Episode: 27 – Harmoncountry: Nashville, TN


Episode: 27 – Harmoncountry: Nashville, TN


Mayor Harmon chooses Music City, USA as the place to enter the “drunk Brian Wilson” phase of his podcasting career. Is his mistake the pre-show Jaggerbombs or the mid-show moonshine? In any case, let this episode stand as a cautionary tale.


Charlotte North Carolina welcome, session everybody oh yeah, is there five basic I have no idea we’ve been interested if you have my crew members of a John Deere party is wild, I woke up in Spencer with knowing on my leg, please welcome the mayor of Hermantown of a cage Mr Dan Harmon, thank you thank you very much everybody calm down, calm down., Alternator be very interesting night I promise you that last night in Nashville being uploaded I almost hope none of you heard it, control was lost things broke down the audience was fantastic they were wonderful my my drinking was unforgivable the audience was loaded in and nice and early to escape the cold and we did Jager Bombs with him in the back and I I took the stage already pretty pretty pretty slushy and yeah pretty tipsy and then about 20 minutes into it we had a representative self-proclaimed hillbilly come up and then treat us to Moonshine out of a jar and then I took a sip and then until I listened to the recording today was editing it and I’ll tell you this I’ll confide in you Charlotte because I’m am relying on you to be a confidante tonight we’re going to have a quiet dignified thoughtful mixture show, and I want to start with this confession to you as an editor of harmontown I have never made more shame-based at it, 220 to 110 recording usually there’s any editing of the harmontown recording what you’re hearing is I’ll just lift like you know I’ll go, what did you say to get the Mike will pick her up and she said she wants to know how to spell just lifts things to keep the podcast listener happy but but this morning in the hotel room as I was listening to the Nashville show I was editing things because I was like I I sound like a monster I sat and I don’t want anyone or their mother to to hear it at a very long wraps in very long songs that the following is that that that that kind of stuff but keep Kokomo if you are hearing the words Brian Wilson was because he was just popping up at some venue and just sort of like, I just kind of Gary Busey and all over the place I became Gary Busey last night it was it was uncomfortable there was a documentary crew there to film it so when this movie comes out for $5 online up so you can watch me make an ass of myself I’m sure that’ll be with the movies about but I decided that tonight is going to be I picked this spot because I do it for you podcast listeners The Comedy Zone here in Charlotte is it couldn’t be a better place to eat to have a undersold show cuz it looks Hitler killed himself, will it rain the Day of the Dead bunker we are absolutely safe from anything that might happen outside I don’t think cell phones work down here has a lot of lot of lot of concrete around us that’s where it we’re on our parents basement it’s time to make stained glass and get hit with belts and other respect you guys and I’m coming to you on my knees please forgive me for what happened in Nashville please let me find a new home here in Charlotte please let’s let’s get to know each other in an intelligent sophisticated mature way Jeff I want to have a decent show a show you could bring your parents to a little bit, and I and I think one of the serious things that we have to talk about is this that this that this harmontown government that were forming I think it’s time to I think it’s time to cross the threshold Jeff of I’ve actually getting serious about this new thing because we’re going to colonize the moon or we’re not in any case I think it’s time for harmontown and its followers to stay this is who we are this is what we believe let’s separate ourselves from from the United States and everything else and just become a criminal organization well you shouldn’t government’s bad government somebody telling somebody else what to do we all agree with that that’s what the United States was founded on the principle that the people telling people what to do is a bad idea then somehow we got all caught up and doing it again sometime you know any of the people that the defendant late they have to reduce themselves to weird mental riddles by going like you don’t believe that we would have some of us, stepping in a baby’s head you got me lit well everyone should be allowed to do whatever they want to do right like like like we all agree with that to do whatever they want to do then there’s this problem that we run up against where what if he wanted to do whatever I want to do if it interferes with someone else wanted to do whatever they want to do so tiny example I want to smoke in this room okay I want to light up a cigarette because that’s what I want to do so then there’s like a bunch of people going I don’t want to inhale your second hand smoke very classic example to create a rule a system of thinking where we could go we can walk through that scenario, in the same way going to fly it to a serial killer like what like like like we don’t have to have 8000 laws we could there’s got to be a way Jeff to create like a like a like a little a little logarithm called courtesy self awareness awareness of your surroundings and awareness of the needs and desires of other people that’s something that people don’t have enough right like that people just don’t consider other people do we have anybody here tonight that has like sort of a this might be embarrassing I understand you don’t participate in this raise your hand if you came alone, okay, so you guys just got sad together because you’re okay all right so you all know you guys can’t can’t came alone everyone look at them they all came out, I cannot leave it alone now they’re not now y’all getting laid tonight we’re going to do a square dance at the end of the show and put in a minute what did you guys do square dancing in in your if I had classes okay to touch each other to the people like me can make physical contact with with with with with girls and make my sweaty and gross hands would touch there’s other people that would never touch you at fancy square dancing alien did anybody have that is really yeah, all right who’s the who’s the who’s having the worst time tonight, okay good we just started right here alone I need you to be like the the secretary for tonight cuz we’re going to make a system of laws, okay I’ll get it all right your name is been right we met you before the show and could you come up here and introduce yourself to the audience, been kind of an interesting guy I think you’ll see that surveillance using his word he’s just up a bit like a magician she’s got a shaved head is a very very very is his his face doesn’t change expression much he he he he could be at either about to hug you or kill you thank you, Anton LaVey I’ve gotten Lennon to actually a little yeah alright well can you can you can you take some notes for us if we’re going to try to figure this out throughout the night what it what are system of laws should be all right., we the people of harmontown blah blah blah, put some fancy shirt in there, nobody should ever have to do anything they don’t want to do everyone should be able to do whatever they want to do if you wanted to do whatever you want to do interviews or someone wanted to do whatever they want to do… That’s what we have to figure out what figure that out by the end of the night we were in Atlanta and somebody said trial by death or something like that then I guess you should punch you in the face and then say and that’s just bullying it doesn’t work when I think ideas making a bubble truck yeah you know what that yeah you can’t do it cuz he comes down here like it’s like a like a sack of bricks I need any sort of law than that that’s then that’s when you’re screwed then you can say are we guaranteed free speech that’s the last time there is such a thing as Free Speech cuz I need for the rest of time a lawyer to start closing at, around what makes respect you can’t yell fire in a private thing you can say something hurt somebody’s feelings free speech is never free again I think what you’re doing right now is dangerous terrorist terrorist organization just took to fight terrorism oh yeah that’s right it’s called the foundation 911 finding answers of a non-governmental agency you said that dedicated to you kind of are you going to get in trouble saying what you’re saying or tell you I don’t think so I don’t think anyone involved carries a gun in an official capacity so they’ll have to get creative if they want to come after me, a new engineer a substitute teacher now right back, is that explain a lot about growing up so I can hear schools and we came into the bar and he had one headphone in and then he working surveillance and we said earlier than what you think it was it was listening to the works of tacitus yes part 1 of the annals, do you have a good one hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds ever you’re always in good hands, adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms, nicknames for Charlotte Jeff the Queen City little offensive, town, obviously references Queen City The Hornet’s Nest to, that’s better that’s a political one the home of NASCAR that’s adorable that goes with Queen City I couldn’t I couldn’t understand it, Queen Charlotte know who it who was Queen Charlotte, and also wasn’t Charlotte the home was or was it just North Carolina I’d I was reading something with the only successful Us coup d’etat happened here in the 1860s not in a good way really it wasn’t like it was like a bunch of white dudes that were pretty mad about about the way things shook out the silverware they and they just kind of look at it stuff that I did not have time to research over a drink I try. Try to Wikipedia every city that we that we go to incredibly boring town you have here it’s, it is very very complicated everything very nuanced it is that you have to be like at your thing like a 300 IQ to understand the history of of of Charlotte in Atlanta we were like, I was finding it in Nashville you like evening and I’m in a military bunker here at the comedy zone, where are you from, for being that you have an idiot you have an accent that I can play, Newcastle okay England, he grew up in the Stephen King Castle Rock, I don’t know I just I think you’re I think you’re making the show too dignified okay alright, Overdrive, yo yo yo Charlotte Yelp gateway to Carolina all the mountains looking like titties going to stroke them I thought your mama I like to poke him in the eye, fuck your mama all the way down it up in the sky until she died of breast cancer in the pool lifted her out but your mama I got that clown, alright alright thanks guys think Charlotte, thanks thanks it’s a classy show Masterpiece Theater armchair up here with a shelf of books are you holding up on this trip so far. We’re going to be like a third of the way for the way through its Hermantown fans there all you guys all listen to the podcast right, I want to I’m trying to scanning the audience for people who do I feel like I have to ask this every it cuz we go to these comedy clubs and I know some of the comedy clubs like they fill seats is there anybody here be honest that just got convinced to come here and that you were going to be seeing stand up okay alright I’m sorry you guys, sorry community, and now he thinks that he has a right to travel the country and stand up get drunk on stage and then have no plans so no and no act to speak of sorry but in my defense that you get the same from Rob Schneider, you still working at the same 10 minutes from Reggie 89. You he’s going to do Elvis unofficial I can when he’s going to be talking about the government 490 next week come see him, goodbye I do I do I do apologize to the right by my count six people that were duped into coming here under the impression that they might be at like a sort of Bobby Lee figure, I do apologize I could try to do stand-up give me a give me a topic, what is with the sport huh not for black people, what is my back Chris Rock, for the listeners that wasn’t me dropping the microfiche Rock style that was Ben Ben Ben dropped his mic and I want answers, I mean you got a bunch of ice and they’re out there it is like like like what are you get used to the puck back and forth, sorry I probably won’t wear a hat if it was that easy I think everybody would do it I apologize again I’ll be apologizing throughout the night certainly started the city of Nashville for what we did there I drank too much I think it one point I was naked we weekly I’ll do I’ll do it tonight to for you guys if you want that you wouldn’t believe like what my body looks like covered in hair with the weirdest thing about my naked body is that I’m covered shoulder to ankle in like this Chewbacca coat but like looks like I’m wearing a like skin socks like I doubt there’s anyone else have that condition like I don’t have any hair you like a reverse Hobbit yeah, does anyone else that have that have that happening nobody okay I don’t know actually yeah kinda, we the people of harmontown such-and-such to etc etc having been appalled by the state of this nation here in this bunker where Hitler killed himself to be terrorists and criminals you guys don’t have to follow me on this if you don’t want to you can you can you can choose to opt out on your way out but please buy a t-shirt or do you want music on this, the address to just some transitional music something transition, you thought I was on the stage now I’m Nationwide. I’m in your face in the darkness is sticking Mike’s in your face its Darkness oh shit what’s your name what’s your name where you from Wilmington how do you know when you’re going to look at this guy’s hat made fun of his hat, I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’m sorry I ran out of the music out of control last night in Nashville and I’m making up for it with a quiet dignified show what’s your name Man live here in Charlotte did she didn’t drive that far still have your phone on in case you need to bolt what it what do you do for a living can I ask, good job okay right how do you know when you’re finished why would why would you want to do, I want you to read, no kidding what would you do if you could do anything yeah yeah yeah I should be raining right now in Consulting with the people while you’re writing a script sure sure sure I guess so I could we could we could figure out something it was Katie alright Katie come on up what’s what’s the what’s what’s rated TV show together, okay well we’re going to walk around this way, you don’t have to run I’m sorry I just do it cuz I’m a little baby, okay alright most important thing Katie the right right what you know like like like TV Executives they they they don’t they don’t they’re they’re suspicious of people who actually want to pitch them ideas and stuff they they want to hear from people who are actually like are talkin from a place of the ownership look so if you go when I was growing up in Puerto Rico I am so crazy and then they go holyshit this guy is the real deal we’re going to have like a flavor. So it’s going to be spicy and amazing that guy could be lying it doesn’t matter but but so let’s start with your dad were you born in Charlotte okay where were you born New Orleans so why’d you come to Charlotte, my family brought me okay so it’s like a kidnapping like how old were you when your family brought you to Charlotte okay that my Connor you just very sad nothing, check check from New Orleans to Charlotte why because your dad job whatever, what will the temperature at your dad’s worker, no I think we just had to get up, okay, alright well let’s something I could show ya child abduction, take a seat for a second Katie and what Lucha’s Workshop like the first scene from from from a show about about your life yeah I’m making this up as I go yeah go ahead I’m sorry for my cat’s ears to keep everybody on the comedy club tonight tonight alright of the Katy Katy pilot cold open yeah yeah okay, Kitty your mother’s Dad we’re leaving, any questions smash got to the car, Charlotte she doesn’t know why, I got some terrible news for you we’re both werewolves, New Orleans was going to build the world’s biggest moon and we would be werewolves all the time we’re going to have to move north meanwhile at the New Orleans government anti werewolf facility, agent Henderson reporting for Duty Sir Henderson that’s because I go by the phases of the Moon, this scheme of yours to create a larger moons without all of New Orleans and werewolves it’s going to cost us a pretty penny, I want you, okay, missing me from this unit that I created exactly 12 episode to catch Katie and her father before they make it to Charlotte and create a werewolf Colony up there then I’m going to do it my own way, Gil Gerard is Agent Henderson yes I don’t like you but I like your methods results I want those werewolves back, wow what a complicated richly develop character that was, doors just outside of Charlotte, in the news today in New Orleans had a gas leak, turn myself into a river, can I get away from that Moon little girl what are you doing in a river at night all alone, how much is the Charlotte Rivers no place for a little lady like yourself biggie with the deal with now, I’ll show you how to survive the Charlotte way, I got to tell you something though what’s your name Samantha like those assholes in Atlanta, Montage of, abilities through Samantha weird multi-ethnic tutelage, over the years he grows from a from a from a from a toddler to a nubile adolescent, I don’t have much longer to live I feel that I did everything I could for him to turn you into a woman werewolf but I will be involved in later episodes via voice over, I guess that’s that’s cool I’m going back to Charlotte, New Orleans and that’s the end of the pilot the right know that wasn’t that wasn’t an accurate depiction of your childhood, that’s none of your business, wow all right well thank you Katie for appropriate for helping us with with button make that pilot still feel like we haven’t really gotten you any work as a TV writer come in my urgency to entertain the audience at the start of forgot that goal, bring what you know what do you know obviously I know where wolves and I don’t know if you went to Community College for a while I thought that’s that was that where that came from so my next Pilots going to be about a guy that has no idea what he’s doing and just wanders around being sad drinking a lot and doing shows in concrete rooms If This Were a Zombie Attack, who would who would be our leader everybody pointed somebody like immediately 123 point, why do guys get the guys that came alone pointed at me some people pointing at this guy in the front and then there’s this guy he’s got tattoos going to be your name what’s your name John he’s got a little tattoo showing from underneath his sleeves as like I think that these people are do tattoos underneath that shirt John Constitution to harmontown what we have so far been, it’s mostly interesting pictures for Katie’s first TV show and zombie emergency leadership protocols okay but also people should be allowed to do whatever they want to do right buddy should drunken ramblings nobody should do what they don’t want to do and, we are appalled by the state of this nation to become criminals okay good all right we’ll figure it out will narrow it down before we leave Charlotte and terrorists who’s the most patriotic person in the audience, you are from New Castle, direct d r w e r pronounced Newcastle accent though your parents or what, you’re born in American and you lived a live that I got you, I know what about you is pit Patriot can you come up here for a second, we don’t we don’t bully anybody at harmontown here Take Ben’s Mike fuck that guy know Clover High School Clover High School the town with love in the Middle where the only culture is agriculture blue heels are clovers but they do lateral it just isn’t too obvious all right so your ear Patriot are you like a conservative would you call yourself a right-wing know cuz I look like Mitt Romney’s son at your at your at your at your liberal as a probably a lot of harmontown listeners but you’re you’re at you’re in America lover 11 Merica., because they don’t allow gay marriages in North Carolina as a dude, we know that’s weird cuz it get Florida hanging down like a, all right so you’re a patriot so what can you help me find my my my Constitution amended like okay if if if two people want to do whatever they want to do and it interferes with I want to smoke a cigarette and you don’t want to Breathe by secondhand smoke what what how do we resolve this I I keep going back to Lord of the Flies I mean you should just be like sucks your ass more piggy we got to figure something out so we don’t end up like Lord of the Flies I mean do you want the college should we pass that around the consciences look like this I’ve been trying to pass it around ya window so we don’t think that people are important anymore what’s your name but I know Nathan Nathan okay, wait wait wait we don’t worry. We’re not starting with the idea that people are the most important thing like like like like we we sweep you know I do it to like there’s if there’s dudes like sitting on the street like I could you step over imma get shipped to do like I am not going to be the first guy to stop and go like okay I’m not going to work today like how you get up let’s get you some soup if it’s it doesn’t then I’m going to get fired and I’ll be laying next to him and then to lick lick lick lick everyone’s afraid of that happening with the form a new Society where you go like okay there’s a guy laying in the street everyone stop stop it like like living room stop what they’re doing but in order to do that you have to kind of like extract yourself from the machine that we got going on right, it’s not a question I guess it should be a people first thing but we we don’t care about that cuz we just don’t and it’s not how we got where we are to be unpaid physical labor like wait wait wait wait we couldn’t afford to care about people we we we we we took over the world by like not giving a shit about about people so but you know you can’t can’t stand her on stage is a big fat Rich assholes and say let’s just start caring about each other at this kind of hypocritical isn’t it I’m an ass-whole I’m an idiot you really are too hard on yourself for that, that’s the problem we can’t punish him we just need to know I think you’re pretty well connected to me you’re one of the more generous people like you you have the courtesy to respond to your fans via Twitter and read it and all that shit I do give a lot but give a lot, can I get to you, you’re welcome, every time I see, something I’ve try to figure out how I can give myself to it, but I get caught up songwriting, okay that’s a good stock, you really do give a lot please, the right to not applaud., Very generous of a very generous person, Nathan, I bought your mama that ain’t no lie I thought your mama like Jim in American Pie, what’s your mama in the but I thought your mother said what what, your mama talking about her in the back so hard they not you came out, all right thank you thank you very much, wow she did good whatever whatever, the parents of North Carolina, it’s the gem of the South. My mother fucker, tell us a story about somebody pooping their pants in your class or something like what’s the weirdest thing that happened on your substitute teaching a class, weirdest thing, some random story some some some some girl puked in her purse, some kid took a crap that happened to one of the schools I do substitute at at the school me and Nathan both of the high school at Clover High School according to coach roach because we can’t hire actual social studies teacher and Coach Roach Coach roach that’s awesome yeah yeah we live in South Carolina we can afford to hire actual social studies science teachers / say so we hire athletic coaches to cover the social studies and most of the cultural stuff approach Roach., a certain slant on an American history, according to him he was teaching a class I was standardized testing, and apparently one of the female students, set up through the entire test and then ask to be let out here he said yeah fine for done and she said she was down so she started to go and she was moving very carefully just kind of kind of shuffling your feet one together and she was almost to the door she had almost made it was almost home safe when a turd Falls right about there right behind her pointing at the stage, High School where you learned that, FDR deliberately kept the fleet in Pearl Harbor so that the Japanese word vomit so that we could go into World War II yeah oh yeah cuz you couldn’t hardly do different North Carolina did not secede from from the union until we were we were in Tennessee and we were talking about like how Tennessee was supposed there’s there’s some food some contention there who was the last which was the last state cuz it happened like within days of each other but what we do know is that North Carolina did not leave the union until Abraham Lincoln asked them to attack South Carolina to if there if there had been in North and South Wisconsin I would have told him I wanted to be racist to me audience, is there anybody anybody racist, if you could be weird if there was somebody that was like I’m racist and then came up and wanted to talk about it I don’t know I don’t I don’t know how we’d handle that but we’ve been having a complicated Yankee Doodles what are we going to be calling us and we’re coming through the South and its aggressive like like like liberals it’s not it’s not like my crowd is the tractor pull in a crowd necessarily against anybody that wants to pull a tractor anywhere I took Logano not saying that at all I’m not I’m not going to lie that you don’t pull the tractor tractor tractor things when they call and tractor pulls I did get your shit together, weird when you start talking about the the racial stuff in the history of stuff it’s like there’s a swirl of like weird it’s it’s difficult to get to to talk about down here cuz people feel a compulsion to compensate for the history and say like well we’re not we’re not that’s not who we are anymore like I don’t know what my point is, I don’t have one my point is I don’t have a point you know Hitler killed himself down here this is where Hitler died he just get tired of being Hitler, he rode he rode his final final diary entry dear diary still Hitler, I can hear the War ending above me not much use for Old Hitler anymore, guess I’ll just talk it in the true that he tried to poison a dog first if I got heat a dog when I gave it to his dog to make sure it was it was The Real McCoy he killed Old Blondie first before you ever, do you think Hitler’s car had a little mustache on a big dick is pissed pencils and things you got to do is try on the crime, and you really major points, Hitler, Obama, do I get on I got a few things to wrap about him, yo Obama rap Obama I thought your mama, thank you wow thank you Charlotte I was biting social commentary the American government to come down here and sees this bunker if they if they don’t like what they’re hearing will be what will be will be well out of here SWAT teams will come in if you want to be a terrorist you try to pack the president’s mama I mean I don’t want to be a terrorist I don’t want to blow anything up that’s bad, I feel like I’m protesting too much when I was a kid I used to like or we would like he had replica guns like I actually like working looking fired blanks like Luger is in like Walkers and stuff like that and we would go to the whittwood mall Whittier California with actual like it really look like the real thing cuz they basically we’re without like a fight in the firing pin was gone or something like that would be bombs and stuff like that like we were terrible terrible people detective came to our school and end up a plainclothes detective pulled me out for a for a bomb threat cuz I drew some girl that was a junior Apartments senior pricing, and I drew a picture of a car exploding a soccer ball flying out because she played soccer in the fucking LAPD detectives came with my friend Dan ramstack and I made a week we figured out how to make lights blink with batteries and we took electrical tape and like wrapped around we made this thing that had like blinking lights on them and and we taped it to to our neighbor’s front screen door I just ran away and I I don’t know what we were they would think it was like a robot or something but the fucking bomb squad showed up this is how I looked at it and went like okay alright 911 and then there was this guy’s in white pajamas running around like defusing this Christmas light that was before 9/11 Jeff everything changed at 11, I don’t know if you guys need that everything changed at 9:11 right been so they kept telling me when I work for that place and then they downsized you kids have an app to do a real turd that other pants used to be America’s first line of defense against more 911 happening 18 and 19 year olds from Damascus apparently right to give substitute teachers a lot of shit like you seem like a pretty intimidating guy I don’t know if I would say I don’t know if I’m going to make love with you the way it usually goes is they come in and they’re being little shits because they’re teenagers write and and then it takes one like good, excuse me can you give us an example that wasn’t an example of class school fuck education, Donald Brinkley now I demand you misbehave like me. Pressure, fuck you fuck everybody, there’s my fucking mic drop, excuse me a second episode of Katie’s the CW Show about werewolves it in New Orleans, episode 2 what’s the title loan, umbrella episode 2 umbrella, a nubile adolescent Katie walks down the halls of New Orleans High School, excuse me, bump into people much sorry I was on the way to football practice you need to learn some man’s we can talk for manners, we don’t use that werewolf girl, shut the fuk up everybody knows eat my chicken tonight., I’m going to the only coffee shop where I where I feel okay to be me. I’ll have a coffee cuz I’m 16, Hello Kitty, the ghost of Samantha, would you like a haunted cappuccino, this is crazy but everybody starts teasing you remember what I taught you at you got to be who you are Katie oh this came for you it’s a letter, I don’t know why it comes to the coffee place follow the umbrella, I got to get back to work., I’m in the weeds can get slammed in here right now, okay well I’m going to go to this return address to 35231 pickle Boulevard, knocking on the door, action set piece, metal shin guards on Ice Age, knock knock who’s there, crazy umbrella which is like Kryptonite for werewolves, are you Professor you see turn the moon red, all of your kind will be extinct no commercial break, Gold Bond powder, is the best powder ever, Super Bowl commercial, do your balls itch, try Gold Bond powder, episode of cake bakers, play Three Cheers and it’s got frosting, Wichita Wichita has a glossy coat because of Chuck Chuck Wagon grass head, from Bonanza, and now back to you where were teenage werewolf New Orleans unit, let me out of this cell, I can be identified if I can sense you with my werewolf Powers not answering me, son of a bitch, I could just flashback to Samantha maybe I would get some kind of wisdom and how to get out of here I will always with you Katie, I quit my job at the coffee place I work at the jail now I’m locked in some kind of salad some kind of Umbrella Corporation young werewolf lady to give up so easily I raise the strong-minded woman you’re 13 now Katie, I think it is rhymes with stink, a hatch opens that was easy time to kickbox my way to the end of the episode, Cameron Middle School, I know there’ll be more like you and episodes 2 through 12, hey watch it sorry, thought you were gone she know what heard you went to jail probably for being a werewolf, and maybe I learned it’s worth sticking things out and fight for what I believe in rescue question yeah, got a personal though I’m 13 I can take it but I just want to know if when the moon comes out like are you hairy everywhere, Dick Wolf green stripe, if I if I if I pitch that you’re on board your head writer is there a reason why girls have metal shin guards what part of a werewolf is that why what’s up, do I have to take a bite of Bend for a moment so special can take his place yeah Ben’s been using the Spencer table all right on this show and Spencer is traveled all the way from California to join us, right, I think I have the other shows when gone it’s been really good I’ve I’ve been laughing weird is our fuse together we found out you can go on Instagram and you can see a picture of his toes he has a thing to do. Did you do it yes ma’am, that also it’s called Sin Sin dactyly yeah that’s what it’s called, I have two other ones South Carolina, South Carolina, what is the difference between North and South, 448 South Carolina’s 50 at their dead last and then you guys hear a 48 this guy I want to say interesting things or do I have to be a good interviewer, okay, but there’s not a lot to be proud of when you live in North Carolina you know but the few things we have is that we’re better than South Carolina South Carolina hear Jesus holy shit by South Carolina, is there a, can we do a text, okay how you do what you got to do tabletop Carolina what you have to say in South Carolina’s defense over here, if you with that broken anyway so, Conservative Christian University Baron South Carolina I’m actually in Evangelical Christians are in South Carolina a Homeland and seceded from the King once again, all right if we have a serious human conflict here on the night but I decided we have to figure out a new way to resolve human, he knows I’m going to be the representative for South Carolina a diamond, wanted North Carolina to attack South Carolina and end and you know the Carolinas pulled together and said look we’re both Carolinas seems like a logical thing now there’s all this division again just because it was simple directions on a compass really good Witch of the North Carolina North Carolina a little bit better than South Carolina it could be worse, well you probably probably grow at all out here right, okay I got it I’m handing her the money okay, there’s a lot to be proud of for North Carolina we have a ton of awesome things here everybody loves North Carolina South Carolina has awesome things what are you guys proud of its just at huh, everything I mean we have great people North Carolina has no not just that’s everything that we’re not just a pretty good about getting people together already, what’s your name, text Rob Schneider was going to be here, you’re way better I’m excited to be here and everything you guys have said has been awesome but we all are here together North Carolina South Carolina who cares I have friends all over the world and everybody’s just here to have fun and it’s a comedy gifts, Civil War and well that’s my fault that’s my fault I appreciate you coming we get awesome comedy we have museums we have history we have the mountains we have off., popped up to help us love each other, can dogs be taking secret pictures of your Instagram, I think it’s time for then I think it’s time for you and Adrian to do the other happiness rap, all right, look it up happiness trap with adriene, read The Comedy Zone in NC Music Factory dance so fast you honestly I’m a little baby rapping in the back I fuck your mama like she was on track I put my dictator but put it in her mouth Carolina game, Carolina’s they’re all the same it’s just a big government game trying to make you feel different but you guessed each other people fighting brother brother brother, everybody love and hang out., do you work here Adriana cuz it’s cold, so it won’t fit in his actually it’s weird he died fifteen years ago., Dad, she had snakes for Hair by the most positive ghost of the world, it makes sense cuz Hitler’s but Hitler died here a happy belated, it could be worse, Taylor’s Purgatory if you have to walk around his death bunker, bygones be bygones and Hitler’s like this is a way to live your life and what you what do you call it in Amsterdam that was some heavy shit me an errand I don’t know, Partington and and and her dad demanded like out of like out of deference to because I went to the Frank family got turned in the Nazis came through they cleared all the shit out so and her dad said don’t ever furnish it you know as a museum like you like all the room should be empty as like a symbolic thing so you really I mean good for him I got to I’m certainly not going to tell him how to run and Frank Museum, but the customer is always right it’s a little boring, could use a couple sofas you really are just walking through and reading stuff on the wall that you could probably Google call it the free Google Memorial Museum going to do while you walk through look at the stuff that they Googled, sorry, that’s a bold stance man someone’s got to take it it sounds like now really suffered, that’s not what I was going for we’re going to need Aaron up here though, I wish we had an idea that the audience and it’s right in front of your face what’s your name sir would you take this Mike and like like we never do this word e n d like do do this sound effects for a horse gallops up like you might do you can you can you can come over here my Mike Drew, you’re an answer damn so check out the Anne Frank Museum it’s it’s pretty moving there can’t be anything in the building I was a little silly, I would hate for anyone here to be an answer and be like Mama there go the museum, is there a sports for sale not a t-shirt, different copies of the book Franken like, send blankets for hiding, say when you connect the dots that’s when they boo, when we last met our group had just split up mo’reen fleeing the scene to meditate at the Sacred Grove Park thrown onto the back of a dead really can Droid and Sharpie left to clean up the dead after the great battle of Bud Select Camp cork infiltrated the great black ship dark stars Fleet checking out various rooms will Sharpie had the moment he’d always a desired with his father reaching into understanding his father bestowed upon Sharpie the greatest gift of all his magic cloak the symbol of leadership of the Bucs watch Rio why I can’t stop thinking about her point of view or like like she just she just came in and we’re playing Dungeon & Dragons in front of her, Adam Goldberg, how old are Will and we’re not really going to fuck your mama, O’Hara in that show, okay now we’re going to fuck your mom for real, I don’t discriminate on Mama’s, Adrian, I was concerned about not having an eye into the, all right Eric Spencer continues making sure meanwhile deep in meditation mo’reen was disturbed by the sounds of a troubled horse inspecting further he discovered a dead woman with a belt of gender switching as well as a tied up horse mo’reen put it on and regained her original feminine form swiftly she rode rejoining Sharpie at yellow camp and together with the magic of his father’s Cape the to teleported we’re doing work in the hold of the black ship just in time to hear that loud Collective little warning alarm going off she it was about to go down, I was in a blackout drunk like, you put your magic cloak on and you joined me on the ship I’ve been kicking some ass and killing some dude that them cannons and the black creature and pretty cool and and and then you guys can teleport enough to join me on the mothership presumably of Admiral Dark Star that was that fucked up good like listen you guys have no idea because they were fucked up to lately you here lately but I’m telling you I sound like a maniac that’s why I came in here Loki and was like you know I wanted to like one of the Mellow it out a little bit on that, you stands a row of cannons their position is fixed but the housing they’re mounted on looks like it because can be swung around 360° the alarm Blair’s and you know it’s only a matter of time before someone comes to check it out the remaining yellow demon the slide across the floor for the large yellow grapes in the far Wall Part of a grape in the far wall the door in front of you remain closed can I take the cannon and swivels around and shoot the door to a totally alright, that’s Drew everybody isn’t a great the door blasts open with a loud explosion, you see the main room this room is covered in pipes tubes metal gauges and all manner of valves and knobs aside from the door you just came through you see doors on your left and on your right and a large open hatch on the floor before you if you remember quite that’s how you got into this room you are in the door to your right has a large sign in a language you can’t read, did anybody here have a power to read languages can you tell us more about that language and what does it look like I’ll tell you it’s a Bissell and you recognize it as a Bissell so I can I do what does it say what does it say, Bridge, I said we go to the bridge and take this mother down yeah it seems to be locked, tried to do a quick walkie-talkie check, switch to channel 3 you guys, quarter that were in is lined with doors on either side there’s another door that there’s a I don’t want to mention there’s a hole in the floor that would go down a floor the other door and you can see a large pool of yellow E-liquid flesh flesh swirling around, occasionally you see a face contorted in agony tripped up to the surface before leaving the heart shrinking away land thinking down to the bottom of the fluid oz looks like a party we don’t want to join them on several buttons on the far wall there’s a great on the floor on the left side of the room and a small door to your right yellow flesh glue and a face occasionally is bubble around and their buttons and there’s a great you see a coalescing figure it’s one of those yellow demons that rises out of the mush fly across the door, it doesn’t seem to be giving you any notice, creature, it doesn’t seem to give you any notice what is it doing it’s just it just slid out of the room is left, that was easy what color are they great, I got it. There’s a door that you’re right can I cast knock on it is not like a spell that that that that opens up the lock doors is a spell to unlock any Locker you know, do you got the right cast knock like the Dickens the door blasts open this Hall is empty sink a human, the human standing in front of a door down the hall, at the sound of the knock spell he takes notice of you the man is almost naked wearing only an orange wrap around his waist and holding a wicked-looking metal whip he seems to be guarding something, he cracked his whip with Menace, Druid killing it, this guy looks like a bad guy probably right, that’s happening is happening with a Power Attack charging through the door you’ll eat towards the flow with a Power Attack one two or three to two, you hit the arm holding the sword cuts into his arm, the man is almost filled he responds by snapping his whip at you, it’s a critical hit thanks Drew, if you take 18 damage in full your feet fucking hell so I’m down to about half right 40 hit points so I’m done I’m done 2:20 to correct shitballs, the man seems wounded thingy it’s around your neck yes but it takes a while to boot up control alternate delete and reboot it it starts bleeding, Sharpie or more rain I can’t charm person on this Google. You can’t charm person he’s entitled to a will save some shit he’s kicking ask he the charm unaffected it fails to affect him, REI boldly and bravely shoot two arrows, at the creature what is the arrows strikes him right in the neck, it does 10 damage he falls to the floor Bleeding Out, I’m sorry he’s dead he’s dead, search of searches ass, he’s wearing an orange wrapping holding a wicked whip it might be magical I hand the whip to Cork and I and I take off is orange wrap to if only just to see his privates you feel better about yourself, I type I point at them and laugh, it’s hilarious, the door behind there’s a door behind the orange wrap around me and nnn go, you’re a human music human eye you should maybe put on the Royals rap take your shirt off and take the whip oh yeah you can go and you pretend to that guy and you know I don’t know Switzer what does kind of look like he just looks like a human cell so do I write a constitution a well-built chapped right so I don’t look like this guy with my clothes on I mean you don’t you look more like him than an elf or a gnome and I say throw the trash are they pulled up my magic rub put it inside his orange wrap or Crap the orange wrapped around me and then walk around with his dumb ass whip you make it possible to Sky’s you make it possible to Sky’s you’re not sure but I’m pretty sure, my attraction lessons, standing at the door after you Sharpie I open the door this room is full of metal lockers they appear to be locked you also see a large key ring on a small wooden table littered with maps, he saved everyone of us to take the key ring what was the first thing you said was rooms filled with metal lockers and maps on the table. Hey check out check out these Maps the maps to pick the buttocks pants and the ass. Mountains as well as a large landmass you’re not familiar with, where’s the land mass in relation to the butts butts butts butts the lot to kick it in the water you can’t see any other landmarks that you’d recognize on the map is I I pick up the keys in that go to enter try to open a jingle around, I might I locked my Prius and I and I go to try to open the locker to the Keys you unlock all the lockers here’s what you get a loot of charming I’ll take a power bracelet good arrows 8 sleep arrows 20V arrows the chime of opening for beads of force and I have the arrows gentleman thank you, girl sound what was that charm of charm of opening one without a time of opening time of opening it’s a small metal tube, this is like a dick joke, no I should have went there it’s just small metal tube that opens things okay there’s a little tag tied to it to use ring this chime, okay it’s a time of opening and probably it probably works like my knock spell right and I don’t know we could probably take these masks in this room you see a hatch in the ceiling and there’s no ladder leading up to it however a silver staff lies in the corner of the room, I approached the staff and grab the staff staff you hold the staff, holding a staff a use it to Pivot my beautiful woman body up to the bottom of the rod against the floor it begins to grow in length soon the rod is at the top of that this is a dick joke right yeah it is I have the weirdest boner, damn it pulses, how can we climb that staff now to get up at the hands of sense it would be easy to climb such a staff of shit sorry I paid rent going to question for, if, Adrian Adrian just justifiable critique, what about you just did you just stretch out Adrian do you think, I mean but it is or if it’s okay I’m sure you’re a sweetheart but it is a little rude it’s okay you’re pretty you just fucking very your prettiness and other things, okay well then just stop fucking talking fine you’re going to be fine she’s fine she can we find we are going to be fine I got to do or you can we fire him to stop talking sound effect Jazzy Drew wants to know if they fight before shooting make a sound effect, magical staff into a different room, sounds very boring but it’s, Fitbit did the American citizen guy that you’re with a completely foreign accent just just expressed his total happiness would be a hairy what was your name again sir Clayton name so British or Australian Earth is it where is Newcastle, you don’t know I’m not good at the Cliffhanger thank you very much, Hitler is good for the goddess of the hunt Taylor Adrian back there that you’d think you’d think you’d ruin sound effects thank you and I really, t-shirts made for 25 from some parts of the room at Carolina conflict in here it’s like when we grow up close to each other when we rub elbows the people that are closest to each other Jeff they can really hurt each other the most that’s what we learned in North Carolina tonight, I forced it but it’s a lesson now I think it’s time for the it’s time to find the best singers in the in the audience and Coronavirus, because that you were the golden yeah we are really had to pull teeth to get so your ear in the clear your fine, have you been listening to the podcast but as we’ve been on the road, okay alright we can walk you through it I think so it’s really good, call Dad has brown upside down yellow poop is brown come on down when you got it feels like that yeah alright the first one, weather right now, Yo-Yo Yo-Yo Yo-Yo North Carolina came to the stage got up a lot of drinking ladies expressing rage got people turning against each other for no reason I thought your mama every year and every season I put some salt on their pussy pepper hundred nuts I fucked your mama in seven of her but she’s got 7 bucks cash is a mythical creature I fuck your mama Like The Hobbit Reacher 3 movies why was one book a fuked your mama don’t even look turn your head while I fuck her dead a fuck your mama I’m sorry if your dad instead I fucked your dad another girl does not affect your dad and all of his butt, turn that frown upside down cross the Horizon surprised I got Concrete Jungle to perfidia in my veins a motherfucker going to go in the rain I got to pile on the storm drains got to catch your mama in the Flames I tried to pass your ass was too big a big a big Newton is what I meant I fuck your mama so hard she pushed into the cement truck it so sorry, Adrian in the back popping off cuz she have a right to you have a right to talk to if someone sneezes do you say Gesundheit she said Aaron wasn’t all right, if I can do this than anyone can speak and watch a walk around the room your mama’s got a womb I’m back inside it and this is going to be my tomb Hitler, Frank, but hit her in the face I put your mama regardless of race I went to the moon and colonize it I took your mama outside and please both of your chips and put it all in my coffee and said hey then you turn me off for me and then I started to really matter cuz but it’s been a long night, I fuck your mama all right, City a cat in my lap I just want to stroke it be gentle and kind of want all of my brothers to hit pause and Rewind and go back to you with time when we can love each other don’t want Caroline and brothers to fight all the mountains have the same out a window I thought you Mama it’s okay, Adrian I found Adrian crying in the bathroom at her what happened in front of you I’m sorry I made you feel bad, women hugging everyone lovers, your car has put the tires of snuggling with Automotive terminology, starting over your mama like your name was Rover started to sit down and roll the fuck your mama in a Gallup poll I said, what do you think she said I’m a Democrat to put an answer the kitchen sink and put it in a cup but I thought your mama so hard she got locked up she was friends the next day I said why she said you I love you I’m so sorry I’ve been so cute self, put the Jessie show, sorry sorry, come on down for coming everybody thank you so much darling, Henry on history’s to the South Carolina contingency, how many times has Jeff Davis and everybody, hey Trevor ritland you want a free shirt, whatever you want to share to go find Spencer have to show you one more time you guys were amazing we love you all., I’ll talk to you whenever we’ll have a drink together, God bless you, I don’t really know where to put this


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