Episode: 143 – Retardinol

Episode

Episode: 143 – Retardinol

Description

Rick and Morty’s Justin Roiland makes a revelation to Curtis Armstrong. Harmon longs for the cold war and its Shadow Run, not Shadow Picnic! Brought to you by Doritos and Honda! Watch the video at harmontown.com/live

Transcript

Hollywood California about down, cuz I’ll be near Hermantown
please welcome to the stage the mayor of harmontown
double draft where you just start advertising
we are in we are in more Dire Straits than a person that doesn’t drive a Honda
Google do you want to do you want to do your single now or you want to save it for later cuz I don’t mean get it out of the way like it’s like it’s bad to advertisers let’s let’s do it out of the way I think I’m getting getting off the table into my mouth
the number two seed
can you put the queen but the queen
agent in keeping with John red Doritos does not have any opinion about the monarchy but he’s staying at John reflect the queen
the Power Rangers
third 6 cylinder or 8-cylinder v68 benign interlock bricks Vicky standards-compliant enough to get used to this degree. I left or at least within the margins of insurance
so thank you say thank you to those guys are going to make sure you tweet them and let them know your job is to Keep Us Alive how do we justify these are incredibly lucrative sponsors like Doritos and Honda and still be charging people for a new subscription you get whatever was getting Doritos that subscribes
and there’s a there’s a there’s a person if you’re a student is a person coming to your school and he’s like a clown. He’s getting orange triangles
he’s being Workshop right now he doesn’t have a name yet Untitled Doritos spokesmodel by things like right now I’m just like outrage just based on his name is outraged the Doritos happy person and he’s going to come to your school and he’s going to give you shed if you’re a stupid he’s going to give you shit on your case
and then he’ll apologize because that part of that’s his gimmick Ronald McDonald outraged that the triangle he apologized he apologizes for everything
have you noticed already and killers and then I combined it with drinking and that I’ve been signing stuff for the drunk during a show
I would like to apologize as a fucking shop last week. I warned you I was going to Pieology or thank you cuz I was welcome whatever you want you got it from
I wasn’t in a black guy I remember every bit of that show that really breaks my heart I was talking about myself for those who would listen for free to the show I just revealed a stab wound inflicted On Me by government-funded assassin’s called doctors who examined me for that sound I make when I laughed
wait
play okay this sucks.
Now I understand it’s like a it’s like a bicycle spoke
oh yeah there’s a couple I went in for that sound and then that sound they said they will it take some X-rays and then they had to go look at you this test the specialist of the specialist says you should do this test specialist specialist just like we’re going to need to go inside to your chest in like pull out some stuff from your lungs and we’re going to do a biopsy and I was like what’s wrong and he’s like that’s your fine okay good to know that you that yes okay good and and also like then I was like and then we’ll find out why I make the sound when I laugh no no no that sound you just made now
Louis C K
just make that sound now that’s never that’s not a disease that’s not inhibit in your ability to live we don’t care about that sound you make when you doing why are you cutting me open to get cells to verify that you don’t have something we’re all just this nation people who are just like we’re just like we’re like cattle that are also wearing farmer hats like where I’m at where I wear a farm of farmers Square farmer Farm
put that in your in your in your paperback or well
Animal Farm what about farmer Farm
reminder for rent find the camera I’m not complaining I think we have a community of Misfits including the medical Misfits who are like walk around like
how big is the incision in your throat size of a Capri Sun straw I don’t know I haven’t looked under here yeah they collect sales and cheese grater to like the inside of your like I have like a cylindrical cheese grater they just went like this again I’m not complaining cuz this is not a thing like this is my this is my first surgery like a drug, that your first surgery they call it a procedure
yeah this is like welcome to the club and I was like
I don’t want to spend my life I know it’s not likely to die in an airplane but like the terrifying thing is that if you do you die with these people these people
time to put your finger
on your way
costume I don’t fucking. Prodigy.
Everything that an airline tells you they like to remind you we’d like to remind you is subliminal code for your a piece of shit you forgot something I didn’t forget to get on a metal tube to the air and then land I didn’t forget anything I’m a fucking genius I’d like to remind you I’m a fucking human being do not force majeure
fucking hate airlines are fucking their criminal organization is so fucking Cooks heart health did look up the definition of Look up the word cartel in the dictionary and then look at what airline companies are have you ever been on a plane when you looked around at the people around you and this is a good plan. One guy I would like to look over and I like oh my God
I will see you at Jennifer Jason Leigh to raise you a George Takei I was like fuk it were not for any circumstances like anywhere including front of me he was checking in to get on board and there was like a like a gay black guy okay thank you mr. Probz mr2k what a pleasure. Thank you big bang theory last night or something like that was some good news because I can expect a residual
he’s the man he’s great and then he got the plan to hit kind of a cough and his wife and companion her husband is being attended to it was lovely in like two times given the excuse to give up on this country because what he was born in Japanese American a locked up in a can that make him jaded he could see it and then during his acting career had to be in the closet like like because you had to be in the class of fact that you just had to and is it like to have like gay marriage challenge. He never he never just went did the easy thing which is like fun for all of us if you just be like to talk Society fuck this like he was like always like meat sit with this like Carter and goes like well I’d prefer if it was
something like this I’d like to listen to this letter I hate it like I don’t I don’t do that I’ve never I’ve never had anything but privilege shoved up my ass with a silver turkey baster I’m sick of everybody and they need to have a little bit of of of people shiting on you from birds in order for you to realize like how how lucky you are to be an American and how worse it is even when the dream is kind of sitting over there like a pile of shit like that the that it’s still worth something because like the dream exist only retarded ass fucked up dude
I’m in pain killers I’m sorry what what what brand of painkillers are you retarded or retarded they really give you the foot they really prescribe return the volume stupid pain my sisters my sisters retarded fuck you
try having a retarded sister
fake high road to listen to me what are you on exactly what’s it called
and I’m almost certain you’re not supposed to have Ketel One alongside of drinking with these painkillers but I am in pain they did stab me in my sleep for money but I wake up in the morning
it’s a boy it’s so complicated
Ardex gets brought to you by retarded all
what was I talking about
tell it was it is it Norco or Narco Narco on the bottle is hydro something it doesn’t matter it doesn’t really doesn’t matter it feels good feels great
and I wasn’t saying it so I took the pill and then I drank and so here you have me so just deal with a couple things okay do you mind thank you for coming tonight Game of Thrones is on tonight thank you that makes you all heroes
you are all like if you were on Game of Thrones you’d all be the big tall lesbian lady in my eyes
my favorite character what’s her name I catch her name Bree it’s Bree Right
by the same people
schema therapy on that you can’t you can’t like Tim salty
I ain’t forget that is always juicy
have orange triangle and it’s covered in powder that dehydrates you and sends you your brain that make you crave for something manufactured by the same company because we’re all slaves
in fact the queen but also
I mean has genre like it’s like Doritos is going for a new campaign this year that’s like it’s fuck the queen of your hunger
they don’t want a Mickey Mouse it like I don’t want to be in the song but it’s just like fuck the fuck the queen of your hunger it’s like a punk like your punk you hate the queen you’re hungry but you don’t want to look at because because Frito-Lay’s was always God Save the Queen if this is the crown jewel of your hunger is this is like their new campaign is like Doritos going to start seeing these commercials on the internet they call him web mercel’s there is like fancy British people
is the Salisbury steak Macho Randy Savage comes to the wall and goes I could you could you say nacho Ready Set Go
he’s not here but the truth is Sergeant Slaughter Joe GI Joe but like he’s now nachos
like that I can’t believe it
watch already
Randy Savage
psycho Christian Bale that should surely be rewarded I’m sure I’m going to get an Apple Watch fuck you and I don’t care stop yelling at me
I don’t care if an apple make Kleenex I would get it blow my nose in it like okay did the apple Cleaners work it like I don’t have a car fuck you I don’t care how they tried like design shit with the consumer in mind like I’m its images for like Rich City people what does the show is twitter-like remember when everyone is like joking about Twitter like what what purpose does Twitter serve I don’t know but like I know it like anymore because we have these phones but it’s like you did in your pocket and pull out these things remember before watches they had these pocket watches that’s where we are now your phone is working with pocket watches so now we have to go forward and have a tiny her phone on her wrist that could just let us know what time it is and if we have any text messages without having to pull our phone I’m getting one fuk you I’m going to get one I’m going to wear it discreetly
like under under long sleeve during a winter because I am a little embarrassed I don’t want to be the only guy have you ever seen somebody walking around with just came out so I don’t know I haven’t seen him yet right now okay see they’re hot they’re hot tea is like junior high school or the high school I think the last time I wore a watch that I was a freshman in high school and we just stay the whole time and constantly look at my watch and see what you’re supposed to be using your watch I think I’m a bit of OCD right like I kept looking at it and I would divide my day up into Everett decreasing like fractions of time and I supposed to pick watch
let’s bring out big watch
alright let’s bring up let’s let’s Bring Em out Bring Em out like the way you bring a bowl out of rodeo out of a giant metal gates Justin Roiland
brought to you by ever turning off
hey where you at I think it means sit closer to me that it works better at okay
wow oh man Jeff Davis what a sight for sore eyes over there I’m good but I just sort of built fat slowly but surely a big fat against my body part of The Rock
all right just have a question for you how do you keep your hair so soft and manageable and then like I’ll sleep on it and then I’ll spray it with like that dry shampoo spray unlike and then I’ll then I’ll wash it and then like I won’t wash it for like 3 or 4 days and the cycle repeats and continues are you into this is Rusty.
what am I doing how you been
I want an emotional weather report from Justin or are you still crazy still crazy Justin yeah yeah
it appears as if a man tells you he’s depressed okay
Play It’s like a person who got off for being criminally insane and then I’ll just an trial
no but I’m seriously fucking depressed your fucked up you’re a crazy person I’m not that crazy I just depressed lowercase is currently depressing depressing you was like so complicated like
Williams has been on the show and it didn’t have like all the caveat
live to talk about like I’m the sign but don’t tip the ship for him Jesus Christ fuck I’m sorry
yeah this is this is what the court
I wrote this let me see what is here by the way this is your assistant told me to do this what’s the ship I don’t know I’m pretty drunk pretty I’m pretty drunk right now and I’m sorry I can’t believe the store him I’m sorry so so so so what I was going for here was like okay I have more reps yes but no yes and yes I know but no Spencer came came to me and he said just go stand in the little window and look at Dan and I’m like I don’t want to do that do that he’s like doing his bed he’s like that’s like the opening routine I promise you I am not going to stand there like a weirdo and Lyra at him and then he looks at me and goes out here
paper that hold it up
write down like that you’re here and I’m okay and I was really drunk and I wrote this and I still am and I wrote roiling is here but don’t tip the ship for him meaning means don’t stop what you’re doing I thought it meant don’t talk about your relationship no
tonight it was like you don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t do anything on my account and then later I wrote Jesus Christ fuck I’m sorry larger extension of cut my big where I’m at right now so I can watch it but yeah what’s the depressing news today
hey that I know are you having a good day I love my girlfriend fiance my fiance girlfriend I love her when you get time at night you just proposed to her like 89 for a 10-year engagement
I am I’m going to Will Ferrell movie where Mark Ruffalo engagement because I think that screen printed leggings of fucking what the fuck are you wearing. It’s anatole’s wearing special paints stand up show everybody your special paint zoom in on this holy fucking shit the guy that played what’s the guy from Jinx what’s the fucking Ryan Gosling and Ryan Gosling AKA Bobby Merkin pants on a little bit
turn around and their religion
the one where you’re wearing the mask and don’t be a loser I like the I like the I like we out there figure skating at a tell a kitty like a hood and then and then you go

I don’t know what the fuck Ryan Gosling is really fucking it attractive Ryan Gosling tight there’s a sink
call the internet Seattle like it I don’t like it
back in my day when I wanted to pick up some some Ralph Macchio.
I had to walk into a store and physically purchase them over the character Lyon pride and what you’re doing and I told him where is it where’s the where’s the pride and ownership of but buying your grandma. Sleep tight and I honestly don’t know.
I should be about Pride
he’s a purchase
nothing is about Pride he’s right look at his knee
make Ryan Gosling go deformed that is fucking creepy which which which Ryan Gosling’s on your butt
over the line Jeff I don’t show the respect that you are showing right now
I always get Ryan Gosling confused with the other guy the Ryan Gosling
Lexus name the cylinder haul a little Silly Putty egg and they’re both like like one of them you went like this and when we when I go in at
and they’re both like always upset, though
girls we know one of them
all right my wrong way everybody stick and burn me with a witch that Wednesday I have to meet your friend name is wonderful and he’s a Vampire shows and Stephanie’s he’s friends with Ryan Gosling and Sandra last night was incredibly groovy he showed up at 3 with Jake Gyllenhaal
and they just started getting right in front of everybody and they wear tights with Daniel’s picture all over there and then both of them kept saying like
do all the party has had to figure out who to shoot for some reason yeah you got a firearm he showed up at the what’s it called then I got to swing by but I think a 10 or 12 piece mariachi band that was his gift
play for a half hour and they fucking bond out and it was okay if there was 30 minutes it was it his birthday that’s why I brought you music from Jeff can you tell me what’s my name is Dan Harmon the song that they played when the game is Just
I can’t open more than I want Chorus Verse Chorus Verse of that song do you miss the Cold War
I do I was thinking about it today I was talking to my sister did Steve Levy about it we’re like holy shit man they’re just marveling at that 50 year plan we had before we got to World War II and it was like Pac-Man for 50 years like the bad guys were just other white people with a backwards alphabet
fucking amazing like barely any blood shed for 50 years just a bunch of cool movies about like how we all had filming are pens and now it’s just like fucking day is a goddamn dad in Russia during the Cold War in the 80s for us they were great movies where were the Russians are always a great bad guy who saw the decade and would collide with the blink of an eye
the show brought to you by a retarded dog
I was doing that song that’s how I got to cover the time right now in Russia what were their great movies were there with the Americans or the bad guys was that the thing to the whole time secret we were like oh no the Russians and they were like don’t tell him
defensive probably
yeah but it was bad over there the whole time and stuff I mean that’s all they did
right bro. My joke is that my other joke was I think you should also racist against Russian people from the movie Red Heat with Jim Belushi and Arnold Schwarzenegger
there’s a hard-hitting documentary
that’s what I think that you should take advantage while we’re being racist about Russians to use this Russian intellectual here to explain your depression and what’s going on in your life right now I’m just fucking depressed like I want to kill myself but I’m too scared to do that because I am so frightened of what would happen if I did cuz I’m one of those so I can people you check me up into that category
people that want to die but that are so scared of what happens when you died that they’re afraid to kill themselves that’s me all right and it totally how do you deal with that how do you know that shit with your fucking Ryan Gosling pants
how do you deal with that shit I sorry that’s funny but I’m sorry that’s fucked up that’s mean and I’m sorry that I did not mean to offend you go and tell you have the floor before 4 okay then I can report to move my religion it’s about what happened after you die okay
nothing will happen like that they do you think is Blackness Blackness black
hey do miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no one misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes related my own life but was always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
dude I’m telling you man I don’t think that’s true I think that when you kill yourself and die or if you died in a car crash of you fucking whatever however you die I think that you are reborn in
okay so I’m kind of hung up on this because so let’s say Harmon you make babies with Aaron right is poop out a bunch of babies and those little baby’s fine let’s say they’re girls just follow me so their girls and ready to find these boys and boys they go on and the fucking Circle of Life continues and you die okay so my theory is maybe that you will be reborn in your own lineage on the road when the when were fucking the planets burning up in the NASA space station is like oh shit we got to hurry up but how will it be me if I’m not able to go like it but you’re all
memories will be white so you’ll get pooped out of it which I know that guy you will because you’re not always that is true about all life that’s the beautiful thing is late and I’m not saying we could come back as a blade of grass I’m saying I was another guy who is I would have stayed blade of grass Dan Harmon’s great-great-great grandson but he’s not going to and I was going to be a little Danny Harmon went out of his vagina and he’s going to be like like I am I love life and then we get to like 8:20 or like what the fuck is going on like you did in this life and you’re still going to start to go what the fuck 20 okay you 25 30 40 45
cast and no I’m saying like because it did that all-important thing like that your identity is based on the idea that your would have any do you have in that day you’ll just be some weird thing you’re not you’re not even listening to me
that’s where that’s where all right
is if your
incarnated the only part that’s not reincarnated his own memory of your previous thing in the mood, she just what I’m saying sorry is molecules I’m saying that you know you and Aaron have a baby that baby goes on whether you don’t have to walk me through this again I find how life works and I know okay so that’s 70 years old and I am fortunate enough to live long enough to see grandparents and grandchildren they say you are you’re the spitting image of and you have the personality of your great and holy shit you are
what are those what are the senators of my family was like a philosophy major and a and a curmudgeon and a hermit like he he lost all his money in the weather Harmon that went to school or whatever like I never met him and he was like his guy and he’s just he was so long dead before I was never around but then a couple of old people were able to say before they died here just like it is reincarnation in that sentence like I am like that guy because there’s a fiber there so it’s so then the you know the whole thing of like reproducing and pooping out babies at well maybe fuck some other people and keep fucking and shitting out babies
it’s a little bit you know I mean it’s very accurate yes and there’s no water in the planet is all crap what if in the future life
locate getting baby the other thing right so you so yeah baby is you poop him out and then let’s say in in in this crazy weird magical version of reality life you’ll be reincarnated as one of these babies like so many lions there are so many things I want so what’s the opposite of that you say I’m not going to have to me I’m not going to be fucking kid so then what happens here in fucking heaven in there 700 virgin like you
only crazy people think that
711 don’t have sex with you if your parents refuse to create just possibly that you’re you’re more afraid of not leaving you’re not afraid of everything I’m scared I’m just really scared
you should be a lot of people are bummed out you have dogs
how do you say that I love my dogs and I take care of them so well and then like I’ve rescued and saved dogs but I get it you know he’s a very good. Go sit down please tell everybody thank you in Italian
thank you Ryan Gosling
all right I don’t know what do you want that’s you
what the fuck what do you want what do you want from me I don’t know what to do I dress up like a Christmas tree
you asked for it
don’t know
Velociraptor door knob
Jurassic World movie
we have a screening here
take note that Chris Pratt has like the guy who really understands the last Raptors and they him hey man I know Chris Pratt a joking or no fat suggesting that is why I married Bro just do me a favor will you do me a favor I love you I love you and you do me a favor just don’t kill yourself cuz I love you
oh I have two days from now you going to find my body hanging from a noose baby I’m just getting people have like we all go to a bunch of shit and you go through a bunch of shit different phases in life no one wants to be told you’re going through a phase your feelings or your actual feelings the most important thing you can do is talk to somebody about something as you have to talk to somebody about Subs if you have a friend or a family member that you trust you don’t have to call the doctor Phil what am I on a daytime talk show that you need to say to anybody who is ever having any start well no I have not called any of them yet I don’t know if I will maybe I will or maybe I’ll fuck it all my goddamn brains out if you do if we do find you
current news today I would never do that I’m too scared you scared of the whole death thing to be able to actually kill myself so I get I will never kill myself and that is my promise to you you fucking pussy
is it is it is it our old family friend is he here okay not. Old I mean his relationship with our show is old
Curtis Armstrong brought to you by Honda Cerritos
thank you thank you nice to be here what did I do to deserve a nice yellow tulip well I’ll tell you when somebody kisses your balls will way you did me you go out and you buy them a nice gift ladies isn’t that hard
we learned a little bit from Curtis Armstrong never happened to me before and I’ve been thinking about it all week
so today on my way here I stopped to get you a tulip I was going to your wife she didn’t come I’ve always been meaning to ask you about your love life I didn’t really like your married when I was married for 22 years. Do you have kids or anything we have one child of girl who’s 19 if I didn’t I was present for it we are physically did you watch the whole thing of the Hazmat suit that you have to wear during the process and you’re right there you were there with the boots in all seriousness I remember when you were there watching the baby come out
much of a sex life before then so you didn’t change that much but we had some and yeah it actually know yeah
hot dog in a hallway and there was a there was the doctor was was doing the process and it was one of those moments that as a father and you’re going through this many of you will go through this maybe you will go through this
no no the guy now many people may marry a Chinese girl we went through and what I remember most vividly From This Moment was the moment where I was standing there watching in the doctor’s they’re ready in order to receive and suddenly this thing started to appear and I said she’s coming and the doctor said that’s a hemorrhoid
and we had like another nine hours of Labor to come at McMahon ever changes you
sing the hemorrhoid
you know what I’m
segment brought to you by a Dorito
when what’s inside come to the outside you got questions Doritos here to step into him
crispy and that about all questions for something that wasn’t there yet and I saw what I thought it was it was it was it was me and
what have you have a 119 and 119 wonderful nineteen-year-old is who’s anyone that you only have one told me about everything is been she is so astonishing and she lives in London and studying psycholinguistics Jesus and London she lives in London I’m so glad I met you
but she lives in London will be back though
Curtis Armstrong meeting all of our friends and she’s not she’s not involved
no don’t take my mom to your daughter know I wouldn’t really
I wouldn’t either God didn’t know if you were in my shoes you wouldn’t introduce you to
my daughter either so anyway there she is and she’s doing she’s working and she’s called Mojo magazine Music Magazine you know that ship their last summer and she was going to go to NYU she wound up hearing the King’s College had a great program so she applied and they took her
19 year old would you really not like that.
You made a joke exactly like you but you are deceived cuz I would never make it right like that steak I stand corrected okay we’re at we’re going to get through this
we have some sociolinguistic people here ice I misspoke I meant sociolinguistics which is a whole other Branch so you just studying something else I don’t know what time it is already my only means I know what’s social social structure of language that might my friendship was Jeff is kind of because he was a political dissident and a linguist like when I met that it was the nineties and we were both a couple of that you know young young. Not even know about his political outspokenness but the language
high school she became interested in it and her senior year in high school half of her day was spent in high school half of it was at LACC studying sociolinguistic Lacy see what what what color is La community in Hollywood is you know that holds out well that crazy Door movie anyone I think you’re the only one there was a
I’m sorry if it’s okay and you’ll come out of this number one right when people have kids they always tell you that two years old like the kid just starts fucking talking like that we do which is another thing as Fascinating People write different books to go do baby talk to you baby talk to you I mean now I definitely wouldn’t do it with her but I didn’t I didn’t do it with her tonight on the show The First Time
exactly I didn’t I made that mistake but it actually turned out okay and then suddenly she just started talking like no man I’ve ever talked to says like look you do what you do you hope your kiddo talk you hope you’re exactly right and then you come home and you and you just hear a voice from the corner of the room going you want fries with that wife lived nearby in Eagle Rock and they’re all the time with Glendale Police didn’t talk then one day I didn’t go towards our house for a couple months into the house and my niece is like how she’s going to the bathroom cuz you was going to shake shake shake shake shake shake shake your booty
impressions of how they see adult communication you punch him in the face girl girl who like they do weird shit when you have these like anecdotes of a like like oh God when you were a kid you did this thing at the party and it was so funny but it’d be more capable of doing leg clear impressions of adult Communications than we are as adults because we actually learned and they’re actually just full-bore like crying of a parrot or a butt but beyond a parrot cuz they’re just making noise here like you just get the chills down your spine is that these kids like they roll their eyes at you and they still make it very clear they’re over you and like like like
and you’re like what the fuck are you why or why are you you

for you have those feelings about crayons
have you had it up to here with these cran but
inadvertent communication for us is biological verbal communication communication would happen in a vacuum that would if you were raised by wolves as a human being and you would you would you would teach language to the Wolves you would start to adopt a wolf language do people speak that’s what we do we speak verbally and what we don’t do naturally is written language Natural mimetic Evolution of language as transcribed mobile thing we think because when we were kids were learning to speak and write at the same time and we’re we’re learning to read which means of interacting with written language and making come out of our mouths we grow up feeling like verbal language is somehow
Dairy till I quit that written language is like this really important thing it started like this dumb thing that would go away in one nuclear blast but verbal language is like here to stay so much so that if you walk 30 yards that way people are going to hold our breath and use our for Brian and flex and go ahead and use it to socially interact
a while you were the first person who actually sounds like my daughter that’s like talking to my daughter and I don’t understand her any more than I do
is why I would love that. You’re a very lucky because I’ve been here what four times is my fourth time I’ve never mentioned my daughter because if I do I’ll go on woman’s because I’m a bad person like I don’t I don’t think I even asked you if you were married like for the first but it’s like what what if you I don’t know what if you were married to like a goat like what if it was your own business I don’t think I understand it would be so good about it I mean I can tell me about that and also I’m totally cool cuz I’m a Libertarian and like everybody’s
that’s cool like tell me about it that’s interesting when he was just married to a human woman
Subway go to fucking Starbucks Mary with people and all in public places in between are Justin Roiland America or what was that he’s sensitive
so scared of everything
you know what terrified done everything I can to make you feel comfortable with me
there’s nothing else I’ve been in therapy high dose of the show you’re very very gracious maybe you were born that way but you didn’t really help me learn to communicate with people it just allowed me to express myself in and do you want some vodka I would like some thank you since you’re off even the most fundamental have a good antenna you’re very aware of other people’s State you since the other night to lock the truck thank you I try I try so much when you’re a young boy or younger man
did that did that sensitivity get you in trouble is it hard on you as it was at least sensitive of the gifted child gifted child gifted child
you didn’t know I don’t care if you’re gifted you’re an exceptional person you you grew into a parolee everyone in Hollywood he has talent he was in the right place at the right time and you know we had what the fucking movie people needed him to have there was a rat in the 90s or just probably no longer than I’ve ever heard
when I could do that everybody in this audience would qualify as gifted as a certain level lake lake lake earned in the 2000s gifted in some way or another but in the nineties are read this book that was written by a therapist who would realize that all serapis were fucked up and that there needed to be a book telling therapist like look you’re fucked up that’s why you’re a therapist really good tone with that shit before you go to help people and it was called the drama of the gifted child it was about was a gifted you could you could you could swap out like intuitive like empathic ability of being a kid and before you have the word power to express it understanding that mom’s mad about this dad’s jealous of that as this person feels left out and this party is a rack and white legs like you’re 6 years old year did you get these thoughts racing around in your head because you’re gifted you you’re picking up on things and then you’re going to grow up to be a journalist therapist and a cure
I just have to tell you one thing with amazing was before I decided I wanted to be an actor I only wanted to be one other thing and I was a journalist when I was like 9 I decided I wanted to be a journalist and I was going to be a journalist until I became an movies like I was a couple of hours like and like and like he’s typing typing typing in the next some fucking Senators going to pay it but the Night Stalker was perfect because not only was he cool and wore a seersucker suit and a pork pie hat and smoke cigars and was a journalist but he dealt with a Vampire
werewolves shit like that was nice. Who your first movie
when I consider to be an actor I was being able is Bud Light, was your first while I was in the bring these questions without I know because I’m aware of that they’re all staring at me waiting for a date so my I decided I know 1969 really yeah
1969
okay so you know
and then he was like you know I wanted to be a journalist when I was eight. Just trying to make Curtis crazy
8 years old 8 years old are on sale at Maps but I was born in 53 that was one I was one in 53 1953 Rose Lake Otis Hellboy we don’t know what he wants to do this
what year I need to do that here was a number I could say I might need I want to be an actor that you could have done that with any information I want a little more information please car that what was your first movie risky business with Tom Cruise yes but that was like 183. Robert Mitchum Risky Business
rubbing elbows with Tom Cruise dancing prancing and living the life and her it is 6:19 to Robert Lee for The Newsroom what is that means like no fat
I can’t believe this is only your first shove it is you feel like a season like friend of the family here likes that you’ve been here a million times I like birds movie risky business business straight to Revenge of the Nerds right which is fucking amazing and then and then well then well that’s my opinion I don’t have an opinion then I better off dead IMDb episodes
listen to music
Spencer Crittenden
hey guys o man how’s it how’s everybody loving Justin man I am digging this
what are your thoughts about Justin I love it I’m just glad he feels comfortable or he appears to feel comfortable and some chocolate and it’s starting to hit me I’m not I’m not I’m not
I’m not I’m not kidding around like a quarter of it but I’m hanging in there I don’t know
I know I know I know
no I do Dino
I watched this guy when I was a baby not to make you feel not at all but I’m just I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay I don’t care what the fuck up story
my cousin really hot like fucking like 6 years old I was interested in forward my cousin Jessica journalist you just trying to be honest
she lived in Las Vegas she was visiting you know and she was really hot and she’s lives of my dad’s brother and she was how old what year was
number 86 86 1986
we take it to a Subway in 1986
I don’t know what to tell you about that promise what I’m about to tell you is very interesting and fun oh my God who was like like seriously and I’m six it’s nine year old girl was hot water with me please 480-287-8700 act my original date every night I was 7 years old and it was Nineteen eighty-seven cuz it was Revenge of the Nerds part 2 was hit in the theaters right now so my heart thirteen-year-old cousin
Doritos bag to face the cameras
and how 13 she was
I’m just telling you what what about her being 13-meter hot I’m just telling you what happened to me as a child okay I’m 6 years old or 7 depending on what does that make her either 13 or 14 okay alright
so this is crazy you guys are going to everyone
so she totally molest me like like sucks my dick all the all
serious I swear to God so this hot 1213 year old cousin of mine does that to me and then I swear to God the next day my dad’s driving us to pick up mine and we’re like what what what movie are we going to go see and she’s like I want to go see Revenge of the Nerds II and I’m like this fucking bitch like
better way with me last night and that’s really fucked up and crazy. It’s a lot older than that came out many years earlier but I just want to I just got raped but I didn’t say that I didn’t say that but I did think to myself Revenge of the Nerds II
you realize your story is the definition of front-loaded
is a treasure ship involved
Your Story begins with your cousin raping you and goes into like a diary entry of us a movie and popcorn was like $5
TRUE
true story
you don’t need a bunch of you can do it I want to go see a Revenge of the Nerds II so that’s why
it was so great I love that movie. It was so good thanks man I remember sitting there with my with your niece I mean your cousin amazing Curtis joke she was still there she’s 14 years 7 pay so I’m sure she’s black and putting a paint of lacquer over the truth the real thing that happened to me which I’m revealing a Dan Harmon’s harmontown podcast is that you buy Doritos flavor Coronavirus
she was hot. She was really hot
okay so what the fuck now Curtis
I am fucking speechless I don’t I don’t even know where to go from there so I love you man I love you too man and you you actually turned out okay right now I know I heard that before I like the people are applauding when you say that
girl I don’t be afraid
I just called me as I show today
cuddle me as my son fucking I would like if you are wearing do you have thoughts of your own mortality please talk to somebody I’m saying it again
just a story about to buy a Honda Motors
Haste The cousin
do you want some Doritos or Subway thing for Rick and Morty lose weight stage stay in shape be cool great Sandwich Company
where are your Norcos we’re not right now or what’s happening oh yeah good point Jesus Christ give me an Arco on your way out I don’t have a prescription for them I shouldn’t have them so I was just giving a small bottle of $6 pills for the pain I do when I’m done I don’t know what I’ll do when I get sick
we might want to look at our own Peril should we have Justin play Aaron
it’s the easy thing to do. I know it would usually bring up a lady but I read in deadline recently that there’s too much diversity
we’re living in the diversity overload was that that that was the one about Empire the people on the television what is it a bad thing to much of a good thing
wow looking at me seriously
the world is always well as as a fat white old straight man I have always loved and comment such as the culture of like 80 degrees like forward movement being met with like a slippery slope argument is like what’s next what’s next
Toronto
totally fucked her game up tonight
hacks to get listen to pack I look at it as diabolic I like the most ironic thing you could do is blow people’s mind putting in like an amazing performance as this female character whose like our lick every butthole get it than that we’ve done the thing where people type of character and then they they spend their whole episode like I’m going to take it seriously I care if I can pick up a flower that if I put in my butthole give me some sort of the Chipmunks all of you guys but if you could be more like Curtis
watch with Curtis does I love Curtis Curtis is an expert Shadowrun play I like use the highlight of the Shadowrun game he dives into his character these absurd Concepts yeah cuz you’re going to be like her kind of universal work we’re getting and capers and we’re trying to make money in there I’m with you guys and I’m going to I’m going to go out of my way to go up to help you guys out all right it’s crazy video games that are about to do if you want our last episode
I never claimed it wasn’t the last time on harmontown Shadowrun we found our gang separated from each other and feeling strangely sexual Jim Nightblade having removed himself from the goings-on of his party’s leadership on a schoolyard from behind the confines of its rap metal fence Mercy trying to lure our tools Arturo Spicoli away from his fistfuls of burger Tyrant burgers and into the group super offered to kiss his balls just once if he agreed to go outside with her Doritos meanwhile
Eve libertine is feeling well unable to resist pulling down doctor friends pants to give them semi consensual Butterfly Kisses on his balls Anthony like we literally summons butterflies to flicker their wings upon I was pretty drunk
doctor friend cast upon spagnolia spell of Agony rising in pain his hired muscle dumbfounded doctor friend rushed in offering to take the man to the hospital released from his clutches finally reveal the whereabouts of Lil jelly dervish or will the end of the recessed release Jim Nightblade from his clothes clutches on the link fence find out on a harmontown Shadowrun thank you I just want it all
let’s split this one was written by kid attic attic on Twitter I did go from the playground to the roof of the I was going to the roof to the burger place you went up there and there’s some pipes on the back door in Spencer what’s the connection with little jelly dervish why do we need him okay so you’re on this job from Ryan dervish he’s trying to get you to find his son jelly who the mob kidnapped and tied to the Mob and you have them on Cardinal semi-conscious in your truck you know presumably to talk to him or talk to him I heard about would like to use his hair sort of maps of Seattle location
there we go ahead to an alley near gasworks Park below you know underserved area of a Seattle actually in a lot of Seattle’s pretty underserved in the next world
Seattle snap you pull into a dirty a dirty alley next to a dumpster full of garbage presumably and then stop
alright Mercy that’s you Justin in our face man woman like what one asked our tourist but we’re a little jelly dervishes and get the goods on the fuck is this guy so so word in trouble or groups in trouble cuz we’re a little jelly dervish is cuz he’s a gangster my name is Marcy O’Donnell
you looking at me and you think it’s a joke but I’m fucking not kidding around right now I want to know where our person is right yeah
where the fuck is our person I’m not kidding around the role of confidence Roll and Roll yeah yeah if I roll high in confidence can I like at least like intimidate you cuz like I have no confidence right now that’s why I want to kill myself with this girl actually
is saying where the fuck is our friend where is he or her where is lose your person little little like little jelly dervish where am I oh cuz you just don’t speak your mind
trying to read my rules here I think I dropped one you don’t have to read or write the assumption that you have power if you are in charge of the situation I’m not fucking around is my friend I’m sick of this shit I don’t know super powers but I swear to God I pray come out in 2 seconds
you’re going to get real upset that’s the stuff that’s the lady listen man… I’m sure that was just a thought from Whole to go where am I man Services Gas Works Park
I never had to be it’s like well I easy jobs and none of us want to do anything for it you know you got information when you throw in towards the door
I grabbed a microfiber is hand you slice it open is like oh God what you’re talkin about your person I don’t know what I’m trying to explain is it possible that the doctor might do some healing at this point brought to you by Doritos I’m going to heal your hand I walk up when you have to listen to me
they’re going to hurt you and there’s nothing I can do about it not your healing I’m getting to the healing
you just let the man who is Bing

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