Episode
Episode: 178 – Press F To Control Fred
Description
Its the last Harmontown of 2015. Plenty of Schrabbing, mannequin leg fetishes, cartoon pornography and we meet Fred, a video game instruction manual artist. Thanks for listening everyone! We will see you in 2016! watch the video at harmontown.com/live
Transcript
Hollywood California Meltdown Comics the Nerdist theater melty melty theaters Hermantown
call Chop Suey
I’m very very very sorry that Spencer is not with us tonight
okay well I mean he’ll be he’ll be fine he you know he rarely as you know he doesn’t call in sick he got he said he had a headache that was so bad like if you wanted to fix something he could fake better than a headache like that but but he said she has a headache that’s so bad that it’s actually making them kind of nauseous and stuff so that’s why I said hey man just as long as you feed the cat. He had to do is hand off the the cat the cat the cat instructions and Medicine regimens and things to the cat sitter I’m writing in a hotel right now with Chris McKenna like trying desperately to finish the pilot before I leave for the holidays and you guys don’t care
so then he starts sneezing and wheezing and dander everywhere you can’t doesn’t matter with you lock the dogs out and The Redbury Red Berry Redbury what room is just making sure we spent more on hotel suites that we would never make on the TV show but anyways continuing the apology Department very sorry about last week’s show. I listen to it I I was I was a little embarrassed about as big as a little obnoxious I was a little combative you pointed out like I was a little angry with picking fights and stuff
birds in this kind of like out of it so I cannot use my devout to not drink during the show started
Jeff sadist and hoisted a red Solo cup to his mouth that I only get that kind of yeah we could butt chug and I would defile kids don’t but Chuck adults do but check the list all of the
oh my God please just go into a Burl Ives on right now all the assistance are gone already so nothing’s getting better so you can tell if you guys are lucky don’t don’t don’t get tricked into thinking that you have to go places I’ve been going places every Christmas for the last 4 or 5 years probably it’s been a million years since I or four or five, if you just stay still in Los Angeles it’s one of the most beautiful go to the roost have an eggnog as we already had a everywhere you go it’s just like his everybody else Fox off and then you just like it La the way if you don’t like all the assholes are gone
it’s probably nice in New York to where I’m going and where you’ll be joining me I’ll be there
Jeff are you aware of Snapchat
I would be lying if I said I knew anything about it Snapchat is a new
sing for Millennials that empowers them by virtue of a temporary media storage to show their impulsive side
Disneyland it’s in been drunk with your friends on Turkey Leg and just wanted to express that and then some
yeah but you dare you were the pocket of big turkey guess it’s Imo’s the turkey legs a move that you’re having a good time you’re at one of your foam parties
are your hologram jerk offs for the Hologram jerks you off and doing into a into a cup that that isn’t is that off the grid
before you before you take a bike ride with your with your dog that’s it and then put your phone in the Box
yeah you might think how I just want to express this but you put it on Facebook and how do you know if 20 years from now when you’re running for Senator you know what it’s not going to be politically incorrect to say what’s up
I’m running back with my dog is the dog on his bike or is he in a basket like Snapchat stuff like that and then it’s like oh it’ll be gone in a little bit how long is it how long does it exist and well there’s a there’s a lot of different folks now that they’ve been adding Snapchat Jeff there is your standard foundational dick pics of technology which is not dick prick pick proof we’re not talking about Dick Pics that’s always been a zero-sum game people can screen grab your dick pics Snapchat will notify you that your dick pic has been added with a hook it will say who grabbed tell us a ghost anymore unless we have a conversation about maybe I wanted you to grab my dick tonight is very young
Youjizz videos pictures both either one and that it lives how long does it live
24 hours depending on how you well they’re still like I said there’s two different functionalities like so there’s there’s one if I can just take a picture or a video and I can send it to like as many of my friends followers as I want those people can watch it once or it now if they pay a nominal fee
what is your Snapchat Snapchat Snapchat on my story that’s what I’ve been snapping cuz you sent me a text that was you opening your mouth in a video and a rainbow barfing out of your mouth that was just an example of Snapchat’s take a visual effects does that go away off of my phone and I made that you can save your own a 24-hour buffer it’s like a treadmill at so anything that you made 24 hours ago that goes out the end of the treadmill and ever see that again so you just like what anything you make it twenty-four hours that’s available to that’s your that’s your story people can click on that and go oh look what look what Marissa has been doing over the last great I’m glad you could make it
rap trap to the most horrifying entrance and exits at the same time I’m on Snapchat
I hope that Rob just kept that that mote movement of his walking out to his car and never return
that’s his story that’s Rob Snapchat story
he has become Snapchat Snapchat Snapchat that way I have is open that’s so there’s nothing nothing nothing in there so we know that’s coming back
I subscribe to pornhubpremium
can I can I can I just say this
as much as we love Erin mcgathy and miss her single you was a lot more exciting
if your snapping your chats are you creeped on Snapchat I don’t know I don’t know that’s not what I’m doing it’s like I’m like I have a 8 followers on Snapchat and my story in the last 24 hours you would have seen the process of me trying to write a pilot with Chris McKenna in a hotel room for 48 hours but now it’s gone
because I blew it I didn’t write what is the Allure like if you follow anybody on Snapchat are you are you following Chris McKenna or anybody else I follow my dog Border the guy I’m leaving my dogs with when I go to New York he has Snapchat want to know what he’s up to
can I write down that guy’s a Snapchat address that sounds like good shit I don’t know if I don’t know what would be the alarm he’s at as a friend of yours following you on Snapchat like what’s what’s for sale therefore I’d look into the comings and goings of my comings and goings like like I don’t know which brings us back to pornhubpremium
it’s like a video Twitter feed okay and I haven’t been on Twitter and like weeks the only bad thing about nothing on Twitter has been denied it’s the only place you would go to say something like I my life is going so well not being at Whitaker like I said it really is something that you want to just Express to the world which is really good for and then I go I almost get on Twitter to go is the Disposable nature of Snapchat the fact that things don’t exist for good unless somebody screen grabs your dick has died in the world I love archiving I’d like to think that all my stuff lasts forever
but you know what you got recognized Jeff CDs vhhs
and also here’s another thing that’s bleeding this is I have some sad news for everybody else and who’s for me it’ll be fodder for you as you know I haven’t had a 15-year
hey do you know a relationship my longest sexual relationship with a bent plastic mannequin leg size 6 ft for a maid for Hosiery displays in some golden-age wear Hosiery displays needed to be anatomically perfect he was like bouncing a really OK Google take me to your gigantic or sign a lease it covered like frame
uuuu warble into bed and I got a pasty Cloud I got it like that we have
I got Beach to albino porpoise and then you you either maybe watch some porns maybe you even doubt maybe you’re kind of feeling like cool crazy you just want to focus on the leg but it doesn’t really work if you’re watching a fully at it and then there’s the flag I usually what I’ll do is if I’m watching something with the leg I will watch a a YouTube channel called legs lavish it’s a it’s your it’s your One-Stop shop for honest reviews of Hosiery for women by women
it’s by women it says the comments section is like like fake women’s names and just honest hiestand going like those are great try and some more review some more Hosiery for me legs lavish check it out on YouTube
all right so if you got some time to watch a movie sometimes it just you and the leg I recommend Alicia
she’s going to professional Edge and
she has a winter outfits that I like like like a little yarn cap and gloves and a cashmere scarf and a sweater and a short skirt and but not slightly short like a like a little bit above the knee and then like these little boots in the knees of course the tights that she’s reviewing these winter type and then I might maybe I’ll rub a mannequin like on my nipple while I watch.
and I’ll go that’s a good review at least you do you prefer do you prefer a favor one nipple over the other that’s usually going to end up being my left nipple who knows why
I am because I’m right brain knows because you you’re jerking off with your right hand if you’re right-handed
all right bye-bye okay so here’s the bad news
here’s the first
this is the part where you’re going to feel sorry for me
my life’s going to take a dark turn in a minute
I haven’t used a few know of Old Faithful since I got it out after the divorce I send it’s during the marriage I adopted two dogs and so I figured out who loves eating underwear and shoes and and hands and cat food cans and ninja stars and rocks and cash it and then fucking leaf blower and couches and his own shit but not enough for the really like and paper towels on the road and this fucking windowsill Rosa and it just as blankets and the stairs he eats everything so why would I think it was okay to rub a mannequin like on my nipple and then go to work
just leave it there laying on the bed exactly precisely he chewed the big toe
Chernobyl show
turning it into a gnarled like the look of it not the texture cuz this would be soft but the look of it is like corn a corn cob with no corn on it cuz it’s just all that but it’s all hard should plastic
have you tried that out know I can’t even grow Steven look at night is everything that’s sexy about this whole thing is just the smoothness and softness and of course autonomy in creepiness and like I said just but now it’s a it’s a gnarled like just an enemy you while you were doing that sort of jealousy if I pay more attention to me I’m going to I’m going to eat this tell off of this fucking guy. Like I told you he eats everything so no I don’t think I can replace it I mean that thing like I told you I had to humiliate myself out of like weird West Covina Warehouse or something all right let’s move on
how often do you like go in there and restock the the Hosiery like like you going out like never I mean what do you mean because of the question should be how much do I buy when I buy it right yeah like there was a time before Amazon Prime
Mandy
Lethal Weapon you got to walk out with like a little
package of something and has light Lake Lakeland looks like maybe you could be buying it for a wife that’s waiting at home and then you also have to do the fake toothpaste and the fake like paper towel roll or something I called boy I need so many random things but you can’t you can’t get 30 of those stockings a better man than I am could maybe and then look at the cashier and say I like to jerk off on a mannequin leg I’ll see you next summer cuz I’m buying in bulk. No more no more no more cuz this thing’s it’s no good to try to replace it look man just what we were talking in circles that was in the movie with Melanie Griffith and that’s how I lost my cherry 2000 I would have to go fight Tim thomerson in the Wasteland to get you just watch it and get some culture
just get some culture
is it possible that I’m not trying to be like like to you know Thomason look him up for West Covina and by that mannequin leg that was just so singular and special to Irreplaceable and if I could find the another model I would go alone for one reason
but I just think I’m busy now and you know trying to develop the TV shows and stuff so who’s got the time
interesting all right I do and how many years was was Old Faithful with you I mean there’s got to be like 15 I think it’s 13 something longest relationship I’ve ever had with anything Menagerie at your old Hollywood place you have absolutely yeah it was the only one that survived because everything else was didn’t didn’t do anything.
sorry ladies your there’s just nothing to you if you could if you could restore and have Old Faithful back without the gnarled corncob toe or
5
real dolls of like a real dog would you would you rather have it at the fleeting with brands of the of the latex real doll or have Old Faithful back in 15 for me know I mean come on you’re talking about I guess $30,000 real doll value that could probably be I don’t know that’s crazy it’s crazy question I’m sure I could I would really have to think about it because I don’t think it’s a good question then I could get the old one back cuz remember I had to fully extended one in the bent one whatever but it would happen to the police. I just over the years it just you make sacrifices cuz this is my girlfriend’s go what are these and we go
I rub them on my nipple I used to why are you going to again do you want me to rub it on your nipple
do you want to keep them well that would be to imply the possibility of life after you but maybe the smaller one
doesn’t take up very much storage space and I bet you and your golf bag let’s let’s bring out Rob’s Rob
do you want to buy you
somebody else
East Orange New Jersey
Rob has a mysterious bag
Snapchat hey Rob how you doing man I’m doing okay how are you I’m very well thank you you have a bag from last Wednesday at the Mormon health food store in Los Feliz yes very weird hours and there’s 17 miles and have chips in it but has no
I did not try to cheer you up for that
Menards what’s in the back I was cleaning up and I found all of the models for the GI Joe episode commercial was going to give it to her so I can’t trust it with you so it’ll be in an Uber somewhere yesterday yes I took it to The Redbury Hotel the Red Berry
where are the celebrities sleep
and I as we pulled up to the location welcome to the Red Berry
the guy I prefer to tell my story first periods in history and we’ll do the you were Red Berry story while I ask is yet to be able to just tell my story as we pulled up to The Redbury he started saying over and over again and give it to me I put in code I put in code like he was like he’s just repeating his praises and I was like he wanted me to he wanted me to
give him my phone so he could put in a promotional code so as he put it he could give me a 20% discount and I kept saying like tell me the code 40% discount you can tell me the code give me the idle let me the idle as like I don’t want to give you my phone I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t know you it’s my phone and I would like to pay you 40% extra to stop asking me for my personal property
after giving me a ride to a hotel lately like it’s close to a mugging like if you if I felt like I needed to give it to you then you’d be mugging me his concern was if he tells you the code you’re going to tell everybody at the harmontown with a code is our stories and rumors I thought I heard a story from somebody
then I couldn’t recall but but I just I had this like Post-It note in my head about this whole give me your phone I’m going to put in a code thing and I thought I thought I remember the story being like they like upgrade your ride to Luxor Looper duper or something or some weird shit that there can’t be a system in place where they need to touch your phone if it’s one thing it’s another
tell you man yeah man shit man has Uber drivers really getting me down to its oppressive
so oppressive
man Trump
Vision still going on over drivers
promotional code Z24 man Jordache Tinder Snapchat Josh Jordan Jordache jeans all that stuff man you don’t use Snapchat. I don’t even know what that is
I consider myself a snap assist
is that you brought me out why I again bring out Rob hey how you doing let me tell you something about my day yesterday
is the proper way to use you in a show
you asked me to come what if he really is like is bringing you out and letting you disrespect me and the show
that’s what that’s good that you’re talking like that like if you went to a rodeo and it’s like get that clown out of there
I thought the goal was to
I came here to see a poor sleep
I came here to see the pacification of a bull the ideal Rodeo I would show up on the phone would be laying there
I just thought you know you’re a hero of your acoustic destructive the parasitic in the Attic influence the kids enjoy because they like to see me angry
so talk about your day
I got all the
I just stuff here and that’s that’s that that’s what I got
what’s going on with that
it doesn’t work when I do it was that you doing him or is that that was me doing me doing him alright
directions to the Red Berry the Red Berry
I want to do the scene Welcome to the
call you mister Hammond let me get that
got any baggage today
Uber driver says if I could have your phone so I can punch it is a promotional code if you could give me your phone so that all these are valued guest here at the raspberries Coronavirus
I’m sorry I’m going to have I’m going to have to let you go for a second I got to go talk to my boss okay we have Mr Harmon
Uber driver get into my office phone
it won’t open map
Uber driver what country are you fucking from openmap I show you I do
all right here’s my phone
launch codes initiated
now send five stars to my offshore accounts is wax
Republic
what do you mean your offshore account in Switzerland you got like all these like five star report like in another town starts with somebody with no currency in life
leave the office
already started
work work work work work work work work
bad boy bad boy
Lady Gaga
inside back man and don’t go into the tunnel boy level I told you never to go into the tunnel
none of the metaphor for your subconscious mind
are you going to keep playing that game
buddy those are bottle caps
and you’re standing in front of a refrigerator
and it’s the year 2037
and I’m a Medusa lady
yep
I just got creep just for the delay I checked into your room and getting the recipe
if you would die and leave her phone I’d be very happy to give you the recipe well everything is worth the risk.
Yes I have to take to roll into my office for a moment
yes
I have I have what you wanted when I have Dan Harmon phone
I’m going to give you that the Harmons building okay condition
I give you the phone
and I evaporate into a mist
I was never here
welcome to Pornhub Prime
AMC
premium
thanks all right now… Maybe in the media Herman our players you never know when they’re going to burst into their stagecraft what takes things up a notch or next guest is a technical writer for video game user guides he’s worked it against a Rob stay here come on don’t be annoying over at chairs
but you can come out okay
all right
hey go hello Fred hi there I think a lot of us when we buy video games we the first thing we do is we read the the user manual know that was your first game that you wrote a technical manual for was Narnia The Chronicles of Narnia and it was for the same company for what you work today that’s true your second game was Chicken Little another a big head yeah but most recently and you’ve brought this work with you how I have you written user guide for Disney’s Infinity
and I thought maybe you could read a couple excerpts there’s a there’s a troubleshooting section that I thought were then captured in the v the box that you got sand you look through this okay I got your music you are the person that creates rights all the texts all the stuff this is my life’s work quiet down and we can we can we dim the lights
Breaking Benjamin
setting up the Disney Infinity Base
once removed from the packaging the Disney Infinity Base I wish you take a seriously bread
pictured below
needs to be placed on a stable secure an even surface
can I get a table near the console
do not place a Disney Infinity Base
on the console
or on metal surfaces
or have metallic objects nearby magnet
I wouldn’t get the message no, I’m not putting it in the microwave
now that that wouldn’t work either there’s a few pages that but then it goes on and it’s in different languages from around the world but you don’t you don’t have to do that right there that you just hand that off and then someone else translation actually fluent fluent in Portuguese Portuguese Disney’s Infinity and you have the trouble that you need to have a shot but you’ve made a huge error and you called up a guy who only troubleshoot some Portuguese
and your aunt and you and you and you are being portrayed by Billy Zane in this
sorry. I didn’t I didn’t know that that you would be required to do him proud and happy to be next Billy Zane
I don’t know if my hair is shaved and not close enough to do this well if your big toe to Uber system
sorry I was long I just found where I am
okay what do they show on the beach deposition disease disease Infinity that wasn’t the troubleshooting alright well let’s talk about your craft so what is the so so obviously you get a video game and then you play it now when you get it I’m assuming it comes with notes that the people that made the game they must have scribbles and flag how the game works right the dev team quality assurance the dev team and he will make sure you eat that Mike was your kind of like the conduit between
and and and QA and end end the user access Crouch and wise jump and then you go X is crouching why is jumping like tape that up and then and then the cue a person goes like that
is that what happened is what happens is especially if you have is a pending on the demographic that you’re dealing with it’s like maybe they might not be very well versed in games do what you have to do is kind of like to show them you know this is you know would like Gotti get out of
out of Hannah Montana’s tour bus shout out to have Hannah Montana the Movie Videogame Burnett in terms of explanation right right right exactly so that’s that’s kind of lets you write that two to make that that crowd figure out today hear phone calls
would you want me to get you your phone it’s kind of Legos on it
adorable escape the episode all right anyways
don’t want to forget it I just
he was trying to leave now I wasn’t trying to leave my phone was there was making up that
I can hear you I wasn’t making up an excuse cuz I just felt like I was trying not to steal my standing up and creeping off the stage
what it what is the what’s the hardest video game you’ve ever had to write a manual for
that definitely has to be
Lizzie McGuire on the go
that was the hardest one he ever had to deal with it was the biggest challenge of Lizzie McGuire show people how to do that and that was the only so what’s the answer
the answer is
the answer was 6 but anyways but that’s done
what’s what’s the game play Lizzie McGuire I don’t even know what that means I guess this is a good the girl runs around she did go through people shit yes exactly what it is I remember a poster for a movie about her
and she was kind of Leaping in the air and she had seven like a pair of Keds on and I think maybe she was going to Europe or she seemed very happy about it her arms are outstretched she was wearing a cashmere sweater as it revealed that she was going to Europe in the poster like Big Ben was in the background in the title was Lizzie McGuire goes background
I need a big band behind or at least out of England
anyways I seem to seem like a good role model for kids
I took an interest while I was driving by
she looks like a good kid
Kim Possible Kim Possible episodes Mississippi remember that you know why they stopped on the Facebook this weekend in between did they stop doing those commercials because people kept doing like fake porn of her because she was just too sexy right so yeah it’s a person who makes money if people are interested in that image said that’s enough to make any sense did someone write to Esurance and say yeah I just Googled Esurance girl rule 34 porn and I found too many hits so
I’m not going to use your insurance unless you choose a different Pokemon that’s exactly what happened
seems to me that that that the that they would be excited some paperwork
do you ever do you ever get Jim have you ever Fred have you ever successfully
reach completion watch rule 34 Ford is the is the mythical internet rule that that if it’s if it it what is it if you can conceive of it or what’s the if it exists of it so Ronald McDonald there’s pouring over in wide 34 just because it’s 30 I was like a random number okay I’m going to say yes
what was your question to him down ever like finish watching any of it it’s like I did it once to of Velma Velma and Shaggy
saying there was part of the Almond Shaggy she has a lot know there’s portion of Fred and Daphne
can I give you a break because everybody wanted to be with Ginger on Gilligan’s Island right now no I got a fucking types it in
you better believe it I was saying I was proud of myself cuz I found out how is how good was the quality did it look like Scooby-Doo movies that I like met it halfway you know what I mean like it was bad enough that I was like something’s going on here with me
right now like it wasn’t high quality and I was like still I was like I want this Gonzo it just Shaggy Shaggy and enterprising youth will just use his like toonboom skills or his whatever to like like he’ll just take existing kind of like a scout heads and like the Illinois like like put a dick in the mouth instead of nugget like Shaggy you said we were going to watch it watch a movie well so excited
I thought we saw the mystery instead and then all of a sudden
check the same joints in the same jinky’s but it got me where I was going
I didn’t know I didn’t know I wanted it but okay I’m a sucker for a Velma for sure yeah
I met a girl in it somewhere at like one of those where you going
yeah I met a girl that looks so much like Velma once that it was it was pretty hot she was she was she really wasn’t Velma and her friend look just like Daphne
but if they weren’t doing that on purpose
I think it’s the turtleneck most of all
what what makes a sexy that shaggy was the one you don’t relate to Fred right
yeah he’s dirty like she’s supposed to. She’s yeah yeah yeah he like sandwiches
I love the big sandwich
today
eat the whole thing I was always so bummed out about the toothpick being in there that you kill yourself
it can’t be a chicken bone to a dog is Scooby a fucking toothpick can’t do that Fred it’s your job to do you say do you think there’s / porn Rule 34 Scooby fucking, butt of the end of the carts the actual animation it’s more work required I think that’s the point of laziness to everything like like that’s that’s that’s why it you know the old cinematic porn is a lost art Bound for it
man man this is this is this new porn is really getting me down
Shania cinematic as they used to be
shit so Fred what were you doing when we ran we ran into each other at The Redbury I want I love it is a
before you go into the Red Berry Damn Delicious Jerome Jerome coming to my office right now
how did me you can take these men to go in and talk to my manager yes
Jerome you’re doing a bang-up job here there right there
I like your style gyro I got a call from the front office
get your own bags butthead
I’m going upstairs
how do I must be in the front room welcome to the upstairs upstairs is the code word for the freezer containing human nutrition and I don’t mean nutrition for humans I mean
q17 get my office
stay where you are.
Fairy tail efq and 7 get my upstairs office is it seemed really you seem really on edge lately I see my home is satisfactory I have a wife and child however when I say wife I mean synthetic life animated play Triple 7 you have to go talk to Susan HR because this kind of behavior is really not what we’re doing
is doing okay down at 11 call Mr leave I’m very sorry I hope it’s not too for your room if you check in a little bit early check-in generally is 3 here it’s 1:30 p.m. maybe we can interest you in a drink in our Lounge
yeah because this is not really an awfully long as it has a demand that your later yeah yeah yeah
I’ll be right back with you when you’re driving all the hotels in all of the West Hollywood
he left me stranded in a plane travel for flat platform in Paris and drops there
Carol coming to my office
Jesus Christ
you are needed a bunch to get through this after the Galaxy old college buddies with your father you would never even have his job
anything else you want the Press
didn’t catch that with her right now.
Don’t put it on your room put it on mine
Everybody Run
Breckin Meyer
that’s the last expectancy of you Carol
you know what I mean I’m hiding in the snake basket
look up the laundry inherits not what this was for
clearly said snake basket. Can you hand me the lid
thank you thank you okay I hope I come over that basket I don’t find you been doing that shit anymore
yeah that’s what I thought
draw Peanuts
be surprised
very good mr. mayor I’ll leave you and Mister leave me alone to check up on the subordinate the peanut will be right out okay
I’m so fucking high
Mr Oliva may I speak to you in the corner Booth but by all means spell gone downhill I still believe in it for privacy sake have a seat
mister I leave I’ll be to the point where both busy men as we are
get those dollars out gentleman
never thought Ice Carol to the stage
she’s going to get off that shit
it’s Mondays at the Red Baron
every Monday for the next 45 minutes lemon drops
Victor olivo you are one of the best technical manual writers in video game history thank you thank you I don’t know video games I don’t know technical writing
I know craftsmanship and I know fascism
the latter is I’ve got it handled
the former sir I have not seen the like of since looking into your eyes at the G4 Summit when you press that business card into my hand no I’ve been crunching the numbers and I’ve been seeing the lights and I’ve got a proposition for you
what is the whole city with a video game
like SimCity
I asked for primates over here I have no way home have no hair and I would like to take Mister mayor and we’d like to take you upstairs for a mode where we have something rather a rather important to discuss no problem no problem mr. leaving Mr relieva what if what I propose you was actually happening right now what if this is all a simulation go
X17 fg-17 York directions to kill the mayor my order to accommodate him
I love you I’ll see you at 7. I’m going to give you the week off I want you to go home and you’re suspended from The Redbury for a while I just saw Carol Carol should go get some Rags meant to clean up the mayor’s corpse
I need a ride home and he goes right by where I live
if you’re sending him home I mean I could really use okay. I’m at leaving at 2 and 7 the fuck out of here
okay I called you both an Uber I live in a very peaceful neighborhood it is peaceful because there is zero crime it has zero crime because we have redefined the prime once per year we eliminate I am at 1:27
the crazy thing about that improv is that that could happen
it might still be happening this is all a simulation I’ll read about it but you’ll you’ll be being written about while you do it. You’ll be writing is press X to control Fred
and then you look over your shoulder and there’ll be a giant Fred going or apparel
this is all in your manual Fred
is there anything you’d like to plug do you have a big trade paperback of video games like they’re human beings in their super being right now is it being is looking for you guys to play at next hopefully much
what is the opening song It’s a super Bean theme
what are you closing with what is your closing some meth do any covers did you guys do any covers the superbeing repris for real
wow I love my God
that’s what it’s like to be a technical writer and I try. Hopefully your friends out there I hope you don’t have to go back in
thick bread that means it means leave
sorry I didn’t know
but yeah
I was just wondering I chose this point it’s easy for him, his friends believe is in his name he had a he had a bunch of friends who came they got a whole I was wondering if there was a seat among them for him but they’re probably isn’t so now I feel bad for I guess cuz then they have to go and sit in the closet for the rest of the show when they have friends that come another friends off stage and their friends in a closet and he can’t sit in the show and I think about these things we haven’t said over there
I know you said you were planning a role playing games like like pen and paper, stuff yes I don’t talk about that in public
now you’re you’re a real Rich tapestry man in the room….
scrolling through something it looks like he’s just picking a date like I said lately cuz even look like he’s doing anything
I told somebody that would give him a shout out and I’m trying to I want to make sure that I give him a shout out right all right shout out to the most memorable person in the world
are you seeing me
remember a couple weeks ago made me feel real bad for missing your birthday
I’m sorry
Jeff did you go to Sprint and I was out of town is out of town
he texted me happy birthday though
about him bathrobes
when are you leaving for Vancouver
what
I like beginning of 2017
that long
that long between now and when you leave so we’ll Dan the best one ever
all right moving. We got a lot of shoulder cover
our next guest is very handsome and debonair he always gets all dressed up as easy as getting an extra sexy haircut lately and he’s always here we’re very comforted by his face and his voice and we wish him the best of luck he has some terrible news for us tonight no he doesn’t I’m kidding
don’t want no
Santa March not much can I talk to you about physical fitness for a little bit all you want have you been working out so I always do but were you ever fat oh yeah I know it was delicious and they’ve and when you if you buy luck of the draw cuz my brain wasn’t like those kids are just naturally athletic but I just love playing in the US and pretty high in a certain level you’re getting basically Pro trainers you’re at 11 to the guys are training you are professional so you’re getting like that kind of mental conditioning that gets you you know they they basically take the stuff that most people can’t look at running I don’t want to do that
what can you give dance in front of his dad was saying of the day that you’re going to pointers exercise to get a trainer and stuff I can’t but it’s like mentally how you do it this one time there was a level where they say everybody there at this Camp wanted to be I want to stay on this team but the main requirement was that when they timed your runs you had to come in under a certain number of minutes on this one run it would be the longest run that you’ve done at this pace ever and so for the first 2 weeks they just let you stew with this fear that you were going to you know not make the grade have to go home instead of spending entire summer running around traveling places and having fun and we did a run right before it to where nobody felt good and everybody was dog in a racist joke. I was looking at people as we were running around with me because we just felt horrible at the end of the run the guy was like you guys think that that was a pretty bad run service is worth everything was all the conditions for optimal you should have run better
but we got don’t know is that you ran not the four require time miles that you ran 8 we just didn’t tell you what you were doing aerobic ladies they always go in 10 9 8 + 11 + 7 x Rosie O’Donnell
it’s the same as a director who sings if I talk to a lot of guys who’d like they have personal trainers and then they have like these kind of like you know they’re pretty important relationships I have one friend who’s gay and who I swear to God and he has a personal trainer and like unlike the guy is straight and like the trainer straight and like but he’s like hot and he’s always like you know when you’re a trainer you’re like you’re like your servicing like all you’re hitting on his buttons emotionally you know everything that a guy would want to hear if you would be wanted to be romantically involved with a guy you’re saying your gear like the wind beneath that guy’s wings are going like you’re the best
do you know and it’s so it’s so it’s really weird because and it’s like cuz like there’s a hole is LA and so a lot of these trainers are straight and their actors and they want to work in the industry and then they’re like Train English like a lot of like
great powerful gay men getting physically trained by guys but they know where straight and it’s like it’s very interesting to just hear about these things it’s like I have a train I go to very infrequently and he’s really really funny the black guy and he calls me the n-word constantly and then he’s like he keeps calling everybody to the most and then we just cuz your training is it
come on and you come to work out a little high he wants you to
and a little late cuz he wants all the stereotypes he’s like he wants to like a like a like a lean into him and so we did legs and I can’t walk we do a dance called the wonky donkey
read the wonky donkey
well I don’t want the the whole like oh come on white boy you’re pretty good for a white boy I want I want to meet you all. He calls you a Niger the whole time don’t you don’t have to say it but right now this is your neighbor
Eritrean music feel like I’m powermint to me talking to Larry also you will want to barf in the middle of it cuz it’s like really hard going but like you keep something fun and buoyant and it’s always different is very good stout man I’ve been picturing picturing that has DMX that you would be at what what are the what are the where are the new gym now cuz like the different gyms eyes the first time I went there there’s another trainer who looks like like Cypress Hill like he’s like a guy with a big beard and he walks up and stop looking at the white women
man you guys are already been calling everybody the end the entire time it’s a really good I just want the Edward I don’t want any of this I don’t want any of this stuff I don’t want to be a party to anything I want to be called that word sincerely remember I remember when we were kids in Milwaukee and and and before Bruce Willis was in Pulp Fiction it was like not it was you know and before Pat a Patrick Stewart was the captain of the Enterprise is like like and when Rob was 22 it was like you know there wasn’t a lot of Pride involved in Milwaukee with the losing hair I was I was I was friends with him when he was going through like a weird face or it was like it was hitting critic
mass and it was like he had a girlfriend to like kind of made it clear that you know wouldn’t be maybe a bad idea for him to go get a toupee and like he went he went through the whole motion of that likely going to let you know and he can he can talk about that in a second but the but the but the thing that I remember you being so excited because there was that day I think it was like at like when Pulp Fiction was it came out cuz it’s like all of a sudden like balding men in cinema just started like instead of like so hot it went from Hudson Hawk where it was like CG hair and then it was like Pulp Fiction where if you even if you had the fucking like like like like receding hair is a fucking shave it off like wine has light hair and then I’ve got all excited as I came in I can’t remember where we were when you were like I was driving on Farwell and nnn was I was at a stoplight and a big butt
looking black guy like like a muscles and like like like it was fucking me look like Blake Blake Blake not a guy that would like to hang out with me and he’s like yelling something at the car and I’m like oh God. But maybe we can roll down the windows like a quad what what are you yelling at me and the guys at I’m with you brother because he had shaved his head to
are you awesome
any any rain in sharing this story because it’s like it’s a visceral thing attached to every terrible and it took the title into Port look up fucking porn is no accountability nothing at all you expected to be offended Wasteland 2 fucking horrible racist shit the internet in general is you can go to website so they’re just like all these horrible charts and there’s a presidential candidate to be quitting the sport itself is just like yeah put that big black dick in it it it it it it like Streep’s infantry Trey says if it’s like hair color or height or like it says it’s like it’s like oh what are you into you know and so it’s like it’s all
who’s yelling
I always feel like like as a child of the seventies whenever I see like interracial this or anything like that I always liked brace myself for something that’s going to like make me uncomfortable in the privacy of my own bed like with my laptop up and I’m like still going like I don’t don’t don’t make this awkward for me what is the celebration of leg leg like what it whatever it’s likely people go to Dark Places when they’re it was upon they didn’t have to be people are just like so filling themselves and it’s like like like like like it’s like there’s a line path of it like like things that are like absolutely inappropriate that are like shielding terrible terrible hateful feelings that you’re being dishonest about and then you go to these crevices where people go to like just a pleasure themselves leave these public toilets that we consider so non sacred but it’s it’s remarkable to me and no.
to Me That You Don’t See like a lot of what you would qualify as racism in these ridiculous circuses Counterpoint first of all that stuff doesn’t actually it’s not real so it’s in there so you have people who are the people who are there service elated fantasies and that’s the I mean it’s like wouldn’t you expect to see like I don’t know a lot now I’ve got an example I’m just going to like fucking like but you get all the notes there’s there’s there’s a Brazzers which is basically just world
sex and violence against whoever is the weather as women usually it’s women if it’s black when it’s black women you’re done you double buy a power of two the amount of horseshit that you’re like putting into into into this into this this narrative that is that it’s pouring and it’s and it’s because you are there’s a chance remember to because you’re clicking into it and you’re doing it at your watch to get where you bought it or your it’s being shown somewhere when you’re watching it in a community people that’s okay it’s okay that exist on the outside of it if you look at it and do an inventory of what’s going on it’s horrifying and she said that contributes often to get more specific like like like like like like things that are like you know what this is part of the problem not part of the solution this is ridiculous but not actually causing any part of the problem and then is there is something that’s like actively
be making the world a better place. Been pouring which which food would be a new category in any respect I mean everything is like first of all inherently misogynist yes I just don’t think that two isolated as Disneyland Paris wear this kind of stuff happen for things a little bit cracked but lovely things happen you know Donald Trump is like pulling fucking charts that are about that looks like there’s a difference between genuine racism and then this just dumb like a 90 IQ playfulness of like if you’re like like we keep thinking that look like like first I like ignorance does lead to the hatred because of your ignorant you can be like revved up by people who are willing to take advantage of you the people who aren’t actively invested in your hatred are
for instance pornographers they’re invested in your animalistic like release and your Indulgence of a crazy taboo fantasies so I think it’s very notable psychologically that in politics you will hear more genuinely problematically racist things put forward in ways that actually laughed and lead to policies and things like that but if you if you if you were to go into the porn world where supposedly everyone’s if I can idiot and therefore they should be the most racist people in the world but no because they’re not incentivized by hatred there they may be totally inappropriate they’re not the most stylistically like Savvy people in the world so you have just people going on hey click here if you want to watch a white woman take two giant big black cocks cuz you know how Black Tusk
big cocks are like it’s not like if you’re
if you’re in your way all those all of these let me know when there’s a queen like the other example is that those guys at the end of their their endgame is policy public policy legislation and Portugal are really good.
I don’t know what they’re doing either but I’m fucking locked into you but they’re all of your big black mind
take it down it’s fucking stretching my little white racist hole out
you’d be shocked what you’re capable of each one of those or a resonator and it’s all of these points do all the things you’re saying that the politicians during the Trump is doing also exists here and are in play in the world of pouring so yes some of these things and they’re attracted way draw people who are going to see this and somehow their world is going to open a little bit or whatever again within that whole idea that ignorance are there is selective there’s this ignorance or somebody is ignorant they are not in control of fact that they don’t know I think they don’t know it so that’s that then there was some sort of
selected ignorance were people choose to stay ignorant because they know that outside of that fence more information comes that may change the way they are or the shakes them from their sort of their their pedestal a lot of what you see important is that it’s just fence building to keep people in the world that allows him to do whatever you know today we it’s a it’s a zero-sum game in the sense that if that person never Ventures out of their house and then we don’t know what ill will they’re harboring but some of those people in some Factory within a 110 sample to most people do enter out and then that sample there are some people who do things that are not great and all of that some of those things become public and then we an outside look at those people and go well how do we get to this how do we come to this place how did this person get here so I think they’re all of its in play in all of these aren’t even in music it’s the same stuff they have the same kinds of debate about this week in rap and people who do that or what
but we have always used that to its rash like like like from the time when it was like okay it’s Rob don’t you fucking move in as part of my okay I thought it was leaving again to put my phone away because entertainment is visceral and it’s like it yeah if you take racism into the world of media you’re probably not going to get disabused of it within media that’s what work what we tend to do wrong and then we applied things that we got like you know what this this is so good it might look like a Norman Lear sick, or something like that you go like this is so good that you could come into it racist to leave possibly somehow having been tricked into your mind opening a little bit I’m not holding the yardstick of whether or not it’s doing good or bad or that it’s like really like a I think we were probably on the same page and looking at look like
remarkable is just that it’s so compared to religion like why would there be more racism more prevalent in religion and I know what you’re talkin about as we like make it look at racism is offenses you were talking about so any place where you’re conscious of race then you’re not helping right that’s a bracelet says that sexism that’s bias of those of learn like
chosen by so it’s a selective is people who knowingly when you’re always watching a woman get fucked by a guy sometimes sometimes the Scooby-Doo for women with us forever like pornography tends to involve you don’t you you you it’s a difficult Highway Cohen set to navigate taking your feminism into pornography there is a lot of dumb people making a lot of stuff in the outer edges of how you define it and then the people who have a sense of pushing borders of sexuality and house except are the ones who were trying to sort who have always tried to sort of make it a thing so that you
leave it as a choice for the other person to decide what it is they want to be comfortable with but you also try to take things people are uncomfortable with and make them understand that there are other sensibilities out there but it gets like all things it gets corrupted and it gets changed by the money makers let me look at the things that are more example I don’t know if this will make any sense but there was a time when Walmart or a chain chain of some sort
selected to remove any Rush album with the star Man symbol on it because he was nude and that was perceived to be such 104th polygram Mercury to take that symbol off of The Rush album cover it wasn’t because Rush sucks
pettiness but but I thought of another just another example which is that okay I’m Twitter with African-American president who I noted at one point like he can’t quit his team Camp sweet Healthcare is good going good got to keep that going to animal going everybody I’m the president he makes tweet if you look through the replies invariably at least one use of the n-word lotuses Twitter is is is is worth that if you go to Pornhub premium now available for gift prices
but for how long do you have to have comments section and they have titles and they have editors and they have directors any of writers and they have after you don’t I don’t you think that seizing maybe it’s because if you’re going to if you’re looking at for you but you usually doing it by yourself in the privacy of your own home and has no agenda to it already feel like you’re doing something wrong therefore you’re actually in an honest zone so you you’ve actually compartmentalize yourself and it’s like the the ambition to be a good person may be hugely responsible late like 4 so many things that we do wrong to each other I also think that presents a lot of that stuff you leave up because you want the world to see sort of what is out there you want to pretend
dilated with me, and not much of it isn’t racist it’s just weird sex of stuff for the prayer when he was first elected president there’s a song called it’s called to country song by Hank Williams jr. no sir
Soldier country song it is it’s not really a cup of somebody like I want to touch you name the highwomen Eric & but when you look at the saw in the people were great people were just throwing a song at they’re posting it everywhere etcetera etcetera people were appalled in this day and time that people write a song like this etcetera the song It’s a 1975 or 96 it turns out and it was written about Jimmy Carter but you have people who are so anxious to do something and then go workout
I’m going to pull it out and send it out and just start this chain that goes on because that’s what’s out there at 11 you know when you see it and if there was a time on my space where I stumbled onto a clan site like a Clapper got paid you just was in the clan that was it and the graphic design what I went through his friends it was occurred to me suddenly that the clan have their own sort of sub people people who deserve friend to Market their graphic design skills out to them and they are Clan specific just glittering stars and and horses with hoods gift Jeff we’re just riding around the back of your of your bio his horse riding in the back of all this so that it’s not just whispered about and it’s not just Shadow sort of drifting around the corners give you lots of good thing I mean a thing and
yeah and I think there’s enough stuff going on the road right now we don’t have time to be sorry for things you think that there is any point where it’s guys dressed up as kkk’s fucking Scooby-Doo’s real well I was going to say if not if not now there will be tomorrow
fair enough
fair enough
I might as well stay here
and I do cuz I might holyfuck and I don’t stumble into what I would call races foreign I stumble into what I would call a constantly a I guess what would maybe you and I would agree is like a what do you call it a perpetuation of offense this is like the idea of opening doors going if you want to know that activity going on in pouring the supposed to. That’s designed to like blow like a sophisticate you what you what you don’t see is like videos where it’s like it where it’s a weird people are being dehumanized actively in the narrative
except for what I told you I don’t I don’t see I don’t see like a white white guys staying two black guys in porins like lately lately like you’re not a human being so you can fuck this person like it’s not I don’t see like racist shit I see consciousness of race and horrible affirmation of of like off the top stereotypes because they’re not right before I got to get pornhubpremium then you’re like this is fucked up I’m walking away from this fucking like like like this is abusive of the cyclist please put a sock in it
if you don’t know what the words weird shaving this blows. It’s yes absolutely if you’re looking at if you’re looking at something else and it’s linked to poor related stuff it’s in the advertising on the side because it’s in that world is full of people who just who in that zone it’s catch-as-catch-can if you don’t want to see that you’re not going to hit click and go to that door if you want it you got through the doorway whatever your intentions are pure curious and you just want to do field recordings in your mind of what switch out there you’ll go through there if that’s what you need then you’ll go through there but whatever that stuff is I mean
what is it probably it’s it’s an extension of the massage me cuz it would likely because it’s the gangbang like kind of like oh this woman is it it’s it’s like we’re the it’s like oh the are the black guys are going to come in and like like they’re being to be honest as a force of nature rather than feel like there’s a lot of stuff and there’s four or five people in the cubicle section with you and we can you have some problems with Lori and this that the other but right now we are living in a world where you’re constantly reminded that those things are misguided mail intended you really can’t do that in the real world you’ll know it wasn’t too long ago that you could print out a list of the 10 most most sexist joke you can think of 10 most racist things you can think of and pass it around and and the people that were with you with you can’t do that shit anymore I can’t do that you got to go dark web about it and if you can find out
I can’t see what you can and every once while you see this habit now you can turn those people are constantly reminded that they’ve got to either adjust open up their world and figure out a way to be or they got a calcified themselves and a hard place Apartments like tighten up and with their banking on often and besides I think is that you know you got to go you got to go somewhere you know you got to go you got to put yourself someplace so here’s a jar you know squeeze in whatever that was very compelling argument that I finally registered but there’s actually hope for the future in terms of that like that that that that as progress happens there’s restraint happening and actually these crevices that you can go down and explore deep darkness that those are actually just enabling like something let me know I wonder if the I do wonder if the market model hasn’t changed to that now we’re sort of these things that you would trust me
what did you guys have many of your going to go home and you’re going to have people sitting at the table who are going to say something in the hole cable can stop at looking like people to imagine being that person and every single day television elsewise everything commercials are reminding you that what you where you thought you had planted yourself in life is where you’re going to stay and not only are you behind the curve at you behind for a long time I just didn’t get loud enough until now for you to see it so the amount of catch-up work you’re going to have to do is inside that mountain is deep and you really got to run hard and run fast and run long or run slowly and probably not live to see your sort of comeuppance but exhausting proposition so what are you do you live day today today and under the weight of that thing and I mean this vegan puree like Rick bass are these bees off
who are writing the who would replace the mailers in and the update then the car was there these are the pressures that they’re writing about right now the protagonist the Carver put hangers back then often with your dealing with was marriage and and relationships and modern relationships and the things that we’ve been taught and how those things don’t necessarily apply because the world around us is changing and so how do suburban suburban dreams continue to exist continue to try to keep that framework up when everything around us is changing so you now I think it’s affecting people individually to come from that world because they now have to get out of that neighborhood and they have to deal with a whole other set of principles and then that tension in those people back hold tension
if you offer a release to somebody and say nobody can see it cuz it’s happening in the world that is gridlocked basically giving a piece of heroin to that site. It is absolutely probably equally valid I believe I would even probably go so far as a self-loathing person to say you’re quite a few is way more valid but I am like having the exact opposite experience right now because I just got divorced which means that I lived in a world like like 4 years where everything was about the obligations that I had to everybody around me and and and of course middle-aged men that get divorced and then they characteristically they they get the tattoo in the Tesla and they start they start saying it
a few things to their younger co-workers and they they they they just turned into it like do she caveman and and I think part of that is that they swing back and forth between reality and fantasy and I think I think that little world where like we all have like USB slots in our foreheads at this point like I think I think one of our biggest issues that we were contending with that we we haven’t actually labeled as that is the division between fantasy and reality because we are such a successful Empire and we were one of the things that we’ve we’ve successfully done so much is created like these dreams that we dreamed together that we did and we don’t even really all we do is go to work and pull the levers and then it’s like we watch six hours of TV a day so it is like like we don’t actually it’s actually a big deal if someone on TV like like makes us think a certain thing or represents a certain demographic is a thing it’s like we look at that has the same as a senator voting wrong and we get married
I don’t like one of the I think one of the big crucial issues is we have so little respect for ourselves that we can’t actively go here is reality and he is actually like here’s my biochemistry here is like my fucked-up knows which is you know this sewer where I like watch Dinosaurs Chase motorcycles but we won’t do it cuz then the guy on the motorcycle goes by the way I’m running for president next week I would like oh really yeah that makes sense of course you would you you outran a dinosaur out of the dinosaur is like you should go out to the McClain might relate like well we’re going to boycott your company like we have no division like we do because we sit around Len just watch where we we were the third active Wally like we just sit me watch shit that shit actually ironically is
toxically infected with reality show cuz right now what I’m experiencing is a douchey middle-aged divorcee is like Indulgence in fantasy and it’s making a happier person in my day-to-day life because I’m actually act actively able to like I go and I come and then I go time to go to work that was dark
I know something something I feel like you don’t feel like something got in my mind that my view is something got released and what your your view is which is equally valid as I said if not more is it maybe something got along the way depending on what you’re indulging maybe there’s a seed getting planted I just think that people are are different I think that on the other end of that the moneymaker end of it the reason somebody I mean you have no idea that guy’s programming that these sites of Might and people program of these sites might be the most understanding people in the world from a money making it a bit they understand it
you know that’s that’s that’s the goose so that’s the Golden Goose and so they’re just going to keep you know they just keep finding ways to to to to maximize their potential and you can see what you were talking about in the way in these dismissed run of GOP debates on the first one up to the last one this past week there’s no reason any of these debates said anything that anybody needs to think anything about it there’s no reason any of these polls say anything to anybody really need to think anything about what’s going to happen is in January we’re going to wipe all that anybody knows an answer why Penny all that shit out I was going to happen I believe New Hampshire still is going to happen next and so and and that’s and that’s a cockatoo thing and so what’s going to happen is that whole Paradigm is going to fall away and if you ask a question well why the hell do we spend so much time on it when there are so many cottage industries that are connected to the idea of broadcasting that making graphics
making that sort of Mad Max Fury Road the Flaming guitar theme music for it. It scares the shit out of his and all that other stuff he’s got the goods but wait when they start when they like in January when we start having her first debate so that’s when it actually really counts as rightly care of it when it matters and from that point on you can calibrate are not pants the way it’s been but it’s interesting how many more debates there are in the lead-up to this given this particular situation and to watch this happened and why how many people are talking about it how many headlines are posted about it how many are in gigantic Bowl but just as if this is the Lindbergh baby resolution and it’s none of this shit is real
yeah yeah sorry I took my hand in there but you know what I hate
Christmas greed this this game that you never go to like a like a like a family thing or like a work thing is called like the white elephant game all right. Yeah we all do that stupid game stupid
that was a good one too I didn’t think you could stop your shenanigans the skateboard guy
I don’t know anything I don’t know I don’t know I couldn’t if you showed if Ted Cruz was standing in front of me I wouldn’t know I’ve never seen the man I don’t know what he looks like I don’t know if it’s possible five goddamn it just is for the seat if not
sorry I disgraced the seat with no Spencer alcohol just yell Cliffhanger and I’ll and I’ll play this
do you want to do we doing the show next Sunday or do we have a shower we are we are we going to be gone next week next week so there’s no show but also be doing any York January 3rd there was going to be a show it’s my birthday and then and I’ll still be in New York so have fun this is our last show of 2015 we should do whatever end-of-the-year Recaps
rob you want to take us to the other year and harmontown but what do you think we’ll make it up tomorrow is really saying what what where is how do I get her down with me harmontown is Homer involved evolved yes
good morning
what’s a prayer to leave everybody for coming up Fred or Lena
check out his band Super Bee
where are Miele Cafe Miele what the hell is it called I don’t know
restaurants Minecraft
Beaver Creek Colorado
where do they shut up for William
spend the rest of the year
pornography
play less racist with politics and religion
right back pain cancer
Mat-Su title