Episode: 336 – Mon the Perim

Episode

Episode: 336 – Mon the Perim

Description

This Harmontown has everything: A baby kicker, a handshake before sex, Squeezy Steve Levy, and one hundred pounds of beef jerky. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden and Steve Levy.

Transcript

I love this theater it’s so cool to walk on her I wish you could all stand up here and look at how Ruby this is thank you all for being
From The Heart of Los Angeles MacArthur Park where the icing is melting of the cake for no reason harmontown is now in session
hello Spencer hey man I don’t know how is your mic it’s good it’s hot out here better than I Mike should be
Pete Johnson
I got it for free
play three on the chairs over there yeah
thank you
thank you Dan song where we sing into a Mike’s what kind of booty does your mama like she likes it long and wide
I heard she likes it inside
damn
the poopiest rim
lucky him
everyone that your mom a meat is a potential anal tree
for her insatiable appetite for booty Delight damn I remember the time when your mama eat booty with a weasel I
not a lot that rhymes with time except
Sublime I mean yeah I know this other words
Ryan O’Reilly
damn
I remember go into your mama’s house and got deloused afterwards by the fire department because her apartment is infested with scabies okay rabies making babies
Indian dessert called jalebi
all right I welcome everybody thank you for coming
we fucking do it again
repair for entertainments and guess what you got he’s got to be over right now we could bring the curtain down and Avengers movie 3/4 of a cracker
haven’t seen it I’ll not be a Hulk
Jeff you notice anything different about me
a certain glow perhaps while you’re pregnant
close you are looking at a man in escrow okay well you’re going to have a house that offer was accepted escrow was negotiated I guess that’s a thing like like the length of the escrow you can negotiate that to understand the motion of the ocean so we agreed on it and DocuSign to seeing and wear it wear off I think I’ll go out of my house in 30 days what will make this new house better than your current house it’s giant it’s bigger
how do you utilize that space are you are you going to just be just like running around or having what Cody and I went through it the other day and we did realize it initially we had this plan like Cody and I are we’re going to go okay we’re going to have a master bedroom and but then we’re we’re going to each have our own bedroom is so that because we like the psychological
health of like hey if we’re together we choose to be together like Cody still has her apartment and she’s been you know sleeping at my place so regularly that you could almost call it living with me but I think there’s an important thing there for her maybe for me to where it’s like he can’t take this person for granted they got their own apartment like they don’t need to be here ya are getting a little squabbles and the repairing is maybe easier thinking like a hostage here picking the Kinect you can go back into the main sanctum sanctorum probably never happen but but psychologically what that what that transforms your master bedroom into it just like it’s like a hotel suite you know it’s like you’re at this is not a place for
Dan to have his USB cables all over the place and stuff so when we were shopping for a house we had we had certain bedroom counts and it was kind of ridiculous because it included two 2 bedrooms a master bedroom and then in addition to that we we want a guest room and there’s this other shit that we want and I do is like a goddamn he need that many bedrooms OK place that has that many but the master bedroom is so it’s got these gigantic walk-in closets they’re like his and hers walk-in closets like you could put a bed in my closet so I’m not going to put a bed in my closet but at the same time I feel like I could be such a pig in that closet like Cody says as long as you guys are your ships behind that door I’m never going to be like what do you mean like what would be piggish behind my half of my current bedroom like Cody kind of a neat freak
at my half of my current bedroom looks like a ten-year-old boys bedroom like I just dropped close where I take them off and I so I can put them on tomorrow and it just kind of and then I’ll get like an electronic thing from Amazon and I’ll open it up and the boxes are all over the place and there’s like tables running everywhere and I got like a USB hub where an alarm clock goes and there’s like cords coming out and you know is they’re kind of a sexy scenario where if you have the master bedroom with that where that is the let’s be together because we love each other and we’re going to smooch but we also have our separate rooms were we’re doing our own thing when the man we’re not going to do that anymore
no we decided we get these giant walk-in closets like we don’t need a lot of it is that we are walking around the house more like okay so this is where the the taverns going to go elsewhere that a Vern yeah I got a Tavern in my house another Tavern we have a lot to lose shitt by moving like I got a Tavern and I got a theater I mean what there’s going to have a place to buy a real theater you don’t have to freak out
or sneeze or whatever you whatever you did keep your little freak out he just ran into some sort of shut down to when I realize how fucking rich I was I was like you’re going to have to separate one main things and is Cody or you going to have the other bedroom when you guys are not like we each get Cody and I each have two bedrooms two to choose from to play with like so we could we could make one of those I can make one my bedroom I can put a bed in it I’m not going to do that I’m going to put like a green screen in it or something
I’m going to put a sound booth in there I’m going to be like she seems to have an invisible touch you know I’m going to make a Panic Room
I just panicked when you wanted to Phil Collins rooms but here’s the thing I’m really going to do like there’s one there’s like this rather large closet that doesn’t necessarily the layout of the house doesn’t indicate that there should be anything there and there was this one house we saw was a really nice house hunting Adventure cuz we looked at some places where I was like this place is fucking rad you know and then you got to kind of like to think like just rad mean you want to live here like it’s hard to imagine you’re looking at a house in your like I always liked picture myself in these places and then it’s always ironic and then I’m like do the ironic thing like like do do do like Blake live for your biopic like like have this like Steps third act begin and it says like 10 years later and it’s like fate in on some shit that makes your mom’s sick like like like just make people shake their head in Wisconsin a guy got
damn this motherfucker lives in a giant concrete block with fucking nude sculptures of the Louver looking at fucking what is the Malibu infinity pool and BBQ shaped like a pretzel because Tim Burton designed it or something like that to the place that had a turntable garage
who is like a Prius on there and just so I can rotisserie it for your Coke parties and I took out my fucking Prius man I think they react original name for a choo choo train so you going to hurt like a purpose would be that you’d you pull into the garage headfirst you don’t have to back in and I turned around I mean it’s Rad but but it’s not home you know it was like like the plate the place of rest we looked at a place that you would build in no man’s sky like it was light out of wood if you’ve ever played no man’s sky and you’ve made a shelter out of wood it’s like that’s what the outside was once my cycling on the Mansion I’m getting them back with the fucking video game thing how big is your house need to be for you to be comfortable
something here just because you you’re just you and Cody like how big does a house need to be exercise is important to me sorry I’m picking peanuts out of my teeth you didn’t get it room fry Harry to go there hundreds of us get out
size of important to me I’ll I want I want floorspace elbowroom like whatever I got it so but there was this one place that we looked at like the rad place that that was not home I was like I would feel fat living here like this is this is this is a place for a person that is like on display or something it’s like interesting radical houseboat like there was a plate of there when you went down the stairs there was a bookshelf at the bottom of the stairs and then the bookshelf was a secret door for like a little a little chamber could have been like they said a Panic Room by Mike if I’m panicked I’m not going down half of the stairs and like but let’s not Panic Room but where would you go if your Panic I’ll get on that later but I’m like I’m like that’s the only thing that this then I then I want in my house than I want so I’m going to have a con
actor make a bookcase door on this like big closet and I’m going to put all of the monitors in there for all of the security cameras so that if I’m having a party I can be like Alfred mind the guests and then I likes to go down and I can look two ways and then I want to I want to make an activated with a book are you know I got to pull up book out and goes like click like a Goonies booby traps and then it goes open and then you just go in there just watch the perimeter to the monitors I wouldn’t put cameras in my house you can come to a party at my house I’m not going to monitor you said that you will if you’re outside I’ll be watching you cuz I got a monitor that for Rim what if he get like a big big paintings of people and you have their eyes be little cameras
oh yeah I got him on my parent okay but once you’re in my house you guys are civil liberties are safe you get you like I’m not Chuck Berry I’m going to be like watching you poo poo you got to say you had a library that was a book was the lever that opened up the secret chamber right now what was what title of book would be the one that you would pull it I mean
you know what’s behind there and it’s not like it’s not like my suit of armor or my actual Batman armor is back there like I’m not a real crime fighter but it’s just fun to be late and you know but so you think I’m either all of these got this you got that is the one that you would say no but I do it like like you cuz you’re like walled-in I order books about books are doors my question is would it be your favorite book or something that was somatic like like it is like you’re seeing customatic you know you got some attic
don’t let the right one and I don’t know I mean of The Doors movie
Behind the Green Door I just have the book be like I would I would I would do every single Book fake I don’t know what I would do it would be like this is the one you’re looking for would be like booby like Tales from the secret door knob
so you’re in escrow I’ve never tried to buy a house so what does that mean for you right now escrow is a flux. Of where the buyer no longer has to bid against other people I think bidding is closed and then it’s like what you versus the bank it’s no it’s just it’s no it’s just a. Of time it’s like a it’s like a it’s just like a handshake before the before the sex kind of like 8 so they’re still there still time to there still time to get out of the deal mostly it’s like it’s like its mate like for me on my side it’s a time for me to send over inspectors and stuff so you like have someone look at the fireplaces you have someone check out the
diarrheaing is look for tarantula Nest I don’t know and it’s like a time like negotiate a little bit if you find something that’s fucked up like there’s a gas leak in this house like you going to knock off a little of the price cuz I’m going to fix it when I move in or are you going to fix it before I move in the neighborhood and moving to the Valley now and like you live walking distance from my place we never hang out I’ll see you this much and then I think so like a pieta Terre overlooking the drawing-room bed and breakfast in their competitor I’m going to fix it up and see and then I’ll feel out like could I rent this yearly what was the desire to leave that place and get a new one
Cody like I want to lick Cody didn’t want to move into a dude’s house you know she want to pick a house with a dude in like so that we’re starting a new chapter together and it needs to be bigger
did you ever have a bubble throat there
yeah I think I do be moving around this time anyway but I probably would have ended up in a red house with a fucking Carousel the Garage pool in a back house that I can just squat in whenever I need to be read somewhere that my house is like a hotel now it’s like like I’m actually actively in the market for a Cato like I may end up having to murder someone in the same way
you think I can’t help murder somebody Oh what now kiddo didn’t help he’s just a witness okay you hear that reminder to be in the back house and heard a thump on the wall as a witness and follow the OJ case could have been could have been the thump of corrupt LAPD with a systemic problem that’s my John Travolta as what’s his name Robert
no the other one that the Kardashian Robert Shapiro Shapiro says in that in that movie all right yeah retiring from public life have a pool how much time do you think you did on Harmony to spend I think we are covered during Harbour Karen not much was the answer
not much was the answer
so ask her last how long how long is that you might pull the trigger on having this new home 30 days and then I’m going to I’m going to take my sweet time cuz I love my current house I’m going to sit over there I have people installing right now like this crazy like electronic system in my old house they don’t even know they’re doing it in your old house White House you know but I’m auditioning them unawares like I’m like let’s see if you got the right stuff maybe I’ll let you wire up my bigger house
I’m just watching a man pretending I live there if I wanted to play the stereo go over to my other bigger house listen to music over there you dumb piece of shit get back to work what happened to your fish out of the fish guy that is a tough subject cuz you got fish how do they get moved around they don’t get moved what’s that’s a custom you’re going to kill your fish I’m not going to kill my fish you’re going to have your fish murdered
call Wingin into the fish tank it’s a custom like it is very Michael man like it was it was the Fulfillment of a dream I had as a child I wouldn’t have a saltwater fish tank McGaughey and I like like the kind of custom design one for the corner mcgathey like build this beautiful Tavern in my old house and part of that was she knew I wanted that fish tank and it’s like I’ve now scratch that itch I’m not a fish tank guy I now know it was going to happen I don’t know how it works when you move out and you got to fish saying I am pretty sure it’s up to you I’m pretty sure that you have your finger on that trigger for the fish that are in there to die of old age keep coming back and visiting them and how’s it going
boy getting pretty empty in there you know usually usually there’s a little more turnover than this is just me and the snails now it works out here but I moved
you can always put your water in here agrees water how many fish do you have don’t even know that’s why I know I’m not a fish tank guy I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t have names you might as well be on Deadliest Catch Fish murder of the same way a murderer when I buy because I’m not vegan I mean which is a lot of because I’m not the guy I buy buying fish and putting them on display in my house I I sent him as the marketplace that you know someone out there is a chat and breeding fish that are about you you kill these fish these Fisher fucking as happy as you just know it and it’s hanging these fish into your new place your fish murderer that you that he’s fishing
pick up in a net and with them across the yard or something
Adobe harder than leaving them where they are where they’re alive how hard is it seems very hard to find a home for fish I know
Nextdoor app yeah I could I could check in with these Maniacs that are Rebecca ever got her second hand bark collar instead of she could try one out without expending too much on her mission to make your dog not bark God damn it who is that guy that was on her case it was like your dog is barking because he’s psychologically scarred
and then everyone else as I get them pills I got bills come over and get some pills those pills you’re all insane you need to socialize your dog’s shut up Greg
Greg the name of the fish I’m not good at making up names
so the official find a home the fish the fish if I do nothing which is what I’ve done is a fish owner heretofore like the fish stay alive by Greg Lake Greg Lake among the things I don’t do is tell the person that feeds the fish to not feed them I mean like I have default mechanisms that ensure a healthy luxurious life for these fish in their little their little tank but I don’t have I don’t know what I’m going to have to find homes for them I guess there’s a little prawn in there couple prawns
adorable I always wanted a prime then I got one and I was like boring looks like a shrimp hanging out it was just like like we would go to the tropical fish store my mom would like in to keep in a fish tank I had a picasimus I had like Grace things and was more into it then my mom was into it and I go to the tropical fish store and then there was the saltwater section and it’s like that’s where all the cool fish were we like what expensive all the stuff and so just as surely as I I wouldn’t whenever I buy peanut butter on Amazon I will sort by Price descending and pick the top one because fuck everyone that’s ever by your peanut butter on Amazon price descending if if someone out there comes out with a $50 jar of peanut butter I’ll be there only custom
I blindly like I sort things by price to sending and click the top one because I’m just like never again man never deprived but you don’t roll down the gallstones and then scoop up some peanut butter there oh yeah I know I love going down to the gelsons the fuck are you talking about poor Germs My Monster even if you don’t enjoy walking down the market and rolling around the produce section of this apple was pretty groovy I’ve always loved strangers my great-great people I love their babies I love it when strangers have babies take them out in public and it’s my problem I love that I live I live almost stepping on some Merchants head and getting a shitload from their terrible parent why is your baby rolling in dirt
in public
I should have stepped on it
I should have stepped on your baby
but I can’t cuz then you’d be like you Google me and be like jackpot people probably put babies in front of me on purpose
I was at a Target once and I kicked a baby it was rolling around
you know those days I’m in Target when there’s like a sale and it just looks like a fucking Warzone you walk in there go what the fuck happened to Target what is it would have fucking Beirut sorry to be rude as the Paris of the Middle East
it looks like a fucking baby like I was I was like rolling around in the clothes I think this is like what is a baby just looks like a bunch of clothes you came to visit are covered in clothes like everyone’s just like I can’t believe people go in there and go on sale at Target what’s this $3 and I don’t need that dropped it on the floor it’s Insanity as you’ve been to a charger I’ve been to a Target this is like 20 years ago when I was like I’ll go to a Target it was like a war zone and then and then I’m like looking around like he’s like some shirts and I was like
I chipped this like I thought you were I thought you were doing a search of the child actually rolls around the floor rolling around in the dirt floor close yes it was like playing a game called that you think that I’m close and walk on me
and the mom was just too busy throwing shirts on the floor till I like and I’m like I kicked the kid and I was like oh shit you know when the kid was like
and the mom looked at me like
like she gave me this look like I know the look
we all know that
Lake Camanche cerasa rides will look I gave her sealavie how many languages you know like the baby going to get stepped on like like
you know what when I was in public with my mom she would she was like this is not your house she what you do. You go to a movie theater if you’re like you’re watching a movie and they’re like how come the Jabbawockeez are like she’s like what are you people here damn she’s right you know it’s important to be shamed
about public Behavior I have a little bit of anxiety but like I’m a better person for it I think I can get on my phone my mom would say what if everyone here did what you just did how would that work for you would you is that the world you want to live in a God know that’s gross
she was a good mom in that sense if she really knew how to lay down the suppressive fire thank you check my baby I’m like your baby your baby is laying in dirt
I got into it with her eyes you know and then she’s just like called the baby’s name and had it had it like you know you know squirm over to her squirm larva an infant baby like like a helpless baby like it was like it had a baby of means it is it had motility and had like it’s his decision making it was like I think I’m going to go over there roll around on the floor if I have a piece that you are walking around so excited I leave early and just like walking no situational awareness day I wasn’t looking for babies that you’re right about that I was walking heads up looking for babies beware
play I know it’s stupid that they’re just babies in the ground I agree with that I mean you kind of taking her side the baby on the ground you’re coming around going to get walked on them there was the initial round of you always challenging mean you’re like oh Danza piece of shit let’s find out why I like that’s what the show is now that’s fine I can’t I do it’s always been sharing my life and you’re helping me stay on track and now it’s like I just now I’m not sharing my life I’m like hiding and and I’m like I don’t know I ate hotdogs yesterday and you’re like you eat a hotdog prove it
I don’t know it was a thing between but just fine buns
I don’t like two pieces of bread what’s your favorite bread name three breads
I don’t know Jeff whole wheat like glaze whole grain
and I can’t be like can I get back to what I was talking about cuz when I was talking with as I hate doing this show and I wish I was dead
I don’t want that conversation to finish actually very happy
I hate doing the show I’m very happy I got a I got a new Macbook today thanks Spencer
it doesn’t have the little thing that doesn’t have that yeah do you want that we can take it back
what is that what is that strip what does it mean it’s got F keys on it you know like the F1 and F2 and got like that and I think sometimes it has emojis
on the keyboard itself on the on the little bar why is it different why is that why is that a thing that’s on some MacBooks and not others I think it’s just on the top model for both the 13 in into 15 in Top Model yeah I didn’t I didn’t get the Top Model know we could you do that it’s $300 more this is America’s top model
damn dad Dan dad. I wish I will take my belt off right now then Cody ordered me a shirt that says I’ll wear went when it come everything is came in tonight but there was a shirt online it says dad jokes I think you mean rad jokes but the thing is the photo of the shirt like the advertisement for it it’s a picture of a shirt and then there’s like to Converse All Stars kind of like in cumming in frame like laying on the corner of the shirt just to make it more rad the shirt and and I was like well I want this shirt but I want the I want the tennis shoes like in there too like I want the whole shirt on a shirt so she ordered the shirt and the shirts got a picture of a shirt on it with shoes on it and the shirt says dad jokes I think you mean rad jokes
fusing sure they can you show me the Hulk I’d like to see this address
husband acts like it’s a shirt with a picture of a shirt on it right on it it’s like a hat on a hat as a shirt on her shirt is a shoe on a shirt on a shirt
I guess tonight by the way what do you think Colin Hanks is going to come out make it worth your time no
so you get know we’ll do it so I think we should do is try to really get back on track on d-and-d in Spencer I think tonight brought he brought the the character sheets in the whole flim-flam right yeah we got to go out to the crowds and yeah and really Dan you met Spencer it gets really like figure out where we are remember what was going on and then begin again affresh why did I get a new Macbook Pro you’re asking you have like 90 laptops I have a question for you why did you get a new Macbook Pro because I’ve been making music on my iPad Pro I took Apple at face value when they said you can now produce music on this iPad Pro and has a USB C port in it that opens up to Limitless possibilities as like okay I’m going to get on board with this
I follow Henny the business on YouTube he’s into the iPad Pro and he’s written music for Drake or something and he’s like people are going to be making music with the iPad Pro I’m like he’s heading the business like he does tutorials and stuff so you know all this time last year so I’ve been like learning all these
apps and things spending all his money USB cables that’s the only program that works an iPad Pro for making music GarageBand that’s it like it without crashing without having some like fatal bug all the other ones are just like these weird experimental things like they have different bugs if you don’t want the bug that’s in Cubase is too you can use auria Pro but is going to go you got a different bug and it’s like you can’t have bugs that are just like like oh shit if you work for an hour and the song like this shit happens that makes makes it all weird like like that’s not acceptable that is like this and we’re not ready for this it’s like VR technology like we could be pretending like we want to be in the future and it’s like who you could be making music on your iPad Pro know you’re not it’s a fucking giant iPhone likely get your shit together Apple suck my titty
I guess they announced the new iOS for iPad today to steps forward one step back like phone iOS and now it’s like oh no you need a special iPad iOS yeah why cuz you think if you’re holding a big giant fucking thing in your hands you might want to work like a goddamn laptop you fucking Apple turds so I just got a laptop I’m like what am I doing I’m sitting in bed in my pajamas and trying to make music laptop weighs the same as apparently the only thing that’s not going to crash every chain link logic pro seems really cool and I got yeah so I’m going to I’m going to be making even better music now Jeff Instagram my little little music nuggets yeah and I want to I want to I want to wire my car for audio so that I can like it just it’s his awful you know singing in the car and then you got to like you bring it home and it’s like
Trident you trying to like EQ out the car sound and it’s just bad like I want to keep trying to keep getting all these different Mike’s I got like a lot of Mike and put it on my seatbelt a real get like one like in your your headliner like I look up up here above you that I tried I mean like laugh mic won’t work because a lot of Mike’s like have this reaction to the background sound of the car that’s actually even worse than the built-in mic on the iPhone it’s like as soon as you start driving in the car like there’s like a sound from outside the lab might go fucking insane that they think that you’re dragging it down a gravel path until it blows out all of the Odyssey I got like a hard-wired mike in your car especially I need to get like shotgun Mikes that are like special in like Point them at my house I just did I can I need to get special election
so the people like that that they would but you don’t know how I’m going to die
how are you coughing At The Mention Of Sweetwater I know that is the solution but it’s just like a time for you like like that they just hard cuz the vibration translates like through the whole frame of the car so they don’t go into audio because their personalities are wonderful I hope I hope our audio people didn’t hear that what are some jobs that you go into because your personalities are wonderful I wish my car needed acting
I called Joel McHale
I’ve had them in my car it’s makes the car better at acting great actors are great very pleasant people technically I could be their job is to pretend to cameras aren’t there it takes a little bit of hours but I mean they don’t make that your problem I don’t trust that actors are good people I just trust that they’re being good at acting as their personalities are great wealth drafted personalities are there front facing right now that you have to touch right now is great it doesn’t have audio guys sweat on it
you’re going to suffer Now by not having like you’re going to have told me to go guys are going to put fart sounds all over the rest of the day I will check out your car with Mike so you could just I have always a camera on you and always have mics on you that you could just do whatever you want
get excited about the technical application of it cuz I find it when I get into just when I by the time I get get that figured out that’s when I start to like I lose interest in the creative why don’t you call the people that do Cash Cab or something like that and just I said hey yeah yeah I think it was to get it all figured out you can just do cash cash I think Cash Cab doesn’t drive very fast so like once you hit a certain speed it kind of changes the nature of the vibration is in New York you never go anywhere and you’re stuck at a stoplight the entire time I guess part of the reason I don’t I don’t immediately ask for outside help is because I really loved going to Fry’s Electronics weekend are you going to prize do you like finding a clerk there and saying hey I know I just love that it’s a waste land now I love that its leg the internet is turned fries into just this weird like Ghost Town
you’re just freestyling in there and just so you know I think this is what’s going to work if I just wonder down Isles in go nervously Dart into a back room with a box that they were taping up like their their job is to Windex the plexiglass that has all of the shit lockdown then it could be stolen and valuable and then the only people there are people that are that need like shit that you you can get faster by driving down to Fry’s than you can on Amazon which is like something when you had your fish tank angular Leaf like six into the wall of your place you didn’t just go freestyle that you had somebody on the phone was that Aaron doing that wait what do you said I need help with this like like like like let’s make this great the ongoing 8-year process of trying to make my house able to play a Phil Collins song when I want to hear one
yeah that that that 1.2 million dollar project that like like consisting of like team after team of fucking professional coming in for consultations and then ripping the walls apart and put more fucking ethernet cable throughout it and and and asking me more questions and only to tell me that like what I want doesn’t work with whatever the fuck and like yeah that that little hobby not satisfying which is which is why I kind of maybe that’s part of you making me realize like the way I’m like I like maybe it’s a recourse to my self-esteem and like masculinity or something that I want to acquire my car for sound in like have control over a board or something cuz I can like make sure that your that your eyes are on the road while you’re doing all this
that you would have gotten characters yet you go back and edit them and put the lyrics on them but when I tell you that of course I’m driving carefully you’re like yeah but your eyes are darting all around like you’re watching the drive defensively I’ve never been in a car wreck that guy I’m a defensive driver and I have my

I have my own Hang-Ups about people like like a growing about people getting in a car wreck so that’s my own I wish I was so good at singing lose myself in a car accident and I’m not going to be like close my eyes like Mariah Carey or something I guess during the Note 7
what’s the fucking tonight like late night show host that I don’t know why he had Celine Dion in the in his car Celine Dion in his car and they just that do karaoke in his car it’s it’s great it’s really good the whole time I’m worried that they’re going to die so you can wire a car for sound is what I’m here right now to figure it out on the back seat like with a boom mic and that’s how
I’ve performed in cars there was always a boom guy in the backseat real
I saw a guy in a YouTube video is like he was like oh here’s how you podcast in your car and he had like a preamp that he recommended in love Mike’s he said he put the laugh mic on your seatbelt but I thought I’d got everything that he recommended it sounded like shit I don’t know if you mean I don’t like the thing might be you can’t get on the freeway or something it definitely helps I podcast in my car too but the freeway the faster you go when it hits 8:35 it gets worse 45 is a lot worse and then there’s different kind of consistency the road so like some roads when I get on it gets all fucked up but if they stick the other ones that’s fine doesn’t work like green like video and that you could just say hey here’s a here’s a sampling of the sound of my car on the freeway remove that from this audio you can I don’t think it’s a perfect but you can definitely do that definitely helps it’s because it’ll take a little there’s a part of me saying the word pickle that’s also using the same
part of the audio Spectrum as like the sound of the freeway and so it’ll it’ll you can’t do it without me sounding like you know like you’re removing freeway sounds from my throat there’s all sorts of like in between so like you can definitely get it like better there’s also just like the better aunt Audio Apps have just a way to remove sounds below a certain threshold so what like it when you’re talking or something or when you’re not talking if it’s too quiet you just want to hear that so if it’s like a low road San it’ll just be gone so I love Sam Sam so cool and it’s like a different video editing is probably the same but I just like audio editing it feels so powerful you can just really get your hands on it and like rip it apart and do stuff to it I don’t even know what I was doing such a thing as perfect silence and you know yeah just like ways to like optimize and it but it’s like
Beyond working in black and white it’s like you’re just working and sound and it’s like it’s like oh I think I can see the appeal of that where you like I could rule this world I want to do I want to do sound sound design and stuff that could be cool yeah you want you want you want you want me to give you a little starting Library sure is a champagne cork holyshit here’s a here’s a here’s a window opening
old old timey choo choo train starting up
chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka
that’s right yeah thank you the the Battle of Stalingrad
Bow Wow is a German guy in their car found whether that book Cameron says dust boot
he doesn’t do that
how about
can I give you more sound that is
you want like a scary haunted house probably just for just general-purpose haunted house atmosphere okay
blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah
there’s a cowboy in there fighting both the Dracula and the ghost start shit out waking up and realizing he needs a shave and shaving morning shave
well first of all
I tried to check the night when the strip is hot back gets out
blah blah blah with him going like I don’t have any Blood movie full of blood after goodnight sleepyhead be all lead be mostly when I’m hungry for breakfast is like I just I just bled an Egg McMuffin and I’m hungrier than I used to buy is my son up spider spider spiders come out okay I mean look you’re free to interpret let’s say
let’s say
Robert De Niro is
is having a bad time in the back seat of an Uber
per Robert
yes
you going Museum
downtown Museum
let’s say Robert De Niro decides to get out of that little break is having a bad time gets into a helicopter and then start a lawn mower
I turned I turned I go to Western don’t take Western don’t take Western don’t just go to Franklin sweetie you don’t know let me know just let me out of the let me out let me out let me out let me out of the Uber let me out of the Uber also an English Angeles goes by as Avenue
fucksake
throwing up I can’t open it while the change has gone to the canopy and an electric can opener
do you hear that that was the lawn mower was going to the ER was on top of it
where’s the trapper
I’m in the Choppers drowned out by the lawnmower come on man when I met Dan and what was it 94 something
rest in peace to ComedySportz sound effects guy he’s buried with his microphone I was at Little Dom’s with Danny DeVito and the waiter was like taking our order and and is like
Danny DeVito’s like
how’s the chicken Parmesan it’s the size of a manhole cover you want to split it I was going to order the chicken parm too and it’s like the chicken parmesan and the waiters like he’s got kind of a weird look on his face like you kind of like fidgeting
and I need to finish taking the order it’s a big table full of people
pillow project with the with the DeVito Clan like sitting here are dinner and a meeting with the energy that’s fun
like waiters waiters like fidgeting and he’s like yeah so okay so you wanted this and you wanted that and then he’s just like he goes like
Michael Keaton’s here and
a little every day almost the staff there it’s a fancy place there’s a lot of celebrities comes in he was nervous about you and Michael Keaton was sitting right over there I mean because Batman was in the same restaurant as the penguin is
oh and so it’s better than like like they’re not there they for all they know they’re going to get like yelled at fired who knows like for Los Angeles in general as a culture of your supposed to treat famous people like ghost you know you’re not supposed to because they dress funny and they have unfinished business the more you acknowledge them or what are you up to her is like get out of here especially if you like your server at like a place where there’s like traffic with celebrities like I imagined your manager would be like Kristen Dunst come through here and you fucking like a stir for a selfie you piece of shit that was the first famous person has turned into three famous people but your cheeks are off your smothered her you know I imagine that that’s what it’s like that there’s that culture unconsciously or not but and so it was just an extra funny for him too because he was clearly
the irony was too much for him he wasn’t like starfucking he was like I don’t like that movie. Forget about it later on here comes becomes Michael Keaton as in like Anna and I was I was like what what you know and then and then Michael Keaton, he’s carrying a toddler like but not his own.
stop that famous man sitting on your bicep kind of thing like you know the kids I kind of just you know situated on the on the one on one arm and carrying them in and then he and then he was yesterday ending my bit of like what we looked like somebody was like and I really don’t say this disparagingly I’m like kind to get so old and have such a full life that you like you played Batman and you just kind of forgot what Batman is
play clay he’s just like maybe it’s like Godzilla I don’t know oh yeah we fought in a movie
Infinity there for all they know they were the mummy in like back in Frankenberry like they happy to see each other but then they talk to each other participating in the joke like aspect of goal but then you have to come up there and stare at the table and wait for them to finish talking cuz you can get your friends you don’t know these people better than they just talked about god-knows-what and that’s great yeah and then Jim Rash was there from from Community he was outside in the front end and leaves like Jim Rash is here and I was like
could she be the new thing no matter who you make a girlfriend
by the way you don’t have to be this guy but just to report in like Michael Keaton looks fantastic he’s out there looking fantastic right now
get in his Birdman how did Jim Rash. I mean he’s just out there looking good I heard he look like he’s probably I mean he always was pretty fit I believe it I don’t believe it
he was with I believe his writing partner and yeah they were and he was telling me about the project they just finished doing which I assume I’m not allowed to talk about but whatever I don’t know it sounded exciting
whatever this is been the celebrity I guess I forgot I was at a restaurant with the fucking Batman and the people I saw you recently you didn’t tell me this was like God damn it do you fucking like like what a wasted you don’t like like you can’t though I can’t I couldn’t it was that it was impossible to get a photo you know in like like like be separating them and Instagram that would have been what we call a Golden Graham
you guys when you guys would have a heart that’s why you’re you’re an influencer
yeah you never know when you can get one of those
haven’t I been watching the the berries I love Barrie Dunn XVI was a great show and years ago I was at a airport maybe I said this before and somebody walked up to Henry Winkler it was just waiting for his plane like at the gate sitting in the chair and some reason mr. Winkler I’m a big fan can I get a photo and now
he wasn’t mean about it right now I’m not taking a photo with you
what’s the weather at Malcolm McDowell I was at the airport with her ever told this one of the show
McDonald’s from a fucking fuck with Garage in entourage and he was like looking at magazines if they’re like the the bookstore places as crap thing of books and magazines and Eminem’s and whatnot and a guy walks up like a young youngest you know what kind of Fanboy and comes with Mr MacDonald I’m a huge fan of yours can I please get a photo or not a graph any good
and the fucking kid just like I was watching this go down if you must stop me I have but it’s not the Cowboys in Calgary Stampede they give you the cowboy hats
so we didn’t show it if you if you’re a performer in Calgary that the Chamber of Commerce give you a white Stetson hat with a maple leaf on it and it’s like it’s a big like symbol of Honor from Calgary so me Greg proops Ryan Stiles Chipettes in the we all have our hats and we’re all getting on the same plan together and knock at McDonald’s in front of me and he has his hat too
so we’re all looking in the first class we’ve all got Cowboy if I mean but their help us they’re hostages amazing don’t let him let him sit there and remembered once you marry remembering stuff you should have took a picture he’s in front of me I’m number to getting on and he’s got his cowboy hat and he’s just told this for kids of bone up lightly asking for interaction with not going to go and he didn’t answer so he’s in front of me and we’re waiting to get on the like sitting I say it’s and he’s in a red one and I’m in row two and
he’s putting his head up in the bed and then I go I see you’ve got to have to ice up just trying to find a way to talk to him and he was skinny jeans and my Motley Crue shirt like I’m a professional bull rider but I don’t know because I wish you wouldn’t have said that he would have been so happy that I was a professional bull riding wanted to eat that joke Joe pantoliano steak Matrix Matrix you lost me on that one is more delicious
I wonder what it takes anecdotally like myself like like like what would it take to ever arrive at a place where someone you know
acknowledging like recognition of you you’re being like hey look there’s Dan Harmon in line at Fry’s you know lake lake lake which I’m like like like what what would it take to make that so fucking like Greg that you would be like know if you ever been in a bad mood and somebody walked up and wanted to show me the oh I bet I’ve I’ve only been I think we’ve talked about this before I go there’s only been like for the two instances in my entire life of anyone ever talking to me like in that context and it was only it was the person was like I’ll be honest with you I’m not a huge fan of the fucking autograph guys that sometimes it’s like they come out here and I’m sorry if you’re in the audience because if you are that I misjudged you because part of why I don’t like him as long as they’ve been coming to the fucking show I think they and I don’t think they really give a fuck and they like they date
that’s based on the shared culture we all have which is you should be grateful for somebody to want your autograph which you should but like they say they build on that mythology and use the same time like like like at festivals and stuff is abusive people that they don’t know who you are they just like they get like some heads up the about who you are like they’re just there to collect the piles of fucking signatures they don’t give a shit and then that’s fine too but but like the way that they then they try to lie they play into your Gill like they’re good they’re going to come on come on man I’ve been out here all day like they say shit that leg is so inverse to like come on man you can’t highroad me and like it like this like that that’s it they’re disingenuous nobody nobody that’s like hat in hand and I told the story of the gov that guy at the Billiards
place that like I did everything wrong but I still wasn’t mean to him ever it was just I just like made fun of them on the show like later but cuz he didn’t really know who I was he thought I was Justin and he didn’t like whatever but it’s still I just died truly curious I cuz I’m sure the answer is like really wonderful like what is it that happens to the Barbra Streisand’s of the world the Malcolm McDowell’s like what stories do they have about people just like just must be horrible things that have happened to them because they allowed up to
like George Harrison at the airport LAX and he was eating breakfast and he walked over to mr. hasn’t got an autograph know what like like I’m fucking have a breakfast like like like you don’t get to walk up and then interrupt by the way I have three co-workers and and one of them got shot doing this
eating breakfast 25% of the people that do when I do die this way I’m not you’re not catching you stoked ever how much do you get rumbled for being Spencer walking down the road not really pretty rarely
is it countable or uncountable for you and I’m fine with it at it’s great you know the thing about pictures I always tell people who are awkward like them think about pictures and autographs is they really frame the interaction you know you know what they want you knowing they have it and they know that they they can now leave satisfied where is if they don’t ask for that they kind of just like orbit and say things like I’m so nervous I don’t know what to say you probably think I’m a loser and it’s likely not giving me a lot of other options
it’s like I guess I do that okay
but I mean it’s fine to talk to people too but it’s just like but when you ask for an autograph it’s like yeah then you can shoot the shed or something but then they’re like oh yeah now I have my autograph I’m I’m going to go and so that’s always great but it’s very rare for four people you know sometimes people just want to ask a lot of questions and it seems like they’re just searching for questions to ask and that’s not always the best but even that’s not bad like the worst time I had was like this really drunk I want to stay in Chicago or something that was like no joke wanting me to like get in on his business opportunity like one of me to buy a Timeshare some shit it’s like I don’t want any of this and there’s other people that want to talk to me too and I want to talk to them and I don’t want to buy your timeshare or whatever you know that that was the worst but it’s always really great guy I work with this guy who said I don’t know who was like one of these Beetle guys he worked with one of these Beetle guys in Britain and he was drawing a little Doodle
what you said about Ringo Starr what’s going on here and I don’t know it’s one of these Beetle guys
will you work with one of them know I work with a guy who worked the beguiled by your job to remember at 8 exactly he was like drawing a picture and then and then he put He put it down and and then like one of his assistants came and took the picture and put it into a folder and like whisked away and he was like why why did that just happen I just like these people stole my lyrics out of my car and they’re in the Durham Museum they won’t give him back now so now I have this guy and he takes all the stuff I touch you in the photocopies it and keeps it away from people you probably are just people will just talk with your shit. Paul McCartney for sure
I thought I told the story was when I was I was at South by and I was sure I was on the same flight AS Paget Brewster and she she there were people waiting outside the airport for her which was a different level I was like like not just waiting outside the airport cuz they’re celebrities coming around cuz it’s South by but they they had like shit that was Paget Brewster related but then there are also people that were like they had a bunch of blank pieces of paper photo paper like glossy paper would be fucking when you sign photo paper it it it’s like nails on a chalkboard as I can squeeze a squeaky like freaked about unrelatable Harmon what the fuck but but like I owe you two can I get you think like throwing me a bone and I want you to the airport of like they just they acted like they thought I was famous because I was with you and she’s like yeah but you know what those people they make me sign those blank pieces of photo paper
then they print fake nudes on them
by Padgett what I did that just blows white letter that’s almost too hilarious to be a Buttes like your cuz it’s just like Willow look I I mean it’s like what I like we are selling that like look she signed is it like a troll thing like sounds like probably the intent is like she did it for someone she was like intimate with and it’s like stole and it’s like all this is a real thing she said her boyfriend she also did say that like she said she said she tends to get like pulled aside at TSA checkpoints because she was on this like Criminal Minds shower or whatever like me the cheat to the TSA people are like really into these certain mainstream crime dramas and like they always recognized her and she said you know that
yeah and it’s like they’re not I don’t think I mean like I don’t think she would want me to say imply that they’re doing it so that they can touch her it’s more like they want to take her aside and like then tell her they’re a big fan it’s not giving you the full business of like the pet sounds kind of like like like like that I would hate to buy in this in this climate like you know like you need to take that shift seriously like this idea of like that wasn’t part of the idea was that they were doing it to to rope it was much more but it was still fucking crazy the idea that they’re like oh yeah random spot check I think your bag smells like explosive so can you come over here by the way big fan I mean you expect more from the TSA
guys Express over to come over there and grab a character sheets with me okay hold on all the time
this is why I got to become a musician cuz it’s like when I moved to LA I was like hey let’s go see Harry Dean Stanton at this like hotel lounge are you go see Jeff Goldblum play piano it was like part of the LA culture like I either got to like stop doing this show or I got to like learn the clarinet or something
cuz it’s like dumb otherwise like who wants to and I’m tired tired of it what am I supposed to tell you about I can’t tell you anything about my new house cuz then you can come and shoot me I can’t I can’t tell you I’m afraid you’ll shoot me because the New Deal you needing please shoot me like oh what a cool guy wishes he was shot
it’s no there’s no there’s no there’s no reward in it I’m not being provocative or being a dick bass in this question but have you fired your gun used it in like gone to the range you’re my run now I’m afraid to fire it because the first thing I did when I bought it and take it apart and clean it put it back together so now it has been assembled by a fucking idiot
it should just have a sticker on it that says like a fucking liberal that got scared cuz Trump got elected bought this like put this together like don’t ever pull the trigger is going to blow up in your hand that’s why I want to get a revolver you actually strip filled so I did put it back on my phone that doesn’t seem like it should be rattling
I guess they rattle in the movies but I always thought that was like overindulgent Foley artist you know I like that every time John McClane that goes like this the gun goes I like Link Link Link Link song that everybody acts like he’s really kind of rattle in your hand which it just makes me feel like it’s going to blow up when I shoot it which is good. Cuz I told the story of the guy in my porch in like 8 on Spencer’s talked about how they do studies where you touch one of these things in your testosterone goes up and like the danger of having one of these things it’s like it’s it’s good to think that it will explode if I fire it like that better than the second-best in that owning a gun is is being so afraid to fire at that gives you think he probably built yourself a block your hand along with the Intruder yeah unless you’re trying to kill yourself with a gun then it’s like about the same
that would be amazing if you got the gun and then you’re like I’m going to blow my brains out and then it like goes it just takes your hand off yeah and they’re like how you called 911 and they’re like What’s your emergency and you like I blew my head up there like sir calm down what was the thing you don’t you know ya someone sent me an Instagram message I just had it that was about that night you know Dan says that in the the podcast whenever you call 911 they tell you to calm down or whatever
and so is this a good story huh that’s somebody somebody sent you a message basically saying that they had a they had an experience for them and because they needed to call me inform
yeah I can’t fucking hold on everybody shut up
yeah the guy need to call 911 because he saw someone pass down the street or something and he thought they needed like medical attention or something
and the rest be surprised you eat underscore Reyes rights off topic to this post but driving home today I found a man passed out in the park and will calmly calling 911 I was told to calm down it’s so funny it really happens you to calm down so they can’t that’s like that’s their one that’s there there there there you’re going to end up in prison man this guy was so calm as a gentleman of the jury
I’m telling you I’m going to be so calm if I call 911 that I’m not going to call 911 I’m going to like try to fake
like Panic like I’m going to come home and Cody’s murdered I’m going to be like oh shit Cody got murdered all right I’m going to call 911 or going to think I did it because I’m going to be calm because I’m like compartmentalize do you know like I don’t know I have like a fucking thing it’s a problem and then like so then I’m going to go like
and they’re going to be like that’s fake
when I there’s a situation I drove by kind of near your neighborhood where some it seemed like some I don’t know some plainclothes cops who just looked like guys with guns and their waist band like we’re coasting this dude in the car and trying to pull him out of his car and the guy was screaming for help I’m pretty sure cuz of the cops didn’t identify themselves as cops and so I was like I don’t know what to do and I called 311 and I didn’t go anywhere and then I called 911 and it it was just like Janda lines were jammed like I couldn’t get through and I’m like a good deal thing this isn’t an emergency happening to me look I have to I have to meet with an estate planner which is a meeting that is just really easy to keep cancelling your like when are you ever in the mood to have coffee and talk about what should happen when you die
with all your money I just thought I was like I was at at noon today yeah I’m fully my socks I kind of feel like yeah keep a note in my iPhone updated will I see my computer I definitely hear the nightmare scenario something God forbid happens to me let’s just call it hit by a bus even though we know that bus is going to be cholesterol
but like let’s let’s just say it’s like sudden and like unexpected and it’s just done like the the idea of loving Cody moving a house together we’re not married yet like and she’s just like living in this house that she’s not you know she chose it with me but she’s not like you know she doesn’t have a claim to it if I die and then like all sudden like you know some horrendous relative from Wisconsin and who knows I don’t like shit down like I don’t know I don’t like the probate not accept so anyway I mean there’s that there’s a nightmare scenario to be avoided and Cody and I are aware of it but then I’m like
you got another problem if you’re like I’m like driving with Cody and I’m like yeah I got to I want to plan my Escape but you need to know like I need there needs to be like a Schrodinger’s box here so that you’re not incentivised to kill me like like like that and she’s like what I’m not going to I’m not going to kill you no money that’s what she’d say if she was going to kill you right here’s a here’s what I’m going to do when I plan my estate I’m going to I’m going to have no matter how unmiss tyrius my death is like out let’s let’s say I’m worth five million when I die I’m just picking a number as it’s based on when you look up the thing it says like that what are they worth. Net or whatever it’s for says I’m worth five million I don’t know what that means I think you’re counting the fish tank but let’s see what I’m worth and then so I’m going to put in my in my will $1000000
is earmarked for a private investigator doesn’t even matter if it looks like a heart attack smart he gets he or she you’re welcome 2000 dollars for expenses launched an investigation as if my death were mysterious even if it’s not mysterious if it’s mysterious 400,000 but
the remainder of the million payable upon conviction of the murderer so here’s one and then code he’s like but that means he would bring me a Mike what it means is your job is to keep me alive
it also he said she’ll she’ll be she’ll have a vested interest in trying to make herself as look as innocent as possible and keep tabs in that way no matter what she’s plotting if I’m a certain amount of drunk like don’t make me go down for it like there is here like I couldn’t you know you could end up in jail
people will assume you murdered me or like she’ll video tape you while you do that
she’s like what just put mysterious circumstances I’m like oh yeah right so you can like crush up adderal and put it in my vodka and like oh yeah what a nine mysterious heart attack that would be hit me up break everyone’s just waiting for me to Keel over from a hot dog I want that shit investigated yeah I think those could be really fun you can put some more money till I document the process in like make a movie out of it and put it on Netflix the death of Dan
I wonder if you can if you can make do it like percentages like whatever my net worth is you probably can’t 10% Shield go to private investigator
yeah it’s that are not that that that’s what that’s a death I could have fun planning
you know all the whipping autopsy of your body though that old like maybe make it look gross is that cool
yeah okay I already look gross I
hey you said it the more people understand then I I did well with my life you know like like like like oh he looks gross why is he looking at his body and like yeah exactly soccer
I’m not Marilyn Monroe and you’re looking at me naked dummy
looks like I’m talented fuck face keep looking
it’s taking every inch a fucken jerk that’s why I don’t put a piece of tape over my laptop camera unlike take it in CIA I can look at my little dick
record every fucking second of it
how to put in the Library of Congress make a statue of me jerking off so I can spies
chairs he imagines like what if I became like a activist do you have to become like how much of a threat do you have to be before the NSA uses secret footage of you jerking off on your MacBook like they just really like what I like how would that work on anybody either like like this modern-day MLK is causing too much trouble he’s suggesting people should withhold their income taxes and telemedicine is socialized but did you know he jerks off to see the come in this one look at that come what a monster he jerks off like going to work

Saigon work on anybody it would be a refreshing world I hope that leaks I hope I have footage of all of us jerking off leaks you could leak it you shouldn’t YouTube
what’s the only have your camera on your computer open but I was going to ice ice bro in a little things hoping like I can like trigger shop that I’ll be a jerk and I was like yeah you like that
play that’s pretty good that’ll really do it
suppressor genes he has brand new stuff here just moved it over from Pathfinder I see to Addie and debased things that I’m going through my exciting new character. Thanks for the good portion ate yesterday converting all your character sheets to 5th edition
wow 5th edition fans as abilities on special I made spell cards you made these are the Photoshop them but I glued them onto notecard you did I love this a you given little dots for Wednesday are always prepared for my spells I tried to do it you know I don’t know it’s it’s it’s fun it’s like an arts and crafts task I’m digging it I could read this all night long let’s just read your spells
let’s talk about that you gave us the give me a list of group inventory so that yeah I used to just give Steve Levy that sheet a group inventory
Palestine
new new new stuff we open in three nights
leaving a check in with you briefly because we have to get we have a lot of inventory stuff to talk about here oh yeah what’s going on I need little girl short haircut going on there. Thank you yeah yeah I got to leave it please please please use did we ever leave his grace
what in the I was about to ask why why why don’t you tell me it’s like well the answer is not because I’m I won’t reward you for it
I mean I have more pressing matters to talk to you about you know like you know we had a lot of work and yeah you know I will never forget that text damn it was it was a pretty it was an amazing Tech what was a text I was just you know we have to start D&D like at the beginning of the show because we’re done we’re going to ever whatever paperwork are I feel like sounds like you kind of care I do care Spencer I’m very excited about this and I do mean the stuff I say when I’m drunk by the way I don’t think you must it’s racist
I haven’t that stuff is just like me at all
I’m going through all this texting be validating how much you meant it for you being a good friend to me wishing the best for you that’s that’s just you know that’s the polar ice caps
the world all right let’s see I think the best we can do Spencer before the time Runs Out is that we just go through where will you have set us with a new D&D 5th edition kind of set up here yeah well the thing is if it is the character sheet has a little spot for personality
arms and flaws so maybe we should work those out I know that’ll be for the audience but it’s it’s it’s helpful and it might help you you know get some get some get some get some yeah obviously Jeff remembers he likes fire do you guys remember your characters at all
the original diarrhea you’re into we know you love horses for some strange reason I do my character all right will then it should be easy to pick a personality trait or two and how does that help us throughout the game play because then you you know that that’s like kind of the part of your character likes like I would say you know lately Chad has been like he’s trying to kick the bees nest or something you know that’s just kind of who he is so if you if you write that on your character and then you look at it be like haha that’s who I am you know I got you this box on the right are the traits are the top rated you do this later I guess Monday at 7 o clock you guys with your characters now that they’re new in 5th edition you can’t put like constantly finding treasure that’s not no no
that’s a dream not a trade right more
what he attacks example of Personality trait was safe for Chad the fireliker I would say he’s he’s itching for Adventure at least lately that’s like a big thing of your like we can’t be fucking potato farming we got it I’m going to call that Wanderlust yeah there you go I like it dumb
I’m just trying to encourage do I know you have to I do have to but it could help or not ideal what’s that what’s that about ideals is like what you value kind of like your virtue like what you what you find important
yeah I also think about that one o ya like fire forest fire but that more like in a spiritual or philosophical gone yeah bonds probably better than ideal honestly bond is like what what you care about what if it was Rob from Rob from you’d really get your goat make you like murder people or go out and find stuff and flaws
yeah I’m afraid of the dark yeah like or you could just come up with a new one since you don’t you remember was a good idea somebody let’s spit ball what are Chad’s ideals
hahaha
virginity I don’t know about that
courage
I like it my deal would be courage courage doesn’t mean I’m correct just means I wish I were more courageous you value yeah you only want to like brashness almost and what’s my bonds
yeah and burning
find with fire and made the chance of a flaw snow yams what’s the yams you just wanted to say yam
what’s he is impulsive impulsive
I wanted to say that I’m leaving for my personality traits I thought spontaneous and easily impressed I like that that’s great
what about your ideals can you give me some examples like upholding the law or always being kind to people kindness is key kindness is key right that then Bond
I don’t know 40
Carlos is a bad yeah cuz he’s like videos of your kind of father figure
and then. Flaws then probably you’re naive I had imagined right so naive are you go
hell yeah this is gold better than I thought
what are your personality traits well I feel like I’m insecure I like that
I mean if you think it’s a good strategy and a medicine still like to embrace the way you’re tending to play or do you think it’s a better idea to go against that so that you don’t like fall back on that cuz I like I tend to be
insecure in my playing but maybe if I was playing a character who Michael Mike characters like bullies Johnny big a donut a little better but it’s probably not overthinking it
I can be one
my character is always like to be just relaxed and not Rock the Boat
but I’m not suggesting that that start like your ideals Herman how do you say overthinking it like in personality traits neurotic Warrior against neurotic that’s that’s seems like a good you like what kind of like you know like I want to do it right versus good I want to leave the world better than I you know like I want a redeemer
there’s a Redemptive called you what you want to do you want what kind of redeem what’s gone wrong yeah I want to be a good person and I want your some tradition charity power face I’m just list them off now only other people Redemption Beyonce creativity friendship aspiration Independence fairness
yep what you okay I think I think they are under the head the Masthead of Justice righteousness whatever I mean these are ideas are not necessarily reflective of what I am doing what you aspire to I guess right thank you I want to be known as a good guy and exactly when I’m dead that’s that’s exactly where I want to I want to see all right bonds okay I’m going to change mine from Courage to to purify like fire exactly
bonds like so Banda something if it was taken away from you
you could also be a motivation like this is someone stole my precious instrument and someday I’ll get it back
that’s a bard
Ayo might get ya your beer potato pie all my guild a great debt for forging me into the person I am today but what about control is that cheating like control over what everything control all that cuz I mean for you know what have I been doing like I like what’s the potato farm really about it’s not about my love of potatoes it’s about me wanting my narrative you know like I don’t want other people to be in charge of but that’s too esoteric it should be something more like my spurs my boots my pet Cobra part of its supposed to be like in it like a hook for your motivation so so control could be something but I think I it also kind of content away from things 2
that’s English striking out today huh
well I’ll put control freak under flaws which doesn’t mean controlling others necessarily it’s just like
very cautious to surrender control
but like a bond is like everything I do is for the common folk or I will do everything to protect this house or something you know
yeah well it could be maybe something to do with the church like
like Freddy when I was like maybe right the wrongs of the church are you never want to reflect the the corruption that you’ve seen in the church or something like maybe a relationship with the silver flame cuz even though I have a bunch of problems with the way the church is run by if anyone were to ever tell me like you’re a bad Catholic like plain and simple like it would drive me nuts you know right so like so like my bond with my God you know super important doesn’t necessarily mean that if I get in a fight with the Pope I’m going to be anything more than conflicted but right but when it really comes down to it like I really buy into the silver flame Michigan because they’re part of your character that it wants to be kind of reinstated in some way or you are you so Outkast and so the purified
yeah me too but like I said yeah I think that there’s like stains on me that I don’t think can be like scrub clean except by like extreme like you know Deeds of like like righteousness and others like like something that would block out all the memories of of me being a flawed you know fallible terrible like Blake complicated clumsy person just like I didn’t need to fix the sins of the past or something they could be a sentence or anything to do is just get the concept of cross
it could even be Redemption
I’m just not going to remember it was I look at that it’s as bonds Redemption I’m not going to go yeah yeah that’s the thing a lot of these they recommend like sentences that kind of have some flare that are kind of like a taggable asks, tell her I know I like fire but my bond has to be something more like what I’m bound to write I mean it’s just what’s important to you what drives you to things like that you could you could be adventuring because your little sister is poor and so you send all your treasure back home to make sure your family stays a lot you know that could be a Niger that’s why all of our actions are so important to me because he can’t just love a horse so much that you join a cult
it makes me start a potato farm I got my book whatever you fucking doing we live we spent the last six chapters like doing nonsense like I want to start fresh in a potato farm because I’m a control freak that really believe that we could accomplish something if we tried to I don’t want to but I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to tell you that guy Spencer do you have my old my old stuff give me that but after the show and I’ll go back before the next show and I want to go back and re-read everything that I have a lot of that’s no longer relevant right but it’s okay no problem stuff yeah yeah yeah I got all that great Spencer whatever happened to patch in the gym that’s a great question I want to say patchin’s was kidnapped by someone at the town and then so I really can’t remember if anyone I was going to ask if anyone can remember but I feel like they’ll fuk it up so it’s like
starting to think I don’t know it’s like you know it’s like we put blue contacts in its kind of I think it’s more like Universal had the rights to hook up a whole can out after he has right now I think I think patches Jim got stolen it went to the town you guys went to the town to find it I don’t think you found it and less did he did they find it they did find it down patches gem but then they didn’t find Patches patches disappeared okay great that’s what I thought I know I was like I don’t want you guys to help me that’s why he went to the town and you followed him to the town anyway and then he mysteriously disappeared from our previous Quest
still feel that as unfinished business are we are we driving forward and two new will find out I mean if your pass might come might come back but I don’t think you care about it too much because you spent a lot of time we’re meeting tomorrow okay well we suck like the 5th Tomb Raider movie
there is one called Tomb Raider 5 they don’t want you to watch the first four
is there going to be some shit in the first for another two more or less there are some big unanswered questions are like we one of the first villains we fought was going to be like probably a big bad store at the church basement and there is a difference in there was a hole of a kind of like a black magic in the air that the evil demon a family that had nothing to do with anything but it was cool though I like it yeah sorry about all that I’m seriously indeed we have new character sheets I’m very excited I like that on my extra notes just says eat my ass! I didn’t write that you wrote that I guess I did I don’t know why
group inventory Spencer group inventory so one of the things I figured out was that I used to give Steve the group inventory sheet cuz I thought he was the most responsible but then I was like well. Everyone should have the group inventory sheet and then they’ll know what they all have on them so it’s like you’re collected well and then the idea was you you wanted to become Farmers so if you ever wanted to like sell your stuff to buy farm equipment it would be in cut it would be helpful to know like you’re you’re the all the stuff that you could sell and all the wealth you have because it’s not on your scared where is that you don’t have any Grassroots I mean you might have a couple shovels and stuff but you haven’t really bought a lot of farm equipment I think you just bought some potato seeds or under group’s own Gary have an old bracket hear it we have a bow
yeah that’s your own stuff that’s like stuff if you want it if you Fritz’s wants to commit to farming so hard you sold all your weapons and armor that stuff’s on your group inventory sheet and it has like monetary value like you could sell your soul for too cold what are the relics are these important anymore discovered what they were they were just something you picked up and forgot about because I was on Steve group inventory is 100 lb of beef jerky I got some moldy beef jerky sensitive sensitive spot for the good times good time yeah classic it is listening is going to blow his brains out
thank you funny no that would not be from
Hello volume we love you yeah yeah bag of holding a assassin who was the Assassin who took pageants that was also on the Assassin you didn’t know what that did but you could find out to Masterwork daggers those are more expensive than regular daggers those are also owned by the Assassins to split up amongst ourselves physically how are we turning all this about with a hundred pounds of beef jerky address in your closet in your farm in a bag of holding
18 gold pieces including something else has a real DND man. All this fucking like these and vows just kriti what’s in my bag to Pastor Rick leather armor I like I like that we got a boss off the Assassin we’ve got more Espy Espy silver pieces that like dimes and a two more religious relics right okay okay
alright I guess not pull or whatever it’s floor
okay well I picked my spell Loadout haha spell cards I love this card system I think it’s good read read what you pick how many hours are we are we have everyday 6-6 right now until you love love you in your your your bonus spells from your circle in your domain
this is all at solterra I’m into this kind of paperwork should I love this I know you guys are it’s helpful to me I really was hoping to maybe help you pick so let’s let everybody know when she has coming our light guidance
guidance you touch one willing creature once before the spell as a Target and roll a D4 and add the number rolled the one ability check of its price of bonus a bonus has an actual Buffy Buffy big buff sacred flame burning hands that’s classic you know that one player’s handbook fairy fire
do you know which ferry from it puts up with magical lights around someone who’s invisible or dimly-lit and makes them easier to hit scorching Ray blast and fire missiles that’s going to see some mileage so then those are those are all the ones that I have regardless shows as my level 1 spells how much I get for create or destroy water to check magic inflict wounds and cure wounds and as my level two spells of which I get to I chose zone of Truth you create a magical Zone that guards against deception in a 15 ft radius blah blah and hold the person that’s like I’m a dude
true yeah I know we spend all our time but she thought she thought her doctor’s name was a physical she’s going to clean mammogram today I think we celebrate that hell yeah props to get their boobies mushed like buy a cold thing I can’t believe how painful that looks like like like like they don’t do that to your to your dick balls or lake lake. Is insane but anyways she got she’s all clear
she thought her doctor’s name was punani
but it’s like boonie nearest thinking of punani she’s been calling her and Iceland the mammogram machines are warm so they’re not ice cold
I think it’s some ashes your tit like it’s all right just boobies
number one killer of women Jeff boobs
I guess I drink is Heather Anne Campbell who just survived one of our favorite comedians and she’s survived quite so we were at we were on @midnight with Chris Hardwick show with her she’s a improper friend of Jeff’s and she’s just a spectacular person had great great Twilight Zone Jordan Peele hook Center and dumb but we talked about video games and and and her survival of this fucking thing that also our other friend Angela trimbur like which I didn’t even know until I talk to Heather was like oh shit I didn’t follow Angela and it’s your guy like it’s just like and then I I saw Angela at a party
two nights ago and it’s crazy how little time it take between diagnosis and like if either you either fucked or it’s over it’s like depending on the process and stuff it’s like 444 Heather it was like
she she got the result that was like you’re in the crosshairs of God and then it was like a month and a half later you’re like you’re done with this you know it’s just like like how quickly that happens it’s like like a bus just coming out of nowhere and it either kills you or you or just Wings you all right anyways
well was given approval for Heather for making it through that she’s yeah
I was only having one at midnight it was with you and Heather and I had more fun doing that than any other half our taping of my life cuz it we we just laughed our asses off the entire time of them I did one
that sounds like she was you me and Brandon of the other one right now I’ll leave the one with you and Heather okay all right
I mean how do we how do we continue after that
we don’t pack it in what what what time is it it’s 10 Jack you got a Beat
kid was acting keep her up there who has always the other group of the audio guy
exact yo
yo
yo the song about eating your pussy yo
yo
I guess it’s not
it didn’t go over well
the songs about eating
pussy but not yours
someone houses
it’s the most unusual way I made it back it wasn’t corn on the cob I’m a pussy eating changing Southern schnapps I like my spices and my pussy so I like to do nothing right and I’m the bio yo I grew up on the by you by you by taking you out and then I’m going to shout in public in a restaurant that you already like but then you won’t be allowed there anymore because you came with a guy that started shouting
my name is weight by it is yeah Miami sports commentator
Timothy John Smith
I’m here with MC John Johnson
hello how are you today I’m feeling the usual way which I want to lose some of it are you feeling insecure about it yes I’d like to reduce my carbs by the way we live in prison
Yelp
I’m going to lift these weights
hey you get grapes in prison
who do you know
I know Joe Hey Joe Schwartz come over here hi my name is Joe
don’t worry
Stockton hello I’m John Johnson and you know me
can you laugh
girl shorts hey let’s walk around the yard this is our prison yard eating some grapes your hands off my grapes thing you ever coming
all right yeah I mean
the back thank you for the music mayor as long as Jen Harmon
thank God bless pastor
I will have homework we have homework to do we can we get to learn our characters again I play this game
play podcast Network

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