Episode: 40 – Harmoncountry: Salt Lake City, UT


Episode: 40 – Harmoncountry: Salt Lake City, UT


Harmontown is reborn in a strange land of complex liquor laws, polarized religion and Kevin Nealon photos. Plus: Sports Corner, Fart Corner, odor dating and weird rants!


Salt Lake City Utah how are you doing tonight
snow-covered streets of Trolley Square the earlier
the beautifully refurbished Wiseguys Comedy Club harmontown is now officially in session what you please welcome to the stage the mayor of harmontown you know him you might love him Dan Harmon
salt salt salt salt take some chloride take some sodium salt salt salt right salt is a guy holding a sign on the audience that says you taught 1922 never forget which I think is like a deep cut reference to our podcast right like we were making up tragedies at one point thousand you know what you did
alright the camera guys want me to move back a little bit
a little more artificial
sorry my Humanity wasn’t marketable enough for you Michelle gondry
so what was you I would have done a show standing in the shadow
now we’ll never know what that would have been I probably would have talked to this guy in front of probably has cancer or something
now I can’t know everything is fucked up now but but they got their shot Jeff their painting with light
fucking directors
Salt Lake City that does that like like like like is about Humanity it’s not about the settlement film
you know I understand these people here who fled the Sundance to get here right
nice I heard about your vest your matching vest in your your beards and your Sundance vest at lake lake lake lake Lake Colorado Colorado right
that’s where Denver is is that where Sundance is where is Sundance to Colorado okay
what’s up that Canyon
it’s in Utah all right great
Sundance is okay Salt Lake City is the best city in the world that we know that and and and and salt is the is the is the best condiment
seasoning whatever you can do I know there’s at like like people here at Jeff they don’t like it they don’t like salt being referred to as a seasoning did you know that I did not know that they’re they’re offended by that the way that some deaf people don’t like Cochlear implants you know it’s like the idea in Salt Lake City is that salt is a meal itself and that you used potatoes and steak and stuff to make the salt go down better it’s a real thing here you know this is the salt capital of the world they’re at their road to get real icy and their potatoes get real real real real real real Bland
and they and they eat they eat they eat the salt it’s also the complex drinking La capital of the world
complexed complex Corner drinking laws have the world liquor laws
Jeff you can’t have a double hear a double a double drink you can’t have a double drink why not I did there is no why that is the because you can’t you cute you you get doesn’t matter why not there was a but I’ll tell you Brigham Young he had huge hands
so and he was very very ashamed about them he was he was a woodcarver and a and a philanthropist and a brilliant man but he had these giant hands and so they made they made special glasses for him to make him feel like his hands were smaller that that was the original b y and BYOB do you know that because because they had the whole city had to kind of arrange itself around Brigham Young’s two foreign hands and so people were like like like like like secretly people would wear like prosthetic giant hands like that’s where those phone number one hands come from that’s like to make him feel better cuz it’s a great man you found it a great City and he loved the salt and his
he ate so much salt if that he retained water in his hands I think is what you ever heard the expression mad as a Hatter you know that’s from the lead lining in in in haberdasheries there’s that there’s an expression here called Cub Cub called hands the size of Brigham Young
so so he had special giant glasses that they would get out for him if you ordered a double here in 1828 when Brigham Young was here
you could die like like like like everyone was drinking out of extra large glasses so that’s why no doubles but it doesn’t matter it’s it is today it’s it’s an honor of temperance one finger and I’ll have one yes single
give me want one drink or you I don’t want to ignore Miss Brigham Young size drink we don’t do doubles said the bartender at the Marriott Hotel in Marriott Hotel at Marriott is a hotel chain probably has more hotels then there are people in in certain certain cities in the United States like I guess a corporation is practically a country and and and it’s like I don’t know what’s ironic about that but something is like I said you didn’t work as if you work at a Marriott so I can give me the Marriott Goods like what it what if if if if you toss that I couldn’t sleep in a bed would there be no beds in the Marriott like I I don’t like what what what what’s in charge here is that does the money walk or the or the bullshit talking you know I walked into the bar at the Marriott and a nice young lady so that’s why I need to scan your ID I might okay that’s that’s I’ve never seen that ever and then and she took it and then she wrote down every
information off of my ID and it came out with shredded and yourself
I thought that was a crazy lady thing is that a Utah thing or is that a crazy lady thing that’s what you talking
what’s all it’s all coming together around with your eating like chicken wings to have a lot coming up here we we called back we called 911 before we came up we had to somehow get it that’s what you’ll notice there’s an elaborate Trolley system around along the walls like in Mister rogers’s House of the cuz the wait staff is not allowed to walk while holding liquor so there’s a little choo-choo train that comes behind and they have to technically they have to they have to pretend that they’re here. They haven’t trained holding a beer and food in your lap so you can cruise around it’s complicated
what’s your name sir let’s bring do SUB because his vet his awesome name and his expertise and his
hello Deuce Deuces wearing a crisis alert t-shirt from from Community awesome so do you work in liquor in the liquor industry here in the in the in the city that have been too complicated liquor last so let’s run down some of the more weird beverage by itself you can’t have a double but you can have two different kinds of liquor in front of you so you can order a tequila and a rum that’s fine but can I order to Tequilas know okay because they thought they saw Five Easy Pieces in there like okay we’re not going to let let like a Jack Nicholson figure go like okay so so if I if I have food in a restaurant can I have a double I can never have a double A
I could but I was at Subway at a Utah gas station and I got double meat on my
I had stupid, all right
so even if it’s like a long island which has all kinds of different Liquors consoled me of 2 ounces worth of total total if that’s it does it come in a Dixie cup all right well I’ll be a customer
what a rough day of being an American citizen that’s supposed to be allowed to do whatever the fuck I want to do and having to put up with an ownership class of rich people that that that have 1% of whatever the 99% think lamp lamp I’m so stressed out I would like to know my brain with a illegal substance that that that makes everyone around me smarter for 4 for a couple hours a couple fucking hours can I please have a Ketel One On The Rocks with no lime
and then you feel like I’ve noticed it’s okay okay I’m going to slide this $5 bill across the table to make it a double if we’re going to be going to be this way and see if the TABC was in the house
and then I guess he a rapper now that’s a lot to us you can secret drinkers
20 bucks let me in the bar well that’s that’s everywhere
oh my God you know who would hate it in Salt Lake City in your little bird
or I can tell you how about that we’ve been over that I’m very excited about why why is it so snowy outside and why you not going to such a hospitable climate would you want to make it even harder to drink
why do you want people to move away so bad I guess that’s why you’re always closing all the road so we can’t escape room Allen
what did you do today
the worst
for sure I fix that with me to time supplies
all right thank you dude.
I thought I thought that I received both would have a lot more material here in Salt Lake City but he actually doesn’t he’s just he’s he’s at he actually this is the city that puts me in Irish Seinfeld on the same page and everybody cuz he’s like why can’t you have a double that’s it right when I can’t have a double billboard outside the Utah Jazz foot up a big a big billboard that says not you can’t have a double say why can’t you have a double and then and then and then the answer underneath Jose cuz we love you
I think have like a have like a black lady with a baby
that still manages to get drunk because he only likes anybody has a drinker like the alcoholism is rampant here
among the youth I saw SLC Punk
quit quit with with Shaggy on a ski trip if I go into my Park City in Snowbird whatever the hell you got a pair Alto or Elsa and all 16 15 year olds and I was kind of like a huckster I was like a shoplifter and a bad person in the burglar Riser and stuff inside and get the alcohol so I went to a hotel and a little liquor store in the lobby of the hotel that was just like liquor like no beer is no nothing it was just a really old time like Raymond Chandler novel kind of thing like department and they had like a house dick walking around you know like in that is like busting people and I went to the guy and I was skinny little fifteen-year-old
asshole friends up in the room and a good too drunk to come down what you sent me down to buy that. I put a piece of paper in front of his bags and bags and bags and bags of birds eye was like like Alexander the Great when I came back rather than anything
the waiter Marcus came over to do soon with their Whispering something to him and I thought he was going to get I thought this was going to come in your house I filled up a glass of Grey Goose up here
am I am I like Mel Gibson Beyond Thunderdome with the kids like
all right I’m not mad at you guys it’s the fucking government by government in the ghost of like weird in the 1800 was like well they can’t have doubles because every time I have a double I know I want to let you know I want to rape people
because I’m a vile person that makes laws and I make them because I asked myself what would what would I like to do today if I could do anything I wanted to do I like to eat that little girl and I don’t know those black people and you know and I’d hit them when they did something wrong and my wife over the head with a shovel and like burying her in the backyard to start making laws against this stuff cuz they’re making the mistake of going out everyone’s a vile old prick in the world and that it’s it’s just that’s the problem that’s why we have to figure out Jeff the Constitution for harmontown I went and a half to be like a little a little piece of code it has to just be a very simple got to figure it out before we get back to LA you got to say it like that unless
or they want…?
And I know I don’t know what to put in that I don’t know if two people both want to do something and they can’t both do it without one of them having to do something they don’t want or not getting to do whatever they want then you engage in a ritual called patty cake or the street and put clothes over puddles and stuff like that I don’t they really did that’s not just being a book but I just had more clothes back then I didn’t care as much but logically and we evolved as a species courtesy to kick seems to be dying and evolving hey man I’ll take it outside or maybe our conversation about adults have some common courtesy
and that but then there’s this this rise of the passive aggressive like mutant you know there’s somebody who’s who’s cool but is always getting what they want like leveraging people socially like you have to protect against your being a dick shut up well you know and then that person can also say you’re being a dick for not giving website like like it needs that there needs to be a little bit of a foolproof like I understand the all the whole idea to be cool like like like what I hear there’s got to be a way to back the dollar with human life instead of like a mythical piece of gold in Fort Knox or aura or the dollar itself or pride in your country if you were able to back the nation’s currency is going to be useful still for a little while we can’t become a dollar something a hundred years left to still needing poker chips to get it through our day I like it like that to make transaction I say though you can back that currency with like looks like a video game like when you’re playing
the game solitaire video games where you’re like walking down the street and then there’s like a thing that goes someone needs help and then you go and help them and then you get some bonus points and their actual points that you can use to get a bigger gun and blow the fuck out of something like a dick that it’s like shit that you can use to attach it to make yourself cooler at the very least when you show up cuz I laying on the sidewalk in a puddle of his own piss and he’s going like I had a bad day today can you help me out my reason for not stopping and having a conversation with him and seeing how I can help him is I’m late for lunch I got shit to do I got a script to finish I got the stuff to do so and the reason I got to finish my script or or be on time to lunch with my friend all that stuff just has to do with capitalism really it just has to do with like like like okay I’ll I’ll end up like him if I helped him I’ll end up with like him if I helped him so all you have to do is reverse that and say if I helped him the opposite so that when we see
guy laying in the middle of the sidewalk and puddle his own piss we go holy shit I can’t believe I found one but this is like a package in Grand Theft Auto
people who need my help I thought if I helped him then it’s like I get I get to get like a power-up of some kind and because because the whole country works that way most powerful country in the world because all the other countries go like that country where everybody’s fuck nobody’s laying on the sidewalk in their own piss there all day all day all day all day every time someone starts to have a bad day eight people jump on him and help him so that they can profit off of it karmically and so everyone lives in a fucking like Penthouse over there and I pray that you get your talking about destroying Capital so then that note but it says your place helping people with Captain like the whole point is that we’ve got to a place where capital is the whole point of wealth is the definition of success competition is a good thing you know getting ahead of other people but but like a couple thousand years ago the definition of poor was you know you lived in till 20
5 if someone didn’t come into your house stab you in the face and fuck the stab Hall like that’s not what it means to be poor anymore now being now being boring means you eat a Big Mac out of a dumpster and you have a coat that someone gave you like like like you’re still up you still walking around at a house and you can fucking cold in you die sooner but it like like like the pirate the definition of of of the 99% lake lake keeps going up we can we can increase that buy a thousandfold that’s my theory I know economics professor pyramid in place and that there’s a competition in place but but why can’t the poorest person in the world have like a giant TV and get to play video games and the prophets not enough food goes to waste every day to feed almost everybody in the evening of Housing and clothing for everybody but prices have to be a certain place we have to make sure that rich right gross people
I don’t have to be it’s just that that’s been the easy way to do it to you know it’s all kind of falling apart anyway like like rich people like there’s a there’s a shorter path till I get on keeping poor people poor like that’s the that’s what makes sense to a rich person but like if you challenge them they tend to figured you should out this new government in here this. This is this is this is the proper definition of anarchism mean nobody ruling anyway
my hand and throw it at you no cop can help me like
that guy that guy becomes in charge he’s beIN now he’s
is a lot of Kevin Nealon pictures of
soaking in a hot wing and he’s like just brought her back to life and gave her $1,000 and it and then and then how can I how can we repay you how can we repay you put up 400 photos of hard to drink
I am vanillin he’s like the Stargate guy OK Google comeback every once in awhile is depressed literacy
but he gets worship to anyways like if that guy that got if a guy stood up and tried to choke me to death
you would be the people that helped me you if you would you would save me possibly and vice-versa like like like we have wait staff here we have maybe I’ll maybe we have a bouncer here we have you know these are all these are all private anarchic roll like like like like you need a bouncer and you need a white person and you need you need a club owner and you need a performer and you need an audience in that we are not animals we know how to fucking behave ourselves fucking Senator to tell us like like what left from right is but the middle
people that don’t ever do anything I just said fucking confounds me I would like we created a new Society where we you know how like like like like bees like they they they they they they raise their own royalty think they’re just sitting there but you could fucking eat them like I kinda need Queen hats and then they sting the other queens to death and then they take over these poor soldiers are just like thank God we have a queen again like I understand the desire for comfort and Leadership at Wheatland in America that idea that was that we were those people are civil servants like you’re not wearing your ring a clip-on tie get to work motherfuker so I can go do the shit I enjoy I want to be a radio DJ I want to be a dentist I want to I want to dig a ditch and then like to punch a clock and worry about shit from 8 p.m. to 2 to 6 a.m. some some people might prefer doing that shit none of us want to balance the budget and make the garbage trucks run on time that’s why we elect official
president is supposed to be a top-of-the-line fucking dipshit civil servant he’s not supposed to be someone that we that we have power in the presence of and and most importantly that people literally murder and cheat and lie and steal to try to be, because they have the most power in the world
political Puerto Rico place where I didn’t get a chance to make it real
fart around the corner it’s that time again far Corner dude
what’s your name
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out while actually. But you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and blackston amount each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker at myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
sorry about the armchair politics
I swear to God like this when we go to the moon the first person I catch talking about me like I’m in charge gets shot set the guy not in charge we have to work it out cuz they’re living their living in there their they’re there they are they come face-to-face with the the Absurd hypocrisy every day they live in it at a lake made of salt
are you are you guys proud of living yours is a place that people take pride in living in
it was a measured that you could ask that Brooklyn towns that are New York or la like that we have this kind of elitist like training 2 to go like I live in Denver but I’m sorry you don’t like like like like there’s places that click like and it’s self hatred it’s it’s nice if we leave right after the show we hop on that we have a couple drinks we get on the bus and go to Portland will you know that Utah I mean there’s no better way to get to know a community that you’re in Jeff then familiarizing yourself with its active sport community
yeah well you love sports yeah yeah it’s that time again
even a part of your favorite sports team is Dan Harmon George, Utah the past about the about the Jazz why do you come down so hard on defense is a game about defense the Jazz needs to understand that if you’re not protecting the ball you’re actively attacking it for the other team
that is a simple thing our moms told us that when we would play the Jazz game design Karl Malone I think I think Karl Malone is it is a is a legend but he’s a functional Legend like there’s Legends and there’s possible so you look at Kubrick you look at
you look at Hitchens on the Nuggets you look at I don’t know Tiger Woods out there in the seventh inning of the last Clippers game Malone Malone is different from different from Kubrick different from Hitchens and that he is a functional Legend he still has value of most importantly leadership the other night jazz are going to look at Malone
and they’re going to remember what it’s like to be proud of the Jazz game from from left to right out there but it’s it’s it’s it’s not just yardage thing that your team can do it and Malone brings that to the jet all right team and Hitler was right
Portage County Sports Corner stuck in a pro-nazi message to the end it’s just that simple some of your races agenda is more subtle than other times he got caught you know I’m very cool about it I’ll slip it in like I got I got to give you a give a boom goes the dynamite Hitler was right okay
what do you think Hitler did right
he was first in complete
this is going to end up out of contact on Huffington Post or TMZ in the word Chevy Chase was going to get mentioned seven child
oh well that’s life in the tag Cloud the tag clouds Society now Jeff got to keep that ball moving at the time in Tel Aviv been doing but speaking of the internet and the benefits of it has I think if we do one thing in this. I’ll be released into the ether and into the ethos of the country and possibly the world a gentleman then Spencer Crittenden
Spencer Spencer to the stage
rent are you with us
who approaching the table
wearing his vintage Community shirt with an earth-shattering the mics are hot but the crowd is hotter
secrets and scrambled eggs
he’s a better rapper has a podcast yet so we’re letting you know Spencer has emerged as the master rapper of the of the tour bus really reached fever pitch. No no not going to die that was the opening klinklang of a sort of fight. We haven’t really got up a staircase and swipe the candles and there’s not a little bit
I was lying in my bunk in the tour bus so we’re about 45 minutes out from Salt Lake City and I’m looking on the map where we are at. There’s a little town where I don’t even have any roads connected to the highway where I’m just a knob I don’t even know if it’s a town there is a place on a map
has anybody been to gobblers knob
really it was like I was it just a penis dick cock swallow Valley

knob gobbler look gobblers knob knob it’s all good gobblers knob the gobblers knob every everything is Gobbler’s Knob like I think is very very serious you know that they have to be very serious there if there’s people that live there you know they’re like experts and keeping it cool and like there’s like eight libraries every block compensate here they probably have a really good Holocaust Museum there
yeah anything seriously like they’re experts in the serious knob this is a serious place is for Real
did you you didn’t come here to make fun of us did you
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you want to t-shirt we get it ready so I can a dick
there was a guy in there was a guy in Milwaukee I’m afraid there was a war hero there from there at 5 in World War II I think I know and he had park named after him and some streets named after him and his last name was bong and and there was a bong Rec area like a buck and and it was the sign was like cold riveted
record as a little sign it was just like any any Norton ordinary signs or anything else but it was the eight bolts for a centimeter and I are going up to it that his granddaughter something that who’s still a Milwaukee kind of social lighter Atlanta pissed or something in the bong name lives on in Milwaukee and the journalist had to just be doing it as a as a bit it was like this interview with this woman that was like she was just didn’t understand why why is it the most stolen the sign and Olive Wisconsin why why do people keep stealing the bong Rec area sign I don’t like he was a he was a war hero he tried to do good with his life but I don’t know if they’re I don’t know if they’re being disrespectful or if they just appreciate history
it’s because it’s so it looks perfect in your basement
there will never be enough bong Rec areas to put that sign up
on the Instagram that you and I are and make snow angels and you did it in your shorts oh yeah totally did you bring pants I brought one pair of jeans are they a magic jeans do they only have one uses are you saving them for something oh yeah they recharge every couple of days so I’ve been cycling them is it for you like like when people tell me to tie my shoe like people telling you to not wear shorts It’s just obnoxious because people think that because they are a little wuss is about weather
that I am and I’m I’m just fine I was buying in Bloomington I was firing Chicago I’m fine here when people start telling you to put on pants you do it to prove a point right honestly I am fine if I thought I’d be more comfortable wearing pants would have just put them on
but the worst thing is managing one night when I was a kid people to tell me take a shower and get a comb your hair and take a shower you stink your piece of shit and it like one day I took a shower and curl my hair and got on the bus and on all the 8th graders are like fucking seriously man good job good job and I was like never again motherfuker you just redefined lack of hygiene I am going to be a millionaire and I’m going to smell like a butt
you’ve done it you’ve accomplished your dream but
yeah I took a shower in the hotel that you can’t even tell I’m I’ve got I’m so dirty it doesn’t matter anymore I’m an 800 showers behind smells pretty good I thought but it certainly but a halfway point will be smelling like a locker room in there but it’s it’s pretty good people tell me like like like girlfriends and stuff they do you know your body is covered with this like this symbiotically like community of microbes you know it when you when you when you wash you like kind of disrupted a little bit I’m not saying people shouldn’t wash your just saying like like part of the part of your immune system your body’s immune system fights off like weird germs and stuff from the outside world part of why we’ve all been touching bathroom door knobs forever without having to be a giant epidemics is because your body is there’s no real estate on your body for Jared because it’s covered in germs your own germs like you have wall-to-wall over the entire surface of your skin is is Shoal
the shoulder packing you know bookends and stuff
cuz it’s kind of revisionist hygiene history of happens if you take too many showers you like break out more often and stuff cuz it wipes out that bacteria that is otherwise be kind of protecting it for many days and you don’t really start to you don’t just start to stink like like you just start gradually to smell more and more like bread
I just smelled you when you stink at 8 bread
well then then I don’t love you
I know we’re never going to fuck I think so I think I think people’s noses in other people’s be our like like he has a thing for anything I can make this up but I’m not some somebody told me about this I don’t know where they’re doing this but it’s kind of weird thing where people get together you you don’t shower for a day or two days I don’t know what it is you you take the clothes and then you you you freeze them you bring them to this Gathering and then and then the people do the speed-dating thing where they thawed Bo shirts like no cologne no deodorant but it’s just it’s just your BMO men men and women just like the anonymous piles of clothes and people go around in circles and they smell the the the glad
can you write down like what you’re okay with like what what what your you know I got my shirt number 8 like it at my dad or something I can tell that person hasn’t had a shower for two days but at the same time I wasn’t wrong with a report repelled by it and I’ll tell you in the next 80 people have been married and that’s all I heard is there is like you could do personality test they gave people shirts and have them where I’m around for like a week and then they gave them to a lab and then they gave them to our people who weren’t trains to Lake understand and they’d like made him smell it and said what do what do you think about this person who wear the shirt and they’re like actually pretty accurate compared to a few just looked at the person and tried to form a judgement and our noses as primate have been totally shut down like that’s why we can’t wear it were blown away by dogs and cats because we used to have snouts like that
but we have our eyes move forward to the front of our had to get stereoscopic color vision and all this equipment all this out of the computer equipment up behind your nose like that had to get like kind of liquidated and likes old they got shut down so we at with our noses compared to dogs are like like talking dogs smell as much as we see and they think they’re like they just use their eyes like not bump into a wall and like some kind of zero in on the butt hole to smell but then when that pain that butthole is like the Facebook page I got the first person to bring this up at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City formation they claimed they get out of that but all we get is it’s it’s a smells like poop but that being said I think there is more to smell than we are used to to experience it anyways
where are we supposed to be tonight Salt Lake I mean you can’t say you didn’t you didn’t need that that Dan Harmon didn’t come to your town and confuse you
who are feeling pain like I like I like not necessarily physical like like like some of the things they had a pretty bad day it really doesn’t have to be in a funny way but anybody that’s willing to like talk about like I do you going through some shit I got like if it’s a break up that you’re not able to get over or like a job transition or a long Spade of unemployment what. Are you are you volunteering yourself like feeling like I got some job troubles okay let’s bring them up your name
Craigslist is a Craig
Craig from Wisconsin I don’t know why people didn’t instinctively applaud you when you came up out of the safe
maybe maybe you smell weird I don’t know maybe maybe they can maybe that Craig so you’re you’re you’re you’re specifically you having a hard time transitioning occupational yeah I taught art for 20 years then and last year I had to resign just because of the state of Wisconsin is got 200 God yeah yeah Wisconsin at horrible things going on educational yes my my brother’s wife is a teacher there trying to figure out what to do next Man Logan Utah here at the very least
the what can you tell us Craig like like like
it’s okay God tell me about your job baby book I was a teacher for 20 years Dan and Wisconsin’s fucked up and you know it’s now I’m now looking for more work
Craig kitty kitty kitty
Wisconsin to keep hearing about it to my home state is fucked up there so I specifically said it’s more it’s more fucked up flick education at the hot-button it’s a liberal thing but it’s like it also so fucking true like are like like it’s one of the cheapest things that we could be spending money on one leg but not working it’s so easy to like sucking money out of that out of that sector and its did makes no sense it only makes sense to creepy rich people because they don’t get rich the next day by foot by by putting any money into the idea that busted up the Union’s for the teachers and and now the administrators of all the school districts can make up their own set of rules
so I’m not supposed to speak about this but I had 40 kids in my classroom to try to teach art to at once and it’s like 40 kids a lot of kids that was those par for the course when I was in high school in Milwaukee Public Schools these are 6204 I went to Brown Deer was at $6,000 and 4000 kids and then and then I went to the suburbs of a 600 kids and I was like 15 or 20 kids in the class but when I was in when I was in the Milwaukee Public Schools ROP 3040 kids in the class in art class
6 kids to a paintbrush in because who’s going to enforce that I loved art class kids in my class and action with making clay you know stash is like that was no input there was no connection at all until you end up doing a thing you got a grate on it but you don’t know what you did you don’t know why you did it you don’t just know there’s no interaction at all. No it does no nurturing our mentoring at all especially hard on an art teacher
grind you don’t want him to be cookie cutters and whatnot so human beings like you have no idea like in the grand scheme of things will happen is we we we know that education is important we know their kids have to go to school and then all of a sudden this becomes like this we have to have the system so it’s like and then how do you allocate funding to this system because it’s not socialism it it’s the government funds this these things are how much should we find it well what are your test scores in this okay so if their test scores are this than we get this I’m out of money for microscopes and if they dump the whole thing gets fucked up I guess what money like we should have no place in medicine or education I’m sorry to just be a typical liberal but like like like like like like like how how much more clearer could it be that it did look like education and medicine like lake lake the dollar getting near that stuff like how it is like like it’s only a couple minutes before the for the fucking weird pair
foxes start to happen so what it what do we have to do in Wisconsin I’ll make it happen tonight Craig
and what do you want to get back into teaching again I want to come with Dan and and right movies yeah it’s like an Olsen twins movie let’s watch a movie about a giant go who is mr. Spielberg
I don’t know you were being a real asshole a couple hours ago but now I really like you all right well well well aside from taking you to La I mean come to La write a screenplay
what kind of genre is stuff do you do 101 pieces Channel 100 up a puppet art teacher from Wisconsin called blackjack years ago so that might ring a bell I didn’t make it into the screening
it was the seventh one voted off so I’m sorry I Do Is Right
yo yo yo no I’ll start
I’ll start you charge your unemployed I just parted sorry I didn’t mean to do it I fucked your mama like your name was Pruitt Hewitt sorry Start Over breakdown Salt Lake City only thing that rhymes with that your mom is good to eat
Lake made us all drove to get here when I said of asphalt the bus almost tipped over three times now I’m going to express it through rhyme it’s a hard place to get to but I love the people here I fucked your mama so hard Virginia Sprague beer
Craig coming to the Mike Craig, just a mic
take a picture of my sorry sorry
like a clock can’t see anything about your mama so hard to push each other to sing said lalala
storage building
I meant somebody got bad grades in school so the son got eaten and a woman’s pussy is singing has gone
no she’s the one with the singing box so don’t know that she’s not here right now. Like Craig all right for god sakes support education every time you all excited thank you Craig every 4 years you know how we have this big ritual where we pretended that the the one guy we vote for is going to make a huge fucking difference for 4 years there’s also a bunch of other stuff on the ballot every time you see the word education say yes because there’s no way you will ever go broke giving money to teachers and schools it’s impossible that cost a lot of money giant packing weapons like that will never be useful against a guy who is who is born in a crater and just wants to blow shit up with his own body like like
the tanks will keep they will keep let’s melt a couple of them down and turn them into erasers I think that’s how that works
we made a human connection local your politics get the more important they are the pothole outside your house needs filling it gets filled or not filled based on a person or a community gun like let’s build a pothole take those resources allocated a Walmart getting built on your corner that’s like a local shit you know that the stop sign it stops a car accident to stop people from dying we argue about the dumbest fakest shit I’m 40 years old
show me you’re 25 like you think gay marriage and abortion is it is it they made it up they made it up there pretending these are issues because they’re all and fucking Cahoots with each other fuck these guys like like like like local politics are kind of important all politics are bulshit but local politics are a little more you get a little fucking yardage if you if you if you if you decide to put some of yardage total yardage
don’t don’t do that it’s it’s getting tangled and crazy in Wisconsin because you know you know we get we get we started thinking that we need some Superman in the White House in order to change the world and all that guy is it just you know I’m sure he’s a great guy but what the fuck is he going to do except walk around and not embarrass me when he talks that’s why I voted for him
I’ve literally just voted for Obama because he was like oh he can speak like like like I’m so embarrassed I want to fight with you I’m curious about the Mormon thing like I know they got like a good half of the population here is still actually maybe not here but like like what how how many how many more minutes do we have buy applies in the audience in a harmontown on a Friday to nothing nothing is a 10% maybe according to Wikipedia half half non-mormon Minnesota it’s a capital city in the city of Industry no more minutes how many more minutes is fairly warm in train like that’s propelled by Mormonism
the train is has electricity in it and the banks have money in them not snakes I don’t know what Mormons believe but
I think they talk to snakes I can’t remember that
should we get a normal person that.
Female a proud Norman are you it’s not a self-loathing Mormon what your name is
like your Resa
no I meant I met a guy and there’s a guy that had me sign his book after the show and said he’s at he said can you make it like Ridley and originally in Blake Blake Lulu thousand ways to spell Aaron there’s a thousand ways to spell Michael to ask you not to Jason and I was like a t h a n a j a s o n I have a horrible speech impediment
it’s really bad it’s so bad that I found like a cartoon a message I have to buy my alright sorry so we don’t know what I was saying I was making but now it’s urethral right what is it
and you’re at your our first Mormon that I know of I don’t know if anyone was a closet Mormon that we had on the on the show and where in where in the Mormon capital of the country and I don’t know what to ask what are we what are we what do we do with the Mormon Jeff tightly-knit very large families generally in the very close and they had the little the little home evening or family home is it still a big are you having a large family as well
well I have a print have a pretty big family for I Don’t Know by whose standards but like I’ve got actually have five kids and I’m Thirty-One and that’s a big deal because Jeff what I’ve heard about Mormons is that you all get your own Planet like and then after I left that’s what that’s one of the eight things that I’ve heard about Mormonism is it that part of the scheme of the afterlife involves I got your own world, 911 happen all the ticker tape on CNN to talk about as a seventy virgins I could because everyone wanted to know why who would do this why would they do it and then that was that was the talking point let’s let’s find the weirdest silly astounding thing about Islam that we can it just repeated over and over again while they think in heaven that you’re a dick is a pine tree like like like
like if it was why did they do it I’m just wondering like that because Christianity has all kinds of weird shit about it that if you focused in on and and and and and and Judaism and everything it from Modern Mormon can we what do we talk about magic underwear I’ve heard I’ve heard about the planet like that everyone gets when they die and and no coffee no coffee is that at that that’s honest just no stimulants know I don’t drink alcohol and you stay away from addictive substances just in general rule against that she looks very cool and tell him to pack a shot and some of that sounded patronizing
if you do.
What does that mean I heard that phrase magic underwear a clothing garment that the LDS people wear LDS Latter Day Saints Church the name of the church nothing magic it’s it’s symbolic so what is it is it is it about Chastity is it about I’ve heard that phrase like people who are who are hating on warm inside. They have magic underwear they believe in magic underwear it’s just like and then you move on with your conversation with the calamari like knowing that I’d that’s all I’ve heard that’s all I’ve heard like what does that mean and I also haven’t seen the Trey Parker Matt Stone musical I don’t know I don’t know anything
I don’t know how to get into it without having like a whole discussion about you know that of all the fundamentals but we got all night for Tuesday boat missionaries here in about 5 Seconds
I was hoping to get fired on what was their fear of getting it wrong of like sounding like you’re misrepresenting your your religion or is there for is their fear of people that aren’t aren’t Affiliated like like what what’s the largest if you’re making the podcast 6 hours long cuz it’s that complicated
I don’t know I thought I mean the the gospel simple it’s a Christian Gospel so it’s the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the new world cartoon about your religion but if you go back to like in the Old Testament in the book of Exodus and things like that they talk about they talk about when they go to the temple and putting on holy garment so it’s it’s the same type of thing as symbolic of certain covenants you make it seems like there’s some sex of Judaism that where they have sex through a hole in a blanket or whatever because everyone has their own old religions they have old old ideas about sex.
I thought when I heard magic underwear I automatically assumed it was some kind of like it was I didn’t have a flap in it or something
that incident to the internet when you’re 16 you got a flapper and then you got to go to prom know at all times bolic like a God fearing that the underwear is covering your
well starting like your body is like your temple your body is your gift from God houses your spirit so your body is kind of like your most sacred physical possession I guess what are the fundamental level no matter what you’re doing out in society underneath it all yours is your relationship with the cosmos I mean this is like when I was a kid we had a thing called Underoos that that where the at down here they just don’t know it I’m Aquaman
ocean ship with no other people spirituality and stuff like that like a real tiny little things that that that sometimes have practicality sometimes don’t but in all cases are designed to remind to the individual in a world where God’s not hanging out all the time that God is a part of their life that. They have a relationship with the unknown and scientists get to punch there at work everyday that their job is to study the unknown and like figure it out so they don’t need magic underwear to remind them but if you work at Verizon there’s a lot of people are going to try to make you think that you were should worship Verizon and they should go fuck them
house if you’re a Mormon because you like when you go home at night you like you’re going to hold on to this other thing you go to a store to get of you making yourself like what what how do you make them yeah it’s like an authorized pattern kosher food like there’s some Factory somewhere where there’s a rabbi going like this hot dogs you don’t answer if you don’t want it I’m not being creepy what do they look like and what part of your body
granny underwear just like from here to here really old-timey swimsuit like in the
well I’m glad make one piece I hope everyone else got their money’s worth it but I certainly do. What are you what are you taking to float in the salt in the Salt Lake wouldn’t normally do without like so you know if I’m going swimming or going to workout
I’m not coming on you by the way you have sexy hair we want to know what you’re thinking around 6 and is it okay well yeah I don’t know there’s a big wrap up question because I don’t want to just have brought you up and talk about underwear but I’m obsessed with raised you know all the time I grew up in the seventies it’s like when I was a kid on the playground I was like one white kitten to be surrounded by a bunch of blackheads and like like I I remember back then it was the seventies and like we were coming off of Norman Lear sitcoms and everyone was talking about the fact that people were different you’d have conversations you go up to a black in it. Can I touch your hair what does it feel like or or like an overall you wouldn’t people are communicating cuz it feels like that’s that’s that’s the human gift is to communicate and then like this like somebody saying I have magic underwear over over calamari and then that’s all I hear and then they all of the
problem is in everything that’s not explained I get to actually doesn’t sound very very very weird at all and it doesn’t sound very magical either sounds sounds like ritualistic ceremonial and symbolic is everything M on it now that’s my that’s my tentative thank you
I found myself and I could get farted on religious Edition office from corner to corner corner made up a new words I do that
Edwards in religions that’s our talent that’s what we do is called mythology so Scooby-Doo
you know what Joseph Campbell said about religion Jeff don’t fart on it it up because they think that bibles are newspapers like that they don’t like leave your religion is supposed to be have haven’t have a transparency to it you’re supposed to be in on the joke yes we have one foot in one foot out the whole point of religion the whole point of of God is that the the jar that God comes and says on the label you’re not supposed to understand it it’s not it’s not talking steak sauce you don’t get to incorporated into your day today without any degree of problems are difficulties of the people around you the very personal thing some religions make it a communal thing and then it didn’t notice how their communities and their kids at Meijer test scores and bigger pools and I might get jealous of them and then we throw bricks at their Windows cuz
it it’s it’s 8 when you eat food like it’s confusing shit it’s a bit confused right there isn’t it that’s that’s a tough one to handle it says because it’s not as easy as soon as he does that he’s fired but he become Kevin Nealon
as soon as he makes an appearance that’s all he is is Kevin Nealon he retains God status but it’s out of the picture as your jobs don’t you go like a goddamn fucking bullshit doesn’t mean that that like you do but it’s Santa Claus and God are the same thing I do is just your parents trying to like Polo whammy on you just to get back at your parents what a waste of a of a of a of a giant brain that’s designed to like create and and and and and live mythology
virtual sites you do believe in God we would see what’s your take on the whole rigmarole I was raised a Christian and when I was young I accepted the Lord as he wasn’t it wasn’t a leap of faith for me was like okay there’s this dude he didn’t answer and being attacked by Christian parents okay with Bibles I was talking about a thing I can’t switch gears that fast I was going to start walking into the room collecting Bibles
your parents say they want to pray with you before they go out to eat
swallowing your pride you acquiesce
no but I mean I adjusted made sense to me as a kid and then I grew up and it made less sense to me and I was never someone who had Faith Like An anything I don’t have FaceTime my mom was going to go back and I’ll come home if she left and it has to wait for the bus was going to arrive at have faith and nothing so when it stopped making sense I was like okay this doesn’t make sense I stop taking it to be fat so I think that there’s definitely some sort of a serial metaphysical a power and it manifest itself in many ways that we don’t understand I don’t know what those are because we don’t understand them ghosts the Loch Ness monster and spontaneous Come Those could all be the same thing like those could be Miracles or those cuz I’ll be psychic powers make spontaneous combustion happen I mean not now when I was growing up my parents were Christian and try to look so I told me whenever I break a flower pot that goes where in the Bible that you didn’t break it and all the stuff quicker than Christian parents like
Annette and that’s that’s a proud American tradition lately like like because your parents Christianity is like like like like like man it can really blow it’s like their cars a parenting trust me either like like a Camaro
when I was a kid that I was raised in a Lutheran School as a little kid and he had to Sunday school and you heard the Bible stories that was only thing I kind of like people blowing trumpets and knocking walls down I have no idea what the point of it all was but I knew that Lutheran Church you get to sit there and do the Lynn nobody cared so I just threw a lot that was in it and leave the church and I dug up the pastor and he would put his hand on you to see what your drill he didn’t care that I wasn’t listening you like metal drawing on the back that’s where I went to Sunday school and and my mom asked what did you do today in Sunday school is like our first date but I told her if she pulled me out because it was like we learned to recognize Bible characters with flashcards we learned to recognize them visually
I can tell you the difference between a ham and Noah because ham had a cane in his hand
no I had a backpack but confusingly were both cartoons they both look like Captain Caveman confusing like Cain had a hammer in his hand and his wife looks like I can tell you to do is wife looks like my mom said that is ridiculous and you don’t have to go to Sunday school and tell me what the you know God exists and don’t programming my Commodore 64 and it wouldn’t work right I would I would go God damn it go like don’t use the lord’s name in vain like really I think she was carrying some shit over from her her parents just knew that if she had a kid that didn’t respect God that she was a fuk up as a parent so she was out of paranoia and anxiety would like just putting the fear into me and nothing else there was nothing and I remember I had these books it would be like like the hand-me-downs of like a hangout
they lost their jogo where’s the dog where’s spot we can’t find spot and I like I’m learning to read this is great but we can’t find spot what should we do Turn the Page let’s pray what Jesus do you find your dog and Jesus to be hanging out in his robe in the middle of the book about it about these fifties kids looking for their dog and remember that being a drag because it wasn’t a good story it was deus ex machina
I got an awesome weird like Jesus is not like a cool looking character in a children’s book and Carlos could I please listen I said Mark was he wearing someone else’s name tag what the fuck
search your name is Carlos and you steal clothes do you have any idea we should point out he’s definitely white like like like cuz I don’t want pocket wasn’t here just as a guy named Carlos that’s wearing Marcus is closed what would happen to Marcos
I found it again I don’t know if Kathy will you please join us on stage and Carlos was against his legal can I do this
Darin Turner coming Carlos broke the law by bringing you the beer because he’s not eating while he’s doing it to have a pretzel it is and in order to bring you the beer
all right start start so I never know how the show’s going cuz I’m up here today for people with my political and religious status for star review from my girlfriend
I like a whole lot I left the religious talk you know my dad was a preacher and my mom is a theology Professor though
is that why I turn you on cuz you’re my dude I think so a little bit you’re kind of your kind of a Preacher you’re a fisher of men a little bit I have a congregation
it tastes like focaccia
no doubt our shout out to my dad it is it is delicious delicious clerical cock
you spend some time with my dad I have a really nice wonderful smart very cool dad
a strong life
I went fishing with him he’s a he’s a cool dude I like how you said he had a bunch of Mormon jokes are used to tell Anthony that you texted him and he chickened out he said I never had any more bad jokes
if you find that funny later but I thought he had a Scientology book in his office and end somebody asked him why it what’s going on and and and he said I’m reading this because one of the seamen that at one of my flock is a Scientologist and I want to know he’s reading all the Scientology better chaplain to whoever is whoever done on board a ship by the end of next that is funny.
up there and talking about stuff that we certainly didn’t get to the bottom of it the heavy you know if that’s a whole pack a sweet dude must be loose in our neighborhood and he’s well-dressed middle-aged guy nice suit on a very well-to-do is she not like like smelling awesome stuff any head of Scientology ring adolescent the triangle or whatever and we just kind of hanging out I noticed the ring and that means that that Scientology right and he turned around like I just tried to take his wallet summer and I just really defensive does not represent all scientologists certainly but he turned around like I almost instantly really defensive and I’m like and I just kind of depressed bypass I got I live in this neighborhood I don’t know the first thing

about it
really bout that can you not tell me about it is that the things I can
what are you doing man what are you doing I’m just asking about scientology that cuz it is it off limits to know I said because of it is that’s fucked up
well to be fair you bring the Guy Fawkes mask I said to be fair you’re wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and later hosen a first-aid kit and he was bleeding profusely from the somebody installed the rain isn’t it now
yeah I think they should definitely be an open are you going to open your books with the religion for sure secret religion Dungeons & Dragons Spencer bring us up-to-date please on the last episode Our Heroes were still within the depths of the infinite fish after falling out of the semi destroyed lung the team drop down to the circular chamber below after deciding to carry on they ran through the next Spectre into a large pink room with a large hang Oregon
assaulting the organ with impunity the game was soon accosted by lightning spidery creatures and fighting those and destroying the organ was the work of a moment after destroying the Oregon the groups in the chamber before you a tangle of fleshy quartz bar in your path behind you the circular chamber you were just in that was amazing 4042 second track and you managed to go right to the last second time, sweat sweat dripping down my head like we going to clip all these up for like my DJ demo reel
maybe you’ve heard this track enough or it’s it’s kind of similar completely random every time I walk on that track
everybody has a great City to do it in have you guys heard of a fork knots
what are little Gremlin was that caused all the world’s problems
I would like to I should have said the gigs to go but I really need a case for a Samsung Galaxy Note II they break very easily and it’s a very hard to I can’t find a case for a10e truck stop or Walmart and so if there was any time any point where I wanted anyone to think that I was a cult leader that was worth giving gifts to if you’re listening in here in Portland. No see one or San Francisco, I should have been you have been repaired baby
oovah smoke sticks Gateway we were in the lung of the infinite fish we think and we use the smoke sticks to release acrid smoke into the lungs as well as igniting torches and then and then they slashed it to bits trying to give you infinity Shades and killing it that way but we didn’t know how to I tried to summon us as I can AIDS with an animal but I said I can’t summon animals I can only speak to them so
what would be the noise for you 7 a.m. and a pretend animal
going to be alright fleshy ropes through the third door we in the third year in the room with the organ if you went back a room you know that three hours damn weight weave weave weave killed the long in the kidney and yeah I don’t need to go back presumably or forward I mean either way I say to these guys I think we need to go back and go through that third third door and take out the third thinks this is feels a lot like a video game or where it where it where an Irish joke you know slice into ribbons it’ll take a few more slices but can I get a
passageway and on this to her and in this movie about the tour I have my characters change I’ve changed I’ve become cockier I’ve become longer when did alright blasting through the opening you were met with what appears to be a slippery slope your momentum carries you forward and you slide down the slide remember the errand was in this room at the bottom of the slope is a large orangie pink slime translucent infect where in the butt and inside the monster you can see a large Tome it’s thick and appears to be ancient and it’s covered and splatters of blood on it there’s a large blob of slime as of some sort of monster but on the inside is a large ancient Tome okay so there’s a
the monster of some kind you can see blood seeping out of the book and crawling into the mass of the Slime branching out like butts and shoots from a branch the book calls to you we should join a quick call to me if you sent the longing for the book
Bali Hai
we are joined Sharpie you slide down the shaft and are joined with Sharpie I do likewise that happens also
all right let’s start simple here I’m going to use my crossbow which I never do and I will start Reese goes to me I am carrying a thing called melf’s acid Arrow that’s actually a spell oh okay does acid damage and others a chance that it’ll do acid damage later on like damage over time okay I’m going to try that I want to try melts asadero MILF Mel Mel by summoning green bolt of noxious ass and you fire it directly at the blob
truck stop
healing a damaged it’s not great but
whatevs man people take it I just noticed that I have a sword you have a long sword and you have a weapon from the house which means you’re actually quite adroit it it is that the right word fuck it
hey Ice I shoot two long swords
is that a joke
do you know if it’s not then your bowstring would be sliced
I slice it towards the book oh well I got a critical hit
voice thing at the Slime your tree or sword leaves a clean Mark along its surface
but you’re not allowed to be sensitive about the dealing 13 damage you noticed that the Slime splits in half
both have launched their attacks
and miss two slimes remain each is about half the size of the former slime that compose the two slimes
what book is on the right hand slime
I don’t get it we passed the book on the right hand side
I would like to think so because it’s a large blob of the group and acid that’ll kill you what do you call what’s the weather I do a Power Attack or when our attack one two or three to you Miss ship
oh I’m sorry I’m the stupid are you hit yeah
Flames are really easy to hit
all right it’s going to be at 7:17 damage splits in half forming a smaller slimes
yeah you are but they’re smaller that’s true you use you spoke my thoughts the slimes words towards you and strike both Sharpie and more and more
I’m very proud of you that’s all
the two of you take 11 acid damage I see colors more
I smell them
what can I ask which sidebar DM go for it mending the spell mending can repair a lightly damaged object
play do you want to like stick this line back together like there’s a hole in the boat that’s what that’s like if you sat on your watch
you know what time it is when I said I might watch dare box time time to get a new watch my damn do I gain hit points from that awesome joke
whose turn is it my turn I was thinking maybe for a second ending to mend the I don’t want to like two that might make sense it’s really easy to repair a slime you just kind of smash it back together and have a large one but I kept mending on two of the smaller slime to the slimes coalesce into a larger form however that final form seems to be smaller than the sum of the two sling masses
it’s like math non-euclidean geometry
is Alchemist fire hurling a bag of house Alchemist fire you strike the blob directly in its Center of mass
dealing seven fire damage the blobs now on fire which one did you do the one with the book or the one without the book
yeah there’s two slimes at this point the one that you’d like okay cool that slime dies only 1/2 slime is remaining of the book the one with the book
you can extinguish the flames on your sword if you’d like
that’s a closet sword it’s a straight acting so it it’s a new slice the book slime and it splits in half but it also takes 17 damage late appears to be on the ropes
what has the book the book school it’s fine
magic Missile I cast magic Missile at this morning I tried not to hurt the book going to resolve slam Attax first 11 damaged you should have been at full I don’t think you got hit from a of the spider things so I’ll 7/11 would put you somewhere around 20 to this is so exciting I’m riveted
Sharpie takes 5 damage
okay so you were casting magic Missile
I’m just going to play by myself
magic Missile
have faith that we’ll return the expensive I think it’s funny if I act like that is just a joke
but where you going to cast magic Missile strike true it takes 7 damage is flying evaporate do you see the book remaining resting on the fleshy ground for you
I go to the book examine it with my magical eyes it appears to be written in some sort of red ink or maybe it’s actually a language you don’t recognize however you still seem to feel the power and energy emanating from this book evil it it feels not evil but definitely dark definitely the power of death I touch it you touch it
the book red
it feels slightly damp with blood as you touch it a bit of blood seeps out of the book onto the ground opened it up and check it out man I open up my inside front cover that’s the Flyleaf
it’s covered in blood
open up to a random page in the middle it seems to be written in red script that you don’t recognize it’s definitely an old language of some sort it’s definitely not a Bissell or any other sort of demonic languages as far as you can tell it no more Dwarven it is not an Open Door nor no intensely magic your level of magical shards have any effect on the sort of thing or Without A Shard you whip out a shard
we all whip are shards out
you guys don’t compare shark likes
I only bring out enough Shard to win
the sharks have no reaction I approached the book and see if I can read it I cling to it tightly
no act it out then
don’t don’t don’t don’t be snatching my my butt
baby baby baby I don’t want a snack I’m just trying to help look with your eyes not with your hands
you look with your eyes
you see a book it appears ancient and old thick and musty you cannot read the language available to a Spencer right now you can only see a sphincter on the floor perfect spot to end
look at it springtime
thank you so much Erin mcgathy everyone
swordmaster Aaron are you selling merchandise out there at allowed to treat yourself
depending on what what time it is so far I have yet to be unable to stay until I’ve signed every single thing that people buy so we may we may break that record here cuz we have to leave getting close to wrapping this thing up here I don’t know what time it is for our show in a good way
chicken noodles chicken will throw off at the taste of it my friend
chicken noodles chicken noodle soup showing where we Kansas City Denver Denver
he got a dick and chicken noodle can
I didn’t put in mechanics I’m a chicken noodle soup chicken noodle soup to the bowl bowl to the spoon go grab a cup of noodle.
let me just the other day there’s not much else I can do
chicken noodle man you got to work all day chicken noodle
very spiritual in Salt Lake City
it’s a town it’s it’s it’s a half Mormon hats secular Town half half drunk half sober it makes for good mythology like a battery is powerful because it has like how you know it’s going to get that opposing charges and they’re trying to get to each other you can you can turn that into an alarm clock waking you up for your job at Verizon
yeah but I should do some wrapping I should do some fucking hardcore rapping
it’s not it’s not cuz I want to it’s cuz they deserve it that the people cry out for what they want like you didn’t wrap I brought my daughter you didn’t wrap you didn’t wrap
I don’t know if you guys have been listening to the podcast but I’ve been getting really good and the bar can’t be raised High Enough
play put your money where your mouth is and I’m Not Afraid yo yo yo yo name was something about your mama’s real hard but it wasn’t my fault she came on to me and it wasn’t me I told her he might do do and drink my pee and she did so at Factor
did her part I did mine
your mama’s so fine I went down to meet her in the salt mines here in Utah that’s what they do they dig deep and pull it out and give it to the world for truth
play table it’s a Biblical town but a different Bible confusion there’s three we’re going to give you dirty looks as if it’s magical don’t be tragical just communicate like that ship did and everyone will be fine like a Fraggle
how to turn around one more time with the current United States made of all different world
boys and girls going Christmas shopping fuck your mama so hard that her titties were slapping out of her shirt on to the floor and I scooped him up and said you need more you need to take care of yourself be a good mother to go home raise all my sisters and brothers to be a proud woman don’t keep fucking me the Mormons Tabernacle
Scientologist couldn’t handle it and everything your parents tell you got to do the opposite but every time you pray to it’s all ghost it’s just as relevant as what you put on your toast and some people put Jam some people put in Shelly I listen to Tori Amos some people listen to belly they’re both old band 25 I’m sorry that I dated myself
turn off fan
Jeff had a good time tonight we had a girl that was Mormon came up on stay on their hair was ghostly white get a check by tomorrow come on come on the mic Salt Lake City at the lot of fun to be up here I admit I think that you all should just submit to my will just start all listening to me and everybody doesn’t even have to be free year
my slaves
thank you very much
directions to legal here
God bless you whatever got that maybe I’m going to walk around with my beer I’m going to walk to the creator of my hand
come on down to harmontown this is the sad part of the song PS yellow poop is brown come on down Harley


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