Episode: 317 – Rich Man’s NASCAR


Episode: 317 – Rich Man’s NASCAR


Dan listened to last week’s show while sober and with some comments and clarifications, along with the return of Jesse Camp. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden and Jesse Camp.


hello gang how you doing
did I had a plan out there it’s all right can we all get to you
we really are the best cult in the world by the way
give me one moment to get settled in here
every contact Mikey prep there in the booth laying down the beach
call gang downtown MacArthur Park Los Angeles harmontown is now in session
on a rainy day in la I love it but it’s great early I like it that way let’s bring out the game master extraordinaire Spencer Crittenden
oh yeah we have a fax machine
do we have tuberculosis speaking of which the bring out the mayor promised me to heaven
thank you. Great point of you all right oh yeah Grandpa do the Beats of their rapping without a care genuine empathy is what I feel wrapping okay first order of business let’s do apologies and then Corrections the yay for the last week my part of it not anybody else’s blackout drunk so I had to listen to that so it’s a fitting punishment when I’m like look we we got together we did we did some ad reads at like 2:30 p.m. that day and I knew it was my therapist all about it I’m like she’s like yeah I was like everything else where do I know that you’re almost a perfect person was it you know it was
movie the week or demonizer binary decisions or anything’s talk about your relationship with it and I together I I I I I trampled all over the Rose Garden of a new engagement by beat by trying to say something about it that I just just came out as me going like the slave I don’t even know what I was trying to say but listen to the episodes where I don’t remember them cuz then it’s like yeah she’s like knows and shit kind of like listened to what you said I mean yeah airlines are criminal organizations there I said it it doesn’t need to be 70 minutes I don’t know why I think no one agrees with me but
apparently just like there’s a certain like a line of alcohol where I just don’t know anyone has heard me and that I’ve said the thing is I’m already normally when I’m sober or a little tipsy like I’m naturally stammering and babli and embarrassing and confessional and an awkward but I think there’s a there’s a deal is broken when I come out so incoherent that I may as well be like anybody that this time for then like you for a thousand years that you’re living a drink later talking okay
there’s times when like when you’re really drunk like when I get really drunk I I cannot talk you can talk drunk and and sometimes when you’re saying things drunk drunkenly to advertise that you still are kind of making sense and I wonder am I just being dumb right now are you making a profound thought or or are you just make no sense and you’re probably drunk too when I’m drunk cuz we probably drinking together because it was like why else would you and I be so shit-faced the answer is each other bad bad for the opposite of a mongoose and a cobra and no I don’t mean a cobra and a mongoose I mean I mean
happens if your ear metaphor is getting mixed into it a jambalaya
I want your metaphors are great
you’re just going to turn one person into that mine goes alright alright I hate each other and sober as a non Supreme Court Justice you know when in
sober as a Kavanaugh or & bourke’s and kills people yeah I’m sober oh yeah I remember dr. Kevorkian Irondequoit
dumb drunk funny when I’m sober I’m I’m at work interesting or entertaining I’m just saying for me it’s like $5 to $10 whatever you pay to listen to me talk to her for a little while like my definition of malpractice is I don’t understand what you’re even trying to say you’re just thinking figure a Ting like in in nonsense like even Jeff Bridges figured out what he meant at the Golden Globes like he eventually recently like what is harmontown is it in private Define it more as drunken malfeasance
self-destruction and I think you do like a little confession a little transparency at the risk of you know a little it’s a rich man’s NASCAR
ejected you supposedly you don’t want to see me burn to death but
let’s face it what do you like watching me go in circles
yeah Rich you an apology after I owe anybody why I owe you an apology if you guys get came here last week or whatever he leave your apartment you’re risking your life for me it’s Logan’s Run out there no wait Logan’s Run is totally peaceful Society you just have to voluntarily. Tomorrow is a 70% chance of Stardust rollerball out there and you’re not a professional roller baller rollerball that’s like a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern eat like look at what it’s like to be a rollerball fan
nobody knows what your fucking talking about I don’t know about rollerball Corrections okay the BBC tweeted somebody I think they tweeted Cody the news it’s important to breathe yeah yeah
we’re all thinking it is the pasta that is not an acronym that bullshit saying like everything you hear that you hear is an acronym it’s all bulshit I should have known better because it was British I fell for it I have Piper Piper pet you waited and staying are hopefully new friends maybe if they come in the show but if it wasn’t for the redheaded podcast so maybe they’ll come but then I thought well let’s listen to what they probably listen to
but I heard from them and they speak with such a dignified Grace and Poise that I just I just kind of swallowed it repeated at that Posh was an acronym for Port out starboard home no it’s not it’s a common is a it’s a mess in in in in in in the great Kingdom and it’s like you know it’s the truest thing that are actually acronyms is laser In Scuba everything else is like everything else is urban legend there’s nothing for non-official thing tactical Harmony involving those are real but those are also just acronyms and not words but is that like the conflicting theories and stuff but there’s generally prevailing opinion has been linked with
linguista to like well the top five things that could be the words are these and they’re all like oh it could be this guy shoe fell off and it became the word or it could be used to be logos with guy shoe that fell off and it’s just like really weird because they’re all like treating is like the real one but it’s like well it’s probably not even any of these really really know of what we know is that the what would you call it the refraction if that’s what I don’t know if that’s what you call it like it was like going through glass is that refraction and diffraction the medium of time as language was forward it causes so much chaos and ratio to linear logical evolution of words like oh did you know I can’t even risk an example I was just confused and embarrassed but but it just the real stuff that we do know about it it only serves to show you that the that the lodge
Jake is not linear at all and probably every every example that’s not a guy’s name like like within our language like how you do it will yield became joke became Tok the same bloke like it doesn’t there is no logic to Ray none of that is real nut you’ll never became joke there’s no a time if you’d but but but it just said that suggests that the things that we have theories about are probably wrong probably just the best stories that kept resisting yeah is it this is serious I think it’s by Earl Funk from Funk and wagnalls what is the dish for books I think that are about etymology of idioms like why do we say bury the hatchet why do we say break a leg why do all these things and most of them are like we jumped
the jury is still out on that one we think it’s because of this but here’s the first time it was ever used in print and I and I can’t get enough of that because there’s a big debate about white break a leg or I love that because we really don’t know I grew up with people saying like it’s the opposite of good luck cuz you’re not supposed to have the opposite of a great show today on a good show but then you told me that you break a leg when you bow so they’re like and you would bow if they were applied to the survive be more interesting than the bare stabbing down the street hard to beat
to the point where you have to actually do something at the end of your Play episode 7 of where I said poor as job’s turkey. Damn job’s turkey you know that turkey was broke because Joe lost everything my father for a jealous God so of course it turkey probably it was idea pretty pretty pretty pretty untended and I think that Mr Funk said that the first time in print is a job’s turkey was so poor it only had one leg no feathers had to lean against the fence to stand up
what is Mister funka explaining what the actual is the idiom man he’s the guy that writes the book that says what why do we say horsefeathers why do we say Heavens to Betsy but yet so he’s just being colorful and here’s the first evidence of this in print being poor as job’s turkey where he had no feathers one leg and had to lean against the fence on Saturday
job’s turkey is referring to the first printed use of the phrase poor as job’s turkey write that person who used the phrase was explaining job’s turkey yes he was letting you know that this is the first time anyone has ever doing what the fuck is explaining what the winning it as an idiot tell you about Joe paper in 1745 referred to somebody being poor as job’s turkey you would have just let that pass by and that you that that sounds like a broke ass ticket to different conversations who said
Joker who went into this lengthy description of the turkey though I meant through the first guy that ever use it, so you have to actually show your math
you have to be so this is this a spectacle, semicolon a very cold paid the furthest from the body of it already on accommodating creature
Houston used as witches are famously not maternal peer review in the New England Journal of idioms goes I do Funk comes in
it’s already at down
you to explain what I’m talking about trust me which it’s freezing
I don’t have to explain it you look it up in the book medieval equivalent oh yeah
freeze the balls off a brass monkey
but what you’re saying that be on that just being a clever way of saying it’s cold like there’s actually some logic do ya like a brass monkey is typically hot ohyeah super hot cuz there’s more conductive because they’re way more know they’re just not kept cold enough to be frozen the balls off of a rack of that you keep the cannonballs in the balls that the cannonballs in the racket a fashion will expand and crack and fly all over the all over the deck it’s so cold and it froze the balls off a brass monkey in the balls I like you but there’s some debate about this we don’t know if that’s actually why it was cuz all linked with history is just made of
yeah it’s weird what time is it half past a monkey’s ass quarter to his balls like I was just assumed that a lot of our language has to keep made up by kids who are like finding out how to say stuff
if they’re kind of like how you do if there was a guy in MSNBC that was a linguist I was talking about Donald Trump’s use of language in it and he was like yeah it’s a it’s a surprisingly juvenile use of language for a senior citizen and that’s sort of like part of his like appeal to people because it’s like he talks the way not only the way that we start talking when we are learning to talk but he also they are species talked when it was learning to talk and before it learn to speak
speaking and talking to different things but him being like a pie in your politician who’s just like you have like politicians who are going to be like your local towns Carpet King you know like like you’re not going to the question is he doing a bit or not is never going to matter anymore it’s going to be like part of the job part of the electability you won’t be able to be elected by you know by having toys that would be a silly person’s Gambit when you can you can just stick out and then then only a wise person would would make an ass of themselves all running for president and etcetera etcetera sword like if you can forecast the way optimistic predictions because it’s said that our country’s going to be around long enough that like we’re going to keep having regular elections
Pella now but we’re not pull out and I don’t want to bring people down but I got to share the things that bring me down it’s a such a fucking bummer this mayor in Poland is like doing a charity event and a dude jumped up on stage stabbed them to death on the stage and it it it why am I bringing this up
there but for the grace of God I don’t know we saw there was plastic is burning in the street and pull in like a year ago look we’re in a world wide right slide America no longer has all three branches of government on the right how long it will last I don’t know but all of this rhetoric all of this shit I believe truly that whereas traditionally heretofore fascism potting soil has been Multicultural ships and economic like roller coasters that’s when people get their cravings for authoritarianism start 2 to get tempted and I think that plus Facebook is is is pot is to destroy the planet because we were really not in economic bad shape but the the arrival of the internet really rather the arrival of dumb people to the internet they kind of like they’d never seen the world before and the first thing they see
is oh my God there’s so much more brown skin or so much more like a puppet Diva Chyna we’re so much more than they were used to because their world is going from everything they can see and trust me the guy who’s left Twitter announce I’ve become much more provincial and simplified like I really happened pretty quickly like I don’t know I don’t know nothing about nothing and I’m really happy about it and then and then took so assuming it works in Reverse as well as it was when our parents got on the internet my parents trunks generation love you Mom love you Dad but Jesus Christ like like it did the baby boomer plus the internet is like it’s like they reacted to it as if it was our fault that they were racist
and I think that happened all over the world can’t call the police on my phone you can’t you can’t if you if you don’t High School history class you know if you can trace our sort of like the global Rises militarism and nationalism isolationism economic depression and things that lead to both of the great world wars and we didn’t have that and yet we’re repeating that blueprint without the parts that actually caused it like Wii Wii skit with Zak it’s like it’s like we we invented a weird invisible plexiglass ramp to anti-Semitism and scapegoating immigrants and all these things that traditionally happen because your country has gotten to a point where it’s using your currency as a doorstop or toilet paper and is using like bottle caps for money and it’s like we never got there there was a there was a housing prices in a global economic crisis and all the stuff but we didn’t
we We Are YouTube autoplay it’s it really is that’s my point and click click unfortunately and so it’s like yeah you know what sells so he can people Nazis on exit 53 years old like myself he was a liberal he was outspoken he loved his gay rights he was polish it’s not a great time I think she’ll stab you Dan the he was he was he was doing this charity event and human saying I’m going to cut you
symptoms of the funny portion of the show I’m doing my Springer’s first spot
Springers opening arguments I have no Solutions I have no I have no appeal I will I would die for my freedom of speech I would die for other people’s freedom of expression I do not believe that laws need to be created to mitigate the way people speak I believe the Free Speech have had we noticed have consequences anyway. Let’s talk about that weather man that got fired for accidentally making the sound Coon while he was saying Martin Luther King’s name what’s his talk about that in a second like we love firing people like we you you unless you’re not see if you’re if you’re in trouble if we continue to ostracize each other and divide each other based on language we’re basically handing the opposite of kryptonite to the to the more nihilistic more sociopathic of of two sides of the political Spectrum TV party that this poor
there was the most outspoken against the in this in his right leading Poland they had an issue death certificates for Liberal politicians he was very outspoken about that in particular I can imagine the irony can you imagine being stabbed in front of his constituency and their cell phones are just out and like I ate like it it it the pictures are so disturbing and confusing it it it is the guy was the most outspoken about the rhetoric how violent it was and how disgusting that these people have nothing to lose and only the mentally ill to play with and only only only they have nothing to lose and everything to gain from triggering a fucking psychopath by the way one of a hundred people is so out of your gourd God bless you probably just before Chanel Number of them in my listenership so it look like we love you welcome
play a murder air but a hundred people it is is is is is vulnerable to fucking messaging and we we we we just got this like weird ability to all talk to each other all the time about whatever we want and the politicians have arrived in that Arena and their the thugs among them are going like well if that bitch then gets killed like you know we’re going to keep having this conversation this isn’t clearly about gun control the guy with a knife the government of trying to say it wasn’t political we didn’t understand his motivation he literally waved the knife around and said I did this because this guy’s political party locked me up he was like a mentally ill guy who who had his mentally ill life it was in and out of prison and stuff and he decided to blame this political party that was also being told to die
are these that by the opposition were issuing like hilarious death certificates for Liberal politicians our now deceased mayor of this polish town was among the few who was going guys he went to his government and said you should you should look at this is incitement of violence in a very dangerous time and the government said to him know it’s freedom of expression it’s a way of saying you disagree with someone politically to say they should die and then he then he died he was stabbed in front of everyone so I like I am never going to let anybody tell me what to say but what the fuck man we get fired for saying the wrong shit like and we’re extending that to everyone but politicians
the only thing I wanted to say about that weatherman guy by the way was that if she read that story I do if I’ve read it you’ve read it like that but there was this weather me and you do you know when I get to clip his word for it because I don’t believe you find out someone’s racist is like a sound coming out of their mouth I really don’t I’m either driving from saying like a speech on the corner where you reveal like like I think that if your skin is this color you’re a worse person than this person I just don’t I don’t believe I think it’s a dangerous way of thinking but also it’s it’s not like it’s like somebody let that packet sort of like this is what we make vulnerable vulnerable to I put the blame on corporations media corporations are need to stop firing people within 8 hours of Twitter trending them it has to stop
game where you get it I’m sure it’s regrettable was in 16 hours a day that I almost got fired I mean if I had gotten fired Rick and Morty would have been over it was like we went from yeh 70 episodes feel like I had to spend three months wondering whether there was ever going to be a show again because in 2009 I humped a doll in a in a video that that that somebody call the number at Turner because they Associated it with a blog entry they saw about someone else and honestly and I was being investigated for fucking child sex trafficking like because AT&T didn’t want to take any chances like we have to this isn’t I’m not I’m not I’m not personalizing this is or if I did it would sound a lot like that I’m having this experience and I’m not accidentally saying anything I accidentally bumped the doll in 2009 probably not a great idea doesn’t seem too funny these days but like
like like like like like a parallel universe that almost got created because I did that ten years ago is pretty extreme stuff and it’s not the Nazis that that that that have a right within our country to operate within the dark bowels for no money and try to get make people mad and racist at each other like they’re pretty underfunded and pretty hard though they don’t show up to it a lot of meetings after a while like they left to their own devices they are not the threat I believe that wins their antagonism meat is is is it had a handshake and by Timmy the Cowardly weird reactive scary insurance companies and corporations that’s when we’re in trouble somebody’s going to hit somebody’s got to like like realize that this new world means a new policy is necessary for and that all of us like Andy warhol’s wrong now it like we’re all not going to be famous for 15 minutes we’re all in constant rotation going to get fucking phone
dusted With viral parasite like we’re all going to every once in awhile to find ourselves in the midst of a crazy and Tropic weird social phenomenon and corporations show it to us to not base whether they will you show up to work the following morning on that the only thing I want to say about that assuming assuming that forget it for a second whether or not that guy is more or less racist than any weatherman say Martin Luther King jr. art at is there was an event that was going to be at Martin Luther King Junior park I think he said something like Martin Luther coon King jr. or something like that he stumbled and it sounded like the word cone in the midst of a civil rights leader that was not ideal and I did and it went and they didn’t they didn’t catch it or do anything about it at the time and it went viral and then you got fire
and last couple days I’ve been seeing in the within the news cycle he’s that he’s that lower left kind of story where he can tell you owe Al Roker and says he believes this got here whatever it’s ridiculous as it should be the situation when we were talking about something so silly in and I the only thing that I wanted to say about it because I’m sure everyone’s capable of having their own conversation about it I’m not going to add anything to it except
assuming he is no more or less racist than any other weatherman assuming that you can tell whether he is or isn’t bye-bye by sound eruptions that come out of his mouth I only ask this question is this is not a political or philosophical stance I’m taking I just thought of this and it was like you know I think I might be right about this I want to check
is it weatherman the only job you could do capably while racist
like if you gave me the ability to eliminate racism from any field
and it had like 10 charges in it I would get to Food Service way before I tried I tried running away like carpentry now I don’t want to race is making my chairs
I just feel like it’s probably like the one thing you could do without hurting anybody and be totally racist okay control the weather Jenny no no that would be then you know like make sure what the police that field for racism if you can make it rain in the neighborhood you’re saying we’re finding out that you’re soft and racist weathermen incredibly disrespectful towards meteorology
or I am biased about the idea that the first people that are getting fired are happen to be the people who have to talk into microphone every day for it’s like okay come on like like that is kind of like Channel 5 in KTLA in Los Angeles racist weatherman but he give you the weather and he was really good at it but he also has weatherman like there’s a cold front coming in not as cold as women can be toward me I deserve sex but but but but this cold front coming in and we’ll be back with sports with are scientologists
do the weather man who hates Turks and for me and for you to get fired by quarter cup joke was a weatherman the one occupation that you could be could do without it while being racist I did not get the laugh I expected. The last I was I was I thought I might get would be like a creeping one where everyone thought about it like I had a ranch every job in the entire planet like lately and you had to put your most racist person on your Island community of different than one place first place
I’m not sure if the guy is racist but is he a great is he a great weatherman like
oh thank God watch the clip I’m sure he’s just a guy that we know he’s a guy whose life is probably ruined I’m sure there’s a lot of very good reasons we’re going boohoo smallest violin playing for that guy when Blobby Blobby Blobby Blobby so I’m I’m not like oh my God the world going to go to hell because you fired if I can white weatherman and back for that team but I am I am I am once again as I as I will continue to do I am staying as a as a as a fellow left leftist like Barbarian like man we got to get our tribes together because the only people that don’t follow this fucking weirdly stringent rules are the people that are there the most hateful in their hearts of All Hearts of people who actually want to tear us asunder and trample us and remove us they they often often know exactly which words not to say case not in points are present but
it’s like look at the past as you get if you bat for the other team and like can we just play why like corporations help us out because people can’t if i retweet somebody saying something embarrassing on the news it’s not we can’t legislate that it’s not my fault that person gets fired like I don’t even if I even if I see it out of context and I’m like hashtag fire that fucker I should be able to do that if you can buy a gun in our society and not and not be a part of the problem then you should be able to lose yourself in a crazy viral uproar and an adamantly say Fuck this racist fucker he should be stripped of all of his rights and paraded into the ocean on Twitter as a private citizen and then six hours later be like Jesus Christ he’s a human being what the fuck I was drunk and not find out that you were part of getting him fired and the only way to change that
is if the actual firing firing firing people that the dragons with the fucking fire breast they’ve got to change and I don’t I don’t know I don’t want to do okay I next segment is called
not just racist weatherman okay if you want to talk about that
so God bless you polish mirror, which took him to Pavel Pavel a damn what you think I was his name I think there was a British MP named Joe Cox or someone who also got murdered in a similar situation where someone one of her political opponents was like I a so it should kill this person who she know she’s she’s so dangerous that someone should stop or something and then someone like shot her with an improvised gun or something and she died it’s no good bullies man
I’d like it’s the saying it’s like we got out we got to stand up against bullies like if the person that you’re challenging hurting whatever like just run it through the litmus test am I doing anything risky am I risking anything and is this other person like so much more powerful than me that I I can’t hurt them but by doing this and like run it run it through that test like because we need to all be United against the people that punch down in in the end that can actually hurt us because it’s it could get it could get bad so fast like these are our cousins abroad this is either the side societies they’re going to the same shit for whatever creepy reason I blame Facebook is everyone’s so like Scott please let us let us emerge as the weirdly ironic like a sensible one in this thing and Lead everyone to back to
regular asked gridlocked bureaucracy where I was so comfortable
I just want to die in peace
I don’t want to I don’t want to die screaming in fear
I want to die by racist and actually that’s better than colon cancer
maybe if I could if you could pick your age when you go like what when was I going to die of colon cancer 67 you going to bad colon okay can you can you I’ll pay you a million dollars to make me colon cancer free until 67 and I will agree to be killed by racist

well I mean yeah that sounds great yeah especially if you could send them up and then like you you said a price that you’re willing to pay and then other people can like trying to outbid you for that death right cuz your death won’t go viral after a while the new colon cancer is being an upstanding person
will enter an arms race of being like profound people with integrity
Irish elections
Irish election
it’s a new segment old quote about Irish election
I feel bad for the people that listen to this show and Radiolab cousin they like all he does is repeat everything from Radiolab oh yeah we use that in Maine yeah we’re starting to experiment with it and local communities yeah it that will I like a leftist like person or something one in in America in a race because we use that the last midterm so is ready if not one person one vote but you do you rank your top five choices in order from 1 to 5 now you’re already going to complicated it’ll never work in a few simple you’re allowed to just mark one number one. Number one the same thing you’ve been doing number to Hillary Clinton
the but in this version like they do you use everyone goes Wednesday 5 so they count the number ones first and then they start eliminating from the bottom of the number one Joe Biden so everyone that had a number of everyone who everyone who voted for a Sanders what is the bit to help explain every everyone who everyone who’s number one candidate gets eliminated in the beginning of the counting process
their number to Choice goes back into the pool and then I can count it as if it’s another ballot so if you if you voted so there’s no like Nate or complex being there were people claiming to know where a voting because you’re you’re you’re you’re conscious conscience as a voter is being reflected as a kind of like more modern kind of hash array of of of taste and choices like a bell curve of like like there was more than three choices than there were a number ones
division among people of splintering then what’s going to come to the rise to the top is everyone second or third choice which which means that you can’t it’s D incentivizes the idea of shutting people out and it which which really is a in my opinion that’s like a great year for for the virus of fascism because it really you can’t run on the ticket of come on everyone wants to say it but no one’s saying even though 30% of us are the one saying that everyone else is so fuck right now if we all 30% of us are get really fucking loud and scary we’ll outnumber everyone else because they’re so splintered and arguing with each other that would never happen because not only do candidates need to consider how their perceived by the people that won’t vote for that because you want that edge of being a people’s second choice at least it’s going to change the behavior of campaigns and candidates really fast
only an idiot would be so rhetorically exclusive is that they would be making a huge gamble unappropriate gamble that you would have to really believe it if you really like refused to bend a little bit about it rhetorically during your campaign because you would be betting that if everyone made me their last fucking Choice except for 30% of the people who made me their number one I’ll still win cuz you know what there’s no leadership here that’s a good proportionately a gamble for you to make as a candidate that I like a nice little note on your election Ireland does this already and mainly their doing it for I think Senate races are congressional races in May but yeah Ireland everywhere you know that the way the Irish look at the American electoral system is a look at it like an IBM laptop from the 90s like you guys got your democracy in the 17 hundreds and it was like it’s it’s the symbol
of of of how everything was going to end up being and it’s the most and it’s the thing that everyone covets and and and it’s so powerful and so amazing but from back then and has and is now in danger of becoming absolutely symbolic of clunkiness and oppression and disenfranchisement like not it’s got viruses and bugs and worms because it was so perfect and it so state-of-the-art that it’s not changing is fast with the Irish they got their democracy in the 1920s so they were like I don’t know like
can’t really fuck fuck this off right let’s try some different shit sorry Irish friends that it was a horrible accident also the scent of it was awful to
but now but they’re they’re lean and mean and they are they didn’t they didn’t they they they’re like okay let’s how do we do this right and they came up with this kind of weird voting system where you lay your ballot is 5 choice is it the more I think about it the more the more sense it actually yes no problem with our system write the problem with our system is that it’s counterintuitive because what you think you’re doing is voting for the person you want but because of the election Diamond Amex you’re actually just voting against the person that you don’t want so you vote for Hillary Clinton because you don’t want Donald Trump to win but I vote for Hillary Clinton doesn’t make her when it actually just prevent Donald Trump from winning still your ear only voting against your lease preferred candidate but in ranked-choice voting voting you actually are voting for your favorite person and then your next favorite person you’re never voting against someone for you can you put them as a last rank so you would put Donald Trump is like seven if there’s a hundred people on an island and 30 of them want Elizabeth Warren and 30 of them want Hillary Clinton and 20 of them want Bernie Sanders
Donald Trump should win the other side but it’s like it should be a no-brainer but like this one person one vote saying a parent to take this idea why am I going to go to the polls I’m not going to get counted anyway holyshit everybody in like a really weird way when you do this voting system like your your no matter how outside the fucking game you are representative lady like you you’re you can watch this thing like a horse race in your legs, that you feel represented we’re going to go down there now
is weird it at that we’re going to go down… And you were like in flames
how are we going to go down
I did like I’ve talked too many politics but I did as an exercise today
I was a weird I can’t I can’t zoom in on these things
what are you trying to zoom in on screen grabs that I took cuz I was I was I was like I’m Feeling So Satisfied right now and not withstanding the world I’m still scared about the world but I’m feeling comfortable right now reading the news on the toilet cuz I like makes me feel comfortable I like an embattled like like government is like you know where everything’s in gridlock and stuff and like it makes me feel comfortable and makes me feel like maybe I’ll live to see my sixties and like when things are like impossible to happen and then the worst Among Us are so frustrated by that that are true colors come out and actually people judge them for it so I’m in a good mood lately about politics domestically but why are you such an elitist snob like what do you like
we’re learning a lot about narcissism and stuff from like studying the president and I’ve seen a lot of myself in him and I trying to use it as like teachable moments and like you know that’s that’s a lot like me that the way he’s reacting to that or or I’m better than that because of this in like maybe I can be even better than that by not judging it and I was like I became determined today to find Lake inspiring Donald Trump quotes
that that’s that’s thirsty work
kind of rabid fear that Echo chamber you kind of like there was just enough that I was like What if I was like I stepped into the shoes of a fan and I like I want to find him saying some cool stuff
but I can’t I can’t
I didn’t I didn’t anticipate okay I double click it I was a very funny joke by a very funny guy
I’m the very funniest
I literally Googled like Trump smart quotes
the word very is in there I got $100 the first thing that came up was that it is a real honor and privilege to endorse Mitt Romney mitt is tough he’s smart he’s sharp he’s not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country we all love that’s the first that’s the first one at the top of the thing I’m like that’s not really but he loves himself but I have to say probably when I’m about 30 I’ll be pretty not settled but happy with what I’ve accomplished so far I’m happy where I am now that’s an Amy Smart quote so I already know that’s how few smart quotes Donald Trump has I Googled Trump smart quotes got one quote from Trump about Mitt Romney that didn’t involve dyslexia
and then the second thing down with someone named smart saying something
he’s good friend now but I did I did find some stuff for I was like you know do you want to play a game that’s like I love games you have to play a game called I did I save this quote because I thought it was dumb gross or reminded me too much of myself I think those are the three categories Trump quotes
dumb gross or close to home, and not to the people and tell them hey so you either need to shout out dumb crows or this long sentence like this fit in there not going to be too close to home to close to home this sounds like something you’d say
dump truck so I can start it over
dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb in the middle of the state to make up songs on the road so you’re afraid you’re afraid they’re going to hire
duka duka duka duka duka duka. I didn’t see the things our president dead
all right that’s enough
these are Donald Trump cards and we have the judge whether they’re dumb gross or Harmon okay yeah I don’t make deals for the money I’ve got enough much more than I’ll ever need I do it to do it Harmon Harmon gross oh yeah I’m going to tell you why I have the answer
what if we outvote you if you guys can’t make your own decisions. That’s a hermit crab I don’t think it is now money was never a big motivation for me except as a way to keep score the real excitement is playing the game gross gross
he’s with here’s the quote I make money because I have to pay for everything apart from my school fees my mother even makes me pay my own telephone bill what that’s it that’s the past
as long as you’re going to be thinking anyway think big
dum dum dum without passion you don’t have energy without energy you have nothing
dump Trump
a little more moderation would be good of course my life hasn’t exactly been one of moderation you know if he only said this stuff like he might be my guy you know like like big because because forbetterorforworse said be like to do a D minus the not going to give you a little bit
this is one that I truly just don’t understand and I have this one I just screen grab because there was like first of all what the the first thing the secretary types is the boss
hell yeah that’s fucking badass I can alpha male it’s from this website where you can get quotes in there like 10 clouded the tags for this quote our boss first Secretary sing types
is there something you’re looking for a quote what is the first thing the secretary types is the boss what is that mean the boss said to get me a taco bowl like the boss said so I’m getting your Taco Bell or what secretary takes note of what you’re saying like by saying like all the Bots is saying this maybe Basta Basta Basta Basta by like a secretary taking notes of the conversation that I don’t know the first thing the secretary types is the thumb that decides the policy at the office or one of his the first dictator to he or she says the boss wants this devices that are kind of like behind every great boss is it like this it doesn’t it isn’t that sort of like giving like isn’t that sort of like that’s why I
just like badly and provide porn dialogue for sure if you know what I mean yeah it’s the kind of thing an idiot would say
I have an attention span that’s as long as it has to be
I like that was one of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace good people don’t go into government
dumb and gross but also I agree I’m the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters with the first thing I thought when I read that was like let’s hope that metaphor follows through
you’re going to be interested in some of these I just grabbed his apparently he said at one point who knows when if I don’t get along with Democrats I’m sort of like out of business
where’s that guy
that that’s neither. Gross or Herman Play click click click you like Harry Truman like desegregating the Army be quiet because he was so woke no because it saves money you like like like like all paths lead to Rome you know like that grass roots fucking Midwest capitalist like let’s stop hating each other because we can make more money so now you’re making a gross is spent today like looking through these I was like what about the what about that might have existed if someone hadn’t liked come to him and show him Cambridge analytica figures that said like you know if you are a fucken figurative turquoise belt buckle out there and start getting a little like fucking like like like that’s going to take you up 10% in this District like
what we know about the guys that you just really wants us to be like I mean it wasn’t as racist as everybody his age like like and probably like and that’s that’s that’s really racist because race racism doesn’t age well if it doesn’t even though it’s not even cool when it’s freshly born but it’s like it really gets its ugliest right before you shake your chain into the into the tomb and end
c’est la vie that’s why we don’t tend to listen to old people’s opinions about whether or not you should marry somebody or or what you should do at your wedding and in and likes the guy is just like he was a Democrat and then he was an independent that he was a Republican and he’s just like he’s just like you just want to win in like somebody was like you know you should be racist and he’s like that’s easy as best I can do what my father gave me more than anything else is great tutoring and a great brain frankly you know my father’s brother was a top person at MIT went to MIT graduated from MIT was a teacher at MIT a professor at MIT a great engineer I mean you know I have very good genes that was his father’s brother
I’m going to go I’m going to go home and absolutely done like what you just told me your uncle’s smart and that you have good genes like the international waters of a Saltine cracker
big whipped cream of gross on top because underneath that he’s revealing that he truly thinks that where you get into school is actually the it’s the pits the ribbon that the Pig gets at the State Fair it’s like it’s a ribbon for genetics really actually dangerously gross without even knowing that it’s people assume I’m a boiler ready to explode but I actually have very low blood pressure which is shocking to people that Steven Tyler
well I think I was I was I was
it seems like something I’d be like bragging about you throw a tantrum you know the crazy thing is I’m fucking to Loki I’m to assume I’m a boiler ready to explode but I actually have very low blood pressure which is talking to people as AC DC version of God is like like I don’t I don’t I’m more
it’s like the worst AC DC songs
but I’m not I don’t
no but I got to get my free therapy stuff like really Prides himself on like oh I’m very comfortable like I’m a very like I had to recognize therapy little thing that I was doing to people that I like then I was like if I perceive myself as being in a conflict with somebody or if I proceed someone as a threat to me or something I had this pride in the fact that I yeah but I can withstand like I can an airlock like they’ll step you over to where I know there’s like noxious gases like coming out that are just like enough to make you turn green but I’ve breathed them my whole life like I’m kind of like what’s wrong you that you look like you’re uncomfortable you know like I was really proud of that like you like for a while I thought that made me Wolverine
and I don’t like that guy anymore and that steps that I think that’s really what’s behind that he’s like yeah it is he got everybody thinks I’m like a big maniac but the truth is I’m fucking cool as a cucumber and that’s my secret like everybody else is like it let’s just get to him at like no your everyone is letting you get to them you’re cool as a cucumber because you’re so with a baby that’s throwing its own shit like you have course you’re not upset about it like you’re already upset about your fucking putting that you didn’t get
so many people are on television that don’t know me and they’re like experts on me that’s me is bitching about like
I wouldn’t mind a little bow in Japan they bow I love it only thing I love about Japan
Carmen you don’t like I said I would think like I said I got that runs out like that dance planing to think about things like the Japanese all of this observation like
Jimmy Carter used to walk off the airplane carrying his own luggage do you remember that I don’t want my present at carrying I want the freaking Marines to be carrying his luggage and they want to carry his luggage Herman know that I’m address dumb and gross the Marine I want I want I want to be treated like a human being. That’s dumb and grossed out what do you mean you’re cute you you do like Jimmy Carter last because he carried his own luggage dumb and gross like what do you mean that’s fucking awesome did John Wayne tear his own luggage was President you’d be sucking his dick fuck you
Big Lake beside you the Jimmy Carter’s a pariah because he like fire
from you that he carried his own luggage I wasn’t can I go back and vote for him when I’m 10
poor fucking guy all I knew about him is he’s a peanut farmer everyone just decided like to just rely on this guy but he was the best president ever
experience taught me a few things one is to listen to your gut no matter how good something sounds in paper the second is that you’re generally better off sticking with what you know and the third is that sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make them dumb
I wasn’t even mean to drive for Success because I have a certain Jean
Tom gross and Harmon not come on
I think where do you put yeah he’s talking non-stop so who knows when he said that lady has come to connect the dots of poise and diplomacy with the dots of the weed ISM and your box out of the system because you’re a grouchy person so so you never got it like he’s like a fire hose of garbage and people are like oh that means I got that means I don’t have to be ashamed of myself shames exchange the hell of a fucking thing to overcome like I bet it feels really good must be nice
wish I could be a fucking idiots that all the sudden wakes up one day reads if I can article and decides they’re proud of himself Jesus Christ where do I buy that fucking drug
I mean it’s $26 a bottle as it is is is it is it is there a Zara Zara from is our friend here Jesse are you here
Jesse Camp everybody
oh yeah it’s a baby Jordan

pizza Front yeah there you go
wait what you want to pop that the baby George
it’s bigger than the normal George Foreman grill
we got a baby George it’s the champion of rotisserie
thank you Jesse thanks for the movie Jesse Camp everybody put your your quiet as a church mouse way back there I don’t know why we keep being surprised like what you were here the whole time then I hate that is true but I didn’t want to come empty-handed and I kind of came into my Acquisitions funny memes yeah I was actually collecting of a gambling debt for Jeff so Jeff sends people to collect his debts that yeah he’s big news man when he’s flying out of town for a Whose Line Is It Anyway get that’s code for you always taking care of some Gambino’s in jerseys
your dad is retired as it is right now let’s talk about my to just want to say Dan is and I honored you always you don’t get to see you and Jeff is well and of course the game answer answer I got it I didn’t even help you did you just walk away from you can start from top to bottom or bottom to top I know I want you to tell me the better the methodology of your outfit
ecology to it it’s heavy on the ology not too much on the other but I tell you what I start with the cowboy boots and I am a 10 and a half and the drapes match the curtains if you know what I mean if you’re ever curious about the someone’s Wienerschnitzel size all you have to do is like look at like what their shoe size is okay Michael j.fox seven-and-a-half we know what you’re talkin about how old and has bigger feet than you a big to differ in my penis
baby doors a lot of Long John Silver’s at the place you know I think you’re mistaken your balls hang down to your ankles
I mean
play some Dan you have bigger feet than Jesse but he’s bragging about a giant penis
I found my moderately average yeah that’s just an average exactly which is the way to go definitely is a my dick is shaped exactly like a Dungeons & Dragons ampersands It’s like a dragon dragon head for Spencer’s Gifts all of the ladies yeah there were multiple zero working out
it is rainy season here in LA and so you know need to delve under the car hood but I have three pairs of leggings jeggings if you will and then the armor I see two pair of Mossimo Supply Company yellow but their women’s jeans I will admit but I tell you guys answer I’m a very tall man so I always wear cowboy boots cuz then you know you can always doesn’t matter if your pants are too short you know that’s your secret and like Stevie Nicks I wear my boots all summer long night by the way guys to be honest the reason I was a little late tonight it’s because I went to the Szechuan fax machine theater why the dishes to Dynasty typewriter machine
don’t worry about four layers of pants just one t-shirt one with this is the interesting Garmin I want to know about somewhere between bathrobe dashiki and Cape at this was until I cut it down the middle to be honest with you a lot of times when I do if there’s a dress with a really cool fabric I’ll just you know cut it down the middle because your address is just really a trench coat with the CM I bet you know yeah you know if that led that’s why I’m happy to blow and I’ll check my Piccolo not just one cut down the middle of the Shiki Shiki
there’s no 3 to 6 so I have time to keep my important cards papers and rolling paper cut on top you have what do you think that I’m addicted to eating them that’s an expensive habit if there’s one thing I got to just put out there and I’m here because I love Jeff Traver Road Ann is the coolest and I’m a huge harmontown fan and so I did just want to say that that something I heard Dan said tonight about Jimmy Carter that was really really do I mean bring anything about presidents and stuff Jimmy Carter has built literally over like three four hundred houses for Habitat for Humanity with his wife you know since leaving office that mean he’s at
hi that will go you know they took Katrina and and and build a house just with other volunteers he’s been doing that and I mean you know I definitely need to get political but his Vibes that you sent out word where peace and love me good and and yeah and then you know who knows supposedly raking came in and around intelligent president we’ve ever had yeah that doesn’t surprise me know I was like eight nine ten years old something around there and I just remember this like
hysteria for Reagan and like I was like I was I was socially conditioned to like Jimmy Carter’s such a fuss nut like you know like it was like I don’t even know what a president is but I know I hate Jimmy Carter and he sucks he’s such a terrible president of like what I’m just fascinated by that cuz I’m such a quiet you know when it’s typically doesn’t talk about it I have a sneaking suspicion that’s because there is nothing to talk about because you did a really good job saplize chimney say like the like the whole hostage crisis thing it was set up for him to fail so that so that he would not get reelected that you could be a one-term president is back then I got it I really going to show my ass if I start talking about the stuff cuz I don’t know but I have a feeling of a weird feeling that there was an oil crisis because OPEC was forming in like it was like the idea was that
Crossroads there was like we could have committed to our rhetoric about wanting democracy all the stuff but then you get a little tough choice there where the people that are sitting on top of the thing I did you want start to get votes and stuff and they’re going to vote for people you don’t like it I have a feeling that there was probably a that he probably exists in some kind of like weird Back to the Future Maelstrom where do either Biff goes you know start washing your car or has a museum and he doesn’t see the most presidents did during their presents because he’s a humanitarian and he’s an intellect and though those were the days when people that could actually a complete sentence and be so yeah and care about each other I mean it’s it’s I tell you this really quick thing I like about maybe like 15 years ago I was on a road trip just kind of driving randomly through Georgia and I ended up in a Plains Georgia which is literally the town in Georgia where he grew up and instill lives to this day and there’s maybe like
people in the town it’s it’s a dirt poor but it’s still where he never stopped living there he grew up there I mean this is the one thing I want to say to that I don’t think that as a country we should ever elect a president who has never been poor a day in their lives because you know that’s going to be a sorry to say but someone that’s going to lack empathy and I mean I think you know I don’t know anybody cool like my circle of friends that all the people that I look up to and respect and and think highly of our people that know the value of what it means to have $1
title of President shouldn’t be a thing that’s like a reward or anything she was explaining that they have this thing that I know I’ve been saying since the Trump election when you look at like what people like about him and what people like the only time for to like you could solve this in the blink of an eye by going okay if we if we’re going to keep insisting with the title of President basically means American King then make it a title worth that in other words just let him like he said himself all he wants to do is run around and say hallelujah is like love it like Louisiana a piece out and have everybody like with the hats of the thing Ireland has a president that does that that’s that’s all they do they elect the most Irish guy in Ireland they call him president and then they have like I don’t know what his title is out of its prime minister or something else but it’s like it’s like yeah and then there’s this person that rolled up their sleeves and probably went to law school
in cooperation with the bureaucracy that you need if you’re going to have hundreds of millions of people like like like underneath the whims of things like I did the goal is for everyone to prosper and do well and I mean and in order for that to happen you can’t have someone who’s corrupt did you know you should look dread being any kind of politician because your life should be under a microscope every minute of every day everything you say should be checked and double-checked and they should be it should be for organization organization in our society to become accountants and a certain kinds of lawyers and things civil
rights lawyers and politicians the people who would be a job for me for narcissist and blowhards and they don’t want people to look at the house they smoke pot in college and legs, but you look good Lord there’s search histories Up For Debate or if they ever had an affair and stuff that stuff out and make it a graceless occupation it’s a great you have dental health care go beta I mean that yo good thing your last name ain’t Max hell yeah the old video format yes yes but listen getting back to the matter at hand
still alive and if mental and physical health are linked and you know I believe we all know they are as and have a good energy in you I mean Jimmy Carter he’s alive way past 90 he’s the real Clint Eastwood you know what I mean
would you be willing to share Jesse like they know I think I asked you this last week but I was kind of in a black guy was like Hey next time you come back okay talking about the fact that recently like you were going off the grid for a little bit of stuff like that like she’s listening like they go up and down and stuff and like you’ve been struggling with stuff and like you’re you’re you’re you on the wagon now you won’t talk about that stuff like where are you at right now oh I mean like what you’ve done where you flooded where what your back from where you are it’s okay if where you are now is that a lot lately that I want to have fun and not do that you’ll but if you don’t
damn you this definitely you know some lows and some highs and me and talking about politicians for a brief moment they’re crazy Bunch these days I have someone who I can say and slept with not only Camila Harris but also Lindsey Graham and yo there’s some freaks in the Senate yeah that’s what I was talking about but Lizzie milligram life that’s what makes life life is that you know you have amazing eyes and then the rest is like lessons in humility and you know both are great and necessary and so do I and first of one other thing just as a human being you I mean harmontown the movie is such a Courageous movie and you with anything of all ways and means it’s just me
but I’m in the heart and why I just want to say that you being such a courageous person and just you know letting everything out there so people can learn from it is such a beautiful thing I’d be honored you know I appreciate it I’m alive because I found out that I can I can say yeah what is on my mind and I like live longer than if I can if I bottle it up that’s why I just cuz you what you were missing for a little bit like I said you didn’t find them I meant looks like like like you were withdrawn and you were in Jessie like tell me like if you don’t want to talk about it but like like your sister called me up and said yes if you went off the grid and she’s like what was Jesse and text him and I did but you didn’t have your phone and then one day I got a fucking awesome text me that you’re like hey man and you just cracking jokes and you were back and
what’s the story about the kid can we tell the story about you no no no no no not at all I’m worried about you and we put the bat signal out and says where’s Jesse and then you told me when you texted me and I called you and you said it’s like finding out what it would be like to die because I find out how much people would care about me and lately that would care if I died twice for the youths or anything I can do you know what you should try and my truck is always that you would give me the seven shirts off your back but you for a friend
when you when you went off the off the air for a while I want to hear about any any any things that you’ve battled is because of this because you’re a really nice guy and I I don’t know you that well but I feel like it’s like seawater where like you know from a drop like with the content of an ocean is and that you’re not a judgmental person you don’t you don’t put a lot of energy out towards like worrying about other people and how they should be in order for you to be happy I feel like there’s too many people in our society that like are like that like I don’t want to judge other people and all the stuff is like that comes with a lot of self-loathing a lot of self-torture likes you a lot of energy
I’m a piece of shit so I’m just going to like Medicaid in like Vanishing do in order to tell you guys the whole story in order to put it properly in perspective
oh but I don’t in any way anyway want to throw my sister under the bus either cuz she she isn’t it fantastic person with her own demons to do but I’m so basically I’m from like about 2015 through like the end of 2016 I’ve been working with my sister on a new series and it been going amazing I mean we had you know what and we still out and we still working on I’m putting it together but we we
basically I worked really hard on this project out with my sister and for you know for some reason it and it and really blonde I was really kind of like on the on the verge of making a comeback that had been like 15 years in the making and this is what I’m trying to get to you is that you know like my sister and I kinda had a falling-out over some some crazy stuff for she really went into a dark patch and then you know why we couldn’t see the the show to fruition for a moment I kind of just fell into a depression and I had been sober for about when I say sober I just mean like no hard substances you know and I don’t consider marijuana and I don’t consider you know like alcohol you know to to really be a drug but at the same time you know anything that you abused and and you know anything.
basically just knowing you and your pain without allowing you to grow at all I mean that’s that’s an addiction and that’s a drug until what I’m getting into is that I did kind of like falling to your and a half drug addiction with a drug that I hadn’t touched in over like seven and a half years and I was just you know why
the Fallout from well I just think she’s my sister you know when then everything you know yeah I just kind of fell into a depression but
where I’m going with all of that is so then I basically so I was using some heavy drugs for like almost a year-and-a-half and then I ended up kind of just you know in Fontana California is one does nothing good happen
AutoZone on speakerphone
relatively dirt as cheap all you got to do is and wait until it’s about 10 because the freaks come out at night but you go to the 24-hour AutoZone in Fontana after 10 and basically the time to people really high on supplements in the parking lot either working on their own car or just hoping that someone might need work done on their car when you get more of these after hour AutoZone like you know why mechanics in the parking lot like together and you’ll have a new engine in a car in like 2 hours for like a hundred bucks then maybe a bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos you know so I’m telling you when you come to pick a part in front I mean this is where the story gets good is that I think that and again I don’t in any way me and just like my sister and I and II you know why
but just use your eyes statements that’s what I’ve learned if you but you can still say look I was I heard right I felt I felt better when I don’t have to worry about ordering during my time of depression you know I didn’t have much you know of a relationship you know with my sister much either and she was kind of been around our place too and so I think you know that’s why I really kind of become despondent and because you know you know this was my creative partner in my my my best friend and my sister and so you know I I really missed you so much and we’re really on the verge of some really cool things and so I mean like so what I was going to say is this is that
wow I know that this does sound how it’s not many brain cells are in here but I’m really trying to just their there they’re listening in there for then when you can about this I know I just you know met this Anita Baker and personator and then he do and that’s a whole another podcast but I tell you this that by the way Tony with your friend a friend that works at the carwash with a obnoxious mustache wow this is how Jeff. The mustache is obnoxious hope we have a new loves that mustache his name is Tommy can go and he says hello to you all the time ET
but that didn’t get a while you see that’s my cell. OK Google in it
is there a way I can you tell us as much as you want because first of all I’m happy you’re back yeah cuz I was worried about you and also
u.s. banks in quite rightly the like to the extent that you are willing to share what you went through I think is helpful to people that listen to a show so late like really you know why I’m without sounding corny about this I mean I just to put it in in real life in a black and white cuz no terms you know why I’ve been working with my sister who I still love and adore and we made this insane project where you know we have of course the Jeff Davis appearance but everything from you know Miley Cyrus to George Clinton to Alice Cooper lots of really cool interviews in and crazy she catches and you know me at Charlotte Hornets games and you know and I’m in West Virginia Appalachia it’s like just a whole crazy show
glad you could make it and then we had this big fall out and so you know I just took waited like two like if you were part of a band you guys have been through like this journey and we’re about to like you know finally released your record the band you know breaks up in the record is shelf that’s just a heads up but you know what the the more I’m talking about this I just want to say you know like fuck me because it means he’s are really quality problems to have you know what I mean but at the same time it’s not too much about the project it’s about losing you know my sister who you know you guys just you know it was like my right arm you know what’s your status with her right now we don’t really talk at all you know and show she was freaked out because I barely know her and she she was texting me when I was in Fontana I had actually left my phone in a car of a of a dude and then I didn’t really
exactly know how to get it back and kind of was just you know again in the depressed state so I kind of like was like you know alright I’m going to enjoy not having a phone and this was only about like 9 days and then but it was it felt kind of cool like to not have a phone and I was just really sorting through you know my problems and until I also kind of during that time without the phone I made a decision mentally to be like okay I’m stopping doing the drugs that I was doing completely and you know because at the end of the day you know I was doing that to to get myself through a hurdle I was doing like an opera type of drug and what I’m getting at is you know it if you all of a sudden you know you find yourself alone but you made all this you know great progress and you didn’t want to lose everything but you were just really confused how to move on without your band you know
my thinking is will let me do this drug that will like you know kind of like help Focus me and and now you know my sadness over what happened cuz it was a really you know like emotional thing and you know first turn to a project oriented narcotic that’s that’s an interesting like explanation of that like yes definitely do you still have all that footage it’s going to be I just I’m learning how to edit it now I got I got like yours with Jesse Camp and guess what everybody is happy that Jesse’s there and he has all the awesome footage of him and his sister interviewing people and just talkin backstage and
that is something that I would absolutely need to see oh yeah it’s amazing like you know like Mike Judge Mike judge’s Tales from the tour bus you know and that you know you have crazy Rock stuff in her weave in with just basically like you know of a fun travel segments like you know going to weird flea markets in Knoxville Tennessee and helping out in the WIC department there with skin elf senior ladies is rocker is meet you like cuz I’ve seen that yeah and it’s pretty magical like like that that’s something that should happen because like to know you is to love you like to know that like you would like always make things happy and fun so like you have to finish this thing well let me know
super super quick you guys what I want to say is that basically like during those so this is the funny part about me this is the part of the story where I find out that I was a missing person cuz I had no idea okay cuz like I guess you know they do it like I had emailed all guess it’s okay cuz I am very close with my mom gone is gone I don’t know bones is good saying nine days gone to paint the picture right now. I’m in Fontana are you are you like working on a laptop on their leg and you’re like no talk about the fashion and I’m not bragging out of school year but Jeff nose is too like I’m a big, I’d have to cross diagnosed myself with another addiction and that time a thrift store Junkie
and I’d like you to bring a jacket right now that can only be described as like Annie Get Your Gun meets Wild Bill Hickok I thought Jodie Foster I mean who wouldn’t want to be the costume designer I know it’s just like bed sheets okay the thread chat story hear a great shout out and here’s another thing if if if and I want I really want to put my services out there if you guys cuz when I was here right before Christmas you guys happy home. That was done every brilliant shelf I do I love what other Talent is that I think of myself as a mini Booker and I’m not talking about Richard Rico’s character of the last season of 21 Jump Street
whose name is Parker okay a lot of a reference for two people here when you guys are more of a Gilmore Girls kind of bunch of that’s cool with me you know who starred as mailman Jerry onto on are the episodes of Gilmore very very cool stuff you know it’s only showing in Japan for reasons Dan knows a little about and and and so does Lauren Graham do you want to talk about nine days after I lost my phone and said to just fuck it you know in the end and then like 3 days sober from that but then so I was 3 days sober I started to get a bit of a sinus infection and so
I went to a hospital yeah I shouldn’t say but it’s very close to Fontana and has its own hospital and to Goodwill to Savers and it starts with r and it’s don’t County okay give her side I was in the hospital and like you have been missing for months as far as I knew always we should Suffolk this so basically my sister had only briefly talked with my mom that I didn’t meant that she had heard from me my mom and I do talk on the rag and so then I think my sister did I think her imagination but maybe genuine concern maybe maybe some Gala maybe whatever she was she was she was really worried that I didn’t know that and so I mean I think that she may be genuinely was worried that I may be did something rash cuz I was so broken up about of it you know like you know just
it’s really rough situation you know people that want to hurt you lately no business of yours or your relationship with people that want to hurt you and have the choice between soliciting finding you I said it’s one thing to say I come from a big line of like let’s be dramatic about so-and-so is problem in like want to help them because actually what we’re doing is we’re weaponizing are like concerned because it is they’re they’re here every Christmas and let’s fuck with them but it’s another thing for you to be off the not knowing your sister I can safely say hey I don’t think it was her animosity that provoked her to explain to people have died or it was that you were missed that she was really worried if you wanted to hurt somebody in there and they’re off the grid whether it’s 9 days or 3 months like your it’s not the part of you that hates them that makes you go
this is really serious I even if it’s not really serious from your point of view it’s not the part of them that hates you that makes them go to that high note let’s the part of them that once you found because maybe even a little responsibility and I think it’s very salvageable as much as project to in an easily salvageable and like I don’t like the feeling of that rope coming back out of that like
some in this hospital and you know I think I gave my you know of a variation on my name I don’t remember I was not always mad I love a good emergency room and so I was in one and basically like you know that they were there you know what screw that this hospital was really a beautiful place there’s a hospital I don’t know they asked one thing of you don’t Neymar County Title now every fucking asshole you got troubles in there because you said the other name but they go but your Jesse John Camp I don’t even know I’m not I can’t just for you know that I just gets here you know what I mean he wants to give you a real info and social security number to your actual name
I don’t like but you know my full name is Tito camping so basically said of Tito camp and then they’re like okay to eat out but like the nurse look at me like she kind of like knew who I was which was really weird because I was you know a little disheveled perhaps or then again I don’t look much different than now I’m very much a kindred spirit with a drunk Gary Busey but where are you going with this is that so basically they do you know Josh think I said I was Josh cuz that’s that’s very close to my full name which is Chadwick is also what they call the part of a candle that you like call Chad stay on target so basically there
sitting to the nurses like okay Josh you know and then the then and then did the doctor comes in and he’s like just see what’s going on and I’m like how did he know a Jesse I have been telling people I was Josh it so I said I’ll Jesse but then I knew the jig was up they knew who I was and I said I was just like likes trying to put the pieces together like I know that I’m in National Treasure I said the US has made several not just one stamp with my face on it but like 10 different you know stamps at biannually with my head on its great Avenue 31st and Jesse Camp stamp is Jesse I’m here he was with my mom and I didn’t understand the relationship at the time now I do is very beautiful Harold and Maude type of deal
so I’m to the doctor was like you know like you know like okay Jess it’s so again I said that my name is Josh to the nurse and then the nurse was like Josh okay Josh why don’t you come back here with me and then she came in Josh the doctor will see you now okay cool hey I’m Josh I’m getting a bit of a sinus infection you know I just need some antibiotics I didn’t rush to that part yet never self-diagnose yourself at the doctor’s office that is a sure way to not get the prescription you’re trying to get filled you know that I don’t go in there and be like no like let them it says your back pay just look real grimacing in the face so they really believe you’re in pain don’t oversell it okay that’s the New Hampshire West Virginia you know who you are and tell Mel but I’m just kidding who am I to throw stones when I’m really getting at is that yo I’m like lost in Fontana in California
end up at the hospital in Riverside basically the doctor had like seeing something about me being missing on TMZ I had no clue in the nine days since I had lost my phone that somehow like I had been reported it on like you know I’m like people.com you know does the dick me meet the expectations of the foot size website you know ticket or stick it I mean know what am I talking about I’m sorry guys I think we can make some money stickers sticker I think it’s stuff that I got your know they brought me like two meals of hospital food I didn’t ask they’re just like they were like super cool like they were like basically like they own the sports bar and Kid Rock came in there
you know you want some and I was just like but that they were really really cool and really sweet and really encouraging and they said you know
I see something along the lines of you know that that you know you have a good soul and you’re a good kid and I and that kid cuz I am definitely now like I’m in the half time show but yeah I’m I’m 39 years old so 40 is the halftime and then you know what I mean it’s life is a football game or a Super Bowl but back at the matter at hand again I told you I wasn’t self-defense mechanism to kind of like getting to try to put some humor on this cuz because it feeds this is necessary but these were Beyond humbling times growing times and times when you know you just you are all of this in the end is is is good because you know it is a moment where you get irritated it’s okay
choice and I don’t want to be rescued and it’s embarrassing of people like I’ve a conventionally very humiliating and angering
at did you know and if a year-and-a-half drug Odyssey in the engine again Fontana it’s right off the 10 by the way Fontana is that beautiful Hamlet between Ontario and San Bernardino okay Joey parent chocolate and cheese and fine dude is by
and it has some alcohol in it and I would like the crossing the return address of where you are okay I’m coming back absolutely absolutely I got that moment for you in a car New York bar with a lots of midgets that we’re fanny packs just had to say that the day that you called me up and you have been gone for a while and you called me up you couldn’t admit that that that that the feeling that that hit me I think I know where you’re getting that Jeff is that when the doctor’s they think they really showed a lot of love and and and that’s I had no idea that I was missing when I checked out of the planetary unit lost my phone
I definitely wasn’t wasn’t in the head space of thinking that there’s a big world out there that that cares about you or that your significant you know what I mean I definitely felt like broken I felt you know almost to the point of here’s the thing is that if you have nothing to lose there is a real Freedom with that I got like that Kris Kristofferson Freedom’s just another word for Nothing Left to Lose You probably thought you were doing yourself and other people a favor yeah I mean I didn’t care anymore and I did think I’m more honest than you had been you felt what you felt like that’s the part that’s like I feel this way so much unlike I want to hear from people that have gone and come back so you know of not being just called what it is I mean you’re depressed if you’re not if you lose your phone and you don’t want to
immediately go to an Apple store or AT&T or Sprint again if you want a good phone at a relatively cheaper price than even offer up the 24-hour AutoZone in Fontana has all your need mobile mechanics in Mankato cars gendered because I felt that feeling when you found it that very complicated layered feeling of I lost my phone and for the first time in my life I feel like actually maybe that’s the way to go I feel good my life equivalent I’m just a screenwriter from the city to really be just just just blunt about where I was prior to this did you save a cat at any point
definitely not worth it. You know I like to think I didn’t save a cat but I sure, that’s okay okay okay
bad but but here’s the thing and I’m in believe me man like Bruce not even I don’t even mean to even remotely think that I’m like on the level of like a beautiful soul like a Bruce Springsteen but I’m to be really honest as just so broken that I was trying to wandering the streets and Fontana I kind of like Bruce Springsteen In the Streets of Philadelphia video you know where I believe you know from the movie where where Tom Hanks has AIDS and you know she’s not going to survive that and then you you know you’re just dumb
pulling back from Life in a way I mean I was just at a point where I was almost I don’t I don’t man I was just at my threshold of what I could endure but the thing is is that having the strength to endure I want to let everyone in this room know that like you know I was just depressed but never in a bazillion years would I ever no matter the level of depression in this is not also me passing judgment on people that that that check out and can’t take it but I still know even In My Darkest Hours what a blessing it is to be alive and you know I’m I’m very much you know of the opinion of if you they say this about successful people that when you realized something is not going right you know you can abandon it quickly and that you know the longer we that if you’re in a toxic relationship you know but you put a lot of time and that your app to staying longer because you’ve already invested this time so you don’t want to lose the time you already have and that’s why bad relationship
kind of go on and on and on forever and what if you feel that about your life for myself and I think for everybody I love you and I and end end it’s I didn’t mean to show you off on that Jeff I know that and it but I mean to hear that from you that that that bad to have your emotion but I mean that was it was it was it was a really just beyond a life-changing experience because it mean I’m not saying that I was like a guy who jumped off the Golden Bridge Golden Gate Bridge in like survived and now I had to ask the danger to me I got that that’s a thing as a lot of us associate like the idea of these thoughts with Mike never everybody I know exactly the feeling that you’re talking about we’re like you know what
what if I was a fucking ghost what if I didn’t exist that’s different from saying I’m going to take proactive action to do the traumatic thing because you’re feeling the opposite of dramatic feeling worthless you’re feeling like like just like it feels in those moments like not just a little rhaetian but like a weird medicinal kind of like yeah this is it this is what I need this feels good but I’m also going to say because you’re alone and so yeah it was there was there a communist and as much as you know to be really blunt about that and that and the other thing to is it I’m not I’m not anything coming out of my mouth I’m not trying to get to Pat myself on the back but I mean like there’s definitely you know
that the fun of inside of me but I mean I’m you know
I’m experienced as far as like that you could you know what I’m not even going to say what I was going to say but I could definitely just say that you know that cuz I’m walking the streets in Fontana you know I mean like I love
2 to bring I live like to put positive energy out there into the world that’s that’s my dad that’s really the only reason to live life where I’m going with this song is that a I just this is really heavy but I promise I didn’t take you guys to Sparta to abandon it but what I was trying to get at when I brought up that whole thing about successful people and then knowing how to quit early but like that that really if you’re following your heart and you was invested so much time and in a bad relationship you know you wanna hang in there well I mean I am very much I got in my life you know I didn’t put in these 39 years to not you know now if I’ve been in it that I’m definitely wanted to see it all the way till 80 maybe 90 or you know with Ya Head transplants maybe a hundred and ten you know who knows but I’m really going with all this is that it was it for two things
and I promise I’ll wrap this up but it was really I think that what our subconscious is our subconscious do for us is sometimes incredibly protective because I thought I thinking a lot of ways that I know this is going to sound crazy but you know like I wanted to lose that phone and I wanted to go off the grid because I ultimately wanted to get to that place I wanted to make aloe for myself and make that low as fast as I could because I wanted to land and I didn’t want to live the way that I had been living and I just didn’t you know and and and I didn’t I I didn’t want to numb the pain that’s basically all I did for like a year and a half was just none of this emotional pain didn’t grow from it my body was just in so conscious in mind was just you know
telling me to let go because one thing I completely do believe in is that I think in an in an obviously if you were at in 9/11 and you were with all that the debris that was so cancerous you’re going to get cancer but I do sorry I’m sorry that’s a long story short that I needed to kind of like you do go off the grid my thinking was just that I was going to do this I was going to eat then you know get a couple of days sober and then just continue on my journey was almost like wanting to get clean and like a cook and so I I just and I came out and and I had no idea what I told Jeff it’s true that that that that basically has you would go on like you know Instagram a beauty like you know why people would be like call Nikki Sixx was looking for you and you know when President Barack Obama was looking for you you know what I mean and Rex Tillerson was looking for you
so what’s the connection I don’t know I mean like she was always a big fan you know I mean it was just like he would be like it was just get on the big Exxon Valdez cruise boat thing and let’s party at the residence of like everybody whether or not they drop off the grid and go to Fontana lose your phone or not we constantly are combating this feeling of like I’m a fucking ghost I would be better focused and doing a better job I was at these like it is possible to kill yourself with everyone’s permission because you never checked with them because you didn’t talk about it you can you can slip away into Shadow and you don’t receive it as Shadow I’m not and I know that the whole time you’re like look I never intended to do any of this and I am not telling you know you’re perceived it wrong
I’m I’m saying the reason that store is so valuable is because I think everybody listening is constantly going like what what if I what if I what if I what if I and it’s not always what if I did something dangerous what if I did something it’s sort of just started like like like like like like like shouldn’t I just shouldn’t I just be by myself and there’s a really fine line between that like self-help and like the opposite I mean completely down to in the end of the soul and the spirit of us of a people is that is is having hope hope is everything if you have hope hope will fuel positivity I mean the one big lesson I learned from all of this is that mental health is the most important thing we have end that like your physical health like you do have to exercise
end and be conscious of what you’re eating you don’t Mentos house I just always take it for granted but before the last couple years that I realized that it’s incredibly important to want to be social to not self isolating to be with all your friends end and to live a full life in and it said yes and just but more than that I mean it is a battle out there and there’s never been a harder time to be a human being
statement I can’t believe I was about to say there was never a harder time for Being Human the 2019 what am I thinking caveman if I do know how to listen to harmontown ifucking love you I’m just saying if you ever get the lucky break to hang out with Jesse Camp you are a fucking like to hear what couple of things to plug if I may all right I got home but I have a Peppa Kass that’s right me and Pepa from Salt-n-Pepa everybody
Dan Harmon for real baby Dory. You’re a joy to know your joy to be around and I appreciate you
I become emotional
play John Frusciante we love you
Zach you got Vape


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