Episode: 11 – Tylenol With Codeine (9.17.12)


Episode: 11 – Tylenol With Codeine (9.17.12)


The first appearance of Greg Proops provokes a fit of Mayor Harmon’s pointless political rants and a D&D adventure that shall forever be remembered as involving unicorn pee.


maybe the general welcome I’m in town is now officially in session
thank you for coming down to Hollywood California in the nerd melt theater and those of you listening out in podcast Universe thank you please join us in welcoming the mayor of harmontown
alright welcome welcome to my magical forest of microphones red ribbon around the one that has a pot of gold and red sticker that Leprechaun Story Jeff is a leprechaun and he says give me a pot of gold which is what year your your right if you catch a leprechaun and what the leprechaun can still fuck with you a little bit he has like options left right answer this leprechaun says to the guy is okay I’ll tell I’ll give you my pot of gold come to the forest tomorrow it’s it’s under the tree with the red ribbon around it and so of course maybe some of you see where this is going but this is this is a golden age for leprechauns people weren’t that Savvy yet they haven’t watched enough CW
Jose and Grimm hadn’t aired yet know what is a deaf and blind so he let the fucking leprechaun go based on that promise alone shows up a whole Forest of trees with red ribbons around them tonight what you going to get tonight is a podcast of gold
cast of gold
nothing matters I’m in I’m in a I’m in a good mood I’m very excited sometimes I’m nervous when I come up I got one of my internet I feel as I’ve said before by a rhythmically I feel like well I’m not witty tonight I have nothing to say I’m tongue-tied my frontal lobe is a little fatigued perhaps from some intricate sex game I played but then sometimes I come up and I’m really going to slay people I can’t wait to get up this isn’t one of those nights it doesn’t matter cuz we have Greg proops coming up here tonight at all so who cares on him it’s it’s just simply on his shoulders Adam on my show didn’t turn into diamonds but he’s a good friend of Jeff’s and therefore by proxy
how much adore a friend of mine and we went size podcast in San Francisco in January January last January sketchfest I was blown away I think that’s when I got the nuts up to it we already doing this and recording it podcasting or we weren’t just after window microphone and of course I saw it will then I’ll do it and put it on iTunes right make people listen to it is with us
we have Spencer our dungeon master sitting anxiously on Deck Spencer Spencer is is is is it like a Bremen Bremen ball as it is in a Brahma Bull Hindu kind of relaxed update
last week I explained that I had to been having these lightheaded spells and I’ve been out of the trail how to figure out what was wrong with them vitamin D deficiency epiphanies magnesium epiphanies potassium at Tiffany’s by Toad the story of how Aaron gave me the anxiety Epiphany at the San Diego Zoo but still I’m having these light-headed spell I got to go back to the doctor even though I got all this blood work what’s wrong with me what is it there’s nothing wrong with my lab results I go back into the doctor I tell him about these lightheaded spells and he diagnosed me the bad news is I have respiratory alkalosis and the good news is that it’s like the hiccups
and his prescription was literally to breathe less
respiratory alkalosis is when you accidentally hyperventilate but then that’s it in the short-term you if you’re going to give your undergoing stress good or bad you kind of accidentally breathe just a hair too deeply then you get a little light-headed and then you go I’m getting light-headed and then so you go without oxygen because you want to clear your head and then it gets worse and worse and then the more it where is it gets and the one thing I hadn’t tried because it just doesn’t seem like a good idea in those moments is breathing less and that’s all I have to do and I’ve tried it like seven times I’ve had like little things come on in then exhale like I have the hiccups and then I just take shallow breaths I feel like the biggest dick
what is it breathing like you mean it in Hale less ya don’t take a big breath and hold it just exhale and hold it would make you feel like you’re going to die but then at the same time it clears my head. It doesn’t give you a stroke at some point of view of the oxygen at your brain when you have too much oxygen in your blood which is why you’re having feeling light headed weird your body runs on this balance of gases CO2 and O2 and if you have less CO2 even though CO2 is bad so like we use it for anything but if he’s at the balance is a lot don’t write me letters
CO2 heads in your head that will eventually make you faint and what fainting is it just your body going this guy can’t breathe right on his own just knock him out and I’ll take it from here and then regulate your breathing you wake up so I think that’s why women faint if you do that whole fainting couch culture they’re wearing corsets and tying them really tight so they were they were fucking with the balance of the gases in their body so women were regularly fainting and then the men who designed the course you’re hysterical let’s listen
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film earth like a verb you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
political tonight cuz we have Greg proops I wanted to update you on my respiratory alkalosis is it it’s a new thing I’m going to blame for everything Charlie alcholo so to recap bring up the alarm
The Glory Days Are Gone
vodka sauce I was so excited that it was an alkaloid thing I was like
10 more years
one of drinking 1/8 of not knowing what a plus one is
that was a that was a quotable we just use you watched my brain die a little bit and putting things together but is wear a corset
Chris it makes more CO2 or less CO2 I don’t know why we were finished my flight to wait but still till I can only have two birds with one stone I’ll wear like a really tight Shatner girdle all the fights
I want to accept it is a punch you out just make out with the nearest most racially diverse woman in the audience to stimulate her green fight when you’re onstage what I was saying Greg proops right before the show
yeah I know I think I said I updated you on my health situation and I haven’t seen you at all. Isn’t it exciting I miss you while you were gone last weekend could fill in when you guys play the with Erin mcgathy guess cam trolled and I heard the Dungeons & Dragons where we introduced a new character
Ed Sheehan and that character became a it was very it was very vocal part of it that’s what it was
kind of overtly begging to be a regular member of a campaign
Jeff and Erin have kind of a sibling rivalry he calls her the girl in the treehouse
was described by Herman Melville as the biggest assholes that ever sailed he’s truly the smartest man in the world in the house to pack a skull the smartest man in the world he blew my mind is San Francisco’s want to just very good friends from the Whose Line world and he’s amazing and we’re thrilled to have him here as a surprise friend let’s bring Greg proops up
got any way you can go there if you like
black is there grape fruits and sitting backstage listening to this what is it carbon dioxide you talking to me or whenever you want to load it shit ladies and gentlemen there’s no global warming I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about you just breathe normally Penguins never die
I never get that I never read the paper or anything it’s good to have somebody up here he was informed that oxygen and carbon dioxide was it when I’m in your in your bloodstream I feel weird standing in front and then sat staring back over my shoulder
the most dangerous game above you could end up being like one of the many pieces that lives in the end sorry kitten yeah Downton no I don’t want to look behind him sit here
thank you. What time trolling is moving chairs I’ve always wondered shouldn’t be chomped rolling then
thank you for the model after that sweater. That a jape actually warranted that small of a response you were exactly right in your measured and fucking well-thought-out response Greg might might I say that I appreciate you spending the last ten minutes in the green room alone with a vodka and then you came on stage and went ahead long straight for the vodka and again when I got out here and my higher life flash before my eyes like a guy maddin movie perplexing level of lack of vodka
if I can ever give Mission vanishing point full of vodka Spencer up here
Spencer Frederick price for those of you just joining in Spencer is star 611 D&D dungeon master how’s your parents don’t want me to live with them being a dick all we don’t do that in harmontown I’m sorry oh I’m sorry I forgot this was so I didn’t realize it, so inappropriate it’s a safe place but like I asked you the Grouch on Sesame Street you mean it’s your welcome within our it’s if you have vitriol we’re going to make you feel good about having it okay thank you I’ll just down but now I feel better again that’s what we do the next week you’ll be farming potatoes with us and Greg has never played Dungeons & Dragons before correct even though you know but I will say this and I hope I’m not stepping on any pointed shoes the curl over when I got that are made of green felt when I say this
I think dragons are a plague and I’ll go further they have to be eradicated and even if it requires going to a secret place such as a cavern or perhaps up an area on top of the mountain that they live in I am willing to go to the series of questions that have to be asked to have to be surmounted and perhaps even groups of Gremlins that are filled with animosity toward anyone is heading toward the dragon I don’t play it professionally but in my mind I played at many times when is my agent and the mountain is Wilshire Boulevard it’s pretty weird how I plan did you ever play Hot Lava when you were a kid or anything like that like just make-believe in the playground yeah hot lava what’s a good day we also
would I lie about what we would do we actually put Ring Around the Rosie when I was little and isn’t that like a medieval from the plank right I mean like why are we playing played games with Ariel laying down and it’s just what I was the best for everyone would lay down ladies man Even though even though you did not play Dungeons & Dragons you did if I’m not mistaken for a top hat has affected clothes well I don’t know gothy duddu she I went to my junior prom and I carried a cane that was 1970 – 1976 Legacy parted down the middle same hair parted down the middle okay thank you that was probably no I didn’t get any
we went to Portland and there’s no Segway Skyblock chocksett. See if you’re interested back to the cane is why I carried a king that had a lion head on it
good morning head was it in order to keep pussy at day
beating them off with a stick even though you didn’t you weren’t beating them off with a stick I get that stick in ambergris in dollars and never got a girl to come down right now
balloons would you find your sexuality and sexual thought you were my friend Evelyn and so passive aggressive when you just get out of here we don’t have enough time to discuss them there when I was 16 is that too late in the game but thank you rudely jumped I was I was starting a new thought though if we want we can keep following the do you want to talk about when you lost your virginity
we went to Portland then we in Portland is a very liberal Progressive City that’s a lot of deconstruction of a lot of boundaries going on there things that you wouldn’t even expect to be to need to be deconstructed go to a bar called the green dragon Aaron went to the bathroom that I would avoid until the dragon is slain I shall not be going through the portals of the green. I am sorry she came back and a little traumatized and said that the bathrooms instead of being men and women were sitting and standing
it’s a new way to Lake breakdown say nothing but men taking shifts and women all women
and the other bathroom was for just men who had to do nothing but he is like the worst if you’re going to like rearrange the bathrooms that’s the worst thing you could do to women ever it’s just sitting men to their side of the war
nnnnn and Jeff a toilet and a mirror and a sink and a lock on the door so the women have to suffer The Misfortune in those situations of having you go pee or poop after A man peed or pooped this bathroom the sitting bathroom had several stalls in it she was in there with another woman peeing and a guy in between them grunting and nnn and making it making a Real mess of everything we know to be right
I understand the impulse to modernize everything and second-guess are are are are precursors you know but there are a couple of things that cavemen got right and one of them was the idea that women should be nowhere near men’s shit or mentioning never the twain shall meet as they say on on my watch Downton Abbey at all local town is brought to you by Fulton and Roark Jeff you’re sick of us bill in all your colognes all over the place you hate liquid colognes that correct it’s my nemesis
list of microphones up here that’s because as we mentioned last week Erin mcgathy was guest controlling so she had a character made for her and our D&D campaign and at much Jeff Chagrin she she she made herself a part of the campaign permanently so Erin mcgathy needs to come up and play or character
and then we welcome back
and his selfless role as the puppeteer of the cosmos dungeon master Spencer
how’s it going you guys
Dragon sorry about that Metcalf I forced you into and Metcalf I didn’t even notice I was just happy to see you again you were the only person who applauded during one of the earlier things I said mounted against me like a fucking Romney rally
they’re at their harmonites to me they they you know they have a slave of lately of a xenophobic and diagnosed with anything that’s not Herman protective of me there if they’re scared you might go for my throat I understand when I was a kid that bit a guy because he was throwing a newspaper he was holding a wire and protecting my brother and we had to put it down oh no let’s move on
did a story really end with the death of a beloved dog
We Bought a Zoo in the movie We Bought a Zoo I just want you to know that is never a sign of a confidently written film
they never said it once Citizen Kane never told you to buy that movie cuz first of all I have never heard of it second of all what the fuck we went through every fucking movie ever we watched we watch Savages with Travolta we watched a house $8 into bad Hollywood they got us the house one sleeping
the problem is then you made a movie about it and I’m watching it you have my money We Bought a Zoo banners half asleep during the entire movie I was just waking up and like a fever dream sang
cuz it would do to it would
conflict in the movie they bought a zoo
put on my story Circle in six of the eight points on the circle would say we bought them
wow middle of the film
using a story puddle
and then they just sat on it and ran it
YouTube rake it up with contrivances it rains in the movie Enemy of a zoo
what’s the what’s the what’s the Mechagodzilla 2 a Zeus Godzilla rain rain I never go to the zoo when it rains goddamnit presken you’re a genius but okay how do you get rid of rain how do you get rid of rain wait awhile
and that’s what happens it’s raining for a while then it stopped raining then it there’s a tree in the road and then the people find out they can walk around the tree I’m not I’m not exaggerating and every
every time one of these contrived high points happens they cue this like a wimoweh wimoweh like Paul Simon shit like to don’t worry be happy your aorta is in your chest like an invasive who’s the bad guy you for watching it like I am not kidding like Scrooge why aren’t you why aren’t you crying like everyone in the movie know what time does dick no one comes in and guys like nice place for Zen
or an oil well no no no from the story is a guy going like yeah you know what’s under this is do diamonds Blood Diamond we’re going to have blind children but the Lions will eat them that’s the point
I’m high but you’re the bad guy in your house yes I didn’t buy a zoo
I just woke up we didn’t know you did you bought a zoo
We Bought a dream to dream zoo the zoo conspiracy in the whole time you’re in the zoo
We Bought a Zoo they shrug and they say We Bought a Zoo a million times I think it best if at any point that this train jumped the tracks like that during harmontown you just say
town of Ketel One tweeted me today and I’m just saying in a world where we’re doing sponsor bits in a relationship of Ketel One both internally and externally.
I have a fundamental relationship with Caroline and that it’s the spinach to my Popeye
and then and then now I have a there my Twitter buddy
I don’t know I’m just saying if I are you saying we should drop Nike Hazard Hazard unofficial sponsor with you if you have fun tonight it may be in directly the result of Ketel One
I can almost guarantee it running the Perfect Blend of comfort and Superior ball field
I’m here. They’re both you both feel about field I enjoy that there’s nothing more relaxing than Perfect Blend of comfort and Superior ball field would I it’s like reading Balzac while lying in a bowl of pudding the Ketel One Tiempo legend for elite is designed for the ultimate touch I heard that
Spencer distribute the character sheets and passes down to Jeff
Spencer is now it’s going to reading our Dungeons and Dragons character sheet
who’s Jeff Dunham court if you don’t have one yet I’ll give you one chance you got to be woven into the tapestry of Our Fate of many many thanks to you weary traveler and I hope that upon the path we travel Good Fortune will find you when I get there
are you sure they are you sure you haven’t done this before not professionally I quit right before it went pro from your coat I hate is to be fervently wished your character’s name I only know it’s like one of the most forgettable slippery
Moraine Moraine Sadat rain okay I’ll pleasure
Spencer all right so when we last met you had found more rain trying to find the one you were looking at the sign you decided that you should kill December male that’s been wreaking havoc on the town tell right I saw a sign on the tavern it was like a lion creature and people involved in killing some things and burning some crops and causing some Havoc so you were in The Tavern making sure that
city of Thorndale
to be sure not that fell place I made an oath I would never return there
there’s two times in your career you play foreign Bear Down
it is so nice to be back
so deciding to join forces you retired to the tavern and it is now the morning in your waking up in your room sealed prancing pony kill the pig I woke up in the morning and there was a homophobic
she’s not home right now but he told you that we’re not a couple
Spencer ask for an agreement that I decided we had between these two rounds we at we were all meeting for breakfast down in the common room
alright in the common room of the pub you seem to notice an air of discomfort mole rain
there appears to have been a fire the night previous and things than people think it might be resulting from the Amber Mueller’s assault fire in the in the in the in the town of that some people are talking you hearing people talk about fires in the pub what’s the town’s name Thorndale Thorndale finally a conflagration is consumed that accursed place quite who’s this guy thinks we have a new member to our team is there is he just a disembodied voice he’s a disembodied but I got to give her a feelings that are wild
public apology Sharpie I slept very hard last night
apology for suggesting that there was a romantic relationship between you and that’s a lot I was asleep I just heard about it I apologize I love happiness and balloons balloons Donuts as loudly
we have lately just wrote in who must one filleted in order to obtain a nail in his shithole porting the cats and dogs of Thorndale you see the scene of a fire it’s a farmhouse or was there
nice nice
Sharpie we are in business
I like but he didn’t he didn’t want to roll the dice ended up making the pause didn’t want to take a dramatic project guys like good writing for 10 minutes
what are we going to do with all these domesticated animals
I hope there’s no dampness examined the remains of The Farmhouse if you see an old man crying over the remains of his farmhouse
I’m not good at language do you want to talk to the old man
The old man appears to be of a nonhuman race
I checked my messages

elderly gentleman is
Rico as faithful as a
we will be getting it out of the other one I don’t know this is Andy Kaufman as telling of what you speak and how it became so destroy it
play Toto by Macklemore
that’s what the people who set fire emblem all the time.
Tony Shalhoub Quick Change
I do you know him
Bahamian quick-change movie
full of life as always fight when I can find one did you see which way this Beast went past the Dragon
let’s take us to guess what we’re saying true to the West 10 points in a Direction
well are you guys are you guys ready to head West get December mall and being a ranger can track the Beast if she can successfully do that. I’ll go pack my bags and I treasure that we got last night and Willow Way
it’s customary to tip people after the old man for coppers
and I give him a promise that his children will walk upon the rainbows
Miss Garza Italian Friend show a battery tender
you can hear us. I am not a cute my hearing is acute I am also Chico Marx
we head West I thought by the way I thought was a dude more into dude did I say Shema
sometimes I appear to be a woman because I’m so beautiful bending over and looking at all sorts of signs and symbols of possible animal you come upon the remains of a burned field the path seems to stop
walk on the field it’s burned
well that means the motorway must have been here
homeless guy in in Koreatown
for copper
I thought I’d throw the stick back for the town and I’m going
but don’t say I didn’t warn him what the hell is going on
and I am John Lithgow in Buckaroo Banzai
Brookfield after the old man leaves you turn around to investigate the field and noticed that a white horse has been trotting interview but no normal White Horse was this it was a unicorn
do you know how rare these things are
the Unicorn bends down and touches its horn to what looks like a charred dead rabbit you see a blinding flash of light and a healthy rabbits to the underbrush that’s not there cuz it’s a burnt seem to bring it back to life
that horse just touched a dead rabbit that came back to life
all right
with codeine
anyone sense of well-being should have Beauty your body with my very presence see the rabbit I have brought it back to life I would be your name Tylenol with codeine
I thought you just said you were high on Codeine know I’m Tylenol with codeine I’m the good kind of Tylenol not the disappointing kind
I am selective
did you see
the animal they are most evil because they brought upon the land I used to Prince freely amongst the daisies and gladiolas the snapdragons in the what are those little purple ones I love those tulips no I have not met you
and yet
how much Havoc have recanted and they must be stupid for this land was once PU
how old is Sal the horrible stench of their enormous wands
have you done battle with them before I have a smell to them come kilometers away for my senses are most highly developed that would say it’s cute but the old man used it earlier to battle alongside the horses speakers so brutally brutally I speak on a basket of raspberries I self
why Dost thou not give me thy name old Jamba Juice and I will inform you when your cup is ready
white stallion I shall take it easy unicorns are very powerful he could make a most unlikely Ally
ours out but house elf
indeed then companions out most sexist
like the wind out. Blow up unicorn indeed elephant doused me Mount me Wild on Friends trail behind and step away from my stool in a haphazard manner
well how do you like that
maybe we should split up
I see you
Spencer who holded the book on the horizon you see a light it seems to be a fire but it is not spreading it does appear to be coming Closer by see Denver Miller headlights possibly gang if this Beast is as dangerous as its wake of Destruction has suggested it might be prudent for us to find a hiding spot and wait until it gets him sure I’m just a little hurt you told me last night that you are this morning rather that you’d found a crystal of it of the greatness of something guy be possible yeah
oh dyckless Schumann
like one of the Forest Road behind me when doused might have mounted if that would have had objected in anyway man I have the power
I have the power to detect evil and evil I do detect
you detect Evil coming from the direction of the fire
dropped out wish to bone out or dust that was to grow a pair, would there be any visual cover in this area and what it where are we where there is some large rocks in some skeletal burnt trees to your right
I feel for the lights I was to approach to life you wish to approach the fire it burns closer you can see it is getting close enough to make out and it does not just a fire but the form of a powerful feline it seems to be the size of a lion but with a flaming Main in Twin tails made of fire with a rock, the Unicorn determined that it was absolutely evil
solar on the high seas
are they
caution I would use
you have been the greatest friend to me and the kindred spirit indeed the danger with not a burden can be hard and sweet you are like Sammy Hagar and counts not doubt Drive 55
the Amber Mala approaches to show you face it head-on or shall you lay an ambush
Eminem Cuban
Sharpie you are titular leader of this group of headless worms that’s why I’m behind a rock
get behind a rock
straight out of
after this be
this group
if it’s me everyone’s behind a rock
molding don’t you have arrows fire a couple of those off
dum dum thank you thank you sir I can only fire off a couple at a time
and then two and then to 47 x my she let her bow sing Against the air hide behind a rock seven times
Idaho times has Dale coward like a gerbils yarbles
unable to see fire and arrow Wild Wings
it flies past Cork and lands harmlessly in the ash dirt no man draws closer
lemonade do I not you do but this is a fearsome Beast I get back by The Rock
I Had A Rush of Blood to the Head and your intimidation does not last very long in your soon quickly found behind the rock again
to see what’s the weather with the Green Fire Light thought you did I don’t think I did sorry handle animal yeah this is a magical creature doesn’t work like an animal
hear a ferocious Roar in a burst of superheated air rushes past the rock you can tell that it’s very close she’s as Christ has been coming towards use your magic man in the backpack I needed to wait until the point where there was no choice but to fight like we’ve all had some drinks could everyone stop bitching and one another for the last 45 minutes man my plume is my glory
I said poop my wife your poop stop talkin small dwarf like thing to summon monster alright what monster would you like to summon like a orangutan or a spectral dog
do last year
a green monkey Springs into existence is out from around the Rock and engaged guys doing this from
let me get this straight around the rock guys just take it easy this is all going to solve itself
you have an orangutan evil
My Hero
detect evil on the other side of the rot you hear the shrieks of an orangutan being dismembered
all right way to go hot shot
there’s a method to my madness
what is unwholesome smell
like bananas and burning petrol
a magical beasts you don’t have spells unicorn around the magic circle against evil you create a magic circle around yourself Danbury Mall
and horrible my number in a helicopter like Motion in an anachronistic movement that has not hitherto yet been seen
now no evil may enter this circle of urine and I apologize for the dampness he was a sponge with my likeness upon it that you may purchase for a very small fee are no good going into the circle either
horse P unicorn
quit being a Gallagher show on the ground the Amber Muller Waltz Across across towards you but it seems stopped by the circle in the ground he is most gay and yet he stands Frozen unicorns keep key always have one fiery tail and an arc of fire shoot past the barrier right Sharpie
can I do anything
throwing your backpack it catches flames and intercepts the attack
backpack your backpack Burns and its contents are subsumed by fire hack was streams from your fingers directly into the face of the emperor mother as a cold spell it does extra damage
the cold damage does to damage
damage to the Amber Muller recoils in pain as the congratulations unfurl unsheathes his blade and charges across the barrier of urine at the Amber Muller
voices of Mighty blow it right in the flank
he feels the heat off the Amber Mueller’s hide but he can tell that it’s been wounded how much damage 7 damage take you take to damage because of the fire on your hands you’re not wearing gloves or any protective
so is that an appropriate at this juncture would you like to cure those white loons who’s ones are we cheering cork The Gnome although we have had our disagreements in the past for he has shortened by Barak and I am live white and desirable
I live in a basket of green flowers and Promises of butterscotch Don’s and she comes from a place of dark green gangrenous swords that are pulled from hideous cabbage and my hands are burning over here man
I will lay my healing powers upon him so that he may know the power of the Unicorn
comb the hair of the Unicorn any less I wonder might you braid me enough not to gay at this juncture is a Herobrine character complimenting people that certain savoir faire in the Merry Old Land of Oz
yeah you can shoot one Arrow yes firing an arrow from your bow you hit the client straight in the face the arrow Burns who broke my heart you did you just straight to the charger that nobody
Danbury Mall hours
circling around the circle of urine the Ember Moller tries to find a weakness and some ash slides over the circle of urine breaking the magic circle the Amber Mayer roars
we got ever Mama’s in The Wire dollars in The Wire I had no idea how tentative my circle of urine was when I waited assholes and elbows the Amber Muller makes a great swipe at quarks face with a giant flaming claw

it hits you square in the face
I have disagreed with you may know him but I just met him
I have the power to cure moderate wounds
your face I will sit upon and let my magic Juices Flow
and thus will you be repaired back to look like Ellie May from the Clampett family official rage cast magic Missile lot of fans here The Gnome your magic more missile loose his fourth and hits the lambermont there’s something going on
there is an almost sexual ecstasy in his fighting
the metal is bright red with rage
missile strikes the ambermire for for damage
sweet and later levels I’ll be much more powerful
all right pulling the whip from your back pocket
front pocket okay
what’s happening you guys I’m trying to DM I don’t know
she has to Magic backpacks for all you people who actually care about Dungeons & Dragons as a magic item that can turn into a magical Whip and your Mom is calling right now it’s time for dinner
I’m with my friends
all over your Hot Pockets down here all right you can have them down here once but you got to keep it more quiet guys are blocked by the the ass of a large unicorn
my wife my wife likes will issue their healing serum upon you of his eyes
I do not steal
note to self always do Johnny Carson
I got a pretty good though of course what issues from me can only make one feel better I am Tylenol with codeine
Korn right now but it did you go to Kroger and Memorial
closest it feels awesome
I beg pardon in my own world I was for but a moment what is it elephant
I was I was hoping that you had magic in your horse my horn is spoken of in many lands and Dolph does Quake at the very thought of my horn filling one as he says that Spencer I look at my sheets I’d like to do handle animal again
I am not an animal I am a being from Beyond your imagination whose power cannot contain your paltry fucking thoughts oh good know me
yeah I just rolled the dice and he rolled better than you so you didn’t handle unsuccessfully
sadhana hair pounced on the Amber Muller
I came here for a while
good idea going to
I have a piercing I have a piercing horn now that you have mentioned it LOL sweat see if here upon the pit this piece of paper and handed to me by Ian medicine that I may have talked with my horn and I bid you all good day
both of them will tax my bravery to the utmost and yet I bid you adieu oh good now my flanks safer bets thanks to you oh shut that page I hope you may find within an elephant I leave my heart with you indeed literally here it is is in a small baggie made of Ziploc and now I will hardly fuck off and piss this under the mall with my horn
as the Empire mall is pouncing on Moraine Sedona yawning copiously right now I just want you to know that my monologue was like fucking the Unicorn plunger the torn deep within the flank of the Ember Molly
exactly to the Amber Muller
unicorns are powerful magical creatures you guys I told you tell me about it was hitting on my head for the last half-hour
call me
the Amber Muller wobbles a bit and then Falls over flaming blood spews out of its side and spray cute
play kill before it hits the ground your magic Missile strikes true
take credit for the kill
Ann Romney takes Ohio
well as everybody is everybody okay I’m not certain we should we should we take stock of what happened to check it out make sure it’s dead as you poke it burst into flames and reduced to ashes only a bone lower jaw remain
Supreme Ventures but I will be off
well there was a reward for this posted of the tavern in the back in the cut kind of kind kind of Concordville but we’re not my dad
do unicorn only your career has died
I must leave you after this episode I like the airplane he will stay until time is immeasurable
unicorn take her away with you I cannot see so many tasks Messiah performed with those who rule the 7th outermost Circle I wish you much luck Shar-Pei and taking credit for Hills in the future at the Unicorn Applebee’s outside of my town where life is good
please take one of my arrows to remember maybe I will take one of your arrows rated in my name if you will help with I thank you and you can Elm many hours have I sat upon your face and much memory have I had for you are like Suzy chapstick your lips are Everlasting
fuck off I must and let my cheeks break wind rainbow Trail as as he is around the world. You get it on your way or what
Circle unicorn cameo
team of three unicorn dancing into the sunset
I think we let it we learned a lot in this adventure
Tomi lahren to get along
we’ve learned to hide behind rocks I’ve learned that Morris Day is not Cameo but we should head back to that town that I keep forgetting the name of
Thorndale Thorndale Thorndale you meet with Ferris of the wardens his name was on the bill to kill the Amber Muller he’s at the warden’s quarters I am serious but I am wildly disgruntled well you’re just going to stop when you find out what we just did
is this Jive honky
it’s one of my best friends he’s a he’s a gnome Barbarian to use this day
we have just come back from slaying the Ember Mueller
your mail beauty is so overpowering thank you do you wish to lead a parade through Chicago and I wish to congratulate you Sharpie do earlier I was just called the loan in this Cavern drinking my dog has slain the Amber balla him who has brought evil Upon This land and I am to give thee this flagon
if I take the flag out
and this bag of riches and gold pieces to be exact
it’s to be paid in this town
the coins are made of gold and chocolate chocolate campaign chapter
thank you Erin mcgathy for playing the part of March Martin make a cheat sheet
one step ahead of you
and Spencer everybody
go to Hero
so how about that Romney
wow he’s all different than the other candidate
I’m at Greg for drinks at before the show and I said is there anything you want to talk about I said just know politics not because he’s not a political person quite the contrary because he’s you must be like at his age he has a podcast of his own and so he’s either exhausted from the previous one at this time of year or gearing up for another screed could like all I’ve done is & Dragons create a presidential candidates like a mystical character what would your presidential candidate be first his power would be fudge because no one doesn’t like fudge secondly he would raise the Dark Cloud that has been visited Upon This land and replace it with one of Menthol so that we can all breathe trailing thirdly those who are in want would suddenly have the stock or that they need and would be able to drink from a cornucopia of delish
Peach that is beverages that would provide all the nutrients they needed and lastly Healthcare
that’s separate cars delicious but it’s not how they just got to the issue then everyone to take my health care of it so I can know the car is fine it’s not like I’m not saying what I think the pursuit of happiness is misleading because no one really knows there’s no consensus on happiness like people are happy with their shooting people lose faith is awesome and then if you’re if you’re not you’re like what does the scary so that’s where I come down
this crowd of course has been living on DND and comic book so they don’t know what I’m talkin about there’s an election this year
really complicated though is the basic fact that is primates we all just want each other to like each other and so that we sometimes it’s very easy to just say and then some people sometimes we have a very simple answer for exactly what we want and what makes us happy and then sometimes the line is very thin and very very wide and very blurry because what we really want is for everybody to like us and so sometimes the way you get people to like you is by being unhappy for instance we all know we all have friends in this room who are a little more comfortable depressed and then they are joyful sometimes I feel that way I got a letter that you feel the love come in and that’s how you get it and I obviously more monkeys monkeys just want monkeys.
is it monkeys don’t want to be alone that’s the one thing that you can guarantee I think I’ve ranted about this before is Italy like I saw this documentary about solitary confinement where they’re at you know it’s a good Boulevard hard-ass fuckers that eat people and other think they think they’re the most sociopathic a moral dysfunctional people but you put him in solitary confinement and they immediately act exactly the same way that your dad would have to tell check if I’m at or anybody or Mister Rogers or Captain Kangaroo they all acted equally tortured in insane because being cut off from all other people is is the only thing that the only common denominator there is a week none of us can handle it there’s no they are all the different things that can go wrong with the human brain there is no saying there’s no balloon animal you can twist in your skull that makes a human being get into being alone and we’re talking about a world where there’s people who like to have shift taken on them
and then I smile all the time when I’m there I guess great as you would you have chili and the tire unit attic but those people along with everybody else will if you give you shut him off from society if you send them off into the woods and say that their dad to you they will they will they will suffer the same pain as Jeffrey Dahmer Bill Clinton and Mister Rogers and anybody can we start with that and go okay if that’s the case then we have something to go on here we have like a close encounters is the idea you guy with the feathers coming out of your thing you pierce your cheek and you don’t speak the same language as me and you look completely different language and we all agree like you when you’re alone right yeah I hate it when I’m alone 2 is what’s the scariest thing in the world that your mom saying peekaboo but never coming back yeah that’s what everybody is afraid of is like Mom covered her face and then her face disappears
the first lap you get a she goes peekaboo and she’s back in so you laugh but God damn it it’s like there are people in the world who are going to be in a room full of like horrible disgusting nasty people shouting cut off his head and undyne and money’s better and drill baby drill and they’re going to be happy in that room if you come up to a polygraph and say are you happy and I think that they pass it
feeling good feeling good tonight but like there’s got to be there’s got to be a way to
I got nothing I don’t know if it got to be a way to take them through that all the way into yeah but then there’s no people would fail that polygraph test they wouldn’t go now I’m having a good time. Here in an Island by myself cuz that’s the that’s the peak of capitalism to like that’s what you do your house gets bigger yard gets bigger they they’ve the barbed wire get scholar the Richer you are the more the more allowed you are to just go up to Xanadu and just hang out and not talk to anybody alone and those people go fucking nuts and then they run for president and but anyways tonight but his brain guy in the world I did a little screen about politics it was about the idea that I referred to Osama Obama
moving that it will it will edit it out
their names are similar there’s one letter referred to the choice between Obama and Van Dyke
neither of them is water neither of them is what you need. But I ended that rant and I was like a Libertarian or something which is not that not that either that’s not it I’m just a big fat lazy tired sad cynical fucker I pull the lever for the for the Democratic candidate just because I don’t want to be part of anything bad that happens but I resent the fact that that’s why I’m pulling a lever and I resent the implication that that’s an act of Revolution cuz it’s not and nothing’s ever going to change as long as we keep being convinced that that that that that Revolution happens behind a curtain Booth that’s it says that that’s a scam and it’s not that we’re buying I think good things need to change a little more like a getting into he wants to he’s actually coming out and saying fuck the Electoral College have to change it completely right with address
12 years after the fact that yesterday
37 mm it might have been a different app
Ashley kerja over the the teachers in my school and all the all the students likes are always the ones that end up getting in trouble for when I can’t get the brush cut a guy that you know the economics teacher in gym coach like he never he never be never colored outside the lines also got in trouble everybody would put your head through a window and I like you would he would go nuts sometimes it’s the simple choice
fascism the simpler choice
I’m thinking about it join us I see you tomorrow it’s hard to walk to your own beat
we’ve been a rash of not knowing how to end the shows the last couple of shows it’s one of those see why you don’t know what that is. It’s within Gary Ellis so I don’t know how to end a fucking shit that’s why I can’t talk I’m going to get him started on politics but I would be happy to end with the a patented proofs Creed
gee that’s terrific
no pressure but like I said the first by ear like this could really use some peanut butter are some like butter or whatnot because Stanley things are a bit like pretzels the first find you like to be able to breathe again there’s kind of a windpipe blockage thing I like Ritz and I like the little ones as well I do like the European ones but when you go to Whole Foods and there’s like a $17 one and it’s got like a cheese flavor those are always weak and they fail under the fucking topping
he really did the street about crackers he didn’t you ask me to fucking jump and it’s not my fault the cops going to start seeing where you try to force the ending with the Applause we’ve been through that was going to say tell the difference okay crickets the thing is I understand I lived in England for five years I need watch it on TV and it’s really difficult like there’s a batsman in a bowl and there’s Empires fishing fishing but I do know that
the Norwegians along with the Swiss are the only country in Europe that told the European Union to fuck off we don’t even want to join me in you because we have Untold fucking riches that when you go to Norway and we’ve been to Jeff and I’ve been in over together and I would say it was with a group of other comedians but it wasn’t Jeff and I just went as a couple
one weekend we were like what I can go to Norway and so Jeff wore red felt and I were blue and we went to Stavanger Norway which is a beautiful place
we are we laid in a pool together we ain’t Red Deer covered with Logan lingonberries I had to I had the horse the horse in horse in Norwegian it’s like banana about Norway is that that you there’s rarely Chinese food
Chapel golf
but I don’t know if you’ve ever had sealed before but this to the pain of had sushi that you haven’t had concealed not the way they making in Norway special gravy
you can taste the Herring I’m gonna name it’s it’s it’s off the boat is what it is it’s really awful. And also got Joe a deep-sea fishing what’s your favorite fucking balls
episode of The Next penetration like I have grade-level with accents of Highly Successful and when we are in Norway fireworks
Greg have the two of you is like like like what we’ve learned from previous pack has a time I’m a great beatboxer and we have the 2 for professional musical improvisers I could lay down a beat you could get a topic you could do a little wrap it won’t be the first time you close the show that way it will say goodnight now let’s get out of here and then you get the suggestion over the beat like that Greg harmontown in the house you learn about yo Greg what should we get for a suggestion of a girl on stage Greg proops was all the rage however there was a little animosity
Mel on Sunset Blvd parking cars ain’t no way to know which way you going to get a ticket in any way in the house stands in the air and if you like grapefruit say yeah yeah yeah
did the Giants of the year to the F double f is Jeff Davis and not says that he’s going all night long he’s going to get you with his massive bong
Justin Marshall podcast for Tuesday
the mayor of harmontown
Dan Harmon
glad you guys are fantastic
first time going to be


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