Episode: 208 – Kratom Barrel

Episode

Episode: 208 – Kratom Barrel

Description

Dan riffs on what happens when Michael Winslow goes to war with Radiohead. Later on, transgender back rubs. Watch the video at harmontown.com/live!

Transcript

oh yeah Outside Lands San Francisco
current temp
parmesan fresh in the ladies room
all right it doesn’t ring a bell as a classic joke I really all right well
Let’s see. We saw a Radiohead Outside Lands they’re not at all the song from like an 80s like heavy metal bands like Lake and I kept I kept I was like get it I was get really high and I was singing a song I made up in my head. It’s a real song but I guess I did I come here a little early just let me just check my hair
oh my God lyrics
Radio Rock Radio
used to transmit in rock and roll I got a Radiohead can we get the person that made the it gets worse song who put the put the put that to a beats and and get give me some happy guitar on that one it was beyond the lights you have beautiful sweet spot then we got into a limo getting back from the airport today and then
started is yelling at his laptop and we didn’t know it was going on but you lost a jetpack in Minecraft
I went I went to the nether with my Jetpack cuz I wanted to get a broken spawners so that I could make a powered spawner with Enderman in it so I could Harvest ender pearls in like like like ratchet up my game a little bit and I started burrowing through a wall of Netherrack and was just blithely cockley like this to chim chiminy in along and and then I like I got that got buried in lava and I lost my Jetpack and then I went and then I went back to my base and I try to make another jetpack I need appliances to do that and then I forgot that I was using a tier-1 industrialcraft metal former with it hooked up to a c e s u which is a tear to power source and former blew up
ASU was a tier 2 power transformer then forgot to put an I was former operating to the cattle farmer has exploded before you figured that out about three or four that is a lot of iron if I’m not mistaken that’s okay cuz I have that Iron Horse
all right well okay so so that doesn’t Amaze you I just will
we were Amazed by that I kind of a crappy attitude something wrong like while I was like grabbing my laptop on the plane and I cracked my thumbnail a little bit like it’s just a little like like chippy thing where it was like wherever you put your and it’s going to get snagged you know that kind of thing nothing that big a deal but I had to be taken care of so we’re waiting for it for you cuz I ain’t happening we are waiting by the door I have fingernail clippers might be a little gross but it’s LAX who cares like I’ll go over to the weight of the garbage canno be very discreet and I’ll just like clip a little bit some people are very different people have different triggers you know is likely clicks for some people the sight or sound of somebody pooping their picking up his fucking like awful disgusting for them other people you don’t know so I tried I went I went I went over to a garbage can away from everybody else and I just very discreetly as I can just give me one of them now and I and I clipped and it went shooting like a rocket
just missed someone’s head like that was sitting and I just like ignored it
I’m amazed pelted somebody with a fingernail like insane like I was I just ate on a funnel cake in like peanut butter and chocolate real bad heartburn but Radiohead nut they’re not they’re not they’re not they’re not acoustic had been at the Pixies they fucking they have radios foreheads there like they’re they are a rock and radio roll
the different one shot station
the song sung by Starscream from the Decepticons
on the way out to San Francisco you know you go up to the kiosk right before the X-ray machines and everybody’s using the QR codes things now and and it doesn’t work everybody else goes through guys like real cranky and he goes because it’s not working is not reading your thing and I’m like well I like I like well do you have a paper ticket and I said no is like well that’s weird
what’s so weird so weird tonight because when we made the decision to maybe cut down a few less trees by putting by using bucking cold electric plants till I get on the plane and get out like oh yeah it would be weird to not do both so very weird to not like cut down a tree turn that into a ticket and then also have like a power plant chug into your phone and then also use a real weird fucking day how about how about you stick to what’s Isis and what’s not Isis and I’ll I’ll tell you what you weird you fucking fake cop
fucking weird weird weird fake cop with a baggy ass uniform there is a baggie and dirty
crackhead misshapen grekin top rejects every every every single one of them either either at the bottom of their life or walking a razor thin line between my friend
oh yeah TSA Pre shirtless with a vampire in our kitchen sure
can you use TSA Pre does anybody subjecting ourselves to that was wondering about that I was supposed to be I know it looks great and make it look great because they have a whole Lane that they’re not using and they what’s up it’s not convenient are you at
ask for a wheelchair you can smuggle drugs if you got a wheelchair
I found the best ways to get through security fast is be Seth Rogen I just had a can of it I said a broken pinky toe and I’ve got a write-up in Iraq veteran both legs when I was like I just have a little boo boo
my other walkie right through
so you get you guys know what i perplexia is oh yeah
girlfriend teaching autistic kids and she’s talking about which is like the opposite of Dyslexia I guess that’s where you can read really fast especially in chat like it’s really cool kids in childhood like like that read really fast but you have low comprehension you don’t actually know what you’re reading and I always thought I was like oh yeah I can read really well but I can’t I have to read like if I if I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to move your lips when you read I would absolutely move my lips because I told me how fast I can understand anything here to my head when I get to read I could read like a page I’m just not have any retention wonder if I’m high perplexing will not be cool that’ll be amazing I was high perplexit so cool
call the toilet is office was to is 55 and like hung out with teenagers who are 38 you just lived in lived in your attic and and just told everyone to sit on it all the time did I sit on my dick
rape culture man
in the seventies Garry Marshall just passed away why are we laughing stop it way to go you fucking ghouls I’m sure 75% of you have never seen an episode of Happy Days in their life what is the capital of Iraq
I’ll say it was two seasons before the shark Amazon
I met the guy that coined that phrase he’s at he’s on the stern right starting to start Windows network shows it’s okay Grandpa all right well as seriously that’s it that’s all I got that’s it that’s all
that’s what happened I did a whole thing where I did a Michael Winslow meets Radiohead thing
yeah he do it again I did I tried to do so much again already. It was full of Camp was flying the helicopter having a leaf blower going to helicopter made of can openers
okay okay so he has to start each electric can opener to make the helicopter get going and then he’s going to use a leaf blower to attack Radiohead
did somebody actually say why why even think about it is that how high are the stakes is that why why why I actually know the answer is her because Morgan Freeman
you just confusing people like I just don’t have to recreate the dumb
you can just have to take on a trip
signature. Halfway through
alicopter made of electric can openers to answer your questions answers because Radiohead and Michael Winslow both operate in the field of phonics sound and Radiohead Michael Winslow mistakenly feels is use abusing sound because they’re using electronics and things against that feels that sound that he’s both of them are locked and it flood dichotomy what happens is they learn to overcome their differences because there’s a third like truly evil force that they have to unite but I no spoilers okay okay but this is like the we find Michael Winslow going to his helicopter pad at Michael Winslow Manor
did he make that sound
helicopter made of can openers
if you’re not ready
that’s weird
what the fuck
everything in its right place let’s get back to things whatever the lead singer of my name is the bass player if we have a base
what is it Tyler
are you sure we should we go check to make sure Michael Winslow is truly taken out you saw the explosion
Mouse noise one
twig
microphone tiny Jambox speaker
ad hoc strange phonic based first aid technique in which the sound of my healing but it’s not going to feel good
stop the bleeding
let’s go back to the dressing room. Come on man
take it easy take it easy no
I think there’s been a big misunderstanding and if we all just remember that we both enjoy the nuances of sound the sound of them they did
just beat them up silently sorry
what the fuck
everybody go outside under the deck look it’s a giant sing I’m so exhausted I’m not going to make anything up
it’s a giant we’re together
see you next summer
the third iPad third acted in
attendance attendance Rush towards the End by Steven Tyler
yep yep yep
at your local produce section I found someone sucking
I just I just remembered there’s some produce in their lyrics and I got excited okay alright alright there’s still no show there’s no show that was a brief distraction but I have some gas in and they canceled
we’re going to be great what happened to them
so yeah we probably is and they were going to join us in there they’re kind of an unpredictable combo many times good at being on the wagon yeah I don’t know I’m not going to die I’m I’m I’m not going to wait we will talk to him about that when he comes you know he’s a good guy and a great California hotel
we were there doing an event for ABC and he tried his hardest to get in bed with me and I was asleep and he ordered everything on the room service menu everything he ordered everything that is on the menu he ordered it up there and then just left did he eat the food is as much as my shoe
he ordered a thousand people’s worth of food and then just ate like a bite of a cheeseburger
but he’s wanted to make love to you
he was in my car one time
and his son was in the back and his son what I think was not quite twenty one yet I think you like 19 or 20 we’re going to a bar so I can get Andy and his underage son in the back of my new Lexus and any pulled out of his coat Heineken the size of a cat
he posed with a giant you know kind of like a big ass beer and opens it up in my face every is about the windshield every of the interior of my car is covered and warm Heineken phone
it’s night time or driving on Hollywood Boulevard and he is got the he’s got the door open I’m driving down the street at full volume
play everybody’s help you with that then we come to a stop around Hollywood and Vine like maybe Argyle summer I guess who I’m fucking don’t don’t I’m looking in the rearview mirror at his son and me and he’s like a crying baby the Behind Enemy Lines in Vietnam
so he opens the door and start screaming the n-word at this middle-aged gentleman season
car is covered in my car now smells like a bar on Vine and we get in there and I was so bummed out and Andy wants him to have a broken finger and if you ask him why he doesn’t know he does remember how he got it he’s got a broken index finger on his left hand he sees a girl sitting with a cocktail and he puts in her vodka on the rocks and then picks it up and walks off with it and it’s girls
do you know who Andy Dickerson
turn to his son is it I’m going to beat your father up tonight and you’re going to either help me or watch as I will help you will be here next weekend
look like a comedy team a lot of people don’t know that they used to do like a two-man comedy act where Randy would hit do you know as hard as he could get a boner or something I don’t know what the punch line was going to ask him in the federal adios why was it called
skull skull juice gross
all right well who here who here has a problem that needs to be solved
young lady that your hand when a person is he glasses if you would you want to come up and share your problem
what’s your name Adam
Gabrielle hello is it okay is it vijender the economy okay I know I can help with that
You Can’t Touch This
the trans Community loves me they trust me like behind. If you need help with that logo to I sure as hell hope you I have chronic pain the right side of my body and how you can help hit you very hard on the left side of your body

it’s like you don’t realize you just think you’re lazy in like need to work out more so it’s like eventually came on like all of a sudden like when I was like like 20 or something I started realizing like my body kind of sucks are you currently in pain right now it hurts like a great year it’s like it gets better or like
it gets better and worse for the same thing it’s not one size do you know what it is
I told you we could help you
we’re going to go as long as you guys are okay to coming one person that’s that’s that’s made of two left sides we have the solution
Marina Marina Marina sorry I kind of sucked you up here like I didn’t I didn’t make sure that you will be okay coming up at 8
Lyme disease and so I’ve had to have multiple surgeries on my nerve pain all throughout the right side of my body for it then to doctors just like you in and out of different pain clinics and stuff but I finally found something that works.
I’m sorry if things so it kind of my body and feel like it becomes hard to it it kind of goes up into my shoulder like it starts like down around this area comes up goes into my shoulder and then my neck hurts so much it kind of like next might had all foggy all the time and so
massage therapist as well I just have to like try something I’m sure I don’t know if I can drop this okay is there a waiver that we have to we are not at we’re not a medical clinic this is all on her okay you are you are surrendering your your your your safety to her
oh no why is my package getting interrupted shut up just shut up and listen to me tell you about me and he’s really feel better than choice is the softest cotton because they’re made of this thing homo do you know I can use a thing if you go to the indeed.com app harmontown you can get 20% off discount on your first order and tears the creepy weird thing that I feel guilty telling you about if you get your first pair of new undies and you don’t like them or if you say you don’t like them that you keep up they don’t want your shity dirty underwear back so obviously you they’re telling you it’s on us meundies is made from modal fabric that’s twice as soft as cotton let that sink in that’s twice as soft as whatever underwear you’re wearing right now this is an instant opportunity to upgrade your crotch Comfort by 200% by doing nothing
if you’re with somebody has driven by a surface value stuff me a news comes in a variety of colors and styles and things they keep changing and they keep coming out with new ones it’s like it’s like belonging to like a kind of wine of the month club that there’s no commitment or anything I’m just saying you could just convert your underwear value system to a me and he’s based one and you’re going to you’re not going to be sacrificing any sense of style or anything like they’re they’re they’re on top of that crap up for free that guarantee 100% satisfaction do you know what that means it means if you don’t love your first pair which you well you can keep it for free that’s right nobody wants your used underwear back and you can not pay for them if you truly lie and say you don’t like them no questions asked nothing to lose they’re not going to send anybody and call you on your bullshit which it will be but you find your broke its a bad economy do the millennial generation was lied to you were sold a ball feeling good not by the
pictures that that that raised you we just tried to do right we had overbearing baby boomer parents who who impose themselves on every aspect of culture to the point where the only thing we could do to Rebelle was stick your hands in her Pockets look down at the floor and say I don’t care about anything I’m literally not going to shower or change my clothes ever and I’m going to kill myself when I’m 27 and if I don’t keep it legit like Cobain I’m going to turn 37 I’m going to have a fucking kid and I’m going to be their best friend and I’m going to ruin their mind I’m never going to hit them so they’re not going to know what pain feels like their playground and I got to be a huge population explosion second only to the Baby Boomers so they’re not going to have food or water or fresh air or money and then they’re going to be told it doesn’t matter how much you monitor each other’s language there’s a fascist running for president and you can’t stop it there’s nothing you can do no amount of hashtag will keep people from being racist you done for
you got to care about your soul but hey that’s all the more reason to care about something as shallow as your underwear Comfort because the world is going to end in your lifetime guarantee it may be a Waterworld thing where you have to grow gills these underwear will work great in that environment it could be a road warrior thing or you’re like eating flesh an outfit in your car with a cow catcher made of baby skulls these underwear will work great for that or everything could just keep staying the same and we could slowly burned into an ember as the sun stops being mitigated by forever deprecating ozone layer these underwear will be great for that too no matter what apocalypse you are millennial generation at has been sold where the underwear that makes you feel like you might live to see tomorrow this is how underwear should be we’re always complaining about no jetpack no flying cars no pills for breakfast is made from modal a fabric that looks
cotton and says so what and when’s the last time Titans had that said to it cotton is bullshit it’s going to Legacy of hatred and shame to it it started as a really important textile that we had to use slave labor to harvest Industrial Revolution we figured out how we didn’t need slaves anymore at least who is Ron look what happened we were so fucking fucked the only good thing about it is that we made a lot of new friends you know politically speaking but I’m telling you in the long run cotton evil made from Hitler and the devil modal no such Legacy we don’t know what it is it’s because he made from the spit of angels it’s probably just something like hydroponics store that’s just like a fruit of our new changing time I bet if you looked into it you’d find that Moto probably has less of a carbon footprint I’m not going to I’m not going to I’m not going to wait for you to look that up and and you’re not going to you have other shit to do
well you do it treat your balls anus and crotch the big three right by draping them and something twice as soft as cotton meundies.com harmontown go there right now for your free shipping 20% discount and hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed first pair of undies meundies underwear you just got advertised
I thought I thought for sure it was just that I think I might be able to help you I was like if she said squarespace.com we’re going to be rich
to the break-in time
yeah get off my leg that doesn’t hurt deep tissue get inside get Gabrielle’s neck with your fingers Marina yeah yo Marina means house on the water
yeah
yeah how to inform Spanish rapper
Marina means place where you keep a boat right now she’s going to help float into Gabriella was pain
and win the game with her healing fingertips fuck your mama so hard if I start feeling back to gabbs hits
welcome to experience Marina did you learn all this stuff because you had pain and they went to the doctor and they’re like I don’t know you figure it out
I did learn because of an injury I was they used to run track and my my friend was teaching me how to do it but he was like a foot taller than me I was trying to run a hurdle and I tore my hamstring and the trainer is there and pick me up then it was awesome and she just worked my legs magical why do I do this every single day and so I went to school for it and it was awesome you got really comfortable with your body because and
just when you show up for class
work on each other you work in Little Tokyo
future writer for cracked.com now and the research to but you know with all this stuff I can’t do massage so much anymore but you said you said that hell yeah it does
transform edea really pisses me off
there’s a there’s a nice thing though I’m not on not on nearly so many painkillers they used to be because I discovered something really awesome super into a lot of alternative medicine is bulshit but there’s actually a really good thing called Kratom from I’ve been making this tincture out of it and it’s totally works I have some with me if you would like to try it
can you tell us more white Kratom is it a planet made out of
college expenses but if it was it was just one of those countries over there somewhere around the Golden Triangle countries
places that you just still go but said the government was actually providing a lot of this opium and they were just covering the people were chewing the leaves of the Kratom trees grew just everywhere and they were not addicted to Opium anymore because it actually works to get you off of it so they made it illegal and also sort of chopping down all the trees so that they could go get people who create Kratom k r a t o n people are still kind of
getting high on this is not going to bode well I guess you off of opium if you’re not on opium do you think it makes you on it a little bit are you holding right now
where can I get some kratom in this town is my question
is it online or something that may make it you can also go to Crate & Barrel right is a
Adam Goldberg isn’t here anymore but I do doubt
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes relate to my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerves like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
Gabrielle back to you is there anything like that goes beyond your chronic pain like what what else is going on with existential change my ponytail must be great yes Nom Nom I’ll call you tomorrow if you want your mom to find out
I told him to read through text and nuns like smoking sign but also like a dick in the eggplant then Where Do We Go From Here Kratom I still okay so it’s still at you can still get it in the United States like through like websites and stuff and it’s like I was sick currently currently still illegal to sort of 00 fighter a bottlenose dolphin to the shark
Michael Winslow to Opium the Radiohead
pain clinics pretty fantastic you can make it at home very easily I’ve just you just happen to have like a hundred ninety proof corn liquor you know laying around so it’s changed my life completely
highly illegal
are you are you a longtime fan of Wonder Woman as a as a miss or are you have you been recently converted by the superman and batman movie or did you just like the way they sure do look term
comic book nerd big time for games Comics yeah thank you I’m I bet that it would be over 70% on Rotten Tomatoes with my friend I got two pizzas what’s your what’s your side of the bed on Wonder Woman Wonder Woman who’s the director of Patty Jenkins rollerball roller coaster think I was reading an article now but I guess it says it’s no accident that the thing now is to take like a rockstar
which are probably almost as hit-and-miss really is anybody else in these giant what they call tentpole movies so they’re good because they’re so expensive and they come with the ability to do know I’m the I need five years and I need you to get out of my face I’d say they’re working with first timers a lot like they’re like really like like green directors and they’re having just as much success and failure really it’s as yeah I don’t know I thought that was interesting was like I didn’t know this was like part of a big like see change but that’s that’s what it is that they fail that Batman versus Superman and then the telling them they wanted it so immediate with Suicide Squad
nothing open their eyes to the importance of the rating like Deadpool I mean that’s like that’s such an easy thing to talk about now it’s just good luck is it like what is it going to be rated R or not cuz if it is if it’s the word edgy is going to be in the in the in the menu and it’s not going to be rated R then you you might as well embrace the non Edge you know I think what was the what was the second what was the Heath Ledger Batman movies at PG-13 I guess the key is not sexual murder people
yeah I don’t spoil anything for anybody but Suicide Squad but I seen it so far he’s got some good ass holes from the trailer like I was never like I was never a movie was about a fun car ride to work I don’t know Harley Quinn like I mean like actualize the Harley Quinn song Harley Quinn how much can you make her appropriate before she stops being Harley Quinn like
watching the trailer was like I was like wow I thought I thought I thought she was a guilty pleasure character I thought I thought she was sort of like liquid another female character in Suicide Squad movie
what should I do if I’m if I’m if I’m enjoying her like and that really the only place I’ve consumed her is Batman Arkham video games lately like that’s that’s where I ate that’s where my relationship with Harley Quinn happened okay I get it
it’s like I would say this is fine as long as you put a bunch of post post post on the front of whatever this is like it’s both post post post or whatever cuz she’s like the archetype of like the you know she is really supportive as a girlfriend but I’m going to Absolute self-destruction of it she has no identity of her own and so but then we’ve got so they’re making her it’s almost looks like she’s the protagonist of Suicide Squad
Smith was really kind of playing himself more than Deadshot weirdly enough spends most of the movie without his mask, excuse the entire time and the thing is Suicide Squad I don’t think this will spoil too much
the ultimate moral of the story in the end that is totally okay to the good guy is okay with his daughter doing trigonometry by talking about shooting people from buildings it’s like I will submit moral family man and his dad shot is he his whole character is he’s good at shooting right A Beautiful Mind in the background
does he have like a little baby shot good daughter is that what year is there like like like like like like
and she knew she was spoiled something but at one point the moving you know I just don’t want my daughter to think I’m I just want to do something to my daughter doesn’t think I’m a piece of shit even though I murder people for money I want look like a piece of shit well yeah
throughout the whole movie because if it would stay consistent that would have been cool if you know but instead of kind of tries to make you feel good about that missing the part of him that is a murderer
you know they try to give you a call right at the end of the Steve Jobs
connect Marine I got the pain in my neck right now much solar to the Marvel’s X-Men Universe it’s like oh what it was like how that gets you to what about the villains in super what if you ask Superman to kill Isis and he won’t do it because that’s wrong like that he would just want to arrest them and I got going like Lego Batman doesn’t follow orders and Superman such a Boy Scout like like like wave how about some of these people that those guys don’t get along with the president to kill lice
I got to take care of by the Superman Superman and Batman
are the DC Universe I don’t know if it’s nice to give Aquaman to try to tell you how I feel bad tomorrow
I’m an additional landlocked near the Euphrates river and you know I would go like look at Google
that was a president running for president
re-election for you or the guy got busy trying to get reelected
you asked me what I don’t know is a tough question that was surprised by it I don’t know I guess who do you think what’s a villain or team is is best equipped to kill Isis
push it straight up Godzilla’s are Godzilla movie the the one that’s like Matthew Broderick the Japanese they said they just keep on making the movies end in that movie They said that that Godzilla in Godzilla Matthew like American just assumed with a Godzilla because it was a big lizard and so they just kill it on grandma just like that wasn’t a real I mean I never understand how those movies are connected like Marvel’s doing a little better job of of of of making sure you get the you know
I do the DC this is seems like they’re they’re kind of rooting for either over the other hand just keep making comic books movies that I would rather than that you know the historical period pieces get Gabriella if if if you hire Godzilla to go in and take care of Isis can you give Godzilla instructions or is he just going to do his own shit how do you give him operational like I don’t have a favorite food you just like put in Godzilla movie
got this weird Green Ranger vs Atlanta live JoJo American bad guy and make sure you bring it to me like least like their original movie King Kong and then also the 80s Jeff Bridges one he’s like really in do women like like play William Gately to like like so he probably would I think you could turn him loose on the Middle East as well like like if you had an enemy but I don’t I think there’d be a lot of collateral damage I just don’t know you know their comic that oh yeah it was like a Frank Miller comic where it was originally like Batman kills the Arcada or something
BS what how do you do it I don’t know
okay
I don’t have a show so you might as well ask a tenant
job that you would tolerate doing the worst job that I would tolerate doing dance specifically you’re asking me this question is what’s the worst job ever really interesting question because it isn’t what’s the worst jobs at the worst like I don’t know what’s really this is the lowest I’ll tolerate any needs to be explored they’re like like like like this is a $15 minimum wage is all you can have the worst thing you would say okay I’ll get up at every morning and do this thing below that is a job
fuck it I won’t do it but I won’t do it anyone I’d rather die if you can eat shit for $4 an hour you can eat humans shit-faced more never want to be a criminal but I don’t want to eat the shit in like so I don’t know I’m just trying to adjust I want to be able to answer the question like dutifully and I like I was a dishwasher and I was awful at it but I kept trying to be good at it night I like I don’t know I mean it was pretty it was I just I was good at it if I thought I could have could have gotten good at it I think I could have kept you
because it would be like oh it but but but I know there’s worse jobs cuz like Jay Johnston like used to be worth it at fucking shit plant he worked at the place where they clean the shit and shrub worked at a place in Beeville where you squeeze scrub the rims of Tanks where they keep the shit
get a tank in the answer is because it’s got to be boundaries you know they could I guess it’s like the outside be cleaned why should the place where the tank is be clean why should the city B clean I guess we got to the point where we needed to build a shit tank I feel like we’re going to break up what’s going on a separate ways let’s stick to try one of a hundred people yardstick that’s like like I had for me it was like because you can’t remember more than a hundred people’s name there was somebody asked me because I was we were in San Francisco and before that we were in Montreal and so I’ve been experienced have a lot of like people recognizing be coming up to me and saying thank you you helped me through a lot or why.
take a picture with you just like people just like attention that you don’t you don’t normally get in the course of your day-to-day life and somebody said how do you what do you what do you think about that what is that do you get bored with that do you not like that I was like I think it’s kind of like I think it’s like vitamin C I think it’s something that that everyone else gets like like zero of I think I think I think you’re supposed to get it like like 10 times a day. I’m not using vitamin C is in an algae any more like a tribe of like a hundred people I think that every single person equally whether you were the guy that made the shoes of the person that made the roofs or the that I was trying to sound like gender gender gender the woman that made the big pipes that there was a welding the guy that cut all the hair like beam of light
but if you’re if you’re if you’re that if everybody would would would get that kind of like like like everybody would want with know each other’s name and everybody would be like they wouldn’t say hey can I take a selfie with you but it would be the same energy acknowledge acknowledge what you do thank you Glenn for my kids today or whatever etcetera everybody everybody would have that feeling several times a day are the only people that actually get it I like Brad Pitt and like like like Donald Trump or use is is is a thing that you should actually like get a dose of and then we should have like a it’s like communism but for for empaths are popular, biologically tool is 300 million to a t p r
are you still there still dates are muscle cells in our nerve cells in our brain cells are still think that we’re a chimp that recently learned to talk about swinging sticks around that’s actually true that I’ve read that according to certain study is your brain can only difference the different sizes of brains can only recognize them as the same species so the number 4 hours is 165 mi we don’t play the sound of six million people laugh because then we go there quite those the ghost of the Holocaust why did you pick that number
any number of that number of 165 people is literally not human a job cleaning out the poop tank like the other guy that was a hippo or your own way to be a burglar or a pickpocket or a Safecracker whatever would you pick up job or poo poo poo Chang cannot find your own adventure crime I have to head to do something illegal
I don’t want to go commit crimes every other people steal the property I will I will do the I don’t know I don’t think I’d be a good bank robbery
what’s a $20 questions about like standard of living from from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.
you ask me these questions and then you just Irish robbing me man
shrouded bro
do that and then I come home and I can support a partner yes Offspring I mean a a livable wage but does that really mean it just livable wage cuz we may just not going to be living high on the kids don’t cry they got they got they got the Optimus Prime and Bumblebee I think it I think it depends on how much retirement I mean to be able to clean that poop tank for 30 years or am I a sucker if I do it for 20 and then they told me about your age poop Tech job that you never going to be rich but you will always
assumptions about it yeah I would I would I would I would want to try that if that really if I really was had a had a guarantee of I cute I can just do this every day and there’s a certain amount of years I can do it when I get the pocket watch in the pension and by the way by the way that’s now that’s the problem was what people are waking up to is that you can’t Blue Sky Universe where you could do that but my some Lego world where you’re like I’m at home cleaning guy and I know I just do that that’s the problem is that then Flint Michigan goes like no fuck you you don’t make cars anymore in lake lake lake lake and people are always going to have to clean poop tanks go poops I guess I was going to happen when two different conversations are trigonometric like a circus like everything being equal just so we can focus on the thing I would choose but then if we were just living in reality how I understand this country.
22 operates and I think I would I would choose the crime job because I know that the poop tank job is going to be very much very similar to living in prison light lake lake lake where I am only just working to stay out of trouble and I’m only getting enough money to to stay in debt and that and that and that I’m not going to be able to support my kids eventually something is there going to be a curve balls thrown and I’m going to be told to go fuck myself like I’ve knowing that that’s going to happen because we’ve wrapped those like there’s no guarantee that it’s early I’m just saying like like like like knowing is a subjective person that that I don’t think I think the myths of retirement in the mist of that that that that job is or I would I would I would go I’m a smart guy I could probably figure out how to steal shit from people that deserve to have stolen from them and like I said I’ll do it once once I get caught and go to jail it’ll be a lot like clean and shit tanks
criminals right now y’all coming I was like I want to I want I want to do this because it’s a bad thing but I also think there’s a lot of like terrible people sociopathic go like well I mean I think we’re severely lacking to in our national psyche and it’s a syndrome it’s a whole thing like there is no there is no signal of this is what Integrity is sent down from the top there’s no it starts with the you look up above you and you see people are greedy and horrible to get away with murder the fuck they want and then and they don’t they don’t they don’t they don’t share their profits and they don’t they don’t they don’t make any promises that they can keep and I’d say you go like I don’t want it doesn’t start with like I’m so mad and I’m going to get my that starts with I don’t want to be a sucker I don’t want to like do this for fifteen years and then get fucked over like so you got somebody goes like hey I I could I could you know if you take this off the top you can sell it and like you let your family
can get a saying like I basically saw line movie so I don’t know what the actual but I never stopped
shoplifting couple candy bars as far as people talk to General people of shoplifting a lot more than I have five times I was like do you know what you’re doing and I was like taking candy raise the prices of the candy and all that yeah and I was like I wish I didn’t I never got like ashamed for it
and that day is like that face and I still wear like you I just had this is we have this power for the first time in your life you have access to Lake Social Capital figured out the secret path and then I got caught crying a lot and then 18 years old
if I’m lucky I got I got caught stealing when I was five is it stepped on it
I took a test and it was going on I had to Jack them Marina Style

there was there was massage involved cuz I don’t know if I can make you throw up yeah there you go yeah I totally approve
store and stole a 5lb bag of jelly beans cuz I was very ambitious and a teddy bear to the grocery store right
behind the barrier against my chest and I made it I got out and went home and went inside the size Sesame Street 10 in my bedroom and I had no patience I open the bag and I didn’t realize this but I left like a trail of jelly beans to the tent so my baby go back to the store after giving me a long lecture about how I had tarnished the family name
and just dragged through the mud and we lived in a very small I I grew up in a fishing Village and so everybody knew everybody so it was Wonder Woman
for that
moral lessons when I was about to say a little person for the first time in my life I didn’t think he was real I thought he was a puppet that somebody had just in genius Lee designed to walk on its own so I just was just a little briefcase
April I was just marveling over this mechanical man and you know making a scene and my mom made me get up off the subway Seton offer my seat to him even though he already had a seat of his own these are these are padded with Revenge we have a family named protection we dragged the name of it all the way to robot right away again
I like baby
there was a there was a guy in South Milwaukee do you want to go
damn it what was his name it was something he was what do the title is that like like do you want to go to this McDonald’s it was all Donald’s in South Milwaukee and he’s the brown I I was talking like scared spitless by the concept of a little anything when I was a kid I I don’t I had nightmares about the marionette puppets and and and regular puppets and just anything small like I just I just thought was trying to kill me I like dolls and things I just I just terrified of all of them and there was a guy named Billy the brownie that hung out at the McDonald’s by my grandma would make it seem like he was part of the McDonald’s Mythos but he wasn’t
I guess I Grew Older I was like wait I had a right to be freaked out there no Billy the brownie in these commercials this was just a freaking dude like like like that like like in that Donald Sutherland movie like no I don’t look now but it was like it was like dresses a brownie and he would come to your table and I like the Fairy like the like the mythical creature sorry I didn’t clarify that I meet you at yeah Billy the brownie or like like a little person he was a little person and he would dress like a grandma maybe just called him Billy the brownie
it sounds like she created you don’t dress like a like a like maybe have his breakfast in a truck driver
grandma called him Billy the Brown beat me and Billy the brownie were both being abused by my grandma like like like like like to hear talk to him he’s Billy the county and I’m like what the fuc and he’s like what the fuck I was real scared of Billy the brownie the marionette doll that my mom had in the closet that she called clemency Clemens who had this is like I said weird like like like what is that like it’s like it was like it’s a paper mache but like hard and it was like I had a little little straw hat on and just fucked up like look it up but she’s like bring it out once in awhile and being like this horrible little murderer Freddy Krueger Rings coming out of every joint
everything about it it’s fucking terrified and then she’s like oh it’s okay okay okay you know my clemency Clements is just in there like like like like something about me and I’m the one go back to sleep in this plastic container across from his bed
Clement like a hobby of hers I don’t know if my mom made them it’s more like a horror movie
I’m going to have nightmares about clemency clemency picturing the closet and the Tupperware character that was like a little puppet that was like I guess it was because of mr. Rogers you had like the little puppet current characters and I like Boomerang Boomerang Boomerang and there was a there was a version of her in my nightmares the venting me I always had a recurring nightmare where I’d be like it would be like you know it was like a black background with one of those Dreamscapes and it’s midnight and our grandfather clock
and he strikes midnight strikes midnight he shoots arrows into my body and I get struck by twelve arrows is a recurring nightmare I have
who is the critical hit
okay alright I don’t know what y’all know about that plane crashes on a deserted island
165 people and because Seth Rogen’s not on the flight
what are the government look like
the plant the plane happens to crash on a desert island
oh I know you get washed up your Island was on the moon like the promise of harmontown
yeah I don’t know I mean
bright lights
people on the island for you. How many are there of us tonight here
thing is what if someone’s being a real dick that’s the that’s the whole problem with the justice system of any government is that we always conceive of like what if someone’s being a real dick and then we go like okay well if that happens then we’ll do this to them and then we wait for someone to be a real dick and then we do that to them and it’s always and that’s about 1% of the cases and the rest of it is like well I was hungry I needed bread but I didn’t mean it I thought it was mine and other shit and then everyone’s calling each other being a real dick and they’re still using the same mentality that’s like I just I guess I would try to figure out beforehand I mean like like when we start our moon Colony I just I’m just going to bring like only beta people like I’m going to still going to be screened for the inability to to a grass so that we can all just like cuz we had a we had a fun experience where we were shuffling around what was it Montreal
do you know the decisions and we would be tumble weeds and stuff in the mounting things like stress it’s like we don’t know what we’re doing when we’re doing like Cody has like confided to me in the past like sometimes I’ll try to do a little baby when I’m like walking around with her and like it without realizing it and then sometimes she’ll be doing that to me and like like like cuz it’s like there’s usually like a like someone in the group that’s like you no more comfortable having opinions and let’s go here let’s go there I don’t like but as we were just we just happen to be with a group of like five or six people and none of them were that that person and we were just kind of drifted for a while like a garbage bag and American Beauty and wigs
but we were still there was still cohesion and then over there there’s like mounting point of frustration or you could just almost feel like you can feel like Spencer was doing the opposite of a shark or he was circling the idea of leaving expensive register or something I don’t remember I don’t know
I just don’t I don’t know man like cuz the thing is like people people are people are people are monsters like they like the little kind of like they don’t I don’t know I don’t even know what I don’t know if I believe in people anymore I feel like how to tell if your serial killer serial killer
sorry
continue the doctor was a woman
let’s see who here has the mind of a serial killer if you can answer this riddle then you have the mind of a serial killer whether or not you already have a body count
yeah that’s a good point if you’re just a really stupid serial killer you get off scot-free
so you would really cowardly when I look at people and I go between lake lake lake I think you feel like that person would if they could give they could do batshit to get and get away with it say what if I had a boat got to have a boat I got out about I would never I would never hurt anybody if I could get away with it I truly believe that but and then at the same time I think that I think that most of us and the weird thing is we spend most of our energy in society building trying to make it possible for us to not have to think about how we’re hurting people without thinking about it you know what I mean like that’s that that’s the biggest like that that that that’s that’s that’s like the whole thing right they like I mean
that’s an example of the fact that as long as anybody up top is the saying this is fine that they’re not if the people you’re killing have a label on them like Communists or terrorist or criminal or murderer or whatever like like and no one ever flips the game on you that you can actually walk through life going like hell yeah and then I and then I did that thing where I was an awesome person keep on Nicki Minaj like going to the same stories because it’s like the thing the mechanics gave yeah there’s some weird eating away at them which is kind of an uplifting thing possibly the maybe there is something in there but anyways that I think that I think the thing is it’s like we try to make it as easy as papa gets like where is Spencer and I were talking about this every every every single aspect of our society it always comes down like to some choice between one or two things lately the big thing is obviously the candidacy right now the elections like like like
daughter like you like left and right we’re going to every time at sex is like you’re either one of these are one of those and like we that that is actually an expression of like on mass like laziness like because if you only have to choose whether you’re this or that like you save so much fucking time like like having to take every second like what am I who am I how do I feel like like if you just go like oh I don’t want to be like that I’m not one of those and then you like you’ve just now you just hanging out you like well I’m a liver also I have six hours to play Minecraft liberal and Conservative then I would have to spend that 6 hours going like yeah but what about my neighbor what about my neighbor’s daughter what about that homeless guy on TV or there’s ever so shity like like diversity lights cuz it’s hard it’s just hard to is harder to get fine people people of color because there’s no
casting agencies diversity is difficult right because the end of the first things first and if it’s not necessarily necessarily that black people like to go home early we told we told casting directors for 80 years now we told them they better get good at sorting human beings like document in a filing cabinet or coats in a row or they’re fired if I can’t call Mike a cigarette Ringo I need a six-foot-five black guy with a lazy eye look like like in 1983 like like the person that can do that is like a better Casa of a sudden it’s like nowhere like going to engage in the second unpredictable nuances of humanity is that include me cuz I don’t like a dentist for people
this is a person on your cat’s eyes oh yeah I like it is like that particularly like really white
stumbled into a different shape the food
you got your Paul Rudd in front who’s just fighting it and what’s a serial killer riddle cuz you’re either a serial killer
so there’s a funeral of a woman goes to a funeral for her mother and when she’s there she needs to dreams she’s instantly in love with him and she really wants to see him again have a great time at the reception somehow despite the fact that is her mother’s funeral but they don’t exchange contact info and a week later her sister died why you can’t answer that then you can think like a serial killer
this time he’s heard this riddle what is there a funeral
funeral is probably going to be at the table you got it thank you very much
sociopaths aren’t on Psychopaths
1 2 3 4 25% or sociopath
I don’t know
if you’re a sociopath he could probably take us all out if you banded together just think of that
yeah we’re going to have a show where everybody can talk whenever they want you guys I have to have to let each other talk to you can just talk over each other you’re all sociopaths don’t like what the fuck is going on at the same time I know I’ve died inside my heart bleeds for everybody who’s like I have a little piece of information I’d like to share that everyone’s like I’m going to do a bit
yeah
today when I answer and Jeff is a question is could expect it sounds like some weird / Spencer and I are in each other’s bodies there was a little bit of a I was outside Spencer if I wouldn’t say I was inside his body and I mean fucking spent I knew you was fucking me when I mean fucking man is the first quarter of the story before that happens because that would happen at the thresholds is where it gets crazy have to establish that Jeff is like very into his clothes and
that he doesn’t have time for dice and Spencer like if it doesn’t care about clothes and then they are expensive than then there’s like a magic died or something and they’re both trying to grab it and they go like you have it better than me and you know
you know another 20 minutes of them going like holyshit will the convention to go to but you have to go for me cuz you’re in my body if I woke up and spend his body and got all I have to go like make it through my day and I I am in Spencer’s body I think it’s I think this this is way easier than having to go to the dry cleaners and pick up a suit I think that I think what I would do is like luxuriates and not having to wear a suit and tie. Tie in.
the scene where where where are you where you have to go dungeon master
my God I’m Spencer my suits are going to fit in a different body shapes only have to get to this thing I only have one t-shirt you can rock those
we know this other houses
let’s just say yes okay play Kelly Clarkson Friday
will you yeah you wake up so you wake up and jumps apartment in Jeff’s body okay you wake up in Spencer’s apartment
I kill myself so I can an MA in Voltron so then you’re done coming and now you go to the depot and then is like you go to the closet you open the closet and like like
clean I know someone else is not my responsibility
I don’t think I can I think I just go fucking on Spencer
do I still have the will and volition I guess I would start having to make some decisions is a physical today was only about like caring about his clothes and his hair or or is it like growing a beard all the sudden interest low-reward this project you know cuz it’s going to end up with a skateboard Chase and Mike and isn’t comfortable with the skateboard because it like it’s not because of body-switching movie again to support our point about the economy being a crutch for like a lazy psyche it’s like oh yeah of course you could just take Jodie Foster and whoever her mom was like like you you and you swap them then you automatically have to reduce each character till like I’m meet she’s there for a sloppy like Etc you know
Jessica Spencer and Spencer and we just saw you pass percent of Americans that’s just where they disrespect our sociopath
no way are we relying on each country
are we to the sociopath next door for those of you who want to research old school to get we’ll touch base again it’s like it’s like what was the show with the guy that that put Magic Pen the picture pages yes like I’m a get together. Let’s figure out a sociopath each country
all right so little girls panties out of a vending machine must really just say that first thing apple a day…
What kind of figured you guys come up with wood you should I’m going to go right you can look as moving I do not this is how my question that I think I should call each other that’s what I do I feel like really work me too and we do with this but it’s 10 a.m. and if I know my body
all right but 25% of Americans are sociopaths so but
you do you
5 percentage of men in prison in your face to pan ya know what I mean seriously it’s only have like a quarter of our fucking quarter of the world’s prison population right that’s What statistic because it’s like it’s always McDonald’s McDonald’s in America in which case you feel like you’re not very good at capitalism you should get a place to live until you figure it out so I like I tell you get good at it here’s three meals a day we go back to yell at you and give you a free home it’s wait and tell you that in the wind tell you bring your weed outside or rescue for the rest of your life
and our black sorry I do that just fine
I’m shady is fuck
you saw those candy bars wants just to be clear I know I stole a lot left you guys I’m way on the best person off this stage
exchange candy bars of jelly beans glasses
that’s where the rivets the real value proposition
you so sweet candy bar you know like 14:15
good age Nimble fingers can I look you in the eye of the clerk and walk out with a picture I did not wear it where it work we’re in the end of our Time We Touch on this darkness of like Society in general like and it’s an election year for a hundred days or something from the Second Street goes up like we in general like we do for better for worse Americans I think this is our purged every 4 years
feeling of needing to be in control of society by giving them the illusion that can change the side of a pulling a lever on a curtained booth at set but but but that’s the cynical way of saying it another way of saying it is like every four years we have this tremendous responsibility on us when we do this every four years apart in my therapist like like they think Gary is this rise in like craziness like like we all start to feel it at the end of the week and we’re we’re in constant contact with each other on the internet where you like painting his picture and say I think the I think the reason it gets to us because it still holds just as true as I think that most of us are pretty chill and probably want the world to be great or probably be willing to do a lot of stuff to make it great and I really concerned that likely collegiate
what is a parakeet in the mirror that still lives there looking at the stuff on your obsession about these weird Carnival masks in these comments sections all the usernames are like flip-flops 69 and we’re just going to use it like a fucking weird like playing me to Appalachian characters like yelling at each other about abortion clinics and stuff in it I think that I think the silent majority or people that are fucking moderate about everything it would just be like like like would that be able to have a fundamental principle by long as nobody’s getting hurt I’m okay with it and like it we inhale a lot of second-hand smoke from the from the internet as as she’d say my therapist like and that’s all fine and no one has to walk away from it or ignore any of it or think that any of its unimportant but I but the message that none of us are getting at this time is the one that is right under our nose and doesn’t profit anybody doesn’t make you click on anything doesn’t pay anything doesn’t get you riled up the it’s just the truth which is that weird
there’s a whole bunch of super cool people like like being totally like like we’re anxious about wishing that the world be a better place and like we we we we we are there is happiness possible some so somehow someway like we’re not it’s not the apocalypse yet it just keeps 2040 I think we’ll go remember we kept thinking like it felt like the end like
he’s not he’s not going to win you seem like a douchebag
or it turned out the president didn’t matter we finally exiting matter if I can finally exit the pay themselves to do nothing but pretend that everyone needs to be told what to do like an animal and we exited that age and injured a proper age where we will go like those guys are civil servants and they need to either but this pageant needs to stop words like like oh who’s the most amazing world leader like the leader of the Free World it’s like suck you who’s going to like balance the budget in like meantime like who’s going to fill the potholes in my street and you know and we will have some nice fish fries at our local churches and bingo games and jump rope competition mass shooting a year I really do I think what’s 90 / so awesome it was like it was like Christmas the mass shooting was like this create
my pictures
play mass shooting it’s like a food fight
okay Corral and I was like that but like I was like the coolest gun fight ever I was like 7 dudes died or something like that got shot I’m pretty sure
anyways I think it was short and almost everybody died except for one or two people
you guys once a week like I just wanted you to make it through this week I’ll see you again next week to each other and always inevitably we we scraped out of that partly the reason why we’re gathered here is because my alienation and your alienation and we got we got to get the fuck out of here like this planet sucks like we’re all doomed it’s true and we will get out of here but but but like like it would be a shame if we didn’t make it to the Launchpad do you know because we got caught in amazing I think everyone thinks this one when they come to harmontown is like I want to come and partly selfish because you want to be in because we’re all narcissists to some degree and I’m not I’m not for sure but it’s like harmontown is is is is the closest thing I have to do it at church it’s the closest thing I have to something that I come back to weekly and I Met Gala
her name means the house by the water
reductress burn from The Washington Post
let’s try to get it from church status to cult status very quickly when we pass the plate I don’t need money

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