Episode: 190 – Pineapple


Episode: 190 – Pineapple


A packed episode leads to three Robs and the roast of Jimmy Carrane. Watch the video at harmontown.com/live! Opening music by Titanic Sinclair! Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Davis, Spencer Crittenden, Rob Schrab, Rob Corddry, Jimmy Carrane, Cameron Esposito and DeMorge Brown….


how to start off of the song that I’m going to love
I got a question
is Rob tribe about working with Dan
from Hollywood California harmontown is now in session
patreon Spencer Crittenden showing
baby boy
perimeter Apartments Challenge and harmony
all right so good song
I mean you know he’s outnumbered in hating me
you know people like me
and I like working with me a happy Easter thank you for coming on a holiday dance of guests to the tonight we have too much too much show do I think it’s perfectly balancing I’ve been I just it’s all a meetings all week and like I just I’m always talking about my job is always talking like I’m not I didn’t ever get to like go okay good meeting guys and then just started like operating a jackhammer and just thinking about that meeting was crazy
my whole life is his meetings and talking now talking about writing like rarely writing and even even when I am writing I’m talking about cuz I’m riding with other people should be written like this
and then and then all weekend I’m shooting this history thing great minds and all today at all man I just watched the time I’m happy you guys shot it at the tin horn Flats my goals kind of like just convention for me I just like everybody that I’ve ever wanted to like just meet or work with is like coming through yesterday was Kristen Schaal is Amelia Earhart she’s she’s like regardless of an on-screen around after she left and I almost wanted to ask her but I’m kind of a stranger nurse I thought of you a weird question I wanted to ask are you in a really good mood today or are you are you always like this is like totally chill delightful person and then
at work with her I was like yeah I know she’s exactly like that all the time I was having a sandwich at a place today and the
Jeff how can you pretend that’s related
this is what Jeff Jesse always forces the bartender
the name dropping and you always forcing your Ordinary World experiences
the waiter walked up the waiter walked up to the bartender and said that they were all from Flight of the Conchords that girl complained of the Conchords she came in today and she was the coolest person in the world like he was just sprinkling Stardust around our neighborhood
I don’t want to cause trouble for her in her personal life but it’s like an air freshener
I have walked on your plans what I’ve overheard flight attendants a Christian Shaw was on the plane earlier and she was like made everybody so happy we flew 500 feet higher
will an unused less gas we got there so early that there was no gate across the land to build it
we arrived at at at at at the memorial airport you meet people and you’ll hear good stories about people bad stories are certain people that people have negative things to say about positive things nobody so far as ever said anything negative about Kristen Schaal as I’ve ever heard I mean I wouldn’t want nothing in the world like like Will Ferrell and I mean Nick Kroll who we work with today like I never heard a Nick crawls a dick story only people to do you just easier to just let him go was like a pull string doll that you pulling all over the place is amazing
I told her I said not. Those competition I said I said Nick Kroll you are like a tornado that builds houses
because he made a she made our TV show for us to just let out there was a better one erected as a bad guy
it’s like you’re such a Jag you wish it a lot of restraint and I thought that was very good of you I want to put on a good show so I don’t want them to feel like crap to me, these guys are racist
sexist corollary to their being named Rob and Big bald at the same time that makes him the same version of bad people I don’t know why we have a lot of gas so I don’t wait what we what do we start bringing them out please welcome fresh off of there two man show at or Off Broadway Rob’s Robin I hear Robin Trower
we already have too much show this is already more show Rob corddry I don’t feel like I deserve this Rob I listen to it made me so happy that you are such a big fan of the show at like you love your Dave client’s you were sad the end of your hair done
he’s blowing the turnover rate is high and really.
We’re catching these kids in a in a in a turbulent time of their life but I did isn’t it there’s no Charles grodin’s in the audience there just like I love your show I’m going to be here for 35 you give me Jeff I was really upset that you weren’t here I’ve been a great control he’s a great, especially when his parents are going to be the least trouble that episode with with David was your dad’s name is David. Steven and Donna yes yes
the episode with your parents on was really magical and I thought that was really good turns out because that’s what controls him a feral cat by the Scruff of the neck
trap just went limp
is he know he felt he was just shaking his head the whole time and you just be careful be careful and it’s great that yeah man right now
yeah man, give me a red truck give me a give me a red Club Card how do you feel about the ship so you guys are just you just finishing the first successful run of your head off Broadway to an show ya double the Rob’s right shoe has a lot of subtitles
Shuffle the Rob’s too many Rob’s Rob Rob’s I hate I hate I hate doing this to you guys when I warning but is there like a scene from it or should we do which one spaghetti scene
yeah this gets pretty fucked-up about an Esquire pretty fucked up
okay this is too many Rob’s
and in my hand I have just a set set the scene I have we’ve been talking he’s been asking for a plate of spaghetti for a long time and I have finally bring out the plate of spaghetti and it’s a bowl
I thought I had you
it is not a place in spaghetti please send it back to the kitchen immediately a man a man there’s a whole scene there’s a whole a whole kitchen. It’s hard to explain 9 to 10 9 to 10 people write that helped us out hip hop interstitials all dressed in black right yeah so your kitchen now he wants a plate
you haven’t seen the show
what does
thank you so much for this played but you gave me take it I’m trying I’m trying but my ticket I’m going to drop my hand okay okay you have to take mine to 3
Ant-Man and the plate was never my hand through his hair and and edit this show is run for five years Off-Broadway presented as if that’s a magic trick when I saw that when I did see it right and in my defense Tim Conway was playing a part I was doing he was the understudy maybe I laid it on too thick for you but yeah I do not a good show the thing is that you present the plates back to the hand as if it’s like a magical thing but yeah that scene comes after 20 minutes of those six girls dance right it’s plenty of time to glue a plate to your hand yeah but but
but we didn’t use any glue no yeah it’s enough time to make a special plate with a hand strap on it but we didn’t do that we have a whole we don’t mind making spaghetti if it’s like we’re doing now where is using real spaghetti strap we can use a glue we just got a plate and it was stuck in my hand we can do anything that you want me to just come see the show man I saw it again why you come to see the show again why did you see it right you got to see it you’re seeing all the funniest jokes to the better eyes
then you seen it you don’t understand it was a real trick yeah by the way the night I came to the show they were doing this to strangers in the lobby
well hey it’s been running for the Blue Man Group in a way that this shows in Vegas and said it’s not even us other guys playing us to guide their not even named poochie and David Cross
working on it like the Blue Man Group I heard your shows like the ones we see in Vegas yet Chicago hardcore version
I mean who didn’t hear that yeah no that’s the reviews that everybody heard everybody’s heard that Rotten Tomatoes he loves us can you do can you do the scene I heard it was more hardcore what Cindy want to see it’s the one that the controversial say yes. The reason BuzzFeed in Salon came down on you
I mean I guess we can
no I guess we wanted to really racist that’s why I hate
then why why do that is why we have a big dude why why buy the cow why buy the cow why buy the cow why buy it
Minecraft mods
let it go let it happen let it happen just to be clear that was not the controversial scene now.
that was a bulshit I just pulled out of my ass Jeff that’s how good are Britney’s I didn’t even work shop that he just made that bright are written show is must be way better than that twice as good
this is the first Workshop you guys.
quarter to 4
these are the times that I’m loving you I love you until the morning. I like to bring your body down to the break of dawn John I’m going to take you out on the front lawn I’m on a roll you around like a mower you know if I can you
well we’re going to picture upside down and right-side up going to fucking Union so hard and turn it to change back to Charlotte
oh shit Batman back to Knight Batman Batman Batman Superman Batman Superman Batman got a problem that man back the night and a man
he’s an alien he does it that way
sad Affleck in the morning sad Affleck in the night
sad Affleck in the morning no more sad Affleck Damon
a good show for years ago to not a terrible to April all the April during April to grab squared it was either of those two side one and a half shows
okay so pube trimming update we talked about puked Ramen lab
call man sorry about my cost
I love it I’m so glad you’re here, I love it I love this guy he controls the music it really does love it you talked to the shit out of this event I haven’t trim my pubes yet but I looked at them for the first time then it’ll it’ll it’ll be hard for the audience to listen concerts with Travis making a
a pantomime drink
you could just scoop
that’s a holdover from the tetanus bucket
I didn’t trim my listen I listen to that episode most of that episode today about the trimming in the washing and I’m really interested in did you agree that I was being bullied oh I don’t know I think you may be a mitten might have but I was I felt like in my car listening I was being a little bully to so maybe that’s what you were doing I would like to know how are you been Cube related to Dan and that I don’t pay much attention to that and I have a lot to pay attention I got to pay attention and married a woman who tells me that it’s not a big thing that’s code for it is a big thing
but it’s a huge stay but I think that if we want a big thing that you did keep the toilet seat that look like if we waited for them to ask like we’re not good people right we should just do it sometimes I do know not my legs look like I had more hair on my legs could I have masculinity issues I looked at my pubes after that
not not too shabby it’s not too sure what’s it like
for me down there yeah yeah it looks like Larry from The Three Stooges
because before this was great it was like yeah I have dark red and it’s there’s a dick in the middle of it so it gets a little dready dreadlock key but I shave it I feel like I’m just saving it for me you know cuz you get can you get dreadlocks done there yeah I know you don’t seem like a very hairy fellow but yeah
Jeff your sit on top of your dreadlocks and yes I am bald men do do YouTube I mean like I get hair everywhere else is that right yeah I would never like yeah I mean you don’t like that’s racist ear like a thick statues of pubic hair huge huge huge batch of pubic hair listen to show you guys deal with that issue it
I’m not going to be
what is the movie with the actor warm up for a day race myself how dare how dare you
Terrell Carter you listen to the episode of user do I identify with that I Wish I Was Here is a is a is there a late guest here at the guy that I know I have a sore throat yeah we have a million more. Let’s bring up the one the one the one waiting in the wings are you allowed you’re allowed to take tea breaks
this is sort of a this is a bit we’re going to come back as this character
I want you to know that because it’s so convincing that people don’t get the joke so I want people to know this is like no this is like you know Bob Zmuda like they doing Tony Clifton I was just like okay so now that Rob corddry has left the state
where do I need to bring up a whole different person he is a Chicago improv instructor who has a Blog and has a podcast about such nonsense in interviews there’s a lot of in Intimate interviews with people please welcome Jimmy crane
oh my God that’s amazing
okay Jimmy Carter age
what’s the closest what’s the closest IHOP
hi Dan yeah hey how are you you interviewed me wants for your podcast nerd nerd nerd nerd nerd do I go to your house night house and we go to bed
he said it was a nice house that’s not cool okay okay and I get there and you really nice you you let me in. You’re at your bar is low and afternoon and you have all the lights off right we’re going to sit down for the interview and we’re about to start it and there’s like a little crack of light coming through one of the the the there’s a shade that’s got about 2 in before we start and you get up and you pull the shade down to make it completely dark now what is that about
let me let me answer that he hates all brightness and sunlight he hates that he just doesn’t want to any bright light I don’t like well it hurt your eyes light comes out that’s a room where he keeps all those joy and he has to pull that shade down if I should know Joy Escape sunroof doesn’t like son didn’t like sunshine I caught you know what I call the Sun yellow Hitler
that’s two times right now like it it it it it it it it it
it is 6 to invade and the next my my life I like I’ve be so much happier just working like at night I understand that the sun is important on some levels to life on Earth I do get that okay but personally I find a defensive I really do it’s bright and hot it’s ridiculous but if you if you went into a room and someone had put a giant ball of flaming gas in the corner you would be like to deal with this until you get don’t you don’t get depressed like I’m from Chicago. If I don’t get enough sunlight I get that seasonal affect disorder you don’t get depressed at all the sun doesn’t cheer me up it competes with me
I told wow don’t get depressed depressed when the Sun starts fucking fucking up my shit out of here yellow Hitler what do you want and it’s like I’ve been here for eight billion years unless that’s all I’ll take your word for it what have you done for me lately there’s a new son in town
all right. That that’s your secret it’s just being nurse assistant I have a vitamin D deficiency I just got diagnosed with that big and it’s probably obviously because he’s a very sensitive to light and heat and stuff I’d rather be hot than cold but I
I associate I associate the outdoors with Alana rigmarole just like why can’t you hit this ball with this stick what’s wrong with you and there’s no way that I can give me a typewriter like it’s just it’s just like it’s bright and it’s like everything out there is fake and and bullshit and like when your your dad survived the polio epidemic and he said he has one withered leg and those moments when he does try out of Father guilted to take you the front yard to throw the baseball it with you it’s like really embarrassing and that’s with social anxiety guilt shame bullying recess was the worst like school wise I would like to Bellwood bring it over to go yay we get to go outside and play more
baseball field in gym class you fucking assholes would just fine the darkest like Bush that I can find and like there’d be two other kids in there and then go did you see jaws again yeah I did
it’s not as much as I fucking good I can’t wait to watch Jaws again so so turning all the lights out at 3 in the afternoon you recreating your childhood basically deprive my senses and and enter a cup more comfortable zone until I was 24
did you see Rob biopic powder yeah yes yeah I’m trying to get I’m trying to put your glasses back on
Whip and Nae Nae
now there you go with it
what if the world ended I want to talk to you guys figure out what the monkey jumped in my monkey how can I get the Chicago franchise of your show I know there’s a there’s a bidding war going on right now that really what’s your what’s your deal is your favorite number from there from there if you wanted them I love it trying to put is your favorite number for I love the ending number I think the end of November and that’s very sad at the very sad if you think we should cago can afford no right to the ending number of baby for a weekend we could do like a weekend run but that would be what do it
God give David Cross is Liz watching if you want me to do is describe the special effects from timecop would start happening and you guys would all start turning into pudding
you trying to do to me right now I want you to know what it’s like I love it
I wish everyday was like this
this is the best your glasses don’t fit hey Jimmy they just hit my face what is what is the when you teach an improv class what’s the weather this where’s the first thing you start with
yes I start with timing
I got GG over to do teach people just off the street anymore or do you just now oh no I have I become that good I don’t have to teach you off the street anymore that’s what I’m MLK for Chicago for myself I teach you to Stage 773 in green shirt Studio yeah I’m assuming long from here to Chicago from yes you do the herald a thing or use your own like it let let things be what they are I do I do something called the artist low comedy which is basically let’s just let you know I slow it down a little not trying to be funny and it’s just going to happen organically
I don’t know if people know you have an improper background you go all the way back to Comedy Sportz in Milwaukee
it’s short for another but I always when I go to see it when I want one thing I wanted to ask you because I think this is important like because like if your urine Chicago you’re at the epicenter of Long’s good long form improv in La where it’s not necessarily A you know it but but but but you tell tell these kids listening if they live in LA where would you recommend they go if they want to see you in your opinion just like creme-de-la-creme long form improv in Chicago or Los Angeles is just great. Do they still do they do ask it right with this show we danced with Bob dancing and Stephanie where is a risky which is he was on community Craig cackowski rich talarico and bobcats improvisers
I told Stephanie where do a thing with that yes yeah yeah from Chicago and Stephanie work came on and she absolutely killed it and they asked me to be scared
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses a lot but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the theme to like to my own life so it’s always a little t and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
I did a show with Stephanie years ago it called naked it was just two of us we did one long seems apartment send Dan a bathtub scene
but it was she was she was one of the best improvisers I’ve ever work with listening and eye contact and letting things build based on absolute attention is really amazing
reverse there is a is it is it’s about listening cuz when I watch long-form improv and people are good at it I’m like how what the fuck I did like like there’s no I can only think about one thing at once and a tent at a time and it looks like for this is how to construct a sentence says like this is great soup and then I’m on like soup soup soup soup. Connecting soup and I like they’re talking about all kinds of Zorba and process it the same things that make you good at long form improv are the things that that that probably make you a good person in like a conversation I just have a great long form in Proverbs that I wouldn’t call a great like socially I came to react to people like that there is an ability to like really focus and
also eat you can be any kind of person and be good at long form improv I think always let the guests speak
no but you’re like for me like for the podcast improv nerd I’ve had interviewed over like a hundred eighty people and and I don’t you know I don’t have a journal 180 I got into public radio and I’m like you know what has more money than public radio
a slightly racist white people racism. Don’t go over to Marin exactly
in front tonight like we want more rain we wanted to tell you this but that’s what they’re looking for Herman Herman Hartman cuz you’re going to come out and enjoy a couple minutes away. Look I’ve been endorsing him since he was in Pizza Hut commercials all Pizza commercials Pizza Hut right I wish I was the first person to sign the making or injure its proceeds are going to his campaign if you stepped in this building you helped him
take over the world and kill minorities
until minority
kill myself I don’t even want to say it because I would feel really bad can can I hear something would happen when I flew in for the show tonight yes you can you can alright I don’t have much going on in in Chicago
don’t you listen to the podcast you know I have a lot of low self-esteem and so I was feeling a lot of shame because I was thinking about an interview would have just done and so I wrote on the top of my notebook at that I want to die and somebody who was sitting across the aisle saw it and went to the back of the the the Airlines and then the flight attendant comes and says can we see you in the back I swear to God this is true finally it’s like Rosemary’s Baby back though we’ve been waiting for you
so I say is you don’t you got a problem and she goes
she goes well we hope not all right so then I will have this conversation right now do we have a problem I hope
show so I go back to the you know they take me all the way back to where the bathrooms are at the back of the plane and now it’s three flight attendants and she’s the head fly so high
XO I want to die because my dick so big that’s the detail you left out the case I’m going to call you so also when it went I was also I had my my phone out my what is this okay I thought the podcast I know you’re working so I had my my iPhone out and I was turning myself so she goes alright someone complained that you would written you want to die and why did you have your your cell phone out on a timer and I said because I was meditating which was a total which was totally true
she says well you know this is really serious whatever so I go back and I sit in the I sit back and in my seat and I like I know the the guy who’s doing it but I don’t want to make eye contact with you can you rewind yes I just got in that moment which is really crucial because they summon you back and they said all that stuff and you’re you’re getting to a destination of a story but at that moment what the fuck is a my retirement I was meditating and then he’s like well this is a big deal and then you go back to your seat like a fuck if I don’t know what was happening in that moment that before you go back to your seat of the as much dialogue as you can remember of it cuz I’m going back to the see you from your seat back in the plane I don’t know what I don’t know what I’m like what it what have I done hardly think maybe they’re going to upgrade me to first class but I know that is scratched
at the total Strauss
I’m saying like in the moment I’m a fascinating but it’s supposed to do this is a big deal anyway and just faded back that’s that’s the part of the right because that sounds like it sounds like I’m about to find out that life is controlled by an eight-year-old playing with Barbie dolls know I’m glad it was not it wasn’t that at all it was what the I’m in trouble I have been summoned by the principal I don’t know what it is but if if Authority has asked me to go to the back of the airplane I must have done something wrong
set well first of all seems like I’m really sitting in the sea
where is traveling at 35,000 ft cruising altitude

if you look out to the left you’ll see the Grand Canyon
ladies and gentlemen I have been asked to inform you that one of the microphones is available some of the people addressing you are not Pilots
and I do passengers I’m your captain
a great way to know who your captain is if he refers to as ladies and gentlemen that’s not your captain
ladies and gentlemen
is this is Captain Awesome
don’t listen to those squares trying to tell you what to do I’m going to hide behind this chair is some weird shit well we better get somebody on that who do we have there we have our best flight attendant on the job
as you can probably take care of there’s some drama in the cockpit Captain evil and dr. Azam are flying a plane
they go at it like cats in a bath but they are great and they have landed over 500 awesome so just return to your things the other two captains were just crazy people with a microphone turned off I’m going to I’ll go about your cabin and have a bun
excuse me I didn’t I didn’t get a bun
right by me right by me just look right at just walk right by I didn’t get a bun
can I see your ticket
this is a drawing of a plane in Cran
read the boss
I love you too sir but
this is Captain even though we are now flying directly into the sun sorry I got to go
the plan is nowhere near the Sun that would make it a spaceship we will be landing in California and then I won’t tell you the City of Surprise
in about 5 hours ago about your business and let’s continue with the original reason for this
excuse me sir could you see us in the back of the plane is there a problem you have a problem
I’m just I just asking why do I hope I don’t be a problem I’ve been flying so you want to throw down with me
this is Captain evil you are free to move about the play
sir I think is but just if you could just follow me it would just want to speak with you for a moment there’s nothing there’s no need to get Agro adro sir don’t don’t don’t act like you don’t know the lingo
I don’t answer what’s your name why do you want to know my name you Jimmy crane aren’t you yeah I know I’m a flight attendant
why are you so amazing
I was just hoping you recognize me
see what I have written down in my notebook I love you too
all right oh yeah this is kind of
LaserJet already
Excuse me yes I like flirting with what the fuck I’m serious I’m probably water-wise I never asked for water and this napkin I need to talk to someone well I’ll be here I’m not going in at with you I’ll be right back okay
Casey what’s going on what’s going on with Rebecca Rebecca I’m on the wing
can you let me it is freezing out here
Rebecca yes everything is okay
Rebecca this is really weird guy gave me a really weird vibe what happened what happened just tell me what happened to Watters
are you coming keep closing the door on me
okay where’s this where’s this man here there is a season 3 d o f
I just wanted you to know he’s not he’s not flat
ironically the person seated in 3D which is first class is famous for his it’s 2D animation
he’s in 22ave the weirdo I’m going to take care of it I’m going to hang out
pineapple do you want to go
hi pineapple
go together to talk about the three of us go together I’m standing behind you okay you’re showing me off yes could you come can you come to the back of the plane please wear the the toilets are you come back when the following would you mind if I don’t know why are you being a problem just pineapple
come to the back of the plane, I’m going to lead I just want to get my personal things before I go there we are at the back of the plane sir I have your notebook right here I’m holding it sir I’m shy I thought you said I love you sir
your name is my name is die down your why would you ever do that pineapple
go ahead
I wanted the attention he wanted the attention from someone why understand that my name is pineapple
oh yeah that never gets you any attention I understand that my name is Captain evil
if I don’t get something if I don’t get something I like I’m going to kill myself
they seem like this is all on you Stacie Stacie Stacie Stacie be professional don’t do it. Don’t do it
oh my God I stop time
the same thing is happening
Captain evil yeah
I stopped time can I come in
fuck this
it’s about time I started doing things for me
pineapple watches
I love you I love you too I don’t want you to kill yourself I’d only kill myself if you didn’t say what you just said please seems like a perfectly healthy relationship
we should build with and it’s like 50 years on this involve children and strangers
I’d kill myself if you left me it’s almost like we’re dependents at the same time on each other sounds great
I realize now that I got into the air travel biz
Rebecca Let’s Do It For The Vine
parachute Department
do not tamper with parachutes
Sharpie pen container
that’s what you get when you fuck with me
this is Captain Abel people parachuting to hurt but not that she’s fine she’s trying to get a pair of shoes it’s going to be okay
she’s going to be all right
hello Natalie
this is Samantha
or maybe Rebecca Casey possibly I’m indecisive are you following much is it written on it I bet you think you’re pretty cool now stopped and time being cool now I tried to help you try to help you with your disfigure you trying to help me yeah I said I attained the pilot you should watch BoJack Horseman and you were like it’s in your leg stupid
hey you don’t have good taste in comedy and now you’re going to have great taste in pavement
I guess you win I guess you can win yes I guess I win I guess you win I guess you win against what you going to do with all that that when what are you going to do with that win now you going to you going to you going to buy a smile with that probably not cuz your big fat piece of shit no one likes your big fat piece of shit no one likes and and all the customers hate you too they tell me tell me that your big fat piece of shit your piece of shit
Point Break
French braids
time for me to
for both of us
3 hours later
so what do you make of this Sergeant looks to me like girl met another girl got her
both exploded
because you said it all Kenneth Carter was that guy who committed suicide note on the plans don’t know what you’re talkin about
working this municipality you just underneath it said it may concern also that this place has been capped by a guy named Captain Awesome a run in here
I didn’t know there were planes involved
I’m Woody Harrelson
and I’m pineapple
Marisol dude God damn respect pineapple on it you either just do the goddamn police workers to my job
it’s in the way that you are
drawing of strawberries I want to ask you something go ahead how many times do you think we could have added that Jesus had at your stop the singing at a point where I really beg to be ended body like five six seven eight times it was amazing cuz like in long form once it hits right would you not go any higher you just seem like that right and it’s done
yeah but three kind of used up get up and I know I know you’re trying to tell me a lady stopping time well or her archenemy is 6 feet above the pavement so that she can dive down with a gun freeze time for herself next to the body and then unfreeze time for both of them it says that she had can have the pleasure of blowing her friends brains out before they both hit the pavement that wasn’t worth 95 minutes of terrible in front of me
text Jimmy crane everybody just arrived Cameron Esposito
that was a hell of a singing I played a character named pineapple I heard the name of you know I just don’t like the way you affect I really appreciate your welcome, do you think that seeing suffered from any structure problems and how much the three of you just look like a little team
we talked about this like three
that was cool but it was just like a real it didn’t like me or is this a real it just look like a real sick so a bunch of similar
what is called New Girl like a bunch of dude the dude kept moving in some of the black door to yeah yeah I know I just I I don’t know your stand up special people are having to wait for harmonquest for a little bit but you’re you just do the stand-up special and it’s on seeso
that is not a course that’s not what I’m here waiting is not what is typically it’s not marriage material
yeah well I mean she’s great right I mean it was just like either hertig write your name mean
I don’t know if you listen to I never said I’d be right in the middle of it I was like come on you don’t know Tig Notaro and she’s like I swear I thought a she was totally wearing that shirt
I want to talk to you yet you married another comic six months into that marriage Nation but but but but you guys were yes absolutely together until marriage how many how many golden retrievers do you guys have
where does the voting results Molly ways they found out she’s a teeny little guy doing the same thing like what do you are you do ever worry about
like that I don’t know what is your problem I’m not kidding at all it’s a major problem as a writer she had a TV pilot at the same network and we we saw it coming in and I sat her down and was like look it’s absolutely impossible that both of our Pilots are going to go hopefully both of our Pilots don’t go what if one of our Pilots goes in the other one doesn’t let’s consider that possibility now and make some rules and then in my head now looking back I realize that when I was having that talk with her I was only doing it to prepare her for the absolute inevitability that my pilot was going to go and hers wasn’t her pilot was Malcolm in the Middle
mine mine mine was heat vision in Jack
and I couldn’t fucking handle it cuz I, out of here
stand-ups likely is it for sure is you guys talked about obviously knew this was what was always going to happen I will say the the positive
sous vide everything real performer if you know her she’s just comic
Youth under cast
snarf snarf a lot
where I’m at when I met Rhea we were wearing the same Wolverine boots and we started talking about the care of our boots and then it said like every dude that talks about boots for the house like I said she awesome to see because I hope so is it like on the spectrum of human people she is like real she’s in a real James Dean area and so I don’t like a cool because I was wearing the same boots she was right she’s like she’s either aspirational for Menor Menor flirting with her but I was kind of flirted with her today I was super hot thank you.
yeah I’ll fucking she’s hot cuz I can take that all day long what it is with Pat Adams at work what when it’s nothing until
what it is this go ahead will be right in the middle of looking to each other’s eyes and then we’ll call a Dude down the street and then we Funk him
I have no idea what did I do to you
Best Buy
okay it’s not that yeah that’s what I was I was making a joke about lesbians are in the ThunderCats like I might as well I just you know what I don’t have to tell you guys I just don’t see it but I want to see what’s up with a group of friends and then he was very full it’s the opening weekend or whatever and 1/2 minutes please I mean how do we snore if we go see Wonder Woman when she appears she’s like
when I stood up and it was at the ArcLight so it was a real problem
sexy Lynda Carter like seventies eighties a great time because that’s my kind of night
is definitely very short there’s a part where she falls down and then her.
like a mechanic you know it’s under the glass ceiling
which is better for her safety
contrary to all this chatter I’m singing the Internet it’s for safety glass dealers in this whole movie is about dudes being so sad but they’re superheroes it’s like it’s like an appointment with with dude Focus movies where now there’s just movies where did you like
Superman super that’s a bad idea how did Superman make in they are so giant in this movie like this way I feel like it feels like it’s out it feels like they stretch the screen and then they also visited their pews this way and then they put their like what will it look normal on a man who is his check each individual pack is as wide as he is tall
treated like such a bulky fabrics and Ben Affleck is like trying to
what foot is just catching on fire like he can’t
and then they’re so huge and then one of them and just the whole movie is she she’s like trying to figure out if she’s going to be Wonder Woman trailer before you saw the movie the last time I got punched in Miami
Deadpool with my girlfriend and they play the trailer for I heard all this crazy shit anticipating Batman with bat versus Superman or whatever it’s called with regards if that’s a phrase maybe I’m drunk maybe I’m dying but I saw the trailer and I was like oh this this doesn’t look that bad and I was bummed out and I want to confess why because I don’t like Ben Affleck and I never have and I’ve never wanted to see him when we get to hate it was pleasure
I always liked him when he was like he was a snot-nosed like douchebag in movies when he was the one like Forza 2 days and Confused
that was the end of it was just a douchebag is such an insulting movie I think to American audiences and also just to the world because I don’t know if you came out but the end of that movie is that a plane is rolling down the runway and Ben Affleck is like getting a car and they chase the plane in a car and I remember seeing his is based on a true story of a receipt and I was like well this part didn’t happen and I went home and I looked it up and it did not like there’s no car chase out of a plane looks like I was at the Shakespeare in Love Like what is a fucking care
dealing with life and death things and then you just make it a movie that’s like yourself a phrase it doesn’t mean anything and it’s like it was so insulting and I never recovered
I feel like I’m kicking a guy while he’s down but I also feel like I kept my Ben Affleck as the only person I’ve ever seen on screen be frustrated by a mentally-challenged person and how’s your news I’ve ever seen that like like like there’s a person can get some kind of Democratic fundraiser and I think it in his head he’s like why is this person asking me questions about the the Daredevil movie and he’s like it you can see him like every rodeo clown and banker and a Jailer and homeless person that they interview in that movie everyone else goes like that you can see them cross the threshold of oh you’re you’re different from me neurologically and they and they adjusted very uplifting documentary that rides the line between exploitation and fucking like the app
I said I meant because it’s made by caretakers of but
I think that’s a great
when I was the one on airplane Improv
he’s already jumped out if he was the one thing he was coming to
this is John.
People hear that you know what when I was a kid there was an enrichment program that people did in grade school and it was called The Voyage of the Mimi and it was great to stay after school to watch videos about like I think they were children like was in this series and he’s like 11 years old so yes so yes

do you have to like pass a test and be like be like and then like I said problems like we don’t have any water let’s put a tarp out and then the water will collect on the tarp and it will go into a glass and driving
Cameron did that build in a love of a flick for you or are you already predisposed to like Ben Affleck because of that but you just like young Hay Day for him I was like this guy but he’s her cousin
Ben Affleck where where it where I where I first know him is what was that movie I hosted the GQ men of the Year Awards one year when I was on The Daily Show and
by the way I drive but I tell you I was hoping you’d bring that up that was the only year that that award really held
where is Saint Stanislaus asked me if it was the men of the year ever ever since then it’s been bullshit of doing that not the money. The loads of money they were giving me to do that I was doing cuz that was important you thought that if you did Man of the Year that it would be a ticket to become a writer so I went there and it was the first year that there was a bunch of men of the year and the jackass guys were there and then in the table right in front of me was Al Gore
Leonardo DiCaprio Ben Affleck and behind Ben Affleck holding him Jennifer Garner holding him from behind Jennifer. She was great she comes out the hero in this story she’s the hero in this story comedy bit with a friend of mine and he was in the way back there I’m with my wife and I and it was really funny I thought it was very very funny and one of my I started it was just like a light roast of all the people there
that’s good right 50c Leo DiCaprio’s so I see the jackass guys are here and Steve-O said sit down you shit ass
so that was my first experience interacting with the audience so that was a mediately like out of my element
the first time I met him he took he pulled up his shirt is going to tattoo of himself itself is like full-on drug years Steve-O and he was able to connect with Stevo now that he’s sober and on his back now a map to dry lands and that’s controversial but it’s true I worked my way up to Ben Affleck and Ben Affleck is here and Jim Gardner was behind that ass like and she started shaking her head out and he was staring at me like staring daggers at me and Jen Garner’s going don’t do it you’re causing me 6 hours of paperwork
you will have any respect for me you will not ruin my weekend I don’t like these apples this guy is an emotional China Syndrome
for Hammond to it for me
so I said bike is here the whole front row is in the fetal position
a Ben Affleck is here we are done and I have a lot in common we’re both from Boston Ben Ben we we both Drive Maseratis except for me that was that I was a really good joke
amen and I said this is terrible joke I said and when something like in the moment of climax we both caught we have both called out J-Lo’s name
something like that
just like Charters head she’s like whipping yourself she’s like I was protecting him yourself Whiplash said no and then they say excuse me from the stage and got up and he said excuse you from the stage this is what happened Will Ferrell was there and he’s the only one laughing at everyone of my jokes
TV only one laughing at full volume
and I didn’t I I sent I don’t know whether he was laughing cuz he thought it was funny laughing cuz he felt bad for me
and then I left the stage and Al Gore get up and Al Gore said well we’ve all suffered Rob corddry Barb’s Rob corduroy becoming Rob’s corduroy rough quarter ice Barb and that’s when I yelled I like whisper to my wife in the back through my city
start the car and then I got back up and I thank everybody for being there and Steve-O yelled at me again and then I walked off the stage and got right into Mike just walked right into my car went off because because he’s so secret that I said you’re not allowed I guess I would say sometime and some Leonardo DiCaprio jokes and there was no holding him from behind my ward I know what’s coming and I know I’ve dealt with this I was in a cerebral palsy benefit and someone made a joke that he didn’t understand and it’s been 3 days
about fucking bringing him toasted cheese sandwiches and tell him it’ll be better if this guy
that’s what hell is happening and then I met his joke accidentally was like I’ll see if they can.
Roasting worst worst job of a
you ship with no Haley do this why did you do this to Comics I will never understand like when everybody has Donald Trump and he’s I am benefited enormously from being on Comedy Central and everybody is going to make fun of me and I have signed up for this fully but other than that I feel like I don’t do it do it the answers don’t do it don’t do it for $5,000
hey do it do it at a time when do you think you killed print media
but don’t you don’t you think it’s Jennifer Garner was like holding him back because she thinks like I do he’s going to kick me out of the movie with Jennifer Garner right after that and I was like what do I talk to her about this moment and she has to know about this moment and we didn’t spend one second on it like we didn’t talk about
oh way to 5-6 years ago the movie was a butter it was called butter thank you is your role but I wonder if maybe she just didn’t even give a shit like that hard that worried you’re right I know it’s going to say probably did not register on her is going to seem like we set this up but I wanted the three of you to do I brought the script I wanted the three of you to do the controversial scene from butter at the butter Fair scenes are the director’s cut the campfire scene I finally finished it
this is my sculpture of a Monopoly board made out of butter
listen pretty hot out and it’s
time to get some bread in hair I was going to say
then Brad fell from the sky
I know you are this whole thing up
you bro
read from the ceiling in the middle of a thunderstorm
I don’t know why they cut the sea and I don’t like a great scene or what
movie came out around 9:11
Cameron have you ever been fired or asked to roast other people
I’m kind of smiley so I think people don’t think I can do it do the Hermantown roast I don’t like this
I don’t like the thrust Spencer is the roastmaster general
one of the roastmaster general all right go
do you want to say who who
now all right
do you want to be the roastmaster general we haven’t spoken to you for why you’ve been sitting over there and I don’t have very much in put on movies or comedy routines are famous people or experiences with them I just see no it’s all good I just see if I had things to contribute let’s talk about
but what we’ve been we’ve been really pulling together a new plot that I think’s going to just surprise everybody
Subscribe to harmontown.com live to see my do face
trust you guys I can roast you guys so much alright Master General is going to bring people through your skin is going to get blizzard
oh you boys are not even going to know you are going to listen to me
alright everybody looking to the first annual hermit Town Road
where nobody’s safe from being roasted at any moment the wrestler can become the Russian Sharon Center the stadium with rows Jimmy crane
Siri. Okay
okay go ahead Jeff Jeff at the Jimmy Korean roast try to commit suicide on a plan earlier you know a lot of people
Guantanamo for that Cameron Esposito
Jimmy crane what has cities
it is full of food and you if you are hungry you are so very greedy man
Cameron Esposito everybody
I want to come in earlier but Roseanne Barr’s pussy had that horn in it
good job Cameron Esposito hey your lesbian called the 90s wants those are bad back up back there once again for lesbianism back now she’s busy do I care because I am opposed to her lifestyle
Tennessee Cameron Esposito is a lesbian goes out
we are here to talk about the legend the fucking horrible monster
it’s not fair I know a lot of people say Jimmy crane is a piece of shit he’s a terrible person he’s at he should kill himself
what else is going on
Dan Harmon everybody
I’ve always been spring out there you know how to be here
Pizza less famous country Rob corddry
oh man Amy Schumer is not here but she’s a slut right the other guys the roastmaster general he’s fat
and then there’s all the guys had an mentioned MN
what is a lesbian
a man trap is bald as fuck he doesn’t even know he’s been bought since he was 19 it’s like
but I meant but with Dennis the guy Jimmy I really respect him because he’s a he’s a guy that that is a sort of a luminary on the in the in the Improv improv community
I really need a rebuttal to cuz I didn’t
hangout hangout
he’s got to update his iPad here
call Don Cameron Esposito doesn’t understand roast
but when she goes to TGI Fridays she orders you know what
I’m so sad all the time I stepped on a nail
I called her it hurts so bad you’ll seem like really nice people bleeding really bad right now it’s really dark backstage went right through my shoe
rap rap rap rap rap it really hurts to walk on it just to get the car give me or anybody else
you can be taller I guess I just
how about you not supposed to pull it out oh my God I’m losing a lot of blood here
Hulk or three hit up a nice shirt and if you could be straight okay Dan you smell like piss in
what is nail in my foot really hurts and my call my wife
call my wife please call my friend early rebuttal Cameron Esposito
yes exactly well the whole team now you’re lined up a few things
treasure chests in everybody’s
Chrysler Crossfire
what is it going to rain tomorrow, despacito back for Republican for 2
I should get a tourniquet or something cuz I might turn his left my coffee toes are turning purple
and I’m not saying that you didn’t make Malcolm in the Middle
so is equally beloved shows are for different audience and I think you were being too competitive so I don’t think you need to worry about it it seems like you still have enough money…
I can’t pick you up right
somebody should sweep up back their nails
cameras bajitas ravello’s number 3
is a 3 of 73 + 7
help me
to a verb shut up there singing you did it with your own stupid with your own success
so nice
bad day to Rob drive right now
little prep, day everybody
not a joke it really hurt
probably sanitize one liner
still got it
Chris Chrisley
Jimmy is taking something to do tonight it’s only fair that we let you let you read back for the man of the hour
thank you
Cameron Esposito
you are next to me
get further away cuz you so sad when you cry I don’t want to see it so what are you trying to say to you is it’s almost like you are smart enough to figure out how to create a television show that is successful you aren’t even recognizable from it so you can still punch of places
which is interesting and cool business decision used musical staying going to save her from this what does this is a long piece all right, I want to I want to go again
if everybody gets to go again I want to go to Best Buy
Harmon the I sure this is a good idea.
If you don’t let me Rosie’s
Johnny Carson call Sammy Davis jr. faggot
Sammie Jamison call Johnny Carson a homo everybody be gay it was fun
now it’s become on by the political correct I’ll tell you what’s correct
clinically is gay values you faget
it’s good to see everybody up here you’re all clear
now I served three years in the candidacy he under the roasties ministration that’s the conceit of my bed and there were two roles being gay
and who who is always good to see Rob schrab here
yeah yeah and the show I’m really in a lot of pain
Rob corddry is here is really in a lot of pain we should end the show foot nerve not a joke no not a joke it’s a little not funny
take me to coming to Hermantown everybody we’re not going to follow that shit with anything’s
Jimmy coronavirus X tribe Spencer Crittenden
Cameron Esposito Rob corddry
Sports Brown is in the Green Room
come on roast everybody all right for the final word
what is gonorrhea
Jeff Davis good to see you here lady Elaine fairchilde called she wants her whole fucking by bet
Cameron Esposito is here Pinky Tuscadero called and she said hello
and on that I’m going to say good night we all got to go
give me the American one more time if you can’t I mean everybody
it was the rescue of rose


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