Episode: 128 – That’s my wife’s pie, you bitch!

Episode

Episode: 128 – That’s my wife’s pie, you bitch!

Description

Schrab secretly schrab’s the gang, Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher of the Put Your Hands Together podcast stop by and talk movies, Kumail returns, Dan and Erin got married, and in D&D they encounter some sleeping bears.

Transcript

ladies and gentlemen harmontown is now in session
I’m your guest BOB stroller Camille nanjiani please welcome to the states of America
just come trailer Camille nanjiani good to have him back
I got I got dressed in the dark again and I put on a Ariens sweatshirts you know what I was going to tell you I really like that sweatshirt I wear tiny people clothing because every time I do the part of the vibe that’s good episode like that I want to talk about people with children and how they should stop bringing them to fucking hipster parties
I’m 41 it’s already hard for me to be at a party of 25 year old that I don’t want your fucking three-year-old wandering around bumping into walls at 8:30 p.m. when there’s a campfire over here in a keg over there that’s a fucking spider whiskers on her face because you’re a 25-year old parent like you’re so close to fucking everything up already and it’s so hard for me to be at a party in like your three year old is like like complaining about shit and I’m the only other one other than this person that’s like not going to talk to anybody so I’m stuck with your three year old but then I have a choice between looking like a pedophile and looking like a curmudgeon
because your kids like going like I don’t like this I don’t like that and I can bite my tongue would you like that
what can mean your credit Community I ain’t talking anybody either
just keep eating dirt and their names the names of the worst thing isn’t the kids cuz at the kids are fine whatever they’re dumb there is dumb as their parents and worse because they don’t know how to read yet but they like their parents because their parents are twenty-five years old and their parents think that producing another Silverlake hipster out of their loins licenses them to be the same people they were at a party only now louder
now I’m get to I get to be the big doofus lumbering around the party only now every once in awhile I get to go what are you doing
what are you doing a lot of weight when you go to the farmers market it’s a fucking nightmare away from my life get them out of here what are you doing over there
the Itsy Bitsy Spider
child level we’re in the backyard at home you had a child you’re out tap out of society
yeah
play Itsy Bitsy Spider Itsy Bitsy Spider it’s repetitive and derivative are shiting like your kids R kids
the Matthew McConaughey know how to commit so he wrote a marriage column for an ooVoo
I think that’s a lot of seven Matthew McConaughey movies go with curmudgeon
I’m going to do a lot of little girls the fuck up yeah that’s better than is the creator of community trying to seduce our child
cuz I want I want
ratchets me up in just a smidgen of pedophilia
150%. Why would he get mad if you didn’t want to
who sing I fit the profile even more I’m one white van away from like I’m just saying I just the girlfriend word sticks in my throat now and my girlfriend, wife my wife made a bunch of Pies for a pie party and we took him to a backyard she’s 30. I’m 41 in front of Pi parties we went to a bath she was 16 though so I guess my dad got married cuz he was a pedophile
it was a different time, the Pakistani Riviera life is cheap right now
and everything is controlled indirectly by a distant Olive goblet the goblin kapalit Oh I thought you said hola Goblin
I know you know this is going everywhere I never said I was
I did not say that alright settle down guy with a bunch of bottle a goblet
if you’re watching this
he doesn’t need fucking YouTube
hello I’m worried about offending
it’s it’s his biggest fans so I wanted to 5 and you had a kid you’re still a child learn to interact with your child and have a handle on them before you take them to a party where I’m going to be because I’m already at a party with children like you a 25 year old and now you’re fucking little Mogwai
I’m going to mention all of you in my Suicide know how did I got me to go spend time with all of you barely hanging on for dear life like I just I don’t like because it’s also weird if you need a baby and the baby doesn’t like you everyone cycle is the fuck off to you and then they start liking you it’s like the oldest west of the book like my wife made some pies for a pipe art a woodchuck a party there was this grubby little girl this little fucking like urgent like rolling around in the dirt and she was like people put the pies out of the table I was watching her no one else was watching her she sounds like the wrong side
play the curmudgeon pedophile she was like digging into the Pines where is your hipster parents and I was like why they wouldn’t let you eat their fucking shit with your grubby Gremlin hands that’s my wife pie you bitch
I need your energy Aaron put her pie down and one of one of her go fucking 11 awesome pies is like this bacon pie and a little girl looked at the pie that she was going from tied up I like digging into it with her fucking closet hepatitis Claus for little dirt Talons that she was just using a sleigh with worms if you’re this worm should marry this worm okay now
all right I’m going to take now we’re all like why am I sick why am I dying
The Harem Paula Paws dealers Pi Pi Pi just going from pine to pine just like like like maybe that’s one of her pies out of the bacon pie and the little girl looks at the pie as you guys
I don’t like baking that much and no one cares what you like and you’re going to spend the next eighteen years if you’re lucky learning that no one shares would you like to use you in a fucking vast sea of apathy fucking like who put it in your head already at this age but still do the first word you’re learning a farm kind of pie at 11
2 part I didn’t say any of that to her I might not OK dark corner and set her shifts right
vintage Chair by a fire it’s all right and partying I’m going to do it I’m going to ride the world needs where Dan Harmon’s I’m going to make them I’m going to keep them in my Ivory Tower and teach them to rule over you I’m going to show them. The normal person what’s your job control them your problem you will meet them at 16 when they emerge cross-legged floating
lifting your cars with their Magneto Powers because they’ll come out of the oven
what did I do all right I wanted to do it with Rob all day I don’t know if this will translate my friend Rob schrab who is known
yeah you’re a big fan of his cuz he’s terrible person so I’ll read my own Parts is blue you or is white you lose me
to me why does everyone
you’re welcome you just got to apply yourself
that’s my problem and later on we we have we have some we have some lesbian women coming out but I don’t even know that it was white
I don’t know I don’t see sexual preference I just see that they’re beautiful white women
one of them might be Latin I don’t know her last name despacito she doesn’t look super that good for her
all right
all right so okay so I get this text from Rob this is like what it’s like to be his friend have you ever seen nowhere out of nowhere
once when I was a kid the Bob Fosse Road and directed
yeah I vaguely remember it right Schneider dies in the end I knew it was about Fosse but I didn’t know he had a hand in the movie you should do make a movie like that
good idea
you should call it all.
so if you have a fantasy, that wasn’t
do you like jazz
skin cap
I think I got it yeah
when’s the last time you saw Rocky
hours later
I guess when I was younger I don’t know
you should make a movie like a rocket
but base it off of your life
would it be called smell but
that sounds nothing like Rocky
it has two syllables that the only similarity
well it’s a movie like Rocky and it’s about my life but the title reflects none of those facts nobody looking for the movie will be able to find it and nobody that comes across the title will know if it’s something in which they be interested end of conversation quite a job if you want to have a new Farrell audio by is it new full audio podcast it’s a feral audio podcast it’s dirty for 60 years it’s called put your hands together and then they’re also like recently accidentally viral noted for for these
speed is it BuzzFeed videos of ask a lesbian well at any rate welcome Cameron Esposito and degree
anywhere that makes you comfortable
are you guys are you guys drinking folks do you want to and the Green Room isn’t a remarkable breed of a vegan or vegetarian even in the womb your mother even though you’re from Akron Ohio is that like your from like a bubble
what do I go from some Google bubble in space but your mom never ate meat so even in the womb you your body your blood none of it has ever touched meat and you just never eaten meat never and look at you you that you’re like a foxy Michael j.fox
your your avatar is like you in the like a drawing of you in the orange vest the back to the future future
running a lot you know I watch Teen Wolf 2 days ago and I haven’t seen him in like 20 years Teen Wolf Teen Wolf and Back to the Future the same here Back to the Future number one Teen Wolf is number two and he was on Family Ties in his car in between Back to the Future and Family Ties because he would go shoot Back to the Future at night and then you would shoot Family Ties during the day
Teen Wolf is a terrible movie is it that nothing happens there are nothing just practice but I remember I remember being about the thing about being yourself for their supposed to be like in falling back on the thing that makes you I don’t know marketable
I’m out at this time when like the idea that somebody would be very good at sports wasn’t really inspired by a bunch of crap that I would then I watch it it’s like this doesn’t hold up but the really impacting think creatively about Teen Wolf was that they were doing this like traditional garbage eats movie is a wolf and it’s blah blah blah and then there’s that moment the plot point where he turns into a werewolf on the basketball court and instead of going left they go right it’s just like like some writers thought what if everyone went
everything he starts dribbling a basketball important to you you have to stop the game because I turned into a werewolf are you going to play where will forget your basketball against instead of the movie continues along the lines of like it was just a metaphor for being like I don’t know what’s best for the world where we still needed more movies about it being okay to be something it was at like Teen Wolf was actually a cautionary tale sent from the past to today maybe four people going like a lesbian people person a black person don’t let your superpower like
when you guys came out did you guys get really good at basketball
cuz I watch the movie Frozen last year on a plane and I was like no idea that that movie is just about a gay person
she’s like I have to hide who I am but my parents don’t like me also made a lot of what she says if we’re good she’s super get gloves that’s part of being a lesbian
cuz I was like I was playing just wonder likes make a friend so I can just
Frozen that you could
did you want to get LensCrafters
I want to look at it
videos of everybody that’s not what being gay means
Back to the Future even aren’t you like what you seem like a youngster maybe it’s just a vegetarian in your beautiful face 42
but the the the when we were doing the community Christmas episode with the stop-motion we watch all the rankin-bass stuff and I was stricken by the really kind of healthy super biotar modern lens Progressive Finley properly veiled Frodo gay endorsement that was the elf that just wanted to be what and who I want to take care of this is like really like like we don’t have this much craft these days now that we were actually trying to accomplish that I really do like what is Rudolph
Jesus
Buddha Buddha
send me the camera
the features and said that you were a dumb kid saying you didn’t like bacon but you like Teen Wolf and I don’t want to hear your bullshit because these are people who stick up for Spaceballs for god sakes but good movies with the word space in the title
hold it is not a movie it is garbage it’s a pile of spaghetti filled out at your feet asking you to figure it out it doesn’t make any sense nothing when you set it next to Back to the Future which is used to write like they were writing it for seven years and a couple of those years interviews I’ve read five gal was wrestling with what’s what would happen if in the car with the mom I’m at the prom and you seem like you probably delve into the stuff and red with them forever to come up with the simplest thing in the world which is that the mom kisses the sign and then she goes I don’t like it it’s like kissing my brother
years there were stuck on that for years in a refrigerator no place like it’s like the tightest green alien alien alien alien
who has more fun all the all the right now I just keep thinking about all the arguments I have a movie to watch with a lesbian
did you guys are arguing with two different kinds of good movie
Batman we’re just watching it before we came over here garbage
garbage
actually I want to say something that I don’t like that because I think he’s he’s like really think you’re pretty smart a dude and a nonsense word illusions and then I went back and watch I want you to check it out but it’s better than the Dark Knight
do you want to see like a dude is like pretty sweet to Kim Basinger the whole time
never he’s like never that much of an ass like he’s just like I know this person
call my mother so I can’t stop crying you just agree with the stuff are you a Christian Bale like Batman to enjoy the dark about it over and over again because I prestige the movie it’s like like I just feel like I don’t like the guy is like a really powerful director really powerful cinematographer and most importantly what you can observe from everything laying around it obviously Heath Ledger is the like is the thing that we’re going back to I think it’s that plus the the the foundation that Christopher cassar everything just every once in awhile I’ll be like in Inception
he didn’t get it and it’s like every time I’m the logical part of my brain the writer part of my brain goes this is insipid this is garbage but being cut my eyeball part of my brain which is never stimulated I’m always like god dammit it’s so fucking good though he’s making gorgeous things but the problem is that so the Matrix is a great example of making a beautiful movie where they’re like this also makes sense for Christopher Nolan if he was just like hey gorgeous I should get good cream place heading to shoot them we were really also enjoying Nicholson’s Joker
like a circle and everything is it distracted by I feel like I feel like the Crooked doorways in the purples and the everything like I feel distracted by that everything’s on a soundstage in a Batman and that’s why I think that I think that would Nolan did Batman thrilling thing was that we were in genuine exteriors using location things felt paramilitary the Cosmetics made you allowed you to believe in Batman and a visceral and whereas like I don’t like you can see the dangers of Burton’s Batman in what’s his name is he whose name should not be spoken a guy with the purple nipples in the end the Dayglo like rage fights and stuff it’s kind of like set you up to do this isn’t this what you like that cycle
when I went for its Batman I’m like I’m like yeah what are we doing we’re like revving this like fish shaped like roller coaster car through a sound stage and having these acrobatic kickbox each other and stuff like burnt out from Burton like wasted deep maybe you should just stay with the Scissor Hands and less with the guy grabs a we actually did you ever see any film they’re called First Kiss screen printing company at the time for Gotham City police so they never got paid
down the street and LaSalle Street where they filmed like fine I’ll charge it was all labeled as Rose first kiss but there was like an awesome City helicopters
all right so I want to let you guys go because you have the birthday party to go to and I I promise not to keep you but your pot I’m not I’m not kicking you out yet but I wanted to announce that cuz I’m terrible at letting people go you you have a podcast called put your hands together with just like it’s a stand-up podcast where you can come to see podcast comedian people do comic things you guys run it together and you’re like hosting at 2016 Corvette I don’t know if they talk about their lives on the thing and then the Earth is Alive podcast where you guys are hosting a stand-up show because I just feel so much water in my garage so much it’s all the way through
show the rooms for 75 minutes which is a real risk when we started two years ago because we’re just said like maybe if we do this and UPS will let us use their material and most of them do it if you want it and we can do an interview instead and that’s also fine and sometimes you just get like a great interview with somebody was about to go on material which is awesome because there are so many people that don’t get a chance to beat out of La ever realizes how lucky La is because everybody just loves here so you can go to a show at the Meltdown or that used to be in it’s just like oh these people are only in like majorly Jerry Seinfeld
Maria Bamford Sarah Silverman doing the arms for each other from behind
Kansas City
great comics on the same show. I know it sounds pretty America and the thing that doesn’t need to be flagged as the is the Charming new awesome like a mother friendly ask a lesbian is this video that’s like I’m billions and billions of the community has had a number is just as we were talking about the green or like it’s like to hear the questions for Haskell is being is scissoring a thing
I will comment. Yes you can I’m giving it away
not that it isn’t honestly wanted to be a real thing but if you think about it scientifically doesn’t make sense so you guys would agree with me go ahead try it I don’t believe that you’ve been telling me for 3 weeks what are you rubbing your thighs yet
they got no pants they’re just real Winnie the Pooh
change it to get to a line RV grand scheme of things I mean just to have a big flappy thing coming out and I bet I bet they’d spend very little time just rubbing them together
oh yeah and they can do it
I think that people are really confused about what lesbian sex looks like because of like lesbian porn cuz lesbian porn is always like it’s like to him is his ring of super long fingernails a pizza guy cuz he’s like it’s all about lesbian and it’s just like very even the movie Blue is the warmest color has like 27 minutes of scissoring and I questioned one question that you kind of sidestepped as a joke in your video. I think it was like one of the first questions is do you get excited looking at your own boobs
but you also cites if it was a joke you did is there an answer that question is that I’m going to guess this is so great that someone else gets to enjoy them or whatever I bet
answer
usually I look in the mirror
don’t answer don’t be stressed it’s okay thank you so much for protecting I really appreciate that it’s okay where did President has given could possibly be happening and I really what what could be happening are we bullying by asking rotate screen play
I never seen purple tree plus I got this I was asking because they made a video on that was one of the questions in the video I wasn’t like like like hauling you guys up or like like
the question was asked and answered in this viral videos with semen really good people and I was like I wanted to do like a little director’s cut not a bad what is there is there an actual answer that question is and it works really great I have great news but I think she’s got the better say something, I’ll see you in full face
the other question is did you say what about the whole
the other question I had never thought to ask until you guys told me that you just recently got engaged are you going to get his last year I got you.
And I think if you’re a straight guy in the audience you may you may suppress it cuz you live in Los Angeles but there’s probably an immediate question of like who proposed like I got to use that was my first ride I’d like to hear lesbian question who proposed and I don’t know where joke separate from reality but and I think the answer is you just don’t like but the answer from you guys was real because she had shorter hair
but that was just because I was it you not to do that to the top of it early in the morning and I just like didn’t think anything was also she didn’t tell me to like put on good clothes I was wearing a garbage.
7 gum wrapper and then to the top of a mountain is that you never think about like we have to go down here
surprise
like a lot of now nowadays I would think a lot of couples are like a week when we move down here together that I just figured like
like as long as as long as Rita doesn’t move back to Chicago or getting married in what way they talk about that could be the most devastating talking about it there is
I mean you don’t yeah you can’t just change your mind about that later and yet sometimes it’s something you really want to say I did not have the balls to do that I should not my termite my girlfriends girlfriends my wife’s girlfriend at the time her yeah I should have went and I didn’t do it yes I did I did I say this I didn’t he was like I don’t need to give you this but I really appreciate you talking to me about it first before you did it
Dad can we get a dad transplants or upper these folks
I need to hear from you so I just talked to my dad said he would just like that would make him happy till the day you die
I’m going to die in a second please come in hands
his last words that would be a terrible review video
I know you guys are human beings and individuals and not representative of anything and not symbolic and icons of but that makes me want to cry so much the idea of a dad of a zit got going to give me his Blessing and that makes me feel like so I just want to melt into a liberal puddle and
thank you flow into some gutter just joined Obama in heaven and rain down and every country and make everything green and vegan
turn the moon into a rainbow I don’t know so sorry lady whoever’s back there I feel like
her eyes were like
Bellucci
just stay strong it’s just a podcast
okay on your elbows doing fine, don’t need to plug it was it same sex symbol for severe podcast put your hands together and please thank you Cameron Andrea for coming by
try guys drive safe
Kroger
I’m bad I’m bad I’m bad at saying goodbye bad at interviewing

oh and I’m going to use this duplex something of mine that redoes all the time which is this podcast I called X-Files files which is on all Sean Farrell progress podcast I do it’s called The X-Files files. Does it all the time
should we have your wife come by as a guest I keep thinking a couples therapist and yeah all right look at these empty seats
I wish I wish I wish I wish we could have gotten to the bottom of lesbianism as I call it as a lifestyle Choice what makes you choose that I forgot to ask them that
lesbianism why not survivalism doomsday prepping
can I get to hobby
text and some people are lesbian somebody out here whose name I kind of changed recently my wife Erin mcgathy Harmon
hello do you get turned on by your boobs
it was kind of loud do I get turned on by it was a call back and we can move on.
I like candies on the hills of
I would wonder what I get
I get out of the shower and I see myself in the mirror and I’m just like what in the world who would ever lie
turn on from the fact that you knew that you were just taking a shower
I control the market.
The bar is low has swimmer’s body I guess I I just popped in my head
I just see him as a fit man he was just a hot body so Progressive
I’m definitely on the Tim Burton Batman and that cam
all right what is day and night I know there’s no cat can I get can I get one of my wife’s this is me at the altar having a day and a half almost physically nauseous like retching like thinking like I got him I got to write these vows memorizes vows I got make these valves right I’m doing good and then here’s my impression of my wife the officiant goes like they have written their own vows are in you go first in Erin goes well you know
she just improvised him he was like you know I love you and stuff but then she did have a highly choreographed I just thought it was funny I think I actually the writing of the vowels in the memorization about is a thing maybe for the groom because I did I am thankful looking back on it that I had something because otherwise I would have been melting down thinking about the idea that I was getting married and instead it was melting down sit like a sixth grader like about to go play Marco Polo in applied I was like memorizing my lines I was just pacing back and forth at 2 me to focus on and it kept me sane during a very crazy threshold in performance
first look at a time what’s it called Town Hall called the square so we didn’t have like a like a what’s the first look photograph to take pictures before the wedding then after the ceremony you do a first quote on quote First Look photograph that supposed to take the place of the photos that you would get it when the bride is first walking down the aisle
so very special to me and I walk up and taking pictures of that but during that dinner is like so are you going to are you going to read those are you memorizing
I have not done that yet on all the other details of the wedding I promise to Dinosaur you
I I I gave you some news item that would come through like elephants fought off that dog that tried to kill that child and see it right now on YouTube and probably should not do that to you to do that for you Usual Suspects are wedding vows that other thing karaoke version of I’ll Stand By You holding giant cardboard heads of Dan’s face
who’s fine
what’s good final rehearsal Dan is texting me because I was singing I’ll stand by you in a minute cuz I wasn’t returning as text and I did not respond to someone because you’re too busy singing I’ll stand outside
for them hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering if I can steal food do you miss meeting the parents if I can get out well actually, no one misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film Earth-like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blackstone, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
the only thing left to do is to bring up Spencer Crittenden
thank you thank you very much those lovely applies and it made me feel eight times more self-esteem tatious his hair down at the wedding romance novel cover
it looks like maybe there might have had a cover to something like 25 years ago or something definitely past my Prime romance novel koverman
but I do know I also got some interesting text from Rob earlier
I did as well almost fill you in because this morning I got a text from Robert Rob I mean this afternoon have you seen all that jazz
I also got that no
I thought we were having a moment you said no no it’s a directive
so it’s I responded is it good and he said yeah and should make a movie like that
he’s nothing if not consistent and did he go on to tell you know I I I I said you should tell him that and then he didn’t respond text everything I grabbed this is crazy he knew we had when he like
maybe or maybe he was like texted Spencer sincerely I said tell Dan and then he texted me I’m going to read our dialogue
mine was at mine was at 12:52 p.m. today earlier than hell yeah
7 p.m. text me I have use have you ever seen all that jazz
I say yeah but not for a super long time and maybe not all the way through
stop trying to get to all that
Rob says it’s about Foxy by okay
and I said yep I’m familiar
Amanda Evan Ross says Harmon to make a movie like that and I said yeah I think you could write a really funny Musical and then Rob says you could call it all that joke
but he never told you all that juice
drawing what is he doing is he was last so by then
maybe your answer was was already strangling what
wow I’m really confused this is this new thing that I didn’t get a text asking if I clean all that jazz
if we can only hope I feel embarrassed or man I thought dad would write a really great music.
I think it’s online Persona came out of the computer killed the real Rob and is now fucking walking around talking to him eating some food and stuff it’s like virtuosity his Avatar
he was my best man and Shop before about to walk down the aisle he’s still holding the best man supposed to hold like the Rings and stuff not only has both like ring boxes he was holding the bag from the ring store
I don’t know I’ve never been married before I don’t know what he’s supposed to do but I know he’s doing it wrong what am I what am I do is holding a bag of a ring store what’s the Rings in your pocket
what time during the wedding in here that I just like had to the two boxes of rain cuz like I don’t know and I don’t know but it’s like why don’t you do know you can plan it you can rehearse it a Arab you know any time I kind of leave early so I didn’t stay too long but I stay as long as I could
okay what were the vows Danza dance came second
they did and you know they were about ghost fighting and fighting as a ghost I did if I die before Aaron I will protect her with ghost Powers as one of my many awesomely written vows
and then if he got too weird for her I would allow her to I would go away and would not Hunter second husband I would just wait for her to die but then her second husband should fuck off because our love is eternal
I was very very very moved by your vows and seeing all these people you haven’t seen in a long time and it is like hidden for the wedding like you don’t know she’s going to be while you were talking to her friend so walking down the aisle is like this very weird Wizard of Oz moment and you were there was like saying hi to people in line cuz it seems a little unfair like the groom to just walk around
but I thought that would accept as I thought that the anticipated that I would be unable to say my point is the peak of the emotion for me was when you were walking down the aisle and because our friend Matt Gourley was singing Daniel Johnston true love will find you in the end it was like everything was a very cute sensory overload all right quick I’m a very obvious question does a different
yeah I feel like I am now I finally get to mail it cuz I feel like I was
saving ourselves
I feel like I feel like I was a bad I just really like being a single guy like now I feel like I just makes more sense
that resonates with me emotionally
nothing going to happen in our sleep even unconsciously I
this week you and maybe maybe you can get before you got married
we we went to the pet reminded up and got married and called
sounds that sounds great I think that like the engagement. I’ll just speak for myself like everything was like we’re playing this when I had 45 seconds today where I thought I really like soccer
was it the only 45 seconds worth of gold
Shakira singing
Soccer World football was on and the teams are all soft drinks and
am I dad
Town Fair Tire
Hey cuz it was a dream
any hair rest of the night rest of the night is questions and answers
my dad’s dick
I’ve only been sorry
go ahead about Thailand proof I had a dream that Michael Jordan was trying to kill me go ahead though
I turned on the television and soccer was on and the ball was going so I meant someone like they kicked the ball and then you know they pretend to be hurt all the time and then everybody is great but then I will say this we got married and then she was like I’m so randomly a couple years later I proposed to her after we’ve been married and I’m just saying at a hotel vacation that weekend and it was at night and we were playing video
and I was like hey let’s go for a walk on the beach
Forester out and it was kinda cold then I was like will you marry me and she was like the worst thing I’ve ever seen
who was the first
it will not always look for you but it will be efficient and protected and it’s not fun about what I apparently did in my sleep last few nights ago I was just saying that like during the stressful to me feels like heart but made my bad
play pretty frequently a few nights ago I was farting and there were
but Maurice over me because of the wedding approached the shit in our photos so just started getting a lot of ice cream
I think I may be lactose intolerant everyday for the
been 30 days and I took what I was saying
where was he having you get ice cream ice cream but the various things just anything in a corn cob is butter a shower shower brought it with butter and I didn’t say I never said me too I just was like cool cool ice cream ice cream dad has farted in his sleep before up and sometimes has to be like what
come on can we pull it together it is Sleepy talk to me like I am his second mate on a submarine with an I am getting water in the boat
water in the boat
your nights ago Dan I think the most
I’m going to say Majestic not in a way that I think it’s the grossest the most like triumphant beginning of a symphony by Beethoven. I was awake and asleep it was absurd
there are highs and lows
I knew that dad is going to wake up
absolutely yeah it was a Steel Magnolias part at the end of it I was just looking at him because I thought he didn’t open his eyes and just said husbands come out no no no
I’m assuming it was like I was like in my dream I was looking at myself fart and it was like yelling at myself
yeah you got a great actor that far
that’s the kind of thing that a secret somewhere doctor prescribes and I’m scared at pictures of Rebecca Gayheart from my 1095 what does starvation
that’s you don’t have to do it when I’m not you don’t have to die I love to her and never asked for any of this and got fat to inspire her.
Hoping she would catch up and we’re getting married I need to be fatter than ever I should see if I could do that so yeah I think technically I lost cuz I was losing weight cuz I was exercising a lot before the doctor because there’s three factions of Meatballs there’s that there’s the lady that thinks that if I talk to lesbians about their boobs like a prisoner is happening and then that but she’s losing 30 pounds of the exercise freaks on my backup exercise is the way to go
I think I’ll do 30 lb sounds like a lot and 5:10 so like 30 pounds on me like is in 500 calories a day what did you eat like what it it looks like I don’t know I didn’t do it for the full time but like my day was an apple and a half of chicken breast and vegetables it was kind of you weren’t allowed to wear oil-based makeup like The Dock of the prescribed it it was a whole thing sounded exactly like her dog which we are retiring
mrs. Something to take lightly.
I will give you this
cautiously
you look good but at what cost
I live in Terror because over last year which is usually the case I just wanted to but no matter what you’re shaped like you’re a beautiful human being and you shouldn’t let people convince you or your worst yourself convinced you that the fact that you look how you look should I get her back
your body does not define you am I getting this right
can I see pictures of myself and you like you’d be surprised how miserable you can be looking really good and really fat and like it’s not like what however you look is how you look at how you want to look you look that way cuz you want to look that way over my threshold of where we’re at where can I where can I buy mean our favorite pastime is never going to be hiking
I ate like we made I’m I’m not ruling it out but you act you you and I are at our best when we are watching like a movie that you know and was there’s probably some ice cream like I don’t want to like I don’t I don’t want to hinder our happiness on how we look I want us to be happy and I
you’re sitting like this diet that I did also I did not lose 20 30 pounds on the dial less than that you told me I had started exercising really hard to lose a lot of debris to hertzog
he gave me a physical and the doctor before I like is this safe
strange words
capable of so much damage.
For the Nazis
this Penguins stomach is safe not for herring
what are the penguin skeleton fireplace mantel where the
just cuz I stress a lot about feel bad if I eat if I don’t eat and it’s been like this since I was like I was worried about how much I weigh you know since then till today all the time
I remember eating fried chicken ones and being like I am so horrible and it’s still like if I get like really I feel really really horrible about it and then it’s like mr. Favor I can’t remember who it was it was like some writer or something to mention running into you and then when I guy ran into Kemal and I was talking to him for a while but he was like coming out of the gym and it was I was really distracted by his immense upper body
all right
okay I tried to launch into my command to go to the word hunt I can’t I can’t do that I can’t I can’t can you talk like the mail I got you are
they were distracted by how overwhelmingly powerful and sexy in your body was and they walked away from it affected and Disturbed
how far to put it on I need to know it’s just it’s just myself we think about these things we think about ourselves and our friends I think we don’t tend to say your arms are large muscle tear it’s terrible just
the real train wreck over here
I get up and I survey the damage and I’m like well we better get to work but not to work fixing it to work doing my job
when I get home from work and I’m tired
how to tell people I know for sure the people in the world are supposed to their supposed to hold themselves to a different standard than they’re holding themselves physically for sure but at the same time there’s also a total acknowledgement that ugly. Disgusting nation that kind of like we are definitely like we should keep yourself healthy sexy standards of like what we look like and whether or not we’re beautiful people like has totally different from whether or not you are happy in yourself and like whether you feel good and hard. I know I’ve never I got generally obsessed with it and just always conscious of like I really look like a piece of shit I don’t know it’s never healthy it’s never never comes from a good place and it never like
losing it really wasn’t a good time to do it because I just wanted to feel like myself again like we did it that’s what we’re into 60 pieces of shit we get married together forever
alright Spencer do you think we think about what the process I don’t do you want to play D&D I always want to play DND
should I get it out
I am Spencer guy for the best man gift I guess it’s a tradition to get a bet your best man a gift I got rob a Segway cuz he’s directing a lot of community that he could roll around the the the lot at Spencer Spencer ticket day and he he made it look like a scud the Disposable assassin
so drab has like a little yellow robot thing that you can like roll around and right it’s all weird text to that
what do you mean that I look like presumption this is stupid ugly judgmental better than it looks like he’s reacting to someone on scene who’s disapproving of them so that’s almost the complete opposite of what you guys are talking about like you just always like he’s shaking his head like some faces defensive and I’m going to stand by my
take me to go away so I so I was so jealous of his cuz I rode around in his I got my own
you guys are wasting it. I don’t have a car but I have a Segway if I was in Miami the worst place in America no one has been there can disagree with me
they have all those shootings in all those clothes are you going for it
I expect waser like rolling luggage to me it’s the thing that on paper it’s like this is perfect this is what everyone needs but then you look at it or like I can’t I can’t cross that threshold rolling legs just like you look at it or like I can’t cross that threshold what is it like when you look at it it’s like a it’s like a pack you know you just look at it and it’s like you can’t you get it you get it completely but you’re not going there you know I’m not going she’s not the fanny pack
do with you walk around which yeah I mean I walk around sure I love it
I’m traveling and I walk a lot we all do 60 it’s a duffel bag and then it transforms into a rolly and I slowly started just rolling with it like rolling luggage the same as Spencer I looked at and I was like yeah you’re not going to like in high school that makes makes fun of a kid with a rolling bag
that’s what it comes from like Lucy those kids and he kicked their backpack because like fuck you
it might not be comfortable if I have a bag I just don’t I don’t partake
travel on a plane you have to have rolling luggage
you do not hate your life so much easier but I don’t know if that’s easier during certain specific but then your exchanging that for like the one you’re looking at yourself in the mirror and you can let it go
you can play the who’s going to get their first game
thanks for making new character sheet oh yeah you are committed to this you’re welcome I just figured out how to react to that just then I think if you could travel with just a backpack you’d be the ultimate person which is what I try to do is I’m going to Miami for the weekend I’ll just put a couple underwear in a backpack and then I’m just like they go are you checking out my what is anyone talking to me about anything for I got my pack no one can fuck with me ever

who’s Brad Edwards the proud underwear and I mean it’s like pants that don’t fit in a backpack
and if it if that’s how it that you married a monster and that makes that makes you worse than a monster you’re a you’re like the rancor Keeper in Return of the Jedi
play Koran car it was a girl or a boy
why is
so popular
I was a baby I was a baby Elmo he’s certainly not intelligence
he has a lot of problems understanding very basic concepts of matter
Elmo character is a bait like literally a baby
show me Valium for anybody in the morning
used to be like well it was a learning show for kids and it in a differentiated with the existing class system because the kids live down the street Sesame Street the idea was it was a street and like I was like brown stone steps and stuff it was like oh guess what this is where you live it was multi-ethnic and it was like revolutionary teaching read that some bullshit
Kaka sized call hashtagit
what does caucuses mean look it up
it means I made it up
yeah we didn’t get Sesame Street educational Pakistani show that was hanging light next door over this house
teach me how to draw
my parents hated him
before I went to school every day they would be there with your one cartoon which was like Tom and Jerry or something they’ll be a guy who would teach you how to draw and he would he would pronounce the color is wrong like instead of yellow Hill Colony you know if you like and then kids with sending drawings and he would just fucking Riverpark
why is Mary from Sesame Street why haven’t we been talking about this for six years I never liked it like
colors are all over the place like a five-year-old and he’s like
Broward watch it and I love watching it
when I was a kid I wanted to be a cartoonist but I was never good at it and I’ll tell you the day I quit I do cigar-lighter crush on this is the fifth grade like me and it was like if you were drawn Garden a they would post it up outside the classroom and I would always get in May cuz I was a good kid but I couldn’t draw so be all these beautiful drawings and then one hideous more I realize it was that one time we had to draw our own hand and I couldn’t get it right I erased it and I and I erased it and it finally did it was her and Santa Rosa The Garlic Crush in 5th grade and they both looked at this drawing and they laugh and then they talk themselves and it felt really bad for their leg
this sounds really really horrible and that was the day I never spoke again and I decided I wouldn’t be an article I was really bad it’s good Santa Rosa what do you mean
I mean on your body all these years later
I would I was just a comic strip
yeah, he was a guy he knew karate
and and he would had a little radio and he would go on to kick people’s ass has he had a little radio yeah please scanner know it’s a two-way radio it was yeah I just knew I could drop box like so the radio was a box and I can’t drive this one guy in profile so his fights were always in profile and I would just like to see nothing to high-level over you when you’re driving mr. karate
I probably quit I was probably like 11 or something or else to hold I think to have dreams
anyway I still contract a Ninja Turtle Inspector Gadget Pac-Man and Garfield
I can do Pac-Man
not like I can we’re talking circles
all right we have 5 minutes yeah I will
play till we really have 20 minutes for tonight so we have 23 years
is that when they’re dying has no good let’s get it right are we getting the the Musical music sounds like
atmospheric video podcast I want to come to harmontown cam live
every week
January
friend nominal fee to pay for the servers
record the audio podcast will always be free
why hello
open your my fuel yourself live
you no longer crave cigarettes or sauces
cigarettes in Sausalito
highly addictive sauces are no longer a part of your life
did you mail in your living room
I’m going to stand up for myself at work tomorrow
people are going to remember my name
kill yourself
go to affect people
see you people know who you are I have a right to breathe you may dungeon master
I mean that’s how much better isn’t it
see messages going to be a bummer what do we last met her he returned from underground fighting themselves in an Overgrown Tomb after teaming up with a ghost named Lil Baskins the game trapped underground in Pitch Darkness along the ghost wave and then slaughtered for their pelts but After exiting the ghost way they are getting was waylaid by a shoddily-constructed Ambush to Knowles Vengeance for their fallen packmate summons skeletons and began the onslaught what’s the well-placed diplomacy after talking down the furry monsters Sharpie got to the bottom of their pain and after a fierce negotiation sold in ancient and Priceless to the Knolls for 9000 gold
the way with a mystical artifact leaving our heroes alone in the cold but where would they go what would they do and how would they keep from freezing to death find out on an all-new harmontown
examine my surroundings
I can examine my surround you are allowed to examine your surroundings in the woods stones and overtake the gates and walls of the graveyard past the trees in the forest to the North or the bone white faces of the northern mountains the cold cut through your Rags like nothing flesh like the chill of the Grave it’s freezing. They’re they’re not they’re not seeing him to to feel this cold this is colder cold than you’ve ever held a little earlier I was like y’all should get some pallets and shit yo by the glow of your i-told-you-so
hahaha good luck Gangsta really house
it’s just almost as if I anticipated this might happen and wanted to warn against you know trying to help
your mother worries I didn’t get back to you doing the Cabbage Patch of the endzone over a desk
now we’re dying
why is it so cold to toast it’s the north it’s the north why did you just do stuff like that but there’s going to be traffic or can you guide us to a less cold place okay can we wear can we get pelts like is there a place we can go to get pounds is it going to kill us this cold it will eventually it’ll get colder even is there a place we can get pallets before we move on if we do know I mean you could probably find someone who selling pelts maybe if there’s any local or you could hunt them yourself I mean there’s animals they exist
we should go hunting let’s go hunting I’m sorry I can’t see
brighten alright hunting Montage squirrels and Woodland creatures creatures that has Bears this time of year really well we could get them all this
is very true sleeping then they exist you can try and look for such a cave as suppose I thought you were a guide I’m a guy and live and just live our life and possibly repopulate Society we have to form a new alphabet a new history I’m on board this week and he might
if the if you do just increases your armor class
wormwood bro currently is Autumn so you can just make it now
hey fly into the winter sky and see if you can spy a cavern an opening we’re looking for shelter let’s do it he does that and he goes around in the air and what he sees is a cave he comes down and tells you the trees they stopped there’s this cave where they stop fucking great
let’s go to the cave where you guys think let’s do it all right if I take a mental picture of your point over at that tree over there he does though he does
how to express your pee a lot
I mean you know familiars are generally animals that are much more intelligent than their mundane counterparts I’ll tell you later
let’s head let’s head to that cave and so we don’t freeze to death okay it’s a small almost imperceptible deeper crack in a large rock you don’t even know how Avengers could have seen it from up there is eyes are so Keen to crack in the woods every Mage like this shit I’m angel I had a rock and throw it into the cave can I do that like a road flare yeah you do that and you throw it into the illuminate the larger space within that kind of takes a turn to the right
hello I’ll handle this
you don’t hear response all right you won’t go in and what you see is there she just see that
there nestled in dirt and grime and I did my best yeah you see your stone off maybe a couple feet away from them kind of lurking there starts stirring one of them does
for forgiveness I take my sword near each other they’re kind of like like sleeping past each other you know like their heads a foot of each other you know that be that’s not a thing.
let let sleeping beheaded Bears why don’t I don’t like to take it’s not catchy at all
I kind of tapers off
go to with my robe. The head off with the sword I’m just thinking that if I tie their next together I can prevent against the other one
but once you cut the ones head off it’s free again cuz you see what I’m saying
why don’t you just kill them I will take can I set with two extra set of I Like the Way their necks or position do you have to be really stretching in both directions to great I’ll take the Carrot Top is there a Carrot Top bear their historical why don’t you just be ready in case something happen
I’ll supervise yet
don’t supervisor going to security guard to the grumpy or looking bear with a hold of my sword Christy I mean I have a short vowel of a ribbon diagram of a poisoned dagger what do I use I should use a poisoned dagger and just
cut the head off or in his eye
alright maybe what what do you say what do you think Sharpie you’re supervising this I think
cast bear light Delight only detective it wakes him up
kidding I’m kidding it’s a it’s a
I won’t wake up these Bears I’m telling you guys should have seen your faces
killer bears
all right I got my poison bag are at the past 3 hours and she’s got her sort of the grass on the ground by the no leg up against the ground like you can’t have them you can’t have your blade up against their throat between the throat and like that be like if I slid Jagger Just across your throat at the sides of the neck me that’s not going to kill anything from town yeah yeah
okay sure thank you thank you thank you
goes all the way around it sure does in the throat is a very specific part of the okay great thank you she’s just this fucking guy that’s okay you stay and have to make that you guys said throat man maybe we want to get to the throat from the long way so you could do that
we’ll start at the neck and get to the throat all right okay so you counted three Sharpie
there’s no such spell you have nothing to worry about there’s no such spell
you know a sure and certain beds. I will drop a handkerchief what do you want from me what is this and what are we doing it on three let’s go start over bear cut not one to bear cut again 123 better cut to bear cut
if I come with you guys
what time
we are adorable but a little sad I say if we can’t do this and have a little fun yelling at you let me get back to my dagger on the neck the neck right now thank you
all right so Bears don’t sleep on their faces
that’s true can argue that all right one but not bear cut
23 kind of pigs
all right yeah yeah
The Habit I’m trying to lose you find the Sleeping Bear rather easily are easy to slaughter
what’s
and I feel bad about it Dad
hunting in Terlingua struggling to cuddle you
well looking for her cub mammals what do you take the head off of that
bear killer
that’s your big line after killing the back neck and War
things are heating up alright well okay so do we know how to skin a pear like an apple the skin
like a spiral
hahaha when you order a drink with a Twist of bear
if I was eating a blueberry pie but I was gluten-free I cut off a cross
but I use the response.
monsters
I should I’m going to go down with my magelight make sure the rest of the cave is unoccupied there’s there’s not really anything else to even Explore I just take a moment to myself and I just go
life
alright okay we start skinning the Bears dignity manages to cut off several several chunks of Pelt that can probably be stitched together or you know turned into clothes in some way
do you know what I just found out I remembered I’m allergic to Bear Paddle
clock I mean it’s not like we’re not working for you and then they put a bear Pelt on me and Aiden had a very bad reaction
Curtis Ware mud
that’s very harsh not nice I mean weird twist like will will will will will will put on the bear and
can you Stitch
I think so she start stitching live there she doesn’t have any stitches
oh you’re not you’re not what’s your name not as far as I know what’s her name I have thieves tools what they have like needles and so what time
we’re not going to be cold forever maybe can you stand between us with a coat of mud to not be allergic I don’t know how we’re going to Stage the bear Pelt into quotes anyway there is a Christmas tree skirt around we could have had like a whole day would like the bear head
that’s fucking cool I had all the way off
Baskins for point us in the direction of more bears
what are you doing looking for an ending to create a fair for Poncho that happens you do that you make to Pancho’s remember whether it’s uncomfortable
she was a bear
remember that your mom is a bear and a half bear left my dad your mom.
burning a bear
I didn’t
disgusted by your mom your mom’s friends
I sit down and I start crying
I’m not going to help
I’m sitting here I sit down and start crying and then father the dirt and then I look at the pattern of tears at the rate of my Tears
and the distance of my tear stains on the ground have a certain correlation that allows me to invent geometry
I figure it out
I invent geometry
no I need the geometry on this it’s already invented who invented I know it’s not the common history I do not well educated in this moment
what do they not have they don’t have trigonometry but they have pre-trial and you don’t answer so he knows just as much as anybody else who knows that it should exist that’s more than most people are right explain trigonometry do you know anything about trigonometry okay so you know geometry
where can I find
will see it will see you next week we’re having a show next week I think right know next week is Thanksgiving weekend we’re not doing a show next week you’re going home to your families go or with your friends and the week after that and the week after that we’re doing shows all right good night thank you go back to work
thank you Aaron my wife I can come out thank you Jack on the back dungeons everybody to work

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