Episode: 264 – Cheese Stain


Episode: 264 – Cheese Stain


Dan and Jeff solve the Ron Jeremy banana mystery, even stranger things happen with Dan’s girlfriend, and the gang jumps back in to roleplaying. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff B. Davis, Spencer Crittenden and Steve Levy.


Herman chapter starting is a podcast you can listen to no matter who you are in town the podcast starting now is the time now it’s starting now nailed it to harmontown from the Cozy confines of the star Burns box boost I’m sitting here with Steve Levy Spencer Crittenden you’re gay master I’m Jeff Davis for your controller let’s give it up for the mayor of Hermantown mr. Dan Harmon all right thanks for joining us all right top item I think for those of our that you do for anybody who’s been like an avid listener as of the last month or so a couple of weeks ago I don’t remember how long ago we were talking about it
counter you had with Ron Jeremy yes and we forgot I forgot to dress as last week last week we had a gale time and they were like there’s fuel whatever I’m not going to waste time talking about the stuff I didn’t get a chance to bring up but so to recap the story is that Jeff was at a party and Ron Jeremy Watts by him and had a banana peel on his shoulder yes and sad and Jeff said you got a banana peel on your shoulder and Ron Jeremy was like I know and walked out so we spent like 20 minutes speculating
our first guest collectively I think like that we were all very satisfied with was oh he walks around with a banana peel on his shoulder because there’s some gross kind of like banana in your window that he does for the ladies and Jeff not like a pretty lady so like he wasn’t worth it so I got the truth becomes fascinating somebody on read it or somebody like you sent me a thing that and let’s put a pin in a very temporary thing cuz I would but I do want to talk about the truth like I do you feel about what this guy did because I was like it started like that’s the internet for you like somebody just blatantly is bluntly message Ron Jeremy I said Jeff Davis on harmontown said you had an encounter with him and that you seemed mad at him and ask him what about you I was like no no story is
is the retail on Larry King reading Eminem lyrics you know I didn’t mean it that way but this Jeremy this happened when you have to say run cherami response it makes me more appealing
Greg so it was our theory was correct except for one fascinating detail which is that it wasn’t pornographic it doesn’t have to be though if you’re on Jeremy everything you do is put a graphic exactly so he had this cute sea like like Richard Scarry mr. Rogers have a built-in joke or admission in that like I’m not an appealing person like I am not an attractive gentleman I do and so I’m going to get out in front of that I called myself ugly before you did I have an eye I’m more appealing than you than you you know now because I have trap shut or I will say I took a big chunk of side cuz I was like I love my porn I love my monster
I love my underground people I hate our societies like hypocritical treatment of of what we’re now calling sex workers and I was like I don’t I think we’re very unhealthy relationship with that stuff in like every time I hear that Ron Jeremy was at a party and like so much you know someone will make some joke that’s like like kind of like a second-class citizen
it was all wasted effort because you know he now now I can judge him he put a banana peel on his shoulder and the answer was something cute he could have just used it on you he could have just said it makes me more appealing to you and he said he didn’t like I’m a little mad at them Church you had a banana before I took a table
the person that does that it with that goes on Reddit and says hey and if he didn’t hear she did not say hey Jeff Davis from harmontown just said Jeff Davis Like That Matters to run Jeremy Davis said that you have about it I don’t get the Instinct of that person. Is it okay yeah I want to talk about that too because do we love that person I hate that person I don’t know there was another time and also by the way not to interject is going to it now okay now we’re talkin about it and it’s interesting that were talking about it now now now to more people will will you have a beef stupid Instinct by stupid people like that. However I got us an answer but well but then again he doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about who’s Jeff Davis he probably would have been an appeal around all the goddamn time
Kelly shelter he was also engaged in fucking cryptography a long long time ago and leek Jeremy leaks in the early that I think the first time I ever even heard of read it I told the story about the neurologist that I work with who did this crazy thing and somebody went online asked her what happened did this thing and sheetrock back I don’t know you’re talking about now either she doesn’t remember what what what’s that should remember that moment and the way that I and other people that will remember that my way can you rewind that a little bit cuz I know what are there pilot with a woman who is a neurologist from Boston General on her and there’s an actor who was trying to find somebody during her in a email her tracked her down so she doesn’t really amas like a doctor is concerned someone just tracked her down to his guy Jeff Davis
it was you said this thing happened bullshit right and she’s like I don’t know you’re talking about this story in that story the thing is I remember what happened and also there’s five or six people I could track down the absolutely back that up but she’s not going to go online so yeah I’m a crazy person like the stories about her being a crazy genius either she didn’t remember it because you didn’t because he’s got bigger fish to fry because she’s a neurologist and heals people for a living or she doesn’t want to go out on record saying oh yeah I see dead people like crazy super powers because she already got like decommissioned ones and had to go get locked up for it so that the fact that somebody goes out there and tries to debunk this story but that’s so like this person that that approached Ron Jeremy digitally you know
I disagree boils down to like oh we wish that they had taken the time to like be more nuanced in their language and I don’t really what they were doing was not debunking I don’t think that they were because like you’re saying somebody like fucking actually you told an interesting story and somebody was like yeah but that ever happened in like a somebody else prices that one of the first time that one on right it was I told the story about my understudy in The King and I getting slapped the shit out of Bio Yul Brynner story but I went on Reddit like an idiot you really must not do because it’s a den of sadness and I I went on there like that didn’t happen I can’t even tell my good stories on the air because it’s too fucking the two scandals like I was there it’s a real story the people think I’m full of shit now. Have I exaggerated in the password
fact about detailer to of course but the thing is I don’t what would I ever saw the Ron Jeremy think of it cuz it is that somebody trying to sing me to categorize a price as what they’re actually I think they were kind of I think they believed the story and they’re fans of us would and Ron Jeremy and his fans of us and maybe not so much Ron Jeremy I was at. That’s that’s the minor problem I have with that person was just like and look like that person like that to me they’re not a villain because it now but it’s like I didn’t see the villain in that person doing I think they were saying like I like I’m on the internet I get to ask Ron Jeremy about harmontown and we would prefer to have so much control over the universe that the way Ron Jeremy hears about that interaction wouldn’t come through like a channel that removes all the empathy
the street we would be nice to him and we would ask him what the hell was going on the banana. If he came in at right now I would ask him about that and I tend to think that it’s not a thing he does a lot I don’t think that was a but that’s a that’s a that’s a costume he wears all the time around town he puts a banana peel his other I think it was probably doing some of the referee had a banana peel put it on a shoulder did a funny joke to somebody left it there but I was a guy not a girl I know I just think it was a momentary thing I really don’t think around occasionally or frequently I’m squinting at you you are subscribers can see if you choose to pay us $5 a month to watch the podcast you can see that I’m squinting at him anymore we stop talking I’m trying to change it to add an element and get to the bottom of this
Dan cast give me a jaundiced eye only because in your defense kind of I guess his response to that kid saying what’s that story about being like one lives of it makes me more appealing it felt a little like like but here’s the thing
Ron Jeremy I do not share my cousin’s on the Spectrum like so I guess I can’t I can’t compare his behavior to mine in that situation because I would have been like my response would have been eight paragraphs long had that been like a okay here’s the thing there was a banana peel on the table and I started a joke and then I was like I was walking around with it and I wanted to go to take it off to put it back up you know I would have all this like fucking like or I would go like you know what I was horny that night and I was like doing this thing and it was getting some action and and then I was like tired I don’t I don’t remember your friend whoever you’re talking about Bubba hyper verbal response which by the way how does that get me more results than Rodger the only thing is if I cuz all I did was harmlessly ask Ron Jeremy that was four feet away from me who just passed me wearing a banana the spin spin in a field over at
alter I said you have a banana peel on your shoulder and the only reaction that is confusing is him to go because it’s it’s not funny in the moment that’s why it’s funny because it’s like you could have just said it makes me more appealing and I think maybe I I think if I were a cute girl while he might have got a feeling and then what will also if you’re a guy as you are true and you go scuse me I got a banana peel on the shoulder and if he stopped and said it makes me where I pee like you might have gone gross salary you get laid fuck my dick’s bigger than yours what are you trying to pull like a he could have it was like it was like a it would have been vulnerable I would never have gone if you wouldn’t have the fan
play who do I get to be to give me the reply that he did like respond no give me it makes me want to feel like I do the fun version of that okay sir you have a banana peel on your shoulder it makes me more appealing and he made fun of me he said you said you think that’s funny I cure a piece of shit and like and then he said some horrible shit about a movie I was in an 1972 and then he made fun of my body which is always on display in my work I got this half bottle of champagne you want some checking around what’s your name I’m Ron Jeremy it’s really easy to make fun of me with the here’s the beauty of you wearing a bandana on your shoulder for me if you just walked by all I wouldn’t have said anything I would have said to my girlfriend oh shit run Jeremy just walked by
cuz you have a gimmick or whether you’re doing a bit or a like a thing or whatever I got to say something to run Jeremy because there was a specific thing happen and you’re saying it it kind of in a literal sense made me more appealing it didn’t make me more appealing that’s my concern was that I did it for what can I ask you a question is a champagne. Thank you yeah I say I say clink because we’re drinking out of paper cups but that’s that’s me being less appealing can I ask you three questions about the banana peel I trust you yeah yeah yeah
what’s the origin story of that banana peel being on your on your right shoulder my Uncle Kurt used to do it
I love Uncle Kurt and he was actually in our family like the running joke was that he had a really really small penis I grew up in a very liberal family I was a child of the 40s you know back then
there was a Counter Culture that wasn’t as publicized as in the sixties but I I grew up on a ranch or surrounded by hippies I’ll stop but you’ve you’ve never heard the current story this is I know your whole life he’s one of the few family members that actually yeah I didn’t he didn’t he passed away before you could approve of the above the biography of and everyone else I should even consider it was the smallest penis and butt is the thing that always moved me about him was that he Everyone likes him like more and I always since I do things like that that was one of those something gets stuck out of my head when I was 8 years old the thing is stuck out in general about Uncle Kurt was that he had this very tiny little itty bitty little wiener and I don’t know if it was because of that
that that he had he was such a socially graceful person or I don’t know how much of it had to do with the fact that frankly from the age of three forward my earliest memories as Ron Jeremy or people telling me I had a huge weird weirdly huge dick before I knew what sex was commenting about my big giant dick know Uncle Curt wearing the small dick is there a correlation there no I mean for me what I’m saying to you is it was a thing that he would do and when I went to that party that night there was bananas everywhere. Some people are so I’d already it was one of those one of a million things and I just kind of started doing it and I actually immediately started getting results and it was really satisfying to me in the moment when you interact with me I I I I was actually starting to come down from it because I had said just before I ran into you two
younger woman you know it makes me happy knowing she’s like that’s funny like what it should I accept people say you’re a pornstar she was so young she didn’t know and I was like yeah I’m a pornstar but I’m also a human being and she was like yeah but why you like it went South really fast in a way that made me think that if I had been born with a smaller dick like at that moment I might have met like the woman of my dreams cuz I was over here in her at the at the table by the champagne and I was like I love this girl and and and and I was like I felt like I was locked in a box from birth buy my giant cock and I like and I know is it’s like on the banana peel couldn’t break me out of it and I walked past you and you said that I always I don’t remember the encounter but I’m telling you why that probably happened I was on my way to my car I didn’t want to pull the banana peel off cuz it would look like him defeat but I was just on my way to my car and I just want to go home and like just what where I where I gained strength and isolation
sometimes I forgot wait if you’re doing it frequently what what’s what’s the what’s the blue sky version of
Like Only Women asking you about it like what like no no no I was caught up in the moment that’s what I’m saying that’s the thing that I do is not make you make it was something that I started doing that I am familiar with is that I got into Spencer what’s your take on the banana game
what I had if I had could have taken that could have put that in an envelope and what’s your what’s my take on it I don’t think that sends finished what do you think the backstory of the Ron Jeremy banana peel shoulder thing is is that a one-off isn’t a thing he does and why
was he so I mean he wasn’t pissed off at me he just think you guys got the key to the answers already I think he’s got a few times I think doesn’t get anything about it by playing along with a male I hope it’s not the fact that he’s trying to get out in front of you calling him an ugly because the banana peel I don’t think I think that’s too and I think that anyone can be more appealing don’t have to necessarily think they’re disgusting to have to say oh I could be more appealing retweeted that I’ve said to some kid that I had an encounter with and I’m like well that’s not me I hope that doesn’t represent me and he was having a bad night but
I mean we can’t assume that he has a trunk of banana peels in his car was there crazy Cody story you want to tell I’m trying to get my publicist yeah kind of our yeah yeah well okay this is yes you told me to remind you last week cuz you didn’t get to it I told you to remind me yeah you’re like I want to talk about that on the podcast sound like me remember something like that
I do have gas it’s written down here I didn’t need that that’s what’s important okay thank you
I recently got a text message from a writer on great minds who I texted I said do you want me to give you an annuity he doesn’t care cuz it’s about what this is about marijuana doesn’t matter to him but Andrew Weinberg is right around great minds remember Andrew guest on the show he texted me and said I I just came back from the weed store and this is the bag they gave me my weed in and he text me a photo of the bag that they gave to put his weed in when he left the weed store and on the bag was written why is it why is my distracted by okay
what’s on the back is that what what’s in the bag is a bunch of weed who cares what’s on the what’s on the back of a photo of it it’s my girlfriend it’s Cody it says Cody Heller and her phone number with area code her address her email address everything every conceivable thing you could learn about a human being without dumpster-diving about my girlfriend was written on this paper bag that had been given a product that said he was sending me a photo because he just happened to know even though I wasn’t going out with you I guess I was going out with Cody during great minds locate do you mean what are the what are the phrase is written on the bag was Lambs bread
what is the flavor of Vape then Cody is obsessed with she loves lambsbread obviously what happened. Obviously but I quit going to put this together this is a dispensary that Cody has been on the phone with G lambsbread flavor has been discontinued I mean she’s really haven’t seen anyone as obsessed about the steps it’s like Justin talked about like I don’t know Police Academy action figures or something like like like she just had this Obsession like she’s just she found this Vape flavor that she loves lambsbread it it was just kidding she was calling around to a lot of dispensaries and then it was also also written on the bag was like you can tell the story even if you didn’t have inside information you can slowly figure it out because one of the things was something like willing to pay willing to buy us
thousand dollars where is there something it was like some form of that so Cody obviously called this place and was like what’s up with Lambs bread I got to get more Lambs bread my name is Cody Heller here and there and they’re like oh shit will let me use the the pothead equivalent of a database a bag next to the cash register all of your information because wow that’s a lot of that’s a lot of pot vape we could sell it just happened that you someone that you know what and it’s not that bad it just so happens if if if Republicans are listening it’s like okay now you can use this as an example of like let’s not legalize marijuana however I’m way ahead of you cuz it’s like no let’s legalize it so much that you we can have to pay really high wages to people that have like super sophisticated computer systems when they’re selling your pot but the punchline
cuz I’m like holy shit my girlfriend’s like inadvertently doxxed by this trusted weed vendor and I got to the and I wasn’t able to explain time like Jesus Christ I’m trying to get to the bottom of my call fuck man that’s that’s crazy like if it hadn’t been you then there’s just a stranger out there with all your personal information written on their weed bag and it’s bad form but she’s going to be bummed out about this but I have to tell her and I and I and I texted the photo and the story to Cody and her response her immediate first response was Ohno if they don’t have my info I’m not going to get my lambsbread what do you think what do you think lambsbread it is
is it might have been a relative to God’s gift but God’s breath happened and it got changed to God’s Brad over time I kind of got bread into God’s Brad and then God’s bread colloquially got renamed Lambs bread in some circles are was bred into lambsbread so it’s it’s God’s breath kind of bastardize three generations are so I can’t believe you actually know the answer to that the only reason I know you’re not making it up it’s cuz you never put the energy into it like you’d see the point in lying but you could be lying you could be making all of that well it’s true but like I’ve never seen you this nervous before because we learned earlier than Spencer’s new least Honda CRV he’s already got over his monthly allotment of miles for a lease a new car and I have it for like a week
and I got like a cheese stain in the car
don’t worry about the Cheesesteak is that doesn’t matter how did you guys do everyday it’s like kill myself because I look in and see this grease stain from the car that I know came from cheese what sort of cheese what was the energies from what kind of meal or you having a bag of cheddar cheese and I wasn’t eating a bag of cheddar cheese Blues from a bag of cheddar cheese and melted cheese snow is just cheese but the oil got out wrapped cheese on your car seat while I don’t know how it got on the car seat there multiple competing theories including my favorite is Jeff put it on a car so there’s no reason to believe it that’s true but have you calculated the worst case scenario cuz what you’re going through is like you’re not the kind to send to you because I’m
lower than you and the consumer scale cuz you drive me everywhere but you’re younger than me and I have bought cars but not least them I’ve bought you is whatever I’ve been through a lot of apartments and had my security deposit at stake cuz I hung up picture and oh no there’s a hole in the wall that shame that fills you have you have you have you gone to the point in confronting that shame where you’ve calculated like the worst case scenario about leasing a Honda CR-V and having a Cheesesteak backseat like what’s the worst that can happen to you
I’d be on the hook for multiple thousands of dollars and it have a cheese stain out of my car what happens because if if if this is a company that that leases you a car and tells you by the way we expect you to never cheese stain the phone it’s not because of the lease it’s because it’s a new car or are you just bummed out because you feel like you just got a new card yet it’s already look like your old car that you love shower you with fucking like are you kidding me that’s fucking like that’s fantastic that’s that’s Spencer juice that’s that’s that’s no that’s why is a terrible happy because you don’t because it’s cheap because I might as well have been a D&D you tried to get some like some shout or something like that and I’m probably about $200 deep and trying to solve this problem
$200 Tuesday that road but I like like like also though cuz I resonate with this like you’re thinking like you got this new car it’s like a it’s like a grown up car right like you’re like a child like a grown up car and you saw that she’s dating me like oh I’m already doing it wrong like I didn’t I didn’t do what my mom would do or like what a grown up. Or like what your favorite cop character and TV would do like like right Adam Sandberg been a check with Adam Sandler Adam Samberg cop cop car wouldn’t have cheese stains out of a first of all I doubt that I’m sure if that’s a lovable say when your shoes or your car my OCD I would never not notice the Cheez-It know I know I can literally feel it in the back of my head when I’m driving I can feel it behind
in the seat like I just got my seat like it’s in the it’s in the backseat but I just its presence is is there an undeniable but you pick me up for work every day and drive me everywhere and you were just killing us both because of this cheese stain and I would accept that if you were to avoid if we got to heaven and and and you would say I’m sorry man he’s staying and I had to do what was life where there was like that’s why you swerved into oncoming traffic and I’d be better better reason to die than because we elected a dyslexic so I can stroke doubt hahahahahaha Gillis back to the Honda dealership in I got the cheese stand back here it’s driving me crazy don’t know how to get the cheese stand up about that I need to get detailed but on your shoulder cuz there’s no angel in this equation
if I can take another bag of cheese if I can rub it all over that thing. Not that that was that do you know if you were here I’m saying like this solution isn’t to avoid cheese stands because that creates an economy and psychological economy where you’re like then you’re always one she’s staying away from being deregulated the solution is to actually accept that she’s staying. Because then that helps you cope with like reality obsessed about it so much in the first time I got a little neck like somebody opened their door into my door and it’s a little ding there it drove me fucking crazy because I remember I wanted that thing to be perfect and now I haven’t least a bunch of cars you don’t give a shit like yeah you weren’t a dick or anything but it was like I was like
tea stains like they’re going to hold it wasn’t because you became a materialist it was because I felt like it was because you felt like you were fucking up adult thing I know exact that’s first day of school for everybody you you you you just get this big chance and you lay out your pants and your binders and all stuff in the first time it’s like oh my homework’s got bubble gum on it and then we will just go like fucking damn it I knew it I knew I’m a piece of shit I know it to hear your mother’s voice in your head yelling at you for the fucking up and it’s not because it’s not like that’s literally the only reason why I’m at 2 to help you feel better because first first step that makes you 90% feel better talking about it because as soon as it comes out of your mouth you know it’s like and then the next 10% has us going like yeah man me too me too
I was pretty impressed that you had a new car until I found that it was too fucking cheese to in car might not know how do you like that car that’s fine man Skull Island the might the idea of a mileage cap bummed me out I haven’t I haven’t had a car since I give my my Prius to Magothy in the divorce and I I don’t I don’t need to drive anywhere parent Lee I found that out will Spencer does need to get sick of meet you you looking forward to me like not needing a ride everywhere I think that the schedule demands that sometimes arise from the worst case scenarios of having to drive you around can be a hassle but the actual driving of you around is not a soul like that’s that’s all fine and good but sometimes it’s like well it means I got to get up and leave the house at 8 and then I might be on
working till like 8 or something at night like you know the problems, especially lately that’s never been the case really easy going lately so I am looking forward to call because also in my own personal schedule I made it kind of like the decision that I’m like I’m going to pull back and take it easy with the workaholism a little bit that probably effects in a little where am I, but maybe also have been for those of you who joined us in the beginning and we haven’t explained it Jeff and church are doing the hit me right we we explained that while the audio was out and then Jeff like with Jeff Jeff and come in and sat down and for the last 30 minutes Jeff has been with a straight face just being Jeff and he has this fucking ridiculous beard it’s pretty funny but that’s yeah they are
got mine has mesh but how do you guys do you guys don’t have beards is terrible. You’re wearing a big old thing in your face all the time oh yeah oh yeah wait wait cuz she has less essential know she’s she says that men with beards are inherently less handsome it’s like an old way of thinking she’s like you guys are gross like old women know you can just kick back and enjoy it cuz she’s a grandma you got it it’s about real ugly piece of shit every other every other conversation is a gross at all no one has a right to shame you for that cuz it’s not a choice you’re just melted she is she’s being old school cuz Jewish Paul Newman wouldn’t have a beard
I’m sorry I don’t I was Jewish
could never be as Jewish as you love your grandma yeah she’s she’s great they think she’s an attractive person I like physically yeah she went there don’t hurt don’t do that to you how about we live in a society where reason is God and he loved law covers the only wants me to get to judge people by what is grandfathered under how much of the fucking patriarch is upheld by Grandma’s when are you going to get married I just do some leg like Grandma’s sound like Don Draper oh the Specter of of inequalities we went to church take me to Adam Levine’s annual Halloween party and I carried
just as Commander Fred from from handmaid’s tale with my scramble box and I think only four people laughed at that were there a lot of I think there was a there was an early production that that was going to be that there was at that Halloween was going to be like an army of handmaid’s Garfunkel from Garfunkel and Oates she was there as a handmade there’s a couple others in between the boy is really good to me and I didn’t I was surprised
I didn’t see any Rick and Morty costumes Hollywood Rock and roller
Lucha Vavoom I got texted a hundred pictures of people out and about while somebody I tied cuz I was like I remember the I remember the year when there were none other than the year when they were a thousand and I I don’t know within that year I don’t know yeah if it was like it’s got to be one of the most popular costumes this year that we had there were literally because the entire art Department of harmonquest like they they coordinated there was an army of Spencer’s I’m sure you already know that does that make you feel better or worse but not coming to the party worse I try to go apartment I tried to go three times so Mario Mario Odyssey came out and I wasn’t why I didn’t know you were too busy putting that she’s in your seat goes the reason why you share it was like yeah they was scared or anxious like I drove up to Park and
yeah you are all you went all the way there a Note 3 times I went all the way this is what I mean do you mind if we talked about yeah so tell it to talk about like what goes through your mind that liked makes a difference between parking the car and going into a party and continue on like like what are the trying to figure out a better way to rephrase this so that you can answer the question he’ll know it’s hard because it’s not like I don’t know I’ve had anxiety word is like a conversation you know where it’s like if you go in there going to be mean or you know whatever and it wasn’t like that lately is just been more just like a pressure upwelling it’s like do this and then you just get there and it’s like I don’t know you know it’s like more worried about if you if you I’m trying to figure out how to phrase this so that I could have based on my experience
if you had a button in your hand that was that the amount of pressure on the button created more or less attention on more or less people demanding answers from you about how you’re doing and how you’ve been in all this stuff would you like
how hard is it like I guess you’re not you’re not afraid of obscurity that’s not the right you’re afraid of attention right I don’t know I mean when you’re saying the butt and it’s like I think it’s both like I’m thinking I’m thinking I will yeah it’s like I’m worried about I don’t know like when I was trying to park I saw these people outside and I was like I’m going to have to get past these people to get to the party in like that is owned was like a thing but it’s not like I did not want to talk to those people and I wanted to go to party cuz I did want to talk to people so it’s not like I didn’t want to be noticed and I wanted to be there it’s like it’s both but it’s not either neither but it’s yeah it kind of like a control over a social situation where it’s like if your if your obscure like I remember being 25 or like the Channel 101 days like we all went to each other’s parties because it was sort of an orgy of the more attention the better and actually we’re all in the same level and we can all just like pay attention to each other and nobody’s really like suffering
and and then but like it for me it’s a control issue where I’m like you know actually I have nothing to gain any more and no comradery to a I only have maybe people that I’d like to talk to and then a whole shit ton of people that I can either disappoint or ignore Ray like that sounds like I’m catching a service like you think you’re a rockstar and ID because I don’t feel like the camaraderie and I will feel closer to these people as a result it’s not what I feel going into it it’s just like this could be fun and then that quickly gets subsequent consumed by everything else in a sense of responsibility comes in when your are like obligation when you look at it like a little bit of a Minefield of like eight eight groups of people in your life you know what I’m never going to like and then you find yourself in a conversation with somebody in your life
not shit I don’t know when to leave or if I should want to leave yeah I could I could push a button in my head that made me want to talk to you about avionics for the next hour and a half I really could but at a certain point my wife might come up and be like really upset that have been talking about avionics for 90 minutes or I might find out that everybody left the party or the people I didn’t see you no friends of mine and stuff and like I don’t know when every conversation is a a weird fencing match it except me instead of people trying to stab each other thing people trying to hug each other and end so you can spend an indeterminate amount of time and every single conversation can only really end gracefully or ungracefully by somebody saying
I decided I’m done talking to you so I’m going to go talk to someone else but doesn’t feel very genuine because it’s not practical because it would be better to say well I’ve enjoyed talking to you but I have to save a kitten from a tree but to say I’ve enjoyed talking to you but I’m bored now or I want to see if there’s someone better to talk to us or did that last night I mean that’s what we’re doing all the time and then there’s people who know how to handle that gracefully and there and I I feel more tension with Spencer unlike a good old-fashioned hey Rebecca have to go pee cuz you’re the guy is able to leave you’re not the guy that’s struggling to not lose it apart you’re always winning
well I mean I I have my own version of anxiety because Jeff said he he says I got to go pee so why can’t you and I say I got to go pee do you lie to pee that much so you believe I’m comfortable saying hey I’ll be right back or hey I’m going to go over and say hi to my friend over there I just saw like everybody’s going to go see if you are more comfortable seeing the truth which is I’ve been cornered by a jerk like some guy just won’t get off your ass and I am very comfortable lying and say oh God I got to go take a shit like whatever it takes to get away from somebody who’s punishing me
the social climb on their own drunk the depending how little I’m afraid of getting punched or drinks thrown at me I just want to go hang out with other people feel like I just found the fuck out but the thing that you said Spencer about like pulling up and seen a crowd like I have my own thing about it’s not like oh my God I got to walk through a crowd and everyone’s going to stop me like it’s not like that it’s not like I’m so rather than that that’s going to be a bummer but there’s times when you just don’t want to walk Sarah crowden ever at 8 you might just want to be able to get from point A to point B without being stopped and you can’t be in control of that like when I do it like comedy shows
I disappear after the show like I like we did on the highwomen tour and stuff like that when the show’s over I usually find a place to be alone like I need that few minutes just to go to just to go Hi-C of church texted you know like just be complete like I don’t want to be around the sound of maybe being asked to talk or do anything but I am a jerk so I am I’m not uncomfortable wearing the black hat if I really have to get out of a situation I don’t think but it won’t pay in this analysis for us to you know like there’s no good or bad it’s just but it’s worth examining because I observe about myself when I do a live show and then
you’re Santa Claus there’s a line of people it’s like Derek there are moments when I feel like this is this is how uncomfortable and the reason is because it’s orderly and it requires an introduction and at a at a party I think this is like people is like like a people go like hey how are you like I don’t know it’s just so freeform it’s like orgiastic and I like I start to work the fuck out and I spend every conversation that I have at a party like I hold my drink like and if it’s in a plastic cup is like night it’s like he’s like the cups Blitz open very early on because I’m squeezing it and I’m sure it doesn’t matter who I’m talking to. Just like I cuz I’m always thinking like what are you supposed to do when is this supposed to write is this going on too long what am I supposed to say am I being a bad person or a good person where is Cody like like what it was when I went what am I doing what am I doing what am I doing this I think maybe I’ve met him before in the show but I think
a long time ago and you are my friend when this happened I just started wearing suits all the time and I think that’s a social cue body armor thing that people tend to leave me a little bit more alone when I get to call the shots on that a little bit longer to get up in the morning because when you commit to being a suit guy even though it seems second nature to you when you get up in the morning like there’s their social laws against leaving your house without a minimum of clothing on and Spencer and I are wearing the minimum amount of front door never gave me my God damn close what’s that get too distracted but but when I think that that’s the I’m pitching I guess the the advantage socially of having a style
is because you actually like on Halloween like you you wake up every morning and you you have you put an amount of attention you put on a suit of armor and if it doesn’t have to be about protecting the real you from the outside world like that’s disingenuous you know it is more about like that’s also actually the important thing is that you’re saying you’re acknowledging every morning that the reason you’re leaving your house is to interact with other people and not to put words in your stuff and I don’t do that the reason I’m leaving my house is because I have to I have an appointment at 8 so I’m going to put this potato sack on with holes in it for my arm because otherwise I’ll get arrested and it casts a Pall over the whole thing me while you’re going like it’s in the way that you use it and then every interaction you have there’s a little bit of license for you two to be alone to perform
or or with a with a with a stern look or you know like if I can be completely alone in public in a suit I can also like I said I said before my impression of myself as everybody can I please leave me alone and I want to I bring earplugs wherever I go cuz I like to read in the public which is self-destructive and stupid cuz I’m always mad that people are talking it’s like why don’t you just get an armchair in the Reed at home. I’ll do that when I go over to my pile of 800 Rick and Morty t-shirts and my three pants that you are don’t fit depending on how many Twinkies and had that year like I always have this swirling thoughts in my head about whether or not I care whether or not people like the way I look good and all the stuff and you cut through that
before you enter the world because you are formalizing you’re getting rest you’re going I’m going out into the world and it and when I’m going out to the world I’m an ambassador of myself this to the other nests and so that means that if someone comes up to me and says you are a potato for a $3 I don’t know what the character is I don’t know what I’m sorry for all the emails I’m going to get it because it’s not in it is it sparked armor part performance all the stuff is that when we talked we do me undies ads and we talked about the first decision you make when you get out of bed is are you going to put on cotton underwear that are like oh I got to protect my nuts for my own pants or are you going to see them Inglorious micro badal which actually says
to you the importance of the state to I love my nuts being cradled in I didn’t mean for that to great books by pointing Crest one called you and it was Thailand once called how to have a lifestyle and it’s about what is style and personal style doesn’t mean fashion it doesn’t mean money it doesn’t mean sex it doesn’t mean power itself knowledge how you carry yourself to other people to have a camera on yourself like someone asked him what is style and he said style of being yourself only on purpose and said that takes a level like you can be homeless with style you can be it doesn’t have to be fancy pants like it’s simply who you are like Spencer you have style you like I got style maybe you have so much style that that 9 people can show up at a
Halloween party dressed as you and everyone goes oh fuck we’re all Spencer’s today it’s like the statically terrible when you on harmonquest pop out of the Wilderness where in your Lumberjack shirt in your shorts like you you’re impersonating a bowl because I think it’s absolutely okay and for me beneficial to have a uniform like I have a lot of clothes in my place and I don’t wear any of them I wear my suits black shoes I wear my dress shirts and then I’m going to million t-shirts but I wear it home and then the only time I’m ever not in a suit I’m wearing one of her outfit and I just realized one day is like I’m sick of picking fucking clothes out in the morning like I do for me I just want to make sure that the dry cleaner like like like the stuff that I know I’m going to want that week is ready to go
and my closet is like Einstein’s basically it’s just a bunch of blue and gray suits and a lot of white shirts and I find that really relaxing that’s something I don’t want to spend time really thinking about it as much as I like clothes I don’t want to think about the variety I just like a knife dark suit with a white shirt and black shoes right but somebody who’s like exit is at the T-shirt culture which we all live in like a t-shirts once upon a time where I like underwear and now they’ve become a thing you can put on I feel incredibly nude going to the market in the T-shirt like when it’s nine hundred thousand degrees out like it’s been for the last couple weeks I feel like I like I’m basically walking to the supermarket like in a bathing suit
I think the key is as a Zetas it like my therapist has said like that the new era that were entering hopefully that it’s different that the large theme is unconscious versus conscious and so it’s like it’s possible to me unconscious and get up in the morning and go like I’m going I’m going to pull this idiocracy shirt from the dispenser and throw it on myself and that’s fine it’s like no one’s it were used to the bad guys being people to tell you what you should wear but somewhere in there it’s like all of it there’s so many things that we don’t think about that then we’re like worried about nnn like for me and Spencer and I suppose probably 99% of our listenership it’s like conversations with people small talk like Grace

square dancing of conversation where you could just go hey it’s nice talking to you I wouldn’t you love knowing that like I’d love to love talking to you now I’m going to love talk can go over there I’m going to walk away it’s like everyone would respond to that may be totally fine with that but I don’t I don’t have those things I don’t I don’t I’ve been living in a society so luxurious that I’ve been able to Slither this far while the entire time maintaining that I don’t know how to talk to people don’t know how to dress don’t know how to think about race gender of dads of all of these things being myself but on purpose I I’ve been able to be myself an accident that’s a pretty luxurious thing but it also had their ears open to all these like oh should I have mold between my big toe and my little toe no shit like
you you you’ve not thought about a single thing that you’ve ever done is all the way. None of your toes exist I was I got derailed by my own but the church has style like crazy and it’s like I love it cuz we can go out clothes shopping and like we went the other day to a to a store that she likes downtown and like I like going to the rack and looking for stuff for her and sometimes I’m right and sometimes I’m wrong but like and she’s like oh I love that you I like when you go out and like like like like like like look for stuff we can have a lot of fun in the clothes store because it’s not that like clothing is your identity but the execution of our style has something to do with fashion yours doesn’t like this occasion of your style and Spencer Style
it’s not fashion it’s it’s other things you know it’s more about brains and you know and the writing of the products and things like that yeah but yeah that’s why we that’s why we murder the people you know who else has style calikusu check it out I like your music Aqua Aqua sea foam boots did you go to work at Charter support Kelly kazoos third out album Extravaganza already donated you should because she’ll give you free shit like I’m in a small donation she’s going to give me a bunch of them drawings and groovy stuff you got something for paying something it’s going to be great a guy touched my girlfriend’s face in a bar while I watched and did nothing like in a romantic sense or like he accidentally brushed her
I ended in this new world of like okay let’s be respectful and nice and I wish it’s like
like I I I feel like I was really high at the Halloween party was too and I really got to get a handle on this as a talking to a bunch of other beta males about how like the accountability that we have where it’s like
8888 we’re emerging into this place now where it’s like let’s take down the alphas are so disrespectful their terrible they do these terrible things and then it’s like wait a minute though it to the extent that it is every man for himself at if you’re a beta and you start to Panic or you’re like
oh I think we invented everything that life holds us together I’m self-identifying with like a sub race of like men that are like I don’t want to beat another man’s skull in if he looked at my girlfriend the wrong way I want to have the confidence to prance about the world knowing that I own it because I’m talented because guess what your muscles will get you this far not this far that that is a modern society and I I just got to taste of it as in this bar with Cody we had biked from my house to a bar and we’re minding our own business I’m 44 goddamn years old my girlfriend is 32 years old
we’re adults
we’re just taking our bicycles which by the way every time we stopped at a stoplight whatever there was like a guy came up to Cody and you know it was like like some kind of Club is it says like I’m seeing it through all kinds of do I started like anything anything that would like to talk to a girl like you never know I don’t care like I I’m not I’m not like fucking stop talking to my girlfriend but it’s like I’m just looking at your new vehicle detector like a backlight I’m seeing like comment shit everywhere they go to the bar and like I like photos of each other sitting at the bar holding cocktails with her biker helmet on like fun so she takes picture is such that she should take my stew
picture I stand back take a couple pictures of Cody she’s got her helmet on she’s holding a cocktail adjusting I want to be good or not be good for Instagram
this guy like goes like
scuse me like I just said like like commands it sort of commands my space and goes like it was me I’m sorry. Can I help you with this photo and I’m bored and I so let’s go back to this after the whole story out there for the whole interaction plays out in did you tell me what I should do when and where but I got it all loaded up here here’s what I don’t do that moment I don’t go no fuck off
and the reason I don’t do it at that moment is because I don’t assume that what’s about to happen is going to happen right eye
I think that I’m in Hollywood and he’s a DP like admit that that like if that it would be my male ego that would make me go fuck you don’t shut up and then actually this is how you make new friends this is how you have a good time this is why you came to a bar this is why this is for all my experience like someone from your community says you live in Los Angeles and I was trying to take a picture here I work for fucking Bruckheimer I had those leg irons die welle make it look like a goddamn Transformers movie if you move the Scandal that he said can I how can I help Liz at like you know like like like came in with the steak and my reflexive response but I insist because I’m a good person it was was was yeah yeah yeah yeah
and he instead of taking my camera now he moved forward because he’s on the move and he’s moving past me and is moving over to Cody and he and Ensign now it’s too late it’s at like like his his suggestion of how to make the picture better is he wants to take the biker helmet that’s on her head and earn it backwards
which by the way doesn’t make it any different that’s the kind of suggestion you’d hear from the kind of person who would suggest it to help you take a photo a strange, stranger I would I would argue with you either for the sake of my pride or for the sake of humanity defense but I would say that I like like 8 sometimes if not most of the time a stranger who says can I suggest something can I offer something can I help you can I can improve your life actually like it’s it’s kind of like if you don’t if you resist the urge to Planet of the Apes them that it it actually turned out to be fine right I guess I’m reading too much into the tone of voice of you sweetheart and wants to help help
snn reset because that’s actually making it very clear that it’s important that I actually try to do it at a realistic and I’m going to try it you guys is me to try it because I’m reliving trauma sorry but like I like my best impression would be like
hey can I make a suggestion here or is that might like that even help you with this photo or that sounds rapey to I didn’t it sounded like your girlfriend face real fast I didn’t. He turns the hat backwards and I’m like are you fucking kidding me now I’m holding a camera while three feet from me this guy like a first of all now the first fuck you was on a human level because it’s just how can I just do a different thing than you were doing a fucking and n n women are listening to me like do you say it existed the whole problem I but yes yes it is the whole problem because yes the same thing that made him want to do it whatever level he thought he wanted to do it on I all I just want it now I want to beat his brains and I want to fucking throw him it’s because I’m like you never ever ever wanted to have
do anything and this is before sexuality gets into it he could be gay for all I know I still want to beat his brains in because he’s a fucking weird like fucking like he’s just a person that wants to fuck with hand and with him I took him at his word he’s just doing bullshit to just change and piss on it this is before now the next thing that happens is because you put a fucking you put your hat on backwards now well guess what her hair is different now now he has two stroke her face and move her hair out of the way I’m holding a camera 3 feet for my girlfriend in broad daylight in a bar well a man that didn’t beat me up but never said I’m a bigger man than you I choose to challenge you what is making me watch him touch broke my girlfriend’s face while he dictates the terms of my photograph what
am I supposed to do how is a modern man supposed to deal with this shit like like because the beta male like that who I am a member of the way we dealt with it before was well I own everything and ask your friends and take this Behavior like you go ahead and follow your urges but if it pisses me off you’re not going to get hired a lot like you’re not going to get a loan at that bank I like I make Rick and Morty all the stuff but it’s like in these tiny micro moment and also assuming if we’re not going to go with hierarchy as a measurement of how you should treat women if another word beta males are controlling like how Alphas treat women because we own alphys
do we have to like have accountability and go okay now that the zoo is loose like oh so I don’t own alphas and I don’t own women do I have to get in a fight with this guy or do I have to like learn how do I just go to bars last do I have to like what happened when he was done as soon as he stroked my girlfriend’s face with a smelly fingers which I’m sure smells better than mine I just like like like he got what he wanted what he wanted and he walked away he did that to maybe eat people and maybe one of the women like like what I don’t know what his game is he did it and he walked away and that man’s name is Meir Richard Reid
did you just you just take me to take it out and I know when you have the confidence to do that but had I froze I can recycle how long do I have to wait for this guy to go away what how how do I get back to my comfort zone which is not me hiding from him but his me phoning everything that’s the important thing like how do I get back to my comfort zone where I’m taking shit not where I’m hiding in a bush the Cody was Cody uncomfortable and freaked out by this what kind of cheese is the date she hated it and you can see in the photo that there’s a photo of her with a backwards bike helmet I want her face is frimzy yuck and she’s forcing a smile she looks great because women deal with that all the time and they just the photos taken by a
Hawk who just watch what is at the photo or her hair look perfect and her had it on backwards my favorite fucking like purple and it’s an n and every time I look at my own bike helmet at my dick shrivels up into my abdomen and I like I don’t I just like these are new questions are going to emerge if we’re going to be good men if we’re going to also say cuz we can’t just say it a potted plant blackard like this Society starts with guys that can’t throw a spear as hard saying yeah but I can type a funnier joke than you at it and that translates into higher Equis it’s like I think there might be a little bit of like I need to learn how to punch a dude in the fucking face verbally or
you spent 20 years before you finally got head butted in their nose broke but like there was 20 years of you having recourse to masculinity I like I like I have to learn until they come to recognize that in the Nike react like my adrenaline just froze me I’m like this dude is just like touching my girlfriend turned into the time for it faster than to take me to think that he’s done it took this long
I took that long what am I supposed to do cut that off halfway I did see it and take it back here Mister what am I supposed to do is always going to be hard because it’s never going to be the perfect time and you’re never going to make it in time you never going to hit it right in the middle it’s always going to be too late I mean obviously I ain’t sites 2020 right so it’s not like you did anything wrong I’m glad I spent the last 23 years calling everybody I thought I was an accountant this one can’t punch me in the fucking nose and broke my nose like mine without her consent
oh dang I mean you gave him permission to help with a picture you certainly didn’t give her permit anyone permission to touch a woman right in Rio that you would you would say that. Where you were if I were a superhero that’s what I would have done if I were superhuman not a superhero if you’re a superhuman if you expose activated know if you could move faster than human reflex as his fingers touched her face or afterwards now he’s gone I got hey man that’s never going to be okay going normally to stop hey mister High
you don’t treat a lady like that eat here other than Cody if she’s worth her salt is going to go it’s okay it’s fine please don’t protract this trauma please don’t do this right its abuses the system in subverts the rule of law to make everyone uncomfortable there’s not really a way to just observe let it go past one person uncomfortable versus the 40 people I’ve make uncomfortable by calling them out right but the world is uncomfortable by this stuff it’s it’s it’s not supposed to be comfortable the balance was upset when he touched you know that was that was what through and then everyone else has to make the decision to either be cool or not be cool but that’s because of him it’s not like I mean obviously it is a decision you’re making but it’s not the decision that you were forced to make it was a decision that he forced On You by breaking the balance send you no disrespecting personal boundaries
take a picture of my girlfriend like Michelle gondry is going to come up or the next Michelle Gunther is going to go actually they’re going to notice that I’m like back lighting her when I could be like to help you with this photo and I’m going to go fuck you fuck you you fucking rapist
like why don’t you what I’m exaggerating like like like for real like a cow
because that would be an appropriate response given how that guy there or are you going to help me I have to every single interaction I have I can’t just in spite of how much energy it takes for me to treat people normally you know when I go out in public and it’s like it’s already hard for me to like to have people walk away from the interaction with me not going like I said an asshole lately so I have like reflexes that if I can program. Yeah and then it’s like okay so then you guys whatever you want this is a fucking predators that are like like right there were lying I know what’s going on what’s going on what the world’s going to be fucking beautiful in 5 minutes through that right now we are I mean if you keep hearing these new directors these new personalities me and
it’s not comfortable I wanted to commit to a big on my shirt but I poured vodka on my shirt night I didn’t want to get on my phone that’s a different matter entirely.
Bit late for that spring a different matter entirely Spencer what do you think about giving us a big long recap on d-and-d because it’s been a long time since I’ve been a real play do you want to see Andy do you want to do a little what’s that
that’s Dan singing so good
I guess that matter now that’s Hozier nice do you really name your band Hozier
if you’re like who’s the Canadian guys McKenzie brothers know I thought I’d like
but it’s not comfortable it’s it’s what you know remember and it doesn’t happen to me that much but I bet it happens to a lot of fucking people yeah it does to me I’d sunset sunset like in in full view of every hipster wearing gauze eat each other this shit like like if you’re if you’re listening and you constantly feel worried that like your masculinity is being like a pimp you’d like our are challenged like the important thing is like I think that’s how this all started so now like now let’s let’s reboot and like figure out a way through these moments together where we we don’t take the course we took over 6,000 years ago where we when you know what enough is enough from now on if you love a man in your going to have babies with them you need to sign this contract in any guy that fucks her is a criminal and gets home from the highest tree like because I’m talented and I
bring more meat into this cave like like we we as a tribe meaning we as the that the mail that doesn’t want to I don’t know like like like we start this way I’m like I want to know what I do is an individual I want to be Humphrey Bogart the next time some dude showed the fucking like disrespect but my face I might my my girlfriend’s like privacy an agency like in public I want to have like a a foolproof response that doesn’t make me a ugly dick says it’s it’s hard to do like very early on like dating church we are at the restaurant and some assholes like bumps our table and not shit all over us and was not cool about it and he was here just a dick and I really made a scene and she was just like fucking don’t do that like like don’t
like I didn’t let it go it wasn’t making things better I asked elated shit and she’s just like fucking don’t ever do that again and like why I wanted in Justice and you not going to get it from that fucking assholes because there’s got to be like there’s got to be a highway called where they’re well yeah I would be nice if if there was a but do your yeah this is my worst nightmare now I have to visit God’s like like saying something that hurts the person’s feelings so they walk away that’s not very healthy and once it got my nose broken so
give me the truth is and I got Perfectly Natural primate Society look at it I don’t know there’s a 8 billion other dudes if they all wanted to gang up on me and beat me up they can have all my shit so then we have capitalism then we have politics that we have government so like we all wake up everyday at a world where there that you’re not allowed to climb in my window and have what I have I didn’t put in a spirit gum in the baron is coming up cuz I’m laughing too much and I’m a fucking beard popping up and I’m like a what kind of Commander we all have that problem to happen too much until maybe DND DND where is usually where we stayed waiting to D&D and then we keep on dispensary go like okay now quickly do a recap as part of the new segment with I think it might help Spencer if we identify a pre D&D
. before we start playing D&D where we where we figure out what the fuk up cuz you weren’t here Spencer look at it it seems like it’s been a couple months since I’ve had my DNA. The last one I do the role of the music Spencer like you have the sheets in the phone plan because we have lots of time right now and let’s get this at least back up in the air while I get that stuff out a little bit of podcast business cuz we’re at like let’s be transparent about this we moved from the venue where we had a live audience of this place and then we’re like we had a discussion tonight we’re like pulled up the numbers of like the like who’s listening win and who you like and it looks like there’s a million ways to look at a million different numbers but
there’s an indication that this transition is costing us like people’s faith that that there’s a that the upset is like we’ve we’ve cracked the whip here whether it’s people thinking that the podcast is over and not and that they don’t have communications the podcast of continuous or whether it’s people that genuinely hate this format and don’t know it’ll ever end up like who knows there’s a million variables but we did talk a lot of tonight about what we kind of came to the agreement on is that we don’t know what’s going on we don’t know when the space and be back when the space is back we don’t know exactly what that’s going to look like we don’t we don’t want it to be us doing LaBeouf podcast like this forever. That’s not the permanent State of Affairs you would say well what is your dream what is your fantasy and we would say we’re not sure I don’t think that whatever we were doing before represented me thinking we were nailing it which is why maybe for me it’s it’s
easier to go fuck it we’re doing it from this booth from now on Vive Le difference and maybe people are going what the fuck because you died but but all I can say is
we’re open to anything internally we’re going to try to like we’re working on getting the venue backup that’s not because we think that the show should be what it was before we also don’t think this is ideal we don’t know what the fuck were doing we we wanted to do it like we were talking about maybe like we’ll go around California and do like crazy like pop-up shows because that’ll be fun like that cuz we have an audience for that there’s there’s ways to make the vo boost version of the show more like worth just fucking listening to live I don’t know but I thought after you left that conversation actually it was what is that really was subscribership that’s in trouble it’s actually the crazy thing is maybe a totally organic sandwiches that the people listening to the free version of the podcast
it just plummeted after we transition which is just like an earthquake like well we too are show got cancelled and there was no communication about you know why because that one gift I Jane posted it was the fuck it was Jane took it she fucking took it all down I was hoping that we could mention her tonight in The Tonight Show because I definitely did want to continue a insane cycle of whether or not
I definitely was helping hand at her and Steve and I are character sheets of the character sheets is happening I’m woefully unprepared at the parently don’t have my dice or my laptop so both my laptop is on my phone and my dice is going to be on my phone about what had happened to the bottom of this right now let me just say that
being good in 2017 is not always going to be comfortable and are not always going to do the right thing but it’s always going to be the wrong thing to just go oh that sucks I’ll deal with it later for a long time we’ve had a lot of fun it’s never been perfect it’s very lazy and fly-by-night but we want the people listening to know that this so we are all committed to finding out what the new better version of this is and we’re going to do it I was talking about sexual assault
oh no that’s not come on that’s
that’s just going to happen
all right that was a joke I know it’s it’s it’s it’s true that he just had a conversation with my therapist that I thought was so fucking fascinating because we’ve been to she’s been I think she may be using me as a case study cuz I’m like a straight white male and like a bit shit is like in the psychological Community this movement that’s happening right now people should know maybe is that this is measurable and it is a real movement because the people who get paid $200 a session to talk to you about what’s fucking you up they’re all talking about it and these are snobs who do not normally pay attention to what you’re talkin about they do not care they dismiss it as by pockets of this that and it has disrupted their entire practice it is disrupted their calendar of how you’re going to self-actualize and what and how come
particularly the Weinstein thing couples therapists are experiencing this flood of women and couples saying yeah well here are my assaults and the man in a couple going I didn’t know that and then you go from there into a Yahtzee game or no fucking way Candy Land game and like you don’t know like because no one’s ever communicated about it and everything is gone insane and I think for that reason may be my therapist is kind of fascinated with my life like my point of view like we have like an hour I was like whatever we should play Dandy I don’t want to feel like I feel like me talking with the stuff is why are subscribers. But you went away or nothing is more helpful than four men talking about women’s issues like
we’re all right about everything I mean I had a conversation with my therapist about what I was experiencing as a man about all the stuff and she was telling me as a gay person like what how it works being like feeling like you’re part of a demographic that is under a microscope and a thing that was crazy to me
was what she taught should talk about like well you know like when gay rights are like violated or when when things are coming up in the news like some kid gets like handcuffed to a fence and beaten because he’s gay or something her explaining to me that there’s like the sphere as a gay person in individual gay person is reading a newspaper and read that story that Beyond any outrage Beyond any like anything that there’s like this weird shame that Creeps in where it’s like oh
are they it’s not like are they coming for me next or maybe I shouldn’t be gay it’s just sort of like when are they going to stop looking at me when are they going to stop paying attention to me like like an ass or overwhelmed with her characterization of it where they as a call man you know what I don’t I don’t think I ever understood that and I don’t think that everybody just intellectualize is like this stuff because it gets reduced to like this like Stratego game of like oh I understand your outrage I understand your anger I understand on furnace work for this you should get that but like we were not communicating about the thing that we could all relate to which is like Ho Lee fuk out before he kicked my fucking ass next I don’t nobody fucking comes for me I hope I didn’t make a bad choice did I make a choice that should I be gay what’s going on I like I don’t know if I like it because it’s not prideful they don’t have gay fear parades they don’t have it’s not right it’s not a right way to express anything and yet it’s something we all share like you worry about it
burst into tears going to act like I didn’t know I didn’t know you guys.
I did I only understood that you be angry
hey you know I didn’t I didn’t know that you’d be like I shamed I didn’t know that you’d react to a story in a paper of somebody getting a bath with Shane I thought you’d be back with anger and fear but not to shame and I think that’s like
anyways all right
I finish oh thanks for fucking Goblin attacked us whenever they had a whole episode after that all right back fence please if you don’t mind spending spending spending spending he probably loves it and text several competing theories
I’m honestly trying to remember what happened you do BarkBox will send you a we we went to close
we went a placeholder and then we turned in our mission and the captain of the of our police force kind of Base we had a meeting with them
oh yeah that was the most recent so if that’s all you want to know for sure so here’s what happened you finished your mission that’s what I pointed to the camera
sorry sorry
do a lot of drugs these days these days is it because you feel sad about something it’s beyond the cheese Dane but really I’m just trying to remember
forget about the cheese then I wrote it I wish I was like one of those guys I’m not I’m special, I was doing exactly what you said I was taking a cheap shot and well when you’re not around and you don’t take a shower to send the garbage so he must be doing something right yeah I was going to the ratings did when I was near I mean it did point of fact that’s what happened the question is that also the stock market after Trump was elected part of the Boost how hard it is to maintain my composure
what I know there’s not enough spirit gum on the fucking Bear Tooth popping and flopping and looks fine from most angles most people aren’t going to be I got a party to go to where I have to be a character that nobody knows who I am free people saw the whole box last night and left that was 3000 maybe not as many such shows as it’s been too long now it’s all about those stranger things
do so time yeah yeah yeah
the bug go away
the whole thing’s a black out right now
5 years maybe you should stop drinking Steve right now

last time and undetermined amount of times before that our heroes were doing a mission oboy they exercised a child and then they saved that child from a priest that was trying to exercise that they took the priests into custody custody where they were going to take him back to the home base and you know what happens assassin’s happens they came in and they say the pageants in the area Junior in the prior ran away he was your captive and he ran away oh boy the Assassins ran away and it turned out they had a powerful gen that patch in zone and he was beside himself with rage that it was allowed to be taken from him you met up with this guy called Gap man and he gave you back the prior and send you guys went back to the home base for you turned in the mission and patchin’s went to talk to the people and the prior went to talk to the people and you told
Mansions you can meet him at a local Tavern after the meeting the captain said you can turn in the your mission papers is Deli at the commissary to get paid brother Absalom was looking at you brother Absalom you met and he gave you a rang a Tang ball
there is an umber Hulk but it was non-canon
hell yeah questions about the question when you first ran back into pure burn a bee you met brother Absalom and he was like yo what up and then you were like when she working on that thing to get us not have the sign all this paperwork and he was like yeah there’s an orangutan ball at someone’s an orangutan it seems like the kind of thing that was someone trying to yes and an improv you made yeah and to be clear so my drunken question is so we didn’t get like a new Mission from anybody we’re like done and we’re in a flux here not yet although you have been told that you can collect
paycheck in that brother Absalom had been looking for you let’s go get our paycheck then what where do I find Epsilon he’s in his lab let’s go to the lab and get paid and it’s like kind of like a hotel gift store kind of thing is really small. Just shit everywhere and it’s it’s not useless Hotel should it’s like useful kind of goes like a synonymous with cafeteria it’s also like a store in a place where you can buy Goods I believe it is generally more the food is this anybody here working at the commissary you see you see a tan skin girl with silver hair and looks like a diversity the road
pictures of
what do you call the monks like to the monks are kind of the clerical kind of you know record-keeping kind of people they’re not the same as you guys are not enforcers they’re not priests or anything they’re just kind of like a clerical class of people look up I introduced the group and I say I would like to get paid in full all right
where’s the paperwork I hand over the paperwork you guys hand out the paperwork that you filled out behind the scenes you do that you each get 20 gold it’s a job that pays for the job beach20 gold I’m worried about passions yeah I think he’s over there right now and Sally belly while we see you is a equal
that guy that was weird right I thought that would that was the case to begin with ya now it seems well but I appreciate the affirmation question dear your status to begin with the same the same exact problem but it’s over to the skull and bones are you going to the school and Bone I feel terrible about it this far without having to go numb do that shit you’re so weird about that but I’m like what I’m like a thing that tested or numbness I’m not a thing that caused it next time I see a person with tan skin and what was it weird hair silver silver hair know I’m going to be like whoever smelt it dealt it and wait for them to
call me different recital up to the old skull and bones of the skull and bone is kind of like the casino where there’s these little alcove that have like restaurants in shit it’s like in this this the Abbey grounds that the mess hall kind of area that’s adjacent to the common commissary there is there’s three kind of little but what do you call a monster sort of situation in the food court, there’s that there’s like that it’s like a mess hall and then likes let’s 6-3 lounges so the two of the lounges are reserved for higher-ups and people that are higher rank than you and one of the lounges is the Skull and Bones so that’s kind of an airport terminal a kind of you know when I wrote the stuff down
catch up with passions into the Skull and Bones all right you see the bartender brother stupid he’s he’s he’s he’s boring he’s pouring a glass of beer for you guys cuz he knows what’s up and hopefully it’s beer
hey Steve what up man how’s it going out there and still still fine by smoking the dude I had to stop after they remove my intestines do you Crohn’s disease I might
I’m popping my mustache off I’m making myself maybe he needs to you need any help with medical bills now I’m okay in the church covers Us
do they let you keep the intestine this dude tube of course my phone is turned off
like an extra thanks man I appreciate you the other tissues bro you know I do actions Tobey Maguire but it’s funny it’s patents last name is Steuben’s in your name is stupid wow what a coincidence that you related no but the person who named me wasn’t very original name imagination drought has mustache
what’s the word about town stubbe foo foo foo and a Half Men to know I didn’t work that’s going to take us out like a half to two and a half of that you Chinese food Manchu my pocket podcast do you know do you know if you don’t see patch is looking by the way exactly like Podrick from Game of Thrones that’s what I picture Wright’s Lake
why why why can that roll go to an Asian
listen to my other podcast waiting wants to find out the answer
what’s how do you lose your intestines I’m concerned about this I might have Crohn’s disease but in this world it’s the result of a real crown
I was cursed by an actual Chrome all right well if he was here we’d Sam wait a minute that might catch a gnome Druids I great for dice
we don’t have a ride he’s rolling with his phone like I have a right to accept to expect that he would meet us here you know like we kind of Cable Guy’s about we’ll just meet you at some point didn’t he say he was going to be here
you don’t see anyone here except it’s just the kind of like there’s just a few regular people who are almost always here it’s not it’s not a very busy time for the school phone
how do Ice Cube’s doesn’t recall any young bright-eyed mail that I described pageants like however I described a chance I would have remembered something like that in my job looks like we’re going to send diarrhea Junior back to where we came have them retrace the path that pageant would have taken see if he finds of an okay I go back to Pure burn keep you’re already there I have a that’s right back to the the offices are you do that
Galveston the ones we started in I’m eating hot wings but not I’m not going to clean the bone cuz I just got twenty gold pieces and I’m not I’ve never even met him ever like to deal with bones in food like I just need to take a bite of the hot wing and I end up putting what a lot of people with judge me for and they discard basket but the truth is fuck you were all criminals reading chicken yeah no one judges you I look for the bishop the bishop is not around usually the higher-ups don’t really come around and Mill around here that he would probably there for an appointment with wasn’t he the last person to talk to passions okay I want to find brother Schrader you find him in his office you know where that is I know where that is hot wings without hot wings Scotch eggs mixed nuts and pickles pickles
brother Schrader yeah yeah he said he was looking for you right after right after we finished up he said he had something to tell you and then he was leaving
so wait he has something to tell us but left no he said he had to do both of those things I’m removing any pecans or walnuts for the tattoo that says are included in the most of them they’re still almonds but yeah what about use your thing okay so I order olives there’s no all of which direction did he walk in he went towards the bar
are you lying to me
are you saying since motive do you have sent not sense motive do you have
it’s called something different in Pathfinder do you see anything there is a sense mode okay then it says I don’t have it all right
you can’t tell what his face is saying but he looks really mad mad you look really are you okay I got a dip in my face asking me stupid questions why you got to be mean because I’m the boss my time is really important and you’re just asking the questions that I think you already know the answers to What’s so important can I help you with anything that’s not that’s not good delegation in the office and I will give you all these tasks and right when you’re about to do them then I can come in and start asking you a bunch of stupid bullshit and see how you feel about it but what are you going to do when I leave here like what’s your laundry list what’s my laundry list
yeah that’s why I asked what do you mean like what do the things you do your tasks not laundry it is an expression what’s the expression it’s a laundry list of things
laundry thinks what are you talking about what it would do to do when I leave here I have to follow up with several of the missions that are due back with the mission reports today I’m going to see the status of things that are going on in the office pool check in with some reports on ongoing assignment pickled eggs if I get some in though I appreciate the help that you don’t have to do laundry laundry really sucks I go back to the school and Bone thank you on the way there you see you see a pageants is like hiding in a corner oh what he’s like he’s like he’s in the he’s on the phone he’s like flagging me down with his hand for you
why are we Whispering because I’m a big trouble man what what’s going on man I lost an artifact in the church I’m going to go find it looks like my school job they said I got to go get it back okay I’ll see you what are the what are the stakes here life and death for me and maybe more a man who can we help you well it sounds like a job for this
we’ll come with you to back you up if you do have to do it alone we are friends the last time I trusted you were stabbed Rose we should stick together maybe you should reconsider your surroundings
have you tried what are the Scotch eggs
yeah these are nice they’re really good. Not as heavy as I thought maybe they look deep fried but there really negative Franco have you have you had a big tittied filibuster was he drank his passions look would mean a lot to me if we could accompany you and try to make good on all the horrible things that have happened to you because we’ve entered your life if you either way whether you want to want to help you out or not I want to give you my slingshot to help you on your journey
weather without us but you got to let me know now cuz I got to get my buds
the best buds I appreciate your help it hasn’t been very helpful I’m going to leave
you guys deal with the results of your actions all right we’ll take my slingshot so you could always remember us all right
what can I go back to school and Bone he tells us what just happened we have a little powwow is how to go to find pageants going on break it down for us I got yelled at the song Pacha Pacha is in a corner and he was really scared just the corner of the commissary and he was just he really doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore so I gave him my slingshot and I told him he didn’t want help he definitely did not want our help so you said would you like her to help and he said no yeah and he was reinstated in passive aggressive like well you haven’t help that much so far or you your help hasn’t turned out that good yeah
passive aggressive people say where they really want you to help he made it abundantly clear that he said no I got this covered I’m totally confident person I know no he didn’t seem confident but he also I don’t know that we are additive in any way he seemed like he needed help but also didn’t want to owe us anything I just wanted to make us feel guilty and help us I think that he felt more like if we went with him we would Roy Lee fuk it up for him like he had better chances without us cuz he was doing so good with his artifact by guarding a door yeah you just sleep in over run by vampire well sounds like we just follow me to do doesn’t sound like it it mean if you told me something different like if you were able to convey Nuance to me like that would make it clear that he actually wanted her help I mean he said he was I asked him was like oh lord of the steaks and you was like personally my life and death but
also the whole world and I feel like you said do you want help and he was like yeah really that’s what happens from my experience doesn’t seem like you guys help that much different answer I mean he did do that to that too and I really got the sense that it wasn’t passive-aggression you just very mad and very scared and very upset and really didn’t think we were helpful to Jim inventor of passions Jim doesn’t really sound like I’m amazing adventure the adventure of convincing patches that he needs help
what is in life what if we Man Who Knew Too Little to him and like we’re in this in the shadows and making everything happen and he just thought he was doing such a great job showing where fate back to the to the Abbey or right where we go and talk and see if I can we need an emission obviously cuz we’re basically Homeless Bird in the hole in our pocket but we put it on a black head for the church we got you know we have a job to do that’s interesting that they Venture a patch in the gym
then we take Shadow patch and I don’t think she is going to be a realistic option if we wait 5 more minutes to new mission for us brother Absalom Absalom and then we’ll tell him about things and see what he thinks about them
I will can I I don’t want to be negative Nelly but one of the reasons why we didn’t bring patches up in the first place is because when we were debriefing patches made it very clear to me that he doesn’t want the Church of the silver flame knowing about his fish
that you that was clear so if you care about pageants that would have been good to mention the recap have it so it was a it was a thing like I I knew the patches didn’t want to talk about trouble with C I went to church but I decided if I were up to me I’d like to help them
yeah I don’t know if diarrhea is an unreliable narrator like if I if I heard a kid say if he was like dragging his feet and going like I don’t need any help so I think you do need help and that’s cool cuz when I was 20 that’s how I talk to you when I needed help but I said that’s why I said did he say no or was he a little fucking sluddy about it cuz if you let me about it let’s go chases kid down save him from himself maybe I’m just bad with people all right he’s our friend the more I say it twice but the more I say the adventure of patching the gems
it’s just it seems like if I was in a bookstore and I saw that on a book I got like I don’t give that a read it sounds like at least one engine is going to get her first kiss about Adventure and maybe it’ll be okay so I’m in other words that conversation I’m kind of like patches
that’s why I was asking that stuff is like did he say no or was he coming like poopy face about it now I’m like I’m like in the middle of my drink I’m like allright let’s I want to go find him. That’s all run out and go see if I can get to the bottom of this was attached how we run to the liquor patch in Spencer all right who’s got the best perception probably have a 4 o I think it is so you know I can 11 Jackson
my name is Steve I mean diarrhea Jackson cuz that’s what you do when you have 11 perception that come to hear skills it’s alphabetical P Alright you’re looking for patchin’s you don’t see him
that’s not bad looking. He’s clearly left the Abbey of the keep the boys
which way was he headed
I didn’t really get a good look
what do you mean which way was he headed to see him walk off know I left before he did where did you see him last year buying this little bush bush I look around around the bush a bush you’re inside or I look around inside the Busch you see if it’s like a small cook where the short person I’m really scaring in the other level that a person without perception cuz it would would achieve the results they need to have if you had a high perception just looking at every fucking inch in centimeter of the area you see fingernail marks like someone was digging into it like try to climb up it or something interesting
okay I just
you do that
don’t want you guys have like I can turn into a spirit bird or a shadow and you talk to animals or might be something that you guys can do can you put on your 1in talk to it and have it I certainly can’t well it looks like we lost patches I mean I think that anyone listening would agree that we did the best we could do is
is BarkBox for a limited time only a horse no
Kendra octopus I summon
a horse
and I get on it
and I ride out of the Town looking for for pageants is it like a one gate kind of town the stores are lots of different Gates
it’s like there’s a couple Gates but there’s a manga did you see how beautiful that horse was what level are you stick magical summon Steed and you ride for 18 glorious seconds until your spell Runs Out
the last for three rounds with the road right right yeah you fall off like the horse poops out
I can’t be around the close-quarters when you get this moment when you wish you had a hurricane Kombat X around him a lot around I pretend that I didn’t see it or he might have been
all right you see some you see some foot has Footprints but
yeah please throw you a bone like they were supposed to do that after 3 hours you catch up to patch it patches stay right here
we didn’t do shit
thank you everybody out there in the boonies Church Kevin Phillips we have out there Chris fera other people that’s a church already know Jeff Davis send me your mayor of course it’s Dan Harmon we may see you on the road we may see you in a life space some time until then it’s a fucking mixed bag everybody
I love you a mixed bag of peanuts dry fast check shampoos and ship your fire marshal


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