Episode: 84 – Low Jack For Your Back Pack, Crackerjack!

Episode

Episode: 84 – Low Jack For Your Back Pack, Crackerjack!

Description

Mayor Harmon and his Comptroller Jeff Davis return from Scotland where Dan proposed to Erin McGathy. Then, uhh, Mitch Hurwitz, Harris Wittels, Kumail Nanjiani and Steve Agee join the stage… stop reading and get in here!

Transcript

I trust that your holidays are glorious I know mine was but I don’t dance with
we’re going to Scotland and Ireland but we’re back now my favorite words I got to say one more time for the first time in 2014 harmontown is now in session
Toys R Us
thank you very much
thank you for showing up and took a shower numbers
how do you get rid of live audience members of the people that show up for the live show they’re very fair weather friends like the shows good again let’s go
gone for a while maybe they’re good people maybe I have Ariana show because Community is back up with Dan Harmon free very honest people
yeah I’m here with me would really make sense for that to be the motivation from my my voice that I am a little under the weather I caught some kind of Scottish Ebola in Scotland of all places wonderful couldn’t ask for a more beautiful welcoming City full of joy and Delight but Kilt and one of them fucking Barbarian herpes School bubonic
New Year’s Day New Year’s celebration because my rental shoes were it was that was that was the only mistake I made that tip that I got from the dress fancy for hot but they were they put on their Doc Martens on their conversation stopped and the cobblestone streets like wow I wore my own bread
and I say this without shame that’s not true but I spent I spent at least 35 minutes of that New Year’s Eve on the toilet like I just sat on the toilet in the store because it’s where I can sit down cuz my shoes hurt so bad I was just like I was a sad little Wallflower I played my farm game on my phone and everyone in the other room
it was a room full of Popeyes
and people that night that work Aaron Scotland killed until some other people I don’t think it’s not if this night is the illness doesn’t come from cold I was very gregarious and slapped the 105 is that night I didn’t get any cold there was one guy I remember I remember walking by me and got any other way I think some fucking purple monster left from his
his hand to mine and then jumped into my mouth and laid eggs in my chest you don’t think she wanted to come here and talk about the events of the of the holidays that that’s how bad this sucker is she sick
don’t applaud Aaron being sick you assholes
that’s very rude the new news I proposed marriage to Erin mcgathy
cuz everytime I cough I fart into pop is loud in my head so I feel like I got away with it then I look over it she’s like engagement shoot some restraint slipped out before I have what I thought isn’t it better barrier
set a reminder to write some romantic that’s what love is. I did not know for certain that you were going to propose I figured you were in the in the in The Ether my girlfriend she had talked to you about when Kate and I landed in Scotland we took different plans but we landed in Scotland within minutes of each other you guys had just gotten there and we landed and take us to take us through the front from the beginning of the Scotland planner that’s my that’s my at least show can testify to call me and call me skit schedule
dancing up all night thinking of that character.
Annapolis
I love that you’re a writer hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually commit to that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes relate to my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest filner do you spell nerd like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
Mary organic last night not you know I’m not schedule Steve and I thought you know it’s going to be romantic romantic Stress and Anxiety and planting peanuts at the moment and I’ll just have this all the time. From Jim in the office
at the right moment I will I will I will bust it out of there would be a certain day before Christmas we left on the 21st to do in Atlanta on the 22nd do you think it would be pre-Christmas maybe over
no preconceived notions of what day or what would be too late or too early or it’s going to be probably didn’t want to wait till the last day I got it I got it I got my tell me a backpack when they welcomed me into the alliance
and I’m not the story I’m going to tell you is not going to think that I’m pretending that I had feelings for this backpack is that this is the first backpack I’ve ever had that I was like that’s a cool backpack cuz I got a backpack backpack was cool it was a really cool backpack in it
that if I locked my backpack or I assumed was kidnapped while drinking Ketel One
Irish whiskey runners or something you know
what is what what what is the actual purpose of a microchip in Cracker Jack
I mean that that might be the quickest we’ve ever had a title for episode plainly what do you call it the airplanes lights blink if you want a bar in your car I would if it was the least comfortable spot in the car I’d be like you know when you get on a train and there’s a gym in there even though so he could treat me like shit and it’s got either one of us but there’s a little tiny bar in a Virgin Atlantic Flight night I drank for like 8 hours on the flight where was she wasn’t she wasn’t up to too much drinking she was as she ate the bacon buddy as we were Landing like as a bacon sandwich that they making in Europe somehow
apparently it was kind of bad and my most Charming cuz I I got I got this atom bomb in my backpack that that is instant happiness and I just drank on a plane for 8 hours and I’m arriving at Heathrow Airport which is one of the most delightful places you can ever be it’s just the joy there is palpable relationship so we get on the tram 10 and 1/2 hour 10 hours to London to Edinborough getting your connecting flight I’m doing bits I’m looking at the sign on that guy looks like
roommate I think I’d like a hot baby this is bad.
What were you going to say you were going to say something airport I think the airport I can’t remember a dumb question
we have a lot of guests get there I know it’s insane we got some we got some humdingers people that are hard to tell the story
so she’s looking kind of queasy and I’m out on the Tramadol and I’m still kinda Pickin and grinnin in.
Not looking too good I start rubbing your back on the tram and she said she went back in a minute tram from one terminal we’re just standing there holding you know the handles cleverman standing up standing room only have rubbing my back switch that’s that’s pretty that’s pretty nauseous when someone to Comfort Inns no making you sick stuff look on her face at a certain point that is unmistakable and instinctively not asleep because I love this backpack
instinctively
before I knew what I was doing the muscles in my arms years of college and then bad improv troupe Artisans had the first zipper on the backpack Hold It Wide Open just as she leaned into it and fire hosed probably eight quarts of of of what we call it in to the tragedy
this isn’t some jack off Garfield knapsack that your mom’s stuck you with this isn’t some bullshit for your pencils and the computer in it it’s the Knight Rider of backpacks it will ship it literally Cosmopolitan community of London Heathrow Airport everybody just totally New York sites like kind of Palace way and nothing against New York to the sort of like yeah we all get everyone everyone at London Heathrow is from somewhere else and has been through all kinds of stuff and and if they have this the environment tennis takes that you feel that way so there was no gawking and there was no chiding and there was no a couple people moved away out of out of politeness and then
one guy was standing right next to me right at the end of it just pulls out a little disposable Kleenex and offers it to Aaron and and she says thank you and abs hurt and the tram stops and I I’ve got I’ve got a backpack full of it and now I realize my house key is in there
my iPad mini is in there
you know the Rings
we get off the tram and I just we do we go we go to we go to a bathroom situation like this where you find out there are bathrooms were there it would you never would have known there was a bathroom I don’t think anyone has been to this Valley like if you’re at the grocery store when you have to pee all of a sudden you’re like it’s some weird bathroom next to the eggs because I had a backpack full of puke I found a long-lost bathroom at Heathrow Airport under a stair I open it up and I’m going to stop at the house key is and it’s six feet down
going to find my precious just have cream of wheat Animation Festival paint a picture for their territory
everyone it’s fill in the blanks about the actual substance the history of the above the Earth there’s never been placed a pleasant moment so that original ring box
I’m just mad at her for ruining the backpack but of course I’m like I’m mad cuz I’m going to puke all over my hands cuz there’s like stuff in there in the end story so it was kind of a good thing or my head’s aching like this is actually working out except I’m losing the backpack of all places to take a backpack if there was a trash can that was smaller than the backpack and I just turned it tried to get it in there but just left after I get home squad for sure like
so that happened and then I proposed in the Muddy Banks of the Loch Ness Loch
such a cute that’s the story because I just bring them put it on myself dumbest thing I could have done it turns out all of the stress or pressure at the hotel room arrange with a million things to just relax during the trip but because Jim from the office I’m walking around is lump in my pocket and every time Aaron has to hold my hand in a certain way and put it in my pocket
she’s like this is the worst trip ever boyfriend hates me and the Box what is really hard to hide the giant box I’m going to take the ring and carrying around in my pocket so I got to go Asperger you like crab
I just like the one you want me to hold your hand in Edinborough right somehow the LIE became that I had a present for her because after Christmas to Christmas at our past this point Christmas present Christmas presents but you said we’re going to do our presents later because you didn’t you didn’t exchange presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas because of this I didn’t I just I said at one point we do every time Christmas present came up I was like we don’t have to do to open presents part of the conversation
I would totally I was Christmas
kratom
so we go to a restaurant cuz you trying to give me Christmas presents and I might try this little Google thing don’t work
AC spy camera
I don’t know
you don’t sound like you made it sound like you became schedule Steve
yeah I atone with that without in
through not walking in the narrative that that that that boat has a list I’m going to do it I’m going to do it like we had a nice walk
you guys went to the restaurant and make I’m going to talk to Aaron over here and I took her to pitch Black’s I’m squishing around in the mud at thirty yards away there was a perfect spot to propose there was like a there was a place just dying to feed Nessie out of your hand and hummingbirds side of your ears after an iron doesn’t matter cuz you know I’m I’m I’m attached so my proposal to be amazing my marriage will be amazing.
play real quick real quick before we do what did she say
she’s going to do it she’s going to give it a shot
please bring Mitch hurwitz up first
you know from back there it almost sounded as if you brought Jeff with you to propose to your girlfriend to classical together what was the plan Scottish vacation together for the holidays
you ever travel with my family would you ever be game for that
we were in St Maarten together
have you already proposed to your to your wife because Jeff’s got some pointers if I have unfortunately I am
he told me I should have done it on Christmas Day open the gifts on Christmas
Christmas I would have proposed to be my wife on hanukkah’s it was like an eight-day serialize
she thought she could have thought coming around 6
I guess I you’ll see no presents
any any any advice for newlyweds newlyweds
it’s funny I was in New York I have a very good friend who works at the Ketel One backpack tracking Santa
and I just for fun I said bring up down Harmon and we went off of the grid apparently somewhere and he threw a lot at we couldn’t figure out why we picked you up with a keychain tracker
we got to the Scotland spy pen you should give you a spy pen camera I was I was in a tailspin because I couldn’t I didn’t know when to propose to my girlfriend and how to do it and and was now somehow I had brought this Jambox okay I would I would just reread it because the I was I was just I was going to I was so I would have a Christmas gift we were going to exchange Christmas gifts in Scotland I gave her the gem box that says like this now that’s your Christmas present
can I just walk around with all my little nervous before I proposed a night my whole plan was well actually I kind of I ended up I was halfway through a metaphor and I realized I had a band which was that I started to say I really started to get off the pot
I’d like to take that shit
really almost and actually I remember thinking you know this we’ve been in this relationship for a long time and she understands that this has been hard for me and I’m going to what I’m going to do is I’m going to say this is a ring just to get started I just totally misguided what it’s like to be and we’ll take our time and we’ll see if it and then of course when I was there and proposing it just it all tumbled out of a waterfall that mine was just a fucking gridlock the part of the gridlock that was moving the John McClane that got out of one car and walked up on the roof with me talking about the rain end
what the fuck do you want it
when I assumed I assumed the fucked up but it’s okay because I’m a fuk up first of all the First Wives are out what I don’t want to say that
first and get that yeah
my Isaac is fantastic I really do I think it’s that I really isn’t my first time at the rodeo
I know everybody in your penis and have you might know this comedy writer who proposed to someone by putting it up his anus
Dino’s first husband no I I can’t I can’t do this doesn’t go any further
I can’t I can’t I can’t what is his name
maybe we better bring him out here tonight
I have horrible if you want to if you if you want to pretend it’s not you that’s fine I thought that was urban legend but that is true urban legend what is the motivation was it humorous humorous interesting young lady, you don’t need this much interesting in your life it is either with some some Anal Hemorrhage that was that what your father was in there was some internal bleeding
I think it was missing a bag yet when can I don’t know
I feel like shit if you guys want to talk about something funny for me to feel like I don’t know what the hell you woke up like he likes bread and you know this is going to be a doozy and when are we coming out if she’s like, knock it off just just say you’re not sick and save it till you get home this isn’t one of those this is why I love you honey sitting at home right now it was a nice she’s got to we got to Ireland she woke up the next day
my legs hurt from basketball Gigi are you one of these guys who plays military Shandling I was invited by someone by someone and I thought it and she’s like, cuz it’ll be fun I was immediately worried that I was going to be for very funny during this game that’s what I was worried about it but then I got there no one was joking around and never was very mad at me for not your full court
so I quit I just walked off a text earlier I was like I can’t I can’t keep up with you guys there it’s like comedy store they’re good looking at me funny, I didn’t cook because I had to have a MySpace profile heard there was a shirt off or something and then we can see what comics and he’s the guy that sucked. It was I was talking I was like they were is ringers from Space Jam
I don’t understand that I don’t I don’t know if I’m jealous or resentful or angry or intimidate anything cuz I’m going to only do drugs on the weekend I’m going to go play basketball I was like this is why I chose my path again
yeah I die Sports ever lived longer playing sports
there is nobody in there all exactly the same
play now we would have been intimately to figure it out
cancers in the city buddy here died of cancer because of sports
nobody random my family is a bunch of hillbillies distances because because guys in in utero are flooded with testosterone we don’t develop like I was just reading something about how women check little girls check faces all the time and boys don’t yeah we’re not searching we complete it did you really believe that you can watch channel like a certain amount of Rage energy be I think you’d be less funny I think I think it would come out
I think he probably has nothing to do with that to everyone stays angry always everyone that was a really good basketball player and also somebody use that was very funny who is no cuz it was like newer, I don’t hang out the store a lot so it’s a lot of guys, I haven’t seen the store
I love fashion runway now over the store just about to find out about how you look, the Beefcake store what’s the plan we kind of very believe you’re what are you going to do about the wedding and what were you thinking about that as soon as our dates that we’ve been having a preliminary discussion about about the possibility of a wedding equipment needs to be commissioned an engagement that you can push her off have anything about the wedding for a while you got to start I don’t know looking at stuff pretty quickly but make it about the port and Weisman year
you can say what I just see there again to make it about my homework

but I’ve got all these great contacts
damn you work on the Shelf you said you want to rule out a high-concept wedding or before we say book a nice place to get married that’s just a pretty place to get married I first will want to continue to talk to Aaron where work shopping in conversations about the Hydraulics and things we want to do something special and then you’re there big celebrity doesn’t show up when you get like Terry Bradshaw ever worked on it all my friends show my friend Lou Schneider years ago worked on Raymond and every two weeks later on stage
not not recently but older man who were the first before I got two jobs at least maybe 3 when the guys did a lot of people have to pass before I get a job and what’s his name of the quarterback from Jerry Maguire McConnell is used to be trained now sorry sorry
sorry that was Jerry O’Connell I was just walking around with him for an afternoon that I think it was the the the Emmy Awards has ever met him now but we were doing that
yeah yeah he was that he was between me and we have to meet him we will wait at one of the guy for that role and I was I was so young and such a terrible terrible like act is all part of a big heart and Monster Squad read the line
yes I used to be from Transylvania
hello hello
there’s just too many celebrities on this page right now yeah yeah this is ruining the podcast I listened to every episode I think it’s cuz I’m in it like once you’re here this time like I was about to go for a certain amount per second. What the fuck bro
looks like tomatoes here that Russian guy’s probably here.
I bet you like personality because I don’t mean a thing that has those like Blake abundant energy unconditional love
Jerry minor a friend with carpool is with him and he was a comedy store comedian
Sherwood bird do a podcast
my mom sent me a Facebook message apologizing for saying she likes season 4 because she has an interview that I heard of the bus remember you saying that because you got
season 4 rap
I thought it was great
well it wasn’t out of judgment for any any any of the can and it was just out of judgment for the end of it remember excited for next week’s episode.
Yeah yeah guys thanks thanks hey
Highway Chevy Chase walked out. You said you don’t want to write welcome here you haven’t had chance to Larry because I reserve the right to complain when when gossip articles the shows hilarious antics you know that’s dumb because people are going to do what they want so I should have I should have the game come down them
yeah I mean you’re so God damn it they work so hard for so so loyal so dedicated I’m really excited about what not to bring a letter grade for you but I have no idea of the episode where he tears everywhere like uncontrollably it’s unavoidable but what the hell are you going to make it I would just cut that stuff out
don’t worry about it it’s the same thing
I just want a story I’m just really hoping that Emily’s not here anymore because her house for Christmas and her mother-in-law insisted with Kanye West
basketball game
did LeBron was playing around seeing the two of them together sometime put all screenshots 60% from the field and what was the guy who had sex with LeBron James’s mother otherwise I’d be fighting words
stop talking about sports
what they were talking about husband David Blaine show magic to the Smith literally Jada was crying Jaden was trying to make a Donald Glover
I like to attend the fuck out of my house my house
how many opinion about roast beef by the way I was talking to Aaron about this this is the one note is for grown ups
I don’t know I feel very uncomfortable when you go up and there’s a guy with the hat and the farming at haven’t you finished but you have to kind of what he’s doing take some real skill just that one Little Pete that just exact same quarter in the family that has a buffet opinions
I’m a writer and I didn’t mean to start this go down this road
I think I think you’re confused because I think in a lot of Indian restaurants they have been Justified
more than dark meat
American cheese I got to spend the time I trick you did so you are eating turkey on Thanksgiving and someone said that someone was like to have the turkey on Thanksgiving this is it this is a European UK thing that was the first time you’ve encountered the guy in the Hat part about it so I send it to my phone cuz she was talking about roast beef is grown up food what does that mean you’re 41 and I was like yeah but it’s just like I just my brain shuts off when I see the cutting board with the juice of something in the guys like like he’s going to cut the meat for you and you’re going to participate where they act like they’re like
I always feel like like like like like like
honestly what would you like
I want to hear a story about three kings of Orient are very good roast beef they give me that when I was a kid I found it because it’s the salty part.
simulator
give me the top that would be a cool proposal to put the ring in the fucking honking to come to terms with the fact that hair cutting Spa fault that I’m intimidated when I sit in that chair getting my haircut when I sit in the chair and someone’s got a pair of scissors I want my hair shorter I don’t know how to say it and I know this isn’t a ticket that I wanted to buy and I don’t I don’t have a head shot of someone that I want to look like I don’t I don’t I don’t know the terminology and tell on the thunder thunder
I just give me the conversation you don’t change between you and some kind of threshold Guardian for a professional professional lacrosse
adopted as part of their craft meeting you halfway as a Layman so much someone who because they cut peoples hair who do care about her terminology I don’t know what why don’t you know you’ve monster where do you get your haircut make it look like me about 2 months ago Dick’s Last Resort
what’s that place they it’s the restaurant Florida that yells at you going to work you doing here he’s not going to treat my hair I’m going to go to sleep and wake up and go to work I so I drive with the windows down you need to know that
it’s not it’s not going to get watch until the next time you see me just make it short amazing we don’t have wigs you do not like The Feathered Alliance Angeles wear like you’re wearing the Tom Cruise and made a man just
I’ll bring the job Herrera you’ve got the other six kinds of Cinderella I had to Keith Richard Altamonte what is the Cinderella Cinderella Cinderella
the man we grew up with love this dick in through your do they do the Main Street Electrical Parade cuz I saw
I think I saw who you’re talkin about are their dresses and there’s usually a bear or some sort of animal walk every little kid breaks TV
I saw him to the green room if you still here I know they’re going to be assuming a podcast in those hanging out when I see people The Green Room I don’t go if they want to be on the show I just it’s my choice Maddox I thought I thought it was bring up the Mount Rushmore of a parrot yeah I mean I guess I have a higher
I’m just going to sit here so you can have that until like the outlet mall for a Scottish things and that it was a it was a good Buffet like like one just like her Foods if you wanted to get a sandwich I got mad at her cuz I felt like my mommy abandoned me in it in the cold is freezing I know it’s really great husband but I don’t know which door is opening it and then the diet coke that was on the tree toppled off and they was it was such a disturbance to the European old
call these guys with a checkered Checkered Flag kept his wife eating is chips and picking up the coke bottle without looking at it I just said sorry and and and he said it can’t be helped
add an American Buffet it’s just people throwing handfuls of noodles and yelling God damn it I didn’t have that have you been to the Souplantation that’s all it is is people fighting for a last potato when I was broke and apologize to go to the Souplantation at the Beverly Connection which I think is gone now crossing the Beverly Center and I would I would just eat there for free I would just kind of Steel my way and I would go in as you walked it over you got to play go to tela bar walk and you pay and walk into the inner sanctum where there’s pizzas in muffin with Camille when you have a fucking sorry I can’t find a spot to be a thank you
okay past them with a book and I would find somebody would laugh with an empty empty plates and I just sit there and read my book for a while to come up with more iced tea cuz it’ll be like an iced tea then I got sure thing and and and then that’s when I do they’re all all of their names and they knew my name and they will give me a little bit like to go buy me some fresh cookies Jeff went there the other day
what what’s Souplantation of play on have you thought about that for more than a whole thing where you able to help yourself that I just text you when I am actually what did you use to happen
that’s what used to have to come back to The Melting Pot country you know you’re like in New York or La their terms of ethnic cross-section but other parts of the UK man absolutely for black people say my fucking counted rad because it was weird it was it was exhilarating Craig wonderful to see a bunch of brown faces again
it’s also nice to see all of the all of the mutt what weight spaces like all of us of European descent we’re still all fucking action figures of British people like
any group any kind of homogenize must have been next to some put the shark punching Factory on lunch break to wear over over hogmanay in the New Year’s Eve is it like a it’s a it’s a Scottish kilt we’re having for their New Year’s celebration we got Kilt we rented them and after we’d rented them renting a piece of fabric where you’re not allowed to wear underwear I properly so
discount was assholes on the more worried about the asshole
really well
yes I do when my girlfriend is Scottish and she insisted that you could look it up Lucy and Flash Your Boss season look a lot like my dad in the bushes with thorns
show me did that so we did that at a place that sells calcific glass stairway a glass spiral staircase to the restaurant you have to go down there can I learn
fucking weather for like
I am circumcised or uncircumcised
Brazilian that kind of cold I just received into me like an octopus cup
if I had another one I guess then receives the camera
call Giant Eagle.
It’s a cold you’re cold you’re going to do a Batman first of all Jerry like the Highlander fanny pack here I am I like hunting their ancestors by doing that. I do want to do something like as an ambassador of my country but you put your phone on your wallet in there first thing I’ve ever heard
where else are you going to put the Tic Tac you know what I mean like you got a
you got to put it
High School tuck under the waistband do you have to talk like it’s so crazy I really had to break a record there for it to have that kind of night
as I guess I’m going to be behind what are you talking about the real name of the principal we should not we got to cut back I don’t know why
now we’re saying it
High School principal’s name Leo kamalich
channel is pretty funny
we have someone in Miss Dickey who is dating our band teacher named mr. titsworth
at Lanier Middle School in Houston Texas for hooking up for in the past your family like saved the King’s life because otherwise you would be
wait a minute that’s what we do we save Kings and we teaching English like a senior and the from the Princeton Review to talk about
tickets to be present at does make as a alright whatever I’ll be staying at a buffet I don’t want to ask you what type of professionals about these are guys who used to build dams the same people that were built
yeah I don’t know I just don’t I just don’t want I can I get uncomfortable when I’m talking to somebody okay I am in a crisis mode comes up to me after the show and Scotch blue but it’s nice to meet you like I’m barely here at 5 instead of that was an appointment with my name is Jonathan or whatever
what is it you think it’s because you think is it because you’re you don’t want to let them down I don’t think you realize I don’t think that said Maudlin about it but I think my Siri is that as a child when my brain was developing I think that those were the moment of crisis situation where moments of Crisis I have a lot of memories about people left places and feeling a tremendous amount of relief I would love a guy was like I was like hiding under a table in Nursery daycare center at the kids a cupboard and I just climb in it and I would just sit there and I was I was not.
lake lake Lake Lure us there was one girl put a crane in my mouth feels horrible that’s like such a violation and so like like I think that my brain while developing its circuitry identify those moments is like keep track of and it just look like I contact for me is the mental equivalent of holding a microphone in front of a speaker like I’m look somebody in the side of perfect one for Aaron to come to this Wally look like a perfect Society
see the movie
is there something expected of you are trying to get like narrow and I thought you were communication alienate ride I would I think that I think that if you’re not good at sports and you’re not like you’re not gifted socially on the playground I think I think it’s it’s at the moment with people are talking to you when you’re at the most danger of getting kicked out of the monkey tree is going to party like that it becomes more worried than like all right I’m going to party tonight and you see them or do I thought yours was George said something like I’ve never been upset about a meeting being cancelled the shop again I really feel that way you know me that I wouldn’t be happy
I get to be put out on half way to Burbank okay I totally get it.
That is great I like two parties I’m sorry I dual sexiest got his girlfriend Kay was saying don’t bite but you like it like that.
you do to keep yourself away from your part of that. I also forget names because during that 255 minutes at 5 Seconds of ever meeting somebody paying attention to somebody like I’m terrible at a great way to remember anybody’s name if you care to remember everything they wore in years later I can tell you the conversation verbatim I don’t know
like like chatting with people and being like convivial and stuff like that but I think I’ve also and that’s my way of keeping people at like like the Heisman Trophy pain of an arm’s length you know like I hold on to what you were going to press paper Sports play my podcast through a party invite reply yes or no and I will go through and all the people that have replied yes I will have I will picture the conversation I will be having with that person. Do you feel like I just went you never say goodbye party ever call you
because I’m generally cuz if you said everyone at the party so I pick one person as I choose someone as Emissary Ambassador like if anybody asks Me Like Somebody by and you’ve gone like they didn’t say bye to me that was that the polite way of saying wonderful
and I want me while we were hanging out for people now and he’ll just evaporates like 10 fucking Disappearing Acts mid-conversation
go in the bathroom just left movie
looks like he is you can stand in front of a table are writer’s assistant has a shotgun sound effect stood up on his computer literally anytime Mike Sure goes anywhere else you hear he plays that sound effects will just find it funny everything
hey hey guys
we were wondering wondering if you would like
Spencer pick cotton today
what are jeans yeah I’ve never seen it so awkward I guess is he’s a he is begging to like designer Jeezy like that someday there like pajamas last week and it broke his arm he broke his elbow but it was a blizzard what is zombie movie extras and that’s what he’s been doing busy it’s like a foot of snow outside
or a dad he’s fine he’s doing great. The rest was just leaves for his dad is supposed to that movie with James Franco in the hole or is most of it like flashbacks that how you ended up something before he joined the Rock Johnson do the voice-over like I always wondered how rocks form
the clock to watch that movie that’s more lonely than me and nobody react support for the isolation of me but as a kid I was just like you know I was very very relieved to get some time alone I just didn’t I just didn’t want to walk away from that conversation without having sex with a microphone in front of a group of what it’s Heaven because I get to get to talk to people but I’ve got I got personal space around me no one’s like it with the exception of Adam Goldberg talking back know I like the pit in the nose of a crowd here so that people can come up and whatever it’s because I feel like when you meet some
on a street corner there’s this performance element that is a corner you end up trying to struggle with I do you know I am full of shit here I might you know my time I trying to be my trying to be like will make sure I get very self-conscious about that and you can get past that almost like you do on stage really which is just kind of making it about them that’s where the bad habit to make it all about me what I need to do is try to form if I’m serious about wanting to change I can transform you synapses in my brain where I care about the other people what am I listening and like City a new country and meeting like in learning that like learning new things about different cultures but you find out everybody’s in the same people are people and wherever you go and that’s like the most rewarding thing in the world
heaven for me it is a stranger at a bar like the most interesting person is always the stranger sitting next to you for me that’s my heaven but that’s totally opposite of you probably when you travel if you don’t like traveling the country where they don’t speak English. That’s that’s that’s hard on you right now I’m so sorry I don’t speak your language I feel like I should apologize for it all the time but it’s all I can do to try to keep me when you said that
I’m always in in in in America I’m trying to illegally what what I think it’s more like I’m so fucking overwhelmed when someone’s talking to me that I can’t I got it I got a buffer it and like digested or something so yeah I just fucking Paris was a goddamn nightmare was just I just I just I don’t know what to do I I don’t want to be the guy that refuses to try to speak French so I’ll try to speak French and order a meeting the boot marriage Mercy Hospital restaurant
a shoe store they have a menu so if they call it Sarah here too
stupid answer what part of the Moon
do nightmares

talk about a nightmare shoe shopping with all good bro I just haven’t traveled in a while to the last place I went was Halifax I thought the guy was just hanging out and you just popped out with a friend in the middle of nowhere with no electricity Lake kayak the news is amazing this conforms with how people think of you really want to do mushrooms
on your own right and I was sitting on a rock and I really really really tripping the bugs are looking at a rock that looks like a face when they’re sober the next day is it still look like a fake by the way
my friend Mike Rivers comes up with a heavy duty like flashlight giant like Lantern ones
Man in the Moon is bright enough for our listening to that I think of snakes in Joshua Tree are probably used to people
it’s crazy Garden last week at a fish, don’t do this is like it’s fucking thing dude I did almost get into my first fight at official Errata like 90 shows are like your style is like a big Cinderella puffy guy who is on ketamine Special K when you’re on K or like bass positions like leaning back and you’re pumping and everyone and I kind of like kind of push gently push him off you in person and that’s known as night is to Arms wrap around me
Chow daddy ketamine was the main guy’s dad Papa k
and he wouldn’t let go of it and he was like he’s just drunk I was like he hasn’t been drinking all night he’s on Academy I know what that is he’s done a terrible job
and he said if I let go don’t fucking push him and I said like only right now let go of me and he’s not letting go my friend who weighs probably 300 pounds very large man finally sees is happening he’s only answer to and he just both both of us over charges at us stand up at the whole situation game for him I got a little baby with the bath water and then the guy he’s my friend saying between us as this guy and I’m on acid and it’s very scary when this is being built at his like you don’t know the Rage of a father
what does Wesleyan mean
I got stuck I got Tuck
was he the father that they go to fish together
he’s holding his son up from his belt home to schedule like 23 or something you like follow them around like I said that you gone to her then I know nothing about fish fish I try to get Scott off and I’m still like them right now to Harris wittels fish are you having to do drugs and go to a fish show what the fuck I think any girl I ever dated was a bummer
Christian you know
that’s a great idea and I had it connected
I hardly ever there I’ve only met you twice I’ve come to hate you for how fucking funny you are God. I just assumed that was a factory in from taking this charming and funny as hell
Dungeons & Dragons. Play goodbye
I don’t know today I’ll let you guys go to drop play real I mean everything’s possible with imagination
alright I was in love with Mitch but you got you got supplanted by Spencer
supplanted what is that mean
it was amazing I didn’t like it the first time
Prison Break It Down for us okay
you don’t know the range of a dungeon master
Happy New Year
last year on harmontown our heroes were near the end of their quest after it all out maybe more like a half-assed assault on a pension with the blue monster from with some timely help from Avenger Hawk they eventually managed to decapitate them deactivate the arcade machine but Christopher took a turn for the worse vomiting on and grabbing a strange glowing Stone from inside the Golem as well as on two doors and such familiar together Chris and them all down and then began to vomit some more
after realizing their exit was blocked by lava Sharpie left from the window the several hundred foot tall Spire protected with a feather fall but leaving his allies high and dry luckily the Savvy Rogue acted quickly lassoing Sharpie with his rope and reeling a mini so the party could Escape together but as a realization of their Valiant deed begin to spell over our heroes Christopher broke the strange tension by strangely and without provocation drawing his dagger and deboning his own project sending the dismembered member onto the snowy ground his blood poured out into the snow that Fallas suffered from high speed shrinkage but why and what now and Chris de Burgh you lose to Charisma point
I don’t want to do we not have fucking Duncan Trussell playing anymore
Charisma Charters until such time as it can be reattached dick off you lose to Charisma place it’s a house rule is to be working so far
of of of vines of five good foot out you know when you leave and don’t have a very charismatic dick yeah I was thinking someone to be Maureen and then someone could be Avenger and then I’d only have like one other person to really worry about
yeah I mean is that fine with everybody that’s your people do it it’s cool everyone cool nobody wants any trouble that goes down to come out
how many dicks do I have in this oh okay sorry I was a big moment for you knocked over the you think he killed the guy emotions
I got heartburn
we did it we did it I mean I guess what I guess we accomplished our mission you guys I don’t know why I have such an empty feeling him and me right now it’s starting to get worse as I freezed
perfect for it also says in my head all the way around I mean sure
what is My Talking Dead today
go to be a great artist or anything that you do you see how horrible in the field I’m sorry about that
we should be as chopped off dick
it’s a role you were born to play
I mean sure, but there was a little clue just now and he said that’s a joke right I mean I mean that’s his prerogative as much of a speaking role but but you do have two points and first
another
Google Fiber
if you like wings or no I just want to use your free metagaming alright okay I’m sorry I feel weird I don’t feel like myself
and upon those words you see you hear the clink of plate mail in the few spy the golden armor of a warrior figure perhaps some sort of a cleric of Patriots
how’s it going
hiding
he doesn’t seem affected for whatever reason I draw my sword and hold it up to Chris de Burgh and say what’s what’s the deal Jack hey I’m cool I don’t know what’s going on look at me no trust me I don’t look at them
I shoot the side of his face
it is Burns it burns the flesh are you Miss to know you’re just kidding at it I crossed my eyes so it went around I’m not going to wait for you to get good at Burning me with your I know I’m fighting it has my armlet of spring which can shoot thorny Vine 20ft to protect her it’s their enemies I’m going to obviously opting to ensnare this friend of me you would ensnare the front of me and you see a small thing fall out of his hand as he gets grasped by the vine the grasping Vine his mouth
it hit
so now he’s tied up drop the thing what is that thing
tovendor ghetto Avengers that’s for sure I don’t think it’s a ham
the best of game this is this we were playing game that’s metagaming I’m still a bit behind so I’m going to pick it up
and I’m going to bring it back to you yeah yeah yeah
wow the bar if you know
in MLB Avengers clutches of that purple glowing stone that you spawn the Golem shattering are you going to propose to somebody or what is it shatters purple exhausted instantly as if you haven’t slept for days and then a rumbling over takes out the black keep crumbling into itself collapse entirely into a really scientific method
you feel kind of
stronger
burst forth from the Vine I mean to really got it broke just dissolves in and crumbled and went away yeah sorry to keep track of I know we did it I guess this is the end of the adventure seems like we are and then we all laugh they freeze and it’s the end of the
I’m going to grab moraines craft kits and I just tried try to crudely so that guy’s Christopher’s dick back on
are hamsters you can use my my threads
while he’s going to IKEA
and I go what the back of his head with my laser he still evil trying to sell your dick you take 9 to your head
you feel all messed up
they do say that around here
I stopped to take his dick back
throw it into the app
you you
Yu-Gi-Oh around with the wrong guy
all right that happened in 14 + 2 – 18 + 2 + 4
does hand and throws it into the heart of the pit itself
so so can I
I just threw up on myself a little girl who didn’t hey I don’t know why you’re all freaking out. I’ll tell you when I look at sharp Sharpie to myself and everyone around me
you already got out of those two gases Phil yeah I should mention I switched your guys’s character sheets over to Pathfinder everyone’s all revamped I didn’t try so hard with just because I thought you want to customize of yourself so I gave you some I need some options but it’s all up for grabs Master OK Google
maybe I should use reduce person on I mean at least that’ll reduce his person
they got bigger severed dick would look now though
LS2 late charm person that overpowers The Possession working hey what’s up
c i Chi gravel him like an angry fish concert
and I like what you going to be man with the Rage of a father you clucking cut
what is it going to be Jack
so I can use my phone
what is the Duncan Trussell
corundum prostrate you hurtling into the pit
I am so sorry
somebody grabbed me I reach out and grab his foot
or you would
I would if
you didn’t I mean that’s not accurate that’s not doesn’t make any sense it doesn’t happen
what’s the Cliffhanger right downtown
are you going to manage that
make deodorant
well where is that robbed the button on top of it
but staff staff got melted in because because if you work all you had to save work after he was raping the robo spider
I know that you’re settled application is at everything that’s happening with we deserve
but it’s not easy to play Dungeons & Dragons it’s like it’s like you know you make decisions
renting a room I was thinking I use my teleport what’s the situation he’s he’s like the ice like broke and fell through and he’s tumbling do it yeah I guess I got a Feather Falls can I cast a Feather Falls that used the last night and you got one left but you use everything in all most of your level 1 spells already but I got a full charge my teleport Cape aside my friend grab ahold of him that happen often
can I give us a good one may be an Avenger to get us out maybe have a safety ready Avenger going down
yeah I didn’t sell it whatever what does a question you are we are we not falling together the fool Lee though feather style Athleta rhetorical questions about
make everybody happy 2014
take me to Spencer Crittenden come out on Johnny’s TV
how much time for the mayor of habitats
sorry I’m sick of it I’ll be better next week I feel like shit

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