Episode: 41 – Harmoncountry: Portland, OR


Episode: 41 – Harmoncountry: Portland, OR


Mayoral Master Harmon strides boldly across the return threshold and declares Spencer God. Then he raps and dicks around with people in the audience. It doesn’t sound like much on paper but it’s a pretty great episode.


Portland Oregon hello
I have some very good news for you guys in town is now in session
join me in welcoming the mayor of Hermantown
what on Earth
she’s just take it easy
take it easy
for the podcast listen to drive there from the Shadows with no shirt on and a camera on his head he has a GoPro camera strapped to his head and a stomach for the last
that is a that is a comment that would hurt the corporeal Jeff but I am man transformed I have been in a 20-day to her I am now in the Cradle of American civilization Portland
I am I am in the basement of the hot tub the back of the the belly button for the Voodoo Donuts of the United States the whole show with no shirt and a camera on it
the living are they in are they industrial or or do they make art are the teachers it’s Portland we do it with the fuck we want
we are
activated Humanity I truly hope it’s somebody at least one person’s here tonight that has no idea what harmontown is said that lately couples you come because they’re underage son or daughter couldn’t get come to the show that just came to get a community DVD signs to 40 year old men and women like coming up to me you just make it out to Rachel what the fuk was that
look here’s the thing
I’m almost certain that’s illegal you’re not allowed to come out here with no shirt in Vegas when I did this at karaoke
the the reason I’m doing this Jeff is because you’re sitting back in the green room we’re being we’re being given all these gifts like in Portland is it in San Francisco of the Northwest is certainly safe to say the culture is high and they don’t give a shit and they’re friendly about it too late like like people that aren’t lesbians just like it and calling it
there’s a there’s a mental and cultural help here Jeff that is like like if there is a place that we’re going to call harmontown that is Earthbound it would be here I apologize
I apologize to our friends back home in Los Angeles I apologize to her friends were going to talk to you in San Francisco you know I love San Francisco to but here’s the thing we came in here there’s people like like like showering us with like someone made Spencer special copper dice or something someone made by the way this might be a good time to give me my shirt
no damn do the whole show me baby I need to be my kids and stuff it’s it’s not I just I wanted to participate in their fucking like artistic abandon I want to be a Portlandia r7070 maybe this is a pen with a tie on it but I do apologize about their Paul it doesn’t get Paul in the well thank you yeah and then on the back of it because this is Nikki Jen I got a Sharpie shirt someone made this so I made Spencer shirt there was a guy version of the guy that tries to Zig when he said she’d zag like like like any any other city like there’s always a guy that’s like will fuck this I’m not going to be a fan I’m going to impress the hell out of this guy but tell him to go fuck himself of that guy printed up like a political literature about getting me recalled as mayor of harmontown
filled with material so dense I couldn’t finish reading it on the thing there’s like flyers and his name was Kyle he had me sign a petition
about me and mine said Jeff Davis suit and time they do here by they keep it weird here though Portland is a fantastically weird and groove and a showing right Echo yeah they ask the question why are we doing this society and if the answer is I don’t know they are damn hot potato why why why can’t you park here fuk it we can
who should I have sex with tonight I like Ted but I also gave it to fuck it I’m a lesbian
I’m going to make love to a woman like she has never been made love to before and I’m going to run a local Brewery
and I’m going to be cool to straight guys cuz they’re not a threat either like everything’s fine let’s all just hang out play board games
last nnn fly kites and just playing around
you’re the show please play what can I do for you
you don’t take that shirt back off man
how come on we’ve been on the tour bus if I take my pants off it’s going to get like uncomfortably clinical like extremely nice pictures of laundry
Riff Raff Riff Raff Cortland Cortland rap to rap about Cortland Cortland rap Bayside it’s a place in the Northwest come on at Chili’s and said that’s enough about your mama so hard he was like
time Europe
traffic Delaware what’s your mama’s underwear and what’s your mom a bunch of Mama in there pussy
whatever no no thank you dear you’re very kind you’re good you’re good you’re good people you’re you’re you’re wonderful people terrible rap tired of transformation is what’s going to happen tonight I came out nearly naked because Portland it in our story Circle if I haven’t already transformed then this whole tour has been for nothing right you heard me talk about all we must be dying here tonight we wish we were resurrected here tonight to Last Stop San Francisco to give me whatever is the Portland California
that’s just nothing
that’s practically what is if it we can we can we can run to the Los Angeles from San Francisco if they start doing and will be home before they can catch
the long run this is the place where we’re across the return threshold if I have transformed as a human being then we are going to see evidence of that tonight if I am no longer a caterpillar tonight is where we see my wings so I came up with my shirt off cuz I got nothing I don’t know I don’t think I’ve been on a journey what do you feel like you should transform into I have an idea
I’ve been fighting the whole cult religious thing for forever because who would trust me but then it dawned on me today okay I was in the back I was talking in the Green Room to Morgan our road manager whose relatives are in Portland he spent he had dinner with his brothers house your family Morgan my parents couldn’t make it my dad’s meds blah blah what’s wrong with bone cancer worst of the Cancers and Cancers the worst of the diseases
it’s the Portland of diseases
No Monsters Incorporated of disease world
cancer is like like Hi-Fi that people on the way to its job of making people miserable in normal normal World cancer is the Billy Crystal of diseases in in disease World which is weird because Billy Crystal is the cancer of people in normal normal world I just I just I just got that bit but I can’t all right so that’s the worst of them like like it’s
no okay all right all right I don’t want to get this much as bad to have bone cancer okay got it okay… What it what is God doing what is his endgame which is a problem but it was what’s this guy’s deal what do you mean
what’s a what’s a what’s a doing what they’re doing to us and work is it yeah he definitely needs a hobby about God
focus on me
hobby Dungeons & Dragons Spencer is God
I would go for that but sure
that’s unacceptable religion like if I if I started to El Ron Hubbard into a kind of like Philip Seymour Hoffman Master kind of like like Tom Cruise Magnolia kind of like bye bye was like how you feel like everyone says it’s funny but the joke and he’s fat and stupid what it was he fired from communion with Karen with it it would never get abused and also God needs a hobby if that hobby was Dungeons & Dragons all of life rules would be consistent
all of the randomness would be dying rolls and all that we would all have character sheets and everything we went we can all level up consistently or die and be resurrected as other things like it’s all works and I think that based on his freestyle rapping like Spencer may be back shortly God like he he could could be like like God on earth like and then it makes sense to think about everything you know about Spencer star dungeon master right he he appeared out of nowhere who don’t know anything about him he raised his hand in the audience I said it to we need a dungeon master he went over Georgia motor
anybody knowing that you’re going to say that but he came up with the idea I have to drive from Simi Valley to Hollywood which I was wondering did Master P and D with Dan Harmon he came that night and you asked him to come up and listen to the podcast it’s recorded where you just appears out of nowhere cuz I’m doing the master in the snow the snow that’s on God like quality
he’s the best freestyle rapper ever he can rap about dinosaurs you can rap about he’s he’s he’s the most unflappable person I said you can’t you can’t tamper with the Spencer he has a Genesis work it’s been a christ-like where it’s like half God half man or Hercules if you are offended by the Christian anything else like that doesn’t matter if the idea of Half Men of God has existed forever Google it he he he is he is he he’s relatable because he’s a you can access him but he’s yeah he’s Incorruptible at the same time as separate for my love is for people
I’m getting a lot of people could have just agrees with everything you take him to a bar and he goes like I have been to four bars that’s not really working and he went off to a garden somewhere and he got out
apple orchard in God
stars and bars in America’s and dice roll in hard with those chicken and Shiite terrorist Rising me I’m doing a referral and do Spencer and have him get a critical hit for me. He’s got to be on a cloudy down here playing D&D Spencer where is my God America you and me
I like it sounds good
hey Spencer I’m being attacked by a man by Toby Keith
approaching you and I love the shirt that can only be described as tight and ill-fitting
the blue and black plant screams out trying too hard
with a lilting voice and a pen that plugs his denver-based iHeart put this barbecue and grill whatever the fuck that place was
he starts to play a song about a red cover some shit that’s all that’s all I got yeah
again the references do you know I’m not my forte Portland night City what’s up with your mics
we like everything else but makes her a little cold
I can actually see the front row and I aren’t yours like 6 months ago I came here that hung out with Adam Savage from MythBusters how shit with him
could you imagine somebody too many myths
bus to miss her dearly I just that’s what it is and that show I am actively endeavoring to bust the myth of our lack of friendship between me and Adam I told him as much I’m sure he never gets that are you at the house I’m trying to make it happen
are they still doing them yeah Jesus that they’re funny because they keep doing sketch comedy and it’s the worst stock has to do sketch comedy just tell me the facts don’t just catch comedy Tori what a cunt
Keith Urban Keith Jimmy Buffett Paris from Jeff yeah we are in the Nike capital of the country
does anybody work at that Nikes you get a PO Box in black and white
but you can become CEO
well I thought that would get us we were trying to sponsor a show buy it with Nike earlier rather just ordering out to nothing
is ordering ordering ordering us to be distracted Portland without with without a doubt is one of my favorite cities that I’ve ever been to In The World Portland is the fucking trivia
very strangely you guys take food very seriously here and I didn’t even like even simple things like like a little like a grilled cheese is better oh yeah we’re not drinking till 1 tonight with wait if we go through a city that has their own local bad kind of decent we’re checking house Spirits which of the acts that prohibited alcohol for 15 years old in 2022
3313 hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually commit to that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes relate to my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest film XXX filme read like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
Sports Corner I got everybody Taurus corner
hello Portland Oregon is sports going to timer 10 Harmon how do you cure harmontown fans in town for Nike Nike we’re racing to go fuc yourself
hey Dan. How about those Blazers this year when he says my God finally finally know you can hear it in the crowd like the Blazers have really turned it around what do you think they came from and where are they headed to work with what direction of the Blazers have come from Portland the free-agent system being what it is the new draft the second traps the third draft set you do you get you get you get you get you don’t going to Regionals with the team you want you get you get you get the tea that you get and I think the Coach K coached
coach Coach North Norfolk is he he knows how to pick the the winners at the beginning craftable season do you think it was Steve Nash’s injury was to me largely cosmetic
everybody what to do
it’s no big deal we’re just summoning a giant moth
she protects us but I like it’s going to seem like a monster but when Godzilla gets here you’ll be thankful that especially cuz you love soccer so much Timbers versus the Sounders the Cascadia cup is coming up in a couple days
I’ve always said
but Timbers Sounders Jeff I say merge them together and put them into like a timbersound are like like like but until until the until the league allows us to do that I mean the Timbers are tubers are in the offensive team and the Sounders are defensive that’s always been the way it is since since the forties going through a Jacobson and all the way do I find all the coaches that got sworn in speech
I know you’re a big green bug that can you can you give us some of the Jewish coach please take a ball and do you know you you don’t you don’t throw you don’t just a smidge of offense is always the best defense but what do I know them next season client has who do you like ducks are beavers do beavers for sure they’re always there ahead of the back line
they they know how to charge forward and gain that valuable footage in yardage in the knees iced they keep the they keep the defense on the point and they flanked correctly where they were talking about what university do you like the most between ducks and beavers I think that that that
a University of Portland I think you’re you you pee
you pee they’ve got it tied up with a ribbon
so what happened after the Mothra attack they were ringing out now I kicked a core I didn’t at all hell broke loose
who’s in pain tonight like my cancer wouldn’t your bullshit up here transitional emotional from up here
I learned and I learned in either Madison or Minneapolis I can’t remember which that we got to remember to say would you like to come up here so that if they’re assholes you get to ask them why did you come up here I made the mistake of I got in the habit of that Gap here and then a guy was like hello Mama
hello hello are you here in a transition in your life until I work at a bakery, Baker have more information for you
but I do have a fishbowl at my bakery that doesn’t sound like my bakery unfortunately the bread just sits there like
look up in a big pot of bread it’s a new job I started in December so it’s been a long it’s the pain was about the. Of unemployment did you collect unemployment cuz I said I didn’t I didn’t like the way that I became unemployed that’s causing me to have food card
regrettably what would have been more into a Lamppost because those don’t tend to move around a lot I got stabbed by a Lamppost 7 * you mean you’re an alcoholic that’s what you mean
I’m going to park on the 4th of July and some friends of mine were there and they had a slackline to know what slacklining is
what is the what is slacklining nylon rope similar to like for climbing and you set it up between two things in this case are sending a really low to the ground some no higher than this lamp post let’s try that. What are you what are you doing with the
wait wait so it’s like an entertainment thing like a like a performance like you walk across that you do a tightrope act with diamond card
so you could
but there’s a movies at the name words I can’t remember that subtitle is Flight of the Frenchies and they’re doing something similar but that’s way more extremely
Manor we’re well I don’t think that’s the subtitle Flight of the Frenchies a man on the wire and I have to have a little bit of tension on the line or you can’t walk on it it’s useless feel there’s a little bit of tension on the line and I’m standing so if this is the tree that’s the lampost I’m standing right about here and the lamp it just set up and we’re just figuring out if it’s tight enough to walk on and one but I put this foot on and then gets right off cuz something is wrong and I’m looking at him over here and said he’s going to like you found one of Portland’s many scandalous with fake Lambos that they had stopped to get all that nearly blind grant money
sound like a bunch of like in the 70s to the 90s like New York had a like a whole shitload of fake fire hydrants
the day that they just put the day we did not have water underneath them it was it had to do with like city funding or something anyways, a concrete Lamppost comes crashing down on you and where do they hit you
hit me here and then gave me a nickel laceration right up here on the top of my scalp with like an inch long or so they did the clothes out with staples but that’s what you at where you fixing a lamp-post know Dad I was slack roping
I wasn’t even on the line like that’s the really distressing thing like I was just a bad foot sprain that is yet to heal like I had a broken ankle and stitches and surgery and nonsense and bad things and like six months on it I would not if I was an insurance company I would say you you you you you tether a Lamppost and pull them down as part of your ad hoc clown act at your own Peril win-win-win that goes wrong as far as we’re sure as far as we’re concerned here at Allstate
that is also with a sissy said do go slacklining don’t use a Lamppost but do it cuz it’s a lot of fun. There was a whole no pop right off if you hit him in a car
so it’s like Grand Theft Auto
that’s interesting design to break ya like if you hit a tree tree stays put if you hit a lamp post lamp has gone
but I guess the trade-off is that your answer first commandment
first slowly going to compile a religion here
I need God talks like a caveman
create a portal or it was like go fuck yourself like a week. Plan Rose going to take like a week or two off in the summertime have fun and then go to work in a different food card and in between if that’s when the accident happened and so I’m still it’s still going out like that
it’s actually not that silly right now I’m just getting to like a happy player on the upswing now I’m finally I have a degree in baking soda baking is what I want to do it’s what I love to do what prevents me my injury prevents me from keep like doing more like I can’t do I’m working two days a week right now with a third training day and I can’t do any more than that not allowed to slackline
is there a just one more question if there’s anything that you could do is it what is it it doesn’t stop at slacklining right like you what what what what would you do if you could do anything
everything all right is firing but boring
but that’s fine it’s a fine healthy answer I mean I guess that would be mine too
through alright we’re going to we’re going to do to your you can you can you can go eat some pita bread and we’re going to we’re going to do a movie for Alma okay but having having some success with this is like life story I guess it’s it’s it’s called slackliner slackliner
oh, honey it’s time to get up
the dark comes down
listen you come from a long line of pipeliners
we’ll keep our lines.
If I find you walking out of line that is not tots what do I told you about Nan taught lines what if I always told you you don’t give us any but you had up saying about her and I’m going to go I’m going to go back to work at the at the lamp-post factory
he just doesn’t get ready all right I’m going to I’m going to do my last day of work at the food train
oh, yes you’re fired
now if I could be fired if they have wheels on at all so I found out yesterday that you serve some cheese that wasn’t grilled
what I told you about grilling cheese it must be grills or your break an ankle
you’re Cruisin for a Bruisin, you’re fired you’re just like my dad
stupid truck I’m going to I’m going to I’m going to I’m going to I’m going to get a job at a place that is almost identical to a food truck but that without the truck part oh wait look at this giant loaf of bread rotating around the building

oh hello
my name is Alma
a French joke the lion to not do anything different than the rules that are you going to be
is the yeti anyway that’s cool man if I had a dollar for every one of my friends that was named after the mythical abominable snowman look man, I know that you’ve come a long way to top minors but me and my friends are going to go fucking slackliner later on you’re going to be down for that
Sasquatch to the lamp post mail that we know that those are going to be sound as a man is let’s try this tension there man I’m even girl. Balloon my dad is a tight liner that he makes Lamppost I have to lonely I want to fuck Sasquatch so bad
Clinton looks like this is one of your dad’s lamp fucking hard after I meant
will you test it out I mean what’s good
it’s not a montage but like a sequence
unconscious sequence
dressed as a loaf of bread
you all going to break everybody’s ankles now but there’s a monkey
what were you dreaming about doing anything other than what you’re supposed to do by following the rules no never ever ever follow your dreams
I’m a man you’re a woman
I run shit anything you do out of the ordinary is going to break your ankles
I’m an alien monster
Alpha monster let’s give this a sore bone cancer
turning the little-known giant valve inside every human body that gives them a cancer
cited The Allman Brothers Body OSHA
my candidate broke my ankle
at which point we transition to the 2018 Olympics going to be
Tanger Outlets
could rent that I had everything
that had a little bit of everything
did you know that Matthew Lillard played the Sasquatch I did not know that
pretty cool
what you think about that I thought it was great definitely definitely in the top three sketches
rap battle angry angry at who battle anger
I got wine
your mama
pixie with big teeth and a bird came in and
oh yeah
but you all just see that he’s a sad clown he’s standing over there and doing the dance and we can all see that I’m over here and I’m having a good time to come up with my next prime I think I’m going to run about the audience being cool I think you don’t even really
your pants are fine, thank you
the big is a big conflict
how we doing a Time Jeff we’re good
when do we start I’ve no idea what time is it 7:30
was that a hacker lizard is that your are you like Zuri Burton
Bobcats Bobcats a screenwriter so in her second act was like but you there’s a second act
what are my poor head there’s a fucking second act that we start at 7:30 and possible what time we going when we touch, right I saw squash bug to you it was
what is there a quick way to touch them and then play DND and then
Dan Hartman I don’t know what’s up with you did you literally just want to get touched physically part of you Megan spiritually has gone untouched until tonight after the narrow down
I am very intelligible are you
no I am going to a gunfight
office and I don’t get along with anybody there are so what’s wrong with the people that you work with are what’s wrong with you what was keeping you from connecting with with people that’s good job nice person you are I’m not so what are you do like a typical exchange like a scene I’m a co-worker. OK Google
a picture of God in this manufacturing paper papers they don’t indicate
I just I’m just I’m doing my job
I can do better I can do better I can do you want to go out sometime
you know what I’m taking this to add to your supervisor of these things that you did this
I want to go that’s tempting mr. Jacobson
maggot now I’m your boss yeah but I don’t want to go out let’s go to the dance club
crib instead break down break down my name is traffic from the shoreline to the coast after me mama like a pussy minute oats that I’m a famous Portland Patrick Bobby Bobby trailer
yeah let’s go back to your place
what’s the human heads everywhere
did you start talking
water sprayer and turning like so many experiments
hey there’s like different levels
I mean like what happened to chop a head off wait a minute one of these heads is what are these Hedges Hitler
Hitler’s rapping
I should have stayed in our school
oh wow that’s really great that you know what I’m starting to I’m starting to warm up to you still Let’s Get Married eight years later
you call this a fucking sandwich
I want a Spider-Man game with Mike I wish it was different bar wish I wasn’t white I wish I had a better life for my little baby child with Megan and Dan
Kansas City rappers I hate this sandwich I hate your fucking I looking at in the magazine photos when I do try to kill all the chances I took on you I can’t stay mad at you
what’s open in Portland
from the trees to the bushes together
everything is important
Sasquatch long along crawl about statistics of Sasquatch rape
75000 instances of the northwest
do report it
the Library of Congress
I guess we got to know Portland a little better
what makes sense we learned a lot about partying tonight I don’t know make sense to me although I’m pretty pretty blown out on what is this called Volstead is the time
you know a guy came up to me at the bar Spencer guy came up to me and he said I love you podcast I have one note and it was I got here we go and he said you should separate the D&D from the podcast and do a whole DND thing with Spencer and have celebrity guests and I was like Andrew shut up
I did it I sold that show we’re going to do that on the web it’s going to be a whole different thing with Spencer dungeon master.
Is the Indy track
I already knew that. I just wanted to talk to you about and I was like his face and I was like
and he was like like like I’m sorry I had polio
all right
go to Barron came up with their shirt off
I wish I was trying to get there I just had
Target around me
everybody did we go it’s at lake lake Spencer’s wearing a t-shirt that says master of dungeons I’m wearing a t-shirt does a Sharpie was here for Rob Rob made of
picture with two arrows that said Adventure let me tell you she’s feels about go over everything she loves
play like like like like her boyfriend the planet birth certificates did you did you just do yourself taking a piss
all right is it that the red light out of his eyes out of a out of a D12 or whatever $3 off of ticket price Jesus Christ manager that I need to announce that after the show we are going to The Lucky Labrador across the street has arisen and Dan and Jeff will sign them only $50 a signature for no price I will mine Sasquatch rape you
Portland that you guys are fucking weird I love with
special kissing booth where you can stay in the middle and will can I wash them kiss each other
I suppose. Can we get our character sheets please when we last met the party was still trapped in the confines of the infinite fish after taking out a long in returning to work or could have countered the kidney the party took on the Massive Ordnance and the parties and the spidery Sparks guarding it the kidney was eventually destroyed in the gang pressed on through a Thicket of fleshy Court sliding down a slimy slide to a big flat form fuck at the bottom they fought a tricky slime in case in which was a book and after slicing and dicing the Bloody slime Sharpie was able to retrieve said magical to
the only way out appeared to be a large sphincter on the floor
what would they do
I think I’ve said this before but it would be so handy to have Spencer like in your day-to-day life as an alcoholic you went to the drawing room and started doing shots of you left your credit card there
Gino came by and you ended up going to the LA Zoo
Margaret with a fun note I’m going to just stick a foot through that Spencer in the floor and see where it goes just just the one foot put my hands up by my head and feet first to go through the sphincter of the flu
nice nice
an example of a I just saw these t-shirts over here when it when do we bring those up and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
they’re great herpes
their weapon on the floor Spencer Aaron find yourself in a small chamber in front of you is a meat curtain see you sent something powerful and dangerous behind cuz you’re obviously in a colon right that’s going to be like right now you’re running from a round ball
it’s what a my surroundings you’re just in a small area is pretty closed off you just flew through like a giant sphincter and it has a round spiked I try I try to round off through the main curtain emerged through the other side of the truck and then do around the hospital and I go through the meat curtain oh okay so the cartwheel Talk of the knees round off right okay I’m upside down doing the truck as I go through the meat curtain and ideally that I would round off and be facing whatever I’m facing at the other side of the meat curtain oh well you would temper that
your shoulders get stuck in the meat turn now
Eufaula unceremonious layout word
until I just grabbed my follower into a largest room
but I’m in a large this year and you’re also like falling on the ground from from failing your cartwheel maneuver the room is littered with flabby tubes and arteries in the walls are covered in a web-like lattices of veins and strands of fibrous tissues you can see a large throbbing heart standing in the center of hanging from the ceiling or to Orange orbs of tissue perhaps some sort of a nerve cluster other thing too flabby tubes reminiscent of stalagmites stand up straight by the heart and all those old is John Wayne movies right now
audio system like really victimized
has it that does the famous stories that slimy tubes like you know I don’t like murdered that kid but it was all it’s not true blue Sharpie and morons squelchy sound of quarks voice coming through the sphincter doesn’t sound like he’s saying don’t come down here and being digested by a sphincter or does it sound like he’s maybe saying like data in The Goonies hey I found another room you you hear it sounds like a mentioned something about a heart okay
you got to be better Crocker you give the cardinal
and I’ve no no don’t don’t stop and clap for that shift don’t don’t reward that if you don’t have old age you let me turn into Mount Rushmore
no no don’t
you can’t just go and then army crawl through the rest of the meat curtain use that stick that you gave me that has the button on it I’m going to put the stick to the sphincter so to speak and then and then slide down it like a fireman’s pole okay because I press the button numbers today
Amber’s is awesome the fish tank barn but it would have been a big fight but
cool if there’s fish in the bar and then inevitably someone being taken care of but they’re in a bar
because I was a bad influence on the drag queen shows yeah but they’re open at like 11 you can go sit there and is like beautiful and I got a fish tank bar members
I enjoyed it I don’t want to feel bad for the fish at the fishery it’s really good goldfish there there a robust species of fish that means looked up that fish or over here and they could go all the way to the end of the bar all the way if you were a fish that it is I was born in a raincoat like a Van de Kamp’s fisherman catches on other goldfish for the bar there are boring in a goddamn paper cup and a carnival
are there any members are like to take a picture of moving like Albert Brooks comes up and goes like Alicia and then every once in awhile yeah if it gets crushed but all right but at least there’s no turtles eating them
all right so I’m waiting for my friends for the meat curtains you see a staff poking its head through the sphincter and then the meat turning
Define recognize
I grabbed onto the end of the staff and pulling through its stuck are you on it or you are already three of us a stickler over here okay it’s important all right
God damn it you just pick one is fine through on the pores you pulling you through now press the button and comes yeah all right so you slide through now you’re there now you grab the thing now it’s good rap. The staff a cartwheel
hey good to have you back I what what what are we seeing now you’re in a room no so I explained the heart rain so there’s a giant throbbing heart hanging from the ceiling or two orbs of the orange tissue grab some sort of giant Nerf blaster said that already there’s the two flabby tubes they’re venting noxious gases in the colors of green and orange and you can also see a few tentacles waving around nearby the ground in the center of the room you can see that I stock that you encountered earlier and it begins swaying thunderously
are we trying to destroy the fish or should we eat we just want to leave the fish right fall down into nothing but I use my sword attack here’s my plan is I swing my far is stored as hard as I can at the heart at the heart itself, you miss your nose wide and rather than hitting the hard instead strike the tentacle it’s better than not hitting anything or hitting yourself in the foot
I removed you deal 7 damage

Viaero hedge of course I
apps that doesn’t it
you shoot two arrows at the heart yammy arrows at the heart
I’m listening
both of them strike the heart directly in its Center of mass
painter battles ceiling damage shit right there
I don’t know I just randomly thought maybe they’d arrived over the Seattle met someone in there like I’m from like an hour north of Seattle like all right so an hour away. It was any better you know it was you going to go to Voodoo Donuts and do some slacklining
the tenable shoot out of the floor and grapple you they wrap themselves around your legs you feel as if you can’t move at the same time the ponderous eyeball Swayze and its eye turns purple and it looks directly at Sharpie Sharpie
I like I like what it seems like an impressive response
as you make your egg excited and cool maneuver you feel a haze come over you and all of a sudden you feel the presence of several enemies surrounding you have been turned against you guys use abuse of magic know I’ve got you some know you can fight the enemies that will use you can tell me that I want to find out what I’ve watched you go through this with Chad okay you cast scorching Ray
did hips
dealing hate damage it damage hate damage That’s like fucking some some average summer Bend Oregon kind of style
Anniversary Inn Eugene
that was from Medford style bullshit
love infant style message on now know what do you want from me
save it save it from the ceiling and they’re shaking wildly and shaking a violent red powder on to you and it’s making you guys sick you feel sad to stick to your stomach’s not going to a power attack on one of the orange sack of the thing is there pretty high up when you’d have to jump to hit him first then on the Sharpie shoulders as I can swing my sword at the at one of the orange tax taking a few steps back to prepare your charge you Leap Forward end up holding yourself out the back of the half-elf you leap High into the air and swing your sword in the wide Arc you slice cleanly at the cord it had holding the dangling nerve
after it falls off and falls to the ground and explodes into a pile of dust
never had a lesson never had a lesson you hear the Beast give an unearthly Shake around you as well as a long far off of whale as if it were entombed in Spain or close you guys somebody attacked the other nerve cluster sword
yeah yeah I take out my long sword it looks great
and I attacked the other inner custard I am super super cute style
all right or would it be better to do arrows would be better to do arrows to hit things far away
64 sword is true jumping off your friend Sharpay you launch yourself or the nerve cluster you get right up to it and pulling your sword from its holster you swing in a wide Arc however it misses and you tumble to the ground
dungeon Snap-on team
thank you I will next time am I well
yeah melson hasn’t even follow you guys he’s just making the sandwiches
he’s back in the last area when you shake off the effects of your charm yeah
like I cast a Booyah no
beer attacks me I wasn’t myself
it’s like it’s like last night when we got in that fight
over the straw what was the fight about Diet Coke and
I handed her a Diet Coke Sprite and and she handed it back and the straw looks like a an animal had mingled it like a child had shoot it all day it was all twisted and I thought it was funny so I know what the fuck but because I’m a professional Entertainer I wasn’t smiling and laughing when I was like what the fuc and she was ignoring me cuz she was at she was round that bend like the fact that we have gotten Taco Bell to tell you what state we were in what the fuck
because I was yes and in the fact that she was an animal before this happened tacos so I thought you were starting a fight over a straw you’re starting a fight over a fight over a straw
and yet it wasn’t you’re the best
I cast magic who gives a shit
I cast
scorching Ray
are are are are lllllll
what eat what do you shoot it at the guy that got me together Charmed me alright you’re scorching Ray strikes true it strikes the eye directly in its lens
Dia stock close it to die and starts crying a bit
I just checked with my Emerald dagger talk with your Emerald dagger okay attacking the ice talk with your Emerald dagger you notice that it misses he’s just right by a lot I noticed that mrs. yeah State of Affairs but there you go
my dad got to go way to go if it goes well that’s the first time you’ve ever talked to me
how do you say the dagger it look I didn’t know you could speak yeah so you know there’s a lot of magic items that can speak OK Google you should kill that other orange thing it seems like a piss that thing tell me what to do. Do you know how magic I am to do well apparently we can fill a book with stuff you don’t know but I know you should kill that cuz he’s a barbarian
but I know that you should attack that orange thing because I’m magic in a deck I tried to attack the ice dragon you fucking failed me like this relationship has to be built on trust yeah well that I didn’t trust that we could do you no harm that livestock
having a conversation my dagger right now about how your relationship with the dagger ruin to the pod
I don’t know I liked it it felt honest
I mean I really love you and I were together all right because my dagger is not a person as a dagger come to an agreement with his luck in the future let’s just communicate with each other and standards as a dagger holder you just say so and I’ll try to become a better Barbarian and if I ever have a problem with your Effectiveness as a dagger I’ll just say so and then maybe together we can grow and one day you’ll come up to where the who I should be and what you should be together with a Google form a union would be better people for it and it makes sense
and then I say and the next time I fucken antagonize talk fuck him get your shit together
so partnership is equals that sounds pretty pretty good all right yeah all right what’s the tax stuff together
talking to you. Here I thought you meant you’re throwing my bed okay what’s up hey
you’re okay you too man
the worst TV pilot ever
fork and Dagger
what was that what was that sound that was my badge and my gun
Cork & Dagger Friday
so are you going to hit stuff
I know I know I know it’s not my turn one more time I don’t think you’ve taken any Combat Action okay no child dagger
I believe in you and I want you to hold me like a dagger and Evan Jagger some of the power to use me as a sword and hold me and wheels me like at like like a blade and we charged towards the towards the last remaining a nervous attack and end her wield me like that like a dagger and like like the hold my ankles in my head goes straight I hope my stored up in the air and the jaggerz Queens me
cast of the last remaining nerve sack you know the crazy thing is that I had a cursed sword that actually would wield its wielder like that like so that’s not even an entirely original idea
gungeon like Super Dungeon I liked is a good plan but that’s not the magic that’s in chanting this dagger unfortunately Los Angeles never know but I mean Jagger and I run right at my heart right at the heart you strike it critically what would look at that restaurant that’s crazy
what are the fucking odds right how much what are the odds of that like honestly
dealing 30 damage
llllllllllllllll yo ready for you strike a great blow against the heart that gives a violin shutter and starts to lose blood the entire room you’re in shutters and Quakes and you take some damages that’s got nothing that’s a quick shit it is definitely injured but not dead whoever brought you
I can’t see him it was just a nice Tom Tom these are the coolest things ever
very crafty Jesus good-looking guy
thanks Tom these are some sweet dice might want to break here to be honest it hurts in a full-time job huh good arrows at
at the heart yeah yes you can give me I tried
one of your arrow strikes the heart directly in the heart
dealing 11 damage
let me know no eyes big listens as a wink
that’s fair I know you’re not you haven’t killed it all right
Truck Yeah
weather in DeGraff everybody
Spencer Crittenden
current Portland home of Good Wonderful artistic it with beautiful clean spiritual wonderful transparent people who sit through whom God flows constantly and end end that government cannot crack
we need to come up with our fucking Constitution here before we go to San Francisco cuz he knows San Francisco they’ll just go like
going to be like crazy Portland like likely because the people who sculpt things and like like understand things they program things there’s like people that lie there there a practical people Jeff there are good people there a port people
it’s called Portland is named after the port of Portland is there any ships come in at that you have to get shit done with a ship full of salt to put the salt somewhere in the culture of it’s It’s called The New York of the be the most representative Lumberjack style I get a pair of the night what your names are $1 just alright
so Portland actually is named after Portland Maine off a penny flip
who who who is flipping the penny so two guys moved here one from Boston one from Portland and they both wanted a name it after their home cities and they flipped a penny and it came up Portland and now that penny is in the museum no shit you’re the craziest thing about it because that was 1820 there was no one on the penny
so there was no they look like when people say that Portland just made it made it up because Abe Lincoln was it he was just running around he was in college when did I just had one side just had the word heads and tails Penny side one Sunnyside to anyways start med school when I’m actually moving away tomorrow cuz I just graduated a good for you congratulations what kind of medicine
chiropractor for a while I had to have a terrible history of back pain in my family but then I got one of those inversion tables oh yeah those are awesome they don’t recommend them though right out of a job made me not have to go to a chiropractor ever again if you don’t see me I just feel that if you get better that’s all I want
I’m hugging you I’m making up with chiropractor tonight yo yo I want to rock rock rock rock to sweat doesn’t matter help
Ryan Ryan yo-yo Ryan Ryan back pain running the rain I’m going to feel the strength and heal myself with my pain I’m going to bend over backwards for you my lower lumbar I fucked your mama’s so hard she never come so far I thought your mom until she had back spasms and I fuck your mama and her pussy was a Chasm at the sky due to its bottom the fuck your mama so hard I started to feel that was Gotham I didn’t really want to wrap but it is time for a little bit
about Portland’s that’s why you brought him up I don’t care who you play that song
I felt joyless in forest
yeah I’m almost sorry I blamed my bad rap on you I didn’t mean to take a crap on you came up to Portland to transform a bunch of Mama’s so hard I needed chloroform that doesn’t that doesn’t mean it was non-consensual I thought your mama good but it was quite sensual at I met her at a diner and said let’s go out and I I thought you’re good and then she started to scream and shout but not in protest enjoy about your mama impregnated her and made a boy
it was you
Ryan I’m your father
puff bar
make your whole body work and if they get wrecked your fucked up as heck cuz you got to go to a doctor but if it’s not a real doctor got to go to a chiropractor
to delay it down to snap your back and turning around and they’ll say does that feel good and you’ll say yes it did and he’ll say come back in a week no matter what they we always have to scam
Rhapsody rapper
rapid rapid I didn’t think I was going to
Ryan tickets
I had much of frown turned upside down and made me feel so good. I have a little bit of wood
text that would the one-year you just mentioned rub it like I should I won’t make a wish I want West Virginia. Just want to reach out and touch your weenie and I hope that it makes my back feel better I hope that you look good in a cashmere sweater want to take it home and put on some music I would like to fuck your mama so hard she won’t know how to use it
referring to her pussy
I’m outside. Sorry I will be fine after about three sessions you’re feeling better and if you know it’s pussy something wetter
tomorrow it’s going to rain
Rhymes Galore and if you think you’re really good then you’d go give me what for I don’t know what’s going on for ticket to the forest
I was outside down there so long I don’t even know how to listen to the Dan Ryan Spencer flow but now I I guess I have to let the lyrics slow I’ve been sitting there and I think I left Portland so much that it’s a cool in the Northwest it’s such a cool town because the food is great and the booze is blowing I like the fact that this is a hoser growing
that’s why the Portland Water always flows like shit the God damn it
play these up here in the Pink Ladies
take me to 52nd Ryan Ryan
how to get an adjustment yo yo yo yo yo yo
are you near your mama tell the generated a joyful cheer I didn’t in the Northwest Frontier booby on a chest can’t wait I can’t hear the time off to be just give me a second will just give me a second
sorry I did that spray I saw the droplets
Wicked World
fuck your mama so hard her she needed a new late
they’re the same thing I want to sing sing in the two bad and I’m really want to rap better than I’ve ever have I got three ladies and pink I don’t want to feel bad that I think I got to go to them. Just give me a second to clear my mental plan what’s your name to wrap go to just be done
yeah yeah
okay yeah bad idea it was a bad idea it was a bad idea
stream I swear to God I’m not
I think I’m saying I really mean it I’m going to open my mouth and let it fly I’m going to be transferring to my eye is gone.
Davis is the best city in the world
any girl who keep making sculptures meeting you’re weird
I want to go downtown to get into a taxi, so hard on what you going to do we love you
send me on a good-looking ladies list
zodiac sign and stop and having pictures of beer and come over and join us after thank you all
Sporting Goods


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