Episode: 63 – Everyone in the World is Stupid


Episode: 63 – Everyone in the World is Stupid


New editions of Things Dan Can’t Complain About and Connor’s Conundrums, a chat with aneurysm survivor Siike and a violent fight with Spencer about “meta gaming.”


someone who loved me to 1700 normantown is in session please welcome the mayor of harmontown Dan Harmon
poopy poopy pants when you put your pee pee pants
show me a picture of Chicken Little movie daily put it in your pee pee pants
we got a lot to do quit fucking around all right
is the definition of what is aerobic exercise becomes so close to what is walking as you get older and older
I want to start very quickly with a segment that’s a favorite for everyone it’s called things that Dan Harmon is not allowed to complain about because it makes it sound like an asshole
these are the things that when I complain about him reveal that I’m a narcissistic Rich prick with a lower value system then people in lab and I am a stupid fucking asshole all right
so you’re not allowed to judge me because I said that
okay so I valet park my car constantly even if I don’t have to I’ll find I’ll well I’ll just find someone to valet my car so there will be a parking space in my God that’s not good enough that’s not sure I’m actually kind of annoyed with the fact that in La like there’s Valley Guild you’ll be there be a parking lot and it’s empty and there’s a guy in front but is it now in it
I got a new note-taking app it’s called cat cash everybody just fucking cool it
we’re going to get through this we got it we got a lot of shit to do tonight okay I am number one the things that I am not allowed to complain about cuz it makes me sound like an asshole I pull up to the valet 1.8 is your new application on your phone is here at your new note app
all right so I pull up to the guy at the valet station and this isn’t happening now with increasing frequency as I have more and more to do and more and more sort of liquid assets I would say I would call it
I’ll get out at the ballet station like I’ll go you eating here give me a half of his little terry card and I’ll go yes and then he’ll start to get in the car
I have to come back now. Already the purpose of the valley is starting to be defeated time is running out I got I got I got Zooey Deschanel to have lunch with
that’s not true
four on the floor of the car
cop $7 to park here I got to take you 3 asshole taste like dollar
dollar dollar in the floor of my car buying
but I got to come back I got it what am I supposed to do because I think is going to choice between coming back and rubbing for my dollar or going like like Tom Cruise and so weird
Culligan man let’s say it’s a 20 things I cannot complain with this one we can just move on
it just takes too long to poop and I don’t mean because I’m 40 but just because as you what it is because I’m 40 because as you get to 40 time becomes more valuable like so see the valet guy same thing I just like I’m becoming contact for tality I don’t want to have to take a shit I get it. I got I got I got to poop to put in the toilet I just want to get it done and I just like to sit in there and I’m like come on poop poops longer than when you were when you were younger and are they good
been really good at but I guess just
why not bi I can I can debate that right there because you you gave yourself a hemorrhoid by sitting on the toilet too long. That’s the point is that the doctor told me like don’t don’t tweet on the toilet I didn’t know there was a thing until I was like okay I’ll stop doing that I used to enjoy my time on the toilet this is exact you Jeff this is exactly why I’m not starting to notice it takes too long to poop because now I’m not allowed to do other stuff on the toilet thank you
I give up I can’t do anything but poop then faster but okay
superhero movies need earlier thresholds need earlier
thanks anyway
to see his fucking round Shields flying around
stay on page 70 go look at that Shield maybe that should be red white and blue Captain America movie Superman movie fuck you Hulk movie whichever third version it was like a superhero movie Green Lantern fuck you
lake Lake Link Stop speed it up you’re a superhero movie I bought a ticket because I already accepted a guy can get a love a woman from the planet booba and and and as a result of Cooper On Golden Pond you fucking asshole
name a name a c name a noun somebody said a man okay
and using it to fight crime I don’t mean like it’s got a trumpet and he’s like this should be bigger
play tuba in his mouth blasting that you’d like radioactive rainbow waves out at a burglar going like a movie called tuba man is why
that’s the thing you can’t charge me a ticket I have a right to ask for my money back if half the movies a guy thinking maybe he should maybe kind of fight something with crime involved it’s something involving a tube of
Captain America’s walking around forever in that movie so I just wish I could
Spider-Man and you pulled that shit your Captain America you’re a dick
alright Ironman I think you’re allowed to complain about that. You you are allowed to complain about that that’s what’s going on in Cambodia when I was 10 some stuff
that’s my point that’s my points
I don’t know what the new Cambodia is I should strip family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no one misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes relate to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
well I’m on the subject Iron Man should be an alcoholic in the movies
in the comic like he’s an alcoholic and is fucking amazing that’s the important thing about him Batman’s parents got killed fine that’s great I love Batman Spider-Man young naive kid whose responsibility thrust upon him he’s a wisecracker the whole point of Iron Man is a fucking He’s The Howard Hughes of superheroes and he’s got a drinking problem is he still good at drinking their people are like holy shit I can’t we can’t fire him he’s he drinks too much work done while he’s doing it so it’s you why I I I like all these are all of us like all of the superheroes for various reasons you as a forty-year-old want a superhero superhero fantasy is that you can be a functional alcoholic and still crying
what crime do you find the name of people that respecting me
I often lose all right thank you for your own intentional Segway complaint on a list of things are not allowed to complain about because they make me seem like an asshole I’m too famous I don’t have tabs sick of it. I’m tired of years old and and pour the contents of my brain at the idea of an apology is that you clarify to somebody that you didn’t mean to hurt their feelings I am the only one who you can actually go and find out whether or not like what I really meant in politician I didn’t run for office I’m not accountable to electors
brains out I have diarrhea of the mouth I say for 2 hours a week how I feel I’m honest about my emotions the people that don’t like me
you’re just on its fucking agents of caution and restraint that you want people to talk less if you want people to be more like ants I fucking hate you and I will I will I will apologize to you in a car date on a ceasefire I just said you’re bad people and I don’t care if you don’t like me anymore your pieces of shit fuck off all right
again this is a let you can’t argue with this stuff cuz I’m admitting to you this make me a bad person for having these complaints next item everyone in the world is stupid
everybody maybe including me time will tell I don’t care moving on there’s there’s no good bar near meltdown there’s nothing there’s no play The Attic take a spot I didn’t go today I will fix it shows not to go over there so much Maria Conchita Alonso what to call El Compadre turns into a sports bar after 3 p.m. I don’t know where accounting firm is above it but it just gets flooded with with with with J more clones and snapping and tap and quarters on the bar and then then lay they want their appletinis in their Marga fooders sit down and have a drink for what we doing you coming to a bar with a group of people that you want to talk to from work to go get a fucking table
in this world that are really really do we have a disease I just want to go up to a trough water make eye contact what a plant my ass down in the stool and I need my I need my fucking spinach / Kryptonite pumped into my body but a certain rate or I can’t give these people what they want
all right our next segment I promise we bring it back it is Connor here okay questions with Connor you have another question Connor questions with Connor
quarterback Connor last week Connor brought us a chance to live in question of whether it’s better to teleport or to have sex in the Bible I know who the other man that’s the point of the question question was the journey, so I’d like to travel so I I think I would go teleportation ultimate at the very end where you started talking about how you would have the drive to orgasm. The ability that’s a deal-breaker choose can I play with it that’s what I pay if you don’t have to walk around and there’s no point if you if you have a human desire to to enjoy sex well so you at the Finish Line buddy
Bowser you know you change your answer yeah I thought the curse was that you’d want to but you couldn’t be you’re too busy going to Paris black glasses guy
I’m headed to but you remember it fondly or
describing Jeff sub-segments call Jeff descriptions he’s not that mad at the queen snow at my Podium here I have a pair of louvered 80s hot pink sunglasses here wearing 80s novelty sunglasses and described
so you can go sex or teleportation you say you wouldn’t have to drive for it they would have a biological drive for it but you still remember fondly the times that you did have sex in the past year I guess it’s not a biological that’s not when I when I want to have sex but it’s not because I remember it being awesome that’s
okay that’s good. Absolutely if you could just take away the if you could turn it off
someday playlist gentleman said that because if you could still have sex you still had to have the urge to teleport
okay well we table this one because now we have you do Connor yes all right
coming through what about you ask yourself this question and you will find Sansa bad bad bad theme song Bad even teleport to a time and refresh this week it really quick did we cheer alcoholism a few minutes ago
yeah it was a comic book character that has could make a jet suit that has it that’s amazing if you had to choose between gaining flight but losing your sight so you become blind for every time you fart you accidentally time travel
which would you choose
wait I have a 14 questions
you can fly but you can’t see so you’re a blind pigeon
format a bit without the can you just to clarify are you blind only while you’re flying all the time so fuck yourself
what time travel immediately I’m all for the farting time from Sweden to Sonia to know about me
play never see me again
What You’re Made In in like medieval times cuz it’s already happened before and what’s the range of time-travel you could end up in a lava pit and travel from the spot you’re in 3rd book not everyone farts sooner or later and since I was going to take you to some random place and they fuck you because I like what you’re saying I have to be blind what cool thing what I pick that these are choosing between what which aren’t they can have incentives but it is that you would see the vistas for me that you could you could you do you can fly rod
not going to leave the ground if I can’t see that there are you a bat do you have that kind of sound location location can I don’t think so but when you lose a sense don’t people like aren’t there other senses heightened yeah but over do heard Millennia of evolution
what if you’re only blind when you flew to figure this afternoon
if you’re only blind when you fly then I’ll take the blame that’s because the the the uncontrollability of the at the root of it all is my control issues like I-5 I’m just farting and I’m randomly time-traveling I can neither control farting nor where I go when I fart and when I come back and stuff like if you told me okay for instance if you take the blindness if you make when you fly your blind but when you’re not playing or not playing at all so when you fart you time travel to somewhere random but your time before you come back okay that’s a good sign nobody double farts like
what if you triple fart and then you go somewhere new
number of farts year you can be the place to see them beans in the pleistocene in you
how do you know I talked to a dinosaur
how do you land when you’re blind flying how do you know you want to fucking settle down I mean I guess you just have her down really cautious these are questions that you should have asked yourself it’s a good choice though cuz it that like that isn’t like okay so you’re in an Alleyway and muggers are coming down always happens if they’re white
it’s just an urban environment everyone talks like that
Ali and you’re like you too then you with your vision still intact you look around and I can look up when you got like okay that’s a fact you could go blind
I need at least you’re not getting your wallet taken Sucka at it and you move like eight feet to the left and you’re like you come down super slow how do you delete a page 20 of how do you get us to that special guy and it goes like I think we could give you your sight back but you’d have to fly
okay I don’t know don’t ask me to write movies for free for you people
you always do that you love me
what’s the time
what if you’re if you’re just not an operational blind man love a woman walking down the road but if you wanted to you can fly and see I think we’d all take that right and then put then to counterbalance that you’d have to be time-traveling only when you were not farting
I want to go to Mexico but I feel like I have no control over when you’re going coming and going unless you’re farting and then you can love a woman
all right that’s it that’s enough we got a lot to do tonight ask yourself that conundrum at home send us your picture pages about it and I will talk to other guests tonight about whether or not they would fart or whatever you come back with next week with no more absolutely
it brings to mind the conundrum of what weight would you like to have Connors conundrums every week or eat a bag of jelly beans like I think it was a choice between two not so attractive ideas right they both had a price which is the lesser of two crappy superpower death
because of the internet for real life
cuz cuz it will hear them things I see over I’ve never wish I could see something different to say you can always have hurt your eyes but like a good choice for me cuz you know where 90% visually oriented like like like but it’s like a connection that we have between people it’s really packed into the hearing but the internet changes that you can connect to people with the title under you just go on Reddit physical vibration to it now I’m nervous like you you fucking piece of shit.
I understand like I remember reading that thing like that like more deaf people commit suicide than the blind people cuz they’re cut off from the from that debt is there any other blind people they don’t look like they have there’s a sort of they have communities where they are against Cochlear implants and stuff cuz they’re like they’re we’re effectively a different I don’t know if they’d say species but they’re saying it like like they’re going like weird so different from other people that we actually need to stay together because other people don’t treat us right and we don’t no one understands what it’s like to be us and so they like they stick together and there’s they actually like kind of they look at people who go in and get like those Cochlear implants whatever they’re called Lake like you’re not one of us then because we do
that’s not funny if you’re if you’re reading this I apologize for the bracketed laughter that just happened
but but but but we like cut off from from from from people in that fundamental level I could cook like it’s easy for us to imagine what it would be like to cut off from Vision in that it would be catastrophic for us and yet it would be so much more how much more fundamental it had got I trip over my Ottoman and he’s but hearing is like oh my God I will never I will never hear another person again and I will never be honor easier to undermine you speak English like you do prefer to be somewhere that was English-speaking yeah because you’re a verbal communicator
a shot and if I was if I was deaf more so than I think if I was blind like I would be a I would be a shut-in like like maybe that’s an unhealthy phrase for what I have for her for it but I would just I would just close myself in and I would I would like cuz I would just be communicating clearly through the internet with other people and I would just like kind of wanna build on that I think would you rather be death that first or lose your hearing at a teenager know what you’re missing or lose your hearing as a teenager and know what you’re missing and that’s how it’s done
can I junk come on I’m kind of data
that was my plan I wouldn’t reveal to you as a kind of his death all right I mean good question buddy good job
are you at your medals in the mail we’re done with the segment
I got a lot of stuff today what would you pick the last you pick Viking
I guess the earth I mean what’s that yeah what is the value of them having to having it taken away at Birth but you can fly
when you turn 40 but you’re an alcoholic
for Iowa supposed to have everyone you talk to it turns blind
but you can cuddle up to the Center of the Earth and not get burnt by the makah in order to do a show

all right I think about it tonight and I’ll be up here like a meteor flashing before you like a superhero flying through the sky to bring them up again because we we we barely grazed the surface and we’re not doing it cuz we can cuz we don’t know I’m not Tony Danza I’m not bringing up people with recipes I think of the podcast technology is it’s free it’s for doing stuff you can’t do on TV and one of those things is that kind of laying Humanity bear the one of the one of the craziest things about Humanity in one of the biggest elephant in the room is sickness mortality conditions you know like like like the stuff that we should we fear the most and there are people among us who are who are Tethered to us with a rope that are hanging out on the precipice of these things that we we kind of like we we fear so much that we don’t even really do exist
connect to think about and you would think I would not make a good podcast material but I have a feeling I guess what it’s really important to talk to this guy used to you saw him last week was supposed to bring that seek Donnelly Eye Care
how are you doing you said you said you had a rough night but you were you were cool to come in today so I’m going to walk again so I have it when I sit for too long I can freak out oh my God how to walk after the C Q U one day you had an aneurysm which is this is an explosion in the in the brains you can still do it didn’t wipe out the call back card
no we were just walking I went to dinner with some friends of complaining about a migraine I’ve had migraine since I was 8 years old so I we didn’t think that anything was different about it and then we were going out for the night and then I just dropped to the ground just fell down at LAX or somewhere else when you fell down I don’t remember any of it I barely remember waking up in a hospital and then the doctor apparently talked to me and said do you know there’s just some complications with what’s going on to you we need to put you in a medically-induced coma we don’t know for how long which means they give you drugs that just make you unconscious for a while there was another competition after I flatlined and then they save me and then I was in front of five days, they studied your brain a little bit enough to tell you
what happened and why they also did a couple procedures to save my life so they gave us a process called coiling which is that you don’t go through your brain to do this because I’m weird they make an incision in your leg and they go straight up to your brain and they put these are coils in these coils are like little copper tube that you know when the inter is it happens if blood pouring all of your brain and so I have everything to the blood touches it’s destroying and so these coils go in and they reroute the blood so that it’s not over me like that your brain like like like like like a hot how does it follow any path like your jacket at this point like like this is I’m sure I speak for most people if they in the audience like even Beyond I think getting certain types of
cancer something this represents leg like a worst nightmare because it’s so
uncontrollable it’s just you’re just suddenly told you’re walking along everything’s going fine you you blackout you wake up in a hospital and they’re telling you yeah I think it just is happening and then and then it gets worse because now you’ve been told that like you they don’t know why but you’re having them repeatedly aneurysms grow and they can’t figure out why cuz mostly it’s a genetic thing for a guy my age like I was 28 when I had mine and and they were like we can’t even figure out why this happened to you cuz they’re like you know it’s a lot and that is the percentage is higher in African-American men might that age or in women that age for everybody but me I guess and so they couldn’t figure out why and let me look at my family history no one of my father’s side no one on my mother’s side and so they like we we don’t know what this is we don’t know if this is an evolution of what it would happen to any reasons we don’t know
what it is but that’s why they’ve kind of poking probe and study Silver Lining of that because I don’t know what’s going on they’re actually giving you a free treatment cuz you’re a good kind of guinea pig in you figure out what’s going on then they found at Christmastime last time I think I spoke to you and I was pretty heartbroken that they found three more it’s almost in a way it’s like a petty ass week tissue that’s good but that might explode when they when they find them then there’s another aspect coiling tight process there’s there’s a couple different options but it’s always good to catch him you know it’s true it’s treatable when you catch him
for 5 seconds last week is this concept that your your temporal lobe was flooded and then I got wiped out as your visual memory and you’re an artist and so like like everything that you draw is affected by the concept of visual memory that you can’t like like like the example of an apple in private conversation right like when I close my eyes I don’t know what you look like anymore so I don’t when I wake up I don’t remember dreams I don’t have I have knowledge of such a second look like you and McGregor
just rap play I mean I do clarifying for the audience
but also like if you were going to remember you and McGregor or not you
but but but but even worse than that like fundamentally you might not know what an apple looks like right like a total is 100% there’s no visual memory at all how did how did you remember me but it’s it’s I don’t know what’s it’s hard to explain I don’t remember like I ran into Anthony today and I actually hope it’s in Spencer and I knew who they were but I can’t explain where it may be that or something about face blindness of people have that black up there’s something in there for a part of your brain that uses of visual recognition and every day to that but yeah I’m going to be here at the cost that you had the other day or just certain little signals that the talking helps I can I hear someone talk enough I’m like right in another room on my call I know that and you know it
put it on your ring on that my uncle I said that that that that person is talking in the other room the family thing is the hardest cuz most of my actual memories and knowledge of memories are a go on the back like five six years and a lot of stuff was wiped out with your mom all the way by the way this morning about that I was talking to you after the show last week and I just thought like what the fuck are we doing with this podcast technology for not league league late and it’s not it’s not have any here was in my my partner nobility of just thinking like what are we what are we doing something that’s not televised Apple because it’s like like in in lake lake lake lake this is this is what we all are afraid of you were in a certain sense like more so than somebody who’s been diagnosed with I do there’s a there’s a
microorganism is eating away at your Death is certain organ or something like that this is happening in your brain happening in your plumbing of your brain and and so you were talking about your you’re sitting with the Scrapbook with your mom went looking photo photo scrapbook and going through it with her and you I mean do you want to finish the errands thing I don’t like when people cry through some emotional damage to a mind that’s why you’re up here actually I just I just want to come. I’ve been trying to find a way around the drawing so what I’ll do is I’ll take a blue pencil and I’ll just keep drawing shapes you know like circles or or whatever and once in a
the position to where I think there’s something there I take a regular pencil go over it and then I’ve made like the side of a face and then I’ll do more circles and blue and then I’ll Trace that again too and it’s it’s weird it’s not a foolproof I hate being told I can’t and I’m like bullshit like my life isn’t going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life but I’m not going to just sit and eat some of my mom puts on the porch to watch Cars Go by while she’s at work and I like I’m not just that I’m going to be something else like I’m not going to be the old me I’m going to be a new me you know
I believe we made you a t-shirt for that reason that you talked about like going going to the photo album end and I mean the thing that like made my heart like a lollipop into my throat or down into my groin or whatever it was was that you said the way I remember you saying it is having no visual memory you’re going through a photo scrapbook with your mom and your and she’s saying this is this is when we did this and you’re and you’re and you’re basically having to take her word for it like you know intellectually that she’s your mom but you don’t actually right there’s no reason to be the lowest ex-con game in the world
but they’re not get away with a lot of memories there it’s a doll that’s a lot of that as soon as you said so and you said like your life here in La has spanned the last 5-6 years I remember them but I couldn’t tell you visually with the person I p84 looks like but I have the knowledge of it on hold while we try to get ahead in the world this is actually your cradle of memory this is this is this is as close as you have the home because this is a place you’ve been for six years this is this is your family in this is where I got back up on My Feet Again I recently like a year ago. Had to get my driver’s license back this is where I rebuilt you know
anyway I have to go to the deepest place of all like Blake what what have they told you in terms of prognosis if they giving you and they told you what to expect in terms of mortality I ate at first I didn’t want to know so I kept telling them not to tell me and then it got to a point at Christmas time this past year where I think was the first time because they couldn’t figure out what happened like right after danger than they were normal and normally you’ll go through a state of depression and like he has some of the outcomes of it or 4 to get tired you know there’s a lot of like things like that I’m always in pain and a headache every single day so trying to deal with people in with a smile is like probably I think I found a way to do it with eat with these for once but it was really hard and and then I think I’m
now I’m sorry I actually forgot the official question did they tell you the actual comparison I just know that it is a comparison I was like well one of these things are pretty much killed almost killed me so this I was like Elizabeth my Vietnam and now I have two three of them that I might I may have proved it all on one level but I’m not going to survive three if this happens again and then luckily they’ve died down we did a couple procedures to know and I’m not then I am back to you know doing okay but they but they did for all anyone knows because you’re such a weird mystery to these people are you could be the for aneurysm guy whose whose whose last three they caught because you’re such an oddball and the like I advise
but you could be anybody in the room it’s not accurate you you look debilitated do you have any you say that you’re in pain and stuff like that but it’s it’s at because I don’t let someone try to explain to me like a low-level autism because sometimes they have that but I feel when I’m comfortable around people it’s not a big deal but crowds I can kind of just feel all the attention you’re at you’re at nerdmelt has no eye contact going out of here at all or are you found that you found the right place you can just give me a shoe laces
is there a mean I want to ask you like I hope you’re not offended by my characterization of you as somebody who is like Tethered to us but somewhere else like somewhere beyond like the place that we have the luxury of just not thinking about in line at the bank like I was like I should I had a bad day today you know I don’t do it should I propose to my girlfriend I I I don’t know maybe I will maybe I won’t my car is out of gas so there’s there’s always disliked Independence Day Flying Saucer hovering in the sky that is blocking out the Sun but completely ignore up all day today for all of us which is that we live minute-to-minute second-to-second will by the grace of some completely unforgiving absolutely in
I meant things and I just don’t want to ask people who are further in the clutches of this thing further at its Mercy in a demonstrable way but it seemed important to ask like what what do we do how do we feel how do you feel like I wouldn’t wouldn’t wouldn’t wouldn’t wouldn’t wouldn’t message can you give to us that anyway like let’s a stop fucking around I don’t know like I don’t know on page 118 verse 24 hours before
I don’t know I said there’s a message in the book that
that I think resonates which is why I tell people all the time it’s just it just gives more to the world than what you think you know it’s wrong answer I just you know just
do what you love and and don’t hurt you want it sounds generic but it’s like. I mean I’m not I’m at the point now where I don’t I’m not afraid of if I don’t wake up tomorrow I still try to do everything I want to do in a day that I physically can and and then and I just hope it’s enough you know and I think that’s all any of us can do there’s no way you know there’s no Cosmic ain’t right answer here I think I was more than you than you take that the absolutely has to be the answer we don’t believe it when our mom says it because she’s in the kitchen making cookies and we need we need Heroes to take the truck and call back over their shoulder this is this is the truth interesting when you told me that last week cuz I never heard of her people try to describe me and normally I don’t like it
is there a way that we can commission some for like for us or for something that we can like see something I want to see the blue like test lions that are Inked in later on that sounds fascinating to me like really light and then he would see even owning a whooping and draw a line and it was covered in lines and then he would find it and I thought I’d live to see visually that are that are approached by are I mean the way I look at it if I have to physically see something to draw it then I’ll just keep drawing until make sense you know like I tried looking at things and there seems to be a slight translation disconnect but I I’m getting better at it like if someone sat in front of me and I can draw their face it would take a while because I’m actually trying to use the part of the brain that is
is there any more for me so it’s like it and you can feel it like when I draw I feel it like big time but if you want to transfer this to this with nothing up here you know so if you want to draw something from memory like say that you wanted to draw like a car or draw a banana or anything there’s nothing you’re Conjuring up when your head is it in your waiting until you see it and that reminds you of me and and I cheated someone was standing near me and I heard there was a draw your finna go over and draw on the wall kind of thing and I was looking at him and drawing and I just made him a zombie you know that I said I was like I don’t like doing the circles and step on my a hole with an itchy inside you a couple teeth are in a but I’m looking at him and doing it and someone was like oh my God you did it from memory and I just like I don’t know how I felt so nice to hear that but I thought I just I think I I kind of Lie to Me
but yeah cool and then it just a field like like my old self again I guess your drawing something for the first time by every time like valuable in like like visceral just to like look at what are you complaining about
you’ve been given this gift you know what white people with any other problems you know who who can’t didn’t get out of them out there and then there’s a group on Facebook that I’m part of that we going to share our stories on there and I I I bet and I go do you know I see you and I meet people who have this you know her going through it and buy you know I took some of their stories and I put it in Sol star just to make the book a little bit more special and then obviously I give all the proceeds to the aneurysm Foundation because that’s another way I just want to get back and
you know again just me trying to give more I think before I had my interest in my I was probably the kind of guy that took enough and the end so I can look at this as a second chance and then people can Google the aneurysm Foundation that they want to be inspired by this podcast to put something into it’s okay well thank you so much for coming up
we’ll have you back.
I’m not a hugger am I going to I don’t know how the people but not anybody should be hugged I should have hugged you seek I didn’t I don’t know.
I want a hug
everybody in this room
alright well we’re not going to let you see why I flip those segments I didn’t follow that with the complaining about the valets dollar my favorite cereals
charms is underrated but I don’t know what am I what am I going to Bar podcast on the back like I fucking hard to I don’t know you’re talking to seek and I also when you talk to anybody about any kind of ailments or anything you get like really physically like you Star Trek I feel like pulling your hair out on top of your head and he’s like
it’s not appropriate huge is not the word I would have used Lindsey Stirling
relative density
I think those people exist today
what about them and we were talking earlier about the superpower of being deaf or blind it will take my deafness and you were talking about like you were describing those what would it be like for you to be done I had this weird empathetic or sympathetic I’m not sure what the word is pain thing where someone said they were an injury my knee hurts when I mean I mean I said not to undercut your can be repellent think that you know I’ve talked to people who are wheelchair-bound for whatever reason at at wga panels of stuff like that someone someone came up to me once and it was like it was like Hey it where is the physically I don’t even know the politically correct phrases anywhere can I please just communicate where’s the physically disabled person in community and I and II was like you
Jesus Christ like like fake but it’s so hard to do comedy about the stuff that but it would be a button but therefore it’s so relieving when you do do it I started I started talking a little bit you know this is highly likely the people people coming coming to the room in a wheelchair and the flood of I don’t want that to be happening to you that you feel when you see someone in a in a in any kind of condition can shut off electricity it just throw all the circuits result in people treating you like a living go and see my grains are you talking about the day I start Wednesday now we’re both Wednesday now it looks like I don’t like Karen I get to Vintage becomes like I think it’s like it’s like it’s a I think we all have our own incredibly like
physical or emotional response that starts with yeah well sympathy that’s what it is I like eating babies getting run over by minivans in China and you think you can you can you go see what they’re experiencing but like we we have this potential with her for brain to to turn that into a toxic apathy that I’m going to be punk rock we have been afraid of the thing we realize we’re going to happen to us which is it we were going to die I needed first thing they immediately started doing that we started worshipping desk that you worship things that you fear like you
Lake wachusett’s the tribal mentality until I can take like a big scary monster put it put it on your head and dance around the campfire and go like you know this guy is not going to fuck with me or I’m harnessing its power because then when I’m wearing it and it’s the thing that ate the universe and it’s going to eat it again and if you try as hard as you can to a tone with these things that scare you the most but you also like they come in so doing you can like it’s like you got the fucking play my face and put a finger on my forehead and I don’t fucking care about like 3 I’m a fucking die so not
it’s not dealing with death it’s not the dealing with the with pain like like like feeling it is like we have we have we have tear ducts in our eyes they squirt water when we literally a crier a hugger got emotional guy I cried at the end of dock Hollywood it I just
then I’ll try it anyway I’ll cry the top of a hat I just if I let myself feel stuff I’ll I’ll cry I’m sorry nothing
my sister’s retired and if I think about that I’ll cry like a weeping mess in the corner still connect to each other and it hurts all the time and we all feel we all feel that fear that if we let it if we let ourselves feel it for a second that we would we would die if people say that I’m having a really close to you or I’m really aloof I’m really like I keep like I’m the Heisman Trophy I keep everybody at arm’s length and I called a couple things close them like good like I am very aloof because if I let people in that I just will cry all the time like every time I see a huge antenna for people paying it isn’t anything hurt in the room is like I think I have to
push everything away in the suit is a missing its armor and and I can and my voice and my gestures everything is it is a way to deflect and keep everything and some sort of distance because of its closeness it’s it’s incredible it’s messy I mean like later like 6:00 at like he’s experiencing like symptoms of autism because of his aneurysm like and one of those symptoms is that when he feels he’s standing in a room full of people like you can feel everything in like it’s overwhelming it’s a common misperception misconception that that autistic people people in the Spectrum like that they don’t have empathy but they don’t have feelings like I got a lot I like like a lot of them will complain that when they walk into a party they they are flooded with bullshit like just feedback as I’m holding a microphone up to a speaker because nnn that is what resulted activity appearance of lack of empathy is a brick wall to keep an eye out
vantage point for the podcast listeners that I’m I’m kind of facing the stage I’m kind of face in the audience and preferably on both sides I just see people having bodily reactions throughout the entire thing is I can’t even look like this. Just certain physical reactions people have it it’s like it’s so I don’t need to make any any jokes out of this one
and it’s going to be amazing is going to be racist
have an aneurysm together cuz he’s an idiot
I love Danny Rhythm of the Jews Like discount
alright let’s race beds are up
what is the favorite for those of you in The Hollywood Reporter Rio transcripts of my
how’s it how’s it going living with your roommate it’s kind of like autism
play that card what’s it how’s it going at your new job it’s so easy but my boss is a dick there is a newly employed under Dan Harmon’s to he’s dance assistant that you’re at work day what what goes on my roll in around 9:30 and 9:45 but I’m extremely early sometimes I’ll grab some breakfast in the commissary there’s a commissary
but I know and I get to the office and I’m a old timey like Hollywood, say with a guy dressed up like I said. And there’s a guy
always constantly two guys with a giant sheet of plate-glass just in case is a car chase
how far is back in place is exactly like that so weird I don’t know what those are appointed by paramedics commissary which is called the dining room closes at 3 p.m. call it the lunching room
it closes at 3 p.m. you can get a drink there when you really need it which is 3:15 yeah I would call you no really it’s not like the bar in The Love Boat has not like a cool place to retire but it’s in my office if you want me to pour it for you that’s most of my job you guys
are you dressed in a white truck like Isaac
get this guy a tax refund site
let me see funny old man
give more of the world than what you take his land at all to you on camera in community like I want I want to be like in the show I like to keep pushing this I want to see Spencer so far has proven unflappable
well I want to give you a shout if I want to find your flapping Point cameras any more than you do from a live audience are you are going into it that would be an aspect of what do you do when you’re like that so you do like a little gas start thing on Community website how’s it going so I can see how it goes we’ll see if you go home at night and cut yourself for the
or that you’re at the point where he’s not getting fake tan to go to the gym a lot
I didn’t consider these changes name to Joel McHale. You crunches and do the one almond for breakfast diet oh man weird that’s why everything’s weird I just got to be passed around by famous people head cut off bread
take me to the moon in the center
another joke is reading you the whole time
and speaking of weird things I can’t be here tonight as wife Emily a Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is it going to shoot itself he’s at he’s at work and
by the way this is the end is awesome but can we talk about nobody alright
it is about a movie what is I can’t stop blowing that movie anyways it was so funny when I decided it is we’re not doing we’re going back to the basics I hope you can manage it narratively it’s just me and Jeff this time like leg are the other characters can either be another come and Tow as like NBC’s or they wink out of existence but when I get back to the roots man man and what time we did what do you think about that Spencer I think that’s a great plan
it means that we’re well so it was turning on seasonably early in the show that has find out I charge North as fast as I can we play a game
call D & D games or just these public affairs
City Police Station people I’m sure
Jessica Simpson says it makes you uncaring terrifically excited
what a fuk up I am no that’s the whole that’s what I want to talk about is that I didn’t yell and talk about this defense mechanism you’re thrown out that’s the real
okay well that’s your Hollywood has changed you man I know
after this I go to work during the commissary like
Calgary area is another word for it but that doesn’t sound cool I didn’t even finish explaining your job I don’t care you said it right the writers love you sometimes very discreetly we’re stuck to know and then like we’ll use it cuz I thought I would get in trouble but I
please go I was thinking of the Guild of calamitous intent
you can take the Hollywood or Not by how organic it was it’s just very natural it’s kind of how I come up with ideas but I don’t have a room of people I just have you know all the voices in my head and present me yeah
you’re a good person and a good person talented
I would say extremely talented thank you thank you Simon & Schuster I’ll tell you in the spring of February 2017 and I’ll charge you $20 a copy 919 is it let’s just say 3 OrganiCann in very Primal not everyone knows that’s a terrible
does anybody know it metagaming is
okay for everybody else in Dungeons & Dragons sometimes the characters don’t know stuff that the person that who plays the character does for instance of them if I character came up with what you and the real world no is a camera your character would know what a camera is because he’s never seen one before even though it’s a pretty regular technology right so not make sense to be like oh that’s a camera so that’s metagaming essentially there’s different ways it comes out anyway they were fighting a monster it was a bad it was a sticky bed
it was a bad that everyone has knowledge of everybody but it jumped and folks and I I let slip to Rob schrab who had his first edition monster manual that it was a monster in there and I pointed it to him cuz I wanted some nerd crate you know but that was my mistake and I I caught a terrible on my part but I he showed you and then you tried to play it off like you were like an old hand who is just like a mimic that’s what that is you know mimics they look like I wasn’t trying to play anything off I apologize are I got from you I really I thought that was really awesome. I wasn’t trying to like to see Redi-Med benefits but he didn’t know anything was wrong what happened was the Grand Am very drunk during all of these things called A Daze.
is it okay when you were describing the monster Rob at the monster manual I thought that I knew what it was I thought it was like a like a Trapper or something like that something like that or it’s like a carpenter and I was like I think I think I know what this is and I looked it up in the thing and noticed that hit the page that has a succubus illustration was torn out of his master Mineola.
Give me what that means and then at a certain point Rob like elbowed me and was pointing at them in at the mimic I thought that I didn’t know that you had pointed at me I know I know that definitely okay I thought that Rob had found it so I thought we would collectively like like I do if we and end in my day it was called table talk and kind of game knowledge or whatever it is boring, and dance time it was the DM vs. the player so the DMV try to fuck you up and then you’d have to look at the monster manual to stand a chance anyway cuz he was like all minutes are weak against food if you give them food I’ll stop fighting and that’s that like is kind of flagrant over the line of metagaming so I was like okay I got to explain this concept
I explained it very poorly and and then I think that you Dan just thought I was trying to like my issue but I was just trying to explain it and doesn’t like being told what to do or that he did something wrong you look at you the rest of the game we just like you wanted us to stab your face now to come and met with his clear respect for what you do and who you are and if he just sat there looking like a little poopy Bridges explain the concept that would have otherwise been hard to illustrate you know I understand but then we going to do this metagaming thing and it’s like the difference between gaming and what we used to call tabletalk which is if I walk into a room if you and I walked in the room and we see a troll that’s holding a staff with a red ruby on the top of it and all of my 20 years of playing Dungeons and Dragons go
was that might be a fireball one do you like maybe we feel like it like it is that metagaming if that might if I’m just talking to another player I’m not saying to the app character blah blah blah so when I decided is I’m just going to be immersed in my character all the time that way I’ll never be at risk of metagaming yeah but that’s still happening I just can’t like inexplicably cross the bound and your character would have to be like oh oh but one thing like I saw that dude shooting Fireballs out of here earlier than it would make sense to know it should have been if you’re like oh that’s a 1/2 Fireball because my player who plays me knows I still don’t get it though you just confused me again because if I say to another player haven’t done anything but the one to fire balls outside of your character
right now I’m confused yeah but then your character would have to come up with any character reason to be taking that course of action I think you’ll find if you look back that I have never met a guy named
and by I will be in character I agree
otherwise you’re fired
you know what I was agreeing with you in the in the writers room I actually did agree I wasn’t just trying to grease things along you were right in that instance sorry I want this is your relationship business Wiseman friendship ways to go so far that one day he just so plant to fight like a dragon they’re going to they’re going to eat that makes me worthy mentor.
yeah but Obi-Wan let himself be cut in half and sell it at Luke
I’m saying you’re going to you’re not going to go down that easy you’re going to let you go down easy
you are going to go down easy well I’m in town
get to the matter at hand do this
when we last met the gang was in the midst of yellow Camp which was under demonic occupation after rushing into the camp are heroes encountered in dispatch the devil before entangling a group of slimy little mule Wars the hero’s breed a couple of the barbarians and met with slabs squat thrust the half-orc cleric the team reacquainted themselves with slab and they formed packs with each other and stuff before catching the attention of a second bearded devil Sharpie said no the devil he did not their threats the game tried synchronize their performance art with the attempt of ending the devil’s threat the devil he did not the art mo’reen and pork attempted to get the Devil with a potentially lethal necklace the devil he did not the gift the gang resorting to violence
violin Swartz

but during the combat bull rain turned and staff slap in the face the demon was slain but afterwards at the end of the combat the group return to survey their ranks and Sawmill rain holding a bloody dagger next to a bleeding dying slap squat thrust what would they do with the friendly fire in their ranks will find out next
god dammit
checking out Friday
all right fair enough he was a stranger
play because he better not here with me at all right so that is there are we looking at other photos right now not right now but it was we got to meet we got to go find your father going to find my dad we have to go find Lord bites a lot of games are many of these these people are they barbarians barbarians and they were free and more barbarians while you’re fighting some of the Knolls right. Thanks for saving us
don’t know though
one one of the Noles kind of breaks rank in kind of walks up to you and you recognized him as a know that you’ve met before his yellow Duffer’s is smelly in filthy you recognize him as your church he was a guy who I think he showed you to your dad I don’t know what happened
how’s it going I think he’s in that pit over there
is it a pit I think I look to where he’s pointed he’s pointing it at Pitt
spell between the pit and you are the deliverer mirrors that you had entangled by buying so I kind of still entangled like they’re having made a good much progress against these fines for Christ there are like it’s as if they’re in that how many are there there’s seven new power called Cleveland I will help you hit two people at once it is worthwhile if you’re going to be up closely with Fireball first Adam Goldberg called out their immune to fire with my sword
all right all right
alright thank you like Barry White is the measurement for a right now
stop cafeteria girl sleeve in a single stroke
it sounds kind of like that
the rest of them kind of shiver in English and kind of shrink down here with them when I do my dad’s in the pit on the other side of that I mean I don’t know I don’t want to waste shocking grasp of these old slugs Milsap melf’s acid Arrow to T4 damage for
it takes it takes out no damage I can’t math today
I’m loving this and bipolar that okay I don’t know don’t want to deal with the baby over there they’re dead
am I metagaming
that’s another thing entirely okay will you kill to
I’ll just say they’re all dead kind of anything Buzz words are related
all right all the demons are slaying I look into the pit after making a big show of the Thorns receding Miami live spring
Dorn’s replace yourselves upon my arm
you are that that happens and it’s cinematic and Visually stunning phone
right yeah so you add your way over to the pit and peering inside it goes down about 20 feet and in the very middle you see your father’s head
did your head are you buried like a buried like a no
featherfall and drop down to it and you drop down to them without taking any harm but I make a big show also like irate irate I raise my arms out like I’m staying in a music video dropping down like that but I just wanted to understand that magic important gracefully drifting like skiing down your father is Thoroughly impressed and also buried up to his neck what are you doing
demons he does
send merch like a bottle of water for shovels with with your church
I come back was like too many shovels
when you left if you were calling you through work on to a robot and then she ended up needed to rescue him from an Airship yeah yeah yeah after that happened those airships they went North but then a day later the dark on Mota returned in full force and laying waste to our Countryside they deployed multiple can droids as well as sending down demons Loom yours and devils and they ravaged towns and Villages murdering and enslaving anyone mountains to retrieve the three shards of power that towards had been stockpiling been enslaving the strongest of us forcing us to work on their horror engines which have been serving some nefarious Evil 4 weeks since then great risks have been opening up in the sky allowing the free travel of dark stars black airships and Airborne demons and devils like you must stop at World Darkstar son for all of our sakes
father must have it must have been hard for you to say that also get me out of that I’m married yeah well we’re going to take care of that when I see six or seven shovels
write a note to self Michelle both and either handedly like as like a spider eye just start digging the pit was father out if you find that extremely effective way to broil but at the same time you do end up bringing him when he kind of stretches his limbs he’s like yeah I guess they found me to talk to imprison so they just buried me in for you guys have a free shards and I believe mango had ingested one of them have you pooped yet. Oh yeah yeah I mean let’s be honest no more than usual
didn’t seem extra magical would you want to do I detect Magic on his poop
there’s no ready supply a poop at the moment and where did you poop dad oh I mean to be honest just there like in the pit in my pants can look at the poop around the Sun
yeah I just rolled dice
you don’t find anything on kind of watches you look around he’s like yeah yeah I know I definitely passed it but I mean like I gave it to to my people for safekeeping know this is more about Barbarian Camp Johnson
Johnson get over here a barbarian Lopes up in the clutch is a pouch of fine leather he he relinquishes the pouch to Mango before taking is a
Johnson is my dad
what about the Dwarven shards have they been recovered by Admiral Darkstar resume Dark Star has them to be honest we’re not going on good terms with these dwarves so we don’t know about that. Don’t you think it possible that we got bigger fish to fry than our petty local conflicts and so pretty good pouring pretty good corned beef drunk dad I have been buried
I go into a mild Barbarian rage and insist that they hug
hey I use diplomacy which both of those things are mutually exclusive
I haven’t tried to pretend bonus a skill modifier and intimidation intimidation for me I want you to assholes to hug so we can get back to business
calm down guy were hugging we’re hugging
Munich that happens okay well holy cow Michael j.fox now
who is that you speak of holy cow
I guess you wouldn’t know who that is
I just said what is the hoverboard just to be clear I want metagaming to happen on stage
what is a stage talking about it. Price is Right
all right perfect example of if you go up to a bridge if you walk to the middle of it it might it might be a trap that’s metagaming that wasn’t a terrible explanation portion of that put them together to form like a crude ladders we can all climb out and I climb up the top of the pain I go let’s stop talking about it and get on with this week no stack them up and can like Angela together side of the car is the oldest Timber
yeah yeah okay so you you you you jam the shovels in the wall climbing about it they’re so cool and then back crack’s what do we find us in the right direction do we need an army what do we do if we do some do we just run off and go the go in search of Admiral Darkstar around here we kind of got a mop up the demons so I’m afraid I can’t really spare too many barbarians you can take your
you’re just pretty good about finding shovels
it was yours for the near side with my dad did that weird leg sideways glance as he offered up yours and you can have my Corkscrew okay we’ll take your church but Dad would it offend you if I took some dwarves I mean
yes it would but this is the fate of the universe were talking about yeah Dad what you know just the material plane probably but still yeah yeah yeah but I should at least tell you you know that I’ll tell you how to save the planet dad races working together
your words have touched him
he feels touched lengthening arm and Pat myself on the back
okay that happens shortly but yeah he’s like that that cloak you been wearing I gave you that close to help you save your friend immediately yeah it works once per day but you know every time a new day happens you can actually use it I’m just you know I mean that Falcon he can fly and you know I’m told these shares spells with his Caster what really I don’t I can send him up in the air and have him cast Fireball down on people not quite yet but when you get strong enough he can Channel certain spells I just you know I just thought I’d be a good appropriate time to know Phil you guys with some important knowledge some etymologist yeah
can you explain to me what my talking bagger is good for if I’m not mistaken that talking to her shattered and it turned into like a force of nature sounds pretty good for a Barry guy yeah yeah yeah alright mind slave barbarians they have their ears to the ground
father I shall defeat Admiral Darkstar but I shall do it under the banner of all Races and all beings of the material plane represents to those beings but the internal threat that is all the people not knowing that they should to hang out together I was I was really convinced up till the end there but I’m still with you I’m just saying I’m your son and I want to make you proud of me then I’m going to do it by being like kind of the Martin Luther King jr. of medieval fantasy on Martin Luther King jr.
how old is Michael Fox Utah
Martin Luther King Junior was the Michael j.fox of civil rights
I don’t know how else to explain talking I go into the office nearby and patted my new shovel ladder technology I do have diagrams just to make sure that this
you still a bag of six ladders as
but Dad I got to know where you think Admiral Darkstar went dark star lyrics in his black keep far to the North
they aren’t special had heavy horses mango have me know have you none have me no no have you known what you think you’ve known me have known horses you have known
you’re embarrassing me in front of my phone
sorry about the horses gentleman. Impatient I just start marching off towards the North and I said Kelly has Robert Urich
let’s go, let me get my rucksack
he does what are the dwarves
lie those those filthy dwarfs lie to the East and they’re broken mountains
what do you think that we should we go Wrangle up dwarves and before we go to the north all right we had North into the sun of nothing into the noon
into the I don’t get it into the sunrise or sunset
nice nice nice metal laugh.
I thought it was funny after I got it
but sincerity wasn’t going to help at that point the Darkstar encampments perhaps even several weeks we should probably stop at some town and actually get horses of some point where it is there a town between here if we head north but we come to a town Cornville right yeah yeah a little bit out of the way but you might go there I mean otherwise if you go north as pretty far north but there’s a place called for 9 the Frozen City way to Thorndale they are not not really it’s more directly north it’s more like the gateway to the people of the extreme North where is the gateway to Thornhill
bornheim bornheim is for Lovers I think is the slogan
the slogan is it’s the Frozen City
what are buildings are frozen in there when we get there
all right, you hit for foreign Heim time passes
time passes
hey don’t get ahead of yourself as possible Random Encounters that might happen whatever you want I want to pick Miami County
that’s fine okay
there’s no table I’m table talking with my friend about whether or not we should stop being like how you love to stop
the worst I didn’t expect to have such a long session I mean I have a little bit planned but you know I ran out I’m running out and I will take about a week to get you know all of the ideas I got an okay so we’ll stop here
Jeff what are we learned
I’m going to go out tonight yeah I thought you guys were going to go to the door so
that’s not what I had plans but banging their big Dwarven door and I go let me they don’t
obviously head back North I have some issues with their main export Frozen shoes at their other slogan all right behind me in the show these days
we’ve been ending in last couple weeks and it’s soaking a big event in Texas and dragons can you can you create like a can we camp for the night you can for the night okay
I climb a tree yeah you climb a tree I go up to the top of the highest tree you can see all of the Plains and Rolling Hills stretching out before you I take a bunch of shovels and make a tree ladder
I go and go up where you going to the branches he already claimed invention
find it doesn’t work nearly as well in trees the Titan in the canopy of the tree and we’re looking around us and the camera orbits from the front of us where I put my arm around my little friend Court the orbits around us to where the Sun is setting above the edge of a majestic landscape of Wonder and mystery and other synonyms for unknown things and we cannot take in the majesty and in the end the music swells as I say
yeah you may be little
but you you got a big
Wells Fargo near me
Sharpie and nobody.
I’m coming to harmontown again we would love to worship you I want my time for Sikh Donnelly
more than you take take everybody here now.
I left my glasses


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