Episode: 265 – The Pearl is Ragnarok


Episode: 265 – The Pearl is Ragnarok


Guest Comptroller Brandon Johnson joins Dan and Spencer to lay down some beats and serve up the best role playing snacks we’ve ever tasted.


ladies and gentlemen I don’t know where you are tonight but tonight we are in harmontown let us waste no time in bringing up the Stars the mayor the alderman the corrupt Council people first of the stage the mayor of harmontown Dan Harmon
you know him you love him. Blessing thank you
you are so dumb
and are we going to bring up the most illustrious most beautiful Steve Levy welcome back to harmontown thank you we are back at our old home but we are not violating any permits that I know of because there’s no audience there with people at the people don’t know about this but other than that we’re good so I thought we could go back there when we wanted to be was more challenging at the booth right because we have this whole kit and caboodle that we didn’t have to fit into this tiny room that’s also set up for its own recording us can make useful and the equipment was used with subscriber money to try to make the show better for subscribers they’re the people that we really care about you right if there’s a lot less of them
we love our free listeners but we we want to impress the subscribers and then we moved to the booth it’s like even though those people you know probably are kind of irritated with a live audience sometimes it’s like you know we really miss that stage so we figured it out we figured it out if it’s been working crazy it’s Missy and it’s like I wanted to do give give you hear that Andrew Dice Clay tape the day the laughter died know I at least or like a meal hamburger seeing or like like like like this so much fun and wrong and painful about like just format performances ready and spaces where there’s the glaringly missing thing as an audience reacted and I I just wanted to see if that would like what that did to my energy and stuff so I
now there’s no jealousy which is great because there’s always a little bit of jealousy between the people who live stream and watched it and those people who have to wait and then just listen to it oh yeah we’re wrong turn. It was fake news we shouldn’t have trust Steve’s numbers when they came from breitbart.com we started a new site for our for our podcast number is we thought we were tanking it turns out documents just on a Warpath 8 hours golfing with the Japanese prime minister today I still don’t believe that hair is real Aukerman we have beefed I do have I had I don’t know if we got renewed it was a seasonal
I thought I was still at your wolf in a capacity could be as a couple shows right and I think he might be like a Consulting producer or something but I don’t think he’s involved in the day-to-day that he used to be like 1/2 step ahead of me and try and try and what I have now tried which is like that kind of got into bed with Farrell and like I was like like only help this now we know the truth when was the score of the podcasting industry the stakes are not high enough for any kind of satisfying competition don’t worry we’re all friends it’s it’s it’s just like it’s a it’s a starter if you call it a buyer’s market or seller’s market but it’s just sort of like you’re doing it for funsies I think unless you’re like my favorite murder of goldpanners man
the word gold reminds me of something I do wish you luck it’s a great media podcast recommended in the vein of like them in his podcast that you listen to because they’re organic and anything can happen if there’s no preparation so you might accidentally listen to 2 hours of horrible windbag just like trying to find his way and I’ll I can recommend some of those to you too but there’s all then there’s the produced ones you know and I among them are true crime ones there’s true crime ones that are sloppy there’s ones that are good and bad because of that I just listened to the is it a crime city that’s the one that I’m the guy that did the Jinx is doing or ever has done two years ago and I’m just kept finding it now but yeah it’s it’s a really like super produced
series about Providence Rhode Island this is why I didn’t know was like super mobbed-up town it’s like the third most Mafia city after New York in Chicago but it’s like the Tyne is a tiny little I don’t know if they’re able to tell the story of Providence Rhode Island and its relationship with crime through the shoes of its own mare who who runs as an anti-corruption anti-crime Republican candidate ends up taking Democratic Help From the Mob and a great that things like how dirty are you willing to get to clean up your town so is it like a 1-1 shots it’s not like a like a it’s not like it is it’s like the wire like they’ll finish the pretty and they do a difference
plants that I never want to go where is Stringer Bell listen to this podcast call. Crazy no dirty John and it’s a similar it’s a 6 episode 1 shot True Crime podcast that makes you hate old people that’s what it did to me where is Lake did the dep’s you must think like I don’t want to do that to your family it’s like that’s when you’re lonely. Still sucks right you know she has like not like she’s sick or whatever but she’s kind in the cycle so it’s like not all if you know she she she needs help to but it’s still I mean you going to watch it
fun night yeah you can listen to it on 1.5 Speed without losing any quality so do that yeah you listen to this one up and vanished know this is Guy those kids that sounds like Chris Pratt and is it for the fruit the first episode is him explaining he doesn’t know how to do a podcast and that he calls his grandma for help it couldn’t be more like if you if you could if you wanted to create antimalarial propaganda it’s like he’s just a popular podcast but he’s just like yeah I really wanted to do it around there early cause air in the tire and then it like they talked about it for a while spoilers for the next five minutes if you’re going to listen to 900 episode of a cover your ears I’ll be really quick
like basically I kind of just cast the same aspirations that the public broadcasting on Reddit Under The Usual Suspects helping drive that like a shame under their life and then a random dude comes forward and said I did it and then the rest of the podcast is him advertising at 2 or he’s going on at doing interviews with people about it and whether or not it helps it
missing Richard Simmons podcast I mean it’s it’s better it’s better for people I’d rather live in a world where people just had access to shit more just try and check your numbers for that we lost 80% of our listenership turned out that wasn’t the case. The reason was because we were looking at apparently someone started using a different tracker for the for counting I have no idea how this works but in effect they split the numbers down the middle and we were looking at a quick If you hired someone to watch numbers and then two seconds into the job you fired him and then assumed that that was the numbers for the whole thing and you hired another guy but you didn’t know it’s basically what happened but it was a good chance for us to realize we give zero Fox
like obviously I’m scared or excited up mostly about you and so is crispr off our director and Zack are audio guy like we we we we need to use that we really care about him playing at the camera for you shity audio listeners sorry I’ll tell you guys later during a commercial that I love you more than them but the experiment that I wanted to do I’m gesturing like I let you know between me and the camera is he going to the internet hobby the only answer so far being you know yeah if you’re if you’re if you’re Marc Maron if you give your mind a rest or porn with that other shit
so listen you guys
huge huge mass shooting today don’t be desensitized to it I know you think the world record was broken they’ve subdivided them into categories foxes this is the biggest shirt shooting a 20 years yes go numb don’t go so dumb you stop watching television about this the records are still bound to be broken the magazine industry for a while was just time lice and then they had to fragment into ninja quarterly and stuff this is it would let’s look at church shooting
do that Chelsea Handler you naughty girl you didn’t wait long enough to say Republicans are bad you’re so naughty that that hurt me I hope it’s clearing being sarcastic see how people have paid attention to they know now the details before the news again really reports it so they knew that he wasn’t a Muslim newly wasn’t black they knew that he was from the United States there’s probably a member of the community because the news reported it like a shooter threat and just now just saying a shooter makes everybody know fuck this funny first of all how that was noticeable and it’s funny second of all how I was like those are the details I wanted what color was he what what is this about which of the Lord of the Rings factions so is this in service of pick up factions in Lord of the Rings The Two factions The Game of Thrones I didn’t want to play Game of Thrones
Mafia Goodfellas black people buy a white dude because but not but then again that then your brain gets divided down the middle into a now you’re now you’ve become like some weird
fucked up twin sociopath could neither of you has a soul anymore because one of you is still making calculations like well at least it was a white guy because if it wasn’t that would be even worse for some Rube Goldberg sole Society machine it’s like why when did I get tricked into hoping different people were dead or alive of the first place with a lot of what you what religion they are what what they were wearing on their head why am I hoping this is a redneck because I do think that the first thing you think is I want to know who and why because I want to know if I’m next we feel like we’re taking a temperature we feel like these new stories that are that you would they feel like we’re watching a like our country has the flu and we want it we want to know it’s like when I get to high and it starts shaking my pulse it’s so stupid but it’s just a
why are you pushing down in your carotid artery so you’re really fucking up the date I like it would who what are you going to do if you noticed your pulse stops you going to call a doctor
I drove all the way to a clinic cuz I got to high jump in the car drove to a clinic and was like I’m having a heart attack I’m having a heart attack and then right before I go to the car was like you don’t have insurance Niger and that sobered me right the fuck backup you mean like that your focus went off of your diet onto your finances it’s better than going in there and creating like a $2,000 bill
that is where we are we are at this point where we hear bad news and we definitely break it down to its core so we can figure out whether or not we need to go get that go and not only are we do it but but really it’s like this guy who sitting on his couch checking his clothes cuz you got to high that guy isn’t prudent he’s not health-conscious he’s not piano plan and he doesn’t really even want to go to the hospital on top of everything else you’ve never even committed to hypochondria because the reason he’s going like this is because you know the alternative hospital just in case risk you know bankruptcy I put myself out there I’ll put more energy into something’s in my anxiety but it’s like so we’re just we’re in a hammock of anxiety right now we got too high on let’s say capitalism but I don’t want and now we’re pushing down on our carotid artery issue with the fingers of xenophobia and white guilt
and pushing and pushing and waiting for the right signal through those fingertips to do what something dig a bunker what am I going to do you supposed to rationalize and then you stop freaking out like that’s the hope you’re like so it turns out he was a bad person I’m a good person I’m fine I don’t have to worry you know I think that’s what’s supposed to happen but it doesn’t really work whatever the processes it’ll take 4 years and we we did it we’re a quarter of the way there cuz then we can just pull that lever so hard and getting started back in the I think it’s the old days to take off a check to buy the package before I was like I did I haven’t done it since because nice has got way too good at cinematography and I knew that wasn’t going to but is it back then when when
Michael like terrorists groups were like doing beheading videos it was always like all fucked up and like some weird Fisher-Price pixel can they do some weird Alpha Matt on it to disguise their base. Just had to be like a dude hovering in the in a cookie cutout or whatever and I always will like I would click on that stuff and it did have something to do with wanting to know I have no idea what data I would get from that stuff something to do with coping with death because yeah what could be a worse nightmare then you’re doing your your some civil engineer or something in your overseas and you get pulled into a I mean it’s that thing where you realize it can happen to anybody and then you start we start coping with strangers deaths on the Internet by going okay God damnit there’s a reason this would be me and is a reason this guy or there’s a reason why when this happens to me I’ll know what to do or there’s a reason why when it happens to me or hurt that much like I think that was part of I’m not you I watched a beheading video cuz I see
I kind of wanted to know I wanted to see or hear some primate impulse that that maybe go after the first would you design looks like it’s bad looks like the bad way to go I don’t even think of using the right tools for the job while I was out of sick but then I see a movie and it was like this is so unsettling yeah but they’re little like they’re they’re clearly they’re like I mean even the name Isis is so much cooler than the past Taliban like you like the past terrorist names like the name that we used to put terrorist organizations in literally
leave us alone
your job is become so easy although I got to say we are really outpacing Isis at this point it’s this it feels like it’s scarier to be in the United States than it would be in the Middle East of time hell yeah I mean it had its I don’t know what the statistics are but I know for sure we yeah
yeah I do know that I can’t stand the bigger chance of getting killed like in a poor neighborhood in America than they do in the Middle East has always been like one of those weird statistics that pizza we did it when I look at like middle-eastern statistics in and it’s like low-rent Eastern European countries cuz I know that rich people look at those statistics are look at those facts may they go like oh you know like the eights eights like what you think when you get a job in your you don’t like the job is so you like start like you showing up late and then your boss yells at you and there’s like a change of like oh no but then you find you keep finding your limits like that like the the Monopoly guy’s running things they look at us maybe I shouldn’t say Us Babies is that you and like I’m just like a piece of
privileged would like floating like slightly on top with Trey Parker or something but but but they look at the Sea of taxpayers Voters whatever the fuck they see us as and they know these people are so spoiled they don’t know how good they have it like in Czechoslovakia is a blah blah blah and it was fine and in Iran when a woman blah blah blah blah blah blah blah you know that they’re just go there looking at that with this thing ya goddamn it what the market will bear idea of like yeah you know make sure everybody gets a couple Gap sweaters don’t take away their Gap sweaters if you do that they will Riot if that idea of how much can you take before you really start to get upset damn we can take an awful lot a lot I think we could slide right into the shiter man like Lake Wheatley Wheatley
took to fight with I I feel so vulnerable I feel I just like I spent all weekend is like
like it just like playing Minecraft you know I was about to mind holding my lover but it really would be realize play Minecraft but then also holding my lover in like like like just deal with all these like dude anxieties is dead because of the church shooting I’d like to join my cell phone to take a shit I look at the phone and Jesus fucking Christ never stops I don’t give a goddamn break from your people dying and then I’m like I just I just I just I just I just want to be able to protect Cody I just want but you can feel this very dark cold monolithic sing setting in that is all numbness and comfort and fear it’s it’s it where you eat you could feel the fringes of your empathy like they’re just like disintegrating because the solution that we used to connect to each other we have these tendrils in it
and none of that solution is just too citified then like the parts of us that were we’re not we all expect like this thing to be like some movie where people are turned into something but it’s like the first thing that happens is you work your connections to each other our amputated and survival and it doesn’t even have to be my guys it’s just like this is what’s happening to us it’s like necrotizing like we’re going numb we’re we’re we’re we’re going cold and we’re like that gives way for me like bouts of euphoria because I think your system shutting down its got like one of my lungs don’t matter that much so now my brain has all this glucose lift over to remember my mom like a soldier in a World War II smiley face Alexa give me a sheepdog Tony and it’s like I bet that’s based on real shit cuz I bet when you’re dying like your brain just cop pulls back and then bursts of of like
but it’s not that bad like Super Mario Odyssey song to be okay and it’s because I’m dying I’m dying like as a person who like ever thought they cared about other people or trusted them like I’m becoming an animal I’m becoming a person that just once I’d all I worry about now is like can I protect Cody can I order the last moments of my life can be spent bailing her and so that’s that’s like the part of the go get a gun white boy saying and then I don’t know it’s like I assume the trajectory keeps going we’re pretty soon I’m pushing Cody out a window or something and goings lots of nutrients
because there’s that that that that news doesn’t loosen it’s not like I’m finding out I care really I did it’s like it’s like I’m shrinking back right I’m just going like will I just want to be with my girlfriend I just want to I read a study that said people act and think more conservatively when they feel threatened and Fox News is very dedicated to making people feel threatened every day of their lives so it’s kind of like it this pipeline that’s conservative heising people one of the problems is for a while researchers had basically no way to induce liberal miss or whatever cuz you can make someone be feel more conservative whatever but you can’t make him feel more liberal but then they discovered recently that if you take him through a thought experiment where they suppose they’re invincible and invulnerable and Nino can’t be stopped by bullets and stuff done to get more liberal so it’s like feeling comfortable and safe makes you makes you more willing to share and kind of BB liberal but feeling that
you’re going to be dying from Terrace and stuff makes you want to get guns and Ben illegals fear good laugh like a dog’s nose fall here cuz he’s growling at me what do you want me to do like act like I’m not scared of your dog so he likes me a classic example is this last weekend like I kind of fell for it to be said that I would have went through an hour-long Rabbit Hole kind of debunking in my own head cuz it was like there was this refusefascism organization and they got a full-page ad in the New York Times I thinking and then who knows what happened first it doesn’t really matter because the internet is an anonymous Carnival of
of fear and lost end end end just the way everything that Humanity had a chance to bloom in to get teared off as its slide through the two inch diameter tube of the internet and we’re all realizing that now all too late we’re all realizing the Silicon Valley is cigarette companies like for the mind that they there through no fault of their own 21 apply for their own through a lot of fault of their own like Philip Morris going like no that will mean we get last sign ups yeah meet me trying to parse through this even though I’ll probably get details wrong and it’s like it’s kind of it’s not me trying to report to you it’s more me go and let me get this straight
that’s what happened I could be very wrong but it seems like what happened is the first maybe the Right started going like what’s this stay what’s this refuse fascism to get a page of the New York Times I got this like a really lame 90 IQ false-flag flyer started going out where it gets really confusing because the false flag wires you do a false flag prior would be like if you were white and you were scared of black panthers you would go you would make something it said like you know Huey P Newton says get a gun and go to Pershing Square tomorrow you know I’d like your white you’re doing that cuz if you hate the Black Panthers sucks but it’s more complicated because I don’t know if I’ve ever seen this before but like it’s the internet suppliers are free you don’t have to stop eating pizza to go eat paste something on the wall you can just keep fucking with shit A de Pepe airbrush this year
the swirl of there’s just all these fake Flyers where it says hey Auntie for don’t forget to wear your red baseball cap and Polo shirt tomorrow so that the cops think that it’s Donald Trump supporters who are attacking went when we start raping white women and then the it was just like good people would Troll and going to guess that’s right we’re going to a ball of white women tomorrow we’re going to kill all the white people tomorrow don’t forget and just like you but you can’t tell who’s doing that I went to like three and Tifa Beverly Hills that was like that sounds funny like fake you know like like like like like everything was fake everyone was faking someone else and everyone is like spreading disinformation and and so then the weekend happened at least scared I thought you know I know a lot of this is fake but that doesn’t
all the all it took for that guy in Las Vegas to do what he did is apparently had extra guns are so I don’t even know which still don’t understand why he did what he did but also he was not dissuaded by the fact that it was a honky tonk concert didn’t lose it with Jeff Davis’s friend that was shooting at instead of his original plan is it legal to wear if you’re not crazy but you are just filled with rage at least you do have like a right-brain at back to it so you don’t do things like the Boston Marathon thing like cuz you when you put those things together. You just scared to leave the house now because you got like what everyone’s yelling at each other so much on the internet they’re like I’m going to kill you come get me I’m going to I’m going to fucking kill you I’ll be there tomorrow I’m the Sharks you’re the Jets and then like basically nothing happens and then the next day it was just like I looked at the hashtag that they were on November 4th
it begins or whatever it was it was like essentially 100% just like
people probably I’m guessing in not in California like probably in I’m not going to keep on bashing like red States like like as if everyone that lives in a red state is like some kind of joke or Eric even even being Yokel is a crime if your Yokel it doesn’t want everyone to die you’re on my side you’ll go away I told you not to bring up the menu for Roma’s International must you be so localized in your yoga like the Cosmopolitan yokels
maybe you need to get a passport and maybe I’ll still sounds like an old iced tea slang word it so if you’re hating on locals then that means you’re a transient so you’re in a rock me under your comic so someone who ever lived wherever they were they were going to be tomorrow and they had to rhyme the word local okay
I’m sure you made that up because you see the American flag Emoji in the thing and you see that you see the little tiny itty-bitty little thumbnail with a guy you think maybe it’s looks like he’s kneeling over a boar carcass with a fucking blowgun and they just patting themselves on the back and high-fiving about how was it didn’t show up
yep which is crazy today they are winning because that means you can just we just invented the or didn’t invent it but that’s a bunker-buster that’s a societal bunker-buster I can now decide to take out any Group by like if I if I hate Native Americans let’s leave them for a while if I like if I hate like I could go home and I can now just create a bunch of fake accounts and say it’s too much work just make a fire pit with a car mechanic logo the Jiffy Lube workers union with a fist and and and this is a big knife with a sore throat and it just says don’t forget tomorrow style and then I just send it out sending out and then when I go like
and then and then like it I sent it out of a million channels and go like you guys I’m really concerned about this is no way to finding this stuff except for me I mean this is crazy I can’t believe this is some ships going down you know that 20% of the people are going to go yeah that’s right I’m doing that and then another 20% of people are going to go yeah I heard another thing at work and then you just wait two days and one of two things happens at the Jiffy Lube people are trying to fucking kill us let’s go kill them nothing happens and it’s a win-win cuz you just you just go chicken chicken bock bock just crazy I’m terrified about that losing we’re losing the meme War it’s there’s not I mean it’s weird to talk about it like that but there’s not really another way to push it I mean I remember 2004-2008 like Republicans know how to message they say you know we’re going to call this free handouts we’re going to call this not taxing but not tax cuts for the rich and they’ve done that for more than 10 years probably longer but they are still good
that and then we you know and then so they’ve evolved and now they’re online this course is all in service of this great dishonesty and it just works really well and then on our side we you know we’re shooting our pants and blaming each other and smearing the shit on the other person and saying you’re doing this to me in like it’s not we’re losing the meme War it’s really bad news you can’t any time you go on in a big part of Russia Bots I’m sure anytime you go on Twitter it’s just like conservative dominate the discourse went by all accounts there’s probably more liberals on Twitter than you deserved a red Steve Silverman’s book we had him as a guest of the show the only neurotypical that the artistic Community says is allowed to to neuro splain for them because he spent years writing the big sick buckets of history of autism in America diagnosis which starts in the seventies because they were so cattle prodding people back then but the the history of the autistic Spectrum in the United States
runs parallel to the history of the internet it starts with ham radio it’s goes to Syfy cultural stuff because they’re at once upon a time there were people who in situations of like a party where there’s like real punch and Cheetos and like I contact they weren’t like that they were going up to the plate as they did at home and a ham radio it’s Morse code or the internet created on the backbone of of like this silent minority of like Geniuses in our country people who who because they’re smart and because as Spock knows it’s more logical to just pick a lane in terms of whether you’re good or evil and stick with that and then abide by Logic with in that lane and raise your eyebrow at the approach of how to
protect your species and things but at least you’ve decided yeah but if if a human gets in a fight with a shark I’m not going to root for the shark because I’m not a crazy person right those people and yeah that’s what I mean by those people those people
the internet and
in there like 13 year old Dan Harmon’s I started to talk to people for the first time in a monochromatic Monitor and I I get to lose my virginity at 16 to something it never would have happened I don’t think to this day if it weren’t for these like internet chats combined with will it get together in real life at the local Fuddruckers in let’s like look at each other wear name tags and we can like sneak out to the car and try some stuff we can pack our bodies by coming with with anyone that’s actually normal operations fireworks that would be a herpes backpack it was a place to hide the internet was a place where smart people went to hide from their moms from the laundromat operator from couldn’t understand complex thought from from from from people who lets lets even put it even more
objectively and safe for people whose IQs were distributed along different parts of different receptors and transmitters people who fare better at a party and a backyard in a trailer at the bar and on a snowmobile I just rattle off a bunch of things that you associate with right-wing people but I’m in a penthouse cocaine David Bowie Legacy K1 commercial was your boss so is your wife so is your kid so is your job so your job prospect when I moved to LA you still with the Kinkos to produce my screenplays like so we can we try when I can hand them out
parties because we had email but it’s just that how you how you looked up old people old friends and likes it like are you alive this is crazy now it’s just like the internet is the real world I’m not telling you anything you don’t know that’s why there’s no audience now it’s the worst timing because we need the Hawkman in The Flash Gordon of the political Spectrum which is the the the the smart people and they excelled at the internet because they never had those those specific kind of like tendrils so their logic was like where they were actually able to say hi my name is Tom like I’m not that good at talking at the party but I now am good because I know where the point-and-click now everyone putting in cooking that hasn’t changed into a social butterfly and it hasn’t made him empathic right so now
you have a black woman on Twitter saying I’m mad about this and we got to do this on Wednesday and gold kids together and then you have like a well-intended white person going well I don’t think the pound-for-pound there’s any as racist as saying this other thing thank you Spock thank you so much this is exact right time for this this is perfect logic is exactly what we needed right now because of logic and it’s great conveyors bullets chips and Spears arrows fire set to your home things that don’t involve understanding other people worked twenty years ago now it doesn’t your mom’s on Facebook now she’s an idiot
call the time your mom thinks that headlines R-Truth I Almost Do I still can’t quite get past it there’s another type that’s like bigger than other type underneath it and a byline and a thing and it’s like designed in a way that looks like something that used to be called the newspaper and I go newspaper and then if and then I have to then go fake newspaper I’d like but but but like your mom is like newspaper like that she never even gets that far and then she just clicks forward to all our friends they’re terrified their porcelain birds are rattling if 44 year old genius iconoclast Dan Harmon is rattling his girlfriend with his Rippling bicep while his Iron Man Mark 3 suit is being assembled in the corner by Jarvis and I’m scared your mom is gone
Vibe I like like like she said she just didn’t matter if she started Democrat or fucking but are you your mom at this point is fucking like under the bed and she’s and we’re doomed
yeah sort of the things that they are good at is the old everything sucks and here’s how we’re going to fix it and everything sucks and here’s how we’re going to fix it and we are incredibly bad at we’re fixing things we don’t have time to tell you what we’re doing if you look at with Obama left office everyone had to come to his Aid afterwards to discuss the things that he’s done in office and the list is 506 hundred things long but he never talked about there’s this crazy thing that Democrats have where they practice the humidity in order to get the job of charity done and then they don’t shoot their own horn but there’s a ton of legislation that the right benefits from but you never hear Democrats rub it in their face after you broke mother fuckers are on ACA you’re the people on heroin you’re the people laid off your the people that this program was set up for the middle class is liberal it’s the poorest of the poor that needed a CA but needs Kratts cut to the Chase and say
talking to you I’m not talking to just one person who gets $5 coffee I’m talking to your broke ass who need things like Edd and free college something for too busy actually doing the job is a little bit of Hope and Faith in there that says they’ll they’ll figure out that we’re the ones Behind These great programs Democrats are pushing the agenda in the Press but the truth is we stopped all these bands we stop all this crazy-ass Behavior there are incredible Democratic leaders to happen to be female which is why they’re not getting any play and then having the African American Hispanic and Asian gross right here’s the thing though
who send you the people that you’re thinking aren’t going to be able to do the job one of the great things this party does is sending an old black woman to get some shit done because the Republicans think they can defeat her and will be asleep at it so that’s part of the problem is that it looks really dark but on the ground we sort of know
we’re out here we’re out here physically going door-to-door and figuring out how we can stop his people we may not brag about it and we may not have a marketing budget for the truth of the matter is this Ben some Gyros
there’s probably a million of them I mean by definition heroes are
I just end up getting suffocated and they weren’t they weren’t trying to breathe though I don’t mean to be Morgan Freeman about it but that when we got on that burning ship that was was headed towards the town that it was going to go down with us on it and we don’t give a fuck about that we don’t mind that there’s nothing more hardcore more ride or die about saying I did this for the group and you can suck these balls the dude who just did it for his family and ripped off a country so that his kid could have a hundred million 50 60 70 years from now that’s not really a baller that’s not really a tough person that’s not a g a g is when you’re like I’m fucking down the ride I know this is going to get my head shot off that’s some Christmas Attic shyt where you like somebody got to start this motherfuking party we have those people we just don’t talk about them
that’s the thing is that I had to confront my cowardice in my comfort level being threatened when I was like I was like I’m not going to church went and took photos at the you know Pershing Square and stuff I was like somebody’s going to set off a fucking lunchbox bomb or something it in as a therapist gun that’s okay if you’re a pacifist is it if you find out you’re a pacifist because baseball bats come out you’re a pussy it doesn’t it’s too late to find out you’re a pacifist it’s not that’s when everyone finds out there a pacifist but it’s like and she said look you got to stop
you like it because I was saying like for 20 years I talk like Noam Chomsky you know read half of one of his books and I’m like so left of left of left of anarchists like power to the people and there’s no such thing as race it’s just a division that vertical they’re trying to distract you from the horizontal divisions and we need to fucking like but really it was a fucking Dodge because it was saying I was going like red red election blue election Wake Me Up When politics gets real cuz there’s going to be people in the street beating the fuck out of each other that’s how you know when it’s real good bye I’m going to like I’m fucking like I didn’t know it but it was as far as you know you have a feeling someone’s going to get their brains beaten in something’s going to blow up something’s going to get Thrones start on fire you could be there with a blanket put it out help the person you you could
be the person that they beat up because you look a little bigger than the lady next to you you could you could you could just go there and walk the walk like what you’re talkin about are for the black lives matter March is what we wanted were white people around us we wanted white people in the crowd because we knew an albino and get killed when there’s a means that when we love being a real ring of white people around a bunch of black people when it means that the black people are going to come over and play Balderdash on Wednesday and we can teach them what a what a fucking trying to think of
white people
I know about these I brought enchiladas is that what you white people call them and charlotta

Chandler’s Fizz don’t want to it’s not not what we don’t we don’t want that that’s the other thing on Twitter is like it’s like white people standing next to black people it’s always the funniest thing like black people are like like I I you know let’s face it because I was like this is classic there was like a woman of color if you believe Twitter Avatar saying like something like it it’s worse on us than it is on you like it’s you know you Liberals are all waking up to this idea but it’s fucking flood not a Nazi Insight not a conservative inside not a Pepe do all right needed just because the clot that floods to that wound is all liberal white people going out.
now wait a minute this is not what I signed up for when I decided to care about you people a little gratitude wouldn’t hurt here you know they didn’t say those things literally but the way you think Brett that is just logic logic logic logic dig up actually I don’t think that’s true
sizing for the revolution after we finish this may be more of a beer together. I don’t know man it’s not a good time to you want to yes and you’re throng the nobody nobody goes like kill the monsters and years later she was a monster that’s a way to talk to a fellow
you have to admit Yoshi you’re you’re pretty stereotypical
I’m Japanese
yeah there it is it’s not fun it used to be to be dark fuck know I’m jealous bro my life tell me about it as it as it used to be like fuck this fucking new Taco Shop David Cross generation baby Janeane Garofalo flannel shirt hands in the pockets to look at the floor rocking chair Spin Doctors don’t look like Kiss cuz we’re fucking real that’s right it was a blast you could talk to watch our sheer you could say I don’t like this juice has a natural I don’t like this fucking wallpaper I don’t like this that you can buy heard of it it sucks right good sign never heard this fucking back because they need an ally is only like four Dudes and you and Bill even cut mine off so I’ll listen to it while you’re telling me about him but if I find out someone told you about on my fucking not going to be your friend anymore so we hate them is used to be we had a great run of that and like you said
there’s a ton of comics that came out of that are of being able to like really make fun of the world and where we were from a very elevated place and now we don’t want to be dark like if that’s how you made your money you’re not really into like don’t think suck I think it’s that’s how hard it is it’s so hard that starts with Muppet movies frankly it’s like that where it’s like on The Muppets yeah there’s a there’s a comedy person in that movie like we all grew up on the Muppet station like come on Goodnight Moon book Goodnight Moon movie
I will tell you one of those two things during this production of
Whoopi Goldberg as a starfish because you don’t want to be on the side of badshit which the Republican right-wing the fear-mongering side the the the the skeksis themselves from
Gestalt they don’t feel like if they
make the case that racism is okay in order to get what they want that they don’t worry about the like reverse Midas Touch of OA I’m going to protect my daughter make sure she can go to good schools by by hitting these talking points and he’s talking points it’s like it’s almost like that Linguistics is where is where the atomic fission is is that liberals think words are magic we think that if you say abracadabra and you really believe in it if you believe you’re Invincible if you believe the Tinkerbell can come back to life and then you she can but no one wants to risk anything I want to run up on stage and bring Tinkerbell back to life the Republicans get to go Tinkerbell’s already dead cool thinks that we should hang that person for doing it right it’s really easy to raise your hand demagoguery I mean it worked in Rome right like it’s that’s a very
true tradition is very effective and so it’s like what what do you supposed to do when your way win win the how are you supposed to not become the thing you hate if the thing you hate is hate you can’t that’s what I said I’m not saying join the hate but like I don’t how do you beat demagoguery other than being more popular than a demagogue and being alive isn’t actually being a demagogue like I don’t know there’s not you can’t be a spoilsport and say demagoguery sucks this demagogue is is not cool because nobody wants to be told what to do and if it but the but okay I’ll be back up this to you and thank you for being here it is it in lieu of Duncan Trussell is like also like I put him in the same drawer as you you like your guys that like you know it’s like what I’m doing is easy it’s like heavy and like I curl up in a ball sack by some of my sink to the bottom of the pool and I associate that with like transformation but I’m Reliant
people if you were down there going like wolves you’re not going to be like a piece of shit I know our numbers are bigger that’s that’s the that’s the thing I know that there’s more of us trying to save the world
I think I’d swap Ozzy I think that the key is with the question is how do you how do you beat hate if if you don’t want to hate it because if you hate it you hate and then hate hate hate and then we were all so sick of hearing about you forgot the Rust Belt you should be friendly to hillbilly today on the internet you should do like there’s something in between their my therapist was getting at that like it’s like we we have to we have to be ourselves
even more than we thought you ever had to be like the definition of being honest what it what we didn’t realize that it was spoiled along with a sea of like Badness that we could counter by for instance of the 90s culture going well because it’s got a logo but fight like it was that easy to revolt back then it’s getting harder and harder and harder to revolt against hatred it’s becoming increasingly clear that the only way we’re ever going to beat it is with genuine love and we are constantly running up against these moments anecdotally where were the trolls aren’t smart but they because they’re dumb and because we want to beat them and strangle them out of existence we just keep finding out that we are full of or hate them
and it’s not like he eats like we have to actually learn how to love we had and it doesn’t mean like just see some Grody piece of shit that you don’t like being around and pretending that you like them our respect them politeness is a big problem right now or it’s Birds Reds rather it’s it’s not a problem anymore because we’ve that market has crashed but if if if if if we’re living in the 1929 right now things leading to it that you would word would be learning about history culture like one of the things to be politeness I’m sorry but we were always like the road Comics were always right about that that the PC thing I know that the bad guys right now are still harping on that Butler PC culture that we don’t have the language to separate these things but the truth is we started building a we had a grain of sand in our oyster called like class
ISM and we started fucking swirling around in our little mucus pouch and coding it with secretions of how do you do Mam and nice to see you and yes I believe your equal and now we got a big fat Grody Pearl has a bad metaphor for the Pearl it’s it’s it’s it’s the Ragnarok dealing with in the first place you know we went from the 70s I hate to I hate to Gen X bully everybody but Brandon and I’ll tell you we had nailed it around nineteen seventy nine plus we’ve crossed into the 1980s we were just about to break dance our way into true equality it was in all the papers gangs were breakdancing to settle their disputes
we had replaced shoelaces with velcro Michael Jackson had not yet been assailed by a conspiracy of liars not going to change though because we did kind of backslide especially in TV and stuff right there to represent like was a representation getting a lot better and then just something happening kind of just got sent back twenty years like what happened I don’t know is what happened we had Wall Street crashes people were pitted against one another that had never been pitted against one another before you did have people started to equalize it sort of make money regardless of who you were everybody was on the up and then we broke some deals that we had which where we weren’t going to lay off the people in the middle of the country we weren’t going to do that to the manufacturing base we were going to help those people learn computers we were going to help those people learn automation we weren’t going to break unions and we weren’t going to take your house from you we broke those three Deals which made the average American said maybe
very poor and then they were ripe for the picking we started a war on the poor in the eighties we decided that do that we just headed to deregulate we decided to economically it starts with economic policy tax breaks in order to do this we’re going to need to have the government not do as much okay well let’s make let’s let’s let’s just let’s just have a war on the poor will there’s a lot more of them than there are of us are there when you divide a month by every little tiny itty-bitty the thing that you can divide them by are there really more of them knows if they’ll let let’s get them back from Archie Bunker where people are talking about the shit let’s go let’s go right in the Knight Rider where the black guy is talking and Ryan’s while he fixes kit between adventures and damnit that was a progressive choice
do you want to be a big titted women and I fucking move Society forward I’m sorry Glen Larson I’m not I’m sure that’s true and I’m not saying I’m just saying like it’s kind of it’s about to eat though it’s like you see that happening on TV that’s the only thing I know about Society it’s like yeah I don’t know we’re not really paying attention to how many years we have successfully held them back so if you’re looking at it from I have to always remind myself from a civil rights perspective we did a great job after the 7th and we were able to hold these very evil forces back through 70s through the 80s and then it got dicey in the 90s and now we’re not all the way back but we have lost a Battle Ground we had racism as a thing that we’d figured out to beat you should be ashamed of that actually took a lot of doing
you and I were both born after that transaction occurred like like like like so we don’t even understand what it might be like to be in like 1961 and be like like woah yeah but black people are like different and like hating them is how I pay my rent you know like a good person might be like yes feeling that way like we don’t understand how that concept Works cuz we were born into a world where he had we had decided at some Summit called the fucking work of all of the civil rights movement that okay racism is officially bad the villains of showing their true colors we know how this works here we go welcome Children of the 70s to the dawn of the age of Aquarius racism is bad and then we’re like racism is bad with racism is bad and then our neighbor didn’t return my lawn mower or like that guy’s racist or like it just got too comfortable at like that lately. So bad
what is up so we agreed that racism is bad to the point where idiots hateful idiots terrible Lynch Mob oriented authoritarian Mystic sheeple if you will read pillars even I could just know that racism was bad and just write a letter to TV guide and call them racist when they wanted TV Guide change the way they did things and then that also coincides with that populations only gets money they’ve been monetize since World War II variable to spend realize it’s a country that we can actually make money off of these people so that being racist becomes deficient in the map also coincides with women also becoming wealthier so what do they do at the top as they sort of go look I don’t have to just under pay you I could under pay her wife two and they begin to split us and neither one of us are doing better and what are you guys got kids will like what you do that for exactly are you going to make another American for you fucking gross people like
how to get an abortion you could do that they criminalize being a woman which is the same tactic that they used with Mexicans and Asians and blacks your if you criminalize the the woman in every family is a poor families are going to crumble before the families that can get a nanny God damn it we figured it out with a bunch of holes in this recent attack which is that because it’s based on policy because it’s based on the sweeping legislation when we can do is on a Grassroots effort hand-to-hand talk to one another just talk to your neighbor get involved do those things and they won’t see that one of the things that I always say is when I was working for Planned Parenthood volunteering in the neighborhood and never bumped into a republican that’s how I know we can succeed they always use it whenever they don’t have DNA or some prints or anything or or you know it’s like Geographic
forensics always like other like criminals are lazy everyone’s lazy not criminals people are lazy criminals are people if you were going to rob someone how far from your house would you go to ring a doorbell you’re under arrest Google his office and then look what hotel is hatred appeals to you by saying you won’t have to do much and so that’s the thing is like I haven’t pierced that memory where it’s like something about love makes you like it’s like the way that I feel about Cody feeling that about strangers is the that’s the solution to the way that we could beat them
I need you to do that rub your toes on my nipple and cut call me daddy butt
it’s all going to come out in her and TBS show anyway so get used to it now
at least my fucked-up shit up here it’s going to be me and Elijah Wood left with everybody that’s trying to figure out who the last straight white guys going to be this like standing side-by-side with me that’s all of male Hollywood is it going to be who’s it going to be Ashton Kutcher I think Jerry O’Connell that’s hilarious but he seems like a nice guy is not cutting it anymore friends my neighbor’s house is a great guy you like like who do you think I know whose last and whose things in the anecdotes that are coming out at these Fireside Chats among Hollywood Elites it’s pretty amazing and yet not amazing at all cuz here’s the thing like I don’t incriminate myself by saying this because I never worked anywhere near him but really if you worked in Los Angeles you knew ever
thing that we learned about Kevin Spacey like like like I’m not saying that to further vilify him in like high road anybody I’m saying that to self account and say like this stuff that is coming to light is stuff that I think the the biggest the increasingly to me that actually this is been a Hollywood problem and it routed in a gender problem it’s it’s a magnification of the ginger problem where the Hollywood problem is which is we this is about Labor abuse in Hollywood this is about it’s a bit about the fact that Hollywood has had a free pass as a workplace it is not bound itself to the same laws as Jiffy Lube which is crazy because the guy at Jiffy Lube have to be very careful what he says to Brenda from Marketing in the copy room even though he’s covered in oil or like like and I’m not and it’s like we’re we’re we’re pretty
more fucked up shit if you knew the stories at Jiffy Lube you’d be like I don’t want that guy changing my oil does a standard it’s because everyone currently in Hollywood comes here as a pilgrim of fantasy and wonderment everyone has read the stories and the biographies of their favorite people they’ve picked sides they’ve decided Well I’m not a this guy fan I am of this guy fan and I hope to be like this guy one day so I’m going to emulate him and we’re so focused it’s a community of alka Workaholics and in an end every young Squire that comes out is a workaholic is the saying like hey can you abused me because I want to be Dolly Parton one day I want a p Otto preminger I want to be I want to run Hollywood I want to work for everything so focused on the
work that we we are indoctrinated into the society that says and then plus all that fucked up shit happens at the wrap party and we don’t treat it the same way you would a Christmas party for your for your tax company natural because it’s like we are making a movie it’s not like we’re selling paper reams at like Scranton or whatever like like it’s going to be this thing that we will have to do and then I will be over you no like you kind of get sucked into this it’s like a tour kind of thing or we’ll just we’ll just make it happen I guess it is kind of feels different I guess then just if it’s like yeah but this is Brenda from accounting or accountants never gone through a casting process that’s part of the problem is is beef cattle and the way you look and the way you look on film for the talk right to that person at that party for every every story you hear about your favorite people no matter how Christine they are all the stories of
we break them down you hear the story of this is how Barbra Streisand got her big break it it’s it’s not she looked at a rock and threw it a lion that was attacking the right button treatment I don’t know Isaiah I’ll look it up later it’s it’s it’s a conversation it’s like a one-liner yeah it’s in that is that makes it like there’s no oil to change in between those conversations we can go hey you suck at changing oil or your your Jiffy Lubes are not showing a profit it’s like no you’re these movies are great and then this studio is doing great like all these people are either getting famous or not famous based on Legends of how charismatic they were and if you already don’t have a society based on reason and respect there’s an industry based on Charisma us to be realizing that there’s a lot of potato bugs under that rock
you cannot hold these huge rooms full of 20-somethings and then have a bunch of men making decisions based on Matt and expect that to work out and it’s it’s like like I wanted you know it’s like eight leg lock the fucking the god-damned it’s weird how people talk to each other sometimes lately casting directors assistance talking to someone who’s dropping off a package it’s even weird like you would witness it and go like that was a little odd but it’s not being mean to each other either it’s like you’re either that or you’re like a paladin looks like gold gleaming and charming and whatever I’m beating a dead horse but should do because men who Abused Women abuse so if we would actually read these people out if it would go a lot farther than waiting for fifteen women to actually have to take this guy down here we go something like this
Alan Alda and that’s the thing is that people say did you know in Hollywood about these guys in the matters yeah we we all know not just in Hollywood you know if you work at a Jiffy Lube if you work at McDonald’s where were you work you know the dude that standing next to you that’s being a jerk it’s just that word we’re not man enough and that is the definition of Manning up because of
can you buy the other dog you should have kept that wolf yeah it’s like it it’s it feels like prisoner Mafia culture to that where you’re like cuz I’m listening to this that that Providence Rhode Island podcast it says there’s a lot of guys I think he’s really sexy Rhode Island accents that even the fucking guy that’s hosting the show is like they sound manlier than me cuz it’s like I do I just don’t like a sound like this and made I don’t I’m trying to do it and all the cool that’s how they said it’s a bigger problem you don’t even take care of the problem and it’s like it’s like you got guys are like like oh like we’re really like susceptible to that it’s like we go like not necessarily cuz I’m like Dobby in Harry Potter I’m born to serve it’s like it’s actually the other part of you it’s the alpha part of you I think that the egg has the train coupling for that
cuz you go oh that’s that sounds refreshing a society that is built on on calloused hands and a horse sense because I just think about the times when I had the conversation with anybody strangers and bars grandfather’s who who were Marines and in like listening to it we are watching movies about these guys like this is Justice boner you get filled with its a heart boner it’s like oh yeah that’s the that’s a man and it’s not like you’re a you’re a beta if you’re afraid of an alpha you actually more have to own a little Alpha inside your beta cuz being a bit if you were truly committed to being a beta I think you know
let’s all be beta is in other words let’s think of the other person first little baby Alpha in you it’s that that that that chimpanzee that’s like I’m a beta because I can’t afford to be an Elsa right now but that guy really really like the cut of his jib I love that problem in the car headed head off with a table saw and just the dab do your lips with a napkin I don’t know how man how it works I’m making it up
I can’t I can’t rich man if it all real man dances with with an app that that’s where he tells the story about the powerlifter guy and the guy coming up into just let you know I’m sure myself when I’m thinking and talking so like if you ever had as a big lake that’s it is like that’s my that’s my interview at are the Patton Oswalt doesn’t want to hurt anybody but he’s telling this story about this time he saw this one guy lift another guy and drop them and he exploded in the blood and the guy went back to his friends if you hadn’t done anything and it’s like there’s something Eerie about the compatibility there like we speak for myself like I just like yeah at the end of the day the reason why I
punch a Nazi or run from one has everything to do with what I think a man is supposed to do it doesn’t even it’s like the reason why I’m antifashist more than I’m a scared of Communism is because my grandpa’s lied about their age to go to the Marines and fight Fascism and I feel embarrassed in front of their ghosts because I never helped them lay cement in the driveway I was like I’m going to go right now. I think I got homework yet know you know the deal comes in so many different ways but none of them are violent that’s what a dumb person does their there is nothing to do with being a man that is using your fists to hurt another person lift the other guy have a drop some clothes like a tarantula and he also did something that got the guy away he didn’t stand and engage in box the dude and wrestle the dude he picked him up showed him strength and he dropped him and walked away
that is awful but he did try what a man is supposed to do really what a man is supposed to do it just have a command of English that lets the other man no I’m not interested in fighting you I’m not going to be no bitch but I’m also not interested in fighting because what man understands that there’s women that people around them to be scarred by whatever you’re about to do the two of you and you don’t want to do that to people like it it’s not manly to fight it’s manly to figure out a way to get the fuck up out of there so you can get back to your 60 $70,000 your job your man go to work file the papers do the surgery don’t be out in the streets are Gladiators we we luckily have evolved to a point where you never have to hit another man you never have to hit one you can get your car you can drive off and we’ll talk show up because there are armed men whose job it is to suppress shit like that they will ask you what the fuck were you thinking don’t strike another man
you’re a grown ass man I’m not going to side with you know what no one is ever going to look at you and go I’m so glad you punch that Nazi and if they are they’re not right dude that’s not a man a man figures out a way to buy the Nazis house flooded bathroom
the man that Baptist Vista company you want to be the man that’s like haha motherfuker really your mat for you these questions because of the bring it back to the other thing the Internet it’s like we were also raised in a culture where information will set us free where the bad guys are zip lipped and they don’t like communication and that they do their work in the darkness and the good guys shine spotlights and they go in the 80s movies the nerd who takes power always does it by going like can I get everyone’s attention I’m a nerd and I just wore a mask to trick a woman into letting her eat me out so it looks put a pin in that is it that movie’s problematic single movie like that from the eighties and there’s always the scene where the cafeteria is detention is directed and forget about like the Teeny teenage culture it’s even also just like every hero miss that we have so
it was always about we going to get the word out look look out the window look all the people they got the word or the tape plays and then the the wiretap of the senator going you think I care about these animal people and everyone goes like wow I heard the truth the movies over no more lies wow those lies were building up for 90 minutes and 20 years and arrow with no more lies I heard it over the last week and now we’re just like every morning we get up and we’re like stop with the truth and the truth and the truth lies and the and the light like a desert now what now we’re all thinking about punching people cuz I has was like going on if you would like to prove that Bologna’s made sloppy now and I was going to give you a Pulitzer a way that they will but maybe the police are people have their shit together
go like look look how dark the world is I found some Darkness over this corner with my flashlight and was going to go like no shit yeah that’s what I’m saying that’s what you started deserve those batteries you be cynical and you were pointing out shit that was really interesting because it was dark and now know now we don’t want to we don’t want to see that Darkness worth dealing with her own Darkness
fuck all right but but but but we got that we’re going to learn how to love and a little of people mess up was like the end-all-be-all things that’s like a therapist is like how much drama like oh you were an anarchist and now you’re a pussy lick lick lick lick it all has to do with you it’s like other people just like lake Lakes feel you’re an obscure person you just a regular guy like like like like you’re going through changes societies going through changes you’re moving along with it like you don’t have to like have to be the best at something in the worst it’s something in this doesn’t represent everything looks like you just a dude like fucking and now the challenges don’t use that as an excuse to like avoid processing like now you have to go I’m afraid of this I like this this makes me sad this makes me angry I could be wrong I was wrong yesterday blah blah blah and it’s like
Connor a challenge to its narcissist because Facebook was a great friend that showed up and had a bunch of stories to tell and it got really cool and then is we all built it up and quitters the same as well built it up and gave it all this information so they could love us more we discovered that it became bipolar and now when you listen to your old friend Twitter your old friend Facebook they’re really only focusing on the roughest of the roof and that is not reality I took a week off I didn’t didn’t log into can clock in and then use my laptop for anything other than writing and the world did not change nothing happened my brain got better I started to see more shit out there but that’s part of the problem is that that new TV of the laptop is in the computer is sort of got you able to see the bad that you would have seen before and it’s not that bad it’s really not that I know it looks and sounds so scary when you when you look at it but the truth of the matter is kids are still going to school safely every morning
doctors are still saving lives in surgery for a week is fucked up but for the most part America still has like it still has its self dont normalize I’m not normally do black people are always normalizing inundated with lynchings and shootings and hanging what you for a second you really had to be like good God if I walk outside of my house I’m going to get murdered the truth of the matter is that their hyping you man they’re trying to make you feel like there are more police shootings and ever you’re trying to make you feel like there’s all this other shit going down and it’s it’s there’s not and if there is it’s because like you said we’re in the middle of sort of a change and it looks a little rough right now but it’s it’s not like we’re looking at mass shooting statistics are spiking right like there’s a
shooting the snow it’s just it’s regular size shootings that killed most of the people like I mean there’s a shooting with about for four plus victims every single week and has been basically for two years or something like those that’s what adds up you know what I mean you know car accidents in mass shootings and heart attacks health care how long have I been indulging myself Jesus all right cuz I want to do one without the audience is there a Beat Can I get a Beat
but now I know now I was thinking like a picture of the abyss of the could be sorry. I could put headphones on or not going to do that this week I can put headphones on and here’s the beat you could do it too but we can hear the metronome we we hear the beat but then we wrap into the livestream and then somebody out there like these guys are really good at all the stuff and they can add music they haven’t cleaner audio I know what you’re saying I didn’t think I just did that I just ripped this like a harmontown and audio engineer Harry you like he he he added like
it sounds like an amazing it’s like I don’t know how you keep put me on Tempo in like
when start with it cuz it’s like it’s very gospel and there was a horrible church shooting and saying I was like I don’t know if I’m being a over cook but I just I kind of know I don’t even want to get those dots connected now that you said it up you know you already you already like deniability
all ready by the time you know by the time this goes out that will be over the church shooting
okay ready
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah trees leaves Roots bleed
picnic tables space wrapping at you with my lips I fuck your mama so hot I sunk her titties ships Trafalgar Waterloo it was her and I fuck your mama so fat she made my penis Bend she’s back up pussy prism she made my dick contort and refract and reflect some of the world’s worst thing
I made your mama sing she said I love being penis I’m committed to your mom
I’m going to take her to the prom even though I’m 44 and she’s 50 we thought that it would be Nifty it’s not just out you it’s not the school we went to taking one at random and seeing what they do when a middle-aged couple walks in the door and pretend that it’s their problem and will they pull delete that will they try to stop the beat I don’t know let’s find out the truth is in the street Obama and frosty to go back to school I’m not so angry right now
all right I’m coming to get us a salad wrap
go wait till the problem but I’m 44 high resolution
angry angry like the gruff the gruff rappers likely in the annex to drop that much science I mean you do have to know your riding pretty well to grow throughout DMX’s super good at it cuz he was just stopping
it started shut off with my car and then and then Busta Rhymes classic I think there’s like above all my favorite cuz he would start like Slick Rick kind of like yeah kill the ghost by slash
shouting like he can’t he can’t he can’t fucking take it and then where I would love to see people who dance amazing I mean it’s amazing with you it would be helpful if the hip-hop Community started adopting my my my my ways I’m sure that’s already happening I do want to go to like I just like a hot on a back road and Atlanta and finally just jet black heart medians doing your dance and wrap it in your same pattern I told you man you can’t talk about that mad you’re not depressed like that man no do spin again
you’re not on the Spectrum to get by shouldn’t be because you do like it was like this is about what our culture has keeps telling me I don’t have autism DJ name is strobe light
that’s offensive you thinking of epileptics as I left it, but I think is like calling Samuel Jackson and Lionel Richie
and that no one’s going to write a letter is that how that has YouTube clip of the morning show hosts like he said something that makes it clear that he is confused with I think Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman or Wesley Snipes awkward cuz it’s because it was like Jackson didn’t let it go cuz what how could he be a team player he’s like how are you supposed to bounce back from that right after 1995 and like he was like just like we’re going to talk about this now and then literally dehumanized me you’ve been fused me it would be one thing I mean yes if you were valet Parker and you like oh yeah I forgot which one had the Porsche because same hair color but like you book them
your show and they thought he did a different movie that’s we got to stop doing television that we have to stop and take a little time out here if you get there before me if the reason that you’re famous is cuz you interview celebrities who died Fred or whatever just run up to the farm
impression of Ghostface
I was at war with yeah that’s what I want to hear the attraction think I could have been better off beatin the Rhine it’s it’s not clear don’t you think he’s actually really making it up on the spot what if he gets out of practice Yeah it’s not the old normally he’ll do like a a a rhyme word right to do that the classic mmmm do that he did more of like a a yell speak spoken word poetry and when your is lyrically, you can float like he can you sort of expect him to be like you know it be like it’s like acoustic set you be like

mom have at the combination I guess about your kids like the stakes are so much higher cuz it’s like like oh he’s just he’s saying I hate Trump and it’s like that’s like controversial which is a fucked-up saying he’s like two years late there’s a lot of rappers that already distraught the right at the gate so that was the other issues like to what station and what wallet’s going to go through and whatever like you and I are talking about it I don’t know about these other guys so that he knows that he’s there whenever he thinks about himself I’m just saying like that would affect throat affect me to why am I arguing with you I asked your opinion I didn’t like it near like tell me why you didn’t know about that.
really say there was there was some Rhymes in there where I was like holy shit that’s pretty awesome but truly the reason why I did think it was awesome is because as a fragile white dude who loved Eminem and who is probably his age and who like just feel helpless and M&Ms got you know like it’s like he’s not a role model and he’s not even in hip-hop or whatever it was like he he reappears and I always thought he was hang out there cuz he’s just like the Quentin Tarantino of rapping or something I wish they were happy to see him again and he looked good yeah I don’t know what that beer that there was a little and anarchic Lee political in is there acid in a way that was just like straight up that that is I was the reason I was excited when is because of all those things and he didn’t fuck up and like right
north south east west. Is your friend best is it because you was freestyling right I mean well now I hate it hold it are generation freestyling is off the top of the Dome younger kids think freestyling is when you don’t have a musical track anywhere you’re doing your song Acapella so it’s almost like remember remix used to be this is a new version of that song with the same lyrics and Now remix is just a longer version of a song for a different beat that isn’t quite the same effect
my name is Tom mr. Cruz is what they call me I’d like to tell you about scientology them off your back and then just give me $5,000 back. El Ron Hubbard is the man to beat I want to fuck your mama titties go to put my dick in her feet okay I was going to use another like I’ma Do My song that you guys all know about what I’m going to do without the Peloton on freestyle I’m thinking we talked about freestyling like what what is the what are the rules like what’s the religion surrounding freestyling like
play Queen Eminem The Slim Shady album what the fuck was it where he’s like he’s freestyling and it’s a really good good good how much are you allowed to edit if you got busted editing would it be like A Milli Vanilli Scandal if it’s on your album It’s like a freestyle tract is it is it like a scandal if someone like leaks the thing in your like taking 10 minutes ago I weigh if I should run sugar with yogurt micro saying that like for instance this then there’s another distinction or it’s like rappers like Jay-Z will they Pride themselves on not writing anything down but they don’t mean they are freestyling may just mean they don’t use pen and paper they just like play themselves like an instrument like that and they’re like Pink Floyd about it like that they’re doing it in layers and passes in like going off the off their head but there were finding it this week we’re going off their head and their people who have memorized freestyle rhymes
Timothy worker way to the sun’s tion and then we get freaky with that so everybody’s going to be like I went today to see some pee and I went my way and they’re going to want to it’s easy to see to be me it’s so easy to be he I meant for I try to do so the complexity is always like can you do what is Eminem’s super complex and he goes AAA for the whole 4 bananas when he said that’s hard to Freestyle cuz you got you need a dictionary with you do you like they are here in the sound so it’s like I stole your mama’s Acura wrecked it and sold it back to her was like that doesn’t rhyme yet does to me but it does when you say it if you think also like kids nowadays don’t rhyme anymore somebody a basket and somebody say kick it and I T that you were just kidding
do you back in the day you you had to run words that rhyme and it couldn’t be a party chant all the sudden lie just cuz you didn’t rhyme and couldn’t suddenly become a hook that’s what happens when you strip Language down the word Eskimo now how are you going to Rhymes Gimme Some Mo can’t get into it a little bit and you with that wasn’t into it I never met at 20th and I talked for what another fucking not to put you on the spot but do you need me or not well we have 15 minutes do you want to do
not to put me on the spot it’s totally up to you though cuz like if you if you don’t feel like doing it nobody’s going to be like I hate Spencer for not feeling like no one would say anything like that to me about it either right now there’s a pulling up his pants and wiping his boner away he’s Drafting and positive and negative response
if we do it he’s mad if we don’t children just got beat
why they shouldn’t have played to DND it’s like it’s great it’s a lot of fun we have a great fan base and I enjoy them and appreciate their patronage
but we will if we if we wrapped up right now we should be we go ahead and hate that I wouldn’t hate trying I just think that what happens what has happened in the past if you if you want to if you want to leave it to me and then you don’t have to do that you won’t be sapped of your of your power cuz I could say Spencer and here’s why I would say it because we’ve done everything else that we usually do in this space tonight and I thought the fun experiment was doing without an audience so if we then don’t play a little D&D I think that’s a mistake well yeah sometimes you put on the high heels even though you’re a feminist you don’t feel like you asked me what I wanted to do it when I was answering the question you answered what you wanted to do is go to a fucking black panther matter rally dammit
I just did what was the problem that I perceive is that what happens is when we have a very drastically shortened session remembers what happened and everyone forgets further about what happened in the session before that and then it becomes harder the next time we show up to actually but you know how rude moments ago I was like ready to not play Jeff Davis please hurry back maybe we do a recap of last week and just do a couple opening lines I’m fine with that
so let’s bring up Steve Levy
so if you get the fire marshal is watching if he hears the Applause he’s going to burst in with an axe
people even show what’s up
how are you Steve I’m good any love wife updates that I guess if there are you can’t say so yeah let’s let’s check in later sometime maybe there’s things maybe not a mother to all right yeah it did get you what you want sometime that’s like the best place in extreme crashing like you just like if someone else is in charge of whether you’re happy or sad man must have felt before they knew the sun wasn’t that a tortoise wheel and fart cuz you finally said something fucking weird and creepy and all your bullshit is like
Lake like yeah any mention of a sarcastic is flooded with that chemical it doesn’t make the love that that that ends up happening later less genuine but that’s definitely a drug that you’re on that is like amazing to be on where it’s like another person is
is just a God and you’re and you’re just struggling everyday with like whether to overdo it under do it back to the realization she’s got to be yourself she doesn’t like at a job but it took every every breath and every Everything is a potential landmine great so do you want us to play the music I don’t think we have that capacity yeah we do play the music
oh wow I’m surprised tell ya last time on Harmon time you guys have gone back to the keep to turn in your mission and you turned in the mission and then you decided to go get your pay for the mission so you went to the commissary and got paid as part of your debriefing You Adele left patches with the church and had agreed to meet up with him so you went to the tavern to meet up with him but he didn’t show up so diarrhea Junior went to go look for a mini bound him and what did he find patents was mad at our group and didn’t want their help because they had caused problems for pageants in the past and he just wanted to tell them that he was leaving and leaving he did but the Gang
conspired or transpired they State they talked about what they should do their like our we should probably see what’s up and then Jeff some and do horse and he fell off the horse because it disappeared and chased after passions any found patch and then was like wait right here it was ambiguous whether or not you two are with him at the time
what will happen who will do what we’ll see how will be Harmon time now
actually now
all right so any any questions to Brandon you you don’t have any clue so all questions would be acceptable I’d assume or if you have none that makes sense to because what what questions could you have if you have no not speaking with
but I’m just happy to be Jeff once you’re getting better and better at those very exciting for a while and then completely stopped having to do it unless practice I don’t get back in the group and I’m reaching New Heights that I never cheat I think you are right that’s what you said with patches I sue a kind of picture it is like Jeff got on his Phantom horse that he summoned he rode for a burst and then it doesn’t last that long and then he kind of Sprint it off he said he said wait here to passions and I assume like we would be now the rest of us me and diarrhea would be coming up to where they are if you want yeah that sounds good I’m back some food I left the guy where he’s supposed to be you guys come up to meet him I’ll bring back some snacks
I mean I don’t want to like snacks well we we haven’t been all together yet so if you if you go off I’m just scared that we separated again to come in right back I promise you want to get snacks nearby like perhaps within earshot I feel like we got the guy everything’s about to go down we can be hungry OK Google go to follow the road and in the direction that patchin’s was heading so that means something’s gone wrong to find us so we’re not with patching this but with Carlos and I are running toward him right as well you met up with Chad who’s getting snacks let’s say 50 ft from patching who was told to wait there so you’re now approaching patch in Zelda great
hey guys I heard you didn’t want us to help you write
and here you are where we owe you help yeah I mean that’s probably true I don’t I honestly feel like everything I’ve done with you has only put my life into Jeopardy and I don’t I’m worried that that would happen more with your help rather than you know it would be alleviated I guess that’s where I’m coming from which church do we belong to the Church of the silver flame what does flame do burns what is burning feel like terrible is it good well it depends on the context right but you love your church the right that the silver flame is the flame of Truth flame is a reaction between heat and sings that it overtakes the process can be damaging it it can be helpful to things around it it all depends on who’s getting burnt and what use is getting gotten out of it the truth
Burns away at at at live everything gets challenged I failed you like I I came upon you and needed your help and you helped us and I owe you and I know that I suck at it like I’ve been holed up in the church you know looking for an opportunity to do something right instead of the bureaucratic bulshit they send us out on and we encountered you and I believe that the silver flame somehow made us you know intersect and so I understand you not thinking that we’re going to be good at it right but we did try and I’ve never betrayed you have just failed you I’ve never lied to you yeah I mean that’s that’s the problem is I’m explaining it yeah you’re just saying why I shouldn’t
go long with you there’s not there’s no control group for this experiment where you doing awesome on your own and I don’t want to turn it into a fight like that we don’t know that that’s the case I might be awesome we love you been there from the beginning you’re like our Scooby again that’s never that’s not the question the problem is not these guys don’t love me enough the problem is that their love is potentially lethal but what if somebody owes you something what if we do you like like just because you don’t want to accept our debt to you doesn’t mean that we don’t owe you that’s the problem you have a diplomacy
and I do have it at the box is checked but there’s no news now okay then do you have Charisma I have like a 16 Charisma it’s his ability modifier plus three your words touched him and he’s like you know what I’m almost certain this will get me killed
but you can come if you want to join the adventure of patchin’s gym
yeah we gotta we usually take a vote on party matters and what kind of kankri it’s almost like the fine line between bison jerky and
did you just come upon a bison actually yes yeah yeah and I’m glad that you are enjoying it from my snack bucket you eat from the snack bar that happens I really nailed it Chad sew patches before we help you we’re going to need to know more about the gym right now in pouring people at the church told me to keep it safe and they said my whole job was to keep it safe and that was my whole job at the church and it was a special position that was different than the normal hierarchy but that was it was an important position and so they sent me to Roan a quiet town to lay low and then it seemed like it wasn’t so quiet anymore so I’m try tried to lay low some more and then I got jacked and I don’t know who jacked it but you know Roan is nearby the town of door nastier and nastier is as a town full of Thieves in the end
beings and we were right by it when I got attacked we got attacked I suppose and I don’t know what’s going to happen but that’s why I don’t take people with me because I don’t know that he’ll do anything but I got to do what I got to do otherwise I’m going to get murdered professional mercenaries it sounds like you’re on the right track what what is the gem do or we let him know that or what what did the gem do yeah it’s a church treasure he was just put in charge of keeping it hidden like but it was like a Princess Leia run doesn’t have any magical properties in glow do anything when I shook it I don’t it’s like a big turd of a man and put them in the middle of nowhere where they thought you had one would ever find or look for the gym and they were right I think she has any connections that I totally random thing
no they weren’t there for he was sleeping with the gym excuse me for a second patent this guy is a bit you know he wasn’t doing anything you just sleeping we had our Dumb Adventure that we have botched and then we took him told him he had to come with us to town and on the way there we got robbed maybe of a conspiracy theorist but I think everything is connected here I didn’t you share that with I mean that’s also schizophrenic summed up owning it I just needed one and twenty of our listeners
everything is connected yes but are the town past Rowan yeah that’s that’s what someone who didn’t think everything was connected with say so we were just saying let’s go that’s the dour connecting is that the men that assailed us were they were they were they were hired this is what they got somebody with the money to make other people do bad things like hired a gang of people to disguise themselves and waylay us I don’t think they were affiliated with the vampires because the vampires weren’t looking for patch and there is Jim that was an unrelated story and and and then this is a new one no one’s touched my balls are they too spicy what is a memorable I set them next to the Bison jerky you you didn’t try it I’ll eat it I worked really hard on this I’m not going to eat at you you made it
and you try the excuse of like we’re bad at doing what we do again you can but not if you don’t tell us everything you know right now if you know more information than you’ve already shared with us about people who might be looking for that Jim you know it’s going to be way less on us when we fuck up again I truly don’t know I feel like my job was not to know for safety sake I got that impression and I’m willing to believe yeah I mean it seems like you just buried this Jim deep into the in obscurity they didn’t want anyone to ever think about it you did a great job that’s why I feel we owe you I feel like the church has these two different functions is like the function of of cooperating with the way the world already Works which isn’t good and then there’s the function of purifying the world and I feel like the people that put you in charge of that gym or lateral
are more punk rock
who was it that put you in charge of that Jim just some Bishop Trader no no and not that other guy I don’t even know his name he was sick for the robberies character follows Robin
the mysterious Roberts alright well I pick up to patch in onward and then I take a bite of it and it’s it tastes really funky it’s kind of gooey and warm in the middle and I’m like what what are you what did you want me to eat what is this thing or something what is it. I’m so sorry but the best I could is it me is it a plant on the thing about me it’s kind of needy plant e-i-e-i-o tell me how it tasted it tastes like it might be too salty I should probably I should probably get some experience points for the yeah they’re dm-24 yourself sorry it’s fine I mean we’re all just trying to do our thing and it’s great but
Trail Q music of the party is the composer did the swelling music on power Lord of the Rings the weather be in big trouble
as we as we as we journey off as we do whatever Spencer says we’re doing you travel for for a couple days and you reach a Crossroads and you can see the way to Door Nestor and also a sign that points the door Nestor you hear you hear more not more than we just do a quick photo while work if we’re walking that far just like the audio of the dieline Rises and Falls of do a little Montage of sound bites of stuff for talking about we were walking so I guess it’s because somebody might come over to the crossroads you see the sign marking door Nestor and you can see kind of down this hilly path of Rolling Hills you can see during a star kind of nestle next to a forest in and you can also see what looks like
graveyard this is door Nestor oh boy you hear the sound of hoofbeats pounding as a horse rides up to you and on that horse
I hope you’re getting that that’s great and on that horse is a familiar face it’s Geffen that guy and stuff
see you again this is crazy coincidence huh yeah wow what are you guys doing well
what we lack something about the snacks we weave weave weave with we’re on and we’re heading to do an operation in which
who we tell what matters more than before he points to his his Temple a couple times and he Winks he’s like I got you I’m just out on rounds see were checking with affiliate churches see how everyone’s doing the nearby town of door Nestor has been pretty fucked-up we believe there on potter something you say you’re going to do what like crack some heads are rough and rowdy brought Bunch we don’t try to force abstinence on the public but if our congregants are getting fucking zooted out of their skulls I’m going to crack some of their skulls suit and so they’re that specifically having a lot of sex now they’re getting lifted shifted higher than stealing bro fucking zoo that are skulls
God damn in that sneaky Wiki that sticky icky you know what I’m saying how do we think higher than a hawk’s nuts if Rumours are to be believed higher than a giraffe’s pussy have to confirm you’re absolutely this is the man we’ve been waiting to hear from well it looks like you’ll get there before us but guessing if I if I if I could have a word with you there may be some way you can help us okay just keep your ears peeled for anybody who may have hired a gang of brigands to go out and do bad things on the road
I’m on it okay you look beautiful horse
it’s always good to get there first he sure did nice or well
all right
that’s not a compelling Cliffhanger but that’s that’s a good time for a perfect day I look I see a dandelion and then I say look gentleman the dandelion
it grows its whole life just to give way to chaos in hopes that its life wasn’t spent in vain
the three of us proceed forth from here to the wind and wherever it takes us but we’ll always be together through purpose like the roots of the dandelion
to Brotherhood to The Fellowship of patches Jim to The Fellowship of patches Jim to The Fellowship of patches Jim we shouldn’t make that our public name
but to the pelo chip a chance gym
yeah I know we won’t say it to anybody else but what I said will be bad
it doesn’t work to just yell things without an audience knows it cuz it yeah we can’t up
oh yeah yeah yeah
is it going to let Trent Harmon, thanks so much for listening
damn it for Jeff Davis next week. Love you.
next week we’re going to tweak where you at we’re going to make some tweaks are going to keep changing the space but this was interesting
yeah how do you feel amazing all two hundred of you


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