Episode: 320 – This Much Funches


Episode: 320 – This Much Funches


Rob Schrab fills in for Spencer with special guest Ron Funches, and a one man show about plumbing. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Rob Schrab and Ron Funches.


hello gang
when it is from downtown Los Angeles heard downtown adjacent Los Angeles a really really long terrible song about Prime account is now in session.
Rock Shop behind the desk
where I don’t know where you belong where you been all along for one time you know I’m heading to Dan Harmon
it’s cold it’s not cold out here at the top of this desk Daniel the topic hi how you doing
desk is very chill. It’s very cold
I’m just feeling are
what you can do for your country where ask what your country can do for you where is Spencer
where is Spencer Spencer
do we now
I didn’t kill him
we just we just we just we just started having a big fight in the Green Room you and me
wasn’t aware of this why what what did you what did you do as a die-hard like you it was just a lie Robbins misremembering die hard stuff and I just watch die hard again around Christmas time because as we all know in the number of times like the runner of John McClain rolling his eyes at California culture as he arrives to cross the threshold so so in no necessary order what’s in numerate them you’re mixing and matching like there are women hitting on him that’s about his marriage to Holly Janeiro okay does the flight attendant I almost called her a stewardess but that would have been fine and Die Hard Times
like I think that’s just my perception is he’s like
it’s going to be difficult to people that aren’t my wife he flew out to why are they getting a divorce because she chose her career here and then went to New York and he was like I like silently abusive mail it was like not putting his hands on her butt was like I’m a New York explains this all the argyle what he has no reason to lie kids explains it to Argyle he goes I’m a New York cop like I got cases to solve I’m not going to up and leave for Los Angeles limo see you all right I didn’t know there was a guy at the in the in the in the plane that said take your socks off and I thought all his name is our girl that makes sense but I was wrong is that thing right there
I forget what I was
my thought
that the whole reason that there is a
play John MacLean was Frank Sinatra all right yeah I know that’s very interesting to me I’m not being sarcastic because they are just made out of is is based off of a book I don’t know the name of the book somebody to go get up alright I’m sure it’s out there somewhere anyway to Snakes on a Plane the original the original 1934 Joseph Conrad novel
okay so that so Die Hard the book it’s not called I heard the book but let’s just say Another Story Another book featuring John McClane that was already made into the into a movie starring Frank Sinatra the character’s name was John McLean I think so but I think they switched it up a little bit I don’t know I haven’t seen this movie I would like to hang out with you
Frank Sinatra played a character in the film called in the character’s name was John McClain I think they might have changed the name or whatever I don’t know that I don’t have it in front of me but it is the thing at the point is is that when they made die hard they had to go to Frank Sinatra who I think was in his seventies at the time and say hey do you want to play John MacLean contractually they had to go to him anyway what no and and I went oh okay cuz we already passed it was somebody else
okay so some problem solve themselves while he was seventy he’s not going to do you become a mother fucker and shooting the glass in the end of the hose walking you know he’s not going to do that he 7370 Rancho helicopter landed in Lake two guys can come out and Suits will take their hats off
she’s like she opens the door wider and he comes with the IV bag on the rack and he’s like what do you want baby
do you want to play a 1982 Action Hero you want to pick up where the start we were either going to use you or the store the star of the Seagram’s wine cooler commercials
and he said Ring-a-Ding-Ding Jack
Ring-a-Ding-Ding Jack references I was alright
well I apologize for the show tonight it’s it’s rainy no one wants to be here for you guys I’m sure we’ll make it worth your while and Spencer there any freezing freezing it’s been raining here now oh my God like she who she doesn’t like it just a seat reserved for your the poles at 1 tonight with my car
weird Hallmark theater version of the devil soup is cold I love it what show The Addams Family never mind it’s it’s dark it’s scattered it looks like a funeral gown I love it
Gomez you were terrible last night please do it again
do you think that extends like do they end up just randomly inverting things like if The Addams Family lasted 30 seasons are they just be like I’m standing in this chair because I love hate it and it just like floating around the room cubes are circles
I suggest they’re not I sneeze backwards and drank all these boogers you say you couldn’t make the Addams Family movie these days because there’s too much like we feel like we’re pressing up against the edges of evil right because the that was like a very clinton-era like kind of thing you could be punk rock remake The Addams Family because who doesn’t want to be like like oh Lydia and Beetlejuice is Wednesday Addams so let’s do the Addams Family okay that’s fine like who doesn’t feel like an atom’s in when they’re in high school but then the answer is everyone who’s like feels like their life is in danger now it’s like like like if you were if you really go down the road of what The Addams Family like the bits they be doing it would be like I can’t even I can’t even trip examples include off the stage because of the examples I just made it in the back of the bus the people at the square pegs the round
pools of life these people that’s who you’re voting for the most divisive candidate good girl
which school would you like to go to Columbine oh you’re such a oh you’re such an Addams
hair salons Emoji or Adams Ness you want to go to the bloodiest place for school
it’s called getting out in front of it look it up
on your precious internet to kick me off of it
got nothing to do now but collect cookies on my iPad and will if I was in the car with Dan on the way here and then he was collecting off of cookies
oh yeah it’s almost hit somebody
it wasn’t cuz I was tired just the whole audience with now that guys in top hats so delicious I just got come trolled by shrub
somebody’s got to get this train into the station somebody’s going to keep the bells ringing on time and I wasn’t going to rob the text Robinson Texas
this comes from Chris Bora
in the sound booth
you’re peas are popping my pees are popping no apparently the Frank Sinatra movie nothing lasts forever and that was written by Roderick Thorp
accept your apology
all right anyways I was young lady I I I I I want to minimize if I say she was dressed like a ninja but she was at yeah it was yoga pants and a sweater it wasn’t the brightest sweater in the world it’s like it’s my fault I’m in the one in the vehicle but it’s like we wasn’t driving as if you might hit someone in here any moment I just got too comfortable so used to like get off the freeway you doing the Tesla hands-free like the freeway and like psychologically in like autopilot not actual Tesla autopilot like just sort of like this is what I do everyday this is there’s no pedestrians around here it just had that experience of like she was jogging and she I just sort of like I didn’t
I’m so used to taking the corner and I just kind of like yeah I slow down but there’s no stop sign there so I’m going to slow down a little bit and then I’m going to take this corner and as I’m taking this corner that’s there there’s this person in their jogging and I slammed on the brakes and she looked over her shoulder hearing this silent plaintive wail of a of a Tesla to coming to a halt and then she kind of like lip sync some stuff and I can’t hear it cuz of my amazing car that steals off all sound in an Air Hogs away a mute mute poor person calling her pointless cries until they fill the air that I don’t have to breathe in my Tesla
sister is getting Charming
but I just I was I was like yeah sliding doors moment you know cuz I could have just tapped I might have just tapped her hips and surely she would have like you know like all of it but lately things of zero-sum game when it comes to your car colliding with a pedestrian you don’t even if she had been seriously injured was like you just like kind of like a car just slides into you at 2 miles an hour you would like she would brag down off of my hood to Magi wouldn’t be here tonight is that your whole life could get it would be changed I don’t want my point is nothing matters but
Zero Sum game he’s here promoting his upcoming comedy central special which was last month but he had to reschedule so please welcome Ron funches
was ever on a Jeff how’s it going how are you I’m good I’m a little traveling in a little sleepy but I’m a kind of in that run from his kind of ozone ozone being
are you actually this mellow or is this is like a put on like you got to do is run time actually this much fun
a man enjoy that pun
I don’t go with everything I aspire to be in that mellow Zone that you’re in it’s not bad how would we ever know if you were silently raging though I guess you wouldn’t cuz I’ll be silent in tune with me like a lot of people who are less I think Pleasant than you or less Pleasant than you if we were to act like you usually do like it would for us of the Less Pleasant variety it might be a warning sign that we were upset about something that makes sense if you were to act like me we were like so as meiotic you’re always like I’m fine and it’s like if if if someone ask me how I’m doing and I said that it might mean that I was very upset but mean you hit that lady
I got a body to bury you at an airport and I thought it was you but you like you in front of me is right I didn’t see your face but I think that’s wrong and you got stopped by airport security and you got the the full monty you got packed down the whole thing and you were the only non white person that that are private I don’t remember where it was like maybe Washington or something and you got the whole thing and you were just chill like like like like I would have been fucking pissed off at you you or you just like let it happen and I don’t mean I’m usually pay your chill about it because I do have drugs with me so I can
so you got to play a cool that’s always the thing that makes me laugh
was there a transition for you or you as a six-year-old child on the playground where you easy going and Pleasanton giggly and cuddly or did you have a come-to-jesus like John the Baptist holy shit like if we flash back to you there’s an origin story where you’re like putting some tax under frogs and did something John the Baptist did
I guess yeah what are you guys Pete Holmes or something where you where you always have to have it ours is just who I am or have you gone through epiphanies the resident yeah everybody does you know if I goes to grow personal changes people you know and I’ve gone through enough I think I could have enough personal dramas like my life never been like easy so like I was at single parent my mom’s a single parent and we moved in from Chicago are from LA to Chicago and live in a rough area and then my mom was in the kid abuse of the relationship and yeah it wasn’t good
hilarious yeah well you know sometimes you got to pick your moment
I mean yeah
also I’m going to make a but what are you going to keep answering yeah
so I just stuff like that and then my life and in my son and you know it my son as I had I had some very young when he’s wants 20 and then he found out he had autism my time was 22 in and I kind of was just like I think I just had enough things kind of tweak my brain where I was like oh I know what I want to do and I’m going to try to do this and and once I started getting a little it wasn’t always good I was a bit early twenties I wasn’t in like a great person I didn’t know I was doing us afloat is kind of being like a shity nerd you know what you know when you’re like all my get picked on and things have been bad for me so it’s my life owes me shit you know and then I just had a point where I realize like nothing was coming to me I had to go and get whatever I asked her what was
going to get and I were there any moments like the big big big that you remember where you at were like like external stimulation where they were like Advance or conversations where you were like oh and from that and then that’s when I realized oh shit I’ve been doing this this way and I should do it this way now instead like that like were there any like defining moments is where it was what I I don’t know what all undercut and then I think that put me into like high gear in Moat Mountain to my most motivating moment was a little bit after I found out my son was diagnosed with autism and then I went into this park that it always taking my son to when he was younger and younger Kylie was 2 at the time is that a no so I’m just like the one or they’ll feel the same part that I used to smoke weed and when I was in high school and me and my girlfriend we just go hang out and make out there who
will eventually was my ex-wife and and we’re there and we’ll find out that you know he’s kind of shell-shocked and just kind of talking about it and then we see like a group of disabled adults in their caretakers kind of pull up to the park as well and the way that the caretakers spoke to them and treat them was very dismissive and very cruel and you treat him like if they were more prisoners than than the name people to be looked after and at that point I was like oh I have to figure out a career after figure out something this is bigger mean whatever I’m doing like this before that you started in comedy shows, do you I just want is weird for you guys to be on others Eastside like this
takers being flippant abusive whatever word you want to use a yelling at me because you felt like oh that’s a shity person and then did you see a little bit of your like oh I’ve been a shity person or were you thinking like I never want my son and I guess I’m I guess I’m not really fall, you’ll think it’s more of this is more motivated than me is a person I think is a person has been just on my way now that’s got like two stories. So I’m thinking about filing things all you are narcissists I really shocked
sorry this is so we can just talk about she was dressed so Darkly a mic but is more interesting cuz you’re feeling you felt empathy for the disenfranchised in that moment and so what you were feeling was those people need someone to be better for them and the only people that are in a position to be better for them are people that have that option and then that that invited you upward to that point is what I’m kind of tripping but mostly it was just like I got to make a lot of money so my sons never been in this fucking position
and you were 122 you said of the time and so you said I got to make this money and did you when was the decision to go to, but we already kind of leaning that direction that you needed a career and I got the job I was working at like this Bank call center and I hated it and I knew that I couldn’t stay there doing open-mic soon like doing that doing Mike’s in Portland and in and then there’s this Chinese food restaurant in Salem that has his show is Pisco Lucky Fortune I’ve been there yeah yeah so you know they would do shows any good Chinese food in the guy was so bootleg movies after the shows and it was just
but the other good place for you to cut your crack cut your teeth you know
might as well he’s always July and be like I remember for years he he he was telling me that this is
I already forgot the name of the store is going to be horrible so nevermind okay I like that like my kid if I if he slips through my fingers he’s going to end up a ward of people like this guy that you saw in the park and then you go I got to do what I love. Just I got to go get a job managing a factory floor like it’s about money but it’s also about following your bliss so what is somebody young do when they decide they want to take comedy seriously like what are your first steps you’re like sitting there with a manila legal pad and a pencil or like like like describe those days back then I was very quick right out. Ripps of my jokes and stuff and I’d like go over them and and try to remember eyes every word and people laughing in your head
his laughter is it is hoe for Applause and then I would even like fact-checked my jokes so they don’t want to hear this joke they might call me out on you on the background so I better know about this
very for whatever that Arrow was is probably a little overly responsible of you in your stand up against the ears of 25 million angry people being enough of my car and then like the did you move to LA right away or know that would have been a bad decision to go this is working and like I’m I’m now like like you’re you’re headlining you’re you’re being like Topman I mean you know I was doing shows and just going around the country and I have my friend will who would drive us around his mom’s Minivan and we would go and do shows and in book shows up and down say
lemons in in other parts of Oregon in the Northwest we just go to different bars and just try to convince them to book a show and then we could bring an audience in we booked one show and then they realize that we could not and so would you. We will continue to move on that way and then I did that for a couple years and then she started getting better and get them or name for myself and I was just making sure you were like Jim Henson in it like the way he likes old The Muppet Show in syndication you were you didn’t have an agent that was like this here is Ron funches and I’m going to book you on this circuit you’re going to open for this business you at don’t start with a j no I had to put my own shows in a lot of money you’re making a deal with them like take part of the door or yeah yeah me and my friend was kind of like was my business partner and we just do that together he would we go Scout locations and and just try to be
bill then I ran I ran my own weekly show and is a coffee house and those are the only like the most pressure-filled day is because a lot of times that would be like I was like oh I need to pass his hat around for money so that I can come home and then bring my son and my my ex home food and stuff you know that I didn’t I wasn’t making it like any money at that time
there are people in the world probably half of my listeners like the idea of inoffensive comedy like it sounds like a pejorative in terms of Comedy oxymoronic contradictory the idea that you could be funny without hurting people without taking anybody down without like attacking without having without without wounding and things but you’re pretty much like your stand-up is is giggle fit you characterize your goal when you get on stage remember that your goal but like your MO is like you don’t you’re not you’re not leaving a body count right you’re not you’re not hurting people is the theme of what, he needs to be that there are I mean you sure sometimes you would tag things but I think your job as a can meet at I must do it in a comedy I love comedy I love, since I was a young child
and everything every good comedian I saw it was like you you speak truth to power you take down people bigger than you you point out the inconsistencies in the status quo you don’t just attack people to attack people you don’t just go like okay like Mexicans it is like that like your dad’s building the status quo that’s reinforcing like what people are saying when when when do your job usually is it that you’re as a gesture you don’t make fun of the townspeople you make fun of the king you know so like I I I take that job think that is very serious
I said do you do some do you do some punching up in your opinion I mean is it like it is punching but it’s punching up or I guess I would say I’m narcissistic and in my own ways and they were guarded like I prefer just talkin about me and my life and what’s going on that’s what’s exciting to me I’ve never been excited about those type of things me I think my mom my mom is just my mom just said it’s like we’re just seems like we’re not very passionate people playing at the company when they come over I care about my son I care about my family I care about anybody like it would be very
just not too full of me to go up there and be this is what I have like four so focused on that cuz I’ve been here I like what he looks like he’s Caitlyn Jenner Joe guy knows even have to even talk about now with a budget like why did you guys care so much did you give a fuck like that’s how you spend your day, sitting around thinking about Caitlyn Jenner and wait with Caitlyn Jenner want to do
shots fired generally like about how positive and negative shit sticks and whatever is negative shit stick so much easier and then so it’s like jokes that we remember is it there they’re often attached to satire or like like like somebody gets taken down a peg or something happens something shift though that person made that joke and then that was like I could be doing it and it sticks in your memory for the same reason that and it if somebody says like oh you’re wearing that shirt again sticks longer than stages of their comedic Ambitions they’re kind of like how do I be funny and they and they and they sit by that stream of society and they go well most important thing is I’ll sit in
I watch some stuff and I’ll try to think about like what what I might say that would be funny about it and they’re going to tend to slide into what would I say that would be taking this thing apart you know what kind of Joel McHale English Kardashians or David spading the the the whatever it’s late like in it because that’s the stuff that kind of spikes on it it it it sticks in your memory and he would just do this like weird one person should do it was just it was just a humor it was absurd and what is think it’s easier you know it’s easier to tear apart than to build you know so like when you’re trying to actually
Bill jokes that don’t do that it just takes longer it’s harder sometimes people don’t don’t get them right away I was just hard beauty of Steve Martin stuff was that he was clearly an intellectual but he was silly and sweet we got to watch an intellect be stupid like Forrest this is a stadium full of people watching the guy Ferraro it’s crazy with this family tree of Comedy or whatever you call it like the he was never personal he wouldn’t go yeah so here’s what’s going on with me neither was he political George Carlin very political so anyways I’m married Etc Bill Cosby
from from marriage and children but like how transparent was it your very personal you talk about raising an autistic kid you talk about like your life like I don’t know I have no question about this I just wanted to like go into that area like like when you’re if you’re sitting in your going I think I’ll share this thing about raising being a single dad raising autistic kid like are there ground rules do you think to yourself like is my kid going to be 30 and and and listen to this on a hologram disc one day and get the right idea what about to go to your head into the filtration I probably should think more about it and
I just like to talk about what I love and I just tried talk about it with love you know I think that’s been my main goal is make sure people talk about my son in particular I just want to make sure people knew that I wasn’t making fun of him I wasn’t trying to feel like all my son has his disability and this is what’s funny about it just a part of my life is my son he does some funny things are leaders and just other misunderstandings that have happened this is just a part of my life I’m so I just always try to do that same thing with my mom same thing with with with anyone that I talked about I just try to make sure I don’t you know Liam Louis CK and just where you’re just making everything in my fucking kids
yeah yeah I mean I have stuff to say about that lake Lake Louise stylist is so like you taste the stage like a caged animal and he would talk like Charlie Brown and it had this like viscera to it and he like but it was like is it is it bad to do that if if if if it’s not actually transparent if it’s like a periscope it’s bouncing off of two mirrors is it like and it does any of that matter of his yeah but what is there laughing at like because they think that you’re real what do they think that Tim Allen really does go home and go off when or what what, D supposed to be I never want to be too far from your friend who you are there’s a thing you know what any performance and performers I mean everybody
you know me know I love wrestling and if any really good wrestlers are always like a turned-up version of themselves and I feel like that’s what I try to be as a performer is that like you know you usually catching me at my happiest at my most jovial where I’m trying to have fun is that means 24/7 not at all but that’s what I’m trying to perform at that time you know and and I just try to make sure that I I think when you’re you as a human and get too far away from your act that’s when things start to crumble and fall apart from you in a while and life and all regards and I just that’s why I write personally and that’s why I try to change up my act and I’ve never gotten I always when I first started I always hate it when I see you at the meeting for form and it be like me and my girlfriend it did it and then they go I’m single I got married recently and then they applied to a goat

I don’t trust anything that you’re saying it is weird like I’m willing to go with
and then follow those fucking rules
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
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it is it is weird because there was there was there was that wave of stand up for it was like it was like we’re not Jesters anymore we’re not we’re not wearing makeup we’re not wet and it was even passed then there was the pastor Judy tenuta fell asleep at like work where I love to hear the characters you know Emo Philips is amazing joke writer and like is he doing a character is he not you mean it would first be like kind of the same guy at cetera it like that kind of like pedal to the metal character comedy where you’re just performing in a more more of the Steve Martin tradition or even like the Steve Allen or the guy with the fiddle God damn it they had a young man, I’m going to tell a joke anyways but the coming out of that character phase going into the alternative like hands back in the pockets look at the look at the floor
be real phase and then it was like the exploitation of that was I found I always found very odd when I was younger with people would say they would purposely exploit the audience’s adaptation to the stand up for him by saying I recently got engaged and knowing that everyone have actually applied not because they believe in a contract but because they actually believed you because why would you stand on the stage and a sport jacket and tell people you got engaged unless you recently did and then for your and then to say to a goat and I have everybody like seems that yeah I guess I’m just beating your dead horse like I always found that very odd but then again I was a terrible stand up the magician was showing you this trick and then I was like what was your best closer
give me a give me a closer it about this is you can’t even talk about it lately. Give me a call about masturbation wraps or the first way you start grab a did game show that was stupid what was your first like shity closer like that that was for like 10 minutes and then I was wearing a red a thing could I was doing my research or I rather think about how people would take pantyhose and cut off the crotch put it over their head and and where it is like a
be sure to come Batman boobs and so then that my thing is like I would take off my shirt and I’ll be wearing that
I guess it’s personal we’ve been we’ve been bigger than either of us now is that right grammar grammar yeah that was clearly a writer
do you want a ride
do I get you you you you you you you you’ve been physically do you want I don’t know anything about your just like if you had epiphanies or if you like it just went on a crash diet or what I have no idea I all I remember of the past memory of you oh I don’t know why you lost our how you did it either do you like a carb-free alcohol sugar candy bars and then like doing crack but did you did you did you what did you do when and what kind of results did you get or we can stay with you at the airport as it looks like skinny Ron funches
okay let me ask you this is an easier question about that same topic when you see a photo of yourself from years ago does it make you sad or happy when you see a photo of yourself where you were like where you look way bigger than you are now in your mind’s eye and it’s like someone goes I can’t look at this photo from New Year’s Eve years ago like it does it does it emotionally impact does that have a range of emotions I mean I am proud of myself for ever making changes and for doing it you know just doing the hard work to do that and that makes me proud it makes me sad sometimes that I ever let myself get to that point is sometimes I it is not about the way but I can like look at the pictures and I can see my my eyes and I can see it like oh you don’t look healthy at all you know and and I just looked back and I go that way
the bad time. In general psychological like you’re smiling in your supposedly happy that you’re upset about your divorce worried about your son you are you not eating healthy at all you know that you worked out once a year you know and so it’s just like looking at that person and then being late all I feel like you’re a little puppy I love you you know but now I just makes me Focus to just keep at it and be healthy and my goal is to be I want to be at my healthiest want to turn him 35 so I can thank you
I will wear it at my success level is quick
I love it I go is I just want to be my healthy is it when I turn 40 that’s my goal and I want to see and then I won’t cause acid reflux in about heartfulness in like taking out other people hurting other people stuff but what about self-abuse like like what it what’s your what it do you struggle with any kind of like do you have the capacity and you don’t like yourself a bad storms horse as I’ve learned that has been what they are really they’ve learned to to shy away from it I don’t really enjoy it around me like people who go around me generally know that like I don’t like if you put yourself down around me I will be like Heidi we don’t don’t do that you can do that on your own time we don’t do that here because other people
I don’t like it I don’t and enjoy it I don’t I used to do it a lot but never served anything’s because if I put myself down around you are you is it just your empathy and going hey don’t put yourself down or are you actually thinking you know what like Sarah Silverman told me at one point she was like you know self-loathing and self-love whatever the opposite supposedly as it’s on the same bullshittin your head way up your ass I was like yeah what the fuck is the difference between you hating yourself and loving yourself again who who are you to judge you out you don’t get the fucking judge and to me to what is the weather, the people around me are people I’ve dated or thing around me have always been like look I I like you I like being around you
so if you don’t love me yeah you’re telling me this why are you telling me I’m wrong or right like you told me I am a bad judge of character because one thing I’ve learned from my mom and for my mom being abusive relationship like that is if someone tells you who they are fucking believe them so if you tell me you’re a piece of shit I will believe you so you can either do or don’t write yeah you may as well just yet send them because like if if you don’t want to get into a Tango with them where your job becomes to talk them out of my life is rough no matter why do we have two in our brains are so fucking powerful you know like I can’t fight you can do things that change your reality but I can’t fight your perspective for you you know I can’t fight your brain Spencer it was like a really big fan of yours with a bummer he’s not here I know I love
he said something like many years ago it’s just like really like his heat we kind of plucked him out of his parents basement and took him on tour in the there’s nothing else they about any of it but I remember him like in the context of that documentary like like actually having of valuable take away from it which I never got which is you know everybody is so focused on themselves they have such shit to work out so many things to worry about with themselves they’re not that you may feel like they’re thinking about you but they’re not so caught up in you that you can understand that but realizing that I E making it real takes therapy like just go take a piss in the street like you could just do it seems. You know one
go broken leg and ask for a quarter at the corner and see how many people are caught up in your yeah that I don’t have a family member died
beat a family member that dies and see how quickly people
search how to fly your scrambled eggs dirty anyone’s pants but they are you are you are you in therapy
how do you know it like my therapist at the end of my last couple sessions and now this is not a humble brag because I obviously need more therapy than anybody but his last couple of such as she’s done this thing when she goes so you like schedule what you want to do you want schedule next week next month and I kind of am wondering like is it like a chiropractor where eventually they go like look your you know what you’re supposed to be doing my job isn’t to do it for you 50 minutes a week so why you fucking coming in here like you go to your therapist once a week or do you did you taper off into a little bit and then it’s the month once every few weeks to check in every now and again or if I feel like I need more of course I’ll be like hey let’s schedule so it’s I think it’s just yeah I think it’s all just depends
what you need you know I kind of felt like what might my personal Journey like at this point from talking to her I’m like I said to her will look I’m I think it would be a mistake for me to like go I’ll only come to therapy when my life is so dramatic I have something to talk to you about because it seems like my biggest challenge right now is I need to become a native of boredom I need to I need to stop I have a compulsion I feel like like happiness has come to me and I have a neurological compare I want to make things from attic so that I know what to do like I have a role to play if somebody to hold on to them for the even the therapy right like with the even though the transition is a lot of it going like you got to let go or realities and old path and things that don’t serve you any more and if that’s not
true then when then why do that if you work so hard or Fallen luckily into or whatever the situation because I know people are you not know how hard I clawed my way up to 35 year old piece of shit Spartacus look like we all we are really matter like privilege not privileged the one thing that we all have in common is that someone implying that your privilege is deeply offensive to you beautiful iCloud and like it would still the most human part of you is the part of you that would be like what are you talkin about if somebody said to you hey hey you you
good late like like like the part of you that was like but what fuck you know that would be the one part of you that’s connected to everybody else which is deeply unfortunate I’m still trying to get a customer that has Underdog Story than a crafted for myself you know it like everybody is Underdog in comedy we’re just talking about that a minute ago I’ve been trying to transition from is that you you work so hard for us if your you don’t live in LA you like I want to get here get here get here and then like I have my story and it’s like well every fucking person that made it to where you are has a story to your story doesn’t matter it’s almost like thank God for some of the most horrible people in the world thank God for in cells thank God but for it for actually like taking that off of the plate taking it out of the buffet because you can’t be outraged about it so it’s like oh that has a voice that has a face and it’s not funny it’s not heroic it’s not knowable that I had the idea that I owe you
walkability is hilarious story at all maybe run fuckability is just need to work on be about something get a crap get a passion as we look back through our comedic archive what we see are things that would one day become manifestos of terrorists who it like played out as like hilarious 10 minutes and upsets in front of a brick wall
how do I get to say is, he does not age well at age well increases by six years per month you look back at like jokes that you did long time ago and did they get the ship that just didn’t age well that you like is there anything you were always kept it pretty like like you didn’t cross any our form right if you don’t look back at it and go away book in the end better now and I wish I’d done things better now you’re not growing so it’s like that’s just part of it and I think I mean but I don’t go back and go like I used to be a Nazi
I might not have been as good at communicating what I was doing
I I thought you were really funny back and you’re not Sierra. Philip Glass you know if you listen to if you if you decode his numeric Symphonies these days it actually cyphers into a horrible condemnation of his earliest Works he’s like what was I thinking and that I just thought that was a black the Beastie Boys
that would be funny if Philip Glass was like I don’t know what I was doing all right so you got your we got your Comedy Central special with me we we we were going to plug and now we’re plugging we’re plugging go back and watch it go yeah open the website only when I’m familiar with it what is that is my podcast I just talked to people that I like some time does my mom have never run
I just sent you up here one of your detox two people that hate light thank you
you talk to people and ask them about their process about getting better so cool people he talks to people that are awesome I see the themes do seem to surround actually getting better not just idle chitchat like you actually are specifically talking to people about self-improvement and how they were worse than they are now and where they got to and how they and how they got there and where they want to go to in the continued struggles from achieving your dreams and then having new dreams or he’ll things or are whatever I talk to a live two different people about different things but you give me any tips as an interviewer
I don’t know if that wiggle dances are in dying
good chemistry
I’d make a pretty good guess I think yeah please come you can ask to be on exactly that’s why I don’t want to ever be on it I’m getting worse
well then definitely don’t come in here Magneto no thank you ma’am. Your help about the production itself because it’s on video what are you producing it with anybody. I just in my office to put on YouTube and iTunes and it wasn’t all that perfect thank you Mom produces really good you’re not going to be on the show right now so I don’t know I already said I don’t want to be that’s why these Compliments are amazing
I never ever have your weirdo about his I’m never ever
dr. Robert Rob about something yes it’s sitting over your language and you’ve been pretty quiet it’s kind of like I don’t trying to be better if I don’t have to read it comes to me how and what form now and just I don’t know it’s just a ruse to self Google do you usually sell Google sometimes you find things that randomly jazz on accident somebody review my special I didn’t like it cuz they they don’t care about what I mean. You let people do what they want but I didn’t like the fact that they they were like I think this guy is a phony and I think this guy isn’t who he says he is in me and then they call my name to go even though I never met him and then they called my son weird and then I was like fuck you I’m going to fucking get your face on
and then they were just happy because this was the first time anyone in the fucking read their articles and so I was like all right with a semi legit know it’s some guy with a person for real it was Paste Magazine would you know who cares exactly what is dyazide I we care now but sit with them before in the main, the guy had always been cool with it so it kind of that’s what reason can I change your trigger me but I guess that guy went on vacation and they had an assistant comedy review or who is some open migrator and he just fucking was like that answers every question doesn’t only Generations only good comic with Lisa Lampanelli it was it’s just a weird thing to say I love Lisa Lampanelli
you say whether you love Lisa or not because it’s like a weird thing is that how is the art of the critical support is empirical statement to make more of a weird science projects, special which was okay it was like that is not a review
either like it or not like it just saying it’s okay it’s just your fucking milquetoast piece of shit like you to answer your question yes but do you
should you so then do you do you pull back from that as a matter of my girlfriends break does that she try to make me realize how blessed I am and how good I have it and to just be like these people are just trying to knock you off your course and leave it alone wrong about that that like as a person who wants to hold a microphone to connect with people that you then by virtue of your chosen path that you in order to do it well that you’re not allowed to do what regular ass people do we just go on Reddit yeah I mean I still occasionally do it cuz I just like to remind people that we’re human beings I’m a person just like you you can’t just tell me you can’t just say anything to me or you can just you’re right but I will respond to you
and the whole thing but then it becomes too because then you respond and then the next thing you know there’s some fucking block those like
God damn funny I’m older than you like any any what do you like to read it was that cuz you with your inbox and then you would just go like hey what did you just respond to go human being over here or whatever and then it was like oh shit this did make a really handy like click and drag over to look over here to what Dan Harmon said to a fan and like why not I didn’t mean that one thing out and they’ve been as everything else is for dinner. I don’t know what I’m still dealing with this shit like I don’t know what that you deleted your shift for a while delete my Twitter I delete my Twitter the morning why did I delete my Twitter the morning that James Gunn got fired because it’s a headline was James gun gets fired for 944 tweets from 9 years ago and now
like nope not why I signed up for Twitter not why I fucking worked for 9 years and the comment on that weekend archiving on my tweets and then deleting my house and I was so happy I spent the entire Comic Con going looking good like I just deleted my Twitter account there like what am I James Gunn thing just like make me go this is not I don’t want to fucking deal with this all the shit and then I came back home and I got on Instagram and there was an Instagram comment from somebody saying hey just letting you know shirt Don’t Kill the Messenger but everyone’s saying that you delete your Twitter account because you’re a pedophile and you did this thing out of stuff and then I found out about this like
people like I deleted my Twitter account yes because James Gunn got fired so therefore go ahead and Link it to ya and I did it was like they were like why did Dan Harmon just deleted his Twitter account and then someone goes why did he do that what does he have to hide LOL and then someone responded with maybe this and then they started pushing it out that my account was already deleted so I was like oh fuck what okay what do I do a phone ringing off the hook publicist like lawyers and everybody are you the episode cuz I came out here cuz the decision was it in for the first time in my life and that’s why it’s all the stuff does it makes me so sad because my my entire Mo was always be as honest as possible always be honest
and for the first time in my life the way to fight dishonesty was to say nothing and it just hurts so bad and I I like came out here but it was the right decision after 48 Hours of like you wouldn’t believe the fucking call like
Crisis Center
nothing he’s a bit of a help you got any pictures of you not touching
meanwhile the 48 hour goes by so the New York Times but the thing that made me lose hope in all of humanity was the date that the New York Times who had contacted by publicist for a comment about it they’re like hey what’s going on with this thing and my publicist said right now because I’m sitting in my kitchen like on a speaker phone going like okay so what do I do to not get fired by a Cartoon Network AT&T all this stuff like what are we doing how do we coordinate how do I get Cartoon Network to say we support him so that they don’t pull a Disney so that we don’t continue this fucking slide and and we’re brokering apologies and I finished broker in one in back appropriately by the fucking dumpster and bit behind this theater and then came out on the stage and did a show where I said nothing and it basically said nothing until now but but
it was like in the 48 Hours where is his Twitter account is deleted and so then it’s like the story is like Dan Harmon deletes his Twitter account after video surfaces of him fucking a baby doll 9 years ago
and it was like no that’s not true Dan Harmon delete his Twitter account there for video services but how complicated is that story will the New York Times like that was the point was like the New York Times like like just kind of ran with that story like inherit in the headline Dan Harmon delete Twitter account after video Services because they they got that from Breitbart from but like all of these people was like for tweeting about a fucking kids and Dan Harmon knows that he’s not going to stand up to that test again Herman wants nothing to do with Twitter anymore and once again Armand leaves it’s time to hit that pinata on the way out the door so Dan Harmon regrets leaving Twitter of the first place because he didn’t know that you could shut her your window to fucking kristallnacht and have people just kick in your door like I was like but there’s no way
play come out and scream that without making things worse making things more clickable at the only way to win that fight which a fight I never wanted to have is to be silent and wait for the next to come along just grin and bear it don’t feel the fire don’t kick up dust around it your contracts not signed yet all the stuff it was like this isn’t what I am I then in what age of we entered where where honesty is no longer the best policy for the people whose names on their account on social media are the same as their birth certificate the people who say what went on with them yesterday for real are are like their word is weighed less than hordes of people with fake accounts that just want to like if you have enough dust gets kicked
around you on the internet you can get fired I I really I remain to this day every night I sit in bed playing cookie collector in Minecraft and just thinking about it I have no idea where to file it I don’t know how to feel people get shot though so who cares I mean yeah so so I mean good point so we’ve entered an era where I have to go from being happy about being honest to being thankful I’m not shot yet yeah that’s where we are
that really where we are as a country that feels real real bad it does
my favorite part though I know it is it I do I don’t mean to just kind of not being empathetic to what you’re going through that is horrible and I have only experienced a very small way and I know how it made me feel and how do you get it like what what are you referring to
I can use it or are just picking on people like you know who you say you are on play I don’t know how to prove this or make you think who I am who I am and so it’s just small things but my think my favorite part about this story is that that you there was a moment that you must have had where you were this James Gunn thing came out and then you went oh shit there’s a video of me fucking a baby.
actually that was the last thing on my mind now know that I didn’t think about that at all I was surprised I was like oh that video If we go to channel on a one-step we are committed loads of crimes thousand night I was like a month after it was on Channel 101 I was like that needs to come down if I’m going to be in the business that Tina Fey is in like I am not I’m a political figure now invisible I need to not be doing this anymore I’m not Johnny Rotten anywhere I can’t I took it down and someone but someone had someone to some admirable fucking like Captain Crunch kept it in there Davy Jones Locker for all that time Exeter crunch berries I was what I was thinking was more much more appropriately was nine years of tweets
I was I was looking at videos I was thinking about 9 years of reacting to society in the moment no way I’m going to hold up to that test ya none of us really I mean maybe me so I thought maybe you threw this one know that would know that one of them was like no no no that would take three years and go right thing to do here is like abscond kind of like greatest trick that’s been played in the last few years is the shift of responsibilities like it was our job is not to necessarily be Reckless and again to not be harmful and calls cause pain but to test boundaries and have fun and two to just say whatever Reckless thing that we’re say
and then we’re supposed to be checked in by the real people who are in charge and now it’s like the people who are in charge just say whatever the fuck and they lie and they do whatever and no one really checks that and it’s just like know where scrutinize you know bye-bye in today I kind of lets me know that it’s all kind of pointless because like if if it really had a power like then there’d be so many powerful people who have been already like truly powerful people who have been taken down by a you know like I’ll give it some time okay I’ll be patient I mean it is pretty easy to get somebody fired right now we haven’t changed that part of our culture has on their value I believe like if people is just like any sports team fired because a bunch of people in Twitter I’ll set timer
I’m your mailman shouldn’t get fired because he tweets something that goes viral that I I just I didn’t I deal universe that shouldn’t be the case then that way you can go with that though because then by that stands if some if a cop that’s like a racist cop knows your Tweet out racism things shouldn’t should they be held accountable for that I mean that’s a man so I can control this.
stumbled over Martin Luther King’s name did you pack and I was like oh you didn’t you didn’t know about that is that he was there was actually two separate guy but he was Martin Luther King’s name because he was saying like by the way there’s a celebration of this park or whatever he said he said coun instead of King and you’re like while he was saying the name and it went viral and the weather man lost his job and I am like is that how we find out people are racist and then I made the joke of like isn’t that the one job where you could safely be racist as the weatherman are you going to not tell Mexican people it’s raining
78 degrees are cops to not be racist obviously that’s a truism therefore if a cop in his private life is on social media and and reflects racism on his Facebook page with some post or even a retweet then it’s yeah it’s right because the slippery slope we’re dealing with new problems as fun I hope it stays fun
I I don’t want to live in a world where it where the people they’re in control of who profits who is plugged into the the hive mind and who’s excommunicated where I worry about buying a ticket to this ride where it’s at we’ve already seen I feel like is it a nefarious Among Us let’s call him right wing people people who are nihilistic a little bit about politics and ideology and the way that we interact with media that they can actually hack as it were the leftist mindset by French than saying Hey what if I were to tell you that this person by your definitions is technically this or that wouldn’t you want them to then by your own rules
suffer or divide or compartmentalised and they’re enjoying that right now and it’s really distressing to watch them drawing
so whatever I guess I I can predict what you’re going to say is yeah it’s fun yeah no it’s not fun minutes lessons to be learned just that like
and overcoming at and ending in I think overall it gets so complicated when you break it down until like like
all that time is over his right-wing in social media but at the end of the day it’s all about separatism it’s all about trying to separate people from from so that they just stay in these little boxes so that a small amount of people can screw the rest of us over so if you just like whether I’m going like oh I don’t trust you because you were a white man are you don’t trust me because I’m black women doesn’t feel safe around around anyone finding like that just keeping us all separate that’s all allowing us to be taken advantage of it’s it’s it’s through unity and through through the quality and through diversity that we that we are able to fight those things in and then you you can be like well I wouldn’t believe those things about that person you know me you know that may be the best way to prove ourselves again if there was if you could call it a battle between those two signs
the best way to to proof to prepare for that battle is for the individual to
have a fun Chien kind of like I’m not I’m probably not going to judge this person like so much like like like like if we if we don’t get caught up in the timber chop down this tree I heard that this thing is happening so let’s off with their head oh yeah you know I hate that I’ve never been in the business of throwing people away or calling people monsters I think that’s one of the that’s another tool to separate people we’re all capable of horrible choices in the horrible decisions and you have to have internet saying that you could you excuse someone’s actions or skews what they’ve done but to act as if you’re better or you’re over doing it right or have it here I’m trying to connect it to the beginning that guy in that part when you’re having your Epiphany who’s being abusive to his charges
is going like you fucking people on Shake it Like That Guy
don’t license to be abusive to his mental health flock because he felt like oh I’ve Got The High Ground here and we’re going to continue to be tempted in that direction like we’re always going to be told as primates by Twitter by Newsweek by bringing things in our pocket we’re going to be constantly being told hey there’s somebody answer that’s worse than you that you could punch down on right now if you take this opportunity. They’re trying to take what you have are trying to stop you from getting your goals and at the end of the day like you you meet so many people that you’re like
we all have the same goals we all just kind of want the same shit no matter what we all just want to be happier and make a little bit more money and have more time with her fucking family and do vacations and shit and work left but I’ll be all cool yeah I want for more bedroom yeah I love one more bedroom DJ equipment that I won’t use Friday are the chances one more bedroom if you have a one-bedroom apartment don’t you want one more bedroom yes you do if you have a 6 bedroom mansion don’t you wouldn’t you like to have a seven-bedroom sure you would want a little bit more what time is it what makes me a good host its 9:38 yes that was a blow off
I’m doing what you asked
Travis Scott 25 years anniversary
thank you very much
one of my pet peeves is when somebody’s Instagram feed is a thousand things over and over but I’ve been really enjoying all of the fan art that that the people have done for your pretty amazing it’s fucking great the ketchup and mustard one or the somebody with Dan like back in 1994 and it was the reason why we moved out here and it just turned twenty-five last Tuesday if you only, because I’ve ever actually read a comic book guy at but I love sky that you give me the on the buses and then and then the whole thing is beautifully drawn it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s really wonderful as it’s very you is it’s what was it called
no it was the same day and virtually there was the game be played in there was a PC version both were terrible but when doom and Duke Nukem was hit in the saying that we had a bad time I know it seems like all the fans do their version of the artwork at its roots cuz it’s really like it kind of choked me up if it’s very emotional you know that’s play the bad guy but
schedule schedule disposable assassin is like it takes place in a future where you can buy a robot assassin out of a vending machine and you can assign to the Target and then once it finishes killing the target at self destruct kind of a ripoff of Mr meeseeks who doesn’t know his mine Justin Justin Justin my I think later on it was like a little bit like an action figure money book Skype kills his Target is washing his hands in the bathroom and sees his reflection in the mirror and read the warning on the back of says will
nation of Togo he goes out and has to kill everybody like a Hitman for hire to keep his first Target alive like a life-support system is it Jeff this is a character demon monster being a gun-for-hire to keep the life-support going on the first person so he doesn’t die and he falls in love with sussudio who looks exactly like your wife
Ron funches I don’t offer this to every podcast guest okay
how would you like a free comic book I like it and Marty is there a kind of podcast
that you would have rather been on
like it whether it’s a fishing podcast like a fantasy podcast for like you know like I do my run funchess thing and it would have been nice if I could ever be a guest on next kind of podcast like let us fulfill your fantasy
I guess I was you would you got something waiting on you okay I thought you were the answer I’ll do a one-man show about I heard a plumbing
did you want you want some music this or not if it’s an intro if you want

one man show about Plumbing one man show about Plumbing
just think about your thing
hey I’m here to check the pipes Plumbing
okay I just I just
did I look old is look at all these plungers
people who want to subscribe to the podcast right now visually there’s a lot happening
$5 a month
coming out
is it you trying to talk run into wanted to be on this package or not wanted to be an accountant
okay but you can’t be that captivating is going to be distracted by the answer is going to be I don’t want to kill you but you’re going to be like actually Dan this was the fight because of the work I do but I don’t want to
you’re going to be like actually you just did the podcast when I wish I was on her don’t feel free to not do that
hey there’s a treasure map in here
go down inside to find a treasure oh that’s a weird math
hey this ain’t no map
I better go down
but you do think you could do
hey this place is real dark and spooky
a severed woman’s head
what the fuck
who would dispose of a woman that had by putting it on a Ledge
I better keep looking down this sewer pipe my God appendages
I wonder if they belonged to the woman whose hit that was I better think about calling the police
but I got a warrant out on me
you don’t become a plumber without having a dark past
and my fingerprints in foot boot sore all over this
food for birds
I better call my friends
hey it’s me
I got a bit of a problem here okay listening
I would have a job in front of a note / map
okay okay good I went down the toilet when enjoy some kind of underground area crime victim say no more where are you I got a piece of paper I’m in the tunnel I want you to do me a favor
destroy that map construction page
and then and then I want you to open the head there’s a coin in there Luigi
I probably should be more about this than I thought you’d know I got a hunch there’s a coin you got a hunch it sounds like you got a chain of evidence
Luigi we go back I’ll wait open up the head and then just just see if there’s a coin in there for Luigi
hello hello hello hello hello
hello hello
he’s saying hello then we will name him Mario hello hello I don’t know what that was
what kind of podcast would you rather be on I’ve always want to be on a podcast where a guy does a woman show about plumbing and then does it again but not using any of that same material
happy to oblige you
for the same things happened no you just a plumber oh okay okay
hey I’m a plumber hello
okay welcome to Venda home Brenda home then to home the home with its own brain would you like some coffee plumber cheese would you like a cup
you selected number one dad has your cup usually Sister Mary Anthony’s the one they get the kids to get some coffee everywhere
sorry I did not get that it’s just a little bit of Italian characters
please follow the blinking lights on the floor to the toilet area
All Things Considered rather be in Philadelphia please please open the door
to your right
I am I’m them to home I need my Plumbing fix locking doors oooooooooo like dishes shutting sunroof
closing moonroof different things
the moonroof would you like some coffee
look I hope you didn’t get the wrong idea I’m at home fix my ass
is your it’s broken there is it bombing
it’s supposed to be
are you a robot
no no okay alright I don’t ask questions don’t deny I know I’m a full-grown naked man ye no wrong answers
we fix it real good Go-Go Mario torch helmet
funeral homes in Warren near Warren
God damn
Amelia Earhart’s airplane
submarine from World War II that giant Penny from the Batman mythology
usually from his battles with that character
little bit of
DC trivia
so I felt like I failed to see what’s broken down here at the surroundings in and everything seems I’m saying oh no oh no here comes the problem here comes the problem here comes the problem
here comes the problem okay
what couldn’t have meant
you should see the other guy
okay so is that Weekly here in harmontown accept the possibility that that wasn’t entertainment for cylinders
I haven’t eaten yet
what time is it how do you end a show it will never know how we just did but I was a pretty good closer
giggle fit yeah Google it Google give me a Google engine support me financially
follow follow Instagram Ron funches and Lake I’m doing and I like it a lot of people seem to be getting stuff out of it it’s fine you please come by no no no okay I’ll come by but I know I do I mean I just like the idea I like that I like that theme song I like the idea of talking to people die with professional that’s me like a couple times before and Boston or whatever and everybody that I always ask for when I go to the funeral so who was cool that was here recently and your name comes up a lot and people always love by the fact that you were in the building and then everybody’s
happy that you left join your way cuz I thought that’s a cool thing thank you
it’s a thing to Aspire to if you’re under 35 and you’ve left nothing but scorched Earth in your wake
let’s give a shout out to Jonah
the therapist
Church rap
classic rock, Jeff Davis
and your marriage and Harmon
did Klein wearing a big hat can we all go to hell yeah I love you thank you
that got beat I wonder where my sunshine when it came and went without it after they left and I wonder where my sunshine went to came and went without a doubt that they like left


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