Episode
Description
Comproller Dave Horwitz makes his first appearance. A Russian travels the world to ask Dan one question, and Spencer devises a way to get off of an island if stranded.
Transcript
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the theater this is harmontown please welcome your mayor Mr Dan Harmon
kids to be good to be back here at our headquarters you’ve been we’ve been abroad a lot unpredictable schedules never know when we’re here when we’re not who’s Comfort rolling who is who’s not whoever is just hanging out at your house guest comptroller Dave Horowitz everybody
I have a couple things I can talk about but but but I do think that we should be prepared for a terrible show I feel laconic I feel neutral the pressures of of of of of of of nuptials nuptial pressure and pending nuptials the the pressure of impending nuptials the pressure of a date you you compensate for them with a kind of Dead Calm like you cuz you don’t want to be one of these people that’s nervous about getting married because that would be dumb you be like a certs commercial are at Mentos cool I live in LA
Joel McHale going to be at my wedding I don’t know I’m not going to fucking put some pressure on it
big guy the guy from the suits going to be there he’s going to he’s going to smell fear like a dog still get up and started heckling me so I got to I got to be cool but also the beginning of a hold of the second half and probably the only get to settle realization there that you are now officially absolutely officially dying
I like like absolutely more so than being born you are now more dying because your next tasks include for instance helping someone else get born a heart attack as the doctor they’re extra quite truly is a truly romantic way to think about marriage application replication like the humble mosquito
lives its life and then at the end of it of its full mosquito life which I think probably spends a day we’re always like what you doing like that and the mosquito is like this
and we’re just like I’m believable we’d knock it off
it’s comforting to think of think of things in those terms this is it I am about to lay eggs outside your mailbox somewhere and then some swampy land where hopefully I have a giant frog tongue won’t won’t break across my deposit rendering them pointless what’s the what’s your frog tongue like
does he know about the wedding will be back he’ll be back, what should I say there what is my what is my tongue is spiders
spiders okay so Aaron came home and she saw a there’s a black widow with a web on the stairs yet he’s taking pictures of it she’s like oh I save does a black widow is it’s got an hourglass on its back its it’s it was eating a caterpillar in the fucking thing because it’s like everything about them has to be so Maudlin and like Extreme as I couldn’t just be eating a fly as eating a fucking like everything was like a butterfly facts of an unbaptized caterpillar
will clinch this black widows thirst yeah it’s sitting there watching it wriggle and it’s a black widow and you know if they bite you it will kill you but if you’re a small child or a lamb
a baby lamb
it’ll take you out
and when’s the last time you went to work
honest enough toxins to take out a baby lamb that’s going to fuck up my shooting schedule which is which is a professional form of death why they’re not brown recluses but they’re dangerous I got off on that was I don’t remember what would the point oh that’s my frogs spiders okay so I was in the middle of something what was it oh I’m dying cuz I’m getting married so I had my body knows that but my mind so my mind there for it puts this like I have no choice over like my mind is just going like hey man what’s good like I have to affect this like weird mcconaghy draw I don’t care though it is it in because otherwise I’ll panic and I like I like ooooh Eve my final form but you’re going to be feeling it up there the emotional flood
I don’t plan on spending the ceremony itself with holding it and I will give it my all but but it’s it’s a it’s a it’s a week of nerves for the nerve. So one when one’s nerves
not right now
but when it happens
my my cry right now
you want to cry right now
yeah you want to say something sad to me and you know me a little like it really in there and my insecurities and I’ll see what happens when they cleared the debris at Waco
they found the skeletons of preteen children who died in the arms of their parents but they hadn’t burnt to death because they could tell Because the skeleton were bent backwards which is a sign of cyanide poisoning they had they had they had died in terrible pain of the broke their own backs like
people laughing I made him a
they got two rows 2 real I thought through many things in 30 seconds that’s not cool okay I’ll make you cry someone on Twitter if they tweet it really doesn’t matter
the only people you can meet or just people who just spout nonsense into the dry air like that prayers yes we all have one of those
now so there’s two there’s like 50 people right now treating me all the time I like Hello to you all right well good that’s the way it should work
large unfollow recently I mean I don’t have quite the
nobody cared that I did it but I was like I can’t I needed a few people and it didn’t it didn’t give me the same Rush it’s just going you’re out the fuck out of my not real life you know about podcast producer Dustin Marshall saying right now I feel like I feel like I’m somehow less harsh like I’m embarrassing in the last cuz I’m I keep in my voice down and might use got headphones on his followers number like the people that he’s following is 6 p.m. so he can’t start or stop following someone without replacing them so he can keep the number yet
666
wait I mean no matter what’s going on with you is it always is it better or worse than I do the same thing but with 420 I think it makes me like way more chill but I could be wrong
it’s a rhetorical question right
hey did you know you could fit every planet in the solar system between the Earth and the Moon
Spencer just called me about a liquid
I just found out did you know you can fit all of Boston in Brooklyn that’s true that’s what someone told me when I told her I was from Boston and they were from New York and they were like you do live in a real City and I’d like your whole city could fit in my burrow I was like cool Spike Lee like I was saying they were likes but it wasn’t actually Spike Lee I heard a guy rapping once about how each of his fingers was a burrow and until when he makes a fist he’s got the whole he’s got all of New York in the palm of his hand and I think it was Lloyd what’s his name was Benson
Lloyd Lloyd Lloyd Lloyd Banks themes in the I used to sling Rock in Manhattan so you know what I mean in ring finger is the Bronx because I hope the to meet the love of my life is there one day if my if my current career trajectory takes me where I hope to do but I digress and the Radio City Music Hall at the Burrows and then that’s kind of cool. There’s no way that the real song is better than that that was the past and also I did like how you said I heard a guy rapping once like you walked passed them on the street and then you’re like it was Lloyd Banks
remixes of don’t touch me touch touch touch it and put it in your plate and put it on a bull in Seffner Ramen bigger bigger and it bigger stronger lift up those weights, celebrity friends
Missy Elliott I love it
who won a Grammy
I don’t know why you guys are staring at me like that
what other songs do you know
Touch It remix touch it
one that was just all the queens of the game does Little John for the cap to the fairer sex he had Mary J Blige Rhymes Busta Rhymes and then but then in the video for it they like a switch back and forth at does it does Mary J Blige have like a head like an alter ego know she’s like a very Soulful lady I don’t think that’s kind of her thing I feel like Mary J Blige like you know how Garth Brooks had to like bangs like a bad guy persona that was like glue glue glue g blicky blicky Mary Orton
I thought I thought that was depicted in the video to like she was I could be mixing a bunch of stuff up
but check it out kids
I want to look for this song now and there’s nine I’ve literally nine remixes of it I mean if I look if I just touch it and Google I’m not going to find it
yeah
it’s pretty cool. It was at least nominated for a VMA in 2006 I know that for sure I’ll just go into my Excel spreadsheet of 2006 VMA nominees that I keep in Google Drive that you and I share so you should just be able to have it right now so Aaron was making fun of me playing Minecraft when she asks me questions about Minecraft that are designed not to not for her to start like enjoying the game like it’s not she acts like it’s like her like becoming interested in Minecraft but it’s just a shame me and mock me for playing Minecraft so she asked me last night she said when she goes like are you did you get your did you remember your backpack
I just like try to ignore a guy
there’s no pack packs I’m cutting down a tree so yeah did you do you need to feed scorpion poison know there’s no do you have all of your scent gems and then she started laughing so hard she almost died in bed she couldn’t breathe because she was so entertained sent Jones so I wrote down st. James the other person’s enjoyment level is but when you say something that tickles you to your work or yeah you can just ride that out for an hour all the time I like what she she makes herself laugh and then she goes
I can’t take it anymore it’s usually has to be victimizing someone else in order for her to find it really that funny she must have just really made a lot of fun of me to be laughing so hard that her epiglottis is like revolting but I do like the sound the sound of true Joy you can yeah you could bottle it depression would be gone or if I could just live with it by virtue of legal valve for the next 40 to 55 years
polite clapping for is handing nuptials impending nuptials unceremoniously Spencer Crittenden come out
what’s what’s up it’s good to be back
thank you
this is our first show back since terminating the tour right now or I don’t get cuz we you know I’d be working every day and then I’d have to get on a red-eye and go to hey me too I was doing the same things go to the Post Office it’s not at or because you’re coming believing I would never consider that or no more of a trip
message you like Busta Rhymes great it was I don’t think I would be happy with that but I was I was quite tickled that he says his own name at least 12 times the song
give me the standing ovation
don’t touch me to do is touch it there’s been remixes by everyone who’s existed so I might be actually bit hard to hone in on into the Spider story when we last left it still existed in your house what the fuck will Aaron
the house is out by the mailbox every time you’re walking up those dark stairs to my Mansion other than just calling lacerate yourself DreamWorks tears I always think about that last thing you’ll see is a spider going like oh my God why
you don’t want to kill it or anyting stuff she’s she has a video of the spider and a video of her killing it then she killed it so then I came home jail that their enclosure that’s all I need and when I find 8 9 10 of them what they look like
and so on
all spiders are now black widows and I’m like I owe cuz I’m not going to look for The Hourglass and some of our small I like there’s black widows everywhere we should call a service of some kind and that Aaron was like those aren’t Black Widow that’s not a really not a story I like it though I just am glad that she killed it I mean I don’t hate spiders but I wouldn’t it was Black Widow I mean you don’t tangle with that sort of thing when there’s a spider on the wall in the sky I just go like okay I’ll if I have to I’ll just I’ll find something and I’ll kill it
I’m superstitious about it for some dumb reason plastic Superstition I know I don’t know there’s some people who are like really good with spiders and there’s some people are terrified of them if I describe her behavior to know which one she was because she just chill take like a coat hanger and just poke at it like I don’t know like I don’t even know what she’s trying to do and then she’s like poking a spider like fall under the floor and then she’ll go what’s the account like she wanted to crawl under the coat hanger and she was going to be like gentle gentle band we all know
Dan Haggerty play dominoes
hahaha I like Gentle Ben I didn’t know Ben was the name of the bear in Grizzly Adams I think is this is this is how little you could take your business elsewhere and network TV Adams was just a guy that lived in the woods and that is it for a murder he hadn’t committed he wasn’t counterfeiter he wasn’t he couldn’t turn into a snake his parents weren’t vampires he didn’t he didn’t go on dates he sat in a fucking cabin and he had a beard and he hung out and it was like I guess the other two networks had news on it or something did they make a lot of episodes burned into my memory and he had obviously friends who also lived in the woods there was a guy that was like a prospector sure who had a mule and he would walk around up in the hills and he was like very cranky and then so that
is Lee Adams was like a kind of cool like Nights in White Satin kind of shirt but he would cut cut his own wood and had a big beard and long hair and he would he would just go like a cranky cranky time whatever the guys they was don’t be so mean yeah it’s inevitable teach you about weights and measures of angles and stuff along with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and blackston amount each week I take you on a journey through the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own
my phone is always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platform
all right so I want to address some concerns about my dog so I don’t and I don’t know how much of this I’ve explained to the show yet but I know it’s late like the the new TVs
the dogs can see them
they’re watching what we watch now their eyes and our eyes are seeing the same thing because of the TVs are different now telling you you’re right and Harvey if there’s ever a dog or a squirrel or a cat or and he’ll react differently or a deer but like not a cockroach like he won’t he yeah crazy well that was the new thing was that then we were there watching The Simpsons and Santa’s Little Helper came on cartoon dog Harvey starts going nuts he’s recognizing a cartoon dog that’s the next step is he could read the word dog
that’s it it’s a symbol for a dog that’s not it doesn’t even how could it have it any any it doesn’t make any sense and we tested it like he doesn’t eat the looks at the cartoon of the dog and he starts going crazy yeah we were I think he was watching or he was watching with the the like the Rainbow Brite cartoon movie was on in there like a scene with like a kid in the snow he’s got a dog and Harvey just started going nuts and I was watching him and I couldn’t believe it but also he freaks out when he sees himself if you like show him a picture Erin Erin videotaped with her phone Harvey put it in airplane out of the TV so however he starts going ape shit yeah
so Aaron because she’s insane she she videotaped Harvey doing that yeah and then and it’s a video of the dark
real life dog goes like this
then she doesn’t know ya
I felt like the fifth generation of it where was like a crazy like like where you shine a TV at a TV and there was just like a dog watching a dog watch my dog while she’s gone
and I don’t know why that would be a goal
the other ways she just thought it was funny it was disturbing because I think as fun as it seems hypothetically like you know we wouldn’t like it if he could if he was sent to kill you can speak he wouldn’t be happy about a situation where are my testicles I mean they are there in that was that episode of Rick and Morty was Justin’s love of his little maltesers I didn’t have a dog at that time but yeah it’s very disturbing the dog he he he he understands shit like a heat and that he act like he’s like I come home and he doesn’t even I started to get mad that he like he just sits at the top of the stairs and like I come home and doesn’t even like he doesn’t come down to the door and he like he lifts his head up with a wags his tail like like while he’s laying down I just felt like and then I get to the
cuz there’s any rolls over so I can schedule I work for him like I ate the pizza guy comes over he goes down to the door and Erin just cuz you get pizza and I’m like that’s that Aaron’s has here I’ll put a bag of treats in the potted plant outside the door when you come home from work take a treat and then it what you do give him a treat every time you come in and then hope then that hope that you’ll get the pizza guy treatment if that’s what you want so bad and it’s like the first the first time we tried it I come in and he’s like I think he could hear the bag and then I got the tree and some of the second night I come home I open the door and he goes straight to the potted plant
is a he said he’s every time he comes home there’s that bag of the plant
way too small
there’s there
in like you know
I’ve never had a pet in my whole life and that’s too long cuz I’m like a gross dog person like nigro’s but I love dogs the most and I I need Harvey’s my friend so we have like we’re friends but every there are times when I will look at him and I will think that there’s a man in a dog suit because he’s his eyes are too expressive it was weird those whites of his eyes as everybody says it is backing up as invalid looks like a dude like hey hey man little if you said like a little to the left I would I would freak out but not as much as have another doggy Bag Boy
you know more when you got a call when you get a dog when you hired that it you’re a boy escaping
I had there was there was something else I felt like there was something else
just like a like a like a just a kind of a laid-back rap beat 00. Cuz I’m nice comptroller thank you it’s a lazy show I wanted to try to embrace that and turn it into entertainment and get myself a little excited cuz until I’m phoning it in I can’t I have suspicions but I can’t tell
will you guys have other stuff to do anything they can’t I didn’t really think that another like huh
that guy knew who came here for the farthest tonight
Moscow Moscow who’s the mascot a guy or you could have said I need a kidney help me
okay. Do you want to come up Moscow I just I guess we won’t pick on you
London England I guess we got that laid-back beating the wings are you can sit there and take what’s in the backpack excellent do my lessons and I from Russia and I’m afraid I can get robbed yeah I mean that shocks yet podcast jackpot
so many things a stranger can say when they get on stage of the podcast but all of my life savings are in my backpack
is is you know that’s that says that’s right up there with I’m gay black and blind
what’s your name
Xenia but you know what to say
I didn’t I didn’t mean it was a surprise I didn’t read it on your face and I thought maybe that you
Yu-Gi-Oh Yugi is it a Chinese name what is the what’s the origin of the of your real name if you’re born in Russia that’s a Russian name actually I was born in but my grandfather is from Vietnam I never knew the first 20 minutes from now know it’s early Russian Virginia I pictured it spelled with an axe and a bunch of leg Val’s is a Eugene is the way it gets kind of Russia
you’ve genuine agents like Eugene onegin have you ever it’s like a difference like a modification though and they’re similar names have you lived in your whole life and this is the first time you’ve been in the US so how does it come to be that you’re all of your worldly possession is it just you travel if you travel to the help I guess it all depends on if it involves werewolves are well Joel McHale
well actually I saw Joel McHale messed up sound video show everyone talks about his damn about
that video show and I just wanted to get to know what these guys don’t like to be here when she made the final guy who kill was on a show that you yet but looks cute
what what community was that show on
so you were you’re a you’re a huge fan of Joel McHale so you Googled Community Music how did you first how did you first come up on Joel McHale
just watching TV in Russia to piracy you telling you downloaded going to town or something to do with everything you’re like what the hell is this and this show because it is because in the end I got into harmontown I started
what season episode session series and Adam Goldberg
Coronavirus
I’m so Flawless could be a highly trained Upright Citizens Brigade
practical joke the Jew guy
yeah is Adam here are you here Adam
I bet we thought we’d never hear you say those words
Adam do you want to come up and meet this guy’s this guy’s traveled the globe I mean not to meet you but he’s just curious about it. How’s it going I got you a wedding thing for Aaron it’s Ace of spies it’s a game fun what should I get Dan for his wedding what’s another game
Shadowrun I’m going to get Dan Shadow on Frizzell
thanks for helping me figure that out for yourself we start to play in the new year will play Shadowrun at on the podcast feel like it just be easier if I got you Shadowrun and then I have to game master I don’t know I just you know that’s the end of it if I just gave it to you
thank you Adam you came with all you have all your money with you that’s the mystery here right
when you leave Russia to just leave stuff in Russia
banks are capital as they just have a big pile of their stuff in the center of the I’m kidding I did the capitalism other way you like but pulling even the currency is rising up
well who’s aunt brother we got to go to that Bitcoin business we got to we got to do some kind of Google money now what if you can mine Bitcoins in Minecraft did I just make $1000000
before you got to go you got to get out of here I’m going to get out of here right now after running like I have the golden ticket
I want that Bitcoin documentary and still don’t understand it but what I do understand is that it is inevitable it may not be Bitcoin but it obviously we have to go to some kind of peer-to-peer currency right I have a nice plane this to Dan register full of Matt yes yes
I always heard it simple the way I always heard Bitcoin was if I gave you a Dave & Buster’s dollar for every hour you spent idling your car like that yes that’s how much money does how much the money is worth and how much electricity it actually cost to make will electricity who cares at this point after watching this documentary I think that any arguments for or against Bitcoin our kind of actually mute the larger conversation or realization should be that like MP3 technology there is really nothing is going to stop the nations of the world from inevitably if we if we continue to exchange any kind of currency is going to have to become a global kind of peer-to-peer currency there is no it’s not because we’re anarchists it’s because the government will not be able to sustain themselves while trying to endorse
different kinds of currency they will one by one become incompatible with something that spreads I bet Adam disagrees with that a universal currency it’s a really big stable of sci-fi even in Shadowrun but the ability to issue debt from huge Nations that huge Nations means that having the Yen and having the dollar be different things is a really really useful will have everything is like future box than Japan can’t control their exports and imports or is that taxes that say this is valued internally as a currency in this is worthless as we explored it I hear you there definitely agree that’s what that’s that I mean in that I don’t understand it at all
and therefore I definitely readily accept that it’s impossible to take but there’s a difference between saying universal currency and peer-to-peer currency difference between a dollar and a Bitcoin right now in terms of me being able to send it to you and you being able to send it to me hopefully in a large amount of cash register made a match one and then it turns it into 100 of something else in the Family Dollars in pennies is it undignified or or embarrassing to admit
in my position or not that I don’t understand anything you guys talking about a lot of people are on your side. So, people also don’t good that’s cool you guys did you guys see Interstellar cuz I didn’t
that’s a that’s a movie you could see everywhere available everywhere I don’t understand the actual American dollar or any kind of anything about economics worldwide the thing that felt clear to me watching watching this documentary is the technology is going to affect currency as surely as it has affected culture media of exchange ideas the way that we shoot things at it things record things they become peer-to-peer overtime they they transcend things as relatively vestigial as what country you live in overtime it just seems like a safe enough bat I don’t know if there’s nothing there’s no risk of that back cuz it’s either 50 years or five hundred years or 5 years from now and I don’t know which it is but if but we aren’t we are tending toward we are going to end up
like going okay here’s a picture of the queen on a piece of paper we’re going to we’re going to be sending each other blipblox and they’re going to be called one because I mean I still think there’s a skill difference because Shannon wanted one is the best this year as it’s ever been in terms of cinematography and terms of quality in terms of people turning out half hour long finales to some of their Series has like it but there’s still a difference between an episode of community in the finale of fish bowls are definitely my thing which you should all watch because fish bowls has definitely my thing is fucking amazing and it tells you how the movie Seven Adams all right
that was Adam Goldberg what did you think
great guy but he’s not in the movie he’s out there is a shot of Adam Goldberg in the in the in the movie acting to something have you also seen have you seen dazed and confused cuz that same actors in have you seen Richard linklater’s dazed and confused he like pacing around the woods he’s like a motherfuker is wearing Army jacket anyway you should check it out
and he’s got a new sick, is that the Meet The Goldbergs the in some of them they tried to do this thing where oh it’s a bad picture were bad at taking pictures my eyes are closed during the picture put in some of the shots they don’t understand how eyelids work and the lower eyelid goes up way too far and it looks hideous like the reptile people and it’s like how did he couldn’t just you asked the people to close their eyes for the photo you had to photoshop these disgusting I’ll is I’m sorry you clearly haven’t seen the show cuz it’s about a family of reptile people
they call my inner eyelids suck again before the Big Dance
my tailpipe fell off is it going to be grow before it’s photo picture day that was the finale last season was really good the photo picture day at the New Zealand guy wears the New Zealand game
what’s your name what brings you from New Zealand went to table reads of Family Guy in The Simpsons and spend the day on the set of a couple TV shows what for because I like them or just you just stare at you use there’s a fan they let you know they just let you come in and do the same thing to me last year old Shinto these things down in your eyes
as long as we call them the universal unit of currency in the koala koala me and I couldn’t I can get get get close to my favorite shows that’s nice how was your visit to community I think I’ve talked to you before right all right now it’s more or less know it’s at Aaron or yell at me I keep doing that
I can’t do that
so it was better Russia or New Zealand’s I mean is are you guys proud of your countries have patriotism where you come from
slack about it compared to Californians and Australian compared to Texan Texans
we live that and some other stuff
she made some stupid decisions all the time
you guys don’t still have kings that we know that
820 how many terms has Putin been serving lately it’s kind of like that he’s got it
I don’t know she’s got mad
the in in in in Russian does the does the word Putin sat cuz it’s kind of a Spartan
Putin
what are you doing over there Vladimir
and I got is that is that that funny in Russia
I’m hoping to get into the export business
I guess I’ll never know
I have Russia I still at Russia questions so ever
the alcoholism yeah but all is good because that The Stereotype is because it’s cuz the weather is cold and rushes so everybody drinks like it seems a little over simplified
how much more don’t want to race again. He’s just going to drink up forget about since I’m done is the is the location there or is it just like with America’s Rich tradition of like we have retail therapy like we would just go like when things are at their most culturally obtuse you would see us buying the most pants ever serial there be nine different cereals and there’s like a CG bear going like
it’s just that everything just kind of crazy in a consumer anyway and in Russia it’s like at the at the at the height at I guess at the height of the Cold War is what I’m describing like when we were both grow up and wait and then and then Russia was it at that same height was like the average Russian sitting there was like they spent on combating those glow-in-the-dark pretzel commercials sit here in my cubicle and drink because all of my money
it goes to missiles and researching Cinnamon Toast Crunch
see if we can find a weakness in their plan
yeah I know mine is bugs and basically
are you doing and the kids watch the parents drinking on the everybody drinks you just drink
what was New Zealand doing during the Cold War hanging out hanging out missiles do you have any metal in the country name
I know your mother that is stuck the country problem. You’re lazy
so you know quite the Cold War around that time and just lotion infrastructure and things be built so that’s awesome from from New Zealand meet person
could anyone could a human being how big is it compared to like being dumb but too cold for shocks most of time but he was small enough that you can like set a record by doing some weird across it and I think I think about doing it but you can do it I was wondering how that compares to Australia would be about 2 hours flying time
all right field are there spiders in a rusher New Zealand spiders black widows
brown recluses are red widows are not sure about black widows bad spiders
all right so I’m going to try try try something really specific here or I can you play it can you play a rap beat I don’t have one but I can beatbox exact point where I point you guys are as if you’re part of the rap you don’t don’t don’t don’t panic I can feel you all you have to do is whenever I pointed you you just say just say Russia that’s all you have to do and you just have to say New Zealand I forgot your name already when I say Russia alright I hope you have a rap beat okay
yeah yeah oh yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah nation-to-nation which nation is best the ones in north south east or west of going to compare Nations and wrap a bottom to you fuck your mama with a shoe
yeah
yeah yeah yeah Russia Russia is the best fuck your mama all the ways of the Wind
do Russia got Lenin’s tomb affect your mama so hard she ruptured a womb I’m sorry
yeah yeah your mama up and down Red Square fuck your mama at the county fair. Your mama outside of the Kremlin sold your mama’s pussy like I was a gremlin and a Chinese shops but curiosity’s get a mop don’t get water on his back he’s going to reproduce and then it’ll attack don’t feed him after midnight or they’ll turn bad New Zealand yeah
yeah yeah yeah New Zealand is the place to be it’s on the top of Australia’s Got You see it got less kangaroos up there cuz they can’t make the top and they got thick hair
yo
New Zealand
located Atop The River Ganges is populated primarily by
belittle Russia alcohol
located east of the river god Jason
Soviet Union in for now known as a Soviet Republic considered taxes taxes no new taxes
New Zealand
Russia
New Zealand
Russia Russia
is it in New Zealand
New Zealand
Russia Russia Russia
all right yeah okay that’s good enough in there that bit
thank you
Matthew for our International guests
you guys can you guys can take a seat unless there’s anything that you you you you you provided us with so much is there anything that while you’re here you throw away yeah yeah yeah guy I can’t believe we almost lost
what’s your mind but then you did that but it was so funny
see you later what’s your question you have the floor
if you woke up on a on an island one day and the whole head is a cloning machine cuz I could make it and clones of yourself what would we do
you might have to eat yourself
and you might want to fuc yourself
is the are the clothes do they have my mind all my memories or are they just biologically me and they come out kind of like new-to-the-world and I get to teach the English or not today just come out
yeah it ain’t going to like yeah you are you just came out of the copy machine
okay well so you needed a friend and I’m like no I’m hungry
like you’d have to like I’m assuming like with a baseball bat Mayo I’m just make a mob grinder like a pit of spikes
like a kitchen faucet enslaved and hires out drag the Corpses
and they know they get 20% of the cards is because you have pretended there’s a bunch of you up there
by taking previous clones dead bodies and kind of carpeting that of a driver so they think there’s a whole society up there and that they did something wrong
if they think if they keep hauling corpses and cleaning and cooking them and passing the meat up to the dumbwaiter they get bigger than arm this is actually what that TV series The Illusionist is about such a question to make people sad
because I have something on my mind like yes killing myself I went there I thought about that
this is not the time or the place to judge people for the question is what would you do
can you impress us with your lying
weapons are closed
Portland
giant human flesh cartilage kronenberg infects Vasco are rowing a femur
odd man out of you
don’t you think that you could make enough of you and then sit and that’s a huddle up everybody come out we don’t have any time so you can get dressed in the second here’s the situation no food no water desert island just made a ton of mouths to feed we got to split up and let’s fucking do this let’s turn this place into Miami and the sharp sticks to him you get to Wild Boar I want you to start punching grass and plants and see if any seeds come out again all my survival is knowledge is based on Minecraft is useless if you punch it up your ass cuz of the seed come out that you can use to make food eventually punch One log then there’s a crafting table because because the whole point of a biomass is that if it’s gotten that big it’s because it was sustainable
like there’s no way you could drop 50 strangers on an island and expect more than 20 of them to be alive three days later I probably could you make of you and then be like all right guys huddle up listen I know we don’t have any food but I want to make one more to me and we’re all going to eat that one I feel like that could you make how do you make in the cloning machine is broken or can you make
food people for lack of a better word me to meet machine but I feel like I would if I had a choice between it and I do in this hypothesis I have a choice between making 20 of me and saying let’s all let’s all ritualistically eats into new people who are no different from any of us except that their 21st everyone’s at the table or are you going to finish that Tow and I don’t like this is great me is great and it has Bounty what do you guys want to do tomorrow well let’s press the button again and
the can and everyone is just have this kind of Paul cast over there where they’re like like what’s the point where if you just take take things into your own hands and I’m a I’m a maniac I I control this machine I’m going to control the food chain I’m going to position myself as like a God and create a new civilization underneath me in which I don’t have so that I don’t have to deal with the psychological ramifications of life and death I simply am somehow I’m past meet up like it’s already cooked even I can’t even recognize it I’ll try to convince myself I’ll just I’ll bury the lip of the machine so that all I do is hit a button and I forgot I saw only forget that me coming out of it and I and I just like everyday I go to like a bamboo cabinet and I open it and a fresh steaming pile of me is
delicately prepared by the best chef version of me because you just because I’m just I’m Sumner Redstone like I am just like I don’t even touch the things I control I got theirs just layers of fucking big Metropolis is down there
sorry you just see you if I come guys like those that they don’t even know which one today but I guess that’s me I’m just pressing a button I buried my machine underground you can easily just like forget about it I I believe I would hope so we have all done this
that bamboo cabinets is called America
that buttons called your taxes
eugenius down
YouTube
Becky Eugene congratulations on a successful pilgrimage
everything all his stuff in that backpack
I mean this isn’t hilarious but you guys didn’t go with what I would have done which I don’t even know if that’s a good idea but some species of ants have evolved as a way of surviving flood by which they all formed together in a giant ant ball and they slowly spin the water each person gets a turn to breed I think I might do that
alright other transfers listen up for a little while you going to be under water is going to suck but I’m going to rotate but guess what if this doesn’t work I’m leaving a retainer clone to try something else it’s really funny when you picture of all the Spencers I didn’t expect a huh yeah I know
do all of this solemn coming out of the retina
Duran Duran Rough Boys video and I coming out of the water
anime behind one Spencer’s on the shore like yeah but this fucks up I’ll just make a bunch of new ones plan Bridge of humans
I thought you were going to say that ants like they kill themselves and lay down across the water and then other ants walk across there is no sacrifice is my friends
ant mound ant ball
does spiders real quick if you put you know how like you can see cats eyes glow in the dark spider’s eyes do that to to a lesser extent if you put in a light right by your eyes so it’s like right in line with your eyes so like if you take your phone and have the phone flashlight right up to your eye and you look out into the darkness like in a bush you can see these little tiny they almost look like glitter among the among the shadows and those are spiders eyes
Valencia podcast bro I know all sorts of shit that have you tested it terrifying
like no don’t actually do it you’ll shit
I know we were talking about spiders once
I missed I missed it back then it is about spiders that are so extra terrifying humans actually I actually the the racism sicot neurologist that we talked to in Chicago was talking about you was actually have this evolutionary almost like a flash card of snakes and spiders that’s like these are terrifying it’s not like a coyote or something you can work tactics to combat it
I don’t know. I bet that was a smooth plug combat but you can’t punches spider of a spider bites you want your your potentially deadly poison inside of you that you can leave your body like if I if I knew that I could poison inside
like that’s crazy power all I have is like my like impotent rage like that’s not that’s not that’s not terrifying if I don’t know whatever I got to reserve it it lives in me if I’m adding up it’s out that’s what it’s for do you know if you would ever use it I don’t know I can’t think of a situation in which I would use it recently your girl like you were want to do and I know you
you’re a we got a real wide collar unbuttoned to the chest dancing a dude comes up to you pretend like you’re not even there
he’s getting all up on your girl your bride-to-be dog now mind you you got to you got to reserve a poison that Venom is like ready to what happened you just go like a man made you leave me like just maybe just go to a different table or do you go
I drive a white what first I would go like I better watch what Erin does the situation cuz this might be hot how I find out she doesn’t love me
I’m in your poison stays put in your far be it for me to poison this guy if he’s he’s he’s going to be her new new cat like this is how they meet I think that’s what separates us from the snakes the snakes can’t just like uber to Carl’s jr. in like
you know I got $6 guacamole bacon burger grill, would you be immune to your own Venom you could go up to Dylan is like eating a sandwich it’s to spit poison on it and feel like a man that’s going to kill you can I have that
is this all the free food you can just ruin people’s day poison you can’t drink that can I have it you know technically you can do that with your regular spit or regular non excreted choices
yeah hey that’s not gross to me make and I have that I feel like if you’re a venomous creature you might get more of a past you know that’s like if you spend something if you were a venomous creature on a sidewalk but they still wouldn’t drink their Slurpee so you have a black eye but they’d also I’d like a large Slurpee with your name on it or we just cut out the very complicated middleman of a very complex problem so I’m glad
how does that go and then he holds it in the the cameras over the snakes shoulder as if I’m a snake passes at put in Max it out
I got to see it I’m obsessed with the beach Leonardo DiCaprio in the face and that and it’s like the greatest thing because then they’re telling that story to a bunch of people on a beach as if as if they’re like us watching the movies like and then I decided that I will not start having breakfast as I remember seeing a trailer where I just see Leo DiCaprio going like this in the trailer his life is like a video game it’s not the best movie Last Action Hero in The Islander am I thinking of you might be thinking of last text you’re out or document
I’m a little surprised and the theater. It’s like it’s the world’s worst Crying Game
I mean you would be you would visit there are there movies that have a Twist that big that make you go like really excited about cuz sometimes I just feel like I don’t like the people are fucking with me so maybe I’m just too fragile I don’t think that’s what I mean our brains and our bodies are 6 million years old there’s no there’s no such thing as like a there’s Twisted storytelling but you can’t just say at the end of a Campfire story but by the way this whole time they were in the whole time I was telling you that Bruce Willis was hanging out with this kid
check out a bunch of flashback motherfuker you want but I will
I want to make my movie there’s going to be so many to tell this old-timer is story for instance horns 10 times and I feel like if I did it one more time I would have gone in because that poster of old qtile Daniel Radcliffe with horns that’s almost enough man I don’t even know what it’s about why do they have horse that’s what it’s about. And why and why
I watched it what do you think it’s like you know old crudite
supposed to be good for me but it’s just like from Albertsons
why you trying to make me rethink how I think about morality when you don’t even know what your movie is about
play why oh why oh why are we going straight to me having my definitions of good and bad subverted if like you do you know I hate when I don’t know I’m too old I just want I just watch these things out I just I feel like it just everyone’s on my lawn and I just go like get off my alarm I don’t even consider it that they’re good they’re gold entertain me anywhere I got I just psycho a $6 + $6
I actually don’t I can’t tell you in the old days like 8 years ago I would have been like I’ll tell you what I thought about a possible to make a good movie or that or that or that you do like RoboCop was so great I think everything is always sucks way more than we think are you just catching some sucky shit when you’re in a good mood
I mean I was like you’re not wrong but also have you seen Birdman I haven’t seen very bad I want to see you I’m going to be able to handle watching that because it’s because Michael Keaton’s too much for the average current movie going on it’s because he’s too fucking good and doesn’t think he’s back
you honestly I don’t know anyone who doesn’t think he’s back speak now a week Applause that I will not dignify that with a response Michael Keaton’s Back 2 hours you got you get him for 2 hours I guess I have I guess I wasn’t I didn’t realize how hard that I hadn’t seen Michael Keaton for a while you you forget but then you realize like I’ve been watching a bunch of guys named Chris for like the last 10 guys was like cool hair or not like oh my God it was really good bargain
I guess it’s a fucking Keaton is here for you for you and I’m not fucking around it’s like listen listen listen I promise I’ll shut up it’s your show because Beetlejuice does not appear in his own movie for 50 minutes 50 minutes into Beetlejuice he shows up for real early in the movie he’s like on a commercial on a tiny TV like 50 minutes he comes in for real and takes the movie over nobody remembers that because you fucking owns it cuz he’s teething
I’ll tell you something else Geena Davis was almost Olympic Archer did you know that how I know he was almost as in the Olympics as an Archer was almost sure she was in Beetlejuice and she had a sitcom where she played the president
and I have no opinion about any of that stuff might have been representing the United States as an Archer at the Olympics more than one thing and it really lose me cuz I’m not even good at one thing she’s got to be a pretty shity Archer because how many people can possibly be trying out for that
since the invention of the gun
how many raise your hand if you can kill someone with a bow and arrow C
you could make them like maybe drop a bunch of blood
we met someone or you practiced archery
had a Ren Faire two years ago and I did not I did not come close to a Target or I shredded a bale of hay and I missed so all right we don’t have an ending for the show because it’s not because Spencer is a bad person
it’s because we’ve grown over to over dependent on Dungeons & Dragons as a closer and medical for so long and you know to ask you to keep writing these D&D Adventure rats I mean I wrote them but yeah man it’s tough how fast what the show is gotta it’s a got a Dungeons & Dragons addiction I mean we we don’t know how else to 222 at the show I feel like I know how ladies gentleman Michael Keaton
keep the appliances, then work
but honestly what if what if it happened man blow minds and I know that and that’s what makes us back man sorry I didn’t know it’s all right okay so I mean you were talking a bunch of where were you going with all that has some interesting to the show I don’t know if I if I prepared things do you think I’d talk about my dog yeah I think your dog is I’m not Bill Cosby and go do my dog will be interesting I’ll do it at Cosby
I don’t know
people are going to start being okay with talking about Bill Cosby apply for way happy about Beetlejuice not showing up for 50 minutes and they were about taking my book on nobody here knows him he didn’t know I mean you’re all wrong but actually your daddy just played it that on TV it’s okay it’s okay
Sandy did I know I know I know I remember we all know
let me let me let me just do it let me do a really sweet ass rap like like I won’t but it wasn’t necessarily it’s not going to close the show the wraps Let Me Clear My Head will put it
sorry sorry it’s not my job my job is to flow to clear your head
this is serious shit I don’t know what I’m doing up here
yeah but I’m here right now
your mama’s got feet she uses them to walk
cook your pussy like a walk
Chinese food
your mom is in the mood
chopsticks
penises sticks
Falls butts Dick’s nuts New York
Beach Park
second x-56
78 your mama’s pussy on a plate break it down
break it down break it down Spencer I’m breaking it down
like a sad clown cuz I’m stepping up the place with my jungle and balls and I’m screaming to the place from the walls to the walls I do now give it to him Dan electric signal
Mama’s got a signal that’s an Arcane symbol fuck your mama was a symbol of a small don’t want her to poke it at all so I protected with the showing piece of equipment yeah yeah
save on shipment
just hold on just hold on
river River of Life yo yo what up y’all here we go this is the part where the beat comes in and now I’m about to be getting my name is Dave and I don’t rap-a-lot yo I’ll smoke a little pot and that’s cool it decriminalize girl I’m between your thighs that’s cool I rap about Keaton motherfuker Jodie Sweetin coming back from meth addiction is nonfiction Google it and you can do it too it’s all you gon give it to ya
Uber cab service in I’m done taking business away from the taxi service
government getting nervous
I love that shit Philadelphia sees you they will pull over and it’s going to Uber driving ass cupcake mustache going down the Avenue Uber driver while Google.
All right let’s just listen to use that to end the show cuz we don’t know what else to do
I’ll be I’ll be more lively after I get married
dungeon master
giant Elsa Anna video stream you want to thank him and day and I don’t know who Kevin’s new new technical friend is I got to remember his name so we can thank him he’s the just curious if you see a guy named Chris thank him for
hooking up his cameras and keeping them out of your way all right in the Meltdown and everything okay and God bless America and we’ll see you see you again in 2 weeks, 2 weeks from now okay I’ll see you with my wife