Episode
Episode: 51 – Bikers Without Bikes (Robin Williams, Bobcat Goldthwait)
Description
Bobcat Goldthwait returns with his friend Robin Williams and an amazingly sad story from a very dark carnival. Then, Robin and Bobcat leave, and it’s kind of hard to follow them, so Mayor Harmon plays D&D and talks to a girl about sexism or something.
Transcript
hello and welcome once again to meltdown
the Nerdist theater Hermantown is once again in session going to see you all please welcome to the stage the mayor apartment town
I don’t know if I don’t know scheduling conflicts okay my Animation Studios starburns Industries has a softball league that will be starting in May and I am a great lover of organized Sports and I am 40 and I’m in Peak condition so I you’re born third baseman I can tell by looking that I immediately signed up for the softball league and they play they’re going to be playing starting in May Monday night’s this is a Monday night for those of being podcast I only record on Monday nights 6:45 to 7:30 the shows here record at 8
I just need to so Jeff I’m asking you before I ask them I just burped I hope nobody heard that they heard you tell about it when is Monday night when does the game 7:30 and then you don’t get out here until 8:15 and then I don’t get home until midnight and I are shows aren’t getting any shorter either I mean I’ll be I’ll be just starting to wrap at midnight and I won’t even get around to the good stuff
couple people Canoga heads let’s find out and ask him 7 p.m. get out softball commit to the fucking like nightmare of being a sixth grader go to just go Centerfield straight up just like I just stand there and get lulled into a false sense of security
welcome to write at me I just I have it be like if you can be like lupus in the final scene of a Bad News Bears and catch the ball and everybody will hug you like lupus and whatever I will have the lupus affect on any team that I’m on and you mean that you have the disease referring to the Fatal illness
so that’s it I mean how was your Easter buddy that dance place Dan gets up and does a little dance and it’s not little to Norma’s I’m not joking that was pretty pretty cool he got up and did this thing and he looked like I don’t know you look like a little ballerina and I kind of like it kind of going to Shaolin Soccer a kind of like dude if I can say this game
David milch these people this is this is this is the last patch is we take the whole and we just you’re just aggregate
just like their imitation of humanity would just make it a jar of preserves out of there a little there little fruit heads to make them laugh you wouldn’t be home for the people in Poughkeepsie Jeff that’s how we make the Bucks selling Snickers to these fuckers on that you know when the Midwest
what type of home and tone my buddies had to who who paid $10 to get in its that’s the joke
that was the joke it was an inappropriate of me to do it and I recorded them out they don’t care
get out of here
real chair nothing would affect them. Nothing but the fact that I was doing other one
you guys
Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant
any idea what’s going on
tell the difference between the real they are they real
all right
let’s get Bobcat Goldthwait Robin Williams back out here
wow
I think the Lakers going to play well this year
little Legos
I know you guys are just here to get comic book so I don’t want to take up too much of your time but I have no idea there was a comedy show going on here what’s going on in the books and my videos are just that’s my porn
you really are a comic book officially not a right you were here the last time I was here you were just like a cruise and everything in the pack they’re like
what what do you do when you divulge what what comic books you use to collect read was right when you redeem in French and only getting half of it and then starting off with that and then working to transmetropolitan big-time planetoid and now multiple Warheads. If I get to write comic books in the 90s during the big black and white comic book explosion the way we found out you can you can just barely make enough money to keep printing them and that said it was rough it was a labor of love so when they went color you got out
when you wake back to color black and white ones are now for Easter and what did you do for Easter with the Bob’s house of Barbers on the lot and it was kind of fun is that what it was
Black Market recreational and I had out now in after my open heart surgery that’s what he had his back injury that it was clear that I was stoned out of my mind it’s in there wearing hats more than one of the seven when I was in the army hat and I’m walking around the house with one of my cats toys even the cats look at you like a detective I don’t need that from you
Robin Williams this is actually the second time I’ve been this close to you the other time I didn’t know
I was going to be doing nothing
yes I was got a prescription after dropping Andy Dick off outside my apartment like so much human garbage and like a minivan
I was like um okay I’ve got six years I’m good I’m honored as he said you were coming so I was like what
do you want to go to a meeting now this is his ass come inside here and I’m okay have fun there we go
I had to get out of my house of celebrity where no matter what would happen to this much this must be a curse for 444 people above the strata because I live in a planet full of people to feel this way like you or not no matter what happens if you come into my place there’s a story he was in the room if you came in and you’re like the air conditioning is too high could you turn it down a bit then for the rest of my life in that apartment it back on a dick
do you remove the didn’t want to sweat like Lindsay Lohan in the witness protection program that that you’re above that level does that does that does that affect I’m not above that level not to you no no thank you and I was like what someone wants this is the director whose name should never use because he’s so high he once said I wouldn’t Romans nose be in his point of view but that part even the guys went out on a nice to any used to brag about having all this head trauma that he had seven major head trauma before the age of 16
did he want you to supply the nose for the POV shot or you supposed to send him out there
Domino’s on Lindell
does a child’s face with a little bit of red in it
a braided line by the way when you had that time when you went on the show with a clown and I didn’t know it was going to happen I would be a great category it was a clown at 8 to stop me in the hallway in the producer goes a clown is going to debate you on the program and it was the first I heard of it and yeah I know you would you show
we’re going on the show today I’m Bob Bobcat wait what’s your name and he’s like Bamboozled and I go with you real Navy I just call me my clown name so so get out there but it’s not personal it’s just good TV and so we get out there and you tell me what about a comic named I asked him to call me, I got a comedian a tire, should stay that’s what we do we get out there and the in the clown that was when I was doing my character but he switches to do a do a lot of good for a lot of good
the Bobcats film Virginia was in a negative way and I go I go nobody thinks you’re funny the only reason you’re performing hospital cuz that’s one place that kid can’t get up and run away from you
you have taken the clowns to the old man who played what do you what did you play recently you did which which clown Gathering of the Juggalos what do you mean you did the panda
dama three-day Festival attended the Gathering of the Juggalos
that’s like yeah and there’s also vegetarian
how is there
I was going there and I was like going I thought I thought we were going to do is I’m going to explain how magnets work on the bike and there was no police and a lot of bath salts and and it was weird I figured this out they’re really just a group of people that just don’t want to be messed with you know I mean it’s really probably pretty defensive I imagine like like bikers going you know I grew up around bikers it it’s his other it’s really like an Insider’s without bikes if I had a $2,000
this is Carly’s only got one wheel please help
can I see the bottom of your screen is it Care Bear tattoo please help. David and I don’t have a bike shout out so
it really is like a group of incest survivors getting together and going nobody’s going to touch me in the stinker anymore if I don’t want it I’m going to get really big and wear clown makeup
our lines are open
I don’t know about to go with his red but it’s a motherfuker
play Don Rickles impression of a
got crazy memes
yeah it’s a long story but I was trying to explain to me that it’s not that bad and you know how they throw Faygo Cola Juggalo pep talk about out there
do you know that he gave you the Chinese character for crisis has the same as opportunities to be he’s driving around and there’s fires going out there was a show or two if you kill I got you they ran out of Faygo Cola to hit her with so they threw poo and are they are they knocked over an hour
for a story
hey man
get in there man
what’s the price of just not real shit. Then where do you go to organs human organs out so I am
decent group of people you know I’m here every year and then this clown this huge guy just burst out through the crap by the way there’s fires and fights going on but it’s crazy look at any ghosts
out of this truck and drive by and picking me the Youtube footage you want to find out that up and then a can of Vago hit the golf cart and it’s all over us it doesn’t stick or staying because that’s an update. I don’t worry like he’s a kind of like I said I’m not sponsored by Faygo in any way I know I’m mentioning it a lot for of chocolate Cloud hanging from the rafters upstairs
I got a podcast story
play Only Love stains
I need gas
again after the Faygo Cola and we’re driving and as he’s trying to tell me that this ship
not any more Rowdy that a Dave Matthews and cracked him in the head like a baseball pitch and he just slumped over and he goes really bad I’ll take the wheel tell me buddy
whizzing through the clouds like mr. Toad’s Wild Ride and go through the gallery on the clown Pirates of the Caribbean not figuratively and he’s asking me if I can tell and what you think I should be around the clown makeup and I want to know what he put on his head for the swelling I told Vegas
brought to you by Hi-Fi Raonic they’re like little tiny pinpoint that I have a question what’s a juggalo and what does what the hell was this event I’ve no idea what you’re talking about have this convention of Acts go on and there’s like I said lot of fights is only been I think four deaths in 10 years only four and Bob was on like that I’ll hear from them but I don’t have to say if they were very receptive and a very nice crowd I went on at 1 a.m. really and they NM much of the following week I played Arkansas and they had a worse time I was actually after all of that but you can’t drive a golf cart through them without getting hit with
yeah I don’t do it don’t do that especially at the enclaves in composite it’s a redneck homosexual
we can say that cuz I’m I’m pro-gay marriage
what was Taylor’s act and what was her crime up there would have went with your breast and she was a woman rookie mistakes like a loser sexist the family and being all inclusive is really important to them but then they write songs about you know chopping women up in the vagina with an accent
duh women a half and about misogyny women have the little little men that out of themselves friends are still open lazy now remember women can make little men and Little Women
that’s where we would a woman is another woman another woman and there’s another one in there’s another morning there’s another one and eventually one sperm falls out
hence Memories One sperm cell this is this is what they used to be more
what are we going to spend like you know what it is Tom Cruise
my lazy river
little men make Little Women real women make little man
what’s the planet vaginal
one shot of like a Morgan Freeman in Shadows going by the cervix
I thought you’d already stopped by and I hope you know where you’re going
800 Penguins Waiting by that over I’m honored that I share this with Robin Williams both of our Morgan Freeman sound like Foghorn Leghorn
call this number now by the end of the slide rule to find that over with a slide rule
directions to the little chicken hawk
can I imagine imagine imagine
the Carlsberg vagina vagina welcome
hello Joe I thought I was the only sperm left
this cartoon was passed on by every Network
that’s the last time you get the drive and the testicles
before these guys figure out they can leave the stadium where can I watch it every group that is organized do you enjoy game of Dungeons and Dragons
the people for once Robin Hood
the word for once in your entire career Robin Williams Pander to these people give them what they want I don’t know his whole crowd sitting on them
dungeon master, I got it yeah we’re going to leave
I think the last time I did this I think I broke it for everybody
Robin Williams and Bob Goldthwait
here’s why I would have kept him up forever because not not just a bill kit because God knows I would have killed it to keep them up here forever but now I got to follow I don’t know if there’s a little crest of energy that usually attends a Robin Williams appearance after I smoke a cigarette and go like what the fuck was that
that was a huge Interstellar explosion we’re going to ride that chocolate along the cosmos for quite a long time right now
hey do miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no limit is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and blackston amount each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes relate to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest filner do you spell nerd like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
Eric idle and Robin Williams now in our past your mama’s long have you guys heard if you heard that episode of your you were here that night and I saw him on the phone just now and I got a snake that and now you don’t even notice but that’s like Whip and you can have it we’re not making any money but you know people think that that that that you like the quality any winning lyricists cope ended all right anyways
Kobe Bryant April fools because I had a breakdown at Vons yeah I knew I was going to bring it down after that after that I’m sorry guess it’s cool anyway yeah yeah I didn’t know what food to bring I make I make a good cheese cheese dip if you talking about cuz I’m in a 1/3 of a good harmontown show is a Robin Williams appearance in another third of a classic
well first you take approximately
oh he makes good tell ya I made a some cucumber sandwiches for a tea party those pretty pretty little tea parties no I don’t that was a one-time thing and it wasn’t for the tea
realize it’s 11:00 yeah but they don’t taste like much so you’re thinking in your head I’m going to go over to Harmons for Easter if I’m going to go to her house for Easter I will have brought something I will have brought value because of something that you impose on yourself not because you thought that any cuz my presence is an imposition I come bearing gifts to cover it up so yeah but yeah I was thinking the cheese dip and I was and I was on my couch for a while and then I got I was like I’ll figure it out when I get to Von’s went to Vons stared at the bank instead of the cream cheese scared of the cakes you know I’m thinking the bacon cheese dip is going to cost about 1340 or so so you’re juggling finances
any excuse and price was the excuse for a performance anxiety that you would wonder if people would like the dip who is going to be bomb don’t don’t worry you know what I think is really ironic about this is the dino who cooked for that Easter who loves to cook the reason he loves to cook we were talking about it is that when you cook it excuses you from all of these things that normally hang up a writer because you get some broccoli the broccoli is either going to be used or not used in either case it’s going to rot and the best-case scenario is it goes in someone’s stomach and comes out a turd and goes down a toilet like there is no good reason to get hung up on a on making a meal like like a car that looked like he uses it to release himself from the things that normally hang us up and here you are a creator of Worlds of Realm to master of Realms entire Dungeons and biographies and lifetimes holding faith in your very hands and and you’re staring at the bacon
and you can’t yet. Did you like cakes the way that I’m hung up on my fox grip like I’m sitting there going to have to be the new community a little cheese dip for the waiting up there and visit
I’d rather get out the rest of the time we should we should rent a station wagon and pull it up to the curb when they’re waiting outside the convent and started I will put it like a little Sterno cans in like give them like hot snacks I think it’s illegal like there was an awesome taco truck we used to go to the Taco in the back just lose his ship they just get shut down there like they do it sucks I flirted with this thing a couple weeks ago but we said like oh cuz we keep talking about movies we watched any movies that we talked about the movies and then I threw out the idea of like Oprah’s Book Club lunch I sign a movie and then we can talk about it next week and I’ve gotten a couple weeks early I do think it’s kind of a good idea cuz it takes no effort at all like if we could just make up our mind to it as a group
compulsive of compulsory but we can just assign a move let’s just make up her mind to watch one thing before next recorded what do you think I don’t know 9 to 5 I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I take back 925 any suggestions out there
retro brother RoboCop to Classic wicker man almost to haven’t seen it well it’s I mean it’s so it’s such a fucking like it’s like
maybe something will come up organically remind me at the end of the show and I’m standing here like a dumbass, how do we end the show if we haven’t come up with something organically remind me that we haven’t yet thought of something and then I’ll at least have something to do before we leave instead of wrapping my fucking your mom
I love in a in a in a in a dark dark cynical way I love that Kumail who’s been here for like 5 weeks in a row he’s always emails me and goes like I’ll be able to make it and I think you would have enjoyed probably April Fool’s Day episode they’re going to take the bitter really good impressions of those big ass and it was all Kobe Bryant doing all the voices
was it was Andy Dick hello Aaron how are you we would have yeah I didn’t have to get past the idea of him playing Dungeons and Dragons it was a little it was a little intrigued
ask him to play Maureen and just let me stand behind it smell him
came out afterwards right after his divorce then him and I talked about his divorce for a couple hours
don’t worry his dick taste like garbage
no it didn’t I don’t know anybody so garbage
what is balls or had some insights about a gay guys thrilling one more bit of business before we start the end date
I hear it all right I just making sure I don’t know what that was for I hope it was
someone who you talk about divorce with a guy that I really love father
I’m sure with Billy Crystal comes by next week it won’t change right like
what what one more bit of business that’s not going to impress anyone but it’s just too weird to pass out like I feel like God speaks through kind of weird coincidences in this I have to address it last week in my insane crazy to Five Hour Energy wrap at the end of a show I had to rhyme something like do it or through it or go to it or something and I rhymed it with the name Ray Pruitt and immediately said he’s a friend of ice he is a friend and he’s here tonight by coincidence
I’m up here to get on stage right
just tell people you’re named Ray Pruitt first of all I got ID well they won’t be able to see that you’re not a real person he’s a friend of mine but I would say you’ll give you you once we have we did Harlem Globetrotters versus the
fake Miss America Pageant and this town is Maybe
500 people that made the newspaper twice two of us were gay
fruit fruit stay here cuz Camille’s not here and we got a character that can you play Dungeons & Dragons with us all right when I was 9 Allison Spencer Spencer Ray Spencer has a second master I looked at you in the dream room but I didn’t say anything cuz I’m awkward
did oh yeah sorry
last time our heroes after having slain a dragon picked over the treasure and remains in the room that they were last in a break in the action Sharpie and Chris de Burgh set to work studying the bloody Tome once more trying to uncover its Secrets more rain in a bid to claim the dragons area sorts to her limbs quickly disrobing and playing it 2 in on this load of charming the Barbarian transfixed which led to his shorts fat the tension was only broken by Maureen successful horn Harvest
the ranger presented her prize to the wise wizard but Sharpie rebuffed her with a reference to bags before climbing a pile of treasure to have a semi-public breakdown
the realization that set in they were far far from home and had no way to return to the material plane very little happened last episode of actually turned into kind of an unwitting tribute to reality television that are our guest was going to be fearsome from from a reality show and what we failed to point out but it would have turned the whole thing in our favor was the importance of the Dragon session was very much like a shity character is the guy who wrote Lady in Red
yeah I think we’ll talk about what Spencer get situated here in the world we went to SeaWorld in San Diego Sea World
we were children cry we were there to pick up our puppy or not pick up pick out our puppy is SeaWorld of San Diego what where is it is it was a place where I mean Willits you know people go to that lady’s place the you know she at the laundry basket full of puppies that get in the we met the parents of the puppies and we we picked out the the puppy are goldendoodle chosen a name for him yet we were talking about naming him but he reminded at 7 like I like an older Jewish comedian food near me
cardi B I like cuz I like the other ones won’t be like a hipster like Silverlake I got you named your dog like like like like an old man’s name in Harvey’s like. Leonard Leonard Leonard Lenny I like but then I thought Leonard
honored because of the character Community I thought it would be to see that people would think that he was because every wall on one of my house when you come into my home as community art all over it and I’m fine with that but there is like if the dog is that name like
play I feel like people might leave sad I just I had nothing to do with me wanting to created to be sad when they come to my house but we also got really excited at the idea of people compare him to other people Mexican that back like I said hi I like to be on board that one
or maybe the dog’s name is hurting me so much
now it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s tough company a pyramid I mean but you got other stuff to what is the exactly you don’t know what it is exactly however you know you do Moraine do you have knowledge Nature has so much so this is the thing is you guys so you guys have skills called knowledge which lets you you know think about the world that your character and habits and glean some useful information so sharp he has some knowledge skills and I think you have knowledge nature so what are your skills and knowledge Nature Discovery rack your mind and you you know that the soul of growth is a great artifact of power and it’s supposed to embody like the vital force that makes plants grow
like the reason why plants grow it has strong associations with Druids and Druids love it and you know natural creatures and various things like that can do elves and so we now control we now have the thing that controls whether or not plants grow according to a little Legends and and superstitions of course but yeah yeah little do we know a few thousand years has will be available at every home improvement store
it’s magic baby
check my Chia Pet we talk about fertilizer okay I look around for a way to get out the door that you came in the massive metal door has closed itself and urine trapped within it
here’s turn it on your turn
he may be so the door open you can definitely summon her whether or not she shows up
Derek about it looks like a Sim if it’s out there it’ll try to
kill you
and she’ll she’ll go through
that’s what I’m not remembering at 8 a.m. morning okay so is there a show and it seems like every after every show he tells us that he’s not going to be around anymore and so he wasn’t able to come to you because you’re a night Watchman. They gave me different days off and I wanted to murder me to see you I know and I’m going to go to that it was that you were going to go work on the shark movie right
you’re here every week and you say every week I’m not going to be here anymore going to be able to hang out so we better get it in cuz I’m not going to be here
yeah better get it in better get his dick in
I see you summon your horse
nothing happened or like several layers underground in the dungeon in the way you came in that’s true I’m a dungeon master dungeon spell egress the ceilings go really high pass the lighting of the chamber you can’t see how far they go up but they definitely go up that crack with a dragon came through I mean you could go in there alright if I poked my head in the crack you say
sweating your head into the crack
you see the faint demarcations of what appears to be a smallish dragon
the smallest dragons down there appears to be make it believe it’s my child and I’ll be like Khaleesi and Roi have dragon
demarcation of misspoke you see the faint outline of a dimly unlit Dragon escape this is cousin through a crack in the floor so that there’s this other crap with a big dragon piano how big is it I mean from what you can see it looks maybe about 3 ft tall all right how far is it down to the cave it’s not a drop it’s about 12 feet in how guys everything else in the case totally let’s check it out alright well you check it out
you see a couple you know staff like implements they look like maybe raads-r or sticks
several I might be like 5 yeah 5 yeah he can’t see too well unless you have low light vision
my mistake I typically I play with lot of humans as a dragon is instead of dragon sheep statue made out of Jade it’s massive and you can tell it’s worth a shit ton of money detect traps I think I also do that we are playing at the Crystal Brooks coming up traps at a plus to detecting traps as a team you scarcely that you don’t scarcely determine
that there don’t seem to be any trap all right I approached the the the statue in and try to lift it off it’s on the pedestal it’s it’s not it’s just kind of like for me to carry he’s very heavy I mean you could drag it out but you can’t really lift it can like it it like when you put it in the bag of holding it stops being heavy okay I trusted statue my back at home now okay cool then there was the sticks write the sticks so you sleep javelins and two of them appear to be bows and one of them appears to be like a quarterstaff, all right you guys can Jeff can see good
and I cast light okay I cast it on the end of my thumb
and I hold my phone up around like a Zippo
that’s Dungeons & Dragons funny appears to be in the shape of a serpent it feels like snake skin under your grass but firm snakey staff can I set the Magic’s magic staff most of them are you barely ever find a staff of this game that was just like an old man needed help walking there are inscribed with lightning bolts and they’re covered in Silver Drive I would like a javelin I would like a silver lightning bolt javelin
then there was the Two bows at one of them is a longbow and one of them is a short Bo you don’t know what’s your dexterity I don’t know how sorry I was to be modified so you’re going to be able to shoot it but not amazingly but yeah all right all right you also see two smallish chests one of which is very ornate and it appears to be leashed in gold
the other is a simple wooden box
I’ll detector app on that
good buddy with your accent and felt so much I just like a TBS game show
the text wrap on that
it’s about
you detect no traps
all right which one are you doing one opening the wooden chest you see a pair of dark goggles
steampunk
I’ll put them on
as you put them on you recognize that you could see perfectly in the dark
where’s my pen I’m going to write that shut down I now own the in the dark you hit your new dark vision with which you can see in the night you see at the end of the crack there seems to be a slight tear that’s even darker than Black in the back of the cave is there figurative tear like that the tear between Justice and vengeance
more literal between a wall and another wall Darker Than Black cracked hands the darkest of dark Cinebarre your thumb there EG Zero Dark Thirty you and
yeah that’s the time I was a good point does that shed be light
that’s my favorite part of the trailer of that movie which is the only part of the movie I saw
where’s the part of the movie that I was swimming I was doing it’s impossible to do spoilers for Zero Dark Thirty so we know how that you noticed that no light coming into it is exiting it seems very mysterious
wait I’m sorry I was thinking about vodka and what I just said and so is your character you weren’t paying attention OK Google part of the crack is it big enough for people to go through you can’t see it I guess try truth but it sounded pretty I’m going to shut the door shut behind us and we’re good I mean maybe yeah maybe we wouldn’t have found the statue in the truck I just feel it in the air Robin Williams came out he did sperm jokes it’s just I’m not Santa being self-defeating I’m just saying like it was a good good that we didn’t spend 48 minutes at a steel door I think it’s cuz your cracks the same yeah yeah they’re very cute
I opened up your the ornate trunk the ornate trunk yeah that the golden the Golden Leaf
what you see inside dazzles with a gleaming blue light It’s Curious service betrays its true nature it’s one of the fragments of power but what it’s doing on this plane you have no idea what it’s doing is wet on this plane you have no idea how many how many fragments do we have now you don’t you had the one initially the one from Dark Star in this one and your dad’s last time we met it was still in his colon
so that you know of four and you have three of them and there might be more there’s more you guys all right you’re the magic man I’ll take the fragment you feel it pulse and shiver in your grass
10 minutes tops
are you okay that that fragments are glowing blue light when I set any more light for us in this new chamber try it
it stopped how ya ya did stop already shipped but it closed in the light doesn’t shine through it like a it’s like a it’s like a magical Darkness yeah go through or I mean I have to like you can hoist yourself through it all right hold my hand and I’m going to poke through and if I yell anything but put me back out all right I hold his little hand while he pokes through
wish me luck buddy I know
I’m protecting you said I love you how you doing looking Nerf herder and then I go into effect I got anything
going into the thing you feel a dark chill come over your body as your torso goes through the portal you can tell that you’re in another dimension oh
movie where you can’t see anything everything is just like black and grey shapes that are kind of hazy in into Sting’s our floor it’s kind of like it’s almost like the lightest surface in the area but everything’s still like made the darkness even your darkvision can only kind of make out some of the bits I don’t know I feel like we need to go into the subconscious of the universe that we need to penetrate the darkness
I give I give his hand to squeeze
discomforting
after his hand is coming I’m through the thing in his hand is in the the way I ain’t ya the way I figured it you’re more of like halfway through it at this point I guess you could be all the way through tentatively all the way through Adam to the the gray floor the ground is firm beneath your feet for Chris De burgh’s and
and I handed my goggles back. Give me your hand okay I take it out
Ativan and security neediness
I pretend that I’m sick and weak people grab my hands Chris de Burgh
all right, like a field trip leader iif I pull them all and I just like that that was a great show but the Magic School Bus the new dimension slipping through the dark portal you find yourself in a bank of Inky black fog of skiers your vision and you can’t make out your surroundings you can’t even see the rift you came through then an indistinct hazy grey disk floats lazily upwards and past the Horizon and for a time you’re bathed in a slightly less form of dark darkness because of the closest you could consider light on to the floor and you can see your shadow dancing and twitching madly is the greatest light flickers
suddenly the Shadows on the floor peel off their points of connection with your feet and begin to come away from your body before you even out you feel like you’ve been seriously assaulted and weakened from losing your Shadow Jodie Foster
you can just make out your shadows slip away into the dark landscape before the hazy disc falls into the Horizon flight diminishing to nothing the store Shadow Peter Pan spell
when do I mourn took out
thank you
me about he’s at Coco’s in the other dimension my horse my beloved horse and just lover is in the other such a special time together the last time that you guys aren’t reverse
couple times I think I did different dimension Spencer as it happens you can’t at the moment your body’s is actually caused some ability damage towards you so I can update your sheet later but basically a bigger fish you guys horse Los Constitution Court loses to constitution in for strength Constitution and losses to strengthen 3 Constitution and Chris de Burgh loses one strengthen for constitutional Jesus Christ weekend
it’s Kai’s puke Constitution is your ability to shrug off physical damage or resist your shape being shifted for instance or you know if you poison that’s Constitution help help help like you’re you’re healthy enough so yeah we’ll let you know like those I don’t know it’s more like you can play Tinkerbell like being up floaties light they are shows up it looks kind of like that except there’s more of them and it is some bullshit it’s assholes like kind of dumb people or like people that were aware of magic and stuff I feel like people who are like up in magical like hey I can I I have silent image so fuck off
it’s horseshit all right so if there’s still that that that so that pitch black shadow in the middle of the room have detached and we have stomach aches so and you can tell like you’re outside sorry I was I was what I was going for what do you mean what is like a weird Dark Sun so it is not in the middle of my narration is off of The Horizon in the sky
I put on my face and goggles and then tell everybody in the narration voice what I say you see
the ground around you is rather unadorned but to the one I’m going to call North for sake of maps you see a stand of black columns they post stiffly out of the ground
you also hear a far-off sound
I can’t make the sound on my mouth can you can we having your Shadow detach it wasn’t attached
Avenger fly up and give me your hot side view it’s not long before he returns he gives you a look that says the higher up I get the less I can see if the ground below but there’s definitely a black shape approaching us swiftly spaghetti the pain you
what does my phone have any magic powers are there was just a straight-up Javelin the javelin you found yeah I mean yeah it has magic you don’t know much about the magic that has I said let’s see what this baby can do my Javelin out and I toss and turn in the directions of dark figure I’ll tell you one thing I think we attacked that Dragon too soon a couple weeks ago out of game, yeah
spell and then and then she spit acid at a standstill after that was after I don’t want to Monday Morning Quarterback but
Kathy on the shadow yeah I do that it seems to have a very familiar Soul year old at 3 check looks like you’re just laying stuck it back in my bag of holding
can you put on a talent show for the shadow everyone notices
a shape approaches and stands next to mole rang it just stays there why don’t we show them what we’re made of and do a little or what
who’s them
who who is that the dark shadow came up to the shadow so the shadow
all Shadow I will take you
I should have mentioned
it’s cuz it showed up so fast Lee it’s in the shape of a horse
your horse that’s the second time does appear to be made of made of Shadow and substance hey also I am with a party of a very good Souls we have a gentleman who is searching for his father we have a one-hit wonder who is looking to numb some Dragon decks and we have a little gentleman who loves some things
is it coco or not do we know that I mean it might be Coco
where are your tail if it’s you Coco
but I think about my dad I don’t think a lot about my dad looking for my dad I wish my dad was around
instead you fall back on your Arcane training and recognize that you’re on the shadow plane the shadow plane is a copy plane of the material plane and as such things have Shadow versions of themselves but does it correspond to the real Coco know you can’t Shadows r r i mean will try. Let’s just try to hold her about
how to hold her I can just explain what happens but that’d be just me telling a shity story
may I reach I reach up and I look I look at cork I hold his hand because I know he’s also emotionally invested in cocoa and I throw up look at each other because you know she’s my friend and she’s your lover and it when we look at cookers face
it doesn’t look back by mean but yeah so this is a shadow version of Coco what are glitter Shadows well I mean if you don’t mind – 2 to strengthen – 4 to Constitution you’re probably fine but yeah I mean to try to get try to get on your horse see what happens
I tried to jump on my on my shadow horse a horse it feels comfortable underneath you it doesn’t have instead regards you as a trusted friend or Ally to the pillars
it doesn’t make any response was slowly begins to try forward there I said it I’m sorry DND aficionados
we need all the help we can get through this the question no. That’s like the question of whether or not she’s communicative with because she’s silent Shadows are loose but you know you’re giving us the information that that that it would have taken us 10 minutes to figure out their trial and error whether or not the horse can understand I didn’t want you to feel like you were being like you know treatment at by your horse it just doesn’t talk and Robin a bobcat
I was just like what characters are they going to be
Bill Clinton dark pillars there’s more than five but yeah I’d say the taking a good 30 minutes to become rotten should we call it a neck break we started earlier just wait there I plant a giant blue flag that I so out of my own sadness
and I draw a picture of myself and I would look at it and that’s like a bookmark for where we were before you leave so I can ask if he’s okay on the horse like I like a night and I are going to go up to Sharpay and I say
are you okay yeah I’m alright
you know what thank you I’m going to try something
I start digging into the dirt with my hand or okay I dig down like 12 in like a full foot
that’s going to take you awhile but yeah I wait for you did but I didn’t complete I spit into it
that happens the hell’s going on drop my
wineskin into it.
I pee on the spot where I buried my wife can yes
you can support more vodka all of your care and I asked I asked a court but I say listen I have a theory about the shadow plane can you dig up my wineskin me yeah it’s the one you pee. I have a theory okay I take a tick out of my storage until I get my hands dirty and they dig up the PPP by The Dixie or P do you want the theory to be tested or not okay I start digging for the PPC loyal and and then I under the wineskin your hands are filthy
the wineskin comes out it looks noticeably age but otherwise unharmed if you take a lot of things and put them in dirt and pay that like older
it’s called the stress I don’t know
what is the end of the game and laugh about it now I don’t know what the fuck is do I was going to make it a genie like I pee on it I have a fiery I’m not good at that stuff I don’t do normally. I don’t do that stuff and everybody here and everybody started peeing on everybody April fools trick but I tell him I tell him it’s gold
I got I’m going to put gold on you with my weiner and then I start peeing it they’re not convinced one of my wieners April Fools
and a segment
thank you very much thank you Ray Pruitt
grapefruit
good luck at Coachella
the hell is Coachella job but not for 40 year old everything name was vague Moritz Drive drive around in a weird thing delivered to your door each month new cassette tape of auditory the lights made by some of the most funky and creative artists around featuring do you know Summit opolis Natalie palamedes Johnny Pemberton Dan Harmon future ladies of wrestling Alan Resnick and Dana Kellerman on open mike eagle and on and on and on subscribe now $13 get you a crisp you need tape in the mail each month for $20
what’s up player so you can listen to your tapes on the go here’s how to order for credit card customers please call 747-888-0945 that’s 747-888-0945 or save Cod charges and log on to the World Wide Web at d. R i p s p i p r e s s it’s a good deal all right how do we in the show
oh yeah okay thank you sir thank you book club it’s like it’s it is interesting if ever there’s like 20 people that I saw that last week and then two more people saw it six months ago that some people have never seen it show up on Monday nights pretty regularly I think if we said hey let’s all make time this week to watch blah blah blah we would increase the odds so they would be a more connection we would be able to discuss something I don’t know just a thought I thought he he he he just made it up
he didn’t he didn’t like he just he just thought stuff like to think of stuff that he knew would work that right
how do you know that because obviously was the first time he did it otherwise it was in there was no how do you know that have a special right there was nothing there was nothing it says it specifically says there was nothing and then it says that he started making shit up
yes, like your your your pee on the wineskins thing and I was like just like mud and and then ribs and stuff like that
God just you think there’s an intelligence to the to the cosmos I think there is but in a way that we are aware that we’d be totally incapable totally understand and yeah I think there’s a system understand we be too simple to understand you’re working and you know looking smaller and smaller and smaller and building this giant things in Vienna at or where the fucken to the Smashing particles together to figure out what the fucking point of it all is I why why is there Mass why is there matters nice of them to do that
what what what I play BioShock Infinite
I did but I bought that today I have had my assistant go out and get it I’m I’m just stressed about our web guy sure is I think I heard third-hand that he finished it in 25 hours but I think I also why do you applied things at random to be here
buy your own report
every every week Adams sorry I’m going off to Afghanistan
guess you’ll have to be my friend tonight you never know and then next week there he is
all right I like them to shut up
anyways whatever who cares Skyrim it’s like hundreds and hundreds of hours if you want it but I think maybe shrews is like a crazy computer head and he I bet I bet you can bear all through the a story of a of a good game in 25 hours I don’t know
about a port my playing a little game on my phone
Pocket Planes at playing Candy Crush pretty good little girl and you’re going around Candyland and your and your blowing up a little jealous and make a little little candies explode and then is chocolate Tri-City your candies in his will mr. Willy Wonka kind of character leading you through it and then if you get past a certain level you either have to pay money to go forward or invite friends on Facebook but I don’t use Easter yesterday. Went to get free lives out of people that have gone to ask everybody I know to fucking give it to that. Tell me if it was not for the Candy Crush
but every time I pass a level it’s just for letting people hit by a puppy
my computer
add tomato to the plan on my ego is like are you are you a total douchebag and you’re willing to tell everybody that I’ve said before all my favorite games on the iPad and iPhone they’re all these so-called time management games which are all like very specifically like clearly driven what do you call it targeting a female audience and I am not sexist by saying that because the names of the games that I love her like Susie sauna Fiona’s flowers and and then it’s like like like just look cute little girl with a different kind of hat on and it’s like she got a new job at a pizza place and help her help her make her pizza place and you point and she goes over there and it’s like gobble gobble gobble to we got to go to this guy needs a pizza and it’s like how you make the pepperoni over here and they slowly it’s that you got it you got to figure out you know how to help her she’s going to bus the tables and receipt if she if you know if you just if you just have her be just working
it’s weird because you what do you think they’re playing two other than the female mine in there I don’t know about the female mind because obviously they’ve got me hooked neutralize the gender thing I I think that’s really weird because I’m I’m this big fat hairy Ron Jeremy looking guy sitting in bed kind of thing I do they call it Suzy sunflower patch removing Facebook I forgot that I have the podcast of the platform I can just say to people give me live on Facebook you give you can send me if you can send me candy lines
everyone is already said Jeff even even even if just spiritually just send Jeff a candy life tonight just just just close your eyes and even if you’re not playing candy candy Jam what’s it called candy crush anybody else weird maybe maybe they know exactly what they’re doing maybe maybe 60% of their customers are men and we would go no forget it
actually kind of like I said they got a guy look at a game and I said I know Susie’s Susie’s Island tropical flower patch and I and I feel like I bet that’s one of the games I like all the earmarks of a little girl with a little hair cutting scissors she said she’s got things to do and you got to help her because she’s going to she’s going on island and plant what’s the movie the movie what time Roadhouse I guess that’s one thing I like about it I think defenestrated be I get thrown out of a window in that movie than any other room
let’s watch Roadhouse and he want to come dressed up as Sam Elliott or some characters from if you want to come out here so between now and then listen to Listen to Roadhouse Roadhouse and look I like okay now that we did that maybe we’ll add little activities you can do it was a lot of interactivity to it was pretty internet but this is like it was very addictive like you could get the thing and then he was like doing it with you is it was a it was good was good shit I just stopped
what it would it would be better work come along you fuck the people over Bill Cosby all the time he doesn’t know why is life so empty
everybody comes backstage ready to go cycling at where did I go wrong
picture pages just stuck with it that’s his Duchess Rosebud do you think you’re going to retire like you just stop riding one day yes yeah soon as possible
I hate writing yeah I hate it no good can come of it no good can come of me right at like me I hate it cuz you like you like having written something you left when it’s done. I like having written something yes I do have to thank you Lou Ferrigno
Lou Ferrigno why are you here I’m not take a dream like Wonder kind of stuff like that he’ll just be sitting and there’s no line
I’m not and I don’t I mean I got you make me feel like I’m sticking a gun knife in or anything like that like I think it’s a my Groupon we forgot I’m just painting a picture saw that commercial that’s not to make Aloo for rig nose out there what are you doing hi and I he was there sitting on the bench like everybody else and I have somebody like why why why would he do that insurance you get a gig once-a-year you pay for your insurance what’s a while you come out of your hole in your do you do what you do Toyota commercial you pay for your insurance right but he didn’t get it right now
that was the most depressing do you know that our friend Sam Simon is at if you heard that he ever talk about that here that’s really a bummer I don’t know details of it feel like a world falling apart alright the crack is there another crap I don’t I don’t think that’s God’s job and leaves it, it was like like you know that energy he brings out he’s just going like a Sparky and then you just laugh because you feel like you and I was like Jesus Christ deep dark Chasm what could be more valuable that look like they should be we should actually go deeper and darker than we’ve ever gone
rap
you know we wrap a lots but we haven’t we will how how how where is the level what’s the core of the earth what’s below the magma
what’s the what’s the sub aluminum what what is it what is it what is what’s the wind skin when the P getting on yourself in the fetal position just me actually doing that yeah yeah
that’s all there is left
only thing that we haven’t done that’s the darkest thing I don’t know if that’s true that’s not what I don’t know I didn’t have proper show at four times we called the goofballs and there was no structure no suggestion we just went on stage and did whatever and one show ended with you naked me seated next to you sing me a lullaby and you knows your nose began to bleed like crazy covered yourself and write beautifully Crimson gross like the color of the light emitted the reddest blood I’ve ever seen all of your hairy chest and and I want my money back
I thought I came here to watch changing emotions I thought a guy was going to another guy’s arms I just God bless and be like hey the black and Rob and Chris were the back of the
Jack Black was on the other end
jacko’s Backstage Dance for his clothes on and wild Fiasco
yeah so there is a bottom below here I just said you guys are not even know 9:50 is there is there anybody anybody anybody coming in here with the with pain or pleasure that that makes them feel like a somebody’s hands shot up do you want to come up okay alright
all right I had shut up you can just say that someone’s handle shoot up and we haven’t been punished for it yet
but last week you had a guest and yeah and a couple weeks ago
sometime soon and I don’t remember that happening but I know I’m sorry that’s great I was really I was really glad that you did that was very proud of you maybe subconsciously you took everything I do for you to end on I feel like you you cross the threshold there and I’m proud of you like like I can
who’s got to look like like like women women women on stage women women performing what’s up with that you think that I’m trying to figure out a way to phrase this without without loading it cuz it’s easy to be like like like politically correct that we can talk about how unfair the performance world is not saying that it’s not but I want to figure out a way to actually intelligently like vivisect that and look at the Beating Heart of whatever is happening with Aaron and I were talking about this women like knowing that we’re doing it like women unlike man who just I think at the root of it I’m going to talk try to talk this through I’m going to sound like a fucking crazy person men are just like these like doesn’t matter if we’re handsome doesn’t matter if we’re with your ugly doesn’t matter what we are
doesn’t matter what role does it matter our role in the world is the kind of want and unlike shootout Torpedoes I’m kind of like try and either fail or succeed and I think that women on stage and when women when women are performing in anything no matter how Enlighten the venue no matter what the case like Aaron and I were trying to get to the bottom of this it’s like there’s a fucking tightrope you have to walk as a woman because the most Progressive PC like super Mana metrosexual futuristic Blade Runner thinker is still before he’s even thinking of it he’s he’s thinking of a woman as a woman and and kind of like there’s you think of it like the way Erin put it was something like if your if your dad if they’re disappointed in you if you’re that they’re disappointed in you it’s you it’s only way to describe it as a tightrope
I don’t know what it’s a tightrope between really but it’s like you’re doing something to balancing act all the time
side with with Genevieve last week when you were talking about her reception on the reality show that she was on about his something Kevin Smith said to her about oh you’re a girl and you like comic books I mean that was a that was a I mean like I’m really like I don’t want to look like like give myself to going to Alan Alda like metal but my thing is always like I I just the same way with alcoholism erasers I want to cut everyone off of the past and here’s why because I don’t want to have that conversation where it’s like are you or aren’t you all this bullshit and I think the thing that gets me in the most trouble is that I sit at like like why am I tied myself with it because I don’t like I’m going to Showbox I don’t want to rush to judgment but I thought in that moment that was a very odd thing that happened where she actually got the better of this guy in this debate and that and that in the edited context of this thing the first thing you said was got to give props to a chick who who who
Bernards were down at the bottom of this Valley and there’s still down here where Golem lives there’s mail Golem they’re still going to that pussy man that pussy was good to get out like I had no one would which fish to eat Rock what we’re all Golem down here the whole point was that was really really weird to me I’m going to edit this all out cuz I sound like a fucking douchebag and some weird but everyone shut up
yeah I ate all the time about race and it’s easier to obsess about race than it is about gender for me anyway I think because of the relationship I have with my mom which I do like like like looking women are like like like sometimes you want to have sex with them sometimes you don’t in between there’s eight million fifty things that there are women that is like like like you can objectify them without knowing that you’re objectifying them and then even if you get through that hurdle then everyone else is weird vacations of women coming to play so if you were a guy and you respect a woman that you worked with and you’re like no she’s really funny I really like her I want her to be my friend it’s like that then on the other side of that there’s all this like it’s crazy is that is that a problem that we saw or do we accept that that’s the case I think it’s something that we always keep in mind and strive to understand and hopefully change sometime
well I think you’re on your.
Otherwise you wouldn’t say that am I right fellas get her out of here that’s open
Roadhouse dick shoot 40 where at where it’s like I’m not going to be able to do anything about it anyway back as an artist but then he said shit like that I mean off-the-cuff though he was even though he’s saying that’s how I know right I’m sure he sells those like those are Custom Design
tearing down the Walls go we’ve brought you out here to take you to task didn’t really that the people I keep continue this conversation with us rather than just tried to defend himself I don’t even know what that is someone who’s been on Twitter and people liked Hunter episode 3 season 2 and someone told me this joke is like you can’t help but like like the definition of your Humanity like like like to pet you have a certain amount of like Survivor mounted guns out there otherwise who are you and everything that comes your way is like out of it immediately like you can’t help but go
I just I I mean I’m just speaking to that hypothetically like a reality show
but I know he’s not that guy all the time and I like at its core I know he’s not a massage why would I would go so far as to say I don’t think anyone is that guy I think that we get I think that any of us from any prospective at any given time we accidentally like if you could actually sit anybody down in like walk through everything that we had that chance to do that with Hitler before he got turned loose to you going dressed like that
I’m going to go do some stuff okay with what do you mean get over here sit down why are you going to kill 6 million Jews
35 minutes and not from a balcony talk to me I’m your dad
one of my mustache was just in the middle of do you like to talk to you like some water in the show many fuck you and fuck everybody you can have a little mustache slightly lost the thread of it
you may be right
I don’t know
glad that you do any of the showings and that made me happy with Genevieve and then Aaron tweeted Genevieve and an errand comes up here and takes it takes a punch to the ovaries every week and watch that tightrope for all women
you go good for you coming up here with these but these men and she has her own podcast live with her so I know that she’ll get it like she’ll get an email from somebody going like regarding your interview with so until I thought when you said blah blah blah about it the same way I would lately and it’s like half the people are calling you liberated for saying something on the other half of the people are driving like you Uncle Tom. It’s pretty complicated and thank God thank God for my little wiener love it
all right
well
do you think that what a show Jeff we did it man that was right in front of that guy like you know he’s a piece of mainstream success and I was like like like like it’s kind of like he’s just so funny like I did not like in a gross like shut up. Doing bit so I never really nice part of who is everything is a bit everything is a joke me like he’s really good at it and it’s actually for the for the benefit of the people around him and his book is coming up it’s called The Bucket
all right
the Roadhouse Roadhouse and I will meet next week and all right Jeff what are we doing you fucking suffer out there now if you want to do some Enigma maybe like to get to the bottom of it was kind of a cosmic
look up the fire of the Enigma
bring the lights down
Eminem close your eyes
thank you for being part of this planet
now the release
you’re floating
devotion
forgiveness
in motion
you will no longer crave cigarettes
when someone asks you if you need more bread he’ll say no
you going to write in that dream journal
no buts. That’s the that’s the stratosphere now you’re moving further out from Earth
yeah yeah
watch that planet go away
what’s that planet but that little blue green piece of shit little fucker
it’s it’s getting smaller it’s the size of a marble now that’s a little piece of shit all the little people on their own little problems are little pieces of shit little assholes will fuck faces little pieces of Saturn
everybody stay cool nobody leave the cabin
I’m going to go out and look hold on
everybody there’s bags in the upper everyone reach up those bags breathe through the bags I’ll be right back my name is Kyle Johnson I’m your pilot I’ll be right back
3 hours later
come on man answer the door it’s me Kyle Johnson I swear to God it’s me what the fuck are you doing what are you doing I never left the cabin
he said don’t open the door I say we don’t open it
I don’t know man I think it’s a test
call Leroy Smith
I’m a Native American
and I didn’t come up here in space to be fucked around by a bunch of monkeys
sucker
hey man did the fuck down okay this guy is the pilot and he said
I want to do something I should have done a long time ago Leroy I’m going to open up this door sucker
god dammit thank you thank you Jesus Christ is crazy out there this is what your octopus monsters
you’re all dead
you all failed
no no don’t applaud
your spirits are leaving Saturn
can you see Pluto
is it a planet
you can’t remember 5 seconds left it was in 1995 now it’s an icy cloud
all right can we continue
I love him and plan comes together
looks like Robin Williams the Bobcat Goldthwait
the first Erin mcgathy special coming up on Jeff Davis
I love you deeply and dearly
alright watch Roadhouse and take notes and we’ll see you see you next week