Episode
Episode: 184 – Strain Has A New First Name
Description
Harmontown meets Zoe Lister Jones then turns into an hour of improv and complete chaos! You really should watch the video at harmontown.com/live. Become a member!
Transcript
the Meltdown Comics Hollywood California
La Plaza mayor of Hackettstown
thank you your comptroller was Jefferson Davis
I never do that I never I never do that you didn’t know that I was the president of the Confederate States soldiers go by and I never actually go by the way you’re thinking very healthy I don’t come to harmontown because I want the notoriety otherwise I would be standing on stage and hiding behind a giant Buick hey I don’t come to harmontown for the notoriety either
why did you name it I couldn’t get names
play II everything I came up with was taken I wanted to call Scott Aukerman Palooza
I tried I tried calling it at one point Kevin Pollak town
but then I was like
you guys are best friends aren’t you
I don’t like him anymore I like Kevin Pollak what the feud began all right my phone I’ll take it as comptroller upon myself to tell you that today was a big day of sports so we’re going to do it wasn’t today the Super Bowl yes it was I was surrounded by guys on the set cuz I was shooting today and as we all know everyone in the crew is into football and and the actors are in Smith and the crew is like what was walking around going I don’t tell me don’t shut up because they’re all DVR end of the game did they tell you anything how much help I don’t know what time North Carolina
profiles throw balls around when you throw balls you going to get around so it’s good to throw balls it’s good to invest in your body it’s a good thing to do because everybody knows that’s what makes you happy because look at life and look at history everyone that’s physically Superior always ends up being a unexploited and happy
and direction in control of other people
but your situation again
actually if you do more than more sit-ups you do the closer you get to being a Slave
afraid I wouldn’t wish on anyone
but hey what’s going to happen to someone that might as well be an idiot
hey I got that
hey there is Dan Harmon he’s dirty and he’s on the corner minding his own business let’s pick on him because obviously football isn’t that the feeling is because we have free time to pick up people. Pick on him what do you have to say Dan why don’t you throw a football very important.
I don’t think it’s important well we think you’re wrong well I’m willing to bet my fucking life on it
and yours without moving a muscle we’re not willing to risk anything but we’re going to punch you I’ll see you in 7 years you piece of shit
7 years later and I don’t have any money
ten years after that I’m a p a in basic cable
I don’t have my iPad then I’m going off the phone now and it’s a little harder to operate because it was a little sloppy or country music listen to
I was drinking all day today but you were working
you drinking on the set yeah
it’s called functional alcoholism
but I am a little soft around the edges A little sloppy Sports Corner proper
what’s in a start from the beginning
the top
Picasso Tom Hanks who knows who they are but what about that Brett Favre
all the time. Just you know just come straight out did you think the best team won today everyone loves it so much is it the best team always wins that that’s the point of football is a metric of worse things not knowing if we succeeded or failed and then we only in these Arenas can we co I got a first down I’m a better person of the guy that only got a second
and if I get enough first downs I can get a touchdown and then I get a Rose Bowl and if I get three Rose Bowls and put them in I know that you really eat all the Rose Bowls
cuz I’m so powerful I’m such a powerful person are you aware that are you a coach or a player in this is just a general a fan of everything that’s Ledic and I think it’s a great way to spend your time when I was in kindergarten and they tried to hold me back for a grade cuz I didn’t know how to walk on a balance beam and you know what I applaud their scrutiny because I’m famous
how do I set mine but so many are
Joven Einsteins
I mean what is a culture where do we cut the shit off in like make a Moonraker Colony balance
the Broncos were favored by six points did you think was going to win the Panthers because they are already lost his shoulder
and then of course there were those rape charges
that’s a pretty good guess
I might Park
New England
okay so is the Patriots versus the Broncos and Panthers Panthers versus Carolina Panthers Carolina Panthers the North Carolina Panthers in full representation of the North Carolina lifestyle absolutely Southern Carolina by virtue of the panther
they’re State cat
I think they did a great job today. You don’t care if you are known to be quite an Arbiter of what is and what is not in the Black Eyed Peas and Sean Penn to the great job
halftime you’re closer than you know
you’re quick I thought I was a major Gallagher came out with his head had been surgically reattached to Anthony Bourdain
they came out that started with Coldplay you know you’re the most exciting band of all time to concussions and people who have suffered so much head trauma Coldplay’s more their speed and then I believe it is Bruno Mars in the same suit and they’re doing like Michael Jackson James Beyonce comes Coldplay out of all the single ladies that I was leaving I left the game during halftime I didn’t see it but I heard that there was a Beyonce almost fell over on stage of people already online talking about Beyonce almost Yes Beyonce
leather one piece swimsuit with Michael Jackson Braves and epaulettes on it and I guess pretty pretty good and pretty sexy and then she kind of did a little stumbled backwards and in hiding ass platform heels she caught herself jumped back and jumped up and hit the beat with every other dancer behind try to talk shit about her on his wife and I’ll prove that she’s in better shape than anybody else that it was amazing she’ll be fine I just have a feeling Steph’s not going to dig her face that would be as I call her
she have to do more than that to start to suffer a curating the division why she have to as she kicked up her shoe would have to hit the new Twin Towers I was going to say like a premature a prematurely born baby
land on the baby and everybody have to stand up and say no no let him take it like a man
an apparent to be like no but Beyonce we want to just live to the shoes relative to this baby is developing baby she’s like if he was born he can live
and if he dies he doesn’t deserve to be born and then that I think people would be like hashtag like maybe on say maybe.
Lives
cuz I got her breast but your big dumb fans but lose more
anybody that brings a preemie to a Super Bowl Halftime Celebration by galantis
she brings out a kid I got four year old kid and there’s a giant hypodermic needle and then there’s a certificate of vaccination with no signature on it I don’t know what’s your name Ann-Margret Dawson from Montana All the Single Ladies what your names are Bob Dawson well I’m here to talk you out of it and she’s like I don’t care I’m not letting you know she got kicked out of the giant needle breaks at all the vaccination goes into the football field in the dirt
don’t vaccinate your kids and then Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy is a drop-down of parachutes
support is none of that happened at 6 will be fine
Janet Jackson however
when Kitty from Infamous Sugar Rush roll the dice
pay the piper not the price that we could have you fed
you could have hyper knows what the price I never pay the price I pay the piper for the piper knows what the prices I let the piper handle my mother
United States
the worst show ever if you’re just tuning in a flipping podcasts right now
but what people don’t know is that we have a Cavalcade of stars in a shortage of the rocket fuel that we have the booster which I call the Green Room let’s start out right let’s go let’s make a new friend in Hollywood let’s talk to her new friend she’s here she’s you make a recognizer from the recent hit family and peace of God damn it I don’t watch TV anymore life in pieces go fuck yourself America and he’s he’s wonderful we’re going to talk to her about about life and acting please welcome Zoe lister-jones
Lister jr.
we need to take 10 minutes to talk about what I just did any Wester Junior that’s the guy that’s like Jesus guy that acts like a junior how’s your sister
Zoe lister-jones but you’ve done this movie and it’s called consumed very good now that I’m busy which is the combination of being an alcoholic who works in a workaholic covers the scent of the alcohol
yeah I consumed is it’s a it’s a horror movie Thriller some horrifying element modified organism that you wrote or you’re acting him with my husband and co-produced it and work a lot that’s do you not drink because because you used to or because people that raised you did they also did but I just prefer that vape Life I don’t know
it’s better for your status but you make it less puffy eyes puffy could be like Wheat Thins there’s no reverse
search
all right is that a lot of competition
tell me when you are when you live in that vape Life do you not get the munchies and want a snack sensible out of my house I don’t think weekends are even in production anymore are you
we are and I know beautiful radio there’s like wheat
secular talk of wheat this is a good faith in the Box lie to me was Triscuit good I like the photo
WeChat into something
how far
gluten free snack items find out did you gauge and go oh shit I’m a Celiac cuz I would have called her I have a sensitivity is it an allergy and calling you out
yeah I’m three of them yeah I like legit
but the gluten thing is it is it is it but you’re a good person to talk to you about the the reason why it’s like in the Zeitgeist is because we don’t have to be allergic to it in order to possibly benefit from cutting it attract a lot of people with gluten sensitivities there’s a lot of pesticides on a wheat and people finding out if some of us are having a reaction to it it is it is it more like carbs where we’re like we cracked the code I mean if you want if you want to be don’t eat wheat which is why we terrible snack
drove there like we shouldn’t call that week fats
lie to you
a Triscuit named itself is a mythical character a Triscuit
when are you coming up with the name Marlboro they weren’t like what sounds the most like cancer is a biscuit that’s tryst like what is it what how do they get the fucking something like you get three main parts of protein tying into a tisket a tasket on the back of a circuit box I bet there’s like a weird fucking triangle where there’s like a bundle of Wheat and then like a chicken with a
bicycle
actually you’re not being my cousin turned into me trading pornography for myself
I’m just watching from the corner
Chicken on the bicycle that way. And if you like that pigs can respect any privacy you want your a new friend so you can we talk about pot for a little bit 43 years old of a smoking pot but there was a teen but I don’t know which is the one that makes me check my pulse and and right don’t get high and sleepier
I’m in the process of an experiment and I could have died did the first half of it I went with I went to a party and I talk to my girlfriend about this cuz she Vapes like you she’s part of this whippersnapper Vapin generation and I where is it I don’t never research okay here we go to this is the first time cuz that is it is 8:38 p.m. sativa big-hit blue dream I think that’s the kind of animals training El Cid that’s a restaurant here in people of it
very uncomfortable
anxious constantly conscious of chest too deep breath helped had to stop breathing after noting / hallucinating the notion that people are watching me breathing
call 830-7842
does it make a even make sense how could it still be the same it’ll be a little bit just a little better but he’s high 8:50 to 10 minutes after that this is the last injury just High
really fucking high as high as you can get without a net negative experience
I think I started having fun at that point that makes sense but that’s what it looks like that was my estimation is like it when I think getting high on pot is worth what happens to me often which is this 838-2852 I’m bad at math are you good at it or I’ll really
yeah that’s even better than I thought it’s 14 minutes of like I’m checking my pulse and like I’m worried that everyone knows I’m high and I’m too old to be getting high and you like you like Mallard into and you had a great time that’s the best
like I just like killing yourself I can just saw you falling asleep in front of everyone else’s problems you prefer the sativa or indica
sativa I don’t know which is never meant anything because if your head was high your body would freak out and vice-versa for sure hold on processing that include head isn’t that like I said hi and I are so used to being high and that they don’t know what it was like to be bad hot bad high is like and then whose life is
it’s the worst shooter not have Spencer here tonight he would settle this for I say we have we have no Spencer tonight he should not take off
I like that you’re like though I think I like a real-time documentation is cool cuz that’s the cheapest I can only do sativa and operate like if I do Indica like heavy stuff that I hang out with people like Greg proops as he says he gets his weed from Yoda as wild as like if I give the his joints turn glance I’m fucked up on the bus bus for like 8 hours where I don’t have to do anything at all but he can talk and he’s articulate and stuff like that I’m completely wiped out by Indica sativa I can kind of get by but I still just want to sit down and eat Triscuits
stackers
tired of not being able to eat a box
sink your teeth into the cold hard Craisins flavor has Triscuits
the new features
Wheatland is for pussies
but the Triscuit holds up to the cold hard salami that you’re used to Sam Elliott for pussy pussy I like to take an ass pussy
put on a Triscuit
he’s not good at Cinergy
as I understand it I don’t know his number
Triscuit has that lattice structure to it
they can take what you fucking give it put your put your pussy on a cracker they can hold it
I put my pussy on the Triscuit or I get the hose again
Silence of the Lambs about absolutely fascinating but I’m not allowed to find that fascinating because I’m a fucking dude and liked my Fascination will bleed over into perceived agenda which I do not have them seething with agenda but but my agenda is like I love women and hope they love me and wish that they would if I can like very good wish them all the best and that’s my agenda like I was trying to impress people but but like therefore I found it absolutely fascinating did you see this like it maybe it’s overhyped but Madeleine Albright and Gloria Steinem who are these like sort of like you know heroes are clashing cuz it’s like more Progressive being out of touch or being a woman
is it because it was essentially like they were I would use the verb Cosby and if I didn’t know I mean something else before that like like like like it meant what it means now it was like like they were kind of like they were like you whippersnappers you don’t know what you’re doing like like your fucking up your get why are you backing Bernie Sanders and those Bales like what was The Sensational eyes like out of context pieces are like he’s like very stately like really respected power women from a relief from a much older generation appearing on talk shows and I can’t remember who it was that was on the Bill Maher show that that that that that said like I told me today that there’s something called Bernie boys are some pros the Bernie pros this is a thing in life
but yeah that’s right
yeah that’s right
I’m good but know that they’re like that that there’s this now like contingents of Bernie supporters who are like I don’t know is that the thing right
I heard only those two lines that the Gloria Steinem mind about that the girls is going where the boys are forever before I only heard that quote taken just alone I don’t know what letter follows which is an important part of the story which I’m trying out of context and that for a half-hour famous an awesome time and it’s about time I find this fascinating it’s like oh yeah but what’s your angle what are you trying to prove that feminism is full of shit good women are going to get fighting each other and Lee and the front row if you think she actually misspoken such a terrible feeling
oh, Mike so you can send it to say real quick Leah is it differently everybody
yeah I know I was is just she was talking really quickly to Belmar so she just wasn’t thinking kind of and so she was completely sincere and it wasn’t really attached to anything unfortunately and everything else you were saying I was totally agree with and the point she was kind of making I think is that she sounded like she was at the beginning of the feminist movement so she was saying like I’m beginning it was just a handful of us and and we were like the crazy Outsider ladies and so she was saying now it’s now it’s everyone you know now it’s now it’s like a pretty common movement around the beginning of the feminist movement of a female being president is so exciting to me right now because I’m fucking 27th president she was making she just literally it was incredibly offensive and there’s not really a way to defend that’s the point I think she was making was that
so hard you know to look just like try to get women to where they are and so then these young women who’ve just been born into this kind of perceived state of privileged huge deal it is that it would even have a woman in the fucking running right now hahaha I’ve been no better way to wash down a Triscuit
after I eat my pussy Triscuit for the bullet for a 27 year old girl you don’t speak on behalf of all women but you are at least a lake lake lake lake lake lake about what’s offensive about it lately I think I know but if I if I pontificate about of a sound like a fucking AM radio DJ with some weird agenda
just absurd because we’re just supposed to like you because she has a vagina which is just said is partly why I want her to be president because I deserve it just the same way I like people talk about how Chris Rock said that there was like a black president and so that’s change things so now like little black boys can be like I could be president which they didn’t have never had that and I want my children to have that and I want it as soon as fucking possible until I understand. That’s like an appropriate burning and I like that he’s running around to be no reason
just take her I think she’s like a real groovy lady Maria butcher was up here like I think that’s what is basically it’s like she was one fourth of the president if there’s a from top to bottom on the list of things that they accomplished their the most effective probably number one has to do with symbology and stuff out right after right credibly obvious is no one saying that like men are voting for Bernie because he has a dick and everyone has a dick all day I don’t know if I said that already.
What was Hillary that she say she would like straight out saying these women that are voting for Bernie they’re just doing it to get laid but the real women the real feminist over there on Hillary so is that what you saying the most optimistically interpreted it was what I already said was that she was around to the beginning of the movement where everyone is like you should be barefoot and fucking pregnant and now he’s come such a long way in America that the hatred of women like you can’t do we do need to have a female woman present as soon as possible because it’s been you know we’ve had what 48 or 49 in a row the idea that she
play some hell for women you saw this to get on that to me like I don’t mind that I think that’s all right because I like a fucking thing whatever it takes I hate when you talk about group then you talk about interesting to talk about love the shit in the alienation versus unification of stuff and I’m a straight white fat males that like I’m just looking at all the rest of it but if a 70 year old black panther said you know like we used like really rough and tumble in or out language you know would you fault it as much as I do that was the other faster that’s why I was like I’m so fascinated with the story cuz I’m like wait tell him I said this on my iPhone x to Amber Alerts is there already a fucking like hamster bottle in place where I’m being told like it’s the easiest information to get into my mouth that women are fighting a
get along or what
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
honestly I know I’ve been drinking this in front of an audience but I feel like this weird push back towards Hillary and I understand it like I was going to open tensions is what I know it’s been like it’s the right spot.
all right that was your drink on homie I’ll give you yours going to talk about it’s just that she’s so she’s fought so hard for like just given the chance even like an inkling that we could ever have a woman president and so to her it’s just like a polymet 18 year old women would be like Casino cuz he’s makes all these three points and he is not part of like this corrupt system which is all of fantastic reasons to vote for him and so that’s the most genuine positive way you can view her statement and I totally understand that as soon as possible and Gloria Steinem is just doing like we need a woman president like you don’t understand what you’re doing but then the fact that you said that they’re voting for her because
because they want to impress the boys it’s too incredibly offensive because why are the boys trying to impress us if anything like the 18 year old boys are trying so hard to get pussy that like I have to try negative I’m twenty-seven now I’ve tried negative amount to get dick my entire life and try like a million times more it than me to get to be voting for Bernie what do I was just asking what cracker you think you put dick on slide it between an inverted pair of baked sprinkles
she’s been drinking all day. She’s got to room temperature
I’m I’m pretty sure you guys forgot I came
tonight I’m I’m I’m pretty sure you guys forgot I was in the in the background
I think you guys forgot that I was here can we get can we wrap things up with Zoey is it we didn’t focus on you your name means life I learned that from tc2000 the Billy Blanks post-apocalyptic movie from the 90s direct-to-video you should watch that yeah you should check it out it’s if you would really like it is the name Zoe his name is TC tc2000 in there named Zoe and he’s and Billy Blanks says your name means life that’s actually that’s how I look when I was born she like studied cop Kabbalah and so
that and you’re not supposed to give your kid a name for a week and you supposed to name it the shittiest name you can think of it like the angel of death passes over I love this yeah so she dirt pan in English or there was a Greek version of that
I mean to be logged back into society dirt pan complex my cat my cat’s name is a 5th which is FIV because I didn’t want to fall in love with her because I was told she had FIV which I thought was like HIV and I thought my cat I thought I’d like I rescued this cat and I was like I don’t want to get attached and like we just started calling it a v e r v i don’t know I didn’t answer you know what it was but there was a ritual there where it was like oh this this time went by where you were like actively saying I deserve like goes back to ancient Greece and whatever like Oedipus
oedipus’s name is derived from the fact that his feet were big because they tied your feet together when they would lay on a rock for the Wolves which was a Greek abortion like I would just go fuck this kid named Greg abortion
instead of death dirt pan recipes
a spirit passing over there’s a point where it’s like this thing for Keeps I love that I love that that you would have a kid and be like you’re a piece of shit I do I try to trick the demons other than that’s a shitt face I don’t want that
I fucking love that I love that so much so I think probably the drip pan was prolonged longer than it should have been but she where she got Zoe was like she was at the back of the baby name book it I didn’t literally refer to you for the first week I wasn’t I don’t I don’t remember is that early get out of those
fucking bad and you go do it like you’re like it all over your face and we are like you’re a piece of shit your garbage Rugrat are just like I mean hopefully
seems like a fine information a reason did not say that way too long Henderson yeah like my mom kept throwing it away I would dig it out of the garbage walking around with the house like game banking
kids from mr. mom have that wasn’t the movie when I had my banking
weather
they called it a banking in Mr Mom okay well it looks like I was ripped off I actually am I many was I don’t remember that was original
is there a way to give a benkie or I will be or anything like that I didn’t have any of the dirt like a dust if your parents friends are also in the Kabbalah come over and I’ve got
the fucking guy but that’s what really happened anyway when your friends have kids with broken dreams
six pack in Roseville California
pause dream and going on
consumed slam poetry about it is that you wrote it and produced it in your husband who I met backstage independent filmmaking where are you at with this where is the movie on iTunes and digital platforms March 22nd we do the school thing with this company called gather which is called the actual on demand was kind of like we’re Indie filmmakers are like headed a lot of the time because basically it’s like crowdsourcing theatrical release so you’re not relying on a Distribution Company like put in a few theaters and then like be up against huge tentpole movies you’re actually only in theaters were there is a demand right so you can still see the movie that way the battle be going on the next few months too if you just go to to the movies website consumed the movie.com
where in the country can type and where you are and you can see if there’s a screening and if 60 people sign up for screening happens seems like they are somewhat content like some people are making movies that there’s not enough like it’s like that we’re all like drawn into this holds the actual distribution thing and there’s a really old system where they it’s a little bit based on making you ashamed of like how many people want to come out and watch a movie yeah it sounds like it’s like these three cities are based on how they perform then we’ll try to find it is almost to be that way in a world where you can. George Clooney can get online and go if 3 people give me a dollar for AIDS research I cut my mustache off to put a shoe on my head
picking on people how they fly or don’t fly first class you don’t have to
but I really cool guy which is what like aren’t you being a little like in the background there and I said hey I’m Rob I’m in the show and you know it’s it’s no I don’t I don’t know her from Adam I want to see if my mom didn’t want to take my Whispers is your dad renowned in the industry is a very common name he’s a conceptual photographer in New York.
what if your parents have to be right now seems to actually be like a big deal there you got that’s the connection so I love men at work that’s all right you have a heart for a.m. call criminal that you’re here from the union stand for
into the marketplace
what you’re thinking of Colin Hay from what
dragon sketch show at now
Best Uniform at 4 a.m. call here in town around for a handful of listeners that want to go find consumed not to put you on the spot but why do it like I assume the movie.com it’s cool it’s like a like a hearkens back to like 70 Thrillers where the people talks about real shit that’s going on in the world and where the bad guy was dr. Christopher Walken Prophecy with the guys are like frogs with Sam Elliott and we’re going to see any of them again not alive anyway
if you like Triscuits
I know exactly what to put on it
she tole to pale she may or may not wear socks I can’t tell
probably it again she hide your socks but she’s not hiding a new movie called consumed unlike her sucks you can find that online Zoom the movie.com all right
play Black
all right now you can come up and sit up here not not until you introduce me
I don’t want him to not come to the show but also it’s just like I want he’s been catching one tonight twice the headliner wait to come on last night maybe we’re saving your life and then brought up some guy I go like our next guest has like a weird feeling in his arm and he’s worried it might be serious
I didn’t like your fucking eaten so I can peanuts and
a psychic becomes like a sketch and I’m like I’m nothing to do with their just sitting there just sitting there like I don’t know in my back hurts and my yeah but you chose to sit in a weird voice principles, the principal way of doing it is the most comfortable our next guest is popular with listeners
that’s working right from the side of the stage the sender of this traffic
I think it’s better for a camera if you sit in one of them or Central chairs I think Jeff is way too low in this I’ve been watching the monitor your to low man you need to be I think I think I have too much this this is a big thing to get around trying to do something about that
will you please show required doing things about I wouldn’t be able to do it on a busy my Arlo going to be up and not appearance
by the way I was told this guy was $1,400 that’s thrown under the bus is beautiful
iodized I just think it’s
I think it’s interesting because it makes me cuz I went they said that to me this is the painting directly behind you got your $1,400 in the time it took me to mirror shit on a canvas I’d make $1,400 too far OK Google hates
the great The Great Khali weigh more than your favorite Hemingway painting
Marisol watch this
airport that in the air mention that the painting is expensive behind this move closer to it and it is no because it’s an artist getting attention
added that is true and a man because it got sport I don’t think I’ve ever gotten bored $1,400 on a larger format date maybe in high school would you do when tonight yes I’m not ashamed
all right Rob
who is your favorite sketch when I first met Robin Dan I walked into a Comedy Sportz Improv Festival tournament in Milwaukee Wisconsin and I had heard that there was a couple famous like squads team that’s cheaper than paying for it but he’s all right
I heard that they did the New York team was the brick fresheners that I can let you know like those guys were supposed to be like the whippersnappers on the team included Robin and and a group of the New York team so I came into a festival very freaked out and ComedySportz I think you know 8 * 11
I can’t wait can you put a PIN to put a pin I texted Bob Saget because I had a picture on my watch Bob Saget’s face because it came up why was that picture on your watch to begin with but there was a my Apple watch when it’s soccer going to update and allowed you to have a photo as the watch face at 9:11 in the morning
I don’t leaves in bank 1 morning 2 days 3 days ago and it came up and it’s at 9:11
and it’s very quickly take a photo of it and I tweeted it to you I saw that for obvious reasons Spencer he’s part of the family Justin Roiland who is the one who took a picture of Bob Saget’s face from the cover of I think people and that’s why you chose that as your reason and Bob Saget I sent it to Bob Saget as well cuz he’s Bob Saget
halfway through the day Bob Saget tweeted responded and said I am honored I didn’t even get a bit about like you’re probably the only person that wants to look at my face in the morning or something like that I never was like Bob Saget tweeted his tweeting to tweet with flat where is it where is it what was it a fake account know it wasn’t he deleted it
he deleted it because he realized after the fact that it was at 9:11.
He saw his face and didn’t see 9/11 then later on now
I said that I told
make me hate him I hate a person might be coming a little hard like I mean what do you like what is glib and stuff but it’s like maybe maybe hit like is a big like you know like he works for a major like First Responders charity or something like that maybe
family died in 9/11
what what do you mean sir you say somebody else runs Bob Saget like Twitter
the Tweet was deleted yes this is a manic depressive in the front row
I got a job rather than explain everything you asked I’m just this is the quickest way this is crazy person he’s got Kleenex boxes on his feet and a dog’s skull around his chest
did you ever did you fire back at a jacket about y’all but I sent a photo I had Justin cuz at 9:11 p.m. meeting him everyday now let’s just make it like maybe it could be a saying but then I forgot about it I mean I would say if you want to I guess where I guess but I think maybe someone from Netflix called him and said knock it off knock it off
what do I have to avoid straight inside it’s a 911 joke look at the time you narcissist look at the number above your head but like I think I did make me feel like maybe he had something to do with 9/11
because why would you out the statute of limitations still hasn’t run out and I think quick way to the top hits starts with the people associating his face with 9/11 tell you that
anyways please one of you was talking to now talk more you were telling a story I was saying I walked into a room and I saw it was like the first night I was there at Milwaukee ComedySportz and there was a sketch of having to cut the dead alewives and you two were on stage and what would we would have been what 25 678 like might like around that age I was 24 years old right yes yes and so they were up there and doing it and I sat down there and I sat in the back and I was completely bummed out so I can do these guys are just things like that and then I wouldn’t like to talk to you guys I was too afraid of you guys we all kind of felt like we all ended up hanging out but I do you guys remember it was it was it was sketch that a Live sketch that was the two of you and you guys have a like a burton Ernie Abbott Costello kind of a Fred and Barney one that was pretty accurate what was it what was it was just like a post-apocalyptic
you are afraid of course
probably not funny right I don’t know none of it was funny we’re not going to do any kind of drunk where all are all very drunk I’m not saying I was trying to tell you to pull out one of your sketches and I think we should do a new sketch called the drive-thru
to now that we’re out back together
get me some french fries
Keith Keith and the other side of the car
got it got it
genius
genius
I just get so much better.
Expected to go and that’s what I love about us catch
hello
hello
are you still open I help you
you should have said that before you let us send you didn’t ask did you
well it’s getting windy
what would you like
close.
what do you want
did you guys have shakes
sorry we’re not to another
do you guys have any questions
I want to thank you very much I need a man is it to so seven Pence
how English works
Kevin Bender
he says Devon twice you said two and five pence to quick five okay Play The Man
cheers seven Pence coming through the pneumatic tube underneath the speaker do I got I gave him 7. You gave me too much you stupid Yankee
now what it is
where do I pick up the food
where do I put walks today where the peg
do you bake off
I’m sorry we’re closing now
I just gave you seven pants and you gave me Shane know when he can get the food and win
you know what fuck it
Aurora
ocean world
oh wow wow wow wow what what what what how how wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
wow wow
what what why
well
what
play wow wow wow
that was stabbed is it
will that be all
yeah they will be on
you look afraid sir you look afraid our flight is about to land any second now
would you like some peanuts or some some water on your legs and penis which like my penis and some water would you like some peanut my penis I’m sorry I thought you’d never ask happening right now happening right now it’s happening right now and this is a real thing people it’s really happening
okay just send me to help you
I’m across from you
I’m really getting that pain is a man I hate
would you like to buy this painting
it’s only $14,000
they didn’t create Snoopy
but they sure the fuck painted it but but good grief he’s going to get $1,400 out there without I feel a little weird about like
a little weird about that there was parity League of Lucy was sucking a dick all right okay so your name is when and how much would you charge for this staneart 14 okay okay.
I don’t know if she comes over a crowd full of people that do lift nothing for a living
no you’re fine you’re fine keep doing your mr. T lunch boxes shirts
it was the sketch what happened with the sketch I think we’re finished I think we’re still in the plane you just woke in that realizes I’ll maybe possibly the hole drive-thru thing was a fantasy while you were at thirty-five thousand feet above the planet as always
OK Google
play Gintama is everything is fine
but whether they may let me let me let me let me ask if the doors locked I should have let me know he’s okay
what are you like you like it don’t you know you like it you like it stick stick your thumb in my mouth
and I go
you’re my imaginary friend remember you’re not real but I’m here
flashbacks Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Johnson summer camp fuck you Harmon interior cabin
hey who are you banking with nobody and nobody really likes me I just tell people how to fold shirts and probably shouldn’t complain about my lack of popularity I don’t I don’t have a bunk mate
I hope one day
Captain Dan Harmon
one day I’m going to be in charge of all the clouds I know you would I know you were I know you will Captain Harmon will you be my bunkmate
bang bang make
I said lights out you guys have to pick up funimate and get them back
I’m going to say summer camp I’m going to set the drapes on fire
oh no oh no you didn’t you didn’t you didn’t
Mama Mama Mama Mama Mama thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
now I’m up at back to normal go ahead go ahead cut cut to the what’s your name my name is Cletus a lights-out hello the curtains can be replaced
yeah I think you guys should cut it two years later
very go to your lender just want to say that I Wish I Was a Good Pilot that you want of you you want to be in command of all the clouds the best Pathak commanding all the closet to set your bunk bunk mate on fire will you got another thing Comin mr. pilot own destiny
I told you
you’re in my domain now
come on let’s go meet the girl things
you’re never going to flash back to the present ever
ever you’re never going to flash back to the present you’re going to stay here with me
I’m a different character my face is beautiful. Look at these are having trouble with the clouds we’ve lost all control
we have a parade that’s how we make up our sides now I really don’t know Joni Mitchell
you can come in the clouds make the rain go away
I’d like to go home and I find you racist are you refusing this called
wait literally enact what flashback what did you want
alright yes I am okay then I guess I can persuade you to stay can I go home yes
how where do I go he wants to know where to go through the clouds Commander clouds
you have a button open on your shirt
fat shaming it gets cold up there
all the way to the bottom
no one’s looking you can button your shirt now
just go ahead but no one will judge you
do all white Chihuahuas the power of the Coronavirus
use this power wheel
who will anything else while I’m up I didn’t even okay I’m going back I’m going back to my office
oh shit is the top of a beanstalk
okay timing my Vine
I am who is that I am
weight went to Uncle Duncan okay
I don’t know where you are and I’m up I’m up above you you’re climbing my Vine
I want to thank you for letting me climate my name is Dan Harmon I’ve been through a lot today
I just trying to get down from the cloud world
and beyond that I can’t really see if you want to get down
that’s easy
hello
hello welcome
welcome to Andromeda Strain
these are the special extras of Michael crichton’s Andromeda Strain
would you like to see a b t s o
Andromeda Strain
and how they did it
press play
it was
hi hun
you know what’s weird science
the strange freaks me out I can’t sleep and my wife gets pissed off at me so I write these books I don’t know what do you do to get over your problems anyway I wrote this story called Andromeda Strain about the person name on Andromeda who is just tremendous difficulty in his life just a lot of strain in his life and he’s trying to figure out what’s going on and so you know he’s like I’m going to watch the original theatrical trailer original
20th Century Fox proudly presents Michael Crichton Andromeda Strain
these these goats can’t fly but they know someone else as well
personality is inaccurate
I can’t feel my passion why don’t you feel my dick
Chinese
you’re fired
bring me to do do do do do do do do do
train just got a new first name babe
I guess
a biggest fan just walked out and I can’t please everybody I’m done with us
I’m going to take a piss right now we’re watching The Andromeda Strain right you and I I mean I’m taking a piss okay go ahead and close bathroom door will come this way
are we I didn’t like it we can’t just keep doing this right
I can’t I can’t do that you know that
what to do to make you happy I didn’t want to know more about that being stopped go couldn’t was he like a guardian of the fact that it was a long Vine growing out of his like like if this is a dangling from the movie
Cosmic Cosmic Cosmic oh well
what are we wearing tonight
parrotlets how old do a real plane ticket but I’ll be Spencer do it did you have a good world world
all right here we go
Cosmic Goat world
did the world is older than you’ve ever known
give me a second I’m glad you could join us
potatoes are the only thing that seems overly comical
I want to do that the potato thing seems like the Piranha 3D thing like I don’t handle World Battle Run reality okay Christ Christ Christ Wars
all right now I meant okay I got it I got it I got it I got it okay I will be across the vice no no to the second okay okay
the two of you have just woken up
feet by six feet a sealed door is on each wall for a total of four doors you are both naked cloth you have holes in your hands and feet
you look the same except for certain distinguishing tattoos on your right hand or left biceps this is your time to introduce yourselves to each other as you wake up on the floor of this featureless room Jeff it’s your turn
what’s up
my name is
Jesus Rob your character is perceiving a person standing next to you saying these things to you and I have a tattoo of an olive branch on my right bicep I see you have one on your left left bicep yes I do
what’s your name hey Zeus
you feel a burning sensation in your head yeah yeah your ancestors are so many says don’t do that just don’t do that don’t do that don’t do that
you take 12 damage
I should tell you guys there’s a there’s a series of Lights in the quarters of each root of each corner there’s a blue light alternate Lee symmetrical with a red light yellow light there is alternating pattern going across in the form of like a reverse cross like a Mercedes symbol but like flipping back and forth as a h x of ceiling rotate red yellow lights to Blue Light Green Light in the center of the room there’s a there’s a orange crystal pick up the cat and using combat a cat
how do you pick up a cat have I have 5 + 22 jiloty there’s no cat there to your knowledge to do that is if you don’t know about that it’s a hallucinatory why don’t I do you die for a part for my sink dingier tournament
did you do if you’re in a very strange situation at this point the ceiling starts to unscrew like a quart of cork bottle spins around it goes up I take Jesus as a giant character says
you still look up and you see a characterization is the size of Pluto
giant cave light
create a burning fire right now
you sent that there are such a thing as traps in the universe
dancing Mama concert comes out of eight million world you’re all big holes in your hand finger comes inside that I need to go into that finger and Porter a green. 5 from that another orange dot on the center of the ceiling the whole thing is shaped like an egg but with a pyramid on top of it there’s two lights that flash is this order green green red red green green blue and there’s a cash register in the center of the room doing a Pokemon reference
I turned to Jesus and say I know this one
why did you kick me so hard
Christ Torres but I realized this after this whole thing happen we had to find the ruby of the mortgage account can I have my clothes then I give you back your life that we work together to defeat you kicked me in the chest drawers and took my clothes together to work together after you kicked me in the chest hurt and took my clothes turn the other chest and let’s work together
why you guys are talking the sky is crushing you
I reach
a ruby okay you do that
I holding a lot I still haven’t had a turn you had like 9 turn cuz it’s free action stuff if we’re not in combat really you overtake the Ruby give it to him and leave I just did that sorry it happened it just happened so far has been the black is around you can’t move or speak for the next seven and a half minutes
okay you do that
read nothing happens
what does continues to surround you eternity moves into night red lights become blue lights
there’s like yellow world it’s all yellow everything’s yellow that means I could look around and it’s yellow and there’s flowers and it feels very yellow and a guy comes up to you what can I get you a pack man
I think I will take it back if you guys are taking damage I don’t think I’ll take I’ll take one pack
are there any exits available to me to exit exit I take both of them
technically speaking everything’s an exit
I
I am I so just bring a wine glass
you don’t wear a loincloth it’s a loincloth it’s around your loins so you but God isn’t a figure there’s is a God or a figure okay I use Arcane knowledge to read the the the the surroundings what does that mean
tell me what you’re doing are you have Arcane. What what what Arcane knowledge are you speaking of then I’ll get to see if I can read like runes or anything on the walls or anything okay a serpent is eating you
cast christ-like surrender and let him meet me
I put I put I put his head in into the mouth of the snake I helped him I help her if I doing this I will I will be sitting at the right hand of my father. He was I just made my own creative chain apotheosis and I transcend that happens you all do everything you just described it as the mouth opens up you see a sunrise coming up over in Orange field beautiful I love it that is head and he says
give you whatever you want my name is going to be school in Biscoe
Nabisco
what’s your dexterity
you’re dying I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care I am
your dad yeah you are yeah you are no I don’t have not got our money that you owe ya it is no you just got Creepshow you got cream jug mother
would you like or Diet dr. pepper instead of you sucking cock blocking
18 cars behind you
I know I’m late for a game I just bought a burger I was a dungeon master a master yeah right sure you were and I’m Jackie Robinson
do you are you are Jackie Robinson I saved from that coal mine
everyone in this room is from the previous episode of the show that I started where I leave from Life To Life
there’s only one explanation this is happen
is this heaven walking to the bathroom
bathroom toilet toilet is green what color is a lighter green what let me open give me your hand
use the three seashells and and go to the bathroom in heaven
I go to the bathroom you do that I make a p you make a p I use the three seashells which which one do you use the green one underneath the third seashells is a peanut that happens
I leave the bathroom and I noticed something strange is going on there’s something in my hands Elvin figure in a cloak and he’s drying his hands
what I see
who are you I am the bathroom attendant would you like a Tic Tac I said engine master I have 10 Guy starts turning into a tree
you you can’t I’m another dungeon master
it happened yes it does that does happen to the bathroom in your neck did you tell me your arm or neck I’m your neck I’m also a dungeon master view with my storage which is to dungeon Miss toward has to roll a five or greater
this is part two of the song I’m also a dungeon master that doesn’t happen that’s what happens if that happens I said it didn’t happen I said it did
which way should the destruction Masters everywhere the thing that’s happening but something’s not happening the movie is about to start the lights are flickering
are you going to go make it in time
you sit down
how do you watch the trailer for no
and
what’s wrong what’s the Revenant I pull up a mirror out of my pocket and look into it that happens in the mirror you see a dungeon master gets me
hey why are you with me hey I didn’t write this dungeon master how are you a master that I checked the mirror for secret doors the secret door open to the secret mirror I go behind the secret door mirrors and everything’s still continue.
I’m a mirror the mirror the mirror seems to be different from the mirrors through the mirrors talking to you know my name zamir
you know
wait wait do you know what I mean I mean my name is a mirror mirror named Amir right person there a mirror I got you I wrote this dungeon and I mean I just want to make sure that everybody knows that it’s spelled m i r opening all the glass in all the room breaks down into individual shards and all the little
hush it when we going to do I’m a mere the glass Shard monster looks over his shoulders at the game of potato voice and says
I’m a mere we should get along it’s not supposed to I didn’t I’m a mere man I’m a mere why this is happening everything you say makes you completely alone in a black void my name is Amir
you know my name is Amir
Aaron is a bunch of the mirrors OK Google I don’t get your point I don’t get your point sounds like a mirror okay if you die I would think I would think you’ve never existed and you can’t speak ever
the mirror man
oh yeah to be continued
okay barrage X helmet
mr. Jones jr. Jones
I also I want me to Chicago February 20th in Chicago California Chicago Chicago look it up