin Roiland, John Oliver and Sarah Chalke! (Presented in 128kbps Stereo)
Transcript
Angeles California
harmontown is now in session once you want it off please welcome to the stage of the mayor of harmontown
Mr Dan Harmon
Dennis from his beer sorry about that well this should be a real as usually promised that we should we could really going to keep this thing moving on Ruby rails Jeff I mean for the podcast listener there is a a Deus there four chairs which bodes well and there is only be described as a Stanley Cup full of vodka
add two bottles yeah yeah well this is Alliance member level
alright thank you Ketel One Dan Harmon a new a new member of the door for me I known a Lion’s Club for Ketel One vodka the real sorosis Club let’s get we going are we going to pack 9
45 will get three guests just started its at 8:13 we started at 12 do I have to stop at 45 and we’re going to be done with Hermantown let me get into the next stuff I don’t know I’ve never been onstage in five seconds we’re going to end the show
Halal Burger Rodger am I get sucked up on fernet branca Largo has a rich history of the legendary Flanigan runs this place lovely plan again for having us he got Jack Black hooked on Heroin here he killed Gram Parsons balls were hit with a hammer by and eat a meme and over and over the corner I don’t know Largo people it’s a rich rich tapestry of Largo people are honored to be here and we’re going to show you some Rick and Morty stuff later
alright I’m worried I’m worried that because you’re seated with a giant flagon of vodka right now that you won’t be as dynamic as you normally are at Meltdown Comics when you stand treat the people what good does this expression to worry do what are you going to stop and bring the Thunder I’m bringing it. Name a topic what else will take them so long
racism racism what’s with black people why are they so bad
if you were standing you would have been more races the intention was to come down Against Racism not a race
sorry black people
again all right so we need to bring up our first guest right away too much to do what have you been up to and when I go in in in ascending order of of disturbance the first is a back pain because I have enough Walking for to like like like like actually just like notice at a certain point. My back hurts and then I look I think back ago it was like hearing something yes I was but not with my arm it was an extra it was me and her familiar with this this is what you get
so fat that when you’re at sleep sometimes your body forgets you’re supposed to be alive
that’s sleep apnea your body forgets to breathe you wake up going and because you’re that fat
have you been fatter than right now I have you been observing I mean you’re not going to get a definitive answer from anyone other than Earth
have you weighed more than you currently when I don’t weigh myself that’s I don’t truck with that that’s have you looked in the mirror and then less or more disappointed than you are right now mirrors mirrors play tricks
I saw some comedic play tricks I saw some to Munich on photos that were a bummer I was like is that is that Dan Aykroyd at the Madame Tussauds Museum like I quit who I is that is that a planet of hair is that like a like a bit in the community writers room where I have two characters named like you know Sam and Diane that I do they’re on opposite sides of my gut and I got to where are you traveling with your besties like a girls trip huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrass
and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest Phil murdered like ever you’re always in good hands adventures in Blacksburg, but that’s been torn executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
spring at our first guest he’s my he’s my my partner this is a cleverly disguised advertisement Justin Roiland
hey how are you how are you I just want to say I think you look at spelt has ever thanks buddy I don’t know about all this you look beautiful Justin after the show I got a bag of Doritos waiting for you with your name on it he’s hooking me I’m liking you like Flanagan to Gram Parsons murdered Gram Parsons you guys it’s an honor to be here and do we have something really special in store for all of you tonight Justin has a thing he was talking about backstage now you’re a guy who want any given day you’ll talk about Skull Island with the gold in the reserves in the talk about the second Woodrow Wilson the Federal Reserve in Jekyll Island’s you’re sort of a doomsday prepper your kind of a your kind of a me listen I can’t see you cuz the lights are bright but how many people think this
is just going right down into the poopy hole can I get a show of hands swell nobody’s going to know what no one profits from saying that America is doing great that that was the 40s
but you know you have to hurt a dollar right now is to say we’re fucked that’s the only thing I did was buying really fucked ladies and gentlemen
did the stage there but you specifically you think that were Fox for a really specific Art Bell kind of Reason here’s the thing we do know that the Earth is being polluted we do know that we as human race we we we cross the threshold and technology that is causing just chaos and we’re all glued to these fucking little tablet screens and everything and we probably think hey this is good for us this is great and wonderful seem healthy but what you don’t realize is that for the last century the grey Allman died aliens have been living among us I’m not trying to be funny I’m not trying to fucking be a you know I’m dead serious I believe this to be true
and I know that they’ve been here still being funny I love you can laugh you can laugh with me or at me
but you have to let I’d prefer you laugh at me if you don’t believe it because it’s true and they are here to enslave the human race and take the planet Earth from us and they’re going to come here and they’re going to say oh we want to fix it all for you you’re polluting it then you’re doing this and that the other thing but guess what ladies and gentlemen we are the cray I’d almond-shaped I aliens and we’re here and we’re going to go ahead and fix it all for you were going to get rid of the nuclear bombs we’re going to get rid of all what if China is doing and polluting the waters and all that shit help you with China
but I’m trying to go do it all my days
how can you play this same team here
and the Almond Farmers especially are going to be upset about this but the fact remains don’t trust these fucking aliens they’re coming to enslave us to take over the planet and to harvest the resources of Earth and questions please we should we introduced one one question before we bring our panel of questioners water gold I don’t know alright
Allied turn here let’s bring us some professional so few people who put hydrogen they want that makes you listen to the scientist Center how many other Earths have they found yet that fit the description that is capable centers have you found your phone because you were going to warn people about the Alien Invasion there’s some shit you might forget
I got a second I had to come prepared I had to come prepared I am doing this for whatever note I chimed I had to make sure I didn’t forget any of the most important things that have to do with my message that I’m delivering to you people and I hope you spread it after tonight I have a surprise for you cuz we have a bona fide Global level journalists here from The Daily Show mr. John Oliver
he’s a professional
wow wow you know how to sell your show you have to get on The Tonight Show before Leno leaves to promote Rick and Morty I want to talk about
Behavior
yeah I’ll stay after the break show yeah
John do you have any questions about to have so many question so much about aliens as the source of
the truth is happening in my head is more extreme brother listen to the others they are very far off race that is sending me telepathic messages in letting me know that I must communicate to humanity wasn’t yours a threat what does Charlie Charlie look like on a mental connection to another you know you want to be scared of people with mental connections then I’ll tell what percentage is going quite beautiful and I just want to enjoy the moments of that sentence I can finish it
I really I don’t have any. Sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
try to fuck Justin what’s your biggest fear when the Almond hellions the aliens come what’s the first thing that they’re going to affect my biggest fear is that you know they’re going to come down and they’re going to say all right y’all here’s the deal
ammonite aliens and y’all are real scared of us because we’re here to get rid of all the trouble right and smell nice. I know it sounds so close to an accident and yeah and then and then and then you know what’s really going to happen is they’re going to start to what they’ve been doing for the last century what so sorry did I step too far ahead babe for the last century has have been dead for a century for a century and what they’ve been doing if they’ve been abducting humans and then they’ve been fucking like interbreeding and shit and causing us with because the problem is they can’t survive in our atmosphere they can’t they can’t survive in our atmosphere and the reason why is because they’re fucking alien with almond eyes I don’t answer just atmosphere underwater and spaceships they live underground and I feel like just like what is your beef with almond-shaped eyes
I also what is the advantage for the aliens to have almond-shaped eyes
you got me there I’m not even going to try to have an answer for you on that one was a huge like race war between aliens with saucer shaped eyes and aliens at just had a night ride across their face off of the end of a sentence I have another surprise for you Justin people ended anyone into anything you payment hot
you created chaos
you know you want to believe what you want to believe that’s fine but I’m telling you right now they are here they’ve been doing all this crazy shit what’s your proof what evidence do you have to convince me
that’s a really good question
good deal I have it I have another surprise for you I have a medical expert here scrubs for 8 years under Bill Lawrence please
and she said she found out she was doing this tonight was it tonight because you followed me on Twitter or otherwise I’d be like the douche who didn’t show up last night and it was like and I was like oh I think that’s me I apologize I’ve been trying to be her Justin’s theories as a medical professional actually why he brought me here
call voice on Rick and Morty
play disenchanted on examples Advocate to my Siri interbreeding
who played the mom on Rick and Morty that’s that’s why you’re really here at John Oliver plays a guest in the house
and what is it like to episode
Enchanted John Oliver is is it plays a wonderful character in the second one the Christmas one but you’ll see I really hope that when you press play on episode it’s just your face runs and more about
I really well thought like like like I took the time to really write it out and make it clear it’s just my wing
backlight cuz you guys have no idea what to expect if you seen anything of Rick and Morty since you did your voice work in front of a microphone from early on but I I got that’s what it’s called right and that’s how you pronounce it in Canada but I got the part because I could barbecue right you’re very good very direct in fact most of the time no Direction necessary at all just she shows up and
all right that’s it we’re done you did a great job is that what you would think about Lucifer Wiki
it’s just I go pick her issues right now I need to live on the ground
it’s hard to multitask the direction of an actor with you when you’re putting chant Goods on a shelf shotgun shells and you guys are all going like for a century here’s the thing they cannot survive in our atmosphere ladies and gentlemen I have for a century by your own they can’t just walk around and skate around like we do and ride our bikes and shit they can’t do that so what they’ve been doing is they’ve been interbreeding with our species for for two reasons one because if they fucking you know interbreed with our species and they’re going to have a connection to humanity right when they do finally show up and go away finally after a hundred years and some odd change we finally made a fucking version of hybrid us and
that can totally live in hangout on Earth without any trouble then the fucking at that point it’s kind of our stock-in-trade is there going to be like oh and here by the way I love you can’t hate them and here we go and then all the sudden flash for two hundred years were all now telepathically connected with him and other monitoring our dreams and now they’re recording every thought we have because they’re all fucking DNA pumping through our blood and then they enslave us take over the resources of the planet Earth getting so close to racial purity
Tiger Woods
same thing as look like Halle Berry
I’m not racist I’m not racist if that’s what you’re implying I were going to go a little something like
but I honestly like you’ve you’ve seen the Alien Nation with Mandy Patinkin and changed on a deer that based on our experience here on Earth what tends to happen if you ever seen be
yeah I got a lot more like be that alienation man
that’s just because of the genre of TV and sometimes things are like so it’s based on actual evidence tell you people in the audience it everything I just said is based on actual evidence it’s all a hundred percent true if you want to go home and fucking you know pretend like all I said was a bunch of dumb nonsense then you know what sleep is fucking soundly at night at it tonight and stay in for the next coming weeks but I swear to God when those aliens, they start abducting your children and pregnant in your daughters with half alien where we go we we go and giving
you’re going to be in real trouble then they’re poised weird shit in your DVR so you paid for that you’re what you’re going to you’re going to you’re going to call back up this episode of harmontown you’re going to put it back in your computer and turn it up and put a little earbuds in and you’re going to go holy shit that’s fucking Sky who we all laughed that he was right and now the planet is more peaceful there’s no more nuclear weapons but I swear to God these fucking gray aliens they’re taking over and they’re enslaving the human race for you you guys all like going to Blockbuster on the weekend renting a movie Down exactly where you’re going to shut it down. Shut it down shut it down
remember when Twinkies went out of business Cheese Factory brought it back probably the fucking descendants of those disgusting grey aliens with her almond eyes and they’re in their massive Cox
and also the really good at Monopoly I mean they will fucking the new stereotype save your fire sign keep your eye on them if they’re really good girl and they have sort of almond-shaped eyes and they’re and they’re going to guess it doesn’t describe another shape of eye in and all these other kind of aliens now though they’re just one alien that is here that is present that is currently living on this sphere that we call her if it’s floating in the middle of space that weird bunch of fucking idiots bumping around into each other on and those are the great I am and I shaped aliens and their fucking creepy they’re killing cattle I mean I could go on and on about these girls are butchering yeah I mean the last week we barbecue them
either an alien or have you have you ever seen a beautiful almond-shaped eyes
you know I saw gravity this weekend so I got it because I am one of the never met one of us before know I seem kind of cool that they’re nice I’m super duper scared and I wouldn’t move to Alaska if that’s what you’re asking me cuz that’s where most of the abductions in sexual organs after taking these people that like it’s all good if they want to come here and you know save us from ourselves and you know stop all the pollution and get rid of all these nuclear weapons but can they just totally not enslave us as a race and then like kill us off and you know make this crazy you know we’re just going to be lifting weights for them it’s going to work on the damn well if he’s at the point why would why would he come here
she’s got a really good point
I mean a lot of just stayed on our planet then where we actually do run everything can’t believe you’re winning me over with this but the really bad stuff won’t happen till after we’re all dead anyways and most of the people here in the harmontown how to get weepy we’d be kind of like we’d have a pass right like I get what you give us a pass PlayStation 4 real quick and early and like for the Xbox One with a black card $5
I don’t have a lot of skills actually but the ones that I do have there will be rock band there will be limbo cuz that’s what I feel like I should write with my feet to all of the writing will be with my feet that’s how you can tell I’m an alien could I finger toes are half the length of my feet I feel like Justin’s paranoia was dispelled simply by a woman looking him in the eyes
can be said about a lot of Internet hybrid human Gray’s look like her than fine
literally literally destroy you and yelling as a whole different thing in the little Canadian Enclave
how high are window above the internet where there’s just a lot of contact with a woman with some every argument thing we can do to fight the plans when I get here
play this song on our iPads and iPhones
Jimmy said that none of this has been drunk at this point
if I was there also
39 – 4 + 839
SATA port has icing to my
I don’t know that’s not right and like Cowboys to you
even if they are not they’re not Cowboys. Even if they’re from New York that’s Apple
I don’t know which one you have out you have a cowboy’s s at Wang at why you have this is a huge available Hue how do you do an American accent text John John how how good are you at Regional like American accent so I can cut let’s let’s let’s start off easy cuz you work in New York a lot let’s do a good life
nobody tell him all right now let’s let’s move west
Governor really nail a job with the Chicago Chicago the Bears are real real real good
that’s good maybe catch the Blackhawks beat the first game you can leave
play Vivian Banks like Deep South America
Southern America phone number
that’s already better than you do Chinese Chinese Chinese
but not like race
play like Ernest and I really like like like be a Chinese person like don’t make fun of them beep me one out of the way of my tank
actually you know what why am I doing that guy I’m going to do the other guy
running over American don’t try to do the change around me
I’m a tank guy the Tiananmen Square tank guy
sorry about that we’re having to take man. You know you are a journalist a really rough but I’m going to do a guy who liked lived on a mountain and was totally in in like super rich and didn’t get affected by the the thing that happen all right
just jump in and give you
give you an opportunity not to do this
because you’re facing a fork in the road you turn one way and I just want to touch you on the shoulder and you don’t like it
think I’m really like sympathetic cuz I know whether it like it was sympathetic as you would try
give me another race come on
just just just give me a restaurant give me your best John Oliver impression we’re going to be talking about a lot of stuff that’s very Australian easy way
it never do John Oliver Justice I’m so much happier that you did that rather than you’ll Philippine billionaire
which are the best of times would have been misjudged
you have no
Rich Philippine guy would have said Alright Justin pieces what came back with otherwise I’m going to give you time out for all of that one and that one that that’s when they told you in that class would they like get there at like like you got to go and take off or can you get to whack that one but if not you don’t get to be the one to do that she take the old big film canister and stomach is on the desk on your desk and it’s scare the shit out of you
it’s a beautiful language it really is beautiful.
How come how come with all the Canadian what do you call him provinces provinces we call him now, the lines are so much straighter than in America isn’t it colder up there didn’t we get there first yes, laser straightener it’s much older provinces of Canada it doesn’t matter cuz it’s all flat is exactly the same
a lot of what province am your lot of words that you may not but don’t translate that like the problem is that in front of carburetor and tuke and hoop arcade and all your friends from high school
dick dick dick dick dick dick
perfectly garbage disposal is the parking structure is SeaWorld open tomorrow or Ombudsman what what is the lowest level of political representative in Canada and then you have all the way up to
did Mr ever heard of it support
President Barack Obama to butt into other people’s politics but how do you how do you feel about Toronto’s mayor
yeah
my favorite one I think
where are the late-night the only one tonight
don’t let it don’t let it you guys have a marionberry that’s what I’m hearing your Toronto Marysville yeah he’s in trouble
the rest of us Canadians to speak in public like tonight I don’t I just don’t have to smoke crack
public speaking is no problem you know what’s funny about all this is that when the gray aliens show up like you don’t give a fuck they’re going to keep rice they’re going to shit in your mouth and you’re all laughing now but we when you’re strapped down and your eyes are peeled open in there to bent over and shiting in your mouth so you could like like like different Marvel codes would recognize that Toronto’s mayor has a serious drug problem that is not particularly fit for three years that we all will face what was your question
my question was this anyway sleep well children
Mike Rider will have heard it said that schizophrenia you to come home early or in like a run around like a late thirties before it is over window Primetime schizophrenia like maybe you just lost your fucking mind I’ll tell you what if this turns out to be that I’m actually in a padded cell in a straitjacket and I’m just talking to myself right now then I’m totally schizophrenic but if I’m really in front of a bunch of people with lights on me and Dan Harmon’s were there and Jennifer Lawrence hair chalk and you’re there
call Lee John Oliver died four years ago Flanagan killed him Elvis Presley’s right over there right I mean right you’re psychotic psychotic different place if you think that you’re just making extra connection on Audible like hallucinations and you see shared and then like you want to kill people like I said there was this kid that used to go to the card shop that I used to go by my Comics at and he was always there playing Magic and Pokemon cards with people and then and then one week he just wasn’t there and in the shop was kind of you know everyone was real quiet and it was sort of like like depressing and and I asked the guy that was checking out exits are to the left I asked was usually here every week when I pull in and buy my comics and he’s like yeah he was get so and he killed his fucking grandmother that he live with you fucking gouged her eyeballs out because she made him stop taking his
that’s so weird. Can you do that story was going to end well it’s a true story let me tell you about it it’s a true story that’s what happened and I’ll tell you the other thing I still buy my Comics this is how I reacted to hearing that news I swear to God this is true this is kind of I was like I was like oh wow that’s that in that case see you that’s what I did I said alright well I will give Amazing Spider-Man another try
Spiderman 2032
$10 please oh my God the girl he’s fucking got dark brown hair sold I did redheads I can’t wait to see this fucking cartoon that damn meter and around the block. Anyway I think you have an issue Rick and Morty
let’s take care of track John Oliver and Jessie run over cuz I have
joy and try to episodes of Rick and Morty if you’re listening in the podcast world you just you’re just going to have to tune in to Adult Swim on December something quick like 7 days after that you know like I don’t know how it hey is like at least 500 people listening premieres January 2nd
February 2nd of January at your job
Karma’s going to make it something to drink
all right
because nobody has Coronavirus