Episode: 258 – Retired Ninja Quarterly

Episode

Episode: 258 – Retired Ninja Quarterly

Description

Rapper B. Squid and Dan sing about a thousand winters, we question “What if a guy had long arms?” and “Who really stole Steve Levy’s roommate’s car?” before realizing we’re entering Harmageddon.

Transcript

do we have Zach back there tonight cuz he has a kookaburra sound
all right let’s do the damn thing
won’t you please join me in welcoming the game master of your dreams Spencer Crittenden
and the president mayor of all times if you love him
thank you very much
let’s bring this town hall meeting to order that was that’s the that’s the conceit of the show business came to fruition
wow you mean yeah we didn’t build a rocket ship is atlas important than ever to get the hell out of this horrible Planet that’s the color yeah oh yeah but in order to do what we have to work with hundreds of people that I now don’t like I think we missed our deadline on this just like the Tower of Babel like guy Humanity’s been disbanded I just I’m a I’m a lone wolf I might that wolf that Tom Cruise saw in that movie
Lone Wolf the movie was not called what was your gas but these are all famous movies that are famous for not starring Tom Cruise
except for the dispensers guess which has not existed movie that would expect him to see a lone wolf in when he’s alone wolf finding the credits roll
why wouldn’t The Breakfast Club be about a sandwich with egg on it
guy falls through a ceiling from his locker locker weed Locker is
comedy movies
go to the forest okay but next to it is there any sand
yeah you go you go Inland a couple miles okay and the trees run out and there’s no ocean and
he just maybe I should have said that it’s about Doug Benson being in Iraq and it’s called a weed Locker trying to finish my pitch
what what is the Tom Cruise movie you’re talking about hit me in the back of a woman’s Brothers
racist racist Jamie Foxx
wait what Jimmy collateral collateral
Hawaii Darla and the winner is
the latter I was winning his first Oscar and will soon be a cab driver
we’ll take it up with white Society Forex
that poor guy is it what’s that movie called captain my captain I’m the captain now
Dead Poets Society
that’s the only O Captain my Captain movie
just desk standards with an! I found my look what I found
a lot of you a lot of you please don’t know what these are my airpods I’m never going to never going to lose you babysit me and I don’t know where to find those anyway he’s dancing like he’s already answered like Brad Pitt in Fight Club when he’s
Woody runs around the corner with what’s your name Tim Burton’s wife
sorry ladies nothing she does can unobjective I her going like this because if you’re dancing in a junkie Holloway yeah looking for the $5 a month for the live streams so they didn’t have to see that down
they might have saved himself the trouble on that one you found them crazy
so I I was I was
I was I was I was in the hospital as a surgery center they put a camera down my throat again because this is a little crazy
a picture of growing up to be burning pain in my esophagus
Middletown my my cake tunnel
and they found some polyps and they send them off to a lab to see if they were cancer polyps and they said
like I can’t what the fuck do were they looking for that time because then the getting so upset just thinking about it cuz I call her now you’re on like some pretty heavy-duty painkillers they give you for that are you still floating today no matter that’s what they say what that’s kind of delightful as I got canceled my calls until tomorrow what time do the dressy Boy Scouts for God’s sake guide
you might not be in a proper frame of mind to hold this stitching of society together mind your p’s and q’s stumbling into society
don’t have half a brain when you just shouting whenever you’re feeling this way and then die will killing everyone
you wouldn’t want that mr. Harman goodbye want some cheese it’s it’s kind of intimidating thing to be rolled into a room where where it where you get surgery rooms to be like I was in there and stuff with the hair on them like the Comfort Comfort goes hand-in-hand with non sterility look into getting your body so it’s like a creepy like Blake Blake and clean and everything and then you can see when you hear your heart beating in 60 be faster and then you try to experiment with Laura. Do you think you going to blow their mind
I feel like I just seen this guy and that this time didn’t even say count down from ten to one that gave her just like they just don’t even give a fuck and I was like I was just when you’re out and I’m like you’re instantly awake nothing happens you don’t know it’s not like being asleep where you have like this weird consciousness of time it’s like fucking it’s like a cut and then you’re in a different room and no one else was there because they left your ass because you because you’re boring cuz you have been knocked out like I said you feel abandoned because you’re like
we were all here with you like the furniture out when you start babbling like a maniac will come back and give you Jesus Jesus the goat
so many times today
you want some cheese and some like yes listen I really didn’t find anything in there that’s not the result of like you know a guy your age having gained your amount of weight
I know I know sir I just saying I should be eating Cheez-Its and crumbs all over my face that maybe they would have laid off the fat lectures a little bit cuz at least it’s not like what he must not know that he’s fat for all we know he started his diet yesterday let’s not fuck with them too much
maybe trail mix maybe something so awful yeah I move that you would feel that you would feel like you were in a hospital what would be a good applesauce do you like it would be like in one of those paper containers that when you finish you can unfold it and turn it into a yamaka what was it that you were I’m sure they were stationary is like she’s into stationary like what hospital you called me
did you hear you hear you hear one squeaky hinge and you look bag of the stagehands are hoisting the flat
I was in the Keebler Elf tree and they are all on stilts wisdom teeth and I woke up my phone was off
I’ve been under to the Josh I wasn’t there and I asked a woman like the nurses
I hear he left when a couple hours ago it was a struggle my belt was off I went to sleep with me to tell you for sure looked like they had gone hammer and chisel on this motherfucker because they have to go home and my friend drove me home and get you have to have somebody to drive you home because you’re you’re high as a kite and I go to the my prescription card on the show Hurley what you think. Kind of like Gremlins 2 you want to see it again
you’re not sure
Iggy Azalea like that what’s that wasn’t there like a tranny I think we need to watch it again the only funny part for me was that I went to go get my insurance like my prescription and then while I was out with remember to dig through my trash and find the fucking thing from the from the place well so they said that it’s sexist and that you should take a left butt
they wouldn’t let me take an Uber because they they’re there their and they’re like you have to be like a limo service that we have a relationship with and I’m like okay but she’s a Transit company maybe she means we shouldn’t be giving you fucking Cheese’s after you had a surgery that crazy to look at the apparatus before it goes down you’re going to do is show you the guy going and just had a biopsy for the sarcoid thing and then I had this is my second time going under and I like a lightweight you know it doesn’t even like surgery this is just like
Marie in that shit I was like they’re Wheeling
my name is my name is Diane and I’m that that that that isn’t funny anymore just pointing at women and sexualizing them that’s that was that you were a hero in the 80s if you did that sorry I’m 44 be back as I was like a real charmer
yeah I was cool man I was thinking a lot of laughs but I was like funny I just think doctors like I just think I wouldn’t want them to be cracking up to going to be like you guys are shakeable like I don’t want that they’re focused on their craft but I know I was being funny video where they are going to be crack-ups you know like they’re going to be talented people like crazy genius as you know some of them are going to buy a gift for moving the human heart you got a break in The gales of frivolity as much as it would be involuntary truly given to the given their their their hilarity human just keep a stiff upper lip they probably do things like you know I like Soldier guys like
let’s try to make this specific I’ll just I’ll just make it. That was the final result that was not the intention I was trying I was trying I was like come on Tom Clancy do it
Soldier guys now it sounds like you’ve been in the military older guys you can’t turn Soldier into infantry it’s Soldier infantry you sound like an idiot I want soldier games I saved it in there any movies is the day you do or I’d like to expose you to tear gas right like you know whatever you’re using other people I like take off your gas mask yeah I seen that scene in the movie like sit there and take the fucking tear gas they probably do that they have to do that with comedy in the operating room
they have to hear all the send me sedated jokes later they’re going to hear a season 2 of community
I was getting out when I started the British office but then I was like I think that was one season and then
write what you know I stay on the line that Greg proops uses every time for the last 30 years at a dentist going to forever but every time I share every time we can just ask Sam are you comfortable and griegos I make a living that’s always a good but it’s funny I know Greg proops but he was eat for a gate hours cuz they’re going to go in there and he’s like oh thanks for telling us I said look if you found a sandwich in the bathroom too
these are good jokes why don’t we make your next HBO special just you on a gurney
and you’re really letting the doctor staff have it like a point zero one chance you’ll wake up and choked on the camera and died
crazy that they put a camera down your throat and like like it’s at but it’s like lately if you were awake it’s like it’s exactly the time it took me to the camera hold up a sign that says he likes you could have made it to the other Cliff you can technically fly you just have to be less self-aware if you have a camera down your throat or they can just turn you like a butter bucket
sure you like the like the fuselage on a butter churn
wake up simply wake up and be like
I need immediately die cuz there’s a camera down your throat because if you were in a bar fight that’s a way to kill you with filmmakers
why was my belt off and why didn’t they put it back on the emotional crisis I went through because it’s just funny to me cuz it’s like a story happened that he was like I need some space to try to hold it together where did dr. go back when he didn’t like the 22nd cuz I asked you cuz you know he’s a good doctor
I do like
grab the stuff to play with my dick is that what you think the thing that they tell you I got way too late in life and this is a chance, talked about this before there’s a chance of your and I don’t remember that after the same cuz I’m drugged out of my mind the next morning I get up rinse my mouth like you’re not supposed to like my spit and do anything violent with your sinuses and everything I’m out poured out of my nose cuz there’s a hole in my face and now everything I was eating some soup and I leave
currently going to have one back into the boat
you’re like a muppet
feel like the cookie monster cookies will be fine. What do I do just just don’t sneeze for 2 months you would buy she’s worth Mikey since the last time we went to this we’re like an old married couple that both have dementia I was just triggering each other like
about the song Me So Horny but there’s a there’s a there’s a nerve in your upper lip that’s why in cartoons like I was really hard on your upper lip like really hard just like some kind of nerve in there LOL
okay so it’s not about the knows it’s about the it’s about the lips it’s pushing on the lip I don’t know why you have to do it with your gangster style with your side of your finger why do I feel like this if people were coming from behind you in front of you and you say you want a game later sorry about lying to you I was trying to stop sneezing other like oh cool I thought you were trying to find my mustache know dude but no cuz you weren’t using the tip of your finger
conversely if you’re a ninja what I learned ninja magazines in the 80s is that
you want to point your sword directly at your pray because it’s invisible from a distance that way think about it like this
feel like this
you doing
I’ll tell you right now if I see it and I can’t tell what he’s doing I know he’s doing something.
I mean there’s a lot of ninjas were mad at these magazines in the 80s like
do you have a subscription to make a paper write a lethal lethal ninja star with a break skin if you hit someone in the eye when I was on top corn
or you can give them mono
mono alkalosis what do they call it when you get in the eye
that’s what the Cyclops and Odysseus if you have like throwing stars katanas I mean come on do you even have to ask you if court has Chinatown in the sky invented beagle hunting
I tuned it towards eagles hunting some seagull it’s a great way to placate your compulsion to avenge
and be invisible
correct me if I’m wrong I can see you at as having on the least one pair of nunchucks in your life. Got to know how to use them before they stop being dangerous to one’s self movies like that’s why the person starts off with like 10 minutes of like none chucking because he’s because then the person supposed to think that God damn that’s a long time without hitting yourself in the nuts
I better get the fuck out of here
if this guy decides to hit me in the head and he might succeed asked if we could have lunch with a trailer lights
I think we did agree I think we should we should prepare Loop in the show we don’t know what we’re doing I’m just Flyin blind I guess is it is a new friend I met her to grab some kind of boring circumstances cuz they’re kind of work-related but it’s but but she’s she’s a rapper she has a bus she’s just back from burning man and boy Wheels tired bring up Abbey squid
set set the music to bring you on are you are you are you a drinker do you want do you want me to touch your ice my eyes out batters.
what’s the temperature right now
what’s up how did you guys make what’s the origin story of Anne of your friendship we met in the in the Desert Hot Springs
are we both just robbed different banks and we were burying are briefcases and it’s the same tree up there I was working on this Vonnegut saying that I’m adapting with Evan Sirens of Titan and Cody was working on her thing and we just idealistic a week and Cody always does that she gets results like she goes away like a like a sick cat goes under the stove playing where is the cat and it comes out
cuz I want to try that and I would go out there and we got to like bungalows in the lake resorts and get a discount because it was so goddamn hot and you’re going to the desert there like if you come in here will give you like a dollar word for liked a business week and then toward the end of it you came up in your bus cuz you’re friends with Evan it’s not that exciting a story but it’s also kind of like kind of busting my picture in right now it’s a short bus
is painted blue because my name on the side says he’s going to use it to Tori that’s where the country
and you can you perform wrapping around and you put you use you do a lot of live performance right I mean obviously so so are there are there are there live venues that make you nervous or that you hate doing like a totally different experience and sometimes there sometimes or kind of empty places that’s kind of why I don’t think there’s anything really that makes me more nervous than anything else except for I guess sometimes when you’re in that environment where you know you got people who you care about like watching and then you’re really is like really on your own family and friends
never likes it when people act like I explained to your family is your family like going to bust your balls or like like like like like like they’re like sometimes they support me generally I mean we’re all a little weird I guess my dad is a piano technician and my sisters she like he feels mug synthesizers and she’s studying for them so they really support me in my decided I was going to take the music because I’ve been working in that was like also a little weird for some of the people who like a creative feel that you’re never going to make it in film but you know here we are so over dinner and death
I might be Weird Al Yankovic now but he’s fine when him all right. How did you get involved primary Industries film so they’d take us to the threshold in your bio pic or your like I’m I’m a rap challenge or likes to get mad at work I would just be like oh yeah eventually like somebody showed me a pop music and then I was able to take these secret phones I was writing and Stitch them over and then make something really awesome music video Once attention and so someone called me and asked me to come in and scream at video at this event that he was
at O’Briens in Santa Monica and I was like I’m not going to scream that shity video it’s not happening but I’ll do a 30 minutes and you like 2 months later I have to write that music cuz I didn’t have any 101 ways for filmmakers when we were starting it in the 2003 God whatever it was like like where everyone’s going to either know that we suck cuz we didn’t finish something or we have something like that’s their big whatever why am I explaining this to you do you make your own people that you work with people I have a friend in New Orleans who I met when I was working at a job over there his name is ready Skrillex he produced my full album my first album with a putout in November 8th call Cloud 9 and then I have another word for
survey work with regularly his name is DJ blessed one and he lives in El Paso so sometimes when I’m crossing the country to tour I like stop it with the song that you were telling me about your attack and beside and also like cool just pop culturally like like who is the rap artist that kind of like I don’t know like you’re early I wanted now I really want to do this cuz I’m listening to this all the time or I don’t know early influence is that what I’m trying to get around to one of my favorite bands growing up was this screen glass and I love them till the day I die it’s very different Primo Primo it’s like
emo were they surprised to know that I am not familiar with screamo my new favorites sing and they’ll have their heavy guitars and it’s like kind of I don’t know I get an indie hardcore music to play scream at the top of their lungs like and it’s beautiful to do that all night long like 2 hours at night after night on a tour like yeah that is a craft there is something in there having any seizures name is Gerald
funny that I learned was like a good song and then the singer of glass. His name is Daryl Palumbo and he did a hook for an artist named caged and cage was out of Newark and I listen to the album to hear that hope the whole album that I bought it and I have because of like people who like to bring me to my next kind of like bubble to explore in and then to the next thing so yeah I show you that I’m bad at what I do and I don’t mean wrapping which I will blow your mind with later
but it will blow my mind if we can just do this like willy-nilly but you did bring like a thumb drive of Beats didn’t go and would you mind like doing like it most what would you be following your bliss you want to just do one of your numbers I felt like your dad
can you play songs with me to expect to be able to have time to do all of them so I mean I can do whatever you like but one what to do if you if you touch a message to make you happier do one that just like you’re saying that you do and then there was like this you just came back from burning man I want to talk about that sing the not burning man but the other things like open mike Eagle taught me like lessons about my free Skylight I’ll give you his license but I need more from you
you can call me b squared or squid or cuz that’s also my name
so cool that was Agnes the amazing obviously Agnes would be the greatest thing would be like yeah I know that would be cool cuz that’s time 44 are you are you a comfortable freestyler do you like that
freestyling sorry so that would be a thing as incredibly low here let’s warm up with just like one of your how do you how do you tell them what to play though if you wanted to just do one of your set things I want to do a thousand Winters you up on that Zack all right
we don’t know we don’t always do this
daily stand-up.
Lighting effect a little less butcher shop
Flora Avenue
on your way to do and all my thoughts as well for you and I do for my own good how we can go to compass point to where to go because I try and try to land a Time took the paper with some grid on Lisa’s dine with you where I will grow and how ugly boots and if you leave in trouble on my heart will follow with its own State. He’s already learned to bring I hope he’s one enlightens me so in your presence I am free to get through with this eternity lighter than a feather I am stricken like a mess uaex man that stilled the statement what the gas I miss you need you want you bad cuz I’ll be waiting on you this song
show me I’m always somewhere you could be meeting every harmony with recipe
forever
never mind.
hell yeah

b square B Square
thank you guys I was mortified in the beginning cuz I wasn’t there wasn’t enough monitor or something what what kind of got it anyway tomorrow. Can we get more of the sound of the monitor we can experiment with either we play that same beat again
but I also want to hear that I want to hear that singer-songwriter hooks up to I would like to
4 piece quiz
Peas on squid
for you
what does anaphora
improvise with you rap
I don’t have that honor.
Weather
Robert Redford have you heard about that
sandwich
Iraq
overlap
open maps
I’m going to walk over at all
mm to inches
play no fucking summer exciting
I like to sing
we’re going to go to the judges as perfect but you had a chance to write to your ism
I did have the advantage of watching yet yours do that is even like I think we tied
yeah so open mike Eagle he’s I bested me if you want to know how I got to that level
open mike Eagle like he he taught me that I don’t have to say fuck your mama all the time because I do you have crutches When You Freestyle like they phrases that you like lean on when you’re like killing time do what are what are they not to repeat them but I guess an exercise so I guess if we start freestyling you I think you’ll figure it out but you don’t want to give up our there with your changing they change every time I first found out I was like back on it like the sauce you know you going to take the ticket and then he laughed as I got rich and I was like
but I did any of the beats that you brought for freestyling are they kind of like a little slower so I guess there’s other meats on hand but we have so much fun with you really push yourself I mean lyrically you’re pushing yourself to the Limit very quickly there really aren’t on point tonight but that was some good kick a baby going on then
app for me that song is about the cycle of life
remind me to take away is that you’re sick of this shit
I think that’s that’s the main message that kind of a through-line many option of like a female rapper I like if anyone’s rapping that fast like like what it what else could it be like that around I’m just sharing my obstacles based on what you just saw that you might accidentally bite some of dance freestyle rap
I would feel really terrible if I did you know like because I respect you and your freestyles or sacred moment as a derogatory way for the table is okay starting over is it
is it bad what a boring World we’ve created I hope that you take it over
is it is it negative to take more than three ibuprofen
it is it is it is it what is it
is it bad to ask I feel like this is something that journalism does the female persuasion when they’re like you know they quite liked it just corner you and say like what’s the state of of women in rap like so that you might invite but I don’t think anyone was listening to this so you like if I have to go spray in Newbury way to play in is gaping creating something to spy education looking for your contributions execution impaling family with a person who’s had somebody running crazy and it’s against the law
admission is canceled and concussion discussion instructor that he’s ashamed
I think you’re avoiding the question
that’s why I agree I knew it wasn’t the same thing or another I was just thinking about what I’m going to say next to me
no I love I love being a female and I will do what I do I think that you know is it’s like you know the game of guess who guess who write with all those dudes faces I know one of these two people but when they do get your cards it’s like it seems out you know what it is and so I don’t like really what industry walk all over me which is why I’m independent starving artist
play The Rockin at Los Feliz Cafe Los Feliz native or to get Grim for a second because I’m kind of just historically Grimm like you were just at Burning Man and I’ve never been and you’ve been there many many times like this time and then we’re like we’re talking about the key and I was like I was a little literal burning man they were burning and then you’re like know there was one because this fucking thing happened I don’t know how many of you heard about this it looks like it’s pretty easy to miss
news these days by l a plate but do you buy me like I’m a baby and from where I was I wasn’t able to see if her at the fire but when the man was burning this year on Saturday night there was a guy and his name was Aaron Joel Mitchell and he ran into the fire and committed suicide when I was actually really sick like a really sad thing I didn’t find out about until the next morning or 30 seconds 30 minutes still too long to be in a fire but he’s yet to to self-immolate and kill himself by fire at Burning Man
he had been sober previously and that he was like a gentle soul and that he knows nobody can really speak on why you did it was like I don’t I won’t be surprised if I find out this isn’t the case but the first thought in my head is I wonder if this guy is just like fuk it this is it like like like this point in history whether or not these things is it wouldn’t last year I would have been like I bet he did that because because he’s realizing you were there the entire time you were on one side of a fire with a guy that ran into it and basically never came out and they fished him out and he died in the hospital
you didn’t find out about it till the next day and I was like okay so I need to re-calibrate my definition of what a large fire is because like I have never been to Burning Man of like how many people are gathered around the the actual Burning Man and there’s like a whole perimeter of like party buses and are cars that kind of like surrounded and then within that between that perimeter and then there’s like a perimeter of you know Rangers like making sure nobody runs into a fire in between that is where everybody sitting stands and you know it’s a beautiful fire show there’s like this whole procession before hand is like very ceremonious do you know they’ve been doing it I think like 30 years and then there’s fireworks the best damn fires so you’ll ever see that burn and then and then the fire and the fire was like insane this year like it was insane I mean
it was kind of like a structure around the man and a man was like in the center of it usually he’s like a poster like up somehow but this year the theme was Radical ritual so it’s what they did was the man almost look like a traditional Temple that is at Burning Man as well so there’s like a secondary like it was a shrine of some kind so
I mean they designed it like a place you could go into
I broke through the lines at Marshall’s and people there and made it made it through and thrust himself into the fire and they got him out
like half alive like after 30 seconds and they you know whom to say to you but he didn’t know if that was a moment of passion or something he’s been planning on or maybe right hearing like sound coming from the other side like sometimes that’s the whole crowd like some kind of like chant or cheer or like a wave of howling at the moon or like somebody’s like calling for their friend Sarah and they’re like something was happening on the other side but I I mean you’ve done that 7 times in a row at the fire and it’s so yeah you look back and read and go
things always happening and I mean that that is such a weird crazy metaphor for if I end that sentence with the life I do value my observation that that’s from a distance from the other side of the above the fire which is the greatest thing that’s ever happened and it’s like there can be a person it did end end end in it can be mistaken from certain perspective is for just another part of the celebration and then the next day it’s like yeah dude I don’t want to follow up that story with like
find solar a shambles of white fragile shards like I bought a gun I’m like I’m planning on just doomsday prepping in a desert I don’t know how I dread going to die of thirst like digging a hole straight down cuz I play Minecraft history of using the phrase Burning Man as a comedy writer till like you know mean it be a dippy and whatever just like make fun or whatever like it and now it’s like because of this year it’s like this is something that I got to go to at some point that you would definitely obviously recommend it right like like maybe not to everybody but you you wouldn’t go seven times if you were getting something out of it you’re not like monetizing when you go there at all when I go there Incognito and nobody you know like I’m not selling anything that you and
you know it’ll be a lot of fun but it’s not something that I’m like sharing what you’ve been working on all your art for the year you know I’m bringing that out and it making sure that your friends and family and people get to be touched by it like I can but he’s an amazing a spiritual journey and if you need it for you know I can really open the windows of perception for anybody who goes through changes and use it how much did that guy is like affect the rest of the proceedings there are like this didn’t catch the total Paul over it or was it kind of move along the burning and what’s going on in there so you know it’s the news came to me in passing and it was like those dates but a lot of people but we’re not talking about it you know because they didn’t want that
what does mole like black stand on their week you know but at the same time then you go to the temple run the next night and there’s this second expense and it’s like around it and I’ve never seen it before I like a fence jumping in this damn fire what’s the oh so wait so just to let some of the is there a fire in multiple nights the one big burning man man burns that’s not the end of everything everyone doesn’t end that and go like Jesus Christ I got a PowerPoint tomorrow
somebody have a week and then Sunday usually people like leaving all day and then leaving all night and did the temple brain is like a really quiet and like spiritual experience for people like people don’t like talk through it stand up the day’s like there’s a lot of costumes of a weirdo Lil Durk the crowds and it was really hot
it was hot at night too usually it’s like really calling this here like really hot at night and feel like you’re trying to get dressed at 2 at night it’s like a different place like you’re going through you know Antarctica for the night for some things hanging out in the snow tonight should I put a shirt on what do I do here
do we have a gift for you guys do like a duet like I said I got like maybe I’ll take it back and forth that’s why I wanted to thank you got that
all right
yo it’s 1 minute away from 9/11 we’re going to wrap right through this
every night to parents night
probably wondering what should be on your legs
I think shorts yeah I think again
yo
I see you walking away from me with your feet I wonder what’s down the street that’s for you and not for me if we separate like this it hurts me I Rhymes me with me and then I took a pee into a jar
drink it why don’t you go
but I’m walking boot pants on and I’m kicking babies like I was fantastic and it was romance on the stage with the people who was looking at me and say it to me and I love you my name is squid squid is the other way around. That’s my name and I are originated in Yorktown where my family’s Rockin and a-rollin with us. Grandma Anna not told them don’t know that they’re waiting cuz that they’re waiting for that they’ve got their stuff in their cabinets and candle wax that has 195 miles per hour whatever it is she’s going to be any rain shower to the natives of that place cuz this one was born in a time with you like we can erase extreme weather phenomenon
don’t be blind to what’s going on inconvenient is the facts do you need me to send you a fax about it all right don’t judge my rapping
I heard this crapping us out of its Earthly but all we’ve been here a while and now we’re on the dull it’s it’s a catch-as-catch-can relationship with the mother Gaia and you gotta honor did she’s got the polar ice caps and their chili but they keep us warm in ironic ways you got to go to school to understand it
yo put your pants on
Jimmy motherfuking paint off your pants on the club down the street and keep the dance on Facebook right now is a little place called everybody thank you so much I have to reward you for donating your dear dear time you were delightful egg whites into a plug plug away at how can people find you and with whipped and get into You music, social stuff and I represent keep the feeling is coming up
I don’t want to make a confused
bonus track on that I mean I’ll be pretty awesome and sampled for eons to come at the same time will have I will have a wrap Appaloosa together maybe I don’t see the parties are fun maybe we’re all rappers
all right well it’s at thank you
that was delightful
I like it when we make new friends randomly yeah it’s not easy adapting Vonnegut you know I I strained one of my pinkies
hitting too many, they’re all right let’s always get a levy up here
where my ladies at
play me I forgot to use this
now you weren’t even the son of man you what you what you were you were doing some of your best work I was that
and 700 hours to go get me a bag of cheese and let me still take your limo to try to make this dude like a
I think I think that’s like you know Pat your head and have a good time at the same time go with the flow
go with the flow I got a show to do focus on the old part of limo limo
Gmail
Tokyo Tower
are you busy you let me know you just give me the
I like to think about that
chairman of MBC
why you got to cancel me
the TV industry to do with me Silicon Valley is taking over so you can drink my pee cuz I ain’t going to take it no more I’m going to fuck your mama in the front door and go out the backyard flosser body I thought your mama so hard she’s no
Yamaha dirt bikes
how can I subscribe to your mama’s house and Michael Michael Michael
ain’t nothing 7 was an inside job
any app
the melting point of steel is 457 I what happened to building 7 and that’s why don’t they want you to know what they want you to think if you could totally is C in the sink spell Tate spelled backwards
call Jana
don’t look it up
okay
what is that was someone’s evidence that the 9/11 was going to take out the Elkay to spelled backwards is El Cajon Police shut down
future raps just put that in your in your mind and you’re running Bank remember right after 9/11 of the planes and then take this into the change your font to wingdings and then it was like two buildings into planes and then some oil
and then we were like wait a minute. The flight numbers
why would they
people be like here’s what we do
we on our way if you know we should get in the shower the tragic tragic Microsoft like manipulated the wing-dings font all right how you doing what is so shocked yeah what happened
tomorrow is stolen car garage
it wasn’t a job what’s the melting point of that car
it was it was a real bummer cuz my car was broken into and they found my garage clicker and his spare key somewhere in my car back is up to that cuz you said that they didn’t break into that that’s how they got into the garage is by breaking a side job I think someone in my life
I can’t have somebody watch me walk away from my car forget to lock it and then go in the garage cuz I’m in an apartment building okay so oh so it wasn’t when you say Inside Job literally like someone that I don’t have to feel guilty weather for the rest of your life but you can’t control when another human being that is it allowed in past all of the security measures is Diggs going to be a crazy, so you should be easy to investigate I mean like it’s just one building of suspects right cameras they called the
it’s called the building you have enough on your plate right now you’ve already sprayed one pinky
Has Lifted his head will beating Randy K now I’m in charge of apartment building cars Eatery but one job was going to change everything
Netflix presents the trailer that follows the 90s trailer trope
in a world
yeah 90 trailers they got that boys said that interesting talk
Dan and Spencer said a fun harmonquest commercial this week twice as expensive as c-cell and twice as likely to stick around for a year
I didn’t I didn’t ask for this new world any more than you did like to try to look at it this way like cease it was a Kickstarter
and thank you for your 5 to tell my commitment to their experiment which was noble and gave Cameron Andrea show in lake lake lake Universal gave it enough of a chance you can’t get that business model these five years but they had their own reasons they fucking folded it that’s not your problem or but it’s a little bit mind cuz like now we have this world there is like guys like me and I kind of felt are not going to keep coming to you and going to subscribe to hey Merry men I want to hear juicy to Gerald of Nottingham and he’s he’s got a real fun business plan for every bottle of shampoo used all three people underneath you sell six bottles and
that’s that’s not the Robin Hood myth we wanted we find a good enough to make it to like an adult swim right now for sure
I mean
the fact that we’re not already on one of those networks implies that
beyond that but I think there is an alternate reality where we did go to Adult Swim or something similar for free such a success but they didn’t do anything since wasn’t like we’re going to keep our show and like go cuz I don’t have the episode but didn’t exist like they had the budget to give us like do it like dinner for 5 so I can style and have an audience and the cameras going to wish you Wishin and Lizzy Olson’s on it and fucking it’s it’s it’s a good show because it’s a little higher production value than if we did it on her own but it’s either that or the down side or the South side of that is like okay so is he so they’re they’re folded and they sold all their
The Verve verb is huge fans they love the show they’re like ever bands all right is this going to happen but how does it end it might just in a bunker with you giving you $50 a month for your pee that’s why this season were asking you not to watch harmonquest we’re tired. We’re not being complicit me longer than we need your money for the first date well yeah they made the first season of available you can’t like to check out the second season right for I would not be surprised if the first episode of the second season is Free by Gillian Jacobs in Oldboy I don’t wear a bra
who is like very pretty but it was great I clean out my it have that much money it just these are singles but I know are you going to Jimbo’s later what’s happening why did you choose to take them out of your drink what do you want to make a recent $1 here $1 I think I might be I couldn’t
but I could
sorry just after $4 you give someone all the money they have to answer three riddles treat which is I’ll put a plate in front of the stage

with a sign that says just take one and I’ll put one of these dollars on it that if I can sleep like a baby because then you see the empty plate near like Society
nice man left a bunch of money on a plate
no one ever appreciates that
have you really did it what you like if you didn’t have time to go by candy put a empty bucket outside your door and put a sign that says like like I rode the bike
take one and then the kid gets to here’s the thing as a victimless crime
the first kid the first kid there’s a kid that’s like goes trick-or-treating at 3:15 p.m. fuck that kid
but also he’s like a red pillar like he do you know she’s like this fucking dudes pulling a scam like there’s nobody here before me okay fine that kid goes to serial killer every kid after that goes up to the buckets he’s an empty bucket and a sign that says let’s try to be nice people huh I love that there’s a guy here that’s too bad it wasn’t I’m going to move on to my day go get some other candy victimless crime I got two things of the first one is he isn’t it just fine to not have any candy and stuff like is that sounds like we’ll people shame you or anything like that is that something you don’t worry about the front of my estate
boy just mean you know you just want to hit
did you fear your trees getting tp’ed right yeah like what’s the what’s the downside of having candy that’s pretty standard right now
the second of all and I’ll put that on the front door
people I love how to solve the earth now has a big a big big a big salt of the earth orbiting the Earth at a military-grade platform to do with steel
I thought you said that you were you have to put a bowl out with a $1 bill I took place just take one twist as you have one piece of candy you put in the back of the last four left see how long it lasts and I’m not like a weird monster old yeah but you have a full size Snickers in there is it please just take one take a picture of you and I saw the kid walks away with two Snickers and he’s got a picture of him
stop by that picture
at once you get over 30 it’s like the pressure gets out unless you live in a really specific neighborhoods it’s like designed for people to buy the house cuz it looks like a house when they can’t wait to give out candy trick or treat and design for the parents to drop their kids off at that cul-de-sac it becomes an exercise in your old dude
don’t tell me you like it says big city man has no charm to trick-or-treat like it’s kind of like The Purge now I just kind of like Ethan Hawke into my bedroom and watch through a can I see this Halloween we just break into Steve’s roommate’s car after all our candy in there
and the kids have to go in that kind of pretend to break into that car story of eleven or twelve and we were like we’re kind of doing that we’re like we put some like dirt on her face so we’re at hobo costumes like and we were like going and trick or treating like a tendon like here comes Jenny Vaught like as like you know the the crush of my life and great school and she’s like walking and she’s got this like little girl with her like a little sister’s dress like an astronaut or princess or something and and are you and she’s like well she is
she was like I’m chaperoning because she was a grown-up cuz she was my age and I was like
that’s like it one of those big moments the girls grow up fast and then you’re like I’m a fucking worst prison the Steep Hill on take the pumpkins from people’s front yard and then spray and Mike was spray painting pretty scary when you see a jack o’lantern coming in on fire flaming hoop in the area device is it going into the juniper tree in their front yard and feel so bad about being a kid now likely Lisa just think we should a car’s like we didn’t get it we thought we were The Goonies
good night my penny tap it or what but at least think about it but that’s a horrible thing to do to somebody but it was the 80s so we thought they will think it’s like Slender Man
shut down creative shity generation
definition of thank you very much sir, you have an entire internet
you are you are a bad kid
all right that’s mine to plug that his starters The Crawling King so I guess starburns is there doing a project called The Crawling King it’s going to be a hard written horror fantasy with almost 200 pages of incredibly insane art are you available as a publicist
hi I can fill that role sometimes I just like yeah whatever you’re selling I’m buying all right how do you access it happen to go to Starbucks Castle but it’s something I actually believe it cuz I went last Wednesday there’s no point in me or leave me here for my favorite, too many here on Wednesday it was absolutely wonderful he’s a crazy genius wonderful he just might be partly material partly just ripped and you just watched a really really funny guy loses his fucking mind in front of your eyes it was magical so if you’re if you’re free, here on Wednesdays to see Eddie pepitone I’ll look it up and starboard, starboard castle.com
ought to Aspire to I think 11 is the best
better than him did you hear that Simon wants you to know
dozens of security at the new sports drink that makes you sad
call dog gone energy
what sound like an experiment your heart is broken you had a heartbreak I did it ya boy scouts using my talk about like he’s not like me either get up on stage and go some numbness has two and a half months ago that one was like I couldn’t sleep but this one was amazing we can tell that you’re hurting I sent
are you in love in love in love in desert multiple-choice questions about we choose like
the girl I’ve been chasing my whole life kind of thing
16 years in the making don’t think we gave it much of a chance
this time around
play you know
show that a writer would write us a joke but we are friendship like just got stronger and stronger until we are able to finally cross that threshold and then this summer was like let’s try it was actually try to have a relationship
put your hands together
yeah yeah yeah
have an amazing
call this isn’t your wife
hilarious hilarious
yeah I mean it’s nice you’re at you’re at you’re a you’re a good guy that said that I’d like like in my in my day like that would that’s that just goes right into the Massage Envy in June because the way to recover from that like sure is like you get bit by a snake you rub it it dirt or whatever like you do and that’s a bad example I don’t know anything.
burn your thumb and shove it in your mouth is that is and it’s like probably that’s not helping as much as some other counterintuitive thing like you supposed to be like at I don’t know
Millennials are Millennial right you’re 40 you don’t go to that place like yeah I’d met this young lady like like she’s your cool like like answer that. It’s like you have a harder thing to deal with because you don’t get to go to the places there I got to go to when I was in adolescence or even in my 30s still like fucking okay well isn’t that easy pictures of crazy you know and like like like I fucking I’ll leave a shity comment on her blog and kids and me 35 year olds
you’re an idiot. I I want to say good for you you’re you’re being a mensch and a Gentleman and I know that hurts more having to deal with more pain you having a managed more paint on your own that’s a good like very applaudable you should know people appreciate that that’s like like like to hear that go into a dark place and that that’s harder to do that’s fucking cool of you thanks then she’ll be fine and you’ll be fine and I get it it’s like it’s like Tabasco it burns your tongue is not real pain it’s like fucking totally okay to say this fucking Burns and totally the only thing you don’t want to do is go home play tongues on fire I should I should cut it off until I got it just like how I fucken burn a field of field I’m in your corner I know you are you’ve been an incredible advocate
do you have it
just how much of a mensch in a sweetheart you are is that what you said has been a crazy week that was the more painful thing but you but you chose to speak about something bad happened to your friend’s car got broken into that’s like you’re you’re such a sweet guy
don’t let that eat you up you know like it’s like you’re one of the spectrum and the other end where I’m like my shoe hurts fuck America white my ass on everyone
until I get tired and I’m out of shit from my ass and it was like this shit all over me I’m like
that’s one way of handling things and then there’s like this other thing writes like don’t get you no like somewhere in the middle is like a rhythm we got to go see my therapist I told you I paid for it she’s worried about you. You better conversations where are you you arranged to pay for my therapy yeah if you offered after the last but you know sometimes the best therapy is to a lift out of life and fantasy we’re going to play a little bit of D&D
oh yeah
last time
what happened all right who dumped you
people tell me all the time and I don’t bring it up yourself on a high road
treacherous going to church with patches Bandidos attack then they got him beer
I’m still unconscious do we lose patches has gone that’s a great question to ask in character prior found out he’d be camps he left us cuz he wanted to know you’re at the campground one of one of the guys one of the guys Dan touch with his inflict wounds and he kind of withered that guy is kind of a babbling away and then there’s another guy who you clubbed is speak loved him in the head and he kind of just went down coal the rest of the Bandidos of kind of escaped at this point and they made up a CH closed closed but I took some clothes up another dead guy put them on right and how are you I’m still
is your character so important that I should heal you
pictures of moral questions you got to decide that’s real life and you wear my clothes
but you’re wearing a Banditos outfit versus Crow my God he starts sobbing I want to follow the hobbling bandito so I’m going to go grab them if I can do a lot of ways to approach the guy but yeah that works okay so I’m sorry
yeah I know you definitely know but he’s okay he heals eight damage he’s he’s the most of his wounds are starting to scab over but he’s not like completely healed and he’s still just say no most do you want to do something I think I’m going to conscious that’s true same door that robbed Rob’s version of you was dreaming about a demon Mist inside and we got to help this guy I don’t have a lot of medicine has to do is state of matter
what does I’ll be right there
we don’t wake you grab this time to drag them over he is still armed so
yeah he doesn’t he doesn’t stab you but he he’s if you don’t like really restrain and if you don’t really restrain he might keep stabbing you know what I say in a very convicted voice because the truth is my character in these moments is convicted about these kinds of things I say if you make the wrong decision about about who you’re trying to harm I will kill you and that will be the beginning of your misery okay I’m an expert on these things there is a silver flame that guides us it it will make an example of you do you have do you have intimidate or diplomacy
how many times were the victims were Charming bully
they usually have like the bad grammar and okay let me look sorry there’s a whole stack of papers and I recently let me see there’s a check mark
single betru Vols
you definitely
he’s like Jesus so that’s a bad you’re at a fork in your life you were a Bandido now you’re a hostage your behavior is a hostage could lead you to the main road of humanity
something you departed when you became a Bandido probably your dad’s fault
okay I’m your new Dad I’m taking you back
what you don’t have to be a hostage forever you could die or you could spend a time as a hostage proving that you’re a human all right what’s your perception
it is not checked and there’s a total bonus if there’s a 3 in parentheses perfect
on that perceptive
okay so now we obviously come on just asked me what my perception wasn’t that you say nothing right yeah what didn’t you proceed
what are you talking about he swallows hard she swallowed something open up all right he opens his mouth and pull his spit it out he doesn’t have anything if you swallow something and no longer remains in your mouth to the stomach I’m trying to I have induce vomit
give me the Heimlich do I get gift
punch him in the stomach but he just takes a couple damn it look over here look
I just want to watch hat patches watch him die
passions is in isn’t really he’s still he’s just face down in the dirt kind of just flopping out playlist
I’m trying to get whatever was he swallowed and I like I like the people that hurt you get hurt more in what way are you going to kill him though no no the guy he’s going to make a coffee house it going
yeah I see it yeah I don’t even know how do you critically fail a better as you give him the Heimlich maneuver and after way too many attempts he finally starts to show something up and it gets lodged in his throat and a guy’s patches patches watch see patches scene
be the will of the Eternal Flame patches is like still for a moment and then he just starts like scratching it overdrive it’s okay I just received my 11% sure that he choked up and choked on it looks like a big weird pill
I examine the pill it looks a little bit the only a little what were these guys have to hide perhaps he’s been.
no more than we knows
doing the search him you can sure he’s he’s he’s just screaming you saying I can’t believe I have one job oh my God what is it oh my God he’s like he’s he’s hysterical with with with pain and Agony you don’t know what kind of slapping you like he’s I don’t know you can add that some point you figure out what he’s doing is he’s trying to grab like a knife out of your wallet and stuff like he’s trying to grab a knife from you
he doesn’t he just grabbed at it I can’t add a list they gave me for keep this dick safe it’s like I don’t know it’s like a treasure sacred treasure I don’t know it’s like a pig like the most beautiful Jewel you’ve ever seen
all I was supposed to do is just lay low and you know hide I figured after there was all those boogens I should probably relocate closest Shield
there’s one that’s of indeterminate he’s got a caved-in helmet him to see if he’s got the answer should I search that guy anyway you find out what he find you find under his regular bandito close he has very finely crafted studded leather armor it’s very quiet and stealthy seems like it was meant to be hidden underneath normal clothes he’s a human and then you also see a dagger he’s got a dagger and a short sword they both seem of incredibly fine make like a Masterwork weapons you don’t even know who made them but it was a real
real master and who was this awesome sword sword people’s I don’t use blades at the same thing are these guys all like this and you get the same thing so I didn’t quite finish so I’ll just so there’s also a poison pill in the one who did it take a poison pills pocket and then one of them has a little note but it is it’s like with like script and symbols and rooms and stuff it’s it doesn’t seem like any Hannah
it’s clearly not magical it’s a it’s just a just a normal code in history
how many points do have a knowledge is green a basic a basic standard of symbology used in the Guild’s for trading purposes so in like a simple Logic the symbolic language that’s not exactly like for speaking it’s not like it’s not comment or anything it’s just like its own language but that’s the only thing you only recognize the symbols like you don’t actually know what they mean and you couldn’t read it if you want it
all right nobility occasionally learns that symbol language
no religion
some religions disagree with that symbol language and Linguistics I don’t think you have no points in it fucking second third level
like locusts I know this is language
it’s a trading language 50 Blair Bandidos or stock brokers
I take that dagger I take I take that pill I say where are your friends staying and I won’t make you swallow this pill greasing that they’re both dead easily as if it’s magically Sharp
he’s dying over here he’s got that mist I think the Mist went into the key hole in his heart and he’s infected with some sort of horrible demonic business license Jim back
what is the expensive killing DJ sorry we should go to DJ’s dream probably is that okay
there’s a door
there’s sounds behind you don’t know what they are can I open the door if you want to you don’t know until you try I put my ear against the door to send what is it will give me some of sound as you’re putting your ear to the door like there’s just a big smash on the door like someone’s beating against they’re really naked a dream
ride or die I guess open the door as you touched it and it opens the door disappears in just behind his blackness in the Blackness kind of spreads up your body and you become consumed by the darkness and you wake up in a cold sweat like I am actually awake now you’re awake awake you been stabbed multiple times
I hope you got you got your ass kicked
what are we doing not pulling you out bleeding out I hope Dad mobile X
what’s where am I what is happening, how many great question what’s your maximum HP 24
18 MI
we’re going to heal your heart we’re going to find the key that opens up that weird hole in your heart we’re going to open it up and we’re going to get that Parable that was that was Carlos I had nothing to do with that
well it’s good to be back going to get him to the church I don’t think we do you feel okay right buddy we still need more healing field in summer right I think I’m going to get the answer I gave him one of these good job fendrick you can smoke hurt you to give you one Health Point but he’s loving it
I mean I would you load out I used I think it was offensive Avenue Divine favor yet is that too after 10 we got it we got it
I asked me if I got a haircut all of them dad dad dad jokes
I want to have children
whatever Steve Levy everybody
give it up for Gatsby squid
hell yeah Jackie Burke Church Terre Hill Kevin De Chris Brown
drive fast take chances
that you got to be first place at
thank you
I wanted man

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