Episode
Episode: 224 – Harmontownunder: Brisbane, Australia
Description
Harmontown journeys to Australia! First stop, Brisbane.
Transcript
from a strange Hangar Quonset hut in Brisbane
Queensland Australia
an awesomely International harmontown is that infection
welcome to the stage the Gamemaster extraordinaire
he seems high but he Cricket store so it’s not oh don’t you worry
if anybody’s holding meet Spencer at Backstage don’t you worry
forgot the mayor Dan Harmon
I say good day to you thank you so much
I won’t say it like you I’m here to bring you variety I’m not going to just mock your accent going to let you think that I talk funny good good day
Australian accent and it’s very difficult accent as you guys don’t know you don’t know that you think it’s you think it’s quite natural that was actually cramming backstage all he was doing
I don’t have it tonight I just got YouTube Dude Perfect
I like that Mike
your eyes are always your Azar eyes you’re a hazard as and that he’s ours Angie’s fuck up and their shrimp and the shrimps are prawns that I don’t I can’t I can’t get it cuz I’m supposed to have a soft tongue that’s what really separates it from the Cockney you like it’s ugly but if you go out of people to try to do Australian that aren’t Australian they slip into Cockney cuz you’re like professionals like me we know that you’re supposed to let your tongue you’re not supposed to move your tongue as if it was laying over a ball in your mouth
and then say
I can’t talk to Apothic ironically
somebody call me an Uber I have to be home by 7
how are you
you sound British lady
don’t you dare you know me you know both you and I can sit at the height of a fence
we’re sister colonies we believe you would do the same thing at the same time we were terrible horrible genocide all Maniacs that were kicked out of of the crown and we were banished to a Godless land I think we left though
I know, he’s hanging around and we were being
sending love them I think they left a little bit more of a criminal thing with the Australian
Brown okay that’s what she said when our prison Colony shut down or or or is as we would put it in there cut when there’s no more room in Hell the dead will walk the earth George Romero you guys have a lot of Chinese action going
ask me ask me if I asked me if you like me
do you like your hat true blue I do all right all right all right that’s it that’s the whole show that’s all I have I truly spent like an hour try to ensure
Western massive I don’t know what this means I I hope this doesn’t make me homophobic or I’m hoping I’m hoping this is I don’t know if this is like okay good I’m an advocate I didn’t want it there was a shirt next to this one in the shop that I got it it’s that said homosexuals are gay
and I didn’t know if I got that one What whose side I was on I love you I don’t know what that meant but okay that’s very brave of you sir that he said he said they are
Rule Number 5 your eyes are always your Azar eyes you’re as right as it cheers Jesus came into the bar called the ends in the West End Bar until Easter day we met I think the owner and we had a good time and then you got to get like a hat without getting like a cork hat or a slouch hat or what I cook something you know like he was so damn about a brand new Acura Legend.
actually that’s the state we’re going to next to Cooper Gooding was from here we go to strewth Billabong and flak jacket
we lost him I thought Daniels got lost cuz he was trying to buy Breathe Right Strips cuz you’ve been snoring on this trip and we lost him for a he comes back into the bar and massive shirt and this this strange hat and then the owner comes in wearing West End mass of shirt he made that shirt he was wearing that accidentally at the same time it was a true-blue fair Dinkum I feel like I’m ready for some Australian Rules Football right now
being terrified of poisonous spiders the government guarantees that if you get poisoned by something you get a free air lift to a hospital or something is that true that you would do if poisonous things were constantly a murdering everybody all the time it’s kind of like what if you if you are you going to pay for that shit
well yeah but they’re in America they still take you to the hospital they just then bankrupt you like a helicopter and say $10,000 and then what’s the weather right now that’s that’s that’s the plot to the movie Ghoulies
no you’re thinking of the Whitetail poisonous even tinier and it hides in your wallet
check check your check your wedding check everything on the zipper on and that’s why I keep the white tails out
we’re staying at a really nice hotel and I don’t know if this is it sometimes I’m not going to make any premature I might go whilst really is like this I was like that I’m not. I’m not some kind of you know I’m like I don’t know but I I I I like I like the hotel that were in and everything is very simple like like there’s no like on the wall it’s like trying to intimidate you into thinking there’s more to life than you understand like I like I like it’s just a picture of some lady in it with a surfboard going through a year or something and I don’t like or a trumpet or something is like this place is pretty cool it’s just a blank kind of room it’s like staying in Baraboo Wisconsin when I when I when I was back in the back of the state’s back then I know I bet this is all so simple and clean and nice because it is like they don’t know why you want to know what exactly
in Arizona it’s likely like there’s no such thing as a shadow or a corner or a scorpion to fucking jump out latex in your goddamn brain the window like in kind of a Believer the the window open and there’s awesome like jungle Birds down here that make crazy like they’re human beings Jeff and they are trying they’re trying to make a living and
they’re called sex workers
so I’m fucking one of these birds
and I mean I like that
what’s that bird is a powerwall
well if y’all ever you’re all saying gibberish at the same time
Kangaroos and by the way
fascinated with kangaroos as we are talking about Jeff the kangaroo you like chest bumps the fucking window door
kangaroos will just wander up to people’s Jeff that’s his name
kangaroo problem it is I mean kangaroos are the biggest problem behind horses and camels I believe
werewolves if you didn’t know that werewolves aren’t real you be like holyshit Beast fun at all that they have giant scary chimpanzee arm they call themselves off by licking themselves that’s fucking genius
they have pockets on the outside of your body instead of uterus it
you’re fucked up monsters what’s what’s Jeff the Killer Jeff the kangaroo he was hitting the window or some shit
I think that the video that we were at home videos like this guy
do an Australian accent
get out of here you piece of shit I don’t like
you’re not wearing one but if you did that I wouldn’t like it I forgot these everything the question everything’s going to be a question
I forgot that part I’m sorry about that
I’m trying the subject subject of Jeff the kangaroo manager she is
you said that not me that term that is only Here Local to Brisbane get Jeff or Jeff and like I just somebody anybody know what that is
nobody knows I tried to convince me for the last 2 days if that meant fingerblasting somebody
nobody fucking can you sexually harassing you right like you got a free gift glass
also I was told by the people I did not bother to look it up because I was too busy drinking all day is that all koalas have chlamydia
confirmed my I had that by mistake Steve Steve Steve that’s koala Justice
do 100% of koalas have chlamydia
that’s a common scenario type
can a human being can track chlamydia by handling a koala without a x
are there cases of human beings that have contracted chlamydia by hanging out with koalas
divided divided on that one but no one’s ever heard of Jeff anything fingerbang it no one’s ever jumped a koala and lived to tell about it but the night is very young.
Can somebody bring me a call I’m going to Jeff Zucker
Pizza question
do I have anybody’s offensive so you’re not afraid to speak like your speaking voice do you know about Doritos that helps to
what your name is Sir echo echo echo
all right
okay, like what you are reading read that top one can you read that last night’s episode of Catherine Kim was ammo
camo I made up that word
where we decided that Danza you guys nickname everybody here always used to call everyone old my old my old my old man
oh oh my oh I possibly may put the apostrophe for LDA
order
I will clear the Quonset hut
apostrophe Metal Mike thank you all might
it’s also the most popular cologne here in Brisbane
here’s the next phrase there’s a spider on your face
don’t move Mike doesn’t buy.
And it’s poisonous as
poisonous as they say something is something as and then they just stop talking that’s poisonous fish taco is poison as might be a rich has my other this is this is a phrase that Jeff swears was told to him by your house or Australian friend
I asked a friend whose friend Melbourne I said give me a damn thing you could say
okay so and I seriously I bought those I wrote but this is seriously a dialogue I found cuz I was Googling like how to how to do the accent and they’re actually have this dialogue between isn’t it to Jeff you should do this dialogue with me and he said no you bring up somebody and if it hits you all the microscopic spiders on your face oh you be Adam and I’ll be John this is like I got this off of like I don’t know some website that I think it’s supposed to be like quintessential
Australian dialogue so you be Adam and I’ll DeJohn okay how you doing how was your weekend
I went to the beach and headed back
sounds great how’s the beach
the bridge was fully sick
I caught five wise and then took a break but I was nearly bitten by a shark
I wish I had to come with you but I’m glad you didn’t get it I’m afraid of shots
who is Adam who was John John is a is a is a shit I forgot the name of the things that’s right external might have been in the sun too long you kind of start talkin like that but that’s when you’ve been out for a while we noticed that everyone over 45 dresses like how I’m dressed and I know but then it’s 45 they take your driver’s license and they just give you an outfit it’s like I’m just walking around dressed like an Australian action figures
fight Logan’s Run rules he had sent you are and you have to put on the Hat
I like the carousel Mike
hey, why are you a local Brisbane nights I have been for a few months I just got back from America actually yeah I was in Ohio Florida Texas and California all the good places I just missed the window which was kind of disappointing but I understand we have to be careful when we talk about politics here because we have liberals with a capital l but there are liberals are are Nazis wake me up
I’d like to say we’re not doing as bad as you guys are right now that that your message you can put you can tap out you didn’t you didn’t sign on for this ride if it’s if it’s controversial and they’re going to start blowing or something I don’t think this one is shaytan in like half an hour
call Pauline Hanson is your number one target if you want to make friends with him here Pauline Hanson & Hanson Pauline like a flame in French
all right I mean I have a girl’s name that has gender bulshit back in the States now
like like Jane I’d like to represent the entire trans community and everything you say will be mother to Okay C is
bigger fish now man who’s putting these in the white house I can’t even I got it I got to tell my trans friends in like just yeah I’ll be I’ll be back in a second. I have to remind me feels like like like I’m just like the election happened and it would like the night before and it was like I’m almost perfect the way that I think and talk and then it was like this like fucking monster happened and then I was like like I need a musket and I need fresh water and it really is like most of you are from here but like waking up as a citizen of the United States everyday is like we’re living in a fucking nightmare it’s it’s absolutely insane
Supertramp but we didn’t know
playing hard-to-get but it’s all they respect the to take that red pill so you guys are liberals with a capital l what do you use the word liberal with a small L2 mean like opposite of what your Liberals are white and the Republicans and it’s like are liberals and then our labor anybody that calls themselves labor that it that’s offensive to all of our labor there like I don’t blame her I’m going to be rich one day and then you have Tori’s and poison spiders for party system
normal for the poison spiders and the point of poison spiders are in favor of Healthcare in the form of helicopters that come and take you to the poison centers with only so they can bite you again in his way didn’t ate at walking tots a broker the deal between the spot is in the pace and either the government wait wait anyway
spiders running Healthcare is that when you go and you’re at the hospital and you’re reaching into your wallet. Your insurance card is a fucking spider in your wallet or the bigger than just a reminder to go to pop into the Narrows Bridge so it’s not coming out of that and yeah I like that
but yeah it’s a tiny itty-bitty little spiders and I can just kill you
there hasn’t been a spy, right because you don’t buy die from the bite you die because your throat swells up and you suffocate right
Metro cars from the audience that nobody has died from a spider bite in 30 years in Australia or just on earth like in The Wire when your you just you just push it you just calling the the death of different saying like when they got like oh we don’t have a drug problem this is a surprise probably like a million spider that’s a week he starts to die in your finger falls off and ship
your friend lost his big town that sounds like Nick Freitas it sounds like his his toe necrotized yeah I know all about poison spiders
who here has a personal is anybody horrifying Spider story it could be is it going to be your friend that lost his tail cuz we don’t want to hear about that shit that’s just secondhand that’s an urban legend I want somebody who has had a spider on their face
when we got to give him the bad guys in it was just a shouting back row but the personal Spider story get the fuck up here
I like you’ll have to write thank you switch 08
is inferior to them and if so
play him feel sorry for him if you really believe that I think you protest too much I think the Superior or you wouldn’t be so defensive
I know I know
why is it why is Josh I’ll let I’ll let you answer the why does the whole crowd bristle with his name is excellent I have to be very careful with my grandmother still lives in Ipswich but listen to this. It’s just a little but she’s from Ipswich to force her fucked-up Ipswich views on the entire continent from Phillip
so it’s just it’s really great talkin point at a party
but not here cuz you’re not you’re going to get your ass handed to you I like that hat that has to lay on your Spider story on a poisonous spider
it’s alright to be a giant scary scarier story than just your friends toe falling off
I am living in Ipswich hey everybody you will be you will be sent that that’s like a timeout right exactly if you don’t
well you can think about it. So it we had a pool and I want Tik tok’s tiktok tiktok tiktok popopopopopo and Hanson.
you know I’m not working and I took them and
I felt a very intense pain because I huntsman’s but has break down and bit in between my eyes and my testicles when it is your fault I already called a huntsman spider has a yes I was about nine at the time and I remember
in intense pain and then for the next hour and a half my mom had to hold the cold back to my area you couldn’t hold it yourself what is the Huntsman destroyed by the putting on of those thongs and then but my dad said he can do it maybe even a lie I think he was blatantly about the massive so that huge
tiktoks that you don’t see a fucking hubcap place I was excited you couldn’t wait
you had a few
the Unicorn
intimate encounter when she’s holding an ice pack to your balls and L don’t swim anymore in pool so I don’t know if that’s such a weird connection to make schools in their off spot is so I just seen if you jumped into the pool soon enough the spider would have drowned
I found out what you do is you just pour alcohol in there and get it sucked up in the fall asleep instead I just kept hitting myself in the head like a moron and then kill myself so that the noise would stop and have a funk I’m in Flames don’t go into my earring like I had three nights in a row at 8 tonight I was woken to a spider on my face second night I work out those on the face at night was trying to get him a mouth that’s when I like pulled the bed apart and for the bug bomb around the road
don’t move take them on background
Wi-Fi was Wi-Fi was invented hair up dog
the trip
it’s a big it’s a big continent and there’s a lot of them in they’re probably all this is the first time they’ve seen each other that’s probably different like factions in things they’re like every post that has another crew in it I read about The Foundry Street so it is our all crowns are this fucking awesomely loud and that
it’s a straile I run
all right so I sat and one bar since 9 a.m. until like fucking 5
is the best open till 10 then I drank myself smash I forgot both your names
got your neck or you can catch the new animated children’s cartoon on Nick at Nite event is a Johnson Echo Spencer out how was your how was your Australia been fine
I mean I don’t know any time we travel I’m like what am I supposed to say that I hate it like it’s not going to go over well
well you can probably did but they probably be going to Canada fuck it
New York City forget about it entire State just fuck all of it is fine I don’t know I don’t want to get onto the field like all this material is just like hacking this point I don’t know I sound weird you been doing all this accent shit I still don’t know how to say a fucking o in Australian as far as I can tell it’s like an a r o sound like like narrow kind of accept
but I can’t do it that’s the problem I don’t know what else also just I mean you’ve already this is weltron ground even on this show but just the fucking bugs I mean there’s a lot of things there’s a lot of animals that can kill you anywhere you go you can get stepped on by an elephant you could get murdered by a lion but those are Beats right these are beast fearsome creatures but in Australia is literally monsters
like I don’t guess there’s things that I’ll kill you in all the places like polar bears holyshit but that’s not a monster that’s a beast like if you have to use weapons to kill an insect that’s a fucking Monster Play Dancing In on in an RPG
Giant Bomb giant monsters insects that you have to kill with weapons are like the lowest level monster that exists I’m sure there’s probably fucking slime blobs here to write call in Hudson
Australia’s favorite comedian
I know nothing about anything I do miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can soul food do you miss meeting the parents if I can get out well actually, never misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film Earth-like ever you’re always in good hands
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Spencer are you walking down the streets of Australia and you see a beast it’s a spider they’re very common they’re terrifying. Give me more than that guy just said rock and roll assumedly whatever you guys want
this is the excitement I was alluding to
drop drop bears
you hear a strange whistling sound from above you look up and you’re crushed it’s a drop Bear right I don’t know what a drop bear is
I mean I don’t care what a drop bear is I just don’t know drop drop bear
koala is a drop bear do they like fall on your cars and stuff here
cooking drunk back to ruin my windshield Mike
coconuts in Los Angeles koalas get chlamydia in your windshield
and insurance won’t cover up liberals
do we have a koala expert like so it’s somebody like a like a naturalist out there who knows about are they all suffering and I can’t stand it
huh
you work with koalas a lot
alright can I get up here if you want to come up and visit
all right so she can stay is a man who has handled koalas
Dawson
all right y’all see Darcy Amo
Darcy at all right so you work at the zoo at Toronto Zoo turonggo okay that’s good you didn’t up at the end but you could use a little work on the kissing game with Master P Master P
I’m learning how to be strong and hit my ear is chlamydia
all right so what are you going to friend the koalas koala chlamydia
yeah go
what’s the most interesting thing about koalas
their primary food source makes them high so does mine
which strangely is eucalyptus leaves Chris
they have to or they like to know they have two and they liked it
and Kangaroo I can’t get enough of it each other shit too cuz it’s like they digest cellulose maybe and then there’s probably like a lot of plants in there maybe it’s like a really bad version of like the baby bird getting the shaft
like that help them digest right as they’re marsupials all right so do you know anything about Doritos
how old is Dorito issues I think they might be labeled differently
so what start with cheese Supreme
that’s standard that’s the good one but what’s the difference because I had a nacho cheese and I would say it sounded like or taste like cool ranch or is I think it’s called cool American
why do they call the pool rats here
that sounded really insulting but I had it
true blue
Fair Dinkum
okay so you do have the Cool Ranch put the nacho cheese just taste half like rain cool ranch and 1/2 like cheese
nacho cheese I would say that the nacho cheese tasted more like Ranch than nacho cheese and the cheese Supreme tasted like nacho cheesier is what we call it have Ranch over here so we can have the blue bin but what Ranch is terrible I decided I would never eat ranch willingly the sauce not that shit when isn’t it more natural what year was like the cheesy nacho cheese in the nacho cheat while I guess that does make sense
yeah right we got both in America baby it’s a Venn diagram so the more cheese you get the last nacho you have the best of both worlds we were true well in America I don’t know if you know this but the adult has to eat cool ranch and then shit in a baby’s mouth because there’s a bacteria that only Americans have that helps the baby digest the nacho cheese
if you guys don’t do that here apparently that
shrimp
for God’s sake even I know that experts Pickler personalities they have a prison riot
that’s fine don’t please don’t care what I think there’s a I think there’s a way use that energy better than like like we don’t have to do podcast.
I’m going to try this just to see if this works or I’m going to do a little one-man improv and I’m going to when I when you see me pause and go like this that means I’m going to get a suggestion from you okay so this I think this’ll work cuz you guys like yelling stuff out this is great
I think that’s good that’s great
put that on my car so that I can
is that a dildo on your on your tire yes I’m using it to Better Living it’s very important I get to work for a living I’m a peanut allergy list
are you go with the peanut allergies science research center I better go talk to my boss standard procedure for your day today why are you have reports and emails to deal with what are you doing I do my best to try to keep kids from dying and peanut allergies
hello can I speak to Dan Herman is this the police. Ok
as a goanna on a
oh no that’s like three bananas in one
what do you have three bananas in your car illegal car I’m going to use my my my 911 911 I’m going to use my 911 Fallen Tower on each foot
and use them as stilts to try it across the don’t under
now God damn it I thought for sure I
why I won’t tell you I’m on walkabout apparently that’s even worse
is my name is Pauline, I’m a liberal
riddled with chlamydia right now if you could please I need to get I need to get to the impound lot
I heard from her grandmother great-great-grandmother don’t use a piss flap after midnight
don’t feed the puss flaps strangely don’t get them what country classic classic
all right well it was tried to drink because of using them to yell out things that when I went in
you might be like yelling stuff out maybe we should go meet individuals maybe it is their meeting them as individuals and they’re like yelling things
I just want I just want them to be just want to be happy when you suggested that I heard someone audibly gasped
yeah because maybe they look like what were you you got kind of derailed earlier you had a friend who lost their toe and then we went to the back road guy cuz he yells at baccarat like what’s your name
Louisa guy how do you know when you’re finished all right
all right
Ipswich Ipswich what is your name
more like more like more like Mel all right well I’m in the back Jeff Hanson back here
audios on just a slight DeLay So I’m confusing myself by talking to the phone and it’s in a little bit of a delay or pointing this way and that this is where the stages are you down to go out to that back door I do thank you
Rio Rio
our show has completely gone tits-up oh my God oh my gosh there’s just a bunch of people going to kick my ass they don’t even have chairs most of us
how are you guys enjoying the show now everybody call yourselves collectively
I haven’t told you in one of them pockets is 100 American dollars
well they say they’re not lethal to say that yes sir
I have to
we have to take credit one I don’t know if you can hear me jumping up just been told I need to take Australia
there’s there’s some Street humor going out of here well I do thank you sir what’s your name is back here like a beat like do you think it might be hard for me to look at
what kind of vodka is this I know that I tried to get butter vodka here the triple six what it what is this
what is it
okay
it’s just the well the well vodka because there’s a delay don’t think it’s coming through right
take the case off there is no it’s not a blocking it there it is
since your mama is a kitchen sink of your mama your mama with the lightning in the Thunder am I a p i can’t tell I’m going to come back down the stairs
I like that might once again I thought your mama was so hard shut down and kiss me I thought your mama bro back to a time when I thought your mama’s so hard she stopped learning disability is what I gave her I thought your mama Jennifer Beals
but you have a real good talk to your mama like you should
cut your mama in Australia I thought your mama had to live to tell the tale
your mama and your mama ever having spoken Mania
Iron Sheik everyday of the motherfuking week what’s the spider thing do D I thought your mama your mama in
going to learn for Australian States before we go to the next one
yeah
Zales Jewelry
Australian Red Australian Red Australian Australian
how old is it in the funny hat
alright Jeff I’m out of breath
you know that they say that they are the water spins different way down the drain in the Northern Hemisphere or the southern just as good at rapping down here
and I gave me mine too but it’s like I have top shelf vodka.
and I just walked more than I’ve ever walked in my life my watch was beeping II my Apple watch is going like your butt
don’t breathe
you have 20 emails
Jesus Christ Jeff I got to get I got to work out I got to like
I got to get fuck it better I got to get better and shave yeah I was just going to say cookies cookies anybody cookie collector in Australia cookie collector 2 all right it’ll be like a special moment for all of us the Australian military invented Wi-Fi
no thank you
Brazil women
what were you saying
what do you say though
a woman that didn’t yeah
right
what’s up break up in a small discussion groups
she’s going to explain Wi-Fi to podcast
alright communal and fucking nuts display you’re at like a weird family dinner where everybody is a sibling that maybe hates the other people
I think Jeff we’re going to Melbourne tomorrow and they hate suddenly and said they hate smell burning everybody hates you guys
yeah we haven’t really heard anybody say they hate Brisbane yet except like this is our first stop so I’ve heard people call you Big Country by Big Country
the guy is mad that it was okay and like like I have a new now another experiment to do with the audience that you are gay and your breaths and I should do a little scene but we should have one of the Brisbane Knights provide that this has never been done before if they were to provide some form of like sound effects
using their mouths in the microphone alone while we do an impromptu so we make them do the noises that would be required in the see it together and it in Tennessee that has constructed in front of their very eyes how about that knows about science and knows about stuff would you come up and help us.
I like your car alright thanks dude you’re going to be going to do a little scene and it’s going to take place in
check the going to take place in Melbourne Australia
all right in a brothel an Australian brothel Australian brothel
all right I’m going to I’m going to punch a duck perfect everybody
medicine sound it makes when you punch it done
I thought the door open I could use a little bit
Craigslist
I can’t all right here we go here we go
Australian brothel
good morning sir I was about to ring the little Bell on your desk if you like I’m just the other footmen
can I help you yes I would like the services of a prostitute please
well let me go look into my computer and let me just started that no computer start my computer up
you using a Windows 93
I have an old school modem let me start to you in it
I have one male would you like a male prostitute
iPhone mail
no cisgender heteronormative binary prejudices for me you would like her prostitutes give me the grab-bag I just I’ll take whatever whoever you recommend all right I will use my you know how you said some people go when I go hunting they call it. Going to call a bull or whatever to go hunting we actually very old-fashioned here I have a prostitute call that calls all of our possibly transgender LGBT who knows what prostitutes let me just blow on that right now
yeah boys Pig
was that was that was that Paul Hogan
that’s not a prostitute
it’s a he or she kind of right now you can hear the the high heel coming down the side
I’m going to have to call out a Dexter I’m going to have to call somebody else with my different prostitute call
hey big pizza time
good luck sir you got big tits
how do you know if you can hear it getting ready upstairs you got the hair dryer on
she’s got the she’s also got the shit out of the shaver cuz she’s shaving her private areas
oh she’s doing there’s a big tits room
where is it cream for the truth
something you can pectin
all right well I feel like I want to freshen up a while use some of this mouth mouth freshener
all right it’s all right if you’re going to waste our mouth freshener a lot of money
thank you sir just ring the bell big tits will be alright
the Bell Rings it has kind of an enchanting sound and I hope I hope you enjoy it because it’s the only Belle in the house that plays a Lady Gaga song when you ring the bell
that’s that’s what I would have done pre-made big tits I’d like to give you one thing my great-great grandmother’s piss flaps I want you to have these
go get them wet don’t see them don’t use them
can’t you tell
I can I can hear them when you when you talk to him you say yes two of them just fell off I’m trying them right back and front teeth they just keep a Transformer my vagina
well I’m just going to put on my pistol apps
the number to Foley work in there
as this is an Australian brothel there is a couple Traditions that we do before we start first I sing in High falsetto
Waltzing Matilda as I get undressed and all of my clothing is made of metal
you said you were going to say
I’m glad you came up here I’ve been trying to get out of the freezer for a long time
only one way out of here
my Jetpack
Jesus is just move on without us we’re trapped here
listen to me
I’m here to save you I’ve been Undercover the whole time I’ve I have a grappling gun I’m from I’m from the Australian version of the CIA
Play I See I just want to see how the roads are labor it says damn it
grappling gun
that’s that’s a machine gun sir I’m not shooting a hole in this
ocean out here that’s the door
yes
what’s happening in their appointment again
recording it when I pull the trigger it’s going to make a grappling gun sound and it’s going to shoot up and then latch onto the edge of the hole that I made the machine gun and then I’m going to press a button on the side of the gun that’s going to make us both up to the thing so can I bring my violin
all right here we go
everybody
I’m pretty sweaty do you want it thank you thank you
at least it wasn’t your thank-you case when we leave tomorrow I’m going to look back on this and once they came out of their shells we really started having a good time
she knows everything about the internet and but then she’s like Michael Winslow to like
I travel with Ryan Stiles Ryan Stiles is not his funny Escape
can’t what do you do for a living wait what’s your what’s your game
your media officer at the University and you tell good research stories
Kate sit the fuck.
Did you hear on the interwebs about the crown of thorns killing stop the crown of thorn the crown of thorns dial tofu ya ya
I got that story up you got it you just cuss
so they built a robot to kill him just a robot that kills all the starfish starfish killing robot
right now we’re trying to get into from the multi-purpose grease monitoring tools
you don’t think you have 10 seconds to comply starfish
the crown of thorns starfish and I knew I had a brain we know what what is the robot look like what what is the business end of a starfish killing robot look like what it what is the Glock
what can I do I’m looking at my notes
but a couple of side bars and Akil on top
all right that’s the only way I can finish starfish killing robot has a big yellowish penis looking thing on it what’s the world’s first injection system that it’s injection system and it injects the starfish with salts bile salt
a corporation that sends out a giant dick melt starfish
killer robot starfish
serenity
when did our research so much Serenity House the serenity you kill a robot dick into you and just pumped Aaron do you you die I do yeah big-time but I think he’s a liberal
give me a give me a give me a a ballot was to a song like that not a rap of perfect that
who is so it doesn’t do that
what was that
thank you sir
I like your hair make
all right what do you want then emotional
quite an emotional mood right now
but I just I’m still trying to pouring sweat on like like like Louis Armstrong up here yeah yeah Brisbane
yeah I’m on a fuck you not go to the break of dawn
Brisbane Brisbane
they have new carpeting
I have the shower pressure to be better but
it was still nice little tiny disposable toothbrush from the airline that’s probably not to your credit
but I used it here and had a good time to the break of dawn
yo two times I told your mama this I need my fist guards to take a piss and I put them on I just took her to the room and I climbed it tied her womb I became a bit I got born in a whole new way of an Australian now I see the world clearer I thought your mama like a kangaroo came nearer than I wanted to when it sees Reflections I fuck your mama so hard with my Australian erection
a Tasmanian devil made in a true-blue way truth about your mama true blue fair-dinkum I thought your mama
all right what are the pick up Arab you said you were feeling emotional
the ocean cuz Australia is a big giant Island if you want very far in any direction you’ll see a bunch of water that’s all I know about Australia
imagine surfing is very popular here
I think I’ve seen that in movie
but here’s the thing
the track right now I was about to get to the 9/11 time
alright so let’s bring it down a notch
we had some fun
I want to know who in the audience is had a real difficult time we want to help somebody it’s a whole everyone
well then if it’s everyone then who’s had the worst time ever and I don’t mean like want your money back over time
will talk to you after the show if that’s the case you you’ve been a good sport and yeah I see that you are you you are using a chair instead of a regular chair is that part of your difficult time but you’re about to get out of it so already there’s a Triumph hear you you look like you’re okay or do you need help coming up here are you going to do that I did what’s your name what’s your name
I think I’ve ever seen that kind of it’s a chair with wheels but it’s not a classic wheelchair it’s kind of a casual wheelchair
Ryan Lewis
the closer you get
the great song it’s so good was that Gene the king Handler
IQ 16
and I haven’t done anything for 16 years
down in the regular are you can’t you can’t okay
can I have to sleep sitting in a chair that has wheels on it but it’s like I don’t
why
oh okay so you can get up out of it that use it as a walker or what why do you why do you need it if I can ask
alcoholism
body body body odor
it’s like an advanced form of back pain
Toca Boca
is like the generative final thing or not cuz I’m actually I’m three months older than you.
trueblue weird reactions here Jeff I don’t know what that was about
estas aqui Bible how dare you like 18 months and I’m in town trying to be kind of like keeping me sane so
mission to stock and granted sanctioned for a long time and then I go to the series of like kind of flopped over. And then I had a really bad stressful time at a job that I can’t talk about the legal I just got really depressed so to work do you work for the starfish mouth or eyes robot
legal reasons I can’t tell you if I was too selfish because my friend went kind of spiral downhill and then stuff happened and then I went to seize and 4 days into my trip Away by myself I bent over in my back kind of went and then I’ve had so then I came home I had to fly over to meet him and
a. Of time where I had like episodes of Trapped in a bed for like 3 weeks at a time I can’t even get up to go to the toilet brideshead to do everything for me like I had makeup stupid songs like when I was able to get on the Walker again I dumb thing like to get through the pain and sing songs like it’s officially disabled now I just got the disability now it’s like I don’t care
I was reading in the accent guide it’s like something to do it’s like there’s a silly you have to be silly and playful in town there silly playful but they’re not Rowdy they’re not going to kill us or anything they’re just figured you keep believing that.
everyone’s good at Tom parking now right at least
2 days since I’ve left after 18 months of battling with the government that we finally got to the tension and I’m actually going to Sydney already bought my tickets 5052 alright I bought tickets to come tonight so I’m going to be it’s going to be the best that I’ve always torn.
it’s so funny cuz it sounds like a fight that Franco was a city
that’s how I’ve been feeling better priced restaurants in early with a lot of people there but it’s just like having a good time but in here it’s just fucking Madness it’s great well let’s give aside from coming to this amazing show my friend Brad nbp award-winning up your poop Forever After
yeah
he is a God he is a God you should worship him he’s a drink of months now. I’ll let you know any comics for like 20 years and I’m like an asshole because I’m a baby like I was like I was like I was not at all I was saying
is there a like a fucking dog cuz I was just in so much pain is there an epiphany you had that you can impart to me for when I get up. What traditional medicine Chinese medicine a lot of people with
has the dentist nutrition science you guys are normal science
don’t go down the path I went down I’m driving to take a confused with your recommended and
would you wish me to see my me undies
how old is shit
they’re look they’re little donuts and there’s a hole right in the asshole
then this is like a dream come true
what’s the old people poking out of your stomach
play Kirby Lake Grove Police like like like
impression
the pain the pain is one directional that you have a like a spot that causes the pain and sent the message to your brain but pain is more like an ant colony coming to your house when the storm comes and they just sold flooding it’s like a it’s a central nervous system pain condition that can be triggered by
anyways I don’t understand what their stances or what their or less painting or what
this is with the scene in Mutiny on the Bounty when they try to kill Captain Bligh
shut in days is that people have become really like associate-level medicine or anything kind of like outside of the United like mainstream Edison’s fear is being like a flat earther be back so I think that their reaction might be is it there including what I’m saying as somebody who has a gun made out of turmeric what can I say I love races and is concerned with her and want to give her painkillers after the show I’m sure she’ll take me to I’m actually I’m actually lucky I said too much he paid I’m lucky that I’m a constipated pothead cuz I was able to access that instead of the I probably would have killed me
Rich Brian
play we started talking about pooping and I had to pull the trigger on that we would be able to Grant you as a wish like something you’d like to see or hear shoulder your underwear
do you mean Jen DeLisle quit after something like 20 minutes ago like I’d really I’d really like to see you and if you want any advice you can hate me because I think you have a beautiful mind and I would like to see that in the world for as long as possible
ship has sailed
I really thought she’d say like you know if you do a reggae song or something take care of yourself at self care self care class like
yes and I don’t know who to listen to when I’m drinking Dan only drinks when he’s alone or with people
I did I do feel like I’m kind of getting kind of Shatner ready when I look in the mirror like I’m starting to pickle and blowed you know you looking like a little bit of like a heavyset George Carlin right now
yeah I could probably I could keep her with you
Osaka off
that’s that’s good for a show
Steve Irwin
he’s a national hero
he used to hang out with crocodiles so you don’t you don’t really look like Steve Irwin I don’t even get that
excited they’re they’re they’re yelling at plants where’s where’s Vega he said Brisbane Brisbane like a portmanteau
City that sleep
at least until 10 a.m. when the bars start serving
it is on the hook
the only game in town right now we fight gently off into the night and take them all out to karaoke with us
hahaha I know I’m afraid to admit it we’re not going to get one answer but where should we go after the show where should we be
Somerset home we should go home
we’re going to LA to the drawing-room karaoke
we’ll find a place on your own
Tony’s House of Blues at the place with the karaoke right now
figuring out I love you guys so much I only resent that you currently I’m up here on all right
I can’t shut up
are we getting more and more and more musical interludes
Pringles dick white 1000 version of panko stick together
the words to Pringles dick
for those of you who are not applauding I’m sorry for what’s about to happen this is a song I bust in one go I was holding a Pringles dick Pringles can
how can I track my cat with my dick and it goes like this people, Pringles dick but I never really found out why don’t really have a Gringos dick I just keep my dick inside you keep my dick inside of Pringles can people call me Pringles dick but I never really found out no one ever found out
American Airlines
Let’s do let’s do Pauline Hanson the musical
let’s try to try to make her a sympathetic character would get
all right
fate in an apocalyptic Wasteland
Hanover to a cave of jagged stalagmites
pushing in we hear the Roars of a of a of a of a beer giving birth
a single slick poly and Henson
flops from a bear’s vagina
how much batch
butter sign all the same
as Pauline spreads her Gremlin ears from across her face and it extends her claw-like hands in song
do some things in their vagina going to South Carolina after
college
oh my God that politics class was held at
I know I can’t believe we’re Australians from the valley
Pauline who are you taking to prom
I don’t know because I like that hat my butt
I don’t want a huntsman on my tank
Pauline you’re so silly you could have any guy you want
kind of guy you like
31
cabbage soup
oh my God what an amazing song
pick up the professor
what’s all this then what are you singing about boys in the hallway at 4 I’m just wondering if you showed it to me
3 years later and medical school
suture
you know what forget these sutures let’s just poor nutrition on this wound
Chinese noodles
witch hazel
now it’s time to become president of Australia
I want to rule.
bring up REM song lightning and thunder
a landslide election electoral college is Queensland represents 17,000 electoral votes and and so now she’s president I swear to it to take the duties does but by Christ and made the Eternal Soul To Rule all of Australia
I love I love drawers
a giant bear claw shoots out of Pauline’s top-drawer grabbing her face and pulling her into a cosmic world of introspection yeah a bear comes out and it is kind of definition
well what are you doing I mean what do you want from me
ya Ali you need to atone for your sins no yeah no
all right
the bear reaches out and puts a single sigil into her forehead it’s a it’s a Tasmanian ancient Outback schedule
it represents the four elements fire water poison spiders and flip-flops
there’s you don’t correct a person’s Improv
then tonight that upset me
we were working so well together or whatever you said song
major not going near the fucking filled with Huntsman
Polly’s head falls off in Australia interest-rate New World filled with olives and fairies angels
you didn’t think I was a good idea to do this music
find hinton’s body is turns to Ash the ashes sprinkled across the northern coast of Australia where the national bird which is the tusks Tuscany water and they turn into Angelic figures and the entire continent is lifted high above and it’s revealed that Atlantis was underneath Australia the whole time crown-of-thorns starfish rise up and form into one giant Crown of Thorns Godzilla starfish a Robot Combat is huge dick goes into the dumpster full of milk in are as a poison of the Colonel’s horse starfish explodes into a million pieces of starfish which as you know regenerate
a lone star fish Rises and sings it’s sad song I am a starfish and I want to be as well as
I have five fingers instead of hands
I have no head I just have five fingers and no hands
I cartwheel instead of walking I suck onto the sides of everything
a my life is doomed to be the villain of the ecosystem until I get fucked by robot six six fingers
had to fill in some at the end
it is one of the coolest venues of all time John Lewis Brad everybody fall in Hazlet
Lisa’s husband for for carry-on for the food
what’s your favorite if you’re married Dan Harmon everybody
thank you for the sweet God bless you
call Alyssa Melbourne yeah at least
striped bass
everybody thank you so much
try to get those Doritos figured out