Episode: 156 – Poop Is Temporary, Money Is Forever

Episode

Episode: 156 – Poop Is Temporary, Money Is Forever

Description

How big is a bulls urethra? Dan has a video game romance he’s guilty about and the gang tries to initiate some butt chuggin’. Become a member! Only $5 and get the HD live stream and near instant download after the show!

Transcript

route to come there
I’m right here come on come on come on come on your feet coming out
Bridgewater Estates come here
thank you thank you
that’s why I was created by a fellow named Michael hartigan if you’re out there Michael thank you very much for your a beautiful service on stage right now
I have switched my cheat day to Sunday’s I’m a giant and this is a pina colada
that Aaron made me it’s a I think it’s a gallon she’s really been feeding me that today I’m kind of in a food coma I made I may puke on to the microphone and on to Anatole
so if you just you just this week as head of its switch to Sunday cheat day so the last week when you ate the cheeseburger out of the Bloody Mary on stage that was that was just, you say entertainment I can’t wait what do you mean last week was the show is on Sunday all right but last week going to lie to these people and I and I
I enjoy a pina colada a gallon seems a little over-the-top I don’t want to waste my cheat day
but I have I may puke all over everyone cuz I ate I got up this morning and I ate at 6:45 a.m. and I use Postmates to order McDonalds breakfast
did you get a bit early because you always wake up at that earlier cuz it’s a cheap date you want to start over so you’re probably wondering is it Kate
it can if you stick to it I’ve never stuck to it I’m like like cheat days turn into cheat weekends turn into cheat week since I just basically have the same fatness and I always am but I blast like 3 weeks or so I’ve been really committing to the diet so this when is last like. Was particularly hard on me
Trick Daddy of the cheat day being that you like you feel your body back into a glycemic thing or 1/8 you go off at your body off Rhythm I never read the book that the way Erin Erin read it I think it’s basically like Atkins without dairy it but your ear allowed to eat being so it’s beans meat and veggies all week and then one day a week so that your body probably so your body doesn’t go into ketosis or just adjust metabolically you supposed to spike your blood sugar on your you know your blood sugar birthday cake and just rub Big Macs on your balls and discounts where at pizza for a hat and wig
and I do I really I really take it very seriously and I got the I got the McDonald’s and I sat down and I played Witcher 3 and yeah yeah yep at some point Aaron came home with some Del Taco and I just didn’t move and I just kept it in the room so he filled with farts and so she would like slides stuff over to me and that she made sliders and like mac and cheese with Doritos sprinkled on them and and a big pina colada in a pineapple and I said I should bring this to the show and she made me a big pina colada so if you’re on the fence about getting married you know
you know it’s fine I I I said I said Aaron what’s this what is the straw with the straw from and she said that is an unused is it stop don’t
if you have to say it unused you’re not about to say amaze us draw from The Party Store it’s probably in antifreeze
but you think the holes of bulls penises are
bigger than you think
well I heard a guy going back no urethra
are all the same diameter of course not. Of course not a goldfish doesn’t have
a mouse’s urethra is thinner than mine I hope
it’s like a party straw in my mind’s like a party job Mouse is like a little baby party straw
and then like up so I’m sure like a whale’s you could probably put a ping pong ball down it
and it would probably have space around it
the ping pong ball
Witcher 3
probably not going to get any High marks on the feminist gamer report card lot of flooded I kind of got it 14 playing that game was a lot of titties in that game
what a strong women I guess but they’re they’re strong and they have their tits are everywhere I’m truly bored with tits right now I’m glad to know it’s the same old same old. I think hypocritical thing I picked up the the the protagonist is I guess he’s kind of a Beefcake but he’s covered in scars and he’s pale
and then everyone else is just a big fat guy I think or a Dorf
I’m not saying two words can’t be attractive sorry fellas
but but it’s a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of D cups and a lot of lot of acting like they’re just normal this is normal for him to just be out and I’m really enjoying it it’s like it’s one it’s one of those games where
where you do the rats like relationship options you know like there’s like different characters and you sort of like while you’re playing the game you have like these multiple kind of
romantic roads you can go down
but it really there’s this there’s this woman in the beginning of the game that you like and then she’s treating you like garbage even though you clearly like her so then and then it but it sounded kind of Clear Lake oshie’s must be like the female lead kind of thing I guess I’m supposed to have a will they won’t they with her and I guess I’ll meet up with her later but then in the meantime there was this redhead and I was just like will you marry me and those are like so now the rest of the game the regular one is like keeps on really gives you the option of totally full on monogamous commitment to this to this red-headed sorceress
that was just treat you cruelly with a redhead we would you be more into her yes because what else is there you know I could wake up like I said the first one but it doesn’t make my little wiener jump up when when somebody’s like you’re a piece of shit I’m not like yeah
oh yeah I like I like a lot and like me cuz of the mean things he’s dishonest if you’re going to end up actually you know coupling with someone like will then you didn’t mean it when you said I was a poo poo face right cuz otherwise you’re a poo poo face biker
so now and that and now I’m a liar fucker and a poo poo face but not if we’re not a poo poo poo poo on his face yeah I don’t I’m not so much I don’t like I get I get to get mad when people humiliate me even even the video game realm will like even though I just like it even though even that is part of the programme of that game really set you up to I’m in the midst of this right now because it is I’m kind of immersed in it the first girl wasn’t working I decided was it like was she she decided she said like I don’t get out she’s like cold shoulder Amy I kept the other than for the first couple levels I’m like hey what do you think of me and she’s and she’s like I’m British and I have black hair so I’m like that archetype and I’m gone
and then this building is redhead sorceress and she’s nurturing and she cares about the other Mages and I helped her do this whole Lake Harriet Tubman underground Mage railroad story or we like that the Mages out of out of the city before the horrible anti Mage Hitler was going to kill them all as like
like that you’re supposed to fall in love with her and not the that did the the black-haired British lady from the beginning of her available in the program cuz I did I was like I kissed her yeah I could have not kissed during the night so I chose to kiss her and then because she looks like my wife and I’m going to choose her because I see this is one of these multiple choose your romance game so I’m definitely this is good that they let me not choose this this strike you know British cold cold cold cold applesauce person just like you know I’m not thank you for not making me do that I like this I like this. I like this nurturing type. Are there other options or is there a third woman that
Fox because I hurt so so I like the redhead I was like you know I was like poop what we’ll do is okay we did the adventure and then there was an option it said please don’t go and I was like please don’t go and then there was an option of said I love you like I love you and then she was like okay I’ll stay and I’m like okay great and then
and typing things in our system
that come up on the screen options your choosing because unlike you know 3 dialogue I might make me laugh in this is how you posed naked Lily showed like her naked butt and then they show my hands slide over but I didn’t but then they cut to adjust a wall
are there was like but there wasn’t even like a shadow of humping or anything what it was like to think they already showed like boobs and butts and like it’s clearly too fat for kids this game like that they say the c-word in it and and the F-word all the time fuck is the f word that the anyway so red head lighthouse in Italy
Selena and their energy goes like so I guess and then we had the conversation of like oh so I guess I guess we’re going to be together forever or yeah but I got to finish this video game though cuz I got to finish like the next 85% of the game without her right because it’s not like the game is so sophisticated and now she’s just hanging out like so you so I just said I love you. You’re to see her butt and then she’ll eat leave the game and now I’m in the world now that I have to be with the brunette and the game is making my character keep flirting with the brunette it’s not a choice he keeps saying stuff like you smell good and like
I’m from Wisconsin I wouldn’t pull this shit this is the kind of guy I hate I don’t know what I’m supposed to do is to go back to the redhead woman has had luck I know that there’s probably a 80% more video game out there but I’d rather hit game over with you it’s kind of where I’m at you I kind of wish I could push through the brunette off a cliff if I if it was an option
when she wants to. I mean cuz I would say I’m sorry it’s cuz she doesn’t have Jack Tripper on Three’s Company episodes are you there are options and I’m just choosing the neutral just like all business you know and I can’t wait for her to ask what’s going on if we’re doing like I am a married man made love in a lighthouse and I just want the rest of the game to just be about killing werewolves you think the game is designed for people to like the frisco I meet I’m going to date her she’s like the evil part of my mother you like how she is hard to please I’m going to date this British lady like a schoolmarm
and then you realize that she sucks and then later on you supposed to meet the redhead it’s definitely it’s laid out that way it’s pretty ingenious like it’s kind of it’s a very sophisticated like stuff Dragon Age Origins had to head to head some stuff like that I thought was pretty that’s pretty fun I’m old I’m playing video games I like I like that some of them have like a more nuanced story component to him but but the danger that is that now I’m now it’s like the game is about anxiety
hey I can’t it’s now I can’t escape life I’m like in a worse life that I know it’s like a terrible I’m like living a lie in the video game and they’re in the real life of a beautiful woman bringing me two cheeseburgers and I
Triss merigold
that’s the red vest of sorceresses you said that was such a question test Marigold trip through Tris Tris all right so anyways
I was remiss so don’t even trip this is a great song man it’s a lot better than me
no no no not like that I mean it’s really that good of a song I’ve been I’ve literally just been driving around and I’ll be like I’m singing of my come come over here it’s so good
hey guys how far how far down that gallon of a jug of pina colada Do You Think You Are
viscous shit
it’s really good I have a perfect wife IV perfect wife
she’s not here tonight
fatigue from cooking Creole there she’s going to make you know it’s our friend kimber’s birthday tomorrow I think
GTA back to Saturday either this is not good for performance at Mike Baker I should just go back to proper a pina colada like in terms of a damn that’s a lot of booze Jackson I’ll try and swim.
way to go
what’s in a pina colada I’m not good at alcohol rum
pineapple and something else you like booze and milk yeah yeah the Darwin Awards there’s a guy who won a Darwin Award for trying to make alcohol by mixing beer no but if he started with beer that be good milk with just car gasoline with me
Eddie died from drinking I mean I don’t know how much you’d have to drink but yeah
I thought it might be a pocket full but when I was in college over the story of the guy that died he was doing a headstand and he put a bottle of bottle of Jack Daniels up his butt and he left yeah I don’t think that was an urban legend ending it really happened to I got some serious butt chugging
that’s what they call that that’s not some Saturday morning brunch But Chuck by China
this isn’t your grandmother’s but shot by a group of well-meaning friends
if we’re going to see a Marvel movie
I wouldn’t but check a little bit of that pretty, that was delicious cold
you are cool. I mean wasn’t he would want to put the stuff in your butt makes it go into your blood faster than putting it in your mouth okay it’s it’s not like your skin is like protective tissue it’s designed to prevent absorption but you’re like in her insides are not so I think the things can just passed into your bloody knife or appear what is the answer because you don’t want that much to get through up here I think that’s the answer is poop
but that’s your intestines entire digestive tract your body is trying to reabsorb anything and that’s valuable all the way until the supposed to the last the last resort that’s the ultimate filter back there because that’s the last shot you got man oh yeah and they always think they’re that they saw the craziest thing in the world but this is basically just grass like you could eat it or be great because they just cellulose which we cannot do if we ate a handful of grass are stomach could be like why are you doing that that’s what that might as well be just a house or something and I’m not a termite the but deer and rabbits and elephants certain certain certain mammals have like the enzymes that break down cellulose so they can eat grass
whatever that is basically but they they passed so much of it through like it’s such an inefficient engine at their poop is like practically edible to the original blood sugar’s opposite of bunch there there
their Buffet but there we got that settled we’re getting a lot done tonight it’s a it’s a it’s a low-energy show I got a I got a lot of a lot of food in my stomach but we’re getting some stuff done yeah this is mac and cheese with Dorito spring are you going to make me puke that I wish I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t crying it as a sexist game or anything I just think that in the last 5 years ago with the world changing her if I don’t I don’t have a horse in that race so I’m just going to write to I think I think that’s a very enjoyable game for everybody I just thinking that one particular area it’s sort of like kind of like it’s a sort of funny cuz it’s like takes place in this fantasy world and it’s just like literally everybody is like the equivalent
receptionist will just come up and go can I help you and heard sure it’ll just be just unbutton to our Naval for no reason is just like boobs in your face and I would say
she wore pants and
you know you can see that she had boobs but but I don’t think she don’t think it was an accident
I was more taken with her her magic Moana and her politics
is it just wanted to say one more thing we have about Witcher 3 trumpets in the game can we bring the words trumpets back that’s adorable
I mean you can’t ask men to not be sexist overnight but we could leave if we brought back a word like strumpets at least we could make us a little more adorable while we’re being misogynist the guy that invented the word strumpet in in like a fit of misogyny he must have been so bummed out when it came out of his mouth is like
I’ll take it that’s adorable
strumpet but said it sounds like a while it sounds like a trumpet or an crumpet
I picked let’s do I need to take me to call boring news
so far we have not been doing that
yo-yo
Yo-Yo
what’s happening
it was a that was a boy crap I found this one Yeah Yeah Yeahs slow rapping yo-yo scary scary neighborhood yo-yo driving down a spooky Street Halloween look at all the costumes trick-or-treat motherfuker
that girl’s dress like a pumpkin
I hope she gets a lot of candy rolled down the window look at my
I do not work like that.
I only listen I understand the first about the first date bars of that was Spencer sorry that’s a corrupt file could have been sorry man that was the one I click the link it downloaded right to the thing that YouTube like all the time so I don’t know I don’t know everything everything going to get your shit together it’s all right for you to be boring News segment boring new segment
are we going to do the this team again
yo yo what’s happening
ain’t always entertaining sometimes it’s boring nothing much happened boring news Barn news
we got it we got a new saltwater aquarium if it stalled in our home
and go on
these in order are my 10 picks for our fish
boring news
my my top pick is the blue-spotted jawfish look it up you’ll see why
tell us tell me why cuz I don’t have the optical little snake guy and he can heat that he can make a little hole in the sand and like act like a snake sometimes how big is the aquarium is it was a giant one or smaller now it’s a aquarium size
somewhere between 50 and 1000 gallon diesel size when it’s not it you wouldn’t call it big but it’s certainly good-sized
nothing really say about him I can’t remember anything about him number three the Court Jester goby number for the lawnmower blenny
number five Jeff you’re going to like this one the blue tang
SMS Murph pussy
number 6 that he’ll freaky dirtfish
number 7 I can’t remember the name but Aaron and I called at the pajama Buscemi Cardinal fish
cuz it reminded us of Steve Buscemi
number 8 the Royal Gramma I know typical
number nine the banggai Cardinal number 10 the Bartlett anthias 35th that didn’t make the cut there’s a bunch of grandmas that don’t make it you know there’s like an aquarium guy who you know he’ll go Abalone Elite Hidalgo be at Damons in Glendale they got them aquariums in the next like him as a kid but there was one fish that takes dirt and sucks it up in his mouth and he goes to make little towers over here and it makes a little building of dirt over here at gravel that’s one of these guys remember
saltwater tanks are very meticulous you know they’re hard to maintain so we got to we got you know who they’re taking it step-by-step they got put living Rock in it then they just they put some they put some Coral in it later but first they brought in three starter fish yeah that’s how you got to do it
go to they have to do they did they did they start the water off what the Pixar movie would be like about starter fish
Dino’s what I wish you was here to like defend his movie but I was like you don’t get it you just don’t get it cuz he was like he was obsessed with this idea that would be the story of a starter fish has relationship with the little girl who got the aquarium but her parents kept telling her don’t get attached to him he’s just a starter fish like he’s going to die and I was like dude your narratives all over the fucking place that you said the Toy Story I said yeah exactly and he’s a fucking meteorological phenomenon he’s moving he likes this toy doesn’t like that toy the toys are the ones with the fucking complicated relationships you can bounce back and forth in and out of the tank is it was a grown up talking to at it and going like don’t get attached to her what the fuck is he talking about what’s your opening I’m glad you asked
obviously I mean I don’t even know you have a choice in this matter if it’s a movie called starfish it’s like hey we’re starting fresh we’re like the blue collar fish you know week what we go into the tank and we can handle her to your water and we we get things started and if we know that we do a good job when the when the when the Big Break fish come in who are more sensitive and delicate and who cost more money in there they’re the reason the people get the tank I start has been there at like this shit and then like bacteria and stuff can grow in the the carbon in the living material they put out and that actually puts bacteria in the water that you know then that bacteria eats and put air into the water and if they can breathe a jump-start the biosphere
anyways my obviously my story of the name of your movie Martyrs I think someone could throw that out at one point but what are they call you murder fish maybe that could be like I guess it’s in the it’s in the it’s in the trailer for sure my movies about the little the little starter fish that decides he wants to be the center of attention he’s not a starter fish he’s going to be the most important fish in the tank and then everyone’s like that fish and and then I’ll be outside the aquarium are you doing just saying like don’t get don’t get too big for your boots you know that we know where we’re going we’re going right down the toilet text Carlos Guardian start a fissure or do what they would all got to go get them like you would have thought they would have his family would be like don’t don’t make you don’t like you’re a starter fish now I don’t know why
I got it I got to finish writing the movie but I don’t know what’s at stake for anybody
if they’re in a tank so I don’t know maybe there’s a fish contest at the end of the movie I don’t know but I’ll work on it later
start a fish to but making the cut from these flashy or pajamas Buscemi’s and stuff like that when they come in Tommy starter fish comes in to go like it you’re a starter fish do you know the code to start afresh know I don’t tell me really you’re telling the audience you tell him I started this is our code of ethics okay come all the fucked-up fish and not in the 9th and then and then okay so it’s a love story for a girl in the aquarium store in order for it to work because then there’s that whole adoption thing where you going to go that’s what it has to be in love with you
I want to think about these fish packing and then I want to go with her so I’m going to go so he’s adjusting the tank full of starter fish so then what are you do when you’re just you just a kid born for born Off Broadway but you got Big Dreams
so it starts flashing around right it’s like a it’s like a subtle if you do it right it could be like a subtle like commentary for like drag queens like I keep the sides like I want to I want to be flashy and if people are like you’re weird stop it that’s not in your nature you’re a starter post is like so what I do that’s how it that’s what I was born I don’t care I want to be a different kind of fish in beef and then get scooped out of here and I’m going to go I’m going to go beyond the metaphor for whatever RuPaul show which is going into some little girls tank in her bedroom
what’s the what’s the bottoming out of Newman
as his pain is terrible size or he’s just talking to swim in water water swimming friend

all right so next week we’re not here because we’re doing the Rick and Morty Premiere party at it’s the premieres on Sunday so
apparently I am I’ve been asked to host the streaming of the thing you’re helping us out there at the party could be a disaster
cuz you’d be like what are you going to see I don’t even know if you’re going to be doing me neither then the week after that it gets more confusing we’re going to be in New York right now we are about to kiss
that shows already sold as is in a teeny little theater not that you guys were going to fly to New York so she has but for those of you listening to New York we’re back here and we’re rolling like like James Brolin
do you think are you is there anybody here that’s lactose intolerant there’s got to be so sure no questions you fart a lot when you okay
does it does it hurt a guy like if you so if you just have like a cheeseburger
so is it possible that I could have been lactose intolerant my whole life and I’m just now noticing because I fart so much what do you say
start yourself what are you what are you British
you you do put your pants on
that alcoholism at 6
I’m a drug to I don’t put my pants at work if I’m drunk and eating a lot of dairy then I’m like farting so much then I’m going to enter my inhibitions and judgment are lowered so that I like I don’t realize
how have you ever pooped your pants over let’s let’s just figure this out I don’t remember I remember in in ComedySportz I remember at the Marriott Hotel I went on a walk now the founder of ComedySportz was like setting up the stage and he said something like that game tonight or whatever and I said well you know dick I felt I felt like a fart coming and I said you know you do you know a real crowd-pleaser is if we can I just shit in my pants there is no sound
and I just walked away and like to throw my pants and my underwear in the garbage I was I had no pants like I had to borrow someone else’s pants and they knew it’s not like I took a shower so they knew the date and then Grandpa throw their pants away to
I knew there was no way I was going to like I’m not going to I’m not going to let that be a secret humiliation as soon as the ground zero weight but whatever I’m not going to let somebody go dance shit his pants
I was on stage in LA with a guy I want to do tonight show who is the referee right before halftime and all the sudden it smells like somebody hit their pants that’s certainly enough our referee had just completely filled his pants and so he came back out at halftime and instead of having black trousers now you have a navy blue or royal blue sweatpants with no underwear as you can see a little Weiner in the covid-19
I know I know who that guy is because I was in my grade school Noah I can’t remember his last name
I remember his first name was Noah and he was by his own account he was allergic to cheese so I think I think we just didn’t know it was called lactose intolerance back then but I’m allergic to cheese and what do you mean like you sneeze when you eat it at least I know I shipped my pants
and then but then it was like you know it was the eighties and it was a public school so he would take a dollar to eat cheese
people would give him a dollar and he go like really A dollar is with flute
he had he had some witticism like like like temporary buddies forever and wet
I wish that were true then we clean tomorrow and I remember like you would shoot his pants in the cafeteria just go home and I think you would just like whistle the theme from The Andy Griffith Show in the mail I got right it was like it was like I was like I shipped my pants when I get cheese I’ll give you a dollar to do that okay goodbye school I have to go do two things I have to go do some laundry and go to the bank
stop by there and then there was this kid I can’t remember his name but what you cook is the names of your friends from school are hilarious I want to say I do I do remember his name I remember I remember his full name his first name was Henry I want to say his last name cuz it’s adorable but it’s a it’s a literate of but he was he was an adorable very quiet kid and he should his pants and for some reason for some reason this is what’s really weird like that’s like first grade that kindergarten kids in kindergarten I told you the story of how I even know where you’re going to take me to that special room when I was in kindergarten no because I knew how to read and they would like they left me in this room and like I didn’t know how to read the clock I had to go to the bathroom but I don’t know what time it is and I don’t know when the Bells Are Ringing I had to pee and I just like
so I just peed in the chair I just assumed as the middle of this walk-in closet surrounded by a textbooks and I just kept going and then I just got up and took a look back and Hit The Lights
I went and got the lunch lines thinking like you look like you were riding a painted horse and the guy who really put it out my brother who was like in sixth grade at the neighbors like did you piss your pants in the whole school is like you pissed your pants like I don’t think I think that was so weird that I I don’t think I cried I think I cried it I’ve tried it last but I don’t think you realize you could have been making money on this the whole time you going to get in your pants for $8 a pop. So the kid Henry Kiona comes up to me at lunch first grade and she goes
she’s got Henry she’s holding his hand and she goes Daniel will you take Henry to the bathroom he had an accident what the ship my pants in school as far as I know I don’t know why I’m an expert like send them with Noah you know I know I’ll show him the ropes
maybe that’s maybe that’s what you was worried about
poop tycoon in her school cuz I was supposed to handle I can take it yeah and I just said I wasn’t aware I went I went again remember to go to the coat room where the bathrooms where and he just went into a stall I was just kind of like I’m such a clear memory of that I got is just hanging out by the winter coats just got it looks like kind of trying to talk him through it like a like an old war buddy or something I got my pants all the time everywhere it’s alright it’s okay man just just just clean it up
I do what I was supposed to do and yeah
it’s a positive memory for me though cuz I felt like I did it right but I’m sure I didn’t I don’t know if I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to like help him that would be crazy if the teacher wanted me to like help like she could no one in the bath yet how would she have judge the success of that task like always she hoping would happen I mean wouldn’t like usually you go to like the nurse they call parent or something right I guess this was in the past yeah yeah it was at this is like in dinosaur times in there if there weren’t there were probably just as many pedophiles and kidnapping but it what there was no internet yet so it was just sort of like well as long as he’s with someone we can just send them off into the world will we will send it with two kids a little bit harder to kidnap hard spanking
getting spanked if someone does something bad I can’t read this right before but it was a ping pong paddle supposedly and they really whacked the crap out of you not quite but you could hear it from outside the building like a scene from some World War II like a prisoner move and you can hear the kids scream and you’ll laugh
and supposedly the legend was there was one kid that was so badass he clenched up his butt cheeks and broke the ping pong paddle
but she was famous whether or not that I ever happened and he was like he was Paul Bunyan’s Cook
this is a source of muscular we can spot it so hard
well my mom would hit us with a wooden spoon and every once in awhile The Wooden Spoon would break I want credit for taking a break it’s not like because it’s so hard like he just someone else’s ass wore that thing out for him I don’t think I don’t think I don’t
I don’t think anybody got the color of starter but like
I try to remember that if I like even like maybe before because my brother was five years ahead of me so like any stories about your stories about teachers throwing erasers and throwing chalk and throwing tantrums and stuff yeah there was a there was a there were teachers you would have liked nervous breakdowns but then they would get like they would disappear you know because they made her and if she was off her medications you just lock kids in a cabinet and I got was a punishment
mr. Davis get out of here like you’re even disrupted the class to the gym anytime you go run around the school like it would take you the rest of the day so I just went to my car and then we found that out so we could try to piss her off and she would go to take a lap and then we can go to Wienerschnitzel
I almost died today at lunch by the way the guy was taking a bite of a corn dog and my friend John was taking a bite of corn. He just trying to be funny to give me more than I wanted and he shoved the entire corns I’ve done my mouth but before I knew it was happening I had bitten the corn dog, and I’ve got an entire corn dog and my throat and is not going to come back out there’s no way to get a handle on the corn dog with your with your mouth and I’m just I’m dying my hair and then everybody looked at me realize that I was dying and everybody froze and so then I was like a big strong friend of mine called Bam Bam he just came up and pick me up side down trick me by my ankle.
but I digress
I can’t breathe it’s been a while now I need to start breathing soon there’s nothing I can do to help this thing out it will not go down it’s not going to come out I’m ever thinking not like this what did you notice everybody in this room probably has had like a choking incident were you actually like you kind of like triggers is very specific response in your brain
you feel like this could be at like and it takes very little for that to get triggered cuz you’re like oh my God I didn’t realize how a customer I am to freezing whenever I want there’s like what I do it’s weird how number one how everyone around you kind of freezes and I’ve been that guy do you know and I were eating at at Little Dom’s with her newly hired CFO at the time he was at dinner with him to talk about how excited we were for him to be turning the company around the animation studio and he’s like yeah and it’s going to be great and he’s eating the hanger steak and he’s like yeah I’m really excited about it and I can’t wait to get some some health plans for the for the for the staffers and like yeah I could be higher over at the animation think we could get some
play Queen it’s weird like I don’t know if possible show the bartender did he was coming around soon enough that before Dino and I started to do the right thing he was already over there plus on top of it by the time anybody got close to him he just came out onto the floor and he picked it up with a napkin and continue the conversation but I might have just watched a guy die I guess so I don’t know what I would have done and when I would have done it and the other one the other weird thing is that on the choking side the Instinct very often is to like hide like people die because they start to choke and then they got to go to the bathroom because they’re in a Barrett I’ve been in that situation if it is weird how much shame gets triggered you’re choking
could you maybe if you feel like a pig or something or you just feel you feel like well what’s inside your body shouldn’t be anyone’s business or something and you so you just like you kind of want to go hide somewhere until it’s over which could kill you if everybody was like in stasis the whole time they had that whole heimlich awareness campaign has been terrible like that happens all the time people just like eating in a restaurant that they just text turn blue and everyone is going out no Harold
I didn’t watch him die I don’t have tattoos I don’t want any but like CPR diagram and heimlich maneuver diagram there’s a trick for the CPR cuz you know you do chest compressions right but you got to do it like a special Rhythm the rhythm is the beat of the song Staying Alive the disco song what are you going to Eagle hahahaha staying alive staying alive
stop for the note to the beat you don’t ha ha ha ha ha stay alive just keep popping
let’s hear those sleigh bells jingling
I guess I’m staying alive
I think it makes people excited to know that they make me
just pretend it’s a song
what does the police coming down for the other guy.
Do you know my name if I see you in heaven
oh no no nothing nothing Eric Clapton so I’m lactose intolerant for sure I take because it’s like when I’m eating beans and stuff I fart like regular people that eat beans like it’s a music Musical Fruit as you know but it’s like predictable amount I mean farting but then if I have like a pint of ice cream or you know to the dairy like I am capable of generating so much sting have you been cutting out all day just to see if that goes away effectively have with this that’s what I’m telling you I finally took two for two
accidentally have that experiment that it I never never tried it but today is it a load of dairy right when you cut it out. Stop the rest of the week it’s not there but then it’s like that I have like some ice cream or you do a pina colada or something and then it’s like like holy shamoley like I feel like I could feel a hot air balloon
are there might that there might be a way to like tap it for like a global energy
my friend Sam is who is my neighbor hit this lovely family they were very like cohesive nuclear family and they all had at the family joke was cherries made them a fartlek mad so they would you go to the house and they would put on the phone with cherry middle start laughing eating cherries and I laugh and then they are mom and dad like old people young people everyone is just farting
Paris I don’t like that story
yeah that they’re Pastime is to invite guests over it just fart all over the place like The Hills Have Eyes kind of
yeah except that they don’t cuz if they Hills Have Eyes some of those eyes wood would wood would lend to self awareness as if they were and that family can’t you just close cohesive family tree Fighters family I don’t like them
I didn’t go there to close
I don’t like that where they where they doing that together
would tell me more about them
what did they do with bananas
family in.
When I when I moved back from when I was on the play on Broadway when I was 10 11 and I came back to LA for the first time
that’s good that’s those good healthy response to 9/11
I moved back to whittier’s I’ve never I’ve never lived with my grandmother lived there at one time when I was a little kid like a big house with horses and stuff and then gradually lost all of our money and then I went on the road with my mom and my dad was back home I think it would have gotten divorced we came back and we live in this really small house with the stick shity car and with like I didn’t know anybody move this is not a great neighborhood Detroit or something terrible like gunfire going off all night long but it was like a really nice hilly beautiful childhood and I didn’t know anybody and remembered laying on my bed in his new little house and all I can here with a plane going overhead and we flying to LAX if you’re coming back into LA and when you hear the flash go down if you look out the window you can see my high school at that’s the sound of you can hear from the ground if you of the planes decelerating and I just started crying because it was the only noise I heard and I just lived in New York for like about a year where it’s just all this input and like action
I was really depressed and his kid went buying a skateboard that was Sam Smotherman that he live just down the block and their family was so cool and their dad they’re all really Christian but like the most adorable wonderful version of that and if everybody were like that you wouldn’t have any negative like attachments to that they would sit around like Santa has a kid like I’m disease and then it got really wounded in a car accident and all this like we went to a lot of family crisis and then sit down at the unit and they would just talk it out and they would know and they would like if it came down to it the father would just sit and says in the Book of James or whatever like I’m not looking to put Danza Cora pedagogical early creature away and I just sat there watching it and it was like this is marvelous to have dreams where I like knocking on Sam’s mother in the door from you know from what I’m 13 or 12
and but that kitchen and that one day I hung out too so much there was a Bowl of Cherries out there and I took one of they all started snickering and that’s it was supposed to joke and I like it makes it more like like like one of them like like like himself to death in the basement and a half alive in the hospital and like they they would like like in order to make their cars go faster they would spit into the air scoop
Spencer are you how many reach the air scoop from there trying to catch somebody take to keep them from taking all those but I don’t know anybody renting a car crowd what are you even asking on the hood of the car and the car gets like super boost and goes really fast I’m sure that works perfectly
with flooding in the woods like crazy Mad Max cars though okay
the engine eventually Dam
that’s why they didn’t design the cars or just have a guy spinning like taped to the front of the guitar in the car cuz that would have been impractical but they’re like this is this is life or death
just like the time you know those guys are nuts those those little anemic guys covered in tumors they their their spray painting their warped or boys rule or boys are there they’re feral ferocity
teechip Ben just ask him to do something in moderation how dare you
I suppose so special after like 70 years in the making like we finally closed the deal we’re going to actually start shooting harmonquest
are we going to do new characters same character from the ground up originally planned cuz people get excited about it now we we we we’re going to we’re going to tape 10 episodes and it’s going to be on some you know tiny experimental I don’t know how much I’m allowed to say I’m not allowed to say but it’ll be it’ll be out on some platform that you’ll be able to find or something that may or may not play in Canada or I don’t know you do I have no idea how it’s going to work but it’s not Yahoo it’s it’s something else but but we’re going to do 10 episodes so certainly was there exists XL awesome I can’t wait and we’ll have to stop and I’ll make sure you guys know where to go so so that they’ll be like in September so you can come and come and watch us we’ll we’ll get the old celebrity celebrity guests to come and play with us and then we’re going to be
your dream team yet are you that’s probably too soon to talk about that episode with Vince Vaughn and then 3 with Colin Farrell
that you know our little dog Nigel do you think he looks like Colin Farrell he let me look so I like Colin Farrell he does
I don’t know if Aaron’s like Instagram to get like with a split screen but he looks nice I think I see where you’re going
but I think we shows but like a five for five and a half out of out of 20 Solid 5 that’s no good what do I got to do to make it memorable and extreme strength well that may be. I mean not like race is how I got two words but checking we could be the first podcast of podcast but check to live stream of pina colada butt chug chug that was just that was just act like everything in your whole life waiting up to that poor girl
are they going to ask tonight or something like he became like we found out that that’s that’s what you have to do things only one way to find out I think somebody is going to take that chance need a funnel we need Pedialyte
okay we can afford that I do know that there would be so what would he have somebody wearing the pants with just a little hole for the butthole
the weather in an Amazon chaps solution to everything I needed to stay in the context do you mean if we’re doing this 6 weeks from now what kind of equipment would we have NASA built for us as men did you spend a lot of money on this on this live streaming I said I give like we put out of David Copperfield kind of show a white tiger already have an inversion table right so we just get if you turn them your stomach down on it and then you convert them that you’re ready to go and see exactly what time is it in Virginia
that’s something recent a list of those gravity boots I have everything yeah we could just bring that in okay
ocean Kai restaurant or whatever the person could like like die or become a senator and an inversion table can be dedicated that cuz I’m going to the chiropractor three times a week now that’s that was the only last thing that I that’s new for me so that’s think she’s going to waste yeah my back’s all fucked up Jeff okay I’m all right all right now right at the moment but if I sit for more than 20 minutes and then I get out that’s like I just I got to say I think I’m having a weenie Awakening or something like I I think my chiropractor that’s my chiropractic heads are not real doctors and they always have to like
they’re going to have to like they feel like they they feel compelled to like add extra stuff to the Chiropractic stuff because it makes him feel
but the more than a back cracker late like there that you know they have to be like also you know this helps cure the cold and you should bring your baby in and quit being a crazy person might just crack my back so I’m going to the one of these guys but now like at this point the only the only thing I can do from here is back surgery which I don’t want to do so I’m just I’m just for the next year I’m just going to commit to whatever this guy says and he’s like don’t sit for a month and a half hour at a time Jesus Christ he’s like he’s got a little Jackhammer devices using a hammer my vertebrae and I’m going to the three times a week but then I’ll be like walking around my house and then I’ll start crying for no reason so I know I think maybe some of the stuff he’s like saying is like not total bullshit I thought it was cuz it’s like after you go in and they go
they go where does it hurt when you go right here okay look at the chart
this is what the guy did recently this is exactly what happened like Monday I go in where does it hurt right here so he holds up his cartoon of a back and then there’s like next to each vertebrae there’s like this list of shit like horoscope since I got it says like you’re out going but a little which organ function kidney function erectile dysfunction bowel do you have any problems with your bowels and I and I said well I mean I don’t I don’t like taking shitz
I mean I don’t look forward to him they don’t they’re not like I don’t like high five myself after I shed a problem with your bowel function though and hey who doesn’t want more hard-ons
okay so then the next time I so remember those bowel problems and erectile dysfunction that you talked about will guess what vertebrae that correlates to and look where your pain is I’m a dude I told you all that what you can it’s like a carnival trick or something but I don’t think it’s intentional he’s just he’s just not a doctor like like I have acne on my back is like yeah but they’re that that’s not acting like yeah it is it’s gross acne-like because if you never had acne in your bag no open sores on my back cuz I go out you scared you scratch it was like yeah look at my back is covered in fucking Ron Jeremy hair like that yes I’m scratching my back
I think that I think that you know that sarcoidosis thing you told me about you know that in those open sores and you definitely
making me feel really bad when you have some outside your body you know that inside your body you know you you have the same thing of you saying I have acne on my spleen like your will you just crack my back you’ll get your data doctor this is crazy talk you could really upset somebody and I like you’re making me feel
is my uncle swimming does it seem that you still go to yeah but
but I saw him but he’s not like
she’s not doing it on purpose but he just doesn’t know what he’s talking about like he does know backs like the nervous system like he’s there and it an end as my back is getting adjusted like I am like I feel like my memory is improving like like like kind of like a reason absolutely no reason I got a massage like the friend give me a bracelet of birth certificate to stretch a gift certificate to Burke Williams Spa I love massages. Like to be like a street fight I want and I want to come out with her the whole time and just be like bruised and battered and so I got this woman named Carmen is no longer there was just sad because she instantly
the moment she put her hands on her Carmen and she was very quiet inside and she’s like I got stuff in my right shoulder is it all right if she starts working everywhere else and just so you know it’s this is what you feeling it starts here collarbone and I instantly like almost came to pieces like it in pain on my right butt cheek and eye is you guys by the way you’re going to start crying and not from paying like you’re very emotional and you hide it all right here we are we are we all hide a lot of sadness in her butt
she doesn’t mean you’re not going to let like all that sadness go right now but you look like a let’s much of that sadness as I get my call so you need you need to come and get a lot more stress guy but I clearly am like that whole respiratory alkalosis thing was as ridiculous as such a stupid thing and then this back thing like it’s just like it’s very clear like I’ve been like under a lot of like I just like don’t deal with my stress and my name is Doug.
Carnival car ride
I went back and listen to the whole tiebreak something I was on the right here crying laughing LOL I mean don’t rub it in like looking tonight tonight’s been awful and terrible. We’re never going to quit don’t fucking hot and I ate so many tacos and it just at my own farts all day and played a video game which is a tear I should never do that on Sunday you farting like when you walk out the stage he’s going to like
two I can hold a fart real good until it finally then there’s that point where it reverses up into your lungs
I’m talking about but he can fart on command I can always give you a fighter and I never smell give me number I go 11 perfectly equal fires everywhere we go by travel does that all the time he always has an extra pair of pants in his bag in his carry-on in case he’s just a fan of 50 is 53
hello everywhere he goes he’s got an extra pair of my style pants on a different does it take a special scale when you choose the size does it take it do you need do you need a different scale for each four each four each size of green
I guess so yeah when you’re when you’re picking when you’re picking the kind of rice that you’re going to have thrown at your wedding to Ryan Stiles
man who is this guy has some kind of Dan Harmon replacement
I knew you were jealous of his mother is jealous of the time
has he pooped
what am I chopped liver is so jealous right now
I’m here every Sunday with you because I love you more and I do it for free for you
well this is really awkward for me because I already I have I made love to the redhead in the lighthouse
I am so I can’t reciprocate and I feel bad you’re going to miss like 40 minutes of the video I hate Spencer hey Dan you see the the Jiu-Jitsu Matrix backbend
I’m the first time I first time I hug you you look like you wanted to shrivel up and die
you’re more of a hugger now than you were
then let me love you
I love everybody
pina colada makes this whole thing subside
I don’t want a hug
how did your chiropractor to feel about you carrying around giant drinks that heavy
like you know like every time someone dies Rob always like a weird to talk about that right like I remember Rob Zombie’s like hey man take care of yourself he sent me a
you texted me like a like a like a

animated gif of like how the human heart works or something but it wasn’t like Heart Like Love it was like valves and stuff and I was like I hope you’re taking care of yourself with that Legos that are you just calling me fat lie. I saw that text message it was that a group text or what because I saw that did he was that after Harris died died after every every time someone dies Rob Rob makes me feel like he puts me in the same category as people who died because I’m going to die next to Penny doesn’t have any any wants he wants me to not die next so and he thinks that it’s as simple as telling me not to
which it wouldn’t be
like I’m not going to take a bowl before I die who doesn’t want me to die okay got it
just checking lately I thought everyone wanted me to die or are you saying like you’re worried about me mentally but in either case can’t you just can’t just be nice to me why do you have to have the one that make you feel bad if people were like hey man you okay
are you going to go what’s wrong with me why you looking at me like he never
I mean I don’t know what it was an Impulse was there but two to come and throw you my arms around you and hug you until I love it tell you I love you and make you very uncomfortable which might make people less inclined to come at you with that direct way and maybe get to start making heart gifs and stuff
maybe I mean it’s just probably sitting at the happy medium somewhere between did you know the correct pronunciation is gif
did you know it’s you know it’s it’s when people say that’s not my my forte it’s supposed to be Fort did you know it’s not chomping chomping at the bit to chances to be champing at the bit
took that guy’s concept and reiterated its not original or daring really recycle to Heckle from behind us I mean it’s okay. This isn’t still boring news is it I think I think he knew it’d be funny to say this is the last guy that worked and I’m not a hypocrite I’m not going to stand up here and shit the bed and I can then get mad at people for a talking I will
somebody anybody in the audience feeling particularly passionate about anything at all tonight like I mean it’s not a yes or no question I mean whatever it is if you want to come up and talk about it as strongly enough
Gucci rap rap there for the cameras he was ready to go solo against this mother fucker that Teddy’s Han Solo how you been so it’s been a long time since I’ve been here I want to give a shout out to Colorado
I want to give a shout out to New Jersey my home that I loved but then I left because I heard Dan Harmon speaking from his chest and his heart I met this guy that you guys won’t know at the bar after the night and I’m going to drop some shit he don’t want me to drop guy
is operating on a level that you’re not ready for it on my lap cuz he knows what I’m talking about here’s what happened I went to Denver after I saw these guys cuz I saw batshit in La weird and bad shit what do you see what what did you see my friend lost his heart and he’s not with us anymore damn you saw that happen
I live in interesting life and we’ll talk about it another time but alright to give a shout out his heart like it stopped and stopped at a heart attack I have a friend who is wonderful and creative individual out here who lost his heart to commit suicide but you asked me and I didn’t want to get those trying to bounce around that but that means truth of it and I’ve seen it happen too often and when you said like your boy sent you the thing with the GIF and then he says something really prescient like maybe they couldn’t address you like really clearly we talked about this on the show I’ll cut it right to this why are we all here this guy why are we all here these podcast why are we here on like a quiet night when we’re like not sure when the show isn’t like ripping it on like seven hundred levels that were used to it written on like when they were a fucking in Diego what are over 200 people in a basement in LA
and we love each other so much. A lot of us actually show up to like hang out on weeks when this doesn’t even happen that I have friends in LA because of you
and the people that choose to show up to a thing like this because you’re honest and you come up to a thing not with like you know what your degenerate alcoholic who knows blank thing I see that a lot where I live you come up here with the thing your wife made you cuz she loves you and she knows you and she was taken care of you and your back hurt and you’re a good guy plant Witcher stand true to that one so you need to be clear do you agree this is not one of our best episodes
we’re trying to fix it or like whatever or you’re just being really generous to a guy that I swear to you I’m not here for fame where do I didn’t move to LA to like get on the mic I came down because I fucken love this guy and that everyone I knew that I cared about give a lot of schitt’s about what he makes and then all the rest of the people I didn’t give a shit about care about what Jeff makes them kidding I can take it everyone I know from Greg proops to the rest of the fucking crew that you roll with to the fucking crew that you roll with to the community you created come on Jeff
the character that he created is us and the joke is on everyone who isn’t here tonight everyone
looking at him like you don’t see that there’s a crew here that’s so beautiful in this like so inspiring that unlike the Lowell shows that we call them or like whatever you do you know what man those are my favorite ones cuz it’s Tarantino he says there’s a genre of movie called a hangout movie I just saw on Magic Mike XXL everybody see it like instantly it was like ultimate mandate with my bro friend and God I loved it but this podcast is on the level of like Rio Grande
Magic Mike XXL
call Atlanta Heart Attack even when you’re in a coma and popping on that gorgeous thing like you are from that beautiful woman you married and swindled into loving you forever now we’re here cuz we love you and maybe I’m just here to just say fucking never give up fucking never stop doing this and my name is Dave fucking plan on dropping the mic
what about you any any Equity that was that was withdrawn or deposited it all in the end none of it matters cuz he he just the little train that comes through Mister Rogers living room he’s like a winner speech personified
I couldn’t feel like in Miami like I’m a visual thinker like my my my image of him I like a little fire extinguisher inside the glass of his break in case of emergency
is red positive guy I was thinking that it was kind of a disservice to him that it was a low-energy show and then and then he would come out cuz it was like like actually yeah it would have been might have been it might have been better to have somebody just come up and go like I’m going to I’m going to get a divorce
are there any be like why I just like cuz of 911 and then and then and then we would have won a caste
the prestigious podcast award which is why I made it up
Southern Marsh
say and do cheat day on Sundays because it’s because of your overly fed or whatever it’s like why don’t we try a different like I’ll just up all Indian food or maybe I could double my Adderall dosage on Sundays
well what do you make with left in the in the tank don’t look at it just try to do you want to try some cancer
Spencer’s not a real alcohol guy now it makes me sick I got my my joints start to ache but check it but check
Chick-fil-A Spell on You
all right
suspense is killing us
it’s the coldest thing in the room that’s great that I could come up with a great analogy for like sports video games is like and and the punchline I have to throw it to the room now
oh yes absolutely it happened I just got through the Thorns the Black Thorn level
It’s Tricky are there any female Gamers here that don’t play sports video games
are you playing Witcher 3 here who do huh
any women playing Witcher 3 in the audience
play that that’s kind of fun
that’s the one with Juno and and Ellen Page and we paint can I talk to you about video games for a second and then you can play Shadowrun with us
yeah it’s at a time like this it’ll make you feel in a second you’ll be sweating and I’ll be like what kind of horrible must realize you’re not you’re just a french fry but it’s it’s not you it’s the lights in it what’s your name okay so so did you play Heavy Rain or heavy rain but that but that compared to those are the same people that make and I think that’s why Quantic dream is so good is because it’s like an interactive movie and the pants are sold it’s like I was not expecting it to be so scary like holyshit its base if nobody knows what this game is about it’s basically Ellen Page is recreated as Jodi and she is his character who has this entity
that is attached to her and basically it’s the whole time like all these people are trying to control her and make her do all the things that she does want to do and blah blah blah anyways it ends up being like this is what your Sprint company made the game French company in town and she was making a game in France though I think that’s what you was making for all that time again and it’s weird how Willem Dafoe looks as a CG
I got it looks like a cartoon in person and then was like wow he actually looks better as a cartoon
it’s a weird fact then video games of Jeff
can you guys handle that with your soccer soccer
yeah you got to be careful. I’ll keep my mouth shut and 1/2 podcast before this all about this place right now cuz I was at I’ve been for the last 30 minutes I’ve been holding in farts and now as of my last sip of pina colada down also holding down vomit so I’m like a Chinese finger trap
no to look at me I’m the opposite of a water balloon with untied on two ends
no I got toothpaste tube in a vise grip with a cap on each other both sides I’m like I’m like maybe we should get Ryan Stiles in here you should look at your bike
I’m sure he could come up with us to make these people laugh if I can does it
Chester just regular food stamps mother is there treasure trailer
I hate cherries cherries are the I hate I hate pits I hate it I love olives like marinated olives and then sometimes you get a minute like you’re like this better not have a pin in it I swear to God has a pin in it and you’re like what am I supposed to do with this fucking rock in my mouth and then you could spit into a napkin like an animal and like put it like what do you supposed to do with why do they why do they have those items I swallow cherry pits
you can’t even afford it the source present has Cherry poop,
I swallow did you if you I don’t know if it’s an urban legend or not but they say that is I think it said I think this isn’t a religion cuz I started from like Urban living in like the the 50s and it became like a big thing in the seventies the idea that kids were eating cherry pits and they were pooping in that in the sewers there’s a whole population of like little George Washington’s
George Washington’s
yeah chopping down the well that’s that’s the ironic thing is that I think the whole story is a lie but like if with it in the story know none of them are lying about chopping down the trees why is this day and age where political culture is so bereft of intellect and then leadership I went aren’t we cultivating this sewer full of you know he was so he was a warrior and he’s there he said he’s the leader and he should needed at that time in history but the truth is if you brought George Washington out now first of all he be tiny and covered in poop and then
piece of wood was weird second of all he has it by all accounts he was sort of a sort of a dumb dumb and just sort of inspiring cuz he was he was courageous and a good General
could you do any worse could we could we do anywhere
oh yeah I’m sure I’m sure I’m sure of anybody from if you went back in time and told anybody from from from back Yonder with the scandalous remarks that would be the butt but but as far as their attitude about the role of government I bet we’d be like holy shit this guy is like amazing yeah I’d be like like they have that Ross Perot Bernie Sanders charm the third-party candidate that wasn’t allowed the debates because they feel like I don’t understand why we’re talking about this and would be like
did you just fart right now know that was my mouth
like a like a laugh really loud then I’ll fart at the same time that’s like I didn’t know
if it is a Maelstrom to ask Emily has an ambassador of a female gamer like what if a game is really cool but there’s like a zit with Witcher 3 where it’s just like wow this is really cool but it’s like this Fantasy game is just like all of these sorceresses with the cleavage in the kind of like very like mythica gender roles like does that throw the modern guess the answer is you know I speak for all women like some women are probably totally thrown by that and just like I loved it like I’m I’m I’m sorry like I feel like he’s very bold stance
to be happy and you know what I mean like that’s something we should use two are you know I make Scotch Plains fun and like all that kind of thing I I think they know if we’re going to get all offended about it I don’t know that’s just me I like I’ve always wanted to love and love my boobs and I think every woman should my girl rock the titties loves coming from the exposure of them as if it’s like people who are like puritanical I think it’s I think it’s it’s at there’s a fine line but it’s like people that are like well there’s an objectification happening when they’re on display if it reduces the person’s role to a dehumanizer also that they’re simply a tray of dessert and if they’re not also saying I don’t know but I’m mansplaining and white knighting and choo choo choo Bakker with wood wood wood wood
I just want to I just bought some bags at the lake is that it’s kind of a straw dog argue with it it’s like play everybody likes boobs are like we should ever see that I think I think any any any person who’s who’s coming down on the other side is is more it’s just it’s coming morph of the angle of like socks that were putting people’s head about the role of know I totally get where you’re coming from and I do think that there is something that is endearing about making a woman be sexy without showing the tips of course like her or her ability to be a badass like you know what’s an example of someone see when everything’s games just like so many girls a big dude.
different
hahaha
yeah well nobody’s nobody’s nobody’s disagreeing up here I mean it’s not my job to agree or disagree I just sit there and fart and play them play the game
but I always find myself wondering as a guy when I when I always wonder on behalf of men I always wonder why do we even have to like to say before things got so you know everybody I used to joke to women everything that you need to know about man you can learn from a Men’s prison like the Lakers play
but how is how is that a controversial statement at all like when you when you lock men in a building together and take away all of their wealth and all of their hegemony over Society turns out that we don’t have a lot of like super nuanced needs in order to get an erection or become violent like we are drones and we turn on each other and ourselves as quickly as we turn on anyone were allowed to on the outside so you take away the next time you take away the bank and you take away the skyscraper you take away the history in the momentum and you see what what what with how little men really need to to object if I could you could you could give a female voice to a banana and the demand Menifee like going to fuck that banana
because they’ll see it eventually about their cellmate like they say they because we’re just like biologically we’re just kind of drones like we’re not so so I was I was wondering my own head I’m like well you know if the cleavage weren’t there like if that if that’s really the issue like or it but it but it but it isn’t you know it’s like if Mary Curie was like a character in a video game you know it’s even more so the whole rule 34 thing would start applying I do if I’m making sense but
she’s all dolled up and she’s like the cleavage is Biz business booming in the thing and it’s just like she just looks like she’s designed for these thoughts to be thought about her I just I’m always amused by the idea that it’s like working with the bed but overwhelmingly that’s almost all of what you see and getting in character a female girls aren’t you do like the Hunger Games and things like that the girls are coming bad asses and yeah they’re hot but like you know it’s more like know she’s smart and she’s got she acts like she’s the one saving the dude the dude the dumbass you know what I’m saying like it’s it’s not all about Owen she’s got a huge rack and she’s like like like like like I tried analogy between
clothing and between clothing and gender roles and language and then race issues the language is certainly a reflection of the video games are of women like looking like they’re ready to go and they’re and they’re and they’re not saying anything of value on top of that like they have no agency in and all that stuff there. That’s the save the clothing is a reflection but just as you can make genuine racist people use the most polite language in the world and they might be even more racist than ever you could totally like count on me until I feel like that’s the club at the clothing is not it’s a it’s the it’s the snot out of the call did like you could wipe it all you want like like the virus is more dealt with when you talk about characters that have agency in the bechdel test and stuff like that like that stuff that actually it’s the heart of the matter like is the character are people watching characters that happened to
Sheriff physical characteristics with themselves are they getting trained to think that they hold a certain role in a dynamic like the clothing is like so secondary all that whatever is there’s no point to it I’m not proposing that you can change it just kind of amused by the idea that men would men would benwood hump a concrete wall like we would not sweet we just don’t it’s not it’s not like that’s not where the war is being fought it oh yeah yeah a lot of consensual armpit sex
we’ve talked about that boy boy oh boy
so glad those days are over
now you can use like real inventions like they could buy online things like that I want to make sure my back stays somewhat out of whack cuz I’m
now that I’m regaining my memory and bursting into tears and worried that I might
the app that you might have just something and then I’ll be like
I almost a cliffhanger and not being able to get through episode of just let alone Mork & Mindy let alone anything like everything was like on fire and it was like not a place to get a lot of work done girls are like that too well I was delayed I was like crazy like my whole family was like that like as soon as we went into puberty I was like what is happening like oh my God boobs and craziness and all that stuff but it’s his girl. He act like he said girl don’t like to talk about it as much but we definitely are the same way a hundred years before I did like it happens earlier for girls
there’s also a lot of accidental masturbating
accidental masturbate let me tell you Jeff
I’m going to fuck your armpits so hard the night runs doing it right now
also also girls girls do that but I’ve had I’ve had a politically correct thing to say that the girls do this or do that but I’ve noticed the girls have a lot of early memories of they practice with you with each other that they got spayed
Emily farted again
the plant they play they Pratt they practice they practice kissing and stuff lately years old next to my buddy couch pillow we’re high-fiving each other around like that I don’t know what his lawyer’s name is butt.
haha yeah but I mean obviously the most important things that people are always so shocked to learn is that if everybody’s a little snowflake and it’s all so incredibly different it makes it comfortable to make observations ago girls do this in Sky by age 11 and 13 glasses virginity is like 32 or whatever they look like and what is it that that’s but that’s coming in the
Play magazines to save space in a boys wewe find the Sears catalog for the are there anything that has a picture of a woman like what was any measure of clothing on an island or whatever or face like I think it’s a visual thing for me anyway and I remember the most potent visual image that I and I saved this picture it was Nadia Comaneci the gymnast that the gold medalist from Romania and it’s only like
again with this fucking Shay
kids short hair and like that’s it like that then later on this like like Cyd Charisse Audrey Hepburn Mia Farrow like I don’t know what it was but it was like my first moments of having like sexual visual like my turn-ons was always liked likes thin Never by babbu Maan never like a super curvy like like like a little wifey like girls with short hair and like why is that so strange how long are traditionally Handler said he looks like you’re working for a little while but but but I think it’s like I think it’s like the way cats like like focus on things that move like like like like like like women wear earrings of the leg lately I think it’s moving around like I think I think I think I think over time maybe that’s like a thing that triggers men to like be fascinated like they’re like dogs or cats
shaking your head
I got it
begin here in the back is that you I’m sure that’s absolutely true cuz I just realized we talked about makeup on the show that’s like makeup is like she said she’s at cuz it’s young it’s it’s a it’s young young girls have longer will as women get older they shoot their hair gets more prevalent and unmanageable and they tend to go with the shorter stuff and so yeah everything is sort of female Beauty are somehow rooted in puberty are somehow rooted it like bruises just flushed cheeks and lipstick is flesh the lips and it’s all it’s all basically your ear you spend your life chasing this image of a of the most inappropriate thing in the world which is a a cusping biological female specimen. Okay, let’s do the world’s only one liner Shadowrun set it up
pretty content with
icky stuff
sex is a key
Marge Wentworth Georgia how old are you when you yeah when you’re when you’re little when you had your first experience with you to the school but there’s a kid on a bus who is older he just had went to the amazing school as a kid in his birth for his birthday I think he was ten or left twelve maybe they’d given him his parents are giving him a subscription to Playboy for his birthday so this kids I’ve never seen this before and the kid had a thing he wasn’t breathing for show-and-tell that it was just he had it was bring it to school and it’s wrapped in paper and took it out and he showed it to us and I was like what the hell is that and we just went through it and explain the whole concept to me in that sort of what it was and then later
that week I think a dinner my parents asked me about school and then ask her out like everyday is like your birthday is coming up what you want and I asked for a subscription to play
measured fashion-related went through it so clearly Avenue
they said how did you and I told him the story I just told you and it said alright well we’ll see what we can do and in my head I think I mean just being my age now and imagine them being buried her that time for whatever reason they had to apply quit until I left the room with his high five each other subscription to must divert us must be why chickens were attacking this area cuz we were remember the episode where we did Labyrinth that she was talking about Lab Rats but we were I mean she’s really like like that movie was like her she was describing like being in the theater with her parents watching Labyrinth and you know that a certain point in that movie like her physically like Awakening like her cheeks flushing and like
her Nethers tingling and like I call them is another’s cuz it’s like a program on Minecraft if you didn’t go to the nether there’s like a she can remember the actual like moments of like oh my God my my body and it does like literally happen over night like like literally overnight like puberty half a friend of mine Samantha seems like 11 or 12 into a Prince concert and she’s told me she looks like I was standing there watching Prince on stage and I had an orgasm when I stood there and she’s like I didn’t know what was happening but later on I would have come to understand like what that was the first time I came by just by standing there watching us
I was watching Pam Dawber and it was but I was like I think I could have been watching anything because it was really more about like I was like laying I would lay supine is that what it’s called on your stomach and it was like a laying after school alone and in my mom’s apartment in like I was just like watching working Mindy and is just going like this and I was like
and nothing ready everybody to get those gifts ready and nothing nothing that you know I like looked I looked to see if anything had cuz I was like is that what I think that was nothing had happened but it felt like something that you would want to do forever so so I have that and then from that moment until around 39 like a pretty much just like dedicated to making that feeling happen over and over again in there cuz I remember like that very week like I could within it within a few days I was like I’m just going to keep doing this over and over again and I remember being really excited that nothing with the system getting really graphic but I just I remember being really stoked that nothing was coming out because I thought I was like cheating the system because I was like I wasn’t touching myself
I already had like Shane loaded into my mind about like that one day I was going to start touching myself and if that was my mom would would say like it’s going to be a natural thing it was like permission to touch myself and I didn’t touch myself I just pumped a pillow and thought about Pam Dawber and then I had this amazing feeling I’m like
I’m the king of the world like I would just like a run home from school as fast as I could on my friends would be like don’t you want to stay at his school work now to slam lock the door it is
and then slowly but surely a word as like a starting with like one little drop coming out of his remember like every every successive like a little tonight and a very special heart attack telling you for those 11 year olds listening it’s all downhill from there
just just just keep doing that and like don’t involve other people we have 8 billion too many and just just eat cookies and watch Morgan doing well we got to the bottom of some stuff I think
typically stuff that we’ve already gotten to the bottom of I guess but it’s worth going there again sometimes I think it was a nice
fantastic
we got to ship a good shot of vitamin D from Dave client money is
but you know I’ve always had eyes like like like this if it was a problem with me is like I always like when I was a kid on the playground if people would pick up me I would never cry and then when the guy would come over and say stop picking at him and start bawling because I feel so ashamed of myself for needing to be stuck up for Enzo it when Dave Dave came up and was like come on Holcombe
I almost started crying. It’s terrible if that got a show.
How do you say set me up for failure you know that my back is hamburger but that’s an actual back problems in your life
how about some good old-fashioned butt-chugging
when the can hurt man to marry Wade in the show
Rain that everyone does that
Kumon
Eric black and the show left
everybody 543
Emily everybody pleased to welcome her
I love you Aaron pirate
bedtime stories Brown
bring a little sad baby

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