Episode: 135 – Wide


Episode: 135 – Wide


Post Valentine’s Day Harmon is burnt out and declares it to be a bad show, then throws to Twitter and takes us along a musical journey. This is episode is so wide.


Hollywood California Meltdown Comics Harmontown is now in session.
Please welcome to the stage the mayor of Harmontown, Mr. Dan Harmon. Thank you very much,
bad show tonight bad show
it’s not feeling it yesterday was Valentine’s Day I’m not I’m not at Liberty to say whether or not I use recreational drugs but if they’re
hypothetical Universe where there was one that facilitated Intimates coupling maybe some sort of like a extatic sensation couples before it was illegalized like back in the 80s I think I would have probably taken that yesterday and I would be having a serotonin depletion right now which is pleasant memories of seeing Wicked at the Pantages I don’t know what that makes me regular old musical consumer
I used to go there when I was a kid we went to every play dapanji I just know it’s a very I’m very fond childhood kind of memory for me
it’s about a witch
the protagonist of the tale yeah even though she’s a witch will you theoretically on this sort of impossible things during the show yeah yeah yeah I don’t know why I mean that was going but if if if she had I would have said to her what you really want to do that during this as you would have said yes and but we didn’t
but if I had that I would have been sitting here with my eyeballs going to be Wicked viewing pleasure or did it with a distracting the hypothetical I think you can have when you’re if you’re if you if you take mushrooms or acid not that I ever have but if you change your experience like your your perception of things I think that you know my experience with the Ecstasy family of drugs very small family that guy and Molly’s right and it just kind of puts you in a certain mood but everything is happening around here you know you’re not emotionally receiving it differently but you’re not like any of experiencing anything other than what’s actually happening so I guess I was kind of like this music up with me in a great mood
which may not be true but I don’t know maybe it was bad I don’t seem to get to me she was green and she flew to . Don’t let this guy tell you whether or not I had a good time yesterday I will sound terrible I’m this is what happens
is the price you pay for your disco drugs
all that all those high as you kids are on they have Low’s
yeah I’m rotten to the fucking chop today man I apparently drank 100,000 drinks in Anacortes Washington yesterday and I had to go into the lavatory just to get it together like I just sat in there
it was really nice and I tried but I can’t be around human being right now
that’s delirium tremens I  believe is the word
well good good news is I guess I’m bored with black people now
I think we kind of got that against me really double dip last time for the asking to be rewarded for it for sure I don’t know if either of those two guys bride at Max if they actually it sounded like they had those coincidence that they were here is it cuz there are other people treating me like I’m going to come to the show because I’m black and you asked for it and I thought if they do that then that’s very sacrificial of them they should be given a reward of some kind of the spotlight for instance but they’re having their race acknowledged and having them be dehumanized through it

Anatoly are you having a psychotic episode over here what’s going on what did he go to
can we get a camera with what is happening and it’s only do you want to I mean you kind of have to normally we asked if you want to but if you’re going to sit in the front room and do that you have to show people what you’re doing to stand up and face the audience
completely nightmare-inducing

Oh boy oh no
care about a boy I thought you were going to fall
do you want do you want to talk for a little bit okay why don’t you have a seat over there
would you are enjoying the sweater of his own space kitten I love that yeah it’s got those earbud laces and it goes like cut right through my nipples so the cat is a listing and so are your nipples do you have you heard of these these bone shaking headphones like they’re they use your bow and your skull to conduct the music like The so there’s no actual sound happening it’s just using your skull is like a speaker that is for me
yeah you look like you could use some disruption music like grandson play like I’m going to ask what are you doing why are you doing that is that’s what you wanted to do and then and then you’ll be like I don’t know and like your medal for whatever this movement is
I’m not I’m not going to play the role of your father
shooting he looks over the top of my newspaper well I’m going to support you like what want one of those dad by his first name when you’re when you move out I have you ever have you been directing anything lately I know you’re that just came out here to direct right now your Desert Shield my final shot in my program I’m pretty sure I am yeah I would hope that you can back that up
change to start wearing kitten costumes… Nevermind I mean yeah okay
so okay so what’s your short about can you tell us about the laugh but it was said about it’s just like a big shots in a factory
I’m going to run in a razor blade on a coffee table
as a tea kettle whistles
about love
I’m looking for right now after that are you on anything or
it’s a safe place to tell us a million innocent I don’t do it because then you need a lot of money to be on something so I don’t I don’t start with that because you have no money and stop drugs it’s like was like your future
not bright might want to drive so I just kind of want to get some money first and then stop
good thinking yeah so you’re in the meantime you’re just drinking I don’t drink do you have an inner ear infection
must be some explanation
you seem a little wobbly and eccentric I’m just I’m just an artist then Okay magazine page wearing the sober Russian
and play Zack and the girls from yeah and it doesn’t mean anything if it’s for me but it might mean something for people around and live girl singing in my art and that’s how I exist to get you really high for next week when we checked in with you when we met you you said you were you want came out here to be a director and we tried to have you direct us and you just told us talk louder or something but I don’t think like in Clewiston infielder acting like if it’s going on camera real you should be if I remember correctly you supposed to steam from a madman and you don’t and you were dressed like you and me
daughter from Mad Men Don Draper would be dressed like that if you’re a crew of one then you are also the Wardrobe supervisor you should be all right until we get you like a 200-person crew will never get like a taste of your directing we can’t lie cuz I wanted to see how far you’ve come as a director know you can go to film school all the time I mean if I were to do another scene from Madman beyond our wardrobe
all right and this seemed Don Draper is coming into Peggy
hello John, what’s going on with that Hines report
can I make a few things perfectly clear things are good for around here
the Heinz account and the Heinz account I said it twice cuz it’s twice as important this whole firm relies on the Heinz account I The main note is you should watch Mad Men
this is not natural.
I mean so

tried to ask if space wasn’t what can I predict his first note will be be in space
seems like a lot of convenience
my direct
I don’t I don’t know I’m getting offended I have no idea where I will give you one more chance will do Tarkovsky in space do the sit there is a potato shortage in the potato Locker

potatoes not important right now go to the airlock is leaking there is a leak in the airlock will not matter if we have a or not if we don’t have potatoes
you need air more than potatoes
we shall see

Tarkovsky in space!!


alright so
adjust I can’t see stuff around movies this month.
cut out like an egg on a certain aspect ratio so you’re always seeing with frame
direct us on your story that was a starting point of our rehearsal and we were going to shoot this thing that they know what would what would your direction but don’t do stupid accent or like if you were a chance you I to speak Russian or if it’s any movie you speak it like
where have you seen reality in movies I’m not in the movie so I can speak what I want next semester see if you have a hand for
dangerous Anatole
to be fair that my Russian accent was pretty crap I kind of said it was kind of a real EuroRail pass but you know lame lame directing supposed to tell it to get angry and then we get in then we get angry if you know then that we would have gotten like a job directing us we got angry that’s all you had to do given him like fortnite
all right so that was that was the energy boost I needed to
I was like taking another another capsule of Molly what did they start calling it mollywood it why did that happen I just keep moving that goal post
when I when I when I first encountered it at that we called it acts like Jamie Kennedy acts but then the kids are like that lame its e e for ecstasy and then I know it’s been cut with amphetamine I thought she was always has a little speedy speedy component to it and then MDMA this is you can just wiggle your eyeballs in
that went to the Hollywood bowl and I saw horses the planets and I’m a little bit of Molly and it was a groovy was very good I recommend that
when I say I say we’re going to shows a lot but I really meant it this time I don’t think that was that good I think they’re I think they’re being nice they want us to do they want to stay entertained them they feel stupid for Japan $10 they’re going to they’re going to tend to jump on anything they can
Spencer can you hear me?

well it’s raining spearmint
eventually I want to get these monitors in here so that we can do for the livestream we can do like a a feed them people could tweet at us
and then we could like respond to them kind of
but like
for now let’s just do like a fucking freight train of entertainment
this is some breathless shit
oh my God I feel like a bum alright pick a hashtag hashtag their task has been to spell Locker hashtag potato shortage
okay so if you’re watching a live feed or I guess these guys can’t to their goes there’s eight last we were getting
just tweet something at hashtag potato shortage and then we’ll and we can address their their issues future is now let’s just wait for that that’s like a lower-third but then they have to see the same thing with the people on a livestream are seeing that’s the difficulty I’d like to do more visual stuff just to make people mad that are listening for free they’re going to wonder what the hell was on and I totally spaced like what will start playing at like fun like like photos from a safari
is Arin here tonight is she recovering from hypothetical she’s not answering her with a group of like 50 girls to see Fifty Shades of Grey
they went they did a whole outing groans of pleasure or pain that’s that’s the source material I guess would want want me to be confused right I’m assuming that’s a blurred line I don’t know isn’t it it’s about S&M stuff
Fifty Shades of Grey is very good. It’s called Rubicon it’s about the last days of the Roman empire. Tom Holland. And I’m crushed leave it on the plane
you got a copy of it hit me hit me with a fuckin rap bit let’s go deep
yaw yaw yaw

big pile of booties out front, fucked your mom, the only thing that rhymes with that
all right all right that’s enough that’s enough
that’s how this is going to go
I thought it would bring up the energy but
it’s not that the rap bar was never set that High by you but that was poor
I didn’t get to the first rhyme getting to the
you like that bit you want to do something else
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the camera hosted by Allen Funt saw your mama just the other day and got a money that I’ve got a depressed because your mama’s booty is like a god to me it’s all that I ever see like a Tootsie Roll dabs a bunch of the name is Chad
Thaddeus by birth then later shortened to the informal Tad
I fed her apples if better a peach started to get heartburn because the citric acid that’s what we learned is
causing the traffic is to fuck her up now she’s in a sarcophagus
she’s not dead she’s just getting out of her head little meditation exercise but your mom has between her thighs
my head inside I got reverse born now I’m wide
I’m wide
wide I meant to say it could you way to say cool
wide your wife now
I got
I feel that energy now
this is really matter that give them energy then they give it to me and what do I do with it

that shit was wide
all right well I mean
lets bring out DeMorge Brown
downtown Owensboro
what is it when you have to see in the livestream to really get any goodies going on here
done with this right for you is why for the people right
all right so the Chinese are at it again
fucking Chinese man
I don’t I don’t I don’t have anything
I’ll check the feed
okay let’s see here exciting shirt you have on there like I thought I would do something for myself as I’m only with myself single are you single like a couple years ago I think yeah it was the record for the longest relationship
she was a great person she’s a good kid and then what and then I moved to Los Angeles I wanted to be an actor she wanted to be a human being and I think I said
I had to become fictional very critical
maybe this is a bad emotional road to walk down right now I think you’d be surprised how many people would watch a live stream of Dan just staring at his phone hashtag potato shortage
I guess I’ll hear this on Wednesday says this guy damn Dan can’t even wrap what a horrible mush as he made his mind
I know it’s so damn Josh Cahill says I felt massive shame this week when I accidentally bought 1 ply toilet paper
I had that I went out the first time I’ve ever went grocery shopping with with Aaron it was like she hadn’t moved in yet but it was sort of like you know there’s likes that sort of like one day you in a relationship you can you both go grocery shopping together and end end shoot I remember or early in our relationship and Aaron went through a very brief phase of trying to impress me with how Frugal she wasn’t how unimpressed she was with with with with my money and I like Ike’s up I would say like I was just get well just take a cab there to be like now oh no we can drive like no it’s safer to take it take a cab and she she bought I need a toilet paper and she she got this giant packs of this is this is look this is like look at those big pack of toilet paper look how cheap it is and I got a cab very impressed and it was one ply at 8 and I’m still wiping my ass with it
you can have him. It’s only just now start down to like one roll and finally the toilet paper is one of the things that you have to spend all the money at like I don’t wipe the shit out of your butt I will divest thicker the better like live the more the more between you and your what Your Body Is even saying Don’t Go Near those don’t see the wispy stuff don’t put this in your hand this is ghost ghost is coming out the other side just worms
a multicellular organism would have to and from the multis first multicellular organisms were like these YouTube’s is how I wish it would go through and we’re still tubes outside your body inside your butt like what you’re doing when you Cookie and you put it in your mouth you’re just rubbing the outside of your body along it
some would say the worm is on the inside the warm is on the inside and then we are on the outside doing other things lol whole life is just getting way too wide for me man
well thank you Josh Cahill for not saying shity things or anything just guys just sending other rhymes for a
for a front that could be risky about potatoes and they got to the brothers a mistake we made where is Kumail that’s a good question. Are we going to get some Kemal how excited are you about 50 Shades I would be this has I had them to eat at potato the hashtag potato shortage any relationship advice on how to stop a communication breakdown from snowballing all right okay how to keep a communication breakdown from snowballing you have to do you have to learn that your feelings are your feelings and your thoughts are your thoughts and the mistake that we all make is we say look you’re making me very angry right now or I feel like when you come home late from work what is it about these are constantly doing that we’re going like I feel like you’re a piece of shit is it is it which is it really impossible lately
it’s not honestly I feel because normally when people say is you’re a piece of shit and I don’t mean I feel your what is actually happening inside of you just think of it this way what’s the what’s something that nobody could argue with you know like if you said I just or well I just I’m just uncomfortable right now I don’t expect you to do anything I might like to know anybody who would say well you shouldn’t be uncomfortable there an asshole lately but if you say so you should move your car you should go do something else then you’re that person is allowed to vent a while if I move my car I’m going to feel like this here but but the important thing is to communicate your feelings especially with your lover like you’re no one needs their car moved or anything like that. Did they all it ever happens is you both are afraid that the other one to stop loving you and Anna and I need somebody says like I feel sad because you did something and then the other person is like that’s bulshit I’m not the reason you’re sad and
I feel angry at you and you’re not really sharing feelings your own feelings you just you just you just yelling should have each other are you still doing the I’m I’m a master now except I took off my wedding ring at work and it’s sitting at my desk
wow yeah
it’s okay it’ll still be there but yeah that could have been like desecrated quicksand
also lesson learned don’t take off your wedding ring are you you you’re always working right now rather give your your your pretty much a community all the time right on you and Aaron like it’s a very big challenge
yeah yeah it’ll bring it’ll bring the bring the bad stuff out here the night she she’s watching 50 Shades of Grey all right but where were were dealing with it we’re all right when’s the light at the end of the tunnel for you being finished with me. Yeah we’re shooting like the 9th episode Matt Berry flies in on Tuesday is going to do it after the phone you know what that reminds me reminder write script for Matt Berry for Tuesday your castic with a tiny strip look just like that you got a chance and schedule everything with them so we knew we were going to do an episode with Matt Berry now we know
as of yesterday I woke up I know what we’re going to do but then yesterday I played I was Vanilla vanilla Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day tomorrow which is a holiday slave over a hot keyboard format Barry I hit will be born hey traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting apparently I can get out well actually, no one misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes relate to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerves like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
I want to hear you discuss Kanye West I find him to be super wide but there seems to be a perception creative I really hope that gains traction
I want why did become a thing for for the rest of our lives
yeah I don’t know I type SNL’s doing their 40-year anniversary tonight and I have seen some tweets being critical of Kanye I don’t know I’m a little out of touch with Kanye
yeah what’s going on at Kanye news is he a pariah and a very talented producer and rapper
somebody’s giving him a formula that says every 6 days he’s got to do something publicly and then the weirder it is the better and so we just kind of place that ball back and forth you know it’s all just hate when people start to lose patience with him he just throws a slab of incredible music out in tours for two years and then comes back
I like that gold digger song
you know I just I don’t know shit about hip hop my friend Morgan grow big he loves hip hop and he put that song Monster for me with Nicki Minaj and who else is on that Jay-Z talking good really good on that too excited about it
she is just that’s that’s the end of my route and I like that. Like speakers and amps and all this shit in that, we would all play all hip hop all the time and like we’re just a bunch of white assholes is very is a really cheesy like 2 Live Crew and shit like terrible
can Candice Candice Razo says I want to have sex with my boyfriend while he watches harmontown glad she has to have things like an extraordinarily bad idea are we supposed to give her the go-ahead. Just do that on the condition of that does photos made available
this guy wants me to flip off and it totally alright
and this guy wants me to take off my shirt so let’s sad shirtless Dan please
apparently it’s going to happen
come on come on Coco
can you actually start crying can you produce an actual tear for us.
it’s the new Coco I’m going to try to really cry
is going to die
I mean my dad got sick or anything otherwise I would probably work at my dad’s going to die
naked on stage and you had a nosebleed so you’re covered in blood
holding yours you John can I send you a lullaby and you are just pouring bright red blood and Jack Black was in the audience that we were so embarrassed that was a fucking Fiasco
I really want I just realized we really undermined Candice
Candace’s boyfriend just look look look from the neck down
full cast of a beautiful lady
don’t listen to those haters hate says at Embrace low base your show is going fucking great
this guy says this show is great even without serotonin
this case is keep talking about your butt oh
so remember what happened
remember when Spencer talked about his caloric liquid that Nest sister whenever it is the day he started to write that I got one and I’ve had it the whole time was that could that really be so kind of psychosomatic like I got this thing that’s read your text and I had it and and then it’s a final it started to go away and then the next day Spencer told me his went away that’s the end of that story
this one’s probably for Jeff I’m trying to learn to make better scones what type of fruit or filling should I ask
suck right and good and I’m not a big fan of you don’t want to fucking Stone ever you want a croissant or a fucking like that so that’s like he’s at the light at it now so you want a biscuit or apples or no it’s not good if you’re if you’re having some of those you’re at you’re doing it wrong
my advice is don’t make sounds like a name higher than my best
this guy says woman pouring her hot coffee into the trash I said you’ll start a fire she looked at the stream coming out and screamed and screamed the crazy guy
after the Moonbase get setup can Armenians colonize other celestial bodies like your Roper something yes on the next rixty minutes might they catch an episode of community
I saw that fly to demorge that’s 8 minutes ago
David Gentry says dan do you ever get writer’s block what do you do if that happens haha you’re so cute, thank you.
Benihana Benihana restaurant logo Benihana Benihana, one time for each of the eight days a week
the I’ve said this a thousand times before but it’s it’s it’s good good advice prove that you’re a bad writer
you’re trying to prove that you’re a good writer That’s What’s blocking you because you no matter how good you get you’re always going to think that you should be better than you are because you are me a good writer and you will be by thinking that but you still going to get you riding right now the only thing is going to make it get better is practicing with in the only thing you’re going to be able to write right now is something worse than what you think you should be writing so you have to stop thinking about the thing that you’re eventually going to be able to do and you have to start thinking about the thing that you’re terrified you will do because that will go by very quickly it’s like cheating it’s like putting shit in your gas tank exhaust in your gas tank that you can’t use you can feel your car on it technically just write badly a man it’s not just specifically do that by saying okay this is I’m going to actually go there I’m going to actually show myself what a piece of shit right or I really am without thinking about any of it I’m impressed by the uniformity of your chest hair it’s rich.
it’s very even do do do trim that or is that just I just passed him as I spend a great deal of time on my chest hair and this is the result

ice cream and I spend five hours a day to to achieve the God damn it I forgot his name little back neck tuft going on there to who’s the pornstar that would have been funny
let’s all take our shirts off
what is your thoughts on Spider-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe bad grammar just kidding I don’t care how I heard a rumor about Spider-Man that’s Sony and Marvel are now going to be a ton of rumors news right there going to be sharing Spider-Man now and some weird way like Sony Sony’s going to gets to make Spider-Man movies and so does Marvel and they don’t make money off of each other’s movies but they’re going to use the same Spider-Man Spider-Man I don’t I don’t know what to make of it movies are for children now
I don’t care I don’t care anymore
will Aaron be playing the role of Christian Grey when she comes home tonight
I don’t know when it read those books or any of those books plus anybody nobody going
are they really bad
that you might say. Your complaint
Amore Pizza
I missed all of that I don’t I don’t know what what because if people are fucking just to wantonly like that no one can walk 5 Steps rogering somebody next to the everyone’s just doing it with each other
bring her
will you come up on stage we can see you and hear you and I want to talk about this
the face to the shame give me a hug
am I give you a hug. I’m kidding.
Angel welcome
all right so hello it’s like Reading Rainbow you’re going to just give us your book report on Fifty Shades of Grey
that you feel your book and 1/2 in does that mean that you are currently reading one of the books
just get her up here
when you’re out there to buy bring it on a point-counterpoint
now we have a discussion on our hands and then we have a good to have a good question I got treated in too much sex once is not enough
guess our lives go
I know how tonight’s going to go pick up
let us know I agreed that good sex that’s the point if there’s going to be sexist we did have missionary sex for any but it’s like I don’t give a shit older older people like it and think it’s risky we grew up with the internet and so it’s not like I’m just like an asexual like lump of clay and I
don’t look like a baby
I think we could all take a stab out here Twitter handle is yessi underscore Bev and they say if you could tell one person about 9/11 before it happened who would you tell and why what would change you got to pick one person pretty easy right though that you just tell
the pilot news the pilot pilot pilot knows in the you know I tell her so I can just say I told you so make her mad some really old school like New York cop likes some guy who’s seen it all should I mean
because the the video of him as it’s going down is in sync it’s just he just found anything in the world because they’re telling him what’s going down and he just see they’re going to let me go first and there’s that there’s a a building and there you were in it as it’s going on it goes on for hours and hours and hours and then he wouldn’t get off the air so that someone can explain to him what was going on and I can’t imagine people trying to explain it was going on and you had it was all live feeds with people telling him what was happening and he just kept repeating the same question over and people getting angry with him for the experts on the ground were going to anyways and just believe it was just it was I was just him I don’t know what he was doing better at this sort of trying to Parlay this into like a real sports interview as if it was a hypothetical and it just
yeah then the backdrop changes and then now they’re no built-in he’s still just kind of like to struggle with it there’s an ad now with he and Katie Couric and it’s in the basement humor sing with of them dealing with the same thing with a real of this real non humorous event is going on in real time is it
but that guy will there be a 912
the you what you what what didn’t you do it be a good movie is you have that it starts with that question like Michael Caine is better Destiny or somebody comes and says like you can go anybody you want and then you go and do other cuts to like Robert Downey jr. is like goes up the White House steps and he’s like mr. president mr. President says yeah and he says the 911 is going to happen exactly what 911 is going to be I got 10 minutes and I want to hear it all so you got till I get cigarettes it shortens and then and then and that’s and it’s going to happen on 9/11 in the mnemonic device for that is it’s an emergency and also in September 11th so 2001 so okay alright thank you says the president and then that he doesn’t tell him that he’s traveled in time though
so then he goes back to the present Robert Downey jr. and he gets there and it’s like everything’s the same 9/11 happened just the same way you know why they let it happen
are you spend some time trying to make sure oh did it not maybe it was a dream maybe it was an inside job because he right but his evidence is the strange story about going back in time but he has the president makes the mistake of saying this was great 911 for morning thank you
I want you to take my lucky rabbit’s foot it’s a presidential lucky rabbit’s foot the guy didn’t think anything of it and he when he traveled back to the present he ran into his ex-girlfriend who he hates but
but who he loves and he gives it to her it goes like you know what here take this and she’s like I’m going to go study overseas and he’s like take this and she’s like why is ex to stop someone gave me so then he goes home and it’s like 9/11 happen just like regular and he’s like what it must have been an inside job because I got to get that rabbit’s foot but my ex-girlfriend has it and I hate her and she’s overseas I need another Michael Caine seen at this point
out of aqua
come on I need it
so yes that
is Robert Downey jr. playing himself that’s why he didn’t need to get it to her and he just walked up the White House
is that are DJ down there but that was my president speaking of it somebody requested your Obama do you want to do the scene where I’m Robert Downey jr. Obama president during the fall right right
I wouldn’t work
I do he finds Obama at a cafe was going over his presidential nomination forms
and and president do you mind if I sit down my name is Robert Downey jr.
well it’s a free country and quite frankly I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know who you are
I’m going to sit on the chair by turning it around and straddling it
just to add some energy here’s the deal 911 is going to happen
the date stores are some new band that I’m not familiar with it’s going to be bad enough for the
on 911
it all happens on 9/11
what I’ve got to do is get to my people
when we better come up with a policy for this and there are proper channels for making this happen just as long as you stop 9/11 I’ll see you later you sure you don’t want to know alright I had a couple of these days I can only get through half of one if Larry goes just stopped 9/11 future president
I got five minutes left in 1999 I should do maybe I should go you know what you want you I don’t know if you like Steak au
there’s a five minute steak places around the corner but then I got to go
doggy doggy bag is the steak better in 1999 than it ever will be
be seared Kobe beef
a mix of green peppers
black pepper when I lost my hashtag search all right
based on Dance Michael Caine impression campaign to get him into the trip 3 to pop cultural I don’t like pop cultural references very funny Michael Caine impression that is very good
then please fix the red cup in the ice bucket my OCD can’t take it I mean it doesn’t mean you can’t handle things being at an angle it’s there’s no there’s no proper way for a cup to be
don’t blame that I know CD you crazy person
I was going to Tweet asking if their spare vodka but my phone ran out of battery I’m what your manners
I’m I’m trying I’m trying not to I don’t want to touch your ice it’s good it’s good manners if you think about it
all right these girls are you two good friends for a long time
friends that hate each other to
I know
if they really loved but they also kind of hate sometimes frenemy
maybe if you go in a staycation together
vanilla day Levi wants to know how does Jerry Seinfeld feel about the potato shortage
what happened
thank you thank you thank you
thank Jeff for Teen Wolf okay
my best work this guy says I have bone-conduction speakers you can try for throw
what goes on here
side and go to a video of Dan rapping or something
I didn’t know the Google
okay so it’s recording a video so my talk real loud right now and then it’ll do 10 seconds and then it’ll stop all right.
And then the way you can tell if bone conduction is when it’s playing if you push this against your skull it’ll get louder or if you close your ears like this then it gets louder cuz it’s making your head vibrate
I don’t see you moving
y’all tonight heard these aren’t that popular and Daniel that’s that’s our Tech correspondent Daniel with continued Google Glass
wet so when you get the Google Glass does it is it is there like that is what is the bone conducting speakers like an option like a sunroof on a car or is it really sounds like
speakers and you so like if you had a concert in your list
plug your ears and you can like if you’re having a phone conversation with
no there’s wild things around you cuz it’s going to be interesting
the brunette to your left the redhead or the black guy F murder-kill go
I’m pissed I wondered into that I know
I’m not allowed I took it I took vows that preclude me from playing fuck murder kill ever again
remind me to tell you the same thing 700 Mary Mary it’s Mary
alright great shirt
yeah it didn’t seem like an insincere threat or anything at all right well let these young ladies
thanks ladies thanks for your Fifty Shades of Grey report and they added some energy right yeah right yeah
this shows in free-fall right now man
we should do something every night 11
alright like we’re always going to notice it so what do we do every 911
if you need if you use that wish for anything other than there to be no more 911 Syrian ass alright I would like you to do it every night 11 I want you to go into some sort of weird but Michael Caine has seen the Earth
Michael Caine on acting right tomorrow masochist I’m alright
who is that coming
is Rob schrab in the house now I hear his dumb ass right now he has to take off the pants when you have to lose I’ll tell you I’ll tell you what I feel is the the the the secret of my skid mark is what I was pretty certain that I take off my pants remember you can’t remember the underwear you wear cuz I put them on at like you know that each pair is like 3 weeks so you know I can’t let us throw them in the garbage
buy a new pack
we’re so different
what does the Latin on the harmontown sing sign mean I think it means we we we we found a City without tyranny we write in Latin without understanding
you’re welcome Caesar back there Jeff Jeff rap please and be a rap and be a wrap the NBA racist bro a Frozen shirts for the shirt
I’ve got skills this guy Aaron Nelson says he needs to write a 911 song for us to play and sing along to at 9:11 don’t make it whatever I made it a little it’ll be perceived as offensive if that’s how you want to proceed with but I think we should it’ll be a solemn moment
911 obviously it refers to a national tragedy and then we’ll do something with that moment we took to the skies music maybe I’ll try that can I get to dungeon master are you here this person that asked us why would you do that
a problem to put a pin in that in the end of Realm of ideas of that quality this person says bring Adam Goldberg up I don’t think there’s any way he could be here right known already if he’s here right now that’s a good idea
we auction him off at play Jenga on 9/11 that said yeah yeah bad person you’re a fat person you hear that hear what you do to people when you think
I just tuned in what the hell is going on
what was the what was the last movie you saw crawler I kept falling asleep I was really into it but I just very sleepy
I really want to finish watching Nightcrawler but I keep I keep falling asleep like all this awesome I just got I just got to write a bad enough season of Community they stop making me do more and then I’m going to get right on those movies
I think you should write your 911 moving
wait what does it Jan Harmon potato shortage is now showing up as a trending hashtag next to Chevy Chase not really in Chicago that makes sense provides podcast Chevy did the SNL thing tonight he made an appearance I saw that on Twitter near SNL like the other way around
who knows all right well okay that was Twitter interaction kind of hot huh bad
I think that if we had like a little a little monitor down there and then we could see it and you or you could curate at your the Comptroller what is hot up here so I might as well just I just feel so I mean it’s like somebody somebody somebody tweeted a picture I know what I look like
let’s say there’s a woman I love that married this she has to look at this tonight
after watching 50 Shades of Grey
you better buy a lot of pizza
all right have you ever done any bondage you guys me and Aaron yeah I when I was younger I because I thought you had to try everything I’ve tried all the you know I died a little bit of you know down
alright okay now you’re tied down I mean
I kind of felt like you were obligated to stay here before that my dad’s neckties those get the food but it’ll do the food so the dumbest
CC people in the in the movie with the food with whipped cream and the gross
pretty dumb
identity of the people that enjoy it like they don’t stop doing it they like have to keep doing it which is a good sign that it’s dumb right
like it’s not it’s not like they can do it for like a Marissa
Power Rangers created the the the having changed Tumblr blog which has been up since
since the start of this podcast really right cuz I made some comment about how there’s no Tumblr blogs about me and then you made one since she’s she’s been in our Corner ever said she was so what are the kind of food that you guys do you want whipped cream what else I have whipped cream and chocolate saucer I just remember when I think maybe honey I can’t remember if I can remember is it being that you do with someone you love because
you know the alternative is masturbating
which is an exclusive act exclusionary with a bad message to send
so you
you invite the other person in
let’s do this together
and then every once in awhile a little
new life is created by this act
that person germinates in the uterus
is extracted from it
placed in a stainless steel scale
given a barcode
sent home after several vaccinations which
and then that 18 years later he goes to work at Verizon
and so does she know that special someone and then they go and then Verizon keeps growing
the great species really fun costumes
I’m 42 years old I’ve tried and I’ve tried everything once
somebody’s bone conductors turned off
yeah yeah once gangbang not sketched by no no no I did not ever been peed and poop and pee in the pool in the blood thing is not for me I don’t I don’t need any of that I haven’t tried every that everything that’s silly for me to say I’ve tried everything I can normal person like likely consider it and I was like three things
is like 900 things I haven’t tried, I haven’t put a towel in my but that’s what it is it done
going to drop you off your butt
yeah I did mass mass work I’m going to do a show are we warmed up yet I’m warm I shaking stuff
miss my post supervisors canceling the canceling post tomorrow
probably figured out I’m not going to be editing the aisle to be riding
podcast gold
what model my running I’m running a Modpack called Feed the Beast Infinity it’s available at Feed the Beast. Calm it’s called The Infinity mod pack it’s brand new it’s for 1.7 and it’s it’s very stable and it has applied energistics 2 in it which I’ve been looking forward to for a while and just got done my feet with that and I’m having a real good time it’s a very balanced my pack very balanced bee bee is my packs of done strange things very little things that get you a magical crops out of the night you can grow everything like you don’t even have to do anything else with my pack
how many hours do you spend playing at disappeared
I don’t know I don’t know why can’t these days I mean I may be on the weekend like I got I’ll just sit as long as my body will let me like if I if it’s not Valentine’s Day and I look it’s a weekend I’ll and I don’t have something to write I will I will get up and I’ll grab the laptop and be like her Minecraft
all right
figure something out
do you have any music on there that’s like not rap like a branch out when you move your body to the beat
where do you get everybody in the streak
happy action. The water will put them both in a cup with my daughter
the street
my name is MC John will not take I got to get the riding mower go faster
purple family love you dude
that’s a good one
a good song I like a fascinating character of DJ DJ John
a refreshing departure from the from the profane evolution of rap he was back to like a traditional like peas and carrots got to wrap but he right at the end he said she said he let you know he’s back in your mom’s
which makes sense because he’s listening to him I don’t think he knew that much about Lawn Care
by Kevin MacLeod. Some guys number cabin if you call my name
Kevin MacLeod
don’t forget, we’re from an alien planet what Highlander 2
bucked up
backup sequel they reveal at the beginning of Highlander to then all of the things that happen in Halo 3 one and a different framework they were aliens they just they just forgot that they were aliens and then they remember and then the Sean Connery says remember. Also don’t forget that you if you call my name I’ll come back to life
so he does and Sean Connery comes back to life but Sean Connery he spends the entire movie buying clothes
what are the signs you got in there
all right

it’s only 23 seconds about to be sure I can do it I can do it and how about that going to grab some car and going to grab some hey your mama all the livelong day got up banjo
all right
thank you thank you thank you thanks
thanks yeah about time it’s about time it’s about that time
wait what time is it
it’s about that time
I have a slow watch I want to know what time it is could you tell me what time it is
I got an appointment coming up tomorrow we’ve been having this week what time it is time keeper timekeepers like a Swiss clock tonight
trying to play it just got to know what time it is
I don’t know why I work with you fuck you fuck you
you fuck you
oh shit it’s my mom
sitting in my basement all night
time is it that’s what I’m asking June going to go do nothing.
grandfather clock on the wall I’m not getting any sleep it off your father and I got work in the morning
that’s cheating chances speak gibberish man
but it was a little weird.
why they’re always going to be like that why they’re always waking up like that I don’t know what time you keep
how did the dad the dad new
the Jack knew what time it was the whole time
thanks guys thanks I was really nice I was kind of hoping DJ John made an appearance
there’s a hole that they mean
for that town a little bit more
a whole block
what is the time
none of them none of them knew what time it was
are they brothers were there for best friends and they’re in the basement in the mom is coming down then she went back up to her husband I think there is something going on between the mom and the friend
feels like cold open like Crawl music maybe Lee huh
Enterprise is the Age of Innocence
there is a prophecy
that one will come
Google change the Innocents to guilt
the keepers of this prophecy are called the star walkers
reclusive by Nature they keep to a hollow the hall Atop The Trees
of Wisconsin
we joined them now at breakfast
do you want more eggs
satiated my taste for the eggs. I would like another egg I would make you one more egg
the time will keep us walk Skywalker’s what were they called
CX as the center of all power
I scrambled it I tried to make it sunny side up then it became scrambled
let me put my hand to it and draw from it it’s Essence with my mind
since the beginning of time
blue sky Guardians what were they called
I might have derived their nutrition manual to save the mouse for verbal communication
what say you of the prophecy
there will be three leaves in this tree all three will fall only one will land
you are up early
there is a man on the lawn
I got a rake
it seems absurd of a fiddling around out there
be call my young one I will I will see what this is about
you are tending Milan
my name is John
I’d prefer a rake
if that’s what it’s take
the grass like your momma ass
my name is John
I’m here to say
I fux so many Mom’s today
I fucked them in the east
fuck them in the south
3 hours later in the mouth
well I’m coming up
you’re not supposed to be coming up
get off the ladder
Give me the give me the bucket of lava
he’s not slowing down
does it does it work today fix it get in get in the Panic Room
this is a difficult short and you said no Panic Room you said you said let’s go to Cancun
turn that money into Fun you said
top things about our safety
the prophecy said three leaves with fall we three should jump
and leave him here
I fear only one of us will make it
so it is I take this time to say goodbye and coming out the window of the Panic Room
the ill-advised window Panic Room window I wanted to see who is the father
the Panic Room needs sunlight you said fine great all right so the three of us jump
all right
it is sad that the Sky Walker tradition Sky High Sky Walker
fear death but death is only the beginning but that day as my toes pushed on the wooden the sale of my Panic Room window
without stretch like a bowl to put this fearful crane
I tasted what God must have felt the day he gave us life the fear that it was all for nothing
well my name is John I was skeleton all along I wanted to take over that house now I got it all the way over here and a shovel over there I can do long hair all day I don’t even have to rhyme anymore I’m just Big Bad John and I got my own home I’m going to sit down on the couch going to make myself at home I’m a bird skeleton because they cooled lava on me this is what I deserve my name is John I my name is John I’m walking all the livelong days. My name is John I do you long but I don’t take no shit today hip hop to the Hemet hospital
are you government my name is John Big Bad John all day long take care of your long ding dong ding dong I take your daisies down to a regular town and I sell them at the bazaar I’d drive back in my car is powered by the sun green energy
my name is John all day long
are you okay
you put apps like some eggs
am I the only one that got hurt
I want them
there’s a what does a stairs of the couch rapper
just getting really irritable about the government through his kind of like
Father I’ll go to the I’ll go to the medicine tree
if you ever think that we’ve done all we’ve done for nothing
one must understand that it is all a process of becoming
you whether you want to go panic when Panic Room window panicking
what are you in the air flying and dying and landing and whether you the clever son
cascading down a flight of stairs made more stable by lava that has now ceased to be Lava and is merely
igneous substantial
crap coming inbound
how the mighty have fallen
expected to see an elder it’s me
Tom Young
wrappings blonde man make you fall I told you there was war in this universe and you’ve refused to keep my call
floor with the rest of the animals a broken back waiting from medicine trees
the medicine is gone to the front
gird your loins and join the war of Paris hair
damn it
that was maybe just a cameo I guess
play the elders animals from the pride of the Treetops wasn’t so long ago you refused us food and weapons for our war
Jesus Christ everyone hated us
worm people
worm people detect Elders house you’ve been stricken down
temperature where I’m level
you should have helped us with our war
exactly people theme
underground underground where the water is found moisture did they win
have to find those nutrients before the rain drives us up
milgrain protect my outer shell
wriggle around I do very well I am a worm
am I worm culture will prevail
2 top by the worm rapper I’m a rabbit rabbit rabbit what did I tell you to stop
bad rapper rapper
go practice
sun comes up moon goes down everyone has worms around we are everywhere a worm cultures
Boosie the truth
rumors I heard
where are mommy’s Japan
wearing swords and shields where in horses
tell my mommy Queen
people people did you know that 90% of the worms live in is made up of dead worms
yes I did
may sound gross to you above the soil line but down here that shit do me fine
worm people out
terrible terrible Opera
how do you spell characters going to come back or I feel like the star Walker’s used to be a proud wisdom brings its labor very small place in the world for Ponders people who look at eggs in the news about the future
but I’m getting another reading
I think I said asphalt time Young’s coming back
he’s got two Russians with him
it’s me Tommy on
and here’s my Russian friend
is this what you wanted
I’m not I don’t want to be difficult but I don’t know what do you throw a road flare in the gas tank
run my back
oh Jesus, oh Jesus of the elders
Tree Hill
Where is the
oh Universe exploded my name is John I voted for that to happen the president
I know your lawn I’d like to do it with you with all your loan back to do it with the rake but that’s all I can taste my name is John I’m on your lawn I’m running away from that I’m a vampire bites the neck ocean view my name is back. It looks fried.
there’s a little pink socks on each of their a seat so that it feels good like
that’s not scary
my name is John it’s Halloween I’m going to the party scene or trick or treat with that your mom like that
my name is John I take care of all your long. But whatever grass in every city I mowed your mama’s Kitty
she enjoyed it
but I got a secret
I’m a lion
it important to take it back to but lady
for a movie are you getting bit by a bat turned into a lot about that that was because of everything
Damaris Brown
too late phone guy’s name I forget
Angel Alura wasn’t I’m Just a Nobody. My name is MC John my name is trouble if that’s what it takes but I prefer to use a lawn mower I fucked your mom’s hip hop hip hip hoppity hip hop all day long take my song of the hip
hippity hop hop hop hippity hop everybody he’s a Dippin Dots happy birthday Zach happy birthday hip-hop going to hit a pop
shut up
Sarah audio starburns Industries type of the month club made by some of the most funky and creative artists around featuring do you know Jake and Dana Kellerman Dynasty Lance bangs DJ douggpound open mike Eagle And subscribe now $13 get you a crisp you need tape in the mail each month for $20 you owe me to a portable cassette player so you can listen to your tapes on the go here is how to order for credit card customers please call 747-888-0945 that’s 747-888-0945 or save Cod charges and log onto the World Wide Web
at d. R i p s b i p r e s s it’s a good deal was on an island and he was blowing Boris Karloff something like this you and Frankenstein and I love giving you a blowjob
Mister song

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