Episode: 59 – Writing Tips From A Jerk


Episode: 59 – Writing Tips From A Jerk


Mayor Harmon tells us how to not write. Also discussed: Wikileaks, Disabilities, Ben Affleck and puppies.


wait for it
Panda Express
hello there buddy walk up to a Meltdown Comics turn it down again
I love this song
don’t know the crash and I can pop back in the 70s
are you
a statement that is down again I thought that was a permanent thing that they’re going to raise the stage
Ty I picked the worst ways to open the show’s podcast you came out your shirt off a couple times is that is that right or is that just like a symptom of how nervous I am about how to start the choices with that music what was going on
I did have a car. My only bad choice I thought the song started right away I forgot there was kids playing.
George Bush say no new taxes
there’s a dialogue from a kung fu movie and Freddy Krueger came out he was like like like little kids playing like like Hopscotch or a skip rope or some some business well we’re here now underway doesn’t matter doesn’t matter how you how you start doesn’t matter if you come up and and talk about how low the stage is the entertainment always just around the corner is a town meeting right Jeff comptroller Jeff Davis is here let’s have a hand for him it was always you she doesn’t get paid for this he does it for the love of government yeah yeah yeah I love rules I love I love governing speaking of government I can’t recommend highly enough I watched last night the Wikileaks documentary it’s called we steal Secrets I think it’s on I don’t know if it’s on the Netflix or whatever we thought an Apple TV cuz we’re douches but it’s it’s really really enthralling
workout during that time when the when the Juliana signs with the thing in the ear it was happening I was at you I was getting it was getting bad reports of what was going on and I just did see Bill Hader on SNL doing an impression I was working at community and I had not yet been banished to my Ecuadorian Embassy or or what happened or if you think information should be should be free or cost $5 a pound whatever the alternative you is it really is cuz it’s such a well-done documentary it’s really very objective and just kind of reports on it what what is it truly like probably one of the most interesting modern historical stories that we lived through in recent time I don’t even know if a documentary about 9/11 would have more like they click impacting kind of information in it I am really blowing this moving
watch it I just thought it was amazing I did this this concept like we as as the throng like we live in this big honeycomb in raw we’re all good people are all pretty decent and then and then this the strong is able to do these like really weird nasty things and a 10 part part part of the reason it’s able to do nasty things is precisely because with a throng it’s possible to stop communicating to stop exchanging information freely food for everyone just letting you know what’s going on with everybody all the time you step over a homeless person on the way to 711 he don’t have time like I’ve talked about this before what if we would we had an economic system where helping the people was actually what made you worth more got you more laid got you better suits and stuff like like people would homeless people become like targets United slamming your break jump out of the car throw a blanket around him
or something but but that problem would be wiped out I don’t know if I don’t know if the country would do great or not as a result but it’s got to be better than Kickstarter to start Noah Panhandle each other to death because the secret from each other are you know there’s a plate of cookies out of table someone’s going to steal them if you don’t like you some counter Espionage and figure out who’s going to steal the cookies you was hungry as people who is it who’s the Cookie Thief in the room it was protecting our cookies man we’re not decide if you’re going to have secrets about how you get you see cuz you got to think and end end characters like like like like a size they’re like these kind of like Mason should be free and it’s not a heroic political politician platform a popularity contest because it’s so easy to go
and this is going to happen that guy’s going to fall down and hurt himself and who cares if there’s a larger crime happening when information is not free interesting is deceiving ourselves into thinking that the throng needs a hero like we don’t have his weird I guess it’s not weird at all it’s like we’re primate so we need a face on Time Magazine we have to know who’s going to who’s who represents like what’s right to do this guy right of the years the president was a little kid the light bulbs yeah but he raped someone with it in Tomahawk missile into the Cubans or whatever very well hidden secrets
most effective surgical missile strikes in history where was Bill Clinton strike upon the cube
Barack Obama George Bush we all know this if the elephant in the room that it doesn’t fucking matter that the larger things are the government’s do stuff we do stuff we pay for it with their taxes it’s a system like like like like we don’t care there’s nothing there to change you can change cheering for a guy and then booing him you can you can elect a guy you can you can throw darts at his pictures where you can put them on the cover of of the Bible you can Google it them on your shoulders you can blow him you can you can punch him you can you can you can talk shit about them you can go to that we can’t do that with like just just just a boring fact that our system works in a certain way and it and I think that that that yeah they hacker mentalities kindly bring the whole fucking thing down you know just make everything really difficult to keep secret and and then and then we’ll go from there and it said in there is no you know in there if you’re looking for a right or a wrong or a hero or a villain here you’re only going to find these weird stories and boil the stories are true
and respect the guy I wasn’t following any of it back then maybe a lot of you were but but but it sure is cool rehash by the director and it is nice to our CliffsNotes thing really really riveting boy I could just suck that movies balls I just want to take that movie to to the to the to the to another movie you take the back way to Meg Ryan and I added she still is she still working I just want to make sure it’s it it gets our juices flowing to take that movie to home tonight I heard she doesn’t for the for your date like I just want to take the movie I don’t remember who Meg Ryan is
how is Austin where are you Meg Ryan, is give us a call
who created the universe here I guess you’re in La Robin Williams came up I went by like yeah that would have been like maybe he did something weird the last time I heard about Meg Ryan somebody showed me a picture of her knees and never really weird a picture of Meg Ryan strip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out while actually has that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little to give me the flight better than beerus men and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film Earth-like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
Austin was fine that was a Segway television Festival there I like the television is becoming what movies used to be able to sort of a way for people to express who they are you know you don’t really have time anymore prophylaxis they call it when Aunt bar for chemicals into each other’s mouths you pass them here’s where I am is where I’m going now you got to let you know and the other person goes like because I just exchange I’ll give it another shot
subscription model know where Nielsen’s is people people passing each other the strangest barf barf and recommendations
don’t look at any polish it I had to 48 hours is Paul rust and his wife girlfriend on chosen they’re having a Game of Thrones party and I had they were walking the pastor house if you need me just hit
Game of Thrones can you imagine how’s that show going to get shity what’s it going to do if you hit your here and haven’t seen it.
Okay well that’s not fair okay this is dizzy and out of the crate and I was told don’t don’t like don’t look at social media if you don’t want to like some fan people just to spoil it for you and so nobody did but people kept coming the day cuz we do harmontown on Sunday is if I watch it on Monday with some friends and we got everyone dude did you watch that I haven’t seen everything you’re doing your eyebrows but I’ve never met these how can people maybe I have
stop it just record yourself while you’re watching it man it wasn’t that good it was still good friends and one friend didn’t have time to stay for the whole movie so he wanted to know if a character was going to live or die and head and the other guy was I was like well I’m watching the whole movie the one guy had seen the movie do you know not seen the movie one guy was going to leave for work and I just want to know if you could have
stop it I’m watching the whole movie in the middle guy in the middle guy goes
Adidas La Quinta going to stay alive stay alive
Chicago and vodka sauce and we went in and Dina just want to know about the vodka sauce and he was like the guy started to just make up make it like like we’re ordering it you know I don’t know I just want to know I kind of know like how do you make it is it is it in the is it in the sauce or do you do you think it’s a spicy spicy
it’s called an enjoyable things I think I love it
I don’t even know why I’m at fault
what was the name of the show called try not to do this in your sample script
that’s better than any of us imagined
alright voice over just just stop it just stop it if you if you want to work in television like I know I know I know there’s a million show stop my television I will continue to read your script I’m not going to throw it across the room cuz I’m not going to be like racist against your voice over script but I don’t judge it because of because of the thing but I’m at but I am I’m a good judge you cuz what are you doing if it says I’m paid one you know who you are because it’s tan vo and then it goes that’s me
I’m the guy that never knows what to do until he’s doing it
I can pick that up from stuff happening in your script pretty fucking doing in the information than you can possibly squeeze into the medium of Television if you if you if you need to do something with purpose or is it looks like this is what’s happening but really this is what’s happening a lot to to to prove I think when you do that if you really think about what you’re doing there there I am the sandwich eating guy
you know what they say about a sandwich it’s two pieces of bread with some meat in the middle and that’s how I feel about life
this is pretty good if that’s how you feel about life mr. author
Driving School
I don’t want to make yourself clear by showing me something in talking to me during it be Laurie Anderson performance art
I know it’s not the Colosseum was like me and games which round
agenda in the hold of the bleeding Tower what’s with mean I can’t get a break
just waiting on a guy doing something let me figure it out you fucking dick
I think you playing that song
I’ve been reading a lot of a lot of a lot of scripts and Body Spray doesn’t make him a character like if you if you hate him so much and I’m just having to hit by a truck or something I don’t know when you have the two characters that have each a compatible list of things I like and then one guy goes who I like ET and she’s like I like ET and then and then the guys like I was a t t into the weight you just you just said you pooped in your pants. Etia eat in my cheese when I watch poop poopy things are going well
I’m not getting out of this crime and if it’s officially
Dan if you ever feel like you’re flailing in this certain segments you could just point to me another music comes right back at you and you may tell me a couple details about the things that he wears or that are consumed I just also think you should you should maybe know him as a person
Scripps is mostly half hour, he kind of thinks if you’re a writer and you’re making a half hour comedy right now don’t put man cave in it
I mean that’s okay it was built on that one though here’s the sick so it’s a little harder for a lot of you into that you can’t have one character say this is my man cave and then have the other characters say rule number one don’t say man cave
because that doesn’t count also as a joke that’s not so nice and somebody will say something that is nonsensical like some time to get to give her babbles and it is so now what does that even mean
what I mean by that is yeah exactly that’s the thing like too many too many too many jokes being presented as a guy saying something that doesn’t make any sense and the other guy saying it does not make any sense of your old head like a Monopoly guy is I close to the library close to him and maybe a long time ago to use in writing when you kind of I kind of set yourself out now all writing is essentially the Monopoly guy this is not an empirically measurable thing like the way something either has sugar in it or doesn’t like its it you know everything is a little bit of a Monopoly guy but I think it’s that you does a certain point where it’s unnecessary roughness the reason it’s called a Monopoly guy that robbed Travis as young as young aspiring writers were watching Ace Ventura 2 as you does you do
just a whole lot of chaps and there’s a scene in it where there’s a guy that walks into a party and he’s wearing a top hat a monocle and he has a big white curly mustache and a and a and a tail tuxedo and he’s about four feet tall and and you know as most rich people would at a party he’s got some he’s got some he’s got some problems with Aces behavior is very freewheeling character he plays it as it lays you know how he I think he had just emerged from a bathroom and you know he’s very wet cuz he had a whole adventure and then he just said don’t I just getting there at 7 and this guy this little guy who again just to describe them for you break down that the Wardrobe Department guy in Central Casting at he’s got a white mustache a monocle and a top hat and a tuxedo with with tails on it kind of short kind of cartoonish looking
he was holding two big bags of money with dollar signs on them I can’t remember but he has some problems with his behavior that has the punchline to the whole thing like I am pleased to meet you let me go let me guess you’re cuz you’re supposed to be like holy shit he nailed it
there’s that guy walking around that movie Set dress like the Monopoly guy thinks he can get away with it and not according to the other guy that’s also the same movie written by the same person who handed a memo to the lady that bought a tux Went to went to the Wardrobe warehouse It’s a d you have something on Monopoly guy would where I went to see how can we do your mustache I think they held up on Monopoly guy card cuz I do it like that do the car do it like on the card that counts is a joke if the guy was just on the street then you’re a badass that’s when you don’t want to say how do you like them apples you want to call the guy Monopoly guy
I don’t know I guess you guys are bummed out cuz you know all your scripts are shity. I can’t
just just just be better at what you do I mean you’ll get the hang of it and turkeys I mean you have to you have to read you know if I was if I was in there if I was if I was trying to get work mine would be one of the turkey because you’re always a different mood when you’re reading everything I’m not I’m not I don’t want to get like a little presumptuous about it is you know a war needs soldiers in it in assembling a good staff you need people to have we don’t throw their their their their butt at you on a platter and you get to appraise it however you want when I’m really burping it up tonight
so I’m not taking it you’re not a bad person you should give your job is to write like 20 million bad scripts in your lifetime and then you get lucky with some of them but I just think in the meantime could you please with the voice-over it’s really killing me like this so many scraps but I’m Steve if you’re thinking what I’m thinking to keep reading
resume at amazing like I know that there are shows on the air that do this but I don’t you know those are just those are just people that got lucky to be that your job is to is to be better if the pilots are hard because yeah they’re like specks like original material my shit done in the pilot is hard to keep it is especially like if somebody goes like it’s a real ghost
I did I farted a little bit of a
it’s so you know you got to get out you got to ask yourself if you’re if you’re practicing any craft at all and made it here just like they’re there I am there’s me I’m God spending the planet on my finger you know sometimes I write a pilot I just fuck around there’s my Flamingo backwards
where’s Molly in case there’s best friends the kind of friend that always says she does want to go shoe shopping but then she does
not a joke that’s not a joke just because God said she wouldn’t say it right
just kids could get down there with the people and just you know make love to your staff coming together
of a finding that Mina very fine scary fine who else who else has executive producer has been fired and rehired Lorne Michaels you I think about it do you count Moses wasn’t you kind of
I mean I do not count
that’s true in the bush was like hi I’m a bush
if you’re thinking right now you should hate your neighbor I don’t think so
anyways that’s enough of that at home taking care of the puppy that’s a full-time job tell you that it turns out a dog is not capable of knowing where to pee or poop for the first seven months of its life so if you have to you have to be told that by someone after a few weeks of what are we doing wrong why is it why will it just be anywhere their brains not even ready to receive the the puppy potty trained it pissed and then you just you just have two dogs just won’t pee where they sleep so that’s a crate training is it’s two hours you take the dog out you play with it you do all the stuff with it but then at the end of it you got it you can’t let him wander your house like an adorable puppy cuz it’ll just piss anywhere this is nothing you can really do but let it sleep
and rest in this little puppy sized crate it’s a little it’s a little pain which it’ll associate is being I get home it’s Dan it’s bad I’d so it would only knows I can’t hear I can’t poop here and then I said then you take it out take it you take it out in the yard and it immediately pisses cuz it’s got a pee cuz it’s been in there for 4 glass type of bait you just if you slip up for a second and things in a p i n e n e where it says end-to-end puppies also they don’t they don’t lift their leg they don’t do it they just stand and they strike this kind of like like George Washington crossing the Delaware I got a kind of quit like they say they like their chest out and kind of look going to Regal for a second and then there’s a there’s just a puddle beneath them.
it’s a it’s a it’s a full-time job if you see a mock-up of a of a haul of a boat and I put my my put one leg up on the floor planks Someday I’m sorry I said you guys are bad writers I didn’t I didn’t see anybody in here right now that has a current script in the works that has voice over and feels like a piece of garbage right now to start is it drama when our talking to me or am I talking to myself I don’t know but we’re going to find out
I’m going to kill the high school class president on a weekly basis these days I like the screaming scratchy throat cuz I yelled I thought it was Sam Kinison for a second I paid the price for me I’m Dan Harmon
I used to think screaming was a good idea then I paid the price
the other thing I kind of iffy about is the flashback thing to 30 Rock saying this the switch wipe to the thing it’s like I don’t mean it’s like you noticed you know I didn’t really do that a lot and Community because I felt like that have been kind of shred over so I don’t know but you you make up your own mind about that really I’m looking for any kind of like I don’t really care you can make a mistake I don’t care I like everyone everyone does something that someone else doesn’t like you can’t you you have to be a rock or a quartz to not offend somebody with your with your script blew up my throat can’t do it anymore as a bit
there is water behind your neck of the Vodka he’s ever seen the Water by the way you’re right

is it really that easy you just make your throat wet and then it stops
it’s a severe than just like I needed it needed to be hydrated want to irrigate they system their baby so anyways that’s marriage
trips to the dentist are never
what they seem stuff on satellite radio stations that you can go through and just a blue collar one is always someone talking about their porch that’s like the worst of that when you see them but then you hear them you hear the verbal tic that they do it like they do it every time like that, but I really like it at all your do you have that ticket I thought that’s a weird like I can go to sing it do it makes me kind of not like them as much as Richard Pryor he kind of nervous chocolate chip with him when you see him you don’t care when you you just hear it it’s it’s jarring
I’m not I’m not being quiet cuz I’ve been hanging out to dry up just like water in my throat
you do the thing when I when you run out of steam with somebody
when we were out or I’ll go I noticed all go at like what was it like after you talk I’ll go but sometimes it’s not like I’m being a dick from gales of laughter clearly like my throat is blown on a brother to Steven it’s a good time to bring up some of my friends so they can pick up the the the slack and it’s very late and so, I was backstage and we said I said maybe you should have gotten do an opener and he was like I do that and that will be on if I’m ever like 10 minutes yeah like lately I should have somebody come out
I know that
can I say one thing about the Good Will Hunting scene the Apple sings you can tell by the way you stopped liking them apples as much by the way you drinking water looks so unnatural to me
what okay so do apple scene first of all that fucking guy why did he respond she’s like this guy just showed me how to do my girlfriend now he wants to know if I like apples like you’re probably also to the affirmative that stupid also what if he didn’t like apples then does he have like other backup that’s okay you don’t like apples do you like chicken wings well then what do you think of this do you know I don’t know this is probably the original script that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon reportedly wrote was about them saving the world from a meteor and a guy as he is in the movie I think that’s where the similarity get to the cast super smart and there was a meteor, and it was he still like about you
be able to tell the future you’re kind of like Good Will Hunting in janitor mode you really are stacked of a superhero I know did you guys listen to last week’s episode everyone
but they wrote it that they had this the script it was like it was kind of like I think it was just like closer to like a kind of Bourne Identity kind of like saying it like it was like a spy Thriller and then William Goldman I believe they did an uncredited rewrite on it that made it into a feel-good therapy Thriller typing in the Snopes I don’t know maybe it mean I don’t know how much is letting you know that the details on it being hit by a car and he’s a janitor at near Earth asteroid or something like that is it still.
if I can save the world alive. Kind of actually turn like that that’s the life that he was born Avenues accepted the the Academy Award for best screenplay I think I’ve been a near page-one Rewrite by somebody else right yeah that’s what I meant I’ll take it with the thank you and I’ll get out of here if it’s Ben Affleck with Bowie
did you ever see how is your news the documentary about the it’s the mentally challenged people that cry but I think they do news correspondents assertive like a self-funded thing with their caretakers they they wanted to do it and I kind of had another put this project together and they went out there and it was just Down Syndrome guy who is like talking to Ben Affleck about something and the infant is so in actor talking politics mode he’s so supercharged about how bad the Republicans are still retarded guy doesn’t notice the guy is retarded and is like kind of a
he does that everybody else is like really heartwarming because these people are doing what they want to take we’re so used to like it really cuts to the to the quick of this this weird ironic swirl that we have surrounding people who are differently abled where we we think that sensitivity is treating them like ghosts cuz when they walk into a room we don’t want them to be the way they are which is a horrible thing to feel about another human being so we pretend we don’t feel that way cuz we don’t want to engage them in one of the people who wipe their asses and and and and pick them up and carry them into the water if they’ve never experienced being in water before the people who wiped wiped throughout their face who who stay with them to keep them from swallowing so much are that their stomachs explode depending on how what what they’ve gotten how bad they got it like people who people who engage with them and don’t have that kind of Shame and guilt like they’re they’re kind of delighted by people like friends with Down Syndrome are typically very funny people like they’re there then they make you laugh and I think we all feel like very when we feel that laughter coming up when it when a person with Down Syndrome like like like
he said something and it’s entertaining like like we kind of like we have this weird reaction and end it is but the news is uplifting because they go around it’s like I don’t know if they’re going across the country and there isn’t anybody that’s going what’s wrong with you what’s your problem what are you retarded like like like everyone kind of very quickly adapt and has delightful conversation ones that didn’t make it into the documentary
I’m sure there was some and uncharismatic moments but but but I’m sure if there was a big one they probably would have put it into it for the sake of what are full of like give you the full picture is anyways with Ben Affleck, he’s a bad person like he isn’t like the retarded like I just remembered watching asking him about Daredevil and he’s he wants to talk about politics and speaking of what you would think my wife’s mom was like a wonderful person Southern lady whenever she sees somebody who has a Down syndrome or Sundays in a realtor she always go to South Bay Animal party loud what time do you want to do a couple of guys I think that’s great I just walked away
seal of approval to purchase words putative where is your pathetic you’re you’re you’re pitiful pitiful is meeting like your you know something to be pitied I guess I don’t think of it anyway I don’t think you could you not supposed to regard the differently-abled as being lesser than yourself a mean if a person has one arm if they have one less armed than the average person and they’re pretty capable of going like like I got the one arm so I don’t have to let it hold him back you’re not supposed to give him a job
date date date they could still go to the Olympics or like I as I found out on the stage like some people are can get indicted for murder and have like the site work limbs there’s people with different numbers of things when is a purely physical thing like that or you’re like I got it I got one leg and I’m going to I’m going to jump over the moon it’s like it’s very easy for us to compartmentalize and stuff and then you have like what what if your bipolar what if you’re transgender but you’re like you do you identify as a different different different gender than you are what if your kleptomaniacs what if you what if you just clinically depressed what if you have Down syndrome like like you get you it’s harder for us to process that that that that information and come out the other side like just kind of rooting for everybody we used to go out of everyone different is worse off hears you do we call it we just call him worse off and let’s collect some money and it’s going to be like in so many ways we’ve advanced in our thinking but in some very strange ways we’ve kind of along the way
a little bull Tangled in our in our their own shoelaces that way
play that cowboy song
Hey gang at Adam Goldberg has come to the stage at night I’m not going to connect to any jobs with what we’ve been discussing I will got you to stop laughing with that one getting people to come out welcome to the stage hey Adam come on up here it looks like we invited him
what do you have to say come on up buddy
I like the idea that this podcast is still edited by people other than lawyer which was a horror movie that now and I am coming up on her ass and leaving if I don’t know. I’m pitiful should it be like 85 or should it be like 93
because we can we can and when I do vote on alright I’m pulling in that direction but the thing is there’s just other medium that we see people who are like who have Olympic stature and have a disability and we see them is like this example of super Crips which is an actual term in discussing this fabled it’s super Crips not like the super Bloods no and Olympic runner despite losing their legs we look at normal people lose their legs and say well why aren’t you this guy why aren’t you going to this standard Olympian who wants it the most the super blood they’re doing with Kryptonite right
play the your own punchline I’m trying to play you guys were in a comic book shop in Iron Man 3 the extremist virus was about a disability it was about people came back from war and when we finally here one of these people speak when he’s in the newspaper and when did what was the most important day of your life person in the extremist program in the person responded the day I decided my disability wasn’t going to hold me back now there’s not one person in this movie who gets extreme we need who isn’t evil Pepper Potts has already been established as a good character against extremist but one by and buy a large I like statistically they seen it it’s the second biggest movie of all time
I’m benefiting for the fact that I’ve no idea what you’re talking about I don’t have benefit from whatever Adams Point is before I benefit from Iron Man 3 and that’s for sure I know that thing is that all these people wanted you know that they were ruined and that’s the only way to get better is through drugs except at the hero of the movie Just decides to use willpower to get over everything from PTSD to not having a super power armor so we kind of see the extremist stubs is taking the easy way out there’s a balance of the movie they’re destroyed by his old farmer would you blows up because the movies about becoming hole and getting rid of it to somebody through will power at some point in the 80s or 70s that you know parents should both go to work like like like you know Mom could work and dad can work and you know kids can look like I have a house key around their neck and they can come over to school I need some instant oatmeal and
mosquito capitalism gets what he wants are you saying that the night like we’re kind of the wrong energy Gets behind this concept of a good handicapped person that person is a starter cases are such that most handicapped people can’t do that any more than you could grow a third arm buy one at the most are not having anywhere to hold your coffee or something of course I’ve been unable to write for 2 months because women if you rejected me I don’t know what I’d do if I lost a foot but where’s my foot oh that do not fit in on something interesting happening for 5 minutes and then go to Black and say three weeks earlier than like 20 Pages just getting to the guy with his figure out how to start your
story interesting Lee or get there quicker you referring to disabled people cuz they really don’t it felt like that because it’s implying that you know your existence is something that’s so hard that you have to be extraordinary to overcome it it’s a term for people who go out of their way to do something beyond the morrow expectation of the average person not someone who gets out of bed every day because otherwise they’re going to be in FedEx every time a major news organization uses the word to hear all this running around and stuff like that it’s not just just cool person just popular person screaming and told someone
and then people would like all we destroy America’s Heroes this guy was actually a domestic abuser is like you gave him the term hero really really easily you can take it away just as if anything it doesn’t mean anything on the other end to its immediate yeah and I’m taking it back to what I was talking about earlier was babbling about that documentary I loved I think that I think that might take away from this whole the whole Wikileaks has this amazing frog star that your wife is that we we we have these systems that we totally accept and let them to continue let them continue as soon as one person says this system’s fucked up and I as one person I’m going to do something so powerful that it’s going to fuck up with the whole system or just fuck with it a little bit we focus on that person because they’re a person and if they also have a stutter or they also have a weird personality or like in in Julius Julian Assange sex offense
sorry it’s really weird and an awesome but like we focus too much on these people and they kind of systems that aren’t human in the first place that you’re doing all the fuckedupshit that’s how they like it it’s a system and it just stays in place and then anybody got that starts to speak up and goes like can we adjust the air conditioning in here at that everyone can turn to that person and be like okay what’s your name where did you make your money last year what do you like for dinner like likes to start time you’re in the spotlight and sooner or later because you’re human you’re going to fail and then the system goes well so much for that point of view that failed you think he’s sort of cultivated that a little bit if you wanted to like the guy who came out today saying that he was the one who leaked prism and everything else yeah but in the meantime
human beings are braggarts and Narcissus and rapists and and and thieves and liars and politicians and diplomats and and and villains like lovers and healers midnight Jokers Data Systems never get held to that scrutiny you don’t get to say this is what Google is and after molt and partner in order to do that look like where it looks like like 8 and ends so they continue on being systems which if a person did what with these systems did you would you would go well that’s kind of fucked up of you you keep you you should keep talking about Freedom all the time you sure blowing a lot of people up fucking weirdo
Hippocrates putting Jerry over there who can kill some more people and sometimes people represent too much when you considered President Obama as like when we saw him in 2008 he was much more simple than a person all right so why don’t you stay up here play Erin mcgathy character I can’t think of anything better
hello brother hey guys
how you doing baby I’m doing great how are you doing baby you’ll get hungover hanging out with that guy he has the New Black up at Little Dom’s right then. There’s a plaque that’s been up there forever but just a couple that we don’t know and then Dino goes there all the time and he spent so much money there and usually doesn’t old-school tab 13th for the same time his went up Jon Hamm got the other booth there’s a place in Studio City went there a few times
blatantly on his cell phone turn bar Trivia cheats wonderful life that you can’t be on your cell phone that’s the rule guys apparently I want a sandwich I want a thing that you can go into a habitat have a Jeff Davis what it is though Danny Thomas the number to grab coffee table otherwise it ruined like poop apparently and what is this thing
that was nothing like a sex thing we discovered I don’t know how well they know about scat stuff I mean you guys are on the fortunes on the read it so I don’t know if it’s on red at maybe that’s a little thumbnails that one time I Saw Shop had a VHS that involve like stuff coming out of somebody and I like it it’s amazing it makes you makes you gassy ever saw was the preview before it it was a regular pornxx are like a little short yeah
two people shiting on each other as if so then you might like shiting on people
coming this fall
is weird and complicated World very different but I really feel that a poop or blood is involved that you getting turned on go back to the drawing board man
you an idealist or or or is there a line like somebody that likes to bleed I do I mean I don’t I don’t know I’m just talking to each other and how do you get to that she was saying like it’s like tattooed and kind of my punk rock like she’s like my boyfriend I would love to see them and I left me in on him I’m like
sheets covered in piss in the bathtub I’m never in the morning never in the morning is more gross than a connoisseur
what about pee so you’re at your prudish to other people to Imperial downhill into a bathtub like my friends over the my friends are in his metal bands I used to go to a high school video tape VHS tape it said six six the labels of 666 do not watch and kind of not right in and play at the party but it would be up on a shelf of two gals and a dude and the guy was eating the poop out of the buds
you fucking follicle that you could people walk in and see one friend
have to walk outside of the party would be 16 people outside of the recovering from it and the reason why I was a bummer is the refusal of the call it was always like eating the poop poop poop would be produced no my God what does bird in The Flintstones after work like I mean there’s this probably if there’s a hundred people here asking to hand would shoot up and then come up but it’s like it’s too easy to easy to Target you know there is no really we just want to know
there I was under the coffee table if you like eating poop or watching somebody else to eat the food on you or pooping on someone, make you think I’m going to give that a try tonight, that’s the thing and it’s like where do you draw the line you know I thought I thought they were coming for the people that you like to eat poop so I didn’t care and then one day they came for me or the female equivalent whatever that is I have no idea
and never shall still working on a shout-out figure it out eventually but the when you get into the point where there’s plenty of people on his way we have you know this is an issue was like oh you know what gets me going is when the other person who I want nothing to do with it is too young to want anything to do with that and then bottle and it’s like oh shit okay sorry for those people and they go like fuk I can’t wait till we’ve gone from shit to pedophilia
no judgement as I’m talking about popular sexual sexual Affair between porn and pedophilia really is a big line being that someone gets hurt why is it I might say I would say the ship without being here indicates there is something broken about you before the ship people though such an animal act and I think what is more animal than like somebody so I’m sort of getting all right
when is Valentine’s Day coupons
when you poop in your automobile colonize the moon if you like people to poop on you I’m not going to have sex with eight year old children or or women that are screaming no stop it then we have a problem because you’re right to swing your fist ends at the end of another person’s nose we have an issue because not because of your right because of other other people’s but if you want if you want somebody to poop on you
we got that I also saw it like when I was dead so part of me is like that’s not so crazy but I did. No one is going to watch it paid that $10 to watch you do it 666 do not let it sit all right that’s weird
but what if there’s a girl you have had a crush on this girl for your she’s gorgeous amazing she’s awesome you you’re like this the perfect girl from me and she’s making out with you for the first time it’s the night of your life and she’s like the only thing once I have to shit on you like and then we can be in a relationship
I think that’s weird I’m more so because of her weird ritualistic going to do it once she wants to know that he’s there for another through thick and thin and very embarrassing is going to be very thick
I really like the direction the show is gone
where is get that one little deep topic that psychic powers that give Dick give you a whole extra week to prepare your D&D what I was supposed to go see should I pass them out I’ll pass them out you want to you want to catch us up to that I was going to say something with each other and then later I remember thinking like probably the saddest moment has to be when they’re like it’s like maybe later that day and their showered and their find a little bit in their belly button and then like all right I did that
yeah cuz it’s something you immediately forget what you get home
that’s me thank you
cool by the way the harmontown show today at the sale still going on it’s like super comfortable
I want to hear the question
Noah moved on okay
when you don’t mind putting something in it now we can’t sell things here because it’s a different store that’s why we can’t sell t-shirts here but you can buy them on harmontown. Com
Mountain View Apartments
I think I think you just I think you might have just comfortable coming out of your butt if if you if you if you could put like a Sharpie pen up it or or or for the I think I’ll have to go dancers will be will the poop is like it’s not a shoe made out of poop and then the poop gets everywhere that’s weird it’s not so weird around people that’s the word starts to get if no one’s questioning that poop leave the button that’s normal
why did you say sir and I put it I put it I was like I wanted was going to be great
is the correct sentence to think before you do that the male orgasm like I’ve got poop on I’m not going to use it to write a chore list like I don’t do that again
bike buy buy new Sharpie pen disposable items
more so than your average Sharpie pen
so where were we in the adventure going to get music I mean I could do without but that’s what I’m going to do the music okay
last time on harmontown dandr narrator gave us the travels in Tales of our then everybody talked about Jeff psychic ability if it was decided by Kumail that just abuse of a special gift was arrogant and unfortunate in having heard a thousand or more of just special abilities decided that he just simply default to his old standby response to these stories through drinking this subject shifted to money lending and Aaron pointed out that Jeff will do claiming to have faith in Danza Billy remunerated Jeff loans was simply in shrewdly using a psychic talent to hedge his bets where is Dan left money out of his the kindness of his heart healthy lap was enjoyed by all and in the end nothing happened leaving our adventurers where we last met on the material plane back home in the forest fire in the forest of Connie
all right eye exam of the surrounding Spencer you just exited the plane of Shadow around you stand up dozens of Feldman hundreds of felled the burn trees this is a where you recognize to be the Connie Forest you meant me no Tylenol with codeine that unicorn their price for no reason what’s what do we do what a man has dark shadow opponents but we still have the soul of growth of me figure out what the main thing of it is right I mean is that what’s up I wish now we got to get to charge me jerk response yeah so I heard the soul of growth right that was mentioned as it happens you hear can you hear
pulsating energy coming from your back or your pack rather your backpack is Paul is holding the soul of growth a locked is caught with a brilliant green energy yeah that happens that’s happening White Castle bright glow on the forest as well as your party before your eyes Legions of green shoots and leaves birth 4th burst forth from the soil growing an incredible Pace before your very eyes as if by Magic except literally by Magic
cork cork you can also hear a loud cracking shattering sound coming from the inside of your bag as well as a burst of green light from your bag whose work I hear it a kraken come over my back cracking followed by shattering of maybe blasts or something I might green light game a catarang they all sort of hearken back to the conversation we were just
what’s going to happen it’s always going to be there then exploding from your backpack like a river of emerald light swirling around them growing green plants you see a coalescing for omit it forms from these plants in these leaves that grow into being as well as these charge you no limbs of the trees coalesced into a 12-foot bipedal form you see golden red leaves crowning a tangle of clump of reforms which seem to be at Ed Gould glowing green eyes are embedded in its face like glowing on Cole’s living and dead plants wrapped around each other and tied together by Thin green sinewy Vines form into a bipedal shape with four fingers on each of the two hands on each of its two arms and two large stump like legs it speaks in a powerful voice thanks for releasing me
no problem what the hell what the hell was in my bag this preachers voice this horrible throat
I was to be told true I am the true still look good with what you have there was a fraction of my Powers what’s your name my name is the full growth can I ask you a question

find our phone for releasing me in granting me back some of my Powers I would say you are friends and I am your ally is it nice Politically Incorrect to climb you at this point I think so it’s a friendship like Nature has to be enjoyed haven’t you read or been The Giving Tree I hope people tree monster
who wants to be our friend sister a little bit more
where did you did you did you go to college
I can produce my CV okay what kind of music do you like when you do do you produce food with sunlight one of the tear of gross Powers the tear of growth being that thing you will hold can produce food for you or anybody we should eat sport Nature’s Bounty they have any burritos he he spreads his hand wide and in the solow growth kind of glows brightly before like basically like Distributing on the floor like a banana and you know like there’s some tubers and some mushrooms like a bunch of edible produce I think of can I take the banana do you want it
YouTubers alright alright thank you but I prepare like a campfire with. I think they’re a lot let’s get some food back and enjoy having Shadows which I assume we have now we will spend like eight sessions going for those things up for a while yeah what’s up brother Rudy where is Pratt Rudy Rudy Rudy Rudy Rudy Rudy Rudy poop
30 Woodrow Woodrow can we call you Rudy was all right while I while I talk I eat at Uber
please let me cook that next time I know you’re our friend and servant but I like the tickets are I mean in the seasons were Arts to come and if you if you can if you could forgive us I mean you’re a creature of nature so you probably do less drinking than us like we kind of lose track of what we were doing a lot and we’re kind of wondering like like a snooze from the material plane when we left just like The Hangover you know you’re trying to get back with your dad he swallowed one of the shards of yeah I was kind of getting into this last week but the last thing that happened is you were with your dad and then there was like the
Vision by Admiral Darkstar he brought his ships in and they released all those can droids and at some point they decided it would be a good idea if Quark got Sharpie to throw them on to one of these robots in the robots just took them into a fucking Airship Rudy and I start talking and what I do and I’m talking as I am I asked him if he can get us back quickly to wherever we were when that happened I would be rather ingracious not to Grant you this request however could you give me the full of growth complete my powers that I am your self the soul of growth and I just don’t want to get caught up in semantics but some Antics wise I was referring to the teener of a Grove
from him to figure out maybe he’s a bad guy and wants of sorry Rudy no offense
what are we doing for the tier gross we could we get it healed you you know right where he wants it but what’s your friends and I will take you to your father
I take a share of girls and I flip it like a coin to a when I go on record say that I’m against this idea if you’re all right then I flip it into go so they like it kind of slows down and reflective surfaces we see some of the cooler moments from our campaign to my horse and Enya please
I can honestly say I’m imagining it is lovely in my mind
all right also going to put my hair into like Liberty spikes you know with mud town and they’re just cutting it to Liberty spikes
Jeff Buck the horse
I fire two arrows my dad ate a shard
okay what’s up
stabbed him in the face and he died
I chop off the dragons dick each other and then we kill the Survivor imagine right oh yeah yeah that was happening what happens I was going to say oh yeah so he can he do and you see a kind of void open up in his kind of chestal regions as like Vines and tendrils kind of move out of the space and he’s a girl Trey he puts it back up in it and he’s like his chest all regions
we all know women are woefully incomplete as a spiritual being a wife why is it a girl stand answer if you really want to recap I thought of the idea of saying that he’s a girl before he got to the point where you said it was in his chest and then I wouldn’t let it go cuz I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m a petty Entertainer they’re doing stuff wrapping around things specifically the soul growth they entwine it and then the boys going to close up and then he’s he’s taken by like it looks like he’s on fire but it’s like green, and like magical energy emanating from his body he’s a girl he’s a girl
he he he he reaches out offender at you guys what’s that is kind of like a finger but just the feature is he saying pull my finger and he’s not he’s more he’s he’s going to get kind of like touch you guys I reach out my friend all right cuz you’re free timer finches like toys or do they start singeing
there’d be like magical light now but yeah this isn’t the world of Dungeons & Dragons in real life on a break anyway so you feel like a rush of wind kind of overtake you and then you feel you feel kind of a vibrant for swelling up inside of you and you you feel the dry cold winds blow upon you and Chrissy birthday the birthday Moraine feels that the summer heat of Summer and the wintry chill of icy cold breeze blast into work and you feel spiritual Elemental energy taking you up you’re not quite sure. After you went. What did I feel it. See you in a few minutes I was at the Magic Spring spring fall or winter
it’s good that we didn’t have a fifth person in the show high
so I doubt the wind kind of diminishes when you feel up the central presents residing on your kind of forearm surgery that hardens into it looks kind of like a tangle of like like Vines and stuff
except it’s not a tattoo it’s like made out of fine gold it’s like jewelry but kind of stylized dude it’s not I don’t know I’m not going to really sell it hard it’s just a thing
Vines can it will be barbed wire can I get Christmas lights Autumn Leaves can I get Calvin in Calvin Hobbes pissing on a Chevy symbol only if he’s wearing a snow jacket all instead of just you don’t like who these girls like douchebag in Chinese
but yeah yeah your surroundings are unchanged the powers of our Seasons they contain the power of the they contain the power of the Seas thank you Rudy sorry sorry what voiceover about rooting like the real out reality plane just got my new pet
now look at me a Jokers all dressed up with the seasons
all dressed up again
that’s all I think that hurdle maunaloa there any roads leading away from where we’re standing right now there aren’t any if we let us go all right I’m a Tracker so I can track the cardinal direction of where yellow campus that’s you know but lots of Camp so you kind of have an idea of where it is anyway but he’s going to he’s going to Spirit you away there yeah I hold up my or my right arm is or season gauntlets you can pick whatever I like the Super Friends Captain Planet I don’t know what Captain Planet is
it’s like Voltron but it was like recycling too much water on their golf courses that they are like literally want me your TV is too big wheeler you have too many children this was an actual Captain Planet fly in the future they all figured each other for being assholes it was the best episode on my arm back down because that didn’t work. Nothing happens sorry
winter summer fall
together together
is that can beat cuz I be our group names Seasons together it’s not very expensive
our news catchphrase Embark with the with Rudy towards the yellow Camp he he puts his hands to like a small sampling style tree and he like touches it and it gets super huge really big tree and then he’s like step in like it’s a door it’s not a door it’s a tree I tell him that I just because I’m so stoked about my new winter Powers I just I said I’m cool with that who played I’m skeptical that I go I won’t fall for that
do you like I’ve been up here for 500 Days of Summer brutality
I thought you were going to spring into action or something but I like that that to impulsiveness I just jump through the portal okay the rest of you see Jeff come out into the tree like Platform 9 3/4 style I won’t after him also
if my character is female and I said that’s what I said show me close the portal before
is there a lock up with you guys falling into something that’s not a weirdo cuz you said it’s not as a tree and not a portal
or I mean Coco track on my way to you
could you fax everything I am tables and then I go back and I whip my head back in all right that happens so you come out inside of a much smaller tree you don’t know how you it’s magic whatever tree walking that’s a spell it is look it up anyway you get out in before you see the familiar yellow canvas of a yellow Camp however usually this is like a circus like kind of tent style rather than that it’s more like you see it’s stretched between watchtowers and these watchtowers are black and foreboding
much has changed since you’ve left already gone for I don’t know why aren’t you nature and based on Caesars in your whole thing about the cycle of the year in the seasons inside of a knife time is really complicated you’re still about 50 know if you still about four hundred feet off from kind of the walls you got a couple of our town I’ll show you that it’s time to level up I’m spoiling it for another fight I got my shadow back and ready to rock and roll you don’t get to say when it’s time to level up that’s what you got to get some experience points and he’s itching to level up okay so let’s go find some find some people so I’m as you near you near the towers of yellow Camp you don’t actually see any guards posted it so it’s rather odd you don’t see really
you do see us some some smoke kind of rising from the center of Camp kind of like a smokestack maybe you don’t see a smokestack but that kind of, I run to the store. I’m not even being careful be careful
you’re at that camp was too far away I couldn’t hear you say no I was watching my boyfriend like me 50 jokes anyway so we can run if you want and where you’re on the cusp of throwing open the canvassing and revealing the inside of this camp
I want song for this I use my line way too.
So you throw up in the canvas and kind of enter this area and you are struck with like a horrifying sight barbarians aren’t really known for industry however you see like these metal constructions that look like maybe Kilns or some sort of large oven style thing that are kind of setup in the middle there’s two of them they dominate the space despoiler it right now sorry sorry a Holocaust Survivors it’s not like that is very small very small been diagram I’m not willing to take that risk some people kind of the circle to like be harnessed there’s people doing that so there’s a bunch of a bunch of Barbarians humans and Knolls like if you will call there’s no alliance with a bus electribe going on back in the way pass
so yeah they’re both they’re both chained up and you see like it looks like a scrawny skin is like gray and emaciated with like you can see kind of like white lights kind of like emanating from his body and he’s got a scraggly like a beard made out of tentacles they’re really thin kind of tentacles these gnolls and these humans Knowles are like I put it up to like you heard of mine flares and these these this looks more like maybe some sort of demonic creature may be a devil or a demon or an abomination in the spine arrows let’s talk about this guy
I know when I can stop you do you also see similar sites like there’s kind of like three different kind of turbines of human energy and they’re all being attended to by demons and if you recall there’s these puddles of a flash demons that you saw where earlier they look like slimy puddles of a flesh covered group that hold himself together and roughly have arms their kind of sliding around as if on patrol kind of around the area they haven’t you kind of found yourself between two little like a recognizing them now you’re so horrified before I didn’t really seem that these are large black empty cages so they’re made out of iron your kind of hiding behind these in the very center of this area you can kind of see between two of these engines you see a giant pin the ground giant giant pit pit Cheese’s what we really been off of
more than we can chew here yeah I’m running into this giant Yellow tent but I’m feeling pretty good I got my hit points back I’m spoiling for a fight so we should leave this place well I mean his Peeps are but it’s 9:48 we should do about eating shit for like 25 minutes
you know Adams been there been punched a regular like he said he’s on stage the whole time
yellow ones much water in it not all Jenga blocks are shaped the same but I know a certain amount of them results in a collapse yeah it’s me and I don’t know what it would cuz it we can’t we can’t get into a fight with a bunch of yellow rice and then slimers and I’m going to have to reset it up next week though. Yeah it will he’s not actually he’s he’s behind you you eat when you burst through that tat you lost track of them but he was kind of a little like maybe ten feet behind you you who you’ve lost tracking this point unless you can I go back out he got you he got you there and he followed you and he he would have gone in you think but then he didn’t come in
why is that mean we probably have to use our powers are our new seasonal powers to destroy or take over
yeah yeah but I don’t know what that really means though
we’ll do it next time we should have fired them while we were outside the yellow tank to see what they did to us our powers dramatically kind of going to a clearing we can all just try out our new powers just going to see what we got actually roll some dice for that don’t want to do it in front of the we we move into it like we got to wait I think is really going on and then and then take a take an audible speed now come on out
add a record scratch schedule to go to the firing range and there’s the occasional tree kind of like a Chaparral
I want to see you feel an extreme chill come over your arm but that’s about it
your power is you can make your hand your whole to tempt
my friend said you can give yourself the stranger that’s it
I go up and touch the bush that he was pointing at you see like a almost open Bud open slightly more than it was doing him wrong can I go to my arm in Houston
a stunning this no you don’t know how do you attempt I go and I kiss you and I waive an alarm activated which nature words stunning Sunset activate know none of those pitiful cover to Rudi and Trudi how do we use these fucking thanks yeah that’s why I asked you to solve this problem
but it’ll take me some to talk to determine amount of time to teach you guys behind the scene the fourth wall
so when we come back we learned he’s probably going to go to the choices we learned a lot
Adam Goldberg brother my friend careful with that back don’t don’t work it
too hot
State High School principal a little scared for his movie or doing you’re out you’re out of town shooting the film I was here it was really fun I’m going to go back in for most of July to do it it’s Hot Tub Time Machine to sell it I don’t have a big part in this but it’s funny that Gillian Jacobs add Gillian and John Cusack start back but everyone else is fat
have you guys if you see the first one cordry sort of his become this giant and I’m like his I’m like a head of R&D like I sort of his business partner guy yeah I don’t understand how anything works yeah I think next week I go in late July to shoot it so next week sounds right now. She’s really really funny we were in New Orleans and it was
not man can I tell the story that we can take it out just tell them you know that that was queuing them to get there a little YouTube the recorders out or whatever YouTube recorders you can cell phones
grandfather has walkie talkies
automated electronic
eating it with Chevy have a lot of people what is a dish best served cold
we love you dearly one more time
I don’t know if I could get very much married
I’m Jeff Davis how much time for the mayor of Hermantown Jack Hartmann
you’re all great writers you’re all great you didn’t your scripture great thank you
do voice-overs for the show just like you say life’s Lakewood you make it and I say it’s all in the cards
goodnight we love you


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